Are you ready for the summer dating season?  We’re talking BBQs, trips to exotic locations, and parties almost every weekend!  If you thought the spring was great, get ready for the hottest “mating season.”  It’s going to be an amazing time to meet new people, but you have to ready.

Here are some things you can do to “Freshen Up Your Sassy” so you’re ready to meet more men.

1. Purchase a new “under the hood” wardrobe.  There’s nothing like the feeling of having a new wardrobe of panties and bras to make you feel like a new woman.  Throw out anything with a hole or stretched out elastic.  Then go out and get 7 matching sets, one for each day of the week.   The “girls” will get a much needed lift and you’ll have a new switch in your hips.
   
   
2. Select a new summer fragrance.  Whether you’re picking something from your collection or getting something new, select a fragrance for the summer season and scent yourself each day.  Remember, the heat makes all scents carry through the air.  So, make sure you test this before making your final selection.
   
   
3. Commit to regular pedi’s.  Open-toed shoes and sandals demand a pedicure.  You can start a monthly schedule and try to maintain at home.  But if you really want toes that “talk”, go every two weeks and get a fresh coat of paint.  The color of your nails is less important than the beauty of manicured feet.
   
   
4. Try a 7-day cleanse.  You’ll need your energy to keep up with your active social schedule.  Go to your local health food store and ask for the clerk to recommend a cleanse you can do to purge toxins and give your body a break.  A light diet during the summer months will keep you going full speed.  You may also notice your clothes fitting better by August. (smile)
   
   

What are your plans for the summer?  How will be refresh your sassy?

I’ve always heard from powerful women that men are intimidated by them.  But I’ve been hearing this complaint more than ever before.

I saw two women in the supermarket.  One was complaining to the other about men.  I was wearing my “Men are Weird” t-shirt and the woman (we’ll call her Abigail) pointed out that she didn’t understand them at all.  I mentioned the work that I did and Abigail started to share her story with me.   It was a story I had heard so many times before.

Abigail complained that men just didn’t ask her out again after the first date, although to her things had gone very well.  When I asked her why she thought that was, she told me her thoughts were that the men were intimidated by her.  She had a successful career and liked to take care of things herself.  She didn’t know why the dates didn’t go better than they did.

I mentioned to Abigail what I know to be true about men – strength in a woman is very attractive.  If you’re strong, secure and know how to get things done, you’ll have no problem attracting men.

But there are a few things that turn men off, such as…..

1. Needing to have your own way all the time – There’s nothing wrong with education but just because you’ve got a degree doesn’t mean things always have to be done the way you say them.  If you require everything to be on your schedule all the time, this can be a real turn off.
2. Treating your date like an interview – The first rule of dating is to have fun and try to connect with the other person as much as you can.  Yes, you should be asking questions but only questions that you really want to know the answers to, not because you want him to know he’s being evaluated.  If you must think of the date as an interview, consider the fact that you are both interviewing each other, not just you interviewing him.
3. Insisting that you do everything yourself – Strong women have nothing to prove, so there’s no need to demonstrate to your date that you can handle everything by yourself. You should know before you start dating what you like men to do for you and what you prefer to do yourself.

As a fellow strong woman, I understand the tendency to do all of these things, but believe me – they will push men away instead of pulling men to you.

Have you noticed anyone doing these things?  Have you been guilty of doing these things yourself?  Leave a comment and let us know!

I had a wonderful mini-trip to the East Coast last week, visiting family and friends while getting ready for the Spring.

While I’m setting goals for the next two years and rearranging my schedule to best serve all who need me, my family is going through changes too.  I have a sister who’s moving to another state, another sister who’s graduating from college and a brother who is changing careers.

The Spring is definitely a time for new beginnings.  Even engaged couples are getting ready for all those June weddings!

When I returned to my office in Phoenix, I got an email from a woman who wanted to know “What should I know before I say ‘Yes I do’?”  What a loaded questions.  Aside from all the stories, wisdom and well wishes from your family, here are a few less-mentioned nuggets to keep in mind.

