Raw in the Desert

my theory on male social interaction

2011-04-19T23:37:00.000-07:00

Some know that i now intetify as a puppy. Part of this comes from me analyzing what i do, and yeah, i have a puppy mindset. But this has also started to open my eyes about how we are all still animals. The best way to recoginize this is in males. All males i have surveyed and tested this on agree, they like to be gently scratched or rubbed behind the ear, the back of the head where their hair meets their neck and under their chin if they have a beard. The only time this isnt the case is when there is no hair, but sometimes even bald guys end up liking it.

Further proof, men are dogs

Twinks on a4a are far too trusting (or how I'm a nice guy)

2011-03-05T20:04:00.001-08:00

So I was on Adam today, right before I was fired from my job and this cute lil twink was hitting on me. He wanted me to fuck him and I said hey I only fuck raw. He said cool as long as I don't have anything. If you haven't seen it, my a4a clearly has my status on it. I told him to read my profile again and see if he wanted to play. He said it was cool, and my dick said jump on it. Unfortunately my soul said tell him, so I said you know I'm poz, poor kid. He hasn't hit me up again. God Damn being a nice guy.

Drag queens scare me

2011-03-05T20:00:00.001-08:00

I know I'm not the only one. But drag queens scare me on multiple levels.
1. They are fuckin clowns. And they are just as creepy.
2. They embody the worst in the gay collective identity. They are the fullest representation of the lack of strong gays who are also men. Gays call eachother girl and make this whole idea that you can't be both gay and a man. It's annoying. I love ya don, but I ain't going to be at Mr sister leather

Seeing others

2011-02-24T21:38:00.001-08:00

So I know its been a while, how are all yall. I know it sucked, but I'm glad I took a break, gave me time to evaluate what's important in my life. I'm most glad to say that I found something out about myself, something that no longer is the case with me.
I used to see myself as others saw me. If someone called me a submissive little whore, well that must be what I was. Something has changed recently, be it working again or my ongoing mentoring by an amazing Sir, I've grown some balls.
I was at an event not long ago, and a creeper aka creepy old guy decided to start hitting on me. I stayed quiet, kept talking to my friends till he pinched my nipple. I whispered in his ear as if I was going to be sweet, and told him if he did it again his balls would be my breakfast. It feels good to finally not have the compulsion to submit to everyone

You know, I've always liked the picture at the top of your blog - your balls look incredibly hot. And I'm not usually that into them...but that pic just makes me want to suck on them and go up and down the shaft.

2010-10-24T10:32:00.001-07:00

Awesome bro.... and thanks :D

Ask me anything

midterms and hangovers

2010-10-24T10:30:00.000-07:00

So as of this all of my midterms are officially over. My brain has been worked over like my nipples at BCF. And I know I've been off the grid mostly cuz I haven't been hone much over the last few weeks. However even with me not being home I've mostly just been hanging out not hooking up. It's actually been real nice, and its helping me find my place in all this shit.

So ive been going to bullet fairly regular, just to see my Sir mostly. And last week they had a pretty epic event, oil wrestling. So i was saying hi to some of the brothers, when one of the higher ups in the LALC comes in, and starts playin with my nipples. For a good hour and a half he plays with my nips, my balls and my cock. I was on fucking cloud nine. Oddest part, i never got to shoot my load till i got home...

are you a hustler?

2010-10-15T16:00:00.000-07:00

I love how doctors ask me this like its not an insult. Also, midterm are over so ill be back at in a few days... alcohol is required.this weekend though

Anchor Chain

2010-10-06T22:30:00.000-07:00

For about the last month, ive been adrift emotionally. Not sure where i fit anymore. Not sure where i fit in life, what my life is going to be, why and where i am where i am.

This has not stopped yet, but it seems i did find an anchor chain. I have a complicated relationship with a guy who unfortuately lives far away from me, and im happy when i get a text from him. he gives me sweaty rank jocks to wear and im happy. Everything in my life is going to shit it seems, except that, so im focusing on the thing that makes me happy.

Remember May 24th? (i hate to say i told you so....)

2010-09-30T23:48:00.000-07:00

On May 24th i wrote a post about how GLADD was running a campaign targeted at highschool kids to stop using gay as a term to stay stupid. I pointed out that bullying is a bigger problem, and that GLADD needs to stand up and fight for these kids who are getting bullied, and how i used to fight back against those that bullied me.

