Fighting Dementia with Strong Faith

Nobody knows the real ME

2016-06-23T10:27:00.001-04:00

Nobody knows the real Me

Nobody knows how many times I've sat in my room and cried tears of pain. How many times I've lost hope, how many times I've been let down. How many times I have had to hold back tears. When I'm sad, the bad thoughts that go through my mind. How many times I have felt like a complete failure as a man, husband, and father. Sometimes the strongest people are the ones who love beyond all faults, cry behind closed doors and fight battles that nobody understands or knows about. I keep myself together for the ones I love. Only those who have known darkness can truly appreciate the light. Nobody knows the real Me, except Jesus.

He knows the tears I've cried, the lost hope, and those time when nothing is right. He knows when I've about lost my mind, and hold back the tears. He knows my broken heart, and the pain in my mind. He knows what happens behind closed doors and the battles I've fault. He knows that I've given my all to appear hopeful in times of disparity. He knows my darkness and has prepared me for the light of the future. He knows my heart....

Weight Loss Program - Be Careful

2016-06-16T08:59:00.001-04:00

I recently started a diet program called Isagenix. This proved to be non-beneficial and actually caused me to transcend into several major problems. It required me to do a 9 day body cleanse, and 2 replacement meals a day and reduce calories to around 400-600 per day.

I am telling all my friends who suffer with dementia like me, don't try this type of program. It caused me to be very irritable, lethargic, sleepy all day, weakness in all extremities, terrible migraine headaches, tremors worsen, dizziness, unexplained emotional thoughts, terrible dreams, and several other issues.

The first few days I felt great and then the downward spin came on fast and hard. They said you may feel like you have the flu at first, but I bypassed all that and went straight to an onslaught of all the problems.

I actually thought because of all the positive outcomes for others, it would work for me. Frontotemporal Degeneration patients should recognize and watch any program like this and know when to stop as soon as problems arise. Always remember we are not the same as we use to be and can't do things that others do to improve body image.

I believe my days of water slides and roller coasters are over.....They have weight limits! Lol

Stopping Dementia from Moving Fast

2016-06-09T22:35:00.001-04:00

What Helps Stop The Dementia From Really Taking Hold for Me

I have found certain things that help me sustain my brain functions longer and keeps me more aware of everything. I believe that we who have this disease can prolong it taking full control, thus keeping us out of the grave.

Humor is a great way to handle things that go not so great. I have found if you can laugh at yourself when you say something wrong, or act strange, or even fall. If you can find humor in it then you keep from getting frustrated and mad. Stress is a consumer of your good brain cells. Sure their are several occasions that you just want to punch a wall, or shout, cry, kick, and scream. If so, do it! Letting it out helps tremendously.👊🏻

When you get up in the morning play a game of solitaire, that gets the brain juices flowing. Other things that work for me is just look up words in a dictionary. Have a "word of the day", that you will try to use as often as you can when speaking or writing. This keeps the brain, mouth, and hands, coordinated as one tool. Plus people will look at you funny when you toss out a word they are not familiar with. Keeps them wondering, and it keeps you using your intellectual reserve bank.🤔

Next week my wife and are going to start playing bingo on Wednesday night at the local VFW. This helps keep the eyes working and exercising them. Recently, I have notice that my eyes have trouble track objects and searching for things. So, I'm going to exercise those eyeballs! 😳

Lots of vitamin B-12 is great for the brain, and coconut oil is too. Just take it, it's not going to kill you.....😜

This is a little advise that may help you and me down this funky journey. 👀

Never retreat always move forward.

I Am Tired

2016-05-09T12:19:00.002-04:00

Hopelessly Caught

Dizziness is here today
Where was it yesterday
No hunger because of it
Eyelids heavy as an elephant
Ears ring an anonymous sound
Lost thoughts from the mind
Garbled speech so I want talk
Tremors on the left and right
Come on without notice
I withdraw into myself
With mysterious feelings
Hopelessly lost with anxiety
Rather sleep it away
Hopelessly caught in Frontotemporal Dementia

Muddled in My Mind

2016-04-05T00:16:00.000-04:00

This is one of those weeks that us with dementia hate. Who knows what causes the symptoms to be worse or different during some days. This week I feel all muddled up in my head. No clarity, no vision of the future, no release from an evil tormenting spirit in my head. This is common for us with dementia and makes them seem worse than they probably are at that point. When I get this way I have motor skill issues with my hands and even have trouble walking. So, I have to write a poem about this moment in time.

Muddled

Muddled in my mine
feel lost most of the time.
Can't wait until it's gone
because it stays to long.

It hurts to see what it does
in my life each time.
My wife see's my pain
to this disease with a complicated shame.

Praying for a time
when this disease is left behind.
This is what happens to people
with this disease.
They pray for day when
being muddled happens no more.

Right to Die

2016-02-18T16:16:00.000-05:00

Right to Die

This Friday night the show VICE on HBO will air a documentary on "Right to Die". This is something that is a hot topic for many who suffer with a diminishing disease that steals the very mind of a person, known as Frontoltemporal Dementia. I know because I'm one of them. I think that dying with dignity is a paramount importance to many of us. I appear and speak for a short moment on this documentary. I want my family and friends to understand that at the time this was filmed I was in a very dark place with this disease. I concur with people needing dignity when they are faced with dying from an illness that has no cure. At some point all of us fear the enviable death, much more when you know that your dignity will suffer and the burden is on the family of taking care of you. I'm certain that no one wants to be burden to their spouse or family. When you lived a very active and productive life and all that's gone you lose sight of hope.

Since the filming of this my life is more Christ centered. I feel like I have more purpose and I contribute this to my spouse (Debbie), children, grandchildren, cousins, and all my friends.

Please don't judge these people in this documentary because they all are great people in the eyes of many and especially mine. They and I have just been thrown a curve ball......

