Raven n Rolling

Derby: Don't Do It For The Glory

2011-11-02T09:34:00.000-07:00

Oh roller derby! It’s been a crazy and awesome journey thus far. I’ve grown so much and learned more about myself then I ever thought possible. It’s fantastic to see a whole new wave of skaters coming in and joining the ranks to possibly have the same awesome experiences I have.
With this new emerging generation of skaters, I have noticed a common thread. New skaters have this overwhelming desire to play in front of people (friends, family, etc.) before they are ready to bout. Don’t get me wrong, a majority of “Generation: Fresh Meat” is willing to work hard, but there seems to be a notion that they are owed something (team placement, exhibition scrimmages) just for showing up. Something about this expectation has me shaking my head and saying things like “Back in my day…” and “When I was fresh meat…” Listening and taking in their feelings and comments has brought me back to when I was an award-hungry and self-declared recognition-deprived new skater.

It sounds cliché, but if I knew then what I know now, I could have saved myself some serious heartache.

I have always been an overachiever. I have awards from high school and college and have even racked up some nice recognition for my hard work in my career. The one thing all of these accolades have in common is that none of them have been for outstanding athletic performance. Derby is really my first venture into athletics. Naturally, when I started playing derby, I thought that if I worked my ass off, I would automatically be recognized for it at the end of the year with a nice skating award. Wrong. It was like my whole existence as a skater depended on getting that physical reward for my hard work – like it was owed to me.

Sorry friends, derby does not work that way.

Little did I realize that making it on the game roster and playing with my team was the true reward (and still is). I can honestly say blood, sweat and tears got me in my first game. I had never worked as hard for something before. I don’t think I have ever wanted anything as much as I wanted to play – so I completely understand the yearning of new skaters wanting to flaunt their new-found derby basics.

I understand the burning need to make that first roster and get the privilege to suit up with your team, but I promise it will be that much sweeter if you wait until you are truly ready (not to mention a whole lot safer).

I try to explain it like this . . .

To check out the rest of this post visit: Derby Life

RVK's Blocking Nuggets

2011-09-16T12:00:00.000-07:00

It is a weird thing being considered a vet within my league - I guess I have been around a 100 years and played more games then I can count. Honestly I still consider myself a student of derby and have mad respect for the women who are still playing that were vets and my inspiration when I was freshmeat. I am more hungry now for derby knowledge and strive to push myself outside my comfort zone every time I lace up then I was back in the day. Back then it felt more like trying to survive a blocker apocalypse three nights a week, then actually wrapping my mind around the strategic and truly zen game of roller derby.

Lately I have had a few new skaters and freshies ask me for tips and drills to help them develop their blocking and skating chops. I even had one very sweet woman ask how she can learn to skate like me - I felt very humbled that anyone would think, let alone say that - often times I feel like I'm just a mess of disproportionately long limbs and booty.

So I thought I would post and share a few specific blocking realizations and techniques that I consider my golden nuggets:

*Get as comfortable as you can on your skates - you should not even remember you are wearing them. I don't come from a skating background, but did enjoy the pastime as a kid. When I was first starting out I skated as much as I could - indoor, outdoor, in my house, where ever. Even currently if I feel I need to work on a fundamental like turning on my weaker side, sprucing up my hockey stops or just want to learn something fancy and cool - I will practice in my driveway, at a tennis court or at an open skate. The more comfortable you are on eight wheels the more you can focus on the game.

*Recognize your strengths as a skater and build up your skills / specialty around that. I never thought of myself as a big girl, but the truth is I'm a Joan Holloway on quads. Before I could throw a hit I figured out that I could get in the way. Booty blocking is always my go to, because I know I can do it - hitting for me is unpredictable. I work well as a pair with someone else in a hammer and nail scenario - then I know I can land the hit or least knock whoever out of bounds. I've never been the last-line-of-defense-knock-her-on-her-ass blocker. The more derby I play and watch I have determined that in dyer, need to stop the jammer scenarios it's better to rely on what I know I can do verses trying to be a hero a land a hit that is just not going to connect and take myself out of position (or getting a major penalty for being out of play - LAME). For shorter girls I've seen them rely on getting low and taking people's legs out from under them - it's different for every skater. What is your body type? How can use it on the track?

