Rants, raves, and other musings...

Just Call Me Ebenezer...

2011-12-22T05:43:00.001-08:00

This is going to be a full on rant...If you are a fan of Christmas, and the horrible music that accompanies it, you might want to stop reading now. Also, I wrote this on my iphone...spelling might be an issue.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THE DEAL WITH EVERY SINGLE RADIO STATION IN THE US PLAYING ALL CHRISTMAS ALL THE TIME???

Ahhh, I feel better now. Sorry but that outburst was completely necessary. Every year around Thanksgiving they all start the heavy rotation of the same Christmas carols I have heard since I was a child. It makes me want to go to the nearest radio station studio and throw a jingle bell rock through the booth window,drag the DJ out, and run over his grandma with a reindeer.

I was sick of Michael Jackson screaming about Santa Claus coming to town in 1981. That song is not like a fine wine. It does not get any better with age. Despite being a Bruce Springsteen fan, he did not do any better. Dont even get me started with Biebers take on it. These were the thoughts running through my head as I sat in traffic on 95 yesterday.

I kept hitting the seek button desperately hoping one radio station had a program director who felt the same way I did. Twenty minutes of hitting the button had me seething with something that bordered on rage. I admitted defeat when the station landed on Mariah Carey screeching out some terrible Christmas torture. If I were Nick Cannon I do believe I would partake in the Cobain solution.

Every year some recording artist decides to make his/her mark with a Christmas album. They always hype the album as some original twist on an old favorite. It's the same damn song as last years artist recording his/her "original" twist. Re-packaging "White Christmas" every year since the damn song was written does not make it any better. That's right...I AM a mean one Mr. Grinch. I would much rather take a Holiday In Cambodia.

"How can you hate Christmas?" has been asked of me more than once. My unapologetic answer is "it's pretty easy". Spend 5 minutes watching the idiots trample/pepper spray one another so their precious child can spend the rest of the year playing the latest Grand Theft Auto. Spend twenty miles, and several hours, in traffic on an interstate listening to the same five Christmas carols recorded by different artists on every single station. Buy an 800 dollar plane ticket that costs 250 on any other day.

"Well it's all about family"

Another favorite line uttered by Christmas lovers everywhere. I love my family. I love my girlfriends family. I love spending time with both. What makes December 25th the end all and be all of family days??

"Well it's for the children"

Don't even get me started on that one.

"It's a celebration of the birth of the son of God"

Really?? I stopped believing that when I was 11 and asked a Sunday school teacher how it was possible that a woman could give birth without having sex. Im pretty sure IVF was not an option back then. Not to mention all the other aspects of that story that defy science.

Christmas, and all the trappings of, makes me want to hibernate like a bear. On any other day of the year if you find a fat dude crawling out of your chimney, said fat dude would be getting a load of buckshot and an ambulance ride. Apparently breaking and entering is OK on December 25th. Tell me I am wrong!

The spirit of giving, family time, and general niceness should be everyday, not just amplified to sickening dimensions on 25 December. I am the anti-Christmas...Scrooge incarnate. Send the spirits of Christmas past, present, and future...I will take them all!

My past has zero regret, my present is more incredible than I can possibly imagine, and my future is completely unwritten...but it looks like it's shaping up to be pretty awesome. Merry effin Christmas everyone...

Lowes Drops the Ball...

2011-12-12T17:44:00.000-08:00

My views on Islam are complicated, and conflicted. That is a painfully honest admission. My views on religious freedom and everyone’s inherent right to worship as they choose are not. Our country came to be because a group of people were fleeing religious persecution in their own country. Religious freedom is so important that it is covered in two amendments the 1st and the 14th. The 1st guarantees the free exercise of religion. The 14th prohibits discrimination and guarantees equal protection of the laws for every person, including on the basis of religious beliefs. The founding fathers thought that was pretty important.

Lowes, a big box hardware/materials store, portrays itself as an All-American store. Their advertising is big on red, white, and blue and patriotism (at least during the patriotic holidays). It is a great store with a huge selection. If you can’t find it at Lowes it probably doesn’t exist. OK that may be a bit of an exaggeration but I think I made my point. Indeed, the chain of stores is a monument to capitalism and the principles of American ingenuity. So I was astounded to read that they decided to pull their advertising for a TV show that depicts hard working American families on the Learning Channel. You would think any corporation would be chomping at the bit to put their name to a show that depicts the societal norm for families. A mother, a father, and children all living under one roof in a "traditional" family atmosphere on TV is a rarity. Likewise, you would think the "family values" folks would be singing the praises of an actual family doing family things on TV. Especially in an age that portrays "reality" as drunks living in a beach house, children objectified in pageants,and Kardashians being Kardashians.

Apparently "family values" actually means "family values as long as you don’t call God Allah". Or, in other words, religious freedom is cool as long as you are not Muslim. It saddens me to see that in this day and age a hate group disguised as a quasi religious/political organization can influence a company like Lowes. It is truly reminiscent of the days when the Klan controlled municipalities with their message of hate disguised as Christianity.

The Florida Family Association is a "Christian" organization whose main purpose is to bash homosexuality. Apparently they think being gay is a sin. They also think being Muslim is a sin. David Caton, their executive director, is a self admitted porn addict who was "cured" by praying. He spends all his time perusing TV shows to make sure they are wholesome. When he finds something he deems not wholesome he gets his followers to bug advertisers to pull advertising on these unwholesome networks. The funny thing is Islam also forbids homosexuality, and porn. Hate is hate, and the Florida Family Association is without a doubt a hate group of the highest order. For Lowes to comply with their message of hate speaks volumes of the people that run that company.

We are ALL endowed by our creator with certain unalienable rights...among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. I did not see any footnotes listing exceptions in that part of the Declaration of Independence! If happiness is two dudes cuddled up on a couch in a home they share, then who are they to decide that that is wrong? If happiness is spending time with your family reading the Q'uran, and attending services at the Mosque, then who are they to decide that is wrong? Who is ANYONE to decide that is wrong? It really is not even a question of tolerance, but common sense. Our forefathers set forth the principles that this country was founded on. People have fought, and died defending those principles. They should be defended across the board without exception. Shame on Lowes for bowing to hate, and bigotry. I wont be spending any of my money with Lowes anymore, and I encourage everyone to do the same.

Can I Get a Witness...(to leave me the hell alone)

2011-11-28T14:09:00.001-08:00

You would think being in such close proximity to a Mormon church I would be safe from the solicitations of the Jehovas Witnesses...No such luck. I have had four groups of witnesses come to my house in the last 3 weeks. Ok, that is not entirely true. I have had three seperate groups of witnesses show up, and one was a duplicate. Apparently my "not interested" was interpreted as "not interested right now" so they came back for good measure. While I admire the tenacity of the duplicate group, that knock on the door is not any less annoying.

I was born into a catholic family, and I attended catholic schools. I was an altar boy, I was confirmed, and I went to confession every month when I was a kid. When it became apparent to me that the catholic church had a policy of hiding pedophile priests, I stopped being catholic. People laugh when I say this, and think that I just stopped going to church. I stopped being catholic. I emailed the Vatican and asked how to officially end my participation in the Catholic church. I was given a short list of instructions, and a note from a concerned priest asking why I wanted to leave the church. I politely explained my reasons, and thanked him for his concern. I emailed the parish where I was baptized, and had my name removed from the baptismal records. I stopped being catholic...officially.

