RAY FELTON'S BURDEN

The Biggest All Star Snubs

2012-02-23T17:04:00.002-05:00

I've seen some lists floating around, but my list is the best. The All Star Game is all about entertainment and who the fans want to see, so this isn't that big of a deal really in the grand scheme of things, but it's infuriating regardless when you see good but not great players show up to the event all cocky-like.

Ok, so here's the list:

1. Ryan Anderson.

This is probably the biggest snub, in my mind, on the entire list. The biggest reason comes down to the East being depleted of talent at the forward position. With injuries aplenty, Anderson being off the All Star roster suggests he is being overlooked entirely as a player -- as if he didn't exist.

He is the only reason the Magic have a winning record right now. Outside of Dwight and Redick, no one else appears to have a pulse on the Magic. He is an incredible 3 point shooter, and a massively improved rebounder. And he plays exceptional defense. What's not to like?

Oh, that's right. Orlando is DWIGHT HOWARD'S team. No one else can share the glory there. Game over, man.

Ryan Anderson is having one of the best seasons of any player, much less Dwight Howard, and should have been rewarded for it. He is a top 5 player THIS YEAR (not every year).

2. James Harden.

It's generally not practical to make all star nods towards guys who come off the bench most of the time. The problem with this is that Harden is the second best player on (arguably) the best team or second best team in the NBA. Yes, he is better than Westbrook.

Outside of Kobe, name a shooting guard with his talent, efficiency and numbers to back it up in the West. Yup, no one. Westbrook's spot should have been surrendered here to Harden.

3. Pau Gasol.

I get that the Lakers already have two all stars. But there is ZERO reason Pau Gasol is left off this list and Dirk Nowitzki remains. I get that Dirk is coming off a monster season, but he's played hurt most of the year. Gasol has continued to feast with monster stats and playing well on a playoff team.

4. Tyson Chandler.

This one also confuses me. Really -- Roy Hibbert -- over Tyson Chandler? I understand the league give the Pacers an All Star, but there is no way Chandler should be left off this list. He is by far the second best center in the East. Additionally, he may end up with the best shooting efficiency of ALL TIME for a season, playing on a playoff bound team. He is the best player on his team to boot. Leaving him off the roster -- and Carmelo Anthony on -- suggests a league that only cares about one thing: scoring, and scoring with low efficiency and poor decision making.

5. Danny Granger.

Danny Granger is the best player on the Pacers, a very good playoff team in the East. He is a previous All Star. So what gives?

Oh, Joe Johnson (scratch that, RONDO) deserve the nod over him. Oh, and Carmelo Anthony (thanks, fans).

Suggestion? Kick out Carmelo. Add Granger in his spot.

Honorable mentions:

Kevin Garnett (old, but still deserving), Marcin Gortat, Kyle Lowry, Lou Williams

NBA POWER RANKINGS - Preseason

2011-12-16T10:25:00.004-05:00

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that these rankings aren't definitive, but they'll try to paint an image of how I see and foresee the league's teams performing long-term.

The Teams

1. Dallas Mavericks - The reigning champions, even though they lost Tyson Chandler and JJ Barea, will be tough to beat with the additions of Vince Carter and Lamar Odom. Lamar Odom IS REALLY GOOD.

2. Miami Heat - This team is an enigma -- talent-wise, they should be the best, but I'm not convinced guys like LeBron are mentally tough enough to win consistently against a team like Dallas. LeBron's playoff performance last year against the Mavs was almost suspiciously bad (for him; he's still better than almost everyone when he plays like crap). Add Shane Battier and this team gives LeBron some help on wing defense that should push them back into the finals.

3. Oklahoma City Thunder - Maybe THE most talented team in the league. And they're put together very well, to boot -- they have offense all over (Durant, Westbrook and Harden) and a very strong defensive core (Collison, Ibaka, Perkins and Sefolosha). What makes them weaker than Dallas and Miami is that their elite players are far less battle ready than the likes of Dirk, Jason Kidd, Dwyane Wade and LeBron. Who on the Thunder has even been to the finals? Perkins and Mohammed? Not quite ready yet.

4. Chicago Bulls - They'll never go anywhere when they're relying on Derrick Rose to create 99 percent of their offense. Luol Deng is a great spot up shooter and a scorer off screens. Boozer is great as a roll man or a pick-and-pop shooter. Rip is similar to Deng. But when the shotclock is winding down, who can create a decent shot attempt? Rose. So they stack on him. They need to find a low-post threat ASAP.

5. Boston Celtics - People are starting to sleep on these guys like they have been with the Spurs -- they're still good y'all. Maybe in a shortened season, they get their asses winded and stuff, but I really see this team as, at worst, staying the same (Bass replaces Davis, Green replaces their terrible bench, Wilcox == Jermaine O'Neal). And that team is a really god damn good team.

6. Memphis Grizzlies - These guys are good. Just see last year's playoffs and how far they pushed the Thunder. Getting Gay back is great, but losing Battier is going to hurt.

7. LA Clippers
8. Denver Nuggets
9. San Antonio Spurs
10. LA Lakers
11. Portland Trailblazers
12. Orlando Magic
13. Philadelphia 76ers
14. Atlanta Hawks
15. New York Knicks
16. Indiana Pacers
17. Brooklyn Nets
18. Milwaukee Bucks
19. Houston Rockets
20. Utah Jazz
21. Minnesota Timberwolves
22. Golden State Warriors
23. Phoenix Suns
24. Washington Wizards
25. Sacramento Kings
26. New Orleans Hornets
27. Detroit Pistons
28. Toronto Raptors
29. Charlotte Bobcats
30. Cleveland Cavaliers

Notice: Corey Brewer is still irrelevant

2011-12-13T15:31:00.009-05:00

But here are some other players to look out for:

Josh McRoberts:

If it's true he's signing with the Lakers, consider him a perennial 6th man of the year candidate. Signing with the Lakers guarantees you'll be overvalued relative to your peers -- see just about everyone that has ever played for them who wasn't an all-star.

I'm still confused as to what people see in Shannon Brown or Trevor Ariza.

Amir Johnson:

I think he's going to be traded. The Raptors are king at trading away future all-stars -- Air Canada and T-Mac alone can vouch for this. Johnson will be dumped before the deadline for cap space or some washed up retread, I can almost guarantee it.

Let's hope he doesn't end back up on the Pistons, because he could have a nice career otherwise.

Jared Dudley:

With Grant Hill on the verge of death, Vince Carter leaving for the Mavericks and Mickael Pietrus being trash, Dudley has a lot of opportunity on the Suns roster to shine. It would not shock me at all if the Suns somehow snuck into the playoffs after last year's irrelevance -- excellent ball play out of Gortat, Dudley and Markieff Morris could heighten them.

NCAA Undefeated Watch

2011-12-05T15:43:00.004-05:00

1. Kentucky -- Kentucky, of all the squads here, has likely the most legitimate chance at going undefeated in the regular season. Probably their biggest test, North Carolina, was felled this past weekend -- being the only true team to have any advantage over them throughout this season.