*Use your team. I am a tried and true pack skater. Over the years I have implemented and depend on my pack to push, pull and whip them or myself into position. One of the first fundamentals that was taught to me was pushing - knowing how to push skaters and being comfortable getting pushed. I call it bowling for jammers. There are always those moments during a jam when I know that I can't get there and I can tell my partner can but needs a turbo boost - I push my girl into the jammer or can use her to make a hole for my jammer. I will even take a whip from one of my fellow blockers to build momentum to hit the opposing jammer. There are SO MANY awesome scenarios and ways to use pushing, pulling and whipping in the pack! I'm getting excited just thinking about it :)

*Be fearless. This is something that took me a while to develop. I am a very sure footed, diligent person in my real life. I knew coming into derby that there was something, some force that was inside me that wanted out. I was the biggest pussy when it came to hitting someone. I had no idea how to use my body - what I did know was I could take a hit, no matter how hard and keep skating. Being resilient was my crutch for a long time until I learned how to really hit. This year I discovered something totally new - the idea of creating holes (for my jammer) or obstacles (for the opposing jammer) by causing havoc. Sacrificing myself by instigating - very consciously taking the penalty if it helps my jammer score points or shuts the other jammer down. Being fearless for me is also about not being afraid or intimidated by opposing blockers or jammers. This was and is the hardest hurdle for me mentally. It is really easy to get stuck in your own mind when things are not going your way. So much of this game and any sport is confidence.

That is pretty much my foundation and advice for any up and coming skater seeking knowledge. I'd love to hear anyone else's golden nuggets. Also please feel free to comment with any questions you may have.

xoxo

RVK

HA HA LOL

2011-09-01T14:57:00.001-07:00

I'm Sorry, I'm Not Sorry - Derby is Not My Highest Priority

2011-08-24T17:37:00.000-07:00

I think I have found a way to relay some recent frustration and still abide by my "don't talk shit" blogger ethics.

Is roller derby your first priority? Do you put derby above your family, kids, real-world responsibilities, job, or even your sanity? Am I a horrible teammate and skater because I don't and I won't?

Regionals seem to hot on everyone's mind right now - what personal sacrifice does it take to help your team get to regionals? More nights away from family? More time traveling on the road? More time day-dreaming about derby glory? Or is about efficiency with the time you have?

I have a demanding job that I love. Work is my first priority. I have worked REALLY hard to get to where I am career wise and plan on climbing the corporate ladder as high as I can get - no glass ceiling, right? This year I had to miss a game do to a work conflict and I have missed more then a few practices do to traveling, jet lag and exhaustion. Luckily I have had understanding coaches who recognize that I push myself every practice and did not want me to stress out and come to practice tired, or resentful. I had an amazing season and am twice the derby player I was back in January. I feel that part of this is due to the fact that this small stress was taken off my plate.

I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry - Derby is my hobby, not my life. It is something that brings me joy, challenges me in fantastic ways, surrounds me with awesome people and generally helps me get through life.

I love and am dedicated to my team and this sport and myself as a player. I want my team to go to regionals next year more then anything but I refuse to see it as a personal or team failure if we don't make the cut. If we tried as hard as we realistically could that is all anyone could ask.

I will have to miss games in the future, I'm sure of it. I will have to miss practices because I am on business trips or too tired or stressed out to go, but that doesn't mean I'm anything less than 100% dedicated to my team and I would assume the same if anyone on my team had to miss a practice or a game. I trust in them that they are doing their best - that's what being on a team is about. Trust.

I'm proud of what I have accomplished in my career and even prouder because I did it while dedicating myself to something as great as derby. It's all about the balance. I admire the women who are mothers, PhDs, lawyers, students, hair stylists and just generally anyone who knows what it is like to have to balance real life and derby.

We are not professional athletes - I wish we were, but that is the reality of it. We all have to pay rent or mortgages, pick the kids up from school, pay attention to our significant others and get dinner on the table while at the same time thinking about strategy, connecting with our team and getting the most out of our time in derby.

I'm certain that the women on Oly, Gotham, Rocky Mountain and BADG all have day jobs, families and commitments that take them away from time-to-time. What they do have over other teams is trust on the track. When you are out there playing with your team that is the time to put all the petty things aside. So-and-so missed practice this week or came pooh-faced to the game . . . that shit does not matter when you are on the track. What matters is that I trust that you are going to be where you need to be (like you always are) so I can do what I need to do (like I always do) and TOGETHER we will work for the win.