Now if I can do that with the religion that I was born into, how do you think I feel about perfect strangers knocking on my door asking me if I know Jesus? The answer is, it offends me like a Yankees fan in Fenway. OK so the flip side is that these perfect strangers are just looking out for my eternal soul...I get it. You dont have to knock on my door to tell me. Their concern for my soul is their business, and I really dont want to hear it. Maybe they are looking for a new poster child since Michael Jacksons father clearly is not good for public relations. Maybe I should be flattered?

Admittedly,all I really knew about the Jehovas Witnesses were that they knocked on doors, and distributed copies of "The Watchtower" magazine. Before sitting down to write this I decided to do a little research. What I found just reinforces the indisputable fact that I have zero business being a member of that faith. Next time they come around, and they will, I will engage them in discussion. I promise you they will leave thinking that I will spend eternity as a department head in hell.

Here are a few bullet points I intend to share with them next time they come a knockin'.

1.In order to be baptised into the faith you have to answer a series of 80 questions in front of a panel of elders.

I have always been a horrible test taker so there is one strike.

2.You can't have a tattoo.

That counts me out.

3. You must give up vacations in order to attend the annual convention.

My guess is that convention is not held in a cool place like Vegas. Furthermore anybody that knocks on my door thinking I am going to give up vacations to attend religious meetings had best go back to the drawing board in the thinking department.

4. You can't buy girl scout cookies.

This one needs no commentary...nuff said.

5. Heaven is limited to 144,000 Jehovas Witnesses

I dont have to worry too much there but WTF? That is like blowing yourself up in the name of Allah and finding out that it isn't 72 virgins for every martyr but 72 virgins total. They ran out of virgins years ago. Really though, what if you are running late, and get to the pearly gates at spot number 144,001? I would cause a hell of a scene!

There are several more do's and donts I could spout off, but what is the point really? I have been polite with every single group that has come to my door. Not anymore! I am thinking pretty seriously about heading to Powells Books to see if they have a copy of Anton Laveys satanic bible. Don't get me wrong, I am not considering satanism as a religious choice. Think of it as a literary equivalent of a whistle for telemarketers. I just want to see the look on a Jehovas Witness' face when I bust out that satanic bible and ask them if they know satans plan for us. My guess is that I wont have to ask them to leave, and they wont be coming back anytime soon.

Inspiration...

2011-11-23T15:29:00.001-08:00

People,for the most part,rarely inspire me. I think the last time I was inspired by a person was when I met, and worked for, an author/activist living under a very credible threat from Islamic fundamentalists. She wrote a story about her life growing up in Islam. Her words were so inflammatory in some circles, that she was condemned to die for them. Her life was turned completely upside down. She had to move several times, and she had to have security with her everywhere she went. She continues to write today...her courage in the face of mortal threat is incredibly inspiring. She is the most courageous person I have ever met.

I just read an article entitled Occupy Earth, written by a 19 year old girl named Samantha Silverman. I am not much of a supporter of the methods of Occupy Portland (I know I sound like a broken record), but I do strongly believe in a need for change. Her article sums it all up in a very concise manner. I dont forward links often, and when I do it is usually through text to a small number of people. I thought this article was so well written that I feel compelled to share the link here.

http://www.portlandoccupier.org/2011/11/22/occupy-earth/

If you are having trouble figuring out what all this Occupy business is about, I suggest reading this article. I was very impressed. I was closing my account with Bank of America anyway, and admittedly I was going to go with another big bank for convenience sake. I spent the morning researching my choices, and then I read this article. I dont think the big banks will miss me much. I may be making some other changes in my life as well. My banking choices are just a start.

Final Solution????

2011-11-21T08:41:00.001-08:00

When did the entire world take a stupid pill? Having spent some time on the Portland Occupier site this morning I am forced to ask this question yet again. I asked that question shortly after reading yet another attempt to compare the "atrocities" of the evil corporate giants, to the actual ATROCITIES brought about by Adolph Hitler. I was at the bank last week, and I am pretty sure the vault was not doubling as a gas chamber. The last time I checked GM did not use their bail out money to set up concentration camps. I am pretty sure I would be able to tell if the wholesale slaughter of innocent people were taking place at my insurance company's regional office. I am a fairly observant guy, but I could be wrong.

Comparing the practices of corporate America to the ATROCITIES of the Nazis in Germany just to make a point is an insult to the memories of the millions slaughtered. Again, I could be wrong...but I did not read anything on the Portland Occupier site saying that all the people arrested were carted off to camps on boxcars because that is what the nazis did to people who disagreed with them.

I am not saying the the Occupiers dont have a legitimate gripe...they do. But, I want to hear accurate factual points, not the sensationalist crap I read earlier today. If I want to hear bullshit rhetoric with very little facts I can turn on any of the debates that are so widely covered by the evil networks piped into my house by the nefarious cable company. Therein lies my problem with most "movements". Trading a broken system for a bullshit system is not a solution. Neither is trashing a park, vandalizing a bank, or setting off firebombs in our city. Seems like the message being heard the loudest is that it's OK to burn the bridge despite the fact that you're standing on it.

There is no doubt that I strongly disagree with the methods used by Occupiers (Portland). I think most of their methods are just passive aggressive posturing lacking in both substance and conviction. If you really want a message to be heard, you take it to the person that you want to have hear it. When bringing that message make damn sure that every bit of it is fact. That way nobody can ever say that you misrepresented anything. Truth is absolute and needs no defense. Save the nazi comparisons until such time as they are appropriate. Should a time arise when those comparisons are appropriate then we would all have a lot more to worry about than the totally fixable problems going on in the world now.

Fond Memories...

2011-11-10T08:52:00.001-08:00

I went to Cleveland for a year. I was hired for 6 weeks, and the job ran for a year. I have been to a lot of bad places, and Cleveland is by far the worst. I hated it so much I had T-shirts made for the team listing the top 10 things I hated about it. I was absolutely miserable while working there. High maintenance clients, very little security work, and I put out a lot of fires caused by the hotel staff. So many fires that watching the bumbling of the hotel staff started to amuse me to no end. At one point we had 160 rooms in a 200 room hotel...I think the bill was around 2 million a month when the expenses were tallied up.

Regardless of how much money my client was spending the first answer when presenting a request to hotel staff was always no. Granted, some of the requests were pretty outlandish. But, outlandish or not, no should not be in your vocabulary when a guest paying well into the millions every month asks for something. As a matter of fact, if you came to my house and paid me 2 million a month to live there you can drop a steaming crap on my dining room table during Thanksgiving Dinner and I would probably just smile and clean it up like nothing happened. OK, not really but you get the point.Finding good things to focus on while in Cleveland was rough. So good became a relative term.

I make no secret of the fact that I love watching stupid people act stupid. If their stupidity causes injury or arrest I am amused even more. If their stupidity causes injury AND arrest even better!! You may be thinking wow this guy is a serious asshole! There is no shortage of successful arguments to be made attesting to that fact. I make no apologies. I think stupidity should be painful, and folks doing stupid things should be exploited for the amusement of the not so stupid. I should point out that I apply these rules to myself as well. The folks at our hotel offered a lot in the way of amusement during our long days of boredom. So many in fact that I am sure I can write a book based on my 366 days there.

If you worked in a hotel and a man came to check in wearing a bathrobe, a pair of pants with handwritten epithets all over them, a t-shirt, and a trumpet would you check him in? Before you answer that consider this...he was having conversations with people only he could see, he was somewhat menacing to the front desk clerk, and he smelled bad...really bad. In any other 5 star hotel in any city he would have been turned away. Not in Cleveland. The Cleveland Ritz Carlton had no qualms about putting him on the club level right down the hall from my clients suite. I cant thank them enough for that!

