Rantaholics Strike Again

Weekend Sh*t

2008-01-19T18:22:00.000+08:00

BeforeI start this blog, let me first list the 4 things I have to do this weekend. The 4 reasons why my office laptop is opened this damned Saturday night, and why I'm in freaking starbucks in a mismatched shirt, shorts, jacket and tsinelas. (faded pink shirt, some sort of brown bermuda shorts, green stripe jacket, and beige havaiannas, plus unruly hair).
1. Finish CAA list
2. Finish VAD list
3. Makati Trade Check Next Steps list
4. My personal Eclaims
Phew, so now the list is done, let's put it aside and let me tell you a bunch of hodgepode stories.

Since around 5 pm, I was relentlessly trying to start the item no. 1 in my things to do list. (Well, actually, the item #1 is in my things to do list since this tuesday). But being procrastinating Nel that I am, all is pushed backed aside and until now its still on that freaking list. Anyhow, i was reading through the personal emails I have a moment ago and a friend emailed a link about the a group of friends who put up their own travel arrangement company.
Gosh! this is the very same business plan that my traveling SAWI friends and I have. A plan that never put into action, well, because of no one really pursued it seriously. I hope this will push through.

A while ago, I went to Darphin in Podium to have my facial. They have 20% off promo! Woohoo!
Well, nothing to tell really, except that while I'm on my way to Darphin, I missed a step in the basement corridor of Podium, fell down my knees . (As in sobrang talisod). Now, I think both my knees are bruised.
After Darphin, my hair looked funny. Tikwas in all the wrong places. Because, I lied down with my hair wet and pushed outwards.

I need to exercise. I'm having difficulty of going up a flight of stairs. and i'm gaining so much weight.

Yesterday, was a terrbile work day for me. Long story. Anyways, called up Apple and asked what's their plans for the night. My date cancelled due to a client's meeting. She and Cali are on their way to Makati. The three of us met up, told each of our bad day story (except for Cali who had a 5-hour pampering day at Suriya), ate, and watched Sweeny Todd. Sweeny Todd is creatively morbid. I'm not eating meat for a long time.

Alright...back to item #1 on my list.

As if nothing happened

2007-12-31T16:25:00.000+08:00

I think I owe myself and my readers (if I still have any) one decent blog entry. After all, my last entry was sometime August, and it was a terrible one, mind you. And given that it's the eve of the new year, perhaps in its own cliche, a perfect time to write about this year's learnings and the upcoming year's plans.

2007 has been a great year. This, of course stemming from my personal perspective. It's a year of travel and adventures, of strengthened friendships, and of a more grounded personal discovery.

It's a year filled with travels and adventures.
For someone, who's secret career wish is to become a host of Lonely Planet or any travel show for that matter, 2007 has been a pretty good year . From swimming with the Butandings in Donsol, Sorsogon last April, to Parasailing in Boracay last May, to rafting in CDO/Camiguin last October, this year was well full of new adventures. Not to mention the almost bi-monthly surfing weekends in San Juan La Union, my Advance Open Water Diving certification, and my other spur of the moment weekender trips (which includes Gica, Ronnie, and my "squatter" trip in Terazzas) , this was one heck of an exciting year.

My work also gave me that longed opportunity of travel. From my frequent trips to Cebu and CDO to my first Davao visit--all traveled in style. Good airlines and good hotels with good buffet breakfast. This is the life!

Beyond my personal travels, I guess it is important to also note my parents' getaway trip. My mom joined my dad on his ship sometime November and will be back sometime February or March. Their itinerary is something like US, Europe, Latin America. But let's not talk about their travel but the adventure of those who were left at home--us! Well, the challenge really, beyond paying the bills on-time and making sure we have food on the table is not to burn the house down. So far, we are doing a pretty good job :)

It's a year of reuniting and strengthening friendships.
Through witnessing and keeping part of page-turning events of people closest to me, friendship grew deeper and perhaps more meaningful. For my high school barkada, wedding preparations of Aisa and Law meant an almost regular Saturday dinners and desserts after bridal-fair hopping, church checking, gown fittings and shoe shopping. These wedding prep moments allowed us (Ice, Cali., Apple, and me) to hang out and share stories as often. Stuff we haven't been able to do since high school. The wedding itself gave the opportunity to reunite almost all of us. Fatima visited from the States. Anna B went home from Oman. (Kathie, sadly has to go the States for her sister's wedding, but that understandable.)
From weddings to baby showers and baptisms. Another page-turning event is the coming of Baby Jed in our lives. Thanks to Papa Jose and Mommy Aims! Baby Jed, the cutest baby I know, who everyone thought was a girl so all of his presents and dedications from his baby shower are pink and addressed to a baby named Alessandra. Oh well!
Baby Jed. Isn't he the cutest?

It is a year of a more grounded personal discovery.
In one of my prayers, I realized that life is good. I am in a place where I wanted to be. And I am grateful for all of these. I am slowly realizing that ask and you shall receive. Yet God, or universe, as you may call It, will give it to you only when you are ready and you have opened yourself to receive that blessing.

Jeez...

2007-08-24T01:34:00.000+08:00

I have 2 out of 4 things on my to-do-list done. And it's already 1:37 am! And I'm blogging.
Let's take advantage of this moment that I still remember my password. Later na yung documentation reports and yung project updates ko.

Anyhow, multiply and friendster have been blocked from our office network.
Crap! I want to see some pictures pa naman!

------
My friends are either getting married or having babies...

Me? I don't have a clear direction where to go.

I work to play. I work long hours on weekdays to spend all my time and money on weekends.

------

Anyhow, here's a laundry list of places I have to visit and things I have to do before I turn 28. 3 years time, 'chong. Why 28? because i'm getting married by that time. To whom? I don't know.

Things to do
Dive: done
Surf: done
Parasail: done
Kiteboard
Sky dive
(Yey, 3 out of 5)

Places to go:
North Luzon Expedition (Vigan, Aparri, Batanes, Banaue, Pagudpod):
Palawan: to dive
Davao
Australia (to surf):
China: will be going when Paul stays there
Cambodia: by next year sana
Euro tour
Dubai

yun muna. I'll finish muna my things to do list

Zambales Surf...

2007-08-24T01:22:00.001+08:00

Zambales Surf...
We've been planning this for a long time. It will be my first time to watch a surfing competition. It will also be my first time to surf in Zambales.
The plan was all set.
It was the usual 5 of us (Nel, Jacob, Za, Kathryn, Anna Mae), Gica, Ronnie, and Nel's plus one.

