Diary of a Madwoman - Mrs. 'Crow's Blog of Evil

Vacation by the Sea of Doom

Hi! Mrs. 'Crow is going to spend eight days in the tropics as the Midwest sinks into a pit of winter. For this reason, Rasputin Barxotka is not going to be updated until 12/13/07. I didn't have time to do a good color update, but I did get some fun stuff done while trying to deal with annoying drunk people at a restaurant in the middle of the night. (I hate being the designated driver.) Be sure to stop by the Rasputin Barxotka site for the free weekly comic and if you have a few bucks to spare at the member section. Smooches.

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Smutastic Filthery

OOH! Your adorable carpetmunching madwoman of evil was actually interviewed for Prism Comics: Your LGBT Guide To Comics 2008. They seem to like my insane babbling, if for no other reason for amusement purposes. Look for that jazz when it comes out, because hopefully, I'll be in it. I talk about family, mental illness, butt-kicking strippers, girly love, frippery, smuttery and butt sex. With any luck, I'll be one step closer to becoming the female Frank Zappa of fucked up cartoons. That would totally be awesome. Otherwise, life has been busy with remaking 3D models and making more art. Thankfully, I'm going to spend a week in the tropical sun, so my brain will hopefully be less fried. Expect the update schedule to be weird, but I will be sure to have new stuff up.

Cheers,

Mrs. 'Crooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow

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New Stuff

My week has been crazy with modeling and other stuff, so here's some art peek stuff.

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Violence and Cuteness!

My brain is to tired too function, but I just updated the site. YAY!

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Javla Historia

J�vla Historia #2: Birka, Sverige - Jul 1st, 2004 4:48:28 pm EST

Inspiration finally strikes me. I've long since left the coffee shop, and I am taking advantage of a library with computer access in a small Iowa town.

Ah, Sweden, you are a lovely and depraved country shaped like a hard and circumsized cock about to enter the pile driver position. I love to visit you whenever I can, whenever, period, because you are my home. While Mikey slumbered dreaming about Orlando Bloom, I snuck a quick visit to the Midwest.

Runa worsted spun wool yarn into a gorgeous tapestry. Judging from the fitting form on her living room, she completed her beaded belly dance costume. The crystal blues and iridescent greens caught my attention until she whispered, �Messing around with wormholes again, dear?� A sly grin formed in her face as she wove.

I feigned a giggle and retorted, �Droll� clich�d, but droll.� I studied the beaded pattern one of the costume�s patterns, just a little closer. �Is your student here?�

�Valentine is in the bathroom.� A malicious glint shone in Runa�s eye. �There�s nothing that needs removal right now, is there?�

I flipped Runa the bird and smiled back at her, red-faced and trying very hard no to laugh. I just know that I will never live down the Irish pub incident.

The hissing of water and toilet flush prompted me to check myself using the mirror inside my powder compact. My rose lipstick looked fine.

Valentine emerged from the bathroom. When she saw me, she ran up to me with a hug. �How did you know I�d be here?�

I brushed my hand across my braided wig. �I�m an inter-dimensional being. I know things.�

Eyes checked me out up and down. Valentine folded her arms and raised an eyebrow. �That seems a bit matronly for you.� In truth, a reconstruction of a Viking linen tunic covered by a woolen gown further layered with an apron dress and an unwieldy belt, isn�t simply dowdy, it is sheer hell in summer weather in the Midwestern United States.

�I am about to visit the ninth-century Sweden.� I believe my tone sounded rather snappish, even for my ears. �What are you wearing?�

Valentine placed her hands on her hips. �Are you the period police?�

�In three days, I will most likely be.� The entire room burst out in laughter, as I rubbed my crotch. I covered my face and added, �I�m sorry. I just get like this around that time.�

�Hey�, Valentine tickled my chin, �don�t you have ways to control your period in the future.�

I answered in the affirmative, but personally, I prefer to be natural. I prefer for my menopause to be a surprise gift from Mother Nature rather than a chemically induced certainty. I�m not into the blood-eating thing, per se, but I feel that a woman�s period is beautiful mixture of joy and pain. It is a secret scarlet sisterhood that no man wants or covets as his own badge of biology. It is one of the last remaining bastions of feminine taboo. Even in my time, this forbidden flowing jewel that brings creativity and devastation at the same time, still held mystery in a time when the dissection and categorization, destroyed the miraculous nature of the unknown. To feel blood on my fingers and pain on my body, is one of those rare treasures that separate me from the machines and remind me that I am still human.

�Do you mind if I tag along?� The trip to the Viking age peaked Runa�s interest. �This will be great costuming research opportunity for me.�

Valentine�s face turned completely red. �You are aware that Zillia and I are going to look for some hot lesbian action with shield maidens?�

Runa�s heavy sigh of delighted frustration caused her ever-visible cleavage to heave. �Excuse me, who just broke up with Asshole Man and, desperately needs rebound sex with someone cute without strings attached?� The heavy bosomed pale redhead shot a salacious gaze at her already flustered student.

�It is wrong to do intimate things with my teacher.� Valentine�s normally silky voice shrunk to a helpless elfish peep.

With my eyes firmly fixed upon Runa�s full breasts, I replied, �If you say so, Val. Yes, you can definitely come with us, dear, in more than one way if you so desire.� She giggled.

Two faired-haired ladies, one in proper garb and the other leather-clad like a Wagnerian Valkyrie, along with an Irish-blooded bellydancing witch dressed in something akin to a shimmering tsunami of beauty, traveled to a place, where one would not expect proper ladies to visit. Then again, we were not exactly proper ladies.

Runa, her weaving loom, Valentine and I materialized by a gigantic ash tree somewhere in a forest located somewhere in the outskirts of Birka. Before we could form a plan of action, a group of Vikings caught us in the act of appearing out of thin air. I could see another group of Vikings in the distance, riding away on horses. Judging from the ornate saddles, (hornless) spangenhelm helmets and the chain-mail armor, fancy swords, and other decorative finery, I deduced that the departing party consisted of the king and the professional royal army. Our new acquaintances were obviously the citizen�s militia.

None of the rather alarmed bearded men wore armor stronger than leather, if any, over their tunics and furs. None of them wore helmets. Instead, they wore meticulously groomed heads of hair. (Bless those cleanly medieval Pagans.) The poorer looking men wore short hair and smooth faces, while those less destitute wore beards and manes of hair to the shoulders. Each one carried painted wooden shields, knives and spears. Only the burliest, leather clad, red-faced Viking in the party carried an ax. Wagner would have been shocked.

The burly leather-clad Viking demanded, �Who are you?� Runa and Valentine squinted, trying to figure out what Germanic language the big man had spoken.

Having visited other periods within the Viking age and knowing that there was a common language among all Nordic people, I replied, �I am Urd the eldest crone of the Norns. I am the keeper of events that have past.� Pointing at Valentine I explained that she was �Skuld, the most mysterious Norn, and the Goddess of Future Fate.�

Valentine seemed to understand that I had called her Skuld because she smiled and squealed, �Oh my Gods, I�m Skuld.� She looked back at me and squealed. �I love Skuld!�

One of the Vikings asked another, �What is she saying?�

�Silence mortal!� I tried so hard not to laugh at these hideously confused men. �Behold the sight of the splendor of Verdandi, the most beautiful of the tapestry weavers of fate. Runa stood up from her loom and shook her boobies at the amateur soldiers. The bells of her bellydancing outfit mesmerized the men.

One man, a particularly handsome Thor-Wannabe stood out from the ranks and sang heroic ballad in the direction of Runa. Baritone and sky blue eyes bewitched my witchy friend. Before the Thor-Wannabe could finish his poetry, another Viking slapped him on the head and called him, �Quit singing, for you are white-backed Christian who flees from the vaginas of women.� The Thor-Wannabe decked the heckler with left hook. The big burly leather-clad Viking shook his head and warned the Thor-Wannabe, that flirting with the Norns might not be good form.

Valentine and I told Runa to go and have fun with the Thor-Wannabe. She gladly obliged and took him by the hand. I told Thor-Wannabe, �She has chosen to bless you in a very special way. Take her to the nearest lodging and she shall bring happiness into your life.� With a smile, he scooped Runa and carried her away.

Our lucky �Norn� shouted in the distance, �I�ll meet you back here tomorrow.� I envied her, yet I was happy for her.

��Urd�, do you see any shield maidens?� I bit my lip and shook my head at �Skuld.� She had been hoping for some hot dyke action, and so far, the situation was not looking good.

The big burly Viking interrupted us with the howl. �I am Skeggi the Robust, Son of Oddr, and I demand to know why you have appeared to us.�

I shouted back, �Take us to the sleaziest and most festive tavern in this town, and we will show you.� The amateur soldiers seemed taken aback by my outburst, and responded with a collective, �Yes Ma�am.�

Valentine seemed disgusted by the situation. �I can�t understand that guy, but I can tell that he�s an asshole.�

I smiled at my dear friend and told her, �We�ll get back at him, just be patient.�

Valentine stared at her tumbler with derision. She poked at the viscous liquid and scowled. �What the hell is this stuff? I looks like used motor oil and it feels like slime.�

�It�s ale, dear,� I replied as I sipped the nourishing brown brew from my drinking horn.

�Ugh!� Valentine could barely choke down a small gulp the gooey beverage. �If this is ale, I can�t imagine what the beer is like.�

I scratched my head at a memory, �Viking beer is hard pear and apple cider.�

�I�ll have one of those instead.� Valentine pushed her tumbler aside and forced a grin upon her face.

�I�ll take your ale, it�s delicious and nourishing.� The poor girl looked nauseated as I poured the fermented barley syrup into my horn. I looked towards a nearby table and screamed in the old tongue, �Hey Skeggi, buy a beer for the lady.�

He gladly obliged by belching out, �Woman,� and placing his order with the modestly and traditionally clad barmaid.

Valentine glanced at the wench, with a look begging for less clothing on such a beautiful body. She sighed loudly, and picked at her ale-stewed chicken without any real desire to eat it. �So what would it have been like if we had gone to the height of Anasazi Culture instead of here?� Her tired, bloodshot eyes carried a heavy load of anticipatory dread, as I felt my lips parting for speech.

�We would�ve seen gorgeously crafted folkloric art, beautiful dances, houses carved on the side of hills, sustainable agriculture, earth-friendly roadways, a fully functioning aqueduct system, vibrant trade, carbon-based hover cars powered by the sun, and the loveliest secret lesbian rituals you can ever imagine, all before the existence of the Hopi and Zuni tribes of Aboriginal-Americans came to be.�

�And of course, I erred in my choice. Hmmm�� My dear friend bashed her head against the table several times, before the sound of glass breaking on someone�s head snapped her out of her monotonous action. She clenched her teeth again and snorted. �So, we are stuck in a place inhabited by dorks who would be perfectly at home drinking Budweiser, watching professional wrestling, driving pickup trucks with shotguns racks, and blathering on about getting some �poontang� as they listen to Ted-fucking-Nugent. Am I right?�

The uncensored truth would have been akin to me killing a puppy with a steamroller. I took a swig of my ale and patted my forlorn friend on her shoulder. �Look at the bright side. We�re getting all the free liquor and food we can consume.�

My poor friend bawled loudly. The barmaid whispered into my ear and handed me two apple beers. I relayed her message in English, �Inga the wench thought that you looked sad, so she�s giving you two beers for the price of one.�

Valentine lifted her head, and studied the beer. She lifted one of the tumblers and lightly sipped. She licked her lips and chugged the rest. A smile appeared. She drank the other tumbler and nodded her head, �Sweet�� Inga came back to the table with two more complimentary pitchers of beer. My friend giggled, �I like that girl. She�s a pleasant and she simply looks delicious.� I concurred with her assessment. Valentine filled her tumbler with more beer. �Gods this stuff is fantastic.� Valentine nearly spit out her drink when at the sound of a quick, yet brutal bar fight. Her eyes grew wide at the commotion of men cheering for the victor. She looked into my eyes, hoping for answers. �What just happened?�

�The thin man with the grisly brown hair, called that unmarried warrior woman that just walked out, a �cross-dressing virgin who flees from the penis.�

Valentine rubbed her forehead and cringed. �In other words, she knocked him out for calling her a dyke.�

�Right after she called him a �man who takes penis in the ass.��

�I hate this homophobic, Euro-Hellbillyhole, so badly.� As Valentine bashed her fist against the table, the waitress topped off one of the pitchers. �Oh Inga, I couldn�t have another beer.� Inga ignored Valentine�s hand waving of negation and smiled brightly. �Oh what the fuck, I hate the idea of drinking excessively, but�.� My miserable friend took one of the pitchers to her lips and imbibed its full contents. She passed out a few minutes later. Her pulse seemed okay, so I decided to let her sleep off her inebriation

I never finished the second ale, but I didn�t care, my horniness was killing me. I poured the liquid to the floor and strutted up to my Viking buddies, hoping for a little action. In the spirit of bringing a little rhythm into Northern Europe, I decided to engage in a little booty shaking stripper action. The unbuckling of my belt was greeting with wild cheering and hooting, and spirited bar singing. The owner walked into the room just as my apron hit the floor. He called me a whore just before a hairy Viking named Hrappr beat his ass for being rude to a Norn.

