Rebecker Online

funeral - Friday, oct. 13, 2017

2017-10-15T07:22:00.001-04:00

2013 - the year of the lack of blogging

2014-01-09T23:56:00.000-05:00

Wow! Did 2013 just come and go?

Thank goodness!

It wasn't one of my favorite years. In fact, in many ways it was one of the worst yet.

Health challenges, furlough challenges, work craziness, house repairs and selling challenges, death of loved ones, and even some despair about just about everything going on.

Yet, some good things happened along the way - relationships are intact, marketing skills are improved, awards won, and I felt closer to family along the way.

So, what will 2014 bring?

It started off with a disturbing phone call and the water heater breaking down. Oh, and feeling like a sick zombie in bed for a week.

Unbelievable.

But, I'm in good spirits. Secret happinesses have already come this week. I'm closing out a ton of projects at work and will be able to focus on 2-3 big priorities. Plus, I've got BIG goals.

It's not all bad. It's half good.

There will be challenges this year, but I'm ready. The blogging might not increase. I'm shirking back a bit and not listening to what everyone else is doing. I need to re-find myself.

Here's to 2014!

Who I Am - after funeral thoughts

2013-11-05T15:46:00.001-05:00

Though I don't listen to country music everyday, or even every month, I do have a few favorites. Not because they are amazing in and of themselves, but because they are associated with a meaningful event, relationship, or insight that I had while the song might have been popular.

Over 10 years ago I remember a song sung by Jessica Andrews caught my attention. It is called "Who I Am."

Here are the lyrics:

If I live to be a hundred
And never see the seven wonders
That'll be alright
If I don't make it to the big leagues
If I never win a Grammy
I'm gonna be just fine
Cause I know exactly who I am

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done my momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

So when I make a big mistake
And when I fall flat on my face
I know I'll be alright
Should my tender heart be broken
I will cry those teardrops knowing
I will be just fine
Cause nothing changes who I am

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done my momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

I'm a saint and I'm a sinner
I'm a loser; I'm a winner
I am steady and unstable
I'm young, but I am able

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done my momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me
And they know where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

The lyrics still hit home with me as I reflect upon my grandmother's life, my life, my parents lives, and ....on the future.

We are made up of our heritage and our own life experiences. Some of those experiences are amazing. Some are not.

The beauty of it all is that we have the ability to change the future - to incorporate those wonderful traits and attributes of those that have gone before and to change those areas that are harmful, useless, or detrimental to our lives and the lives of our families.

What a wonderful gift - to be able to improve and continually change!

Surrounded by so many relatives I was reminded of my wonderful heritage as well as the weaknesses of the collective group. I was able to reflect, to contemplate, to be inspired, and to grow closer to people and memories.

It has changed me for the better. Yes, sometimes I'm a loser, unstable, and clumsy. But, as the song says "It's all a part of me and that's who I am." But, there is current and future greatness wrapped into that as well.

Grateful for this time away from home to re-look at life and prepare for the next steps.

Celebrating the life of Grandma Elizabeth

Funerals do that to us, don't they?

Yes, they do.

It is sad that grandma is gone, but it is time to celebrate her life by incorporating the goodness that she gave us.

I'm not Rosemary's granddaughter. I'm Elizabeth's granddaughter. I'm Marjorie's granddaughter. I do look like my father and my mother is my biggest fan.

That's who I am.

Yea!

In Memory Of - Grandma - Elizabeth Hanks Clark

2013-10-26T17:35:00.000-04:00

On Friday, October 25, 2013, in the afternoon, my grandmother Elizabeth (Beth) slipped away peacefully in her sleep.

She was 93 years and 49 weeks old. I thought for sure her goal was to reach 94 years. But, she decided to leave peacefully while still having her wit and senses about her.

I shed a few tears, but am content in knowing that I made a special trip to see her in May earlier this year because I knew it was close to her time. My constant priority to write letters to my grandparents these past few years has come from that gnawing feeling I've had from other experiences and regrets.

It is important to me to take time this weekend to write down my memories and thoughts about her as a final tribute to a woman that made it possible for me to be on this planet! Remembering her reminds me of where I've come from and where I want to go. These moments of reflection are invaluable to modifying our paths in life to ensure that we are seeking the right things and that we can take with us when we pass to the next step after our lives on this earth end.

And so it goes, a long tribute to my grandmother - a woman who led a long and meaningful life!

Don't know much

I don't actually know a lot about my grandmother. She was one of the rare women who graduated from college back in the day. She attended Brigham Young Academy (now Brigham Young University - Utah). She met my grandfather when they lined up across from their partners and someone counted one off. Wa-la! There was grandpa!

They married and started having children - nine to be exact.

Since I'm the oldest grandchild of 42+ grandchildren, I might have the longest memories of her, but there were a lot of children and grandchildren in Idaho at that time and I grew up primarily in the Mid-western United States. My memories are most often associated with the summers we traveled "out West" to see "Grandma's house" each summer and when my grandparents came to see us wherever we lived.

My sister RaeLyn prepares to blow out three candles. I'm in the background sitting on grandma's lap anticipating the event. This is the first time I remember clearly being with my grandmother. P.S. I'm realizing that my anxiety started really young. I still don't like suspense!

Hardworking Woman (aka Stay at Home Mom)

Grandma always seemed to be busy - busy preparing music to teach children at church, busy canning peaches and other fruit, busy cleaning the house or yard, busy playing the piano or organ, busy with genealogy, and busy with other church and family responsibilities.