1.  Love is an action word.  Now, while you’re on your honeymoon, enjoying those sandy beaches and room service, love will be the “act” of your bodies and hearts.  But in marriage, love isn’t just something you feel – it’s something you do.  My definition of love is this.  Love sees a need and responds with what it has to give.  So, remember that when you vow to love your spouse, you’re vowing to respond to ever need they have with everything you have to give.
   
    
   
2. Engagements are easier to break than marriages.  When I was dating, people would ask me how I’d know a man was my future husband.  What answer would always be “When we exchange rings at the altar.”  Until you get married – for real – there is nothing holding you back from considering every side of your engagement.  It’s easier to call off the wedding than it is to divorce your spouse.  Even a marriage of a few months takes years to end.
   
    
   
3. Take marriage one day at a time.  Although you’re committing to be together for a lifetime, just work to commit to each other each day.  Life is bring you challenges, experiences, joys and sorrows that you cannot predict.  You may feel that you’re in this for life, but if you commit to each day together, before you know it you’ll have spent a lifetime of love together.  Give yourself a break and take things as they come.
   
    
   

I had a session with a married woman last month who was feeling guilty about her feelings for her husband.  Although they’d been married for 20+ years, she still wasn’t satisfied with their relationship.  He was a good provider, but just didn’t give her the things she really needed.  She came to me to see if their relationship could improve, since they’d been together so long.

After our session, I thought about all the couples out there who feel just the way my client felt.  Over time, the person you once adored can turn into the person you despise, even if they’re not doing anything wrong.  If you’re not careful, you can end a perfectly good relationship that just needs to adapt to who you both are today.

If you’re starting to question your relationship, here are three questions to ask yourself.

1. Is he paying you any attention?   One of the things I teach my private clients is this – You only pay attention to the men who are paying attention to you.  Now, just because he isn’t doing what you want him to do doesn’t mean he’s ignoring you.  Take a look to see if the man you’re with is trying to do anything to make you happy.  If he is, then there’s still a chance to improve your relationship.
   
   
2. Does he still serve a purpose in your life?  Passion comes from purpose.  People we feel most   passionate about people we see as valuable, no matter what that value is. You may not need the same things you needed when you first entered your relationship.  So, get clear on what you need now.  Then honestly ask yourself if he’s capable of giving you the things you need.  Keep in mind, a man that loves you will put in the effort to give you what you need.
   
   
3. Are you ready to try something new?   Even if you’ve tried everything you can think of, whatever will work is something you haven’t done yet.  You have to let go of the frustration and be willing to try new ideas.  New ideas take time to work too, so a little patience is in order.
   
   

Have you ever had to jump start your relationship with someone?  What did you both do to improve that relationship?

I was watching the movie “He’s Just Not that Into You” on Sunday, and was truly entertained by the stories and advice the movie had to offer.  (Side note: Do we as women really pay attention to the “signs” that a man is interested?  I agree that if a man’s interested in you, he’ll do something about it.)

What I enjoyed the most is that they showed single people, those in relationships and married people – and how we all need to grow and learn in love.  BRAVO for that.  Who needs another movie that shows how awesome married life is and how pathetic the single life can be?  We’re all trying to figure this thing out, and need each other to help us through it all.

No one has all the answers – not even love coaches like me.  But when it comes to how singles celebrate Valentine’s Day (or don’t celebrate it) I have to take a stand.

I hate all the depressing things that go on in the singles camp on February 14th, and I can’t let you go out like that!  So here is my list of things you need to AVOID this Valentine’s Day.  If I’m out and catch you doing one of these things, I may give you the side-eye! (LOL)

1. Attend a S.A.D. Dinner to Cheer Yourself Up – I’ve heard that Valentine’s Day is also Single Awareness/Appreciation Day.  Does anyone realize that this whole idea spells out S.A.D?  Singles have active love lives, even if they aren’t half of a couple.   If you plan on having enormous fun this February 14th, none of your friends will feel sorry for you (which is what you want, right?). Idea: Rather than sitting with a bunch of bitter people who resent their lives, hang with some friends and do something you really enjoy.  Anything goes as long as you’ll have a blast doing it!