Please click on the url attached to see preview of "VICE".

http://youtu.be/Uq0OdePoI9c

Favorite Old Me

2016-02-13T05:23:00.001-05:00

(Favorite Old Me)

What a great yesterday for Debbie and me.
For awhile I truly was her favorite old me.

Today will be different for this I'm sure.
So, I'm thankful for yesterday even more.

Dementia has no boundary.
No time limit on the day.

Coming on in many forms.
Quiet, lost, and ignoring her needs.

It's just another new day with Debbie and me.

2016-02-11T12:09:00.001-05:00

Today has been a good day. Although this morning was a bit rough I worked through it. Undergone some medication changes for the last two weeks and it seems to help. The way it helps is hard to explain in detail. It has given me a clearer and more relaxed feeling. The thing is dementia can't be cured, can't be stopped, and only gets worse. Really no treatment! Only treat symptoms.

Bit of news. Several of us with FTD did a video conferences with HBO (VICE) producers. Some of us with FTD will appear on the documentary set to air soon. It is called "Right to Die". It is to bring awareness to this awful silent killer.

It focuses on the right to choose a dignified death when faced with this type disease that destroys a humans mind.

As a Christian this has been on my mind for a long time. Do I want my family to be responsible for taking care of me, feeding me, changing my diapers, bathing me, brushing my teeth, etc.....for me that is not the optimal situation or what I want, shouldn't I have the right to choose and die with dignity?

From a person who has been saved by the blood of Jesus Christ this has been a very difficult feeling for me to grasp. Most people believe that suicide is a cowards way out, and you will be bound to spend eternity in hell. My argument is that's not the way I see it. Jesus knows my heart, He knows my struggles, he knows the pain in my mind. He is amazing and loves me. So that begs the thought would He forgive me? I don't know....it is not my plan to leave this world in that manner. With that being said, having dementia can cause a person to do things that they really have no control over.

We all have done things that we had control over, and then some we didn't. It's like a soldier going into battle. He tries to control his part of the battle, but sometimes it gets out of his control. When that happens bad things happen to good people.

Maybe not the best scenario. I pray and hope that people who have HBO will look and see when the VICE documentary airs and listen to what we have to say on the "Right to Die" subject matter. God Bless

Like A Boat

2016-01-20T19:38:00.003-05:00

Like A Boat Abandon

Sometimes in life we feel like our boat has been left on the shore and will never float again. But all to often we hit a rock and crack the hull, then the water comes gushing in and we just start sinking. We are not prepared to patch the crack and sometimes just plug it up with junk that will eventually come out and the boat will continue to sink.

This is the way I felt almost 7 years ago when I received the diagnosis of early onset dementia. You don't really know what to think and it took the wind out of my sail, and caused my boat to run ashore and crack the hull. I left my boat on the shore for several years wondering if it would be able to overcome the flood and winds of what life would become like for myself and more importantly my family. I have run into some big waves, most splashing over and causing my boat to almost sink. Most of the time I would try to patch it up and keep floating. Sometimes I wanted to let the boat sink and stop rowing. That would have been selfish to just give up and cause more harm than good to my family.

I'm here now to tell you never give up. The hull can be fixed and you can continue to float and row through life.

One of the key things I have learned is that "With God all things are possible". Sure I'm not able to compete intellectually very well. I have a terrible short term memory, can't do basic math anymore, can't multi-task, and get angry really easily. But, I function enough to foul people into believing that nothing is wrong. Most of the time people will say you don't appear to have any problems. I wish that was true, but unfortunately that is not true.

What is hard about the entire journey across the sea is that everyday, every week, every month, and every year that passes, I'm closer to slipping into total dementia.

I cling to my faith like a life preserver. In James 1:2-3, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith produces perseverance". Although I have been given and entrusted with a huge trial, I will not let my faith go. I see so many times that people with this diagnosis take a short way out. Just last year I had two Facebook friends who had the same diagnosis decide that the waves are to mighty to keep the boat afloat and decided to sink. Taking this way out is understood, but not fair to families. I have to pray everyday that Jesus will keep my boat from sinking.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kLvWZ-DG6s

Dementia Will Get You Down

2016-01-14T07:51:00.001-05:00

Dementia sometimes gets the best of you. It drives a wedge between who you really are and who it has made you out to be. The changes on different days can be unnoticeable, but on somedays they can be overwhelming. Even though you may not recognize it, others do. I notice on my good days I’m more motivated, and my bad day the motivation is gone. I guess that might even be normal for people who aren’t suffering from dementia. Some days I just want to sit in my chair and watch the water in lake behind my house or tv. Then on some days I just want to sleep all day. I believe it may be a mechanism in my brain that tells me my mind is tired. Lately, it seems my mind is more tired than usual.

Lately, life has had many changes. We moved to Florida, we are not near the children or grandchildren which can take a toll on the mind. I think where the stress comes in is knowing that my wife has an obstacle in the way when it comes to seeing them. For some reason fathers in general except the distance more than mothers. It’s not that we love the children less, it’s because we just don’t have those motherly qualities that mothers have. My wife is a super mom and has always been one. She loves the children more than life. I believe that after children grow up and have their own lives they begin to forget just how important a mother can be to everyday life. It’s taken for granted until a defining moment that requires only the love a mother can give, and then the mother may not be more readily available except by phone. By phones is not good simply because a lot of times the child just wants a hug. I’ve seen this in my own family as of lately and it hurts knowing the distance causes this separation. I think overtime it will be easier. We are able to facetime with the grandchildren which is always great to see them. However, our children don’t seem to be interested in doing that and I don’t understand why. Maybe it seems less personable.

