Reasons and Roses

Gone Too Soon: Whitney Houston

noreply@blogger.com (Olette) — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 00:07:00 +0000

I originally planned to do this post about how the reaction over the first pictures of Blue Ivy Carter, newborn daughter of Pop superstar Beyoncé Knowles and Hip-Hop king Sean "Jay-Z" Carter, was a reminder of how "regular folk" can't help but to worship celebrities in a celebrity obsessed media culture. Then, just last night, music icon Whitney Houston unexpectedly died while attending celebratory festivities for tonight's Grammy Awards. I can't help to think of how ironic it is that Friday night, Twitter was ablaze with jubilation about the beginning of a life, finally seeing Blue, debates about which parent she resembled more, and fantasies about the charmed life that she's destined to live. Only one day later, we were mourning the death of the woman that many considered to possess the best voice in modern times.

It's no secret that Houston had her demons, but I hope that negativity bias that we're used to when it comes to embattled stars is set aside so she will be remembered for creating music that was and still is the backdrop to many of our most precious life events. If you've ever listened to a couple serenade each other with a rendition of "I Believe in You and Me", lip sung into a hair brush to "I Wanna Dance With Somebody", or put "I Will Always Love You" on repeat as tears stream down your face, you know the power that Houston's voice has to make memories that much more memorable. I remember buying the soundtrack to The Bodyguard as a 10-year-old after being mesmerized by hearing "I Will Always Love You" on the radio. That album was one of the first that I bought once I started earning an allowance.

I guess we must analyze celebrities so much because they are reflections of us. They are our dreams and fears in physical, breathing form. When they triumph or fail, they do so exponentially. Celebrity, like anonymity, is a proverbial double edged sword. Not many people have access to the prime platforms that celebrities have access to. Not many people have the pressure that they have to endure. Some are crushed under the weight of sequins encrusted façades that ironically were created to protect their sometimes tender egos. Some, like Sampson, are able to handle what's thrown at them and what they step in so long as their hair is not cut by one of the many waiting Delilahs. Still, others are able to make celebrity do their bidding; they tame it like a wild horse and ride it to a destination of their choosing. They know that it's fleeting, and they treat it like the fickle being that it is.

Celebrity is one of those things that seems to cartoonize or even dehumanize a person. We criticize the celebrities who obviously struggle with fame in very public, humiliating ways, yet we accuse celebrities who are able to take control of fame by being extremely private of being "fake" or denying us of something that we have no right to. I don't believe that celebrities are charity cases, but the public's treatment of them especially at times like this only proves how out of touch we are with what it means to be human.

Although we don't yet know what killed Whitney Houston, many people are looking for someone to blame for this sudden tragedy. Some pin it on Houston's ex husband Bobby Brown, who is often credited with allegedly introducing her to the vices that she fought for a good portion of her life. Some say Houston brought this on herself for allowing addiction to take hold of her. I expect these types of rationals from a society that condemns a person for having a problem while also ridiculing said person for a cheap laugh.

Of all of the people that Whitney Houston leaves behind, I feel the most for her 19-year-old daughter, Bobbi Kristina. I hope that she finds comfort in the fact that her mother will be loved and cherished worldwide for the music that now immortalizes her.

R&R Sophisticate: Hot or Not? Trompe l'oeil tights

noreply@blogger.com (Olette) — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 22:54:00 +0000

Clockwise from left: Lace and fishnet tights, Betsey Johnson,$14.95 at DSW; Argyle sock tights, suspender tights, and knee high tights, Pretty Polly, $25-$35 at Nordstroms.

Sweater dresses will rule heavily in my wardrobe this winter because of their quaint femininity and effortless simplicity. I love to set off a sweater dress in a rich color with fun tights, but sometimes it's hard to look sleek and less Muppet Baby. Trompe l'oeil tights, which are printed to look like suspenders and stockings, might help to give your favorite sweater dress a sexy side. I'd definitely wear the argyle sock tights to work, and the pearl suspender tights would be great for a chilly night out. The UK based company Pretty Polly has the widest selection of Trompe l'oeil tights, many evoking a 1940s bombshell effect. What do you think? Too burlesque or quirky-sexy?

R&R Extra: New Year, New Direction

noreply@blogger.com (Olette) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 18:08:00 +0000

I'm not one to make New Year's resolutions. It's not that I don't keep them ( many times I don't), but a lot of the resolutions that I make are just continuations of the ones that I had during past years. That's why I've decided to use the beginning of the year to re-evaluate my goals. This may mean fine tuning ones that I've grown out of or mapping out ones that I've grown into. One of my biggest goals for this year is to finally leap full force into blogging, freelance writing, and novel writing. I am excited about the steps that I've already taken towards this goal; the redesign of Reasons&Roses will be unveiled soon along with a change in how content is posted to the blog. I want to have a little more freedom to write what's on my mind at the time that it "dawns in my spirit", as my grandmother used to say. In order to make this blog more conducive to that end, I've decided to try a new posting schedule. I'm going to keep the department titles as follows:

R&R Sophisticate- Fashion
R&R Aura- Beauty
R&R People+Culture- Entertainment
R&R Aware- News&Social Commentary
R&R Focus- Career/Writing Life
R&R Love+Relationships
R&R Balance- Health

In the past, I assigned each label to a specific day of the week, but now I'm going to blog Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays on whatever one of these is on my mind for that day. As the year goes on, I hope to be able to pick up more days to blog until I am able to blog multiple times each day.

To all of my readers, thank you for bearing with me during this transition. I hope that you will continue to grow with me through Reasons&Roses and that you will enjoy everything that is in store for 2012 and beyond.