2. Ohio State -- I guarantee Ohio State will not go undefeated simply based on their imposing schedule. They have a who's who of top 25-talented teams on their calendar. I can't imagine them NOT dropping 2 or 3 games, at minimum.

Roadblocks: Kansas (away), Indiana (away), Illinois (away), Michigan State (away), Wisconsin (home/away).

3. Syracuse -- A very talented squad, but the trap with Syracuse is their limited match-up zone defense. That, and they play a notch lower in their opponents' arenas. This will spell their fate and inevitably lead to some losses.

Roadblocks: Marquette (home), Pittsburgh (home), UCONN (away), Louisville (home/away), Georgetown (home), West Virginia (home)

4. Marquette -- Like Syracuse, a very talented squad. Of Big East schools, the most likely to go undefeated.

Roadblocks: Syracuse (away), Washington (neutral), Georgetown (home/away), Vanderbilt (home), Louisville (home), Pittsburgh (home), UCONN (away)

5. Missouri -- This team has been throttling everyone, including top-25 ranked opponents. Clear favorites for the Big-12, I think they have a shot at running the table.

Roadblocks: Illinois (neutral), Kansas St (home/away), Texas (home/away), Kansas (home/away), Baylor (home/away)

6. Creighton -- MVC is on an upswing, and, to complicate things, they play a very tough out in St Joseph's next weekend. If they can come out with a W, they have a shot.

Roadblocks: St. Joseph's (away), Wichita St. (home/away), Northern Iowa (home/away), Missouri St. (home/away), Tulsa (away).

7. Murray St. -- A true contender for undefeated regular season. In the Ohio Valley Conference, they are the only team with a Kenpom rating better than 192 -- and they are 67th in the league. To make matters more interesting, the only out of conference game of note they have left is against Memphis this next Sunday. Beating Memphis is truly their only roadblock of significance.

Roadblocks: Memphis (away), Austin Peay (away)

8. Harvard -- Like Murray St., Harvard outmatches its conference opponents substantially. There is doubt Harvard will win the Ivy League and get their automatic NCAA bid. The question is, how high can Harvard rise in the polls?

Harvard has two real tests in UCONN this Thursday and St. Joseph's at the end of this month.

Roadblocks: UCONN (away), St. Joseph's (home)

Teams who are undefeated but have zero shot at remaining so:

Louisville - Barely beat Vanderbilt, their only top 50 opponent, in overtime. Has played a laughably easy schedule up until that game.

Indiana - They play Ohio State twice. They play Kentucky. They play Wisconsin. They play Purdue twice. These are all elite squads. I don't expect them to remain undefeated past next weekend.

Baylor - They have played, up until this point -- like Louisville -- incredibly easy teams. There is no chance of them going undefeated after sleepwalking through fake division I teams.

Xavier - Chris Mack's squad plays a very tough Atlantic-10 schedule, highlighted by random OOC trysts with Memphis and Gonzaga. I can't imagine them getting past the A-10 onslaught unscathed.

Kansas State - See: Baylor.

Illinois -- See: Indiana.

Tulane -- Surprise undefeated team of the season. They have stomped all over opponents this season, including beating Georgia Tech this past week. However, they play Syracuse, Memphis and a fairly solid roster of Conference USA squads who will surely take a few wins away from them.

ESPN's most underrated players

2011-11-23T15:48:00.003-05:00

Continuing with the theme from my earlier post, #nbarank underrated a vast many players. Some of their rankings are so out of touch with reality, it makes me question anything that comes out of ESPN regarding NBA analysis.

Here are the most underrated players as compared to ESPN's #nbarank:

1. Ryan Anderson - Criminally underrated. He is already one of the best pick-and-pop forwards in the league. It is a rarity to have a big man with his abilities on the offensive end and not be limited defensively. Effectively, a better Rashard Lewis offensively and defensively (ESPN ranked 144, I ranked 225); he is a nice pairing with Dwight Howard.

Krank #44; ESPN #167

2. Amir Johnson - Johnson is likely the best player on the Raptors. That's not saying much, but the NBA has a larger talent pool than ESPN seems to think. Johnson has the potential to be an All-Star. If they could pair him with someone outside of Bargnani, they would be in a much better position. If I were the GM of the Raptors, moving Bargnani to fill in the void at SF would be my biggest priority.

Krank #52; ESPN # 90

3. Gerald Henderson - Henderson is underrated due to playing for Charlotte. That is it. He unexpectedly came into his own late last season. A very solid starter -- two-way player. Not a fringe bench player. His ESPN rank is alarmingly out of whack, and it shows how ignorant the average ESPN writer is in regards to players outside of the top media markets. If you ever think you're not as smart as an ESPN writer -- think again. They're hired for their ability to whet a hardened piece of colon cyst into copper-zinc-some other worthless metal.

Krank #73; ESPN #242

4. Kevin Garnett - Garnett's aging has been incredibly smooth, and his 'decline' has barely raised its ugly head. He is still an All-Star and probably a top 10 player. I understand the aging concern, but he is a player likely to play well into his aging. He is no longer a banger. His defense is largely based on his length. He is a pick-and-pop forward with outstanding range and skill that doesn't require him to throw his thinning frame around in the low post. And the ESPN #nbarank was based on RIGHT NOW -- not three years into the future. Give me KG over Stoudemire any day of the week.

Krank #7; ESPN #22

5. LaMarcus Aldridge - Incredibly underrated. He is probably the most dangerous low post threat outside of Dirk Nowitzki. In fact, he may be a better low post threat -- Dirk just has more range and more ability facing the basket. Aldridge should be a household name, and that is the only thing holding him back from an elite ranking in #nbarank.

Krank #9; ESPN #23

6. Josh McRoberts - This is another case of big market writers not watching smaller market teams. McRoberts and Hansbrough were nearly split on minutes for power forward through the year for the Pacers, and McRoberts actually outplayed Hansbrough for most of it. Hansbrough is ranked 122 by ESPN -- which is likely not good enough as well. Considering Hansbrough is over 2 years older than McRoberts and clearly has a limited upset potential, I would take McRoberts over him 9 out of 10 times.

Krank #90; ESPN #250

7. Jeremy Evans - Evans, when given playing time, was an incredibly efficient offensive and defensive player for a rookie. The key is playing time. His inconsistent minutes led to inconsistent play. He has the ability to be a solid sixth man right now. Not a player who is barely making a team. I would take him over Diaw or Marvin Williams any day. Being able to dunk at-will is far more effective than being an out-of-shape has been passing big or a lottery bust. Yet #nbarank thinks it's kosher to give him a value that is on par with players such as washed up acts like Malik Allen, garbage like Brian Scalabrine, and unknown rookies such as Norris Cole. He is likely the most horribly ranked of the entire bunch here, but his lack of starting role makes him less sexy in my own rankings.