"I WILL KILL ANYONE THAT COMES TO MY DOOR!!!" was the angry exclamation I heard shatter the tranquility of the club lounge. Not something I hear everyday in a 5 star hotel so I was immediately enthralled. I walked down the hall to the lounge expecting the worst...I was secretly hoping that some deranged gunman would just end the misery of Cleveland for me. I was disappointed to find no deranged gunman, just the club lounge concierge with a concerned look on her face. The shouting had come from a room right next to the lounge. In addition to the shouting it sounded like a UFC title fight was going on in said room. It was pretty bad.

Hotel security arrived pretty quickly (Off duty Cleveland PD moonlighting). Not knowing what was on the other side of the door, she asked my partner and I to back her up until the Cleveland PD got there. As bored as we were in Cleveland, we were happy to oblige. She knocked and this little man opened the door. He was polite, articulate,lucid, and pleasant. He gave zero indication that he was in distress. He was so convincing that he caused all of us to question our senses. He politely thanked hotel security for checking in, and assured her that there was no problem. We all stood there in puzzled amusement watching the exchange come to an end...and then he closed the door!

I wont repeat the string of racially insensitive profanities that came out of that room as soon as the door closed, but I will give credit to the hotel security person for not taking the door off the hinges and conducting a gravity experiment from the top floor. It was pretty bad, and she just took it in stride. She casually turned to us and stated " Oh yeah...he has to go!". Cleveland PD arrived pretty quickly. The hotel manager was on hand to observe, and he deftly routed guests around the scene with the skill of Obi Wan Kenobi. With a french accented "nothing to see here" he jedi mindtricked the hell out of a few people on that floor.

The first cop on scene was greeted with a HUGE snot projectile, and a loud FUCK YOU from the little crazy man in the room. A little advice...bad idea to open a door to law enforcement with fuck you and a lung oyster no matter how unhappy you are to see them. It is just not a good ice breaker. I don't think the little man expected what came next. He tried to slam the door in the cops face only to be rushed by his 5 cop friends coming out of the service elevator. I have never seen anyone tackled as hard as this little guy was tackled. It took about 1 second for the hallway to clear of law enforcement as all of them rushed into the room.

I would have loved to have heard the commotion from the room directly below. I bet it sounded like a drug fueled pachyderm orgy. Crazy dude got hit so hard he shit himself. Seriously, he pooped...peed too. At some point his lip was split, and his nose started bleeding but man he kept fighting. The fight to subdue him was shortened considerably when he started spitting blood on the cops. Matter of fact I think he got two full spits out before a no nonsense Cleveland PD veteran issued him an ultimatum.

"You spit on another police officer, and I will break your arm"...spitting sound followed quickly by a dull snap and a blood curdling scream! That veteran of the Cleveland streets was a man of his word. The fight ended completely and they got him in custody. Thus ending the most fun I had had in Cleveland to date. I am not sure what became of the guy, but he had graffiti ed everything in the room. Tagged up the windows, the walls, the desk. In the bathroom he had used his own blood to tag up the mirror. The smell was incredible as well.

Some of you may be thinking that this is just a horrible story. Terrible for the hotel, sad for the crazy guy, sad for the folks that have to clean the room etc...I totally get it. When I look back on it now I feel all of those things...kinda. But, while living in the bitterness of my experience in Cleveland I laughed. It is a testimony to the absolute shittiness of Cleveland that the only thing I could find to take joy in was the folly of my fellow man. I fear I would be lacking in conviction if I did anything other than laugh though. Sure the desk clerk could have avoided all the ensuing problems by refusing service but that would have been the smart thing to do...plus it would have deprived me of a great deal of satisfaction at the expense of my fellow man...

Here's to the idiots...thank you so much for being idiotic!

Sleepless in LA County...

2011-11-08T09:54:00.000-08:00

Watching the LA county prosecutors office spike the proverbial football on the news last night started me thinking. In the history of LA media circuses, the conviction of Dr. Murray seems like low hanging fruit. They could not convict cops for beating a man on video (Rodney King), they could not get OJ (despite DNA), they couldn't get Michael Jackson(despite several allegations), and Lindsay Lohan (although convicted every time she steps into a courtroom) seems to share the un-jailable trait of John Gotti in his younger days. So what do you do when you fall short in a series of high profile cases?? Easy...go at the sure thing!

I have a lot of experience with eccentric rich folks. By eccentric I actually mean bat shit crazy. I have been awaken by 3 am phone calls from various clients with OUTLANDISH requests that need to be taken care of immediately. I had a client ask me to track down Tom Hanks once...at 3AM in a hotel in Cleveland. I cant imagine being overtaken by an uncontrollable urge to talk to Tom Hanks at 3AM. That same client woke me up a week later to find some edible gold flake...from a bakery in Germany. Occasionally I have had younger clients ask me about drugs...anything from Ecstasy to erythromycin. Balancing the "I want to keep my job" with the "I don't want to break the law" can be tough. I take each request on a case by case basis, but my normal answer is usually No because common sense usually prevails over whatever financial windfall I am offered.

It does not take a degree in medicine to know that normal people don't inject anesthetics to sleep. From 2004 to about 2006 I had the worst insomnia you can possibly imagine. It never crossed my mind to hire a doctor to keep me on a surgical plane of consciousness during the evening hours. How does one even broach that subject? I know what my doc would say if I called him up and asked him to come over to knock me out, observe me to make sure I don't die in my sleep, then wake me up after I get my beauty rest. It certainly would not be " Sure Rob...happy to...be right over".

Michael Jackson was a lot of things. He was a talented musician, a target for tabloids, a mega star in his younger days, and a drug addict. There I said it. A drug addict with a huge amount of cash, and nobody around to actually say things that needed to be said to him. Sad if you really sit and think about it. Dr. Murray saw dollar signs. Doc Murray by virtue of being a doctor should have taken one look at Jackson and sent him on his merry way.

The DA's office in LA must have been ecstatic during the tumultuous days after the death of Michael Jackson. A collective sense of "we finally got one we can win" must have invigorated that office like a B-12 mega dose revitalizes an "exhausted" rock star. They attacked the case with the zeal of a dingo eating a baby. No more will we see the image of OJ mouthing the words "thank you" after hearing his not guilty verdict. Now we will see the look of dazed incredulity on Dr. Murrays face as the sheriff is removing him from the courtroom in handcuffs. Truth be told, if common sense had prevailed Murray would have told Jacksons people to find someone else. A clear victory for the law but another nail in the coffin of good judgement...I wonder how well Conrad Murray will be sleeping.

Occupied (Or how to go camping,get stoned, and run a city)

2011-11-04T08:06:00.001-07:00

This is going to make some people angry...

I wish I could sit in a park all day and bitch about the injustices in the world. Dont get me wrong, in examining the convoluted messages coming out of Occupy Portland I have heard a lot of complaints that I completely agree with. I just dont see how sitting around in a park is going to accomplish anything other than sitting in a park. It is about as effective as a bunch of people sitting in my living room except my living room is comfortable and smells better. Additionally sitting in my living room carries no danger of being stabbed with a used needle.

The parks are a public space, in other words they are owned by the good citizens of our fair city. The damage done to the parks will cost us money that could be spent elsewhere. I mentioned that on the Occupy Portland website and my remarks were called slanderous because I did not cite proof of the money being spent. OK valid point. I made that remark based on the myriad of headlines proclaiming that the city is bleeding money to accomodate the Occupiers. My counter would be prove to me that sitting in a park is working.

