Rebellious Saint/Perfect Sinner

Control

2011-10-24T05:59:00.000-07:00

It is amazing how God does things sometimes. Sometimes doesn't quite cut it I know. God is good.....all the time, as the song goes. But, how He does things through even the worst circumstances is what amazes me.
You hear stories of people who have made it through war, torture, death, or violent crime and they still praise God. How they can do that, I do not know. He reveals Himself in these situations we may not always understand. But, God does something in them or through them that has brought change in those coming against them. And God heals them in the process.

My story today is nothing like that. No, not even remotely close to that. But, God has shown me something that was brought about in an ungodly situation. The details do not matter, but God used someone else to show me something that I did not want to admit. Suffice to say, it is a sin in me that was caused by sin done to me. It never really hit me that I did what I did in quite the way it was shown to me. I'm not quite sure how I didn't see it before. I actually thought I had but I didn't. God used a sin to reveal sin. I was amazed.

I'm not quite sure where to go with it. I know how it has affected my life. But, so have many other things. This is but one issue in a myriad of issues. Does that mean if I change, or rather allow God to change this in me that the other issues will resolve themselves? Call me skeptical. If anyone can change things, it is God. The problem is two-fold: Will I let God change me? Do I want God to change things?

Right now.....I don't know.

Until next time,
RSPSSunny

The Hardest Question To Answer

2011-09-17T23:08:00.000-07:00

Why me?

If there is any question that is harder to answer on this earth, I have yet to hear it. Because there is no answer for it.

Yes, we will go through trials on this earth. But who can answer the 'Why Me?' question to a girl in Cambodia who has just been "sold" by her parents so they can have money for food? Or the young mother in Haiti crying as she holds yet another dying child in her arms. And the parents in America, whose child has been diagnosed with cancer, hearing those words from the innocent eyes of their precious 7 year old.

Why me?

(I almost can't continue here. My heart breaks thinking about it.)

I write this post because it's something I've struggled with. I've heard this question many times before and I don't know how to answer it. It is easy to come up with a "spiritual" answer. God is with us through it all. God will take what Satan meant for evil and turn it around for His good. He does not allow us to go through anything more than we can bear. But, do those really answer the question?

Yes and no.

Yes in that those are in fact based on scripture. Truth should bring comfort right?

But no, because it doesn't change the circumstances. Trials, storms, struggles, challenges, whatever you call them, are not easy. Even with God, we are all human, with human thoughts and emotions. As such, we can often grow weary in having to go through the same hard times day after day after day. We may get a temporary respite in looking or thinking of someone worse off than us. But, the reality is, that doesn't change our circumstance.

What is the answer then?

There is no answer.

Life challenges happen. For whatever reason, there are things that happen just because it's life. They don't have to be that way but we live in a fallen and broken world. We live in a world where people put themselves first before God. And if a people put themselves before God, what kind of world should we expect to live in?

Truth be told, I am as guilty as anyone else. I have put my own wants, needs and desires before God. All Christians are guilty of this. We're sinners.

Does that mean we are at fault when bad things happen in this world or to us? I'm not so dumb as to presume and say as such. Does it contribute? Perhaps. But to say the answer to the "Why Me?" question is our own fault would be absurd.

I honestly don't know how to answer that question. I just don't.

I will say this though. I'd rather go through life asking the 'Why Me?' question WITH God than without Him.

((NOTE: I typed my thoughts exactly as I was thinking them. Please forgive me if any of this feels random. I do not want to edit when I post. That way you know exactly what I'm thinking....more genuine that way.))

Until next time,
RSPSSunny

Remembering 9/11

2011-09-10T10:15:00.000-07:00

The phone rang. Odd, as it was fairly early in the morning. It wasn't odd that I was awake though. Having a three week old baby at home will do that to you.
He was our last child. A nearly ten year gap between our last two kids, Gage was a "promise fulfilled". Three weeks earlier, he almost didn't make it. One week overdue to deliver, I was admitted to the hospital to be induced. Taking a little longer than anticipated, assistance was given to break my water. And with that, so did everything else inside. Only problem was, the cord was wrapped around Gage's neck. Any pushing on my part would have strangled him.
Rushing me quickly to the emergency room, a Caesarean section was performed and Gage made it into this 'wonderful' world.

This 'wonderful' world that a short three weeks later would be forever changed on 9/11.

When I picked up the phone it was my husband calling me from work. He had taken the first two weeks off after Gage's birth to help me out. Now feeling well enough on my own, and us now provider for three kids, he was back at work for week three. He had called to check on me before so the fact he called wasn't surprising. The time of day however, was.

Turning the television on at his request, I was numb.

