Rantings of an Imperfect Heart

Rewriting the Story of Our Hearts

noreply@blogger.com (Kenesha) — Tue, 05 Jan 2016 22:16:00 +0000

Abraham is my favorite person to read about in the Bible. I’m always amazed at the way He walked with the Lord without the resources we have today, and yet, it’s so hard for us to trust God and believe His word. One time when I read the account of Abraham’s faith in Romans and was completely taken aback by the difference between the New Testament account of Abraham’s faith and what we see in the Old Testament. Abraham asked Sarah to lie about being his wife on more than one occasion to preserve his own life. He also slept with Hagar in order to provide a son for himself when he doubted the promise of God to produce a son through Sarah. Abraham wasn’t a perfect man, but he is heralded as the father of our faith and rightfully so. He experienced moments of doubt, but his faith persisted throughout his life. The New Testament uses him as the example of what our faith walk should be:

“Abraham never wavered in believing God’s promise. In fact, his faith grew stronger, and in this he brought glory to God. He was fully convinced that God is able to do whatever He promises. And because of Abraham’s faith, God counted him righteous. And when God counted him as righteous, it wasn’t just for Abraham’s benefit. It was recorded for our benefit, too, assuring us that God will also count us as righteous if we believe in Him, the one who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead. He was handed over to die because of our sins, and he was raised to life to make us right with God.” - Romans 4:20-25

I asked God about this discrepancy. I wondered why we don’t see Abraham’s struggles mentioned in this passage about his faith. He shared with me the truth of justification in Christ. When we believe in the Lord, the record of our sin and shortcoming is fully erased. Our faith in the work of Christ makes us right with God, and every wrongdoing that we submit to the finished work of the cross is erased forever. Jesus died for our sins. They are no more. Too often, we hold tight to sin as though it is a lifeline, helping us to preserve the life we’ve grown accustomed to instead of trading them in for the new abundant life that’s promised to us through our faith in Jesus. This defies the faith we profess. God desires more for us then the sin nature we cling so hardly to. He promises to give us abundant life if we just let Him in on our story.

This year, I entered 2016 with arms wide open, eager to leave the shame of misunderstandings and disappointments in 2015. Last year wasn’t all bad, but there were still things that I wanted to escape, moments that left a bad taste in my mouth, and words that I’ve fought hard not to regret. Today, I realized the scar of those memories can be beautiful. Not because I’m in denial about it all, but simply because I serve a God who loves to rewrite the stories of our hearts. Our stories are told differently when seen through heaven’s eyes and God invites us to get a glimpse of this view. He gives beauty for ashes and hope in the midst of despair. I’m a better person for the things I’ve experienced, both good and bad, because I’ve submitted them to God and they are now in good hands. I’m determined to live 2016 abiding in the Lord and believing that He is who He says He is and that I am who He says I am. The past can’t define me, because what I see is very different than what the Lord has written, and I’m choosing to let His account be the truth that defines my life. And when all is said and done, I pray, that like Abraham, my faith, and not my struggles, will be the testimony of the life I lived on earth.

My Snapshot of the Zabbaleen: A Tribute to Cairo's Garbage Collectors

noreply@blogger.com (Kenesha) — Sat, 25 May 2013 22:06:00 +0000

"They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces were not ashamed."

- Psalm 34: 5

I want to share with you one of my most precious memories. It is the day I learned heaven rejoices at the sound of a child’s laughter.

It was during my first trip to the Middle East. We were in Egypt for 10 days, mainly visiting friends in Alexandria, but we decided to tag a couple of days in Cairo to the end of our trip. On this particular day, we made plans to visit Cairo’s Garbage City. I wasn’t feeling well, but this place had captured my interest more strongly than the pyramids, so I gathered my strength and joined my friends for what would prove to be a memorable day.

Although our goal was to hang out with the locals, we started our day as tourists. A friend took us to the Cave Church that Garbage City is known for, Sama’ans Church, which lies at the base of a mountain said to have been moved by faith in the 10^th century. The mountain came first, then the Zabbaleen (Garbage Collectors). While it was nice to visit the Sama’ans Church and learn the history of the mountain, our purpose in going was to meet the people, but we were running out of time. And yet, we soon discovered time wasn’t an issue at all.

Earlier that day, our friend offered to spend the morning showing us Garbage City, after which he would return to work for the day. Morning quickly became afternoon and we headed back through the village and into the heart of Cairo, but we weren’t finished. As we drove past the Zabbaleen, we knew we had to stop. We convinced our friend to give us 5 minutes and then climbed out the car, 1 Egyptian and 5 foreigners. We were a sight to behold for more reasons than one. We drew a crowd, not simply because we were a group of foreigners, but also because we began to pray for the sick and injured and they were healed. People came from their houses dragging their kids and other family members to receive prayer. Some were sick and others just wanted a blessing. The faith of the Zabbaleen to receive a gift from God was strong, and it was evident that they wanted the good gifts our Heavenly Father had to offer.

As I stood among the crowd, I felt a tug at my shirt. Looking down, there was a small boy with a pained expression on his face. I knew he needed prayer, but I wasn’t sure what for. He didn’t speak English and I didn’t have a translator, but he pointed to his finger. So I prayed and asked the Holy Spirit to heal the need though I was ignorant of the exact condition. After a few seconds, I understood that his finger was broken and he was unable to bend it. I gently rubbed my finger across his and prayed for healing. Seconds later, I made a bending motion with my hand to encourage him to try to bend his finger. He shook his head. I prayed a little while longer and repeated the gesture. Again, he shook his head. I prayed again and waited for direction from the Holy Spirit. Then once again, I opened and closed my hand and gestured for him to do the same. This time, he repeated the motion with no problem. When he saw that his finger was healed, his face lit up. Following each miracle, we pointed to the sky and said Jesus in Arabic, then praised Him. Before I could do this, the little boy took off running after a truck. As he ran, the sound of his laughter flowed to my ears and filled my heart. I watched him jump on the back of the truck and foolishly warned him to be careful. He was a boy, and his joy had returned.

In that moment, as his laughter filled the air, I noticed something shift around us. The day was brighter and light seemed to fill the village. I lost awareness of the garbage piled up in the streets and turned my gaze from the sky to the faces of the people. It was like the heavens had opened and the Father was smiling down on us, and in response, hoped filled all of our hearts as we stood in the streets. Our countenances changed, and I felt heaven rejoice.

As we left that day, I was amazed, not just at God’s awesome power, but at the hearts of the people. The city was founded on a miracle, and the faith of the Zabbaleen is an example of how faith begets faith. They are a people familiar with miracles, but still hungry for a touch of God. When I think of the Zabbaleen, I remember the joy among the garbage; I remember how they welcomed us into their homes; I remember the beauty of their hearts and that they are precious in the Father’s eyes. They live among the garbage and God is restoring their hope for something more. And as their hope is being restored, I pray that their hunger would continue to grow as their eyes shift from God’s hand to His heart.

Musings in Uncertainty

noreply@blogger.com (Kenesha) — Thu, 25 Apr 2013 17:29:00 +0000

I was running, and I hit a wall.

Then, when the shock lifted and the dust settled, I found myself at a crossroads.

Questions swirl through my mind: “Do I? Should I? What if I?”

All telling of the conundrum I find myself in

Between choosing a life I once knew and loved,

A life I could easily settle back into,

Or… staying and waiting for something to give so I can enter into a new place

The place I had hoped I’d be by now.