"How did you get this number" has been the opening lines of several personal assistants for CEO's of various corporations. The answer is not always straight forward but it is never "I found it in a park while I was sitting there with a sign". The folks running the corporations dont give a fat rats ass about folks trashing a city park. Want to make a point? Go to the corporate headquarters of BofA and "Occupy" the parking lot.

"We are standing in solidarity with the Occupiers of Wall Street" is a phrase I have heard thrown around a lot. That's great...I totally understand that. Shortsighted and lacking in conviction but if that makes you feel like you are accomplishing something then by all means I wont stop you. But, if you really want to make a difference then stand with them on Wall street. It's obvious that there are a lot of people with a lot of spare time so why not go to New York? The folks occupying Wall Street have a great idea...they are in the financial center of the US. Take the gripe to the folks that can make a difference.

The freedom rides helped to bring massive change to this country. A group of people who wanted to right the wrongs that were sanctioned by the law of the land took direct action and made change happen. Conviction and appropriate action...and every last one of the folks on those buses are unsung heroes who walked the walk as opposed to just talking the talk. If all of the protesters occupying public spaces all over the US were to show up on Wall Street people would take notice. It would still put a huge burden on the taxpayers though. Now if all of the protesters occupied the corporate headquarters of Bank of America the financial burden would be on Bank of Americas private security...not the tax payers. If the folks that run the joint cant get to work things will change.

Making change happen peacefully is a challenge. Not an insurmountable challenge by any stretch, but I don't really see anyone in Portland stepping up to that challenge. Sitting in a park is easy...

My Friend...

2011-10-26T09:43:00.000-07:00

Dave's remains were found in Moab over the weekend. A heartfelt thanks to the people who helped to get the word out while he was missing. My thoughts and prayers are with Daves family. I believe that Dave is in the company of friends and family who have gone before us. He is OK now. I will miss him.

Ronald McDonald grew some balls (and then got a little carried away)

2011-10-16T07:39:00.000-07:00

The headline read McDonald's cashier arrested for beating unruly customer with a metal rod. Taking the headline at face value I had visions of a deranged cashier having a violent fuck my life moment, and taking it out on some late night customers in the wrong place at the wrong time. Not an unreasonable assumption by any stretch.

The video shows something a bit different. The video shows a clearly deranged customer and her friend terrorizing said cashier. She slapped him (assault), and then climbs over the counter presumably to slap him some more. The entire time she is threatening him verbally. The casier, who is clearly under attack, retreats towards the back and grabs something to defend himself with. Here is where it gets a tad controversial. The cashier comes out swinging and the girl goes down. Her friend starts feeling a bit froggy so she gets hit as well. Hard I might add.

Right up to this point I was rooting for the cashier. Judging from the pre-beating behavior observed on video I can safely surmise that these women were not strangers to terrorizing service industry folks. Something real or imagined set these unbalanced women off, and I am positive they thought they could get away with giving him a bit of street justice. They gave little thought to consequence when they crossed the threshold of the counter, confident that they were going to get away with what they were attempting to do.

I wonder what would have happened if the cashier had not defended himself. It is clear on video that the talking part of this confrontation was over and done with. The fight had started, and the primitive part of the brain that controls fight or flight was in charge. He probably would have been beaten by the two women in a commercial kitchen where improvised weapons abound.

Let me digress for a bit. When I was an angst ridden teenager I fancied myself a pugilist. I usually reserved my violent behavior to times when I was too drunk to fish, let alone fight. I lost more than I won. With age comes wisdom, and a balancing of the raging hormonal changes that all teenagers go through. I was insane to say the least. I am lucky several times over...I never got shot, and I was never beaten into the hospital but that was pure chance. In short, I never ran into my McDonald's cashier. I did learn a lot of valuable lessons during my teen years. One of them was "No matter how tough you think you are...there is always someone tougher". Don't get me wrong, that was not the only lesson brought about by my tumultuous teen years. But, that is the one I found myself thinking about while watching the video of the cashier and his two tormentors.

There had to be a point during the confrontation where the loudest, and scariest, of the tormentors had what people in recovery call "a moment of clarity". My guess is during the split second between the appearance of the metal rod, and the connecting of said metal rod with her face she had enough time to register the enormity of the mistake she made when she crossed the counter. A hard, and humbling, lesson to learn and frankly some people don't survive that lesson. She may not according to CNN. Should she survive with her brain function intact my guess is she will never mouth off to a McDonald's employee again, let alone attack one.

OK, so you may be thinking that I find the cashiers actions acceptable. I do...and I don't. I think it was perfectly acceptable to defend himself metal rod and all. She had already demonstrated enough violent behavior to warrant the use of force. Had I been the cashier I probably would have swung for the fences. His justifiable use of force train came off the tracks when he continued beating them after the threat had clearly passed.

The cashier went from victim to victimizer after the first two swings. In doing so he will probably learn the "no matter how tough you think you are, there is always someone tougher" lesson in jail where I am told that lesson takes on a whole new meaning. Do I feel sorry for him...no not really. Do I feel sorry for the women who were beaten into submission...no not really. Their actions brought about the beating, and the cashier had a choice. He could have stopped after his attackers went down. He chose not to.

In my profession we have an unwritten code of conduct called "big boy rules". The jist of the concept is that we are all adults capable of making decisions AND accepting the consequences (good or bad) of that decision. A pretty simple concept that places an emphasis on consequences. Operating in big boy rules mode makes it impossible for me to feel any sympathy for any of them. Is it unfortunate that none of the parties involved will ever be the same again? Yes...but they all made their beds...Tough lessons learned the hard way.

I Live in a Post Facebook World

2011-09-26T18:31:00.000-07:00

While perusing Facebook this afternoon, I had the sudden realization that Facebook is really dumb. I just think that maybe there is more to life than the paragraph status updates that have substituted for friendship in the age of social networking. I was also bothered by the fact that I was starting to think of each experience as a status update. Breaking life down into short paragraphs is a disservice to life, and what passes for modern literature. Electronic vignettes scrolling down my screen with snippets of the daily experiences that my friends are having is no substitute for sitting down and having a conversation.

I recently had the pleasure of attending the weekend IOP beach party/wedding reception of an old friend. I spent an entire weekend connecting with people I love in the real world. I got to hear about the trials and tribulations of old friends, and interact with them face to face. We laughed, and talked about a pre computer life. We were all friends in the early 90's. Nobody had a cell phone, and the only computers we had were in the College of Charleston Library. These people became closer to me than family. We all happened to be in the same place during a time in our lives when each others company was a matter of survival. Being with them again evoked the same feeling of belonging I had when we all first came together. Made more special by the fact that I was able to share this experience with the woman I love.

Needless to say it was a special weekend. Considerably more special than reading a bunch of status updates and having that pass for a bonding experience. So I found myself reflecting upon that while I tried to navigate the significant changes in layout that the good folks at facebook saw fit to inflict upon us. As I read update after update complaining about the new look, I found myself growing amused and disgusted at the same time. Amused that this electronic opiate has changed the way society interacts, and disgusted that I was just as addicted as everyone else.

I would rather have real experiences, in the real world, with the people I love. Blogging gets a pass merely because it is a very convenient way to keep a journal. So my post facebook world begins. I feel a little like I am venturing into some post apocalyptic frontier, and I am sure I will have to get used to living my life the "old" pre-facebook way. I dont, however, think that will be much of a problem. Judging by the amount of laughter experienced with my old friends, I think I will slip back into my old lifestyle pretty easily.