Nothing could explain what I was watching. Nothing could explain that second plane.

You could say it was post-partum depression or "baby blues" but my non-stop tears were mixed with an overwhelming sense of awe. Awe at what was happening right before my very eyes. Lives lost, changed, not only here in America but around the world. This wasn't some movie or television show. This was a reality show/horror movie that we could not change the channel or press the STOP button. This was real.

Tears of another kind flowed that morning. The crying of a baby waking up, wet and hungry. Gage was awake. My precious bundle brought me quickly to another reality. Motherhood.

The entire day is somewhat of a blur now. I remember where I was when my husband called. I remember what I was wearing. I even remember calling my friend at work to see if she had heard about what happened. (She had not.) But when your baby calls you, focus and priorities change.

Even typing that brings me pause.....when your baby calls you.

How many mothers and fathers lost their children on 9/11? Did they call out for their moms and dads in those last few moments of their lives?

And how many children lost their parents on 9/11? Did they call out for their mom or dad when told of their deaths? Do they still?

I held Gage a little closer that day. This precious baby brought into what had been a 'wonderful' world only three weeks earlier now living in an uncertain future. Or so I thought.

Gage turned 10 just a few weeks back. The 10th anniversary of 9/11 is tomorrow. Rememberances and tributes flood news websites and telelvision shows. It has all brought the memories back to me of that day I just recalled above. This weekend, I will hold him a little closer just like 10 years ago. If he'l let me.

My experience that day IN NO WAY compares to what those directly affected have gone through these last 10 years or will this weekend. As I did that day for them and whenever they've crossed my mind in these last 10 years, I will do again this weekend: Pray.

Until next time,
RSPS Sunny

p.s. I felt compelled to write this post today. The words were flowing so I know that God wanted me to write this. As I stated in my previous post, I will only write when God tells me to. So, it may be awhile before I write again. Then again, it could be tomorrow. Only God knows.

Do Not Write

2011-08-27T18:46:00.000-07:00

I'm not ignoring you.

Really, I'm not.

I have tried and tried over the last several weeks to post something new. Every time I think I have an idea to write about, I don't take the initiative to start typing. If I have started, invariably I get a few sentences down and have to stop. It's not so much that the creative juices stop flowing. But rather, I have to stop and check my heart.

My heart (my motives) are not always right and pure. Often I think what I start blogging about is something "someone else in this world" needs to hear. How prideful is that statement?

And so, I'm going to TRY and post things that I know I have done with a pure heart. It may still come across as prideful to some but at least I will know that if I have a pure heart then it's truly God-inspired.

So if I don't post for awhile, please pray for me. I love to write. But for the purposes of this blog, I have to make sure that what I write is what God wants me to write. There's enough Christians in this country doing a not-so-very-good job of being like Christ. I don't want to be
like that.

So...

Until next time,
RSPSSunny

Grace Finally Opened A Door

2011-08-03T05:57:00.000-07:00

God is good.

(Okay say it with me: All The Time)

Yes, He is. And He just amazes me with how much grace He gives to me.

I try to come up with interesting topics on my blog. Some are easier to come by than others. I do try to challenge people to think. I get tired of the status quo of Christian thinking. That's not to say I'm perfect in any way, shape or form. I am far from it. But I am someone who is willing to think differently than the norm, but without compromising. If you're willing to think things through, meditate on them and evaluate how God sees them, then we will get along great. If not, that's what my blog is about.

Today, I did something that I have never done in my life. I was as scared, nervous, freaked out as I have ever been about something in a long time. What it is doesn't matter. Suffice to say it was something that I lost a lot of sleep over last night, and struggled to eat a meal today. But I did it. Looking back now that it's over, I didn't do it on my own.

There was nothing spiritual about what I did. It wasn't necessarily a "Christian" thing to do. I'm not saying that it was a non-Christian thing either. It's just something that I had always thought about doing in the back of my mind. The opportunity never presented itself.

As such, I figured there would be other things I could do. There were. Several, in fact. And when I think about it now, those things prepared me for what I did today. I can safely say, that had I not done those other things, I don't know if I would have enjoyed myself as much. Those other things were fulfilling, to be sure. They were very "Christian" things to do. While they were God-ordained things, the external factors of religion and motives of people got in the way. It left a very sour taste in my mouth.

Those "other things" felt so right. They felt like I was perfectly in His will. I probably was. But, even though you can be perfectly in line with Him, that doesn't mean the people around you are. As I waited on God to open new doors, I struggled. And I waited.

After years of waiting, I finally found a new door to walk through. I didn't deserve it. But He gave it to me. He did it. Others bestowed praise on me but it was Him. He prepared me for that moment. One can choose to agree or disagree with my assessment and that's okay. If it makes someone think.....good.