Do I stay or do I go?

Should I work or should I wait?

What if I…

How do you rest in a whirlwind of unknowns?

When all of your best laid plans get caught in an upward drift

And remain suspended in mid air,

Do you continue on the path of uncertainty

Or lay knew plans with your own machinations?

Oh, but the echo of His Word:

“Be still and know that I am God."[1]

That should be enough to defy the temptations.

For true rest isn’t found in the knowing,

It’s found in the only constant that always existed:

Jesus is Lord.

Long before the world we know was created

And far after it ceases to be,

He will be… and remains Lord.

He is the only constant we can lean on,

The only truth there is to know.

Unknowns fall away when our eyes are set on Him,

And the path becomes clear.

After all, the light of all life is found in Him,

And with Him, darkness is no longer darkness.

My questions are misplaced,

Because that miserable “I” has been their focal point.

The best focal point is Jesus,

And I’ve decided that my questions should follow the way of the answers.

Let them begin and end with Him.

[1] Proverbs 46:10

Heart of Compassion

noreply@blogger.com (Kenesha) — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 23:12:00 +0000

My brothers often joke that I run towards danger, saying, "If a country is in war, she's on her way there." This is somewhat accurate, although the purpose behind my desire to visit these war-torn places is often overlooked. Truthfully, I love adventure and I am a thrill seeker, but I don't see thrills in war. I see broken people. I see people who are losing loved ones, homes, and hope. I see people in need of compassion and love. That's what's most important, not the place nor the conditions, but the people. My eagerness in going to these countries is not the thrill of danger, but a love for the people being affected by the turmoil around them. Most of them can't get away, so why not go to them?

In Matthew 9:37-38, Jesus tells his disciples to pray for laborers to be sent into His harvest. This verse is often quoted with little regard to the context. Indeed, there is a need for laborers, but there is an even greater need for laborers with compassion. Verse 35 and 36 say,

"Then Jesus went about all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing every sickness and every disease among the people. But when He saw the multitude, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd."

Did you get it? "He was moved with compassion for them." Then comes verses 37 and 38:

"Then He said to His disciples, 'The harvest truly is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore, pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest."

I am convinced that we need more laborers in the harvest, but I am even more convinced that it is detrimental to send laborers who lack compassion. For too long, nations have been wounded by Christians who chose to judge them rather than love them. It was this type of judgment that the religious leaders of Jesus' time slung at the multitude. The people had judgmental leaders, but no shepherd, no voice of compassion, no voice of love. Jesus was that voice for them. In John 12:47, Jesus explains that He did not come to judge the world but to save it. I believe that salvation ultimately comes from love. Love is the driving force that sent our Savior to the cross. If judgment had been His purpose, we all would be condemned and none would be saved. So, let's remember that love drew us to the cross and into the arms of the blameless One who took our judgment upon Himself. Then, let's turn around and offer that love to those around us. And finally, as we pray for the salvation of the nations, let's pray for the laborers to be sent and that these sent laborers would carry a heart of compassion as Jesus did.

Getting Back to Purity

noreply@blogger.com (Kenesha) — Mon, 18 Mar 2013 16:34:00 +0000

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” –Matthew 5:8

This is a beautiful promise that has captured my heart the last few days. The pure in heart shall see God. How exciting! As I pondered this, I wondered what it looks like to be pure. It’s not just the chastity model so many of us have learned, nor is it all about abstinence or determining how far is too far sexually. Purity of heart goes deeper than sexual purity, and while sexual purity starts in the heart, true purity encompasses much more than this. Jesus teaches that what one speaks comes from his heart and defiles a man (Matt 15:18), and Paul admonishes us not to allow unwholesome talk to escape our mouths since this violates purity. At another time, Jesus compares harboring unjust anger towards one’s brother to the Old Testament command about murder saying, both will lead to “danger of the judgment” (Matt 5:21-22). This, too, violates purity, and there are many other violations of purity noted throughout the Scriptures. With each of these issues, purity is not necessarily about abstinence or pushing boundaries. Purity ultimately is a condition of the heart.

I believe that the secret of living with a pure heart is found in Matt. 6:1-4. In these verses, Jesus warns the multitude of doing good deeds before an audience as many of the religious people did at the time. He encourages them that the Father will reward a good deed done in secret, and it’s a far better reward than the momentary praise of men. This passage speaks of motives. Ask yourself: what is the motive of your heart in pursuing purity? Is it to please your family, significant other, or pastor? Is it to follow the “rules” to ensure you have a place in heaven? Are you trying to put on a good show for those around you? Or are you honestly living to please God? How you answer the motive question will determine whether you are truly pursuing purity or living for a fleeting reward. If you are truly living to please the Father, then purity will no longer be a matter of what you can or can’t do. You won’t even want to go near those things if you think for a second that you could bring displeasure to His heart by engaging in them. Walking with a pure heart is seeking to please the Father in whatever you do. This leads to the fulfilled promise of seeing His face.

Psalm 24 speaks of a generation that will seek the face of the LORD, a generation who has clean hands and a pure heart, the generation of Jacob. This generation will be pursuers and lovers of purity made up of those who have counted the cost and still find Him worthy. When we pursue purity, we pursue the heart of Jesus for He is the only one truly undefiled. Jesus lived to please the Father, and in doing so, He walked untainted within this world. He didn’t compromise for the sake of relevance, but, in staying true to the call of the Father, He walked in obedience and stood out as one man among the nations of the known world. Like Jesus, we all have a unique calling and destiny, and our walks of purity are going to be unique to how we are created by God, which is why it’s important for us to understand that purity doesn’t look one way. The Bible does point us on the same path towards purity with the stipulations and warnings it notes, and, along with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, we should seriously consider and apply the prescriptions found in the Bible. Even so, the application may not look the same for everyone, and that’s where the understanding of purity draws us back to our motives. Purity looks like seeking to please God within the realm and community He has placed you. You express one aspect of God that no other person can, and you are beautiful in your uniqueness. Be that expression of God within that community without being afraid to stand out. Seek to please Him among whatever people He has placed you.

There is a line being drawn in the sand, and the people of God will have to choose where we will stand. We can no longer compromise, but, like Jesus, we can still remain relevant. He wasn’t relevant in the way the people desired, but He was still relevant through His obedience, and it changed the history of the world. Let’s follow the example of Jesus, and get back to true purity.

The Deep

noreply@blogger.com (Kenesha) — Wed, 20 Feb 2013 03:43:00 +0000

An ache, a groan, a cry, a sob
and then, the rushing of the depths
'All Your waves and billows wash over me'
An inner cleansing from the wells of God
Let the depths open up and the rivers overflow
The waters arising from the core of His heart
O Heart of God, draw me in
Into the deep, where darkness becomes light
and death becomes life
Where deserts give way to fruit
And truth is the only word known
He speaks and it is
There is no other way in reality
And yet, in this altered world
We must see to believe
In betrayal of our true nature
Sons of God arise in the power of His word
Speak by the faithfulness of His name
Call that which is not into being
Empowered by the Creator
We have chosen to be free of
And so, we are powerless and enslaved
By a false identity, a foreign nature
We are too quick to embrace
But where is life and by Whom does it come?
There is only one
The Messiah gives life and freedom to the enslaved
He empowers the powerless and restores identity to the nameless
He is the Christ of God
Rise from the depths of despair and oppression
and go into the depths of the Heart of God
Seek Him and find Him
He is waiting for you

Pray for the Syrians

noreply@blogger.com (Kenesha) — Wed, 13 Feb 2013 01:05:00 +0000

The world sits in silence as a people mourn their mounting loss. Homes, possessions, dignity, and yet even worse, lives. They fall day and night at the sound of the rockets, bombs, and consistent gunfire. Where does the world stand as Syria falls in bloodshed? Our economies are failing, another protest for another dollar, but what about the people? What about fighting for something that's lasting, something that's eternal? The hearts and souls of men.

