Reader Girl

Dear Eric Sanderson,

2012-05-20T11:22:00.002-04:00

...if that even is your real name.

Your life is incredibly perplexing to me! I have so many questions and want so many answers, but I don't think you're in the state of mind to give them to me.

Can you trust Dr. Randal? I don't think so.

Can you trust the First Eric Sanderson? I don't think so.

Can you even trust yourself? I don't think so.

So who can you trust? What is real? What is going on?

I feel so bad for you. Your life is so not even in your control. I'm the type of person who has to have complete control over her life, and the slightest bit of non-control drives me insane. How can you stand not knowing anything about yourself? How can you stand not knowing anything about your past? It's the glue that holds us together; the glue that makes us us. And you have none of it. Therefore, who are you? But there's not point in asking that because you can't answer.

I'm hoping the more time we spend together the more answers we...you...will get. These past few weeks have been interesting, but I NEED TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON. It's driving me insane. It's all I can think about. Who are you? What are you? I need to know. Now. I'm not a very patient person.

I feel like you are you though. I mean, look at Clio. You've got this innate attachment to someone you personally don't even know. Maybe she's your soulmate. Maybe you're connected no matter what. Or maybe she's just the one bit of reality you can or want to hold on to. I don't blame you. She sounds like a charming girl. And in a world where you have no one, it's good to cling on to the hope that you at least had someone.

Clearly I have a lot of questions. And so do you. So I guess our time together is not over yet. And hey, at least you have someone. I'm not going anywhere until we figure out who you are.

Investigatingly Yours,
NicholleLee.

Bright Young Things Review, Anna Godbersen

2012-04-29T09:57:00.000-04:00

I don't usually use this space for book reviews, but I've decided to make an exception. I'm currently reading Bright Young Things by Anna Godbersen, and while I can't seem to put the book down I love it so much I often find myself wondering, "What was her editor thinking?"

Godbersen has an incredibly way of transporting her readers to the 20s. She does an incredibly job of creating a world of speakeasies and flappers. And this is probably the most incredible part of the book--perhaps why I love it so much. I'm a sucker for speakeasies. And I commend her for that. As I edit books based in different time periods this is often a huge issue--for me at least. People invest their entire story into an incredible era, yet they don't ever develop or create that era. If you're going to do it, you have to do it all the way. And Godbersen seems to understand this--thank god.

What had me cringing about this book is the common first-time-author mistakes...and she's not one of them. Editing book after editing book tells us not to use terms like "he admonished," or "she concluded," yet Godbersen uses these said bookisms up the wazoo. And it drives me insane. I tried to look past it. The book is good, the writing's good, what's it matter if she does this. But I couldn't. And I can't. It takes away from the dialogue--it takes away from the impact the dialogue is having. And I just can't help but wonder why she chose these words rather than "said" or "asked."

And I hate to admit it, but there is a huge plot point gone askew. At one point she's in Letty's story (as she goes back and forth between three girls lives, hardly ever connecting them--but we'll get to that...), going on and on about how Letty is going to go back to Ohio. Her time in NY was fun while it lasted, but it just wasn't going to work. She is an actress right? Surely she can make her sisters believe she had the most wonderful time in NY. But then all of this sudden it's Astrid going to Ohio... It's Astrid doing this. The author seems to have gotten confused whilst writing and has picked up from Letty's point of view thinking it was Astrid. Or maybe it was just a typo..or two or three. Surely her editor would have picked up on this right? How could she not have? So I went back and reread the section, and then I reread it again. And surely enough...she switches characters just like that! I'm incredibly perplexed by this. WHAT?? It almost made me want to stop reading the book altogether. But, alas, I've already invested 200 pages into the story, I've got to finish the last 79. I'll try to give her the benefit of the doubt...it was my misreading...but I don't think it was. She's had some character issues up until this point...not this large of course, but they're there.

I'm of the opinion that you don't switch character perspectives unless it's a chapter break. It's just more clean that way. And normally Godbersen seems to agree with this. Each chapter is devoted to a different girl. But randomly she'll stop talking about one girl and pick up where the other left off. There are slight connections, but a reader needs warning when they're leaving one scene and picking up at another. And in my opinion a hard enter is not enough. Maybe it's just because I get to emotionally invested in my characters...