Yesterday, was one of those days that seemed to start out fine. I walked 2.5 miles for the first time in many months. I walk with my dogs and use an electronic leash on them. I get a lot of funny stares because they are not on a physical leash. I was confronted by a lady on my walk about not having a leash on my pets. I explained to her that it was electronic leash and I have just as much control over my pets as she does. As it turns out her problem was she didn’t like big dogs, (not my problem). I went on to explain to her that my chocolate lab is my service dog, but that didn’t even help satisfy her mind. If your pet is properly trained to listen and follow commands, you should never have a problem walking them without a leash. That’s my belief and I’m sticking with my beliefs.

My thoughts on having dementia today; We all have battles some are easy, some are hard. I am promised by God that I will never be given more than I can handle, Lord we are pushing the envelope a little too much on this one. But, this does not hinder my belief that we have a just and mighty God. I can either use this burden to inspire, or I can use this burden to diminish the value of life. I have chosen to inspire and give hope to others that may be suffering with any type of disease.

Stay strong my friends not just for you, but for your family and The Lord most importantly.

Are You Part Of God's Family?

2016-01-12T15:18:00.000-05:00

Are you part of God's Family?

Being a part of a family is a blessing from God that is Irreplaceable. The closeness of family relationships exceeds all others. When a family is motivated by love for each other, it is amazing what acts of kindness and sacrifice they can perform. God the father showed us His tremendous love when He sent His only Son into the world to suffer and die on the cross that we might by faith become members of His eternal family.

The words of John 3:16 give us a revealing look at the heart of God where it says, "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” God "so loved" you and me that He allowed His Son to pay man's sin debt. If Jesus Christ had not willingly come into our world as an offering for our sin, we would be eternally lost. In Luke 19:10 the Bible says, "For the Son of man is come to seek and to save that which was lost." The truth that the Bible makes abundantly clear is that Jesus Christ is the only way to become a part of the family of God. In the Gospel of John Jesus said of Himself, "...I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the father, but by me.“ (John 14:6).

There is life beyond this earthly existence in which all those who have trusted Christ will live as members of God's family. In Ephesians 3:14-15 the Bible says, "For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named." You can become a part of the family of God by humbling yourself before God and following a few simple but necessary steps:

1. Acknowledge (Understand that you are a sinner)

What exactly is a sinner? What is sin? Sin is "breaking the law", transgressing the will of God, and disobeying the rules, so to speak. Have you ever told a lie? Stolen anything? Broken a rule (such as driving above the speed limit)?

You have, because the Bible says…

Psalms 14:3 They are all gone aside, they are all together become filthy: there is none that doeth good, no, not one.

Romans 3:10 As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one:

Romans 3:12 They are all gone out of the way, they are together become unprofitable; there is none that doeth good, no, not one.

Romans 3:23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;

EVERYBODY is a sinner. "But wait! I have NEVER done ANYTHING wrong!", you protest. Well, the Bible covers that, too.

1 John 5:17 All unrighteousness is sin: and there is a sin not unto death.

James 4:17 Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.

Let's allow you to argue that you have NEVER done ANYTHING "wrong". If you have done something that is not righteous (it may not be something that is "bad" in and of itself), or if you have failed to do something good when you had a chance to, you have sinned.

ALL HAVE SINNED. "But I do many, many good things!" you say. The Bible says that it doesn't matter.

Isaiah 64:6 But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousness's are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away.

Romans 3:20 Therefore by the deeds of the law there shall no flesh be justified in his sight: for by the law is the knowledge of sin.

Galatians 2:16 Knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the law, but by the faith of Jesus Christ, even we have believed in Jesus Christ, that we might be justified by the faith of Christ, and not by the works of the law: for by the works of the law shall no flesh be justified.

2. Realize (There is a penalty for sin)

God is a holy God. He is a God of love, yes. He is also full of compassion and mercy. But He is holy, and He is just. God's justice demands that sin be punished. You might say "What kind of loving God would send a person to Hell?” Well, you must understand that Hell was NOT created for people, it was created for Satan.

Matthew 25:41 says "Then shall He say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from Me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels:

It was never God's plan for men to go to Hell. It wasn't even God's plan that men should die! The Bible says in James 1:15 "Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death." We have brought death upon ourselves by sinning!

Romans 5:12 Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:

Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

We go to work, and when we do, we earn a wage. At the end of the pay period, we expect to get a paycheck, the reward we have earned by working hard all week. Death…not just physical death, but spiritual death as well, is what we have "earned" for our sins. You're probably thinking that the Bible is just a book of doom, gloom, and bad news at this point. It gets better, just keep reading.

3. Trust Him (Jesus paid the price for your sin)

We FINALLY get some good news. That's what "gospel" literally means, "good news". You may have noticed it in the last verse listed for you above, Romans 6:23: "… but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." We EARNED death by our sins, but LIFE is a FREE GIFT! We don't have to go to church, we don't have to do good deeds, we don't have to get baptized, we don't have to recite a rosary, we don't have to give all of our money to the poor…a GIFT cannot be earned! You just ACCEPT it. The Bible is very clear that salvation is a gift, freely offered by God to ALL men, women, and children!

Ephesians 2:8,9 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.

Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

2 Corinthians 9:15 Thanks be unto God for His unspeakable gift.

1 Corinthians 2:12 Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit which is of God; that we might know the things that are freely given to us of God.

The Bible tells us that Jesus Christ is the Answer to our sin problem. Jesus is God. God became a man, was born of a virgin, and lived a perfect, sinless life. Because He never sinned, He did not earn death, as all other men have. However, He willingly allowed Himself to be killed, so that by His blood, we could be reconciled to the God who is holy, so that His justice could be satisfied. The Bible again makes this very clear.

Romans 5:1 Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:

Romans 5:8-10 But God commendeth His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Much more then, being now justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him. For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of His Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by His life.

