Stop Lurking Caruso. I wanna see cuteness.

James Franco to play Ani Difranco

Actor James Franco has signed on to play singer/songwriter Ani Difranco her upcoming biopic, “Just One Big Slice: The Ani Difranco Story,” which will begin shooting next week in Saigon.  Franco’s agent said the actor was ecstatic over the chance to represent the singer and feminist icon on the big screen.

When asked about the selection of James Franco, the film’s Director Brian Singer said he chose the star because “his name is close to Difranco.”  However, he wasn’t Singer’s first choice.  The director’s ideal choice was Ani Difranco but producers thought she was back into girls and they thought that represented a negative side to her ouvre.  Franco was already in character last week at the EPK shoot (see below).

James Franco as Ani Difranco

The book’s logline as quoted from Random House’s press release: In a sad turn of events, Steve Martin (who hasn’t aged in years) falls into the habit of aging very quickly. In the final week of his life, The laughs have run out, and Steve Martin isn’t going to make it out alive.

1. That chick (the stalker) had nice tits.

2. Paula Abdul looks like Prince!

Maybe you can see it from this picture:

Paula Abdul looks like Prince

I know you can probably see it already.  But we live in an age of “modern” technology.  So, I give you… The artist currently known as PRINCE PAULA ADBUL, the ultimate artist.  It’s like Prince on more pills!

Prince Paula Abdul

BUT BARACK OBAMA WILL ANSWER ANY QUESTION, ANY TIME – 100% TRUTH, NO FUCKING AROUND.

Barack Obama gives an in detail description of his unit to a local youth group.

See what I mean? See above, okay?

Example A: Jason Varitek

Here is Slade Smiley (BTW he’s kind of a fag):

Example B: Slade Smiley

These pictures aren’t the best examples.  They really have similar bone structures in the face.  The only difference is that Varitek’s face is much thicker.  I think that’s because Slade probably purges.  But, just to prove my case.  Imagine Jason Varitek purged too.  Would he look like THIS:

Slade Varitek

chix diggit!

I found something that makes me ultimately more loveable, and ultimately more terrifying. It’s like a closed fist that means love. A hug that chokes you out… An abortion that is also sexy… A dry palm on a wet forehead, making you question, “should I tap, or should I writhe?”

Yes, this is it, folks.

Do you have a new thing?

BECAUSE OF THE MONTAUK MONSTER WHO SCARED THE BEJEEZUS OUT OF ME !!!  Right after I ran off, the half dead dog/rodent/turtle thing was all up at the bottom of the stage.  It totally was like “BOO!”

I got over it though – and then it hit me… I called up my boy DJ Doyle, who was in SD working comic-con  with me… and needless to say… DJ has his own little story about this guy and what happened in San Diego.

That’s it for me, (I’m Jim)… Hey DJ, why don’t you tell us what happened at the hotel…

What happens at Comic-Con…

Gets spread around the office the following week. Yup. I’ll own up to it. While Jim was running scared from the Dog-Turtle Monster, I was embracing their awkward be-flippered lovin’. Seems that these two young betties headed down to Comic-Con with little more than the wind at their backs and a song in their piggish hearts.

So you KNOW I swooped in for the kill with my mad skillz. I learned real quick that Durtle Monsters will do just about anything for a warm berth at night…  (The term berth is used to describe a bed on a boat or train… Jim didn’t know this – he’s an idiot.)

And by anything, I’m saying I shagged them.

Hugs and Kisses,

DJ

Are you feeling sad?  Like a bagel sans shmear?   Like an elephant who forgot?  Like the tallest midget around?  Well here’s a tip from your good buddy who knows a thing or two about being blue, me in the mirror.

Mirror Jim Says:

Special thanks to Zach Craley for letting me know that life is worth living.  And providing me with a slab of butter the size of a baby’s fist.

How do you guys make it through and not blow your heads off in a desperate suicide attempt inspired by mornings of trite and played out breakfast sustinence?