Photo/Painting: Pink Diva Ribbon by Janie McGee

“Womanist is to feminist as purple is to lavender” -Alice Walker

Alice Walker coined the term “womanism” to describe the unique perspectives of black feminists who battle both sexist and racist aspects of society.

Ever since I started molding ReasonsAndRoses to be the voice of black Southern Belles, I’ve wanted to write a post that examines how or if women who describe themselves as such could …also embrace the philosophies that undergird womanism, and vice versa. To be honest, there are stereotypes about Southern Belles, starting with the definition of Southern Belle being a genteel white woman with a drawl, that fly in the face of all that womanism is. Part of the goal of ReasonsAndRoses is to create another definition of the Southern Belle that is a wider, updated, and accurate description of women who have grown up in and inherited the traditions of the South and who now operate in the New South.

Can a black Southern Belle also be a womanist? Can she maintain the courtliness that is the signature to a Southern Belle while also upholding the principles of womanism? I’m using your responses to help me frame this post, so any input is welcomed and appreciated.

The Cookout: Denim Shirt + Printed Wide Leg Pants

Provided that you are not mandated to wear this year’s family t-shirt to the cookout, this outfit is airy enough for you to survive the 80 and 90 degree temperatures of June and July, which are popular family reunion months. Since it’s not form-fitting, you won’t have to worry about feeling like you are in a sausage casing after all the homemade cobbler and chicken with your favorite uncle’s secret barbecue sauce you’ll have.

The Post Cookout After-Party At Your Cousin-N-Nem’s: Tribal Print Shirt Dress

This is the tricky one. After the kids have thoroughly tired themselves out from running, jumping, screaming, and other kid activities at the park, the grown members of the family gather at your cousin’s house ( you know, that cousin that everyone has who’s always ready for a party) for mingling, hors d’oeuvres, and a few grown folks drinks. You don’t want to come to this event in your sweaty cookout clothes, and you want to be a little swanked out, but not enough to look like you’re going to the club (umm, awkward). A shirt dress like this is still light and laid back, but it’s fresh enough for this family after 5.

Church With The Fam: Ankara Peplum Skirt + Delicate White Tie Neck Blouse

No family reunion ends without church on Sunday. I love Ankara, and this peplum skirt is a great way to combine Southern Belle poise with a funky tribal twist.

To get a closer look at these outfits, visit my Polyvore page. Remember, have fun and cherish family moments like these. Happy Family Reunion!

Photo of Kiera Wilmot from Miami New Times.com

From what I have read about Kiera Wilmot over the past few days, I think that she and I would have been good or maybe best friends if she were a member of my high school class. As I look at her smiling photo that is now circulating throughout the blogosphere and on television news packages, I can’t help but think that she must be an Awkward Black Girl like me: someone who is interested in girlish things that typical 16-year-old young women on the cusp of womanhood are interested in, yet someone who is also quirky enough to wonder about what would happen if toilet bowl cleaner were mixed with aluminum foil.

While I never had a strong enough interest in science to take the initiative to experiment with mixtures of household chemical products, I hate to face the absurd possibility that had that curiosity been within me at a level intense enough to persuade me to design an experiment and test it, I might have spent my 18th birthday reflecting on two years of prison time as a felon rather than relishing the excitement that comes with college acceptances, proms, and everything that should come in the last teenage years of a girl who’s an honor student with a clean behavior record. I hope that Kiera’s lawyer in addition to the outrage that continues to spread as media coverage of this story gets heavier is enough to save her future, but let’s not let her suffer this tragedy in vain without pulling some things from it that will help us  navigate through the rough waters of this “post-race” society:

1. We are still society that is very obsessed with and hypocritical about race, and we can’t afford to act like we aren’t.

As this story develops to include the fact that three weeks prior to the Wilmot incident, Assistant Florida State Attorney Tammy Glotfelty declined to press charges against a white 13-year-old boy who allegedly accidentally shot and killed his 10-year-old brother with a BB gun, those of us who have naively embraced the idea of a post-racial America should start to reconsider this state of mind as dangerous and counterproductive.

