Rawndevous

6.29.2012

2012-06-30T20:32:00.004-07:00

What do I need to do

to let you know

that this was just

a game to me?

A conquest, an

attempt at getting over

on your heart?

Feelings can't get in the way.

Nothing should be between us

but space and opportunity.

Bare skin and possibilities,

Delightful non-attachment...

No breakfast,

No promises.

Blow out the candle lights,

switch the music up.

There's nothing restricting me

or constricting you.

Let's just keep it that way.

Eliminate the questions,

drown out the confusion.

All we need

is what we want.

Just the heat of the moment.

The here,

the now,

Immediate and sudden.

The explosion of surprise.

Unplanned,

unaware,undeniable.

Mutual agreements,

Consensual rhythms and

carnal understandings.

STRICTLY BUSINESS,

NEVER PERSONAL!!

one

2012-06-24T23:39:00.000-07:00

all alone thinking of the time i wasted,
making a life that
was not meant
for someone like me.

i had no fight left,
i didn't even want to go to war.
i surrendered
waved the white flag,
and called it a day.

life is waiting for me
to approach it
openly.
no more fear, no more doubts
i know my glass is half full

i hardened my heart
just like quarterflash.
free as a bird,
nothing holding me,
confining me to a mold...

stronger than i've ever known,
happy in my own way.
craving the taste
of freedom.
living for the moment...

HOLD ON

2011-12-27T19:46:00.000-08:00

No matter what happens, and what people say

It doesn't matter anyway.

When life flips you upside down,

You throw away a natural smile for a contrived frown,

HOLD ON.

When the skies rain down heavy,

And everybody's got it all figured out.

Your friends are so assured, but your life fills with doubt,

HOLD ON.

There is a way out, even when the doors are closed,

The field is full of weeds, but you gotta be that rose.

You will feel the bumps, take the turns, miss the lights, and take the short cuts...

No matter what,

HOLD ON!!!

The Good Die Young...

2011-11-27T19:10:00.000-08:00

Visionaries, dreamers, musicians--we can all think of the people in popular culture who died before their time. Their contributions and talents were given to them by a force greater than themselves. What they have left behind for the world manifests itself through the lives of others. A brief life that may have ended on earth flows through the memories and love that they may have shared while they were here. Let the loved ones you have lost make a positive, lasting, and continual impression on you. Their smile, laugh, and special qualities are to be an inheritance to you, and to new generations.

The Superwoman Myth...Can we REALLY do it all??

2011-11-20T19:35:00.000-08:00

Women have been so used to taking on so much, with little help and support. We are conditioned to be selfless, unfeeling, and when we express our need for a hand when we struggle, it's considered a sign of weakness. Many times, we sacrifice our sleep, appearance, health, and our self-worth in trying to please everyone in every situation. I have always had a hard time asking for help, and it seems like it gets easier as time goes on. Lately, my issue has been asking questions, speaking up for what I need without being rude or demanding, and finding the happy medium between assertive vs. inconsiderate. Life is a journey, and each step I take is one towards happiness and fulfillment.

Just Enough For Me...

2011-10-22T17:14:00.000-07:00

I don't believe in therapists or psychiatrists. If I feel I need to make some life changes, I am my own best friend, and I can figure out what I need to do to fix the problem. I have made some decisions in my life that were not always right and continue to do so because I do not have a logical thought process. I cannot put things in order correctly, and I have made very important decisions without thinking them through. I have been that way as long as I can remember. It is very difficult for me to thing in terms of the future, and long-term. So what have I done to try and fix this issue? What is the remedy?

I have begun to start playing chess again, and I haven't played in many years. I have began to do puzzles, and try to do things that help me think ahead, and see different ways to solve something difficult. Thinking ahead is something I want to get better at, and if I have a way to figure out how to change, that's just enough for me.

Decisions Decisions

2011-10-10T18:47:00.000-07:00

I STILL haven't figured out what I wanna do with the rest of my life...I am almost 30 and still haven't found the one passion or commitment that drives me. I have a Bachelor's Degree that I still need to finish, and plan on doing so. There are so many things I should have, and don't. I don't know what I am afraid of, and what holds me back, but the "good life" seems so far away and unattainable. I feel stuck and defeated sometimes, but there are so many people around me that are doing so much better that I feel there's a future for me somewhere...Where do I start? What do I accomplish first?

