Ranting's of a mad man

Have my Monster

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Eames) — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 07:22:00 +0000

Matthew and I had a little argument yesterday.

He had drawn up a card for one his friends’ birthday. On it he was busy writing the access details to his Moshe Monster. Now for anyone not in the know, a Moshe Monster is a character one designs and plays in a kids game on the internet.

My boys have played this game over the last couple of years and have created and played with many of these monsters. They have often shared the access details with other children and been horrified when these other children have spent all of their rocks or redecorated their houses in very poor taste.

I advised Matthew not to share the access details of his latest Monster. He could not understand my point of view; it is his friend’s birthday after all! It was only later when I replayed this incident in my mind that I realised he had been arguing for the concept of sharing and I had argued against it. A complete reversal in roles! Even more importantly, this was something he had made himself with his friend in mind. As a parent, things to be applauded in my child!

The world continues to change rapidly. As parents, we need to look beyond the obvious and into the deeper motivations that drive our children. It is so easy to ram home the wrong lessons for the right reasons and squander the wonderful opportunities we have to impart real wisdom.

Back

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Eames) — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 06:48:00 +0000

Time has but flown by. I feel so guilty, no blogs for ages. So sad, as blogging helps me to see deep inside myself and learn. And there has been much to learn over the last two weeks. I have seen my boys and girl blossom. We have shared laughs, fun, and adventures galore. I have started to take photographs again and they have been a wonderful surprise.

I went back to work last week. Sort of! Still tried to take the boys surfing every day. Work is very interesting. I have the next two and a half weeks to prepare for some of the most important presentations of my life. And I had thought those had already happened when I had been in corporate. Perhaps they were just to prepare me for the moments to come.

Either way, life is really exciting right now. Time pressures, an awesome project, the chance to do some inspirational work, and of course, no pay! Probably not the ideal recipe but then again, how often do we get to thoroughly enjoy what we are doing. Right now my future is squarely in God’s hands. Probably a good place for it to be...

Time with my boys

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Eames) — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 18:13:00 +0000

Weeks like this past week do not come often enough; weeks filled with family breakthroughs!

One of Matthew’s friends was very excited about the prospect of learning to surf. This somehow pushed the right buttons, causing Matthew to ask to accompany his friend for a week of surf school. It is not like I have not tried to get Matthew surfing; instead all of our sessions have ended in frustration as he refused to step into the water. The water, of course, is an essential ingredient for surfing! Some time back, I ascribed his reluctance to a fear of the sea, and decided not to push the issue. Or at least not too much!

Matthew began his first lesson with a multitude of excuses as to why he was not going to surf. The coach told him to stop whining and get in the water. He duly did so, and then discovered a new passion. Five lessons later and he has been transformed into an eager surfing beaver. So much so that he enquired if it was too late to ask Santa for a surfboard for Christmas. Oh yes, far too late! He is an absolute natural on a board, even better than Luke, who represented Boland at that age. To watch my son who could not face the sea, suddenly execute a perfect back hand rail grab turn, made me shake my head in amazement.

I can only wonder what all the fuss has been about. I also am amazed at the powerful influence a friend can be, even at such a young age...

Whilst Matt was safely surfing with surf school, Luke and I found ourselves with time on our hands and a sea at our feet. We needed no convincing to make the most of our position.

Luke has always been a lazy sportsman, instinctively relying on natural talent, of which he has been blessed with oodles. The sea is a wonderful leveller. It eats you up and spits you out if you are lazy. Paddling for Luke has always been too much effort and so he has not bothered too much, exiting at the first twinge of tiredness in his arms. This week I have watched him grow from this good but lazy surfer into a stylish confident wave shredder. Our local beach hosted some big waves this week, which meant Luke has had to paddle for his life to get to backline. Once there he had to then catch waves up to three times his size. By the end of the week he was comfortable surfing anywhere in the line up, and taking off on absolutely anything. His performance each day eclipsed the previous day’s best ever performance. There is nothing that compares to a dad’s pride when other surfers in the water cheer on your little son and shake their heads in wonder!

An even more bizarre event took place when Luke cleaned his room; without having being asked to do so. He then happily mowed the lawn just before Christmas and even wanted to learn how to use the weedeater as well! A neighbour had roped him into watering their garden while they are away. The maturity he has shown in dealing with this daily task has been nothing short of amazing. Boy, has he grown up before my eyes, and in just a couple of days.

I am so blessed to have been able to spend this time with my boys. I have to wonder how much all of the ‘dad focussed’ time has contributed to these changes. And then I have to wonder why I have not invested even more time in their lives...

Just keep me busy

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Eames) — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 06:20:00 +0000

I am struggling more than ever with the concept of relaxation.

I am unable to sit down at my PC for more than a couple of minutes at a time. There is work I need to do, but cannot bring myself to get busy. There is a book I can rewrite but have not the slightest inclination. There are some major maintenance projects around the house, but I would rather not even watch the paint dry.

Instead I am happy to go surfing. Reading, cooking and baking, eating and drinking, and lots of time spent with friends all seem to be just dandy.

I have an inkling I might be unwinding from the year and there is no way I am ready to get stuck into anything remotely resembling work. Perhaps my body is way ahead of me, forcing me to take it easy.

Is it possible, I have to learn to enjoy frittering my time away instead of banking it with solidly delivered ‘to do’ items checked off the list?

The real work will find me soon enough!

