Rchie, Queen of the Lads

Sunshine equals happy days

2011-10-22T20:45:00.000+11:00

The weather is just getting better and better so we have made great use of the backyard this week while I overhauled the house. It was in bad shape. On Friday we were joined by my brother and his girly one here from NZ for a week, they're out and about over the weekend but we're lucky enough to spend a bit of next week with them whilst they stay with us.

Arvo snacking. This was the warmest the boys dressed all week and only because it was cool in the morning. Over 28℃ for the rest of the week.

Who does that, Flynn?

Flynn's teddy bear and doggie in the wash. They are dragged around everywhere and one or the other must accompany him to bed.

"Hat..hat". Correct, Flynny.

Stealing a drink


Noah blowing bubbles with pool water. Hardly effective.

We looked at a cool house today. Just can't believe the pricing, this would be over a million given the house and property size in other parts of Sydney.

I'm off to watch trashy TV online, a bit of mind numbing Saturday night entertainment.

Dreams of polished floors and funky walls

2011-10-16T11:39:00.000+11:00

So we're selling our unit. And we're going to buy a house within the next year, perhaps months, who knows? We're a little sad to say goodbye but we're selling it at the right time for us, the right time for the market which is at a bit of peak right now but is expected to drop again soon and we got in fast as soon as Spring hit and the competition is low which means we have had a lot of interest in our wee property. We have a buyer and we've signed papers so it'll all be official by the end of the week.

So looking forward to having our own walls. The only problem is that the house we're in now is PERFECT, I LOVE it here sooooo much. Wouldn't it be cool if the owner decided to sell? I am sure though that there is something out there but for now, I'm happy that we're comfortable and not dying to get out of here.

Must run. Off to lunch at the parentals and then to a secret vego dinner with a good friend. Exciting!

Nigel hair (no pun intended)

2011-10-10T21:07:00.000+11:00

So I got a haircut and it was bad. The hairdresser used the feathering scissors that make you look like you have a gazillion split ends and very dry hair. To me the point was to cut away the dry ends, predominantly to make it look better and also so it would grow better. So now I look like Nigel...when I do nothing. Which is what I like to do. Nothing. Wash and wear kinda gal that I am.

Last weeks Facebook post - "Since my haircut yesterday, my loving, supportive husband has barely been able to contain his amusement at my new do (worst haircut ever!!), likening me to 'Nigel' from the parody heavy metal band, Spinal Tap. Yeah great."

Yeah, let's all use the feathering scissors, that's bound to look good.

One should never have to wake with a fringe like this.

I readied myself for our date night. Daz didn't think I was ready.

Good Company

2011-10-08T22:27:00.000+11:00

This week has been a good one. I was finally well enough to go places and so we did. Monday night was date night so Daz and I went to the Macarthur Tavern, a fairly new place with decent food less than 10 minutes away. I had a veal risotto and I really can't remember what the Dazzler had as I was too busy devouring my own which to my dismay I couldn't finish because we'd ordered an antipasto starter plate for old times sake.

Apple & berry cocktail

Antipasto- the zucchini component was my favourite and its oil was a great bread dipper

We finished off the evening at the movies to see Johnny English. I love Bean (Rowan Atkinson) and he was funny but I wouldn't write home about this movie.

On Tuesday night, we went into the Shire for dinner at the Gymea Bay Hotel with friends and then dessert at Nulla Nulla in Cronulla. We really enjoyed catching up with old friends. We didn't have any kidlets tagging along so the conversation flowed (something that is not possible with a Noah and Flynn in tow).

On Wednesday, I met up with another good friend, we ate at Turkoise and despite them having changed hands since I last visited, the Turkish food was as good, possibly better than last time. We chose from the tapas, eating a selection of both the hot and the cold. Afterwards and without time restrictions for a change, we wandered around the shops and bought a couple of little trinkets for ourselves.


Add caption

On Thursday night, I went out with yet another old friend in the Shire yet again at the INC. Cafe in Cronulla. A very funky setting, another newish establishment and the prosciutto pizza accompanied by rocket and cherry tomatoes was great. But better yet, the company was fantastic, a lot of reminiscing, a lot of laughs, a few glasses of bubbly thrown in the mix and the type of conversation where there is so much to be said and shared that the earlier concern that it may have been slightly stilted or with possible awkward silent moments, it just slipped away into oblivion.