Genealogy project in May 2013 - she couldn't rest until we started working on it

After seeing her example, and that of my own mother, I've never understood why "Stay At Home Mom" is used to describe women who choose to spend time with their children during the hours of 8-5. I never got the feeling that this was a negative thing because at my grandmothers house and my own home, it seemed like there were never ending projects and activities going on that kept everything active and busy. That didn't even count all of the time spent going outside, traveling around town and perhaps even over to another town for a day.

LtoR: Mom, Me, and Grandma - in my Pentagon City, VA apartment in 1999

To this day, I hope to be a mother like my grandmother and my own mother - thinking outside the stay at home box and thinking more about using time and resources toward creating a wonderful learning environment for my family.

A Loving Inspiration to Children

She was hardworking, but whenever a child entered the room she was right there greeting them with all of her love and attention. She read stories in her special storytelling voice, helped them play with the toys in her special children's area downstairs, and taught them to love music.

One Christmas we were staying at my grandparents house and my parents wanted to take me out on an errand. It was right after receiving the Christmas gifts and I've always been a bit possessive of ALL my belongings and wanted to take everything with me. My parents would not let me. I cried and complained and my grandmother assured me that everything would be ok. It ended up more than ok. While we were gone she whipped up a new dress for the doll I received that Christmas. I was amazed and in awe that this could come about while we were out on a simple errand. I think I still have that doll and that dress hidden in my cedar chest (which has a flat screen TV sitting on top of it right now and so I'll just keep writing).

Music

It seemed that much of her life revolved around music. She was the chorister for the children at church into her 90s! She played the piano and the organ and she loved to sing. I still remember summer evenings when her children (my aunts and uncles) would gather in the living room to sing and tell stories. It was fun to sit back and listen and it the deep rich voices all blended into wonderful harmonies.

Missionary and Willing Traveler

Right after my grandparents got married, they went on a mission to New York. Or, at least my grandmother joined my grandfather at least partway through his mission. After their children were raised, they decided to go to New Guinea and New Zealund. I was in grade school and perhaps junior high school during these years. I remember that my first computer programming was a picture of a kiwi bird, inspired by a picture from their mission of a kiwi bird. I was so proud that my grandparents were off in an exotic foreign land teaching the gospel of Christ, educating the villages, and setting up singing programs in their local communities.

Most recent form of transportation

I served a mission in my early 20s and was able to visit them on their last mission in Pittsburgh, PA. It was great to be involved in similar work and know the same joys they had experienced.

Gift Giver

Grandma was known for making birthday gifts and Christmas gifts a year ahead of schedule. With so many brothers, sisters, and grandchildren it was quite the task. But, she did it. There were moments of fun when clothing was made or purchased a year ahead of time and the gifts didn't quite fit. But, it was the thought that counted and we all had large families where the article of clothing was bound to fit someone!

Wife, Sister, Mother, Grandmother, Great-Grandmother

I don't have children, but I'm an aunt to over 20 children and find joy in celebrating their successes and seeing them grow. She was from a large family, she raised a large family and she was there for all the grandchildren and great-grandchildren along the way.

She took her roles as wife, sister, mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother very seriously until the end. In fact, until yesterday she greeted family and other visitors by name and held conversations with them and made their children feel special.

Legacy and Example

My grandmother has created a legacy. A posterity that has gone on to have great faith, pursue high goals and to obtain education (both formally and informally). There are some things she never said, but her example showed what was important to her - God, family, church, education, music, and teaching children.

At the end of the day, what really matters is how we feel around a person. If they make us better for having known them. If we aspire to higher goals because of their influence. If we gain faith by feeling their Spirit.

My grandmother made me a better person. I'm proud to be her grand-daughter. I'm proud to be her posterity. I hope to continue to honor her as I make decisions for this second half of this wonderful life.

Many people often say R.I.P. signifying "Rest In Peace." I'm sorry. I don't think that is happening right now with my grandmother. I think she is already whispering in the ears of all of us to get started on that next project swishing around in our heads. Or, maybe she is leading a singing group in a heavenly choir or perhaps telling some children a story.

No matter, I know she is pain free, busy and awaiting when she can see the rest of her family. It may take a while. Some of us have some work still to do here!

Good-bye Grandma! I love you and am grateful for the many years we've had together - my entire life and just 1/2 of yours.

Love you,

Rebecca

Your Oldest Grandchild

Furlough Fear and Furlough Faith

2013-10-01T12:33:00.004-04:00

Well, here we go again is all I can say.

It's been a while since I've blogged. This year has been one of the most difficult of my life. Ironically, it has also been the most busy. So, instead of writing all about it publicly as it happened, I've kept a journal and will turn some of the lessons learned into a series of posts at the end of the year.

For now, I'm home after going into the office to sign and submit the required furlough letter.

We went through this over the summer. It happened to amount to only six days, but it was spread across multiple pay periods which ironically ended up being a bigger pay cut than if it had all been in one paycheck. Go figure. Math can get wonky sometimes.

Being in a constant state of indecision brings a lot of anxiety and fear. I've had my share of mine through this entire dilemma. I've also had my share of work. Because I manage the development of dozens of products, those deadlines still had to be met despite the disrupted schedules the furloughs created. Most of us ended working more hours, for less money and with far more drama.

Sigh.