We are inundated everyday by too many stories of black kids and adults being excessively punished for situations that seem to be almost identical to those that involved white people in which consequences were light or nonexistent. In fact, today’s story involved black students at the University of Southern California whose graduation party was abruptly ended by a barrage of almost 80 LAPD officers in riot gear. The complaint from surrounding neighbors was for noise, yet an identical party across the street with predominantly white students in attendance went on uninterrupted.

Acting as if these things happen only out of a response to perceived disorderly behavior or “being in the wrong place at the wrong time” shields those with racial motives from proper scrutiny and, ironically, keeps us from achieving what I think we really want. That’s not a world where race doesn’t exist, but one in which differences in race and the cultures that come with them are truly respected and even cherished.

2. The Kiera Wilmot story shouldn’t be used as a platform to dismiss warranted discipline in schools.

Even though I sympathize with Wilmot and her family about this course of events and I agree that the consequences are outrageous overreactions, I do think that some consequences are appropriate. Of course she shouldn’t be sharing a cell with murders and child molesters, but a couple of days of detention wouldn’t have been out of the question. Remember the curiosity that I talked about at the beginning of this post? Well, sometimes part of the lesson kids learn when they explore curiosity is what they shouldn’t do, and the best way to teach them that is with some sort of reasonable consequence that drives that point home.

I don’t think the answer to the extreme of excessive punishment is to slide over to the other extreme of giving kids bills of rights and other legislation that they can hide behind to escape consequences for things they should be punished for. Los Angeles (the same place where a swat team was called to a graduation party) seems to not understand the concept of balance since they are actually considering banning suspension for what is termed “willful defiance”. In other words, a student can curse out his or her teacher and instead of that student being suspended, the teacher would have to employ “alternative” methods of dealing with the student, maybe like singing a lullaby and stroking Lil Johnny on the head. Not only is this insulting to teachers, but it teaches students the horrible lesson that they are not responsible for their actions.

In the course of making sure justice is served for Kiera, lets not create loopholes for our kids to fall through. In the workforce AKA the real world, a curse out session with your boss may feel good, but you’ll leave his or her office and take your place in line at the unemployment office afterward. No “bill of rights” can save you from that fate, which is why any document that shields students from reasonable consequences that match their offenses is irresponsible.

3. It is up to US( black adults who love black kids) to TEACH our children the principles that will SAVE THEIR LIVES.

Ultimately, it is up to black community figures and especially, no foremost, PARENTS, to instill in their children the principles that will keep them from being a target of suspension abuse in the first place. From character education to classroom management, discipline has been an ever-changing coded word in schools for years, but the one thing that has stayed the same is that it continues to be an assumed duty that is the sole responsibility of faculty and other school staff.

I’ve taught on pretty much every level for a number of years, so I can tell you definitively that it is impossible to teach a classroom full of students the content that I am assigned to teach while policing the same students in the same 50 to 90 minutes. I tend to be a lot more patient with students than some other teachers, but we should know by now that many will not be as patient, especially when there’s a young, black face doing something that could be seen as disrespectful or worse. Although any punishment that is influenced by racism is wrong, we must teach our kids not to do things that “give a reason” for someone to make them an example. This type of teaching may hark back to the days of the Civil Rights Era, but unfortunately it is a very necessary and ultimate expression of love that we must show our kids.

Do it for Kiera.

Photo from fantasiaofficial.com

I really want Fantasia to win. That’s not just because she’s from my hometown area, or because I love her Southern drawl and her carefree, country girl attitude, but because her success in the music industry will be an encouraging sign that talent is still valued in an industry that seems to put more priority on connections and having the “it” girl look ( “exotic” small facial features, light-skinned, and long, light-colored hair). Fantasia has overcome so much in her life, from sexual abuse to accepting the sobering reality that the entertainment industry can sometimes be the coldest place on Earth. Her fourth album, Side Effects of You, reflects her evolution from the fresh-faced 19-year-old from the third season of American Idol to the sophisticated chanteuse we see today. Song by song, here are my thoughts on the album:

1. Supernatural- I like Fantasia’s first single (Lose to Win) from this album, but the snippets I heard of this song from some entertainment blogs were what made me really excited for the album. It’s a great starting track since it sets the tone for her new sound, which is definitely hip-hop inflected, yet it still has that Broadway quality that you’d expect from Fantasia.