God have mercy. Lift Your eyes upon the Syrians and save their souls from destruction. Raise a cry among the nations for the bloodshed to end. Damascus will fall, yet there will be a remnant. Lord, rescue your people. God have mercy.

Many of the Christian Syrians are being targeted by the rebels who are extremist, and the Christian communities are being used as human shields. In addition to this, they lack food, water, and medical treatment. There are some who are trying to help them escape Syria, although the rebel forces are trying to prevent their escape. If you'd like to make a donation to help the persecuted church in Syria, please visit: https://barnabasfund.org/donations/?id=00-1032&appealCode=SYR%2012/12

Pray for the Syrians: the displaced and persecuted. Whether Muslim or Christian, they need our prayers.

But You Are Holy

noreply@blogger.com (Kenesha) — Mon, 07 Jan 2013 23:33:00 +0000

I melt in His eyes.
"But You Are Holy," I protest. How can One as holy as He even consider drawing near to me?
With eyes so tender, He softly touches my cheek.
"You are Mine," comes His reply so meek.
How is it that the God of the Universe, the King of all Glory, the Creator of the Heavens and the Earth can love me?

In humility, He came.
In compassion, He walked.
In meekness, He died.
In power, He rose.
In passion, He lives.
By fire, He loves. Me.
By fire, He loves me.

When He looks at me, my heart begins to melt, and I become undone.
"But You Are Holy," I protest. How can One as holy as He even consider drawing near to me?
With eyes so tender, He draws me into His arms.
"You are Mine," comes His reply so calm.
How is it that the King of Kings, the Everlasting God, the Holy One of Israel, the One who has no beginning and no end can love me?

In passion, He'll come.
In glory, He'll reign.
In righteousness, He'll judge.
In truth, He'll rejoice.
In holiness, He'll marry.
Through eternity, He'll love. Me.
Through eternity, He'll love me.

His eyes see right through me, and my all is exposed.
"But You Are Holy," I protest. How can One as holy as He even consider drawing near to me?
With eyes so tender, He tilts up my head. Then I see His dancing eyes and joyous smile, and I know, even in the fullness of His holiness, He loves me.
"You are holy, because you are mine," He says.
I am His, and through Him, I am holy.

Redemption is a Stained Glass Window

noreply@blogger.com (Kenesha) — Fri, 21 Dec 2012 20:50:00 +0000

Redemption is a stained glass window.

My heart was seemingly complete in its own way

Without need of another, without reliance or trust

It was empty and alone, and yet the tranquil blue hue

Translated light into beautiful brokenness.

My heart, a whole piece of glass that was broken.

But then, it was shattered.

Failure and disappointment shattered this fragile heart.

I tried reliance, I tried trust, but hope in others failed me.

This shattered heart finally reflected it’s true state

Brokenness

My Redeemer Lives

Redemption is a stained glass window.

He took the shattered pieces of my heart

And fashioned them together with that of others.

Reds, Purples, Yellows, and Greens

Each heart, a color of it’s own.

Each heart broken in its wholeness.

But when it shatters, our Redeemer brings wholeness.

Each piece of a shattered heart fitted to the piece of another

Until the reds, purples, yellows, and greens tell a story of their own:

The redemption of our Savior.

In His light, we are found

Emitting the colors of redemption, hope, and love.

Wholeness is found in this stained glass window.

Persevering into Light

noreply@blogger.com (Kenesha) — Fri, 14 Dec 2012 00:10:00 +0000

This has been the hardest year for me, but also the most blessed. It seems heartache and blessing often go hand in hand. As we follow our Shepherd, we must keep this before us. There is often a trial and struggle that takes place prior to the fulfillment of a dream or desire. We are often pruned in preparation to obtain the fullest measure of the promise. It’s not an easy walk, but this is the pattern of our lives in Christ. I believe this is best depicted through Psalm 23:4-5:

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over.”

In these verses, we see a trial followed by victory and blessing. This trial was overcome in the presence of the LORD. David kept his eyes on His Shepherd while being led out of the valley and into the promise.

God hides Himself in darkness, and yet, He is the Father of Lights and light in Himself. In Him, there is no darkness at all. Those who would seek Him must first traverse the darkness before entering into the purity of His Light. Many will grow weary or turn back in fear, the darkness being too heavy for them to withstand. Those called by His name cannot be among those who draw back. The reward is too great to lose though the trials themselves may carry a great cost. Our eyes must remain focused on the goal, the Christ. But why must we endure the struggle before obtaining the prize? I do not think we would understand the sweetness of the reward if we obtained it without effort. It’s like the problem with pain and evil. Can we truly know pleasure without pain? Would we recognize goodness without the contrast of evil? I often wonder if Adam would’ve known his need for Eve had he not felt alone. Without the trial of darkness, we would fail to acknowledge the blessing of Light, and in doing so, we would strip God of His rightful honor and glory. I challenge you to be grateful for the trials and moments of darkness, knowing that you will grow in greater wonder and amazement at the blessing found in Light when you arrive. With this gratitude, may you be found persevering always.

Despair or Holiness

noreply@blogger.com (Kenesha) — Fri, 11 May 2012 19:23:00 +0000

I am broken
This place of pain is a fork in the road
Two paths lie before me
One towards despair and the other to holiness
But what shall I choose?

Oh Sovereign God, You have brought me here
Pain is an ally to those who desire Your likeness
The broken heart opens the way for Your presence
There is a need there like nowhere else

And in this place, I yearn for You

The road is blurred, yet Your Spirit moves
The movement is felt by the sensitive soul
Like the wind, You are here and You are there
But where should I place my foot?
And where does my first step lie?

Show me the way of truth
For I desire Your likeness

And yearn to be Your delight
Holiness is found in brokenness
And joy is the promised end to mourning.

Many Waters Cannot Quench Love

noreply@blogger.com (Kenesha) — Wed, 09 May 2012 16:26:00 +0000

If only we all knew and understood how true a marriage commitment is and how precious the gift of love in friendship. This is Ian and Larissa's story from DesiringGod.com. I hope it blesses you as much as it has me.

"Intro: Letter from John Piper

“You will never regret loving this much.”

John was there, watching our wedding, just a few months after his dear wife had passed. She lived with cancer for too many years, and for each day in each year, John was her lover and her caregiver. He knew what we were getting into that day. He knew the costs. I looked at him sitting on the old, wooden benches, without her next to him. The two little wooden birds that he whittled sat on our cake, on top of his love inscription. And his spoken words after meant so much, reminding me that love like this is unable to produce regret.

Unlike John, and many couples, we didnʼt face sickness when we were grandparents. We started there. And it was severe.

The Heart of Man

Ian and I had planned to get married as soon as we graduated from college in December of 2006. But instead, everything was halted with his brain injury, which he received on September 30 of that year in a car accident. And so instead of getting married when we were young and healthy and naive, we waited four years and got married when he was sick, and disabled and we were still grieving.

