tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637577428995835987Mon, 13 Jul 2015 13:21:13 +0000mental healthmental illnessbipolar disorderdepressionbakingmedicationsbreadhumorPTSDalternative therapiesbipolardomestic violencefamilymaniaPoetryhealthself-harmBFEcookingdespairencouragementhappinessmedicationparentingsuicideElectroconvulsive therapyanxietyarthealing touchhopelovemood disorderpainrecipesself-injurystresswritingagitated maniaback surgerybipolar depressioncatschakraschocolatecompassionhopelessmixed episodenewsremissionsocial networkingspiritualitystigmaAntidepressantMAOIMajor depressive disorderMonoamine oxidase inhibitorNHBPMabusebloggingbody imagecookiescraftsfriendsgratitudeholistic medicinehumanityinspirationmanicmanic episodemeditationmemorymiscellaneousmixed statephenelzinepoliticsposttraumatic stress disorderprosepsychiatryquotesreciperecoveryself-caresocial mediasurvivorweddingDSMECTJudaismMental disorderNIMHNational Institute of Mental HealthRotaryVenlafaxineaddictionalcoholismaromatherapyativanbenzobipolar disorder Ibipolar disorder IIborderline personality disordercatatoniachangechild supportchronic paincommunicationcomputerscontrolcouragecupcakescutedeathdreamsdysphoriaemotionsempathyenergy healingescapeessential oilsestrogeneuphoriaeuthanizationexercisefacebookfaithfearfriendshipfrustrationhelphelpingholistic healthhome-grown wheathome-milled wheathomelesshormoneshysterectomyillnessinformationintentionsinternetjoykidney stoneskittenslinguisticslorazepammanic episodesmediamedication side effectsmindfulnessmoodmoviesnablopomonarcissismnardilnormaloopherectomyparanoiapeanut butterperfectionismpiriformispolicypost partum depressionppdprocrastinationrelaxationreligionreviewromancesmilesourdoughstartersstrengthsuicidal ideationssupporttadpolestimetrusttwittermusings on searching for reality while running away from it at the same timehttp://realityhideseek.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.com (Sheri Kauffman)Blogger270125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637577428995835987.post-3229289007245852480Mon, 29 Jun 2015 13:03:00 +00002015-06-29T09:03:30.841-04:00 It's time for me to change directions with this blog. I'll leave it up for a bit longer, but after I get the new one up and running, this one will be gone. If you want the new blog address, PM me from Facebook or Twitter, send an email, or use the contact form. I will not guarantee I'll give it to you, but if I decline your request, and you have a legitimate reason for following the blog, I http://realityhideseek.blogspot.com/2015/06/time-to-move-on.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Sheri Kauffman)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637577428995835987.post-8515599075246923983Mon, 01 Jun 2015 14:50:00 +00002015-06-01T10:51:57.465-04:00bipolarbipolar depressionbipolar disorderdepressionhopelessMajor depressive disorderself-harmThis is a copy of a post I wrote last week (5/27/2015) on my timeline in FaceBook: Interesting observation from my therapist...I'm crying, feeling hopeless; just finished 4 wks of some of the scariest depression I've experienced, 2 wks titrating off one med, 2 wks of no meds. I'm saying I'm not sure I want to try the new one I start tomorrow. It seems so pointless. Then she reminds me of http://realityhideseek.blogspot.com/2015/06/doubtful.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Sheri Kauffman)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637577428995835987.post-5929779548257947782Sat, 09 May 2015 14:58:00 +00002015-05-09T10:58:34.488-04:00bipolar disordermental healthmental illnessmood disorder...using the overused metaphor of a roller coaster, for those of you who have no idea what it's really like (or those of you that do and want a piquant version of bipolar disorder). Fasten your seat belts... This can happen in any order, this just happens to be how it happens to me, sometimes all in one day and more than once that same day. I'm under the impression that I'm not the norm, http://realityhideseek.blogspot.com/2015/05/detailed-description-of-bipolar-disorder.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Sheri Kauffman)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637577428995835987.post-5156369909001020580Wed, 25 Mar 2015 14:09:00 +00002015-03-25T10:10:26.923-04:00bloggingmental healthmental illnessnarcissism I've been thinking about this quite a bit lately. For about the last six months, things have been horrible for me. I've endured severe depression, bizarre med changes, and a thwarted suicide attempt (thank you to my husband for finding me in time). Finally, coming out of hell, I've started examining my life (bad idea), trying to change bad habits (good idea), trying to be more productive and http://realityhideseek.blogspot.com/2015/03/is-my-blog-simply-narcissistic.