2. Ain’t All Bad- This is a Reggae themed track that reminded me a little of Rihanna’s “No Love Allowed”. Judging from this song, Fantasia and Reggae seem to be a pretty good mix.

3. If I Was A Bird- In this song, Fantasia pines for freedom from a relationship that sounds like it’s pretty smothering. This is a poetic twist on the classic I’m-leaving-you/get-some-act-right type of songs that we usually hear from R&B songtresses.

4. Girl Talk (Interlude)- I’m pretty sure that Kandi Burruss is the girlfriend that Fantasia is talking to in this interlude, but I couldn’t get Google to confirm that for me. I’m not a big fan of interludes, especially talking ones, so this is skippable to me. The last few minutes are a gospel-esque lead in to the next track.

5. Without Me featuring Kelly Rowland & Missy Elliot- By far, this is my favorite track on the album. It starts out with a slowed down, masculine sounding ad-lib that’s reminiscent of “I Been On” by Beyoncé before going into what may be the sexiest sounding rhetorical question ever.

6. Side Effects Of You- This is Fantasia’s crossover song. It’s a very soaring, soft-rock sound.

7. Get It Right- Very old school, call and response type of song that would make James Brown and the fathers and mothers of soul music proud. This song would probably be really fun to watch Fantasia perform live.

8. So Much To Prove- Diva anthem. This song was probably in the back of Oliva Pope’s mind during the much celebrated “Earn me” scene.

9. Change Your Mind- She pays homage to the late Whitney Houston’s “I’m Your Baby Tonight” in this one. Love it.

10. Lighthouse- Fantasia does a little rapping in this motivational track.

11. Lose To Win- This is possibly another crossover song. I love the message about having to go through hardships to win in the end. This song shows a very strong side of Fantasia.

12. End Of Me-  In this interview with Yahoo.com’s Billy Johnson, Jr. , she mentions that her “baby Quincy Jones” is London-based producer Harmony Samuels, who I think did a great job showcasing the different sides of Fantasia’s voice, especially in this song. Very passionate.

13. In Deep- I think this song is what Fantasia was referring to in the above mentioned interview by Billy Johnson, Jr. when she said that if you listen to this album carefully, you’ll know where she’s been, where she is now, and where she’s going. This song must be where she is going…she’s going deeper into knowledge of herself, and with that comes wisdom.

I love to follow artists that grow with each album, and Fantasia presents a very human and triumphant journey that I look forward to hearing more about in her future projects. My grade for this album is an A+.

Photo from Ynaija.com

A big part of the catalyst that made me pursue my dream of being a writer and business owner was reading Sacred Pampering Principles: An African American Woman’s Guide to Self-Care and Inner Renewal by Debrena Jackson Gandy. I’ve always run to books for solace whenever something has been a little awry in my life, and during the time that I found this book, I was a first year teacher at a Title 1 middle school. At the beginning of that year, I was the proverbial “bright-eyed, bushy-tailed” new college graduate, ready to change the world through each little life in my classroom. However, by the middle of that school year,  the behavior issues with students, bureaucratic bullying by administrators, and a host of other realities about the job that I didn’t remember studying about in my pedagogical theory classes drained much of the enthusiasm I started with down to a few quickly evaporating drops. I started to reconsider what I really wanted in life, and I wondered if life as a devoted educator was really for me. This was one of the quotes from the book that motivated me to reevaluate and make a change:

You can’t have a joy-filled life unless you have joy -filled minutes, hours, and days. Intentionally creating more joy-filled moments in life is the essential purpose of pampering. When you are “in-joying”, you are, in that moment, be-ing instead of do-ing. And you are in a state of bliss instead of dissatisfaction of depression. Most of us are doing life–we’re doing what pays the bills. Doing what we have to do, are expected to do, or are told to do. And we’re not experiencing enough joy.

-From Sacred Pampering Principles: An African American Woman’s Guide to Self-Care and Inner Renewal by Debrena Jackson Gandy

I have to admit that I have recently reverted back to “do-ing” rather than “be-ing”. When I find myself sliding back, I know I need to fine tune some things when it comes to my pamper and restorative time, but sometimes it’s hard to figure out what I have to do to get back to where I was. It can be hard to know where to start when you’ve been focused on everything else but you for a long period of time. You may have many areas in your life that need renewal, but try to work on only a few at a time. Below are the five that I’m currently focusing on. I think these hit all of the general areas where most women could use a little pampering.