PLEASE HELP FIND DAVE!!!!

2011-07-09T09:03:00.000-07:00

My friend has been missing since 29 June 2011. The people who love him are very worried about his well being. Please share my link with anyone and everyone!!!

Perception vs. Reality

2011-03-23T22:04:00.000-07:00

I have come to the conclusion that the constant bombardment of traumatic images from every corner of the world is terrible for my mental health. News media outlets constantly stream images of unprecedented human suffering. It seems to me that they try and out do each other for sensational headlines. I have had enough. The heart wrenching images from Japan, the bombings in Libya, the protests in the Middle East.

The media outlets distort fact, and quote out of context to make the story conform to what the author of the story thinks it should conform to. People don't report on the truth...they report on what their idea of the truth should be. Well my glass is full and I am saying when. In times that appear as dark as these I think it is my moral obligation to seek out some light. I am generally fairly cynical. I don't hold my fellow man in very high regard, and I think maybe the stupid folks have outbred the smart folks.

I thought long and hard about that tonight, and I have come to the conclusion that with a steady diet of the above mentioned, it would be impossible to think anything else. So what to do about it? Do I blame the media, and everyone else that perpetuates the media hype? Sure, I could take that route. But, I don't think any satisfaction will be gained from that. It will just be business as usual. I can say a heartfelt fuck you to everything and everyone, and withdraw into solitude. Give up on the world and just isolate myself with the bitterness. I have thought about that more than once. People do that every day, and quite frankly I think that is just the easy way out.

I have lived through a lot. I have seen, and experienced things in my life that even I have trouble believing. I have experienced more loss in a month, than some people experience in their entire lives, and I just keep picking myself up and plugging away.

While contemplating all of this I took stock. I have a fantastic home. I live in one of the most beautiful areas I have ever seen. I have a woman in my life who truly loves me unconditionally. Her family loves me, my family loves me, and I have friends that would be by my side at anytime no matter what. In short, I have a life that some people can only dream about.

So keeping that in the forefront in thought and action combats the negative...in fact it just plain cancels it out. Sure there are horrible atrocities being committed everyday. But, there are great things being done by people of all walks of life regardless of religion, status, nationality, or race. Spreading positive, reporting on someone helping their fellow man, taking the time to provide a service for someone in need. These are all things that can be done by everyone everyday. Keeping that in mind can allow me to take responsibility for my own part in the great scheme of things...change my outlook, focus on the beauty, and spread that word. Maybe we are not all going to hell in a hand basket...Bob Marley said "The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively". You can chalk that up to the musing of a guy that smoked a lot of weed, and sang songs for a living. But he believed it wholeheartedly, and his conviction was tested several times. He was steadfast in his beliefs...walked the walk as well as talking the talk. So I am going to try that route. That might be the answer for me...it might not but it is something!

Roadtrips In Fast Cars...

2011-02-22T11:27:00.001-08:00

"Hey man I think I am going to buy a Maserati and run the gumball rally"-Jason Grenevitch

That was the start of a casual conversation in Jason's office. I had no effing clue what the gumball rally was, so Jason hipped me to it, and we rolled out to a car dealership. I am the first to admit that I have a fairly surreal life. I have been to a lot of strange places, and have experienced A LOT of extraordinary things. Accordingly, I am not surprised by much. This was no exception.

As we gazed at an automotive masterpiece before us, Jason was already laying down the pros and con's of buying a Maserati. A little side note here...if you want someone to put forth a convincing argument for pretty much anything Jason Grenevitch is the guy to do it. Not being the one to pee on any ones parade, I egged him on enthusiastically. I really had no argument against it. He laid it out in a logical manner, and it all sounded great to me.

A week later I get a text... all it said was "In the driveway". Knowing exactly what it meant I laughed out loud. His argument was good enough for his wife so he bought the damn thing. Let me tell you...it is a GORGEOUS ride. Smooth lines, flawless interior, low miles...not flashy, it just exudes subtle confidence. A 400 plus HP machine that will easily exceed the 100mph mark without much of a strain. A car just as at home going full throttle on the open road, or cruising leisurely on Sunday afternoon with the family.

Cut to Feb 21, 2011

I get a text yesterday morning..."Google Gold Rush Rally". Fifteen minutes after I get the text, I get the call..." June, Denver to LA, 100 cars, we are in it!" I literally jumped up and down with excitement. So now I find myself preparing for an adventure that I never even imagined myself doing. I am going to take part in a rally that starts in Denver and ends in Los Angeles. Oh yeah there are stops in between...Park City, Vegas, Scottsdale, Los Angeles. Driving a high performance Italian luxury ride from Denver to LA, surrounded by 99 other exotic cars. It's not the Gumball, but it's definitely practice for the Gumball!

I should point out that my top three favorite movies when I was a kid were:

1. Star Wars (needs no explanation)
2. The Cannonball Run (Burt Reynolds, Dom Delouise)
3. Smokey and the Bandit (Burt Reynolds, Sally Field)

Notice that two of those movies have to do with fast cars and open road?? I told my brother Johnny about my latest adventure...his response " Are you going to dress like priests? "

SO that is how it comes to pass...We are going to be taking part in the 3rd Annual Gold Rush Rally from Denver to LA. We are driving Jason's Maserati Quattroporte, and I am quite sure that the experience will be second to none. I am definitely going to be posting more about this, and I am going to keep a daily online journal detailing our experiences. It is going to be CRAZY....

American Politics...

2010-01-20T06:41:00.000-08:00

After following the Massachusetts Senate race, and all the ranting and raving that accompanied it, I am compelled to point out that for the last 20 years we have been victim to the dumbing down of american politics. I am consistenly amazed that noone seems to say anything about that. We should hold our elected leaders to a much higher standard than what they are currently held to. Why should we be forced to choose from the lesser of two evils?? I traditionally vote democrat, and I supported Obama during his campaign. I was very excited when he was elected, and hopefully optimistic when he was innaugurated. A year later I regret it wholeheartedly. That being said there was no way I was going to vote for McCain after he chose that psycho from Alaska as a running mate. So I ask, why the hell do we have to be put in that position?

We live in the greatest country on the planet, of that I have no doubt, so we should have the best and brightest to choose from. Administrations change, the Republican/Democrat majority/minorities change, politicians constantly call for change, and the current president won by touting change as his main motivation. Everyone is saying "I will change things" but nothing really changes. People place the blame on the politicians and it is time to start taking responsibility for our actions. The current state of affairs is not the fault of George Bush,Joe Biden, Barack Obama, or Dick Cheney...it is OUR FAULT! WE ALLOW IT TO HAPPEN BY ELECTING THESE PEOPLE! The apathy of the american voter is incredible. This is our country and politicians work for us not the other way around...It starts at the local level, and continues all the way up to the president. Get involved, hell run for office, do something! Stop allowing the morons (Republicans and Democrats) that run our country to do what they have been doing for years.

Get over it...

2009-07-24T06:13:00.000-07:00

A prominent Harvard professor was arrested for disorderly conduct this week. Apparently he was returning from an overseas trip and could not get his key to work in his door. His vigilant neighbors called the police to report what they thought was a break in in progress. A police officer responded in a a timely manner. The professor became angry that a police officer was at his house. He had no idea that his neighbors had called the police. Words were exchanged between the officer and the professor. The exchange grew heated, and the professor was taken to jail for disorderly conduct. This happened in Cambridge Mass earlier this week. What I have neglected to mention is that the officer is white, and the professor is black. As this week draws to a close the incident has made national headlines, drawn an apology from the mayor or Cambridge, and a comment by our president. The president of the United States commented on the actions of a police officer in Cambridge Mass. I cant figure out what qualifies the president to comment on an incident that he has zero first hand knowledge of.