Rain or shine we will push through. Never mind the typhoon which literally swept Luzon starting Wednesday cancelling classes all grade levels. Never mind the floods. Never mind the possibility of us being stranded. Never mind the unsolicited advice from colleagues saying it may not be a good idea to go afterall. Our bags were all set. Baons were packed. Vehicles fully gas-ed up. But the typhoon did not stop. Rains continue to fall. Manila drowns in flood.
Saturday.We will meet 6 am, Shell Tiendesitas. Woke up 530ish. The typhoon was terrible. Dressed-up. Called up Vince, saying "yup tuloy, meet-up in Shell Tiendesitas". While on the phone, mother shouted "HINDI KA AALIS." SOS everyone saying that my mom won't let me go. But after a couple of being "a good girl", guilt-tripping, and "calling a friend" aka my dad saying that I will leave if "sun is up already", I had clearance to go.
Left the house around 8 am. Picked the others up in Shell Tiendesitas. Traversed the floody roads of Manila in almost 0 visibility.

After a flood detour in Lubao, flood "sugod" in Dinalupihan, and the long and winding road of Olongapo, all of which Jacob drove, we arrived at last. Settled-in, ate lunch in a carinderia.
We walked and literally crossed a chest-deep river going to the competition area.Then watched how the pros from La Union, Baler, Siargao, Zambales do it...(Pictures soon)

The day's event ended with a booze, band, and announcement of surfer semis.
My night ended with by the beach camping, complete with a tent, hotdogs and mallows with some of my workmates.

Sunday.Vince, who supposed to go with us the morning before, wasn't able to come because he fell asleep and woke up lunch time followed the next day with his Kuya Dax and cousin Jel. Because of the competition, there is no place to surf in San Antonio. So we travelled a good hour away to Iba Zambales.

It was one good car ride. The scenery was amazing. The roads ain't that bad. The town was beautiful.

We arrived at the resort. After brushing up on the basics, we rushed to the sea. Waves were harsher than what I'm used to in La Union. It was one wave after another. It's one tumble after the other. I had never swallowed much water than I had. I never had more body ache, more bruises than of this surf. But heck, it was all worth it.

A little past 8, after cleaning up, we travelled back to Manila, stopped over in Subic for dinner.

It was one heck of a trip.Next surf stop will be September 15.

My New Dick!

2007-08-12T01:39:00.000+08:00

Those who I am close enough with know that my old Civic name is Dick. Dick the Civic. My companion all through out college. The witness to all my stupid driving antics--from the humps horn-blowing incident to leaf horn-blowing incidents. I had an entry dedicated to him sometime back. Apologies that I can't put the link on, beacuse I'm just lazy to do so.

Now, Dick the Civic is no longer my Dick. It was passed over to Kian ever since I was issued a company car-- a Black Altis, who until now is nameless.

I have a new Dick, nevertheless--a 9 foot fiberglass customized Dick Brewer long board. Previously owned by pro-surfer Ian Saguan, this Dick has a new boss! Kawawang Dick if I may say! From being owned by a pro-surfer, from being totally spoiled to being owned by me.

How did this Dick became my Dick?

Well, I bought it.
And I bought it because it's color purple and it's cute.

Little that I know that this board is the envy-board of many surfers. It's one of a kind. Custom-built. And I lately learned that it Dick is quite a popular surf board. LU surfers care more about this board than me. Ok lang na mabaldado ako, basta di mabali si Dick.

Anyhow, I had Dick brought in Zambales. Then I, Vince, and Vince's bro Dax, and cousin Jeline went to Iba and surf. The waves were harsh. Dick fell nose down. Dick got a ding!

I went to 5forty to have it repaired. Pagbukas pa lang ng board bag, kilala na kagad si Dick!

O well. My new Dick is quite a popular Dick.

Heck, I like it only because it's purple.

What's Up Surf's Up

2007-08-11T23:04:00.000+08:00

So let's pretend that I have been writing regularly. Never mind the 4-5 months gap from the previous post I had. I will go through with this crappy blog as if the last time I spoke was yesterday. Well, actually I did blog a couple of posts after April. It was on my multiply site, though. Why? Well, I forgot my password. Okay? Damn!

Hmmpph... So where will I start? Let's start from the very beginning, a very good place to start . Oh cut that crap!

I said, I will convert this blog into a travel log, and travel log it is. Well, I have not been travelling lately. Most of my weekends are spent in Ayala Center primarily because of work. However, when time and of couse budget allows, BEACH here I go!

June 9-12, Boracay. With Ayee, Nina, Tehnie, Ugs, Myke

More pictures at my multiply

My first time to parasail!

It's more peaceful than exciting though. When you're up in the sky, quiet is all you hear.

July 20-22

La Union equals surf + booze + sleep + sunburn.

More pictures at Jeff's site.

Ian was thinking of selling his Brewer fiber glass long board he uses in international competition. One of those impulsive decisions, I bought this surfboard. And such a beauty she is. :) Unplanned, unbudgetted. It was heat of the moment thing. This surfboard merits its own blog entry. Will do it in a while. :)

---
We waited for a Partas bus going to Manila for more than 2 hours. Traffic is manageable but my seatmate was not. I just want to strangle that gay teenager who phones to death. He speaks as if the entire bus wants to listen to his conversation. I was having that Ally Mc Beal moment when I had visions of myself strangling my seatmate. With all the annoyance, I made my stand! I will bring a car to the next trip!

August 3-5: La Union

For pictures, check out Kathryn's multiply site.

It's the end of Partas Days! We're driving to La Union. My new surfboard needs to be baptized.

Saturday: Bacnotan was too big for us so we went farther north, surfed on 1 foot waves. Ate lunch prepared by . Afterwards looked for a different surf site. Weather was terrible. I drove at 0 visibility. There was a surf camp going on. Free surf, however we

Sunday: Had a pretty good surf at the point. Attempted to do a tandem.

Advance Open Water Diver

2007-04-04T13:19:00.000+08:00

Anilao, Batangas
March 31-April 1

I am now a certified Advance Open Water Diver!!! Woohoo!!! Now I can explore more challenging dive sites. Deep dives, night dives, wreck dives. Sky is the limit, or in this case, the ocean is.

Just a recollection of what happened. Well, let’s start off last Friday.