    

2. Call Your Ex-lover and Ask Them Out – If he/she wasn’t good enough before, the allure of Valentine’s Day won’t make them any better.  Sure you may want to share romantic feelings with a familiar face.  But hooking up with someone who’s not right for you will undo any progress you’ve made in your life since the break up.    Idea: Comb through your phone book for any dating friends you may share a drama-free connection with.  Invite them to a no-strings attached dinner, and offer to go Dutch.  The point is to have fun, not create a boyfriend where there is none.

    

3. Treat The Day Like Any Other Day – Denial never helped anyone, and denying the powerful focus on love this Valentine’s Day is not going to make your life any easier.  You can pretend that the rose deliveries to your co-workers and the evening plans of your friends don’t bother you.  But if the world is taking the day to celebrate the love they have, the best thing to do is to jump in with both feet and celebrate too.  Idea: Have something delivered to you at work!  If asked, tell them it’s from someone who loves you very much.

    

4. Spend the Night Alone at Home – I understand that some people really enjoy their space (introverts especially).  But Valentine’s Day – in my opinion – should be celebrated even if you’re spending it alone.  So, if you’re flying solo on the 14th, be somewhere you normally wouldn’t be and create a memory.  Idea: Treat yourself to a night in a nearby hotel and enjoy  a change of scenery.  Splurge on room service or take advantage of one of the hotel’s spa services.

    

5. Allow Yourself to Slip into A Depression – Did you know that depression is a step in the grieving process?  Even after your accept that it’s over, you can slip back into the pain of your previous relationships or the regrets of the past.  But, don’t allow yourself to go there – not on Valentine’s Day or any other day if you can help it.  Idea: Spend the day in gratitude of the love you’ve enjoyed over the years, including the moments people were there when you needed them the most.  Pull out photos and surround yourself with good memories.  Make plans for your evening – don’t leave anything to chance.  And make sure you follow through with your plans!

    

Do you have anything special planned for Valentine’s Day (whether you’re single, in a relationship or married)?  Leave a comment below.

Cecilia, an attractive woman, was at the bar of a local hotel during Happy Hour.  She was trying to get back into the dating scene after she and her fiancé ended things a year ago.

Needless to say, she was nervous about the men she’d meet, and really didn’t know if she was ready to start dating again.  Her fiancé was the perfect man, or so she thought.  She was having a hard time coming to the reality that things would never have worked out between them, and that it was time to move on.

So, she sipped her beverage and tried to make eye contact with the man standing across the room.  He didn’t look like her fiancé, but she couldn’t help but worry that she would make the same mistake of misreading the signs and falling for a man who wasn’t right for her.

So, instead of taking the risk, Cecilia just paid her bill and went home that night.  He couldn’t hurt her if they never met.

As I think about Cecilia’s situation, I know that there are many other women in this same place.  Men and women break up all the time – leaving the people in that relationship hurt, disappointed and wary of the future.

But if you want to date again and fall in love with the right person, here are some tips to help you trust your heart again.

1. Give yourself enough time to grieve the loss of your relationship.  When you’re getting over someone, you’re not just getting over the loss of the good times.  You’re also grieving the loss of any future happiness you hoped to experience.  Each person is different, as well as each relationship, so there is no set time.  But if you feel pain, anger, sadness, or unfounded hope in the man coming back – it’s too soon to start dating anyone else.  You don’t want to feel numb, but get to the point where you can accept what happened with a sense of peace.

2. Pay attention to the pulling of your heart.  It’s time to get back on the “dating” horse when you start wanting companionship (or you start envying someone else’s loving relationship).  Your heart knows what it needs.  If you want to enjoy love then it’s probably time to get your body, mind and soul ready to start meeting people.