Krank #91; ESPN #430

8. Danilo Gallinari - Gallinari being ranked in the 60s is an enigma, largely in that he brings to the table everything Bargnani was supposed to bring to the table. Scrappy euro-defense. High level of decision-making. Incredibly effective triple-threat skills. Knock-out shooter. He IS the complete offensive package. Understandably, his usage isn't incredibly high yet like most star players, but he has the skillset. I imagine Denver will use him heavily this year.

Krank #29; ESPN #68

9. Kris Humphries - ESPN has a tendency to overrate scrubs on good teams and underrate stars on bad teams. In the middle, the roleplayers and starters on these bad and mediocre teams, you will find a wide swing of valuations. Humphries falls into the pack of undervalued starters. As a power forward, his offensive abilities are limited -- but this is offset by Brook Lopez. Humphries bangs where Lopez shies away. This sort of player is invaluable, and he is likely better than a fringe starter as ESPN seems to think.

Krank #63; ESPN #145

10. Manu Ginobili - Manu has been underrated throughout his career, which is surprising considering his pedigree and number of championships under his belt. He is better than Kobe Bryant. I said it. That demarcation is a huge hurdle for some people, but Ginobili has not declined anywhere near the rate of Kobe, and Ginobili plays FAR better defense to make up for any declination. I think Kobe is still a better offensive threat, especially in the triangle offense, but Manu is the better all-around player.

Krank #8; ESPN #18

11. Greg Oden Krank #78; ESPN #174
12. Paul George #92; ESPN #205
13. Trevor Booker #148; ESPN #321
14. Louis Williams #81; ESPN #173
15. Damion James #154; ESPN #352
16. Chase Budinger # 79; ESPN #170
17. Marcin Gortat #41; ESPN #86
18. Andre Miller #43: ESPN #89
19. Tyrus Thomas #61; ESPN #123
20. Raymond Felton #40; ESPN #80
21. Dorell Wright #77; ESPN #152
22. Greg Monroe #69; ESPN #132
23. Ekpe Udoh #158; ESPN #300
24. Anthony Morrow #111 ESPN #209
25. Gerald Wallace #26 ESPN #48

ESPN's Most Overrated List

2011-10-22T20:24:00.006-04:00

If you've been following #nbarank on twitter or over on ESPN's site, you already know what this is. If you haven't, summary: ESPN writers ranked the top 500 NBA players in the NBA. Their results, plastered all over the internet, are incredibly controversial regarding top 10 players -- Kobe and Carmelo being low for what their fans expected.

I think ESPN was too kind. I think they weren't being real. So I ranked all of the players myself -- based on a formula devoted to upside (% variable sequentially dependent on birthdate of player), offensive ability (partially based on efficiency, TS%, offensive rebounding and usage), defensive ability (defensive efficiency, defensive rebounding rate), and weighted adjusted +/- ranking (courtesy of 82games). I peered over this, and for any inconsistencies, near ties, clear mishaps (weighting end of bench players over starters) or any other gut reactions -- I made subjective changes.

My list is meaningless as a unit, but the excerpts of the list will be brought out and used to attack ESPN's list.

Let's begin with ESPN's most overrated players:

1. Deron Williams - 9th in the league? Here's the deal. He's worse than Carmelo who was listed as 12th -- who is ALSO incredibly overrated. Deron Williams of two years ago might have been this high, but he was largely a product of the team he played with. His defense is atrocious. His shift to the Nets worsened him. His overseas play has been shockingly terrible. Williams I guess could be a top 50 player -- barely -- and that's what he should be around. But top ten? Come the fuck on.

Krank - #54; ESPN - #9

2. Carmelo Anthony - Carmelo was outraged at being listed 12th, but the real outrage is the ongoing scam that Carmelo is anything but a gunner. Carmelo has more in common with JR Smith than players like Kevin Durant (a true top ten player). Carmelo plays close to zero defense. Mind you, this doesn't make him a bad player. It just makes him one-sided. And an entirely one-sided player has to work harder on his strong side than a two-way player to make up for it. Carmelo may arguably be the best scorer in the game, but being the best scorer does NOT make you the best basketball player.

Krank - #48; ESPN - #12

3. Kirk Hinrich - I don't understand the appeal here. Is it his reputation as being a "Wade" stopper? The Rec-Specs? Regardless, this is just patently stupid ranking him anywhere above the top 250. He is, at best, a mediocre 8th man. Not starter caliber. This is probably the most bizarre and out of place ranking on the list, but mediocre bench player to ok starter is nowhere near as exciting as clamoring for Deron Williams as a top 10 v. top 50 player.

Krank - #443; ESPN - #129

4. Joakim Noah - I get that he hustles. I get that he plays strong defense. But he is not a top 30 player. ESPN analysts make the mistake of overrating him due to the phenomenon of a team -- the sum of the players -- being better than them as individuals. Noah manifests the Chicago defense, but falls short in anything other than that. A solid starter, but by no means is he an elite player.

Krank - #94; ESPN - #29

5. Kendrick Perkins - Overrated Perkins has become en vogue ever since the blockbuster Celtics trade that landed Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen on the team. Perkins, being the weakest starter of the five while a Celtic, benefited greatly by playing alongside Hall of Famer Garnett -- one of the best defenders in the league over the past decade. People misinterpret this as Perkins being a 'great' defender. Perkins is an above average defender. No more, no less. That really doesn't scream top 100 to me.

Krank - #300; ESPN - #95

6. John Wall - Here is a case of potential outweighing abilities. John Wall is an explosive athlete -- but that doesn't mean he is a good basketball player, yet. This mistake has been made several times in the past with players such as James White and Jamario Moon. Being an athlete doesn't mean you're good at basketball. John Wall's turnover percentage is a testament to that. However, one would be mistaken to say that Wall isn't a good basketball player. He's just not top 50 yet. He's a solid starter; nothing more.

Krank - #126; ESPN - #40

7. Amar'e Stoudemire - Ama're is a lot like Melo in that he doesn't play defense. BUT HE GETS BLOCKS! You're right. But so does Hasheem Thabeet -- one of the worst players in the league. Getting blocks does not equal good defense. In fact, often times, good paint defenders do not get incredibly high block rates. High block rates, like high steal rates, can mean a lot of different things. In Stoudemire's case, it means he sags off of his man to gamble on blocking a shot -- leaving someone wide open. Matador defense. He's may be one of the best roll men in the league, but he isn't quit top 25 anymore.

Krank - #37; ESPN - #13

8. Russell Westbrook - Westbrook is amazingly good, especially for his age. But he's not top 25 yet in terms of ability. He still makes poor decisions and tries to do too much. Allen Iverson syndrome. Westbrook, however, does not have an excuse quite like Iverson. With a legit top 10 player standing by him and an arsenal of top 150 players surrounding him, he should be passing out of his 20 footers more often.

Krank - #42; ESPN - #15

9. Mehmet Okur - Washed up. Injury-prone. These are things we associate with players like Tracy McGrady but seem to forget when talking about 7 foot stiffs.

