Raspberry Stethoscope

Mud Crusade 2012

2012-04-21T22:01:00.001-04:00

This morning I ran, jumped, crawled, and dragged myself through a mud obstacle course 5k known as the MUD CRUSADE!

I somehow convinced Mirza to do it with me, and a few people from our CrossFit box.
Photos courtesy of my box's Facebook page...

We were expecting harsh thunderstorms, but lucked out and it was just a beautiful, overcast morning...

Here we are at the start of the race...

This was Mirza's first race of any kind, and I have to say that he did excellent. If I hadn't asked him to wait for me a few times, he would have finished way, way ahead of me!

We were in the first wave, which I am thankful for since that meant we would be the first ones in the mud! Although, I have to say, this mud was more like clay than anything else...

I am in the back coming down the hill...

We ran over hills, through muddy water...

We scaled walls, crawled under ground through dark, wet trenches, and clung to nets...

We even crossed monkey bars over a muddy pit!

And managed to take a few goofy pics along the way...

Exhibit A.

The BEST part of the race was this slide...

Mirza and I managed to catch up with each and went down the slide together. I'm really hoping the professional photographer got a photo because it was insane. Halfway down, I ended up turning and going down backwards. As soon as we hit the water, it was like a tidal wave of muddy water straight to the face!!!

There we are getting up afterwards! I was screaming with muddy water coming out of my nose.

At the end, we climbed hill after hill, over and under walls, and under nets, and eventually jumping over two small fire pits!

The end was a mud pit of water covered with barbed wire, forcing you to crawl through the mud..

FINISH!

I had so much fun! Of all the races I've done, this was by far the best...

Mirza lost both of the soles to his shoes! The other one is somewhere out on the course...

I would most definitely do another one!

CrossFit>Therapy

2012-03-29T20:07:00.000-04:00

I had to make a blog post just to share this video.

What an excellent interview with someone who exemplifies how CrossFit can transform you. I've only been at CrossFit for about 2.5 months, and in that short time, it has honestly made my life so much better. It's hard to be sad, depressed, or angry about crappy things in life after doing a WOD, even if you come in last (as i often, do, hehe); just the act of trying and pushing through makes you a stronger person everyday. It has not been a great past year, but CrossFit has helped turn it around for me ♥ . This guy expresses this wonderfully.

CrossFit>therapy

Still at it...

2012-03-27T16:17:00.003-04:00

Still CrossFitting, still loving it.

Jumping during the 7 minute Burpee's from open WOD 12.1

Tuesdays and Thursdays at our box is strength training day. We use the Wendler 5/3/1 method and mix it up a bit each week. Usually, Tuesday is front squats and power cleans, while Thursday consists of deadlifts and push press.

I love all of the olympic style weight lifting, so it's hard for me to pick a "favorite," per se, but if I had to choose, it would be front squats and power cleans. There is just something about squatting with that much weight on the front of your shoulders that makes you feel strong. And power cleans? Yes, you do feel powerful if done correctly.

This chick looks roughly about my height/size and she's front squatting 185lbs!

My max is...85!
She rocks.

Our coach says he "loves" to watch me lift because I have "great form. " This is nice to hear since I don't seem to have much speed or stamina during the WODs, hehe.

I am also continually working on getting stronger. I'm no where near where I want to be!

Right now, my one rep max for deadlift is officially 160 (and my body weight is approximately 120lbs), but after our Wendler program last week, we calculated that I am probably closer to 175 at this point.

Ideally, I need to be over 200lbs.

I asked our coach how I should go about setting goals, and he said it's really up to the person. He said I that I definitely have my form down, so it's all about building strength at this point. I'm not sure if it's too short of a time, but I'd like to give myself the following short-term goals.

By May 1st:

-Deadlift 200lbs

-1 unassisted pull-up

-Finish a WOD rx, and not come in last.

In general, I need to work on speed and stamina, but those will be continuous.

For running, I'm still so slow compared to everyone. BUT, I know that I do have speed in me. For instance, Saturday's WOD involved a ton of running. Here it was:

Run 200 meters forward
Run 200 meters backward
25 push ups
25 air squats
200 m overhead plate walk* 45lbs/25lbs. bumper plate
200 m run
25 slam balls 20/10lbs.
25 wall balls 20/14lbs.
200 m. run
200 m. overhead plate walk**(pick up plate you took the first time)
Finish with:

20 BURPEES

Run 400 meters

Looking at it, I didn't think it would be so tough, but man, oh man, I was dying. Carrying the overhead plate nearly killed me. I think I finished in 29 minutes, which was dead-last. Back to the whole speed thing--during the last maybe 200 meters, I GUNNED it. I ran as fast as I possibly could. It just shows that I can do it, but I just don't for some reason.

Other little things: sit-up time. I can do sit-ups just fine, but I seem to be a lot slower than everyone else. In fact, I find this odd because my core seems to be the strongest part of my body. I think I really engage my abs so much during sit-ups because they tend to seize, contract, and stay that way. It's painful!!

I also get winded fairly quick. I don't think I have such a poor cardio-respiratory system, so I'm not sure why I get out of breath so much quicker than everyone else. Or maybe everyone hides it better and pushes on through? ;)

As for pull-ups, I'm using a band now, but trying to "graduate" to a less-resistant band during WODs. I mentioned to our coach about wanting to do an unassisted pull-up, so today he had me working on a negative pull-up. This involves starting at the top of the bar with arms flexed and slowly lowering yourself down to arms extended.

I WILL GET THERE....

Or maybe I will just continue to make confused faces, like this...

This is my, "ugh, this bar is too damn high" face.

In other CrossFit news, I bought new shoes! Awaiting their arrival in the mail...

On a mission...

2012-03-13T11:04:00.002-04:00

After hearing all of my pathophysiology instructor's stories about her mission trip to Africa through a different university, my interests have definitely been piqued.

Since then, I've been on the hunt for my own medical mission trip. I'm looking for something short; less than 2 weeks, and during the summer time, probably 2013 after my own classes.

The problem is that I cannot seem to find one that is not affiliated with religion. It seems like all of them are doing a wonderful job of helping the sick and poor in providing medical care, but then the underlying theme is to spread the word of Jesus Christ. Listen, that's all fine and dandy, but I cannot go along with that. I don't believe in any of that and I would feel incredibly uncomfortable, cynical, and annoyed if I had to sit around and preach, pray, or try to convert people to some superstitious ideology. Or even just listen to it...at all. To clarify, I know that if/when I go to these countries, they will have their own religions and I may even participate in some way based out of respect for another culture. I get that.

Why can't people just want to help others out of the goodness of the heart because it is the right thing to do for mankind, as opposed to for religion? Hm?!

So, that being said. ahem.

I did find one organization that goes to Africa, specifically for nurses. I'm not going to give away the name of the organization, but a google search will provide immediate results. Based on their website, it doesn't seem religious. Of course, now that I've received the application, it does contain some quotes from the bible, which...fine, whatever. They apply to the situation, I suppose. I can deal with that. But then the application asks about our willingness to attend a "Christian worship service as part of the experience...if not, explain." Ok, well, it seems as if they're giving me a way to opt out. I mean, I could be Jewish or Muslim. I doubt they would accept the whole atheist thing, though.
I have emailed back to inquire further into their religious affiliation. Awaiting a reply.

There is still hope for my dream of going on a medical mission trip.

I happened to email my instructor and ask about opportunities through the university, and she reminded me that every summer, as part of the undergraduate Community rotation, they go to Panama for 3 weeks. I remember this! I wanted to go so badly, but alas, I was broke. She did mention that a few graduate students have gone in the past. Score!! A way in?
I emailed the director.

(the same woman who "pinned" me during our graduation ceremony...)