This post is purely a rant - something I try to avoid, but I feel that it is important to get out there. It's about getting to that next level together as team and trusting in each other that we are all working for the same goal. Most importantly it is about respecting each other and the fact that every single skater has a life that they need to lead and that has nothing to do with a perceived commitment level.

What do you think?

Photo by Derek Opdyke - DPO Images

Two Years . . .

2011-08-12T14:54:00.000-07:00

Wow. I guess time flies. Tomorrow marks two years since I had my injury. Two freaking years!

Two years of growing as a person, starting a cause that matters to the community I love more then anything. Two years.

Two years that changed my life in more ways then I ever would have expected. Two years of coming back into my own as skater . . . it took two years to get my confidence back - albeit confidence I had barely tapped into before my injury.

Two years of going through heartache, physical and emotional pain to come back stronger, faster and smarter.

Two years of an nonstop battle with my ego and pride that drive me every single day and solidify my love for derby.

Two freakin years.

Tomorrow I get to celebrate my injurversary by skating with my team against Angel City Derby Girls - I couldn't image a better way to spend it!

I hope I can give hope to anyone that is injured. If I can get hurt like I did and come back to be better then I was before, you can do it too. Two years can seem like an eternity but it also feels like the blink of an eye.

I have no regrets and will always be an advocate and proudly support and speak to the cause of derby injury.

Two years.

KION News

2011-05-13T09:38:00.001-07:00

I was the featured skater back in March :)

2011-05-06T15:28:00.000-07:00

I was the featured in the Santa Cruz Derby Girls' newsletter back in March. Not sure why I am just now posting this. I though it was cute ;0)

Raven Von Kaos

Raven at Bombshell Home Opener

Roller skating has been a lifelong love for this Inside Track's featured skater "Raven Von Kaos", #76 of the Boardwalk Bombshell's. Raven has been skating since she was a kid and playing derby for the last four years. A self-proclaimed, "rink rat", she "always really LOVED skating", she told The Inside Track and it definitely shows. There was even a three-year period where she says she was at the rink every weekend.

Coming to derby though, that was another thing. She had been searching for a hobby her whole life and had never really connected until the smell of the hardwood and thought of making her childhood recreation her adulthood passion.

But how did she learn about it? "There was a reality show on A & E in 2005 (I think) about the bank-tracked league in Austin. It was like a big light in me went on. I knew right away I was going to do that - there was no choice, it was for me. I just had to bide my time until a league started in town." She didn't have to wait too long.

Raven was one of the original Santa Cruz Roller Girls, starting out that very first year taking in the love of those amazing sell-out crowds. "It's pretty much the BEST sport ever - hitting, skating and yelling . . . like I said, best sport ever." Judging by the Santa Cruz fans, they definitely agree.

In 2009, Raven's skating career seemed to be in jeopardy. And like many injuries, it occurred not during a real bout but in practice. The event is still fresh in her mind. "Oh man, the injury...talk about a game changer. We were scrimmaging one night and I went to nail a player on my inside and started to move vertically towards her, not realizing that my outside skate was caught with another player's. I felt the big shinbone in my leg move to the outside of my knee and then pop back in. I pretty much messed up everything in my right knee, including completely destroying my ACL. I also had a hematoma in there, so they could not operate for some time."

She calls the support she received over the next months the key to her recover. "Lucky for me, I had the help of Tamara and Karen at SOL Santa Cruz to give me the BEST in physical therapy and education on what to expect coming out of surgery. My knee surgeon is THE MAN. Dr. Abidi was just phenomenal - the man works miracles. Plus he is an old school derby fan. But, it really was the support of my husband, Oliver, and the staff at SOL that kept me motivated and pushed me. I actually came back to skating almost a month earlier then I was initially told I would."

Coming back to Derby in 2010 meant jamming for the Harbor Hellcats last season. "I had a blast with the Hellcats and man, did we have a great team. I needed to fall back in love with derby and the Hellcats gave that to me." And while some people would have been a lot more cautious and reserved on the track after an injury like that, not Raven. She says she does look at things different now but "to me, my injury showed me that time is valuable and you should do and try everything you want to. You only live once."

Raven did have those reoccurring doubts that a lot of skaters go through, wondering why she was putting so much pressure on herself. "Oliver was really there for me and would remind me of all the things I loved about derby and that this is what I was made to do."