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Sheri Kauffman)4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637577428995835987.post-3780782613944727414Thu, 19 Feb 2015 13:38:00 +00002015-02-19T08:38:30.349-05:00familymental illness for almost 8 months my body tried to destroy her I fought to save her with modern medicine centuries ago my body would have won would it have been better? for her for me for them dangerous birth problems for the next 20+ years different diagnoses different doctors different psychiatrists different therapists different medications nobody knew why nobody knew what nobody had answers that http://realityhideseek.blogspot.com/2015/02/stolen.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Sheri Kauffman)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637577428995835987.post-6079050323449695895Mon, 09 Feb 2015 21:20:00 +00002015-02-09T18:58:00.387-05:00bipolar disorderinformationMajor depressive disorderMental disordermental illnessNational Institute of Mental HealthNIMHposttraumatic stress disorderPTSD The fifth version of the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Illnesses) came out in 2013, and people still seem clueless (but then, who really reads the DSM).  Regardless of whether or not you have bipolar disorder, or you have a partner or friend with bipolar disorder, or just want to be able to understand what someone is going through, it's important to get both professional and http://realityhideseek.blogspot.com/2015/02/time-for-refresher-course.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Sheri Kauffman)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637577428995835987.post-3273624873416306446Fri, 30 Jan 2015 14:10:00 +00002015-01-30T09:10:22.949-05:00abusePTSDself-harmself-injuryThe words swirled around in my head, doing a dance of destruction, making my two worlds blend into one. The one set of two simple words a fluke, a one time situation, said without thought, said without knowing. The other set having been heard over and over for fifteen years, but having lay dormant for seventeen. And then I'm not here any more. Every day the worlds swirl together faster and http://realityhideseek.blogspot.com/2015/01/evil-returnsbut-then-its-always-been.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Sheri Kauffman)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637577428995835987.post-1726778966331870632Thu, 15 Jan 2015 18:32:00 +00002015-01-15T13:32:29.506-05:00hopeinspirationmental health This. This is why I blog. I'm sorry, I can't find the original person/site of this pic. http://realityhideseek.blogspot.com/2015/01/just-wanted-you-to-know.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Sheri Kauffman)4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637577428995835987.post-2282289813362066328Tue, 06 Jan 2015 18:57:00 +00002015-01-06T14:51:46.696-05:00bipolarbipolar disorderdepressionsuicidal ideationssuicide Bipolar Disorder has been a major part of my entire life, but the last three months have been the worst I can remember in about 17 years. Suicidal ideations have floated through my head off and on more times than I can count, but I was always able to pull out of them. I can remember twice there were spur of the moment intercepted attempts, but nothing like this. This time was the first time I http://realityhideseek.blogspot.com/2015/01/will-it-ever-fade-away.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Sheri Kauffman)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637577428995835987.post-4888833295001967977Sun, 23 Nov 2014 23:02:00 +00002014-11-23T18:02:44.505-05:00bipolarbipolar depressionbipolar disorderdepressiondespairhopelessmental illnessmood disorderPTSDself-harmself-injurysuicide srk 11.2014 http://realityhideseek.blogspot.com/2014/11/death-grip.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Sheri Kauffman)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637577428995835987.post-6660489193373855872Fri, 14 Nov 2014 15:02:00 +00002014-11-14T10:02:42.575-05:00bakingbipolarbipolar depressionbreaddepression ennui How could it possibly be that for about two months I couldn't care less about baking bread. Really? This particular quote from a list of symptoms comes from the NIMH website, but it could just as well have come from the DSM, or any other website about bipolar depression, or depression itself; Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable... Keppra has been added, then http://realityhideseek.blogspot.com/2014/11/thats-not-possible.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Sheri Kauffman)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637577428995835987.post-285772413223820444Mon, 20 Oct 2014 20:20:00 +00002014-10-20T16:20:00.606-04:00domestic violencemental illnesssurvivor(tired of my posts yet?)   