3. Accept the risks of love. You are guaranteed to experience love but you can’t control who it comes from.  There is always a risk that the person you love will change, want something different or move on.  But that’s no reason to give up on love altogether.  Learning the warning signs and also the signs of a genuine person can hedge the risk and keep your heart safe.

Have you had to put yourself out there after a failed relationship?  What did you do to start dating again?  How did you learn to trust again?

Have you ever felt you were in a relationship but weren’t?  Usually, things are going really well until he introduces you to his “girlfriend,” leaving you wondering “If she’s your girlfriend, then who am I?”

Sometimes it’s tough to see that your friendship isn’t a real relationship because to you it feels very intimate and secure.  The connection can be so strong that your heart tells you that your “friend” is really your “man” when in reality no level of commitment has been established.

Here are a few friendships that look like a relationship but aren’t quite one yet.

1. Frequent conversations – If you talk to your guy so much that he’s the one you tell everything then you may feel like you’re in a pretty secure relationship.   Essentially, he’s your confidante – most of us only have one or two in a lifetime so it’s no wonder that you value the time you spend together.
   
    
2. Sex whenever you’d like – We often hear about men who use women for sex – the booty call and one-night stand.  However, when we as women can have our sexual needs satisfied whenever we’d like, it can build a level of security.  Knowing that he’s there to “perform” on call can make you feel like you have a steady relationship, especially if you assume that you’re the only woman in his life.
   
    
3. Treated as part of the family – It’s easy for you to feel you’re his special woman when you’re close to his relatives, especially his mother.  For example, maybe his sister always asks you to “stop by” for Thanksgiving or family dinners.  Perhaps you’ve built such a strong relationship with his mother that you feel you can call her whenever you’d like.  Family approval is very important in a relationship.  If you feel you have their blessing already, you may assume that it’s only a matter of time before he comes around.

Why do you think we get into these friendships without asking if we’re together or not?  What other situations can you think of that feel like a relationship when you haven’t really committed to one another?

Do you ever get the feeling that the only men interested in you are unemployed, unattractive or unavailable?  Although I believe a woman should appreciate all the attention she gets from the opposite sex, some men do approach you because they feel they have nothing to lose.

So, if you want to attract more eligible men, you may have to take a few steps to let him know you’re interested and he can approach you.

1. Ask yourself: What one thing would a man have to do to impress me?  If you want more eligible men to pay you attention, you’ve got to be clear on the kind of attention you want to receive.  Do you like being approached or to make eye contact?  Do you like a man who asks you what you want or do you like a man to suggest the next step?  There is no right or wrong answer, just make sure it’s the answer that truly would impress you.  Then, when you’re paying attention to the men around you, be on the lookout for the men who do things the way you like them done.
   
       
2. Spend time during the week where your kind of guy hangs out.  This may be a toughee if you don’t have an active social life.  But think about all the fun things you like to do, and spend time after work or on the weekends doing things you love to do.  Keep in mind that the goal isn’t just to meet men or be asked out on the date.  You can use this time to brush up on your flirting skills as well.
   
       
3. When you get attention from men who seem “out of your league,” go with it. It’s funny how when you see a guy who’s really cute and well put together, more than the men you normally date, and he’s looking at you with desire, you may get nervous or dismiss the attention.   But if he looks at you with interest, it’s probably genuine.  So, if you hear a little voice telling you “He must be looking at someone else,” ignore it!  You’re a rockstar!  And people can see how amazing you are.   Trust your instincts and open yourself up a tiny bit.
   
       

Abigail was a 30-something single woman who’s been in more relationships than she had fingers.  Although she tried to be the perfect woman, and lived in a city with more than enough single men, she couldn’t seem to attract the man she really wanted.  And it was starting to get on her nerves.