All I know is that I am thankful, grateful, awed and amazed. It was just a little thing....but He did it anyway.

God is good.______________

Until next time,
RSPS Sunny

Excited About Correction

2011-07-22T23:21:00.000-07:00

This wasn't going to be what I wanted to post about but I just couldn't help it.

Our youngest son is getting braces on Wednesday. He is 9 years old and might be in braces for a few years. Despite that, he was excited about it. He went to bed Tuesday night excited. He woke up excited and even now, he is excited about it. He only had the first four brackets placed and he almost can't stop smiling.

I'm not about to squelch his excitement. We have discussed the things he has to give up like soda, most candies, popcorn...you know the stuff that most kids like. But that was "okay" with him. He just wanted to "have" braces.

He thinks it's so great. He doesn't care that he's going to have them on for the next several years. He's just excited. And it got me thinking....

How often do we get excited about something and either we, or someone else, comes along and squelches it? Has that ever happened to you? It has to me. And I'm sure I've unfortunately done that to others, both knowingly and unknowingly. Have you ever done that to someone with a word or action? Take some time to think about that one.

God doesn't do that to us. If there is something we're excited about, He doesn't come along and say or do something that makes us suddenly unhappy. That being said, however, if what we are excited about is NOT His best for us or it's NOT part of His plan, He will correct our path. Or at least He will try to. Whether we want to BE CORRECTED, is something completely different.

The excitement isn't wrong necessarily. Trying to make sure that what it is we are excited about lines up with God's plans for us (or in His will), is very important. For example: if there's a well-paying job out there for you, but it requires you to compromise many of your morals and values, you'd better do some serious fasting and praying before taking it. That may be an extreme example but one worth noting.

In our excitement, do we rush out and act upon that excitement? Or do we check with God and "allow" for any correction. Our son's braces are to "correct" the "alignment" of his teeth. He is EXCITED ABOUT THE CORRECTION. It may not be the easiest thing for him to do the next few years but if he can begin the correction process with excitement, chances are he's going to come through this perfectly.

And God's correction is perfect too.

Until next time,
RSPS Sunny

In The Daily

2011-07-09T21:11:00.000-07:00

The Daily. The Dailies.

A simple family prayer time before bed. That is our usual routine. I'm not even sure what I was praying about. Thanking God is always in my prayer. I try to always 'come into His presence with Thanksgiving'. It's just natural for me. What was I thanking Him for this time? I'm not sure but here is a partial list of what I could've been thankful for:

Waking Up/Being Alive
Seeing/tasting/touching/smelling/hearing
Being able to move
A roof over our head
Clothes on our back
Food in our home
Ability to pay bills
Where we live
Vehicles we drive
And last but certainly not least: Family & Freedom

It's not the end of all I'm thankful for to be sure. But, that is the context to which I tell God thank you each night we pray. And that is when He told me, THE DAILY.

The Daily or The Dailies. What does that mean? As I said, I want to be thankful in my prayer time. Our prayer time is every night. Some days we may not always be together but it is on a "daily" basis. As I was praying, I kept saying it over and over again: the daily or the dailies...."it's in the daily" or "it's in the dailies".

I could not get it out of my head. As I continued praying, I think I was saying these words to myself more than Him. He already knows it of course, so it was more of me getting it through my head and into my heart.

"It's in the daily."

It is in our daily lives that we reflect who we are as Christians. It's not on Sundays or at a mid-week church service. It's not in writing out a check to our church. It's not in making a donation to a charity. Those things are all well and good. Believe me, I am not in any way knocking those things. But rather, it all the moments in between from the time we get up to the next time we get up that is 'in the daily'.

Bad day at work? It's in the daily. Kids driving you crazy? It's in the daily. Driver cut you off to or from home? It's in the daily. Neighbor playing loud music all hours of the night? It's in the daily. Don't know how you're going to pay the bills? It's in the daily. Church folk saying one thing and doing another? It's in the daily. Family telling you that it's YOU not them? It's in the daily.

Everything is IN THE DAILY. The daily is outside of the church walls. The daily is remembering who God is. The daily is that He is with you no matter where you are. The daily is often outside of our comfort zone and into His. The daily is when we're angry, confused, frustrated, sad or happy and we remember He loves us anyway. The daily is putting love, forgiveness, grace and mercy into our hearts even when life has thrown us a "spitball" of tragedy, unfairness, deceit and mistreatment.

For every day I give my self unto you oh Lord. For every day I heed your call. For every day I seek out your voice amidst the noise. For every day Lord I need thee to complete the task at hand. For every day, my God, I sin. And every day God, I acknowledge how lost I am without you. Every day God. Every day.