My therapy appointment from last month was to write "I'm angry..." and then finish the sentence about everything I'm angry about. I started to write on notebook paper, then ended up with four typed pages. I then kept adding more during the month by hand. The first page was just what I went through with Satan (my ex). The rest of it contained many of the things http://realityhideseek.blogspot.com/2014/10/is-it-denial-or-acceptance.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Sheri Kauffman)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637577428995835987.post-4100673279582674718Sat, 18 Oct 2014 15:11:00 +00002014-10-18T11:11:07.340-04:00depressiondomestic violencefamilyhopelessmental illnesssuicide Do other people think about death quite often? Is it only the mentally ill that think of it as an escape, an end to a seemingly never-ending ordeal? I can't remember how often it entered my mind before I was married to Satan, but I do remember thinking of it several times in my teens and early 20s. Yesterday, there was one of those silly quizzes that said it could tell you how old you would http://realityhideseek.blogspot.com/2014/10/death.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Sheri Kauffman)4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637577428995835987.post-5424320432301323515Mon, 13 Oct 2014 21:19:00 +00002014-10-13T17:19:59.016-04:00bipolarbipolar disorderdomestic violenceencouragementRotarysurvivor This weekend I learned that I could function at a relatively high level, even if for a limited number of hours at a time. I even stood up and participated in a discussion in front of about 200 people. It was a short blurb, but it was spontaneous, I made myself understood, and even received several positive comments after the fact. I attended a Rotary District Conference, and found that I did http://realityhideseek.blogspot.com/2014/10/peeking-outside-my-box.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Sheri Kauffman)6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637577428995835987.post-2258432664313187258Tue, 30 Sep 2014 15:19:00 +00002014-09-30T11:19:03.873-04:00smile There are so many different kinds of smiles... Best friend smiles: Serene smiles: Just married smiles:   I will love you forever smiles: Genuine happiness smiles: Multi-generational smiles: New mom smiles: Grandparent smiles: Playing with my boyz Silly smiles: My dad was the King of silly smiles! http://realityhideseek.blogspot.com/2014/09/smile-at-everyone-day_30.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Sheri Kauffman)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637577428995835987.post-6891378431189435079Sat, 13 Sep 2014 13:39:00 +00002014-09-13T09:40:33.067-04:00gratitude(That's how my Eastern European grandpa would have said it). I was going to throw in the towel, and I said as much on Facebook. Then all the people who are my targeted audience gave me encouragement or said how important my blog had been to them. Then I remembered what my original thought was when I first started this blog: If I just reach or help one person, then it would have been all http://realityhideseek.blogspot.com/2014/09/tenk-you-very-much.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Sheri Kauffman)4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637577428995835987.post-1979186007283700157Sat, 23 Aug 2014 13:44:00 +00002014-08-23T09:53:53.281-04:00anxietybipolar disordercatatoniadepressiondysphoriaeuphoriamood disorderparanoiaself-harmself-injury Some people have absolutely no idea what it feels like to have bipolar disorder. Some people can't fathom what one is feeling, and I often think it's because they don't want to see one's flaws, or the flaws of the others that they love/loved. They've seen euphoric mania, then suicide; they don't want to understand why. They love so much, they don't want to face the fact that the one they http://realityhideseek.blogspot.com/2014/08/do-you-know-what-it-feels-like.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Sheri Kauffman)4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637577428995835987.post-7912538823344418842Fri, 20 Jun 2014 13:18:00 +00002014-06-20T09:18:42.065-04:00catsIf you don't care about cats, skip this one. My mother-in-law had a cat named Smokey. He was a stray that wandered into my husband's home many years ago, and she took him home. She swore he was a Manx (he probably lost his tail in a fight), and during all the time he lived with her (I think he was 17 when he just died), she said something like he was the most loved, hugged, kissed, spoiled http://realityhideseek.blogspot.com/2014/06/oh-to-be-cat.