I spoke with her by phone a few weeks ago. Before we spoke, I looked at my schedule. During summer 2013, I will be in my Women's health rotation. PERFECT. I know that they provide tons of women's health services when they go to Panama. Perhaps I would be able to fulfill some of my clinical hours?
She thought this sounded like a wonderful idea, and even better, the Women's health instructor had expressed the desire to go, as well. Maybe she could be your preceptor? Even better!

Since the time is so far away, and I'm still so new in my graduate classes, everything is up in the air. But I'm going to hold out hope that it works out.

Also, the Africa trip is $3200. The Panama trip: $1200. And I could get credits for clinical hours, so that's even more of an incentive. I have to admit though, going to Africa just sounds way cooler. The downside to the trip to Panama is the length--3 weeks. That would be difficult with taking time off from work.

If anyone reading this knows of a medical mission trip that is not religiously affiliated, please comment! Or, if you've been on your own medical mission trip, I'd love to hear about it.

Nursing stuff

2012-03-12T11:10:00.000-04:00

I've been wanting to update the ol' blog here, but feel like I have "nothing worthwhile to say."
I'm just going to write.

Right now, I'm in the middle of my spring break. I coincided my work schedule with school, so I would have 7 glorious days off. Of course, during this break, I need to study for a pathophysiology quiz and write a paper! If I ever become a teacher (not likely), I will make sure all papers and quizzes are due the week prior to spring break, so the students can actually get a break. What a concept!

Work has been good. I'm precepting a student for her final semester of nursing school. This is my first time precepting someone for this many hours (180), and it's been good, but challenging at times. The thing is, this student is pretty good. She isn't afraid of doing basic nursing skills, not afraid of patients or families, etc. It's great. She is confident and should be proud of the work she is doing...but there is a fine line between confidence and over confidence. It can be dangerous. The experienced nurses will know what I mean. As for me, precepting a student has been a real eye opener as far as my own knowledge and skills. I found that I almost had to brush up on a few things. At first, I felt kind of embarrassed if trying to explain something, and realizing, hmmm, maybe I need to look this up, but I have to remember: I do not know everything, and never will. However, with nearly 4 years of experience under my belt, I am a damn good nurse, and I have come a long, long way. Lately, I've felt my own confidence levels shift. I am no longer worried in certain situations and while I still ask tons of questions, I'm definitely feeling more seasoned. It is a lot less stressful to go to work in the ICU because I feel like I know what I am doing. The whole critical thinking thing has definitely matured. I love how I can totally see and feel this shift in myself.

Nursing is cool like that.

The best part about precepting: for every 70 hours, I get 3 credit hours at my university. Um, hello free money! Since I'm doing 180 hours, it's approximately 2.5 classes!! Graduate school classes.

While on the subject of graduate school, as I mentioned in my previous post, I've been thinking about changing to the Family Nurse Practitioner track (from Adult). On March 2nd, I went ahead and submitted...

I was also required to write a letter of explanation. It has not been officially approved, but I don't suspect this will be an issue. Hopefully...because now I am 100% certain about my decision!

While I love working in the ICU and being a "critical care nurse," I do not see myself doing critical care for my entire career, or even working in the hospital!

Critical care was always my goal as an RN, and for awhile, I even saw myself working in the ICU as a Nurse Practitioner, too, but...not anymore. The ICU is awesome. I would never, ever want to work anywhere in the hospital besides the ICU. I'm still learning and growing as an RN, and the ICU has afforded me huge opportunities in developing into an autonomous nurse. I did not have this autonomy on the floor, and I doubt I would have grown much in that environment. When I graduate in May 2014, I will have 6 years of nursing experience, with 5 of those in the ICU. When the day comes that I can no longer call myself an ICU nurse, I will be sad. I love the ICU.

But, I see a huge need in the community for preventive primary care. Long term, this is where I picture myself as a nurse practitioner. I see myself working initially in a tough environment--like a rural or inner-city community health center clinic providing primary care to those who cannot afford it. I understand this environment will be rough, but something about it calls to me. The whole public health nursing...talk about a stark difference when compared to the ICU.

My school of thought is that no one should go sick or die because they cannot afford healthcare. If you don't agree with this, then I honestly think something is wrong with you morally and ethically. Yes.

I would love to move somewhere that is lacking in medical care and open up a small practice, operating as the sole primary care provider for that community. I know I'm being pretty idealistic, but I'm a student, so that's allowed, right?

We will see where my career leads me!

Concentration

2012-02-28T13:09:00.000-05:00

I am currently in semester 2 of 7 of my graduate program to become an Adult-Gerontological Nurse Practitioner.

I'm enrolled in Advanced Pathophysiology and Nursing Research.

Patho has been...interesting. Without going into too much detail, our original professor who had been at the school for something like 20 years, suddenly was replaced with our new professor last week! Halfway through the semester, and we're left with little explanation about why he is no longer at the University, and now a new teacher with new style of teaching.

To be honest, while I hate this sudden change at the core, it has been good. The new professor is a Family Nurse Practitioner, has written 5 books in Pathophysiology, and plans to teach the course from a primary care standpoint, which I love! I need to learn this information in regards to how it relates to my career as an Advanced Practice Nurse. While the previous professor was incredibly smart in all things biology, patho, etc., I feel like this change is for the good in terms of learning patho in a clinical setting! She also does tons of research, so it's fun to hear about what she's doing in the lab. In addition, she's taken trips to Africa before with her students as a practitioner, which sounds amazing. I would love to do that someday.

Nursing research is...nursing research. It is what it is, if you know what I mean! Honestly, I don't hate it like some people, but I'm not all that engaged in this course. I am doing well on my papers, though, so that's encouraging. The thing is, I don't like learning about the research process, but I am intrigued by research in itself.

What I am currently internally struggling with is changing my concentration from Adult to Family. From the beginning, I've said that I want nothing to do with pediatrics, so why would I do Family Nurse Practitioner? But as I contemplate it more, having that overall knowledge would be highly beneficial for me professionally and even personally. I'm still young, so I'm not sure where my career is going to lead me. Perhaps it would be better to not limit myself to just Adults?
Especially since I love the preventative aspect of medicine so much. I'd love to look at the human body and health on a lifespan continuum. Without that pediatric knowledge, I feel like I am missing something. Also, pediatrics makes me nervous. I have no experience in it, especially with medications and dosing--it's a whole new world for me as an adult critical care nurse.

In addition, there's a lot of changes happening at the American Nurses Credentialing Center. They will be retiring the Adult Nurse Practitioner in 2014 and adopting a new credentialing certification.

Here is a list of all the credentials they will retire, as well as the link for more information about what this means:

Acute Care Nurse Practitioner
Adult Nurse Practitioner
Adult Psychiatric & Mental Health Nurse Practitioner
Gerontological Nurse Practitioner
Adult Health Clinical Nurse Specialist
Adult Psychiatric & Mental Health Clinical Nurse Specialist
Child/Adolescent Psychiatric & Mental Health Clinical Nurse Specialist
Gerontological Clinical Nurse Specialist

Family Nurse Practitioner will stay the same.

With all of these changes, it makes me uneasy.

There is a little voice inside that is telling me to change...I'm not sure where it's stemming from, but I feel compelled to listen!

The crappy part for me is the extra semester of school. 8 semesters. Instead of graduating in December 2013, I'd finish May 2014. In my mind, this feels so far away, especially when I want to start a family soon. I'm not getting any younger at 27.

It's a big decision for me.
Any thoughts?

Nine years and the dress

2012-02-26T12:09:00.000-05:00

This past week, Mirza and I celebrated nine years together.

Here we are at 7 months into dating...about 18 years old...

So young and fresh! I still remember taking these photos like it was last month...not 9 years ago!!

And now, 9 years into life..26 and 27 (it was my birthday on the 17th)...

We are the luckiest people in the world to have each other.

This will be the last year we celebrate our anniversary as just a "dating" couple...next year, it will be as wife and husband! And we'll have a new anniversary: October 20, 2012. But I know that February 22 will always hold a special place in both of our hearts.

...which leads me to the DRESS.

I found it! I found the one.