Peace and Love,

Olette

R&R Aura: My Fragrance Autobiography

noreply@blogger.com (Olette) — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 21:47:00 +0000

Fragrances have a way of attaching themselves to memories that is reminiscent of music. Your first kiss will always be punctuated with the scent of his cologne or you may think that Black Raspberry Vanilla body spray reeks because your tyrant boss wears it. Like music, fragrances frame our lives in a way that gives it the power to transport us back in time with just a faint aroma. These 10 scents take me back to varying parts of my life, from high school to now:

Peach Soft Musk by Avon

This was one of the first fragrances that I spent my own money on. It was my signature scent during my freshman year in high school. The mix of sandalwood and peach was a lot more sophisticated than the Loves Baby Soft spray that all the other girls were wearing, so I figured that I stood out. I guess it wasn't as much of a signature as I thought since I sprayed an anonymous note with the perfume before I mailed it to my secret crush. He never knew it was me, but it was funny watching him fantasize about who he thought it was as he kept sniffing it in class. His ego was swollen all day.

Skin Musk by Bonne Bell

I used to steal some of this from my late grandmother's bathroom when I was in high school. Musks were my thing at the time. I alternated between this and the Peach Musk. It was warm and sensual, but not overbearing or obnoxious like something a "fast girl" would wear. My grandmother would show me how to wear it: one dab on each side of my neck, a dab in my cleavage, and a dab on each thigh. I still follow the same perfume application ritual today.

Sunflowers by Elizabeth Arden

Every cheerleader in my high school wore this, and that meant that every girl at my high school wanted to wear this. It's very bright and full citrusy; everything you would expect for a cheerleader preferred fragrance to be. I wore this for a while, but it started to become way too cloying for me.

Vanilla Musk by Coty

Another musk. This was the scent that started a long vanilla trend in perfumes. I think I got this for Christmas towards the end of high school. Peach Soft Musk had been retired as my signature scent and I thought this would be a great replacement. The only problem was that it was so popular that every girl plus her mama and grandma were wearing it. To the bottom of my drawer it went.

Miracle by Lancome

I wore this during my freshman year in college. And yes, it is another musk. Hampton is such a fashion show school that I didn't have to worry about someone else wearing my scent. Finally, I had a signature scent without biters.

Light Blue by Dolce & Gabbana

Ok, I copied this one from one of my roommates. It was a different type of citrus that was popular among girls from New York, New Jersey, and other northern areas. I stopped wearing it because it started to smell like air freshener on me.

Love Spell by Victoria's Secret

I think everyone wears Love Spell at some point in life. It's pretty much required if you're a girly girl. Love Spell was so popular at Hampton that you can smell it as soon as you walk into any girl's dorm.

Romance by Ralph Lauren

This was a Christmas gift one year while I was in college. I'm surprised that I liked it because it has a very masculine scent to it. I think the bottle broke during the move back to campus for spring semester, so everything in my suitcase smelled like Romance. People would come in my room and wonder who I was hiding under my bed.

Coco Mademoiselle by Chanel

I was introduced to this scent by one of my sorority sisters who has since passed away, and it is still one of my favorites. It's not as stuffy as some of the other Chanel perfume offerings. I treated myself to a bottle of eau de toilette for surviving a year of teaching sixth graders.

Dark Kiss by Bath and Body Works

This is by far the best scent B&BW has ever made. I raved over it profusely when it was released last year, so I'll spare you now. It reminds me of Coco Mademoiselle, probably because they both share the vetiver note. It's one of the signatures that I trade out for other scents as I find them.

What's your fragrance autobiography?

R&R Sophisticate: Tools To Create Your Signature Look-Part 3: Your Glam Team

noreply@blogger.com (Olette) — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 16:41:00 +0000

Photo by Parker Michael Knight

When I was younger, I used to think that celebrities woke up in the morning looking as fabulous as they usually do. I guess I assumed that they had some sort of magic pillow that kept every hair in place during their slumber and a fairy godmother that waved a wand over their perfectly beat faces( that's makeup artist speak for well done makeup). It wasn't until I started falling in love with magazines in my teens that I realized how much goes into creating the brand that a celebrity must exude every time they step into the view of the public eye. Article after article would describe how faces have makeup airbrushed on, bodies are nipped and tucked, and hair is shipped from the far corners of the world to make a pop star or or a movie starlet look like the goddess fantasy that we expect to see.

It's a well known fact that most celebrities hold their glam teams, that's hair stylists, make up artists, wardrobe stylists, and other appearance grooming professionals, in equal esteem with their publicists and even managers. These people have the type of magic that turns a regular girl next door into a sexy, yet sophisticated screen siren or a stately and statuesque diva icon. With the right people on your side, you can assemble your own glam team to assist you in creating and maintaining your unique look. I asked Monica Barnett, image consultant and creator of Blueprint for Style, about who she thinks should be a first round pick on any girl's glam team:

1. Image Consultant or Personal Stylist

Don't think you can afford a personal stylist? Odds are that you already have one. We all have that friend, sister, or cousin that we love to go shopping with because she always knows what's going to look great on you while she steers you clear of what won't look so hot on you. Ask for her expertise on what direction she thinks your style should go. Let her put the final touches on an outfit that you love. She'll be more than happy to put her style radar to work for you. Think you want to try a professional image consultant? Check out the Association of Image Consultants International's extensive list of recommended stylists to make sure you get more for your dollar.

2. Makeup Artist

Yep, it's likely that you have one of these among your crew too. You know that friend that seems to always have her makeup on point? Ask her for a few tips and maybe she'll even give you a short lesson or two. MAC, BeneFit, and many other counter makeup retailers will give you a makeup application session if you buy a few products from them afterward. It's worth it if you'll come away with stuff that you know how to use and that you know works for you.

3. Hair Stylist

I added this one because of course the hair must be done to complete any look, but your hairstyle need not be a masterpiece of artistry all the time. Try to choose a stylist that emphasizes healthy hair practices over fads and fashion. Ask their opinion of how you can achieve a style that's flattering while being easy to upkeep and simple enough to dress up or dress down depending on the occasion. Also, make sure you ask for product recommendations that work with your hair. I'm a product junkie and I love to try new things, but many times less is more especially when it comes to hair.