The Waiter...

2011-09-27T19:08:00.000-07:00

They say an elephant never forgets...well I was at Elephant Bar today, and I didn't forget that the waiter didn't bring me my change! I sat and sat, and he went to go over and sit with his friends, stick out his tongue, and play with his iPhone. When he came back my way. he was giving people their plates and looked dead at my table empty handed. Not a speck of change! Just because I gave you a coupon, you can't keep my change. That wasn't your tip yet. Patience is a virtue. Mr. Waiter, if you want the tip, gimme my change! You can't just take it and run with it!

Not Enough Hours In The Day!

2011-07-12T21:23:00.000-07:00

Lately it seems like I have been running at full speed, go go go with no time to rest very much. This has been a big change for me, and such a busy schedule takes a lot of balance, determination and focus. These were attributes I didn't have a lot of, but they are skills that you learn from the world and people around you. One thing I am truly trying to master is the art of "biting my tongue." Sometimes, you can't always make a big fuss out of things, and when the people around you obviously have ideas that don't click with what you know is right, it can pose a problem. My challenge is letting those things roll off my back like a baby duck!

Sunburnt Feet!

2011-07-05T00:26:00.000-07:00

Yep, the top of my feet got burnt up while I was working the flea market this weekend. My shoulders got pretty burnt too...they feel like sandpaper. The last time I got a really bad sunburn was in my face, and it peeled bad! I looked like an eggplant! I was in 5th Grade, and I was stupid enough to think that I wouldn't get sunburnt because I'm Black! Well let me tell you, it happens to everybody if they let it! I tried sunscreen, but it's too much work, and it leaves a slimy, greasy look on my skin. The spray-on gags me...I try to stay in the shade as much as I can. But that's what I get!

My Mom's Birthday is TODAY!!

2011-06-28T10:53:00.000-07:00

My mom would have been 64 today. I miss that crazy woman so much, and I have so many things to say to her. I see so much of her in myself. If you have your mother in your life, be grateful. Don't take her for granted. I lost her when I was 20. The last year she was alive, we grew really close and wrote letters back and forth. It's been 11 years since she passed, and sometimes I pick up my cell phone and think I can call her. What makes it hard for me is the fact that she really wasn't present for me when I was growing up. I choose not to put her on blast on the Internet, but I am finally beginning to understand her struggles, and why they live in me.

I miss her so much, and I wish that she was here next to me. I would have taken care of her even up into her age. Sometimes I try to picture what she would look like now, and how the family would be. I'm not too sure what that would look like now, but the love and hope for her happiness wouldn't have changed one bit

What Happened...

2011-06-21T17:07:00.000-07:00

It seems like children are getting more and more outta pocket these days. No respect for adults, no respect for teachers! I guess the time are changing, but the base level of respect & manners has flown out the window. I was always taught to respect adults and use my manners. I had good "home training." But it seems like the roles have reversed! Children are the parents, and parents are the children! With fewer and fewer role models and good examples, the foundation for respect and courtesy starts at home. I know that you have to give respect to get it, and not every adult is a saint. But, if you want good kids set the tone when they are small, and not when they're 14!

Second Guessing...AVOID IT!

2011-06-16T02:09:00.000-07:00

It's so easy for us to try and please other people, make sure everyone else is happy, and always put others before ourselves-especially women. We never question having to go out of our way for that friend, bending over backwards to make sure that the family is ok, and being the sacrificial lamb at the job. But do you ever stop to think about making time and space for your OWN needs and wants? When something good happens in your life, do you ''second guess" or talk your way out of a blessing because you don't feel "good enough?" We have all done this.