Krank - #381; ESPN - #139

10. Aaron Brooks - Brooks was never that good to begin with. He has and always was a gunner. Because of his height and frame, his defense is laughably bad. Chalk him up to another failed Steve Nash backup. Definitely not starting caliber.

Krank - #308; ESPN - #118

11. Brandon Jennings - Krank #157; ESPN #60
12. Devin Harris - Krank #171; ESPN #69
13. Marc Gasol - Krank #64; ESPN #26
14. Joel Przybilla - Krank #486; ESPN #198
15. Jason Kidd - Krank #114; ESPN #49
16. Elton Brand - Krank #144; ESPN #62
17. Andres Nocioni - Krank #456; ESPN #197
18. O.J. Mayo - Krank #212; ESPN #93
19 Samuel Dalembert - Krank #252; ESPN #112
20. Antawn Jamison - Krank #235; ESPN #107
21. Evan Turner - Krank #366; ESPN #171
22. Glen Davis - Krank #250; ESPN #117
23. David Lee - Krank #115; ESPN #54
24. Josh Childress - Krank #369; ESPN #175
25. Brandon Roy - Krank #124; ESPN #59

Various other overrated players on ESPN:
Steve Blake, Marcus Camby, Trevor Ariza, Jameer Nelson

Note: Video analysis eventually to follow.

Update on 11/23/11:

Deron Williams is actually playing well overseas -- so pretend that negative judgment of mine never happened.

Introducing Corey Maggette

2011-07-11T14:01:00.007-04:00

Corey "Bad Porn" Maggette, perhaps known more for his infamous nickname, has always been an enigma in the league.

How does he score points? How does he evade paying child support for Jarrett Jack?

82games breaks down players' scoring tendencies down per possession to uncover these ugly tricks. For Bad Porn, his game is overwhelmingly simple: get fouled. Last year, 09-10 season, he was fouled on over 20 percent of his possessions. To break that down for you, that lead to him attempting the 9th most free throws in the league that season -- putting up a stat line at times that looked more like LeBron James than the Jerry Stackhouse-stylings observers have expected over the years.

In a perfect world, this sort of foul magnet witchcraft would be useful for the Bobcats' stagnant offense. But much of Maggette's effectiveness was limited this past season on the Bucks. It seems that the slower, more Bobcats-esque pace of Milwaukee removes much of Bad Porn's effectiveness. Playing on the lightning fast, VMI-style (side note: it's also worth mentioning Keith Benson and the Oakland Golden Grizzlies, Golden State's home city, both play at similarly electric paces) Warriors allowed Maggette to hide his defensive failings as well as rack up fouls against the weak-in-general league wide transition defenses.

Simply put, Maggette is good at abusing poor transition defense. Teams that don't get back quickly will find Maggette driving quickly and wildly towards the basket, awaiting a pass for an ugly transition jumper that looks like some slanted horror out of Dr. Caligari's Cabinet. But Bad Porn is only able to do this if his team is willing to run uptempo.

The Bobcats are one of the slowest teams in the league, and that pace does not look to accelerate with players like Kwame Brown anchoring our defense. We are expected to be a half court team regardless of the rumors swirling from the Charlotte front office.

Expect Bad Porn traded midseason (if there is one). I don't think he's part of MJ or Richard Cho's plans for a competitive 'Cats.

Post-Jackson, Post-Wallace, Post-Felton

2011-07-11T11:58:00.006-04:00

The trio that made our magical '09 run special have all but left us. What remains is a skeleton crew of young player with upside (Augustin, Thomas, Henderson), a who's-who of underachieving journeymen (Kwame, Maggette, Matt Caroll) and a couple of highly-touted rookies (Walker, Biyombo).

This new crew, along with the recent addition of Richard Cho, gives me hope for a future years down the road. Perhaps we will see our obvious tanking makeup reap long-term rewards.

I'm excited to watch Corey "Bad Porn" Maggette brick layup after layup. I'm pumped to watch Kemba Walker's stepback jumper get blocked every attempt because he's like 5'9. I'm wet with perspiration just thinking about Biyombo's ability to dunk a lot.

Dwyane Wade Getting Shot in the Eye

2011-06-03T02:05:00.012-04:00

"Like a scene out of Shawshank Redemption, Dwyane Wade reaches out to express the deepest emotions within. Except here, there ain't no raining involved." - Me, KevinTheW, about 5 minutes ago.

Watching D-Wade pull his best flopping Bunny man moment from Donnie Darko really inspired me to post the gif on the left and pretend I'm interested at all in this post-Bobcats' universe.

As a Bobcats fan, who do you root for in a scenario such as this -- the large-market Dallas team, fronting a feisty owner, a large German man with protruding forehead, and NBA Jam: TE's own Jason Kidd or the WWE's own Miami Heat. The Heat, at least, are shown to have acting talents as expressed to the left of this page. But do their C-level talents muster enough flavor to bring out the savoriness I expect in a finals team?

I don't know.

I do know that Dallas' color scheme is far less matchy-match than the Heat's obnoxious orange-yellow/red palette. Then again, orange is the color of our favorite team flavor -- so I am conflicted.

Who do I turn to? Do I turn to the umame, the savory sweet that the Dallas brings with their rugged, aged core? Or do I go with the kitsch, the cheese -- the so-called Glitzentruppe -- of the Hollywood Heat?

As a Bobcat, this discussion becomes my solace knowing full well that our front office will likely draft future overpaid NBA journeyman and DeSagana Diop clone Bismack Biyombo.

More to Come

2011-04-24T23:10:00.007-04:00

In the waining hours of Easter Sunday, I decided to resurrect this buried relic of the early '09 season. The inspiration, my muse, for the Bobcats ramblings has left us -- but he still remains in our hearts. And as a true fan of the Charlotte Bobcats, I choose to leave his name as a memorial of sorts and push onward into a new era post-Raymond -- a more avant garde world dominated by a strange assortment of failed Stephen Jackson early jumper isolations and Gerald Henderson putbacks.

This new Bobcats' generation, especially without fallen hero Gerald Wallace, is that man at the rundown dive with the jew-fro who watches you silently from his tilted bar stool. He's wearing unfashionably white Reeboks. He's got wire frames and a half-grown mustache. You're unsure of him, but he seems harmless enough. He might be a hipster.

But in those sour, darting eyes, a cruel shape is springing forth. A man who wants more than to finish his now warm beer. He wants that top-shelf special only the regulars know about.

We're at that point in our fandom where sticking by him could be a one-night stand mistake or helping him shave that mustache off could be the difference maker in a successful relationship.

I'm willing to look past the frames.

Stephen Jesse Jackson Haters Can Stuff It

2009-11-18T05:20:00.012-05:00

Reading around the web, you're likely to be inundated with garbage about how Stephen Jackson is a "me-first" player with an attitude of "getting paid" over winning -- about how Jackson is a garbage player with a superstar contract not unlike past head cases like Stephon Marbury, Steve Francis and Allen Iverson (who is also wildly misrepresented and misunderstood).

