Reality is Optional

Amazing Changes In My Life.........

2012-01-02T23:03:00.000-08:00

......but why do I feel the same?
Its a little late right now dear friend so I don't have an image to help tell my story, but I figured it has been so long since I posted that I just want to get this out quickly and promise to blog more later.
I finally decided to start telling those that matter that I am a Lesbian (hey it feels great to even post it here!).
I have so far only come out to a few of my cousins I am closest to, havn't told my 18yr old son yet although I suspect he already knows, or at least would not be stunned by the declaration.
What he knows as well as my disabled son is that I am and will always be the best mother I can be and that will never change or be affected by anything or anyone in my personal life.
It reminds me of something I once read about people with disabilities or severe disabilities such as my 17yr old has. People that need much in physical care and feelings of security, don't have the hang up of whether someone is gay, strait, black or white, it matters more to them that the very fundamental need of being cared for and treated well, and loved if at all possible is more important than anything.
I have that tatooed in my mind.
Getting ready to start my Master's program now that is what I have alot of anxiety about!
Otherwise, life pertty much is the same.
There is so much more I could talk about right now but I will close now to try to get a little sleep. and I promise to talk more about where I am headed and what I want to do with my life now at age 53, thanks for reading.

Take Good Care, Love Debra

NOT A FEEL GOOD STORY FOR ME & I AM NOT ALONE!

2011-03-11T09:42:00.000-08:00

MobilityWorks

MobilityWorks
810 Moe Drive
Akron, OH 44310
1-866-711-5072
website

View Video of
Chris Medina at MobilityWorks

Watch the video taken by ABC News Channel 7 in Chicago.
View Video.

It has been awhile since I posted something, but this story really bothers me on a very personal level!

I made it a point to reply to an email that was generated to me from this company, the very company that has denied me the purchase of a wheelchair accessible van, even an old one, over the years.

Grant it there were and are credit issues, I am the first to admit that however, I wanted to emphasize to this company that it is a sort of slap in the face of so many families like myself who are in poor credit status due to having to care for someone with severe disabilities, and that is only the beginning of the sacrifices made because of caring for a loved one with many issues.

Dealerships that sell these vans, are generally few in any given area, as there are only 2 in my area (and still a distance), and are the only places where these types of vehicles can be purchased.
I realize that it is a business, and they wanted to promote the company, however, when I think of all of the families that I know personally, with some situations even worse than my own, who could also use a little break, whether it is a van or some other item necessary to caring for the individual, this story is a reminder of the unfairness in life.

     A reminder to anyone that is caring for someone with a severe illness or disability. Our day to day, is because we are trying to meet the challenges and avoid the options of placing the person in some type of facility to be managed and given custodial care, and in many cases rely upon the government tax dollars.
It is a sacrifice that very few asked for, but accept, and we are trying often giving up who we are in the process.
       The efforts that this once American Idol contestant made is worthy of recognition, and perhaps had Mobility Works not used it as a marketing source to boost their overpriced vehicles that in this day and age not many people can afford, I personally may have been able to go on and not be so disheartened by it all.

But the last thing I want to see, as my on w/c van is about to fall apart is to have this company that I have tried and tried to work with in the past, generate an email to me about the wonderful thing they have done as a company!

Sorry, but not feeling it!
Debra A Reaze

Hey Karen, I promised myself to keep this light for you......

2010-12-26T20:26:00.000-08:00

Dubai, said to be the world's wealthiest little city!
I just want you to know that I think about you and your family often, although I don't get around to showing it as much as I should.
I guess during this time espescially, I figure your world is so filled with family, friends and all the holiday happenings, that we will connect at some point down the road!

I can remember (thank goodness), how we were as children and growing into young women, the endless phone conversations and important milestones when we were young. That's why its hard to believe the different paths that our lives have taken and the life events that have helped to shape who we are today, and who we will be in the years to come.

But having said that, I may not fully know all there is to know about who you are now and there is probably some things you might not know about me, but what I do know is that we still share that love of eating and shopping!
Yes you did wear me out last time, so I am ready for you the next time dear.
I found something just for you that I know you are one of the few people who would find it interesting, with a hint of my love for world travel.

This is said to be the wealthiest little city in the Middle East or the world even with the worlds largest mall!
Get a cocktail, sit back and relax and dream**************
Love, cousin Debra.