These three style pros will become your BFFs in your journey to discover your most stylish you. Am I missing someone? Who would you add?

R&R Sophisticate: Tools To Create Your Signature Look Part 2- The Glam Library

noreply@blogger.com (Olette) — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 01:29:00 +0000

Not only am I a magazine junkie, but I am also a hopeless addict to style books. Anything that breaks down the secrets of how to be well dressed is probably in my library. From June Ambrose's (who just recently got her own style show on VH1) Effortless Style to Kendall Farr's The Pocket Stylist, I've got 'em all. The thing I love the most about style books is the insight that they give about getting dressed that I would otherwise take for granted. I never knew how versatile nude pumps could be until I dove into Ambrose's book or how the tiniest imperfection in the fit of a dress or pants could throw off a whole outfit until I read Farr's book. Style is not only something that you can be inspired to create, but it helps to study what the masters and legends have done to get a grasp on how you will embellish what's out there to make it your own. I reached out to image consultant and founder of Blueprint for Style Monica Barnett for her advice on absolute must haves in any glam library. She came up with some heavy hitters that any aspiring or seasoned fashionista should give homage to.

Chanel: Her Style and Her Life by Janet Wallach

Coco Chanel is by far the epitome of personal style. From the iconic four pocket wool suits to the Coco Mademoiselle perfume( one of my faves) that bears her namesake, Chanel continues to be one of the reigning haute couture house of our generation. If you've ever carried a quilted bag or worn long strands of pearls, you've been touched by the essence of Chanel. Even though the house has taken on a rather gothic edge this fall, most of the pieces stay true to her graceful class.

Yves Saint Laurent:Icons of Fashion Design by Marquerite Duras

Yves Saint Laurent's simple, understated style is much like Chanel in that it doesn't try too hard, yet it creates the type of aura that many people years trying to create. His Muse handbag,with it's small door knocker-like detail and round shape, is still a staple status bag to this day. YSL is career chic at it's best.

The Fairchild Dictionary of Fashion by Charlotte Mankey Calasibetta, Phyllis Tortora, and Bina Abling

This is the nuts and bolts of fashion. Knowing the language of fashion is key to being able to ask for the look that you want. There's an abridged online version at WWD, if you don't want to search the 15,000 entries in this book.

What's your favorite style book? What are some titles that you would like to add to your glam library?

R&R Sophisticate: Tools To Create Your Signature Look Part 1-The Look Book

noreply@blogger.com (Olette) — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 22:02:00 +0000

We've all seen her. She's the girl who is always impeccably dressed with hair that constantly fluctuates from different degrees of fabulousness every time you see her. She commands a room with a presence that is equal parts Kimora Lee Simmons, Beyonce, and Michelle Obama. Everything about her is intricate and immaculate, yet she always has a pulled together, effortless aura around her. Oh and let's not forget that her face is always decked with the latest from the MAC counter. How does she combine Goodwill, Target, Chanel, and Chloe purchases with a perfect balance that blends into something that solely hers? She's got something that's worth much more than anything by the latest status brand: personal style. Style is something that takes lots of effort to develop, but once you have it, shopping is much easier and a whole lot more fun.

A "look book" is a great first step to discovering your personal style. Traditionally used by haute couture fashion houses to demonstrate how a collection of clothing will work together, look books have been increasingly more popular in mainstream magazines and advertisements because of their ability to show the intentions that a designer has for a piece in a more complete way. They are great playgrounds for experimenting with combinations and they can help you ensure that you will get exactly the look that you are aiming for. Ready to make your own? Follow these steps and you'll have a blueprint for a style that's all your own.

1. Decide on whether you want to go digital or hard copy with your look book.

A look book can be a cheap Mead notebook from Wal Mart or a file on your iPad. As long as you have plenty of space to organize all of the clips, pictures, and other tidbits that you'll collect along the way to your personal style, it doesn't matter how you keep them together. I prefer a pretty journal-like notebook with pockets since I like to move the pieces around to get a better idea of how they will work together. Image consultant Arash Mazinani has some great ideas for how to make a more tech savvy look book.

2. Look for inspiration from everything around you.

Always be on the look out for stylish clips for your look book. Movies, passersby at the mall, even flowers or birds could give you an idea for a fierce outfit. Street style blogs like this one from Essence that focuses on Atlanta or this one from Memphis are a great place to get ideas and see how they work on real women.

3. Become a magazine junkie

I can spend hours in my stacks of magazines cutting out pictures of things that I'd like to add to my style. Of course you'll want to have copies of the major fashion mags, but even home decor glossies might have something that could pique your interest. Do you love how the colors in a room from Elle Decor come together? Cut it out, put it in your look book, and head to the mall to try putting together an outfit with the same colors.

4. Don't let a great outfit idea pass you by. Capture it in your look book!

Keep a camera on hand to take pictures of things that inspire you as you travel. Great outfit ideas are like a song on the radio that you love but don't know the name of. If you don't capture at least some of it, the idea may be gone forever. Nothing is more frustrating than having the perfect idea for an outfit that fades away before you get a chance to see how it will work.

Happy clipping!