However, in those small moments where I'm by myself - I pray, I listen to scripture and I reflect upon life.

This is an opportunity for faith and growth. This is a chance to pursue new things. This is a chance to see the possibilities that I've been struggling to see because I've been so busy.

So, today I have no idea when the next paycheck will come. But, I do know I've been blessed with dozens of ideas that I've already started to pursue.

Let's see where this road takes us!

Slacker isn't a good word

2013-08-02T22:24:00.000-04:00

Slacker isn't a good word for why I haven't been on this blog. I'm always busy and so that isn't an excuse. But, I've honestly forgotten about it. Trying to work full-time and be a part-time entrepreneur has left little room for some things...if only because the task doesn't come to the forefront of my mind.

So, what have I been doing while off this blog. Hmmm. Perhaps a couple of bullets will do:

Dealing with furlough - yep, I've been furloughed. So, I have 11 fewer days of pay and ....in theory there are 11 fewer days of work. Except that isn't how it has gone. It has wreaked a bit of havoc on the job. We produce a lot of products and so all the schedules are all out of sync and it is creating more work.
Taking my body back - lots of things have happened this year with health - stress, losses, scares, etc. This summer I've been diligent at swimming my laps at least twice a week and that has been wonderful amongst all the stress.
Entrepreneurship - I've always wanted to be one, but with full-time work it is very difficult, But, http://www.nudgevillage.com is my website and I've got a few free courses on other sites that have over 500 students taking them! Pretty cool. I've paid a few coaches to teach me a few marketing principles and am finding that I know a lot about marketing. Just need to focus on what my product is, but ....hard to think on things when so much else going on.
Moving on - time for a change. I've lived in the same place for almost 10 years and in the same area of the country for over 15 years! We'll see what happens. Maybe just a move to a different place. Who knows. Will keep you posted!
Work - did I reference this above? Yes. It's been quite the year at work. I'm actually the "right hand woman" to a Dean that is setting up a new college in our organization. It is millions of dollars in projects and I get the joy of managing them. There have been many struggles along the way, but in the end I will be a more talented and marketable person, right? Seriously though - major lessons in leadership, management, culture, change, treating people well, risk, etc.
Most importantly - the family - I'm trying to make time to see family amongst it all because the years are flying by. A few trips across country and even nearby. Family and friends are what it is all about, right? I'm putting my money where my mouth is and taking that time.

So, there it is - a bulleted list of what I should expound upon a bit more and with specific lessons learned and sharing. It does lack a bit of heart, but starting back into this Blogger space slowly.

Now, time to go read your blogs! It's been a while!

The Rich get Richer ...in a good way

2012-11-18T13:56:00.001-05:00

Last night I had the opportunity to sit in a large room at our temple. A group of congregations (a stake) were invited to come for a special meeting. The last time we had one such meeting there were a few hundred people there. Last night there were almost 700 people in the room. Wow! I didn't even know it could hold so many people!

Either way, I looked around and realized this was a group of very successful people by the standards of society. They are all smart and talented, have wonderful families, have great jobs and extend service to others on a regular basis. Sure, they all have challenges, but as far as balance in life goes...they are on the right path.

I had seen most of them donating to the Mormon Helping Hands just weeks before - clothing, blankets, money and sweat equity. I've heard of what goes on behind the scenes.

It is a great reminder that whether we are in good times or bad in life, it is important to always be giving and serving to those around us. It is a state of mind, not of bank account.

Truly, if our hearts don't desire to share and serve others when we have nothing....what do we expect to change when we win the lottery? Rich, after all, isn't always about the mighty dollar, but more on the state of mind.

However, I hope that all of these friends stay wealthy and even grow their wealth.

Why?

Because I've seen them share it. I hadn't seen it before, but I've been able to see and hear first hand just how much is going on behind the scenes that I didn't know about. It isn't all about them. They are wealthy in mind, spirit, heart and money.

This is an inspiration for me to step up to the plate and be and do more. Not to get money rich, but to be spirit rich. Sometimes money rich comes in handy, but spirit rich fills the soul and reminds me of God's love. Plus, God somehow takes care of us if we strive to assist Him in being helping hands to those around us.

So, guess I'd better get up off this couch and start doing something because I don't think this particular blog is helping anyone...or if I'm lucky it will be helpful to my one blog reader. Haa.

Happy Sabbath!

Friendship - the Power of Choice

2012-11-18T13:37:00.002-05:00

Friendship is a strange thing to me. What attracts me to different people and not others? Many people that are close friends aren't really like me. Others are completely like me. I'm drawn to same, opposite and everything in between. Yet, at the same time, repelled by the same.

I've had interactions lately with people I've gone through "stuff" with - church stuff, work stuff, volunteer stuff, etc. With some of them, I've even cried and shared deep feelings. Yet, it is a very compartmentalized type of friendship - only in the context of church, work or neighbor.

Others extend beyond those boundaries. Maybe being a roommate at some point in life helps. You truly know each others dirty laundry. (-:

Conducting a brief analysis in my brain today, I've temporarily decided that perhaps the difference is in our choosing of the friend, no?

I really like a lot of people that I work with at church and at work. I even like my neighbors. But, we've been put in situations where we must work and collaborate together. We learn to do so and often form great friendships.

But, often don't go to that next level. I don't try to find ways to meet up with them randomly. I don't text them when there is a piece of good news.

Hmmm.

