Let’s face it, about this time of the year we’re all ready for summer to hurry up and get here.  I think moms and kids alike get that feeling at this time of year.  It’s hard to manage all the many events and tests and projects and try-outs and what-not when we’re so excited about those less-scheduled summer days ahead.  And as parents, we’re trying to keep our teens on task when spring fever has them in its grip.

Between now and mid-June, Katie has high school cheer team try-outs, practices  and stunt camp for the All Star cheer team, preparation for the SAT she’ll take at the beginning of June, and she also has to keep up with all of the class work and projects for- her classes. And don’t forget it’s time to study for exams.  It is going to be a busy month.

As we parents know, the real challenge at this time of year is not just the already full calendar.  The real challenge is knowing that we will have so many things to add to that full calendar, most of them with very little notice.  Just when we think we know what we have to get done and where we need to be, we will have numerous other events and activities added to the list.

May is the month where we moms need to do some deep breathing, and just expect a little chaos.  Luckily, chaos is what we moms do best.  We’ve had plenty of practice dealing with chaos.  So, bring it on, mid-May to mid-June.  We’re as ready as we’ll ever be!

How do you feel during this hectic last month of school? How do you deal with all the chaos? 

Letters for Academic recognition

I recently had the privilege of attending the academic ceremony at my son’s high school. I thought it was really cool how the sophomores received a letter for a high school letter jacket for academics.  I  had always thought the letters on the jackets were made for athletics only.   It was nice to see a full auditorium of people for an academic presentation.

At the start of the presentation some of the seniors received some really nice scholarships for the college of their choice.  I didn’t realize some really wonderful scholarships can be granted if you put forth the effort to do some research.

The ceremony started off with the freshman class receiving their academic award.   I must say there seem to be a good number of freshman receiving recognition for their academics.  The sophomore class went next and the number of students seem to drop a little, and thereafter, the classes just seem to get smaller.   When it was time for the seniors to receive their awards it was only a handful.   It was interesting to see how the number of students dropped in size with each upper class.   I really enjoyed that at the of the presentation, the principal gave a speech for the students.   One thing I really liked was when he said  “Once you are at the top of the mountain, stay at the top and never look or make your way back down.”   I felt like his words resonated with the student audience and can only hope that they will carry this with them as they graduate.

What school programs have you attended recently? Did you feel like the benefited the students as well as the families?

John, Nana and Drew

If there were four traits that you could be assured of your children having as “second nature” , what would they be?  That’s a great question I was asked recently. I liken the answer for some reason to construction work. Raising kids is a lot like building a “home”.

I have torn down and rebuilt my “house” several times, so to speak, especially since Sharon died. Does the Devil ever leave?

Sickness strikes with the deftness of a Cobra, then rolls in like an ominous incoming tide on a full moon, surging with a steady torrent of traits abhorrent to our very nature. Dread, pessimism, uncertainty and helplessness accompany this phenomenon with a Devilish glee. A parent many times is rendered helpless while observing these insidious traits invade their children’s countenance while they guard a loved one felled by sickness. It is quite disconcerting knowing the Devil is very happy seeing us in pain and totally out of emotional balance.

I’m not one to wait, defensively, for a problem to fix itself when it comes to my children. I can be very offensive, ask anyone.

I believe it’s very important to seek balance in all situations, remembering the fragile nature of the teen psyche. When I see my children in pain, it not only hurts my feelings but it alights a mechanism in me to protect them, within limits. Thorough understanding of a situation, not simply reacting to it, is a valuable asset. Understanding weakens fear in most cases.  Molly, John and Drew learned early about the complexities of life.

Love makes us “go to the mattresses” on behalf of a loved one.  The sidelines are for the faint of heart. Stemming this foreboding tide takes a generous spirit, courage and selfless love; all necessary traits to solidify the foundation of our lives. Faith is the ultimate weapon, so to hell with the Devil.  Talk with you soon.

Lydia with Grandma

I cannot remember all the lyrics of the song, “Myrtle Beach Days” by The Fantastic Shakers, but the tune came to mind this past weekend as I spent Mother’s Day with Lydia in Myrtle Beach. Indeed, we have spent Mother’s Day there for the last 5-6 years in fact, as Lydia traditionally attends the Showstoppers Dance Competition there with other dance protege members from her dance studio. It is ALWAYS held on Mother’s Day weekend. Usually, there is also a motorcycle convention going on there on that VERY same weekend! Oh joy! Myrtle Beach is a busy, happening place on any given day, but adding a dance convention and a motorcycle gathering  makes for a VERY noisy mix!

Over the years we have learned to take it all in stride and just fall in, hang in and make the best of it. Myrtle Beach is not exactly a favorite with our family. We don’t golf, nor like the shows, the traffic, crowded restaurants, or jammed streets. Still there is something sort of wild and crazy about The Grand Strand that is fun for about 4-5 1/2 hours ONLY! By the time we usually leave on Sunday, we are exhausted from all the back and forth and late hours dancing at the Convention Center and I usually pull out of there with the pedal to the medal. Give me good ole laid back settings like North Topsail Beach, Surf City, Hammock’s Beach State Park (Bear Island) or even Emerald Isle any day!