Ephesians 1:7 In Whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace;

Colossians 1:14 In whom we have redemption through His blood, even the forgiveness of sins:

Romans 3:24-26 Being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus:

Whom God hath set forth to be a propitiation through faith in His blood, to declare His righteousness for the remission of sins that are past, through the forbearance of God; To declare, I say, at this time His righteousness: that He might be just, and the justifier of him which believeth in Jesus.

Jesus Christ died for us, but more than that, He rose from the dead for us! He ascended bodily back to Heaven, and will come back to Earth again for us in the future. His perfect life, death, and resurrection make it possible for us, as sinners, to be made acceptable to a holy and just God, if we believe on Him and accept the free gift that He offers us.

4. Accept (The free gift of eternal life that Jesus longs to give you)

We have covered the things you need to understand: You're a sinner, there's a penalty on sin, and Jesus paid the penalty. Now we get to the one thing you need to do. You need to TAKE the free gift! That's all you have to do! "That's too easy", you say? Is it really? If it is, then why don't you do it? If the Bible said that one had to spend 10 years serving the poor in a foreign land to obtain eternal life, MANY people would do it, "just in case" the Bible was true. If the Bible said that one had to give a million dollars to some church in order to earn Heaven, MANY people would work multiple jobs and keep an exacting record of how much they had given until they reached the mark. Yet few people believe the Bible enough to simply take the free gift.

Think of it this way. Jesus Christ has unlimited credit at the supermarket. He has offered to pay for every one's groceries; they only have to ask for it. You go through the checkout line; the cashier rings up all your items, and tells you the total cost. Upon hearing the price, you realize that you don't have your wallet with you. You have no money, no credit card, no checkbook, no debit card, NOTHING. The cashier tells you that it's okay, Jesus has paid the cost; all you have to do is ask for the "Jesus discount", and you can take your groceries home without having to pay. Yet you stand and argue, "I don't need charity, I'll pay my own way, thank you very much! I'll just have to put everything back and come back later when I have my wallet". How silly! There will be no "later" when you die. Or perhaps you argue, "I don't even know who Jesus is, and He can't possibly know me. I don't believe that He paid for my goods. I'll find a way to pay, just give me some time". There will be no more time for you when payment for your sins is demanded. And even if you don't know Jesus yet, He DOES know you, and He loves you, and wants so very badly to give you His free gift of life. If someone were to write you a check for a million dollars, it would do you no good at all until you cashed it. Jesus has written the check, signed it with His own precious blood, and He is ready to cash it for you, if you will only ask Him to.

The Bible declares:

Romans 10:9-10 That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.

Romans 10:13 For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.

Acts 16:31 And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house.

Acts 8:36-37 And as they went on their way, they came unto a certain water: and the eunuch said, See, here is water; what doth hinder me to be baptized? And Philip said, If thou believest with all thine heart, thou mayest. And he answered and said, I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God.

All you have to do is believe. To show yourself, the Lord, and others that you believe, the Bible teaches here that one should make an oral, audible statement that they believe. There is no special incantation, there are no "magic words"…you just tell God that you believe.

Do you believe? If so, you can pray something like this:

Dear God,

I understand that I have sinned (done things wrong). I understand that because I have sinned, I deserve to go to Hell. But I don't want to go to Hell; I want to go to Heaven. I believe that your Son Jesus lived and died for me, and that He paid for my sins. I believe He rose from the dead so that I might be saved. Please save me, Lord Jesus. I want to take your free gift. Thank you for what you have done for me. I love you. Amen.

Something like that will work just fine. Again, it's not the words you say that are important, it's what you believe. If you believe in Jesus, and in what He has done for you, then you are saved. Look at 1 John 5:13 one more time - "These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may KNOW that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God."

As for me I choose Jesus. When I was diagnosed with dementia I thought my life was over, cut short, preparing to die in 1-2 years (according to doctors). After diagnosis and knowing what the end result would be and not wanting to be a burden on my family I considered taking my life. But, I found myself on my knees begging for something or someone to heal me. I'm not healed but Jesus saved me and has given me more life than expected and a future with Him in eternity. Over the last 6 plus years I've seen little pieces of me vanish. However, Jesus hasn't. He is still here to pick me up when I'm having really tough days, and HE rejoices with me when I have really great days.

Much Love and Prayers for all that read!

The link below is a little video I made. You can always find Jesus.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckBzQLPWNSo

2016-01-09T10:59:00.000-05:00

Sometimes it takes being Scared

Jeremiah 29:11-13

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

This passage is so powerful and fulfilling. A lot of pastors just teach on Jeremiah 29:11, and never really hit on the importance of what it takes to get in alignment with God's plan for your life.

We have to call on Him earnestly with true conviction of the heart and soul, and He will listen. Then and only then will you find the most amazing love, hope, and faith you could imagine.

I believe this. Because if I didn't I would have left this world a long time ago bound for eternal hell. But, because He loves me so much He gave me a trial that would challenge me every day for the rest of my life. Well, some people might think that is cruel or mean. No, it's not. It's love. Because He trusted me with the most powerful tool in witnessing, a glimpse at death. See, in April 2009 I did die. I died in the sense of living in the world. I lost everything, job, car, house, and in some ways my family.

You may ask, "well how is that showing His love for you".

Because He saved me from being lost forever! Christ is making me an example for all to see. Through his Grace, Peace, and Mercy. Every storm subsides and is pushed back, but it takes calling upon Jesus Christ. Yes, I still suffer and my family does too. You see I will be cured. Maybe not by medicine; but I know beyond a shadow of doubt when I enter Heaven's gates I will be healed and given a new body. Until then I will continue to serve Jesus Christ.

http://youtu.be/7B-d33gzZ2w

Tear Down that Wall

2014-05-02T21:49:00.001-04:00

Tear Down that Wall

If there was ever a time to draw near to God and ask Him to knock down the wall of discouragement in your life so you are empowered to share the gospel, it is TODAY! The world is too dark and the effects of sin are too pervasive not to have every single minister boldly proclaiming the saving truth about Jesus Christ.

