Rants, Raves, & Reviews

Calling it Quits

2009-11-27T09:42:00.000-06:00

Thank you all for following the blog for all these years. Its been a fun three and a half years but Its time to call it quits. With the podcast and horrorphilia.net I just dont have the time anymore to give proper attention to the blog that it deserves. It was fun doing all the reviews, jokes and especially the pics. Thank you all for coming and if you are a horror fan I hope you check us out over at horrorphilia.net and listen to our two podcasts: Horrorphilia Podcast and Horrorphilia NEWs Podcast. Now ill leave you all with one last batch of pics.

Inappropriate Joke of the Week

2009-11-19T15:05:00.000-06:00

Q: What was the best thing about the Cash for Clunkers program?
A: It took all those Obama stickers off of the road!

No clunkers but some good ol Junk in the Trunk for your enjoyment!

Happy Monday

2009-11-16T16:33:00.000-06:00

Dang i have a feeling its going to be a long week. At least my Titans are finally on a roll. Didnt do much just relaxed and recorded a new episode of Horrorphilia Podcast over at Horrorphilia.net

Happy Monday

2009-11-09T11:02:00.000-06:00

I hope everyone had a good weekend. I just relaxed played more Left4Dead 2 demo and recorded Horrorphilia Podcast 18 the prom night special.

1000th post!

2009-11-05T14:14:00.000-06:00

I started the blog back in July 2006 and Ive finally reached my 1000th post. Since ive been so busy with the new sister blog horrorphilia.net I havent had much of a chance recently to update this one as frequently as I would like. There was a time when I actually wrote reviews on a regular basis instead of just posting pics of hot chicks! But in celebration for this milestone I went through the archives (almost 1000 pics!) to find some of my all time favorite hotties. Not all of these chicks are the hottest out there but each one in a different way found a soft spot (hard spot) in my heart (pants).
click on pics for a larger view.

And my favorite individual ass shot!

And a special shout out goes to Cassia Riley. Shes by far the most viewed woman that google search led to my blog.

Hump Day

2009-11-04T16:38:00.000-06:00

Hump Day
Wow what a long day. I cant wait till the weekend. This is my 999th post so I have a special 1000th post planned for tomorrow.

2009-11-03T09:05:00.000-06:00

Top 5 Movies of October
1. GI Joe - why did I ever doubt Sommers. Even though all he makes is cheesy popcorn movies they still are a lot of fun.
2. The Tournament - the second cheesy action movie on my list. Its about a bunch of Assassins hunting each other down in a winner take all tournament. I like the fact its fast paced and knows what its trying to be.
3. Zombieland - A really enjoyable zombie comedy. Im not a huge comedy guy but I can see how people love it.
4. The Orphan - way better than I was expecting. I really dug the twist but ending was a little let down.
5. The Hills Run Red - a fun slasher.

Happy Monday

2009-11-02T20:10:00.000-06:00

Happy Monday

I hope everyone had a great weekend. Partied hard (actually light) and recorded the Horrorphilia Podcast Halloween Special.

Coming Soon

2009-10-29T16:08:00.000-05:00

Preparing for horrorphilia 17, the Halloween mega episode. Stayed tuned for a bunch more movie reviews and video reviews from me. More metal reviews are coming. Also the joke section is back and of course more fine hotties!

Terrific Thursday

2009-10-29T11:21:00.000-05:00

I missed Hump Day so Im gonna make up for it with this post. Only two more days to Halloween!

MMA Crave

2009-10-26T14:46:00.000-05:00

MMA CRAVE
Just found a cool new website to check out for all your MMA needs. Its called MMA Crave and they have Exclusive MMA Fight Videos including UFC, Strikeforce, WEC and Pride! They are located at www.mmacrave.com.

2009-10-26T14:43:00.000-05:00

Happy Monday

I hope everyone had a great weekend. Just relaxed and prepared for the new Horrorphilia Podcast by watching a bunch of crappy Halloween based movies.