To Karen, enjoy... ps, turn your sound up a little
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xz5L3f8eqkQ&feature=related

A Holiday Wish for my cousin JT, and cousin Lynn aka (Pebbles). A Toast!!

2010-12-22T11:32:00.000-08:00

Just in case you all forgot to get your Kwanzaa candles, I thought you could enjoy these!

Okay, no more of that language, and clear your heads for a moment I just wanted to wish you both much love, health and happiness in the coming year!
It has been comforting to have you both closer in my heart now than we have ever been in our lives, maybe life has worked out to be that way for a reason.
And when I am doin all my talkin, or when I listen to whats on your mind, however it comes out... I feel connected to family more now than when I was younger, your dad being a very special part of it all too!

So having said that, I wanted to give you two something unique,
in my own way just click on the sites and know that I do hope your dreams come true!

Pebbles>>>    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7c_MKAuguBo&feature=related

                        **************************

J T>>>         http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iE_Dfr_y9AQ

Love Always, Cousin Debra

Unit 10: Rating Myself....Again.

2010-12-16T22:56:00.000-08:00

Well here we are in unit 10, and here I am again after 12 midnight on my blog and eating Sour Punch Straws (candy), I know, I know, I know!

But once again I will reflect on my spiritual, physical and psychological well being.

Taking a look at back at unit 3, I am still rating myself around a 6 due to just not finding the time or energy to exercise like I need to, as in about 6 hours or less I have to get up and get my disabled son ready for the school bus at 7:30am.

He is just about as tall as I am now but unable to bear his own weight. Are these excuses, sure they are! But what I realize is that my goal has more to do with time management, and needing to get more rest and schedule exercise as an essential part of my day.
**********************************

As I have discussed before, if I believe nothing else, I do believe that a routine exercise/yoga routine, and yes some form of meditation which may or may not include Dacher's method, is what will be the catalyst to virtually everything else that I am doing or that I will do in my life. There is just an overwhelming amount of validation to the benefits of exercise, but I still have to be realistic about rating myself and I don't feel that I have gone far beyond around a 6 in all three areas, even after this course.

**********************************

Now that I have had to set up this blogsite, I feel that it has opened a door for me to discuss some of those crossroads or excuses that I use to not exercise, and get feedback.

And I now can openly discuss other issues I find important, so possibly these are the small steps needed to get to that higher rating.

**********************************

One last thought I'd like to share, late this evening while finishing up some class work and listening to a show I watch 'The Last Word' hosted by Lawrence ODonnell, MSNBC

he talked about a trip he took to Malawi, Africa and how it changed his life.

This was powerful for me listening to the story and it gave me as someone who loved traveling and learning about other cultures a moment to remind myself about what is really important.

If you have time watch; http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/#40711558.

Have a great holiday everyone!

Unit 9: Project/Blog Whew!

2010-12-12T16:12:00.000-08:00

MY REALITY

MY DREAM

Our society is too complex in my opinion to have a set of standards where everyone fits neatly into what is considered having the ultimate in physical, mental and spiritual health. Suggesting that as a professional one is not capable of providing their clients with the necessary tools for achieving health and wellness until they have personally reached it themselves.

It is more important that we recognize in our personal lives where we need to develop psychologically and physically, however, depending on the point we are starting from the process could take longer given the daily responsibilities of many individuals.

Spirituality is important in the goal to achieve wholeness, but for many of us, we need to spend more time exploring and evaluating what particular practice of spirituality we will choose to provide us with the balance of having faith and coping effectively with the world around us.

With the 3 dimensions that are mentioned, I am a believer that through the commitment to physical exercise, the level of energy and mental focus that will be gained should allow me as a professional to manage assisting my clients or another type of career in the field of Public Health with more clarity and self assuredness.

I actually will give myself a low score as it applies to physical fitness, the problem being that I fail to organize my day to include a solid exercise program, and to admit that purchasing equipment has not made a difference in the lack of management.

I have promised myself to not purchase any type of exercise equipment or videos, as I recognize the financial waste.

Mentally, I will admit to feeling ok and allow myself and high sore based in having an understanding of what it is I need to do personally and what will be expected of me in my career. I have fortunately not fallen, victim to any activity that will cloud my thinking, therefore I am able to live in the reality of my life as needed, and hopefully make the best possible decisions.