Today while I was at the dentist office I witness a young man talking with his grandmother about his plans for college. This young man was so respectful and passionate about his future. I happen to have seen this young man before on TV, he is an outstanding athlete at a local high school with several college scouts looking at him to play football. His mother died about 5 years ago and you could tell that he has been with his grandparents for awhile. As I listen to his grandmother talking to him about always having a backup plan. That he needed to make sure his education was first. He listen with respect and compassion to her. He replied "yes mam", that is the plan.

It was so refreshing to see such respect and love. I spoke to him but for a moment before I was called back for my appointment. I was thinking the entire time I was back in the chair that I hope this is quick, because I have a chance to be a witness to him. It was quick and I was out in the lobby only to discover that Debbie was holding down the conversation and witnessing to him and his grandmother.

While we were get ready to leave I took a few moments to encourage this young man to follow his dream, but to always keep God first and everything will work according to His plan. I told him a little about my life and the challenges that Debbie and I have faced and will continue to face. I mention that are faith is stronger now than ever even facing a mountain. However, God can move mountains....

I guess what I am saying is "more souls are won by witnessing and being an example of God's amazing love". You don't have to have a peice of paper to be a minister to people! You don't have to have a big church to reach people! All that is required is that you are saved by the blood of Jesus Christ, and you are willing to testify to that!

God has the final say on who He chooses to use as a minister. God does not rely on the opinions of man to determine who would be and effective minister, nor does God take into account the amount of failures committed prior to His calling. God desires every person from every background who has repented and been forgiven of their sins to proclaim the truth about God's life-changing grace. So, don't allow discouragement to settle in and silence your voice.

"[God has appointed me into ministry] although I was formerly a blasphemer, a persecutor, and an insolent man; but I obtained mercy because I did it ignorantly in unbelief..." 1 Timonthy 1:13

"[The Corinthian believers were not of the wise] For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the fles, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty;..." 1 Corinthians 1:26-27

"He Is Able": Mid Summers Day

2014-03-24T23:18:00.001-04:00

"He Is Able": Mid Summers Day: The Mid-Summers Day My Families Life Changed - By Kevin E. Smiley It's almost five years ago in a mid summers day when my wife and I...

Mid Summers Day

2014-03-24T23:13:00.001-04:00

The Mid-Summers Day My Families Life Changed - By Kevin E. Smiley

It's almost five years ago in a mid summers day when my wife and I had learned that our lives were going to change forever. That nothing as we knew it would ever be the same, a change so momumental that it would change the very fabric of how we approach the rest of our lives, and the impact on the children would be just as extreme. We had five children combined and two grandchildren at that time.

I remember those days when my life was going extremely well. I had a fantasic job, one that I enjoyed getting up and heading to work. One that provided a life style that my family had grown into over the years. We weren't rich, but we were comfortable. We had the big house, big pool, cars, and were able to invest money. We could take trips, cruises, and other various fun things that life had to offer. Within a matter of one phone call, it all changed forever.

I guess it started showing it's ugly head probably a year or two before. This is what my wife (Debbie) has told me. You see I had been having personality changes, changes that were for the worse. Changes that would interfer with my family, my children, my wife, and everything in life. I had gone from a happy, loving, compassionate person to a short tempered, mean, condensending, anxious, horrible man. I had gone from caring and loving my family to not showing any compassion or love. Yes, I loved my family but I had lost the ability to show them and tell them. I had gone from a great boss, to a boss that would cuss my employees out, being argumentative in meetings with other executives and customers.

Debbie had noticed it for a long time, but she thought I was just turning into a grumpy old man. However, when it was brought to her attention at work on how I was behaving she encouraged me to go seek help. Ironically, I was working with a friend on a rental property at the same time and a air conditioning vent had fallen and hit me in the head. I was always having headaches, but with a hit to the head like this warranted a brain scan to make sure no damage was done.

The brain scan showed deteriation of both sides of the temporal and frontal lobes of the brain, which was not caused by the vent hitting me in the head. My neurologist decided that this would warrant further research. So, I forget how long it was but within a few weeks I had a spinal tap, MRI, CT Scan, and PET Scan of my brain. I also had a neuropsych test too, which my neurologist said at the time it doesn't prove anything. The results of all the test were returned to my neurologist within in about a week or two.

What people don't understand is that even though everyone else tells you that you are acting differently, you don't believe them. As far as your concerned nothing is wrong. This is the way that I had felt during this time and still do on most days.

During the waiting period on getting the offical diagnosis I decided that I would start doing research on my own. I was in search of what could be causing all these problems that everyone was saying I had, but I didn't see. After many hours spent on research, I had quitely decided that it was Frontotemporal Dementia (FTD).

I don't remember the exact day it was determined by my neurologist that it was FTD, but I think it was around my birthday in April 2009. Here I was 46 years old, almost 10 years into a great career with the goal of retiring at 65. I had served my country in the enlisted ranks of military from 1985-1992, served in the Persian Gulf War, had gone to college off an on and achieved what I thought was success at an early age. My family was the greatest and my wife still loved me as mush as the day we married.

After I received the news from my neurologist we were devistated. What did this mean, how would we proceeed, what was the treatment plan, is it cureable, will I continue to work, what does this mean for my family, will I die? All, are very legitimate questions when given a diagnosis like this.

I'm going to tell you that it was pure "hell".

I was a Christian who thought for a brief moment that God had forgotten me. That soon changed!

