Raven's Rants

Going mobile

noreply@blogger.com (raven61775) — Thu, 02 May 2013 18:09:00 +0000

Testing out the mobile blog posting app...and have been having a bit of trouble getting everything lined up properly. My last attempt had images on top of text.

So...trying again...hopefully this time it will line up properly. Still trying to figure out the bells and whistles on this thing...so..feedback would be appreciated...should I go mobile? Would be fun to see what kind of stuff I run into in my travels, and share all those wtf moments with you all. *smiles.

Do’s and Don’ts of internet dating

noreply@blogger.com (raven61775) — Thu, 27 Dec 2012 23:50:00 +0000

For those of you out there who have seen my similar posts, you will be sure to enjoy this one. This one is to help those E-Dating dummies out there, get the “picture” so to speak. Here I will explain how to post a profile image that will actually attract the GOOD kind of attention, that people “looking for a relationship” will actually want to see. SO….that being said, I will now begin showing you some examples of some SERIOUS image posting blunders and explain WHY they are a horrible way to approach the dating scene.

ok, here is a perfect example of one of those WTF O.o images. now….all the images I am posting here were plucked from a little dating application on a social networking site. this application gives you only an image and the person’s basic stats to go by (ie:age, sex and location) and THIS is the image the guy chose to “make that lasting first impression” I say EPIC fail dude….I highly doubt your future date will get turned on by nose hairs.

ok, and THIS one….well, it makes me think the guy was likely dropped on his head too many times as a child. He seems to have that slightly “slow” look about him that says, “I licked the windows on the little bus” lol.

for some reason that old 90’s tune pops into my head here…”Iiii’m to sexy for this haaat…to sexy for this haaat, that’s why I wear it liiiike thaaaat!” Really dude, put your hat on right and dress like a normal human being for crying out loud, and stop trying to look like a cone-head from SNL!

and this one….still not sure if it is actually a guy, or if it’s a woman, but this one definitely screams “psycho in need of anger management help”

again, remember… first impressions are everything, even in the internet dating world. Here we have a classic example of someone too lazy (or too ugly) to post a clear image of themselves. (one of my biggest pet peeves really) posting a clear image is IMPERITIVE when making a first impression people! All this says is, “I’m too lazy to give you something nice” (don’t know about YOU folks, but….I think I would want someone who would take the time to impress, at least a LITTLE bit….don’t you?)

ok, this one just screams, “Hi! my name is Achmed….DEATH TO THE INFIDELS!” HAHA! don’t get me wrong, I have a little thing for the Indian guys and men of this particular race, but….this guy here….just screams terrorist.

hey look! it’s another cone-head from SNL! (Saturday Night Live!)

for some reason this guy reminds me of the Uni-bomber…(minus the glasses of course) I don’t know about you, but this one kind of creeps me out a bit.

yes…someone actually posted this image on a dating app. HAHA! I don’t know why but for some reason I don’t think advertising that you have crabs is a GOOD thing when trying to get a date. HAHAHA!

oh yea, and here’s one of my personal faves when it comes to people who just don’t have a clue. Yet another white guy, trying WAY too hard to look “gangsta” and really only succeeding in looking like a palsy victim in need of an emergency fashion overhaul.

here we have yet another close up of someone’s rather LARGE nostrils, giving us a rather disgusting look inside his nasal cavity. yea, nothing says “date me” like a big greeny stuck to your nose hairs. (not that there is really a booger in there, but…the fact that we are able to ESTABLISH that there are no boogers in his nose, is rather disturbing, don’t you think?)

nothing says, “overweight, middle aged and ugly” like a severely blurry pic of some half naked, beer gutted dude with his pants practically hanging off his rear end. really guys, leave the “I was too drunk to take this pic” images off the dating apps…k fellas?

nothing says lovin like a “you caught me masturbating” pic. HAHAHA! (just kidding) but really….the look on his face, and the fact he has his hands on his crotch….I dunno…think this one would have been best left in the private pics on your HD, and not posted on a dating site.

And this one here….looks like he is visiting a “friend” in prison. you know those typical scenes in the movies where they have to talk via the phone through the little glass window? lol either way…not very attractive.

ok….now that I’ve spent some time picking on the guys, it’s only fair that I focus some attention to us girls out there….right fellas? After all, women can be just as stupid when it comes to posting, and you will soon see, that in SOME cases….they can be even worse. HAHA!

first off…let me warn you…some of these pics may be slightly graphic…because…unlike a lot of men out there, women seem to have no shame. they tend to “let it ALL hang out” if you catch my drift. so…if you have any kids in the room….now’s the time to ask them to leave. (you have been warned)

Nothing says “gutter slut” like a chic in a negligee with her legs spread to the moon. Really girls? O.o is this really necessary? The only kind of attention this is going to get you is from guys lookin’ to get their rocks off, and that’s it. You aren’t going to get any kind of “long term relationship” from an image like this. What kind of “marriage material” guy would ever respect a woman who posted a picture like this for all the world to see?

This one is downright disturbing….this girl looks to be no more than maybe 16 years old or so…TOPS, and she’s got images like THIS out for the public to say. nothing like advertising to all the kiddie diddlers of the world where the fresh meat is. I don’t think people realize the dangers of posting images like these. There are some seriously twisted people out there in this world, and with images like this, you might as well walk around with a huge target on your chest and a flashing neon sign over your head that says, “future rape victim” *facepalms* unreal!

nothing says, “truck stop prostitute” like an image of some chic in a trashy mini skirt, taken from some run down public bathroom with the paint peeling off the walls. Really girls, you can do better than this!

And this is another thing that gets me…why do women feel the need to turn themselves into sex objects just to get the attention of a man? the thing that REALLY floors me, is these are the same women that always complain about men wanting them just for their bodies….WELL DUH! if all you post is tits and ass, what do you expect?

and it’s not just the pretty girls that do this….

as you can see from THIS little freak show. BTW girls, for future reference, the pics taken from some high vantage point, don’t really make you look thinner. because you can’t hide that kind of fat. if you want to appear thinner, try going on a diet! WHAT A NOVEL CONCEPT!

nothing screams “psycho bitch, stalker, emo chic” like this image here. really, this image gives me the creeps. (no wonder why firearms sales are at an all time high…with people like THIS running around, I’d be buying a whole arsenal) Really girls, advertising that you are mentally disturbed and in need of serious psychological help, probably isn’t the best way to get a date.

here’s yet another example of women trying way too hard to look like a slut. When did being a slut become a GOOD thing? seriously???!!! I hope this girl’s parents never see this picture, they’d probably roll over in their graves!

nothing says, “I’m going to gouge out your eyeballs with a serving spoon and eat them for dinner” like a biiiig angry black woman. really girl, the least you could do is TRY to smile. your face won’t crack, I promise!

nothing says, “I’m old” like a shot of those varicose vein covered legs. really…I’m not sure what this person was thinking when they posted this….I mean…unless guys think varicose Veins are attractive….but….last time I checked…I don’t think very many of them do. lol

Well, now that I have posted my rant, maybe you all may have walked away a little wiser, and hopefully you got at least a chuckle or two from all of this. One thing I LOVE to do, is people watch. (yes…even on the internet) because you can find some of the most amusing content on here. it still amazes me the extent people will go to, to get attention, but what they usually find….is the WRONG kind of attention. HAHA! Remember y’all… THINK BEFORE YOU POST! (or you just might end up on one of THESE posts) HAHA!