The decision to get married was one of the hardest but simplest decisions weʼll face. Iʼve heard that choosing marriage for anyone can raise doubts and fears. I think a disability takes those normal fears, and multiplies them.

Marrying Ian meant that I was signing on to things that I donʼt think I ever wouldʼve chosen for myself — working my whole life, having a husband who canʼt be left alone, managing his caregivers, remembering to get the oil changed, advocating for medical care, balancing checkbooks, and on. The practical costs felt huge, and those didnʼt even touch on the emotional and spiritual battles that I would face.

But in light of all the practicals, and emotionals, it was so very simple: we love each other. And we love God. And we believe He is a sovereign and loving God who rules all things.

Our pastor who married us, Mark Altrogge, was with us on the day that our marriage was approved by a local judge. Because of Ian’s condition, the courts had to decide that it was in his best interest to be married. Mark said that he’ll never forget the words of the judge who approved our marriage license: “You two exemplify what love is all about. I believe that marriage will not only benefit you both, but our community and hope that everyone in this city could see your love for one another.”

We don’t know if that judge loved Jesus, but I think that he saw Jesus’ love that day in us. It was a glimpse to us of the glory that God would bring forth in our marriage. Along with us, Mark’s confidence in our marriage was faith in the One who promised to never leave us or forsake us.

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).

I still donʼt think that Ian would have ever left me if the role had been reversed. And walking away from my best friend was never truly an option.

Because of that, a warm, summer evening on 8/28 found us married under my parentsʼ trees in the mountains.

Sorrowful Yet Always Rejoicing

And even though we chose marriage, we chose it sadly. Sorrow has been a permanent resident in our 20s. It feels like the rest of the world uses these years for really fun things. But in our 20s, we have watched our future crash with him in that white station wagon and we now live with two versions of Ian. Weʼve watched all of our friends get married, and have health. Iʼve watched as my girlfriends and sisters found husbands who could dance with them at their weddings and drive them to church on Sunday morning. Weʼve watched our dad fight and be taken by brain cancer, only to see life keep marching on.

Fortunately, our hope is that weʼve also watched all of these alongside Jesus, who is our own man of sorrows, acquainted with grief (Isaiah 53:3). So we have not walked it alone.

A Beautiful Covenant

“Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart" (Proverbs 3:3).

We know that we have made a covenant to each other, just as Christ made to the church. The church that He made that covenant with is so imperfect, and sorrowful, and disabled. Just like our marriage. This church, and this marriage, are hemmed in by Jesus and eagerly long heaven. He is their author and sustainer."

I Love My Daddy

noreply@blogger.com (Kenesha) — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 17:20:00 +0000

My daddy passed away on February 18 of this year. I had left him a few hours earlier with my mom. Before falling asleep that morning, I read Psalm 77, a fitting Psalm for what would soon pass. My mother ran upstairs to tell me my dad was gone. I went to see for myself, and the paramedics arrived as I said a quick prayer over my dad. They didn’t try to resuscitate him. He had been gone for too long. We don’t know exactly what time my dad passed, but he fell asleep with my mom sitting next to him, holding his hand.

God is amazing in His love. I retreated to my room after delivering the news to my brothers and sister. I grabbed my bible and prayed for God’s resurrection power to be released into my dad’s body and for his soul to return. The LORD spoke: “I hear your prayer.” The sound of His voice comforted me. I knew my dad would remain with Him. It is better this way. At that moment, my tears finally came. Even my sobs were calm, as I repeatedly thanked the LORD. Gratitude was my deepest expression at the moment. It wasn’t what I expected. My dad had been sick for months, and I expected, should he die, that I would crumble and my world would fall apart. I didn’t, and it hasn’t. “All is well,” was the whisper I heard from the Father time and time again. Anxiety took over my body in the place of sorrow, but His voice never faded: “All is well.” I knew it, but my body and my soul were in two different places. The tension had built up from the months of caring for him, but the peace that kept my soul had yet to remove the anxiety that had been growing for days. The peace was unyielding, and within me, I felt the war of what was happening. God held tightly as the anxiety tried to strip me of His peace. I’m not normally an anxious person, and this moment was the greatest anxiety I had ever felt. But God always wins, and His peace has kept me since the moment I learned of my dad’s passing. I know it’ll always keep me.

My dad has always held the highest place in my heart after God. Much of who I am is a direct result of his love and care. I did everything with the goal of pleasing him, and the best part was that I always succeeded. He showed no disappointment in me. He corrected when necessary, but even that was done with a calm spirit and a loving heart. He was always so proud of us, not because of our achievements, but simply because we were his. His love and joy were extended to all he met. He knew no strangers. I loved to share my daddy with everyone, because he had a way of making people feel special, as though they were the most important person in the world. I’ve watched him do it many times, and it never ceased to amaze me. I can go on and on about how awesome my daddy was while on earth. He was human, and he had flaws as we all do, but his life expressed the heart of God in ways few people can. I know God because of my daddy. The ability to draw near to the Father, to have a personal relationship with Jesus, and to connect with Holy Spirit is the greatest gift my dad has ever given me. It’s simply because he himself walked with God.

Since my daddy’s passing, my expression of gratitude is the deepest emotion I feel. My daddy is gone, and it has affected me so deeply. I am grateful that I could be so deeply affected. I am grateful that I could love him the way that I do. I am grateful that he loved me the way he did. I know my daddy was a gift to me. He had cancer, and he outlived his prognosis by 15 years. I cherished each day with him, and I gladly shared him with others, because I was confident in his love for me. I am grateful to have the time I had with him. I am grateful because I knew he was an awesome daddy, and I told him daily. Words weren’t loss between us. He knew my heart, and I knew his. I am grateful that he was mine. My heart rejoiced and continues to rejoice because I have no doubt that my daddy is with Jesus. My two favorite people are chilling together in heaven, and I have much to look forward to when my time here is finished. Until then, I’ll live out my daddy’s legacy: a true relationship with the LORD our God.

A Lesson on the Fear of the LORD from Psalm 34:11-16

noreply@blogger.com (Kenesha) — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 23:11:00 +0000

"Come, you children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
Who is the man who desires life, and loves many days, that he may see good?
Keep your tongue from evil, and your lips from speaking deceit.
Depart from evil and do good; Seek peace and pursue it.
The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their cry.
The face of the LORD is against those who do evil, to cut off the remembrance of them from the earth." (Psalm 34:11-16)

In this Psalm, David notes the difference between those who fear the LORD and those who do not. Where the one is righteous, the other is evil. One will see good in his days, the other will see evil in his days. One will be redeemed into eternal life, the other will be slayed by evil and given over to condemnation. The truth of sowing and reaping is both a natural and supernatural law that is evident in God's dealing with the righteous and wicked. Those who sow into good will reap good, and those who sow into evil will reap evil. You may wonder why bad things happen to good people if this is true. I can't answer that now, but I would warn you not to see good and evil through human eyes. Try to understand that His knowledge of good and evil reach far beyond our limited understanding. We base our understanding of good and evil on what we believe to be naturally pleasing. To the unrefined mind, our understanding of good and evil has nothing to do with eternity or supernatural things. Our views are based on our senses. Remember that Eve judged the fruit from the tree to be good, but in reality, it was bad to the core, and our fallen state is the result of her false judgment. In this fallen state, we are all subjected to tragedy as well as celebrations. That's a part of life, but there is a way for those who fear God that stands above the rest.