I almost went back to the previous bridal shop with horrible customer service, but my friend/coworker and I decided to look at a different place one day after school.

And I am so glad that we did! The customer service was excellent. Without going into too much detail, this dress caught my eye even though it is totally different than the one I almost purchased. It is clean and timeless. I love it, and I never thought I would say that about a dress. It was the first one I tried on, but we used the big, poofy skirt underneath, so it was almost too much dress for my petite stature, so I tried on about 10 more dresses. All were beautiful, but always lacked something. I almost left with no dress, feeling defeated again. However, this particular dress was also on a mannequin outside the dressing room, so every time I came out, I saw it. Always catching my eye. The style was different than all of the other dresses I had been trying on that day.

I decided to try it on one last time...

I loved it. It made me happy on the inside. Even if it wasn't what I had expected, or worried what other people expected to see me in...this.was.it. I felt beautiful and timeless--those were my qualifications! I don't care what people expect to see me in, or what people expect out of a small, garden wedding. It it my wedding. I will only be married once. I want to feel like a bride!

I knew it was the one because my friend actually cried! And more importantly, I did not want to take it off!

Comparison Game

2012-02-24T11:59:00.001-05:00

Since finishing my OnRamp classes at CrossFit a couple of weeks ago, I've had a huge problem with comparing myself to others, or not feeling strong enough. It was easy to feel strong when it was just me and the trainer, but when I'm in a WOD with a group and I'm one of the last people to finish--it can be a huge hit to my ego.

I understand that the point of CrossFit is to compete against yourself, and to see your own progress being made. I do, I get it. But I usually pick someone out of the class who I think I can surely "beat," but I fall short. The box is supportive, but sometimes, especially the young, strong guys--they finish SO MUCH QUICKER than me that they end up leaving when I am barely finished. It makes me feel like the biggest loser as I am out running during the WOD and I see people drive away...

Last Saturday, Mirza and I went to the WOD together.

Run 800 m.
80 air squats
80 sit ups
100 m. over head plate walk 45/35lb..(no head rides, locked out shoulders)

Run 400 m.
40 burpees
40 slam balls
100 m. over head plate walk 45/35lb.

Run 200 m.
20 pull ups
20 KBS 53/35lbs.
100 m. over head plate walk 45/35lb.

For time.

I make the worst faces when doing CrossFit...it's scary..

I did everything as prescribed, except with the KB swings, I used 26lbs. I noticed tons of women finishing in half the time that I did. I found it incredibly defeating until I realized, some of them literally only did half of the workout by cutting the runs in half or not as many reps. I think that I finished second to last, and Mirza finished last. Granted, not all other women did this, and they really did beat my time because they are simply in better shape and stronger.

It occurred to me after on the drive home that Mirza didn't realize some people were not doing the prescribed WOD, either. And this really made him feel bad--wondering how the heck some women were even so much quicker than him? This is why it's so important to not compare yourself to others. You never know what the other person is really doing. I shouldn't be paying attention to them, anyway! I just feel bad about myself for no reason at all.

It is difficult though, since CrossFit literally displays your results on a whiteboard to compare your time to others.

I type these words mostly for myself because I still don't quite believe them. I still compare and feel bad about my times and weights.

For instance, the other night we were working on strength training with front squats. I had previously been proud of my one rep max front squat of 85lbs. I'm 5'3, 120lbs--I'm not a giant person, so 85lbs just seems like a lot of weight to me. Of course, this night, we took 90% of our one rep max and worked down from there. I was paired up with another girl. She was thin, but taller than me. I let my ego take over and mentally thought, "hmm, I am stronger than her." Wrong. She didn't know her one rep max, so she used my numbers...and completely blew my numbers out of the water. I felt like crap! This is stupid, right?

Hopefully I can get over myself and just do CrossFit for me, and for nobody else. Of course, I don't think I will even be faster or stronger than the men in class, but it would be nice to beat some other women of the same size and age as me at least once...right?

I know that it's going to take hard work to move up the board, but for now, I am going to keep trying my hardest and be happy that I am even working out and moving my body. Sometimes, I think I am too hard on myself. I've been doing CrossFit now for only one month and 2 weeks.
I need to seriously check my ego at the door.

Hero

2012-02-13T11:56:00.003-05:00

I'm pretty sure that I have found "the dress." It is different than what I thought I would initially pick out, but then again perfect for me. And when I walked out of the dressing room, my two friends/coworkers loved it. They said it's the most flattering on me. The thing is, I don't think I will ever be the girl who puts on a dress and then cries from it being the one! I just don't think that's me.

I am like 96% sure at this point. Part of me only wants to try a few other places just to put my mind at ease. I think what turns me away is the customer service at the dress store. If they were more receptive, then I probably would be 100%. That plays a huge role for me, apparently.

In addition, I feel like a lot of pressure is put on the dress. I worry a lot about what others will think. And while we're only inviting people to our wedding who love us, you still have to wonder how people will judge the dress that you picked. I've had numerous people tell me what they envision me wearing. Believe me when I say that I've tried every style of dress because I had no idea what I wanted. It turns out that a lot of times, no matter how beautiful the dress, it simply might not look good on me. I am sure some people might see me in a different style, but they weren't there when I went shopping, so they have no idea. I am limiting showing my crappy iPhone picture of me in the dress because I want people to see it when I have my hair and make up done. It's only right!

I made our Save-the-Date magnets!

Just waiting for them to arrive in the mail, so I can begin sending them out.

I'm starting to stress LESS about our wedding at this point. I am realizing how good of a day it is going to be and it makes me so happy with our choices thus far. The garden wedding, small guest list. We're having a violinist during the ceremony, and music during the reception is tentatively a solo classical guitarist. We're not doing the traditional DJ, dance floor thing since it just isn't us. I want to feel completely authentic.
We've just about picked a caterer, too. I have to miss the taste-testing due to work, but Mirza will be there.

As for the rest of life...
School, work, CrossFit. That seems to be the run-down.

Saturday marked one month since I walked into the box and did my baseline workout. I know it's still new and fresh, but I am loving it.
Mirza goes,too!

I do need to be careful about doing too much, too soon.
On Friday, we did a Hero WOD. This is a workout that is dedicated to a fallen soldier. They tend to be difficult for this reason.

“Hammer”

Five rounds, each for time, of:

135/95 pound Power clean, 5 reps

135/95 pound Front squat, 10 reps

135/95 pound Jerk, 5 reps

20 Pull-ups

Rest 90 seconds

One of the things we never really worked on during On-Ramp were pull ups. We just didn't really get to it at this point. When I try to do a pull-up without the band, I get about halfway with my elbows bent . He said that's actually pretty good, so he gave me a green band (Brag: Mirza has to use 2 bands!). If you take a look at the WOD again, you'll notice this is 5 rounds of 20 pull-ups. Yes, that would be 100 pull-ups!

For the weight, I only used 45lbs. I mean, my one rep max on a front squat is 85lbs, so obviously I could not do 95lbs for one round, never mind 5. That's what I love about CrossFit: You scale to fit your needs, but believe me, it's still difficult.

All of these shots were taken in-action, so my form looks off, but the trainer is right there and continually says that I have great form, so that's good to know! The last thing I need is to hurt myself. A good trainer who understands form is everything!

If you look pretty when working out...1. I hate you 2. you're not working hard enough!

Somehow, I still smile!

I think I need some better CrossFit outfits. Yikes. Moving on...

I felt incredibly proud of 100 pull-ups total. This entire work out took me 26 minutes when you take out the 90 second rests. During the last round, I literally had to take each pull-up one at a time. Whatever it takes to get it done!

However, I can now say that MAYBE 100 pull-ups was too much, too soon? Yesterday, I could barely extend my arms, could not lift my arms over my head straight, and my biceps were so swollen. I seriously felt like I had compartment syndrome, rhabdo, etc. This makes me sad because I haven't been able to do CrossFit since Friday.