The hairy fat man lifted the owner by the collar of his tunic and shook him vigorously. �If you try to pester the Urd again, I will fuck you in the ass and unman you.�

Skeggi chimed in, �We shall all fuck you in the ass and unman you. Are you in accord, men?� To my delight, they all screamed out yes. Cultures with simultaneous receptive homophobia, and socially encouraged insertion for the aggrandizement of manliness, are ridiculously amusing to me.

I threw my gown and my tunic over my head. I turned my ass at the men and shook my legs subtly, to achieve the legendary �Black girl bootie shake.� Many of the men remarked how a butt that shook like mine could only belong to a goddess. �Do you like what you see, brave warriors?� I felt so proud of myself, so I bent over and spread my ass cheeks to show off my soaking pussy. �Do you want to fuck me in every hole and between my tits?� I could tell that the drunken Vikings wanted to say yes, but I could tell that their wives and girlfriends had trained them.

�Come on, I can�t get pregnant and whatever happens here, will stay here.� I stood erect and placed on hand on my hip, while the other one poked at the air. "I�m a Norn. Block the doors. We�ll have fun." The men still stood like idiots, grinding their feet into the ground, whistling and looking for something in the ceiling. Men should not be prudes. Hell, no adult should be a prude unless there�s a good excuse.

Inga, with a broom in hand, rolled her eyes at the pathetic situation. She hoisted Valentine over her shoulder and lifted my plastered pal off the ground. With a swipe of gnarly broomstick, she cleared out a large table and tossed my unconscious friend down upon it. With a knife on her belt, Inga sliced Valentine�s sexy Xena dress in half. She pulled it open to reveal the sexy body that hid inside. The barmaid cut the panties off as she screamed to the patrons and the owner, �My loins are burning with lust!� She removed the remainder of Valentine�s panties and dove into her pussy.

Something in conscience told me that it was probably a bad idea to allow the barmaid to rape other helpless women. By the same token, I felt that Valentine would be very disappointed if she didn�t get some hot lesbian action going on before returning back to her present. I stood naked and terrified, right behind mortified Vikings who looked like they were on the verge of having their heads explode. As Inga flicked her tongue on top Val�s clit, I grabbed her by the sleeve and slapped her. �Who do you think you are trying to rape a Norn?� She slapped me right back. I bit her covered tit. She moaned and pushed my head in closer.

�Oh, I like how that feels.� I bit harder, curious about her reaction. �I want you to bite my nipples.�

I released the barmaid�s belt, a peeled off her layers of clothing in front of dozens of lustful eyes. She looked embarrassed, but she played along. I loved how she was willing to stay and allow me to show off her muscular, yet feminine body to everyone in the bar. I sucked on her fingers and licked mine as well. I guided her hand to my cunt. She nervously touched my clit. It was obvious that this horny thing was not too sure about being watched at such a vulnerable moment. I sucked on her nipples as hard as I could and gave her a good bite. She cried in pain, begging me to stop. �Are you going to be a good girl and do as I say?� Her affirmative answer earned her a finger up her pussy. �Get on your knees and show these limp dicks what bad girls deserve. Show them your beautiful ass.�

She raised her rump and I stuck a finger inside her pussy at the same time I ran my tongue from her hood and up to her rim of her ass. The men�s eyes felt heavy upon us and I loved the weight. I stuck two more fingers inside her hole. Her clammy skin told me that she was completely humiliated, but her begging me to fuck her harder told me that she cherished the psychological torture. That�s when I stopped. She pleaded for me to continue, but I refused. Instead, I took my belt and looped it. I explained to the men that I was going to punish Inga for being bad. I told her that I would stop only when she asked me too. She nodded with tears in her eyes.

In synchronicity with the first smack of the ass, Valentine sat on the table and gawked at us rather wobbly. After the next three smacks, she stated rather giddily, �No fair, I want some of that,� before passing once again.

I held back the fifth belting, and made an exaggerated gape to Inga. �Oh dear, I guess I was wrong about Skuld not wanting you.� I helped the abused barmaid stand up. I kissed her in my mouth and stuck my tongue inside it. She squeezed my ass in response. With a childlike taunt I asked, �Do you sweet boys think this little girl is a good one?�

The bar remained quiet, until a rather embarrassed bar owner finally announced, �My daughter makes me proud. She would rather lick women than give her virginity away to a strange man, even in the face of great temptation. We should celebrate her virtue for years to come.� The bald man looked towards a rather horrified Skeggi, hoping for some support.�

Skeggi stood stiffly looking around at his warriors and the other patrons. He looked at his fianc�. She refused to return the eye contact. I lifted her face up towards her man. He walked towards her and held her tenderly. He gazed at her with more love than you would expect from a man preparing to enter an arranged marriage. He kissed her on the forehead and announced to the bar, �I agree that she will make a virtuous wife for me and now I know for certain that she will be an excellent lay.� Yes sir, you simply have to love that selective homophobia. The entire male contingent of the tavern cheered. I smiled at the sweet couple, and deep kissed each one of them. Inga�s jealously furled her brow when I kissed her future husband. I stopped right away, because this was a definite boundary problem.

I asked Inga to take care of Valentine�s limp body and I told Skeggi to watch his bride fuck another beautiful girl. I told him how much his wife wanted him to watch. I warned him not to fuck his future wife, lest he take away her virtue prematurely. I also asked him to not fuck Valentine lest he wished to invoke his wife�s fury.�

�That�s right, so don�t you even dare fuck any girls other than me! You will not cheat on me with another woman, even if she is Fate herself.�

�But, Inga��

�Nothing, you will watch me suck on her tits until her nipples turn red and will you sit still.�

Skeggi stared at his crotch dejectedly. �Yes dear.�

I felt bad for him. �Why don�t you play with your cock while you watch your lady�s suck on some other woman�s sweet love juice?�

The blonde barmaid screamed, �No!�

I pulled out Skeggi�s thick bulging cock and licked the pre-cum off. �What�s the matter? Are you a virgin who flees from the penis? If you don�t let him have some fun, I�ll give it to him.� I briefly swallowed his cock to lubricate it, as a way to illustrate my point.

Inga blinked her eyes rather shocked. She thought for a few seconds and smiled at her future husband. He yanked his bulging member at the sight of the woman he loved while she pleasured a sleeping beauty.

With my good deed done for the night, I skipped over to my bag, grabbed some lube and loaded both holes with the stuff. I pranced back to my audience. �Before you take me boys, let me propose the wager. If I pass out before I do it every single guy in this bar, except for Skeggi over there, I will grant incredible luck to all of you and I will give you this device.� I presented a solar-powered laser cigarette lighter to the men and demonstrated how easily it could start a fire with a piece of paper. �Oohs� and �ahhs� filled the room, as I doused the lit paper with beer. �If I manage to screw everyone, without collapsing, you will give me a battle ax and you will all drink fluids from a penis. Each one of you can only do it with me once, so if you cum, you�re done.� A collective gasp filled the room. It satisfied me. �So, do you want to fuck me, or do you fuck and play?�

The men in the bar discussed the proposal loudly and in a chaotic manner. I checked my time, and they had already wasted three minutes of my horniness. I could not stand it anymore, so I sauntered over to a happily spent Skeggi, who still watched Inga getting it on with Valentine. I whispered the proposal in his ear. Without hesitation, he ordered everyone in the bar to, �Fuck her and hard as you can, instant fire and incredible luck are worth the chance.� They all came after me. Hundreds of hands groped at my body. I had no idea which one belonged to whom. Cute guys, ugly guys, weird guys, normal guys, I didn�t give a shit, because they were all after one thing. I relaxed myself until I became as limp as a doll. My body became a receptacle, a slave to the whims of the masses. They entered my mouth. The entered my ass. The entered my hole. Each visitor pounded hard until the fluids squirted. One, two, three, eleven, twenty-six the whisky dicks and the younger ones quickly fell from the tryst. Look at toy soldiers fall.

Thirty, thirty-three, thirty-six, what the fuck, forty already, no fair giving me two dicks at once while two others are pounding the shit out of me. Holy cats, now there�s three to blow and my ass is starting to feel shabby. Forty-five and next fifty, cum stings my skin and vision is starting to blur. Am I already pushing sixty? Why am I so sensitive? Why is it that every touch feels like knives slashing my skin? I�m going insane and I want to throw up. I spit anything that comes near my mouth, now. I don�t want to suck anymore. I need to breathe, but I can only do it through my nose. My mouth is numb and I need air. This is fucking out of control.

I buck off anyone who touches my ass now. The rawness is killing me. Why don�t I give up? Why won�t I stop and concede defeat? Why am I still letting them inside my pussy? Please don�t get so tight. Please make me a little more lube. Why am I doing this to myself? Why am I putting myself through this? Why am I allowing myself to cry so hard that my eyes burn? What the hell is wrong with me?

A beautiful creature green-eyed slams his hands against the ground as semen hits my walls. Built like Hercules, hair like fire and hung like the Green Man, I lasted longer than he did. As I watched him pull out in retreat, I feel menses escape the dam of my womb. The pain of the cramping seems like nothing compared to this. Another one takes his place. I�m too dizzy to count anymore. The pain of stillbirth, the pain of heartache, the pain of being female, I need to understand the analogy in order to gain complete self-awareness and mastery full mastery over my body. That is why I am allowing this to happen. That is why I choose to be a willing slave. I am stronger than any man is. I am more determined than any man is. A man will not best me. I won�t let it happen. I am stronger. I am a woman and this pain makes me feel alive. I will not submit to my master, even though I shall make him believe that I did. I am a woman because I am alive. I suffer because I love the sensation of being alive.

Suddenly, I feel calm. My body is numb. I feel so cold. I am still alive, but I am so exhausted. I need to stop. I wrap my arms tightly around whatever is around me. I whisper, �I�m so tired.�

A distorted voice answers, �I�m tired too�� As I collapse, unable to continue the momentum I feel a small tinkling sound against my belly. Everything is moving so slowly. I feel my body slam against the floor, convulsing and writhing. Yet, I feel nothing. I close my eyes.

I see myself back home, as an awkward young thing lying on crushed blades of autumn wheat, surrounded by a field of skinny golden titans who still stood up to reach the sky. I readjusted my glasses and picked my nose, as I dreamt of finding my true love and contributing something marvelous to a world full of blue skies and cottony clouds. In my mind, a place full of soft flannel shirts, bubble gum, kittens and chocolate cupcakes, was wonderful place deserving something in return for all its kindness. Yes, there were mean people at school and bad stuff on the news, but overall, life was grand. It was on that day that I decided to create a magical pill to make people�s illnesses less painful.

As I lay supine in the field of wonders, I read my great grandmother�s journal. I heard that she was a sweet and religious lady. I wanted to be pretty and kind just like her. I wanted to meet her, just once. I promised myself that I would learn the secrets of time travel so I could tell her, �Thank you for making me brave. Thank you for making me strong.� I did not want miss anything. I didn�t want to live with regrets and unfulfilled dreams the way she did. I wanted to feel every sensation that God had to offer. I lived to feel alive.