David's lesson on the fear of the LORD begins with a question about the man who "desires life and loves many days, that he may see good." Why does David begin his lesson with a question? Because this is the man who should fear the LORD. David is saying, "if you desire to be this man, you will choose to fear the LORD and heed what I am saying to you. If you desire otherwise, turn your eyes from Him, and He will set your face against you."

The man who would fear the LORD must "keep his tongue from evil, his lips from speaking deceit, depart from evil, do good, and seek and pursue peace." This lesson looks like a list of rules much like the law of Moses. But what does this list have to do with fearing God? Everything. The fear of the LORD is a matter of viewing Him in your heart. When you love Him in reverence and awe, the things that matter to His heart are important to yours. Then, you seek to learn to discern the things that God loves and the things that He hates, and you are able to view your actions how He views them. He loves you. He loves us all as His creation, as a people He created for Himself. But he hates sin, evil, and wickedness. No matter how much we love Him, we practice such things when we don't fear Him.

When asked what are the greatest commandments, Jesus responds: "'You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets" (Matthew 22:37-40).   One of the purposes of the Law was to teach people to walk in a holy fear of God. When you understand the place of man in light of who God is, it's not a difficult thing to fear Him, and the Law has been a constant reminder to Israel that God is unlike them and that He deserves reverence.

Jesus says the second commandment is like the first. How can this be if one deals with God and the other deals with man? The answer is the very reason for Jesus' sacrifice. God loves man. That's the reason why we can't profess to love Him and not truly love our neighbor. It's why David says to keep our tongue from evil and our lips from speaking deceit. There is always a target for bad talk. While it's okay to speak against a sin, it's not okay to speak evil against the person. God's heart is towards that person. If we honestly love God as we are commanded to do, evil speaking and deceit will be far from our lips. We would seek to do good and not evil to our neighbors, and we would pursue peace with them always. Why? Because if we seek to slander and do evil to our neighbors, we have set ourselves against a person who God loves. We have turned against God's heart for that person, and we are speaking death over someone who God desires to see live. When we don't desire good for one another, we are making ourselves an enemy against God, because He desires good for us all. Our ability to receive this good is based on our righteousness in Christ which is linked to fearing God. We cannot truly love Him without having a holy fear of Him. Both are necessary to walk out the love He desires. The wrath of God is a fearful thing, and He will judge rightfully all things on the earth. Evil will be dealt evil, and good will be dealt good. It's happening daily on the earth, and it will happen in eternity according to the law of sowing and reaping.

Fear God: depart from evil, do good, and pursue peace. The rest of the Psalm notes the promises to the righteous who fear the LORD. His eyes will ever be on them, to deliver them, to save them, and to redeem their souls. It is a good thing to fear God as He is worthy of our reverence and respect. It is also a blessed thing for He promises life and blessings to those who fear Him.

The Fear of the LORD

noreply@blogger.com (Kenesha) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 05:43:00 +0000

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

I want to do another series over the next couples of months. I’ve had the fear of the LORD on my heart for some time and have been eager to write about it. One of my consistent prayers is to grow in the fear of the LORD. I think too many of us neglect this aspect of our relationship with Him. We need to remember that He is holy and approach Him with the proper respect. Yes, He is our Father and our Companion, but He is also the Almighty God. As a man should revere his father, a servant his master, a prince his king, so we should fear the LORD our God. It is of great importance to do so, and walking in this manner will bring many blessings.

I will spend the next couple of months examining the fear of the LORD and highlighting the verses noting the many benefits of walking in the fear of the LORD on this blog. I hope it blesses you and causes your relationship with Him to be more rich and glorious.

He Is Faithful to My Heart Part 5 - The Promise Fulfilled

noreply@blogger.com (Kenesha) — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 12:55:00 +0000

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.” Proverbs 12:13

Life with God is one of hope. Hebrews 11:1 says, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” In this definition of faith, we see faith as the substance of hope. It is the undying conviction of an eager expectation we hold fast to. Our faith is in God Himself, and our hope is in Him who promises the revelation of His Christ and His kingdom. We hope in God to fulfill the promises He sets before us. He promises the earthly manifestation of the testimony of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. He promises the imminent return of the Christ and our ultimate bodily resurrection and glorification. He promises the salvation of the earth and the nations therein. He promises the eternal increase of the government of God. Indeed, there are many great promises within the word of God, and we, in hope, are sure of their future fulfillment. It is this hope that anchors us to His word and develops in us the faith to see these promises fulfilled.

Just as we hope in the promise of the coming kingdom of Christ to be glorified in all the earth, we hope in promises that God gives us daily. However it seems that our hope in these intimate promises falter more quickly than our hope in the promise of His manifestation in the earth. We are waiting patiently, yet eagerly, for the return of the Christ, and we are steadfast in this patience. But we often fumble the promises made directly to our hearts of the goodness our Heavenly Father desires to bestow upon us. We are unfaithful with them. Abraham held to the faith in the promise of God for a son of Sarah's womb. He hoped in the Name of the LORD, and he was rewarded for patiently enduring. We must learn to do the same if we are to obtain the reward of each intimate promise Abba gives. Yes, they are often slow to come, but they always come on time. There is much to be gained in practicing this patience, but much can be lost in the waiting if we fail to maintain our hope. The beauty of the promises of God is in the process as well as the obtainment. Don’t miss this beauty in despair. Yes, hope deferred does make the heart grow sick, but even waiting can draw us into the beauty of His heart. And, when the promise comes, life bursts forth within our own hearts. We are given a double blessing in this: a glimpse of His glorious beauty and a tree of life abounding within us. The process is important for this double portion blessing, and how wonderful it is to obtain the desire, but during the process, remember the faithfulness of God. Lean on Him; gaze on His beauty; know Him. He is preparing you for the promise. Do not lose hope and heart, but know that He is faithful in preparing your heart for the gift, just as He is faithful in bringing the gift. He is your God and your Father who loves you and delights in giving you good gifts. Receive them with a heart of faith and hope, knowing that He is faithful to your heart both in making the promise and fulfilling it.

“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.” – Hebrews 10:23

He Is Faithful to My Heart Part 4 - Building Patience

noreply@blogger.com (Kenesha) — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 19:36:00 +0000

One prayer request that I hear from so many people is for patience. Whether it is patience in interacting with people, patience in working through a circumstance, or patience in waiting for the fulfillment of a promise, patience is a trait that we all need to get through life. The blessing is that many of us know we need patience, but few of us know the degree to which we need it. I would argue that a foundational characteristic of life in Christ is patience. In fact, it is one of the fruits of the Spirit noted in Galatians 5:22, and it is the very first trait of love mentioned in 1 Corinthians 13. In Strong’s Lexicon, the Greek word is the same in both verses, meaning: to suffer long, enduring and remaining steadfast and constant in bearing troubles without retaliating (Paraphrase). When explaining the Parable of the Sower in Luke 8, Jesus encourages us in patience, saying: “But the ones that fell on good ground are those who, having heard the word with a noble and good heart, keep it and bear fruit with patience” (Luke 8:15, NKJV). We must keep His word and bear fruit with patience. Strong’s Lexicon notes the Greek root of the word for patience in this verse to be to remain and abide, to be held, kept continually.