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Sheri Kauffman)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637577428995835987.post-4381926045324834487Thu, 22 May 2014 14:34:00 +00002014-05-22T10:34:01.736-04:00bipolarbipolar disorderdepressionmental healthmental illness Now, while the birds thus sing a joyous song, And while the young lambs bound As to the tabor's sound, To me alone there came a thought of grief William Wordsworth from  "Intimations of Immortality From  Recollections of Early Childhood" What an odd concept. I suppose I never noticed it before because I spent 30 years in sunny Southern California, and about 15 years in Arizona (where we http://realityhideseek.blogspot.com/2014/05/spring-makes-depression-worse.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Sheri Kauffman)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637577428995835987.post-1440672089221995164Fri, 14 Mar 2014 13:07:00 +00002014-03-14T09:13:04.129-04:00bipolarbipolar disorderdepressionmedicationsmental healthmental illnessremission With the help of two little pills, learning it's ok to ask for help, increasing my activities, and Weight Watchers, I've dragged myself out of my depression. I'm guessing the Trileptal has a lot to do with it, helping me to jump start the other areas of my life that had died from the deep depression I've been in since October. The anniversary of my mother's death is coming up, but I'm certain http://realityhideseek.blogspot.com/2014/03/life-with-bipolar-disorder-can-be-good.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Sheri Kauffman)4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637577428995835987.post-8462759456114639348Wed, 12 Feb 2014 16:26:00 +00002014-02-12T11:26:02.513-05:00bipolarbipolar disorderECTElectroconvulsive therapymental illnessWhen did that cute little girl become the I-don't-give-a-fuck girl that dresses like a slut to go to the zoo with her parents? How far back can bipolar disorder start, and how much longer will I have huge memory gaps in my Swiss cheese brain from ECT? It was three, yessirree folks, three damn years since my brain was zapped six times. I still have huge long-term memory gaps, even though I was http://realityhideseek.blogspot.com/2014/02/lost-memories.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Sheri Kauffman)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637577428995835987.post-12806596960515562Thu, 30 Jan 2014 21:12:00 +00002014-01-30T18:15:35.133-05:00catscouragedeatheuthanization This poor bedraggled cat appeared on my husband's back porch at least ten years ago. He had two different colored eyes and no tail. Greg left some food out for the cat, he's a big softie, and continued that habit for a few days.  One day when Greg was coming in through the sliding door, the cat snuck in behind him, but didn't quite make it. He had some type of wound on his head in front of http://realityhideseek.blogspot.com/2014/01/a-loving-death_30.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Sheri Kauffman)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637577428995835987.post-4203570490914494549Mon, 13 Jan 2014 15:15:00 +00002014-01-13T10:16:56.345-05:00bipolar disorderfrustrationmental healthmental illnessmixed episodetime I'm drowning. Life is getting to be much too overwhelming, and my constant companion - mixed episode - just won't leave me alone. One minute I'm feeling horribly depressed, the next my agitated mania is ramping up. It just seems like I don't have enough time, no matter how early I wake up in the morning. I put my jewelry shop on hiatus, which was quite depressing. I just don't have the time http://realityhideseek.blogspot.com/2014/01/time-is-my-enemy.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Sheri Kauffman)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637577428995835987.post-5973836205310981177Mon, 16 Dec 2013 13:38:00 +00002013-12-16T08:38:59.128-05:00bipolarbipolar disorderbipolar disorder Ibipolar disorder IIDSMmental illness In order to receive a cancellation of a small student loan, I had to have my psychiatrist fill out a form detailing my symptoms. I know he has to make it look worse than it is, but that was quite a depressing document to read. On the Threshold of Eternity (Photo credit: Wikipedia) But now I'm confused. I was originally diagnosed with clinical depression and severe anxiety. Then about http://realityhideseek.blogspot.com/2013/12/confused-by-numbers.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Sheri Kauffman)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637577428995835987.post-147937670686540102Sun, 08 Dec 2013 00:05:00 +00002013-12-07T19:05:18.546-05:00abusedomestic violencelinguisticsA friend of mine, another abuse survivor, asked me an interesting question. I was going to respond directly to her, but I thought perhaps other people might have the same question. "Someone recently asked me if I had ever experienced emotional or verbal "violence" by any of my partners. Her use of the word "violence" stopped me. I asked, "Do you mean violence or abuse?" Her response was http://realityhideseek.blogspot.com/2013/12/defining-abuse-violence-or-assault.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Sheri Kauffman)1