Holidays

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Eames) — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 06:30:00 +0000

My final project for the year was delivered on Wednesday last week. A little early in the Christmas season, but then again, nobody in the FMCG industry wants to see a consultant in their busiest period of the year. It does of course play havoc with cash flow; no paying work over December and January but then again I am not complaining.

It does provide me with the most amazing opportunity to spend good quality time with my children. Lots of it!

I have two goals for this holiday; as much family time as possible and get super fit.

Luke and I have been out surfing the last three days. I love surfing with Luke, and it meets two of my holiday goals at the same time. My surfing experience with Luke has been dramatically enhanced by an early Christmas present from my family, a surfboard called a fish. It is fatter and thicker than normal which enables one to surf the typically blown out mush that our local break offers in summer. This way Luke and I can surf together and we can both have loads of fun!

My quality time with the boys has included teaching them some new skills. This weekend Luke mowed the lawn for the first time. Now don’t laugh, mowing properly is a skill. One needs to be attuned to the grass, the mower, and most importantly ones toes.

Some of the new skills are a little obscure, like Blackjack and poker. Every boy needs to know how to play these card games and Luke and Matt are having loads of fun. I am fascinated to see the maths skills at work in blackjack, who would have thought. Perhaps by the end of the holiday, I will have trained them to count cards…

I think today, we will learn all about knots!!

God's Logic

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Eames) — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 06:23:00 +0000

I have noticed that any remotely religious topic on News24 is hotly debated. News24 is my on line news provider, but I imagine the insight is true of any news vendor on the net.

There are always 2 distinct camps, those who angrily refute the myth that God exists, based on solid logical, and rational arguments, peppered with belittling language. In other words, how can you idiotic Christians believe in ‘fairy tales’? The other camp consists of the individuals rooting for God. Their reasoning is often flowery, weak, full of biblical quotes, and ultimately ending in the ‘no debate’, ‘just have faith’ argument.

Each side tries their best to convert the other to their way of thinking, with neither side seemingly making any progress in amassing converts. To my surprise, it is the masters of logic who seem hell bent on winning each of these interactions. The arguments always end in impasse. No surprise there!

The notion of faith is the crux of the disagreement! This concept is unacceptable to anyone who wants it proven from first principles. Obviously if that were possible, the debate around God’s existence would be a non issue, either we prove him to be here or not. Christians fail to get the logic argument, as by its nature Christianity asks its believers to believe what cannot be seen (and hence proven). In other words, one must put logic aside in order to embrace the concept of being Christian.

For a non believer, the logic just does not stack up.

I am then further amazed how upset both sides become, as they fail to make any headway. As per any good disagreement, both sides refuse to budge from their opinion. Sadly, agreeing to disagree, and then moving on, does not seem to be an option. Instead the same debate is rehashed on publication of the next religious article, with the same amount of fervour.

I wonder what the right response is to such an impasse. Being a highly logical thinker, I appreciate the logical argument. Being a good Christian at the same time, I get the complete breakdown in logic. I see my inconsistent thinking and yet, I would have it no other way. God makes sense to me on all levels of my life, more than that I feel genuinely loved. I am happy to take that any day over the satisfaction of winning an on line sparring match with cold logic.

Am I boring you?

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Eames) — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 14:13:00 +0000

I have been travelling again.

On a delayed flight back home as I try and write something intelligent. Today saw the end of the five courses I was scheduled to facilitate. It was good but could have been better. I have certainly improved but still find I fall desperately short of where I would like to be.

I was the worst student ever. I hated lectures or training and often found myself building complex contraptions from the contents of my pencil box. Now it is me standing in front of a crowd of people, who are listening and evaluating my every word. Far removed from the inane boredom I used to feel and deep in new territory where I have the ability to create that same boredom in a number of unsuspecting students. Or to do the exact opposite and excite something within them to be better than they were. I am more than a little aware of how tenuous this balance can be!

There seems to be much for me to learn. The art of timing, developing interest, changing tack when interest is lost, reading an audience, speaking directly to my audience, and doing it all without prompts. I had a manager in SAB who believed the art of a good speaker was someone who could get up in front of an audience and convey his message without having prepared a thing. I fall well short of that mark!

I don’t think I am a trainer. It is something I do when asked, in order to pay the bills. Training is certainly not my passion. However it may be a small step on the way to me becoming a public speaker. Now that excites me! Public speaking has not always been a dream of mine. Instead it is something that has crept up on me with some stealth. Perhaps the experiences of the last year have lent some support to the notion I could be a good speaker and share something of a worthwhile message.

Therein of course lies the problem, the lack of a message which is interesting and worthy of a listenership. I have no amazing speciality, in depth research, wonderful stories, or even a remotely good stand on an issue. I do have a passion for fatherhood and the family and plenty of counter society thought. I fear it is not enough.

If this past year has taught me anything, it is that the unexpected happens. And when it does, one hopes you will be in the audience to cheer me on.

The Gift of Children

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Eames) — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 09:35:00 +0000

I was thinking this morning about how blessed I am to have the children I do. Sure they often act up and act out, but they are all amazing individuals. I am most privileged to have been chosen to be their father. I hope and pray I can fulfil my part of the bargain and be the best possible father to each of them. To be there when they need me, and even when they don’t. To have the right advice for them in times of trouble. To share loads of laughs, adventures, sporting triumphs, and defeats. To hold their hands when they need comforting. To guide them wisely when they go astray. And most of all to love and appreciate them for who they are!