Perhaps it comes down to matters of the heart - what levels of heart we get to share when we are with them and how they respond to those intimate soul bearing moments, or maybe what level of judgement we see them place on their own lives and others.

Either way, I'm grateful for friends. Those I've chosen and those that are "organized" into my path of existence.

Loved Ones

2012-11-18T13:27:00.000-05:00

Sitting in church today someone said "loved ones." I think we all say it without recognizing what we are saying. Or, maybe I'm just late to this ah-ha moment.

Here's a typical sentence:

"We were praying for our loved ones that were in Hurricane Sandy."

I had always thought of these "loved ones" as a group, but it very clearly states in the dictionary that this is "a person who you love, usually a member of your family."

We are all individuals and feel loved one-on-one.

I'm going to think on that the next time I revert to praying for large groups at a time. It's individual people with individual feelings, needs, heartaches, and talents that need individual attention and prayer.

I voted!

2012-11-06T16:20:00.001-05:00

Gifts of the Heart, not the reject pile

2012-11-03T15:38:00.001-04:00

So, the picture in this post is the full extent of damage we received from Hurricane Sandy. Luckily, it has a perk. I can see more sunlight out of the back of my house.

Yes, power went out where I work - for three days! But, at home we were our typical safe selves and actually worked a lot of extra hours. I've owned this place for eight years and I don't ever remember the power going out for more than a couple of minutes. Underground power lines, though we are probably due for something to happen.

As a result of "being safe," I've felt a huge sense of urgency to somehow participate in relief efforts while still trying to keep up with the implications of a re-org and more tasks at work. I should have been in Las Vegas and the Grand Canyon this past week to give a presentation and to just have a little break, but the airports weren't open and I figured it wasn't worth my time to re-schedule more than once. So, here we are and wanting to make ourselves useful.

Yesterday we got an email from our local church leader asking for us to donate money and coats to go directly to the New York City South Mission. Our former church leader (stake president) is now the mission president for that area of New York (and Jamaica as well!) and so we do have a special connection. Our stake offered to provide $25 gift certificates and coats/other warm clothing for the victims. There are quite a few in the church and out of the church that have been affected. My own sister lives up that way, but they luckily just lost electricity for six days. Six kids, no school, for six days! Yikes!

This morning I woke up and figured I'd go through the closet. I've been through this closet many times. In fact, I used to have two full closets of clothing before I downsized. My clothes are nice, though I often wear the most comfortable (so why do I buy all the others?). I started getting rid of some items that were still nice, but I hadn't worn for a while. But, then I remembered that this shouldn't be my strategy going forward. In fact, I had promised my self last year to give better.

We have an annual "gifts of the heart" day where we take used items to donate and share with others. Is this truly a "gift of the heart" or a "gift from the reject pile?"

If you are in need of clothing, you are already feeling bad. How humiliating to have to put on the rejected clothing of someone else? Yes, I know in these types of moments we are all grateful for whatever we can get. But, how different would it be if someone gave you something brand new or almost new? Wouldn't it boost your spirits that much more? Wouldn't it say something just a little more about the giver?

And so my strategy now is different.

Pull out the pants that still have the tags, share the sweater that kept you really warm, maybe even donate that AWESOME stifling hot BYU Rugby sweatshirt you are so proud of? Throw in a coat or two that are extra and some of those scarves that are still new and never worn.

That feels a little better.

Shockingly, the closet is still full after multiple rounds and multiple bags of donations.

Am I willing to give more? Perhaps now it is time to donate the gift certificates. After all, there still need to be some clothes to wear to work, right?

These are good experiences for the heart.
   It has to decide what it is willing to give.
   It has to decide if it will "walk a mile in someones moccasins" and realize that there is a person that had much and now has nothing.
   It has to think through how that person feels and what they need.
   It has to think about what it (my heart) would want if it was in the same situation.

These are the moments that define us after all. Those moments where we must give of our time, talent, money, energy and hearts and expect absolutely nothing in return.

Yet, we always do get something in return from these moments in time. The heart grows, priorities change, relationships are shaped, and at the end of the day we realize that we caught a glimpse of what it feels like to participate in God's work.

Yes, God's work. Something that you'd think we'd want every.single.day.

Perhaps the hurricanes are that little nudge reminder to return to God's work. Yep, it's just that important.

Precise Human Orbits

2012-11-01T21:42:00.000-04:00

"The same God that placed that star in a precise orbit millenia before it appeared over Bethlehem in celebration of the birth of the Babe, has given at least equal attention to placement of each of us in precise human orbits so that we may, if we will, illuminate the landscape of our individual lives, so that our light may not only lead others but warm them as well." - Elder Neal A. Maxwell

Hurricane Sandy - hmmm

2012-10-26T22:25:00.001-04:00

Now that's quit the hurricane path, aye?

We shall see what it actually does over the next few days.

Temple Trips

2012-10-05T10:53:00.001-04:00

It's always so hard to get to the temple, but always is a great experience and everything seems so easy after I get home. So, why is it so hard to get there?

I was planning on going is morning, but I left work around 4 pm yesterday and was wearing a skirt and decided to keep driving the beltway into Maryland. There was a lot of traffic. If there wasn't, I could have gotten there in 50 minutes. But, it took about two hours.

There seemed to be more workers there than patrons - it was nice for me that way and they were grateful.