That Awkward Moment

noreply@blogger.com (raven61775) — Sun, 06 May 2012 15:39:00 +0000

This is a little section I call...That Awkward Moment. I'm sure you have all seen pics like these on Facebook, that start out with, "That awkward moment when..." well...here are a few of my favorites that I thought I would share with you.

I have totally had this happen to me. NUMEROUS times. and what is even MORE awkward...is when you are on a voice chat with someone, and this happens, and they are trying to tell you something really important, and one of your open pages starts playing some really gay music spam! UUUUGH! BEEN there.

yes, I have has something similar happen to me TWICE actually. Damned cats...I'm tellin' ya! the worst part...the cats weren't even MINE!

Yup...sad but true...this one is too much like my real life. I have been here...almost 5 months now, and only been out once. I really need to get out more. *sigh.

YUP! Been here. Guess that is one of the drawbacks to being a comedian. Sometimes...people don't always find your jokes as amusing as you do. Especially when the jokes are at their expense. haha!

Oddly enough I have been in this situation as well. lol I find it generally happens when I am in some hick town with like a population of 12. haha!

HAHA! YUP! basically, I work from home, on my computer, and it is my main source of entertainment as well. so...yea...I know...I have no life. But....I amused you for a while...hope y'all got a chuckle. and feel free to share any more awkward moments in our comments section. would love to see that you come up with. :)

Falconvale Designs Custom Products

noreply@blogger.com (raven61775) — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 16:46:00 +0000

That's right y'all, Falconvale Designs, now has a line of products for sale sporting all of their artistic creations. everything from jewelry to iPhone covers, decorative plates, coasters, tee shirts, mugs, mouse pads and more! here is our little store widget showcasing all of our items.

EPIC Fail moments

noreply@blogger.com (raven61775) — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 21:41:00 +0000

Here are some pics I collected off a site called Epicfail.com. Hop y'all enjoy them cuz they sure made me laugh.

Erm.....for ages 8 and over...REALLY???

This one was GREAT! I laughed So hard! This will teach the cheating bastard to be a bit more careful about where he puts his dick from now on for sure. lol

I think I dated this guy once. lol!

This must be the freakiest looking chic I've ever seen, and I've seen some WEIRD looking chics. lol

Epic Drag queen FAIL!!!!!

worst Headline fail EVER!

this has to be the funniest pimped ride ever

EPIC sexy fail. if I were a dude, I'd be running for the hills right now. YIKES!

TOTAL WIN!THIS is how you mess with perverts. haha! LOVE it!

can we say SPLAT!

a little help for my musician friends...

noreply@blogger.com (raven61775) — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 20:12:00 +0000

I have recently taken up designing CD Packages for my fellow Musicians and computer/console video game designers out there. I will post a few examples of my work here so you can see what I am talking about. I am displaying the actual CD design here, but I am able to produce designed printable templates (that you can take to a printing company and have made for you) for the entire CD package, from inserts to CD case sleeves, and jackets. so that said...Take a look see, and if you like what ya see...just follow the instructions on the Image. Pretty simple. oh yea...and one more thing...My prices are negotiable and able to work with nearly any budget (except free of course. lol) but I do work on a bit of a sliding fee scale, based on the detail of the work, how many layers in the template, and hour(s) it will take to produce, but I work fast and efficiently, and for low cost. So...if you're not much of an artist, or if you just don't have the time to design it yourself, and don't mind paying a few bucks to have ME design it for you, then by all means, shoot me an e-

mail, and we can talk business. :) (If you would like to see a bigger image of the CD, just right click, and click, "Open in new tab" and you can view it in all it's amazing detail.

iPhone Autocorrect Blunders

noreply@blogger.com (raven61775) — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 02:52:00 +0000

iPhone Autocorrect Blunders

noreply@blogger.com (raven61775) — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 02:51:00 +0000

a shout out for one of my old high school friends

noreply@blogger.com (raven61775) — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 14:27:00 +0000

this guy here, is probably one of the most talented and upcoming country singers I have heard in a long time. and guess what? I went to school with this guy! haha. that's right! and let me tell ya,he has got some serious talent! you can't help but tap your foot along to the beat of this rockin little country love song. She Drives me Country. Mark my words, it's going to be a hit folks!

She Drives Me Country from Dan Kennedy on Vimeo.

Some of the funniest conversations, taken from various Chat rooms...

noreply@blogger.com (raven61775) — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 23:03:00 +0000

I had a boyfriend once that made me suck him off while I had a mouthful of beer.
HAHAHAHA that was me bitch!
DANNY?!?!?!
MOM?!?!?!?!

[01:33] (hilo21) ima looking for a site that seels amp
[01:33] (hilo21) ima looking for a site that seels amps
[01:33] (hilo21) iam looking for a site that seels amps
[01:34] (hilo21) I am looking for a site that sells amps
[01:35] (nexxai) how bout you look for a site that teaches english?
[01:35] (hilo21) fuck you
[01:36] (nexxai) Lemme guess, you'd kick my ass, but can't read the road signs to get to my house?

Man i was surfin porn and like "normal" surfin at the same time, so my mom comes in and i quick as hell tab down the porn. So now im looking at a SWAT vest and an Mp5 submachinegun trying to hide the giant penis in my pants. Then all of a sudden this realy gay male voice speaks out realy loud goin "i want to suck your big dick ans swallow your hot sperm" then like 100 popups open up all consisting of hardcore fetish gayporn.
man my mom started crying and now she thinks im gay... it owns

This cake is soooo good
it's like sex, except I'm having it

next person to talk after his line will be kicked :)
*this
* Fireslide was kicked by Fireslide ( 12 ‹ 619 12 › )

so my speakers haven't beeen working for a while
they were plugged into the mic port
umm, i think they are color-coded
haha, i know
i usually just reach back there and guess which hole it is
* npl has set the topic on channel #cell6 to i usually just reach back there and guess which hole it is

which is correct, seven and five IS thirteen, or seven and five ARE thirteen?
Neither.
Because it's twelve.

* @Lan plays with his privates.
...
<@Lan> I got these new toy soldiers
<@Lan> They are really neat

Mjordan2nd: If you could be any fictional character, who would you be?
Chris: Spider Man
Tim: batman
Sidd: batman
Mjordan2nd: I'd be god

In a perfect world... spammers would get caught, go to jail, and share a cell with many men who have enlarged their penisses, taken Viagra and are looking for a new relationship.

(JHawk111420) Hey whats up, a/s/l?
(Lady Renegade) more than you want, I'm sure :)
(JHawk111420) ill take that as a challenge ;-)
(Lady Renegade) take it any way you want sweetie
(JHawk111420) k, how old are ya?
(Lady Renegade) probably too old for you, but let's pretend I'm 20 ;)
(JHawk111420) k, what do ya look like?
(Lady Renegade) before or after I'm dressed up?
(JHawk111420) both :-D
(Lady Renegade) well......after I'm dressed up, I have long sexy red hair, nails painted red to match the slinky dress I have on, stiletto heels, pouty lips, green eyes, boobs out to here, and a smile that stops
traffic
(JHawk111420) and before your dressed up?
(Lady Renegade) before I'm dressed up, I'm bald and wearing boxers...sometimes my weenie is peeking out
(Lady Renegade) hello?
(Lady Renegade) hello?
(Lady Renegade) hello ....

lmao there's a wicked lookign spider on my monitor and if i move the mouse around he chases after it
haha mendo
take a screen shot
wait
that made no sense

I think the people above me are having sex
either that or they're sleeping restlessly and agreeing with each other a lot.

Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.."

Primus521: hey dude the funniest thing happened to me today
Primus521: im at walmart and this chick is buying a box of tampons and they are missing the upc and wont ring up
Primus521: so the cashier tells his buddy to get a price check on tampax
Primus521: the dude looks at him and says, "the kind u push in, or the kind you hammer in?"
Primus521: lol
Primus521: turns out he misheard him
Primus521: he thought he said thumbtacs
Primus521: you should have seen the look on the chicks face
Primus521: omfg
Primus521: til the day i die
Primus521: i will never forget it

Some dude tried to break in last night at like 2am, but I was on the comp and it's like right beside the window so I heard the faggot.
Anyways, I grabbed the folding chair and as soon as he was like halfway through I beat the fucking shit out of him.
So he's laying here unconscious and I call the cops. Once they get here, they search him and look at what he fucking had:
8 track tape (unlabeled), Flashlight (no batteries), Half eaten box of Fig Newtons, Measuring tape, Instructions to "Monopoly."
Dude, you fucking killed McGuyver!

Saying that Java is nice because it works on all OS's is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on all genders

random girl: hey!
me: ...hi?
me: who is this?
random girl: Jessica, I saw u on myspace
random girl: ur hot
me: thanks
random girl: np
me: this girl keeps bugging me, but I don't want to talk to her
me: what should I do?
random girl: make up sum excuse, like ur mom is kickin u off or sumthing
me: oh alright
me: I have to go
me: my mom is kicking me off
me: bye

damn
FUCK
DAMN
i was just in an AIM convo with a chick, and my grandmother's window pops up
FUCK
i go like this to her
"i want to suck on your clit"
FUCK

This linguistics professor was lecturing the class.
"In English," he explained, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative."
"However," the professor continued, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
Immediately, a voice from the back of the room piped up: "Yeah..... right...."

there was this one time I was wanking to porn...
... I kept a javascript tutorial open in another window so my parents didn't start wondering why I was always on the desktop with no windows showing
so I'm just about to splurge when I suddenly hear my dad coming up the stairs
alt-tabbed to the other window and tried to pull my boxers up... computer stalled JUST THEN as my dad was opening the door
I just stood up and was like "fuck... dad this honestly isn't what it looks like"
and he glanced at the screen and said "I sure hope so because it looks like you're masturbating to a fucking javascript tutorial"

Brad do you have any issues with " burn in " on your plasma?
nope
kool
How well does it handle blacks
I have it bolted to the wall, so they can't really take it without some serious work

brad, your mom is fine as shit

i think i will masturbate to her while i play with my balls
brad had to go blow his nose, but thanks for the compliment, i will be calling your mother

Jesus-fucking christ!!!

Woah, I got the weirdest moment of my entire life this morning
what happened?
you know, there was a party at my neighbours' last night
yeah, you've been fucking drunk..
you've been there, too?
sure...
well, you see i can't remember anything
but this morning I woke up in my bed, and there was my mom lying next to me.
wtf...?
That's exactly what i thought
So, my mom got up instantly when i woke up, smiled at me and said "U're so much better than your dad is." then she left the room
OMFG!!!
you didnt do that! TELL ME IT WASNT LIKE THAT!!! TELL ME YOU'RE A DUMBASS LIAR!!!
no, i'm not lying
OMG!!!
but it turned out she was playing a trick on me. Paycheck for coming home late, all drunk.
...
your mom's such a freak. o.O

<@AntiHeiss> friend of mine went to jail last night
<@AntiHeiss> he probably isn't getting out for a while
<%The_Coolest> y?
<+Enyo> why?
<%The_Coolest> :o
<@AntiHeiss> it was a girl cop, she was pretty cute too
<@AntiHeiss> she said anything you say can and will be held against you....he sat there for a while and said 'tits'

i like stalked this girl sorta :D
like once she asked me for a ride home from work
and i took her home... i dropped her off at her house
and shes like... wait a minute..how did you know where i lived?

Complaint : BOUGTH IT FOR MY COUSIN WHO HAD CANCER, ITEM NEVER ARRIVED AND MY COUSIN DIED
thats the greatest ebay feedback i have ever seen

"Male masturbation is a personal turn off for me. As a single woman, I'm especially looking for a man who doesn't masturbate, even while he's single."
GOOD LUCK, BITCH.

can you guys see what I type?
no, raize
How do I set it up so you can see it?

Well, it rained today, but as a whole it's been warmer than it was last week.
Why does it seem like every time you join this channel, you end up talking about the weather?
Is your life so unimaginably dull that you can't think of any events in your life to describe that might be more interesting than the weather?
Let's think of something for you to talk about other than the weather.
I mean, we barely even know anything about you, other than where you live.
Let's start there. What do you do for a living?
I'm a meteorologist.

dftpnkezln: For all of you reporting a score more than 100 as you iq lol @ you. How can you possibly score more than 100%?
dftpnkezln:I'm very happy with my score of 89.

<@maddox> FUCK!
<@maddox> my mom just found my website
<+DMTec> isn't she proud?
<+khoveraki> ha
<@naken> you've been on tv 2 times, in the newspapers several times, been banned from a country, has 40 million pageviews
<@naken> and you didn't tell your mother?
<@maddox> "what is this? Did you draw this? It looks like a penis." "No mom, I didn't draw a penis"
<+DMTec> ROFL
<+DMTec> "no mom, i didn't draw a penis" thats good
<@maddox> now she's crying
haha, your mom doesn't know about your website?
<@maddox> (on the phone)
<+DMTec> maddox: did she see the "suprise - I have a penis"-greeting card?
<@maddox> dmtec: oh fuck, I forgot about that.. yeah I guess I did draw a penis.
bahahahaha
<@maddox> hahahahahaha she just said "I wish I would have died and not raised you"
<+khoveraki> rofl
<@maddox> she hung up
You are dispwned maddox

ruide: hey chris, stop fuckin cybering and let me show you something
cyph33r: what
cyph33r: i dont cyber cockbite, i have a gf
ruide: haha
cyph33r: what did you want to show me
ruide: i made an account on that scrabble website you go to
ruide: bubblegal_14
cyph33r: wtf
cyph33r: omg fuck you you fucking prick
ruide: chrisharker: i slide two fingers into your tight asshole
cyph33r: YOU ARE A FUCKING FAGGOT YOU KNOW THAT
cyph33r: I FUCKING HATE YOU
ruide: chrisharker: i've never done this before, am i doing it right?
cyph33r: FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE

I wish my lawn was emo, so it would cut itself.

on one of those speech-to-text programs my friend ripped ass onto the mic.
and it typed out "France"
we were like, wtf?