I woke up in a strange bed, confused, wondering if I lived in a dream or if the dream was reality. I smelled like cleanliness. My skin felt nice. I rose up. My ears were greeted by cheering. I rubbed my eyes and to my surprise, seventy-eight smiling faces surrounded me, including those of Skeggi and Inga. I looked around for Valentine. She wasn�t there.

Inga twirled her long straight hair nervously. �Skuld is very cranky and a different room.� I shrugged my shoulders indicating a lack of surprise.

�The game was a draw,� Skeggi announced with great pride. That bit of news actually surprised me. �I swear by Odin�s eye that �orfi�r the Ravisher blew his load as the exact same time of your fainting.�

A nasty looking man who resembled a cross between a bearded Ichabod Crane and a skinnier Aleister Crowley grumbled, �I always screw them until they are out cold and completely unable to move! He crowed as he pointed at me, �This bitch was so tight I couldn�t even hold it in.� He shifted his eyes dangerously and twitched nervously. �This woman survived being fucked by seventy-six strong Norsemen, before I even touched her. Her endurance can only belong to a creature more powerful than the gods of Asgard, and even the devious Loki himself. Men, we have actually fucked a Norn.� I appreciated this compliment and the silent stares that accompanied it.

�So we tied,� I grumbled as I felt a throbbing headache coming on. �How about each one of our teams picks one prize and then we�ll call it even?� The Vikings nodded in approval. �So what do you want, incredible luck or instant fire?�

Without any hesitation all of the men, including the bartender responded, �Incredible luck!�

I clicked my fingers and said, �Done.� The men cheered wildly.

Skeggi asked rather presumptuously, �So, do you want the brand new ax, oh powerful and insatiable Urd?�

I thought about it for a few minutes, and I knew that the other prize would be far more effective in terms of keeping the Norn incident, a secret. I grinned at Skeggi. He frowned worriedly.

***

The Vikings and the bar owner carried Valentine and I back to the loom by the ash tree. They didn�t say goodbye. They didn�t say thank you. The Norsemen remained speechless. They knew that if they spoke of the Norns who granted them incredibly good luck, a horrible fate would befall them and bring shame to their families for generations to come.

Valentine, despite suffering from a painful hangover, cackled wildly. �I initially thought that the squirting dildo you bought was a silly idea, but now that I�ve seen it in action, I must say that it is the funniest toy ever.�

�I know.� I beamed gingerly as my body told me, �I hate you� in two million different ways,

�It was so hilarious to watch them willingly drink my apple beer �piss� from my fucking plastic cock.� Valentine rubbed her temples to ease the migraine. �I especially loved it when I made that fucking Skeggi suck me off before I squirted him. That kicked ass!�

�I told you we�d get them back.�

Abruptly Valentine�s mood changed. �It�s kind of sucky about the shield maidens. I was totally looking forward to some hot lesbian action.�

�Owwww�.� I clutched at my cramping belly. �You were drunk as all hell, so you were pretty useless.�

�You had to tell me that didn�t you.� Valentine crossed her arms indignantly. �By the way, what happened to you? You look like you got gangbanged by an army.� A slight tinge of concern seeped into her voice.

I sighed, �I was. Plus I fucked Inga and everyone else in the bar.�

�Did I get gangbanged?�

�No.�

Valentine stomped her foot and shouted, �Suck,� just as a familiar figure appeared on horseback holding on to a hunk who could�ve stepped out of a romance novel. �Well, if it isn�t Runa.�

Valentine�s teacher kissed her dreamboat goodbye and dismounted the horse. She took pair of sacks with her. As the rider disappeared into the distance, Runa clasped her hands. With the most saccharine tone of voice she could muster, the Wiccan teacher gloated. �I had delightful time with Gl�mr. We watched a horse fight, and he placed the winning bet. With the earnings, he bought me this arm bracelet, a fur shawl, brooches, a ton of fabric, an exquisite metal-brocaded silk fillet for my hair, plus two new bags to carry my things in.�
�Gl�mr took me to his family�s home where we enjoyed nettle soup, pickled herring, flat bread, berries and the most delightful mead I have ever had the privilege of tasting. I listened to him recite an epic poem that captured the attention of everyone in the house. I had no idea as to what it was about, but I loved listening to him. He tucked me in the guest bed, kissed me goodnight and left me to my dreams. In the morning, Gl�mr worked the fields for two hours, bare-chested and sweaty, with his equally attractive brother, and father. For breakfast, we ate porridge, sausages and berry pancakes with jam with a glass of pear cider to wash it all down. My perfect gentleman returned me here by horseback and the rest you saw. I feel so wonderful today. How are you two doing?�

Valentine and I, pained and crabby, stared at each other dumbfounded. We growled, turned our glares towards Runa, and chanted, �Fuck you,� in unison. Runa beamed proudly, sensing our disdain.

I shook my head and rubbed my eyes. �Let�s go. I need to drop you two off at home, and I need to go back to Mikey�s to get some sleep.� With that, our Nordic adventure ended. I wasn�t neatly packaged or pretty, but it was entertaining nonetheless. I hope that Valentine will not boot me in the head when she discovers what happened to her while she lay unconscious on the table. It will be interesting to see her reaction when she finds out.

The Ball-Eating Pussy

Where I come from, out in Oslo and especially in the future, most people use public transport to travel from place to place. In 2204, people still drive cars, but despite some cosmetic similarities, they are very different. To get to your location, you simply dictate your GPS coordinates and the car will automatically seek out the most efficient route to the destination. In places with stoplights, the car will automatically stop and go as needed. The steering wheel and pedals are mostly used on rural areas without stop lights and as safety tools for maneuvering in difficult traffic.

Driving in the 21st century is to say the least, stressful, especially when we are talking about the urban areas where civility is non-existent, people drive like idiots on roads seemingly planned by drunks on acid. To say that I got lost on the way to Friday's big party and my hot visit with Valentine, is an understatement. Having the party host laugh at my dismal sense of direction didn't help my mood any. This is the main reason why I use brass ben wa balls when I drive. Paired with my scruntry and Nefertiti*. and the vehicular vibrations, this is usually a rather effective stress reliever.

*(Genital piercings. I have no other piercings or tattoos otherwise. I like the personally the employable look.)

The soiree was pretty informal. A small bonfire, hot dogs, marshmallows, baked goods and potato chips celebrated Summer Solstice belatedly as well as Runa's move to her new home. I needed to relax after the horrible drive, so without thinking, I whipped out my skinny pink bendable dildo, my corded anal beads and some lube out of my duffle bag. I really didn't care that I committed a major social faux pas as I stomped on over to a nearby wooded lot and fucked myself in the ass. I felt much better after I orgasmed, but the anal action only made me hornier. Frustrated, I stuck my beads back into my butthole and left them there.

Valentine arrived fashionably late, and clad in flannels and jeans. I wore a long black skirt and button shirt. It's usually the other way around. She and I were very huggy and kissy, but that didn't stop her from constantly grabbing poor Lilian's ass, and staring at Runa's cleavage, through cleverly slashed baby tee fabric.

I wanted to fuck that tease so bad. She's always teasing me and I really wanted to nab her. As she cooked her weiner, I surreptiliously squeezed my ben wa balls out and showed them to her. She touched them and gaped at me when she realized that they were gooey with girly stuff. I promptly popped them back in. After she finished eating her dinner, I asked her to pull on a corded ring I whipped out from the back of my skirt's elastic.

She stared at me with inquisitive interest. "What is that?"

I refused to tell her and told her simply pull. I tried very hard not to scream with pleasure as she complied. My anal beads slowly slithered out of my butt. I felt every bump and curve, until I pulled the last one out. When Valentine finished, I quickly snagged the corded fun and dropped in inside my duffle bag.

I stood up to stretch. Valentine started whispering some sexy shit in my ear. I told her to put her hands on the inside of the back of my skirt. She fondled the black lace booty pants I wore. They were tight and see-through. I bought them especially for her (on clearance no less.) She stood behind me, so no could see her left hand caressing my sensitized skin on the meat of the inner thight, right next to the mound. I was so fucking horny. I was ready to lick the shit out of her. She made me wait.

The party people decided to head over to a fun local pub for a little Irish music. Lilian, Valentine and I rode in my car. No one gave me directions, so it was up to the notorious bus commuters in my car to tell me where to go. Needless to say, it took us an hour to get there.

We passed the time by reminiscing, gossiping, making Lilian queasy with hard fetish talk, singing along quite badly to the tunes on the radio. The Go Go's "Our Lips are Sealed" was the highlight. At one point Lilian commented on my "gigantic" pink dildo. I was a bit surprised that she would think seven inches was "gigantic." I told her, "It's not THAT big." She told me that it was twice the size of most guys she's had. Poor thing. I asked her if she knew Farmer Guy, since she went to college with him and Runa.

"You had sex with Bob Horse-Dick?"

"Are you kidding? I taught that fucker how to use that cock the right way!" Valentine flashed a sly grin on my behalf. "He really knows how to pork me with that summer sausage of his." Lilian hugged herself and rocked back and forth, looking rather frightened.

At the bar, I mingled with a few old friends and got introduced to some new acquaintances. The band was great, but my ben wa balls were vibrating against my scrunty from the loud sound. It was nice at first, but as the evening progressed and the orgasm noises were muffled or channeled into cheering noises directed at the band, the sensation became somewhat unpleasant.

I went into the bathroom. The first bronze ball popped right out. But the second refused to leave its warm comfy spot at the deepest point of my vagina, which happens to be further than my fingers could reach. I tried and tried to take the stupid thing out, but I just couldn't grab a hold of it. I spent the half hour I should've invested on seducing Valentine into a little fun behind the bathroom stall before the arrival of her master, trying to fish that little bastard out.

I knew that if Valentine's Master arrived before my hoped for filthy tryst, I would be doomed to miss out on my chance. He's really a good dominator, and I just cannot compete with a guy who can convince his otherwise reserved girlfriend to dress in tape and vinyl at a local club. She is SO his slave that it isn't funny. There's nothing wrong with that, it's just that I know when I am outgunned. My feminine wiles can normally defeat any adversary, but he's not my type and to be honest, he is NOT an ordinary man. He is Valentine's Master, he has veto power and she is nuts about him. Nothing wrong with that though. All of us need a challenge. No wonder Valentine loves him so much.

I left the bathroom, and headed back to the bar. The music was still fun and it was still loud. Valentine was there holding hands with The Master. I bowed my head and groaned. Fortunately for me, Valentine had an outstretched hand for each of us. I learned over to her and whispered that I needed help. I felt very cold and disoriented from the orgasms. She told me that I needed to go home. I told her that I was really in no condition to drive from the sensitivity of the nasty little ball bouncing off my walls, vibrating from the music and stimulating both of my piercings. After much discussion, a call to the nurse help line, and a sleepily cranky Farmer Guy, we came to the conclusion that she had to try to fish the ball out of my cunt. The nurse said that it would eventually pass once my vagina walls were sufficiently relaxed, but let's face it, I could not relax.

As we headed back to the bar, Runa and her incredibly hot mom greeted us with some concern. I was shaking violently and probably looked rather shabby. Valentine explained the situation, and the empathy quickly devolved into laughter. I agreed that the situation was hysterical, but I didn't like it at all.

Valentine performed the proceedure behind the illusion of privacy afforded by a bathroom stall. I took off my panties, and as Valentine washed her hands, I noticed a pair of feet in the neighboring stall.

My unfortunate friend looked very stern. "This is not the circumstance I wanted for my first probe into your pussy."

I shouted "That's the biggest understantement, ever!" As I took deep breaths, in anticipation of Valentine's fingers. I heard giggling in the stall next to us. It sounded like Rune's mom. I covered my face with embarassment at our audience and the fact that my wonderful friend was about to perform a gynecological feat. The humiliation was intense enough for me to whimper, "This is why I can't deal with female gynecologists. I can't deal with this shit when I'm horny." Our neighbor found the situation hilarious and couldn't stop cackling.