It struck me that all children should have parents who feel this way about them. That those children were equally blessed to have parents willing to sacrifice and serve, in order for them to grow up into better adults.

Even though I am the parent, my children definitely make me strive to be a better me. And that has to be good news for everyone!

It made me smile to think of other parents loving their children just as passionately as I love mine.

How wonderful if this was a blessing bestowed on every child, but sadly it just isn’t so!

Heavy Concentration

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Eames) — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 11:10:00 +0000

It has been a long time.

Blogging just does not seem to fit in with the lifestyle of the travelling facilitator. A two day course repeated every 3 days over the last two weeks, each in a different town around the country, has drained me of any ability to communicate. The fact that I designed the course, has added extra pressure as it required optimisation post each iteration.

So far four courses down and one to go! They have gone well, and the ratings have been good. And I now have a weekend and the following week to find myself again, before launching into course number five.

Training management using a free flow discussion format requires nine hours of focussed concentration each day. On my feet and thinking, guiding conversations, eliciting insights, and playing the clown. By the end of the day, I am poor conversation, completely tapped out.

I have of course enjoyed much of the debate and conversation. I also cannot believe how much the course has improved as I have improved in my delivery, timing, and program changes. And I am getting paid for this piece of work, which makes a wonderful change for much of my effort this year.

There is light in the tunnel, but where the end may be is anyone’s guess! I like it that way…

So Strange

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Eames) — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 18:28:00 +0000

Is it possible that some recessed genes are finally making their appearance in my family?

I suppose what everyone has always known, a really strange bunch!!

Just remember. two heads are always better than one...

Possibilities

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Eames) — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 18:20:00 +0000

The week ahead is a big one; so much is riding on it...

My wedding anniversary has snuck up on us again. This week marks the end of a wonderful 14 year walk through life, with my wife at my side. Also in her arms, and sometimes being dragged by my hair! Seriously, it has been an amazing adventure, and not one where I look back with longing and regret. Instead, I am sure in the knowledge of how blessed I am to walk these unknown paths of life together with Donna. I have absolutely desire to be young again, or richer than I am, instead am so happy and thankful for rich experiences and people who have coloured my existence.

Awestruck goes live this week! A project which has sucked up time over the last year. So much debate, planning, thinking, modelling, improved planning, agreements, and conversations, have been woven into this period. It has all come together in a fantastic web site which aims to create an on line Catholic community to inspire Catholics to act with love. It is ambitious, creative, out there, demanding, and if it works, highly fulfilling. It is hard to explain how important this launch is to me. A year of my time invested, and it all comes down to this week.

To make the week more exciting, I need to prepare for four training courses I have scheduled over the next three weeks. The course is titled Commercial Competence for Managers. Despite the dry nature of finance, we are going to have some fun, but in order to make the fun happen, I need to be oh so highly prepared. It is going to be tight to find enough time...

In between presenting my course to myself and my imaginary posse, I will be finalising the sale and movement of the two old ladies I sold last week. For anyone concerned, I am referring to two battered old Jaguars, who have found better owners. There is hope another old Jaguar of mine, currently undergoing a makeover, will hit the road running this week. Although, truth be told, I have been hopeful of this for the last 8 months.

So much to look forward to, I can barely wait. And did I mention there is some swell this week, so I may have to sneak off for a wave or two as well...

I like weeks filled to the brim with possibilities!

The Ugly Ducklings Spread their Wings

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Eames) — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 06:53:00 +0000

It is amazing how when the timing is right, things just fall into place.

My dad loved old cars, so it probably all his fault. One day when visiting him in Cape Town, in the days when I used to live far away in Johannesburg, we passed a car rental lot on the way to his place. In the lot was an old Jaguar from the fifties. It was beautiful, stately, black, and elegant. It had been completely refurbished, and now sported new leather, gleaming wood finishes, electric windows, and air conditioning. Certainly not something a purist would appreciate but it made an impression on me. The car had been sold to a buyer in the UK for the then princely sum of 10,000 pounds.

That day, was the beginning of the end for me. I started to believe I could drive around in a beautiful old car and it would be wonderful. A young man’s dream with no possible hope for success!

The thing about dreams, is that if you want them badly enough, they can come true.

My dream went seriously awry when I got stuck into the refurbishment of a 1956 Ford pickup truck. Hardly a classic beauty, more pure American muscle. If you have seen the movie, ‘The Expendables’, then you will have have seen Stallone driving a copy of my truck, except mine has far less bullet holes and road rage damage.

About a year ago, I saw a Jaguar I fancied from the sixties. It was parked at a garage I had just started to use for my truck. I asked the garage owner about it and he told me the owner was interested in selling. I started to day dream. The emigrating owner would only sell this beautiful jaguar together with two other sixties Jaguars he had. A package deal, beauty and the two ugly ducklings! After not agonising too long over the decision, I bought all three of them.

The beautiful one is still in the garage, but that is another long story. Any day now, and she will spread her wings...

As for the rusting hulks, they have lived in the open for the last year. I have on occasion kicked their tyres to make them feel loved. They were parked at the back of my mind too, well out of conscious thought. I knew I would have to deal with them one day.

Then last week, I responded to an advert on Gumtree where somebody was looking for old Jaguar project cars. Lo and behold after some negotiation, the advertiser agreed to buy the worst of the two cars, in order to break it down for spares. Being inspired I posted an advert on Gumtree for the other one. The amount of calls I received for this stationary 45 year old car has been staggering. Yesterday it was sold!