The two Greek definitions mentioned above are for different but synonymous words. They both translate to patience in English, but in examining the root of both, we gain insight into the importance of developing patience for this age and the next. We are commissioned to make disciples of nations. We can’t do that without love. People can be rude and offensive. We are imperfect and broken. We hurt each other, we make mistakes, and we are often unreliable. We need to suffer through these things with one another in patience, remaining both steadfast to the people God has placed in our lives and the vision of Christ for their lives and our own. As we our walking out God’s vision for our lives, we will come into situations that are less than pleasant. They are trying times with great purpose: to make us pure and holy vessels unto the LORD. We are tried in the fire and we come out as gold. The purpose of the trials isn’t a secret. The purpose is written countless times in the Bible, but we often forget that there is a purpose in the midst of it. To me, Paul puts it best in Romans 5:3, writing: “…but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance (patience); perseverance (patience), character; and character, hope.” Our trials and tribulations are building within us a patience that is developing us into the character of Christ and producing within us a hope in God’s love for us. God brings us to these places that we may know Him. He is faithful to allow the trials and to give us the grace to endure them patiently. We often do not know the benefit of the trial until it has passed, but there is always a benefit because He works all things out for our good. He also is faithful in delaying His promises until the appointed time. Where is the faithfulness in this, you may ask. We too often expect the promise to be fulfilled immediately and are disappointed when it is delayed. The truth is that there is no delay at all, but only a perceived delay. When the promise is given, our Heavenly Father is aware of the time of its fulfillment. We, however, are not and grow impatient in the waiting. The blessedness of the waiting is that it is producing much patience and building our character and giving us the traits needed to obtain the promise and be faithful with it. He is faithful to develop our character and build patience in our hearts.

Patience enables us to love each other and make disciples, fulfilling the commission of Christ. It enables us to endure tribulations and remain abiding in the LORD as we do so. It helps build our character that we may obtain the promises He gives for our lives. And finally, one of the great needs for patience is to receive the promise He has given to the world. Our LORD will return, and His people have been waiting for millennia to see His return. Without patience, we would’ve given up hope long ago. But the hope that patience produces is also for the glory of His coming. He will come for us, and we would lose hope and turn away from Him if not for patience. I am grateful that He is faithful to build in me the patience necessary to remain steadfast in Him as I eagerly await His return.

“Therefore be patient, brethren, until the coming of the LORD. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, waiting patiently for it until it receives the early and latter rain. You also be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the LORD is at hand.” (James 5:7-8, NKJV).

He Is Faithful to My Heart Part 3 - Strengthening My Love

noreply@blogger.com (Kenesha) — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 07:05:00 +0000

I watched Evan Almighty for the first time a few nights ago with my sister. I was hesitant to watch it after watching Bruce Almighty, but I was pleasantly surprised by what transpired in the movie. It isn’t a typical Hollywood movie and the humor suited my taste more than the average comedies produced these days. What I loved most about the movie was how the screenplay echoed my walk with God. Obedience is a difficult thing for every believer. When God asks us to do something, the difficulty often lies in the fact that these tasks 1) take us out of our comfort zone, 2) require us to give up something we’re holding onto, and 3) are too big for us to complete without Him (translation: the tasks are overwhelming). These are just a few of the challenges we face in obedience. However, He does nothing in vain or wastefully, and with every assignment He gives us, there is a purpose and there will be great fruit that will strengthen us and feed others.

My favorite quote in the movie is, “Let’s just say that whatever I do, I do because I love you.” I was ready to cry when Morgan Freeman (who plays God in the movie) says this. It struck a cord with so many things that are going on in my life right now. I’m sure the sentiment would be the same at any given moment in my life. The truth is that our walk with God in faithfulness and obedience is not easy. There is much pain and heartache that comes as we die to flesh, but there is also a joy greater than the deepest pain that is promised and available for us now. To me, this quote epitomizes the heart of the Father for us. It shows His faithfulness in drawing us to Him. The things He asks of us don’t always make sense to us, but when we obey, we are given a deeper understanding of His love and being strengthened to withstand the times that are to come. When Jesus speaks to the disciples about the signs of the end times, He warns: “And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold. But he who endures to the end shall be saved” (Matthew 24:12-13, NKJV). Whatever God does, He does because He loves us. His directions to us increase our love for Him and for one another so that when lawlessness abounds, our love will be strong in Him. He is faithful in growing our love lest it grows cold and we turn from Him. He does this through the commands He gives and the tasks He places before us to accomplish. They are not always easy, but in the end, they will help keep us abiding in Him. Each task He gives is an opportunity for us to strengthen our hearts in Him. Let us approach these opportunities with the surety of His faithfulness and love for us.

He Is Faithful to My Heart Part 2 - Uprooting Offense

noreply@blogger.com (Kenesha) — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 19:11:00 +0000

The Jewish Fall Feasts were celebrated a month ago. I’m growing in appreciation for these wonderful celebrations. There is such a rich revelation of Jesus to be found within these feasts, and I believe the Body of Christ needs to give more attention to them. But what does that have to do with His faithfulness to my heart (or yours for that matter)? Well, within the line up of the Fall Feasts is Yom Kippur, which is the Day of Atonement. According to the Old Testament law, once a year, the high priest would go into the Holy of Holies to make atonement for the whole nation of Israel. While we know that Jesus is our atonement for eternity, there is a hidden gem in the way Jews prepare for this wonderful day. From Rosh Hashanah (Jewish New Year) until the end of Yom Kippur are the ten Days of Awe (or the High Holy Days). During this period, observing Jews examine themselves and take the time to repent to God and repent to one another to ensure that their names are written in the Book of Life. As believers in Jesus Christ, we have an assurance of our eternal salvation and can view Yom Kippur as a time to express our gratitude to God for the blood of Christ that has redeemed us. While I think it is fairly common for us to confess our sins and repent to God, I don’t think we repent to each other enough for the hurts and offenses we’ve caused.

It is so important for us to remember the atoning sacrifice Jesus made for us on the cross. Without His sacrifice, we would not be able to commune with God. When we ask forgiveness of God, we know He gives it to us because Jesus died for our sins. However, after reciting the model prayer, Jesus offers a nugget of truth found within the prayer, saying: “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14-15 NKJV). God extends so much grace to us with the desire of drawing us into relationship with Him and others through repentance and love. Offense is a deadly poison that kills the body as well as the soul. Offense has been the reason for the collapse of many great ministries and the fall of many great men. The bible warns against allowing offense and bitterness to grow time and time again. It is so important that we draw to Him and one another in love, suffering the heartache that comes with relationships and forgiving when necessary. We need not only be willing to forgive, but our willingness must translate into action whether the other person is ready to hear and receive our pardon or not. The same goes for repentance. We need to have a repentant heart towards the LORD and each other when we sin. I also believe, at times, the offended needs to repent to the offender and God for allowing hurt to grow into bitterness and hate. Too often, we can only see the hurt inflicted on us and we blind ourselves to the hurt we inflict on others when operating with a bitter heart. But praise God! He is faithful to instruct us in the art of repenting and forgiving. He is faithful in highlighting the offenses within our hearts and drawing them out through forgiveness. He is faithful to shine His light of love upon our hearts, uprooting the darkness of offense and making us more like Him through humility in the process. When the offenses are highlighted and He prompts us to repent and forgive, we must act according to His direction. It will always be humbling, but it is very necessary. When we confess our sins to one another, our hearts are exposed, but it’s important that we do not allow offense to dwell within us. He is faithful to reveal it, and we must be faithful to act on this revelation. If we fail in the moment of prompting, there is an appointed time once a year for us to clean our hearts. Then we are able to enter into a new year free of the weight of offense and covered by the atoning blood of the Lamb.