Like any amazing weekend, it starts off with a lousy Friday. 9 am, had a meeting with the interior designer to review some projects. At 11 am, was supposed to meet a NAMFREL guy to turnover some of my old files. Was a bit late (11:25) and we had a little miscommunication on the meeting place, he got a bit pissed, I apologized but he never acknowledged. He didn’t even thank me for the files, that a-hole! Went to the BA agency to train girls that I'll send to Cebu, then went to Unilever to get the computer set-up and RSAC. Brought the BA’s home (somewhere in Mercedes Pasig) because they have LOTS of things to bring to Cebu—from a computer set-up to a Gigantic Skin Camera, to merchandising materials, to product testers. It was so damned traffic. Hang-out in Anna B's House for a while. Went back home to get my cellphone chargers, then proceed to Roxas boulevard to eat (again) dinner with my family. My dad arrived from the airport a few moments before. We stayed at Grand Boulevard for the night.

Saturday.

Woke up around 630 to drive to Anilao. This is my first time I'm driving out-of-town alone! (Before this, the farthest I drove was Sta Rosa--Monde's Head Office). ANyhow, it takes some guts, courage, and a hell lot of patience (it was so damned traffic in Calamba). I arrived at the resort in one piece (hehehe). Rested for a little while. Met my new advance dive classmates. then went off to the ocean.

Dive 1: Peak Performance Buoyancy.
Sounds too technical. But actually, it is just about your air in your BCD and your lung volume. It's about mastering your buoyancy skills. The whole dive had a spoon with a rock on it. Challenge is never to drop the rock. Sounds easy enough? Nah? We had to do a side view float, a head upside float, and a sommersault! Well, of course, I dropped my rock.
Saw the resident Pawikan during this dive. (The same pawikan Gaile and Onry saw during their check-out). Apart from "Finding Nemo" fishes, saw some unique fishes which I dont remember the names.

Dive 2: Underwater Navigation
If I can't read a compass on land, then I can't read a compass underwater! Geez, I get lost going to work. What more under water. Note: Nel has no sense of direction.

Dive 3: Night Dive!
Apart from the flash light preparation (you have to clean it and all), this is such a cool dive. saw a big round crab, a lionfish, a cowfish, and some other nocturnal fishes. We had to turn off our lights one part of the dive, shook the water a little, and saw the planktons glowing in the dark. They are like fire flies.

Dinner and Inuman.
Had my first cibeci: a costa rican pulutan(made by Renato--a costa rican diver)...It's like our local kilawin. Tanigue soaked in lemon, cilantro, and red peppers. eaten with kethcup, mayo over crackers. Absolutely nam-nam!

Sunday:
Dive 4: Deep Dive
Just went deeper and deeper and deeper. 135 ft max. Dive Site: Steps

Dive 5: Wreck Dive
Forgot the name of the Dive Site. It was a barge with an amazing story, from druggies to interpol, to a Dive master who died when the barge exploded. Wreck dives are fun, but with my extremely short attention span, exploring a sunken barge for more than 40 minutes gives me a bore.

Dive 6: Drift Dive
My favorite dives of all! Why? Because we are in constant motion. Either we fight the drift, or go along with it, its fun and challenging. We covered 2 dive sites...Batoc and something else. It was one of the most amazing coral reefs ever. So colorful. And since it's a drift dive, it's like watching one big moving aquarium.

Then It's time to go home. Good thing Joey and Teddy will hitch a ride to Sta Rosa, therefore they will drive. Went home, then got sick on Monday.

That's it for now...
-------

I want to be a Dive Master! Para mabawi ang investments ko in diving. GJ was saying, bihira ang DM na girls (as in girls ha!). Word of advice, if I were to be a DM dapat girl na girl. Di pwedeng brusko. Di pwedeng, "o pare, iakyat mo na ang tangke sa bangka". Dapat, in a malambing voice, "kuya, pabitbit naman po ng tangke".

O well.. some useless mumblings

Cebu!

2007-04-04T12:59:00.000+08:00

Cebu March 25-27
Official Business Trip:
Total Expense: P1500 or so for food, cab fares, terminal fees etc. Reimbursable if I remember to file.

Sunday.

Arrived around 230 pm. I remembered Jade was supposed to be in Cebu. Gave her a call, she said she’ll be in Ayala Center. Was supposed to meet her but we didn’t catch up on each other. Her flight was later that afternoon. Sayang!

I went to Gaisano Country Mall to observe my ongoing activation. Apparently, there were no people on that mall. Terrible sales. The BA's (Pond's Beauty Advisors) are bored and home sick.

I treated them out to dinner and coffee. Made kwentuhan. They mentioned, they met this 26 year-old, tall cute distributor of Banana Boat and an owner of a bar in Paseo. The night before, he invited them to a Reggae event in his bar. I was saying, 'sayang, I was one day late'. From the girls kwento and from the picture they showed me of him, I got very interested. Type!!! They were building him up. Anyhow, I have a crush on the idea of a guy I haven’t met!

Monday, I spent the whole day in Cebu office doing office work—meaning paper works, emails, phone calls etc. Apparently, Mr. Banana Boat and Bar Owner was in Gaisano Country Mall around 11 am because he was touring his international partners. The girls talked to him again expecting that I was going to visit them that morning also. They were prolonging their conversation because they were expecting that anytime I’ll show up, and we were able to meet. These girls were building me up to him.

I visited around 6 pm already. The girls accounted their meeting with him this morning. They were trying to build me up on him! Saying to him, "sana na-meet nyo yung boss namin kagabi. Maganda, baby-face, mga kasing height ni Malor (other BA). Atenista, taga-Unilever. Matalino".

Mr Banana Boat said, "sige bukas, free ako".
Girls, "eh sir, alis na po siya bukas pabalik ng Manila!". "Sige, mamaya free ako! Text nyo ako!"

Haha! Kilig!

Anyhow no text came.

Flew back home to Manila Tuesday, with a wonder of who he might have been.

Yuck! Baduy!

Bicol-Donsol (with uploaded photos)

2007-03-27T21:39:00.000+08:00

Bicol--Donsol, Mar 17-19, 2007

This has been one of my longest adventure ever. For the span of 56 hours, I had more adventures and misadventures than at least 3 weeks of my time combined.

