Real Pastors Wives

The Most Difficult Call Of All - Ministry

2012-08-03T06:08:22-07:00

Ministry is tough, really tough, eating shoe leather tough. Most of us can recall a time we felt “a call” into ministry, probably at an young age. Yet now, after serving the Lord full time for many years, a lot of us question that call.

This past week has been a little tough in our home. I’ve watched and continue to watch my husband wrestle with his calling. He’s not sure that he’s called to be a Lead Pastor and wonders if an Associate Pastor position would suit him better. I’ve tried to get him to talk through the various ministry responsibilities he enjoys, thinking that this would help him determine where his “sweet spot” is in the church. But he couldn’t come up with anything that he enjoys. Perhaps this is because I’m posing the questions, or perhaps it’s because he’s completely wiped out. I truly believe the latter is the real reason.

For the past six years my husband has been alone in planting and growing our church. It’s been exhausting and lonely and discouraging the majority of the time. He’s tried repeatedly to raise up volunteer leadership, only to have it fail every time. Recently, he’s started believing that he has no leadership skills or abilities. Yet, in the past he’s led teams of five hundred to six hundred people very successfully. To sum it all up, he feels like a total loser.

I have no idea what to do or how to help him or if I can help. He’s feeling like such a failure and I don’t know how to change that. I suppose the answer is obvious, only the Lord can change those feeling in his heart. Even so, it’s brutally difficult to sit by and watch, utterly helpless. I’ve seen him go from a happy, outgoing, vibrant man to a weary, discouraged, angry, shell of a man. The fire is gone from his eyes. It’s completely heartbreaking.

I cannot help but wonder why the Lord would call us to a place that continues to drain us. I wonder why he hasn’t sent someone to help, even though we’ve prayed and fasted for that very thing many times. I don’t understand why this ministry has been virtually fruitless. I could go on forever, but know I shouldn’t. I’m not meaning to complain, I just feel so helpless.

I wonder how many other ministry wives deal with this very same thing. How many women sit and watch as their husbands completely dissolve into a person they hardly recognize? How many, like me, feel completely helpless?

And yet, the Word tells me to trust in the Lord with all my heart, to lean not on my own understanding. It bids me to acknowledge Him in all my ways and watch as He directs my paths (Proverbs 3:5 & 6).

“Commit your way to the Lord; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass.” Psalm 37:5.

“You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.” Isaiah 26:3

“Every word of God is pure; He is a shield to those who trust Him.” Proverbs 30:5

I need to hold on to these verses and believe them as true; in my life and that of my husband and my children. I believe the Lord has allowed me to come to this place to recognize that I can’t fix or manage anything on my own. This is truly His territory and I must lay my emotions on the sidelines. It is my responsibility to take my hands off this situation and stand back and watch Him move. I just hope He moves soon...

Father, I’m so grateful that I can trust You and Your Word. Our lives are in Your hands and we know that You alone can make all things work together for our good. I lay my husband at Your feet today. Please speak Your truth and peace into His heart. I pray that Your joy would strengthen and sustain him in this difficult season of life. Open his eyes to see who he is as Your child. Fill him with confidence and renew his calling. I ask, Holy Spirit, for You to fill him anew. Give him the power from Acts 1:8 so he can be your witness. Please give him a vision, Lord, for Your work and how he can best accomplish it. Lift up his weary hands and continue to guide him with Your presence. Rain down showers of joy into his soul. In Christ’s precious Name, Amen.

I Feel Like A Real Heel

2012-07-22T06:01:29-07:00

In my last post, I mentioned what a tough position we are currently facing; the possibility of moving to another ministry or staying in the church where we are and moving to another building. The plot thickens...

The other night, I went to our Ladies Bible study and was bombarded with women asking me question after question about our "new church." One by one, they expressed their excitement and remarked on this being an answer to prayer. Yesterday, another lady told me that she purchased items for our new church building, because she knows we're really going to grow once we relocate. To make matters even worse, my husband just told me that a couple in our church has offered to buy the building and let us rent it for a small amount.