And speaking of characters, I just wish so much that she would actually connect them. I mean I have 79 pages left and Letty and Cordelia are still pinning over their loss of each other. They know where the other one is...vaguely...they both miss each other...just make it happen already!!!

Maybe the ending will be so incredible I just forget all of these flaws. I hope so. Like I said, she's created an incredibly beautiful world. And I want to spend all my time in it. I just can't seem to look past the ugly.

Until next time,
NicholleLee

Dear Laurel,

2012-02-10T17:04:00.001-05:00

At first, you annoyed me. To be completely honest. I'm it'd been eight years--MOVE ON already. The fact that you wouldn't even give Cole the time of day was just...childish. And you're supposed to be a big, mature judge... Finally however--because of his gray eyes, or his devilish smile, or maybe because he seems like a genuinely nice person--you forgave him. For what? I don't know yet and it's driving me crazy.

But it got me thinking.

After eight years you still couldn't see him; you still couldn't stand him. Either he was truly the most disgusting human being on Earth, or girl...you're in love. But, seriously. Eight years? Aren't you a Christian? Aren't Christian's supposed to forgive. That's what I'm told. It just doesn't make sense to me that you could hold so much resentment toward someone for eight years that when they come back into you life (for reasons unknown) you can't even give them the time of day.

I mean aren't we supposed to live, learn, and move on? Isn't that like the philosophy of life or something? How could you have so much resentment built up in you for so long? Didn't it drive you cray? Didn't it kill you? Wasn't it exhausting? Maybe I'm just too forgiving. Maybe you're not forgiving enough. I don't know.

I know you say that you had thrown all that crap away, that you had moved on, you didn't realize you still had all these feelings. But how couldn't you? How couldn't you feel that hatred? To be completely honest, it just makes you seem like an emotionless wench. Truly. I'm sorry--that was rude, but it's true!

I understand a broken heart or whatever. I understand being hurt so badly by someone it makes you physically ill. I get it. I do. But don't we move on? Don't we grow? Out of sight out of mind, right? Apparently not.

And what I really don't get is how it's being with him again (after you finally give him two seconds of your time) that you forgive him. You don't even "forgive" him, you just fall in love with him! It doesn't make sense. Am I missing something? Maybe I'm too emotional. Maybe I don't get love. Maybe I wear my heart on my sleeve. I don't know what makes us different. And maybe that's all it is...differences. But it just seems like too much to hold on for eight years.

Isn't that the best form of revenge--moving on, being happy, not needing him? Maybe it's easier said than done. I guess I don't have that much experience in the whole love thing... But I am married...I've had heartache...I've been betrayed. I just feel like life is too short to hold on to a grudge for eight years. Maybe you're learning that now. Maybe that's why you "forgave" Cole. Maybe that's why you're falling in love again...with the same person.

Maybe my view will change when you finish telling me your story. I hope it does. Because right now I can't help but think you're a heartless wench with no emotion. And yet, I find my self strangely drawn to you... Does that make me weird.

Emotionally Yours,
NicholleLee.

Dear Mara Dyer,

2012-01-20T09:22:00.003-05:00

WHAT????? Jude. No. The watch. The hat. Eeek.

I can't imagine what's going through your head at this moment. Then again, maybe it's just in your head? I don't know. I have no idea.

Mara, you are by far the strangest and most unique person I've ever encountered. How did this happen? How did you happen. I can't even wrap my head around it, and I'm an outsider. How? What? You're going crazy, I know it. Not literally. Well, maybe. But, confusing!

This is all I have to say: DON'T WALK AWAY FROM NOAH. He's your only hope. You can trust a guy named Noah. Jude on the other hand? Clearly not. Jude. It's too sharp; it's too strong.

The truth is, I just don't know what to think. Am I freaked out? Am I totally open and accepting? I have no idea. Normally I'm a pretty good judge of people. But you, you, I just don't know. I want to be accepting of who you are and recognize that it's not you doing these things, but something that happened to you. But it's freaky. It's weird. This can't just happen can it? My dad says every action has a consequence--an equal or greater reaction. And, I don't know. This has got to be a reaction to something. But what.