Let's say my adventure started off March 16, Friday, 9 am…I was supposed to attend a meeting with my most dreaded client at 11 am somewhere in Alabang. This girl and I started off at the wrong foot and I've never recovered ever since. So anyhow, 9 am I left home to go the meeting in Alabang, but I planned to pass by Unilever first to get some papers. Big Mistake! Traffic is horrible! By 1045 I'm still in Aurora boulevard. No way I can make it 11 am in Alabang. I was screaming in the car. The phone rang, it was Rey, a colleague saying that the client cancelled the meeting. Thank God. I made a U-turn, pass ortigas, c-5 to Makati to go to the agency office. That's where I work till 330, finishing some operational stuff for the Landmark Activation on March 17. On the way home, I remembered I wanted to buy a rash guard, so I passed by the dive shop in metrowalk to have a quick buy of a rash guard. While there, I showed my interest in a cute BCD (its violet!) that the American sales guy kept on "sales-talking" about it. 30-40 minutes passed

Uh-oh I'm running late.

Went home, took a quick shower, threw everything I might need in my gigantic Dive bag—my fins, booties, mask, snorkel, laptop, everything. The bag weighs more than I do.

A little before 7 pm I arrived in Unilever to park my car and wait for a cab. I was the 6^th in line for the taxi! Bus will leave at 730. Bus is at Hyatt Manila. It was payday Friday. It was traffic

I arrived 730 just in time before bus leaves. It was an uneventful bus ride until the back left tire exploded. We were a couple of minutes away from Naga. The driver kept on driving on flat for 30-40 minutes. We stopped at a Philtranco terminal, an hour or so has passed before they fixed the flat tire.

Arrived in Legazpi terminal. Jeff and his friend took the part of Legazpi tourist guides. After eating lunch and buying assorted Pili delicacies, we went to a small hilltop—the viewing deck for Mayon. Apparently, the viewing deck was closed. Signs "Closed. Only official vehicles permitted" and barricades were along the road. However, with the Filipino mentality of disregarding signs and regulation we went on.

The road was steeped and winding. We were nervous. One, because of our unrelenting disregard for the law (Official vehicles only, remember!), and second, because the road was so steep that the Crosswind we were riding seemed having a difficulty carrying 8 passengers plus a full load of baggage.

Anyhow, we reached the top. Apparently there are other vehicles up there. A car, a pick-up, an owner type jeep with a salbabida on top. Official Vehicles pala ha!

The nervous feeling was worth it. The view up there was breathtaking. On one side, you see the entire city of Legazpi. From the ocean to the runway, to the city proper.

The other side, you see the majesty of Mayon, in all it's perfect shape, but with a glimpse of dried tears. One will be amazed on the patches of greenery that lay between Mayon and the hilltop we were standing on. Nevertheless, grayness, remnants of lahar is visible. These are the marks of the dried tears that Mayon has cried.

We also visited an old church.

Then off we went to ride a van going to Donsol. We were a little ripped off. We paid P90 bucks for a supposedly P60 trip. They say that it is P60 only until this particular place. The barker said the van will take us straight to the resort for P30 more. So, ok we agreed. It was a cramped, tiring ride. 15 people cramped inside a van.

When we reached a sort off transport stop, the driving said, "o Donsol na 'to". We argued, "sabi po nung barker, hanggang resort yung hatid kaya P90 binayad namin". “Solo na raw po kami hanggang Donsol". Driver: "e di nyo sinabi. Kung sinabi nyo hanggang resort, di ako papayag". A little heated argument going on. Then, a group of guys, around 3 of them, just barged in and enter the van. Scary. Are these NPA's? Are these hold-uppers? In Legazpi, the barker said we will be the only ones in the van from this particular point to Donsol? Then why the scary looking guys? Then the driver went down, went under the van. Is he putting a bomb? Are we going to be abducted? Heck!

Anyhow, apparently these other guys were also van drivers. One of them just showed the way to the resort.Check-in time. A little rest. Then we went to the Tourism Center to register for the next morning’s Butanding trip. Ate halo-halo. Commissioned the resort restaurant to prepare breakfast for tomorrow. Across the street, there was a little hill. For adventure purposes, we decided to climb it thinking there’s a view of something. We went up there, saw nothing but a mother and child cow who’s making eye to eye contact to us. Then, from down the hill, a bull (perhaps the husband and father of the two cows we were looking at), runs upward. We were deep shit scared. We tried to hide somewhere. Then I run down the hill as fast as I could. This was the scariest feeling I had. I was more scared when the tire exploded (ala gunshot sound) and the driver kept on running. I was more scared when the supposed NPA's jumped on our van. I was scared of a cow.

We had dinner. Then we went firefly watching. It’s about an hour boat ride to the mangrove area. Tried to take pictures but with no avail. All my shots were just black.

Then, night cap with beer, pulutan, and kwentuhan.

In the morning, went to back to the tourism center. Signed up for a boat. The group has to split into 2. We were 8, and the boat capacity is only 6. On our boat was me, Jade, Kuya Eric, and Mae, plus two American Peace Core volunteers: Mariah and Richard. We got the best BIO Man (or Butanding Spotter), Kuya Jun Principe.

After 10 minutes of boat ride, Kuya Jun said, ayun Butanding, ready!, talon!. We did. But unfortunately I didn’t saw it. It was only Mae and Kuya Eric who were able to saw. 2^nd Jump! Alas! I saw and swam with my first butanding ever! Then another, then another, then another. We had 12 sightings. I was able to saw and swim with 10. It was exhilarating! I was trying to skin dive to go deeper underwater, but I can’t. I had this second nature of inhaling through a mouthpiece because I’m used to having a regulator on my mouth. Scuba rule! Never hold your breathe! This doesn’t hold true when I have my snorkels on. I kept of swallowing salt water.

Anyhow! It was one great experience! Something I want to remember. Something I want to tell stories of again and again.

Then it was time to go. We passed by Gaisano to eat at Bigg’s, a local fastfood chain. They have excellent burgers, I must say.

Bus ride. After our 1^st stop over in Naga, I slept all the way. I woke up, we are in Magallanes already. It was 4 am. Went down in Padre Faura, took a cab to Unilever. Took a bath. Around 530 am, I was already on my work area, working. Firefighting. Reacting to situations that happened during weekend. Around 10 am, the zipper of my slacks got destroyed. Good thing I still have my travel clothes. Good thing I travelled in Linen Pants, and not in my usual board shorts. I was able to change my slacks.

It is again a normal day in the office.

It was again another work week.