It seems like everyone is so excited about this new building, but me. I feel duplicitous. I feel like such a heel, and not like the cute one at this top of the post! If we take on this new building and then my husband takes a position in another church, the people will be devastated. If we stay, I feel like we'll be trapped here forever (dramatic, I know). Even though I haven't loved serving in our current ministry, I definitely don't want to hurt these people.

This morning, I'm supposed to be getting ready for church, but in all honesty, I know I'll be hearing more buzz about the possible new building and generating fake enthusiam isn't something I'm good at. I pray the Lord, in His abundant mercy, will make His ways known very soon!

Quite A Conundrum

2012-07-15T14:32:32-07:00

After an almost two month hiatus from blogging, I'm so thankful to report that my screenplay is finally finished! I had thought the project was over a time or two before, but without hesitation, I can happily say that I've stuck a fork in it and most assuredly, it's done! In fact, the project is so done, that the only thing left for me to do is pay for my copyright application. And that will be taken care of by Monday morning!

I've truly missed communicating with other pastor's wives and women in ministry since I've been offline, so to speak. In a way, I've felt a little isolated and even lonely at times. It's such a blessing when I read comments that are posted and it assures me that I'm not just sending these posts out to some far off, cyber fantasy land where there never read or seen again.

I guess my motivation to write tonight comes from the fact that 1. I can actually think about something other than my script, now that it's completed, and 2. I feel like I'm in a bit of a conundrum. For the past year and a half, my husband and I have been sensing that it's time to move on from our current place in ministry, although we haven't really known what that meant. He's been checking out every new job opening that is emailed to him from these ministry search websites every week. So far, nothing has seemed of any interest. In the meantime, we've been doing our best to faithfully minister to the people in our current church. We've also checked out numerous locations that could serve as a better, higher profile place for our church to meet. We’ve been overcrowded in our current location for some time now. And wouldn't you know, every door slammed shut in our face.

Until this past week. Within the course of two days, my husband was asked if he'd be interested in moving to another ministry, as well as, being informed that an offer we placed on a property to relocate our church was accepted! Oi vey! So, you can imagine, at this point, I'm really wondering what God is up to.

A year ago, I was crawling the walls to get out of our current ministry (read some of my older posts if you don't believe me :). And now, that the opportunity has presented itself, I'm somewhat hopeful, but at the same time, I don't want to miss the Lord and what He's doing. Both my husband and myself have laid out our personal desires before the Lord and told Him that we are fully surrendered to Him and His plan, including, staying where we are right now. Again, not really the place we'd choose to stay in, but we truly want to be led of the Lord. I take great comfort in knowing that God's ways and thoughts are higher than mine.

Honestly, serving in this current ministry position is one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. I'm weary. I'm tired of my husband and myself having to do everything in the church. I'm desperate for fellowship, friendship, and companionship of any kind. I'm over the whole small town thing. I'm over the isolation. Yet, I don't want to miss God by leaving for this other, very attractive opportunity that recently presented its self.

My husband seems very excited about the possibility of a new location for the church. But, I'm leery. Every, and I do mean every, time something seems to look like it’s going to get better in our current church, we get our hopes up, only to have them crushed in a zillion pieces. I’ve asked my husband what he’s really thinking but he won’t tell me. He knows I would probably be happier moving on.

At this point, I’m not sure what to do or how to feel. I know change is coming, whether we stay or go. I’m just not sure how to prepare for which change it will be. I just pray that whichever it may be, I will be able to, with God’s grace and help, be able to live out Hebrews 12:1-2.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” ~ Hebrews 12:1-2

What Gives?

2012-05-20T17:10:19-07:00

Last night we had a church event that was poorly attended and I'm not sure why. When we initially announced it four weeks ago, we received a favorable response. Yet, the people who seemed most excited didn't show up. What gives?

The week before, the women's ministry hosted a luncheon and approximately 1/3 of the women who signed up were no shows. What gives?

We're currently planning various community outreach projects this summer, and again, not many people have indicated interest in participating. Oh, they believe it's necessary that we engage in outreach, only they feel like my husband and I should be the ones doing it. They're all for reaching out, as long as they're not the ones reaching. What gives?

I wonder how many pastors face similar frustration. Are we the exception or the rule? How can people so easily make a commitment and not follow through? What gives?