1. I’m adding a meditative, flexibility improving practice like yoga to my workout.

I’ve had some problems with anxiety lately, and meditation has been used for centuries to help with lowering stress levels and easing many medical ailments, even allergies. Since black women suffer from heart disease related complications at rates that are twice as high as white women, it is imperative that we take extra steps to insure that each of us finds a stress reduction activity that works for us. Unchecked stress, like obesity and high cholesterol, is a big risk factor for cardiac disease. Adding yoga, which is meditative in nature, to my workout gives me the added advantage of getting a little toning and flexibility work in while I relax my worries away.

2. I’ll continue to read my way to my destiny.

The instinct to “look it up” that I’ve had since a child has never let me down. I tend to prefer larger handbags to tiny clutches so that I’ll have room for my read of the month. Usually, I read both a fiction book and a non fiction book that address an issue I’m dealing with at the same time. Right now, I’m deep into anything that has to do with entrepreneurship, branding, and media. Use your reading time to escape, but also use it to grow and turn dreams into check marks on your list of goals.

3. I’m going to discover more about my personal style/brand and conduct “brand maintenance” regularly.

I’ve written before about the importance of taking the time to cultivate a sense of personal style instead of being a label whore, but I have to say that I’ve come to realize that personal style is just like any other brand in that it needs regular maintenance. I’m not necessarily talking about the physical stuff like getting your hair and nails done on schedule. Maintaining personal style means doing an inventory of who you are on a regular basis so that the outer you always reflects the inner you. A great way to get started with this inventory is to create your own personal style look book that you will update at a frequency that’s comfortable for you. Then, take your look book with you to the mall and buy at least one thing ( it can be as small as socks!) that falls in step with what you outlined in your look book.

4. Do a 31 Day Reset every year

Rosetta Thurman (one of my favorite bloggers!) of HappyBlackWoman.com sponsors a 31 Day Reset starting the first of every month that’s packed with great self discovery and life planning exercises. She sponsors one every month, but since we’ve just started May, it’s not too late to slide in and start yours today. This reset is another thing I like to do when I feel out of focus and a little off of my path of purpose. One of my favorite exercises is the Life Map, which I used to create two visions boards.

5. Pray

Connecting and communicating with God is probably the highest form of self-care you can do, yet many of us, once again including myself, don’t do it enough. Like meditation, prayer helps us to savor the quiet around us and sift out the noise so that the voice of God is clear. There’s nothing like connecting with the One who made you to put things back in perspective.

What five things will you focus on in your pampering or self-care rituals?

Photo from Billboard.com

UPDATE: I LOVE the heels Janelle is wearing in this video. E. Badu looks great in her blond blunt cut bob too!

When I first saw this track on Facebook, I was immediately intrigued by the thought of a Janelle Monae/Erykah Badu collaboration. In my mind, I couldn’t see how Monae’s operatic yet slightly rock and rollish sound would meld well with Badu’s hip hop soaked yet slightly Billie Holiday-esque vibe and riffs that we all know and love the Queen of Neo Soul for.  It makes sense, though. Both women grew up musically in Atlanta and were influenced by the Kings of Stankonia, Outkast’s Big Boi and Andre 3000. Monae and Badu also share a fierce loyalty to their respective identities as true musical artists in the most literal of senses as both of them have created music and brands that attempt to sculpt new musical landscapes and push boundaries, both in sound and style.

According to Billboard.com, “Q.U.E.E.N” is the product of conversations between Monae and Badu, and they cover a lot of ground on the subject of feminism and how women treat each other in this funk-era influenced track:

The unpredictable track is full of spoken asides and Princely guitar work and funky synths, as Monae takes on everything from women throwing shade to religious tolerance with some help from guest Erykah Badu.

-David Greenwald of Billboard.com

With all of the foolishness that’s been going on, from cat fights being glorified on reality shows like the Love and Hip Hop enterprise, Basketball Wives, and Real Housewives of Atlanta to Beyonce, the woman hailed as our generation’s answer to Diana Ross and Aretha Franklin, telling “bitches” to Bow Down, this song is a refreshing and much needed boost to the female psyche. It’s also a taste of what is to come from Monae’s forthcoming album, The Electric Lady. Keep lifting us and music higher, Janelle and Erykah. What do you think? Like it or leave it?