2009-10-19T17:30:00.000-05:00

Happy Monday!

I hope everyone one had a great weekend. Saw Zombieland which was pretty cool, relaxed and went Halloween costume shopping.

Hump Day

2009-10-14T15:29:00.000-05:00

Hump Day
Only two more days till I can play some serious Left4Dead and Odst. If my tv gets fixed!!!

Austrian Death Machine - Double Brutal Album Review

2009-10-14T12:34:00.000-05:00

Artist: Austrian Death Machine
Album: Double Brutal
If you cant tell by the title and cover art, Austrian Death Machine is a party thrash/death metal band whose songs and lyrics are all about the man, the myth, the legend, the governator, Mr. Arnold Schwarzeneggar. I really dug thier first album Total Brutal. It wasnt the most mind blowing technical metal but it was a lot of fun to listen to. Now the boys are back with a double album of more party mayhem. The first half is more original material inspired by the movies of Arnie and the second album is a cover album featuring covers of Metallica, Megadeth, Misfits and more. The music is pretty much old thrash in the vein of like Exodus and early Suicidal Tendenecies. There are skits scattered throughout the album that get tiresome after one listen but fortunately there are still 17 tunes all together. If you liked their first album then you will like this. But if you have never heard of them and are a fan of thrash and Arnold then its definitely worth a listen. Its actually one of the better thrash albums of the year. Stand out cuts include: I Need Your Clothes, Your Boots, and Your Motorcycle (from T2), Let Off Some Steam Bennett (from Commando), See You At The Party Richter (from Total Recall), and Trapped Under Ice (Metallica cover).
Final Rating: 7.5/10

2009-10-12T13:47:00.000-05:00

Happy Monday
I hope everyone had a great weekend. My Xbox hd av cable broke and actually shorted out my Hdtv. Luckily the tv is still under warranty. I love my xbox but man they have a lot of hardware issues. Other than that I watched a boatload of movies (mostly bad), lifted my alcohol ban, and played some more Left4dead.

Hump Day

2009-10-07T13:52:00.000-05:00

Hump Day

Only two more days till the weekend. Been a few weeks without alcohol so I need to rectify that situation soon.

2009-10-07T13:47:00.000-05:00

Top 5 Movies of September
Holy crap what a fucking chore to decide what to put here. Since Fantastic Fest was in September I had a boatload of awesome movies to choose from.
1. Merantau - Just a fucking bad ass martial arts film from Indonesia.
2. Rec 2 - Awesome sequel to an awesome movie.
3. District 9 - nuff said
4. Doghouse - one of the best comedy horror movies Ive ever seen.
5. The Shortcut - awesome PG13 horror from Adam Sandler and Scary Madison.

Happy Monday

2009-10-05T12:15:00.000-05:00

Happy Monday
I hope everyone had a great weekend. Horrorphilia 14 is up.

Fantastic Fest Day 8

2009-10-03T12:56:00.000-05:00

Fantastic Fest Day 8

Its the final day of the festival and Im happy for the experience but also elated that its over. It was fucking rough working, watching 25 movies and dealing with allergies. This day I rewatched Merantau and The Reventant. Also watched a pretty interesting quirky action drama called The Dirty Mind.

Merantau

Easily the biggest surprise of the festival and tied with my favorite movie of the festival along with Rec 2. Must see for any action or martial arts fans.

Dirty Mind

This movie style is pretty hard to describe. Its like a quirky drama with action and comedy elements in it. The movie is about this dude thats injured doing a movie stunt and it changes his personality. He transforms from a shy nice guy into a rambuncious, funny, ego maniac thats awesome at performing movie stunts. He has some brain damage and the doctors want to do an exeperimental surgery that will return him to normal and also help others that have this condition that are far worse off then him. He relishes his new self and doesnt want to do the experiment and his doctor thats treating him for his condition falls for him. He eventually ruins his relationship with his brother that started the whole stunt crew and his parents. The movie also had a pretty predictable ending but If you are into foreign dramas then I definitely recommend it. Final Rating: 7/10

The Revenant

Finshed the festival by watching one of the better movies again. I think it has some mass appeal if marketed right. Solid horror comedy.
That was the end of the festival for me. I tried to get into Daybreakers but didnt make the standby cut. Glad this is over but already pumped for next year.