This seems to be a pattern in our body. People gripe and complain that we don't "do" enough, but every time we plan something, the attendance is poor. What gives?

I guess we're not much different than the children of Israel in Exodus; whining, complaining, grumbling, not following through. All they wanted was good food, so God provided in the form of manna and quail, yet after a while it was no longer good enough. Why are we always wanting more, yet when we get it, it's never enough? Just as they were a fickle people, so are we. It seems as if God's children haven't changed all that much in several thousand years.

As frustrating as it is being a pastor's wife dealing with fickle people, I cannot even begin to imagine how it would have been to be Moses' wife, Zipporah. Poor thing was with all those grumbling people 24/7, 365 days a year for forty years! Compared to her circumstances, mine look like a walk in the park! What an incredible women she must have been! Surely she was content to trust in the Lord to deal with the hearts and minds of His people.

As much as I desperately want the people to participate in outreach and inreach ministry opportunities, I know it is between them and the Lord. I cannot take it personally and feel discouraged when they don't show up. It's important to keep my focus on the One who has called me into service for Him and to make certain that I am indeed doing my best to do what He's called me to do. I must remember I'm accountable for myself alone and not get bogged down worrying about the whining of the people.

So, what gives? Apparently every expectation I have; they must give in order for me to serve the Lord with joy instead of drowning in discouragement.

If you're dealing with frustration and discouragement today, please know that you're not alone. This is a great opportunity for you to trust God to show up and move in the lives of the people in your church. And He'll move in your life too. If you're like me, He'll use these situations to deepen your trust in Him and your patience with His people. Let's face it, if we compare our present circumstances to those of Zipporah, we've actually got it quite easy!

Lord, I lay down all my expectations of Your people. I give You all of my frustration and discouragement and ask that You work in the lives of Your people. Help me do what You've called me to do and keep my focus on You alone. I want to serve You well, please help me do that faithfully. In Your Name, Amen.

Trust and Obey

2012-05-12T15:26:45-07:00

Over the past few months I've taken a break from writing this blog because I've been working on a new writing project. Actually, it's a screenwriting project, and it's been consuming my life. I've been a writer for many years, however, I've never had the desire to write outside of my genre, that is until recently. Have you ever felt like you had something to say but didn't know quite how to say it? One morning I woke up and saw a movie playing in my head and felt compelled to begin writing what I saw. After sharing my initial ideas with my husband, he encouraged me to go for it, and so I have. By the time my head hits the pillow tonight, I should be finished with my final re-write - YAY!

Nothing has really changed in our church over the past few months, other than my attitude. And I praise God for that! I'm no longer crawling the walls to get out of my small town, even though I still don't care for it. I'm learning to be content and to wait on the Lord. I honestly thought we'd be outta here by now, but it hasn't happened, and in a way, I'm glad. While I don't want to stay here long term, I feel the peace of God filling me with the assurance that He is in control. I can see that how He's using our current circumstances to develop me and my family into the disciples He desires us to be.

No longer do I have an "exit mentality." I'm digging in and I figure that as along as we're here, I need to obey the Lord and minister to the people He's brought us, as well as, those in the community around us. I've always enjoyed outreach ministry, so this summer I'm helping plan and orchestrate various community outreaches. And what's really amazing is that I'm super excited about it!

Right now, I'm in a place of surrender to the Lord, which feels really good. Honestly, I got tired of trying to control God and the misery that accompanied it.

I feel like I've walked through the fire since I've been writing this blog. And because of God's faithful grace, I no longer smell like smoke. I've surrendered the hurt and bitterness, along with my selfish desires and I look forward to sharing how the Lord is moving in my heart and life.

I want to close with the words from the hymn, "Trust and Obey." I pray they will remind you of the rich blessings that are ours when we live in obedience and surrender to our Savior.

When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word,
What a glory He sheds on our way!
While we do His good will, He abides with us still,
And with all who will trust and obey.
- Chorus:
  Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
  To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey
- But we never can prove the delights of His love
Until all on the altar we lay;
For the favor He shows, for the joy He bestows,
Are for them who will trust and obey.
Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet,
Or we’ll walk by His side in the way;
What He says we will do, where He sends we will go;
Never fear, only trust and obey.