With my neurologist help we decided that best plan would be to go ahead and medically retire from work. There went the job I loved, there went the income, there went our life as we knew it. You see this disease feeds off of stress! You can imagine having all this happen the amount of stress this would cause. We will say so much pressure I had a couple seizures because of stress, once in a executive meeting, and once at my mothers house. That was enough for me to agree and retire. So, in July 2009 I officially retired. I had invested in Short term and Long term disability with the company I worked for, which was the first blessing. I was quickly approved for SSDI, thanks to my neurologist and her handling of the claim.

After I left my job it was believed that I might live between 1-2 years. This lead to my wife leaving her executive level job and income behind. Wow, my income down, loss of her income gone, to stay at home with me. We decided to sale are house and get rid of any extra bills we had at that time. We had one child in college and in 2 years another starting. We had to make plans.

As you can see are lives changed dramatically.

It has been almost five now and I am still kicking. My wife is back at work part time, I have four grandchildren, one just graduated college, another is in her second year and going to nursing school. The other three children have gone on to own their own lives and provide for themselves. We struggle every day with things that I do and forget to do, but all is fine. I take several medications to control my behavior. I can become very anxious and mean quickly. I don't like going in large crowds of people because it makes me very stressed. It's like being put in a room full of people having different conversations and asked to listen to just one. I get confused easily, I often do the same thing over and over. I like watching the same tv shows over and over. Life is totally different and sometimes very uncomfortable. I sleep probably 12-14 hours a day, and have gained about 60 pounds. This is all part of being a FTD'er....

If you remember above I stated that for a "brief moment I thought God had forgotten me". Well He hasn't! He has given me the right doctors, the right will, the right fight, the right family, the right friends, to keep going. I believe that God has helped me because I refucosed my attention on Him. Things aren't the same, I have difficulty with a multitude of things in my life. I can never work again, but what I can do is be an inspiration to others who are going through difficult times like this. I have accepted my path and what the plan is. I would not ever wish this disease on my worse enemy, because it is a theif of the most important things. But, I praise God for waking me up to whats important.

I want to share some of the symptoms that lead to this diagnosis:

Obsessive,Nervous,Lowtolerance,Heat,intolerance,UNEMOTIONAL,ANXIETY,Hypochondria,APATHY,Aspontaneity,Inflexibility,DISORGANIZATION,INATTENTION,LOSS OF INSIGHT Irritability,IMPULSIVE,POOR JUDGEMENT,PARANOIA,COGNITIVE CHANGES,WITHDRAWAL FROM FAMILY/FRIENDS/SOCIETY,Critical of others Misnaming,Expressing extreme opinions in public,IRRATIONAL PURCHASES,Mood changes,Dangerous driving/accidents,FALSE MEMORIES
Losing/slurring speech,DISINTEREST,SLEEPING MORE OR LESS,LACK OF AWARENESS,LOSS OF LOGIC,HOARDING,Road rage
INCREASED APPETITE FOR SWEETS,CHANGE OF PERSONALITY,Lack of responsibility,DEPRESSION,Interest in porn
Ringing in ears,Layering clothes,Selfish,Angry/violent,PACING,Difficulty concentrating,Less eye contact,MEMORY LAPSES
Lying,Losing items,Losing track of time,DANGEROUS BEHAVIOR TOWARDS CHILDREN,ODD BEHAVIORS,Cruelty,No motivation
LAZINESS,Blaming others for own mistakes,Not finishing projects,CARELESS WITH MONEY,SHOPPING COMPULSIVELY
Flirting,Hurtful towards others,INABILITY TO FOCUS ON JOBS,Rigid thinking,Wringing hands,Swearing
Hyper-religious,Impatient,Irrational jealousy,Sex obsession in non-sexual situations,High sex drive
Repetitive reading/listening/watching,EASILY DISTRACTED,LACK OF AFFECTION,Childishness,Kleptomania,Hostility,Sarcasm

I personally have experienced about 90% of the above according to my wife and my own assessment. Physicians believe and will tell you that you probably are not aware you are doing some of the above. However, I believe they are wrong with that theory. I believe you are more aware in the early onset of FTD. Maybe, you dont know when you progress into other stages of the disease. I think you lose the ability to control, but are very aware. I have seen this in my self.

After almost five years of walking down this unknown path of FTD, it occurs to me just how little is known about this disease. I believe that it is the job of us who have it to bring about awareness and understanding to the world. I think the hardest part of this disease is the lack of emotion you have. I remember when my last two grandchildren were born I was happy, thrilled, but had no emotions. My mother died in September 2012, I had no emotions, no crying, no outward display of sadness, just flat with emotions. I felt extemely sad but just couldn't show the emotions.

This is; "That mid-summers day when my families life changed".

Is are conduct worthy of Christ

2014-03-24T22:19:00.001-04:00

Phi 1:27. Is are conduct worthy of Christ?

Only let your conduct be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of your affairs, that you stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel, (NKJV)

Man, I struggle with this every day. Somedays I let a curse word out when I get angry, or I see something that just makes me disappointed in humanity. Somedays, I struggle with maybe wanting to have an alcoholic beverage, or I watch a movie that I know my God is disappointed with me over. It is very hard to stand fast in one spirit with all the temptations of the world. Temptations run deep, deeper than the ocean, further than the furthest star.

The greatest thing of all is that I have faith in the gospel, and faith and knowledge that Jesus gave it all for me. So, I will continue to fight temptations of this world. I am far from perfect, but the Lord understands that and forgives me with no strings attached. That is the most comforting feeling in the world.

My Personal Account of Behavior Variant Frontotemporal Dementia - bvFTD: Progress report 2014. How am I doing after 4 years...

2014-03-06T15:24:00.001-05:00

My Personal Account of Behavior Variant Frontotemporal Dementia - bvFTD: Progress report 2014. How am I doing after 4 years...: The biggest and best changes in my life. OK! Gracie is big! About this time of year I take stock of where I am, and what changes...