Fantastic Fest Day 7

2009-10-03T12:35:00.000-05:00

Fantastic Fest Day 7
I fell asleep during first movie K-20. Saw the wrong movie when I picked The Bare Breasted Countess over Private Eye. Rewatched the awesome Doghouse and ended the night with the fucked up The Human Centipede.

K-20: The Fiend with 20 Faces

I fell asleep about 20 minutes in so I won't give it a score rating. From what I saw thought it was a kiddy action adventure movie that I didnt dig at all. Unfortunately I woke up for the last 30 minutes and saw the predictable ending. Nothing left to say. It was well done but cheesy.

The Bare Breasted Countess

I picked this movie instead of watching Private Eye which was picked by several people as the best movie of the festival. I only picked this because Jess Franco was there in attendance and the movie is not available on dvd. To be honest the movie basically is a soft core porn movie. There is very little dialogue and a paper thin plot. There was more bush in this movie than at George W's family reuninon. The main vampire chick Lina Romay (and now Jess Franco's wife) was fucking smoking hot in the movie. This was not a movie to be watching in a packed theater but better suited for the privacy of your own home with towel in reach. It was very artsy and well filmed but not really much more to it. Movie is about this vampire chick that seduces men and women, goes down on them and then eventually sucks the blood out of them while giving them oral. Thats all there is to it. While not really a great movie Im still glad I saw it and it was cool to see the Q and A session given by Frank and Lina at the end. She had a lot of classic funny lines. Final Rating: 5.5/10

Doghouse

Rewatched this movie and loved it even more the second time. Awesome horror comedy.

The Human Centipede

Holy shit what a fucked up movie. I had pretty high expectations for it since it won the award there for the best horror movie. While it was nowhere that good I still enjoyed the whacky premise. The movie is about this dude that captures people and sews them together in fucked up experiments. I dont want to give away the "money" scene of the movie but its pretty shocking when it happens. While watching the movie I thought there was a lot of unintentional laughs but after the Q and A session with the funny ass director Tom Six, Im not so sure anymore. The craziest Q and A session Ive ever been a part of. To say much more about it would be spoiling the movie. Not for everyone but if you are into fucked up horror then this may be up your alley. Also a terrific performance by Dieter Laser as the main doctor. Very good movie but just dont let the hype overwhelm you. Final Rating: 7.25/10

Fantastic Fest Day 6

2009-10-03T11:44:00.000-05:00

Fantastic Fest Day 6

At this point I was fully rested and ready to heavy metal. On my slate were 4 more movies. Starting off with British horror movie Salvage, Breathless, Ninja Assassin, and ending with the insane Vampire Girl vs Frankenstein Girl.

Salvage

Damn I was pretty disappointed with this movie. British horror movies lately have been kicking my ass in a good way so I was pumped to start the day with this. Hell even the poster is kick ass. Instead what I got was a very boring average horror flick at best. The movie started off pretty solid with news report of a mysterious tanker crate that was found on the beach and empty. The story follows a teenage girl with her divorced Dad thats on his way to drop her off at her mom's house for Christmas. When the girl arrives she finds her mom fucking some dude she had just hooked up with. The girl goes across the street to stay at her friends and then the rest of the movie focuses on her mom and this married dude she fucking and doesnt even know his name. Pretty soon after that this paramilitary group comes in shooting and telling the citizens to stay locked in their house. The movie trys to be mysterious not revealing whether the military guys are there to protect or whether they have an ulterior motive. Basically its a monster/infected movie focusing on this white trash mom and her f buddy as they survive the day. Not really anything scary happens and the characters themselves are pretty bland. I really wish they would have stayed with the teenage girl instead. Not really much to say about this movie but its very forgettable. I think its filmed pretty well and I liked some of the perfomances but not enough to really recommend it. Final Rating: 6/10