Well GLADD didnt take my advice, they kept running the adds and when highschool started i noticed something with my littles. More of the gay kids were getting beat up than last year. ALOT more. I dont know if its correlation or causation, but its very odd that the gay establishment starts a campaign and now we have 3 dead gay kids.

But there is hope my friends. There is a project that i can get behind, its not done by the gay establishment, its honest and for the first time, its hopeful. I could have used someone telling me it gets better when i was in highschool.

So go here and submit a video, leave a comment and help get the word out on this project that actually will help make a difference.

Now i want to ask something of my gay friends and fellow bloggers who are jumping to hyperbole and dramatization of these events. Gays are not second class citizens. Bullying is not a new phenomenon neither are sucides in teens or young adults. I lost friends in highschool to suicide and hell, almost commited it a few times myself. Unfortunately, all this raising awareness might seem great and even feel good. But i can tell you right now, without a shadow of a doubt more kids are going to get bullied because this raising awareness pisses off parents, the kids see pissed off parents and replicate behaviors and are beating up fags in the hallways at school. Then i get calls from DFS case workers and have to pick kids up from school.

For once, how bout gay people go to highschools and SEE what happens to gay kids. maybe then, they would know what they need. They dont need an outreach program, a fundraiser, a plea on Ellen, they need a hug. And i know there are enough angry gays out there who can give some gay highschoolers some hugs.

the with a lil luck.....

2010-09-26T22:20:00.000-07:00

we might just get stuck.

Well, i did get stuck. In sand, While driving down a dirt road trying to get as far from civilization as possible.And i suceedded, it took the tow company an hour to get out to me and winch me out. In that hour, i had some time to think. And i stared at the stars. And i found a bit of my sanity, a bit of my health, a bit of my happiness and a bit of my selfworth out there.

Lost....

2010-09-22T20:25:00.000-07:00

So my doc put me on meds for allergies depression. Funny, i didnt think i was depressed. But thats the way of life i guess. So i took my first one this afternoon at 1, like im supposed to every day now, right after lunch so it has enough time to leave my system so i can not have fucked up dreams but stays in my system enough i can sleep. Since i took it, i felt lost. IDK, its odd.

I was supposed to do laundry, and i was gonna have a trick over to plow hole, but i just didnt. The pills are making me more depressed than i was i guess. Idk... maybe its a combo of this and the fact that the guy i like and want to hang with more than anything is at folsom, and i cant go cuz my sister picked this of all weekends to come out and celebrate her graduating from grad school.

I dont know, maybe its everything. Work is sucking, life is generally not the greatest right now, but at the same time i got so much to be happy about im kicking myself for feeling like shit. I just dont know...

something given has no value

2010-09-20T16:12:00.000-07:00

Mindtrip is a massive gift in my life. He keeps me honest to myself and the standards to which we both hold ourselves. His take no prisoners "i dont give a flying fuck how you feel about this cuz i care and you need to fucking chill" mentally knocks me on my ass but it makes me think, and most of the time i know hes right. There is a respect between us, not a respect that has been given, but one that has been earned. Through work, sweat, and sometimes tears (maybe a lil blood here and then between friends), we have forged a pretty good friendship and i know i can hit hum up about anything. Ive earned that.

Mindtrip also called me on something last night, and its been burning my brain since. He said i was expecting to be given certianty while being uncertian myself. His honesty reminded me of one of the Marine Corps credos, Something Given Has No Value. Everything i had i earned. Now it seems i am expecting to be given something without any real earning process... and thats unacceptable.

A boy does not get a collar, he earns it from his sir. Thats what i must do, i cannot expect other people to give me what i am not willing to earn. If im not willing to earn it, then i do not deserve it.

Skippy is introduced to rope play and likes it

2010-09-12T13:55:00.000-07:00

Ive been depressed yes. No i did not like the result of my last test, but im moving through it.

I decided since my life has been shit lately i needed an escape, so i went to the Bondage County Fair....

So since i know the LA Band of Brothers (thanks Mindtrip) i get coerced into helping at these events, and since i also like to be early i do set up. However, im greener than a leaf when it comes to some of the bondage shit, and one of the brothers knows it. So he likes to introduce me to things.... This time was rope play and pain play.