So, I definitely need to remind myself of my edge. But the problem was that I didn't know!! How would I know since I have never done pull-ups! Maybe this is a stupid statement, but it is what it is!

Either way, I am proud of my 100 pull-ups assisted with the band. I am proud that I am able to move my body and be alive!! That is the point of the Hero WOD. You move for those who cannot.

U.S. Army First Sergeant Michael “Hammer” Bordelon, 37, of Morgan City, Louisiana, assigned to the 1st Battalion, 24th Infantry Regiment, 1st Brigade, 25th Infantry Division (Stryker Brigade Combat Team), based out of Fort Lewis, Washington, died on May 10, 2005, from injuries sustained when a car bomb exploded near him in Mosul, Iraq on April 23, 2005.

He is survived by his wife Mila; children Mike Jr., Jacob, and Johanna; mother Dolores; and sister Doreen Scioneaux.

I love CrossFit

2012-01-28T14:52:00.002-05:00

I am still loving CrossFit! My favorite part thus far has been doing olympic style lifts! I LOVE IT.
During my last On Ramp class, we worked again on the power clean, but this time added in the jerk!
It was seriously so much fun. I feel so strong when I do these lifts. I am definitely getting the hang of it, too. You really have to put your legs into it with a jump to get it over your head. It is definitely a confidence booster when you throw that weight over your head.

He then took me through a metcon workout that was AMRAP (as many rounds as possible) in 15:00 minutes:
-5 power cleans and jerks (I think my weight was 65lbs...i keep forgetting how much the actual bar weighs!)
-10 pushups
-15 squats
-20 sit ups

Listen, this doesn't seem all that difficult, but I can assure you that it was!
I ended up doing 4 rounds plus 17 (17=5 power cleans/jerks, 10 pushups, and 2 squats before the clock hit 15).
The pushups proved to the most difficult for me, even when I went to my knees. My arms were just so tired from the lifting. I was soaking wet, dripping sweat all over the floor. My face was bright red (so pretty, right?).
Honestly, I could barely lift my arms afterwards because they were so heavy!!!
After resting a bit, we worked more with the kettle bell. He tried to show me a turkish get-up towards the end, but I was so unfocused and tired that he gave up! ha. Next time, though!

I went to the WOD this morning alone because Mirza said he was "too sore." pft. lame.
The warm up was 10 sampsons, 10 pushups, 10 tea kettles?, 20 of __ (<--taking a large bar and stretching it behind your back), running around the building (325 meters), 50 double unders or 150 single jump ropes..I think that was it? I always seriously forget what we do in the warm-up!

I'm in the black

So, here was the WOD, which didn't sound so bad when I initially looked at it, bahaha (1st rule of CrossFit for me: never think, "this will be easy"):

Plate Run and Burpee Box Jumps

5 rounds for Rx. 3 rounds for beginners

10 Burpee box jumps 24/20 inches
325 m. Plate run 35/25 lbs. (one lap around the building) 5 equals 1 mile.

Carrying your plate any way you can, run around the building. There is a 5 burpee penalty for setting your plate down outside of the box to be done before advancing. There is a 15 burpee penalty for throwing your plate down.

Initially, I said I would do 3 rounds because I am a "beginner," but then another girl was doing 5, and I said, "FINE, if she's doing 5, then I am, too." I knew I would be the last to finish, but I was determined to get it done...and with the prescribed workout, meaning I wouldn't use a shorter box or lighter weight.

I'm in the black standing up about to do a box jump!

Essentially, you're doing a burpee and then jumping up onto the 20 inch box. 10 of these. Then you run around the building with the 25 lb plate.

Getting ready to jump...

And jumping! POW!

Box jumps always sound so much easier to me than they are in reality. However, I do love them. I love how you really have to slam your whole body to get up sometimes. POW!!!! It makes a huge noise.

I didn't actually carry my weight like this for long because my arms are so short. I ended up carrying it behind me, kind of on my back/butt. It looked awkward, but honestly, it's what worked best for me. Any other way just made my stomach hurt!!

By the fourth round, I thought about giving up. I honestly thought while running, "okay, four is better than three." But when I got back to the box, I just went for it. I knew I was last, but I didn't care since I was doing the prescribed workout!

Two other people "ran" with me at the end. When I got back, I threw my plate on the floor and demanded a marker to write my time by my name. 29:13 rx!!! Seems like forever, but it was quick in my head.

And then I laid down.

Sporting my CrossFit tank

Grieving process

2012-01-27T09:23:00.001-05:00

Currently battling a cold--stuffy nose, tickle in the throat, etc. Annoying, right?

I wanted to touch on something quickly.

The last year, as you know, has been difficult for me. Okay, let's just say it: the last year SUCKED. Plain and simple.

The main aspect was my mother's death. Towards the end of 2011, I was incredibly depressed and angry. There was an entire weekend when I honestly think that Mirza was afraid for me because I laid in bed all day crying, cursing, and generally being miserable. That was a low point.

I don't know what studies say, but once we reached the one year mark (January 5th), it was almost like I entered into the "acceptance" stage of grieving. It's funny, though, because I was actually afraid of this date. I understand that we will go through the stages of grieving in no particular order, and may go back into the stages as time progresses, but I've definitely felt a shift of some sort.

On the anniversary of my mom's death, I decided to take the rest of her ashes from my closet and bring them to the beach, in front of one of her favorite spots: The Swigwam. This was a bar on the beach that looked more like a hut. People would write all over the wood, leave messages, koozies' hung from the ceiling etc. When we first moved to Florida, it was definitely one of her favorite spots to sit back and relax with her sisters when they visited (and have a few (+) drinks, of course).

My mother (left) and Aunt Deb enjoying the Swigwam

Since we have already scattered her ashes at Margarittaville in Key West (she would have loved this), and throughout her favorite spots back home in Massachusetts, including a lilac bush in my sister's yard, and her father and mother's grave site, the Swigwam was definitely the last spot on the list.

At first, I couldn't find it! The hotel it was associated with had been bought out by another company. I walked and walked down St. Pete Beach and finally stumbled upon the bar, but it was different. It was no longer the Swigwam by name, but it looked pretty much the same. I felt like I harbored a huge secret with my mom's ashes in my purse, but I walked up the stairs to the bartender and asked him, "Did this place used to be the Swigwam?" to which he replied, "Yes." I told him that's all I needed to know and made my way closer to the shore. I sat on a wooden chair and buried the rest of her ashes in the sand. At this spot, 18 years ago, you would have found a younger me building sand castles. I literally said out loud, "Bye Mom," and made the long trek back to my car. It wasn't a huge sentimental moment for me at the time. I was casual in my thought and process. I did what needed to be done!

While it's sad that a piece of my family's "history" in Florida has been changed with the death of the Swigwam, I feel it's only fitting that it died along with my mother...

Since then, I've felt free. I don't know what happened. Maybe I am in the acceptance phase? There will be days that I will be angry, depressed, in denial, etc, but I think for now...I am accepting it. I feel good. And I hope I'm not speaking too soon.
It reminds me of a poem that my uncle Gary wrote (that my Grandpa "read" during her memorial service)

It's hard to be strong when you're fighting back tears

If you think of past memories as just wasted years.

Life can seem cruel and very unfair,

But you can't change the past; it will always be there.

Days may look darker, nights may feel long,
Things may seem different, but you have to be strong

The knots in your stomach may hurt deep inside,

The tension, and the anger, the hurt of your pride.

You try to be strong and keep it together,

But things just don't seem real and time takes forever.

Thousands of thoughts just whirl through your mind;

Your life, your future, you try to unwind.

Answers seem hard to the questions you ask;

You think to yourself, "how long will it last?"

The present begins as the past slips away.

It lasts only a moment, it's not here to stay.

So look to the future and learn from your past.

The future starts now,

But your memories will last.

So try to be strong when you're fighting back tears.

Because memories are memories, and not wasted years.