When I first heard about the Neo Natural Convention, I was pretty excited that founder Chisa Pennix-Brown decided to bring such an event to North Carolina since it seems that most events for Naturals happen in far off places, the closest of which is Atlanta. This was the convention’s first year, and I expect greatness from it as it expands.

As you would expect at many conventions, there were vendors that were selling everything from beautiful jewelry, spa treatments, weight loss aids, and one-of-a-kind clothing. Designer Martone Evans of Bornatty is from right around the corner in Raleigh, yet looking at her colorful, flowing, Rasta-influenced designs conjure images of exotic, tropical places. S. Benson‘s designs reflect equal parts of sassiness, sexiness, and sophistication. Her African-inspired printed clutches, dresses, and skirts compliment all body types, from full-figured to small and petite.

I think my favorite part of the convention was the symposium featuring a series of discussions that spanned the spectrum of attitudes about black female beauty. Panelists like Baltimore Natural Hair Care Expo founder Malaikia Tamu Cooper and former Mrs. Black North Carolina winner and autoimmune disease advocate Sandra Dubose discussed topics ranging from the trend of butt implants, skin lightening, and disdain among some black men for natural hair. That last topic touched a nerve when this video was shown to the crowd, which was, of course, composed mostly of women with natural coiffed hair:

Malaikia Tamu Cooper called the man in the video a “buffoon” while designer S. Benson explained some of the sentiment.

” If you want to make the men stop talking about your natural, do your natural,” says Benson. She says many natural women do not adequately care for their natural hair due to assumptions that care is not necessary for natural hair or excuses about unaffordable or unavailable natural hair stylists.

I agree with Benson on the point that adopting a natural philosophy toward hair doesn’t exempt a woman from the responsibility of proper hair care and changing up styles now and then, but there will always be black men who prefer a waterfall of straight hair down a woman’s back to a majestic cloud of Afro-textured hair. As one of the participants in the symposium mentioned, we usually think of the historical conditioning against our natural beauty as only affecting black women, but black men were affected just as, if not more, severely. Although this video is meant to be comedic, the sad reality is that many black men (and women!) say these things and worse to Naturals everyday.

Overall, this was a great event. I would definitely go again, and next time I’ll strut in the fierce shoe challenge! For more information about future events, visit the Natural.Biz page on Facebook.

These are the types of hats that make church-hat-wearing not so popular among women my age and younger. However, I think that the nostalgic elegance and poise that our grandmothers emitted in their church hats is something that’s worth preserving. Below are some recommendations for a new generation of fashion forward crown wearers.

1. Fascinators

Photo from Anthropologie.com $79.95

Fascinators have been around for a while, but I really started noticing them after the Royal wedding of Prince William and Princess Kate this past April. It’s basically a mini hat, bouquet of flowers, or tuft of feathers attached to a headband, so wearing one could give you the look and feel of a formal hat without overtaking your hairstyle. Just steer clear of Princess Beatrice styled ones.  If you’re pretty crafty, try your hand at making your own fascinator. While we’re on the UK, has anyone else noticed that the Queen really knows how to rock a church hat? She could go toe to toe with  ANY pastor’s wife in the states!

2. Triby hats

Photo from Feinmanhats.com $250

A trilby styled hat is like a fedora, except it usually has a shorter brim and has the potential to look a lot more feminine when embellished with veils, rhinestones, or lace. In general, church hats for younger women should probably be in simpler, classic styles. This one looks kind of 1940s undercover agent ( actually it is called a Spy hat on the website) and the rhinestone detail makes it fresh.

3. Ankara head wraps

Photo from Afriversal.com

If a hat is a little too constricting for you, a head wrap would be a unique way to participate in the church hat tradition with flair and style. Choose a piece of Ankara fabric in your favorite colors and experiment with different ways to tie it for variety. YouTube has a good selection of how to videos that will help you learn how to sculpt the perfect fabric updo.

For more ideas, check out these online stores.

Nordstrom

en-us.lovehats.com

Hatagories.com

Are you a hat person? What do you think of church hats? Tell me in the comments!