Every moment I shared with these people this week was fulfilling, it was definitely a week I needed and I'm glad the Dazzler was able to benefit too on his second and last week of the holidays with both our date night and our friend catch up earlier in the week.

P.S., Peeps! Everyone is currently well in this house, we have some fun times planned for the week/s ahead.

Happiness in a jar

2011-10-02T18:39:00.001+11:00

So I'm sick...again. If you had have been reading my facebook statuses for the last 2 months, you would have grown verrrry weary of the word 'sick' in my status yet again. Which is one of the reasons I'm back here blogging again, to offload elsewhere. Along with being housebound for so long that blogging here is something I suppose you could say, I have more time for or the inclination to do.

My throat is swollen, stuffed with sandbags and someone is blowing a balloon up in my head, I'm sure of it.

But today's moment of appreciation goes to the gifts my husband came home bearing on Friday. He stopped in at the gorgeous little village that is Leura on the way home from picking the Adrian up from his week long camp and bought my most treasured fridge item and a lemongrass scented candle from ikou.

The Lamb Jam from Leura's gourmet deli is so good, I have eaten it with just about anything...and NO, it does not contain lamb! It's pricey but it's worth it.

I can't wait to crack it open tonight with some lamb and veg, it's NRL's Grand Final night so it seemed like the night to eat lamb. I'm hoping my taste buds are still intact by then.

Regular pranksters

2011-10-01T23:52:00.001+10:00

There are very few serious moments in this household, we really are so severely immature, I'm sure we're painful to some.. but we love our pranks so we do them.

And Adrian makes a very good victim.

Anyway, on a trip down memory lane tonight and just had to share this clip.. I was 8 months pregnant at the time...

Don't ask me how I got in there..there was a little dismantling going on.

I melt everytime I watch this

2011-10-01T22:54:00.001+10:00

17 month old Flynn singing 'Wheels on the Bus' . What a little charmer.

Adriano

2011-09-25T22:23:00.001+10:00

Tomorrow is 2 months away from Adrian's fourteenth birthday. !!!! Adrian is funny, severely annoying, somewhat pretty, a great big brother in that he loves spending time with the littlies. Unfortunately for him, he has also adopted his mothers completely immature, crazy, weird and out of control character. He is also very creative and upon watching some of his youtube clips, I was amazed at how his complex brain works, quite a clever and intriguing young man. We clash like mad and yet, we are very alike. I can only hope his younger brothers are given a better chance in life and don't share so many of their mothers characteristics. BUT I do love that Adrian doesn't take himself too seriously, he knows how to laugh at himself and he's full of life, not a dull moment really.

Taking the credit for someones elses beachside creation

Can't take him anywhere

The sort of thing that has/had us both rolling, we love stupid humour

Years on and it's still difficult to get him to 'smile nicely'

I couldn't help noticing the 'L' above his head, convenient really

He adores Flynny probably because Flynny is so gentle, soft and adorable

My eldest and youngest

Playing amateur photographer

2011-09-24T23:25:00.000+10:00

These pictures feel like a world away...that's because they were a world away, a few months ago anyway. I have taken so many pictures since then but I thought I'd share some of the pics from my course...some I just like and and some were used in my assignment....

Mount Annan Botanic Gardens

Studley Park House

Our driveway in Autumn

Vivid Festival lights up Sydney (taken from the bridge)

Easy subject

Playing for the first time with motion

Campbelltown Arts Centre

Campbelltown Arts Centre Cafe

The 'interesting' templates we were given to use for our calendar assignment. A fallen blossom in the backyard.

Trying to find positivity amongst the crap

2011-09-23T20:49:00.001+10:00

Today was NOT a good day. I awake to discover that Flynn now seems to have conjunctivitis, this was the last straw for me, the icing on the cake yada yada. I went into funk mode, today it just all got to be too much. That bad that the husband came home from work.

Tonight as I lie here in bed and have had some peace and time to regain some sort of sanity, I am planning. Planning for the good day I will make tomorrow and deciding that I need to remind myself of the positive points of my life beside all the usual first world comforts we take for granted ie clothes to wear, water to drink, a shelter over our heads.