Just to let you know I am still kicking the sand off my feet. It has been 5years since I was diagnosed. More degeneration, but slow. Lots of balance issues and I fall all the time. I to have pets that keep me busy during the day and I have a terrible time sleeping. It is good to see you doing well. Kevin Smiley

Justification

2012-11-19T13:13:00.000-05:00

Thought for Today: Justification

Romans 8:1 - There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

God's justification of the believer, once pronounced, is final, irreversible, and irrevocable. This flows forth from God's gracious provisions in the atonement of Christ. His death blots out all the sins of His people. When His work is applied to the believer, there is no more room for condemnation, for God's provision excludes it forever.

Justification is further required by the justice of God. In Christ's satisfaction all the demands of justice are fully met. Once this is appropriated, there is no more grounds for condemnation, for God's justice has removed all grounds forever. Not even the remaining, pervasive, and powerful presences of indwelling sin can force the believer's condemnation.

To be sure, its paralyzing influence is such that the believer by himself always fails to translate his delight in God's law into complete obedience. This spells his abiding wretchedness (Romans 7:24 - Wretched man that I am! Who will set me from the body of this death?) - However, through union with Christ, who has already pronounced sentence upon undwelling sin, and through the indwelling Spirit, the believer enjoys freedom from the tyranny of sin. This guarantees continuing sanctification. Indwelling sin is not ultimate. It stands condemned and is overcome. God has the final, justifying word.

To put it in layman's terms; "Not guilty, let him go free". What would those words mean to you if you were on death row? The fact is that the whole human race is on death row, justly condemned for repeatedly breaking God's Holy Law. Without Jesus we would have no hope at all. But thank God! He has declared us not guilty and has offered us freedom from sin and power to do His will.

There is great tension in daily Christian experience. The conflict is that we agree with God's commands but cannot do them. As a result, we are painfully aware of our sin. This inward struggle with sin was as real for Paul as it is for us today. From Paul we learn what to do about it. Whenever he felt overwhelmed by the spiritual battle, he would return to the beginnings of his spiritual life, remembering how he had been freed from sin by Jesus Christ. When we feel confused and overwhelmed by sin's appeal, let us claim the freedom Christ gave us. His power can lift us to victory.

We must learn where our personal weaknesses lie. Once they are identified, we must be ruthless in dealing with them. - Alister Begg-

Why did Jesus die?

2012-11-12T15:07:00.001-05:00

Thought for Today: Why did Jesus die?

John 3:16-17 "For God love the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. 17- God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him."

--To "believe" is more than intellectual agreement that Jesus is God. It means to put our trust and confidence in Him that He alone can save us, it is to put Christ in charge of our present plans and eternal destiny. Believing is both trusting His words as reliable, and relying on Him for the power to change.

John 3:18 "There is no judgment against anyone who believes in him. But anyone who does not believe in him has already been judged for not believing in God's one and only Son."

--People often try to protect themselves from their fears by putting their faith in something they do or have; good deeds, skill or intelligence, money or possessions. But only God can save us from the one thing that we really need to fear-- eternal condemnation. We believe in God by recognizing the insufficiency of our own efforts to find salvation and by asking Him to do His work in us. When Jesus talks about unbelievers, He means those who reject or ignore Him completely, not those who have momentary doubts.

John 3:19-21 "And the judgment is based on this fact; God's light came into the world, but people loved the darkness more than the light, for their actions were evil. 20- All who do evil hate the light and refuse to go near it for fear their sins will be exposed. 21- But those who do what is right come to the light so others can see that they are doing what God wants."

--Many people don't want their lives exposed to God's light because they are afraid of what will be revealed. They don't want to change. Don't be surprised when these same people are threatened by your desire to obey God and do what is right, because they are afraid that the light in you may expose some of the darkness in their lives. Rather than giving in to discouragement, keep praying that they will come to see how much better it is to live in light than in darkness.

Closing Thoughts - The world rams at your door; Jesus taps at your door. The world screams for your allegiance; Jesus softy and tenderly request it. The world promises flashy pleasures; Jesus promises a quiet dinner with God. "I will come in and eat."

--Which voice do you hear?

Though God does not tell us all the details about eternity, He provides us with the road map to get there. Eternal life is available only to those who trust in His Son. Though we have earned death through sin, in Jesus we are brought to new, eternal life. -And thus this is the reason He died.......

The Day of the Lord

2012-11-07T15:47:00.001-05:00

The Lord will return like a thief in the night. No one knows the hour or the day. I trust and belief with all my heart and pray that you are not left behind. Yesterday's election is pushing this world into the direction of total destruction. Some states voted to legalize acts that are not in God's plan for us. As you will see in 2 Peter 3, all this comes without reservation, "for a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day."

The Day of the Lord

2 Peter 3:1-10 Dear friends, this is now my second letter to you. I have written both of them as reminders to stimulate you to wholesome thinking. 2 I want you to recall the words spoken in the past by the holy prophets and the command given by our Lord and Savior through your apostles.

3 Above all, you must understand that in the last days scoffers will come, scoffing and following their own evil desires. 4 They will say, “Where is this ‘coming’ he promised? Ever since our ancestors died, everything goes on as it has since the beginning of creation.” 5 But they deliberately forget that long ago by God’s word the heavens came into being and the earth was formed out of water and by water. 6 By these waters also the world of that time was deluged and destroyed. 7 By the same word the present heavens and earth are reserved for fire, being kept for the day of judgment and destruction of the ungodly.

8 But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. 9 The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

10 But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything done in it will be laid bare.

Death - A Difficult Subject -

2012-11-05T10:04:00.000-05:00

Thought for Today: Death - A Difficult Subject -

Recently my wife reconnected with a friend from High School. She told me stories about how he used to pick on her in school, but he was still a friend. Recently he was diagnosed with cancer and unfortunity lost his battle at 5:30am this morning. Although this is extremely sad and difficult for his family, I offer God's word on death.