It's In The Daily

Until next time,

RSPSSunny

Harder On Myself Than Need Be

2011-07-05T21:42:00.000-07:00

Been a few weeks since I posted anything. At first, I wanted to just let my Father's Day post settle in. A lot of meaning went into that. I wanted to give people time to read it and perhaps think of their own fathers, whether they were close to them or not. I didn't want to post just any old thing just so I could post.

The other part of that though, is I kind of hit a writers' block. Ideas came to me but none that really resonated with me. If something doesn't resonate, then I won't write. I could come up with a sentence or two but beyond that, it would have been just a bunch of words on a page; that's not me. I type what I think, without much editing or "censoring". If I have something that I feel "needs" saying, I'll say it. If it's not worth the effort, then I'll just disregard it; no sense annyoing or angering people if they don't have the ears to hear.

And then today, I went on Facebook. Rare occurence for me as I don't go there very often. I'm more of a Twitter gal. But I did. I connected with someone I had not seen in quite a few years. She was a gal that I used to go to church with. Beautiful inside and out, with a smile that lights up a room. We sang together in the choir; she had a phenomenal voice. Feels like so long ago. Those were special, fun times for me.

She's doing well. Singing for the Lord; about to have a release on iTunes in a few days. It took awhile to get there but she's doing it. And for some odd reason, she said I inspired her.
The mere thought of ME inspiring someone just does not work in my brain. I see myself as such a highly flawed individual that I sometimes am hesitant to take any compliments from people. Okay, truth be told, I really hate compliments and it's very hard for me to believe people when they say something good about me. (Yes, God is working on me continually in this area).

Her words though really made me stop and think. What affect have I had on people throughout my life? Have I had a positive effect like that? Or have my words and actions had quite the opposite? Did words I say speak "life" into someone along the way? Or did (do) my words speak "death" or "negativity" into them? Do I help or hurt?

I wish I could say that I "always" spoke (speak) positively with life words for people, but I can't. Nobody can. We're human. We react with human feelings and emotions. Sometimes life can get the best of us and we react. That's not an excuse or a reason, it's just fact. We are human. We are sinners, prone to sin. Life often has a way of giving you a Christianity tune-up and that's when you find out what your condition is.

Do we lean on God? Do we lean on ourselves? Do we lean on our past experience? I don't remember what I said to my friend. Never would I have thought that I had any affect on her like that. I was going through some major stuff during that time so for me to speak those words, really speaks volumes about the Lord working through me. That's a good thing.

It's good because it shows me that God used me in that way back then. It's good because it reminds me of what He does when I make Him a priority. It's good because I need these little reminders every once in awhile that God does work "through" me. I'm not so bad after all huh? =)

Thank you God.

Until next time,
RSPS Sunny

Father's Day

2011-06-19T15:36:00.000-07:00

Called my dad this morning.

Told him who it is that is calling. (He called me by my sister's name even though she was at his house.)

Speak. Wait. Repeat. Speak. Wait. Repeat.

End of conversation.

Phone conversations with my father do not last long these days. His 82 years and sometimes turned off hearing aid makes sure of that. Not that our conversations ever lasted long to begin with but the time seems even shorter now. With me here in the Pacific Northwest and him in Arizona, phone calls are about all we have for conversation right now.

There was a time when I never called him. Nor did he call me for that matter. Our relationship was estranged at best. Childhood memories dictated how I felt about him. Memories that are best left unspoken anymore, helped form my opinions about him. Family dynamics growing up also helped me decide whether I wanted relationship with him or not. I did not. And I made sure to not involve him in my life, including my wedding day, 20 years ago

But time has a way of changing perspective, if you let it.

And God has a way of healing those old wounds. Wounds that have cut deep to a person’s soul, that help form the person we become…yes, those too can be healed.

The restoration with my father didn’t happen overnight. And I can’t point to one particular moment and say: ‘That was when we were restored.’ No, it didn’t happen like that for me. It has been a process; a process of working through all the negative feelings I had growing up.

Being far removed from my father as long as I have, as well as the rest of the family, on a daily/weekly basis, has allowed me to think things through. To process the past without the constant reminder of them – God used that time to help me forgive. He used it to help me trust Him, my Heavenly Father. If I can’t trust and love my Heavenly Father, there is no way I can do that with my earthly Father.

I can’t go back and re-write my history. What matters is the here and now. What matters is my future. And the future I leave for my children and grandchildren. I do not want to leave a legacy of the aforementioned ‘hurt, anger, bitterness, sadness and confusion’. No, I want to leave a legacy of love, affection, forgiveness and overcoming obstacles.