M-A-R-A
I mean, the Ouija board said you were going to be the death of Rachel. What did it know that you didn't? What was the cause of said Ouija board message? Everything has an equal or greater reaction... So what was it? Was it truly just the pressure of the asylum? ...no pun intended...it's kind of there. Somewhere something inside you snapped. But what was it?

I guess I'll just have to wait until we meet again.

Confusidly Yours,
NicholleLee.

Dear George,

2011-10-21T12:30:00.001-04:00

I've been thinking about you a lot lately.
Your romance.
Your emotion.
Your...perfectness.
I've been basking in memories of our time spent together within the last few years, and I'm sad to see it lessening.
Maybe I'm dying to see you because I'm getting married soon...you know, just taking one last look of loves past. But, I can't but help thinking our story ends here. Maybe that's wrong of me, maybe it's hopefully and naive...but I don't mind being those things. If anything--you taught them to me.
There's something about you that I just can't give up on.
There's something about you that others just don't have. Maybe it's your honesty. Maybe it's your truthfulness. Maybe it's ?
As you once said, everything is fate. So, I'll leave it up to that. If we're meant to see each other once more we will--if not, then I guess I'll live in memories of the past. But I surely hope once more.

Until then I'll think of seeing you in a field of flowers.

Baskingly Yours,
NicholleLee

Dear Astrid,

2011-10-13T21:57:00.001-04:00

I can't quite figure out why I don't like you, but I don't.

You've been in the back of my mind ever since our first meeting--what was it, a month ago? But, I'm just not itching to see you again. I should be. You have a most incredible life. Speakeasies, flapper dresses, horses; it sounds divine. I mean look at you!! You're GORGEOUS. You're the modern day Daisy? I have no idea!

But, something about your attitude makes the hair on my arms stick up and I have a feeling we would not end up friends. And if we did, it would not end pretty.

Violet Baudelaire once told me first impressions are often wrong and I know she's right. I mean, if I just took the time to actually get to know you, I'm sure we'd get along just fine...right? But, I just can't seem to get over that first impression. I'm trying to listen to her, really I am!! You're still in the back of my head, that's got to count for something, yeah?

I'm sure you can tell your fair share of tales--I doubt you're one to sit home on Friday night and read. You're in New York, the Big City, the Red Apple, and I'm here...in Oklahoma. I mean, I'll admit, my life is not glamorous. I'd like to live vicariously through you, but at the same time I don't mind a quiet life filled with books and purring kittens. Something about you tells me you'd laugh at my trivial lifestyle. And, I'd stare awestruck, with my jaw dropped at yours. Lets switch for a day?

So, I guess I'm writing to say don't to give up on me just yet. It may take me a while, but I normally come around. I have a feeling we have the potential to be great friends...I'm just a little slow. And, you're probably pretty impatient...

So, until next time...maybe...

Slowly becoming yours,
NicholleLee

Dear Jessie,

2011-07-06T15:42:00.002-04:00

I must admit, I don't have any experience dealing with prostitute's, but you seem quite out of the ordinary. Or is that just the stereotype?

I enjoyed getting to know you and growing stronger with you. Your story is an inspiring one, for women in any sticky situation. I've spent time working with my grandmothers organization, Project Liberty, writing a monthly newsletter in regards to the human trafficking industry. And, I must say, what you did...not many people have. And you should be proud of that.

You and your cop boyfriend have defied odds. It's amazing how people can come together for a common good. It's good that people can see past those stereotypes and see the inner good in people...especially when they're stuck in situations because they are forced to be.

I've no doubt that you have influenced girls all over the world to get out of sticky situations just through your strength transforming them. It's amazing how we can impact others when we don't realize we're even doing anything other than living our own lives. But, that's what you did...you've influenced women. Maybe women like you, maybe women that feel like they're stuck in a dead end job, maybe people that want out of a bad relationship...no matter what, your strength can and has encouraged women to find their own.

Freedom feels like such a large subject, but sometimes we don't realize it can be in the simplest way...like mentioned above--freedom from a horrible job, freedom from being with someone who treats you badly, etc etc.