In the Bible, death refers to both a physical and spiritual demise, for unrepented sin kills souls as surely as it destroys bodies. God delivers those who believe in Him from both physical and spiritual distruction.

Before this young man died this morning I became a facebook friend with him. I looked forward everyday to see how he was doing and handling the chemo treatments. Even though they were tough on him, he accepted it not just for him, but for one more day with his family. You see he understood the significance of this disease and accepted the treatment, and prayed for a great outcome. Ultimately, he received the Glory of God's Grace. Although it will be difficult for his family, he is without pain. I believe that he is walking with the Lord today.

Romans 6:9-11 - We know that death no longer has any power over Christ. He died and was raised to life, never again to die. When Christ died, he died for sin once and for all. But now he is alive, and he lives only for God. In the same way, you must think of yourselves as dead to the power of sin. But Christ Jesus has given life to you, and you live for God.

Until our master summons us, not a hair on head can perish, not a moment of our life be snatched from us. When He sends for us, it should seem but the message that the child is wanted at home.
-Anthony Thorold-

As a look through passages in the Bible I am brought to 2 Samuel 22:4-7 - "I called to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and have been saved from my enemies. The waves of death swirled about me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me. In my distress I called to the Lord; I called out to my God. From His temple He heard my voice; my cry came to His ears."

I look at disease as the enemy. When the enemy comes so hard the only way we will defeat it, is through a physical death. When we are one with God, the spiritual death will not occur. Disease can not touch the Spirit, no matter how terrible it is.

William Penn once wrote; "They that love beyond the world cannot be separated by it. Death cannot kill what never dies."

"He will swallow up death in victory; and the Lord God will wipe away tears from off all faces; and the rebuke of his people shall he take away form off all the earth: for the Lord hath spoken it." Isaiah 25:8

Tolerance

2012-11-02T11:27:00.003-04:00

Thought for Today: Tolerance

Scripture does not tell Christians to condone the modern idea of tolerance, which accepts any ideas and rarely confronts another's beliefs; we cannot simply ignore the differences between ourselves and those who do not believe. God commands us to share the gospel. But He also calls us to a higher standard than tolerance. We are to love all others, from fellow Christians to our enemies, and to seak unity with our fellow believers.

"For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek." (Romans 1:16 esv)

G. K. Chesterton (author) once wrote: "Tolerance is the virtue of the man without convictions."

I believe that everyone has some sort of conviction in their heart, but maybe they just haven't put in the right order. That order should be right with God first, and then life would be seen from a different view.

Use God's Word, not what people around you are willing to accept, to set the standards for what is right or wrong. (Bruce Barton, Senator)

How can we be kind to one another if we do not have a Christian driven tolerance for are fellow man. "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32 esv).

If Jesus could have picked up twelve men from the bottom ranks of business and forged them into an organization that conquered the world. (Bruce Barton) Shouldn't we practice a little "Christian tolerance" towards are fellow man.

“The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people.” (C. K. Chesterton)

Are we capable of showing it "Tolerance," only if we truly have Christ in are hearts!

Desires

2012-10-29T08:59:00.000-04:00

Thought for Today: Desires - Both good and sinful desires affect us in our spiritual walks. But God clearly tells us that He wants to give us whatever we desire, if it aligns with His will.

Psalms 37:4 "Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart".

A.W. Tozer once wrote: "No man should desire to be happy who is not at the same time holy. He should spend his efforts in seeking to know and do the will of God, leaving to Christ the matter of how happy he should be".

When we are not walking right with God we find that no sinful desire prospers for long. Though faithful Christians may have to wait for blessings, they will surley come from God's hand.

Sometimes it seems like all we do is wonder why the desires of are hearts are not fullfilled. It may be because the very desires we have are not align with His will. Maybe if we search are hearts we will realize that those desires are worldly.

Romans: 8:5 - "Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires".

When we refocus are energy on what is good, we will find that desires we have begin to fade, this is because we become more align with what God's plan is, and not are plan.

Galatians 5:16 - "I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh".

Lord, give me the desire to follow You so closely I can feel the brush of Your robe. May living near You keep sin at bay. Amen

God's Will

2012-10-27T14:56:00.003-04:00

Thought for Today: God's Will - Knowing God's will is not a matter of memorizing a few scripture verses, but of learning and living in His Word. The scripture provides us with an understanding of how God would have us live. Ephesians 5:15-18 - Be very careful, then, how you live--not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit.

Also, in Romans 12:10-12 - Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor; not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, perservering in tribulation, devoted to prayer.

We must know that as His children, He's going to allow problems even when we are in the center of His will.

Pray constant, rejoice always, even when times are tough.

2012-10-26T10:07:00.001-04:00

Thought for Today: Tolerance - As I watch the news and think about this word, I wonder what the Scripture tells us about it; Scripture does not tell Christians to condone the modern idea of tolerance, which accepts any ideas and rarely confronts another's beliefs; we cannot simply ignore the differences between ourselves and those who do not believe. God commands us to share the gospel. But He also calls us to a higher standard than tolerance. We are to love all others, from fellow Christians to our enemies, and to seek unity with our fellow believers.

Bruce Fairchild Barton was an American author, advertising executive, and politician. He served in the U.S. Congress from 1937 to 1940 as a Republican from New York.

He once wrote: "Use God's Word, not what people around you are willing to accept, to set the standards for what is right and wrong".

What a powerful statement. The government now sets the standards of our lives, it dictates what we can and can't do. Just like Hobby Lobby is required by mans law to provide insurance that condones the act of abortion. We need to follow God's law and get this country back on track to serve the Lord and others in need.

Ephesians 4:1-3 - Walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

Rev. K