So im told (not asked, because a boy does not have an opinion on these matters) that i am to be tied up. So one of the members of the LABOB starts tying me up. Its one of the most erotic things of my life. i have this massivly muscled, unbeliveably sexy man touching my body and running rope around it. Holy jesus mary and joseph. It takes him about 20 mins to get the harness roped around right. And dear god... i loved it.

So they do their whole event thing, im tied up and they introduce me as bondage boy... this is when i knew the night was taking a turn for the worse. However, i figured they will take care of me, The BOB has taken charge of me for the night and the Sir always watches after their Boys. And while that is true, apparently i forgot one little thing, telling the BOB my limit.

So they break out clothespins and are selling the rights to put 5 clothespins on or take 5 clothespins off. Now im not normally a problem with this, but i aint a pain pig. Nor do i have a west hollywood body where i look good in a jockstrap tied up. But such is life.

So they leave these on for 30 mins, till Sir Ian comes over and says that these pins are far too rough for a beginner who isnt a pain pig, and compliments me on my being a good sport about it.

Then my shift is over, my buddy comes over and tells me to bite his arm while they take off all the pins. At once. I am then untied and cannot stand. But it was fun none the less.

Mr Gerle, if your reading this. Any time you want to play with rope and me again, feel free. Same to you Sir Ian...

None the less, these guys broke me out of my funk. That added with a long conversation with my Crush/Sir confusing thing made me happy. Ill explain all that in another post.... i promise

EDIT: pics had to be pulled, got in trouble at work

mortality

2010-09-11T01:25:00.001-07:00

This week I have been faced with a facet of my own mortality. Growing up fuckin sucks. I'm gonna go play pokemon red

Are you happy with the news from your viral test?

2010-09-09T21:38:00.001-07:00

my status has been floating back and forth between neg and poz for as long as i can remember, a leftover of my dads fun adventures with meth. But i knew at some point this day was coming, so i guess i resigned myself to it a long time ago. Mind you the only thing i changed in my behavior was stopped working out as crazy while i was working at nasa. Now i gotta get back to that to drive my natural VL back to undetectable

Ask me anything

viral

2010-09-09T11:13:00.001-07:00

So I got a viral load last test. I'm officially poz

A penny for my thoughts....

2010-09-08T22:00:00.000-07:00

Oh no, ill sell em for a dollar. There worth so much more, after im a gonner

funny when your dead how people start listenin

And now a note from Skippys submissive side

2010-09-08T21:54:00.000-07:00

when i first moved to Miami, i was on craigslist looking something, anything to do. New city, and i didnt have a fake id so i couldnt hit bars and i was so unestablished in a new place, it seemed like a place to look.

I came across an add that would end up changing my life. It was a boy whos Sir had just kicked him out for fucking without being asked first. Thats a big issue, and the boy was punished by not being able to talk to his sir anymore. He was lost, but still held what i can only describe as reverence to his Sir. My poor little 18 year old brain could not handle that. With all my hate for everyone that had done me wrong in my life it was something i could not understand. How can someone write you off and you still feel that your Sir has your best interests at heart.

So i did what i normally do when im confused by something, i reasearch into it, and got introduced to 3 words that would change my life. Honor, Duty and Commitment. It is not only ironic but very telling that those words that i was led to by somoenes complete submission to his Sir would be the guiding lights of the United States Marine Corps.

But how was i driven to those words by a BDSM relationship ending? Its an odd line, and thank God for it.

It started in my feeling awful about my body and not eating phase of my existence.I met a Sir who while not taking me as a boy, would answer my questions when i would ask them, and i was kinda a pain about it, i asked alot of questions. Through our conversations i learned alot, not about specific actions but attitudes that were to be expected of me if i were to become a boy. Submission became a small piece of the puzzle as much as pleasing my Sir would become a larger one. I began to realize that your honor, duty and commitment were all shown towards your Sir, and your actions reflected less on you and more on your Sir. If you had a strict Sir you had a strict life and if you had an easy going Sir you had an easy going life, but either way your life reflected on your Sir.

This became reinforced during my short military career. My actions did not only reflect on me, but they reflected on my squad, my platoon, my company and even my battalion and all the officers and senior enlisted in that tree. The joke is that all marines are bottoms and submissive, well it dont take much to realize why, we are trained to have our actions reflect on those above us.

Honor: Displaying honor is by acting honorably towards your Sir and any others you are instructed to.
Duty: You have a duty to pay respect and even reverence if thats what your Sir asks of you
Commitment: You must be commited to serving your Sir well.