This week, I hope to have them removed from the garage to their new owners. And of course to collect some bonanza cash! Now was just the right time. I would never have believed I could sell these two derelict cars in the space of a week. I am thoroughly amazed though, by the peace of mind the sales have brought me. Obviously these old ladies have been occupying some valuable brain space. With them moving on, I can find something more important to park up there!

Right now my dream is still alive, and you can be sure Donna is very happy to see the car count reduce by two!

My boys and I

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Eames) — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 09:29:00 +0000

Our trip to Bloemfontein was not all negative. Matt and Luke said they had an awesome time. Obviously they lived that week on a different planet to the one Donna, Isabella, and I were on!

Donna and I also found out how far we would push ourselves as parents to support our children. Donna spending three nights in that room, amidst the hospital chaos was a huge sacrifice. Yet when her daughter asked, she did not hesitate to plonk her butt in that uncomfortable chair and aeroplane nap. I would hope most parents would chose to do the same; put the needs of their children well above their own needs.

On the occasions when I inhabited the same universe as my boys, we got to spend some special time together.

Bloemfontein is home to a massive military base called Tempe. Tempe is really a big suburb subdivided into the various military divisions. We explored the base stopping at the parabat and armour museums. The parabat museum was closed, yet somebody kindly found the key and then proceeded to give us a personal tour. I made sure to take a photograph of Luke smiling under a sign which said; ‘a mind is like a parachute, it only works when it is open!’ The armour division was boy heaven! Imagine streets and streets lined with old tanks. We browsed for ages and eventually found the appropriate Sherman for our garage. Unfortunately the army killjoys would not let us take it home.

Another shared dimension saw us touring the local city zoo. I had not been to a zoo since I was a child. And zoos have not changed much since then. Lazy, fat animals in cages too small for them! Still not my favourite place, especially when we are so used to seeing animals in their natural habitat. My boys were fascinated regardless.

The highlight was on the long and boring trip home. Whilst listening to the radio we heard that a convoy of Ferrari's had been spotted on the same highway we were on. The announcer later read out an update that the Ferrari's had turned off and parked at the casino in a town along the road. As luck would have it, we found ourselves at the same town just 20 minutes later. Fired up on spontaneity, we stopped and drooled over the 43 incredible beasts parked there. We left on a high, the journey long forgotten! Luke sent an SMS to the radio station thanking them for the tip, and you can imagine his excitement when it was read on air.

I have two wonderful sons. Time together is to be treasured, regardless of the circumstance

A Sick Child

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Eames) — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 19:10:00 +0000

Last week was the longest month of my life.

It started with a little broken nose, which probably turned out to be one of the highlights!

Being a parent involves many things but this last week provided a first class lesson in anguish! I have heard it said there can be nothing worse than watching your sick child suffer. Helplessness and inadequacy mounting moment by moment, not an experience for the feint hearted!

We took a little 12 hour trip to Bloemfontein so that the boys could compete in the SA Schools Judo tournament. We planned it well, leaving at 02h00 in the morning and getting halfway in the darkness whilst the family slept. The rest of the trip was surprisingly easy and we arrived in Bloemfontein in high spirits.

The boys weighed in at the Tempe military base where the competition was to be held. The place was dirty and completely disorganised. We should have known then. It tool hours for the boys to be weighed in, which in itself takes mere seconds.

The competition started off well the next day with Matt winning two of his fights, one with an amazing throw. He ended up second, not bad for his first national competition at the age of 7. Luke entered this competition in a higher weight category and what a competitive category that turned out to be. He fought hard and came fourth. He was highly disappointed but these were good lessons to learn. All in all a long and exhausting day!

That evening, with no warning whatsoever, Isabella started to vomit. Then she repeated the process every couple of minutes without fail. Nothing helped, which is why we found ourselves at a hospital in Bloemfontein. She was later admitted in the wee hours of the morning, utterly exhausted and still vomiting. Nothing can prepare one for the moments in life when your child is sick and in pain, and looking at you with those big ‘help me’ eyes. And you can’t!

Donna got to snag the chair next to the bed and bunk down with our daughter for the next three nights. Isabella continued to vomit for much of that time, and became hysterical when her mother was not within reach. A difficult time for my wife, as she too was confined to the hospital room, and all the joys that accompany such an opportunity. It turned out Isabella had picked up the Rota virus, and there was nothing we could do but wait it out. I got to share my time between the hospital and the boys. Luckily our hosts were wonderful and took it all in their stride.

Unluckily I picked up some strain of gastro on the Monday and spent the night draped over the toilet in strange positions. A more violent virus, I have not known. This did not bode well for my support of Donna or the boys or our hosts or the long drive home.

It turned out Isabella would not be making the drive and so the girls would get to fly home. That left me with a spinning head and churning stomach and a vow to fight all the way home. My boys had a cross country to run on the Thursday and I was going to make sure they were there. Of course, they had already missed a couple of days of school as a result of this fiasco. The drive turned out to be much better than expected although there were a number of hairy moments, which thankfully passed without incident.

It was wonderful to be reunited at home as a family, to actually sleep for the first time in a week, and to discover the cross country was actually only on Friday.

It is a week later and Isabella is doing much better. Her parents will need lots of time to recover.

Another blow

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Eames) — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 07:07:00 +0000

My nose and I have been good friends for many years. And then I went and blew it!