R&R Sophisticate: Sexy Swimsuits Minus The Wardrobe Malfunctions

noreply@blogger.com (Olette) — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 20:12:00 +0000

Clockwise from top: Black crochet swimsuit, Catherine Malandrino($97.50 @Net-A-Porter.com); Blue print bikini, Mara Hoffman ($275 @Net-A-Porter.com);Leopard one piece($54 @Newport News); Peach ruffle monokini ($51 @Victoria's Secret)

Swimsuits are probably one of the hardest (if not THE hardest) pieces of your wardrobe to buy simply because there are so many factors to consider if you want the perfect suit for you. It has to have the delicate balance of sexy but not strumpet, respectful but not matronly, and sophisticated but comfortable. Nothing is worse that seeing 30 plus year old women in candy colored swimsuits from the juniors section or my ultimate peeve, someone who makes no effort and settles for a generic black one piece under a sloppy t shirt. Swimwear doesn't have to be agonizing. Like any other piece of clothing, it must fall in line with your personal style and lifestyle. Moms with small children and water lovers shouldn't choose suits with lots of beading, fringe, or other items that might get in your way. Those of us with large bosoms ( mom's word) might want to stay away from a strapless piece that will have to be yanked up constantly. My favorite of these four suits is the blue Aztec print balconette by Mara Hoffman. I love ethnic prints, and the balconette style top seems like it would be fuss free. Here's a formula that might help with your swimsuit quest: PERSONALITY + PRACTICALITY = PERFECT SWIMSUIT.

R&R Aura: Hot Or Not- Celeb Perfumes

noreply@blogger.com (Olette) — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 22:54:00 +0000

As our society's collective attention span gets shorter, our celebrities work harder to concoct glitzier, more over-the-top gimmicks to hold our ever illusive interest,which translates into dollars for them. While celebrity scents aren't quite new, so many celebrities have released their own aromatic potions in the past few years that having a perfume has become something like a right of passage within the world of fame.

Two of the newest releases for spring, Rihanna's Reb'l Fleur and Beyonce's Heat Rush, come in bottles that could be architectural masterpieces and have scent descriptions that sound overdone at best ( Heat Rush features the pairing of cherries and amber...SMH). They may have pop/R&B divas backing them, but are they really worth the $50 you'll pay for an eau de toilette?

I tested Reb'l Fleur and Heat Rush, and I must say that I prefer Reb'l Fleur although it's very reminiscent of Beyonce's original Heat fragrance. It features plum (which I love in perfumes), peach, red berries, coconut water and patchouli but there's a leathery overtone to the whole scent that's kind of distracting but not so much that it's unpleasant. To be honest, I think I need to give Heat Rush another test because it was so faint that I never smelled it since it slipped behind some of the other scents I tested. It sounds like it smells like original Heat with an orange note.

The perfume I must have for spring is not really new but it is named after a woman that's known for her beauty and prowess. Cleopatra by Tocca, which I first tested in Anthropologie, is the right balance of floral, fruit, and sophistication. Celeb perfumes for me are hit or miss. Sometimes they smell cheaply done and rushed and other times they're ok but I've never smelled one and felt the way I did about Chanel Mademoiselle or Tocca's Cleopatra. What do you think? Should celebs leave the scents to professional perfumers or are you usually the first in line to get your favorite celeb's new scent? Tell me in the comments!

R&R Sophisticate: The Perfect Spring Jacket

noreply@blogger.com (Olette) — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 22:25:00 +0000

The transition from winter to spring is one of the most uncomfortable "quasi-seasons" of the year since the weather is not as predicable to dress for as it will be in the coming months. Everyday you risk the chance of sweating puddles under a thick sweater or getting whipped by the season's last few bursts of cold in a flirty spring dress. Lands' End has a beautiful solution! Their Luxe Rain Jacket is water-proof, wind-proof,chic and best of all, it comes in two shades of purple. Love it!

R&R Sophisticate: Spring Preview- 70s Platforms in Brights

noreply@blogger.com (Olette) — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 00:37:00 +0000

Yellow Platforms, Not Rated $64.95 at Zappos.com; Lavender Platforms, GUESS by Marciano $198; Multi Colored Two Way Sandal, Michael Antonio at Lulus.com $85; Green and blue "Braxton" wedges, Nine West $99

Spring fashion will be full of bright, tropical colors and bold 70s inspired Pam Grier-esque designs. Of course, you can't do 70s with out platforms and some of the newest shoes for spring capture the whimsical carefreeness of the 70s while maintaining a fresh modern edge that bring them into 2011. Try a pair of high wasted denim trousers with a pair or just throw them on with some regular jeans and your favorite t shirt. Don't forget your pedicure-try a juicy color like bubblegum pink or turquoise.

R&R Sophisticate: Affordable Flapper Chic

noreply@blogger.com (Olette) — Mon, 03 Jan 2011 21:50:00 +0000

Clockwise from top: White and Black top,$69.99, ModCloth.com; Blue top,$17.50, Arden B; White top,$29.80 Forever 21,;Purple top,$22.50, Old Navy

These fluttery flapper-like tops are great for adding a little femininity to your winter wardrobe now and they will be a great, flirty spring piece later. Try pairing these tops with a leather bomber jacket or shawl sweater for the winter and a slick denim pencil skirt for the spring.

R&R People+Culture: Books In My Queue-Interesting Reads For Snow Days

noreply@blogger.com (Olette) — Tue, 21 Dec 2010 15:40:00 +0000

I really miss reading fiction. Lately I've been bogging myself down with so many business and how-to books that I've been starving for a good novel or even a good collection of essays. These three seem promising,so now comes the hard part...making the time to dive into them!

English born writer Helen Simonson's debut novel seems like it's the makings of the perfect little clumsy romance. Major Ernest Pettigrew, a traditional Englishman who believes in upholding all of the gentlemanliness that the English are known for, finds himself in a deepening friendship with Jasmina Ali, a Pakistani woman that the village is determined to assign the role of perpetual outsider. I love stories that explore what happens when cultural boundaries are crossed, so this sounds like it should be a winner.

Based on the theme of the Greek myth which tells the story of a man that fits visitors into his bed by any means necessary (even if it means cutting limbs), The Bed of Procrustes explores our society's tendency to mold reality to be what we want or need it to be. Taleb tackles conventional thinking on religion, education, and ethics.