The arguments are aplenty but all of them are short-sighted.

1. Stephen Jackson left a winning 2002-2003 Spurs team to "get paid" by the Atlanta Hawks.

Inordinately false. He won a championship on the Spurs after being one of their best players. He was arguably the third best player on that team at the time, with big names on the roster such as -- David Robinson, Danny Ferry, Kevin Willis, Steve Kerr, Steve Smith, Manu Ginobili, Tony Parker -- making this a tough sell.

But the fans need to realize that David Robinson, Kevin Willis, Steve Kerr, Steve Smith and Danny Ferry, while still ballers, were dinosaurs at the time. Ferry and Willis especially. Robinson was old but still effective because of his Spartan physique that allowed him to play 64 games. Kerr, Ferry and Willis were effectively bench scrubs at this point in their careers. Steve Smith was no longer as effective as he used to be from his Heat and Hawks days and was relegated to a back up role.

Manu Ginobili and Tony Parker are interesting since they're both seen as international superstars today. At the time, Parker was an unexpected surprise. Very few foreign players had ever made it big time in the league -- especially no one from France. Hailing back to Vlade Divac, Drazen Petrovic, Arvydas Sabonis, Toni "The Waiter" Kukoc and the Kings' loverboy Predrag Stojakovic -- you had a handful of stars but with a long list of burnouts and guys who simply couldn't cut it.

Ginobili was less of a shocker in some ways since Parker had been such a success in his rookie season. Ginobili had also been cooking up a storm overseas with dominating play in the Italian Serie A league. However, Ginobili and Parker were both inexperienced relative to Jackson in terms of their NBA careers and scoring ability at the time.

Parker, was limited by his inability to shoot the outside shot that has still hampered him some even now in his career. Ginobili clearly struggled early in the Spurs' season with adjusting to the NBA game.

I would argue that the best players on that team were Tim Duncan, Tony Parker and Stephen Jackson -- in that order.

And what do the Spurs do? They don't offer him a deserving extension and palatable deal. That's why he ended up on the Hawks. If you're a team like the Spurs, why wouldn't you want to sign a local Texas boy to a long term deal? I mean, I guess you have Devin Brown waiting on the wings, and you'll think he'll turn out to be studly, but Jackson was a key component in that championship team.

The Spurs screwed up here and got lucky with Manu turning out to be a borderline all-star. I liken this mistake similarly to the Lakers refusing to extend Trevor Ariza with a deserving contract this past year -- signing a declining Artest over him. At least the Spurs got a young talent in their blunder. The Lakers simply squandered away a good player for "money" reasons, even though they're the most successful franchise in the moneymaking department.

2. Stephen Jackson turns the ball over too much and is therefore a crap player.

Somewhat true. This argument has some merit simply because Jackson turns the ball over more than anyone else in the league. However, those numbers are highly inflated due to a few reasons.

A. He played the second most minutes in the league last season -- only being beaten out by Joe Johnson.

B. He played on an up-tempo, high-possession team in Golden State. By high-possession, I mean they took more shots more frequently than say a relative slow-down team like the Hornets or Bobcats.

C. He was the primary ball handler on his past team. Golden State was running out chumps like Demarcus Nelson out on the point last year -- Jackson was forced to take a less than optimal role as the floor leader. This isn't always a bad thing, but it was considering the circumstances (i.e., no effective ball handler outside of him).

With the 2006-2007 Golden State team, he absolutely carried them in their closer game against the Mavericks in the epic 8 over 1 seed upset that shocked the league. His ability to carry the rock on a team with guards who were less-than-able (I'm looking at you, Jason Richardson and Monta Ellis, to a lesser extent) made Golden State a multi-headed threat -- especially since Jackson's ability to play three or four positions made him a match-up nightmare for the Mavericks.

In short, turning the ball over isn't so much of a measure of inability -- it's more of a measure of ability to play long stretches of time and handle the ball.

3. Stephen Jackson is a head case.

False. People like to point fingers at his past criminal cases (e.g. the strip club shooting) and his inability to control himself during the Pacers-Pistons' brawl. However, nearly everyone he has played with or for has described him as a stand up guy and a great teammate. His actions may be flawed at times, but his intentions behind those actions are generally misrepresented. This does not mean he is a head case.

Some see his flight from the Warriors as a selfish move. However, the Warriors are truly the selfish ones in this scenario as they'd rather save money than win games -- that's been their problem throughout the franchise's existence. You'd think Bay Area cost of living would have numbed the ownership to economic forces, but unfortunately that's not the case.

Jackson wants to win. Winning in Golden State was not an option as Nelson would rather bury talents like Anthony "The Judge" Randolph on the bench, waiting with his towel in-hand like a gavel. Nelson would rather trade away one of his team's best players rather than learn to compromise -- the story of Nelson's decorated but similarly pathetic career.

In summary, Stephen Jackson, regardless of his stature in the media and his inability to keep his mouth shut, is a great player who will be a welcomed addition to the Bobcats.

Hopefully, now, this means we can lose in style.

Update: Allen Iverson Waived

2009-11-16T17:52:00.003-05:00

In unsurprising news, A.I.'s contract was mutually terminated today by the Grizzlies. Could we be seeing A.I. on the Bobcats in the near future?

I wouldn't be surprised. We'd probably end up trading Felton or Augustin away in the process, but the effects of A.I. on such a team would be dubious -- it's hard to tell how he would affect the team.

Keep an eye out in the comings days on the waiver wire. Something is afoot -- Larry Brown is not known for stockpiling young point guards.

Forget Saturday's Game, S-Jax, Acie Law Traded for Raja Bell and Vladimir Radmanovic

2009-11-16T16:46:00.003-05:00

I've been missing lately. However, this trade sort of excites me -- we're giving up a terrible player in Radmanovic and, what looks like Raja Bell's injured wrist for a good, but inconstant volume scorer and a young, promising point guard.

I know, Jackson turns the ball over more than most point guards (in fact, more than anyone else in the league). I also realize he's basically the Zach Randolph equivalence at shooting guard.

I think games might be more interesting, at least, with this sort of talent manning our swingman position -- and apparently, he's excited to play for us to the point of wanting to play tonight.

And to the negative nancies -- fuck you. Maybe we'll go after AI next so you can perpetually cry about how more and more awesome this team is getting to be.

Bobcats at Pistons: A Foul Stench

2009-11-13T04:52:00.023-05:00

Charlie Villanueva outscores the entire Bobcats' squad in the 3rd quarter as the Bobcats are blown out for the second night in a row.

I'll be honest -- I was procrastinating on this posting. Wednesday night's outing was an embarrassing effort from this NBA "team." I say "team" because the only semblance of team chemistry out there was more than likely a reaction from Larry Brown's heartburn medication.

Boxscore gems and other notes:

1. Will Bynum drove baseline, crossing over defender Gerald Wallace on the left wing, dunking over the anemic Tyson Chandler to thunderous applause.