You've taught people how to free themselves. You've taught people strength. You've taught people to grow. You've taught people to have faith, to believe in themselves...You've taught people to live again. And you should be so proud of yourself for all that.

Growingly yours,
NicholleLee Robertson.

The Flappers, Vixen

2011-05-22T21:06:00.002-04:00

I started reading Vixen today, the first in the series The Flappers. by Jillian Larkin It's about a young girl in Chicago living in the 1920's. About her life in the age of flappers. It is really promising so far and I can't put it down. Can't wait to review it here. Has a lot of potential I think!

NicholleLee

Dear Jane,

2011-03-03T15:58:00.001-05:00

I was thinking about you last night and I had something quite profound to say--I can't think of it now.

ROCHESTER IS MARRIED!!!! WHAT?!?!

I was just as shocked as you. And I know a lot of people were probably scoffing at you for being so calm and collected and dejected in a way--not to mention the fact you actually debate if you're going to leave or not. But, I must, honestly, say: I would have probably more than likely done the same thing.

I know what I'm about to say would make a feminists teeth cringe, but.... Sometimes you're just meant to be with someone. Sometimes, I think, love can trump everything. If you're truly, whole-heartedly meant to be with someone--you will be. And how do we know that...I don't know if we know it, but I think our bodies do, or maybe our souls. I don't know...but something in us does. Does that make sense? I don't think you could be "mad" at Rochester because you love him too much. I think there are some things out of our control and I kind of think true love is. I think true love has so much power. It has the power to forgive, even when we, ourselves, as a thinking being thinks we shouldn't.

Not love, but true love--because I do think there's a difference. You could have loved Rivers--you could have learned to love the "comfort" he could give you, you could learn to love the safety he could give you, you could learn to love his companionship. You could learn to love him for what he had to offer you. But, that's what it would have been--love through companion... But, Rochester, with Rochester you couldn't learn to love him. You loved him without even knowing it. You loved him even when it was wrong. You couldn't even learn to NOT love him like you tried...

Jane! Jane! Jane

I'm coming. Wait for me.

It happened and you can't deny it. When you get proof like that--like the fact you were so many miles away and you "heard" each other. You had to go back. That, my dear, means you were meant to be. Like I said, some things are just out of our control.

So what's my whole point here....? Love. You may be just one case, but Jane, you're proof that love can conquer all. Love can conquer class, religion, monetary value, True love can conquer what we think would otherwise be impossible. So for all those people who laugh at love and spit on romance novels, songs, etc...maybe they just haven't really experienced what true love really is...

So, now I'm going to go put on Taylor Swift and I'm going to think about love and how at least you got it right.

Romantically Yours... (but, not in way of my being in love with you...)

NicholleLee Robertson.

Dear Hermione,

2011-03-02T14:43:00.005-05:00

I think we're a lot alike. We're both the most studious out of our friends. We care about our grades. We don't break rules. And we have no friends... Hmm...I wonder if these above traits could have anything to do with that?? As I've grown up, I've come to realize that rules can or should be bent sometimes, not necessarily broken, but.... I've also learned that if I don't spend so much time studying and some time having a little bit of fun, it actually helps my studies--I know, crazy, right?! But, it's true---I wouldn't lie to a fellow bookworm. Taking some time for yourself will make you less stressed and give your brain a break, thusly allowing you to....remember. And, you wont be so snotty and stuck-up. Because lets be honest, you are....kind of. I mean, you clearly drive Harry and Ron insane and there's no point in denying that you've had a few cries because of the things people have said about you....

Actually, now that I think of it, that troll almost killing you was probably the best thing that ever happened to you. I mean, honestly. When you stare death in the face it changes a person--not that I really know. But, it seems now that you've learned this....some... But, following Ron and Harry around and acting as if you're friends when they're rolling their eyes at you and are (still) annoyed, doesn't count on friends.

I hope in your future at Hogwarts you will learn to loosen up a little bit--and have fun/make friends.

Only one of us needs to be obsessively studious...and I've held the torch longer and to be completely honest I'm not ready to give it up.... Sorry....