Today I can taste and boy do I need to restock the pantry!

Today I feel better and capable of overhauling this very neglected house.

Although my dear man is working tonight, tomorrow night and away from Sunday morning until Monday midday, I have him home tomorrow and then when he gets back on Monday, I have him home for the holidays.

I think...THINK we are about to embark on some health in this family.

I am about to start at the gym int he next few days...fingers crossed I continue to improve and recover.

The weather is really lovely at the moment..I will admit to feeling a little cheated that next weeks forecast says rain on our first week of holidays and when we're all possibly recovered. I WILL make the most of these holidays rain, hail or shine!

I am thankful that I have found this blog a useful outlet for all my thoughts which have been consuming of late.

A movie and an 'early' night calls...

Making friends in an adult world

2011-09-22T21:38:00.001+10:00

Ugh, I've been avoiding this one because it involves background and a need to set the scene for my particular circumstances that have led me to be a bit of a loner these days.

I WAS a very social butterfly once, I loved parties, I created reasons to have them, I loved going out to dance the night away, I visited friends and hung with friends all the time. I was also depressed for a good part of my teens and severely so at times in my early to mid twenties. I don't know how hormonal, chemical imbalance like, learning to be an adult or possibly hereditary that was but by my mid twenties, I stopped going out altogether. I turned everyone down and every occasion rejected with an excuse, sometimes an honest one and sometimes a lie to those who wouldn't 'get it'.

I also began an almost 3 year battle of infertility that became an unhealthy obsession of temping, charting, saliva testing etc. In my early to mid twenties my closest friends moved away and some sort of moved on because I wasn't available anymore, the connections loosened and then we moved away, a 45 minute drive away from all the school mum friends I had made which had also gradually began to fade as the kids separated into different classes and we no longer waited together or hung around to make sure the littlies made it safely into class. I dragged myself out of bed to pick Adrian up at the very last minute, stood away from others as I didn't have anything to give and the thought of idle chit chat pained me so. But I also felt very frumpy after having just slipped on my tracksuit pants and trying to hide my obsessively pimple picked and prodded blotchy face.

So anyway, we moved. I walked Adrian to school, to the gate where no one 'hung out' and then walked dismally home again, I picked him up the same way in the afternoon. It was so close and safe neighbourhood like with many of the kids walking to and from that the next year, he walked himself. I tried the public transport (buses) a handful of times but they were a huge disappointment, once not even showing up. I was no longer on a train line either, I didn't drive at first and I wasn't working. I did attempt to voluntarily work down at a special needs school which was good for the few times I did assist and I even applied to be a teachers aide but I sense a combination of their disorganisation despite my repeated calls and possibly their lack of need for me at that time was why that never really worked out.

There is really more to this story- I mean why didn't I just get a job? That would get me out there meeting people right? My anxiety was a great ruler of my life at that time and a big reason why I didn't and being that depression and anxiety are hugely misunderstood, I don't want to delve into that right now. I did, however work for a quadraplegic for a little while but I was hardly going to gain any sort of real social life showering and dressing him in his home a few nights a week.

Then I fell pregnant after having learned finally to drive (the somewhat remote living gave me the kick up the butt that was needed), I had a baby who grew up to be very full on from about 10 months and found out I was pregnant again miraculously when he was 8 months old. We went to playgroup, we went to the library but Noah was VERY difficult and very full on. The other mothers from playgroup still remember how hard it was for me, we'd sometimes only last half an hour as I dragged him screaming and kicking home again. But I persisted. After a while, I HAD to give up the library visits and surprisingly I still feel that we can't go because this Noah really does have a mind of his own and although he is sooo much more settled, he will not be contained and EVERYONE (in all of the Macarthur area) will know about it if I even try to control him however gently. Flynn is like a breath of fresh air, a complete soft souled little angel. These boys are the true meaning of chalk and cheese.

Time has passed, the boys have grown, we have been consistent in our playgroup visits and we don't turn anything down. We are only going to the one playgroup so I want to throw another into the mix and possibly start going for library kiddy sessions again at the library that has a CLOSED room for said kiddy sessions. We tried music lessons but the out of control 2 year old accompanied by his bloodcurdling screams at our 2nd lesson has me curling up into a foetal position at the very thought of attending again anytime in the near future. It was horrid. Serious nightmare material.