"Oh Gods, you're horny too?" I nearly died when she said that. Her finger searching and sliding inside my hole really got me hot. The stupid little ball was slippery and hard to catch, and it rolled along with her movements. It felt so good that I began to moan. I stopped myself right away. I did NOT want this to be my first sexual experience with her. She didn't either, but the way she stared at my lips, unnerved me. She opened her eyes very wide, as she watched her buried finger. She bit my inner thigh to avoid eating me out, in an effort to keep her composure. Rune's mom keep laughing, made jokes about her own ben wa experience, and tried her best to make us insanely horny. After what seemed to be an eternity, Valentine gave up. She looked embarassed as she left the stall.

I sat back on the toilet bemoaning my rotten luck and listening to the Rune's mom being a terrible tease and hellish heckler. Suddenly, I heard a plop. My ben wa ball would be lost forever, but the drama ended. I felt tired as hell, so I bid everyone farewell, as I headed back to the farmhouse.

After driving for an hour and a half, I discovered that I was lost once again, very close to some Trollhagen place I had heard of before. A total of ninety miles off course. At that point, I used the time machine watch to teleport myself and the car to Michigan on the morning after. I drove on the dirt road to Mrs. Martinez's home. I took off my kitty ears, because she is very religious and unaware that I am a nympho. She seemed happy to see me pulling up to her drive way. She offered for me to pick all the cherries I wanted free of charge. That was worth the wait.

And that my friends, is how my pussy ate my balls. Well I'm off to spend yesterday night at Mikey's house and get some serious sleep before the big parade. Until next time, take it easy.

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Screwing with History #1

Screwing with History #1 - Spain 1489 - Jun 25th, 2004 1:24:06 pm EST

This story starts out sad and stinky, but by the end of it, I was not only satisfied, but I actually ended saving a marriage. How is that for charitable?

"L" the farmer was telling me that he was planning to attend the Renaissance Faire this summer, and Valentine told me that she was looking forward to working at a beer wench there. I've been to the Renaissance Faire before, and I have to say that all of the heaving bosoms in bodices make me want to go out and bite someone. I usually end up doing so because I have a bad habit of getting drunk off my ass on hard cider and mead. I think the jolly Irish drinking music and bulging men-in-tights buying me drinks might have something to do with it. Ah, the power of blowjobs!

Anyhow, I got all hot and horny from thinking about the world of creative anachronisms, so I decided to take a trip back to Spain 1489, just before confused sailor, Christopher Columbus left for America to spread smallpox/tuberculosis, prosletyze, do awful things to Caribs, impose dull European culture and bang hot Taino pussy. (It's true... read the letters at your local library.) Although I don't approve of anything else those guys did, I don't blame the sailor for falling in love with those Native American hotties. Puritanical bitches and Spanish babes (as cute and spicy as they are) have nothing on them.

Talk about disappointment! The real High Middle Age Europe stinks. Literally. It's one thing to read about it, but a whole other ballgame to actually see it. Yeah, the outfits are hot, but that doesn't make up for the fact that there were human feces and urine everywhere. People really don't appreciate city sewer systems until they're gone, or in this case, not there at all. Very few people understood the concept of bathing in that portion of history.

There is nothing worse than seeing a really bodacious wench with visible lice crawling on her head, stench coming out of her dress, and tartar all over her teeth. The worst part of this was the fact that none of the peasant guys wore tights -- just the royals, and quite frankly, inbred snobs do nothing for me.

I felt totally bummed until some soldiers started spouting some shit about vanquishing the Moorish menace. Then I remembered that the Spanish/Portugese Reconquest was still going on and that the Arabs had not been completely expelled, yet. This sounded promising to me, because I had heard that the Arabs of this time period were enlightened, beautiful people, with soft glowing skin with decent hygiene. Not quite the Renaissance encounter I came for, but definitely one worth seeking out.

I set my coordinates to Grenada, Spain, and when the time machine did its thing, I appeared inside an absolutely gorgeous place. It was a house with arched entrances and intricate carvings of Arabic text. There garden consisting of a rose parch, potted herbs, neatly groomed shrubbery, an orchard of figs trees and lemons. There was a pool surrounded by marble bricks and a set of water fountains decorated with a few water lilies and hyacints. The place was deserted. Being that it was a hot day, and there was a wall shielding me from the outside world, I decided to take a dip, since the water looked relatively clean. I tossed my clothes aside and jumped in. This place totally beat the Northern Spain Rena-stench, pants down.

Some pleasantly hairy guy in a turban, a long white dishy-dasha shirt and light baggy pants, screamed something in a language I couldn't understand. He seemed pretty pissed, so I got out of the water and grabbed my stun gun, just in case.

I think he was more freaked out than I was when he saw my nakedness. In a lame attempt to ease his nerves, I told him, "Salam," and waved hello. At that point the poor guy seemed really confused. He had an expression that screamed, why is there a naked blonde woman in my decorative pool? Should I really be staring at her?

I sat down, spread my legs and flashed my pussy at him with a coy smile. The Arab dude covered his mouth and looked over his shoulder. It was obvious from the way he shifted his eyes back and forth, from me to his shoulder, that he was having some sort of moral crisis. The poor guy took off running. Being super horny for having been nabbed, I took off after him. I wasn't about to let this one get away.

I grabbed his waist and kissed the back of his neck. He froze. I turned his face towards me and frenched him. Feeling like the cruel tease that I am, I walked back into the pool, pretending that nothing happened. The guy seemed outraged that I left him hanging. He ripped off his clothes and jumped in front of me with a splash. I giggle and so did he. I liked him.

We wrapped our arms around each other and in the next kiss, I sucked his tongue. I tweaked one his nipples and he jumped up rather surprised. I squeezed his muscular buns with the other hand. He kissed my shoulder in response. I was so fucking wet from the pursuit. I wanted nothing more than to have his straight brown cock deep inside me. I dry humped him, and lifted up my left leg around his hip, hoping that he would get the hint. He did.

He lifted me up by the ass, against the wall of the pool. The wonders of water. Even dudes who are shorter than me become big brutes thanks to the lower exhertion of gravity the human body. I wrapped my arms around the ledge and my legs around his waist. He spread my lips apart and stuck his cock in.

There is nothing more awesome in the universe to be fucked by a complete stranger, who is unable to speak my language, but is still able to it with gusto. He wasn't a speed demon my any means, but he moved himself in ondulating motions, almost synchronized with the splashing of the water. Needless to say, I was quite contented. I closed my eyes as the sun warmed my skin and the strangers hands explored my curves.

The smell of roses wafted through the breeze, as he blew his load inside me. I stared at him a little disappointed that he was done already. I couldn't blame him, but still... He slapped his forehead and rolled up his eyes. I pouted at him disappointed. He looked pretty sad too, until an idea popped in his head. He squeezed my ass and pointed at the ledge, as he flashed his pearly white teeth at me. I got the hint, and next thing I knew, he was licking my clit. I love it when a guy is willing to eat me out, after he jizzes inside me. That is totally hot shit. I totally live without cock with tongue like that. Though, cocks are very nice, thank you very much.

He held onto my thighs and chowed down. I forgot to shave, but I don't think he really cared with his beard and all. His tongue flickered around on my hot button and slid down to my slit. He spread my cunt apart to get a better look. I wished that I could've told him to stick his fingers inside.

A rustling noise from among the bushes distracted me. I squinted my eyes and saw a form behind the foliage. I sat up, waved at the form and yelled, "Salaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!" The Arab guy stopped and gasped as the figure leapt out of the bushes.

A woman with big honey eyes, carrying a rather large book, revealed herself to us. She was wearing a white hijab, mouth veil and the whole nine yards. She weepily called out to, "Umar." From her melancholy eye expression, it seemed like she was saying, how could you, you cheating bastard?

The Arab dude (whose name was apparently Umar,) jumped out of the pool, calling out, "Karida! Karida!" She covered the visible portion of her face and ran away from him. Umar chased her as fast as he could, buck-naked. At this point, I felt kind of bad about the situation. Umar caught up with Karida. The two were arguing in the way married couples argue when they are about to get a divorce. I really felt like a total shit at this point, so I walked over to them. I decided that helping out would be the decent thing to do.

The couple started shouting at me when I approached them. Both of them pointed at me, and Umar made a really rude hand gesture. I crossed my arms and shook my head at those two. All of the sudden this was all my fault. Umar fucked me too! Men are so annoying at times. I scrunched my face at them when I noticed something. A strong femine smell that didn't belong to me.

I took Karida's right hand and sniffed it. Husband and wife looked very confused. I smiled at Karida because I caught her red handed. Her pretty henna-dyed finger tips had obviously been messing around her cookie jar. I snagged her book and opened it up on a random page. Her eyes shook nervously as I raised a single eyebrow. I couldn't read the text at all, but her reaction to my quirked brow told me that she was reading something she wasn't supposed to -- something very dirty. Umar cocked his head at us.

I pulled Karida's mouth veil down and snogged with her for a few secords. She didn't struggle at all. I opened one of my eyes and noticed that Umar was totally pissed, but far too shocked to do anything other than stammer and point. I quickly removed her hijab. Her black braid was held by a lovely shell pin. I pulled it out. The long black braid reached past her tailbone. Umar protested quite loudly at my seduction of his wife. I turned to him and shut him up with another tongue kiss. Karida made a very happy noise. I signaled her to come closer. I made out with both of them.

I got bored with kissing, but they both seemed happy to continue. I dropped down and lifted Karida's dress. She had no underwear on. What a dirty woman she was (despite her excellent hygiene.) Umar had been very lucky to make such a good catch. She squealed when I stuck my finger inside her tight, tiny and soaking hole. I took her husband's fabulous uncircumcized cock into my mouth so he wouldn't feel left out.

To my dismay I felt some stomach cramps coming on. It must've been the greasy chicken I ate at a nasty looking inn during my stay in northern Spain. I don't like doing it when I am not feeling my absolute best, but I wanted to make sure that my two new fuck buddies would be okay on their own. I completely undressed Karida and sucked on her bobbly little tits until the nipples hardened. Umar whacked himself off, as I pleasured his gorgeous wife. By using a series of weird hand signals, I communicated to them that I wanted to watch. They got the message.

It was fun to watch, even if they stuck with whole missionary position thing. Those two sweaty hornballs were super-ethused so that made up for the lack of creativity. As my stomach pangs made me queasy, I felt like the two love birds needed some time to make up and fall in love again. So, I gathered my clothes, my stun gun. I looked at my time machine wristwatch-like thingy and set my coordinates back to the 21st century.

I felt kind of malicious so, I called out to Umar and Karida. They gazed upon me with lustful intentions. I pointed at myself and called myself "djinn", which I think means "genie" in their language. You should have seen them freak up when I started to dematerialize as I prepared for the journey back to my home away from home. I wonder what they were thinking when I finally disappeared. I'm sure that it must've been amusing.

Anyway, I am back in 2004, and I am about to brush my teeth and hit the showers. I got this mouthwash from Jason Organics that I'm really excited about trying out. I better find some antacid though. I don't want to disappoint Valentine when I go to the party tonight. See you guys this Sunday, Monday or whenever the hell I get back. The Phoebes loves you guys!

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Phoebe Gets Married

Hello from the stranger that is Phoebe! - Apr 22nd, 2005 11:50:11 pm EST

Sorry I've been gone a while... doing this independent microbiology consultant job has been busy. Also, I have a couple announcements.

1. I am officially repatriated as a Swedish citizen (meaning I finally have papers a few hundred years prior to my birth.) Mr. Muntz is working on becoming naturalized as a citizen of Sweden while keeping his Brazilian citizenship. He already has a one year work visa, and hopefully he can extend his stay to five years.

2. Mr. Muntz and I decided to have a silly little ceremony out in his homeland. Nothing fancy. We just decided out of the blue that it would be fun to get married.