This year felt different for a couple of reasons. Traditionally, we would always, always take along my Mom (Lydia’s Grandma) with us to Myrtle Beach. She too, did not really care for the crowds, traffic and roar of motorcycles, but she just loved being with us no matter where we were going. She was thrilled just to be going somewhere…anywhere, for a little get away. And so, last year when she went with us, we had no idea that it would be her last time.

This year, we ironically ended up staying at the very same beach front hotel and in the very same suite. It felt really strange when we walked in without her. All weekend I kept remembering which bed she had slept on, the presence of her oxygen machine, her suitcases, her clothes and where we had eaten breakfast last year on Mother’s Day morning while Lydia was off to the early start at the Convention Center. There was such an empty spot – I kept looking for her all weekend – she wasn’t there. She isn’t here either; she is just gone.

Meanwhile, other memories and nostalgia poured through my mind as I sat in the Convnention Center (without my Mom). She had always been right there with me, watching so proudly as Lydia performed and this time, Lydia would perform beautifully, with only me watching her. I looked around and saw so many other  daughters my age with their moms there with them for the weekend, having also come along to share the joy of watching their grandchildren perform on the big stage under the lights, stars and music. We had been watching Lydia up there since she was just barely more than a tot…and now she is a striking 16 year old beauty – we have been so proud of her. And to add another tear jerking component for me anyway, I sat there (alone) knowing that it would most likely be her last appearance on that Convention Center stage in Myrtle Beach, as she has reached the decision to give up protege dance after this season concludes to delve more into high school activities and functions that have proven too much a conflict this past year.

I sat and watched her and her team mates in their final spectacular performance on Sunday afternoon, without my mom, and knew she will never dance there again. It was bittersweet, painful, sad, emotional all at one time. Life sure does change; people come and they go; kids grow up – more good things are on the horizon.

How do others manage these sometimes painful winds of change?

My maternal grandmother learned to be a single mom and provider for her family in a time when there was no help other than her own hard work.  Even though finances were always tight, she relished in giving.  Christmas in her house was magical.  The food, the gifts, and the love made the holiday a childhood dream.  Then there’s my mother, who of course, has most shaped my life.  She was married at a young age and I feel she was fortunate enough to learn to be a great mom from both my grandmothers.  She is the most incredible seamstress I have ever known.

I didn’t always appreciate that fact and childishly hoped for just one outfit bought from a store.  I feel I have grown to be a pretty good cook and I owe that all to the hours of standing in the kitchen with my mother and watching her prepare the most fabulously delicious simple country meals.  Many of these meals were prepared from the bounty of her garden.  She has the proverbial green thumb and can literally grow anything.

Her giving spirit, her love, and her sacrifice for her family is the core strength of our lives.  I am proud to know that I have the best all these great women flowing though my veins.  Sadly, I think it takes growing up and having children of your own to fully appreciate the women who shape your life.  To all you beautiful moms, I hope you have a happy Mother’s Day every day.

How were you influenced by the “mothers” in your life? Please share. 

Performing on stage is a great experience for teens.

It seems most of the Realiteen bloggers have teens who have performed on stage in musical or dance productions.  My two sons were involved in community theatre and as I recalled their enthusiasm and excitement for the stage I got to thinking about what our teens may have gained from their experiences.

I think that they learned something about teamwork.  The cast of a play becomes a pseudo-family.  From what I observed with my two sons, the sense of closeness develops quite quickly.  There are intense group dynamics for a few weeks.  Cast members have to learn how to work together and perhaps put aside personal differences for the good of the show.   Performing live leaves little choice but to subjugate differences for a common goal.  That’s a handy little life skill.

Drama teens get (more) practice with taking direction.   Teens might moan, groan and procrastinate when told to do something by parents or teachers but they know not to do that with the show’s director.  Besides, a director worth his salt sets the stage (pun intended –groan!) so that his word is law.  Directors are directors because they can visualize the play in a way that actors simply cannot as they ‘own’ just one piece of it.  Another handy skill – the ability to take direction.

Teen actors have to memorize lines.  And they may have to keep the dialogue going when their fellow cast members miss their cue or forget their lines.  Learning how to ad-lib is helpful as sometimes the show does not go according to script.   Successful ad-libbing strengthens the ability to think on one’s feet as many things in life can appear or change with little time to prepare a back-up plan.

Having the experience of becoming someone else for a few hours might help a teen develop a bit of compassion.   And finally, bowing to the audience’s applause creates the capacity to accept appreciation gracefully for a job well done.

What do you feel your teen learns from his extra-curricular activities?

What are your rules for prom night?