God used my separation from my family to heal those wounds and draw me close to Him. Separation from family isn't for everyone. Healing can only come if you want it and are willing to let God peel those layers of wounds from your heart. God has for me. Nobody is promised tomorrow. It's a shame to waste today on feeding old wounds.

Called my dad this morning.

We spoke for only a short time. But......we spoke.

Some people never get that chance again.

I love you Dad.

Until next time,

RSPS Sunny

Quick Update

2011-06-13T20:24:00.000-07:00

Just a quick post update. It's been a very busy last few weeks. So busy that I haven't had time to blog. We had family come in from out of town. We had to shop for a new vehicle; got one--thanks to my dad blessing us greatly!!! Our oldest son graduated from high school. Shortly thereafter, we went to Hawaii. Just got back today. So, haven't been blogging the last two weeks. Should be back blogging this weekend. Hope all is well with everyone. Thank you for your patience. God bless.

Until next time,
RSPSSunny

Samuel Gives Me A Lightbulb

2011-05-28T19:22:00.000-07:00

"There was a Benjamite, a man of standing, whose name was Kish son of Abiel, the son of Zeror, the son of Becorath, the son of Aphiah of Benjamin. He had a son named Saul, an impressive young man without equal among the Israelites--a head taller than any of the others." 1 Samuel 9:1-2 NIV

Have you ever listened to someone read something to you and just go, 'Huh, never thought of that before.'? That happened to me this week. Sitting at my desk for work, I decided to listen to audio bible on one of my favorite websites, http://www.biblegateway.com/. There, I can listen to the wonderful voice of Max McLean reading the bible to me.

I truly enjoy hearing/reading about the life of Samuel, so naturally I went to the two books, 1 and 2 Samuel. Listening while working is an art in itself. Some people at work listen to music, others listen to tv shows, and some listen to audio books. So, I'm in good company. Until I began listening to how Saul became king and how he ceased being king in the eyes of God.

Hearing and reading that whole scenario, I thought I had heard it all. (I know nobody understands what I'm talking about there, huh?) That was my thought until I got to this passage:

When they arrived, Samuel saw Eliab and thought, "Surely the Lord's anointed stands here before the Lord." But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:6-7

*Note that section regarding what Samuel thought, because I'll come back to that.

A bit of background here, however. Samuel was a judge over Israel (aka leader, seer, prophet). He was getting older and had appointed his sons to be judges over Israel too, with the intention that they would take his place. However, his sons were what I call, 'really, bad dudes'. They did some downright awful things. They might fit in well today if that's telling you anything. Nevertheless, well-respected Samuel was their father so they were made judges. They were NOTHING like their dad. Nothing.

As a result, Israel didn't want his sons in charge of them after he died so they got together and had a "board meeting" with Samuel. The gist of the meeting was: 'We like you but not your sons. The people don't want your sons in charge. The only way to rectify this situation and please US, is by giving us a king.' (my paraphrasing of course). Samuel prayed to the Lord, and the Lord, in His wisdom, said 'They have rejected me again, so give them what they ask for but with a warning about what the future holds.', (my paraphrasing again, of course).

And so, they got a king. King Saul to be exact. As 1 Samuel 9:1-2 says, he was a 'man of standing' and 'a head taller than any of the others'.So, we understand that he was tall (a respected attribute in those days), but some commentaries indicate that he was handsome, athletic, all in all a good-looking in-shape kind of guy. What's not to like right? God couldn't have chosen a better king eh Israel?

Alas, it wasn't meant to be. King Saul, while looking good on the outside, did not obey and follow God's precepts on the inside, or in his heart. In his disobedience, he had the 'kingship' taken away from him. Oh, he stayed in the kingly position but in the eyes of the Lord, no siree. He was done.

And that leads us back to 1 Samuel 16: 6-7. While King Saul remained king in name only, Samuel was sent to Bethlehem by the Lord to find the new king He had chosen for Himself. Keep in mind though what Saul's appearance was: tall, handsome, athletic. That's the description of the very first king that the Lord had chosen right? THAT was the only frame of reference Samuel had for what the Lord might have in mind for the next king.

Upon seeing Jesse's first son, Eliab, what does the bible say Samuel's first thought was: Samuel saw Eliab and thought, "Surely the Lord's anointed stands here before the Lord.". He saw the Lord do one thing in a situation so he thought the Lord would do the exact same thing in the same situation, right?

Think about that for a minute. It was like a light bulb to me!!!! How many times have I expected God to do the same thing He did before? Do I expect God to do something for my situation the exact same way he did it before? And if he doesn't do it the way "I" expected, how do I respond? Am I disappointed? Am I confused? Discouraged? Disheartened? He's God. He knows better than me what's right for my situation.