So how do things change for me... hopefully not much, other than me being absolutely ecstatic to be with the man I love.

I thought I'd let my friends at IB know.
I feel: happy

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Lots of Phoebe Entries!

Gem and Farmer Bob Update and Furry Cyber - Aug 7th, 2004 10:37:16 pm EST I am so happy! I forced Farmer Bob and Gem to go out to lunch together while Ruby spent some time with grandma. We all went to a relaxing outdoor coffee shop for the discussion, after I nixed Starbucks (ick.) I lead a moderated discussion between them (free of charge of course) and they talked through their problems. After an hour and forty five minute of opening up and bringing issues out into the open, something magical happened, they both realized that their "huge" problems were just a collection of tiny annoyances and important place-in-the-family issues that concerned Ruby's more than anyone else. All they needed to do is talk to each other.

So this is the big news: They are back together, but they need separate homes permanently. They love the sex, they love their friendship, they love each other, but they can't stand to share space together because their little bad habits are mutually irritating, and they don't communicate well when they are trying to pretend the little things don't matter. They decided that they want to live together from a distance.

This change will definitely affact little Ruby. She's been latching to Farmer Bob as if he were a daddy and she's asking her mother uncomfortable questions about their relationship (and mine to Bob's.) Gemini doesn't want Bob to be Ruby's daddy, as she wants her daughter to bond with her bio-daddy. Bob is very distraught about the prospect of being anyone's daddy, but he too knows that Ruby has latched to him just as much as he's latched to her. I suggested they both work with a qualified counselor to help develop boundaries and help the kid adjust. I suggested that Bob call himself Uncle Bob to let Ruby know that he isn't her daddy, but is still a strong male role-model with familial-ties.

We all had a lovely lunch with me as an intermediary. Those two really needed to communicate, because they are still very much in love. Sigh.

On somewhat related news: Gem is working as a plus-size stripper again by popular demand. She stopped working at the club out of self-consciousness, but the owner talked her back into because the customers loved her big brown bootie as much as Farmer Bob does. She really is a good dancer, and like FMG she is obsessed with practicing her routines. Oh yes, and apparently Gem has expressed bi-curiousness towards me after turning me down all these times. *Naughty grin.* Maybe those dental dams yesterday really were a sign. We'll see. If I'm really lucky, I'll get her and Bob.

God I love my psychiatrist skills! happy.gif

Now for my latest session of furry cyber with the Hot Mystery Furry Guy. Ooh! Very little snipped out this time. happy.gif

---

HMFG: lick
Zillia: Lick right back.
HMFG: how are you?
Zillia: I was napping.
HMFG: napping?
Zillia: I just saved a relationship.
Zillia: I sleep at really inappropriate times before I go clubbing.
HMFG: so oyu feel fine
Zillia: Yes.
HMFG: wet too?
HMFG: oops
HMFG: sorry
HMFG: thinking of you in furs
HMFG: again
Zillia: LOL! happy.gif I like to be thought of in furs. I will be wearing my kitty ears and a tail so I can blend in with the mundanes.
HMFG: how old are you anyway love?
HMFG: iam 39
Zillia: I am 40. Ooh younger man.
HMFG: older lady
HMFG: still tight though?
Zillia: Yes, but still a club kid at heart. I do Kegels, of course I am tight. :p
HMFG: you have a furry pussy too love?
Zillia: I have a furry pussy right now. I usually wax, but I am growing it out for a friend.
HMFG: for me?
Zillia: If you want me to. I have a buddy who wants to take pictures of it furry.
HMFG: first closed, then spread wide open?
HMFG: hmmm
Zillia: Maybe I could let you see the pics. That would be fun.
HMFG: oh baby
HMFG: maybe?
Zillia: Yes. I would love to show you my pussy.
Zillia: I need to get the pics first. grin.gif
HMFG: be sure to wear fuircoats all the way love
Zillia: I am a little camera shy, but when properly motivated... I definitely will.
Zillia: A long one for you.
HMFG: think about me then
HMFG: a long fox
Zillia: Yes. I will think of you as I masturbate in a long fox.
Zillia: You like blue fox.
HMFG: you have along fox?
HMFG: i love bleu fox
Zillia: I can definitely try to get one. happy.gif
HMFG: promise me
Zillia: I will promise to try to get a really nice one.
HMFG: are you that rich?
Zillia: No, I just love second hand stores.
Zillia: I love vintage.
Zillia: I love glamour.
HMFG: they have always bleu fox?
HMFG: me too
Zillia: Not always, but I will definitely keep my eyes open.
HMFG: pls tell me how you look like
Zillia: 6'3" blonde with silver streaks, bright blue eyes.
Zillia: Short hair.
Zillia: Really pointy nipples.
Zillia: Very pale.
HMFG: long legs?
Zillia: Yes.
HMFG: nice butt?
Zillia: It's big and round. I am a little self-conscious about it, but people seem to like it.
HMFG: baby?
Zillia: No baby.
HMFG: you like anal?
Zillia: Yes I like anal.
HMFG: peeing too?
Zillia: Slow start, but then a lot of fun.
Zillia: Peeing, but no scat.
HMFG: no scat
HMFG: i like seeing you pee
HMFG: so horny
Zillia: None, poop is a turn off. I love to pee.
Zillia: I am very horny too.
HMFG: you love to wrap yourself in furs? so there nothing i could see except your pussy andass?
Zillia: Ooh that would be very sexy!
HMFG: and you fucking my face
HMFG: i think it is good for us you dont live here
HMFG: we would fuck eight days a week i guess
Zillia: Oh...
HMFG: oh?
Zillia: I would love that. I just go insane when I get eaten out in my furs.
Zillia: I would love to ride on your face.
HMFG: you now i love to eat
HMFG: know
Zillia: I would grind my clit against your hot mouth and feel your tongue probe my cunt. I would love that so much.
HMFG: i owuld stick my tongue deep in your pussy
HMFG: unitl i die
Zillia: I am so wet and my pussy gets tighter when I think about the wonderful sensations your tongue gives me as it rolls around my lips.
Zillia: I can feel the electricity of your mouth as the fur rubs against my naked skin.
HMFG: you like my tongue in your sweet ass too?
Zillia: Yes!
HMFG: oh babt
HMFG: baby
Zillia: Lick it all.
HMFG: cant type anymore
Zillia: Whack that sweet cock and cum for me. I am going insane thinking about the pleasure.
HMFG: jerking here
Zillia: I am going to be thinking of this when I dance tonight. I am playing with my pussy too.
HMFG: stick your fingers deep in it and let me taste your fingers
Zillia: Imagine those strangers dancing with me having no idea how wonderful you make me feel when you tounge fuck me. Taste my wet fingers, my juices are very warm and sweet.
HMFG: feed me with it
Zillia: It smells good too.
*snip*
Zillia: Taste it... it's like sweet almonds and cherry tonight in flavor.
*snip*
HMFG: let me hear your pussy moan
*snip*
Zillia: Oh my heaven, my pussy is so tight and hungry. No. I am not using my computer.
*snip*
Zillia: My pussy is so tight around my fingers. I can't figure it out, and I'm masturbating too much. grin.gif
HMFG: hmmm
HMFG: :-*
Zillia: Maybe I should try a vibrator to free up my hands. Want me too?
Zillia: to?
HMFG: sure
HMFG: a big toy
Zillia: Yes. I have a ten inch vibrator with a red head and a blue shaft. Would you like me to use that one?
HMFG: yes in your ass too
HMFG: hmmm baby
HMFG: sweetie
HMFG: you so kind
HMFG: my cock is not that long honey
HMFG: you still there?
Zillia: Oh yes.
Zillia: Sorry, I was getting the toy.
HMFG: no sorry
HMFG: enjoy yourself
Zillia: Now I am sticking it into my hole, thinking of you putting it inside me.
HMFG: you have phone there?
Zillia: I am putting some anal beads inside my ass for when I orgasm. I do have a phone, but I am on the modem right now, and I am not sure if the owner wants me to give out his phone.
HMFG: just for a short ooohs and aahhs
Zillia: You are so good. I am so hungry for real living cock.
HMFG: ohhhh
HMFG: let me see fuck yourself
Zillia: I want to, but it isn't my phone.
HMFG: ok
Zillia: I am bouncing on that vibrator going up and down with my juices dripping down the jelly base.
HMFG: all the way down?
Zillia: I am riding it, desperate to ride your hot and big cock. Yes, I'm taking it all the way in.
HMFG: oh baby
Zillia: I love how it touches all of my spots.
HMFG: can i fuck your ass
Zillia: Yes.
HMFG: you must take out the anal beads
Zillia: I would love to have my ass fucked.
HMFG: you love everything dont you
Zillia: Okay... I love how the anal beads bump against my ass when I take them out.
HMFG: i love that
HMFG: specially in furds
HMFG: furs
Zillia: I love a lot of things in furs.
HMFG: lingerie in furs?
HMFG: oh baby your ass is so tight
Zillia: I get so excited in furs, especially when a guy wants me in furs. Yes I do have lingerie in fur.
Zillia: Yes.
HMFG: it hurts my cock
Zillia: I'm sorry... I will breathe in and relax.
HMFG: you want to hurt my cock
Zillia: Oh yes.
HMFG: how?
Zillia: I want your cock to hurt good. Work it into my ass and feel how tight that hole is...
Zillia: Feel it squeeze you and clamp against your skin.
HMFG: oh baby it hurts
Zillia: Feel how sensitive it makes you. You are making me sensitive too. Your cock is so huge inside my ass.
HMFG: i have to hold you tight
HMFG: feeling your furs
HMFG: biting your lip
Zillia: I want to cry becayse it feels so good. Yes, I love it when you touch the softness of my furs. Yes.
HMFG: puloing your hair
HMFG: grab the furs
Zillia: Yes pull it hard, let me be your sweet fuck toy. Yes grab me by the furs.
HMFG: you are nothing but a fuck toy
HMFG: hurt my cock
HMFG: oh baby
Zillia: Make me feel like your furry love doll. Fuck me in the ass really good. I am nothing but your sweet fuck toy. My ass squeezing aroung your cock like a vice-grip.
HMFG: cumming here babe
Zillia: Your cock hurts my ass really nice. The sensations are electric. Oh yes!
Zillia: Cum hard inside my ass.
HMFG: you cumming too?
Zillia: Explode your load in my ass. Yes!
HMFG: hmmmmmmmmm
HMFG: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
HMFG: hhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
HMFG: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh baby
Zillia: It feels so good when I feel your cock grow just before... ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeah!
Zillia: That's the stuff.
HMFG: you cumm?
HMFG: cum baby
HMFG: cum for me
Zillia: I can feel myself getting hypersensitive as my ass recovers from cumming. Yes I cam hard.
HMFG: you did love?
Zillia: My whole body is so sensitive to the slightest breeze.
Zillia: I am am trying to catch my breath.
HMFG: mine too
Zillia: Ooh.
HMFG: suck my dick and taste your ass
HMFG: hmmm
Zillia: I'll take it all the way in. I feel so good all over. I'm going to take a shower after I'm done. Thank you for the hot time.
HMFG: thank you
Zillia: I'll suck it and taste all the pussy juice and anal love. No, thank you! You made me feel great. happy.gif
HMFG: you too
HMFG: so you are going out
HMFG: i am going to bed
HMFG: after 4 here
Zillia: Yes.
Zillia: Good night.
HMFG: have fun
Zillia: I will. happy.gif
HMFG: bye
HMFG: kisses
HMFG: and licks
Zillia: bye. Kisses, hugs and licks.
HMFG: i will dream about your love holes
HMFG: bye
Zillia: Night. I will think of you.
HMFG: me too
HMFG: bye

---

That was fun... Now it's time for me to port myself to over to Amsterdam for a little soiree I've wanted to attend back in the 1999, but didn't have a chance to sooner. Hee hee! Y2k rave!

I feel: high
(3) Time Travelers

How to Kill Phoebe's Sex Drive - Aug 7th, 2004 6:46:35 pm EST I just got through mediating a discussion between Gem and Farmer Bob... Sigh... Things are better, but I am exhausted for playing the part of moderator.