I realized last night that I've attended the temple for 20 years, excluding the youth experience. 20 years ago I was in my first area of my mission and on my way to my second in October of 1992. Time flies. We were able to attend every few months. After my mission I trained missionaries across from the Provo temple and so I got to go weekly. In DC I was a worker and even worked the red eye shift when they had it. Good times.

Now I am taking to heart the purpose, though I have always been a regular attender I don't know that I've fully appreciated it. Perhaps I never will, but I keep going, keep learning and keep growing. I'm a family history consultant and that has given me more purpose as well. Lately, though, I will admit to another - entering names of friends on the prayer roll.

Names on the prayer roll are there for two weeks and so everyone who participates will be essentially saying prayers for all those whose names are submitted to the temple. I now make sure I include friends names on that list every few weeks and...I tell them.

I believe, more so lately than ever before, that just knowing that someone is praying for you increases faith and does make a difference. It is the realization that we are all interconnected. That we all must help each other move forward in this life. That we all want to be in the "winners circle" so to speak. After all, why get there and be there alone? Though I would point out that you would probably be in a different circle, rather than the winning one, if you were standing alone.

Random thoughts? Perhaps.

But, I'm grateful for this extra enlightenment I'm receiving for Me to help You. Having had my own struggles, my empathy is increasing for others and in that process I realize that I need to do a lot more for my fellow family and friends. After all, once that type of inspiration and understanding comes...it must be acted upon or the gift begins to fade.

Isn't it beautiful to walk out at night and see this from your car door?

Sent from my iPad

>

Quote Project

2012-09-28T21:47:00.002-04:00

So, I've always been an avid quote keeper. I think it started when I was a young teen when they gave us quotes in Sunday School our in our Young Women's classes, but I don't know. My journal contains a few from before that time.

Either way, they've collected over the years in paper form. Most of my life in the past 20 years has been electronic from the days of my Brother typewriter for some journal entries to completely digitizing EVERYTHING now (except I've reverted back to my little notebooks for daily to do lists).

But, I'm catching up with my prior past (0-22 years old).

I'm down to 4-5 little plastic bins of journals that I'm re-typing, random certificates and forms I'm scanning and ....all my stories and quotes. Luckily, many of these are now available on the Internet with a simple word search.

Perhaps it was the fire at work, where at the end of the day, all the electronics, photos, and personal belongings ended up strewn about on the lawn for us to pick through.

Or, perhaps it is just me realizing that I'm getting old and it is time to take care of this now and it will never happen. Or, probably most likely it was me realizing that I needed to get all this done before having a family, even though that goal went through a temporary disappointment.

Either way, I'm at it again. Documenting, uploading, tagging. In fact, you can take a look if you want at http://bloggerpickles.blogspot.com. I've had the blog for a few years, but I'm adding LOTS more over the next month or two. They are my favorites and so they aren't there to impress, but rather to act as my personal resource. But, if you ever need to leverage it...go right ahead. At some point I'll turn it into a blog book for myself (like this blog), but for now I'll just keep the stream flowing.

Side perk: Our house is getting simplified! Less paper dust. Fewer plastic bins to lug around. More space.

But, I will take a picture of a couple of the dittos - remember those? So awesome when they came off the machine all white with purple ink and a bit damp. Memories....

Star Throwers

2012-09-22T21:04:00.000-04:00

Caution - morphing in process

2012-09-10T17:43:00.001-04:00

I've been high, low and in between this month. I'm luckily realizing in the middle of all this that it's time to take a break, pull away and re- focus my values, goals and dreams for the future. This is how God works with me. Allows a trial that pulls me out of the day-to-day and into His care. To receive inspiration. To re-balance. To re-focus. To forget about what all you people think of me. (-: I'm allowed to say this since I know the traffic on this blog is not the masses. (-:

Over this past year or two, I've been on a quest (like always) at work, as an entrepreneur, as a new wife and as someone that sees life flying quickly by.

Gray hairs abound. Rebecker is always found "doing."

But, being on a quest can bring hyper focus in some areas to the point of, well, missing the point.

The realization that days are only 24 hours long and that we can't have it all or pursue everything we are good at becomes blatantly clear once a health challenge, a set of new commitments or string of opportunities come our way. Even in my bionic mode, I cannot keep up with all the ideas and "to dos" I create.

I was never intended to do it all.

I have to make choices. Good vs. Best, Best vs. Better.

I'm fine with that. The hard part is figuring out what better is, right? It isn't based upon what will bring the most money, fame, power or recognition. Rather, what fits God's plan for me and will enable me to help those that I'm supposed to help now and in the future. What impact are the choices I am making today having on my future family, relationships, jobs, responsibilities, and reputation?

It changes things a bit. It's not all about me and yet it is. It isn't about what others are doing. It is about what I should be doing, even if it doesn't fit or look right from the outside. My need to have a big idea or sell a product lessens as I realize that maybe I should leverage all the amazing opportunities I have in my day job toward fulfilling that responsibility with a little more commitment and appreciation. And, maybe it isn't time for that big idea I've been wanting my entire life (literally since childhood).