Some Backlog

2007-03-27T20:42:00.000+08:00

Since this is a travel log, here are some places I've been to lately...

Cagayan de Oro. December 26

My first time in Mindanao
My first time to travel alone
Activities: Thanksgiving party and Malling
TotalExpense: P500 for pasalubong. Everything else, paid for.

San Fernando La Union. 3rd Weekend of January

Surfing

My first attempt to surfing! I can’t keep my balance on the surfboard. I was a “goofy” surfer. “Goofy” means I have my right leg in front, which is not the natural surfer stance”. I had more washouts than opportunity to stand.

Quote of the moment: “Ops-Ops-Ops”: to Jacob, when he was passing thru the highway to go to Sebay

Estimated expense: P3000 (P800 transpo, P400 room, P700 surf lesson (2 hours)

Me at Bad Form!!!

Wash-out na pa-cute

The girls! (Nel, magsuklay!)

San Fernando La Union. 2nd Week February
Surfing

I can now do long rides!!! Woohooo!!!

Estimated Expense: P3500

For pictures, visit Ronnie's (ronichi.multiply.com) and Zarah's (zarahadea.multiply.com) multiply sites

Share ko lang, on the way nabangga nung bus na sinasakyan namin yung taxi

Anilao, Batangas. 1st Sunday of March
Diving

With Chester, Gaile, Onry, Ronnie. 3 Dives.

Estimated Expense: P4000.

My New Travel-Log

2007-03-27T20:29:00.000+08:00

So I’ve decided to transform my old crappy blog into a travel log. This way I’ll have a documentation of the places I’ve been to and unique things that I have tried.

he discipline of documentation is something that my current position is instilling in me. Documentation is the only way that I can share my learnings, tell people that “hey I’m doing something”, and perhaps save my ass sometime.

If I do it for work, then why don’t I do it for my personal life. Do it for the things that perhaps really matter, for the things that I personally want to remember, and for the things that I want to be remembered for. Because you know, I realized (while I was in the boat waiting for the Butandings), at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter how many projects I pulled off, it doesn’t really matter how much incremental sales I gave, it really doesn’t matter if I screw up on this project and succeed on the next because these are not the stories that I want to tell.

This travel log will be for the stories I want to tell.

____

Bon Natale!

2006-12-25T16:50:00.000+08:00

Well, well,well. It's Christmas once again. And it's all abit different Christmas for me this year.

1. Well, for starters, I wasn't able to do my Christmas shopping. My mom did it for me. From my Christmas clothes, to Christmas presents, the task was "delegated"
2. We put up Christmas decors late. (Some decors were put up only last 23rd).
3. I didn't have noodles and biscuits in my car to give away to Christmas carolers on the streets.
4. I never realized that Christmas department presentations can be as fierce as the cheering competition we had in high school.

Grub Grub Grub
I'm gaining back the weight I lost in the span of 5 months.
For 2 straight weeks, I've been eating hotel buffets. From Heritage, to Westin, to Circles. Thanks to back-to-back seminars of SLAVO and 7 habits). Plus Christmas dinner parties. Plus unlimited supply of pastries.

7 habits
Well, i'm not going to discuss blow blow what i've learned in 7 habits. Just want to share a thought..."it is notpossible to waste time because time is constant. what we are wasting is our life".
7 habits was "refreshing" for me. It validated a point that why I'm stressed and tired because what I priotirize is wrong and how I do things most of the time is wrong. Life is a matter of choice.

Wake up Call
After several months of not seeing each other, Vince asked me, "Nel, ano ng mga nagawa mo in the past few months?" Nel: "Uhmm,marami. Marami na akong projects na nahawakan". Vince: "No, i mean extra-curriculars. Aside from work, ano ng nagawa mo?". and i was stumped!

O well...
Nel has to live a more balanced life.

Back with a Vengeance

2006-12-01T19:11:00.000+08:00

Since I've been out for a looong time, this will be a looong one!)

Invisible Nel
It seemed that I've fallen off the cracks of the streets of Manila for the past few months. Party invitations piled up without replies. Text messages weren't answered. Or if in case they were answered, 3 days have already passed by. I've passed up several dive invites. I found out that my friends went surfing one weekend without me :( Perhaps, I was invited, I just didnt read my email.

People thought I went of the country.
Others thought that I changed my number.

No. I did not go out of the country. (Though I moved around a lot)
No. I did not change my number. (Though I have a new one)

I was just out of the loop. Fallen off the cracks of Manila. Living a zombie-ic life of a workaholic headless-chicken employee.
-------

I saw Gaile, Onry, Ryan, and Mickey in Kulinarya yesterday.
Gaile: Nel, ba't wala ka nung Christmas party nung Saturday? Nagbago ka ba ng number?
Nel: O shocks, Nov 25 nga pala yun (Note to self: get a personal secretary to remind me of appointments)

Anyhow...

Some Work Stuff

here's pictures from the launch of Pond's Age Miracle in Shangrila, Makati . I must say it was a well organized event with 6-footer handsome escorts, song numbers by Gary V and Zsa-Zsa, sketch artists, tarot-card readers, good champagne, and quite a number of high profile people

In a sea of red, I was wearing green!

Watch out of our mall tour beginning December 8 in SM Makati. We're giving away 7 romantic getaway packages (Palawan, Boracay, Cebu etc etc).

Hehehe.. Shameless plug.

What else...

Malas Car Week

To those who didn't know, Dick has retired. You remember Dick? Dick the Civic! Anyhow, Kian's using him now ever since I've gotten my company car, which I will call Jazz starting now. (Wow how creative).

Anyhow, it has been a malas car week!

Tuesday: After passing by Monde Office to say hi to the people and borrow a dress from Ayee, I drove relaxingly to the office. Then I bumped a motorcycle, or a motorcycle bumped me. Whichever the case is, good thing no harm done to the passengers ( a husband and a wife?). Nakalas lang yung bumper ko plus konting gasgas. Hassle thing is that I have to present in a panel of bosses (Sales director, head of Safety committee) a power point presentation of what has transpired and what my learnings are. Hay! loss time incident.

Wednesday: In Makati, driving. I was pulled-over because I was driving while talking over the cellphone. License was confiscated. Dont tell anyone because we have a no-cellphone while driving policy at work.

Thursday: I was flagged down again because I was obstructing the traffic (daw) I was turning right, while in the middle lane, and the other car was turning straight. Anyhow, given that I have not recovered my license, I made all this drama. How was I let go?