What about you? Have you seen/heard God do something for either you or, perhaps someone else, and then expect Him to do it the exact same way? And if He doesn't, how do you respond?

That was my lightbulb moment for the week. If Samuel, who 'knew' the Lord better than most, expected God to do things a certain way and God didn't, I fairly certain, today we are apt to do the exact same thing. Some would call it putting God in a box. If it can happen to Samuel, it can happen to any of us.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

Until next time,

RSPSSunny

Ever Been Humbled?

2011-05-22T22:28:00.000-07:00

Yet at the same time many even among the leaders believed in him. But because of the Pharisees they would not openly acknowledge their faith for fear they would be put out of the synagogue; for they loved human praise more than praise from God. John 12:42-43 NIV

It's all about the followers. Twitter, that is. While there are many social media blogs out there that will tell you it's not, to many, it really is about the number of followers. How many you have "determines" how popular, good, social, or whatever, that you really are. It's an interesting subject to say the least. It reminded me of the scripture above.

I've been pondering this subject recently. I have a couple of different Twitter accounts. For the uninitiated, Twitter is a 140 character social media website. Sign up for an account and just start "following" people. Following allows you to "connect" with people around the world, provided their account is open to the public that is. Some people choose to keep their accounts private, which means you have to get approved to follow them. Many in the public realm (i.e. celebrities, media) are in the public realm so you can follow anyone from Lady Gaga to Bill Cosby.

(Uh, no. I do not follow Lady Gaga. God help her. Every time I see her and look at her eyes I see nothing but emptiness. God help her.)

Anyway, I do have a Twitter account. Two actually but only one is related to this blog: @RSPSSunny. I'm not super active on it but active enough. It wasn't that long ago that I happened across a name on my "follower" list that intrigued me. I was intrigued because it wasn't an "ordinary" person, if you will. Without going into great detail or saying the person's name, let's just say I was quite surprised.

Needless to say, I was also excited. Never thought a non-ordinary person would follow me. And then something happened yesterday that I found quite surprising. I did not see this person on my list of "followers" any more. I was taken aback. Why wouldn't this person follow me anymore? Did I do or say something to offend them? No, that couldn't be it since I had not tweeted much lately.

I know!!! (Or so I thought) This person only followed me so I would "follow" them. Happens all the time on Twitter. People will follow you. Wait for you to follow them. And if you don't, they will unfollow you. Or, my real thought, was that this person followed me, waited for me to follow them only to wait a short amount of time after following them and then unfollow me....all in the name of gaining followers. (Got all that?) I did, so I unfollowed them.

Pretty pathetic looking back on it now but, I was pretty peeved yesterday about the whole thing. I even checked earlier today and did not see them on my list. This was a Christian after all! I knew this is what I would blog about here. Given my "emotional" state, I decided to meditate on it a little while longer. So, I waited. Until tonight. I even found a scripture verse for it (see above). I was just going to rant & rail........

and then I checked Twitter again.

The person is still there. I didn't believe it at first. I went through all kinds of websites today trying to figure out when the person unfollowed me. It irked me. But this person was there. And from everything I can tell, they NEVER unfollowed me! Oh good grief. How could that be? I just "knew" that they were not on my list yesterday. I was so sure of it. But alas, they are there. And always have been. They never left. They are still there. Following me.

Of course after reading this post, I may wind up losing all of my followers. =) I hope not. But, if so, I need to be okay with that. It's not the followers that should matter. It's who I follow...HIM...not the people on Twitter. If I worry about followers, or who I'm following, then I'm finding my value or validation in man and not God.

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matthew 10:29-31 NIV

Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! Luke 12:26-28 NIV

Followers come. Followers go. My ultimate goal for Twitter is to have influence. Influence people to think. I may not always be right but I do want to challenge people to think, which I believe you can do even when you're wrong. Think about what you believe. Think about why you believe what you do. "Think" before you speak. "Think" before you act. Think about the Christian status quo.

Many in the American church, to me, feel like they are in the status quo. Too many of us American Christians in the American church look to man for validation and acceptance (how big is our church or how many people are on staff). Too many of us look to man to provide for our needs -- this include pastors too but I won't go there now (how much was the offering today). Too many of us "say" we don't want to be 'religious' or 'like that other church or denomination' when in actuality we really are (my way or the highway in leadership is 'religious' thinking in my eyes). Often times, what we don't "want" to be, we are.

When I say too many of us, just know that I'm cutting in the line all the way to the front because that is me. It's in all of us really but it is me. I know, however, that if I deal with these issues, there are many others that are dealing with the same exact thing. I've been humbled by my own vanity this weekend. It was my prideful action that humbled me.