Observation

It is a humbling process to observe others. I see successes and failures everyday across the web. They are the same issues and mistakes as the past, just more readily public. For some, I can see how the success will soon interfere with their relationships. They are doing too much too fast and will find out what many have already found out. Success changes definition in our lives over time. At first it brings more money, more relationships, and more recognition. But, all too soon takes on a life of it's own and becomes hard to maintain. After all, expanded networks require expanded expectations to communicate, share, connect. Been there done it and want to do it right this time. (Side note - I read an awesome book last month - "How Will You Measure Your Life?" by Clayton Christensen. As usual, someone writes MY ideas better than me AND before me and with better research than me. (-: But, seriously, great book to reflect on what "success" really means for YOU short and long term)

This month I've participated in a few massive open online courses (MOOCS), and read a couple of books. The MOOCs overwhelmed me with all the social interactions. The books were great! One was by a friend (Erin) about a woman that started a relationship with a powerful newscaster. She saw her life change in a matter of weeks - living normally to having access to power, success and money almost overnight. It was a reminder of stepping back and asking the question - "Is this really what I want? What I thought it could be? And, if this is the new reality, how will I adjust while keeping my personal values and goals? One of the other books was about being your own special self as an entrepreneur. The woman referenced our personal approach to anything as our own "secret sauce."

It was in these moments of reading that I realized I was following too many people and observing what they were doing instead of focusing on Rebecker's special way. That, combined with the books, the classes, and the social interactions online, is helping me pull back for a bit.

I do know that I have my own special way when I take the time to listen. Everyone does.

This past month I spoke at church about the power of the Book of Mormon in my life. The biggest impact it has had on my life is the lessons it provides in following the Spirit. It will tell each of us truth. Sometimes that truth will be different than we expect. Sometimes we will be told something different than a commandment or different than a prior answer. It is a powerful lesson as I am re-reminded that it is my job to live worthy of hearing and understand the Spirit to ensure that I make the right choices and be the person I was intended to be on this Earth.

So, what does all of this personal learning mean?

It means that once again, I must step back and take stock of my direction, pull away from the voices and truly be me. Spend time creating what I should. Following no one, but discovering my own "secret sauce." It will bother some people. Delight others. Who cares?

I will willingly change direction. Share lessons learned. Bag a project. Perhaps start something else to learn more. No worries. It is all part of of changing my coal into diamonds.

I've also been spending 30 minutes a day typing old journals into the computer so I can combine them with old digital pictures. Wow! My entries all were leaning so much toward the future, I wonder if I was ever present. I'm not a past dweller, but living too much for what could be, hoped to be, or dreamed to be...meant I missed out on some of the here and now.

Today I'm trying to experience today. Unfortunately, that also involved experiencing a lot of cookies. Yikes.

This week I am also sick. I've had a loss. My body and mind hurt. I'm tired, but I'm happy. God is inspiring me and I am feeling at peace.

Right now I don't know the answers, but I'm preparing my heart, mind and body to receive them. I quit working at 4:45 p.m. I wrote thank you notes. I'm writing this post. I will probably take a walk. Perhaps I'll shed a tear of sadness for myself and others. For a fact, I will finish eating the box of cookies. No worries. There aren't anymore where they came from. I will kiss my husband and just do a couple of to dos on the list. Maybe even some yoga that I've been putting off for a while.

Fresh 80 degree air is floating in through the windows and I am present. Excited about what comes next. Realizing it might not be anything that I've planned (because you know I have planned), but good surprises could await.

The morphing is still in process...

Moment in Time Friends

2012-09-06T10:49:00.001-04:00

People come and go in life. Sometimes I come and go.

Some keep in touch, some move on. I sometimes forget to keep up with even close friends.

It's weird when one friend wants to keep the communication going and it appears the other doesn't care. Or, maybe they are so busy and happy with new friends that they keep putting off getting in touch with the old. Or, maybe they are going through stuff and can't quite talk for a while.

I understand. I think I've been on both ends of the equation.

Maybe, just maybe, they didn't want to continue being friends. Maybe I was toxic to them and didn't know it. I've had a few people I have let go as I remember that it wasn't a true reciprocal relationship.

Either way, I'm thinking that sometimes we have to take some friendships for what they really are - moment in time friendships. There was a time, place, circumstance, and relationship that was needed for just that moment.

No need to dwell on what no longer is, or work so hard at maintaining the connection....unless both are willing to do so.

It shouldn't be sad, but it kind of is when you are the person that thought it would continue.

At the same time, if they come back...I'll be there for them. These aren't lost causes, just moments in time.

Good memories either way.

Janitor Insights

2012-09-06T10:42:00.001-04:00

I'm still at work, but decided to use the veiled option of emailing a post to my site.

The janitor kept hovering around me as he disposed of the trash this evening. Made a little small talk and then came back to tell me that the other janitor that talked to me all these years had died a few months ago.

It was a sad moment. I remember him. He always called me by name and I would wave across the parking lot. He seemed to like that I acknowledged him and spoke to him when he emptied my trash.

Apparently he was "really old." He didn't look old to me, but the new guy says he was in his 60s. Hmmm. Not so old in my mind.

But, the new janitor thought I should know because he knew that I talked to him all the time.

It's interesting to realize that there is this entire janitor sub-culture going on all around our organization. All of them were nice to me and would wave across our campus. It has never mattered which of the nine buildings I was in for meetings, all the janitors would talk to me about life and act like I was one of their friends.

I guess the janitors share amongst each other how all of us interact with them. I must have made the nice list. What an honor!

I'm grateful this janitor remembered that I knew the other janitor and passed on the news. He didn't share it with anyone else, just me.

We never really know who is watching, do we?

I'll leave work today a little more aware and hopefully a little kinder.