1. Thank you Unilever for the stash of Unilever products in the back of my car.

2. Thank you Patrick for telling the advice on how to appease MMDA and policemen.

How my dialogue went?

Nel: Boss, baka may anak kayo o pamangkin na gusto mo ipasok ng trabaho? Pwedeng mag-promo girl o mag merchandiser. Eto po yung contact number ng agency, sabihin nyo po pinapunta po siya ni Nel.

(I dont know if its morally right. Its a good thing that I offer job to whomever but it was in the expense of me not getting a ticket)

Friday: In the parking lot, I scratched the car (again) as I was parking! Sumayad sa pader! Tsk tsk tsk

Tuesday: Using my mom's car, tire bursted! Good thing, I was out of c5 already and on my way to market-market.

Media Loner

Project Runway: Im voting for either Daniel or Chloe

America's Next Top Model: I like Nicole

Amazing Race Asia: What the? First two teams out were Filipinos

Philippine Idol: Jan, my officemate, made it to top 3

I'm becoming a fan of Forbidden Questions, and "Good Times with Moe in 89.9.

Work-Life Balance

Still 80% of my time is devoted to work.

But good thing, I have a list of things to do in the consecutive weekends

--Dive

--Sky Dive

--Christmas

--New Year

Ang bilis ng panahon.

Bahala na si Batman

2006-09-03T14:33:00.000+08:00

In a special paid section by Watson in last Sunday's Philippine Star, I had my tiny-tiny picture in there. It was a tiny group shot, that perhaps even my own mother wouldn't recognize me in it. And I was not in my teacup costume! argghh!!!
---

How am I in my new work?
I'm pulling this bahala na si Batman trick. It's like trying to hit a baseball with my eyes shut, and fingers-crossed. Many times, I striked. A few times, I get my bases loaded. But no homeruns yet. Well it will be bloody lucky to hit a homerun with eyes shut anyhow.

Well I guess I'm getting less sensitive already. Unlike before, when a mistake or a comment from a client (internal/external) will get in to me, now I'm learning to "make deadma" (sorry for the taglish phrase) of them. In such a fast paced environment, there is no time to sulk. You do your job (though sometimes you do it incorrectly), then you get by with it. Hear the comments, but don't take them personally. Everything is but an opportunity for improvement.

I guess I have to be more "on-top" of things now. But the issue is, it's hard to be on-top of gazillion things at once. It's more than a balancing act. It's like one of favorite my segments in takeshi's castle before, the one wherein the contestants jump from one rock to another on a river. Some rocks, are actually styrofoams. I have to jump and be on-top of these rocks almost at the same time. And some rocks are bound to sink anyhow.

O well, I just wish I can close my eyes and hope everything will be alright.

Let me see...

2006-08-20T22:55:00.000+08:00

I think I've pretty much adjusted after a month or so in work.
Now at least I have a vague idea of what I have to do.
Of course there are still times, I'm lost and have the feeling of incompetencies especially when faced with suppliers, buyers, etc etc.

During the past month, I feel I have detached myself with the world I'm accustomed to. I am often tired to even go out during weekends. I excuse myself from dinner parties, movie dates, and even weekend dives. I even forget to answer "how are you?" text message from a friend stationed in Bacolod. I can't even comb my hair! (No violent reactions please! hehhehe).

----
So what's new?

Last Friday, I dressed up as a tea-cup for a costume party in the Supplier's/Awards Night for Watsons in Manila Peninsila. Our theme was "B eauty and the Beast" and My boss told me to wear the teacup costume, because the one with the best in costume wins an I-pod. Heck! I like making fun of myself anyways, so I dress up as the teacup. I can't maneuver myself though, because I was a goddamn mascot. Other guests were taking pictures with me and Jane (who was dressed as the candlestick). These are people we don't know! Anyhow, I didnt win the I-pod, Jane did. But I liked being the teacup! I don't have pictures of me dressed as a teacup, but perhaps it will be out in press-releases. Gosh! I will finally have pictures in newspapers and I'm dressed as a teacup.

I finally passed my driving test. I failed the first try because I don't know how to parallel park. Now, I still don't know how to parallel park, but at least pasang-awa! I'm a certified defensive driver... Buwahahhahah!!!! Other motorists, beware

Our kitchen renovation is almost over. It looks like a kitchen already.

One of my officemates is one of the top 24 contestants in Philippine Idol.

Headless Chicken and Sleepless in Starbucks

2006-08-03T22:50:00.000+08:00

So how am I? (as if anybody cares!)

I think I work an average of 18 hours a day. Last Wednesday I went home at 3 am (that's for a set-up). Needless to say, I'm physically tired and sleepy. Sometimes I feel that I'm a headless chicken running around in circles without really accomplishing anything. Sometimes I feel, well special. My car is my second office. Starbucks is my third. It sucks at times. It's fun at times.

The way I wear my hair, and the way I dress is an issue (for my boss). I have to be neat and girly to be the image of the brand I'm handling. It's so not Nel!

2006-07-22T11:27:00.000+08:00

Started work tuesday...
...workload is overwhelming...(havent gone home before 11 pm since wed!-at di pa tapos ang turnover nyan; hirap at wala pa kong 'tools' of the trade--car, laptop,phone, email)
...its fun and glamorous though...
...and lots of learning opportunities

Home Life

2006-07-14T13:05:00.000+08:00

Since Monday, I was bugging my mom to go the gym with me (she has membership, and I don't...so in short I need her to get in, hehe). But this very minute, she called me and told me to eat lunch and get ready because we're going to Fitness First in a while. My reply, 'ayoko na...tinatamad na ako, nakaharap na ako sa computer eh'.

So that's it. I've been a slug the whole week. I wake up, eat breakfast in front of the TV. Watch DVD. Eat lunch. Watch DVDs. Read emails. Blog hop. Have occassional bathroom breaks. See what's inside the fridge. Eat. I don't know whether it's a good thing or a bad thing that our fridge/pantry is stocked up. We have two flavors of ice cream, chocnut, leche flan, 3 kinds of salad, crabsticks, yakult, cheese, bread, chips,....arghh!

I blame my not being able to go jogging to the typhoon.. I mean, how can I jog outside if it's raining? I wanted to go out, play under the rain, like what we use to do when were kids. But that would be, well, awkard....a 20+ year old lady, taking a bath under the rain, alone... Geez, that's sick.