Prom time is here and many teens are excited to attend.    My friend’s son attended his first prom with a junior and she shared some of her concerns with me.  The prom part was not so much the issue.  However, it was the after-prom plans.

My friend’s son is a sophomore and he attended the prom with a junior and a few other couples.  They went out to dinner and then to the high school prom.  The after-prom plans was for the limo to take everyone to a beach house for the night.   She was not so sure about letting her teen stay over for the night at the beach house.   My first question was did they plan on having any chaperones?  She found out that two of the moms would be there to chaperone, and they would not be alone.

Personally, I would make the decision not to let my son stay out over night after prom  if he was sixteen and a sophomore.  I would have to say I would prefer my son to come straight home after prom.   Now if he was a junior or senior and I would consider allowing my son to stay out on the beach.

Not so sure how most parents would handle such a situation.  I guess you would say this is just another “Teen Quandary”!

What do you think?  Do or did you have a set of rules for your teen when they attended prom?   Do you think being a sophomore is too young when considering staying the night out with older teens? 

"Hey Willard!"

One of Drew’s very best friends walked in our house recently while Drew was in the shower. Seems that he was singing his character’s theme song from the musical Footloose.

He played the role of Willard and the name of the song is, ironically, Mama Says. Seems he was totally uninhibited, both physically and musically because according to “Keegan”, he was putting on quite a show!  I wonder who he was performing for?

This report came from the outstanding director of the musical, Mr. Shaun Moe, a seasoned veteran of the professional stage. He was quite amused telling me about it and we both agreed that Drew was certainly “improved” by his participation.

Poor ‘ol Drew, everybody said the role of the dimwitted but totally lovable and oddly wise Willard fit him perfectly. Whatever fits is what you wear, ’til you grow. I believe Drew fits several different “uniforms”, based on his experiences up until now. I believe that ”perfect fit” as Willard  is what he was after!

Teenagers are what I’m around the most at the moment and they absolutely blow me away.  For this performance you would think the lives of all the participants, young and old alike, were “put on hold”. The production took several months to “dig out of the dirt” and during it all I witnessed a seamless transition from schoolwork to football to family concerns to attention to various details that one would think would suffer due to the stress. Well, I’m here to tell you that these kids seemed cool as cucumbers and fresh as daisies every time I was around them. Their ability to soak up the fun and joy in their lives….well…. I hope that skill keeps getting sharper.

Being an actor calls for stepping into different personalities and nuances……seamlessly. The more experience these young folks absorb from life the more “seamless” subsequent ”acts” will become. I will say that Drew as Willard was not a far stretch, he has imitated folks like that all his life. Being on stage in front of several hundred people that knew him either directly or indirectly for the first time ever was a stretch of a “right fair piece”.

As the great Bard wrote in  As You Like It, “all the world’s a stage”.  We are all actors of some sort, some of us make it look easy when it’s really about the hardest thing we ever did. It’s called “preparing”. Talk with you soon.

Thank you to all the teachers who have taken a special interest in my girls over the years.  We have been blessed to have more than a handful of teachers who have gone way beyond what is required to help guide my kids.  Thanks to those teachers who have listened to my kids, guided them in the right direction, even prayed for them over the years.  Thanks to those teachers who have followed up on my girls long after they are out of their own classrooms.  I can’t thank you enough for helping to parent my kids when they are out of my reach.

Thank you to my sisters who have provided more fun to my girls over the years than I ever could have.  Thanks for welcoming them into your homes.  Thanks for all the phone calls, text messages, letters, and packages that have brightened their days.  Thanks for all the good advice you’ve given them along the way.  They are so lucky to have you and I know you love them more than they realize.  And thanks for helping me to laugh at some of the craziness those girls have thrown in my path.  I am sure you’ve kept me from giving in to some homicidal urges!

Thanks to all of my friends who have grown kids and who have given me such good advice and guidance.  It is so nice to have friends who have been there, done that, and come out on the other side to see their kids grown and productive and happy people.  It has been so nice to hear from you proven moms that things that go on in the teen years will work themselves out in most cases.

Thanks to Katie’s current cheer coaches.  You two are great examples for Katie of younger women who are confident, strong, and capable.  I feel confident that you are looking out for my daughter and will give her good advice about things other than cheer leading.  I feel safe leaving her in your hands and that means so much to me.

I could go on and on.  (If you read my blog posts often, you know that is true!)  There are a whole lot of people out there that I lean on in order to get from one Mother’s Day to the next.  Thanks for making my job easier!

How do you celebrate Mother’s Day? Who else are you thankful for?

With studies showing that almost half of America’s teenagers have experienced sexual intercourse by the age of 18, educating kids about sex is something all parents need to do.

Parents must be prepared to help their teens with emerging sexual issues. Otherwise their teens could be risking early pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and emotional turmoil.

The most important thing for parents to remember is that your discussions with your teenager won’t happen in a vacuum. They will be a natural outgrowth of your overall relationship. So it’s important to build an open, trusting relationship while children are still young. Read more>