We have been through much together, ups and downs. There was a time when we were very young and playing in a friend’s garden, when my nose stopped the incredible advance of a flight of stairs. This heroic action was not without its consequences, copious quantities of blood were spilt which ensured a sudden end to a peaceful garden party. My nose still proudly displays the scar. In fact that scar leads us forward into every day!

There are times when we argue, mainly in the winter months when it gets all snotty with me. I find I don’t link my nose then, and it seeks comfort in the casual embrace of others. Yes, my nose has loved its fair share of tissues, and left some colourful wet spots in its wake.

I get my own back by eating hot chillies. I love chillies. I love the way they give me a high. I even enjoy the sensation of perspiration on my forehead. My nose always has the last laugh though, and it all ends in another tissue cuddle.

Other times my nose has gone so far as to bleed for me. Is this not the ultimate act of friendship? The resulting blood stains on my shirts have given me the macho respect I always felt I was due. It really hurts that a soft tissue is the only thing that will comfort my nose again, and all I can do is stand back and watch.

Looking down my nose has never been easy. My eyes tend to cross over and squint and instead of being condescending, I end up looking like a mad man. We have also tried walking with my nose held up high, but I keep tripping over stuff, so we gave that up too. We just had to face the fact that there are some things we just cannot do!

We have done some secret things together too. We even snuck off to a hospital in Pretoria and had a nose job. It turns out that a nose is very useful to the process of equalising in a plane. My work started to require frequent air travel and my silly nose refused to equalise on the descents. It was a little painful and I tried hard to force fingers through my ear hole to put an end to it all. I still have no idea what my nose had against my ears, although I have the feeling I should! When I started to rack up my air miles, I booked myself in for a rhinoplasty. Lots more blood, kilometre long plugs up my nose, and five day off work did wonders for both of us.

Last night marked another milestone in our relationship. Things have been going so well between us lately, just two half hearted snotty fights all winter. We really have been joined at the cheek so as to speak. Last night ruined it all. Willie’s knee and my nose are never ever going to see each other again. That is a fact! Willie was apologetic but his knee just laughed it off. Instead my nose and eyes had a very sad conversation resulting in a few tears being shed. Some of the tears making a sudden left at the end of my nose where the old track had been slightly modified!

I am not sure that Judo is good for me anymore. So far this year, the ligaments in my foot have complained twice and very loudly. My elbows are bruised, as are my knees, and now my nose is out of joint. I really don’t know how to make it up to all of my best friends...

In for the long run

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Eames) — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 09:58:00 +0000

I am constantly amazed that I married an incredible woman. One of the things that makes her so incredible is how she is a perfect match to what I need in a life partner. I have no idea, why at the tender age of 23, I felt compelled to make the leap of faith, to ask her to live out the rest of our lives side by side.

I look around and see so many failed marriages. Some just in their infancy at the time of their implosion! I often wonder what made our choice so different from the carnage we have witnessed.

When I look at our relationship which is almost 14 married years young, I wonder what it was that we saw in each other way back then. Potential, possibilities, hope, I have no idea. With the benefit of hindsight, I know the reasons I love my wife now, are not things I could ever have known with any certainty then. In fact these reasons were not things I was looking for in a partner when we pledged our lives to each other.

There was no way I could have predicted the strong bond that ties us together, the shared experiences we relive with joy, the companionship especially when television is impossible to watch, the friendship that makes life wonderful, and the deep love that makes me a significantly better person.

I would hate to label my wife and I as soul mates, it seems almost demeaning, the ‘meant to be’ philosophy. I would prefer to think the success of our marriage is due to the daily decisions we both make about our lives together. Decisions that bring us closer together by tiny fractions, moment by moment!

In a world where physical attractiveness is one of the key measures of success, I wonder what disservice is done to our youth. Where every form of entertainment glories the pleasures of the perfect body, something that has little to nothing to do with a successful marriage. When I look at old, wrinkled, and stooped couples with love in their eyes after many years of marriage, I know marriage is made of something much more than hunger and lust.

Donna and I are still new in this game, having much to still experience, work through and grow. Yet I am still amazed at how good marriage can be. And cannot help wondering how much better it will get in time. Especially if we continue to work at it, day after day!

Till death do us part OR sooner

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Eames) — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 07:24:00 +0000

Lately, the subject of divorce has been the topic of a number of discussions. I am no proponent of divorce and so discussions about divorce have always been rather short. It would seem that divorce has become the norm. I am now genuinely amazed to meet people who have been married for many years.

As a Catholic, I have no divorce escape hatch in my marriage. When Donna and I got married, we agreed it would never be an option. As a result, any argument we have is couched in the knowledge that there is no walking away. It does not mean we do not disagree about things, it does mean we both end up compromising. I can only hope and pray the love we share is sufficient to ride the swells of the rest of our lives together.

I have a friend going through one of the saddest ordeals ever. A brain damaged wife intent on absolutely destroying him. She wants lots of money to support her new free lifestyle sans children, which is a little difficult because he has nothing left to give. Her game is to go to incredible extremes in order to render his life as miserable as possible. Luckily he has only been arrested once this month for a charge she fabricated. The tragedy is that their three young daughters have become the collateral damage in the exacting of her revenge.