If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 2 Chronicles 7:14NIV

Humble self. Pray. Seek His face. Turn from wicked (or I would say: selfish) ways. He will hear, forgive and heal.

Until next time,

RSPSSunny

"Thank You God It's Mama's Planting Season"

2011-05-15T22:16:00.000-07:00

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens...A time to plant and a time to uproot. Eccelsiastes 3:1,2 NIV

Every night we try to have a family prayer time. Most nights we are all together (minus our daughter who is an adult and out on her own). I'd like to say we have great spiritual times of prayer, praise and worship but we don't. It seems like by the time we are ready for bed, we are dead tired (check that--I AM THE TIRED ONE), and we are just fortunate to have a few minutes to pray.

However, every once in awhile, one of us will pray something that reminds me of how much God is involved in our prayer time, when we come with a sincere heart. Last night was one of those nights.

We have a rather long garden at the end of our backyard. Most every year, except for when I let the garden rest, I do a garden. I don't always do it the full length but this year, I decided to go big. My husband tilled the garden for me the other day. That is a daunting process in and of itself. However, not quite as much as the planting process.

My day Saturday began with several ventures to stores and even a garden expo. I knew this was going to be my day to plant so I wanted to try and find some good deals on good plants. It wasn't only plants I found but I happened to find some pretty good deals on flowers for my flower beds. By the time I got home it was about noon. Once everything was unloaded, I looked at the bounty of plants/flowers and said "Sometimes, I think I bite off more than I can chew." Alas, it was .

Don't get me wrong. I love gardening. But the sheer task of digging, planting, digging, planting, digging, planting (sensing a pattern here?).....it was a day long task. I planted, cantaloupe, strawberries, blueberries, potatoes, corn, pumpkins, butternut squash, zucchini, yellow straightneck squash, cucumbers, broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, lettuce, radishes, asparagus, onions, cilantro, peppers, tomatoes, several flowering bushes and at least 2 flats of flowers. I'm tired just typing all of that, let alone planting it.

So noon-thirty came and my task began. Planting. Flower planting. Seed planting. Plant planting. Come about 4:30, I decided to eat lunch as my back by this time was in excruciating pain. 5:15 rolls around and it's time to get back out there. Thankfully by about 5:45, my husband came home and wonderfully offered to help. After sending him to the store for one more item (a soaker hose), he offers to help dig. Which was an answer to prayer. I ached from the top of my head to my toenails, literally. Whoever said that farming, albeit in a much smaller proportion in my case, was not hard has never planted a garden by themselves before.

By 8:15, after cleaning up the garden and yard area, we were done. I wondered again to myself, 'why do I do this to myself -- biting off more than I can chew?'. I was exhausted. I was hungry. I was so drained that it was all I could do to step in the shower. Why do I do this?

As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest,
cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night
will never cease.” Genesis 8:22 NIV

You may have heard this before. Your church pastor may have even preached it before. Shoot, you probably heard it on TBN, Daystar or whatever your religious tv channel of choice is. I don't know, but how many sermons focus on the tithing principle when it comes to this. More than enough. What about just the sheer "work" involved

"Then he said to his disciples, the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few." Matthew 9:37 NIV

Why are the workers few? Think about it. Why are they few? If a people KNEW there was a harvest, wouldn't there be plenty of people wanting to be there? Maybe, maybe not. Or maybe...and I could be taking it completely our of context here (note: I am not a bible scholar), just maybe the workers are few because of what's required just to plant the seed. There is a plentiful harvest sure, but you can't have the harvest without the seed. And you can't even plant the seed without putting forth the effort to get it planted in the ground.

I had to work very hard to plant my garden. Very hard. Shoot, I had to work hard just to have the money to get the seeds/plants/flowers in the first place. I am a worker, no doubt about it. If I had not worked, I would have had seed. If I didn't have seed, I couldn't have worked to plant it. If I did not work hard to plant it, I wouldn't have anything to put my time/effort/energy into to bring forth a crop. If I didn't work hard to harvest my crop, we wouldn't have the vegetables for the summer for ourselves or to share with others. Workers work. Workers harvest.

Now mind you, I wasn't necessarily thinking about it this way when my whole body ached yesterday while planting my garden. It wasn't until our prayer time last night that I was reminded of it.

One of the first things out of our youngest son's mouth last night for prayer: "Thank you God that this is Mama's planting season."

**Swallowing hard here**

Mama's planting season. I worked extremely hard yesterday just to "plant". Nothing harvested yesterday. Just "planted". And my son was thankful.