Support Your Local Pastor's Kid

2012-02-07T06:37:00-08:00

A little less than two years ago, my teenage daughter proclaimed to me that she would NEVER use her musical gifts for the Lord. She stated, rather loudly, that she didn't want to be put on a pedestal like me and her father. And she didn't want unrealistic expectations of perfection from people in the church hanging over her head at all times. As you can imagine, it completely broke my heart.

Well, a year ago, the Lord began to change to her heart and open doors for her to pursue a career as a Christian recording artist. Last month, she was invited to attend a singer/songwriter’s weekend in Nashville. Part of the weekend included going into a professional recording studio and recording a song she wrote about pursuing love in Christ instead of love from a guy (it’s targeted at teen girls). It was a pretty incredible experience! And now, she’s currently working hard on writing new material, hoping to get signed to a Christian record label.

Yet, while all of this is going on, there are people in our church who are coming against her. I’m not sure if it’s jealousy or pettiness or what.

It’s got me thinking, that a lot of PK’s must endure stupidity such as this in the church. No wonder the statistics regarding Pastor’s kids are so grim. So many of them either wind up walking away from the Lord or spending years in counseling to overcome painful experiences as a result of their father’s profession.

Why is it that church people are so critical, judgmental and harsh to our children? It’s so frustrating and hurtful! I don’t even want to speak to some of these people anymore! Yet, Sunday after Sunday, I go to church and feel obligated to play nice.

As painful as this can be, I find great comfort in knowing that our majestic God knows exactly how this feels. It must’ve also broken His heart, when His Son was subjected to rejection, scorn and condemnation from the very people He came to serve. And yet, He didn’t send lightening bolts or rain down fire from the sky to destroy those people that persecuted His Son (thankfully, I’m not God;). Instead, He continued to pour out love and mercy, patiently dealing with them. And thankfully, He still pours out that same grace upon us today.

I don't know how else to get through this than to pray. So, I'll offer up a prayer right now if you don't mind...

Precious Father, please give me the strength to trust my children to Your care. I ask that You will be their guard and defender, knowing You are infinitely better at it than I. Please protect them from hurtful words and attitudes directed towards them by people in the church. Give them big dreams for Your glory and the furtherance of Your kingdom. Strengthen and encourage them as they seek to do Your will. Guard all our hearts and keep them tender. Help us to faithfully lay our hurts and disappointments before Your throne. I’m so thankful that You know how I feel and meet me where I am. Help me to love as You love. In Christ’s Name, Amen.

If you happen to be reading this and you're not in ministry, please pray for and support your pastor's children! They are in tremendous need or prayers for protection and strength to endure the many pressures of being in a pastor's family.

Jesus Wants Us To Share

2012-01-31T19:42:22-08:00

This post bears the same title as the Sunday school lesson I am preparing to teach to a group of six and seven year olds tomorrow morning. We're all familiar with the story of the five loaves and two fish given to the disciples by a young man sitting on the hillside listening to our Lord's teachings. And we all know that Jesus miraculously transformed that paltry offering into enough to satisfy the hunger of a crowd numbering around ten thousand (if we include women and children in the count).

While skimming through the lesson, it occurred to me that just like the title suggests, Jesus wants us to share. While this might not be an earth shaking revelation for most of us, it just hit me differently tonight. From the moment we, as pastor's wives, followed Christ to serve alongside our husbands in ministry, He's been calling us to share our lives with others. Still not blown away by this thought, are you?

Well, it just hit me. As a pastor's wife, God wants me to share everything I have with those around me. Just like the young man who gave all in his possession to minister to the physical needs of those around him on the hill, Jesus wants me to be willing to do the same. This includes my time, my home, my possessions and many times my family. But if I'm being honest, I don't want to share!

It's not that I'm a stingy, uncaring person, no, it's just that I like having all of those things to myself. I want to decide how I spend my time and with whom. As far as my home, shouldn't it be a refuge from the storms brought on by the church people? My possessions? I tithe and give offerings above that. So, really, isn't that enough? And my family? Would I really be a good mom or wife if I allowed church people to take up time that we could instead spend, as a family, playing Monopoly?