On top of that, I make dates with the couple of friends I have made in this area to go to Chicks at the Flicks ( Event cinemas puts on a pretty good movie once a month just for the girls complete with a bag of all sorts of girly goodies) and I attend birthday parties or playgroup Mum nights just to get out and hopefully establish some new friends. I've been to cake making courses and photography courses (which I plan to continue on with next term). I'm hoping the gym might open up the doors to new friendships although I'm not sure exactly how they might come about. I'm open to try anything and everything at this point.

BUT with all this illness, it's been near impossible to do anything for a couple of months, I've had to cancel or reschedule everything just when I've been more ready than ever to really throw myself into making this social life thing happen. It's been frustrating and sometimes plain depressing. I'm bored out of my brain. I'm missing the connection that comes with GOOD and established friendships. I'm missing connection full stop.

I look forward to work in the future and the camaraderie and creation of new friendships that comes with being a Kindergarten mum again. For now though, I'll just have to work harder at this adult friend making thing. Wish me luck. I'll let you know how I go. I just need to be well again..and my children at the same time!

On the mend?

2011-09-22T14:01:00.000+10:00

Sooo what is this - day 7 or 8 of not being able to taste or smell? I am all but shoving my nose into things to smell them, like the steam that burnt my nostrils as I tried getting a whiff of my black coffee. Nothing. Boy am I missing my taste buds! I am craving all things chilli and garlic.

My head is pounding from all the sinus pressure BUT I've seen my GP this time and she's put me on antibiotics. She also recommended I use a wheat pack for my neck and gave me a list of exercises to do. Fingers crossed it all works! Next week begins our school holidays for a fortnight so I'd like to enjoy them together. The first week the 13 year old is off to camp so the evenings are mine and the husbands after the wee ones have hit the sack, I'm picturing quiet evening meals and the odd margarita..or two. Amen.

As for the littlest, he is responding well to the ventolin and was administered his last dose of steroids this morning so we'll keep going with the ventolin until Sunday with a visit to check on him at our GP on Saturday. He HATES the ventolin thingy, poor boy screams through the whole ordeal each time.

I am off to try and get some shut eye before the small ones wake.

Our little secret

2011-09-21T15:27:00.002+10:00

Well I really think it is because I post too infrequently for this blog to pick up speed and gain popularity of any sort that I can share my 'secret'.

Since the beginning of the year I have lost 12 kilos, more than a third of my goal weight has been lost! This is big in Rch news. I spent 10 years putting on weight, sometimes losing a bit but then putting it back on again. I don't want to keep saying this is it as I have said before, I'll just prove it but I thought 12 kilos was a good time to finally come and share. I really should hunt down photos of before and current.

Strange I know that I would label it a secret when the people around me can see weight loss but I don't want to go on about it, I just want to do it and there will be a few people shocked when after some time they see me and my shrunk butt.

Two weeks ago I walked into a gym to sign up on a month by month basis (no commitment) but with the severity of the illness overwhelming us, I haven't started yet. The day I start my first class is the day I start my 'contract' so I haven't wasted any money fortunately. So i just need to get a little better and have this darn neck heal. I suppose the most prominent thing about this year and my weight loss is that I haven't taken anything too seriously. Some days I want to just be and just eat. So I do. I have to tell the Dazzler not to reprimand me for eating chocolate or sometimes 'overindulging' because I'm not falling off the horse, I'm just enjoying and living. Most of the time, I'm striving toward my ultimate weight loss goal and sometimes I'm having a day off.

I think one of the biggest 'tell alls' was the 2 week plateau. I was going hard for a couple of weeks- fruit during the day, a couple of litres of water a day and no carbs. And NO weight loss! None! Strange thing was I kept going. I read up on plateaus, I mixed up my diet a bit, had a luxurious day off and threw in some different exercise and started to lose weight again.

I think this is all another reason why being sick is really frustrating. I'm on a roll, I've been on a roll for months now BUT when my kids are sick and especially myself, it's so hard to feel held back. Anyway, the gym I have chosen is really very good, I'm really excited about it. It's very accessible, 5 minutes from home, great parking, a good crache (if and when I decide to use it) and they have aqua fitness!! Ideal for me because I love aqua fitness. The class schedule is fantastic with so much to choose from. I'm keen to give cycling classes a shot and get back into pump classes, tai chi etc

It'll be just amazing to have something just for me.