On Saturday, March 19^th, Raven proved she was ready for her return engagement with the Bombshells. "For me it was a real homecoming. Coming back to the Bombshells was like the final chapter in my injury story. I liked to think it was my happy ending . . . although it really is just the beginning for our team now that we are WFTDA." And the hometown fans were thrilled to have her and their beloved Santa Cruz Derby Girls back in the Civic. When asked why the Santa Cruz fans are so into Derby, Raven gets amped, "Because we rock!! We love them just as much as they love us. Santa Cruz is a town based on grassroots dreams and that's what this league is for us. We are all living our dream right now."

And while a lot of people might miss the days of jamming (where a lot of the glory seems to lie week after week), that's not the case with Raven, "I love it all. To me blocking feels more natural. I never get nervous before a game if I am just blocking. I know I'm going to go in there and do what I do."

Off the track Raven is involved in a project with her derby wife, Roxy Scarmichael, called Derby Hurts. Derby Hurts started from a Twitter conversation I had with a fellow injured player back after my injury. I felt like there should be an online community for injured derby girls to go and get support and to support others. When you're injured and taken away from your team, it feels really awful. I created Derby Hurts as a way to help people feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel. From there it became a clothing brand and now Roxy and I have started the Derby Hurts Podcast. The podcast is more focused on derby lifestyle, but we definitely cover injury stuff when we can." She also has a blog (Raven n Rolling) on the Santa Cruz Derby Girl website.

In the future, Raven hopes that Derby will see more money and attention being focused on the sport including TV coverage of WFTDA tournaments and more integration into the more mainstream sports world. "I really want to have kids in a few years, but I know I'll always stay involved. I actually have a huge passion for coaching and would like to coach one of the teams when that day comes."

For now, she was focused on the opening home game and looking forward to "getting to skate out with my best friends and blow my husband a kiss from the track." This writer didn't see the kiss but I'm sure it happened. What do you say Oliver?

Photo by Derek P. Opdyke

New Post Coming Soon . . .

2011-04-22T17:31:00.001-07:00

It's Like a Break Up - Healing

2011-02-16T09:13:00.001-08:00

I've been wanting to get this up for a while . . .

Back in late 2009 when I was getting ready to go under the knife, Dr. Roitz (one of the great woman at SOL) disclosed to me that she had ACL surgery a few years prior. Roitz is an athlete and just an all around bad-ass. She told me that an injury like the kind I had was like a break up . . . that I would heal and eventually think about it a little less everyday until it was just a memory.

A year ago I was barely cleared to skate (not even hit yet). It felt like it would be a million years until I could play derby again and be on my league's "A" team. I worked so hard to build up my leg muscle to get my clearance for contact and hitting. My emotional psyche during this process often felt more damaged at times then my healing knee, but I chugged forward trying so hard to stay dedicated to the sport I love.

Every time I put on my skates all I could think about was my knee . . . Maybe that's why I took to jamming for the B Team - It was more motivating for me to runaway from trouble verses being in the pack making it. I knew I had to at least go through the motions and eventually it would get better . . . although some days I thought I was crazy and should just quit and take up a safer hobby like basket weaving.

As the season went on it became less of an issue and was no longer in the forefront of my mind. Now, a year later it's barely a thought in my head when I take the track . . . A lot like a bad break up. My knee is like that asshole ex boyfriend that regularly upset and irritated me and has gradually over time became someone "I used to know."

I've said it before, but the biggest lesson I've learned from this experience is to be humble, because you never know if it all will be swept away. I don't live my life in fear of being hurt again, but I try to enjoy every day I get to skate, be nice to everyone and live for the moment. I'm ashamed to say that before my injury I was bordering on douchebaggery . . . I thought I was hot shit and didn't care if I gave attitude to anyone.

I think it's important to learn from life . . . perhaps the derby gods were trying to tell me something. Don't be a douchebag Raven.

I hope that if anyone who is injured is reading this that I can give you a little hope that you too will heal and be wiser for your time spent off skates. Much like that break up with the asshole ex, you will be stronger and have a clearer sense of who you want to be moving forward and one day you will wake up and it will only be a scar with a story.

Peace out -

RVK

Raven Approved Knee Pads - SCABS

2011-02-13T15:47:00.000-08:00

Before I was injured in August 2009 I really did not care all too much about what kinda of knee pads I wore. I just figured the everyday discomfort my knees felt was normal to the sport.