This is not to pick on anyone. This is just a ranty rant to help me relieve some recent frustrations. Here are some ways to make me less apt to feel in a slutty mood.

Call me a Norweigan.

I am Swedish thank you very much. There are huge differences in stereotypes among the Nordic races that outsiders should be aware of. Swedes are beautiful, talented and quietly temperamental, like Abba. Norwegians are still Vikings at heart and proud of it. Danes are horrifyingly perverted so they bottle up all their true natures and smile all the time because they are high and oversexed. Finns are miserable and sad, but they take it in stride. Icelanders are insane, yet cute in a magical sort of way, just like Bjork.

NOTE: Minnesotans born in Minnesota are not real Norsemen, so don't let their self-identifications as Swedes or Norweigans fool you. Minnesotans are a category of their own, even among Americans, just like Texans, only they think they are liberal, able to eat lutefisk *Gag* and are in denial about being Americans. If you are going to make annoying comments about my nation, at least get the stereotypes right.

Shit

If you like eating shit, that's your business, but don't expect Phoebe to share in your enthusiasm. As a microbiologist, I've seen the scary things that feces can hide. No thanks. Enjoy your kinks, just don't get offended if it does nothing to me.

Forget that Phoebe is Picky

I can be a pest and a snob, please don't take it offensively, it happens. If you want to get into Phoebe's pants just be cool to her and see if you click with her. If I don't click with you right away, try to understand me. Otherwise, I might be bitchy and unfuckable. Sorry, it's the truth.
I feel: bitchy
(4) Time Travelers

Cyber with a fellow furry! - Aug 6th, 2004 10:51:42 pm EST If you are not a furry, this will probably make absolutely no sense to you. If you do have an interest in the mating habits of furries, this is your chance to edify yourself. My color commentary in italics for anthropological purposes and edited for clarity and maximum sexual content.

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: hi there

Zillia: Hello! (When HMFG contacts me, I am in the process of masturbating my little pussy out after reading some IB stories.)

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: you like wearing furs?

Zillia: Yes I do!

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: you have furs?

Zillia: I hand make them.

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: you do?

Zillia: Nothing too professional.

Zillia: But they suit me. Furs = fursuit. I make my furs out of recycled fur (or fake fur) coats from the thrift store, or weird dead animal gifts people give me during my travels through time.

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: show me He assumes I am using Y! Messenger and a webcam. All I got is lousy Trillian because FMG installed Bob�s computer and she thinks Yahoo! is evil even though she has an account.

Zillia: I usually prefer a cat persona. You want pictures?

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: you have pics?

Zillia: I don't have them online.

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: sure i want them

Zillia: I am staying at a friend's place.

*snip*

Zillia: My email is phoebephrodos@yahoo.com

Zillia: happy.gif

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: hold on

Zillia: Groovy! I am going to be on the road for a couple of weeks or so, but I promise.

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: you promise?

Zillia: *Snip* but if you send me an email I definitely will.

Zillia: The little headband I have on my profile I made myself.

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: i bet you look gorgeous in it

Zillia: I feel totally sexy in it.

Zillia: I love looking kitty.
Hot Mystery Furry Guy: i love to see you looking kitty

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: you have bleu and redfox?

Zillia: I do not...

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: what furs do oyu have?

Zillia: I mostly have kittycat stuff I've made by had or modded from salvaged vintage coats.

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: why not fox?

Zillia: I am not a pro by any means, but I feel it helps me achieve a more personal look. It's kind of a funny story... Want to read it?

*** Hot Mystery Furry Guy has added you to their contact list. You may choose to accept or deny this action.. You may also add this user to your contact list or ignore this user.

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: i added you

*** You have been successfully added to Hot Mystery Furry Guy's contact list.

Zillia: I added you as well.

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: kiss

Zillia: This is explaining about me... It may offend or it may be happy. I just explained to some about my fetish deal:
Zillia: http://indecentblogging.com/blog.php?id=2686

Zillia: If it bugs you, I won't be offended. I would rather be honest.

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: you like sex in furs?

Zillia: *Blush* I can't have sex without fur... even if it is a small bit of it.

Zillia: I don't feel right.

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: right answer

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: :-*

Zillia: I know that puts off a lot of people. happy.gif I feel happier!

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: i would like seeing you in furs with nothing underneath

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: turns me on so much

Zillia: That really turns me on you feel that way, because I love to be naked when I am wearing a full suit.

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: hmmmm baby

Zillia: I especially like it when I am freshly waxed, and my skin is especially sensitive to the sensations of my outfit.

Zillia: I take it you like wearing furs too during sex, huh...

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: if you want me to sure

Zillia: Whatever you prefer... I am just amazed that you are cool with the idea.

Zillia: A lot of furs get kind of testy if you even suggest that.

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: would love to eat you you wearing a very long bleufox

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: oh baby

Zillia: But, I just can't help getting turned on when I look cute, if you know what I mean. It might be fun to try something new. I love that.

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: really have to go, but you like me to see me cum?

Zillia: Yes!

Zillia: I am so wet right now!

Zillia: I am going to fingerfuck my pussy like crazy!

Zillia: I am just so amazed to have met someone who likes the idea of doing it in furs. Ooh!

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: you see me?

Zillia: Trying to figure out this cam thing...

Zillia: Rrrr... stupid dial up.

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: cant hold it any longer

Zillia: I am so horny. Cum for me!

Zillia: Oh God!

Zillia: I want to cum too!

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: cum for me baby

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: while i eat your pussy in furs

Zillia: Oh God... my pussy is getting tighter and wetter.

Zillia: I can imagine you doing that to me.

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: um sweet

Zillia: Shit! I love how your tongue feels inside me.

Zillia: Oh man... I feel like I'm going crazy!

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: hmmm

Zillia: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: cum for me love

Zillia: Ow... my back is arching, my toes are curling...

Zillia: FUCK YEAH!

Zillia: ohhhh...

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: hmmm

Zillia: I came... happy.gif

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: me too

Zillia: Email me okay, and I will send you a fur pic when I get back home, okay?

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: :-*

Zillia: *Hugs*

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: i will , now i sure will

Zillia: You are a sweetie.

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: hugs too

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: you taste nice

Zillia: *Cuddle, cuddle*

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: have to go now

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: and cuddle back

Zillia: Thank you... you will rewarded amply next time we meet.

Zillia: Take care! happy.gif

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: same to you love

Hot Mystery Furry Guy: kisses

*Clip*

Thank you for tuning in to Mutual of Omaha the Cat Dancer�s Wild Kingdom. There will be a quiz after class.
tounge.gif
I feel: animalized and kitty
(12) Time Travelers

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More from Phoebe's Archives

Cyber with "D" - Jul 14th, 2004 7:18:40 pm EST Holy crap... twelve pages of really awesome conversation on Word after I edited dull stuff out. WOW! D------ @ yahoo, You are welcome to visit Phoebe anytime. Purr! Keep the cybersex requests coming dear readers. They are appreciate it, even when my only sex toy is a hairbrush! :-D