My spirituality is definitely an area that I am not in total agreement with the authors of our reading material. It may have a lot to do with my travels and interest in learning about other cultures and their religious practices. Therefore, I will give myself a medium score since I believe spirituality is a lifelong learning process that will help me maintain an open heart and mind to the beliefs of others.

The psychological goal I would like to achieve needs to involve a method of meditative practice that works well for me as an individual. I am of the belief now that it is necessary to quiet my thoughts which will no doubt be achieved through the visualization techniques as described through our readings.

For me I found myself more successful with this method, than with others suggested throughout the course.

Spiritually, I remain unchanged as an agnostic and with an interest in learning more of the teachings of Buddhism. It is a personal goal that I become successful spiritually as well, but as a professional I can't allow that to prevent me from at least evaluating how spirituality plays an important part in the lives of others.

In order to commit myself to a physical exercise program I know that taking a hard look at my daily routine will be the first task, since this is where I fall short in

commitment to a designated time, and view it as an essential part of my day such as I do for grooming.

I agree with the first of the "Eight Principles of Integral Practice", (Dacher, pp 118), that each small step I take to achieve an exercise program supports the next step or evolve into a more solid program.

Even though I am focusing on physical exercise, this step will apply to my mental fitness, and like many who believe that both physical and mental health go hand in hand.

It is one of those areas where I can't deny the enormous amount of research material available that supports this theory.

In addition to this strategy, it will be necessary to include healthier eating habits and above all a sufficient amount of sleep.

Whew!

As stated before, achieving my personal goal in spirituality is not as simple to put into words as it is to be aware of what I believe at this point in my life and why I believe it.

I would just rather not be judged right now by anyone who is determined that I follow a certain path as part of my goal to achieve integral health, since it is such a personal and gradual journey for me, I believe I will know when I have achieved it.

I truly hope for a line or barrier that I can cross, (I wish it were a true visible line), that lets me know that I have gotten to the other side of the areas I would like to achieve in my mental and physical well being.

It's almost as if I would do well with having a finish line to cross like I am running a marathon.

After 6 months or so of working towards a solid health and wellness program, just having accomplished that amount of time with minimal failure will be an exciting accomplishment for me.

However, like most of us who have the responsibility of caring for others, I believe the constant acknowledgement of why we need to continue and or modify our programs should be evident in how we feel, and how we are performing in our careers. We are confronted with the added emotional pressure of why it is important to take better care of ourselves, therefore, incorporating a physical exercise program, a meditation practice and yes a sound spiritual practice should sustain us for some time to come.

I PLAN TO CONTINUE BLOGGING, I ENJOYED THE COURSE,

EVERYONE TAKE CARE!

Dacher, Elliott S. M.D. "The Eight Principles of Integral Practice". Integral Practice.

Integral Health the Path to Human Flourishing. Basich Health, 2006. Chap.12, p 118.

Its SNOWING outside, so I would rather visualize something else!

2010-12-05T13:07:00.000-08:00

OK here she goes again, but considering the name of my blogsite, I decided to discuss visualization based on the movie Avatar and not opt for reality.
I sat with my sons recently and watched the movie Avatar again (which is quite rare to have moments like that), and knowing ahead of time what the topic of our blog was for this week, I found myself paying more attention to the scenenary and meaning behind certain elements of this fictional place and what was being communicated.
I have always loved nature and the peacefulness of gardening, long walks through parks and best of all waterfalls! There are few things more serene and meaningful to me than to listen and watch a roaring waterfall in the midst of a heavily wooded area.

Funny story: When my oldest was about 5, we went to Niagra Falls, Canada. If anyone remembers how you walk along the sidewalk and one side are the Niagra Falls that you can see, and on the sidewalk side are the landscaped lawns of the hotels and I think homes too. I am excited that my kids are going to get to see the Falls and go on the Maid of Mist cruise, when suddenly my son screams "wow look at that"! And he's jumping and pointing to the little water sprinkler twirling around on the lawn! That certainly was a sign of the future as he really doesn't care about nature unless its in a video game!

Anyway, the meditation and visualization techniques used in this course are worthy of having them as a skill to use during times of stress, unhappiness, or I just want out of here moments, but you can't actually leave the scene.
Whether it is a place or activity that is real and stands the chance of becoming a true event,I believe visualization aids in reducing stress levels, or promotes a clear thought as to how to handle a major upcoming event.
I was able to find an article discussing the "healing power of visualization", http://healing.about.com/od/visualization/a/powerofmind.htm, as the author describes it as a form of self hypnosis, and similar to what is being discussed throughout this course it describes the brain's connection to every cell in your body. I plan to read it again and research this theory.