It's refreshing to see a memoir that aims to show us the awkwardness and other imperfections that those of us who aren't urban glamazon goddesses experience. Durham, NC journalist and Salon.com writer Heather Havrilesky exposes some of her disappointments (parent's divorce, father's sudden death) and coming-of-age moments (loss of her virginity). This sounds like it might be a snarkier, dark version of works by Sarah Dessen, who's always been one of my favorites.

I'll post an update review on each book as I read them. Have you read any of these books? Tell me what you think in the comments!

R&R Sophisticate: What To Wear-New Year's Eve- Sheer Black With A Color Pop

noreply@blogger.com (Olette) — Mon, 20 Dec 2010 23:04:00 +0000

Amei Dress, All Saints Spitalfields $231; Peach Heels, Aldo $31.49; Metallic Clutch, Aldo $39.98; Cuff, Dannijo at Charm&Chain $270; Earrings, Suzanna Dai Copenhagen at Max&Chloe $150

If you're tired of the usual ultra glitzy sequin frocks, try something that's equal parts rustic and shimmery to add a little demure sophistication to your look. The burnished sequin embroidery on this dress has an Indian flare while the champagne drop earrings and the pewter crystal cuff add some glitter that's more glamorous than gaudy. The touches of peach add an unexpected pop of color that's not as predictable as red and adds a delicate softness to the look.

R&R Focus: Staying Current In Your Industry With Conferences- My Lavish Experience

noreply@blogger.com (Olette) — Thu, 16 Dec 2010 20:55:00 +0000

Conferences are a great way to network with people in your industry and learn the latest on what can take you to the next level in your career. If you work from home or are in an industry that has it's "capital" somewhere other than where you live, conferences can be a great way to stay in the loop.

Last weekend I had the opportunity to attend the Lavish Unconference for Lifestyle Bloggers in Atlanta. Shameeka Ayers, the founder of the conference and creator of The Broke Socialite blog, created the weekend event in response to there not being a conference that was dedicated solely to bloggers who write about the elements of style (fashion, interior decorating, ect.).

Some of my favorite trinkets of advice from the weekend:

On building a brand-

First impressions are made in the first 3 to 5 seconds...Identify your passion purpose, Determine your path, Determine your audience, Design the optimal experience, and ensure that you deliver a consistent experience

Andrea V. Smoak, Brand Strategist and founder of Life Branded

On using social media to tastefully promote your business-

-When using Twitter and Facebook, 1/3 of post should be personal, 1/3 business, and 1/3 resource sharing.

-Share projects and other things that you are working on.

-The most important thing is not to be afraid to let your business be relatable

Grace Bonney, creator of DesignSpongeOnline.com

On editorial integrity:

Think of your voice as your trusty steed, defend your content, beware of temptation, and keep your eye on the castle.

Jeralyn Gerba, DailyCandy.com

On maintaining balance in personal and professional life:

-Choose to get off of the hamster wheel

-Pay attention to your brand as a person

-Focus on how you want to feel ( As opposed to how you want to look).

-Comfort living is not about perfect. It's about the experience of life and it doesn't have to do with the trappings.

Christine Eisner, designer and creator of LifestyleDesign.org

I must admit that although there were some dynamic bloggers at this conference, one of my favorite parts of the whole event was the gelato bar that I visited in between sessions!

Twitter and sites like this one and this one are great places to find out about conferences for your industry. Conference registration and hotel costs can make attending every conference pretty difficult,so find two or three that you think are really tailored to your particular needs or that you think would have the most possibilities for meeting key players in your field.

Check out the conference's Twitter page or search for the hashtag show #lavishconf
(I didn't know that's what they were called, yet another thing I learned at this conference!) for more on Lavish. Even if you're not a blogger, I'd consider going to Lavish 2011 for the basic advice about branding and running a business. And the gelato, of course!

R&R People+Culture: On My Christmas Playlist

noreply@blogger.com (Olette) — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 18:03:00 +0000

Lauryn Hill- Little Drummer Boy

Nat King Cole- The Christmas Song (Merry Christmas To You)

Alicia Keys- Little Drummer Girl

Vanessa Williams- What Child Is This?

Sorry about the bikini pic of Alicia Keys... I couldn't find another video that had better pictures. These songs are some of the jazziest, most soulful Christmas songs around. I love these so much that I have them in rotation even during the off season. Of course, it's not Christmas until Nat King Cole's buttery voice is singing "The Christmas Song". He's the prototype of the jazz Christmas carol singer!

R&R Sophisticate: Chic Winter Hats For The Non Hat Person

noreply@blogger.com (Olette) — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 05:17:00 +0000

Top left hat, anthropologie; Middle hat, Eugenia Kim; Bottom right hat,arden b

I've never really been a big fan of hats, even in cold weather. Either they itch, crush down my meticulously styled hair, or just don't look right on me. Ever since the winter I spent at grad school in Syracuse though, I have been willing to push aside these reservations in order to salvage any ounce of body heat during the harsh winters that evidently followed me home to NC. Outstandingly gorgeous hats are another style trick to getting through the cold months without taking a step into the abyss that is the style rut. What makes a great hat for me?

1. No puff balls, ears, or mechanisms that stand up on my head.

The next time I purchase a hat with the any of these toy-like features on it, it will be for a child, either my future one or someone else's. Grown people look ridiculous in dog ears or sparkly pom-poms.

2. Must look like something from the 21st century.

Anything Oregon Trail bonnety is a no go. Also ruled out are hats that give off a Tyrone Biggums chicness or anything that makes my head look larger that it actually is. Not a fan of crazy fur hats that look like Dragon Ball Z wigs either.

3. Must keep my head warm!

I know this one is very Captain Obvious but you'd be surprised at the lengths some people will go for style. I'll be a style warrior, but I don't mess with frigidness. Cute, comfy, and warm are the key words of the season, not just for hats but anything I wear during the cold season.