The professor immediately went to the press complaining that he was the victim of a racist police officer who was profiling. The police officer spoke to the press this week saying that he regretted the incident escalated to the level that it did. He further stated that the professor was combative from the very beginning. I can speculate that Mr. Gates (the professor) has probably had run ins with law enforcement in the past. I can also speculate that the police officer has had run ins with black men during his tenure as a law enforcement officer in Cambridge Mass. So now we are looking at the possibility of both parties having a chip on their shoulder. I may be way off base, but I think that is a reasonable theory.

If I look back at our countries history I can understand how the professor would be angry and defensive when a white police officer showed up at his house. And, I can understand the frustration of the officer when confronted with a combative black person in the early morning hours. Could the situation have been handled differently by both parties? Probably...But I was not there so I dont feel like I can make that call. I dont recall seeing that President Obama was there either. So my question is why is it any of his business?

Racisim has been a problem in the past no doubt. Great strides have been made, but it continues to be a problem. I think one of the biggest problems faced by society as a whole is that nobody wants to get over it. I cant imagine the pain suffered by previous generations...it must be intense. Mr. Gates, being a part of those previous generations, must have a great deal of fear based anger when confronted by a white police officer. The police officer must have a great deal of fear based anger when confronting a black man in the early morning hours. Look at that dynamic carefully though. That is not one sided profiling.

The problem of racism is not one sided. Stereotypes are perpetuated by people on both sides of the issue. Ths will continue to be a problem as long we ,as a society, continue to see color. It will also continue to be a problem if we keep looking to the atrocities of the past. GET OVER IT! Dwelling on the atrocities of our past dishonors the memories of the leaders that have sacrificed so much to get us to where we are today. Automatically assuming that an incident is racially motivated is a huge part of the problem. Change will never happen as long as those attitudes prevail. I hate to quote Rodney King but he really said it best..."Cant we all just get along?". The answer is yes. We can all just get along. It may take redefining our comfort zones. It may take shedding some misguided notions. It may even take letting go of long held beliefs based on negative experience. In short it takes GETTING OVER IT.

Marion Barry...Again...

2009-07-06T08:46:00.000-07:00

In 1979 I lived on Huntington St. in NW DC. I remember that people were waiting in line for gas,there was a place called Iran where American people were being held against their will, and a man named Khomeni was supposed to be scarier than the foot monster that lived in the space between the end of my bed and the wall. The foot monsters only job was to attack, and remove, my toes while I slept. A scary creature indeed. I remember one other event in 1979 very well. A man named Marion was sworn in as the mayor of Washington. I remember this well for a couple of reasons. I was not positive what a mayor was supposed to do, and he had the same name as the mom in Happy Days. I thought that was about the weirdest name ever. But, my parents assured me that Marion was a boys name too.

Being born and raised in Washington DC, I suppose I became politically aware earlier than kids who are not from DC. Now by politically aware, I had a general knowledge that there were people called politicians who were elected to run the country. I became aware of political parties, and what they stood for, shortly before my 12th birthday. Because DC is the capitol of our great nation, our local politics are often followed by the rest of world. When I say “local politics”, I actually mean local political scandals. Embarrassing moments are widely reported when it comes to local Washington politicians. I am pretty sure there has never been a DC politician who has had more “embarrassing moments” followed by the rest of the world than Marion Barry.

Barry was the epitome of a self made man. A black man born in Mississippi in 1936 had the deck stacked against him from the start. Talk about humble beginnings, he actually picked cotton as a child for money. He worked hard, went to college during a tumultuous time in our nations history, and became a student activist working to end bus segregation. His work as an activist is what brought him to Washington DC. His rise to power in the 70’s was meteoric. In a span of five years he went from serving as the elected school board president, to holding the highest office in the nations capitol. That is impressive by anyones standards.

I have often said that anything the DC government gets involved in goes bad. I believe wholeheartedly that Marion Barry is the reason for this. During the 80’s my fair city had the dubious honor of being the murder capitol of the world. I remember watching the news, and the lead off story would always be the running tally of murders. For several years the annual total was well over 300 homicides. The overwhelming majority of murders were drug related. If crack was the equivalent of a train careening out of control towards a congested rail road crossing, then DC was the equivalent of a child with his foot caught in the tracks. The carnage that crack brought with it was epic. Looking back it is easy to see how it happened. The man that we entrusted to take the needs of our city over his own was part of (and possibly the cause of) the problem.

I remember the day I knew the mayor was smoking crack. I was visiting my parents, watching the news with my mom. Marion Barry was heading a very bizarre anti drug rally in one of the many projects that Southeast DC was infamous for. He kept chanting “DOWN WITH DOPE UP WITH HOPE” and would not respond to reporters questions. I turned to my mom and stated ,matter of factly, that the mayor was smoking crack. My mom questioned it initially, but I was steadfast in my belief that the mayor was using cocaine. A few months later my mom called me and told me I was right. The mayor had just been arrested with a prostitute in a DC hotel smoking crack. I will never forget the image of this man, who possessed incredible potential, yelling “BITCH SET ME UP” as the FBI entered the room. Thus turning my hometown into the butt of jokes for years to come.

Barry was convicted, and served 6 months in prison. After his release from prison, and what amounts to urinating on the very concept of common sense, he was elected again. He served for a few more years as mayor, and was finally defeated by Anthony Williams in 1999. Incredibly, he is still an elected official in DC. I cant honestly say I was surprised to see Mr. Barry in the news again. Nor can I can I say that his arrest for stalking was a surprise. It must be getting hard to find a park police officer that has not arrested Marion Barry. Yet, incredibly he is still in office. This is a man who has betrayed the public trust repeatedly. He was using the very drug that caused thousands of deaths, and brought unimaginable pain to the residents of Washington. That alone is unforgivable. If I were him I would never be able to look at my constituents again. He may as well slap the widows of the police officers killed during the crack “wars” of the 80’s and early 90’s. Or, kick the mothers who lost sons to the violence that crack brought with it.

Now don’t get me wrong, I believe in redemption. I believe that a person should be forgiven for his wrongdoings, and be allowed to change. Change is the operable word there though. And, I believe with every fiber of my being that not forgetting the reason that forgiveness was needed is incredibly important. DC residents have been putting up with his antics for years…it is well passed time for Marion Barry to leave office and just go away. It seems the residents of DC are good at the forgiveness part, but severely lacking in the part about not forgetting. Marion Barry is an embarrassment, there is no other way to say it. The voting residents of Washington DC should have said enough is enough several years ago. I can only hope that someone in Ward 8 finally sees the light, and steps up to tackle a job that has not been well done.

The Truman Show on Acid...