Breathless

This ended up being one of the highest rated films of the festival so I was pretty pumped to see it. Not to mention im a huge fan of Korean cinema in general and this was suppose to be a great self financed directorial debut from an up and coming director. I can say I really liked it but it fell short of loving it. The movie is about this debt collector that lives his life not giving a shit about anyone and doing anything he fucking likes. Did i mention yet this movie has probably more cussing than any other movie ive ever seen? Not only that everyone in the movie fucking hits or slaps everyone else. So the movie focuses on the debt collector and this high school chick that he meets one day. Not really much goes except just showing there normal daily lives. Not sure if the movie suppose to have some time of deep message about violence or Korean culture. I enjoyed a majority of it but thought the ending was a little predictable and cliche. If you are into Korean dramas then this movie will satifsy. Final Rating: 7/10

Ninja Assassin

I grew up on Ninja movies. Both Revenge of the Ninja and Shogun's Ninja are still some of my favorite movies. I remember owning nunchuckas, flying stars, throwing knives and other ninja shit. There hasnt been a big budget American ninja movie in some time so I was also looking forward to this especially since its theatrical release is not until November 25th. This movie I think accomplishes what it set out to do. Just be a fun popcorn kick ass action flick. The strong points are the pacing, the blood, the performances and the blood. Yes there is a shit load of gore and blood even if it is all cgi. I was shocked when Mctiegue admitted that the MPAA passed it as R without any cuts at all. There are still a few problems I had with it. The biggest complaint I have along with other people ive read and talked to was that a lot of action scenes and fighting was done in the dark so it was hard to see a lot that was going on. There were also a little too many flashback training scenes. But the movie was paced pretty well and wasnt overlong. I was also happy the movie was pretty brutal. Even though the blood was all cgi it was still some of the best cgi blood to date. Only a few blood scenes I had a problem with. The acting was solid even though the dialogue and story wasnt the most original. Rain did an awesome job as the Ninja Assassin and his English was pretty damn good. In conclusion I think a majority of action fans are going to dig this movie. It did have a slight throw back action feel to it I really dug. Final Rating: 7.5/10

Vampire Girl vs Frankenstein Girl

Yep you read the movie title right. This movie is as silly and goofy as it sounds. This is the newest film from the director of last years Tokyo Gore Police. I love this new wave of Japanese blood spray action movies such as Machine Girl, Tokyo Gore Police, Robo Geisha, and Hard Revenge Milly. The movie is about this smokin hot Japanese chick thats the new girl at school and falls for this dude pretty hard. This dude is kind of dating this other smoking hot chick who's Dad is a teacher and one of the head people at the high school. You quickly find out that the new girl is really a vampire and is killing the people in town. Also the nurse and teacher are mad scientists and making people into frankensteins. So basically they confront each other and have a huge final battle. This movie is extremely goofy in parts. There are several high school cliques that are ridiculous, like the wrist cutter girls and this group of girls that all want to be black. The movie flows very well though and will have you laughing the whole time. Not for everyone but if you dig this style then you will love this movie.
Final Rating: 7/10