These ideas form the basis of my understanding of the Sir/boy relationship dynamic. It is with this knowledge i can say i am interested in possibly having a Sir/boy relationship. That again is dependent on me finding a Sir i can be compatable with. Thats the rub, and thats the next step on this journey.

Also, skippy has a massive crush on someone

games and those that play them

2010-09-02T07:49:00.000-07:00

So I was told I play games today. This annoyed me.

Here's the deal. I made plans to hang with a guy who was crashing with flyboys roommate. I said i was gonna stop by my place and shower and grab some grub then I'd head over. As I got out of the shower I for a a package is been waiting on, a part for the bike im rebuilding. So I went over to my buddies place to put it on. I textedbhim sayin i had to rain check to do this, and he got pissy and said he prefers honesty and I was playing games. I called bullshit. He went silent. After I was done I scrubbed myself with Orange goup and went to my dads.

So when the fuck did I play games in this? I'm thinking this mouth be a donut hole situation, since Im in the middle I can only see the situation not everything else.

But there is another thing I've been told recently. That I'm too vague. I'm wondering now if the politically correct atmosphere of NASA has made me the kind clerson I hate. ironically I've also been gettin told I'm too blunt for my own good. I'm just voting to go back to being an asshole. Things are easier that way.

College does Dirty Dirty things to me

2010-08-31T21:27:00.000-07:00

So umm yeah....

College started monday Aug 23rd, and since then ive had sex with 4 different people. There may be 2 reasons for this. 1 my doctor was amazed at my muscle growth in my shoulders and how it has re-built my shoulder. He wants to see if he can accellerate it and see if i do well so he gave me a low dose of sterioids (yes Mindtrip im cheating, fuck off). Im also taking a Testerone suppliment becuase ...quantum. The end result, i need to fuck and get fucked all the fucking time. Im hardly ever without a damn hardon. So here is the recounting of the past few days fuckings.

Tuesday Aug 24th,

Location: AVC Bathroom

Parner: Random dude

Story:
Apparently no one has checked the bathrooms in the Liberal Arts building in a while, cuz if your in the male one there is a SMALL gloryhole between the 2 stalls. I had to piss, and the urinals were not in working order, so i pissed in the stall. While i was in there i heard the guy in the stall next to me talk under his breath about my cock. Being the loudmouthed asshole i am i asked what kinda fag tries to see thru walls to see a cock, and then he said 'i can see you', which made me laugh. After the class id had, i needed a good laugh. He unlocked his stall, i went in. He blew me, got me wet, then had me sit on the toilet then rode my cock. took me about 5 mins to cum, and i unloaded raw in his ass. He came on the floor.

Wednesday Aug 25th

Buddies Shop

Partner: old man

So i went over to old mans shop, hed been wanting to fuck me for a while and i was horny enough to let him. It was unceremonious. He took my pants off, shoved me on the couch. Used a little bit of spit, shoved in and fucked till he came. That was it. Never felt good, but felt good to be used.

Friday Aug 28th

AV Fair Bathroom

Partner: ?

OK so this one is a little fuzzy, it COULD be 2 people but im unsure.

So at the fair i was working on friday with the livestock auction. Out behind the show barn there was a trailer for us cowpokes to chill. There was a room in the back that had a couch, and i decided id take a nap there instead of drivin across town to be back in 3 hours for 2nd shift. I knocked out, and woke up to someone blowing me, im not sure who it was, it was dark and im fairly certian they had a blindfold on me. But since i was getting my dick sucked its not like i care. Horray random blowjobs!. I came, he came on my boots, i fell back asleep. I woke up about an hour later to my phone telling me it was back to work time. And the nice guy put my stuff all back in my pants for me. what a guy.

Monday Aug 30th

The Warrior/Desert

Seattle Flyboy

So a buddy is down from seattle doing some work on one of the many fucking planes thats out here for testing. We met up, drove around and talked for a while, drank some beer. Guy was fuckin awesome, kinda gingerish and we hung out good. We started drinkin some beer, then he started to molest me, then we went into the truck cuz out of fucking nowehere it got cold. then we started to make out, then get naked, then he pulled my cock out and devoured it. After about 5 mins he got up, and i did the same to him. Before i went down on him tho he said 'dude you know im poz right'. My response, i just went down on him. Fuck it, a buddy is a buddy, and a blowjob is pretty safe. He came in roughly 5 mins, didnt swallow tho. mostly cuz of logistics, i was not on his cock at the time and having sex in my truck requires a certian amount of... agility.