Notice the James Brown scream at about 10.5 seconds. After this dunk, the Bobcats never closed it within 4 points the rest of that quarter -- promptly being destroyed in the 3rd quarter. The power of one dunk.

2. DJ Augustin had 4 fouls and 3 points in his 16 minutes of play. That's still better than Vladimir Radmanovic's DNP and Stevie Graham's 0 minutes (more like 15 seconds) of play with 0 everything.

3. Flip Murray made his first start and proved his worth by shooting 31% from the field. He's starting to remind me of Kareem Rush out there but without the moxie. Oh yeah, Raja Bell probably sprained his calf again. Shit.

On a lighter note, former Bobcat Jason Richardson needs your input:
Nachos turn out pretty good. Bout to watch a movie what u think Ali or 1 of my fav movies A Knights Tale?
Def. A Knight's Tale, J-Rich. RIP Heath.

Bobcats v. Magic: a Giant Failure

2009-11-11T01:25:00.010-05:00

Vladimir Radmanovic's 4th quarter heroics not enough to save Bobcats from another humiliating defeat.

Were it not for Ray Felton's enormous outing -- 6-10 from the field, 18 points, 4 assists, a block and a steal -- this game would have been over at half time where the Bobcats were down by 16.

Ray, in his perverse delight, decided to make things interesting by extending a 3rd quarter run into a push for the lead. But Raymond's burden was too much for him to cast aside, this time -- with his teammates throwing themselves into the arms of temerity and caution instead of blindly following their fearless leader Ray.

Boxscore gems and other notes:

1. Gerald Wallace, in his all his past heroics, missed two break away dunks -- one with no one contesting. This, alone, is nothing to be ashamed of. Even the greatest of dunkers and mesosphere hammerers fall asleep at the wheel on occasion. Going up against a couple of 7-footers in the post isn't exactly conducive to dropping sledgehammers on fools.

2. Vladimir Radmanovic proves himself to the fans --

That he's shit.

After the impressive 3rd quarter comeback by the Bobcats, Radmanovic proves himself to be a team chemistry killer with a botched layup, a cheap foul on Marcin Gortat, and a bizarre technical foul -- earned by him throwing the ball in anger for his own apparent pathetic play.

3. Benihanas is the new P.F. Changs.

I'll be honest. I don't know what the hell a Benihanas is, but James Harden, Sean May, and some dude from the Suns' Front Office really like that shit.

On a final note, Jared Dudley's kicking ass and taking names -- playing Modern ~~Warfare~~ Welfare 2:

Just got done with modern welfare game... That game is crazy.

Bobcats Break: the Official Bobcats Fan Site

2009-11-10T17:21:00.010-05:00

Unfortunately for Bobcats fans, we have very little way of fan organization. We're a disparate bunch. We can't even get games regularly televised up here in Raleigh. We're also a hard bunch to pin down.

That's all changed with Bobcatsbreak.com. As a news site, it's completely unreliable and usurped by actual news organizations like ESPN and CBSsports. However, as a portal to the seedy underbelly of the Bobcats' fan base and their collective mind set -- it's pretty fucking accurate.

For example refer to exhibit A: Brittney Cason.

Halftime goes really fast in basketball, too fast for my liking. I hadn’t even made it up to Front Court (bar/restaurant inside the arena) before the game started again, and I was having so much fun I didn’t want to return to my seats. In fact, I never did return to my seats as I made my rounds around the arena. Because the arena is like a playground; every section has its own form of entertainment. There’s even an actual playground for little kids in the upper level.

Summary: Bobcats' fans don't give a fuck about basketball. Bring on the mediocre side acts and overpriced booze. Bobcats' basketball: so god damn boring our fans get more excited by indoor jungle gyms.

Her blog reads like a poor advertisement targeted at soccer moms -- one of the Bobcats' key constituents. At least she doesn't lie about her nonchalant "fan" approach or make hyperbole about the size of the scoreboard like Time Warner Cable Arena's Web site:

The Time Warner Cable Arena scoreboard is the largest scoreboard in any indoor entertainment venue in the country and features the largest video screen in use in any NBA facility. With no fixed images, the scoreboard’s full-screen LED technology allows an unlimited configuration of live and recorded video, scores, animation and graphics.

I guess it's good to know these guys aren't football fans. But, really, who hasn't seen that mammoth scoreboard structure for the Cowboys' new arena?

In closing, Brad, a commenter on Lady Cat dancer Gigi's blog sums up our fan half-glass full optimism:

At least the Bobcats are putting the old Adam Morrison jerseys to good use

Bobcats Lose; Joakim Noah Has Last Laugh

2009-11-08T18:57:00.061-05:00

Bulls' Fans Remain Smug, Confident in Meaningless Win

Bobcats lose a nail biter as Bulls win by three late in the 4th. It's pretty telling how pathetic the Bobcats are as a team when they can't close out on the road -- going 0-3 this season on away games.

The Bobcats' loss was accentuated by the overwhelming e-support for the Bulls -- and the antagonistic forces at work attempting to disparage our beloved team. Twitter was aflutter with a flow of comments surrounding last night's unsurprising victory for the Bulls:

"My Bulls beat the Bobcats yesterday O so lovely!!! =)" - Nicki0927

"OMG Joakim Noah.. wtf?" - embizzle

"FUCK U BOBCATS!!! GO BULLS!!!!!!!!!!!!" - kathleenriot95

"bobcats aint nobody bull are nice tho!" - Beezy Da Beast

Boxscore gems and other notes:

1. Gerald Wallace's rebounding numbers are coming back to earth:

“When you can’t make a layup, you’ve got to find some way to help the team,” said Wallace, who came into the game shooting just 30.9 percent.

It's important to note that Crash should have never, ever, been in the mix throughout this season for the rebounding title. It's comforting seeing that he is capable of simply putting up pedestrian starting center numbers on off nights. Welcome back, G-force.

2. Joakim Noah and John Salmons playing together for large stretches of minutes bodes poorly for teams playing against the Bulls.

For whatever reason, as a tandem, Salmons and Noah in the lineup creates a strong positive correlation to more free throw attempts. I'm not watching any Bulls games, but perhaps they simply operate as an effective pick and roll tandem -- or maybe Noah doesn't crowd the lane as much as I think he does, allowing Salmons open space to drive.

Whatever the reason, the Bobcats had 8 fewer free throw attempts -- a clear deciding factor in this game's negative result.

3. DJ Augustin, once again, played like shit.

This honestly shouldn't surprise me. He's still healing up from the mystery ankle sprain. But pumping out Kevin Durant +/- numbers really should be something worrying considering he's supposed to be getting better as a sophomore player.

To finish up, Nazr Mohammed, team sage, imparts these words of advice that the Bobcats should so aptly follow:

"Work hard on your job, you can make a living. Work hard on yourself, you can make a fortune!!"

It's funny because Sean May quoted him before I did -- right after his stripper friend suggested that he should hang out at a strip club to ease his Salt Lake City boredom. Keep up the hard "work", Sean.