Somebody else I know has taken her children, packed what they could carry, and fled to Europe. Extreme measures to escape a new ex husband! She now waits tables, lives in a one room apartment, and is in a far better situation than having to deal with trumped up fraud charges, and his vindictive behaviour. One can only imagine how terrible life must have been for one to resort to fleeing the country...

I understand that these people are not the only ones. There are many more out there whose spouses are out for annihilation of their ex significant others. Now I can feel for an aggrieved spouse, it must be soul destroying. To have gambled the rest of your life on someone, only to have them fail you, must be more than extremely difficult. To have to start one’s life again when least expected, cannot be for the faint hearted. I fail to understand why a separation and new beginning is not sufficient, and where it becomes life consuming to bring this person you once loved to their knees.

I recently wrote about marriage and how it is a sacrifice of one’s life for another. Children change that dynamic again. Life is then supposed to be sacrificed for them, their well being trumping all else. A parent gets to fill these impressionable lives with love, joy, and valuable lessons on how to grow into adults of worth.

Divorce in many instances is as a result of my needs being more important than my spouse or children. Right or wrong, the impact on children is devastating. I am no expert but have seen more than enough children shattered by the dynamics of the two family life.

I am forced to admit that there is no magic answer to the conundrum. Every situation is different. I do feel that life needs to be less about me, myself, and I; and more about those around us. If we could live for the good of others, perhaps our own selfish needs would not continue to rip apart the soul of society.

Go Slow

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Eames) — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 06:49:00 +0000

No time to think! Days are spent in a frenzy of activity. Mondays morph into Fridays without respite. Weeks fly by, hardly acknowledged as being different to the ones that preceded them.

My children have sprinkled fairy dust on themselves, growing them like weeds in the night, completely unnoticed by myself. Both were caught out on a Judo scale, each a tenth heavier than just a couple of weeks ago. A perusal of old photographs clearly highlights their slow march to manhood. Even working from home I missed it all. Just too busy!

Then came yesterday, a day as long as my legs. Hours of tedious attention to detail work that sapped my brain of its joy. Bed again a welcome refuge from the demands of my little world. Has my little world grown too big, too demanding, and too out of control? Could this be true given how much I like my world, the freedom, the daily unpredictability, and the value I think I add to other people’s worlds?

No my world is not the problem, but perhaps the speed with which it spins. I think of Atlas with the world balanced on his shoulders and wonder if he would hear my plea. Just a little slower, old man! I know the control is within my grasp. Old Atlas is a myth, I can make it all stop.

Do I want to stop? Perhaps this nascent drive for action and results is a rush in itself. Without it, I may be lost and adrift in a sea of meaninglessness. Perhaps a pause is the better option, a meaningful combination of pace and delivery against nurturing time out for my own well being.

Even this writing has bled some of the frustration from my fingertips, washing my keyboard clean of its fear of touch. Such a short time spent within, and yet so remarkable a feeling of calm and acceptance. My drug of choice is not the pace of delivery but rather the short periods of introspection that give rise to a deepening of will, which feed every part of my life.

And a smile tugs at my lips.

So what really happened was...

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Eames) — Sun, 18 Sep 2011 17:51:00 +0000

So here is the real story of all the drama last week.

Three of us boys had arranged to meet for a night downhill longboard skating session. For those who don’t know, it just works better at night as you can see cars when they are far away and take evasive action in good time. Then again, it is just more thrilling by the light of a full moon!

We were to meet at 20h30 but I found myself taking my time and watching the opening scenes of some old movie with the family. I had no doubt the boys would wait for me. Until I heard a gunshot, followed by two more. Then I started to move!

It turned out Roger**, one of the boys and a neighbour, had set off earlier at the right time and surprised three chaps in the bushes at the top of the street. One pulled out a gun, pointed it in Roger’s** face, and pulled the trigger. And missed! They tangled and Roger** found himself pinned to the ground and fielding a swinging boot to the face before another neighbour ran into the road. Same chap pointed his gun in George’s** face, pulled the trigger, and missed! From what I gather, gangster gunslinger found it strange too, pointed the gun to his side, pulled the trigger, and shot his comrade. Who died right there on the pavement.

With no remorse whatsoever, the two remaining villains took off down the street with Roger** and George** in hot pursuit.When Roger's** wife joined the chase, both neighbours gave it up and left it to the professionals.

Due to a number of factors, armed response was on the scene within 60 seconds. And in such numbers it was mind blowing. There must have been upwards of 20 armed persons running the street. They found the baddies about 2km away, and it turns out they were wanted for all sorts of naughty things all along the coast. Score one for the good guys! The SAPS, and all of our local response companies were awesome! Our little community rallied around in minutes making sure all were comforted and protected. In a situation like this, it was great to know everyone instead of having to use it as our opportunity to introduce ourselves.

But it was close, very close to an unmitigated disaster. Had the gun toting idiot not been trying to shoot gangsta movie style, it would have been a tragedy for more than just baddie number three.

On the good side, a celebration braai was held this weekend, with upwards of 50 neighbours in attendance. We celebrated our lives, our little community, and our rejection of all things criminal.

We now even have a Facebook Group dedicated to our street. Communication has never been easier!

I keep wondering how I would have reacted because it could have been me first to the top of the street. And I keep coming back to the same answer; it went as well as it could have done for a bad situation, my reaction may well have made it all worse! Either way I firmly believe God was watching over us all…

** names changed to protect the innocent

So Close

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Eames) — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 07:35:00 +0000

This has not happened before - a guest writer on my blog. Stevo of Stevo Images was so quick off the mark to describe the craziness of Sunday night, I got him to agree to share his piece right here. Stevo is also of course the intrepid photographer who documents my every misstep out on the waves...