So what's the answer? If Jesus wants me to share everything and I don't really want to, I could find myself in a real fix feeling crushed by the weight of guilt. That is until I consider grace. The grace that saved us is also the grace poured out upon us daily that covers our weak, selfish, sinful selves. It's the grace of God that allows me to give more of myself even when I don’t feel like doing so. Yet at other times that same grace makes an allowance for me to pull back a little. There are some days when I'm all in. No matter what He asks me to do, I'm ready to give it everything within me. Contrast that to the days when I'm weary and worn out bearing closer resemblance to a dishrag instead of a disciple.

I'm so grateful that while Jesus wants me to share, He also understands my heart and the selfishness inside of it as a result of my humanity. I'm so grateful that while I'm called to walk in Christ's footsteps, more often than not, He graciously winds up carrying me.

I need more of You, Lord and less of me!

Same Blog, New Look

2012-01-23T18:12:38-08:00

In honor of the new year, I thought I'd give this blog a new look. This is something I've wanted to do for awhile but never got around to it. So, in case, you're wondering, this is still the same blog and the same girl writing it :) I'd love to know what you honestly think about the new look. Thanks again for reading!

Life is hard, God is good

2012-01-21T12:52:20-08:00

Loneliness has reared it’s ugly head once again in my life. I’m not sure if its the fact that the skies have been completely gray for the past week and a half or if it’s hit me once again that I have absolutely no friends in the small town where I live. In all likelihood, it’s probably both.

So what am I supposed to do? God created me with an outgoing, highly social personality. He knows that I groove on situations that involve a lot of people and A LOT of talking. And that’s the reason that I can’t seem to figure out what I’m doing in this rinky dink town where everyone seems to know who I am, yet no one wants to know me.

Before my husband left his last position to plant this church five years ago, I had a great group of friends. I was always meeting someone for lunch or coffee, or catching a movie, or hanging out at a park. I really miss all that. Since we moved here, my social calendar has completely evaporated and it’s been quite depressing. The only time my phones rings is if someone from the church wants to ask me a question about something that they could’ve read about in the bulletin the previous Sunday but didn’t. Actually, I’ve really struggled with feeling sad and empty and forgotten.

Last year I even tried taking an anti- depressant thinking that if I’m going to be here, in this horrible little town, that I should at least be kind to myself and medicate the sorrow away. However, that was a complete disaster. After filling the first prescription, I became a mommy zombie and could barely function. Too afraid to try another prescribed drug, I opted for a natural supplement alternative that has really seemed to help me balance the stress and keep myself together.

But honestly, I don’t know how much longer I can take all of this. Thankfully, things aren’t “bad” in the church as they once were. I don’t feel the hurt by church people like I did even six months ago. Instead, I feel remarkably stronger in the Lord. Yet in spite of all of that, I still feel like a square peg in a round hole.

I see my husband struggling more and more each week just to put a sermon together, when all of the years I’ve known him, preaching has been a delight. Lately, he’s even let some things slide in dealing with people in the church; which is totally unlike him. It appears to me that he’s really not motivated to do anything as far as the church anymore. And I know he feels guilty for feeling that way. I see how the repeated phone calls, emails, and appointments from and with church members have seemingly drained all his joy for the Lord’s work. He, too, is very outgoing and social and I know he misses having friends to hang with.

I imagine that a lot of ministry couples experience this. So, what’s the answer? How do we survive? I think a key is found in Psalm 100. Check it out:

Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth!

Serve the Lord with gladness!

Come into his presence with singing!

Know that the Lord, he is God!

It is he who made us, and we are his;

we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving,

and his courts with praise!

Give thanks to him; bless his name!

For the Lord is good;

his steadfast love endures forever,

and his faithfulness to all generations.

I truly believe that the key to getting through the tough, lonely, depressing times can be found in resolving to live a joy-filled life in spite of our circumstances. Well, since we’re Christians, that should be easy, right? No, not really. So, how does one go from living in the doldrums to basking in the joy of Christ? According to the psalmist, we’re called to rejoice, to serve the Lord with gladness and to come before Him with singing. That type of mindset is choosing to meditate on God’s goodness and faithfulness to us in the present and the past and can help bring about a positive, necessary outlook. When I choose to focus on my lack of friends and frustration in the ministry, I find myself getting more miserable with each passing minute. Yet, when I choose instead to listen to praise music or hymns on my iPod, it has an uplifting effect, that will literally get me singing and can turn around even the worst of days. I believe with everything in me that He is the Lord who made us, calls us to Himself and bestows His goodness on us. So maybe the answer to finding joy in the difficult times is following the advice of Psalm 100. Rejoice, serve with gladness, and give Him thanks and praise because He is good, even on the days when life isn’t.