Metallica sold out in 45 mins :/
Yeah I know.
Oh wait
You mean, like, a concert?
yes

Jesus Saves
pases to moses, SCOOOOORE

ok...so just figured I would share this funny little conversation I had with a very dear friend of mine. Enjoy!

noreply@blogger.com (raven61775) — Sat, 16 Jul 2011 07:07:00 +0000

Catillac Cat: faith is hard for me.
Catillac Cat: you know this.
Raven: not in god, but in me, and in life.
Catillac Cat: you, maybe.
Catillac Cat: life, sorta
Catillac Cat: well, you, assuredly
Catillac Cat: but not any kind of god, no
Raven: haha. as I said, not in god
Raven: I know you're an athiest
Raven: Carlos is a priest now. haha
Raven: but thankfully he doesn't preach too often. .haha
Catillac Cat: If there is any kind of diety, then the diety is an absentee landlord, a drunken parent too busy taking a shit to pay attention
Raven: lmao
Catillac Cat: That was my theory
Catillac Cat: God is on the toiler
Raven: lol
Catillac Cat: He's too busy trying to squeeze the massive log out of his ass to know what's going on
Raven: you always did have the most amusing way of looking at things
Catillac Cat: It's gonna be like that one time he got stuck in the bathroom after the creation. Next time he came back, he noticed that he had a huge dinosaur problem
Catillac Cat: And the meteor is like a can of cosmic Raid
Catillac Cat: He needs to lay off the mac and cheese, is all I'm saying. It's nature's ass cork.
Raven: lmao
Raven: omg! I would SO love to post this part of our conversation on my blog. haha
Catillac Cat is typing...
Catillac Cat: Go for it
Raven: that is some funny shit.

A little Poster I designed for all us country folk out there.

noreply@blogger.com (raven61775) — Sat, 16 Jul 2011 01:50:00 +0000

You may have to click on the image to view it in it's full form or visit it here

funny words of wisdom

noreply@blogger.com (raven61775) — Thu, 14 Jul 2011 05:37:00 +0000

Beauty is only skin deep, ugly

goes to the bone.

When the plane you are on

is late, the plane you

want to transfer to is on time.

When all else fails, follow

instructions.

The lion and the lamb shall lie

down together, but the lamb won't

get much sleep.

Justice always prevails...

three times out of seven.

When you are up to your ass

in alligators, it is difficult

to remind yourself that your

initial objective was

to drain the swamp.

When working on a project,

if you put away a tool

that you're certain you're

finished with, you will
need it instantly.

Those whose approval

you seek the most

give you the least.

If it should exist,

it doesn't.

If it does exist,

it's out of date.

If you can't learn

to do it well,

you should learn

to enjoy doing it badly.

Always remember to pillage

before you burn.

Any simple idea

must be worded

in the most complicated way.

A bird in the hand

is safer than one overhead.

What gets you promoted

on one level will

get you fired on another.

If it can be borrowed

and it can be broken,

you will borrow it

and you will break it.

When you are over the hill,

you pick up speed.

Misery no longer loves company.

Nowadays it insists on it.

If you buy bananas or avocados

before they are ripe,

there won't be any left

by the time they are ripe.

If you buy them ripe,

they rot before they are eaten.

In order to get a loan

you must first prove

you don't need it.

Nothing in the known universe

travels faster than a bad check

The more ridiculous a belief system,

the higher the probability of its success.

A surprise monetary windfall

will be accompanied

by an unexpected expense

of the same amount.

When you're up to your nose in it,

keep your mouth shut.

All people are cremated equal.

Anyone can do any amount of work,

provided it isn't the work he is

supposed to be doing at that moment.

Buttered bread tends to fall

with the buttered side down.

Live within your income,

even if you have to borrow to do so.

If you want your name spelled wrong, die.

What you don't know

will always hurt you.

If you think education is expensive --

try ignorance.

If you're feeling good,

don't worry. You'll get over it.

Never go to a doctor

whose office plants have died.

If everything seems to be coming your way,

you're probably in the wrong lane.

A welfare state is one

that assumes responsibility

for the health, happiness,

and general well being

of all its citizens

except the taxpayers.

Anybody that wants the presidency

so much that he'll spend two years

organizing and campaigning for it

is not to be trusted with the office.

Whenever a system becomes completely defined,

someone discovers something

which either abolishes the system

or expands it beyond recognition.

All progress is based on

a universal innate desire

on the part of every organism

to live beyond its income.

funny words of wisdom

noreply@blogger.com (raven61775) — Sun, 26 Jun 2011 19:24:00 +0000

just a few little things to remember while going about your day to day lives. Though they are funny, they are kind of true. lol

The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

When you try to prove to someone that something won't work, it will.

As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.

An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.

Some people manage by the book - even though they don't know who wrote the book or even what book.

To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and will cost the most.

After all is said and done, more is said than done.

If there is a possibility of several things going wrong the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.

A difficult task will be halted near completion by one tiny, previously insignificant detail.

There is never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.

The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.

If you are not thoroughly confused, you have not been thoroughly informed.

For any given software, as soon as you master it, a new version of that software appears.

The new version always manages to change the one feature you need most.

The chance a copy machine will break down is proportional to the importance of the material that needs to be copied and inversely proportional to the amount of time till the material will be needed.

The more knowledge you gain, the less certain you are of it.

The more important your email is, the worse your email program will screw it up.

The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Air Traffic Controller Talk: These conversations are said to be real.

noreply@blogger.com (raven61775) — Sun, 26 Jun 2011 18:53:00 +0000

now...before I begin, let me first start off by saying, I have no way of knowing for sure if these conversations are actually real or not, but it is rumored that they have all actually happened. so that said, let's enjoy some of these ironic and often smart assed conversations, but be warned...I can not be held responsible if anyone should injure themselves while in the throws of laughter, or soil their undergarments while pissing themselves laughing.

now...on with the show:

Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees." TWA 2341: "We are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm bored!" Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!" Unknown aircraft: "I said I was bored, not stupid!"

Tower: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, eastbound." United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this: I've got the little Fokker in sight."

A military pilot called for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."

Allegedly, a Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following -Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?" Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English." Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?" Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?" The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."

Allegedly, while taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?" US Air 2771: "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

Some interesting, funny and...WTF?! O.o pictures I've run across

noreply@blogger.com (raven61775) — Sat, 07 May 2011 11:31:00 +0000

Ok...so this always puzzled me...I have seen many instances like these taken from the apple I-Pod Auto correct/spell check feature that comes with the phone. You would THINK, with as many times as this feature has caused moments like THESE, that people would smarten up and realize, the iPad and iPod products SUCK! You would think a company that claims to be professional would beta test their applications before implementing them in a product that the whole WORLD will be using.

This is just further evidence that apple and mac fans are freakin' crazy.

ok...how funny is THIS. Man does search for world of warcraft, and it asks him if he's a male virgin. lmao! The funniest part about this, is this is more often true than not. HAHAHA!

I happen to be a REALLY big reptile fan, and THIS is why. I mean look at the awsomeness of this animal. truly one that commands respect. Most of these animals can outweigh a human three fold, And well...as you can see here, they are amazing hunters. you won't even know they are there, until you see THIS.

ok, this is definately one of those WTF moments, Here is a woman, supposedly wheelchair bound, but she is ?? Miraculously cured at the sight of booze??? O.o THIS is why it is so hard for honestly handicapped people to get social security income. Because people like THIS abuse the system. Apparently the moral concept of honesty has died along with the concept of "TheAmerican Dream."

Ok, this has to be the BEST cake EVER. hahahaha! TOTAL red-neck. I LOVE it! Just take in the awesomeness of this cake. They actually did a remarkable job on the deer, I must say.

Since we are on the subject of totally awesomely cool cakes, here's another one that just totally Kicks ass on the creative Richter scale. Dragons are just epically cool. I want one of THESE for my wedding cake. hahahaha. That would be KICK ass.

Alright, normally I'm not one for posting the "awwww, isn't that cuuute" images...but I couldn't help but get a chuckle out of this one.