I haven't cleaned up the computer room yet, because, er uhmm, we don't have boxes to put the kalat in! We are renovating the house, and everywhere you look, there are boxes of kalat already... I don't want to add to the mess....Sige na nga, excuses!

Ok, I'm one big slob this week. At least I'm a happy slob. Like Homer Simpson. :)

My 1000 bucks is still intact! Woohoo! How can it not be? I've been at home all the time. The only times I went out is when we watched Pirates of the Carribean and ate dinner in Metroeast last Wednesday and when we had our family dinner last night. Lesson learned...to save money, stay at home. Or hang-out with your parents.

Anyhow, I've finished watching My Girl... 16 hours of cheesy Korean telenovela, in badly-subtitled English. Why do I bother watching these kind of films? When I know how cheesy they are, and I know how they would end? It's not even that kilig anymore. I don't know either.

Our kitchen is under renovation. And almost everyday, my mom has a new "plan" for it. At first, we were just remodeling the tiles and cabinets. Then the next day, carpenters tear down a wall. Then the next day, they tear down the whole kitchen. Here's a picture of our kitchen.

(I took this picture Wednesday night. As you can see, there is still the kitchen sink. By yesterday it was gone. Everything was razed down...It's now an empty lot. hehehe)

We are renovating without a plan, a budget, or a timeline. Goodluck to us!
I'm living in a construction zone, kaya sinisipon ako!

Here are some other random photos.

Before I left...

Nina, Raf, and I...and our white Chucks! Childish, I know!

Some flyers from Nina

Cable TV, please come back to life!

Random Shit...

2006-07-11T20:14:00.000+08:00

Some random shit that been lingering my mind these past few minutes.

1. I think I need more life experiences. My 24 years on earth had been, well, too common.
2. I have low EQ... High IQ, low EQ... Help me!
3. Korean telenovelas have one proven formula (observed from Full House, Kim Sam Soon, and My Girl).
---Rich guy--handsome, Normal girl--spirited, happy go lucky. Normal girl owes Rich Guy some money or Rich Guy offers Normal Girl to pay-off her debt. As payment, Normal Girl pretends to be someone special to Rich Guy--a wife, a girlfriend, a cousin. Rich guy is aloof. Rich guy is in-love with an old friend--beautiful, rich, who flew off to some country. Beautiful, Rich Girl flew back to Korea and professed love to Rich Guy. etc etc.... It's so cheesy I can die. It's so cheesy that I watch it. Bwahahaha
4. Rafael Nadal looks like Josh Groban.
5. What the fuck happened to last weekend's F1 race?
6. Why is Montoya leaving his Formula 1's McLaren team to join NASCAR?
7. How long can I last with one thousand bucks?
8. I've got my Open Water Diving Card. Woohoo!
9. I want to dive badly!
10. Stupid HR, hasn't called me yet.

What I have eaten today...
1. Crabstick Sandwich...white bread, crabstick, lettuce, cucmber, wasabi-mayo
2. Yakult
3. 2 pieces Soft Batch cookies
3. A teaspoon of my brother's leche flan...ate it while still in the fridge.
3. Tuna Sandwich...white bread, tuna, mayo, cheese, lettuce
4. More of my brother's leche flan--still eaten in the fridge (arrgh! learn to use a platito!)
5. (tempted to drink dutchmill...but did not! yipee!!!)
6. Turon (with langka)
7. Bangus...
8. Ampalaya salad
9. A bowl of pistachio ice cream...
10. (hmpph...i have to eat something else to make my list reach 10)

Things to do tomorrow...
1. Call personnel to get my clearance
2. Call HR for follow-up
3. Jog in Marikina Sports Complex
4. or go to Fitness First
5. I can visit the old office...if i'm not lazy enough to get my butt up the bed.
6. Telenevola marathon...

La Vie Boheme!!!

In other note...

2006-07-09T14:27:00.000+08:00

I have a few weeks of being a bum. So here's a list of what I have to do.

Have my clearance signed (apparently, the office messenger can't do it for me...hehehe)
Clean the computer room (throw out old papers...re-file my stuff)
Watch Pirates of the Carribean with office friends
Go jogging/ go to the gym
Read
Watch TV

I want to have a good vacation! But the thing is, I am so broke... I brought a cellphone which I havent paid off yet.

Territory

2006-07-09T14:25:00.000+08:00

It's really sinking in...

I am having a hard time accepting that I've actually left and having a harder time accepting that someone/something else will eventually fill in the gaps I left behind. I know things will go on without me. And perhaps subconsciously, I've left behind little snippets of myself in the office as a reminder of what has been once my territory. I'm very much "still" in that AMS Room. Almost everyone's desktop wallpapers are group pics with me. I've turned-over even my stuff (both personal and work-related) to my friends. My pillow, I gave it to Kitting. My PASI jacket, Starbucks planner, and stapler was given to Apple. MNC's birthday gift to me--a wallet, I gave it to Nina (though I gave it to her even before I knew I was transferring). All my writing pads, post-its, and stuff, I gave it to GJ and Gio. Pencils, to Miguel. My old seminar nametags, I posted on Ugs' workstation. In almost everywhere you look, there is still a reminder of Nel.

All I brought home was a little box of my personal stuff--a stuffed tiger, 3 notebooks, CDs of my files and pictures, framed pictures, my coffee mug and tupperware, and personal little trinkets and gifts.

Though I've kept a reminder of myself to them, I know I will no longer be a part of their daily mundane experiences. Things will go on and I will be but another outsider looking in, waiting for them to tell me stories of what has been happenning. But stories are stories. Living them is different.

Tomorrow, I will no longer be reporting to MNC Sales.
And being detached to this known cycle is quite alarming. It's like a tire being dislodged from its center--thrown off to some uncertainty. It's like being lost.

Another sad thing about leaving at this moment is that there are lots of new people around. People that I know will eventually be great friends of mine. Like what they told me, "Ba't ngayon pa?" We are in the process of building a very good friendship. They've been in MNC for less than 2 months but I have this feeling that we will be great friends given time to get to know more of and hang out with each other.

Stop it with this drama already!!!

Neither here nor there

2006-07-08T15:12:00.000+08:00

Last week I was too happy that it scared me. You know the feeling that you are too happy but you are scared because you know that in a hyped up level of happiness, something bad may happen. I had that feeling. And true enough, a week after, something "bad" happened.