Studiously Yours,

NicholleLee Robertson

Dear Harry Potter,

2010-11-19T14:49:00.002-05:00

I don't know you, but I look forward to when we get to know each other. Everyone just loves you and I think we'd make pretty great friends. I feel bad having neglected to introduce myself for so long now, but hopefully our years as friends will outweigh our years of not. Maybe now that you're not so popular you'll have time to spend with me. Maybe? Well. I was just wanting to say that I'm looking forward to our meeting.

Longingly Yours,

NicholleLee Robertson.

Dear Charles,

2010-11-10T11:40:00.003-05:00

I know you're going to end up with Sarah, but I don't understand why. You and Ernestina are precisely so cute together. I'm not sure what to do, knowing what is going to happen. I find you quite fascinating and rather witty, but I do not understand why you have to ruin everything in talking to Sarah. Sure, she's a Damsel in distress, but Ernestina's sassy and clever--that's gotta count for something.

Just. Just don't do it. Don't do it. It's that simple. Seriously. Just walk away and ignore her. It's not that hard. Don't be one of those guys.

Either way, I can't stop thinking about you. I find your life and story most fascinating and need to know what's going to happen next--even if I do not tend to agree with it. Just give Ernestina another shot! I know you can be happy together! And, really...I mean...really, she just has so much more personality than Sarah does. I understand the romanticism of helping her and being her knight in shining armor, but Ernestina needs one too, and you've already promised to be hers...

It is just disgusting when people are unfaithful to their significant other, and you absolutely disgust me for doing that to Ernestina, but I can't help but needing more of you...

But, really...just forget about Sarah....

Impatiently Yours,

NicholleLee Robertson.

Dear Zits...,

2010-11-04T16:29:00.002-04:00

I still have a hard time calling you that...but, since you choose not to tell I guess it must suffice.

Do you want to know what I think? Actually don't answer that, I know you don't care.

But, I think you're dreaming. I think you are in a coma or something and you're dreaming. I really do. I think in the end, you will have never actually turned into Hank, or the little Indian boy, or Gus. I think, maybe, in your head you'll think that stuff actually happened, but in reality it didn't.

I find you fascinating though. I think when you get out of whatever you're in you'll have it figured out. You wont feel so abandoned by your parents, you wont be the angry foster kid anymore. I think you'll have a new perspective. And I'm really excited to hear about it. I think you have such a story to tell and so much to say, and I really want to listen. So even if no one else will or wants to listen, I will. I think you're such an interesting person and I can't wait to spend more time with you.

But, I'm learning so much listening to your story: about wars, Indians, I think what you're traveling through (pun INTENDED) is important for everyone to read. I think it will give people a new perspective to not only see something through your eyes, an interracial Indian Juvenal delinquent orphan. And you're allowing us to get up close and personal with Indian wars, and actually learn about some of the horrors in them. You bring up some really good issues, even if you are crazy and don't really know what you're saying...

So....keep saying, even if it's not all right. Because I'm listening.

Time Traveling Yours,

NicholleLee Robertson.

Dear Owen,

2010-10-14T10:40:00.002-04:00

I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. I know we haven’t been able to see each other much lately and I greatly apologize about that. I’ve been so busy with school and work and trying to make a career out of writing.

You have no idea how much I’ve missed you. I’ve been thinking about you and tried to get to you last night, but I got busy doing something for school--it’s midterm week, I’m SORRY. Please forgive me. I know you will.

That’s why I love you so much, Owen. You’re such a good person. You’re forgiving and understanding and you’re always there when I need you to be there. You’re a good person, Owen. Don’t ever forget that. I know you don’t need me to tell you, but…I am going to anyways.

How’s Annabelle? Tell her I’m sorry for my absence this past year. And that I’ll try to get to you guys sometime within the next few months.