2009-06-27T06:51:00.000-07:00

I have been spending a lot of time in hotels lately, and watching a lot of reality television. It seem that everything is "reality" now. Apparently it sells.
VH1 takes the cake for reality TV. Flavor of Love,I love New York,Rock of Love, and Daisy of Love are the greatest train wrecks in the history of television, and I have to say they are a guilty pleasure. In case you have not noticed I love watching stupid people be stupid. Set an idiot loose in a room full of idiots and video it...that may be the greatest thing ever. Season 2 of Flavor of Love (Think Ghetto Bachelor with Flavor Flav of Public Enemy as the star) highlighted a girl, nicknamed Somethin Somethin, who actually shit on Flavs floor. Should I say that again...SHIT ON THE FLOOR!!! Seriously, you cant script that! That takes gambling and losing to a whole new level. Needless to say she was eliminated. So, watching this is like being on the scene of a bad accident. I know it's going to scar me,I want to look away, but somehow I just cant. There have been several spin-offs of Flavor of Love concept. The most current one being Daisy of Love. Daisy of Love does not feature anyone shitting on the floor but it does have a bunch of IDIOTS trying to win the affection of a ding-bat named Daisy. Daisy is reasonably attractive if you are into B team strippers. The dudes that are trying to win her heart are grade A morons...I love it! I think the VH1 shows are the best out there because they are truly perpetual Jerry Springer moments.
I love watching this crap but I have to wonder...why the hell would anyone allow a camera to film their enitre life???
Which leads me to the next reality show...John and Kate plus 8. I have never actually watched an episode in it's entirety because I have a reaction that borders on rage when I see this couple and what they are doing to their kids. Kate impresses me as a ball busting bitch, and John impresses me as an absolute knucklehead with no spine. And, what is with that dudes melon!?!? His head block out the sun!!! How could they possibly think that it is OK to parade their children around for the world to watch? Don't they read entertainment mags??? How many child stars wind up in prison,rehab, or dead from drug overdoses??? Parents are supposed to set their kids up for success in life. I honestly think John and Kate are setting their kids up for a massive failure. Enough of my preaching...
I would love to make my own reality show...a hybrid if you will. Flavor of John and Kate Survivor UFC Challenge. Take John and Kate, some UFC fighters, the cream of the crop idiots from the VH1 reality shows, and put them on a truly deserted island for a year. I think the carnage that would ensue would be EPIC!!!! I imagine John and Kate would be killed and eaten by the VH1 folks, who in turn would be mangled by the UFC dudes. The winner of the challenge would have to devise a way to make it back to civilization. Now that would be entertainment! Shit they give a reality show to freakin meter maids...parking enforcement people have a show! Very disappointing though. you never get to see someon rage on a meter person and boot stomp them to within an inch of their life! Tow truck drivers have one...a camera follows them around and watches them tow people out of condos and apartment complexes. I think my idea is waaaaayyyy cooler than that! Maybe the public just isn't ready for it. Maybe I am a visionary who's time has not come. Maybe not...

Harvey Danger was right...

2009-06-26T06:52:00.000-07:00

Harvey Danger said "Been around the world and noticed only stupid people are breeding"...Probably the most accurate song lyric of all time. While sifting through the "news" on CNN, I came across a little gem of a headline. "17 Year Old Dies While Tweeting on Her Laptop in the Bathtub"...take a minute and let that sink in (no pun intended). Authorities surmised that she went to plug in her laptop (while in the tub) because her battery was dying. I joined Twitter two days ago, and from what I can see it serves no purpose whatsoever. I cant, for the life of me, figure out what the hell could be so important that she just absolutely had to tweet while bathing. Was it a running cyber commentary of bathing?

"Filling tub"
"Undressing for bath"
"Stepping in water"
"Sitting in tub"
"Crap,laptop is about to die"
"Pluggin in la..."

Do you think that the people that were following this person saw what was coming as soon as "filling tub" came through? Do you think they said to themselves " oh shit this is not going to turn out well" ?

I dont have the best impulse control by any stretch, but I am fairly certain that I would not be overcome by the absolute need to tweet while in the tub. Or, do anything else that required an electrical appliance plugged in while bathing! In my mind that is the same as being overcome with craving for toast while bathing...ooo I have an idea I will just bring the toaster in the tub with me. That way I can take care of my hunger, and get clean at the same time!

One of my all time favorite bumper sticker says "YOU! OUT OF THE GENE POOL" funny as hell in my opinion. But, if I think about it long enough I realize a couple of things. If all of the stupid people were suddenly taken off of the face of the earth, this place would be REALLY lonely. And, I would not laugh nearly as much as I do now. If you start a sentence with " Hey man hold my beer and watch this" or "HEEEEY I got an idea" a couple of things are going to happen. Your chances for serious injury, or death, are going to rise exponentially. And, your chances of people laughing at your plight for years and years are going to rise exponentially. Being a somewhat sensitive person I would love to gather these folks up and try to show them the error of their ways but damn I would miss out on a lot of laughs. So here's to the idiots in this world! Thank you for being as dumb as you are, and making my world a little bit brighter!!!

Twitter and the Cult of Rob G

2009-06-24T07:23:00.000-07:00

I joined Twitter today. I am a bit fascinatd by it, but not sure what to think of it. I activated my account, created a profile, and posted an update. While perusing the site I found a page that said I have no followers. Followers...interesting choice of words. Jesus had followers,Moses had followers,Jim Jones had followers, and Charles Manson had followers. So I have officially joined the ranks of religious icons and maniacs. I have always thought I would be a good cult leader, so maybe this is a good start. I dont think I will ever attain the skill that Jesus had...the closest I come to walking on water is pond swooping. Turning water into wine would be a fairly handy skill though...I would be very popular at parties. Moses defintely had it going on with the whole parting the red sea thing...but his navigational skills were lacking. I mean the dude did wander around lost in the desert for 40 years. One would think that eventually he would stop and ask for directions. Plus, cruising the desert with that many people for that long would suck...40 years of " are we there yet?". Hell, that question used to drive my parents crazy while we were making the 5 hour trip to New Haven for Christmas. 40 years of that would be a living hell. Manson...What can I say about him??? Not really a good role model, and his only redeeming qualities are his parole hearings that are televised every few years. VERY ENTERTAINING! That dude is completely out of his mind. Jim Jones was another nutty one. He must have been one charismatic son of a bitch though. He got several hundred people to move to an island in the middle of nowhere and then off themselves. So there are the extremes of people with followers. The extreme good being Jesus and Moses, and the extreme bad being Manson and Jones. So there is a shitload of middle ground for me! I have to ponder these things if I am going to be a cult leader. So twitter is my first step. I am thinking that the ultimate goal should be world domination...lofty I know but I dont think it is completely out of reach. So today Twitter...tomorrow the world? Probably not...but it is fun to imagine the possibilities...

Stifling humidity and the state of mental health...