One after one, her single friends were getting married and settling down.   Year by year, she’d make the New Year’s Resolution to finally “fix” herself enough to meet the right guy.  And then, by April, she’d realize that she couldn’t fix herself enough to make any man want her.  Every year it was the same — Spring, Summer and Fall were spent working and with friends.  And by the holidays, she would try again to meet the right guy.

Abigail is in the life cycle that you may be in right now.  And if you’ve run out of options, here are a few things to get you started on the path to new found love.

1. When you’re doing all the right things (going out, online dating, looking great) and not meeting great guys, it’s time to go within.  Our past experiences can keep us so bottled up that we lose focus of what we want and just try to keep away from the men we don’t want.  There are thousands of men in your local area.  If you haven’t met any nice guys in a while, it’s something going on inside.  Once you realign yourself to the possibilities, you’ll connect with more men you like.
    
2. Get clear on what you want and stick with it.  We start out as teenagers with the fantasy of what love is and what we want.  Then, time teaches us that we don’t always get what we want.  So, in order to cope, we lower our expectations, decrease our standards, and basically become willing to accept anyone who wants us.  But you’ve got to get clear on what you want and ask yourself the right questions (our Meet Mr. Right Toolkit exercise #1 is a great place to start).  Then you’ll be able to recognize the right guy from the wrong one. I always start all my clients off with an exercise on what they want.
    
3. Reach for help when you feel out of your element.  If you start to feel nervous or uncomfortable in your life, that’s the best time to reach for help.  It means you’re in a great place to grow and learn, but you may need a listening ear to help you come up with the right path to take.  If you can’t trust your friends and family, I’m always here to help.  Just make sure you have someone you can trust to call when you want to run back under the covers and hide.  (I’ve seen women run from men before – it’s not pretty).
    

New love can happen anytime and you can open yourself up to love if you follow these simple steps.  If you can believe it for yourself, and do what you need to do, you’ll be amazed at what lies ahead.

Were you disappointed when your last relationship ended because you thought he was the one?  Were you sure that you were making the right choice, and were surprised when things didn’t work out?

If this isn’t the first time you misjudged someone, how can you be sure you won’t do it again?  That’s the fear that keeps many women from the love they want.  I don’t want that to happen to you.

So, I’m going to share with you the things you need to do to stop falling for the wrong men time and time again.

The first two things you can do right now, but the final one makes all the difference in your life.  So, listen closely.

Now, in order to have a man who truly loves you, you’ve got to do three specific things.  Read each one below very carefully.

First, you’ve got to let go of the past.  Every disappointment is a lesson you are free to learn and bring into your next relationship.  Gather all the wisdom that you can from those relationships and keep those lessons close to your heart.

Second, you’ve got to believe you can have what you want.  Although it didn’t work with “him”, there are still a group of men in the world who want to love you for who you are.  So, think about the man who will love you instead of the men who didn’t.

Third, you’ve got to date in a different way – a way that’s simple, fun and will help you make the right choices.  If you go about things the way you have, you’re going to get the same results.  But when you learn a new way of dating, a way that works, you’ll attract men who adore you and want to love you.

When you do all three things above, you’ll have peace, pleasure and a relationship that makes you smile.

If you’ve already decided you want to meet the right guy, learn a better way of dating.  You can do so by having a Meet the One Breakthrough Session with.

Secure yours now by visiting http://breakthrough.readytobeawife.com.

During your Meet the One Breakthrough Session, I’m going to do something I can’t do in an e-book or teleclass.

I’m going to talk with you privately, listen to your story and tell you specifically what you need to meet the right guy.

Not only will I share with you my input, but you’ll find the answers you’ve been seeking, eliminating the worrying and doubt that’s holding you back, and know with confidence what you need to do differently to attract the right man.

I’m ready to take you by the hand and walk you through my signature dating process so you can have fun dating, meet the right guy and enjoy his love for you soon. You’ll get all this during your Meet the One Breakthrough Session.

So, take the next step towards the love life you desire and secure your Meet the One Breakthrough Session today.

Go to http://breakthrough.readytobeawife.com