Fragile Spouses - Handle with Care

2012-08-24T16:31:00.001-04:00

I'm in a meeting and some of the people in the meeting have a history of interactions with each other. I do not.

One says something that is a completely normal request, but it creates a reaction in the other. Unwarranted from my point of view, but they are reacting more from prior interaction vs. a response to just that moment.

I can go on and on about this topic and will in another post. In fact, I highly recommend "Bonds that Make You Free" which is a book that changed my life over 16 years ago. At that time it was just a manuscript and I was in a class at BYU taught by one of the co-authors. Absolutely amazing.

So, back to my story.

Relationships are a fragile thing - regardless of whether they are work, marriage, or friends.

Spouses are probably the most difficult because you are joined together in so many ways. I'm a newly wed and so I haven't had a spouse for very long, but I have been in a relationship for over 10 years and so I feel like I do know a bit about the topic and love to observe.

Here are some thoughts:

- Wake up each day with the goal of bringing happiness (and suprise joy) to your spouse.
- Help them fulfill their goals.
- Take the time to acknowledge whenever they come into the house, leave the house, complete a task, arrive in a room at church, work, etc. When they walk in the door, stop what you are doing. How awesome is it when people come running or smiling to the door when you walk in a room. It is like a positive paparrazi and anyway, what are you doing that is supposedly more important than welcoming your partner in life into your space?

- Don't put their weaknesses in email, over the phone, on Facebook, etc. - unless it is presented in a mutually acceptable funny or uplifting way.
- Would you want them to do to you as you do to them?
- Say supportive comments around others and in the privacy of home.
- Go to bed around the same time. Can't do it? Agree to kiss, hug, and pray whenever the first spouse goes to bed so you "close the day" with a moment together.
- In the morning, kiss, hug, pray (even if standing by the door in an embrace) when the first spouse leaves the house.
- You are not the standard of truth - your spouse isn't as wrong as often as you think. After all, you are comparing to YOUR standard of what should be done. Who said you were the standard? Spouses make choices.

- Stop the eye rolling. Studies show that experts can figure how long your relationship will last from eye roll rates. Many of us know this and are watching you. Haaa. Again, are you the standard of what is and isn't acceptable? Let me give you a hint - No, you are not.

- Sometimes details aren't important. Do you argue in front of others about the details of minute things? Past parties? The exact amount of mileage from point A to point B, how to properly close the toothpaste. C'mon, really? We don't care. In fact, you embarass those of us that are listening and waste our time on unimportant pieces of life.

- Cheezy Fake - don't be this way. We see through it. Gushy notes on Facebook walls, over the top praise at the wrong time, etc. Most who do this are most likely to get divorced a few weeks later - seriously, I've seen it happen. Just share with each other like you would to any other decent person.

- Acknowledge the spouse when something/someone bothers them - who cares if they shouldn't feel that way, they just do! Acknowledge it. Allow them to vent.

- Men need all of this just as much (or more) than women! We women often don't realize this when we dish it out and then act appalled if the same comes back to us.

I know you have thoughts on this post - any of your own to add?

Sent from my iPad

...in a moment

2012-08-13T17:38:00.001-04:00

...life can change.

Mine did today. Not like September 11th or anything. But, in a way that makes you slow down and remember what is important.

I started off the day great. I went into the office today and started bionic-ing through my inbox around 7:30 a.m. Around 8:15 a.m., I found out that my morning meetings were cancelled because the main client had a sickness in the family.

So, I sat down and went through 350 emails in three hours! It is so rare I get three hours of uninterrupted time, that I truly acted as the bionic woman.

Around noon, the fire alarm went off.

You have to understand our environment. We work in an old historical building. One that was rocked by a recent DC earthquake. Talk about feeling rickety. Plus, there are often weird smells, false alarms, and right now....contractors putting in a new roof. We experience the full on tar smells at times.

So, it is always a guess as to whether there is a real emergency or not. In this case, those of us that were there, did go.

Most of us gathered the person, phone, keys combinations and left our laptops. That in itself is rare because we all carry our laptops to meetings and if we want to work in a quieter spot for a few minutes. But, not this time.

I trotted off to the post office a block away to mail a letter and was shocked to see smoke rising from the building on my way back. Wow! It was real!

Apparently, as I write this the fire still isn't out. Some news stations showed water pouring out the windows on the left side which wasn't looking as badly damaged as the right side of the building. I sit in the right wing. The latest footage shows that the entire roof is gone and I'm assuming that my space has been caved in, water logged, and maybe even in flames since the attic was the first to go and we had one of those flimsy tile ceilings above us. It was a new office space as of this time last summer. So, we got one good year out of it.

We are all safe.

That's the important part, right?

Just a reminder that all our "things" can go up in flames, but our values, skills, knowledge, relationships and beliefs will stay with us. That should give us our laser focus on what is important.

Here's the video from a local station.

http://www.wusa9.com/video/1783654574001/1/Sky9-Video-3-Alarm-Fire-At-Fort-Belvoir

Growing in His Light - priorities, fulfillment and a quote

2012-07-15T17:21:00.002-04:00

My efforts to blog this year have been minimal. In fact, from January to June has been one big stress for me. Most of the stress was from March - June, but anticipation can be just as alarming for the body and mind, right?

Here's the chain I put on my blog a few months ago with each stress event as a link.

Thankfully, here's the chain in June. I opened up each link as the event happened.

At many of the events, I was a speaker which was a great honor. As I gathered the lanyards in the picture below, I realized that there was one that I was most proud of.