R&R Focus: The Challenge Of Avoiding Literary Insularity

noreply@blogger.com (Olette) — Fri, 10 Dec 2010 02:58:00 +0000

Every exercise routine gets to a point where it gets old. You hit the plateau stage and in order to continue to build muscle, loose weight, ect., you must change up your workout to include some things that basically catch your body off guard. Sometimes it's not fun, sometimes it hurts, but in the long run challenging yourself and trying something new is vital to continual growth and improvement.

As a writer, it can be extremely easy to hit a mental plateau. We are bombarded with so much to read, share, and be aware of and it can definitely be overwhelming. Something that motivates me is a quote from Nobel literature judge Horace Engdahl that he said not long before the recipient for the 2008 award for literature was announced:

The U.S. is too isolated, too insular. They don't translate enough and don't really participate in the big dialogue of literature," Engdahl said. "That ignorance is restraining.

[Breitbart, September 30, 2008]

That really hurt when I read it the first time. Of course most writers from all over the world dream of being chosen for the highest accolade in literature from the time they first put pen to paper. And yet, here is a permanent judge for the prestigious award saying that American writers and too caught up with American culture to even begin to create anything worthy of the award. At first, like many of the American literature experts that challenged Engdahl to expand his reading list, I immediately took offense at what came off as a very presumptuous and snobby statement. But then at the same time, I knew that even if what Engdahl said wasn't true about some writers, it could certainly be said for many, including myself. American culture does have a rather annoying habit of choosing certain themes/fads and milking them until they're bone dry. Everytime something has abounding success, expect for there to be mimic after mimic after redundant mimic.

I've always felt that when it comes to careers in the creative fields, there really isn't such a thing as true competition. No one can tell your story and even if someone has a similar story, no one can tell it like you. Engdahl's quote has stuck in the back of my mind all this time because it reminds me that when I write something, I need to make sure that it has a universal quality about it. We have to stay aware of the fact that they way we live is not the only way people live and if we write as though we are oblivious to that our literature will come off as simplistic and self absorbed. Here's a list of Nobel Literature winners that dates back to 1901. I know it's a lofty goal, but I intend to read something by most if not all of the authors on this list. I've already read Toni Morrison, so that's one down.

R&R People+Culture: Prime Time In Technicolor-Quality Programing and the Black Audience

noreply@blogger.com (Olette) — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 20:38:00 +0000

I remember having a pretty stringent TV schedule when I was in elementary school. Monday nights were reserved for Blossom and Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Tuesdays were for Full House, Thursdays were for Martin and New York Undercover, and Fridays were what I waited all week for...the TGIF line up on ABC. TGIF was pretty frustrating since they rotated the shows around so frequently that it got hard to "get into" a show. It's much like getting into a book, you've got to read at least the first 20 pages/watch the first 5 episodes to really pique interest.

When my family moved into the house where my parents live now, we left behind two sorely missed things: the cat (adopted by a nice family,PETA put your paint away) and the cable TV. I was in middle school by now and most of my favorite television mainstays were either canceled, moved to cable, or had their series finale. I've had fluctuating interest in a few TV shows since then and like every other black woman in America I became enamoured with the works of Mara Brock Akil, creator of Girlfriends and The Game, which moved from The CW to BET and starts a new season on January 11th. Girlfriends was cancelled abruptly without being given the dignity of a series finale. Now we'll never know if Joan got married or if Lynn ever got her life together.

I started to expect shows that I liked to not last past 3 or 4 seasons, especially if they starred black actors and actresses in lead roles. It seems as though engaging, quality sitcoms and dramas that feature brown faces in multi-faceted roles have been replaced by factory line produced reality shows (Bad Girls Club, Real Housewives of Atlanta, and too many dating shows to mention) that reinforce stereotypes that are The Birth Of A Nation-esque. Even though black (token) characters are more common in most newer shows, they seem to still pull characterisation cues from mammy (Community's Shirley and to some extend Grey's Anatomy's Miranda Bailey), sapphire/bitch
(Desperate Housewives' Renee), and invisible (black girl from Gossip Girl) roles of old. Why can't there be a black female lead that is the beautiful, intelligent heroine? This is why it was extremely refreshing to read Patrice Peck's Can Blacks Bum Rush The Show?: Bringing Diversity to TV. Peck offers plenty solutions to solve colorless TV and charges a black audience to be more proactive about preserving the shows that showcase us rather than lamenting their absence once they're canceled, as will probably be the case for the recently canceled JJ Abrams suspense crime drama Undercovers (NBC), which starred a black married couple:

Nevertheless, one could argue that if black viewers had stormed their television sets every Wednesday night at eight and tuned in to the series, the number of viewers would have exponentially increased, ultimately resulting in a rating impressive enough to demand not only an order of more episodes but a new season all together. Because high ratings clearly indicate a profitable market, television executives, naive or not, would be hard pressed not to jump on the black lead bandwagon. Then, as the amount of shows targeted to black viewers would increase, so would the chance of those shows actually being good, not to mention successful.

[Zora&Alice]

Peck admits that while Undercovers was a novelty for Big 4 network TV, it had disappointing quality in key areas such as character development. Should we support subpar programming for the sake of seeing a few brown faces placed in treasured prime time slots or should we continue to demand shows with the depth and quality of some of the colorless shows while complaining of a lack of representation in the meantime? I guess it depends on the show. I'm not a big fan of police suspense shows in general, so when I first saw the trailers for Undercovers I knew I wouldn't watch and changing the race of the lead couple most likely wouldn't have made me a viewer. However I can say that just from knowing the premise of the show it was a far cry from the Tyler Perry ill written House Of Payne or the whole phase of shows that BET threw at us a few years ago that were just lazy black versions of popular shows that featured a predominantly white cast (Baldwin Hills is the black Laguna Beach, College Hill is the black Real World).