I did keep a small amount of her ashes for one day when I do own a home, I can plant something pretty for her.

Friday's WOD, grad school, and wedding planning--oh my!

2012-01-20T15:21:00.001-05:00

Are you getting sick of my crossfit posts yet?:)
Currently, I'm only doing crossfit twice per week, but the owner told me I could come in on Saturday! However, I work on Saturday:( I told him that I needed my crossfit fix (I can easily see this becoming an obsession) because Tuesday (our next on-ramp) feels like months away, so he let me come in today. Score.

Again, the terms for what we did still escape my mind at times...

This was only my 2nd WOD since I've been doing on-ramp classes. There were 3 guys, and then me!

He told us that this was an "easier" WOD. bah!

I began with a 500 meter row.

And then we warmed-up
We warmed-up with 2 rounds of:
- 10 sampsons (lunging/walk/stretch)
- bear crawls (crawling across the rubber floor like a...bear?)
- plank crawls (ughhh!!! ouch my wrists)
- 10 ___ : NO idea what these were called, but essentially, in a plank and then bringing legs up to meet hands quickly on each side

We then worked on hanging from the pull-up bar. I hung for one minute.< Insert curse words here.> It wasn't bad when doing it, but letting go: my palms were bright red with white spots. ouch, ouch, ouch. After this, we practiced hanging with swinging through and then stopping. Apparently, this is supposed to get you prepared for real pull-ups!

Onto the WOD:

For Time:

150 ABMAT Sit-ups

5 Push-up EMOM

Rest precisely 3 minutes, then:

150 Air Squats

5 Ring Dip EMOM

For sit-ups and squats, you will do 5 push-ups and 5 Ring Dips respectively, on the minute, every minute. The faster each athlete completes their sit-ups the less push-ups are needed, and the faster the squats the less ring dips are needed. Long rest periods are your enemy on this WOD, so be good to yourself and get it done.

Post total time.

So, essentially, your goal is 150 sit-ups, but every minute, on the minute, you have to roll over and do 5 push-ups. If it takes you awhile to do sit-ups (like me!!), you'll end up doing even more push-ups!! Once you get to 150, you rest for 3 minutes in preparation for the second part of the workout. This is when you begin 150 squats, and on the minute, every minute, you stop and do 5 ring dips! I modified my goal to 100 sit-ups/squats. Actually, he told me I could modify. At first, I was like, "NO, I CAN DO 150" in my head for about a millisecond, but I was on about sit-up number 75, and quickly agreed with him! ha.

The entire thing took me 14:55! Pretty certain that I will be cursing my mid-section by tomorrow morning...

This is the kind of photo you take after doing crossfit: completely blurry.

----

Mirza is going on Monday after work to his first on-ramp/baseline workout!!! I could not be happier. I am constantly trying to get him to exercise or do anything, but he just doesn't. Not that he doesn't want to, but he always has the same excuse as everyone else.

----

After crossfit, I spent 2 hours in one of the study rooms at the library. We have our first 50 question quiz in Advanced Patho on Tuesday. It's weird to be studying again after three and a half years of just working. I used to be a study-aholic!

----

I am currently stressed out about wedding planning, or should I say, lack thereof! I've booked the venue, hired the photographer, and...that's it! I did go wedding dress shopping once, but nothing felt right. On the 1st, I'll be going again. However, I am constantly thinking about all I need to do: call caterers, taste testings, music, flowers, centerpieces, decorations, save-the-dates, invitations etc. It's so overwhelming. I just want to go to the court-house and call it a day at times. Never mind the costs! Our wedding will be small, intimate; only 35 guests! But, it still costs money! Oh, and I have no idea what I'm doing. I've been to one wedding in my entire life...

But I am sure all of the work that goes into the one day will be worth it when we've finally tied the knot.

On-Ramp Class #2 #crossfit

2012-01-18T11:20:00.001-05:00

The purpose of the on-ramp classes is to get me conditioned and ready to start in the group WODs. I'm not going to know everything, but they want me to have the basics down, as far as form and technique.

Again, I may not know the correct terms for everything we did, so I apologize...

This morning was my 2nd on-ramp class; one-on-one with the trainer.

I started with a "warm-up," which is pretty much a joke because the warm-ups leave me breathless, shaking, and wanting to lay down!!

He wants me to get used to coming in and looking at the board, doing the warm-up first.

I did a 500 meter row, and then honestly, I can't remember when the warm-up ended and the class began since this was on-ramp and not your traditional class, so I will just recap what we did. Seriously, the warm-up is rough at times.

He told me the whole point in these exercises was to get me used to everything, but especially to warm-up my hips and back in preparation for the power cleans.

After the row, I did 10 sampsons, which is pretty much a walking, stretch lunge. Afterwards, we worked on the jump rope! I don't remember the last time I jumped rope. I was not one of those girls at recess who did this, I can tell you that. He showed me double unders, which is when you get the rope under your feet twice during one jump, but today I focused on my forms with singles. I did approximately 150. Tiring!

Following this, we worked on the med ball cleans. Power cleans is what we were working towards today since I had a rough time with those and he wants me to get them done the best I can. The real WOD looked INSANE:

50 burpees
10 hang clean and jerks 45/35
40 burpees
20 hang clean and jerks
30 burpees
30 hang clean and jerks
20 burpees
40 hang clean and jerks
10 burpees
50 hang clean and jerks

For time.

No. I did not do that today! I don't even know what a hang clean is yet?

Okay, so med ball cleans: essentially, you're holding the med ball (10lb for me), squatting like in a deadlift and coming up into a clean with the ball, as if it's the bar! We did quite a few of these.

Then we did med ball wall shots. ugh, those kill me. You're squatting with the ball, and then jumping up and throwing it to a 10 foot target.

source

He then took me through the basics of a tabata work out. Usually, you would do 8 rounds of this interval training. For instance, the med ball wall shot: 20 seconds of as many as you can do, but probably at around 85% of what you could do. Rest 10 seconds, repeat. Trying to continue with the same reps you did the first time. Repeat times EIGHT.

Eight! ha!
We did four today, just to get the idea.
4 rounds of the med ball wall shot. I think I did about 8 each round.

We then worked on box jumps!! The idea is to really power through it and get the hips into it. We did 4 rounds of these. I cannot remember the height of the box, but it was rough!! But totally a fun challenge.

Then it was time for the kettlebell! He really wanted to make sure I was putting the action into popping my hips. It's more hips than anything!! We did 4 rounds with 20 kettle ball swings with the 16 lb (?).

source: google images

Now is when the idea of popping your hips from the kettlebell swings really resonated with me: during power cleans!

Last week, he introduced cleans to me, and I totally sucked.

In fact, the other day while sweeping, I even practiced with the broom! Crossfit is infiltrating my mind and everyday activities now! I still need tons more practice, but he say my body knows what to do, it's really just my brain getting in the way by over thinking it all!

I don't remember how many we did because we did it quite a few times, going over form, what I was doing wrong, etc. At the end, I did a 4 round tabata with the power cleans. I only did about 5 reps each time, with 55 lbs.

Here is a basic you-tube video of a power clean.

I started to get the hang of it. I even have the beginning of a blister on one hand!! yikes.

I posted on Facebook this morning about how much I am loving crossfit. This may not sound all that significant, but deadlifting 85lbs and power cleaning 55 lbs is a whole different world for me!! Seeing as I came from my girly Shapes gym where all we ever do in group fitness was lift dinky little 10 pounders, and at most...15 lb bar for deadliest.

I just know that someday, I am going to lift more than my body weight and then some, especially once I get the form and technique down.

I don't go back until Tuesday and this makes me sad. He said after two more on-ramp classes, I will be good to go. And starting next month, I am pretty sure I'll be upping my frequency to 3 times per week because 2 is just not cutting it!

First On-Ramp Class #crossfit

2012-01-16T11:07:00.003-05:00

(I am mostly doing these posts to document my own experiences with crossfit, so I can go back and see how I've progressed.)