The Young Women's Camp Assistant Director (gofer, photographer, trainer of Youth Camp Counselors) was the one! After months of preparation typically taking 10-15 hours out of each week, I ended up having a wonderful week at the camp.

The theme was "Grow In His Light" and I think that many of us leading gained just as much or more of a testimony than the Young Women at the camp. Plus, being away from the day-to-day work allowed me to get closer to the Spirit and ultimately helped me with some upcoming decisions that my family needs to make. Ok, so our family is only two of us, but we are still a family. (-:

Here's a lantern that we had the Youth Camp Counselors carry for the night time activities.

Here's the website I created to house all of the info for camp. I really do like it and it was a way to leverage some things I've learned over time toward a meaningful resource at church.

http://www.growinhislight.wordpress.com

All the camp photos (mine plus others) are now at http://photobucket.com/YWCamp2012. I took about 1,000 and others took about that many too, but as I look through the individual shots (toward the end of the pile), I am amazed at how wonderful all the teens look even though they sometimes dreaded having their photo taken. They are all truly beautiful young women!

Here's me posing with the training manual I created with the help of materials gathered by others. It truly was a team effort and I'm so grateful for all of the friendships that I was able to form with the other leadership in our congregation and the surrounding congregations.

My biggest worry was all of the stresses from work, but by day 3 of camp those had left me. We were there a while (Monday - Saturday) and normally that would mean I'd have a few thousand emails and multiple project updates to worry about. But, with the storm and with people deciding to go out of town at the last minute, catching up wasn't so bad.

It reminded me of one of my favorite quotes:

“When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities.”

― Ezra Taft Benson

Again, I had a chance to realize that this principle was true. Now, to keep living it!

Derecho Storm

2012-07-07T19:25:00.001-04:00

Ok, we've had it a bit hot the last few weeks. In fact, today it is
105. Combine that with humidity and it probably feels more like a wet
110 or so. Intense heat. I'm staying inside!

I've been REALLY bad at blogging lately. May and June were packed!
Multiple conferences to attend and speak at actually. Plus, I was at a
really long camp for teenage girls that started on a Monday morning
and didn't finish until a Saturday afternoon.

So, right at the end of the camp, we got a storm. A land hurricane
without all the warning people typically get with a hurricane. Here we
are a week later and some people still don't have power! It's been
quite the eye opener for the DC area. People weren't prepared. Plus,
we are pretty tech savy here and without electricity we are a bit
stranded because the devices we depend upon wouldn't work.

Even the military base where I work was done! Not a good sign, right?
These are just a few of the hundreds of trees that went down on the
fort. Big trees. Tough trees. Perhaps a bit too rigid type of trees.
Teaches a few lessons in life and reminds me of a poem that I have
loved since finding it in a magazine as a teenager.

People are born soft and gentle.

When dead they are hard and stiff.

Plants are born tender and supple.

When dead they are brittle and dry.

Therefore the stiff and unyielding are disciples of death.

The soft and yielding are disciples of life.

The unyielding army cannot win.

The unbending tree will snap.

The hard and stiff will meet a fall.

The soft and supple will prevail.

—Tao Te Ching, verse 76

Dud moments

2012-06-14T11:11:00.000-04:00

Love when these little things appear on the desk at work.

Metro waiting thoughts

2012-05-31T18:01:00.001-04:00

In one of the most high strung cities in the world, I decided to take a break just now. Yes, that is my salad and my orange mango drink in the picture.

Looks like a great little spot to catch a breather, doesn't it?

I'm actually two stories underground in an underground mall that connects to hotels, office buildings, and high rise apartments. Technically, someone could live their entire life without going outside this connected underground maze...and some may.

I haven't been outside since 7 am this morning since I attended and spoke at a conference all day inside a hotel with an elevator that dropped me off in this underground hallway.

Sitting in this spot over the last 30 minutes reminds me why I love being near DC.

I never know who will walk around the corner.

Will it be 30 teenagers in matching t - shirts touring DC? A Pentagon official trying to make his or her way back to the office? A cat lady? A family enjoying ice cream ( they actually just passed by)? An engineer? Here comes a woman in military camouflage. And there is the woman that never leaves this building making her way from the metro to her apartment. Is that woman from somewhere in Eastern Europe? Two Hispanic women just sat at the table next to me and two women directly from Asia ( I presume) walked by trying to figure out directions. Tall African American guy walks by with his iPod - most likely listening to an audio book rather than music.

There is no normal, except for the suits, pagers, iPhones, government issued blackberries, tired faces, stress.

We do it over and over again, day in and day out. Almost no time to think....except in these moments where I sit back and observe it all. At least there is a chair here and there won't be on the metro.

That is why I'm here. Calming down. Waiting for everyone to do their usual thing. Rushing home.

Life is short and the hamster wheel we spin on may never stop. We have to make the choice to either hop off or we may fall off (which could be really uncomfortable or even fatal).

Maybe I'm hitting midlife, but I'm realizing the hamster-ness of it all and trying to step off to another wheel gracefully. It is a painful switch. It could mean a different place, a different job, a different path. Or, maybe just modifying one of the above.

Pink moccasins, really long dreadlocks, loud phone talker, and now three ladies sitting next to me.

Hmmm. Maybe I will come here for contemplation more often.

But for now, I'd better start heading for the metro.

Sent from my iPad

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