It's not that black people can't resonate with a show unless we see faces that look like ours in it but we all know the reaffirming power of seeing yourself presented positively in the media. We are tired of mentally adapting the stories that we are given to the realities (and fantasies) that are ignored by the television lineups of today. My solution? Give Mara Brock Akil her own channel. In the meantime though, we've got to stop supporting housewives that are far from being actual wives and start supporting shows that portray blacks as multi dimensional, complex, and above all, human.

R&R Sophisticate: Every Sweater Should Have A Secret

noreply@blogger.com (Olette) — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 21:07:00 +0000

Red and black bra, Elle Macpherson Intimates $57.75 at Figleaves.com; Purple "Bahia" bra, Aubade $105 at barenecessities.com; Cream "Algorithmic Asters" bra, Anthropologie $118

As temperatures get colder it gets easier and easier to fall into a style rut. Beautiful lingerie makes you feel glamorous and sexy even when you're wearing it under the bulky sweaters that are very necessary in winter weather. Rebecca Aspan captured the essence of the magical powers of pretty bras and panties in her book, The Lingerie Handbook:

When you choose to wear your best bra and prettiest panties, you're preparing for a completely different kind of day than when you wear your saggiest and baggiest. Beyond making or breaking and outfit, lingerie has the ability to transform, allowing a woman to reinvent and revitalize herself, or simply to remember who she is.

A little secret sexiness is always a great pick-me-up!

R&R Aware: AIDS And Young Black Women-Aimlessness Is The Reason?

noreply@blogger.com (Olette) — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 03:04:00 +0000

Every year on Dec. 1st, the world takes time out to rally against the threat that AIDS poses year round to every community and family through events that support the mission of World AIDS Day. As in years past, part of the activism starts with an examination of statistics and findings that agencies such as the CDC publish about the prevalence of the disease among the American population as a whole and in subsets of American society. We take in our annual dosage of shock about the facts like these:

According to the latest findings from the CDC almost half (46%) of Americans that are infected with the virus are black.

Of the new cases of HIV infections, 1 out of 4 is a woman and of those women, 2 out of 3 are black according to the National Women's Health Information Center.

This year, however, among the usual rundown of grim statistics was this from the CDC's recent "white paper", a report on how the government agency plans to address the spread of diseases such as AIDS and other sexually transmitted infections with consideration given to racial and economic disparity:

For low-income, young African American women who are under-employed or unemployed findings suggest that providing training on income-generating activities, coupled with components related to increasing self-esteem, self-efficacy, and business skills and training may result in a decrease in risk behaviors for those infections.

-CDC (pdf)

So this could be taken a variety of ways. One is that the reasons why black women are increasingly becoming infected with HIV are because we don't care about ourselves, have no marketable skills, and really need to get a job or make a job to distract us from our whore activities. But that kind of flies in the face of all of the "successful black woman" rhetoric that's been saturating much of the media lately. We are so successful and self assured that we can't find a man and are destined to live the lives of the proverbial, delusional cat lady yet at the same time, we are so down trodden and useless that we have nothing better to do with our time than engage in behaviors that infect us with a deadly disease just for kicks. As always, CDC findings should be taken with a grain of salt seeing that black writers have without fail followed up many CDC reports with pieces that seem to put things in a more realistic perspective, such as this one from The Root. It's amazing how liberating a little research can be.

I think these findings are especially interesting considering the economic tumult that the whole country is in right now. If lack of employment opportunities is the underlying cause of our rising number of new HIV cases, shouldn't the numbers be higher for EVERY subgroup? One thing I can give the CDC credit for is that at least they are trying to find a new way to tackle this issue. If focusing primarily on the physical aspect of prevention ( handing out condoms, and urging testing) isn't getting results then maybe addressing the problem by focusing on mental state (self esteem, goal setting, ect.) will be more effective. The mind is many times much stronger than the body.

What will you do to help stop the increase of HIV infections in our community? Should we put more efforts toward mentoring young black women and men? Is the answer to start early with instilling a value for education and the acquisition of job skills in our youth? Let me know what you think in the comments!

R&R People+Culture: Real Soul Is Still Alive-Miguel, Jazmine, and Chrisette

noreply@blogger.com (Olette) — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 02:38:00 +0000

Music seems to be bringing back the 90s with a vengeance. In the midst of a very 90s style rap "beef" between femme fatale rap veteran Lil' Kim and the pop rap rising star Nicki Minaj, three albums were released today that definitely bring back the sultry, soulful sound of mid to late 90s R&B.

Miguel has gone from being an underground singer on the mixtape circuit to an artist to watch for 2011. His first major release offers lots of variety with songs like "Vixen" and "Quickie" ( both also on his Mischief mixtape) showing us the delicate and haunting quality of his voice and "Pay Me" being a solid Euro-dance worthy track with its robotic sounding cadence like quality. I'm kind of disappointed that "Go", one of my favorites from the Mischief mixtape, didn't make the cut for the official album but his popular first single "All I Want Is You" featuring North Carolina rapper J Cole more than makes up for that.

Everytime Jazmine's first single "Holding You Down (Going In Circles)" came on the radio I had to turn it up. The cover of Mary J Blige's "Be Happy" reminded me of a time when hip hop beats were literally instrumentals and samples of soul classics instead of the heavily computerized sounds that we have today (some of which I love, but nothing is like the organic sound of real instruments). Jazmine seems to reach back past the 90s to the 80s with "Don't Make Me Wait" which has a very Whitney Houston/I Wanna Dance With Somebody feel to it. "Famous" seems to pick up where "Fear" left off on Fearless as she poignantly explains in that soaring voice of hers the very human emotions of being drawn to success but fearing it at the same time.

