Most people don’t think of heart problems as an issue among teenagers, and for most of them, it’s not. But in rare instances, a teen can have a heart abnormality that can lead to health problems and even death.

Although heart problems in teens are rare, they can occur. These include arrhythmias, or irregular heartbeats; congenital heart defects, which are problems that babies have at birth; and cardiomyopathies, long-lasting diseases that can damage the muscle and tissue around the heart. Read more>

The stress of night classes outweighed the benefit.

A few weeks ago I took advantage of the local community college’s very affordable rates and signed up for two classes that had interested me.  For a some time now, I told myself I’d like to take those classes.  So when push came to shove (the course catalog with both classes available came in the mail), I signed up for both of them.  They met on consecutive days.

After the second week, I realized it was just too much on my plate.  I was more tired than usual and losing two evenings a week cut into my ability to ‘get stuff done.’  More to the point, I was not there for Max.   Even though he is fourteen, coming home to an empty house is still coming home to an empty house.

We grow up hearing:  “see it through”, “finish what you start”, “when the going gets tough, the tough get going”, and my favorite – “quitters never win and winners never quit.”  Any way you slice it, quitting something is the wrong thing to do, it seems.  So I was concerned about the example I may be setting for Max if I stopped going to the classes.

But I was even more concerned about the example I’d be setting if I continued.   Just for those few weeks I was more stressed, and so much more likely to fly off the handle at Max for smaller and smaller things.    He probably felt like he was getting bumped further and further down my priority list.  My night classes were not working out for Max.

The first night I stayed home from the class, Max sat down with me.  He talked to me about his school day, about his cat, about his homework.  Just an ordinary conversation, but one he could never have had with me if I wasn’t home.   I guess there is a reason why we also grow up hearing that you can quit something for good.

Have you ever overloaded your plate? How did you handle it? What was the best decision for you?

In fact, it got me thinking about that book enough to order it that very week.  I’ve been reading the book off and on for a while now and learned a lot about how to react to people and situations that make you feel uncomfortable.  The book is “The Gift of Fear,” by Gavin DeBecker, and it’s worth reading for all the tips about safety.  But I ran across a paragraph that really spoke to me about the effect we can have on young people, just by treating them well and encouraging them.  And I think it’s worth sharing.

Now, just to give a little context, the paragraph I’m going to share was inside a chapter that tries to explain why some kids with a troubled background and family life become mass murderers and stalkers and some don’t.  I’m not too worried that any of the girls’ friends and associates will become serial killers, but I do firmly believe that it applies to whether any given teen might follow a productive path rather than heading down the wrong road.  Here is that powerful paragraph:

“I have learned that the kindness of a teacher, a coach, a police officer, a neighbor, the parent of a friend, is never wasted.  These moments are likely to pass with neither the child nor the adult fully knowing the significance of the contribution.  No ceremony attaches itself to the moment that a child sees his own worth reflected in the eyes of an encouraging adult.  Though nothing apparent marks the occasion, inside that child a new view of self might take hold.”

And then to finish the paragraph:

“…this child might be someone else, someone whose appearance before this one adult revealed the specialness or lovability, or value.”

I am guessing that, as parents of teens, that excerpt makes you think of one or more of the kids who wander through your lives.  I know it did for me.  You never know about what is going on in a teen’s life at home.  But there are those teens that just seem to you to need some love or something good to eat or some advice…or all of the above.  And even those who come from a good home life are facing challenges and it means so much for an adult other than their parents to see them as lovable and capable and worth a few minutes of time.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who, as an adult, can look back and remember some adults who gave me that needed boost in my teen years.  They probably weren’t even aware they were doing it at the time.  I hope I can return that favor to another teen.

Do you feel like you have impacted another teenagers life besides your child’s? 

I recently heard someone say that you can make resolutions any day of the year.  So, I once again, am resolving to make these things top priority in the coming week.  Wait a minute. I just remembered that Monday is a holiday and we have so many plans for that day. Wednesday, we are taking a family day and going out of town.  Then, Friday and Saturday we are going on a field trip to Myrtle Beach with our home school group.