Just further proof that Wal-Mart is for Red-Necks. yea...this is what I think of when I think mother's day. HAHAHA! Honestly...with the way my mother is...this may not be a bad idea. lmao. But seriously folks, how many people think of their mother having sex when they buy her a mother's day present? HAHAHAHA! just another one of those amazing marketing WTF O.o moments. I actually have a few...ok a little MORE than a few of these little beauties to share so I'll just post them all next.

Apparently Dominoe's Pizza is a fan of paradoxes. I mean...if you are supposedly able to choose "any number of toppings" why is there a limit of 5 toppings? O.o This is a false advertising lawsuit if I ever saw one. haha!

Here is one of my personal favorite Marketing blunders...or was it REALLY a blunder? Kind of makes you think, considering Facebook has developed quite a reputation concerning that "Poke" feature. For those of you unaware, there is a little rumor going around that if you want to "hook up" with someone...you just "Poke" them on Facebook.

Ok, This one...I am almost at a loss for WORDS at the lack of thought that went into choosing a name for this pizza restaurant. I mean...I don't know about YOU folks, but the LAST thing in the world I want to be thinking about when I stit down to a nice slice of pizza, is...HERPES! I mean the idea of puss oozing sores over a person's genitals, isn't exactly appetite inducing.

Erm...yea...ok...Why do I want a bag of your dad's nutz? O.o

Ok...along with the Marketing idiots, I figure I should post one or two that were little "strokes" of genius (yes, that pun is VERY intended here) This little marketing strategy made me laugh so hard I nearly peed myself. Having worked in construction, I have never seen these gloves (for all I know, this could be photoshopped) but...I will say, if this is a real company..."Way to go guys! Thanks for keepin the crew laughing!" if it is NOT, then one of you glove companies out there should really adopt this slogan. haha I LOVE IT!

As crazy as this display may seem....it is actually a stroke of marketing genius in disguise. Think about it...you go on a picnic with that special someone....things usually end up heating up...but who thinks to bring a condom on a picnic? *ponders a moment about how many babies were possibly conceived at a picnic setting*

THIS is called being "a day late and a dollar short." with THIS little marketing idea.

Ok...this is definately one of those WTF was this person THINKING when they set up this display? I mean...stars of David sales tags on the chest? Was this person a Nazzi or something? Somehow I don't suspect they get many Jewish clients here.

This gave me a little chuckle. I am certainly not for the mistreatment of animals, but even all you tree huggers out there have to admit, this is some funny stuff.

Ok...I'm a little perplexed as to what demographic this particular display is aiming for...O.o just another one of those...WTF! moments, brought to you by your friendly neighborhood comedy blogger.

You got to love it when a company, advertising to help feed americans is selling products made in CHINA to help fund their cause. Wouldn't the sale of these shirts actually be helping CHINA more so than the USA? Not to mention the false advertising scam going on here.

Except maybe getting this tattoo. Think the artist may have been dipping into the weed a bit too much and forgot how to spell.

ok, you're probably going to have to click on this image and stare really hard below the image to make out what this actually says here in the caption, but let me type it here for you, so y'all can take in the irony of this post. "Tyrone gonna bail out soon babay i love u hang in there!" hahaha. I'm sorry...I can't help but laugh at the things people are willing to just plaster all over a public place like Facebook. And they wonder why they get no respect.

I have been asked a couple times by various people, why I don't like Madona. Well...here is just ONE of the many examples of why. Yea, she's a real class act, this one. Don't get me wrong, I can get just as wild as the next girl...but...I think THIS...is taking it just a BIT too far.

And people wonder why America has a problem with obesity. O.o WTF? is there really a NEED for a jar of Nutella that big?

Speaking of Obesity...folks...if you are THIS fat...do yourself and your poor motorcycle a favor, and lock your refrigerator door, and put your fat ass on a treadmill! I have to admit, the driver of this bike has to be one skilled ass driver to pull this shit off. that has GOT to throw off the center of gravity of that bike like 10 fold. HAHA!

Something tells me "Mom" should have had this talk with their child a little sooner. But...props for mom and the creative way of getting the message across. I got a little chuckle out of it.

Well....I hope you all enjoyed this post, I am hoping to come out with some more soon, so stay tuned.

Totally Obsurd Craig's List Posting

noreply@blogger.com (raven61775) — Tue, 03 May 2011 21:28:00 +0000

ok...my roommate Marc forwarded this little beauty to me the other night, and I finally got around to posting this little gem of a LOL personals ad. I can't believe someone actually posted something like this there. I mean...WTF! yes! this DEFINATELY qualifies as one of those things that make you go WTF!?? O.o

Visit the posting at http://burlington.craigslist.org/cas/2353396929.html to contact the person who posted this.

Diseased Drug Addict - m4w

Date: 2011-04-29, 3:24PM

Diseased chain smoking drug addict wants female with big tits and a job. Must be under 400 lbs and no older then 70. Those with some teeth go to the front of the line. No pic, no reply.

Location: Lamoille
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Original URL: http://burlington.craigslist.org/cas/2353396929.html

this craigslist posting was forwarded to you by someone using our email-a-friend feature - if you want to prevent these, please go to:
http://www.craigslist.org/cgi-bin/te/U2FsdGVkX185NjY3OTY2Np0DXD0fdtqe1m6A_DX7_BCbBFP9T--xKAL-oF7HApNZ0SbHohCwwtdG0AA5QqC9cQ

ok, this is kind of a funny google search I found

noreply@blogger.com (raven61775) — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 15:04:00 +0000

I was doing a search on google for a dynamic IP address bouncer, and I managed to run across one very funny site description that you just kind of have to see to believe this....I can see the catch phraze for this little piece of software, "INCASE YOUR INTERNET IS ON THE RAG...."

ok...this is going to make you roll on the floor laughing!

noreply@blogger.com (raven61775) — Thu, 14 Oct 2010 23:42:00 +0000

I recently stumbled on a website used in a game that I design for called Second Life. And the obsurdity of this site struck me as rather hilarious. I was thinking as I was on this site, what a person who has never heard of secondlife would think of it, if he/she should happen to stumble upon it by accident. HAHA! Well...I will put a screen shot of this site for you up here so you can see what I mean.

(to get a better view of this image so you can actually READ it, just right click and view in a new tab or window so you can follow this.

Now...as you see in the first arrow...the Titan they show here, is basically the "biggest cock on the block" so to speak. You got to love a world where the men can control the size of their cock! oh if it were a perfect world. LMAO! however...considering the last thing to be named after the god Titan....maybe they should have chose a better name for this beast. LMAO!

now the next point of interest I found amusing was the "all new positions" like Laying down. This really got me laughing because yea...what a novel concept...having sex while laying down...I don't know about you...but what planet are these people from if they consider laying down while having sex a NEW concept? Makes me wonder what positions they HAVE been trying though. *ponders the idea for a moment.* ok...anyway...on to the next little point of humor I found here...and trust me...there are more images to come. HAHA!

fully customizable cocks to make them look entirely unique...ok...pretty interesting concept...the fact that you have to BUY a cock at all is absurd to begin with, but anywho...yea. if you are one of those freaks that has a set of cock and balls that could set off a metal detector at an airport...this is the game for you. HAHAHA! they have leashes and spikes, piercings, clothes pins, you NAME it. if it is completely disturbed and something only a sick twisted mind could come up with...chances are, you'll find it on Second Life. HAHAHA.

ok, so on to the next image...

ok...first up is your new configurable cock. hahaha. you can have the cock of your choice...ok guys...ever been peeing at a urinal and see some guy with a bigger cock than you? Bet ya wished you could have a cock like that...right? well... now you can...don't like the cock you got? just trade it in and buy a new one. LMAO! this would be a great feature to have in Real Life...don't you agree? LMAO! you're girlfriend give you the clap? no worries, just get a new penis! LMAO!