Chrisette seems to channel Melissa Etheridge's raspy rock edginess in her latest effort. Like Miguel, she offers a lot of variety on this album, going from the conscious title track "Let Freedom Reign" featuring Talib Kweli and Black Thought to the Broadway-like "If Nobody Sang Along" and bright and carefree "I'm A Star", which sounds like a perfect pop single. My favorite track on the album is "Unsaid", an earthy almost alternative rock/Alanis Morissette sounding song that reprises her trade mark tell-him-like-it-is style.

R&R Sophisticate: Lanvin for H&M

noreply@blogger.com (Olette) — Tue, 30 Nov 2010 04:10:00 +0000

All photos by H&M Longsleeved black dress,$99;Floral dress,$249;Pink dress,$199;Teal ribbon Pumps,$99; Leopard pumps, $99;Red necklace, $39.95; Handbag, $49.95

H&M teamed up with the French fashion house Lanvin just in time for the the annual search for the perfect holiday party dress. Bright reds, hot pinks, and teals are a fresh departure from the traditional jewel tones that are usually old fall backs for seasonal parties. I love the shoes in this collection because they have a rhinestone encrusted heel that's pretty hard to find at a reasonable price. This collection is probably one of the best collaborations I've seen from H&M other than the one they did with Roberto Cavalli back in '07. Love it!

R&R People+Culture: New Single from Marsha Ambrosius-Far Away

noreply@blogger.com (Olette) — Tue, 23 Nov 2010 19:46:00 +0000

Marsha Ambrosius released a new single entitled Far Away yesterday which she says was supposed to feature the late Michael Jackson. Far Away definitely reminds me of a track that she did assist Jackson on from his Invincible album called Butterflies. It's got the same haunting, breathless quality that I'm a big fan of. I think Ambrosius stands a chance at having one of the best albums of the year if the momentum of these tracks permeates throughout the whole album.

R&R Focus: Twitter And Facebook DOs and DON'Ts Part 2

noreply@blogger.com (Olette) — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 05:52:00 +0000

In case you missed it, here's Part 1 of my tips on how not to let social networking ruin your professional reputation. I came up with 5 more that are kind of infused with some of my pet peeves. Please feel free to pass these along to someone you know that's Facebook or Twitter challenged.

1.DON'T end up on Failbook, Lamebook, or WORSE...Mediatakeout!

It's bad enough to be the laughing stock of Facebook (which is practically the whole world) but when your foolery gets to the point where it's posted outside of the walls of Facebook, you are doing WAY too much.

DO promote your business and/or brand with a Facebook Fan Page and Twitter.

In today's world, if don't have any presence on the Internet it's as if you don't exist. The ideal is to have a website for your business that is professionally designed and well maintained, but if you don't quite have the finances for that yet ( web designers can be pretty pricey) try setting up a nice Facebook Fan Page and a Twitter account for your business. Facebook and Twitter have some of the largest audiences in the world and best of all it's free!

2. DON'T participate in stupid TTs (race based, sexual, ect.).

Ok we all know there's such a thing as "Twitter After Dark" and lame racial TTs(Trending Topics) like #TeamWhiteGirls, #TeamBlackGirls, ect. In keeping with most of the tips I've given in this series, it is never very wise to align your online persona with anything that could be read as immaturity or ignorance. As the saying goes, loose lips sink ships. Keep intimate details about your life off of the Internet and leave the crazy TTs to the prepubescent kids that started them.

DO start positive TTs that are related to your field/interests.

Starting conversations about topics of interest to potential employers sends the message that you are engaged in the field and are willing to be a leader in new ways to think about issues that are critical to business.

3. DON'T upload your KING magazine or Chippendales style photo shoot that's 65 photos long.

It never fails that every summer my news feed on Facebook is flooded with bikini pics and muscle pics. I know you've worked hard on your body and you want to show it off, but keep in mind that many people look at everything on your social networking profile as insight into your professional demeanor whether you want them to or not. Someone who has loads of skimpy bikini pictures or oiled up muscle pictures comes off as someone who's more interested in finding a date than finding a job.

4. DON'T make regular announcements(threats) of your impending friend list clean out.

Whenever one of my Facebook friends makes an announcement via status that goes something like," I'm doing spring cleaning, starting with my friend list. Hope you make the cut", I tend to wonder if they are looking for attention or if they actually expect people to beg to remain on their friend list. Making a production by announcing this is akin to the point I made about ranting. It emits negative energy that is extremely unattractive and definitely not a quality that someone would want in an employee.

DO monitor friend activity and discreetly remove anyone who is engaging in potentially damaging behavior.

I do realize that sometimes it becomes necessary to remove a friend or unfollow a person if they seem to consistently engage in questionable behavior or rope you into their behavior by posting inappropriate messages on your wall. If you find that you must remove someone, just remove them. No dramatic announcement needed.

5. DON'T have personal conversations under status comments on Facebook or via at replies on Twitter.

We can't get mad about people being in our business when we put our business out there for the picking. If someone asks you a question in a public forum that you wish to answer, tell them to inbox you or call you for more information. Then again, it's probably best to avoid statuses that would cause personal questions to be posed to you. Rants are particularly notorious for being followed up with personal questions in the comments.

DO have conversations about topics in the news, shared interests, ect.

If you're going to be involved in social networking then of course you can't avoid the social aspect of it. Be responsible about the types of conversations you participate in, much like you would be about the conversations you get involved in face to face. It's tempting to use the anonymity of a computer screen as the boldness you need to say things you would never say in person, but remember that everything you post is a permanent record about you.

Most of all, remember that Facebook and Twitter are just one way to communicate and promote yourself. Definitely look for opportunities to meet people in real time so that you will be more that a profile page in the mind of an influential person. Facebook and Twitter can be fun and a great way to advance yourself professionally, but be careful and remember to always think twice before posting something. If you're not sure about how it could be received, it might be best to leave it alone.