2009-06-23T06:15:00.000-07:00

I read somewhere that violent crime increases during the summer when it is hot. In Iraq the summer months see an increase in suicide bombings and Iraqi on Iraqi crimes. Having experienced the stifling heat in Iraq I can tell you that my level of aggression rose with the temperature...but I have to hand it to the Iraqis,when the temp topped 120 and continued to rise I reached a plateau in aggression levels. They continued doing whatever it is they do despite the heat. It got so freakin hot that I did not feel like doing a damn thing. Cut to Cleveland Ohio...the outside temp is not horrible by any means. As a matter of fact as I was going to work this morning I thought it was downright pleasant this morning. A typical pleasant morning. I rode shotgun in the caddy with Jason driving,we made fun of Cleveland people, and joked about suicide being an option if we were forced to live here. There may be people from Cleveland reading this...don't get your panties in a wad...I am sure it's a nice place to live,it's just not for me. Anyway, I digress, we walked into the Ritz (not the greatest place ever), and wandered up to the floors our clients are occupying. As soon as I stepped out of the stairwell I was almost overcome by a wave of humidity that rivals Charleston SC in August! In case you have not been there, Charleston in August is Equatorial Guinea hot! So now I sit and wonder...WHY THE FUCK DON'T THEY KEEP THE AC RUNNING???? I have had days on this hallway where I have had to wear a coat and hat it was so cold. Where are those days!?!? It cant be an electric bill issue...our clients are spending over a million a month here. It could possibly be a mechanical issue. It could be some grand conspiracy to keep me , and my partner, uncomfortable as hell. I wont discount that immediately. But, I have often been told that the simplest explanation is most likely the correct one. In my humble opinion, I think it is just sheer idiocy. I am pretty sure the engineers in this hotel just sit around with their collective thumbs up their collective butts and discuss the best method to unclog a toilet. Our calls to them go unanswered because I am pretty sure they don't know how to answer the thing on the wall that makes noise every now and then. I imagine them in their lair looking at the switch with the pretty lights that controls the AC switching it on and off. They probably laugh like little Ralphie Wiggum when the lights come on, and get sad when the lights turn off. So given the limited resources that they have to work with, I guess I should be happy that the place has not burned down. I should probably resign myself to being uncomfortable for 12 hours a day. I suppose I have dealt with worse...

You motorboatin son of a bitch!!!!!!!!

2008-12-27T11:55:00.001-08:00

I have a lot of time on my hands at work...a lot of time. So sitting in one spot for 12 hours at a time causes a mind to wander. My brother is coming back into LA tonight, and wants to go out. My team leader wants to go out as well, and another one of my coworkers opted to stay in. Without any prompting he asked about a famous strip club here in LA. Now I dont think we are planning on hitting a strip club (although I have no moral objections). But, it did start me thinking. The business relationship between a dancer and a customer may be the greatest business arrangement of all time. They have boobies, the customer wants to see boobies, and they charge a lot of money for that priveledge. Look at it purely from that standpoint (not taking into account issues associated with strip clubs) and it's a truly incredible business relationship. Boobies make people happy! Try saying the word boobies without cracking a smile. I bet you cant. Yell it...BOOBIES! I bet you smile. THe people around you might look at you funny, but I am sure that at least one person will smile as his or her mind starts to wander. I'm just sayin...boobies make people happy. Vince Vaughn uttered the lines.."Did you motorboat her...I bet you did you motorboatin son of a bitch" with a huge smile on his face, and everyone in the theater smiled as well. I know I am not the only one who feels this way...So lets all echo the sentiments of The Bloodhound Gang...Hooray For Boobies!!!!!!

My job...

2008-12-19T01:03:00.000-08:00

I took a great deal of time off from my "real job". Enough time to realize a few things. One of the biggest realizations is that I enjoy being in one place leading a normal life. Right now my life is so far from normal that anyone reading this would not believe me. I spent 9 days in NYC watching a woman who was pushing 80 spend money like she printed it. All in cash as well! She had really refined shopping to an artform!
I am now in LA looking after a family I have looked after before. I spend 12 hours a night in a hallway just in case the protectee wants to go out. Her son had 2 cars delivered here today. The new Mclaren Mercedes, and a brand new ferrari. Paid for with cash! It is unfreaking believable I tell you. Over a million dollars in automobile paid for in cash. Seriously...a 610 thousand dollar car...is that really necesary? Apparently in some circles it is.
I enjoy what I do but its time for me to move on. I miss Jamie terribly...I guess I am at a point in my life where I just really value what is important, and I have trouble tolerating the things that are not. It would be one thing if I was actually keeping someone safe...especially someone that deserved to have me keep them safe. But, I am not. In my younger days, when I first started in this business I would work anyone...anyone at all. I protected a lot of people that were not very nice. I try to stay away from that now. I tend to only protect people that have a significant threat, and have a need/desire for security. My current gig is nowhere close to that...my current gig is purely for the money. And, right about now that is not a good enough reason for me.
So this time next year I want to have a new career. I want to do something that serves the greater good, and I dont want to be away from the person I love. I used to work all the time. I ignored everything but work, and my life fell apart. I worked hard to put a life back together, and the life I have is like nothing I could have ever imagined. I want to keep it that way.
So here it is in writing...my commitment to do something else. I want to read this a year from now, and smile as I am preparing for the holidays with Jamie in our place in New England. I dont want to be calling her from some distant location saying I wish I was there with you. Sharing happiness...that is what is important. That is my priority. After this job I dont think I wil be losing sight of that...

Civilian Casualties

2008-11-06T09:19:00.000-08:00

I read a friends post on Facebook today about an airstrike in Afghanistan that killed 7 civilians. The only part of the article she posted was the part about 7 civilians being killed. She forgot to mention that 15 taliban fighters who had just ambushed a NATO column were killed. She carried on in her post about innocent civilian deaths in Afghanistan. 15 bad guys standing next to 7 "innocents". The article said that the "innocent" casualties were sons of the people that lived in the area. They may be young, children actually, but I have serious doubts as to their innocence. A child can kill you just as quickly in a warzone. Kids in Iraq act as spotters for the crews manning IEDs on routes frequented by American troops. Thats not speculation on my part...that is fact. I have seen it with my own eyes. The people we are fighting in Afghanistan have already demonstrated that they are capable of making devastating blows to the American people right here at home. Keeping them "on the run" keeps us safe here at home. Bringing the fight to them is the only way to win. And, when we bring the fight to them make it fierce. The war in Iraq has clouded the issues when it comes to the war in Afghanistan. The poeple in Afghanistan allowed the terrorist organizations to build training camps to train people to carry out operations inside the US...INSIDE THE US. They will do it again given the chance. So 7 "civilian" casualties to kill 15 bad guys...totally acceptable. 40 "civilian" casualties to kill 4 bad guys...acceptable. 3000 people died when the planes sarted hitting buildings...3000 plus American lives lost on our soil. They will do it again...so keep bombing them, chase them into the hills, follow them, and kill them. Harsh words...but war is a terrible terrible thing. Half assing a war makes it worse...let our boys do their jobs over there, and bring them home when its done. And thank them for doing the terrible things they had to do to keep us safe...

Kermit the Frog?

2008-10-27T11:51:00.000-07:00

I often ask myself, and anyone in earshot, if the whole world has suddenly become less intelligent. Usually my exact words go something like this..."Holy shit! Has the whole world taken a fucking stupid pill?!?!?!". I have been asking myself this question a lot lately. It usually follows something I see covered on some news site, or on TV. For example, when John McCain announced Sarah Palin as his running mate. Or, When Barack Obama announced Joe Biden as his running mate. I have since tempered my initial response to both choices. Sarah Palins incredible audacity, and sheer idiocy is completely entertaining. And, I have no response positive or negative when it comes to Joe Biden. I have resigned myself to the fact that Rome is definitely burning and there is nothing I can do about it so I think I will fiddle happily. I have not seen a single political advertisement, I did not watch the debates, and I no longer give a fat rats ass who wins this election. None of the candidates are worthy of my vote. I am going to write in Kermit the Frog. I have watched Kermit since he was a cub reporter on Sesame Street with his trademark "Hi-Ho Kermit the Frog here!". I watched his rise from the swamps...I watched him lead his merry band of muppets through one adventure after another. Kermit is honest,loyal,honorable, and friendly. He has more leadership qualities than any of the candidates that we have to choose from, and he is infinitely smarter than our current president. So before you ask yourself..."Has Rob G taken a fucking stupid pill today?" sit through the original Muppet Movie. You'll see what I mean...