Saturday was an open-class, but today was my scheduled On-Ramp class. These classes are designed to help newbies become accustomed to the different moves in crossfit classes. They are small, or one-on-one, like mine was today.

This is what we did:
You'll have to excuse me because I do not know the names of all these exercises.

For a warm-up, I started with a 400 meter row, keeping the numbers on the screen at or below 2:20 (not sure what this is called).

Afterwards, I did two rounds of 10 walking lunges with my arms stretched high above my head, followed by 10 jumping squats.

Next, we worked with the rope. I believe it was called tsunami-something.
Essentially, they have this long, heavy rope that is folded in half. I am at the open side with the two pieces of rope in each hand, while the trainer is position on the other side with the curved piece of the rope.

This is just a random photo on google images, but it looks similar to this

I would then take each rope in my hands and while squatting down, slam the rope into the ground, really lifting it up and down and then slamming. We did this for 30 seconds, then rest 30 seconds. Following this, same idea, but one arm at a time as fast as possible. 30 seconds on, rest 30 seconds. Then it was jumping jacks with the rope in each arm. So difficult for me! And finally, I don't remember the name at all, but essentially, grabbing the rope close together and then moving from side to side, kind of like a boxer would to duck. I know these explanations are terrible, but all I can say is that they were rough!

I swear that sometimes just the warm-up in crossfit is enough exercise for my entire day!

After warming up (I was still out of breath), he took me through the proper way to do a deadlift, which is different than how we learned in the gym group-exercise classes because of the smaller weights used there. We really focused on getting our butt down and chest up, facing the wall. I used 85 lbs and we did quite a few, maybe a couple rounds of 10 once I got the form correct. I know it sounds dumb since obviously I lift heavy objects all the time (hello, pulling people up in bed, 300+ pounds, rolling, etc<--life of an ICU nurse), but to lift 85 lbs seemed like a huge accomplishment for me since at the gym, we only ever used under 20 lb hand weights! Oh, and I now understand the reason why I always see pictures of crossfitters wearing super long, high socks..

photo source

Because when you're really starting to lift the heavier weights, you're going to be as close to your shins as possible to really get it up there!

Next were "cleans," which I really sucked at. I need lots of practice. He said he would be beating me into submission on Wednesday by adding more and more weights to really get me to understand the proper way! ha!

At this point, the 9am class was coming in the door, so he made me do a quick, modified version of their WOD.
The WOD was this:

400 meter run
10 burpee pull-ups
12 thrusters 95/65lbs.
15 overhead plate lunges 45/35 lbs. plates
rest one minute between rounds.

Instructions for the WOD.

If you do not possess an unassisted pull up it will be hard to complete a burpee pull up. The substitution for this will be 5 burpees and 5 pull ups. For those of you that are able to do this exercise Rx, you must pick a bar height that you must have to jump at least 8 to 12 inches to reach the bar. For the lunges you must tap the trailing knee to the ground for the lunge step to count unless this is part of the scale down. At the end of each round it is up to each athlete to monitor the timer to take exactly one minute rest period, no more and definately no less. At the end of the WOD you will subtract the two minutes of rest from total time.

---

Being short on time, he had me do 400 meter run, 10 burpees, and 15 overhead plate lunges with a 25lb plate x 2. It took me 11:11!

I am seriously loving crossfit.
My favorite part of crossfit thus far is the functionality of all movements. The trainer says you will never see us doing bicep curls or triceps because they are simply non-functional in terms of everyday life. When will you need to do those in everyday life? You won't. You'll be doing movements that are basic motor patterns; they aren't single joint, but multi-joint because that is how the human body moves in real life. For instance, we will carry awkwardly shaped, and heavy objects...it just makes more sense. You carry it however you can because your body was made to do all of these awesome, crazy movements. We aren't made to just stand in one spot and move our arm up and down consecutively...what function does that serve?

My first real WOD

2012-01-15T20:02:00.001-05:00

You can read about my baseline workout here.

This Saturday, I was super excited to go to crossfit since they told me to bring along Mirza.
After practically dragging him out of the bed in the early morning, we made it.

Here was my first official WOD (workout of the day):

One Round for time of:

20 burpees
325 m. med ball carry (once around the building)
30 wall ball shots (10 ft. target)
325m. med ball carry
40 supine med ball get ups.
325 m. med ball carry
50 med ball sit ups.
325m med ball carry

Special rules: You cannot set your med ball down while in the med ball carry. To do so will cost you 5 BURPEES on the spot. If you throw your med ball down while in the carry, that will cost you 20 burpees on the spot. So unless you just love doing burpees, keep the med balls off the concrete.

Loved, loved, loved it.

It was in the 50's, perfect weather. The class was small, and even though it was difficult, I had a smile on my face probably the whole time. Mirza was kind of cursing me a bit, but only because it's been awhile since he's worked out and this was way out of his activity level.

They took some pictures of us, as well!

Here I am running around the building with my med ball (in the green).

Getting up from the "get-ups," which is basically holding the med ball and laying down on the ground, and getting up...

On the ground! I liked these because they allowed me to lay down, haha!

Burpees at the beginning!

More get-ups!

On my way out for another run around the building!

Sit-ups!!

Abs are dead.

Can't wait until tomorrow.

My first Crossfit experience

2012-01-11T19:56:00.000-05:00

I'm going to preface this post with a brief history of my fitness regime.

Lately, I've been so bored, tired, and sick of my workouts. Nothing is satisfying. I lose interest so quickly. I don't like being the type of person that doesn't stick to one thing, who gives up, etc., but then again, maybe that's good because I'm experiencing a variety of workouts? But I don't want to be a flake! It seems like everyone in the blog world has their "thing." The runners, the yogi's, the triathletes, the body builders, fitness competitors. I can't seem to find my niche. Not that one needs to have one necessarily.
I know one thing: I like a hard work out, and I prefer strength training over cardio.

I began working out in the summer of 2007 when Mirza went away to Bosnia for a month and I was stuck alone, in nursing school. I joined my local Shapes gym (all-woman gym) and quickly fell in love with group exercises classes. My favorite were weight training and kickboxing. I saw a lot of results with kickboxing. I went every Friday evening. It was a nice routine. After I graduated, I continued with my Shapes membership in St. Pete, but I didn't go to the group classes as often. I got bored with them. I knew the routines too much, or the instructors weren't as good, the time frame sucked, etc. At one point, on a Sunday afternoon, my car window was smashed and items stolen. I pretty much wanted nothing to do with the gym after that.

I decided to maybe try triathlons! It was also a goal I had in the back of my mind. I mean, doing a triathlon just sounds cool, you know? I think it should be on everyone's life goal to do a mini or sprint triathlon. I hated to run, but I did it, anyway. I did couch to 5k! I took swimming lessons! I did/do love my bike, but sometimes the process of getting my bike in the car makes me not even want to go out at all. I did my two sprint triathlons in Summer of 2010, and then stopped. During all of this, I always did yoga, which I loved. My passion grew and I decided to join Yoga Teacher Training at my local studio. I began paying the hefty price in August 2010 for a January 15, 2011 start.

Of course, my mother died January 5th, so I honestly did not give my all during YTT. It's a shame because I do love yoga, and I spent a lot of money on the training, but my head was not in it. How could it be, though, really? It's been one year, and I still have 10 classes to finish to earn my teacher training certification. Luckily, the studio is awesome and gives you one year from the last day of classes to finish! I don't know if I will ever teach yoga. I did not set out to teach, but to just gain further understanding of yoga and for the experience. It was a great experience and I don't regret it for one minute.

After the past month's failed attempt at half marathon training...ok, so "failed attempt" is kind of the wrong term. I did not fail. I flat-out quit. I know that I have it in me to run 13.1 miles, but I just completely don't love running. I cannot make myself do something that I don't love! After my mom died, this premise stuck with me so much: life is too short to do anything you don't want to. And I don't want to run (right now, anyway), so I'm not. Of course, I'm an idiot and will lose out on my $60 paid for the half marathon, but that's okay.