I did, six months prior to my injury, start wearing some cheapie gaskets I got at Big 5 - they helped a bit, but I was still wearing mediocre knee pads that broke down after a couple good falls. I constantly had knee contusions - aka deep bruises. You know, the bad pain you feel when you keep falling on the same knee . . . blech.

The night of my injury I almost dislocated my knee (yuck). what kept me (literally) together was the neoprene gasket I was wearing.

Post opp I knew I was going to have to drop some dough and do some research on knee pads. I found out that some pads broke down too easy, others actually had a high ratio of injury tied to them and others were great, but too burdensome to accommodate a cross over.

The magic combination
Around the time I was looking to purchase I started noticing a lot of girls wearing Smith SCAB knee pads. I saw both jammers and blockers sporting them, so I knew they would work for my stride and everyone I talked with seemed to really like them.

When I went to Skateworks to purchase them I noticed they had SCAB gaskets that were made to be worn with the knee pads - Perfecto!

The SCAB knee pad also works great with my brace - which is a standard neoprene sleeve with a built in hinge. I wear the gasket on my good knee and the knee pad works AWESOME with it.

I would not recommend wearing the SCAB pads without the gaskets. I've heard girls complaining that they feel like there is too much room between their knee and the pad. I'm pretty sure the two are made to be used together.

According to my knee surgeon knee gaskets are a great preventative for injury and I know from my experience that I would recommend them no matter what knee pad you opt for.

You can purchase SCAB pads and gaskets here or ask about them at your local skate shop:

http://www.smithsafetygear.com/

If you have any gear recommendations, I would love to hear about it.

~ Raven

~New Goals~

2011-01-30T14:27:00.001-08:00

This is worth the trip to the East Coast!

2011-01-26T16:03:00.000-08:00

I was contacted this afternoon by Captain Skidd from the Providence Roller Derby. He asked me if I would help spread the news about Get Skooled - a super cool off season event on the East Coast.

He said: Hey, Raven! Can you help us get the word out to your East Coast readers?

I'm thinking - Holy crap! I have East Coast readers?! Well hell yeah I'll get the word out.

So cool things about this event:

* Suzy Hotrod is billed as a teacher - Suzy is um . . well amazing! She's super sweet in person, an amazing skater and has a body that is constructed from sexy rocks.

* I checked out their sponsor list and it looks like my two favorite sites in the world (DNN and Wicked) are both involved.

If I lived on the East Coast or could afford to go I would SO be there!!

Be sure and check out: http://getskoold.com/

xoxo

Raven

The Santa Cruz Dream Team! Boardwalk Bombshells 2011

2011-01-20T10:13:00.001-08:00

On Top Of The World

2011-01-17T19:00:00.000-08:00

Thank you Derby Goddess. You have healed me both physically and in ego. I am now fit to play roller derby at the highest level, be apart of team and take each stride with a fine balance of pride, confidence and humbleness.

I am back on the Boardwalk Bombshells and this season is going to be landmark. It truly is a dream team. I could not have picked a better a team myself. There is such a positive and sisterly energy coursing through each one of us that I know we are going to take "our" game to a whole new level.

There will be bad days, loses, hurt feelings, hurt pride, but above all this team will have each others backs, be there for each other through good and bad and persevere to play our best and beyond what we ever thought was possible. This is Santa Cruz's WFTDA team and we will make our town, our league and ourselves beamingly proud.

I can't express the excitement that I'm feeling. I want to work harder then I ever have before. Push myself beyond my limits and become one with my amazing team.

Yes. Bombshells 2011 - We're taken on the world!

xo

Raven

Roller Derby = Finally Having a Place to Call Home

2011-01-12T20:40:00.000-08:00

I'm a transplant. Have been since I was one. My family moved to California (South Lake Tahoe to be exact) when I was just around one year old. We moved from Fort Lauderdale, Fl - but Florida was not really a place any of us ever called home either. My dad is from the UK and Mom is actually from New York. The two sorta met randomly when they both were living in the Bahamas. Then a few few years after said meeting baby makes three.

We moved to Lake Tahoe and by the time I was nine we had relocated twice. Once to San Diego and then finally (with one parent out of the picture) we landed in Redding, CA. I usually say I'm from Redding when people ask. I did most of my schooling there and it's just easier to claim verses giving a long winded background into Ravenology.