On top of that we, have school, dance, and all the rest of our daily lives.  My everyday life is so filled from early morning to very late at night with every detail of caring for my family that it’s literally impossible to fit one more thing into an already crazy day?  There is no time left for one more thing.

However, it’s crazy to think that February is nearly over and I have not worked my resolutions into my daily routine. So again, I have decided to make this a priority in my life and find the time to schedule a workout, if only for five minutes here and there throughout the day.  It’s so difficult for me to relinquish time for just me.  Maybe that is something I also need to resolve to do….

How are you coming a long with your new year’s resolutions? Have you been sticking to them? How did you do it?

Can you ever outgrow wanting your mom's reassurance?

Gus called me last week in the middle of the day.  Since I was at work, of course my first thought was that something was wrong.

Nothing was wrong.  Really.  It was Finals Week at NCSSM.  Gus had just finished an exam (physics -his academic nemesis) and it had given him a run for his money.  He was not sure he had done as well as he had hoped to.

I didn’t know if he called for reassurance after his test or to try to prepare me for a less than stellar report card.  I guessed the former and suggested he really couldn’t know his exam grade until he got it.  And from what I could tell he tried his best.

I thought that Gus may have been a bit shaken after this test.  Well, we have all been there.  Sometimes we try our best and still don’t make the grade.  Or get the job.  Or save the marriage.  And when that happens it can leave us rattled for a day, even a week and sometimes for a very long time.

He must have just got back to his room with thoughts spinning around in his head about his impending academic doom.  He is sixteen, though, and striding toward independence.  Gone are those toddler days when he would seek me out for comfort for his bumps and bruises; when just my hugs and kisses really would make everything all right again.  So I was very humbled that he called me when he did for the reasons he did.  I guess, as a mom, I still got it!

Do your kids ever come to you for reassurance or a pat on the back? How do you feel when it happens?

Who is your favorite College Basketball team?

Once football is over it’s time for to focus our attention on College basketball! In our household my son and I love college basketball. We are huge TERP fans for many reasons.  The obvious is my family all attended University of Maryland!

We also pull for Duke being we are NC natives now and we have someone very dear to us that gets medical attention from Duke University. My son and I always gear up for some college basketball and enjoy week night as well as weekend games.

Anytime Duke or Maryland plays we are glued to the TV for game time.  The best rival basketball game watched just recently was the UNC Chapel Hill game versus the Duke Blue Devils.  We had the best time watching the most exciting game I have ever watched!  If it’s not football, its college basketball.  We have our UMD flag hanging outside the house and when it’s football season we have the Redskin’s flag flying high.

It’s our tradition to get the popcorn and soda out for snacks during basketball games and chow down while we cheer on our team.  Do any of you have teens who enjoy professional football or college basketball as much as we do?  We are nuts during football and college basketball season.  Things will get really crazy during March Madness.  I guess that’s why they call it March Madness because my son and I do just that. We go mad and crazy during March madness.

What team is your teen mad and crazy over? We are clearly Terp and Redskin fans all the way.

Unfortunately my new obsession is not productive at all.  I’m obsessed with Pinterest.  I don’t even want to think of the hours I’ve spent this week combing through ideas on the internet and pinning them to my online bulletin boards.  But maybe it’s at least a little bit productive to fill my mind with awesome creative ideas and inspirational quotes, right?

One of the categories I’ve found myself “pinning” the most is quotes.  And one of the best I have found this week is attributed to Mother Teresa.  Are you ready for some wisdom that is so simple that it might just blow your mind?  Here it is:

“Three things in human life are important; the first is to be kind.  The second is to be kind.  The third is to be kind.”

That’s worth pausing to think about for a minute, isn’t it?