Sick of being sick

2011-09-21T14:49:00.000+10:00

I really think six days without being able to taste and smell is a form of cruelty. It's day 6 and now my ears are blocked as well, does that make it worse? But on the back of the 2 months of us all being unwell, the universe thought it would kick me while I'm down and hand me a neck spasm (whatever that is, really). This so called neck spasm started last Thursday- a week ago tomorrow, it got better on Friday and by Saturday afternoon I could barely move and just cried and cried, I must have looked really ugly too, it was that sort of buck teeth lower lip protruding sort of cry. Anyway, then we were all drugged up and went to the Botanic Gardens the next day. A beautifully sunny day and amidst Noah's persistent screams and tantrums (do NOT take a 2 year old out and avoid the crucial day nap, well not my 2 year old anyway!!!!), we had a reasonable day. We got out right? I thought, this is it, we have well and truly entered Spring, the illnesses will fade away, we'll all get better and move on, go places, see people!

Wrong! Flynn and I traipsed back into hospital yesterday morning, he was given steroids again and then back he went again today to have yet more steroids and ventolin to take home. He doesn't seem any better than yesterday. And because of the drugs filtering through my system, I have been unable to breastfeed which I had been offering more regularly with Flynn being sick so he has not been breastfed since Saturday. It's not really a bad thing, I was weaning anyway and down to one feed a day until he got sick but at the same time, despite him being unwell, he has been eating and drinking almost like normal so I don't feel he's missing out on much. He is my earliest weaner (that's a little bit funny) of the 3 boys, his 18 months compared to their 2 years plus. I'm totally cool with that, we're both ready.

I'm really very lonely. In between illnesses these past couple of months, I've tried so hard to get out and do things but it's always so short lived. Making friends is really at a stand still and remains difficult because of the lack of consistency. Making friends is really a whole other post that I've been meaning to write about for a while now and how difficult that can be depending on your circumstances in the adult world. Next post perhaps.

Taking my sad sack self away for now. Until next time, hopefully a cheerier Rch will present.

Photography

2011-04-28T19:22:00.000+10:00

Last term I started a beginners photography course, learning how to use the camera and what some of those confusing functions are for. I have always edited photos ie. red eye, cropping, pimple banishing etc -the simple stuff but I played just a little more tonight and this was the result..not bad for a quick fiddle anyway..

So I was going looney and we went away

2010-09-02T21:00:00.001+10:00

To Ettalong Beach on the Central Coast. We stayed in a modern 2 bedroom suite complete with kitchen and laundry facilities. Minutes from Woy Woy (we like double wording a lot of towns/ cities here, why stop at the one name? Wagga Wagga, Bong Bong- lot of happy people there, Bang Bang- Taiwan's sister city), stands the Mantra overlooking the Hawkesbury River, within minutes of following the path along the riverfront the river opens up to the beautiful Tasman Sea.
View Larger Map

Daz had a gig at the local bowling club so the night before (when I impromptu like booked the joint), I downloaded a couple of movies, The Blind Side and Valentines Day-enjoyed them both although particularly The Blind Side. Shortly after we arrived, Adrian and I went for a walk around the little village of Ettalong, picked up some Thai and headed back for a peaceful night of movie watching, gosh it was good to do that thing they call relaxing! The following day Daz bought some scrumptious breakfast rolls with lovely gooey egg and bacon from The Cat's Pajamas across the road and after packing up and taking in the glorious views from our balcony, we hit the road Jack. Driving around and trying to decide what to do, we ended up at Ettalong's Surf Life Saving Club on the beach where we watched with delight as Noah took to the sand and ocean with all the excitement his little being could muster, he's so beautiful. He loved the feeling of the cold water rushing over his feet as the waves rolled in, grinning from ear to ear and squealing every time. After the boys got their lolly fix at the club's canteen and Noah had a play in the little park, we headed home feeling thoroughly refreshed.

Sooo good for the soul. Reflecting back, I think it was just what the doctor ordered and as a result the last week has been fantastic, we just needed to re-energise our batteries. And SPRING has begun, wahoo!