D--------: Hello
phoebephrodos: Hi there.
D--------: I'm just testing this. Don't mean to bother you.
phoebephrodos: No bother at all!
phoebephrodos: :-)
D--------: I enjoy your blog on Indecent. Very entertaining.
phoebephrodos: Why thank you.
phoebephrodos: So what do you do other than read dirty stories? Or, is that your primary form of amusement?
D--------: I design websites. Most of my writing is of the non-dirty variety. I enjoy creating art on the computer, although haven't for a while. And the usual geek amusements -- games, movies, books.
phoebephrodos: That sounds cool. I am a professional adventurer, which is to say I write and I freeload for a living to be perfectly honest. happy.gif
D--------: Well, you appear to be a person well suited to excel at such a profession.
phoebephrodos: Yeah, it's a fun way to live.
phoebephrodos: Although once in a while I push waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too hard and piss my hosts (or more often than not) hostessess off.
D--------: That's a risk of living on the edge, I imagine.
phoebephrodos: Oh yeah!
phoebephrodos: Everyday is a new adventure.
D--------: You're quite the free spirt. Lots of people have trouble dealing with that for long.
phoebephrodos: My friend ######## for example. I met her back in 1998 when she was not all that different from me. But then she ###############, now we basically have a lot of difficulty relating.
phoebephrodos: Nowadays, we can't spend more than three days together in the same space (even cyberspace) without blowing up all over the place.
phoebephrodos: Although if I had met her now I probably would've acted differently towards her. I wear different masks around different people.
phoebephrodos: How about you, are you a free spirit trapped in the body of a worker bee, or are you dull and proud.
D--------: Of course. Masks are the lubricant that slides society along.
D--------: Free spirit? You know, I'd like to be.
D--------: Unfortunately, it's not something that comes naturally to me.
phoebephrodos: It is nice, but it is more work than having a "real job."
D--------: I can imagine. That's the part that I wouldn't like. I'm attached to my bourgouse luxuries, I'm afraid.
phoebephrodos: Freedom isn't something that comes natural to human beings.
D--------: We like security, we don't like risk, generally speaking.
phoebephrodos: I used to earn ########### with the pharma industry... thrrrrp... I hated my life. Now, I am happier than ever.
phoebephrodos: People do like feeling safe.
D--------: I've always been poor. Poverty can limit your options.
phoebephrodos: True. I am poor by choice, but to be honest, I am good a mooching and my friends tend to dote on me.
D--------: Well, I imagine you're very fun, and, assuming those are pictures of you on your site, you're a sexy babe. People like sexy babes.
phoebephrodos: I still have cake eater tendencies, so I can pass for one of them... if you know what I mean.
phoebephrodos: They are mine, but they are photoshopped to hell.
D--------: Well, I still get the impression that you're high on the attractive scale, which isn't bad.
phoebephrodos: I will do some video and still stuff soon for some photographer guy who likes hair. Two days of not shaving armpits is hellish however...
phoebephrodos: I am actually not the most attractive woman ever.
phoebephrodos: I am just really fucking charismatic.
D--------: And that counts for a lot.
phoebephrodos: I am also really tall.
D--------: One of the sexiest women I've ever known was actually pretty homely.
phoebephrodos: I usually squat in photos so I look smaller.
D--------: You've mentioned that you're tall. That's very exotic.
phoebephrodos: I can't stand looking at this woman that towers over men in photographs. LOL
phoebephrodos: Sexy has nothing to do with looks, everything to do with attitude.
D--------: I always found tall women attractive. Eventually, I married a woman who is taller than I am, and discovered the disadvantages.
D--------: You're right -- attitude is key. Attraction is 90 percent personality, I imagine.
phoebephrodos: Oh I think I know what you mean.
D--------: The only time it's really a problem is when we want to have sex doggy style. Her legs are so much longer than mine it makes it problematic.
phoebephrodos: That's right!
phoebephrodos: I usually deal with that by stretching out my legs and propping up with pillows.
D--------: We eventually found that if she lies on her side with her legs drawn up that that helps some, especially for anal sex.
phoebephrodos: That is a nice position.
phoebephrodos: I love anal.
D--------: Even so, I often eye the behinds of some of the relatively shorter women here at work and imagine, "You know, she'd be perfect to bend over the desk."
phoebephrodos: But much lube goodness is required for the best results.
phoebephrodos: Butts are so symmetrical and cute to me.
phoebephrodos: Especially when there's a peach of a girl with a peach of a butt.
D--------: I was always interested in anal sex, but I never figured it was something women really liked, so I never brought it up. Then my wife asked me to do it, which was a surprise. And I learned a good friend of mine, a regular PTA mom, loved taking it up the ass.
phoebephrodos: It's moments like that I envy the penis.
D--------: Do you enjoy fisting?
phoebephrodos: Yes... vaginal more than anal though. Anal requires much patience and care.
D--------: I suppose. Lesbian anal fisting is my most recent porn obsession.
D--------: You are right; there's something about a well-shaped woman's behind.
phoebephrodos: Agreed. Anal fisting is an art that requires much discipline. I can't take it when I am stressed.
D--------: No, I can imagine.
D--------: But a cock, I imagine, is somewhat easier.
phoebephrodos: However, lesbian sex tends to be more relaxed, so it is easier to work up to that point. Yes, a cock is much easier to handle and beads are fun too. Again, the secret for the pudding is lube.
D--------: True.
phoebephrodos: However, the anus has such rich nerve endings.
D--------: Yes.
D--------: You seem to be gleefully, uninhibitedly bisexual.
phoebephrodos: The sensation of the penetration often seeps all the way into the vagina, even without it being penetrated. I am actually omnisexual.
phoebephrodos: I like fucking shemales and toys too.
D--------: Ah.
phoebephrodos: Shemales are hot in my mind, but not a lot of people agree.
D--------: Nothing wrong with enjoying variety.
phoebephrodos: I love variety.
D--------: Well, they combine some elements of both. I can see the attraction.
phoebephrodos: I get bored easily. Science is a very dynamic field so when I left, it was painfully dull for me. Fortunately sex filled the void.
D--------: I can see that happening.
D--------: I used to be not overly interested in sex, myself -- pretty normal, I'd say. Then I got sick, a tumor on my pituitary. Now that it's under control, I can barely think about anything else.
phoebephrodos: WOW!
D--------: It's rather distracting, actually.
phoebephrodos: Is it because of the tumor, or because of the fear of death?
phoebephrodos: I bet.
phoebephrodos: I am very sex obsessed, and that does interfere with my ability to hold a regular job. Though psychiatry wasn't too bad.
D--------: The tumor produced a hormone that suppressed my sex drive, among other things. The medicine that keeps it in check has the side affect of increased libido.
phoebephrodos: "You mean I get paid to listen to people talk about their sex lives, sign me up."
phoebephrodos: Oh man.
D--------: LOL!
phoebephrodos: So the medicine did it to you.
D--------: Maybe.
phoebephrodos: I have heard side-effects like that before. A curse and blessing all in one.
D--------: It might be that my hormones are now normal for the first time, and it might be the fear of illness, if not death.
phoebephrodos: The one thing I hated about being a shrink was the fact I couldn't screw my patients. Some of them were soooo tempting... The fear of death or illness can often change people's priorities.
D--------: I often wonder about the women I work with now, whether any of them have hidden sexual desires like the writers on Indecent.
D--------: I can imagine it would tempt one's professional ethics to have hot patients talking about their sex lives.
phoebephrodos: All women have secret sexual lusts, most of them are to afraid to express them in full.
D--------: Most women I have known whom I could talk about these sorts of things seemed rather uninterested in sex.
phoebephrodos: Yes it was sheer torture listening to a patient talk about their "sick" sexual desires or how they desperately wanted to shag someone outside of their spouse, and I couldn't do squat about it other than give them a diagnosis.
phoebephrodos: Women tend to talk about sex among women and in secret.
phoebephrodos: It's that whole sisterhood and feminine mystique thing. I am so over that.
D--------: I was surprised a while back when a friend I'd known for years, the PTA mom type, and I started talking about sex in detail. It turned out she is a regular perv.
D--------: Well, compared to the stereotype of the PTA mom, that is.
phoebephrodos: LOL!!!
phoebephrodos: You'd be surprised about the pervs that are out there.
D--------: You know, I'm starting to get that.
phoebephrodos: I am good at getting them to confess.
phoebephrodos: Using my psychiatry skills for evil.
D--------: LOL
phoebephrodos: Hey, it works for me. The people who crusade hardest against pervertry tend to be the biggest ones.
D--------: I suppose.
phoebephrodos: It's a weird paradox really.
D--------: Personally, I wish I were in a position to really take advantage of my relatively new found hornyness and work on seducing a wide variety of women I know.
phoebephrodos: I personally don't think complete repression is healthy though.
phoebephrodos: That would be fun. Seduction when you are new at it takes time to master.
D--------: No, not a bit. But we live in a puritanical society.
phoebephrodos: Yes...
D--------: I imagine it does, and I was never good with women even back when I was younger and relatively good looking.
phoebephrodos: Men are easier to seduce than women in general.
D--------: No doubt about that. Men are ready to fuck on first site.
phoebephrodos: Women have a series of hoops you must jump. Men just want to be told "fuck me" and they'll fuck. I am blunt.
D--------: Well, the standards are different -- hypocritical, but true.
D--------: Men are praised for having multiple partners, women are scorned.
D--------: Personally, I would love to meet more women who just want some sex.
phoebephrodos: Agreed. I love sex, it's fun. There's no reason for pretense.
D--------: Of course, you have something of an advantage -- you're fun, free-spirited, charismatic and sexy. I'm sure you can have your pick-and-choice of sexual partners.
phoebephrodos: True...
phoebephrodos: Still building confidence is the best thing you can do to improve your sex life.
D--------: If someone wanted to attract you, how would he start?
phoebephrodos: Talk to me. Nice conversation is a good thing to help me decide if someone is going to click with me or not. It sucks to deal with someone you can't relate too. Manners are very important too, unless you are at a drunken party. wink.gif
D--------: Sure. It's always good to be polite.
D--------: Other than sex, what are conversation topics you warm to?
phoebephrodos: Try me, I am easy to talk to.
D--------: How do you show someone that you're interested in him or her, if you decide that you're clicking?
phoebephrodos: I don't ignore them. wink.gif
D--------: I imagine that you're a toucher, for some reason, that you like to touch people as you're talking.
phoebephrodos: I am, good guess!
D--------: And that you enjoy being touched, as well.
phoebephrodos: Yes.
phoebephrodos: I love physical contact.
phoebephrodos: Which is weird for a swede.
D--------: A nice affectionate shoulder rub, perhaps.
D--------: Are Swedes undemonstrative, physically?
phoebephrodos: At least my family was.
phoebephrodos: Not too much hugging. Very stoic.
phoebephrodos: I worked with a lot of Latinos and Hispanics, so that need for touch rubbed off on me.
phoebephrodos: Latinos are very touchy feely and they say anything that they feel like saying.
D--------: I can see how you'd find that attractive.
phoebephrodos: The woman I loved most was a Canadian with a Chinese dad and a Mexican mom.
phoebephrodos: She was really nice and friendly.
D--------: An interesting cultural mix.
D--------: I imagine that, in addition to being nice and friendly, she also had a pretty interesting, exotic look.
phoebephrodos: She was, and even funnier, she was a punk.
phoebephrodos: I miss her like her.
D--------: LOL! How eclectic.
phoebephrodos: Indeed.
D--------: I can imagine. She sounds like another free spirit.
phoebephrodos: Her piercing stuff was hot, though other than on my pussy, I'm not into piercing for myself.
phoebephrodos: She was a free spirit, but she was married to a total asshole.
D--------: That's always bad.
phoebephrodos: He destroyed her emotionally and spiritually.
D--------: How awful.
D--------: Did she finally leave him?
phoebephrodos: She and I used to do coke together for shits and giggles, and to stay awake during some of the more tedious projects at the lab. I always kept my head straight, and didn't really get addicted. She on the other hand. Her baby ended up with withdrawals. Did she leave him. I think so, but I'll never know. I had to change my identity and leave Sweden, due to some corporate politic shit that really fucked me over.
D--------: That's pretty bad.
phoebephrodos: I stopped after she had her baby. I always blamed myself for a lot of what happened to her.
phoebephrodos: That's why I quit coke.
D--------: Probably for the best.
phoebephrodos: I didn't realize it at the time, but her husband really despised me and took it out on her a lot. I agree. I miss her like hell though.
D--------: You could track her down through the Internet.
phoebephrodos: It's not that easy.
phoebephrodos: There are other issues involved.
phoebephrodos: Tracking her down would not be in her best interest. Not at the moment.
phoebephrodos: I just pray for her well being. It is all I cando.
D--------: Last year, I was able to contact a friend of mine who had gone off to England to get married to a fellow she'd never met in person. She had a bad habit of running off and getting married to some asshole or another, and then she'd come back to me to hold her up. She didn't like it when I told her that this was another self-destructive choices, so we had a bad falling out. I miss her, still, but she seems happy and is still pissed at me for not supporting her choice.
phoebephrodos: I hear you.
D--------: That's bad to hear. It's never good to lose the people you care about.
phoebephrodos: True, but that's in the past... That's why I try to make the present fun.
D--------: Absolutely! There are people to meet and screw.
phoebephrodos: Exactly. grin.gif
D--------: You have a spectacular body, by the way.
phoebephrodos: Thanks to Photoshop!
phoebephrodos: LOL!
D--------: You know, I use Photoshop. I know what you can do with it, and what you can't.
phoebephrodos: happy.gif
phoebephrodos: I'll take it as a compliment.
D--------: Do you wear short skirts?
phoebephrodos: Actually rarely, I more of a trousers sort of woman.
D--------: I can see that. I just imagine that you have long, beautiful legs.
phoebephrodos: I like open jackets with no shirt on. I am happy with my legs.
D--------: That's a sexy look.
phoebephrodos: I love the look.
D--------: With bra or without?
phoebephrodos: I don't know my bra size, if that's a clue.
D--------: Ah.