As for my love of the movie Avatar, I am not alone in wishing I had a "Tree of Souls" in my backyard to just look at and sit under and feel the healing powers.
For anyone who also enjoyed the movie I found this short clip about Pandora, use it just for those I want out of here moments! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBGDmin_38E&NR=1

A little apology to my elders.......

2010-11-27T12:10:00.000-08:00

This week I made a greater effort to try and quiet my thoughts and practice the assigned excercise, and I succeeded (at least more than in the past)!
But first what I was happy to hear during the meditation is the references made to one of my favorite flowers the Lotus flower.
There are many varieties of this flower but each one for me brings a sense of peacefulness when I see a picture of it. This excercise helped me to decide that this will be the oil painting I will paint (I am not an artist, but it is a simple pic), and place it above the fireplace, and it will be the first thing I see when I walk through the house in the am to start my day.

Trying to give homage to my older relatives both who have passed and those living, I at first tried to select a person who had an impact on my life in terms of wisdom to live by, and although there were short memories here and there and some that I adore, I couldn't help but to think that the individuals that I have gained a lot from in terms of wisdom and understanding about the world we live in, have come from well read, educated, and or those with tons of world experience.
I thouroughly enjoy listening the the cablenews stations espescially political and cultural issues, (I am alone in this, but thats ok), and I am reminded of a college professor,
Melissa Harris-Perryhttp://melissaharrisperry.com/about.html,
who since having served as a pundit on MSNBC, she is now a paid commentator, and I look forward to her perspective on issues. She explains things with such detail and clarity, that I envy her ability to express her thoughts in that way.
There are a number of others that I hold in high regard for their intelect and fearless approach to life, another is Richard Engel and his ability to discuss what is happening on the ground in Afganistan or Iraq, and then sit across from a news anchor a week later and discuss issues seamlessly.
There are a few people while trying to do this excercise that I was reluctant to choose because I felt compelled to choose a member of my family, and it might have been my 83 yr old uncle who I love dearly, and he has experienced a lot and talks alot and I mean alot about everybody, and thats when I question the validity of his wonderful stories!

I began trying to finish my education in the Human Services field, and I remember the question kept coming up about having personally experienced certain things in life before being able to help others with the same issues.
I am not sure that I agree with that statement, because where would we be or the many populations in our world that need long term assistance if they had to wait until only those that "walked in their shoes" came along?
There are numerous stories of people that come from very wealthy or secluded backgrounds that are presently living among people from cultures totally opposite of who they are.
There are health care workers, I think of Doctors Without Borders, to name one that repeatedly seek to help peolple who literally have nothing and are in a crisis, and will not be able to pay for their care, but the reward of helping others is all that one will get.
I truley believe that the "open mind and open heart", is what is needed first when making the decision to help those who need it regardless of who it is.

Loving-Kindness Excercise & Integral Assessment

2010-11-21T08:03:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIJrqFeb4qM

What has this got to do with anything? Nothing. Its just me getting a kick out of finding unusual things in life and loving learning about other cultures! Yes an African American singing in Mongolia, notice the looks on the faces in the audience!

This weekend I once again found myself looking into my possible future through someone else's life.

The Loving Kindness excercise I let repeat itself in the background while I did other work late into the night, although the idea is to utilize it as a tool for meditation, I found it soothing (still loving the sound of waves) and I will get on the other side of my feelings of anxiety I am having this weekend.