The truth of the matter is that Redding never felt like home to me. I was there, but always knew I was going to leave . . . permanently. I like going back to visit, I don't have negative feelings, but it was just never for me.

When Oliver and I moved to Santa Cruz seven years ago I had never really felt like a transplant before. Santa Cruz is a town that prides itself on localism and not just anyone can claim that shit. I was totally jealous, and felt even more like a stranger in a stage land.

It was not until I started doing derby that I felt like I truly belonged here, let alone anywhere. Now into my 4th season / 5th skating year I feel such a strong tie to my local community of Santa Cruz. I could never image ever leaving or wanting to move. I think that is what you call home.

I think after a life of moving and feeling "in transit," always looking for my home, it's a real relief to finally have it. Funny that roller derby would end up being the stabilizer in my life. The one thing that makes me feel like a local . . . or at least like a can claim a little something ;)

Derby Fever !!

2011-01-02T10:41:00.000-08:00

Man have I got it. Derby Fever is coursing through my veins like a surging tsunami. I've skated the last six out of eight days. I'm dreaming about derby in a non-anxious / fun way for the first time in a couple years and I'll I want to talk about is derby.

Not sure what has got my engine so revved, but I'm fired up to say the least. Tryouts for team placement are on the 10th. I'm hoping/thinking I'll be playing on the Bombshells. There is a crazy excitement in the air about this season. This will be the first season that our league is a full-fledged WFTDA league and all eyes are set to getting to regionals. It's gonna take lots of hard work, dedication and time away from home. Not to mention teamwork, trust and patience.

The first game of the season is actually in Las Vegas on my 30th birthday! What else would I rather be doing on my birthday then playing derby and claiming the title of "After-Party MVP"? The Bombshells are traveling all over this year: Washington, Arizona, Florida and all over California. It's gonna be rad! I really hope I get to be apart of it.

I've been busting my ass lately trying to practice anything and everything that needs improvement - which is a lot. I've tried to take every opportunity I could to skate and feel prepared for tryouts. I've been asking fellow league-mates for tips, advice, constructive criticism and any other info I could pry out of them.

I think my goal this season is not just to make it back on the Bombshells but to put everything I have into my game and skill set - I would really like to be put in regular playing rotation and be a part of what I think is going to be an amazing team. Some of us skaters have been skating together for almost five years.

Other exciting news! Roxy and I have started the Derby Hurts podcast, I'm filing my DBA for Derby Hurts this week and have started the leg work on some other cool shit for the site / brand.

I think 2011 has the potential to be RAD!

Derby Derby Derby

2010-12-03T15:06:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to throw a post up real quick :) trying to not be such a roller-slacker ;)

The new skates are breaking in nicely. Can I just say I had no idea what a difference nice skates made! I'm still a little goofy with some of my plow-stops and hockey-stops, but I'm getting there.

I just got a set of GumBall toestops today - I CAN NOT WAIT to try them out.

What else? - The off season has been good. Staying active, trying to actually quit smoking once and for all . . . damn that casual smoking is hard to give up.

I'm trying to compile a list of goals for Derby Hurts for 2011 - this is what I have so far:
*Get DBA
*Open Business Bank Account
*Get Sellers permit
*Two new logo designs
*Track jackets, beanies and other goodies
*New website

I think 2011 is going to be rad! I'm actually getting super excited about the season and feel like I'm on the verge of kicking up my skill level. I actually have been able to do a few new technical skating tricks* in the last couple weeks - I feel like a sponge . . . I'm just soaking it all in.

xoxo

Raven

All Eyes on 2011

2010-11-15T18:00:00.000-08:00

First I have to say I got my new skates and they are beautiful. I have had them since Friday and have still not skated in them - except around my house. I think I'm in a bit of disbelief that they are actually mine. I'm planning on debuting the new digs at practice tomorrow night - that is if I actually make it to practice - I have to fly to LA for the day and should be back in time. Fingers crossed.

So I'm in total training mode again. I've been running 2-3 times a week and been attending as many practices as my body and sanity will allow.

For some reason I keep finding myself feeling apprehensive about 2011. I'm not sure what's going on with that. I think I might be a little apprehensive about the unknown. For the first time since I've started I really have no idea what next season is going to look like.