Fantastic Fest Day 4 & 5

2009-10-02T13:43:00.000-05:00

Fantastic Fest Day 4 & 5
I was so tired and burnt out I primarily rested these two days and took care of some personal stuff. The only movie I saw was Uwe Boll's Rampage and I walked out of Morphine cuz I was bored to death.
Rampage Movie Review
People have called me a Uwe Boll apologist and I dont deny it. Yeah his early movies are terrible to average at best but I think he has turned a corner recently with his recent output. Tunnel Rats is still one of my favorite movies of the year and Stoic is very very solid. While Rampage is not one of his best it still is a pretty good movie. The story is ultra simple. A dude that lives with his parents gets fed up with life and buys a kevlar suit of armor and goes down the street killing people and robbing a bank. The movie is filmed with handheld on a lot of shots and shows a lot of close up interview style with the main guy kind of explaining his motivations. Half the movie is set up and then he finally goes on his rampage. Those scene were cool and eerily realistic looking. There is a fantastic scene where he goes into a bingo hall unnoticed. It was very different than what you probably would expect. Its definitely more of a drama with some action bits thrown in. I really liked the look and feel of it but something was missing to put it over the top. I cant really put my finger on it but I thought it was well done but just average. I can see how people would either like it or hate it though. I do give Uwe credit for his awesome Q & A session afterwards. People were grilling him left and right and he handled it all very well. One dude said "my friend told me to ask you to please stop making movies!" He was also asked where does he fit in the heirarchy of directors and basically answered that he dont care he's just doing what he likes. He did mention Tunnel Rats and Stoic a lot so I think even he realizes that this is probably a new era for the director which im looking forward to. Final Rating: 6/10

Fantastic Fest Day 3

2009-10-02T13:10:00.000-05:00

Fantastic Fest Day 3
Day three is here and I was started to feel the lack of sleep. Today I saw four more movies. A documentary, an insane action movie and ended it with two more horror comedies.
Cropsey
The only documentary of the festival but it felt right at home in the spirit of the fest. Its basically about this dude named Cropsey that was arrested for murder in the 70's for the death of a young girl on staten island New York. He is also suspected for the disappearance of up to 6 more children. The movie was co directed by two directors who were very visible during the documentary itself which I liked quite a bit. They grew up in the area so they were very with the material and did a great job just exposing the story itself and trying to dig up answers. The fault of the movie for me is that they didnt really end up exposing some big secret or conspiracy like they were probably hoping. Still I enjoyed it for what it was. Final Rating: 6.5/10
Yatterman
When it comes to Takishi Miike you just never know what the fuck you are going to get. It could either be pure twisted genious or just some crazy bullshit. Luckily this movie is much more like the former that the latter. After a funny video introduction to the movie the movie starts full force. The movie feels like a big budget anime cartoon show that was filmed live action. Normally I would hate this shit but there was just a unique touch that just kept me glued to the screen. 90% of the movie was cgi heavy which actually really worked with the spirit of the movie. The story is about a group of heroes called Yatterman that weekly fight against a group of criminals called the Doronbo gang. They are both in search of the pieces of this magical skull that will give its inheritors extreme power. Basically 3 different times in the movie the two teams meet and battle it out with Yatterman always on top. To be honest. It was cheesy, melodramtic, some juvenile humor but it all just worked for me. Final Rating: 7.75/10
Yesterday
This is an ultra low budget Canadian zombie comedy. Its your basic set up with survivors trying to look for other survivors and make their way out of the city. Its just a couple of friends that meet up with a loner dude that is a professional shooter and two assholes that find delight in shooting the zombies and even normal humans. There are some cool gory kills and some intentional and unintentional humor that really worked. The story wasnt the most original and some of the camera work and acting were shoddy. But I still applaud them for their effort and its definitely better than the average stdvd crap out there. Final Rating: 6.25
The Revenant
The 4th horror comedy Ive seen at the festival and one of the best. This won the festival award for best director of a horror movie. The movie is about this soldier thats killed and shipped back over to the U.S. for his funeral. He's buried in a coffin and he awakes at night as a creature of the night. He seeks out his best friend for help. The chemistry between the two leads was awesome. Chris Wylde was funny as hell as the not too bright loyal friend. His delivery and facial expressions were dead on. The movie has a strange turn with the friends becoming essentially a vigilante group of crime fighters. Also there is a scene and gag that I could see being highly controversial but still worked very well. Im not too sure about the final 15 minutes if they could have come up with something better but I thought it ended on a very strong beat. This is a very professionally made movie and a shame it hasnt been picked up for distribution or even a theatrical release. Final Rating: 7.75