Friday, I had a conversation with Ron, the father of both my sons regarding 'grandma', we are all close and I would say it was one of many conversations regarding her living conditions, and her innability to manage virtually everything now as she is now in her mid 80's.
In addition to this her son (who is Ron's twin) and has been disabled since early childhood, has always lived with her but could have functioned well in a group home if she would have "let go" many years ago.
As you can imagine the other siblings all men, are very attached to her but very frustated and very worried about the inevitable, and of course no wants to be the heavy handed person and hurt her feelings and take over.
As I have blogged and posted some of my thoughts about caring for my disabled son, I don't often talk about the subtle comments and sometimes direct in your face questions regarding what my plans are when my son reaches adulthood, what are my plans when I am physically not able to care for him?
What level of assessment is this? I recognize the intent of others to determine my awareness of the realities of caring for a severely disabled person. I recongnize that pre-planning and personal development are essential as I have made significant structural changes in my home over the years, and finally allowed the county agencies present to me what they are able to offer.
And as I mentioned in our introduction my son was a malpractice case, therefore the legal system has an input in terms of what options are available for his care, the school district has their input, and then there is the medical community who I consider "ground zero", in terms of his longevity and quality of life.
But even with all my tools and educated wisdom (as I consider it), I feel like grandma, I feel that this is my son, and as Dacher describes I am at a level where I am stuck and becoming 'out of balance', when the subject comes up, and like many special needs parents you feel no one will or can do the job that you can.

Is it too early for a cocktail?

Well maybe right now it is, but I just needed to lighten the mood a little.
I do feel however, that whether in our careers or on a personal level interacting with friends and family it is essential to provide support and advice when necessary and this may include things they are not ready to hear

Sorry, But I am exhausted from trying to figure out how to attach my powerpoint!

2010-11-17T06:44:00.000-08:00

I have even enlisted help and we can't figure it out.
I am using an Open Office program, so I guess it may be too late anyway. OH WELL!

My Thoughts About the Subtle Mind

2010-11-14T19:12:00.000-08:00

Tibetan Sand Mandala
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uazRvR9p0w

One of my favorite things I used to do is to attend the Universal Light Expo, held in Columbus, OH each year in October. http://www.universeexpo.com/
Even though it can get quite crowded, and there is much to see and do, I make it a point to wander over to watch the progress of the Sand Mandala created by Tibetan Monks, if anyone has watched this being done it is a very worthwhile experience, and for me you can almost stand and meditate while watching their discipline even with the crowd all around.
The Healing Mandala, is said to have positive energy within them and the energy is generated to all those that view it. The monks chant and ask for healing blessings, and by the end of the 2 day expo it is completed and blown away to spread healing blessings even further. I have got to make it another expo next year!
I kinda would have enjoyed making our own Mandala's for this course they can be beautiful as well as personal.

The comparison of the "subtle mind", as I understand it involves using distinctive breathing techniques to assist with quieting your mind in order to focus.
Although the distraction of wondering thoughts interfere with the practice, in time it will be easier to get these distractions to fade and eventually not be allowed to interfere with the meditation.
With the love and kindness exercise, the focus is geared towards the health and wellness of those that you care for and love and sometimes those that you simply wish well.
The theory behind love and kindness is to absorb the loving thoughts you have for others into your meditation practice, as it will allow you to take in their suffering or circumstances and turn them into positive energies, sending that back out into the world.

I believe the key to developing spiritual, physical, and mental wellness is finding the method that works for you but has ultimate goal of giving you inner peace.
I have long been on that quest to find what works, but it has pertty much left me with a lot of interest and hobbies. However, more and more I am finding that the physical self is not bouncing back as quickly such being able to function on very little sleep. And I do believe that this lack of sleep and no doubt added responsiblities tend to affect virtually everything else that I do and think.
So, I realize now that a starting point for me is dealing with getting adequate rest, and yes excercise.

Remembering a wonderful time and place!

2010-11-07T22:31:00.000-08:00

THE COSTA DEL SOL, MALAGA, SPAIN
I wish I could talk about the relaxing and meditative results from trying to implement the excercise as suggested from the Dacher cd, but finding the time and place to quiet my mind, along with battling an ugly sinus infection made the experience for me a opportunity to get a little more shut eye!
However, I found that the background sound of the waves crashing to shore took me to a magical time in my life when I first traveled to Spain and our student tour group finally got to the coast after 5 days of travel! In Malaga, Spain, I thought ok I'll enjoy the beach with my group although I am more of an "ancient ruins" tourist, I'll put my feet in the sand and sleep and eat.
After another full day of touring we finally ended up exhausted for the evening, so my roomates and I (both who were Puerto Rican, which helped alot with language) were trying to sleep but laughing hysterically because the tour bus driver (middle-aged Spaniard guy), had a crush on one of my roomates, and his room was located right above ours. We listened as he tried to sing love songs to her and tapped on the floor, I guess as a code to try to get her to come meet him, you can't make this stuff up!
What I remember from that nite is that we obviously fell into a deep sleep, and I was awakened by the hard crashing of the waves against the wall a short distance from our hotel. I sat up in bed and thought to myself I have never heard anything so beautiful in my entire life, and it was the most peaceful meditative feeling where for a brief moment I thought how can I make this happen permanently, how wonderful it must be to live right on the ocean.
You see, being from Cleveland, located on the lake, most times it is just a cold body of water when you look at it, as I had never been to the ocean before so to live on the ocean in warm temperatures year round right on the Mediteranean, I thought this is the life for me!