I’ve been thinking about that radio show, how’s it going? There’s just something about music that is just the exact right medicine for anything in life. I think that’s why we get along so well--our love for music. Music has such a force on life, wouldn’t you agree. I hear a song and I’m automatically back in the spot where I listened to that song or band most. I heard Fall Out Boy the other day and I was back in my junior year of high school hanging out in my beat up van with my friends with the windows rolled down and in my lime green room sitting at my drum set talking about boys and our favorite songs. There’s just something about a song that can be so soothing to the soul. I’ve been spending a lot of time with my headphones on lately and I’m falling back in love with music the way I used to be. And it’s good--I miss it. It’s a reunion LONG over due, kind of like us…

Again, I’m sorry. Talk to you soon. Until then…at least we have our music.

Musically Yours,

NicholleLee Robertson.

Dear Thomas Builds-The-Fire,

2010-10-14T10:39:00.001-04:00

Dude. Keep tellin’ those stories. They are kick a**. You’re a free spirit Thomas, and you have such a gift of story telling. And when no one’s willing to listen to your stories come find me--I will, no matter how many times you’ve told them to me. A good story can never get old. And you my friend tell a good story.

Tell Victor I said hello.

Story Tellingly Yours,

NicholleLee Robertson.

Dear Barbra,

2010-10-14T10:38:00.002-04:00

I’m sorry your cat died. That must have sucked. I loved my cats very much and was really sad when it was time to go. I’ve found books a good alternative to a feline friend. Sure they’re not soft and don’t purr in your arms…but they never leave you, they’re always there for you, and they’re willing to spend time together whenever YOU want and not just when they want a petting.

On another not, I’m afraid to say, but you’re a bit obsessive. You’re obsession of Sheba is just not health, Barbra. You need to learn to let go just a little bit and take a step back. I understand what it’s like to not really have anyone to talk to or spend time with…but you can’t get all crazy obsessive over people…that’s how you loose friends. And you should have learned this from Jennifer, but you didn’t…

Anyways, I just wanted to give you my two sense and condolences about your cat.

NOT Obsessively Yours,

NicholleLee Robertson.

Dear Dennis,

2010-10-14T10:36:00.001-04:00

You’re a unique individual. And I know you’re young, but stay that way. Uniqueness is something you don’t come across everyday. We live in a society where everyone is worried about being just like the person sitting next to them. Girls in school are more concerned about putting their makeup on than listening to what a teacher has to say.

But you have a special gift. You’re yourself. And you’re bold. You’re a free spirit. And I don’t want you to loose that. It’s a rare quality to have in our society, but you’re special that way. I wish more people could be as much of an individual as you--a young boy, more willing to be himself than some fifty year old men.

I wish I could be as much of a free spirit as you are. It takes courage. But, of course you have David to help you keep your uniqueness and spirits up--me, I’m just on my own, but I like to think I’m doing okay, kind of a free spirit. David is good for you. He can encourage you to be your own person, and realize even if and when people say mean things that’s all it is--mean things. It’s not you. It’s them. I’m sure David knows that--I’m glad you found each other. You deserve each other.

Keep on keepin’ on little man. You’re doing great.

Flying Like a Free Bird With You,

NicholleLee Robertson.

Dear Princess Buttercup,

2010-10-14T10:34:00.002-04:00

I thought you were really dense when I first met you. But after I heard what you said to Westley when you declared your love to him I learned differently. It takes a pair to put your heart on your sleeve in the way you did, and I’ve got to respect you for that.

On another note. The fact that you continued loving him so much when he’d been gone/dead for so long is admirable. And look--it worked out in your benefit this time. Good things come to those who wait and you really proved that… Westley might be one of the few men out there that are just totally incredibly amazing and you’ve got him wrapped around your little finger. Good for you.

The prince, however, is just the biggest tool in the world--and you almost fell for it! Tisk tisk. You should have known better. Not like you could have done anything about it…it was either be with him or die… To be completely honest if I’d lost my true love I probably would have chose death… But, then again, if you can survive a broken heart of that stature you can survive everything right…? Maybe. But, hey, look at the bright side…you got to wear pretty dresses…which I’m SURE made you feel so much better… That was a joke if you didn’t catch on.

I’m glad you got your Westley back…he was right, nothing can stop true love. And, I’m glad to finally have it proven to me. Thanks for the lesson. ;-)

Truly Lovingly Yours,

NicholleLee Robertson.