Preview: Bobcats at Bulls

2009-11-07T16:40:00.019-05:00

-- Expect a loss.

The Bobcats are averaging 69 points a game on the road so far this season. That's only two games, but, fuck, 69 points is abysmal. Time to pray for Raja to have another career shooting night. Former Bobcat Sean May has the right idea:

if u kneel b4 God u ca stand b4 anyone

Augustin is day to day from an ankle sprain -- a sprain so minor that I hadn't even heard about it until today.

The good news is that the Bulls are down a player with Tyrus Thomas sidelined for 4-6 weeks from a fractured forearm. Apparently he broke it while doing a set of pull ups:

'He was doing some type of pull-up or something and kind of injured his arm,'' Del Negro said. ''It's just unfortunate.''

This is remarkably similar to Francisco Garcia's arm injury earlier this season -- where the exercise ball he was lifting weights on burst, leading to him shattering his wrist.

Without Tyrus Thomas, the Bulls will likely play Taj Gibson significantly more minutes -- a probable starter.

What this means is Gerald Wallace will probably have another absurd rebounding outing. Expect double-digit boards and lots of trips to the foul line for Crash.

Raja Bell, Gerald Wallace Wow Home Crowd with Outlier Spectacle Against Hawks

2009-11-07T02:53:00.032-05:00

Flip Murray Plays in his First Game of the Season as 'Cats Blow out the Hawks.

I say "outlier" because there's no way in hell Raja Bell goes 9 for 12 on any regular basis -- especially with his injured left wrist. Gerald Wallace, similarly, is playing way above his head by averaging 14.8 rebounds per game through these first five games. That is not to say that I would be shocked to see Gerald Wallace increasing his rebounding rate this year. There's a few reasons for why I could see a trend in him increasing his rebounding rate:

1. Gerald Wallace is playing significantly more minutes.

He's been averaging 41.6 minutes per game (though, one of those games was an overtime game) so far through these first five games. That's a huge contrast to his career average of 28 minutes per game. However, last year, Wallace averaged 7.8 rebounds per game on 37.6 minutes per game -- simplified to 1 rebound every 4.8 minutes in 2008-2009 versus 1 rebound every 2.81 minutes in 2009-2010 (through 5 games). That means he's rebounding 1.71 times as effectively this year. A 10% increase in minutes should not increase production by nearly 100%. Those are true fantasy numbers that should fall whenever Wallace decides to return to this visible plane of existence where mere mortals reside. Demigod status is only fleeting.

2. The Bobcats are shooting poorly through these first five games at a mere 38.4% -- increasing offensive rebounding opportunities for Wallace.

The Bobcats are averaging 13.4 offensive rebounds per game so far this season. That's an average increase of 2.6 offensive rebounds per game since last year -- where 10.8 a game was the mean. A lot of that has to do with the Bobcats shooting much more poorly since last year's 45.5% per game. That difference in 7.1% since last year creates more rebounding opportunities for Wallace. Wallace, himself, has doubled his offensive rebounding output since last year -- 1.6 offensive boards per game versus 3.2 offensive rebounds per game.

3. The Bobcats are playing better defense this year under Larry Brown and, as a result, are forcing their opponents into worse shots.

The improved defense has led to a drop in opponent field goal percentage from last year to this year -- 45.4% (2008-2009) to 42.7% (2009-2010). If their opponents continue to shoot poorly, and the front court outside of Wallace continues to play like grade-school children, expect Wallace's defensive rebounding numbers to continue being absurd.

However, regardless of this enormous 5-game sample Gerald Wallace has displayed, rebounding rate generally doesn't vary that much year to year. Most players remain consistently bad or good at rebounding. Somethingawful.com forums poster mphill summarizes this phenomenon pretty well:

Rebound rate typically doesn't improve that much, even for a rookie. Look at Dwight, who entered the league as a twig of a 19 year old and bulked up very quickly. His TRB% went up 3% his second season. Okafor's went down .2%. Shaq's went down 2% and stayed very near that mark for his entire 20 year career.

Boxscore gems and other notes:

Flip Murray made his debut tonight and pretty much did what everyone expected of him -- shoot a bunch of 3s and watch as DJ Augustin gets blocked on nearly half of his shots because Augustin's fucking short (4 Blocks Against tonight).

And finally, I'll end tonight's post with a Cartier Martin zen moment:

Sittin at home watching "House". Who watches this stuff?

S-Jax on the Horizon?

2009-11-05T18:34:00.026-05:00

The Bobcats are apparently one of the three prominent suitors vying for Stephen Jackson (the others being Cleveland and Denver). Furthermore, the Bobcats have been shopping Nazr for a long time now -- hoping to offload his contract on some unsuspecting team. Proposed deals could include Diaw, Radmanovic, and Mohammed. No word on any other players from Golden State who may be included in such an offer.

Marc Stein reports over on ESPN's TrueHoop:

[...] What we can confirm, though, is that Charlotte has to be mentioned more prominently on the list of interested suitors. We've briefly noted the Bobcats' interest in a couple of previous entries, but further checking reveals that the Bobs have seriously explored the prospect of trading for Jackson, apparently undaunted by the fact that they weren't mentioned when Jackson announced late in the summer that he wanted to be dealt to Cleveland, New York or one of the three Texas teams.

Not only are the Bobcats potentially rolling the dice on the man who led the league in turnovers per game last year, but they'd have to give away one of their few players with a positive assist-turnover ratio to get the deal off the table.

The Bobcats are already the worst team in the league this season in terms of turning the ball over (tied with the Pacers) and are wading ahead of the pack with a glorious 0.77 assist-turnover ratio. Adding a disgruntled S-Jax, who's made his intentions clear that he only wants to play for New York or a title contender, makes this situation unnecessarily burdensome.

But when his burdensome pack of sins falls from his shoulders, his trials have just begun. - Roger Lundin

Getting rid of our burdensome, cap-hell players Mohammed and Radmanovic won't ease our trials to come. The Bobcats still will have to win their games. The Bobcats have yet to uncover greater productivity from their players. We're still trapped in our own Slough of Despond.

Tim Floyd, Mike Bibby's Dad Sighting; SpongeTech Signs on to Bobcats, Better Team Player Than Ajinca

2009-11-04T19:34:00.015-05:00

Speaking of Tim Floyd (from the Monday night entry), here he can be seen about to get his head smashed in by an overzealous casino leech. Mike Bibby's dad, Henry Bibby, can be seen here warding off the assailant.

In other news, the Bobcats have signed on with new sponsor SpongeTech Delivery Systems. The Smarter Sponge and her company will be signed on for a three year deal including everything from radio and television advertisements to premium members receiving VIP car washes with SpongeTech products.

James The Aussie, a commenter on Rufus on Fire, writes:

Getting Spongetech on board means that there is someone who sucks more than Johnson attached to the Bobcats.

I couldn't agree with you more, James.