And now they have it all on video for you to watch! imagine that. hahaha. virtual porn! yup that's right folks. Second life has a whole adult appeal to it as well...as if that wasn't obvious by now, but yea... people are actually VIDEOTAPING themselves having virtual sex

Now this last part I found amusing... the cool thing about this little feature is if you log on to the website...(you actually have to have purchased this item to get access to it however, I only am relaying information from men on Second Life who have this fun little toy. haha) there are a ton of little options you can choose from as to what kind of things actually turn YOU on so you can make your cock in this virtual world react in much the same way your's would in RL. what a hoot...right?

yea, so imagine how convenient this would be in real life though...I mean...Imagine if you are one of those types that keeps getting turned on whenever you are around say...your wife's sister...you could see how this would be a problem. haha. well...just log on to a website, make a few adjustments and presto, you are no longer horny for your wife's sister and now get turned on only when you are around your wife. Women...Imagine how great this would be! got a cheating man? just hack his account and make him faithful to only you. HAHAHA! oh the beauty of Second Life. haha. If only RL were as simple. lmao!

Phucked up on Craig's list again!!

noreply@blogger.com (raven61775) — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 02:47:00 +0000

ok...every once and a while you may be stumbling around on the net, and come across something that really make you wonder about the people we put in charge. ok...so while I was looking around the Vermont Craig's List job listings I found this incredible marketing blunder that you just have to read to believe...so with no more further ado...

12 dollars cash paid at end of day (ludow VT)

Date: 2010-08-29, 10:07AM EDT
Reply to: marcaerichsen@yahoo.com ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

Looking for one or two laborers for three to five days starting on sept. 6 to help with roofing. roofing experience a plus. Must be strong enough tp lift 100 Lbs. up a one sory ladder. Mostly will be picking up shingles and carrying shingle bundles up ladder.

ok...so by the title alone (which is SERIOUSLY lacking punctuation skills) we are led to believe this person wants to hire someone for a measly 12 bucks. and as we read on we are further appalled to see it is not just one day, but 3 whole days of lumping 100 pound shingle bunches up a one story ladder...ok...no I'm not afraid of a little hard labor...but REALLY? I mean come ON people! Get your act together and don't have hillbilly hank or Red neck Rob, do the posting for your business!

more excerpts from FML.com (F**K My Life!)

noreply@blogger.com (raven61775) — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 05:22:00 +0000

Today, I went to my new doctor to establish the paperwork. During the questionnaire, she asked if I was sexually active. I said yes. She then asked, "what do you do?". I told her I normally did vaginal, but would sometimes do anal. She blushed and started to laugh. She was asking where I worked. FML

Today, I got a phone call saying I was no longer a bridesmaid for a wedding in June. It's my mom's 4th wedding. I'm getting replaced by our dog. FML

3.

Today, I finally had my tongue piercing heal up so I decided to try oral on my girl. Unfortunately, she has a hood piercing that got caught on my tongue ring, and neither of us could get them apart. We had to call my mom in to solve the problem. FML

4.

Today I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for the first time for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there". Long awkward silence. FML

5.

Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to go get some food. Then I heard her phone ring. Through the wall. FML

the joys of Walmart

noreply@blogger.com (raven61775) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 06:42:00 +0000

ok, below are some pictures sent to me by Shawn Daisey after I showed him my blog. And I thought you all would like to have a little laugh with me about the crazy things you see at Walmart.

something tells me THIS guy won't b e needing those condoms.

ok...it's bad enough that this woman is wearing spandex pants...but did she have to get them in flesh tone?

just another case of dunlap disease. her belly dun lapped over her belt. YUCK!

I'm not an expert on fashion sense, but I'm pretty sure the bowl cut has been out of style for many years now.

who let the ice queen of narnia out? talk about a freak...wtf. lol

for some reason this guy makes me want to swing my hips and sing elvis tunes.

ummm...wtf is THIS? the first elderly gay pirate?

yup, summer's here...and with it the oh so attractive swamp ass.

ummm...not sure why this chic decided that showing ass cleavage was a good idea, but personally...I thought the knot was supposed to be tied in the front. lol

yup, say no to crack.

ok...fat people should NOT wear short skirts. the fat rolls on the back really don't do much to flatter this outfit.

guess this woman decided wearing pants was too much of a hassle. I mean after all...it's just walmart...right? most people I know will put on a pair of pants if someone shows up at their house to visit, so I wonder what made this woman think to spare the pants?

the saying, "10 lbs of meat stuffed into a 5 lb. sack" comes to mind here.

little bo peep? all we need now are the sheep.

no this woman is NOT pregnant. and no that is NOT her stomach. gravity really DOES suck. lol

ok...sorry...but men with hairy arms like this should really spare the rest of the world from having to see this atrocity and wear a long sleeve shirt for crying out loud.

ummm....I keep expecting to see those things pop out of that shirt like any second now.

yea...uhhh....this is why they have the try before you buy policy. TRY THE DAMNED CLOTHES ON FIRST! and honestly...you should be shopping in the salad isle lady!

just one more reason fat people should not wear skimpy clothes.

omg! It's a giant bumble bee!

oh my it's a...wtf IS this anyway? for some reason I'm really creeped out by this image.

hookers like cake too apparently.

ok, pony tails look stupid enough on a man as it is...but take away half the hair...and well...now you look like you are going through a mid life crisis.

ummm...this is why men should not dress in drag.

ok. this guy is just cool. I'm sorry. But you have to admire a man who just doesn't give a shit.

ummm....something tells me the air freshner isn't going to help this guy at this point. HEY! stain remover is in isle 7!

ok, images of that creepy witch character from the dark crystal come to mind here.

honestly...why do fat women feel the need to dress like this? seriously...WTF!

ok, here I saved the best for last. this guy could have at least worn underwear. the part that makes this so funny is I actually KNOW this guy from back when I lived in Dover, NH. HAHA!

Bizarre and funny pictures from around the web

noreply@blogger.com (raven61775) — Sun, 18 Jul 2010 13:23:00 +0000

ok, below are a few pictures I have collected from various places on the net when I ran a search for "weird shit". I'm sure you will all find these rather amusing, as I got quite a few laughs from them myself, and thought I would share them.
this one got a bit of a chuckle out of me. I guess it's probably because I never really liked MJ that much. He always gave me the creeps.

this one here is kind of funny. You would think the woman putting this dress up for sale would have thought to get her vibrator out of the shot before posting this little gem. HAHA! Kind of reminds me of the Monica Lewinsky incident. HAHA! blue dress...sex toys...

Something tells me THIS is the chic who probably posted the picture above. Because i think you would have to be this drunk to miss something THAT obvious. Seriously though...people...if you EVER get to this point in your life...you might as well just give up.