Dear George Emerson,

2010-10-14T10:33:00.001-04:00

You are such a MAN. I can’t even explain the utter love I have for you. Every time I get to spend time with you I fall in love with you all over again and even harder than the first time. Your cynicism and sarcasm, and romanticism just…I can’t even explain.

You are like the epitome of perfection. You’re not afraid to stand up for what you want and believe in, no matter the boldness you have to exert. You have such a faith in fate and what is supposed to happen will--and I admire that so much! I believe the same thing too, but I have a hard time being patient enough and waiting for that to come. Or I worry that maybe I’m wrong and fate has a hand in nothing. But--your story, of you and Lucy--clearly proves me wrong. The way you kissed her after Cecil read the passage of that book about your and Lucy’s first kiss…there’s no better way to describe it then just MAN. You’re a total man.

I can’t even explain how you’ve had me weak in the knees just about things you’ve said or done. It’s really not healthy how much I love you. It’s not. I know you fought hard for Lucy and you’re not going to let go of her for some silly girl like me.. But still! I just can’t help but hope and wish. I’m like a bad Taylor Swift song when it comes to you…knowing one day we’ll be together and it will end like a Taylor Swift song. But…life is not a Taylor Swift song, so I will have to put those ambitions behind me. She does make it sound fabulous though.

You have this way of making everything you do seem perfect. And you have this way of making everything silly or unimportant seem totally useless and dumb. I don’t know…you’re probably getting red in the cheeks reading this…but honesty is the best policy and I told I’m really honest. So I just have to get this off my chest. And I know that’s all it is. I don’t expect anything from or out of you. I just needed to get this out before I explode from your manliness.

Utterly Lovingly Yours,

NicholleLee Robertson.

Dear Ishmael Chambers,

2010-09-25T16:26:00.003-04:00

There's something about you that I can't just forget. Maybe it's your arm, or your war story. Maybe it's the incredible way you love Hatsue. Or it could just be that you're a journalist, too.

I just wanted to tell you that I think you're an incredible man. I know we only spent a few short days together, but when we weren't together I was thinking about you--all the time. You think I'd be embarrassed to admit that...I'm not.

I think it's just the way you loved Hatsue...when you were young, all the way up to her being married to someone else. It takes something to be that in love with someone, I think. The commitment and determination you put into loving her...it's something else.

I understand what it must have been like being with a Japaneese girl and having to keep your love hidden--I mean, I can't understand, but I think I do a little. I think the fact that you guys put so much into each other and believed in each other the way you did at such a young age is what helped you hold on to her for so long...

I can't imagine how heartbroken you must have been when she was forced to leave or when you came back from the war to find her getting married. I can't even imagine the pain you must have felt... And to hold on to all that pain for so many years...how exhausting--I don't know how you did it...

I just thought I would let you know that I'm thinking of you and I can't wait to see you again.

Thinking of you,
NicholleLeeRobertson

Dear Clare Abshire-DeTamble

2010-07-06T22:29:00.002-04:00

I admire the strength and patience you have. I mean, I can't imagine being with Henry was easy--when he was gone. I mean, I get aggravated when I can't see my boyfriend once a week, or when I'm away at school. But, what you had to go through...I can't imagine. I understand what you meant by saying you never had a choice. I mean, obviously you knew that Henry was your future. But, I mean, sometimes I think about my relationship and feel the same way. I mean he's not a time traveler and a Ouija board didn't spell his name out...but sometimes it's like your heart and mind and body make that choice for you without your brain even realizing it. And it's nothing to complain about, but it's just weird the way life--love works like that. I just want to commend you though for--handling the situation the way you did. I mean, you lived that way your entire life, so I guess it was kind of easy for you in a way. But to live every moment basically wondering if he was going to be there the next, and when he's gone worrying that he's okay and everything's okay. It mus'n't have been easy...but you did it with such...class. You, truly, are a remarkable woman. You are. I can't imagine being in your shoes and handling it any better than you. You have something everyone could learn a little more about love--patience, understanding, kindness. You really do inspire people--just to be better people, better lovers, mothers, and wives. You're great.

Decidedly yours,

NicholleLee Robertson.