8pm Sunday September 11 and the silence in our sleepy crescent is shattered by a single gunshot.

I pause the surf DVD I'm watching, cock my ear, raised voices, 2 more shots ring out!

I open the front door, the sound of my neighbour racking his 9mm punctuates the still air; I step out to see what's going on - it seems a moonlit night's skate mission may have disturbed guys who had another agenda.

Within seconds armed response vehicles screech to a halt - "shots fired man down send for #@! backup now... over" - my eyes follow the beam of torchlight, the same direction the guns are pointed, and see a body, motionless, half on the grassy verge our gardener has manicured only the day before.

The radio crackles, calls for backup now needed down the road; cars screech off, replaced by more emergency vehicles.

I get told to move inside (and promptly return armed with my Canon) - crime tape now blocks the road.

Neighbours stand around in groups discussing what has just unfolded as police comb the area marking spent shell cases, gathering evidence.

It seems the gang shot one of their own in a case of mistaken identity! Awesome!

I get called over by a police colonel and get told to stop taking photos of his crime scene.

Many hours later, I eventually drift off to sleep to the sounds of vehicles, voices and barking dogs . . .

This morning there is no sign of any of last night’s drama in the flowerbed . . .

More to come...

Its all going down over here

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Eames) — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 05:58:00 +0000

This weekend was interesting.

We took a trip to Hermanus to introduce my mom and my in laws to the whales. Instead the only Wales we got to see were the ones the Springboks narrowly beat in their opening world cup rugby match. The drive was lovely through some majestic Cape scenery, reinforcing how privileged we are to live in such a place.

Then there was a dinner party that ended up being more of a party than dinner. Many new stories created that shall be rehashed at dinner parties for years to come...

Our idyllic street of which I have waxed lyrical so many times of late became the scene of two attempted murders and a killing. Now that you have gotten back into the chair you just fell off, it should be mentioned that all who live here are healthy and safe, but understandably traumatised. I will keep you in suspense on this one...

The men’s breakfast I MC’d was well attended and most enjoyable. There is something to be said for the camaraderie of men. Our guest speaker had a particularly poignant message for men, by all accounts, one of his pet topics.

His view on love is that it is a sacrifice. When one gets married, one sacrifices one’s life for one’s partner. Theoretically the partner does the same thing. In essence love wants nothing in return! If you are in a marriage where you are expecting to get something out, then you have the wrong idea. Those with children already well know how much of life is sacrificed to give ones offspring the best chances in life. Christianity too is also a sacrifice of our lives for Christ, the taking of the difficult road, the making of the hard choices, the keeping of high morals and values. The speakers challenge to men was to stand up and make a difference. To sacrifice our lives for the betterment of society which will mean tough decisions, and stands on issues others will ridicule.

One can imagine how much better marriage would work if we were in it for our partner alone. Looking after them and making their lives better in any way we could. Imagine how difficult that would be, and how rewarding. Imagine how our children would learn by our example.

Very simply, anything good in this world is going to be difficult and will start with each of us taking a stand and suffering the consequences.

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Eames) — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 11:31:00 +0000

Nervous synapses fired throughout my body, even though I was well prepared. 35 helium filled balloons bobbed above my head as a guy in a tuxedo attached a lapel mike to my suit jacket. My tie was more than a little uncomfortable, having hung on a tie rack for years without seeing the light of day. The balloons tugged on my arm as they tried to rearrange themselves on the ceiling five meters above me. I shook my head to try and focus...

This was my big moment. A presentation to the Supreme Convention of the Knights of da Gama, an order within the Catholic Church focussed on spreading the Kingdom of Christ on earth. This group had contributed a significant sum to a project in which I have been involved, and they now wanted some answers. More than that, I had the feeling the majority were not in favour of this project at all and viewed the investment of a waste of good money. The fact that almost all of the more than 100 men sitting here in smart suits were over 60, and my project revolved around new technology and social media, I knew I was in for a tough time.

Errol Naidoo of the Family Policy Institute wraps up his presentation. He is a great speaker and I am more than a little awed to have to follow his lead. He is passionate about the family and spends most of his time in parliament influencing laws which may negatively impact on this fundamental building block of society.

My project aims to re-evangelise Catholics through the use of technology and new media. Not something I ever thought would involve me, yet this project has me hooked, and has the potential to make the world a more loving place. I pray that God’s will be done. I know if it is his will, the presentation will go well, if not, that would be his will too.

Suddenly the floor is mine. My colourful balloons provide a bright contrast to the dark suits and ties. I launch into my opening and time slows. It is as if I have stepped into a period of grace, where every word is measured and right, where my timing is flawless, and where this serious meeting of men is infused with laughter. There can be no doubt, God is at my side.

One of the highlights of my life was winning the MD’s award for best depot and being recognised in front of about 1,500 colleagues at a banquet. I had felt so alive, infused with my team’s success, an incredible natural high. I did not think I would ever feel that way again and yet, this presentation was better than that. Perhaps because it really meant something! It is hard to explain, but I felt infused with grace and abilities that were not mine. A special and incredible experience, I will treasure for a long time.

The presentation was well beyond what I would have considered greatly successful. I now wonder where it will all lead...