Aftermath of the "ugliest game ever"*

2009-11-03T16:01:00.022-05:00

"I remember some Nets players that had heart, Kenyon Martin, Drazen Petrovic, Aaron Williams, and more." - altoloman, New Jersey Star-Ledger online comments.

I realized my good fortune the other night while sitting in my living room, rolling the dice on starting Kendall Gill in the 3rd quarter of my NBA Jam: Tournament Edition session. At least as a Charlotte Bobcats fan, we're not haunted by the "hustle" and elusive "heart" stats that other teams' past players seem to have in spades. Having a clean slate, wiped of players such as Gill, Larry Johnson, Mugsy Bogues, and Alonzo Mourning is truly a blessing -- where our current players don't have to live up to the relatively high level of play of former Hornets' players.

As a Bobcats fan, we have no expectations. Our most prolific players are moderate successes, at best. We drafted Adam Morrison and Sean May. We walked out a guy named Tamar Slay for 9-12 minutes a game in 2004-2005 -- a guy who's biggest claim to fames are having dead links on his Wikipedia page and being cut by multiple Italian teams. We have no Kenyon Martin, Drazen Petrovic, nor an Aaron Williams to look back on and say "God damn, they just had that heart."

But, "heart" and "hustle" do have their merits. Perhaps there is a common thread among those three players mentioned in altoloman's comment that explains the origin of these values.

1. Aaron Williams:

HoopsHype writes: "Quite athletic... Works hard... Does all those little things... Rebounds, play D... An useful player... Chiseled body... Developed a decent mid-range shot... His best years are behind him."

What immediately stands out to me is "An useful player" and "Chiseled body." Apparently this guy is a fucking Roman statue -- a modern day Adonis. There's something magical about that, I'd like to think. The grammatical error just makes him that much sexier.

2. Drazen Petrovic:
Michael Jordan sums him up pretty well:

"It was a thrill to play against Drazen. Every time we competed, he competed with an aggressive attitude. He wasn't nervous; he came at me as hard as I came at him. So, we've had some great battles in the past and unfortunately, they were short battles."

They were short battles because Drazen Petrovic is dead -- not simply because Michael Jordan kicked his ass at every encounter.

Fortunately for Drazen, his legacy will live on in NBA Jam Arcade boxes which are rumored to be haunted by his ghost.

"Something weird was going on with the software, and to this day, if you have an original NBA Jam machine every once in a while it will just yell out "Petrovic!" It's wild." - NBA Jam Lead Designer Mark Turmell.

3. Kenyon Martin:

His nickname is "K-Mart." He called Mark Cuban a "faggot motherfucker." I could go on, but really, Kenyon Martin is the definition of a douchebag -- and it's really an interesting turn in this "hustle" and "heart" analysis.

The douchebag mystique is endearing as it, much like an explosive, driving point guard, draws the negative energy (i.e., defense in point guard's case) away from his teammates -- opening up an array of opportunities for them. K-Mart's douchebag persona is the ultimate "x-factor" in this 24-7 sporting news world. Perhaps some would simply see this as meta-gaming, but I see it as "heart."

What ties all three of these players together is their passion and fire, their chiseled biceps, and their filthy speech impediments (Martin stutters, Petrovic was Croatian, Aaron Williams is a statue).

The combined results of these three individual talents creates one, shining contemporary example -- Walter Herrmann.

You know what to do, front office.

*As noted by RealGM Bobcats' Forum Moderator FatLever, referring to the Bobcats' 79-68 win over the New Jersey Nets.

Bobcats v. Nets: a Battle for Mediocrity

2009-11-03T03:37:00.010-05:00

Spoiler: Bobcats win after closing out with a 24-0 run to take the lead and game.

It was looking pretty grim for a bit. Thought I'd see a new low (in points) tonight. Were the Charlotte Bobcats regressing to a pre-shot clock era? 1947 Providence Steamrollers sightings -- who went on to earn a 6-42 record. Maybe there was a Fort Wayne Pistons v. Minneapolis Lakers sighting, even.

But that was before the advent of the shot clock. Wasn't too long ago during the lock out years when a true crown prince of mediocrity rose to the occasion.

Miami Heat at Chicago Bulls: April 10, 1999

Thank God Tim Floyd isn't our coach. Then again, maybe we'd get a scoring talent like O.J. Mayo begging to join our team. Toni Kukoc would also be a welcome addition (I'd take him any day over Vladimir Radmanovic and his 0-7 outing). Hell, I'd take Kornel David. Shit, Kornel's only 38, bring him on. He can't be any worse than Stevie Graham.

Maybe, then, we wouldn't have to pine for behemoth, Dennis Rodman-like stat lines from Gerald Wallace night in and night out just to save our pathetic 1-out playoff position hopes.

Boxscore gems and other notes:

1. Vladimir Radmanovic with a stellar night.

First quarter.
Vladimir Radmanovic bad pass
Vladimir Radmanovic shooting foul
Vladimir Radmanovic misses 24-foot three point jumper
Vladimir Radmanovic misses two point shot (layup)
Vladimir Radmanovic misses 24-foot three point jumper
Vladimir Radmanovic misses 10-foot jumper
Second.
Vladimir Radmanovic misses 24-foot three point jumper
Vladimir Radmanovic misses two point shot (layup blocked by Bobby Simmons)
Vladimir Radmanovic bad pass
Vladimir Radmanovic personal foul
Third.
Vladimir Radmanovic loose ball foul
Vladimir Radmanovic misses 17-foot jumper

I think Larry Brown caught on to his ineptitude -- or maybe he realized his flaws as a player and begged someone, anyone, not to put him in.

2. Gerald Wallace responds to the sluggish start (10 points in the first quarter) by enlisting as a Fantasy Basketball warrior. It's too bad I drafted Troy Murphy over him -- 24 points, 20 rebounds, 4 steals and a block.

3. Larry Brown called a time out in the 4th quarter when Chris Douglas-Roberts tripped over and injured himself (leading to Wallace's fourth steal). Apparently Lawrence Frank is short-sighted enough to blow through all of his team's timeouts with 9 minutes remaining in the 4th quarter. This was the second injury during the game for the Nets as Yi Jianlian, similarly, blew his knee out earlier in the night.

4. Some dude on ESPN's conversation/comments section claims the game was fixed 'cause teams don't ever go on 24-0 runs. I'm tempted to agree with him, but, then again, this is the fucking Nets without Devin Harris -- leaving Brook Lopez as the only player on the team with an ounce of ability to create their own shot.

2009-10-31T16:15:00.016-04:00

MANIFESTO

1. To Share to the World Raymond Felton's Burden (The Charlotte Bobcats)

2. To Delight in this Mediocre, Under-performing Team and Her Surrogates

3. To Spread the Truth About Her Enemies -- to Strike Down Her Doubters

Much like Christian in Pilgrim's Progress, Raymond Felton's burden compels him to seek deliverance from sinking into his own hell -- void of wins, playoffs, and big market money.

God help us.