Dear Edward Cullen,

2010-07-03T01:12:00.002-04:00

It's been some time since we spent time together. And I was right. Taking the break we did, it made our time together tonight much more enjoyable. Honestly.

I was driving home from our visit and I looked up and saw the most amazing image of the moon. I mean--amazing. I wish I could have taken a photo, but, ya know, I was driving and all. And just the way the moon looked--clouded and streaked over and almost the color of fire--it made me just want to turn back and find you again. Just stay with you--for a little while at least. I just wanted to turn back. I don't know, that's one of the only times I can really remember wanting to turn back and go to something else. That image of the moon, it was just you, I guess. If that makes any sense. ???

It's nights like tonight that I wonder why I ever decided to leave you in the first place. I guess if I wouldn't have then we never would have had this night. But, I don't know. Every time I'm with you I just feel...different. Better. Calmer. I can't explain it. I feel so weird admitting how close we are, but at the same time the connection we have is something that makes me feel so good. I never feel more emotion than I do when we're together. Maybe that's why I love being with you so much--you make me feel so alive. Which is kind of ironic if you think about it...you not being alive and all. Does that sound crazy? I know I am, so it's okay to say 'yes.'

I don't know. I guess you're that person that I can just always turn to and know that I'll figure out whatever I need to figure out when I'm in your presence. And i think that's why I had such a hard time parting with you so many years ago--you put things in perspective for me. Well, you don't, but you help me to put them into perspective.

Ponderingly yours,

NicholleLee Robertson.

Dear Jane,

2010-06-15T11:51:00.002-04:00

We spent some time apart for some time since I was in school. But, when I returned to see you were still so broken up about your man leaving, I can't help but feel so bad for you. I mean, I know how I felt when my boyfriend and I had to be separated because I was away at school, but he left willingly, and now you have to hear about how he's "with" someone else and has forgotten about you... Man. For me I don't know how I functioned, I missed him so much. But, you don't have to just miss him...you have to hear about him from every other direction and hear he's "fine" when you are clearly suffering. Yuck! Don't give up though! All good things come to those who wait. Plus, until YOU talk to him, you don't really know how he's feeling at all do you?!

Feeling You,

NicholleLee Robertson.

Dear Ishmael Chambers,

2010-05-17T12:37:00.002-04:00

I automatically liked you. For one, you're the editor at the newspaper. But, you were different. You have class with your profession. So many writers are pushy and pry, but you don't. You respect people and their feelings. Not saying that other writers don't do that, but not all do. And I respect you for that. We share the same profession--I like you.

You also have such an amazing heart. Falling in love and not loving anyone else, even if that means you're alone. Although I do believe you could have found someone else, it's incredible what you did. Committing to someone like that who didn't commit the way you did. Although, I think in a way she did. I think she loved you more than her husband she just couldn't stand up for herself--for you. Although it's sad, it happens. But you told her you'd love her forever and no one but her, and you do. And I think that's really respectable. I love hearing the stories of when you were kids. But, when I see her with her husband I just don't feel like she feels the way about him she did for you--she does for you. Because I believe she does still feel that way.
Anyways, I just wanted to write you and tell you what a good man I thought you were. See you soon.

Tellingly yours,

NicholleLee Robertson.

Dear Ronnie,

2010-05-13T14:15:00.003-04:00

You're quick to judge, and judgmental. Especially for someone who has the attitude you have... I think it was a good thing you spent the summer with your dad, it allowed you to re-evaluate your life... You needed to. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed spending time with you, you were just so whinny and your "the world is against me. Rawr, I hate everything" attitude was getting old. Guess what?! There are people in much worse positions than you...just so you know. You have a good life, you don't really have any reason to complain... I mean, I understand why you complain--everyone does. But still. Come on lady!!

But, I think you made great strides with your life and attitude. It's not always easy to see yourself and realize you need to change. And even though you may not have really noticed a need to change, you realized you could better yourself. And you did. And that's something you should be proud of. Your dad needed you, and you were there for him. And your brother. And in the end--your mother.

You're a good example for all the girls out there that were like you...people can change, they can be happier than they expect, even in the "worst" situations...

Optimistically yours,

NicholleLee Robertson.