A CITY STREET IN MALAGA, SPAIN

That's what I got out of listening to the cd, unintended for sure, but I do understand the aim of "loving-kindness" and why it should be practiced regulary to achieve integral health, however, I believe this goal can be met for me by taking myself back to a time and place that gave me the peace and comfort I seek today.
I am now in search of a cd with those same sounds and I will treat myself to some great soy candles, and incense for Christmas and listen to my waves, I bet the ability to meditate, will be found in these activities, can't wait!

RATING MYSELF: I'll try to stay in reality for this one!

2010-10-31T23:46:00.000-07:00

I have started to really talk to my 17 yr old son about being very careful in the decisions that he makes now whether it is the friends and associates he has or even choosing to get a tattoo, because as he goes through life and matures and keeps an open mind to learning he should change his views on some things and be careful about making decisions that potentially are very permanent and damaging.

At this particular time in my life I will rate myself a --6-- for my physical well being because everything that I know about life so far and what I know about myself is that if I would discipline myself to excercise and join the walkers and runners I see everyday on my street I would feel much better, I would have the energy level to do all that I try to do, and most of all my beginning stages of heart disease which is hereditary would probably subside.

I don't head my own advice, in the area of excercise, but I thoroughly believe that it is the answer to many issues, and I have work to do to find the discipline and time, but at least I understand where I am at with this.

Spiritually, I will rate myself an 8, I recently commented on someone's blog that I have reached the point where I openly express that I am Agnostic, and that I periodically take time to read Buddhist teachings, and writings. I feel a weight has been lifted from me in terms of going for so long in life trying to conform to particular environment or discussion I would have at the time, and not in agreement with their beliefs but just wasn't willing to get into a heavy discussion or confrontation.

With Buddhism, the teachings or Dharma is just that teachings, and I believe it provides a path to guide you through life, opposed to worshiping a God that is many things to many people and leaving myself open to much hypocrisy.

After traveling through several countries and witnessing different religions practicing what I believed to be its purest form, I am very comfortable in my choice to be Agnostic.

Psychologically, that is a little more difficult, because in terms of my concerns about politics and social issues, and problems on a global scale and how they affect my life I would say that I am a 7, because I am alway listening and learning about what is going on in the world, but I don't actively have the time to do more than what I am doing in my life right now.

In terms of a more personal rating, I will rate myself a 9. Aside from wishing I had more money, I feel that I am doing everything within my power to raise my two sons even though one is quite challenging because of his physical disabilities. This is based on feedback from other family members and professionals, I think if it weren't for their positive comments I would feel differently.

Yet, my mental health is always a work in progress because as they say "s--- happens.".

The primary goal that needs a lot of work at this time in my life is excercise. There are no real excuses that are legitimate and keep me from doing at least 30 min a day and of course eating properly. Once again I do believe this will have a positive effect on every aspect of my well being.

As for the the relaxation excercise, I relaxed alright, to the point of falling asleep!

Pardon me while I escape into my world of beads!

2010-10-28T22:23:00.000-07:00

A Moroccan Souk Selling Beads and
Gemstones!

Okay, its late and I have drifted into looking at beads online and remembering a trip I took thru Morocco, about 20 years ago (goodness it doesn't seem that long), and walking thru souks (open markets), where you have vendors selling all kinds of spices you've never heard of in one stall and then loose beads that are just breathtaking in another! And this is where my love of beads began.

It is almost meditative and spiritual for me to touch layers and layers of beads as I did at a gem and jewlery show this past weekend. Unfortunately, though I can't buy as much as I would like so I try to choose carefully.
My girlfriend that I ususally attend these shows with has no interest in beads so she wonders off to look at jewlery only and I walk through my world of beads and talk to fellow beadaholics.