Men at work

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Eames) — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 07:05:00 +0000

Just days after posting about all my surf issues, I found myself back at the scene of trouble, on a surf trip up the West Coast. A good friend of mine has decided to champion some mission work in Australia. A better send off for a passionate surfer than three days of surfing with six of his mates, I would not know.

We chose the weekend based on a break in our diaries. It just happened to coincide with a big swell and all of the right weather factors to make one of the premier left breaks in the country come alive. Sometimes you get lucky!

So this scaredy pants and a regular surf posse arrived in Elands Bay early in the morning to find big waves and only three other surfers in the water. Having borrowed a new state of the art wetsuit, I hoped my luck would continue to hold, and my body would adjust to the cold water without its usual protests.

Paddling like mad to stay in the zone, as a river of water streamed down the point, I was warm, frisky, and alive. The waves were big and inconsistent. My surfing was just as bad as it had been over the last couple of months, but the rest of the posse surfed like men possessed. Hours later, exhausted and smiling, we lunched and swapped stories of ridiculous rides.

And so it went, incredible waves, more than a thousand photographs of our every move, and laughs shared, session after session. My surfing improved in leaps and bounds with the good humoured attention of my friends, quality time in the water, and a wetsuit that worked. The best waves of my life, no question about it!

Sunday afternoon saw us depart with limp noodles for arms and enough shared memories to last lifetimes!

Sure the surf had made the trip but it was epic for another reason, men on an adventure. As men, we rarely go in search of the unknown, pushing our bodies past their limits, and discovering a place inside ourselves where we rise to the challenge. For me this trip included the most incredible rides, a continuous battle with my lack of ability, and the worst wave beatings I have ever received. It was exciting, scary, challenging, and far more fun than shopping in the mall. More importantly, we did it together, rejuvenated friendships, and bonded on a level far deeper than our Facebook updates.

I am amazed at how this sport I so nearly abandoned has provided such an amazing boost to my life. I cannot wait to take my boys on a similar adventure!

Mik rearranging the sea

Mik in another barrel

Henrique on the birthday ride of his life

Me looking for the green room

Andy going vertical

Shane, the master of soul

Mik still in a barrel

Too cold to play

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Eames) — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 17:45:00 +0000

On the surfing front, disaster! I have struggled for years with an allergy to the cold. Living in South Africa has meant it has not been a big deal, things are always warm here. It used to be well under control, but being a surfer in Cape Town has required frequent dips in freezing cold water, and so this allergy has slowly reared its frozen head. My last sessions in the water have each been worse than the previous ones. When I first get into the water, I am able to catch a wave, but then rapidly lose ability as my body cools.

Out of the water, it is easy to look back and see how both my body and mind slow down as I wait for waves. In the water, though, my mind becomes so sluggish that making decisions takes ages, even the decision to get out of the cold water again! And of course, in the sea, anything slow is punished!

The only solution to this allergy is to avoid the stimulus. In other words, staying well away from cold water would solve all of my troubles. Except for the loss of this wonderful passion that fuels my life! Like all allergies, one should not take chances, as in its severest form there is a short good bye.

I don’t like ultimatums, never have. Being a middle ground kind of guy has always worked for me. I cannot continue and I cannot not!

My mates have been horrified at my suggestion to throw in the towel. A sentiment which has given me great motivation to find a way to deal with it all! Of course they also think I am just being a bit of a pansy...

One possibility is to dramatically reduce my time in the water, perhaps limit it to 30 minutes, followed by a mad scramble to the shore. I could then pick up my camera and enjoy the rest of my time on the other side of a lens. Another solution is to replace my aging wetsuit, which is probably the major factor in my cooling, as opposed to being my warm safety blanket.

I don’t like the idea of my body determining what I can and cannot do. Many people have happily accepted the limitations their bodies have imposed upon them. Comfortable doing only what they find comfortable! I am afraid, I will not accept my limits, they will be pushed to the end. And I will enjoy the pain and hardship, together with the satisfaction of knowing I pushed as hard as I could!

Somewhere between swallowing mouthfuls of antihistamines and seawater, I hope to find the answer!

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Eames) — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 07:12:00 +0000

My children have had such a good week. Matt and Luke scored deciding goals in their hockey matches. Matt went on to score a try in a rugby match, and then another two goals in a further hockey match. It is amazing to see the confidence and enthusiasm that success on the sports field brings back into our home. Not to be outdone, Isabella can now fly down our hill on her plastic pink bike, all 20 months of her beaming in delight.

But it has been better than that. Luke has suddenly found his pleasant self, where he talks nicely, thinks about others, and even remembers to do some of what he has been asked. A revolution in our home!

Donna and I tried to figure out the driver of the big change. As a parent, this one learning would have massive potential! One possibility seemed to revolve around him being allowed to play maths games on my phone. I had downloaded the games in an attempt to make maths fun and change his attitude towards the subject. Who knows, a side effect may have been a complete change to his overall attitude.

In complete contrast, Matthew has found his core grumpiness. One can see him trying to battle for control. Food and sleep are sure fire ways to get him back to his energiser self. We did wonder if he made a swap with Luke, a bad attitude for a little of the good stuff!

As a result, Luke and I are having a boy’s night out with one of his friends. I am looking forward to our time together, the two of us, in my black beast, a road trip, time with mates, a sleep over, and a long trip home past heaps of surf spots.

Matt is having a weekend away with one of his best friends. I not sure Donna is as excited to spend more time as just the girls!