So, that brings me to today. I've been looking for something to do. Something to get me into shape and have a good time. Something to make me stronger! I miss feeling strong. When I did kickboxing, I felt super strong, and I looked strong, too. Not anymore.

I started to look into krav maga, martial arts classes, kickboxing. Anything! Lately, all I hear about is CROSSFIT.

Today, I gave it a try.

And I loved it!

I like that you're in a place that has no mirrors, nothing pretty, no fancy machines, no televisions: just down and dirty exercise! I love the premise of exercising like you did as a child: jumping on boxes, climbing ropes, good ol' fashion push-ups, pull-ups, etc.

But you're really kicking your own ass.

Crossfit can be expensive; as much as $150/month for unlimited access. However, the "box" near me has a good deal. $85 for 2 days per week. No up front fees, no contracts. I like it!

I began with a "baseline workout."
This included:
500m row (pretty much the only machine you'll find)
40 squats
30 sit-ups
20 push-ups
10 pull-ups

All for time: do these in the shortest time possible.

I was nervous and scared. I don't even remember the last time I did a sit-up; only crunches. And pull-ups? HA, that's a joke.

The two trainers that I met were great. They gave me a tour of the facility, which is basically a storage unit converted into the crossfit gym. They went through the exercises with me for proper form. And then we were off...or I was!

Took this from their website

Man, oh, man. I am out of shape. The sit-ups about killed me. The pull-ups, even with a green assist band were terrible. I was pooped. It took me 11 minutes 43 seconds.

I was soaked, red-faced, out of breath.
I may be thin, but I want to be STRONG.
A workout that is under 15 minutes and takes this much out of you? WORTH IT.

I am definitely going back.

One year ago today...

2012-01-05T12:15:00.000-05:00

My mother lost her life.
Please read this page in honor of my mother.

Appreciation.

2012-01-02T20:39:00.001-05:00

The other day at work, I took care of a patient who had suffered a stroke a few weeks ago and was aphasic, and hadn't yet uttered a word since the incident.

His background was from an Eastern European country; his family were very cute and appreciative.

When I began my assessment that morning, I noticed the patient say a few incomprehensible words, which I just attributed to a language barrier, and went on my merry way.

A little while later, I walked into the room, and his wife was at the bedside. Suddenly, he started to say the same unintelligible words. I thought nothing of it until his wife's face completely beamed with pure joy and through broken English and tears, "aaaaahhhhoooh myyyyy...this is the first time he spoke!!!!!! aaaah." She held his hand crying happy tears.

I hadn't realized this was new all this morning!!

The funniest part is that when the rest of the family arrived, the wife told them the reason he spoke was because of me!! She said I was so beautiful and sweet that he had to speak! That his face would light up when I entered (hardly, trust me). She acted like I did something special to get him to speak. It was hilarious.

A few hours later, she even gave me a gift!! The cutest "Thank you card" and a magnet cross.

So funny and cute.

I don't write much about work anymore, so I hope someone enjoyed this!

ps: I don't remember if I posted this, but I need to brag...

Four. Point.OH.

With a grading scale of 93-100%. Gotta love the College of Nursing.
Not sure I'll be seeing many more of these as I get into the heavier science-based classes, so I am soaking it in!
Semester 2 begins in one week!

My hope for 2012.

2012-01-01T10:11:00.000-05:00

This isn't going to be a post about resolutions or a recap of 2011.

My only hope for 2012 is that it's an uneventful year.

I will work, go to school, plan my wedding, get married to my fiancé, and go on a nice honeymoon.

Nothing more, nothing less.

I'd like to do less complaining, cursing, and see the world happier and peaceful.

I want to be more loving, understanding, and less judgmental and nagging.

I'll eat healthier, move my body more, but take time to indulge with mindless moments of pure laziness.

I'll be stronger as a result of 2011...in all aspects.

This is exactly how I feel about 2011...

2011-12-31T09:29:00.002-05:00

So long 2011...hello, 2012!

Why I want to quit running...

2011-12-29T10:26:00.002-05:00

Ok, I don't even have a real reason. I just don't want to do it anymore.

I'm a quitter.

Not really, though. I rarely quit things in life because I have a huge conscience and I just feel terribly guilty.

But my motivation for running has completely gone out the door.

I feel like such a loser, but I am going to focus on the positive.

I ran 5 miles! I never thought I that I could do it, but I did. That's a huge accomplishment for me. The thing is, I am not in love with running and I never have been, however, I do love the feeling of setting out with a goal in mind and then accomplishing it. That is what running has been for me.

But lately, I feel like the idea of training for anything is just too much for me to handle. I am way too overwhelmed. Perhaps it's the pressure of a training plan, which usually keeps me in check. Or the thought of a half marathon at the end. I don't want to say it feels daunting because I do know that I CAN DO IT. That isn't the point.

It's a matter of wanting to do it, and only doing things in life that you want to be doing.

I don't know. I just don't know. I think I need to focus on just overall health and wellness. In addition, semester 2 starts soon and I am going to be swamped with work full time, and school part-time.

I feel almost sorry if I am letting people down, but I don't even feel like I am letting myself down because I feel like I know what's right for me at this time.

I feel like I have missed too many runs at this point to adequately be ready to run 13.1 miles. And if I am going to run 13.1 miles, I want to be trained the right way.

Perhaps I will keep running, but just for myself, not for a training plan. I feel like I cannot compete with all of these running blogs, and they put too much pressure on me. I know that running is just supposed to be about yourself and your own accomplishments, but the pressure for me is just overwhelming.

ugh.

Quitter.

I survived Christmas 2011

2011-12-26T11:52:00.000-05:00

Christmas is over and I survived!

I was incredibly stressed about it. I threatened to take down the Christmas tree and to cancel Christmas altogether, but Mirza wouldn't let me. hmph.

I worked on Christmas Eve Day and then my brother came over afterwards. We ate pulled pork sandwiches, watched a movie, and generally just hung out on the couch. Mirza also entertained us with his guitar playing.

We had planned to wait until the morning to open our gifts, but Mirza was too eager for me to see what he got me!!

A new set of pots and pans!!

These are so needed. I've been using a crappy $50 set that I bought from Walmart since graduating college.

He also bought me beautiful cookbooks that I've been eyeing.

We stayed up until 2 am. I don't know how since I worked 12 hours that day!

Christmas Day we hung out with his mom for a bit, and then at 4pm, we saw, "We Bought a Zoo."
LOVED it. So much. I would even see it again. I think it's going to become one of those movies that eventually comes on TV and you end up watching over and over.
It was just nice.

That's all for now.

Recreating Christmas Magic

2011-12-17T22:37:00.000-05:00

Christmas traditions.

Growing up, Christmas eve involved family get-togethers with lots of food, laughter, and love. My mom would do my hair in pretty curls; sometimes with hot curlers, or sometimes with pink overnight curlers. I remember one time getting all prettied up with my curls, red velvet dress with white stockings and black shiny shoes, and my mom let me put on red lip stick. I said, "Everyone is going to want to kiss me under the mistletoe tonight!" I wondered why my mother laughed herself silly and repeated this to family members throughout the night. I was serious! I looked damn good!

When we lived up north, we usually went over my Aunt Bevie's home, and as the night progressed, we'd all have to rush home quick to get into our pj's and tucked into bed before Santa arrived. Inevitably, we'd see Rudolph's red nose in the night sky. I would have so much anxiety that Santa would be at our home when we got there!

I still remember to this day, and I would swear to it at the age of 26: Coming out of my uncle's house in the cold, dark Christmas Eve as everyone pointed up to the sky, and seeing clear-as-day, the bottom and side of Santa's sleigh. It was outlined in gold, and the sleigh was green with large, gold circles. It happened.