So thats where ive been, besides going on my anti-target boycott. Speaking of target boycott, on sunday i went to target in Glendale, cuz its 3 fucking stories, and got me an epic hat. Still no John Deere hat tho, so im keepin my eyes peeled.

every time i can stand the gay party...

2010-08-25T14:11:00.000-07:00

They have to go and fuck it up. The most recent thing is the Target/best buy boycott bullshit. How on gods green earth people buy into this shit I will not understand. So here is the deal.
1. The current state senator representing one of the districts in targets home state of MM is up for re election.
2. This same senator has been called the least business friendly senator in the state and by others the worst state senator in the country.
3. Target, a business, would prefer business friendly senators in their home state.
4. A highly partisan 'journalist' who was fired for leaving glaring errors in a story she wrote about a democrat catches wind of this.
5. She gets a friend to videotape her at a Target store returning a ton of items because of the business friendly canadates anti- gay marriage stance.
6. Media matters picks it up and runs with it, allowing the mostly liberal gay party to overreact as is their way.
7. MoveOn picks it up and creates a donation drive to 'help.organize the boyott'. Raises a ton of money.
8. Gays who bought into this bullshit repost and moveon/media matters keep raking in money;the gay party regains its standing that they are all that stands between gay freedom and shira law type executions for gays.

It makes me sad...

back to school

2010-08-23T10:47:00.000-07:00

Started class today. Will let you know when I fuck this cute Mexican right next to me.

friday

2010-08-18T18:42:00.000-07:00

Ok guys Friday is my last day at this crazy job so don't judge me till after I get some sleep and get ready for the next semester this weekend

face raped by mr san diego leather

2010-08-15T12:45:00.000-07:00

So I worked the Olympus leather play parties last night and I don't think its too much of a secret that it was fuckin deader than disco. However I still had a ton of fun with a few of the band of brothers. I worked the door for a while then worked the clothes check where I was told to sit naked ave take peoples clothes. I did my job well till my ride.had to leave so we started gettin ready to leave. While walkin around sayin later to everyone I found this guy who was tied down and his sir was letting anyone mess wit him so I played with him for a bit. saw a bit of myself in him with the threshold shifts and the like. he was pulling on his restraints pretty hard it was cute as hell. the whole night is been seeing and talkin to Mr San Diego Leather, so when he came up behind me I was not 100% shocked or surprised. He came up and asked if I was leaving and I told him that was the rumor. He told me to.suck his dick and yeah like I'm gonna say no to that. I went down on him while he was soft so I nursed it to diamond cutter status and that my friends is where the fun begins. he grabbed the back of my head and started to take full control. he started grabbing my head and shoving his cock down my throat breathing was secondary to pleasing Sir. My body disagreed and I choked. But fuck that pain isn't anything to worry anout so I shoved my face back down on his cock. that happened a few times and for some reason I could not relax my throat enough to let him go full bore face fuckin. after he shot his nut down my throat he held my face against his body and let me lick his skin. a wonderfull mix of sweat and leather, it was heaven. then he put his cock back in his pants and walked away leaving me on my knees in my digis in the middle of a play party

Note: this was the first post I have written on my new phone, bear with me while I learn this thing

Catch Up

2010-08-10T17:52:00.000-07:00

so heres what i missed or forgot to tell you about.

Had dirrty dirty mansex in the bathroom of the SD eagle with Mindtrip, fucked him after mindtrip had already creamed him but didnt get to cum cuz of the crowd forming and the fact i had work the next morning. Jail would have complicated things

Met Dan of Matt and Dan fame, sucked his big uncut cock and he swallowed my load. Unintentionally stole his phone, got to watch him and Mindtrip play with eachothers cocks in my driveway till i told them if they get caught, me, my roomates, and them ALL become registered sex offenders. Gotta love CA!

And today at work i walked in on 2 guys sucking cock in the bathroom. Offically meaning im not the biggest slut ever.

I know yall want more details, and i want to give them to you, but heres the deal. My term employment is up in 2 weeks. If you all can wait and ask questions i can provide all the details i can remember. But the way work is going my brain is going to continue to be the consistancy of jello... so be patient my little monsters i will be back soon