Doubling Up

2010-08-20T12:59:00.002+10:00

21½ month Noah and panda-eyed Memme


4½ month Flynner the Grinner

Doubling up on nappies, wipes, snot and crying but better yet, cuddles, smiles, laughter..so much joy to be had.

So little rest to be had too, so little sleep, so little time to myself, so little cups of tea as the other two thirds are left to go cold due to yet another demanding nappy or tantrumming toddler...but like I said, so much joy to be had.

Crappy pics taken with the web cam and my iphone4!!!, have I ever mentioned how much I love the iphone?!

My Star

2009-10-18T10:01:00.002+11:00

Check out Adrian singing, 'Surrey with the Fringe on Top' and 'Boys from the Bush' in the youtube links to the right of my posts. Both sang at his school musical around a month ago and first time singing solo!

He has auditioned to get into Darren's school next year, highschool!! He was so nervous singing for the audition so to see him get up on stage and pull this off is a major achievement for our lad, proud as could be we were!

He's also very much into the idea of drama so I think we're in for some exciting highschool years ahead. I had no idea my boy would ever be doing something like this so it makes me incredibly happy to see him doing great things with his young life. He has come a long way in the last couple of years, leaps and bounds, what a relief and an ever so proud feeling I have!

3 Months of Absence

2009-10-04T13:10:00.008+11:00

Although it seems an unexpected but more than welcome presence has taken inhabitance in the confines of my belly for the past 3 months....

Greetings Earthling

After a couple of years of infertility and the assistance of IVF, we were gifted with the news of Noah's pending arrival and now it seems a cold night in Griffith (as Darren so generously told his side of the family), is all it took to be lucky enough to concieve again. We are one grateful bunch of Johnstones right now!

13 weeks and 2 days along today. The glamour shots taken above were taken at 12 weeks 4 days pregnant.

And He's Off!

2009-06-28T19:56:00.002+10:00

I know it's short but I'm excited. I'll have to get a better video tomorrow... and once I have vacuumed!
See? June, the month of a crawling baby...

To be considered...

2009-06-25T13:48:00.003+10:00

I had wondered how the cats would handle the placing of safety gates around the house as our little man is on the move, Darren emailed this to me and said this should be considered..

I burst out laughing everytime I watch it, have I ever mentioned how much I love a good stack? Must be the awkwardness of it or something but it has me rolling!

A Mummy Update

2009-06-25T10:42:00.007+10:00

Mum is doing a lot better it seems. Perhaps as I had hoped before, the meds have settled in and her body has become used to them. She hasn't had any fitting for a little while now, around 2 weeks or so I think whereas before she was fitting every few days and numerous times on that day. It's a huge relief on so many levels. It was dangerous for her, stressful for everyone and now Dad shouldn't have to take leave next term as he had planned. What's been amazing though is that she has remained in relatively good spirits throughout it all. I'm wondering if that is the new meds effects as well. Whatever it is, it's good to see that for now, things are a little brighter.

Taken from Mum's 50th earlier this year, she had blown out the candles before we had a chance to sing Happy Birthday. Goose!

Noah Dosage

2009-06-08T23:59:00.003+10:00

because I think you need it...

Do I really want to expose myself....?

2009-06-04T23:04:00.011+10:00

Why yes, yes I do actually. No, I'm not stripping down to my birthday suit or anything of the sort. No, sorry to dissapoint, I'm actually going to reveal all in a series of blog entries posted regularly which will include my up to date weight and body measurements. Yes, thats right, I'm on a mission to cut some fat!

I will not be dieting on rice cakes, silly shakes and weight watchers cookies. I will not be throwing myself into a rigorous exercise regime which will only be followed up with a not so healthy congratulatory binge which in turn wil be followed by yet another woe is me binge later in the day. I will be eating mostly better meals, smaller amounts, snacking on fruit, drinking more water. I will not be hoeing into blocks of chocolate, eating bowls of cereal as snacks, taking one too many bread rolls at a BBQ because there ain't nothing like a snag in a white crusty bread roll!!, choosing too many of the coconut milk based curries instead of a stirfry or yummy Thai salad, eating endless slices of pizza in place of perhaps TWO slices RACHAEL with an oh so yummy salad I COULD take the time to make!!