Honestly, I'm not sure which part of this is more disturbing to me. The fact that there is some old lady giving a cake with a dick a blow job, or the fact that that little girl in the background is now traumatized for life after seeing her grandmother blowing a cake. (I suppose it would give new meaning to "blow" out the candles)

ok This I just HAD to post on my blog because it happened in my home town of Hampton new Hampshire. That's right folks, good ol' Hampton beach. Only here can you find the weirdest of the weird back woods redneck shit that makes you go WTF! Here we have a fire that took place on hampton beach, and the normal looking guy was the one actually IN the house...but his neighbor...as you see...not so normal. I wonder what made him throw on his ummm...gorilla suit??? before coming outside to watch the commotion next door. makes you wonder what he was actually DOING before the disturbance took place...doesn't it?

Lieing people!

noreply@blogger.com (raven61775) — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 11:54:00 +0000

Ok, this is most DEFINITELY a rant, and not a very funny one either, but in the light of the blog, I'm going to try really hard to MAKE it funny. But the main point to this post is to call someone out for the phony he really is. Someone who is too much of a coward to be himself when trying to catch the attentions of the fairer sex.

Now, I'm pretty sure I MAY get a slander suit from posting this, but I'm willing to take that chance because this is a conversation taken straight from my yahoo chat. Right there in black and white and I have saved the conversation to my hard drive and made copies on disk just to protect myself.

I have also given a copy to a friend of mine who works in the radio business just in case something should happen from my posting this here, but I feel it is worth the risk in this case so some other poor woman doesn't get caught up in this guy's crap and manipulative ways. As you will see from this convo...he even tried to twist the fact he lied to ME around to it all being MY fault. This guy is a master at making a person feel guilty for things they shouldn't feel guilty about. Stupid things like the way you say something. I couldn't say the phrase "as you wish" I couldn't use the term pussy to describe my woman parts. I wasn't allowed to be myself with him. my whole experience with him had to be done with restraint and honestly, I had to walk on egg shells with this guy, only to find out in the end...he lied to me.

anyway...here is the conversation:

Alek (4/23/2010 6:36:21 AM): Rest is good.
Alek (4/23/2010 6:36:35 AM): So are healing and peace.
Alek (4/23/2010 6:36:44 AM):
Raven (4/23/2010 6:51:08 AM): just woke up
Raven (4/23/2010 6:51:16 AM): feel a little better today
Alek (4/23/2010 6:51:21 AM): good
Alek (4/23/2010 6:51:38 AM): You are in my prayers.
Raven (4/23/2010 6:51:46 AM): ty
Alek (4/23/2010 6:52:53 AM): always....
Raven (4/23/2010 6:55:09 AM): been scouring Craig's List looking for work
Alek (4/23/2010 6:56:25 AM): ok
Alek (4/23/2010 7:00:08 AM): I wish you every success.
Raven (4/23/2010 7:00:23 AM): thanks hun. gonna need it.
Alek (4/23/2010 7:01:25 AM): certainly
Alek (4/23/2010 7:02:11 AM): and, when you have your life stabilized, I will disclose my TRUE identity to you.
ok, at THIS point, I'm going WTF! he just basically said he lied to me, and is like all calm about it and shit.
Alek (4/23/2010 7:02:15 AM):
Raven (4/23/2010 7:02:31 AM): pardon?
Raven (4/23/2010 7:03:47 AM): are you telling me what you have told me about yourself isn't true? that you are really someone else??????
Keep in mind, from past experiences with this guy, I have found that getting angry right off the bat is not a good idea, so I just simply asked the question. but inside I'm going, "what the FUCK!"
Alek (4/23/2010 7:04:02 AM): only that I am not 30-something
Alek (4/23/2010 7:04:07 AM): all the rest is true
Raven (4/23/2010 7:04:24 AM): so you lied about your age?
keep in mind, the last time someone lied to me about their age I had 6 guns drawn on me and was about to be arrested for federal kidnapping charges because I thought the kid was 18. he lied to me and told me he was 18 when in fact he was only 14. yea. and stupid me, I transported him over state lines.
Raven (4/23/2010 7:04:27 AM): WHY????
Raven (4/23/2010 7:04:36 AM): I never lied to you!
Alek (4/23/2010 7:04:42 AM): I do not wish to discuss this
Alek (4/23/2010 7:04:46 AM): goodbye
Raven (4/23/2010 7:05:04 AM): of course you don't. because you actually did something wrong.
Just like a cowardly man to run away when he knows he has been caught doing something wrong.
Alek (4/23/2010 7:05:20 AM): I refuse to reveal my personal information on slk
Alek (4/23/2010 7:05:23 AM): goodbye
Alek (4/23/2010 7:05:29 AM): sl*
Alek (4/23/2010 7:05:32 AM): too much risk
Raven (4/23/2010 7:05:37 AM): this is not SL!
This conversation actually happened on Yahoo, NOT SL (Second Life) So this goes to show you just how mentally disturbed this guy is, he can't even distinguish the reality of what chat form he is using.
Raven (4/23/2010 7:05:49 AM): and just what kind of risk can I pose to you?
Raven (4/23/2010 7:05:58 AM): I am a high school drop out.
This guy "claims" to be a doctor and a lawyer, but honestly, I don't think I would trust him to defend me, OR give me medical advice at this point if he can't even be honest about his AGE! and yes, I am not ashamed to say I am a high school drop out. At least I'm smart enough to know that lieing will get you nowhere in life except a lot of bullshit and pain.
Alek (4/23/2010 7:06:00 AM): calling me a "liar"
Alek (4/23/2010 7:06:09 AM): goodbye
Raven (4/23/2010 7:06:18 AM): well, you DID lie about your age...so...if the shoe fits.
Alek (4/23/2010 7:06:23 AM): I made an offer of complete openness
apparently he thinks lieing about his age is being OPEN??? this guy really IS delusional
Alek (4/23/2010 7:06:26 AM): b;lockied
Raven (4/23/2010 7:06:54 AM): but what I THOUGHT was openness was not really openness
Raven (4/23/2010 7:07:12 AM): so how can I be certain now that you would really be open? or if it just another lie?
Raven (4/23/2010 7:07:24 AM): if you would lie about your age...
Alek (4/23/2010 7:07:25 AM): we are done here
Raven (4/23/2010 7:07:30 AM): what else would you lie about?
Alek (4/23/2010 7:07:34 AM): do not write me again
of course he doesn't want me to write him again, because every time I do, I remind him of how much of a manipulating bastard he is.
Raven (4/23/2010 7:07:39 AM): you betrayed my trust.
Raven (4/23/2010 7:07:59 AM): you don't understand, the LAST time someone lied about their age, I almost got arrested!!!
Alek (4/23/2010 7:08:11 AM): DONE!
Raven (4/23/2010 7:08:13 AM): so this shit tends to make me a bit nervous
Raven (4/23/2010 7:08:24 AM): whatever. I don't want a liar in my life anyway
Alek (4/23/2010 7:08:40 AM): Solved
Alek (4/23/2010 7:08:47 AM): Consider me gone
Raven (4/23/2010 7:08:54 AM): you did it to yourself
Raven (4/23/2010 7:09:00 AM): when you lied about your age
Alek (4/23/2010 7:09:08 AM): I want no p[art of a sick, reactive bitch
a sick reactive bitch huh? I think I reacted the same way any other sane person would react when confronted with the fact the person they had fallen in love with had lied about their age.
Alek (4/23/2010 7:09:16 AM): I did nothinmg to myself
Alek (4/23/2010 7:09:20 AM): \not a thinbg
Raven (4/23/2010 7:09:29 AM): sick reactive bitch? how did you expect me to react when you told me you lied about your agew???
Raven (4/23/2010 7:09:40 AM): how would YOU feel if I had lied to YOU?
Raven (4/23/2010 7:09:47 AM): I bet you'd be pretty pissed
Raven (4/23/2010 7:10:11 AM): what if I told you I'm really a 12 year old middle schooler? And you jacked off in front of me!
Raven (4/23/2010 7:10:49 AM): I bet it would make you feel sick
Raven (4/23/2010 7:11:02 AM): well, finding out you aren't what you said you are is making ME sick
Alek (4/23/2010 7:11:23 AM): I warned you about more hostility against me
like he has the right to "warn" me about anything at this point. HAHAHA!
Raven (4/23/2010 7:11:44 AM): well, what did you think would happen when you tell me you lied about your age? seriously?
Alek (4/23/2010 7:11:45 AM): And the reason I do not disclosure certain aspects of my identity is precisely
Alek (4/23/2010 7:11:52 AM): on account of meeting people like you
people like me huh? just what is that supposed to mean? people who don't like being lied to...I think he will find that is like the whole fucking WORLD!
Raven (4/23/2010 7:11:52 AM): just when I was trying to make things work!!!
Alek (4/23/2010 7:11:54 AM): goodbye
Alek (4/23/2010 7:12:02 AM): There is nothing to work
Raven (4/23/2010 7:12:07 AM): because you BROKE IT!
Raven (4/23/2010 7:12:17 AM): no relationship can be built on lies!
Raven (4/23/2010 7:12:24 AM): because it will crumble
Raven (4/23/2010 7:12:32 AM): even YOU should know that
Raven (4/23/2010 7:20:51 AM): I just can't believe you lied to me. I am just shocked, hurt and I feel...like a fool for believing you.
Alek (4/23/2010 7:21:26 AM): whatever
Alek (4/23/2010 7:21:47 AM): A sl cyberwhore and a roommate of Brioan and Joe has now become a moralist.
This is where it gets really funny. I PLAY the ROLL of an escort on a video game, yet he is so warped he can't tell the difference between fact and fiction here. I am NOT a "cyber whore" in real life. I do NOT get naked on cam or talk dirty to men in real life. it is a freaking GAME, not reality.
Alek (4/23/2010 7:21:48 AM): bye
Alek (4/23/2010 7:21:59 AM): lover age
Alek (4/23/2010 7:22:03 AM): over age
Alek (4/23/2010 7:22:08 AM): goodbye
Alek (4/23/2010 7:22:21 AM): I want nothing more to do with you.
Raven (4/23/2010 7:22:31 AM): I'd rather be a cyber whore than a liar
Raven (4/23/2010 7:22:42 AM): at least I tell the truth
Raven (4/23/2010 7:25:13 AM): for all I know you could be some fat loser couch potato chain smoking in front of his computer jacking off to kiddie porn. I mean hell, if you'd lie about something as simple as your age, what else would you lie about? maybe you aren't really a doctor, maybe you're really just a psycho who THINKS he's a doctor. I mean, think about it! you're a lawyer supposedly anyway...and if your star witness gets caught in a lie, he loses ALL credibility, doesn't he? well...the same thing happens in real life.
at this point he stopped responding, probably because he had finally accepted that I was right, but more than likely so he could go con some other poor shmuck of a woman into believing his bullshit.
Raven (4/23/2010 7:47:04 AM): Phorxy Paolino‧: You deserve better than that, hunni. You're right. If someone lies to you about one thing, then god knows what else they've lied to you about
Raven (4/23/2010 7:47:14 AM): I'm not the only one