He Is Faithful to My Heart Part 1 - Pain In Sanctification

noreply@blogger.com (Kenesha) — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 18:10:00 +0000

I am consistently amazed at the LORD’s faithfulness. He is unwavering and uncompromising in sanctifying our hearts unto Him. Yeshua seeks a bride who is pure and spotless, and He will go at great lengths to pursue and win her to Himself. It is His constancy in love and commitment to the covenant He has made in His name that makes it so.

Oftentimes, the occurrences He allows in order to eternally secure our love cause heartbreak and sorrow for us. With understanding of these times, David writes: “I know, O LORD, that Your judgments are right, and that in faithfulness, you have afflicted me” (Psalm 119:75 NKJV). Other times, they force us to take a deep look at the blackness in our own souls. It isn’t pleasant, but it’s necessary. During these times, we can earnestly cry out: “I am dark, but lovely” (Song of Solomon 1:5). It is His very love that leads us to these places of introspection. The ultimate goal: to uproot the darkness that light may shine freely through us, that love may dwell within us, and that His glory may become ours. We must behold Him, and in the beholding, we are always faced with a decision: to continue beholding and allow the painful dying of our flesh to take place, or to turn away and try our hand at sanctifying ourselves. We will always fail at sanctifying ourselves, but when the beholding becomes too painful, turning away seems the best choice. However, if we wait patiently and endure the pain, we will be made a little more humble, a little more holy, a little more like the Love we seek. He enables us to endure this pain as the One who endured the greatest pain in death on the tree. He knows what we are able to bear and when we are able to bear it.

We need to seek the understanding of this mystery. With worldly eyes, we associate pain with death, but in His kingdom, pain leads to life. It is why, as he laments, Jeremiah is able to declare: “Great is Your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:23). God is faithful to do what it takes to give us eternal life. Proverbs 27:6 says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” In friendship, God will always speak truth. It will not always be easy to swallow, but He will always speak it in love and as an act of faithfulness to us that we might endure until the end. Without this type of faithfulness, though it may hurt, we would quickly be swept away by the fads of this world.

Abba is preparing a pure and spotless Bride for His Son and a holy people with whom He can dwell. Sanctification results in holiness. But there is often sorrow in sanctification. It means you let go of your way and the ways of the world to be set apart unto God. It means you die to pride, selfishness, personal gain, and other things the world totes as praiseworthy. It means you look foolish to those whom you may esteem. But what does it matter if our love for God is at stake? The truth is to all of us it means everything and nothing. We must die to everything we hold dear, and it hurts, but compared to Jesus and His sacrifice for us, it’s nothing. In Romans 8:18, Paul writes, “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” I wholeheartedly agree. This verse shines the light of truth on our sufferings. They are nothing compared to the gift of eternity with God, and yet they are necessary to attain that gift He so faithfully gives. It is my heart to dwell with Him eternally in love and in truth, and I know, in the midst of the heartache, He is being faithful to my heart.

Letting Go

noreply@blogger.com (Kenesha) — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 04:20:00 +0000

A year ago, I found myself in a precarious situation. I was transitioning in many ways. I had left my job a few months before, and I was preparing to go to Israel. I was moving from a place of having a steady income to living on support, and I was healing from the wounds of a past failure due to unwise actions on my part. While moving towards the future, I was clinging to the past and refusing to let go of guilt and a hope in my own ability I had held far too long. Finally the LORD visited me, and this is what happened:

I stood before the LORD, and He asked me who or what would I choose. I couldn't hold onto both. It was then that I noticed my hands were closed into tight fist, clutching guilt from the past. It was guilt over things I didn't do right or I didn't put enough into, and areas where I felt I dishonored God. He called me fair. He said I was spotless in righteousness. Not my own righteousness, but in His. I chose Him. I let go of it all and put my arms around my LORD. I held tightly to Him with all my strength and closed my eyes. We began to ascend into the heavens. I opened my eyes to see it all below me. His love transcends it all. When we are found in His love, nothing can come near us, because we are above it all, seated in heavenly places with the God of the Universe. He is King, and in everything, for better or for worse, I will always choose Him. How about you?

Rejoicing in Brokenness

noreply@blogger.com (Kenesha) — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 02:04:00 +0000

I am 25 years old and still very young. Yet, I have experienced many times of brokenness, as I’m sure we all have no matter the age. I have learned time and time again that brokenness isn’t a sentence to depression, but rather an opportunity to rejoice in a love that is unfailing. No matter how much pain I feel when my heart is rent, I’ve learned to give thanks to the LORD God, because He is always with me. They say misery loves company, but His word promises those who revere Jesus: the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in His wings.[1] He will bring comfort to our hearts and joy that gives new life. Because He loves us, He doesn’t remove Himself when we are miserable rather He draws near to us offering the grace to rejoice for those who take it.

Many times He doesn’t take away the brokenness, but He gives us the grace to endure it until His perfect work is finished in us. A rent heart is a blessed one for when it is broken, the contents that cause the brokenness can be poured out. Once mended, our hearts can once again be filled with the love, joy, and peace that God so longs to give His children who abide in Him. In Psalm 34:18, David prays, “The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit.” When we have broken hearts, we can be sure that God is near to us and He is our salvation. In my own brokenness, I have experienced His perseverance in loving me. In my weakness, I have experienced how He faithfully keeps me in His strength. In the depths of despair, I have seen the beauty of God. And, so I have rejoiced, because in my brokenness, I have learned that God is my everything and my life is staked in Him. Without this lesson, I would be of those perishing. But, I chose to rejoice in brokenness, and it’s a decision I will make for the rest of my life. God is good, and He will perfect my faith as long as I remain in Him, especially in brokenness.

[1] Malachi 4:2

He's the Reason I Can Smile

noreply@blogger.com (Kenesha) — Sun, 28 Aug 2011 18:13:00 +0000

When darkness comes

And troubles abound

There’s little reason for joy

Or to make a cheerful sound

When my heart grows faint

And trembles in sorrow

I can’t keep my head up

Or find hope in tomorrow

When tears are my food

And I can no longer rejoice

I remember this is passing

I’ll have to make a choice

When the storm grows stronger

And it stretches on for miles

I look up to my Savior

He’s the reason I can smile.

Embracing the Cross

noreply@blogger.com (Kenesha) — Fri, 29 Jul 2011 16:59:00 +0000

Jesus bids us to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Him (Luke 9:23 NKJV), adding: “And whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple” (Luke 14:27 NKJV). This is a heavy command. In bearing His cross, Jesus was walking to His death, and He is asking us to do the same, saying, “For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it” (Luke 9:24 NKJV). It is a high calling to follow Jesus. Only in Him do we find life and the truest expression of that life is gained through faith and obedience.

How many of us call ourselves followers of Christ without adhering to or even considering the ways of Him whom we profess to follow? Jesus led us in all that He commanded us. There is not one thing that He asks of us that He did not first do. And yet, we approach His requests as unreasonable or too great. The truth is that His requests are too great without His help, which is why we have been given a helper in Holy Spirit. At the core of our inability to follow Him is not truly a lack of ability but rather an aching desire to follow after the ways of our flesh and an indifference to His word. In our natural, unrefined states, we live to satisfy the flesh, and in doing so, we are slaves to it. With Christ, we are empowered to rise above the flesh and live more abundantly in His freedom. We do this by denying ourselves and taking up our crosses daily. It’s a choice we must make every day to be like our Jesus and truly be followers of this man we profess, who is the very Word of God. It isn’t easy to die to our flesh and choose His higher ways, but He never said it would be. His invitation to be His disciples is an invitation to walk out our own death daily and to choose life in Him.