D--------: If someone were to slide his hand into your jacket and caress your breast, how might you respond?
phoebephrodos: I would pull the hand in closer.
D--------: Do you enjoy having your nipples played with?
phoebephrodos: That's why I wear those jackets I parties. I love having my breasts fondled and a I really enjoy nipple play.
phoebephrodos: A bold soul once in a while my get pulled to a corner and I'll ask them to suck on me.
phoebephrodos: I love the feel of a tongue on my titties.
phoebephrodos: They are very sensitive.'
phoebephrodos: The burst of sensation turns me on.
D--------: His tongue circling your nipples, his lips surrounding them, licking and sucking on one, then moving to the other.
phoebephrodos: Nice. Do you you like being a nasty boy in public places?
phoebephrodos: I love it. I get off on the thrill of being watched.
D--------: I've never really done that, I'm afraid.
phoebephrodos: It's okay... Everyone is afraid the first time.
D--------: I think it would be nice to be that lucky fellow sucking on your tits in the corner, with people looking.
phoebephrodos: Yes it would.
D--------: Running my hands around under your jacket, feeling your bare back, running my hands down and feeling your ass through the fabric of your slacks.
phoebephrodos: I really would enjoy that.
phoebephrodos: I love it when people touch my ass. I would love to grin against your crotch if you did that to me.
phoebephrodos: I would love to have my neck bitten.
D--------: You'd feel how hard my cock is now.
phoebephrodos: Kiss you back.
phoebephrodos: I'm sure I would. My pussy is always hungry for a good cock.
phoebephrodos: I'm getting wet just thinking about fucking a complete stranger right then and there.
D--------: I'd nip at your neck and kiss you, sliding my hands past your waistband, feeling your ass directly.
phoebephrodos: I would love that. I would grab your ass right back, as I feel the juices running down my legs. You'll notice I have no panties. grin.gif
phoebephrodos: Excuse me if my typing gets shabby or slow, it's difficult to type with one hand.
phoebephrodos: :-*
D--------: Nice.I'd slide my hand around to the front and feel your pussy.
phoebephrodos: I would so love that. I wish I had your fingers in my pussy instead of mine. I would love to have a manly pair of hands right now. I wish there was a crowd watching me.
D--------: My cock is hard.
phoebephrodos: Oh yes... that would be so lovely.
phoebephrodos: Is it... I am completely wet right now.
D--------: I'd unfasten your pants and slide them down around your thighs.
phoebephrodos: I wish I could have your cock right now. Nice. I would kiss you in the mouth, rolling my tongue around. I'm getting sweaty right now.
D--------: Then, I'd get down on my knees and run tongue along the slit between your legs.
phoebephrodos: *Holy shit, Mikey is watching and laughing at me. That is funny. He just left.* I love it when when the tongue hits my sweet spot.
phoebephrodos: The inside of my thights right next to my labia. Sucking the lips and running the tongue about.
D--------: I'd spread your legs to get my tongue on your thighs. Then I'd spread your lips and search for your clit with my tongue.
phoebephrodos: *It's cute when a gay guy stares at me while I masturbate. Must be going something right.* Oh fuck, I love that shit. I push your head closer.
D--------: Sliding a finger into your pussy, then another, thrusting them in and out as I lick your clit.
phoebephrodos: As you bury your head into my mound, I watch everyone staring at me. I can feel my hole tighten around you.
phoebephrodos: I would love that shit.
D--------: I draw out one finger and slide it into your ass.
phoebephrodos: Oh yeah... I love it when I get my ass finger fucked.
D--------: Are you wet now?
phoebephrodos: *I am very wet, and I am sucking the juice off my fingers.*
D--------: Are you fingering your pussy?
phoebephrodos: Yes I am.
phoebephrodos: I am so fucking horny. I want to screw so badly.
D--------: I'm still at the office, but I can't help rubbing my cock through my pants.
phoebephrodos: Oh my goodness... you are a dirty one... I like that.
phoebephrodos: I hope you don't get in trouble.
D--------: My cock would be so hard. I would stand up and undo my pants to let it out.
phoebephrodos: I am debating if I should fuck myself with the handle of the hairbrush on my purse or not. Holy shit. I would go fucking insane. I want cock so much.
D--------: You're so tall. Here, why don't you sit on the arm of the couch. Lean forward, so I can enter you from behind.
phoebephrodos: Ooh...
phoebephrodos: I want cock so much... Your cock tearing into my cunt. Oh yes...
D--------: Hold apart your ass for me a bit. There it is. I slide my cock into your wet pussy. I slide it all in slowly, then slide it out slowly, In and out, slowly at first, my hands gripping the sides of your ass.
phoebephrodos: *I am fucking myself with the brush handle right now, I hope you don't mind. I'm closing my eyes and pretendeing that you a pounding me on the couch.*
phoebephrodos: I love how you are paying attention to my back.
D--------: One of the girls at the party is really turned on. She stands in front of you and lifts up her skirt. She's not wearing any panties, either.
phoebephrodos: It feels so good when I get it. *you are wicked* Oh I'd love to suck on that sweet pussy.
phoebephrodos: I'd love to suck on your cock after your fuck her. Lick all her juices from your dick.
D--------: Go ahead and lick her. It gets me excited and I start to pound you hard.
phoebephrodos: What to do?
D--------: She wants you to eat her while I fuck you.
phoebephrodos: She can lie on the couch with her rump lifted up and I will probe her slit with my tongue.
phoebephrodos: I love the taste of pussy juice, dripping off my lips.
phoebephrodos: I'd pinch her button between two fingers and roll it while I lick.
phoebephrodos: I'd stick the fingers of my other hand inside while you hammer my cunt. Drill it all the way.
D--------: I slide my finger along your wet pussy to lube it up, then I push it into your asshole.
phoebephrodos: I love it deep, I love it fast. Oh yeah! Oh yeah!
D--------: She is bucking and moaning beneath you. Eat me, she moans. Eat my cunt!
phoebephrodos: I would be so hard to concentrate, to not lose my cool while I give her oral pleasure, but I won't relent.
phoebephrodos: I flicker my tongue wildly.
phoebephrodos: I'd press my hand on her mound and push down.
D--------: I pound your pussy harder, and slide a second finger into your ass.
phoebephrodos: Sucking on that sweet pussy juice.
phoebephrodos: Oh shit yeah!
D--------: She holds her head, pushing you down. She's crying out in ecstasy!
phoebephrodos: Oh fuck yeah. Her pussy is so good. I stick my tongue into her hole as far as I can. I lift my finger so you can taste it as I you my pussy and my ass.
D--------: I lick her pussy juice off your fingers.
phoebephrodos: I wave my toungue and lightly nibble on her lips just to watch her scream.
D--------: My cock is slick with your pussy juices. Will that be enough to allow me to fuck you in your ass?
phoebephrodos: Do you want me to stick my finger in her ass. Yeah fuck my ass. Be very gentle at first, but one you get the rhythm... give it to me.
D--------: I pull my cock out, hold apart your ass and push it slowly and gently into your asshole, slowly sliding it all the way in.
phoebephrodos: I ask the woman to turn over and kneel on all fours. I take one of my wet fingers and work it into her.
D--------: She sees an opening, turns around and crawls under you so she can lick your pussy.
phoebephrodos: I roll my finger around the rim of her asshole. Oh god that would feel so good. To be fucked in the ass and licked on the clit feels so great.
D--------: Finger my ass, she gasps. Fuck my ass with your fingers!
D--------: I can feel her there. Every now and then, she moves away from your pussy to lick my balls.
phoebephrodos: I push my finger inside ass as I lick her. I work the momentum. I stick another finger in. and work it very slow with the juices.
phoebephrodos: Oh yes...
D--------: I'm grabbing your hips, going faster and faster, banging my cock in and out of your asshole.
phoebephrodos: I push it in with the other finger. Moving them ever so lightly at diffent speeds.
phoebephrodos: I am dizzy with pleasure.
phoebephrodos: She screams for more.
phoebephrodos: I suck on a third finger and ask her if she want another other one.
D--------: She archs her back and cries out. She almost bites yoru clit as she goes back to eating your pussy.
D--------: Yes! she cries. Fuck my ass! Harder!
phoebephrodos: Yeah! Oh shit that would be so awesome. I stick a third one in. Moving all three fingers at different rates as she licks my clit and your balls.
phoebephrodos: My ass feels so worderful as you fuck me. You know how to work that cock. You know how to fuck a woman's ass.
D--------: She bites on your lips, sucks on them, tugs on your clit with her lips.
phoebephrodos: My ass clenches and my pussy tightens at the action. I tell her yeah, teach my pussy who's boss. I am loving the abuse.
D--------: I'm pounding your ass harder.
phoebephrodos: I spit on my pinky finger and catch some of her pussy juice. I hope she wants another one because I am going to give it to her. I want her ass to feel as good as mine.
D--------: I grip your hips harder and bare down.
D--------: Yes, she cries. Fist me. Fist my ass!
phoebephrodos: I roll my eyes back as I let out a scream. My body breaks out in goose bumps. I won't finish though... I want to cum again. I lick my hand, and spit on it. With my freehand I take some more of her flowing pussy juice to my other hand.
phoebephrodos: It's hard to keep balance but I manage.
D--------: i'm cumming!
phoebephrodos: I keep licking and licking until it's very wet. I tuck my thumb into the palm of my hand... slowly... slowly... and then I thrust it in as I feel you cum.
D--------: God, I can't hold it back much longer.
D--------: I cum in your ass, thrusting in as far as I can as I do.
phoebephrodos: I will fist her ass for you ar you cum. Listen to her screams. Watch her back arch. I howl as I feel you cock explode inside me. The poor girl twitches from all the sensation from my fist. Watch her quake as you cum.
phoebephrodos: It feels so good.
phoebephrodos: I am trying to catch my breath. It feels so good. My whole body is tingling.
D--------: I am spent, I'm afraid, but the two of you have things well in hand, it seems.
phoebephrodos: I think so... I'll take care of her for you. happy.gif
phoebephrodos: I will fuck her ass as she licks me.
phoebephrodos: Because, I know how much you like women fisting.
D--------: She wants to take care of you, too. With me out of the way, she finds it easier to clamp her mouth to your pussy, fucking you with her tongue.
phoebephrodos: Oh yeah. I lick her pussy too as I pull my hand in and out, all the way to the base of my thumb.
D--------: Her body bucks; she stops licking you only long enough to let out loud, passionate cries. You're not entirely certain whether they're in pleasure or pain.
phoebephrodos: I don't care if its pleasure or pain. I want more. I stick three fingers of my free hand into her cunt as a I fuck her sweet ass.
D--------: She cries out! Then she slides her own fingers into your pussy.
D--------: Harder! She gasps. Fuck me harder!
phoebephrodos: Licking all the while. I feel her thighs tightening around my face. Oh fuck yeah. I fuck her deeper, and faster.
phoebephrodos: Three fingers in her cunt and my fist in her ass,
D--------: Oh god, she screams. You make me so wet. I'm so fuckign wet!
phoebephrodos: Her juices dripping on my tounge as I lick her clit. I am so fucking wet too.
D--------: She slides more of her fingers into your pussy, massages your clit with her other hand as she licks it, too.
phoebephrodos: I tuck my finger in and work them inside. DP fisting for you pretty girl, as he watches.
D--------: Make me cum! she cries out. God, make me cum!
phoebephrodos: Feel my fist fuck your ass. I fuck her faster with both hands. Tugging at her pussy lips, bitting them.
D--------: Harder! Harder!
D--------: Faster!
phoebephrodos: In between the pounding of my hands, I tell her how dirty she is, how hot she is, how wet she makes me.
D--------: She's all but biting you, now. You may have teeth marks on your pussy in the morning.
phoebephrodos: I feel my pussy squeezing her long beautiful fingers.
phoebephrodos: I think we both will have bite marks on our cunts.
D--------: Cum for me! She cries. Cum for me, girl! I want to taste your cum!
phoebephrodos: I take the index finger inside her pussy and make a comehither motion.
D--------: Her back archs in ecstasy. You've hit just the right spot for her.
phoebephrodos: As I fuck her with my hand, that one finger works her G-spot. I feel the hair on the back of my neck stad on end. I am so excited by her orgasm, my body react sympathetically. I feel an surge of electricity course through me.
phoebephrodos: Her fingers feel like lightning.... Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah!
D--------: He licks your clit harder, pumping her fingers into your pussy, rubbing your clit with her fingers.
D--------: She goes harder and faster, harder and faster.
phoebephrodos: I feel dizzy and about to collapse. My sight is blurry. Shit. That feels so good.
phoebephrodos: I'm going to get very sensitive.
D--------: She's bucking under you. She's moaning. She's getting closer and closer.
phoebephrodos: Oh my.... Oh my... We're getting there. I writhe violently, as I pound her and touch her sweet spot, licking her button.
D--------: *Did you cum?*
phoebephrodos: My whole body covered in sweat... *Oh yeah... five times now...*
D--------: Really?
phoebephrodos: *I love having multiples*
D--------: Still going at it with the hairbrush?
phoebephrodos: *Yeah I get very sensitive. and I've been using the brush handle on me.*
D--------: I hate to cyber and run, but I'm afraid that I must be going.
phoebephrodos: *Yes, but I'm getting exhausted, I don't want to stop though because it feels goood*
phoebephrodos: Take care... Mind if I post this,, this was really hot.
phoebephrodos: Names changed if you want...
D--------: That would be fine. Up to you.
phoebephrodos: *KISS KISS* Do you want to be anonymous or name you.
D--------: I regret not being able to see you. I love watching a woman cum.
phoebephrodos: *I love people like you.*
D--------: I don't mind if you name me.
phoebephrodos: D--------?
D--------: Better known as D.
phoebephrodos: *Blush*
phoebephrodos: Holy moly!
D--------: Did you enjoy yourself?
phoebephrodos: Cool! Oh I still am... Mikey is giving me shit though.
phoebephrodos: LOL!
D--------: Mikey?
phoebephrodos: He's my gay friend.
D--------: Ah. He there?
phoebephrodos: He's been wanting to use the computer for a while.
D--------: LOL!
phoebephrodos: But he is amused.
D--------: Sorry, Mikey.
phoebephrodos: His lover is watching too and they both are telling me I'm a "trip."
D--------: Well, that's true.
phoebephrodos: Those two are hilarious.
D--------: It's not many people who will masturbate in front of their friends, even their gay friends.
phoebephrodos: Check this... "Zillia, if you were a gay man, I would marry you." I love to masturbate around people I trust.
D--------: LOL!
phoebephrodos: "Me too." Says the other one.
D--------: Feel the love, baby.
phoebephrodos: Those two are a riot. I better go and let them use it. Oh I do. *kiss* I hope to chat with you again D.
D--------: And, with that, I must be off. Glad you had a good time.
phoebephrodos: I hope you did as well.
phoebephrodos: I did!
D--------: Take care.
phoebephrodos: I will.

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