Fantastic Fest Day Two

2009-09-28T07:12:00.001-05:00

Fantastic Fest Day Two

What an amazing festival so far. By far the best one ive attended. Out of 9 movies so far only two that I disliked. Unfortunately day two started off like day one. With a bad movie.

The Legend is Alive

The Legend may be alive but this movie viewer was almost asleep. Not really much positive to say about this movie. Its basically a Vietnamese drama about a slow dude that lives with his mother and thinks his father is Bruce Lee. After his mother dies he tries to make his way to America and gets into trouble on the way trying to protect a young girl he encounters. Once the action starts its very amateurish and unimaginative. Final Rating: 3/10

Hard Revenge Milly and Hard Revenge Milly:Bloody Battle

I had no idea what to expect from these movies. Hard Revenge Milly is a low budget crazy Japanese short movie (47 min) in the vein of Machine Girl. Its post apocalyptic Japan and Milly's husband and child and killed and burned before her eyes. Milly is also horribly wounded and left for dead. But a mad scientist finds her and makes her a half human/ half cyborg killing machine with a shotgun in her kneecap, mechanical arms from her chest along with a flame thrower. So Milly is out to get revenge on her torturers. Simply storyline but thats all it needed. It had some instane stuntwork and some great fight choreography that was often very funny. Hard Revenge Milly: Bloody Battle was the full length follow up that was shown immediately after it. It was just more of the same thing except for Milly now has a mechanical arm that can shoot off of her body attached to a cable. These were not for everybody but I had a blast watching it. Final Rating for the two: 7/10.

Sweet Karma

This movie was a very low budget revenge thriller. The story is about this Russian mute chick named Karma that is out to get revenge on the people who kidnapped her sister and sold her into slavery on the Canadian black market. The was the first just ok movie I saw at the festival. I didnt hate it but didnt really like it either. It was probably a little too ambitious for the low budget. Final Rating: 6/10

Trick r Treat

There was just no way this movie can live up to the hype. The wait is finally over. Ive been looking forward to this movie for almost two years. Even though its about to be released on dvd I was grinning just thinking about watching it on the big screen. For the most part it didnt disappoint. The first thing that popped out was the awesome set design. From the houses, to the streets lined with pumpkins, to the parade till all the stuff in the woods all of it just tied together perfectly. While it was an anthology movie it was pretty different by not really have it split up into sections but having it all flow together till it ties up in the end. There was basically four different storylines which I liked to different varying degrees. The werewolf story I liked the least with the kids going to the rock quarry was my overall favorite. Not as good as I hoped but still a solid horror anthology. Final Rating: 7.5/10.

Doghouse

This was the midnight screening on day two of Fantastic Fest. The only thing I knew about this movie was this it was done by Jake West whose last two full length movies were the shitty Pumpkinhead sequel and the just ok Evil Aliens. Wow I was pleasantly surprised. This was a very solid horror comedy. It was about a group of friends over in England that go on a weekend retreat to help cheer up their mate that was recently divorced. When they arrive at the small village they immediately notice something is not right. They encounter a bunch of crazy zombie bitches out for blood. Also their female bus driver turns to a zombie and prevents them from leaving in their chartered shuttle bus. The only survivor they encounter tells them that its a military experiment gone wrong and the virus only affects females. Stuck in the village the men basically go from house to house, store to store trying to devise an escape plan. Not only were the gore and kills pretty cool, but there was a lot of funny moments. Yeah its another zombie comedy but I think it did enough to stand out on its own. It may actually be my favorite zombie comedy ever. Final Rating: 8.25/10