It's so common to want the best for all the other people in our lives. Do we want the best for ourselves? The "best" doesn't mean the most expensive, the newest, or the most popular. The "best" means what makes you smile, feel joyful, comfortable and confident. When you get that unexpected reward, promotion, or positive opportunity, CLAIM IT!! You know when it feels right, and sits well with your soul! Don't interrogate and question the yes/no/who/what/where/when/why! Accept that blessing, give thanks, and pay it FORWARD! Stop underestimating your potential!

Models: Brainless Beauties or Living Art

2011-06-12T00:19:00.000-07:00

I tell my designer: "I dress plain because I want to be a canvas." Growing up I never wanted to model. It never crossed my mind, and I always thought that modeling was just for white girls who didn't eat on a regular basis. I knew about Tyra, Iman, Naomi Campbell, Alek Wek and all of the other Black models but I always thought they were just "lucky." In the past year, my life has been changed in a real way. I began to see that modeling was a way to express myself, and learn about all the aspects of fashion. I couldn't have been happier.

All my life I have been a "jeans and t-shirt" girl. I was never really into fashion, and still try to keep a basic, toned down wardrobe. I find myself enjoying clothing, shoes, and make up now more than ever. Vintage, thrift stores, and yard sales have turned out to be gold mines for me. Sure, I would love to have a closet full of Cavalli and Louboutins from here to the moon and back. I would die for a vanity full of MAC, Nars, and Urban Decay. But lately my survival and my essential needs have become top priority, and always will be.

Your body becomes a billboard, a blank piece of paper, or a mine field of color. The image creates a dream for its viewer. Light, shadow and posing become mediums, just like charcoals, pencils and paints. It's melting and molding to the environment, and pushing yourself to creative heights. Modeling is making a way out of no way, from garments and accessories that you don't have to spend a dime on. Modeling is transcending into other worlds and spaces that come from your mind, through your body, and flow through a lens. I am not just a spineless, emotionless, starving body. I am breathing, moving, adaptable art...

Naima Mora

Turn Signals-The SIMPLEST Way To Show Courtesy...It Doesn't Cost A Dime!!

2011-06-10T14:24:00.000-07:00

Everyone, these are TURN SIGNALS! One for the left, one for the right. You paid all that money up front for your car, are making payments like a trained lab rat, or someone found it in the goodness of their heart to hook you up with a car so you don't drag fifty jillion bags on the city bus. You take your hard earned paycheck to pad the pockets of the oil companies, and a gallon of gas is about what you would pay for a VALUE MEAL! What's the easiest return on your investment...use your TURN SIGNALS!

Don't turn or get over into another lane without fair warning. People are crazy and you never know what they will do! Between putting on bronzer, texting a friend asking for your gold top back that she borrowed two weeks ago, putting in a ponytail, or stuffing your face with a super burrito, drivers are more and more distracted everyday. With all that going on, you can't take a split second and let the person behind you know what you're gonna do? Just take a second to be accountable for your actions! It's cheaper than therapy!

Stuffed Pepper

2011-06-09T23:56:00.000-07:00

I am slowly entering the world of modeling, makeup and I love every minute of it! I just turned 29, and this is something that I should have considered when I was much younger. It took me forty days and forty nites to grow into my head and feet, and I had an unpredictable temper. Now that I wanna pursue this new side of me, my gut and my cakes will not co-operate, and I have a pigeon chest. Eating has been my comfort these past few months. This is how it goes:

Juice for breakfast, and a few bites of cold leftovers. They were either fried, cheezed, or salted. Milk will blow me out to no end, so I refuse to eat cereal.

Chips in the middle of the day, or a few bites of candy during class. I will call the man to heat me up some hot dogs, slap some mayo on a piece of bread , fold it up right quick and bring it to me. And no, he doesn't get paid for delivery. It's free.

A huge dinner if I'm lucky. There's gotta be some salt, meat, or crunchy elements. Hot sauce is a must. When I'm feelin' bossy I eat Sriracha. When I'm faced with reality, Crystal will do.

I've come to the realization that I need to do crunches. Exercise makes me fussy and distracted, but if I wanna fit into cute clothes and stomp on my slowing metabolism like the cigarettes I need to give up, then I gotta sacrifice. I'm not gonna fight with a girdle again! Neither one of us won!