Jesus is my greatest desire, and I know to be worthy of Him, I must bear my cross and follow Him (Matthew 10:38 NKJV). I often find myself lamenting the hard moments in life and praying that they would be taken from me. Jesus Himself prayed such a prayer, but knowing that for the sake of love His crucifixion was necessary, He adjusted His prayer towards obedience to death on the cross. And so, for the sake of love, I’m choosing to embrace my cross. My confession is that Jesus is worth it. Let my actions be true to my words, and let my words be true to my heart. He is worth it all. Today, I’m choosing, not to just bear the cross, but to embrace it. I know that as I do so, I’m drawing nearer to Him, My Desire and My Love.

The Gospel Truth

noreply@blogger.com (Kenesha) — Sat, 26 Feb 2011 10:59:00 +0000

The other day, I thought about one of my uncles who is deceased. I don’t know what triggered this memory, but it was accompanied by a depth of love, and I wondered if he is with Jesus or not. I didn’t know, and so I prayed.

You see, the truth is we are a fallen people in a fallen world. Without Christ, our existence is a story full of hurt and pain, unaccomplished dreams, unfulfilled expectations, brokenness, bitterness, false love, striving for what cannot satisfy, and glimpses of hope that amount to nothing in the long run. But my glimpses of hope produce happiness, you may protest. Maybe for now, but in the long run, Christ is the only thing that matters. All else falls away but love, and God is love. What of this happiness will you be able to take with you when you pass?

We’re ravenously hungry and never satisfied as we fill ourselves on the junk of the world. Sex isn’t enough. Alcohol isn’t enough. Lying, cheating, and stealing aren’t enough. We’re still hungry. So we do more, we try harder, we run faster after these things that feed us death and not life. It’s a remedy of the ancients that has never truly rectified anything. The hole is still there right in the center of our beings. The ache of dissatisfaction remains. Well then, let’s try something else. Let’s try bigger, let’s try better, let’s try faster. As long as we’re one up on our neighbor, we’re doing pretty good, right? Wrong! We all know by now the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. If we're still hungry now, with the better we thought would satisfy, won’t it be the same tomorrow?

You see, the truth is there was a beginning when God created the world. After that beginning, Eve sinned under brazen deception and Adam followed. Even now, we believe what we choose to believe and, so often, turn from the truth that has saved us through the ages and brought us the true joy and satisfaction that we crave. When Adam and Eve sinned, we were all affected. The world was thrown into chaos and has continued in chaos since. People have murdered, stolen, cheated, lied, and committed adultery and sexual immorality, in addition to other heinous acts since that moment. All of us are guilty of sinning against God and each other. It’s inherent in our nature.

But what does it mean to be a fallen people in a fallen world? Our Creator God had expectations of us when He created the world. Adam and Eve were to walk in community with Him and each other. They were to fill the earth with sons and daughters who walked in this community blessed with the presence of the Living God. The sin of Adam and Eve resulted in a separation between God and man. Think of a relationship that you cherished so much, but no longer enjoy. One simple act broke the fellowship of that wonderful relationship perhaps forever. And so it was with God and man. We were made the keepers of the earth and all that were in it. When we fell short of His expectations of communing with us, we drew the world down with us. The earth could not fulfill its true destiny if her masters could not fulfill theirs. And we can’t. Not without a little help from God Himself.

Enter the Christ. Who is this Jesus Christ you hear about? He is God in the flesh. After we broke communion with God, His desire for us remained, but, unlike most men, He did not let pride keep Him from seeking restoration in that relationship. He is not proud. He is love. So, He began the greatest rescue mission ever accomplished in the history of the world. He chose a man and a woman to birth a people with whom He might walk in covenant. He set this people apart and gave them His ways. They were given directions to attaining righteousness so our relationship with Him might be restored. But the arrogance and ignorance of man still kept us from Him. Lucky for us, He knew what would happen. From this people, who had His ways, He chose a woman to give birth to Jesus Christ. You see, even though the people fell short in their part of the agreement, He never falls short on His. God Himself entered into the flesh of man to be birthed through this woman that He might walk with man in the world and lead us back to our original purpose. He desired for both man and the earth, which man kept, to be restored and healed that both might walk according to their original design. And so God came as a man, Jesus Christ, walked with us and died on this earth. Of course, this isn’t the end. God has no ending. He is eternal. But didn’t He die? Yes, but He holds all power in His hand.

Jesus Christ died and, three days later, took His life back from death. He rose from the grave that He might make known the truth of His being to men before assuming His throne in Heaven. So, you see, Jesus lives. Not only does He live, but He eagerly awaits our coming to Him. How might this be if there has been a separation since Adam and Eve walked the earth? Well, when Jesus died on the cross, He took every sin that we ever committed and ever will commit upon Himself and put it to death with Him. God is just. It’s a part of His very nature, and someone had to receive the chastisement of our sin. He is also merciful, and He chose that someone to be Himself. He took the chastisement of our sin. You see, He had to come as a man to finish what man began. We brought sin into the world, and God came to remove it. He took our punishment so that we might have life.

I know the world is still full of sin, but there is an opportunity for it to be free of sin. And one day, it will be when Jesus returns to receive all of those who know Him and walk in relationship with Him. But right now, at this very moment, you can begin a life without sin and walk free of the guilt and shame of sinful acts. Unfathomable, I know, but all things are possible with God. He will remove your sin and give you true righteousness. That doesn’t mean you won’t sin ever again, it means that when you do, you’ll have access to the grace of God that brings repentance and forgiveness of sins. Once you repent, God removes it from you and His record. Jesus paid the price, and you can reap the benefits. How can this be? How is it so simple?

Our righteousness was never an option. We can’t be righteous on our own. We need God to be like God. It’s that simple. He alone is righteous. When we receive Him into our lives, He makes us like Him through communion and relationship with Him. So it’s kind of simple, but kind of not. He did all the work. We just have to allow ourselves to be loved and to love in return. Then you will know the feeling of true joy. Then you will find satisfaction and your hunger abated. Then, when you pass away and leave this earth, you will be certain of a treasure far better than jewels and a family closer than any you’ve ever known awaiting your arrival.

If you want to know Jesus Christ and walk in relationship with God, say this prayer:

Dear Lord God, forgive me for my ignorance. I have not known You, but now it is a sincere desire of mine to know You. I’ve lived my life in sin and shame. I’ve allowed guilt to fill my heart and indulged in things that do not satisfy. I have sought fulfillment in other places, but now I know that true fulfillment and satisfaction can only come from You. I repent from the sin that ruled me, and I say, from this day forward, I choose to no longer live for sin, but to live for Jesus Christ. Thank you, Jesus, for dying for me and taking my sin and punishment upon Yourself. I believe that You were raised from the dead and that You live now in Heaven, and I thank You for Your resurrection which gives me true life. Dear God, I invite You into my life and into my heart to fill me with Your love and to walk in relationship with me. I declare that You, Jesus Christ, are Lord over my life. I commit myself into Your loving hands, in the Name of Jesus. Amen.

Please leave a comment if you want to know more or email me at kdluney9@gmail.com.