Some players have retired, some players will be moving up and maybe some players will be moving down . . . it's the uncertainty that is making me anxious.

I guess all I can do is practice my hardest, give my all and hope for the best.

xoxo

RVK

My New Skates Are Coming! My New Skates Are Coming!

2010-11-11T10:03:00.000-08:00

GAH! I can hardly wait. I feel like my current skates are going to implode any second. New skates! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'm so excited!!!!

Patch Coverage of the Season Ender

2010-10-25T10:02:00.000-07:00

RavenCast - Season Wrap Up

2010-10-24T17:15:00.000-07:00

Season Three Comes to an End

2010-10-19T19:01:00.000-07:00

This Saturday concludes SCDG's third season. Last season was obviously bittersweet for me and I have not quite wrapped my head around how I feel about this season. I know I'm ready to step it up in my training, loose the 15 lbs of fat I have gained in the last year and give it one more honest shot at being a top dog on the A team.

This last season gave me back my derby spirit. It made me believe in "Team" again, but I'm ready to get back into 7 days a week of training and feeling like I'm giving it my all every second I'm in my skates.

I'm pretty nervous about the game on Saturday. It's a double header against our biggest rival and closet neighbor, Silicon Valley. I love those girls off the track, but it always feels like integrity is on the line when ever we play them.

I had an A-team player from my league tell me us B-teamers have nothing to worry about, but I just can't and won't go into a game against SVRG thinking that way. This is it. My team has been training hard and our coaches and been thinking, strategizing and stressing even harder.

I keep telling myself, it does not matter if we win or loose, but in my heart I feel like I might implode on the spot if we don't take the win.

I feel like I should have trained harder, ate better and ordered my new skates in time for this game (my skates are literally falling apart on my feet). But I know it is not just up to me. Jamming is a lot of pressure because if you have an off night the whole civic knows it and it feels like everyone is pointing the finger at you. I've had some bad games this season, but I've also had some really amazing games and magical moments.

I actually got MVP last game. It was the first time in my derby career I have ever received any accolade. I will treasure it forever and let it be my sunshine and happy thought on bad practice days. But Saturday I have got to be radio active and vicious . . . and above all smart as fuck. They may "make it rain" but I'm ready to bring the hurricane.

Hellcats hell yeah.

It's time.

xo

RVK

Aggression . . .

2010-09-17T06:49:00.000-07:00

So last night I DID NOT want to go to practice. I was tired, wiped out and just plain burned out. I have been having this internal monologue with myself for about the last month though about giving 100% at practice and not just going through the motions and then turning "it" on at game time. I feel like I have gotten into this really crappy pattern of half-assing it.

Last night I decided I did not care how tired I was, that I was going to play my hardest. I have been jamming a lot for the Hellcats and was feeling like I could not even remember how to block. So I took last night as an opportunity to reacquaint myself with the pack.

I'm not sure if it was the two cups of coffee I had before practice or finally just getting back in touch with my aggression, but I was fired up - in a good way. I was feeling strong, smart and squirrely. I was not feeling intimidated by other players and just sorta decided to go ape-shit. I even broke a chair sitting down in the penalty box. That was pretty funny.

The strange thing was my wives came up to me after practice and were convinced I was in a bad mood and not having a good night. I was like, "No. I'm great. Just felt like being really aggressive tonight." It dawned on me that I used to be like that all the time before I was injured and I really felt like it gave me a great edge come game-time. It had been a long time since I had actually turned "it" on during practice. No one was used to it. I felt like there is some unspoken rule that I can't play hard and aggressive with out being mad . . .

I drove home feeling really energized that I had reconnected with my inner derby-beast. I'm super excited about the conclusion of our season and training hard before 2011. It's all starting to come back to me.

xo

Time Flys

2010-08-27T17:00:00.000-07:00

Wow has it really been since April since I last posted? That is just inexcusable. I walk around calling myself a writer, but can barely update my own blog. I will say A LOT has happened in the last few months. I was invited to write on a new derby site called Live Derby Girls, I started playing again and I am actually only a few days away from getting married to my long time boy friend Oliver.