I also used this time to mentally prepare for the visit to the surgeon regarding my son's medical problems with reflux.
He will indeed need surgery, for what we hope will allow him a better quality of life.
But it is still pending on more testing to determine how envasive the surgery should be.
I really appreciated the surgeon who I am familiar with, spending alot of time (which they normally don't have) and listening to my concerns about having such a social and congnitive 16 yr old who looks forward to every day, already confined to a body with Cerebral Palsy, be further affected by procedures with a 50/50 outcome.
I have worked with surgeons and other medical professionals before who tend to get lost in their specialty and don't always see the patient, but I did feel that at least for that moment he talked to me as another parent concerned about their own child.
I guess it relates to what we are learning about mind body and spirit.

So, yes I look to my love of beading and other forms of meditation to help me with such important decisions in addition to gradually incorporating Buddhism into my daily life, which is a topic for another day.

Just wanted to share this video, Elton John still going strong.

2010-10-23T11:15:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone,

Just in between doing some reading and listening to a report on CNN about the current Cholera outbreak in Haiti, please say a prayer, light a candle, or share your thoughts if you want, just a bad situation for their country and for mankind.
Also, I am reminded of this wonderful song I heard performed by Elton John and Leon Russell the other day, the words and melody are quite soothing, enjoy, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJm7XoJtfI8

EXPLAINING THE NAME OF MY BLOG SITE

2010-10-22T19:41:00.000-07:00

Not that anyone so far has really asked me what is meant by "Reality is Optional", but it just occurred to me after a recent phone conversation I just had, that at this time in my life as I have reached middle age but not feeling a huge difference physically (until I look in the mirror of course), trying to get my 17yr old son off to college next year, caring for my 16 yr old son who is disabled and enjoys life as only he can, tolerating two small dogs, feeding a few fish that insist on living, and trying to get my BS in Public Health. There is just not enough time in the day, so tell me please, how is that there are so many people it seems more now than ever, that just can't or won't handle their own responsiblities, but decide that they will not accept or acknowledge simple truths and move on, just put one foot in front of the other and move on.

As an only child with not a lot of interaction from my own mother, I would say this allowed me to grow up very independently and self sufficient sometimes to a fault. I always tell the story about tearing down my kitchen and doing my own remodel, eventually using a freelance carpenter who told my older son to "please take the power tools away from your mother!"
But anyway, I am a strong advocate for living and dealing with realities as much as possible and facing your weaknesses. Maybe its my younger son who is very cognitive and quite social but can't speak and although learning to use a high tech electronic device, we just simply communicate with him through giving him choices and his reading his facial expressions.
His smiles and laughter are so genuine.
His tears are real and keep flowing until they just stop,
His worries for family and classmates generate vocal sounds and raised eyebrows,

Therefore, I realized when he was quite young that he controls his environment through the simple realities and limitations of his world nothing more, nothing less, He truly doesn't lie or try to manipulate or use others for more than he absolutely needs (except for extra smiles when he and his brother would like more video games).

I know for many, life is incredibly difficult, espescially after unforseen events, but for others that just decide "I just don't wanna", no rhyme or reason I just don't, and I'll make life more challenging for others "just because".
Hence, my choice to name this site because on most days you have options, and just remember many others don't.

Having to make some tough choices soon....

2010-10-19T22:55:00.000-07:00

Hi all,

Its about 1:12am and I am wide awake drinking coffee (I know, I know), trying to do some research on surgery(ies) my 16yr old son who has CP will have soon for problems with reflux.
This is tough because I am having to decide how invasive a surgery he should have.

I have always follwed the theory "if it ain't broke don't fix it", however, the surgeon who performed a previous procedure, will probably put a little pressure on me to take care of as much as possible, but there are the negatives that must be considered.
As my cousin, a registered nurse reminds me that surgeons "just want to cut, they are surgeons"! I must keep his position in perspective.

As I have spent many nites now listening for my sons coughing, waiting to see if I need to go in and make sure he is ok, I lean towards wanting to do everything possible to proivde him with the best quality of life he can have, that means all the surgery needed.
But when he gets home from school and I make him comfortable for the evening in his wheelchair, and he watches his sports and favorite tv shows (his latest is Glee, and he dances when they sing, so fun to watch), I just want to make him comfortable and as pain free as possible so he can keep on dancing and enjoying what he does in life.

I thought I would have had a grip on quality of life, but I guess it is alway changing.