Lord, please teach me to rejoice in You, especially on the gray, downer days. Help me to find my strength and song by dwelling on Your incredible faithfulness in my life; that You would even contend with a sinner such as me. Make my heart, to sing Your praises not only in my words but in my feelings and actions. Praise to You, Oh Lord. In Christ's name, Amen.

Happy New Year From The Real Me!

2012-01-04T20:37:34-08:00

It's been a little over a month since my last post. If you've been reading my blog for very long, surely you'll recognize this as unusual. No, I haven't been sick or depressed or anything. I've just been incredibly busy. The November/December holiday season seemed to sneak up out of nowhere and completely consume me this past year. With all of the visits from friends and family and church happenings to plan and execute, including a Christmas pageant with toddlers (UGH!), I got completely and utterly swept up with busyness! I'm sure some of you can relate.

And to be truthful, I've been contemplating giving up this blog. As wonderful as it has been hearing from some of the readers, and what an awesome privilege to pray with some of you, as well as, be a sounding board for others, I've been wondering if this has even been fruitful or whether it's just been a platform for me to whine and complain about ministry; which I've never intended it to be.

Then I really got bummed out around five weeks ago when I saw an ad for an "official pastor's wives" web page forum. I went to the page, only to be greeted by pictures of women that seemed so perfectly put together that I couldn't help but wonder if Glamor Shots (remember that place?) was involved. I went on to read their bios and they are clearly the Who's Who of pastor's wives married to the Who's Who of pastors in American Christianity. Each of these lovely women, who I am supposed to be able to relate to since we share the common bond of being married to a pastor, seemed to me to be some of the last people on earth I could ever be real with. Not that I have anything against any of them, their ministries or this web page and I'm certain they're all lovely women who love the Lord and desire to minister to women, but it all seemed surfacey; (is that even a word?) as if they are leading perfect lives serving alongside their perfect husbands in mega churches. And to be quite honest, this whole thing got me a little down. I started thinking, if they're representing me and others like me, and they look so "together"; than what's my problem?

When I look in the mirror, I see a woman who loves Jesus first and her family a close second, a woman who is beginning to show signs of nearing forty, a woman with hair colored by her husband because we are on a tight budget, a woman with blonde highlights, again courtesy of the hubby, to cover the grey that I'm sure was put there by the church people ;), a woman who could benefit from a little Botox between the brows to give me a more rested appearance, a woman whose body is sagging a little in the front and back from having three babies, a woman who would desperately love to get back in the gym but can't find the time or really even the motivation to do so, a woman who homeschools three kids who are definitely smarter than her, and lastly a woman who wants to please Christ above all else.

I'm not ugly, I know that, but I'm not an air-brushed model either and my life is far from perfect. I'm not saying those women are purposely portraying themselves as perfect, please don't misunderstand me. It's just that just simply can't relate to what they're portraying as the typical pastor's wife. I used to be consumed with what others thought about me, how they perceived me. I needed to be seen as perfect. However, after many years the Lord showed me the prison that such erroneous thinking held me in, and He set me free to be the woman He created and called me to be; in other words, far from perfect, but a work in progress.

So, I've come to this conclusion, I may not have the readership or blog subscription of other well advertised, professional sites with seemingly perfect pastor's wives, but I do truly cherish above all else the ability to be real with anyone who may happen to stumble on this, and in that authenticity I've hopefully encouraged a few hearts and prayerfully relieved others to know they are not alone in their ministry struggles.

All that to say, I'm determined to continue writing and sharing, hopefully more often, and I continue to cherish and covet all comments from readers and I re-commit to pray for each one who writes and shares her story and/or struggle. Thanks so much for reading and may God bless you, your families and ministries in this wonderful new year.

May the peace of God, which transcends all understanding guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.