My reentry into the competitive world of Roller Derby has been nothing short of a roller coaster ride. Having to deal with the demons of a recent major injury has been no small feat. I was given the opportunity back in May to play with my old team, The Boardwalk Bombshells at The Big One in Paso Robles. It was a strange experience - I had barely practiced with them before the tourney. There are a few girls on the team who have never played with me and others that I could just read the doubt on their faces. Maybe it was just the doubt in myself, but when we got there I immediately went to the restroom and puked my guts up. I felt like a little kid who had climbed to the top of the high dive just to want to climb back down. I hate that feeling.

I hated feeling like I was the weakest link when only a year before I was in regular rotation and considered to be amongst the strongest players. Our league's team tryouts were the next week and for some reason we were given the option to pick what team we wanted to try out for. The Big One sealed the deal for me. I knew I was at a sorta critical point in my mental comeback with derby and feeling useless was not going to help things. I'd like to think that it was long term planning on my part. I knew there were some misunderstandings about my intentions, but you can only live to please yourself and what other people think about me is none of my business. I have every intention of being a Bombshell next season, but I knew I was not mentally fit to hack it this year.

The last few months playing with the Hellcats have been nothing short of amazing. I'd have to say Crushed (our coach) has been such a source of strength and friendship for me. My teammates are some of the most amazing women I have ever met. Everyone is SO different and brings so much to the table - what they all have in common though is the hunger to excel and learn. I definitely had my reservations about playing with a whole new group of people, I will always love the Bombshells, but sometimes when you least expect it there is a team gathered around you - like stretch denim . . . it was just the perfect fit.

I also find myself playing a completely new position this season. I'm one of the main jammers for the Hellcats. It sorta makes me laugh because I still consider myself a blocker - I make jokes about the other team finding out I'm really a blocker in a jammer pantie. I feel like though that I have learned new skills this season being given this opportunity. I was actually (probably by some fluke) the high scoring jammer at the bout I played in last weekend.

It was a struggle at first to let go of what was, but after a while I started to embrace all the change. I still don't think I will ever call my self a jammer, but I will say that I can jam. I have also changed up all my pregame rituals. That was sort of a hard one, but it has been fun. I change the way I get ready, how I wear my hair, what socks I wear, what music I listen to . . . it's a whole new Raven.

The good news is I am starting to get my confidence back. It's not like before, but that is because I know I am human and very breakable, but I have confidence in my skills and my abilities as a derby player. I want to get better and try to play for a couple more seasons . . . you know until Ollie and decide to make a Raven Jr. ;)

And that is pretty much it . . . I went to RollerCon and met some Derby Hurters and have felt really inspired by all of the support and nice things people have had to say to me about the site. I have some big things I hope to accomplish after all this wedding craziness dies down. Derby Hurts is going to grow and blossom into a force this next year. People have asked me what happens to DH now that I'm healed, all I can say is make sure that it is always there for those who need it, because I know that having the support of fellow skaters to talk to in my darkest days got me through.

Peace and hip checks!

xoxo

Raven

Back in the Saddle

2010-04-19T14:25:00.001-07:00

So it is official I'm back on a team and on a roster to play an away game next month. It's been a long road, but I'm finally here.

I realized today that next week will commemorate six months since I had surgery and I'm about 8 months out since I actually tore my ACL. All in all I think I made a pretty quick recovery without compromising my healing.

Derby feels sorta different now though - I'm just so happy to be able to play. I still put all sorts of pressure on myself to preform and hold a high standard of what I feel "good" should be for myself, but it just feels more fun now - maybe completely striping away any and all ego I had has something to do with that, but I don't think I have ever had as much fun scrimmaging at practice as I have in the last couple weeks.

The Hellcats have been a very welcoming brood. The team has such a unique vibe - I can't really put my finger on it, but it just feels all warm and fuzzy! Plus I'm a little obsessed with cats, namely my cat, so there is something cool about being called a Hellcat.

So I'm doing it - I'm looking forward to scrimmaging more but really like how a lot of emphasis has been placed on foot work and basic skills. I really suck at some simple things - we've got this new coach who is all about stepping, jumping and agility training . . . I feel extremely uncoordinated and frustrated doing it but can tell it is really helping my skating.

On May 22nd I will be playing my first game back. We're playing against the San Diego Roller Derby - I'm super excited for the chance to travel with my new team to one of my favorite cities in California. Little know fact: As a little bird, I lived in San Diego and the city will always hold a special place in my heart, so it's pretty awesome that my reentry into the derby world will be there.

That's all for now :)

xoxo

Raven