I think that one hit me pretty hard as a mom of teens.  I have to admit that parenting doesn’t always bring out the kindness in me.  It’s hard to be kind to people who are stressing you out, isn’t it?  It’s hard to be kind to people who are making a career out of pushing the limits I’ve put in place.  But that’s exactly what the teen years are about.  It’s developmentally appropriate to do just that during the teen years.  I need to work to make “kind” as important as “stern” in my dealings with the teens in my life. 

I’m no Mother Teresa.  That’s for sure.  I’m just plain mom.  But I hope those words from her will stick with me and remind me just how important it is to keep kindness at the center of my actions and words.

Do you try and show your kids the importance of kindness? How? 

However, you know what they say about the best laid schemes o’ men an’ mice?  They often go awry.  Well, my plans may have gone awry.  Last year, my daughter was accepted to the University of North Carolina School of the Arts year round program.  She was ready to pack her bags and leave home at once.  Her dad and I could not even consider the thought of sending our then thirteen year old daughter away to live on her own.  Our compromise was to consider sending her during her junior or senior year.

As we approach the end of her freshman year, the time seems much too soon.  She feels she needs to go away in order to study at an intense level.  She’s not sure of the school she’d like to attend.  It just depends on where she gets accepted to study.  My concern of preparing her to leave home in three more years has now been accelerated.  Realizing this could be the necessary path for her to make her dreams come true, causes my heart to ache.  My baby could very possibly leave home much earlier than I have ever anticipated.

With bittersweet joy, I contemplate the possibility and force myself to realize that this is not about me.  It is now and always has been about her dream.

Any advice from moms with high school teens leaving home to study would be greatly appreciated.    

So, it’s a bit odd these days that many of her favorite movies and even a television sitcom are based on her once favorite fairy tales.  Even a few of her ballet performances are fairy tales.  She performed in Cinderella with Carolina Ballet and she is even performing as Peter Pan in a ballet this spring.

Some of the once familiar stories have grown very unfamiliar to her and she sometimes confuses the characters.  When she was preparing for Cinderella she asked me if that was the story with the talking candlesticks and teacups.  As I watch her reliving these stories, it takes me back to a simpler time.  She would sit in my lap as we read each exciting page and laughed at the pictures.

I remember there were many stories that she could repeat by heart without me ever reading a word.  There were the cold winter afternoons cuddled under her favorite Hello Kitty quilt and watching her newest favorite video.  Maybe it is true that everything old is new again.  I’m enjoying watching her new favorite sitcom with her as she reacquaints herself with Riding Hood, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and so many others.  For now, I’ll just enjoy reliving the memories of her childhood and making new ones as a teen.

What kind of activities do you do with your children? How do you bond with them?

When to save, when to spend, is it a need, or a want? Does your teen know?

My kids are used to a no-frills existence.  It may be hard for them at times to not have what a lot of other teens have.  And I wonder if maybe I have skewed their thinking in terms of being reluctant to spend any money.

But maybe not.  I try to explain my reasons to pass on purchases as a choice, rather than offer the lament, “We can’t afford it.”

I think that they do think about whether or not something is worth the money.   Gus learned that eight dollars’ worth of sushi is not a good value for his money.  It might be for someone else’s money, but not for his.  He prefers to use his dollars to purchase something more enjoyable to him, such as a treat from Ben & Jerry’s.  And he is making do quite nicely with his low-tech, basic, pay-as-you-go, App-free cellphone.

But when the boys tell me they can do without something, I have mixed feelings.  On one hand, I am glad they are not of the opinion they have to have everything.  But on the other hand, I worry they will get in the habit of denying themselves reasonable purchases.  I told them if they really want something, just to ask me.  When they get to the point of asking me, I assume they have given it some thought.  And we talk about it.  I don’t grill them or try to discourage them from the purchase.  By this time it is a discussion about where and when to buy the item.

I go about it this way because I want to instill in them an awareness of money and to learn to discern between a want and a need.  I don’t expect them to come to me with money decisions when they are on their own, but I don’t want them to be baffled or ill-equipped about handling their money either.

So that is one approach I use to teach my teens about spending and saving.  What about yours?