I will be taking my baby boy for walks in the pram because I like to look at nature and houses, I like to be out in the fresh air enjoying sun, a breeze, wind, whatever as long as it's outside. Noah loves a walk in the pram, the passing trees, cars, birds sounding like they've been just about murdered screeching their high pitched melodies.

I hate exercise when it's purely done to exercise, it's boring and depressing, it's also stressful like if I don't walk for 50 minutes as I did yesterday then I must be falling off the wagon already, might as well give up now, I'm never going to lose weight, I feel down now, I'm going to go home and make toasted ham and cheese sandwiches, not one, no TWO! Then I'll feel like crap and probably begin to raid the cupboard for Adrian's snacks that I don't really like all that much but I WANT to eat!

I cannot tell you how many times I have wished I were the stresser that lost their appetite, oh no I'm getting so skinny I can't fit into ANY of my clothes!! The pain, the stress, oh drama,it is leading me to eating even less and dropping the kilos like it's going out of fashion, whatever will I do?! I envy you! Don't get me wrong, I do know that has it's downsides as well but I'd like a small piece of that...cake...I mean mentality.

As a teen I had been on the go, going here there and everywhere, by foot, by train, anywhere but home seemed to be my motto. When I had Adrian, it was no different and now I was pushing a pram and wanting to keep up a social life, without a car so off I would walk to get everywhere! I remember walking up a hill one day and my friend turned around and said that she could see abs through my clingy top, I looked down and she was right! I was so busy living an active social life what with visiting friends and boys to chase, my endless traipsing all over the place had shaped my body without me even knowing it!

My battle with weight began back in 2000, just before I met Darren actually. I was over the boy chasing, too many fruitless ventures and I thought that Adrian needed a more attentive mother rather than one that was trying to find happiness in a bunch of 'dead ends'. I slowed the social lfe right down, focused on getting more work instead (waitressing) and slowly the weight crept on. I met Darren, he wined and dined the heck out of me and drove me everywhere and I just kept gaining the kilos.

The story continues and I could go on and on through my years of severe depression, upheavals in our lives etc but that is where it began and it never really stopped despite the occasional, "Oh no a wedding is coming up, I have to lose some serious kgs!!". And then I would but I'd still leave a little there to be added to yet again and here I am in 2009, twenty-five PLUS kilos heavier. Sigh. Yes, I did just say TWENTY-FIVE kilos ok?

My weight journey is a BIG story in itself which I will tell over time with self discovery, health issues and acceptance all part of the tale but for now and to cut it short because surprise surprise I'm a bit over talking about myself for now, here are my stats...

In case you were wondering, the hair is not mine, I just like looking dickie.

Weighing in at : 82.1 kgs
Height : 156cm
BMI : 33.7 - 'Moderate Risk' also classified as Obese 1 as opposed to Obese 11 or Obese 111..woohoo, I'm only obese 1! Doing a happy, if not wibbly wobbly dance to celebrate. Sheesh, way to make someone motivated, just say the OBESE word!

Funky mood

2009-05-27T16:01:00.002+10:00

Not funky like feel like breaking loose with some retro moves, just in a funk, down and out.

As always, I will be ok.

My mother is not doing so well. She has been fitting which is unusual for her despite her having lived with Epilepsy for many years now. Trivial piece of information- Epilepsy comes in different forms and my mothers to date has not been of the fitting variety. She has however, been trialling a new medication for her Skitzophrenia (yes I know, she's not a lucky bird), and I really feel that this must be the problem because the 'fitting' coincidentally began shortly after starting the new med.Anyway to cut it short because I'm not in a cyber mood of late and just don't have the energy, things have got worse to the point that she can no longer stay at home by herself as she has been collapsing suddenly and is at risk.

My father works full time so I will have her here with me for a couple of days from tomorrow onwards and after a fair bit of prompting, much to my relief, he is reaching out to everyone and seeking assistance at least for the next couple of weeks. The doctors are aware and are running various tests (more could be done in my opinion but thats a whole other story) so it's just a waiting game at the moment. This is all new so it's too early to think long term but I'm worried about where this is all leading for Mum foremost and selfishly...for the rest of us.

Happier days are ahead, I know it but for now, the funk cloud lingers..