I will not expound further what that "bad" is. Let's just say it was an exaggerated state of confusion that rattled me, my parents, my friends, my employer, and my future employer. I reacted reactively as always but at the same time I was so numb and cloud-minded. I wanted to retreat back, to return to the cocoon of security of what I have then. I did not want to fly off from my nest. I wanted to stay put.

I wanted to stay put because I was hurt in the process. I was in the middle of confusion and mayhem, and I did not want any of it. I wanted to retreat where it was safe. Yes, it was boring. But at least it is safe.

But that would be unfair for everyone.

So now, I am stepping out.

I will join my new company hopefully two weeks from now for a position different from what I was supposedly hired for. They say the perks are better, they say it's better fit for my personality (and I know it is), but what the heck, I have nothing to look back to, anyways.

----

I said my goodbyes a while ago. But they don't seem to be goodbyes, but more of "see you later". Well, literally we'll see each other later for my despidida dinner at Kix's house tonight. But I think you get my point.

I was not saying goodbye to my friends, but I was saying goodbye to the Monde life that I've known. No more pantry lunches. No more 5 o clock habits. No more office hirits and jokes. No more pranks. No more planogramming, no more implementations--for me at least. They will still have pantry lunches, they will still have their 5 o clock kulitan habits, their asaran and tuksuhan, their work. But I'm not going to be there with them. And it's sad.

Slowly it is sinking in that I am actually leaving the second home that I had for the past year or so. Why is it leaving have to be such a painful process? Though I know that leaving will be for the better, why can't I help but feel a pang of pain? Is leaving only hurtful because we detach ourselves from the world that we are accustomed to? Do we really have to feel hurt to actually grow?

It's quite hard to accept that we are going separate ways. Their lives will go on without me and I myself will venture to a new life. If there is anything I value most in Monde, that will be the friendships formed. Others may argue that anywhere you go, you can have friends. Maybe. But friendship in Monde is deeply rooted. Perhaps it's because of the caring-service culture that we have. We just don't value teamwork, we serve because we genuinely care. We were trained not to compete with each other but to help others. We were trained to challenge our own capabilities. In an almost politics-free, 0% crab-metality environment, true friendship will emerge.

Hay, I miss them already. :(

Thanks for all the good times--the movie dates, lunch dates, dinner dates, two-bottle inumans, road trips, tagaytay/beach outings...
Salamat sa simpleng kwentuhan...
Salamat sa mga payong kaibigan...
Thank you for listening...
Thank you for all the prayers...
Thank you for the support when I was down...
Thank you for your patience...and understanding...

Thanks for the goodbye/goodluck video (kahit unflattering yung pictures na linagay nyo)

Hay...Thank You!

Blessings

2006-06-26T20:37:00.000+08:00

Cliches are cliches because they are so true that they need not to be said at all. Cliches are cliches because in a few words they capture a bulk of reality too mundane that we take it for granted.

Cliche as it may sound, 'When God closes a door, He opens a window'. This is something I've learned and experienced more than once in my life. Also, I learned and I'm continually learning that God answers our prayers all the time. Sometimes, we don't get what we asked for because God wants to give us something better. Well, make that "always" instead of "sometimes".

Also, I realized that sometimes I asked for something that I really don't like but I asked for it anyhow just because of pride. God never gives in to this requests of mine. What He gives me is something that I really desire. For instance during fourth year high school I wanted to pass UP, not so I can go there (my mind is already is set in going to Ateneo), but just because of pride and bragging rights that I passed there. I prayed to get in.But I didn't. I did get frustrated. I did cry. But looking back, my intentions of wanting to pass UPCAT is not really 'valid'.

Now, it's seems dejavu.
God is giving me what I really wanted, and not something I'm asking simply for bragging rights.

Ang galing ni God!

---------

I just came back from an overnighter in Laiya, Batangas with my MNC friends. It was a good vacation. I was able to swim in the ocean. I had a massage by the beach. Played cards. Listen to music. Lied down on the sand watching the stars. Inuman. Pulutan. Kwentuhan. Tuksuhan. At shempre kodakan ng kodakan.
For pictures...visit my multiply site.

Scared

2006-06-23T19:36:00.000+08:00

I never thought that having your dream turned into reality will give such a scary feeling.

In college, I dreamed of going to Unilever--a desire as great as I wanting to be an Atenean. Joining Ateneo is easy as it accepts almost 2000 new students each school year. But joining Unilever is different. Chances are bleak.

A couple of years after graduating, after applying thrice (one for business week), I will now be a part of my dream company.

And it scares the shit out of me.

I'm given a hefty package and with that I know they are expecting a lot from me. (My current boss/mentor has warned me already about this).

I'm scared that what if I can't live up to their expectations.
I'm worried that maybe I really don't deserve this opportunity.

I prayed for challenges.
Now, God is giving me one.

I love my life in Monde. Though recently I constantly complain about it being unchallenging already, it is so comfortable. It is so easy. It is so fun. I'm at my comfort zone. I love the company of people. The pay is okay. It's like going to college everyday and doing some org work. But the impatient side in me wants more challenges. I made all this drama that I don't feel my self worth, that I'm selling myself short. But now, I have accepted an external challenge and I'm so scared.

I can never grow if I don't step out of my comfort zone. So I am taking this big leap. No more breezing through work. I have to prove my worth.

My boss/mentor told me during my exit interview that "what the mind can perceive, the body can achieve". Maybe, I have to condition myself that I can face this new challenge. The company puts its trust in my capabilities , maybe I'm worth it.

It's scary and at the same time exciting.
It's exciting but at the same time sad.

I was in a senti mode a while ago when it was formalized that July 8 will be my last day in MNC. My office friends were also in a senti mood. We all knew that this is a good opportunity for me, but we were all sad, teary-eyed. It's like leaving home.

MNC has been my second home, spending more waking hours here than at home. My officemates--they're not just friends, they're family. And it's hard to let go.

Snaps for Nel

2006-06-21T14:48:00.000+08:00

It's not yet official.

But I'm transferring to Unilever.
Woohoo!!!

Just have to tender my resignation.
And sign my offer sheet.

I'm crazy scared, excited, ecstatic, sad all at the same time. It's time to say goodbye to my comfort zone, and say hello to a new realm of challenges.

To borrow a line from Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, "Life is simple: You make choices, you don't look back"

I hope I'm making the right choice.
There's no looking back from now on.