And each Christmas eve, we were allowed to open ONE present. We all knew what it would be. Did you have this tradition, too? Nice pj's, of course! So you'd go to bed in brand new ones and then wake up in nice pj's for the morning photos! Sometimes, if we were good, we were allowed to open a second present, but this was rare.

This picture sucks, but isn't my mom pretty?

We also had the tradition of listening to a cassette tape of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas that accompanied a beautiful pop-up book.

I always remember that magical feeling in the air on Christmas Eve. This feeling is what I miss most about Christmas and cannot wait to share with my own children one day.

Just knowing that Santa was working his way through the night sky on his sleigh, and while I slept, he would be eating our church windows and leaving us wonderful gifts (In hindsight, this was also kind of terrifying, ha!). Sometimes Santa would leave us handwritten notes to read in the morning. He'd remark how the cats reacted to his arrival and thank us for the delicious treats. Santa was a gentleman. A few years, we would see Santa's sleigh marks in the snow out back! My mother and father always heard the reindeer on the roof. If it happened to be snowy night where the reindeer couldn't see, Santa would arrive via helicopter! Of course, my mom and dad told me all about it.

Each year, I inevitably would ask, "But mom, we don't have a chimney, how will Santa get in?" Magic, she would say. Oh, right. No question. Duh, magic!

On Christmas morning, the three of us would be up before dawn much to the chagrin of our parents. To hold us over, Santa was nice enough to leave our stockings outside our bedroom doors. I told you, Santa is a thoughtful guy.

We knew there were strict rules about entering the living room until everyone was awake and the adults had their coffee in hand.

Once the doors opened to the living room, it was beautiful. Tons of shiny presents in different wrapped paper that were not there before. All signed, "From: Santa."

I struggle now with the notion of creating new Christmas traditions with my mom gone. Granted, the last few years were not the greatest holidays, but they existed as traditions, nonetheless.

Mirza did not celebrate Christmas growing up in Bosnia. He never knew the magic of believing in Santa. He just doesn't get it. I know when we have children in the very near future, we can bring this magic back into our lives, but for now? I'm lost.

I'm eternally grateful to my mother for creating wonderful traditions, and allowing me to genuinely believe in Santa Claus and the magic that Christmas would bring into my life.

I know that my Christmas as a child-less adult will never be as magical as they once were, but I do wish we could create some new traditions until that time comes.

Share with me your traditions and offer some tips on creating new ones!

Cleanin' up!

2011-12-16T15:22:00.002-05:00

Do you ever see pictures in magazines or on blogs with beautiful homes and apartments that just seem so perfectly clean and organized all the time? And you feel like a slob or failure for not being able to keep your place as impeccably clean?
Well, sometimes, I do!
I'm not perfect. I LIVE in my apartment. WE live in our apartment. We work, cook, make a mess, etc. We also clean, but it doesn't stay clean for long or forever because of the reasons I just listed.

Today, I will take you on a tour of our incredibly messy apartment as I go through and clean it. Why? To show the world how normal, every-day-people live.

We'll start with the bedroom...

Before:
You may notice we have pretty much nothing on the walls. I'm working on it!!

After:

I admit. Our bedroom is incredibly boring. We keep our bureau's in the closets, so it looks bare. That corner with the table? I've had plans for almost a year to turn it into a comfy chair with a light for reading. Still hasn't happened...

I definitely think we need a few things to spruce up the bedroom. For one, art on the walls. I am thinking of getting a couple of framed prints of our engagement session, but would that be cheesy to hang in the bedroom?
In addition to the chair with light and bookcase for me, I would love a bed frame and headboard. I think it would just make it feel much more like a bedroom. Also, does anyone else agree that Mirza needs a nightstand and light? He said he doesn't, but for the symmetry alone...

Bathroom #1

Before:

After:

Dining area.

Before:

After:

Kitchen.

Before:

This actually wasn't as bad as it could have been. Our kitchen never stays clean. We use it too much! That's a good thing, right?

After:

Living Room:

Before:

After:

A few things: When the tree is gone, that's all blank, white space. I'd like to get a a book shelf or cupboard with glass doors for my mom's tea cups...something! I also hate that coffee table. It was hand-me down I've had since my first apartment. I'd like a more grown-up piece; something wood. Any suggestions?

Note: We do not own the TV. It comes with our apartment mounted to the wall. Pretty sweet, right?

Music room:

Before:

Also known as: WTF happened in here??

Oh.my...

After:

Ah, much better.

This room took me the longest. I didn't photograph the closet, but it's much more organized now. In addition, Mirza's desk? That man doesn't throw away anything. We're the complete opposite. I throw out everything. Nothing is safe.

Bathroom #2

Before:

Yikes!!

After:

I didn't make it to the laundry room or porch. They will have to wait until next time.

So, there you have it. Embarrassing photos of my messy apartment.

I dream of one day owning a beautiful home with a big kitchen full of windows, nice lighting, a great island, and tons of counter space where my vitamix can sit out at all times.

For now, I am stuck in my 2 bedroom, 2 bath apartment.

I'd love ideas on making a smaller space more functional without adding tons of furniture. I hate when every wall has a piece of furniture up against it!

Week 3 Half Marathon Training Recap

2011-12-10T20:38:00.000-05:00

Week 1 recap
Week 2 recap

Also known as: the week where I stopped believing in myself.

My runs through the week were absolutely terrible.

It was a combination of starting too late in the morning with warm (December in Florida) temperatures, stress, dehydration, and pain. I also think I screwed myself by switching Monday's run to Tuesday, making me run two days in a row.
STICK.TO.THE.PLAN.

The plan was 3.5 miles, 3.5 miles, and then my longest run ever of 5 miles.

I think the 1/2 mile thing is throwing me off.

I wouldn't even call what I did during the week, "running."

Check it.

Tuesday:
3.5 miles, average pace 13:07. WTF? It was more like walking.

Wednesday:
My right ankle was hurting, there was NO WIND, the heat was stifling; so humid.
I physically and mentally gave up from the beginning.
I only made it 2.5 miles. I seriously was so disappointed in myself.

Thursday and Friday were work days.
Thursday, I was at work for about an hour and a half, and seriously had a mental breakdown from stress and I left. I can't even get into how incredibly guilty I felt for leaving, but I could not function at work. ugh. I came home and made hot cocoa with tiny marshmallows and drank it in a santa cup. It was the coldest day yet of the season and the cats were snuggled with me on the couch while I finished the entire Season 1 of Parenthood and began season 2. Pretty much a ball of nerves and tears the entire day.

That's Abbey asleep on my lap.

I had incredibly low expectations for this morning's 5 miler. After the last runs, I felt so defeated, like I physically would not even be able to finish 5 miles. I thought that maybe I should just quit now because obviously I am not meant to do this. But I laced up my sneakers anyway for good measure in hopes that I would feel differently once I got out there.

Immediately, I knew that 5 miles would be quite the distance of me, so I decided to not have too high of expectations with my time. I wasn't sure I would even be able to make it; I thought I might quit halfway through!!

I decided to run .25 miles, and walk .10 the entire time.

I have to say, this method worked so well. When I was running, I was going WAAYY faster than I normally do--9:50-10:00m/m. It was glorious!!

Here's the Garmin breakdown:

Mile 1: 11:27

Mile 2: 12:21

Mile 3: 12:22

Mile 4: 12:10

Mile 5: 11:57

I finished in 1 hour, and 20 seconds...an average pace of 12:04. That is with walking breaks!

This was my favorite run to date. The weather was p.e.r.f.e.c.t.; overcast, NO SUN, and cool in the low 60's. I believe this helped me tremendously.

In addition, I ran my regular trail route, but took detours through a park around a lake, and then through the KAO campgrounds. The change in scenery definitely boosted my enthusiasm.

I felt so proud of myself. I almost gave up on running, but now I am back. From now on, I will be incorporating this run-walk interval because I am way more efficient and faster.

uuummmm, ignore my dirty nail.