top 20 excerpts from fmylife.com

noreply@blogger.com (raven61775) — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 23:00:00 +0000

Below are a few of my favorite examples of people's fucked up lives and how no matter what, when you think your life is fucked up beyond all recognition, there is always someone out there who is having it worse off than you.

1. Today, I wanted to have a good lunch with my wife before fasting for my surgery which I may not survive, she decided getting her hair cut was more important. I ate alone. FML

2. Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. At that point I noticed my phone had fallen out of my pocket in the street and was run over by several cars. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML

3. Today, 3 days before my wedding day, I found out that my fiance is sleeping with one of my bridesmaids. I just cancelled a $200,000 wedding. I would go into more detail, but I have to help my family (who flew in from Poland, California, and Massachusetts) book flights back home. FML

4. Today, my teenage stepdaughters, as a punishment for refusing to buy them iphones, told my wife they saw me in town kissing an attractive blonde and grabbing her ass (all invented). She believed it and i'm single. I've been faithful and feeding the whole family for 10 years. FML

5. Today, I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I called all my family members to invite them over this evening because I had some very important news for them that could not wait. They all declined the invite. When I asked why, they said they were going to my cousins to watch his new TV. FML

6. Today, I was reported to my principal because someone caught me shooting up at the cafeteria lunch table and as a result I have been suspended from school. I am a diabetic, I was giving myself insulin before I ate crappy school food. FML

7. Today, I found out my mother has another new boyfriend. She told me she wanted me to meet him, and I reluctantly agreed. When I walked out to meet him in the living room, to my surprise, I knew him. He's 18, my mother is 44. He also happens to be in my second period high school math class. FML

8. Today, my mom walked in on me looking at a 1978 playboy. She asked if I found it in the basement. I said yes. Then I realized she was the centerfold. FML

9. Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

10. Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML

11. Today, my child says "Mommy. Sometimes my peepee goes up like a stick." I say "Well, honey, that's normal and ok." Then I ask when it does that. And he says "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes..." FML

12. Today, I turned 18. Nothing was said at breakfast, but I figured they'd remember and we'd have cake at night. I came home and there was cake, but not for me. My sister got her period for the first time during the day and they were celebrating. Apparently, a vaginal discharge was more important. FML

13. Today, I was walking slowly and awkwardly down the stairs on my crutches. After two steps, a screw fell out of the left crutch and it collapsed. I now have a broken arm from trying to protect my broken leg as I tumbled down two flights of stairs. FML

14. Today, is my 16th birthday. Thinking that my parents would be out of town for it like they had every other year, I decided it would be fun to tan nude in my backyard. Apparantly my parents set up a surprise party for my sweet 16. I was standing naked infront of half my school. FML

15. Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

16. Today, I came back to my appartment to find that I couldn't watch certain channels on my tv. When I called the tv company I found out my parents had put a 'parental block' on all my favorite channels. Im 22 and rent an appartment with my friends. FML

17. Today, I had a surgery to remove a cyst from my butt. Afterwards that doctor told me that the cyst was bigger than he initially thought, it would still secrete fluids for two weeks, and the best remedy for this was to wear a maxi-pad. I'm a guy, and am currently wearing a maxi-pad on my butt. FML

18. Today, I celebrated my 21st birthday. My boyfriend of almost 3 years gave me a big pink vibrator. Thinking it was a joke I said: "I won't need this as long as I have you!" His reply: "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." FML

19. Today, I was petsitting for my neighbor's new puppy. A huge thunderstorm came, and the puppy started whining and shivering violently. I pulled it into my lap to try and comfort it. One loud clap of thunder later, and the puppy had explosive diarrhea all over me. FML

20. Today, I heard back from my store management interview at Target. I was offered an overnight stock clerk position. When I called HR to find out if my application was in the wrong file I was told I lack the leadership qualities necessary for Target. I graduated with honors from a military school. FML