Good prayer time last night.

Until next time,

RSPSSunny

Internet Gossip

2011-05-08T15:11:00.000-07:00

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness.James 3:9 (NIV)

This has been one of those weeks where I wished that verse was tattooed into my brain and like a beacon, every time I said something stupid, that beacon would flash right in front of my eyes and say STOP!!!!!

Sorry to say, no beacon and I didn't stop. Even if I did have that beacon, I'd probably do one of those California stops and roll right on through that "stop sign".

Why do I say all of this you ask?

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.2Corinthians 10:5(NIV)

I've tried over the years to work on thinking before I speak. Over the years, I've also tried to be very careful about what other are saying around me. Gossip is one of those things that kind of gets passed over when it comes to the Christian life, in my opinion. And because of that, I've tried to be careful about what I say, the conversations I've had and who I hang out with. That's not to say that I don't gossip or haven't ever done so. I'm human, I'm female and I most certainly have. Regret it too. And because I regretted it, I am very, very, very particular about friends.

Why? Because women like to talk. That's just the truth. Talk & talk & talk; talk until before you know it, it turns into gossip. I've seen it happen too many times. Seen it happen too many times in the church; every church I've been in. From people in leadership too. It's not something I need in my life; got enough drama thank you very much. I already know I'm a sinner and the weaknesses I have; don't need to add gossiper in there too,.

Having said all that, I found a loophole in this scenario. 10 loopholes to be exact. My 10 little fingers. Fingers you ask? Yes, I say, fingers. And how could that be you ask? Let me tell you, I say.

The internet. The internet has enabled thoughts to be shared quickly and "almost" without filter. The delete button can work but if it only takes a copy/paste, "save as", print page, Re-Tweet, "Comment", "Like" or whatever to keep your opinion out there forever.

Thoughts flow from our brains to our fingers when we're on Facebook, Twitter, etc. Our fingers type out those thoughts on the computer. The question is whether we take those thoughts captive or not before we hit ENTER. Sometimes we read something and immediately feel like we have to respond. Before you know it, you've "said" (typed out) something that you regret. Just like gossip.

With gossip, we hear a conversation about someone, we have an opinion or information to share, and before you know it we've said something about the topic. And we are now caught up in gossip.

As stated earlier, this was one of those weeks that I did not take those thoughts captive. I did not step back before I reacted. I did not pause and think about what I was "saying" (typing) before I hit enter. I just read things, got caught up in it, shared that information with others without "thinking" that maybe, just maybe, what I was reading wasn't true.

And so, I blog. As the title of my blog says "Rebellious Saint/Perfect Sinner". If we're begin honest, which I hope we are, we are all rebellious at some point. And, we all sin:

"..for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23(NIV)

I'll keep working at it......with God's help. Thank you Jesus.

Until next time,
RSPS Sunny

Wrongly Accused? No, I Don't Know the Meaning

2011-04-30T19:13:00.000-07:00

"Remember the words I spoke to you: 'No servant is greater than his master.' If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also." John 15:20 NIV

What does it mean to be persecuted? What does it mean to be falsely accused? In recent years, we've seen what happens when false accusations lead to persecution, at least in the court of public opinion. And the false accusation in the Duke lacrosse case, has led to a tragic tale for the accuser.

So what do those terms mean in this country? Is the Duke lacrosse case our best example of false accusation and persecution? In recent times, maybe. Some may look at the O.J. Simpson case as a better example, although many would say the prosecution handled the case poorly allowing Mr. Simpson to go free.

And yet, every day around the world, persecution and false accusations occur. The two cases I mentioned were high profile cases. But what about those that aren't high profile? What about those that are persecuted for their faith? What about those who are acutally living John 15:20?

It's happening even as I type this. It happens all around the world. Two tweet links below:

Video of an Iranian couple persecuted for their faith

Chinese police prevent Easter House Church Worship

So how do those compare to the Duke lacrosse and O.J. Simpson cases? In short answer: they don't. There is no comparison. The Duke and O.J. cases involved a well-known university and a well-knows athlete. Both involved what makes America take notice: money and race. The Duke case had "white, wealthy young men" against a poor, black woman who danced for a living. Meanwhile, the O.J. case had the "wealthy, famous athlete" accused of killing his "white" wife against a system of 'alleged' corruption, the L.A. police department.

The two stories tweeted about above don't involve money or race. They involve 'religion' or what I'd prefer to call "faith". Faith, or rather faith in Jesus Christ, is a crime in many countries around the world. Here in America? It's not a crime. Yet. I believe there will come a day when even speaking the name of Jesus Christ will be a crime here. What makes me believe that? Call it observances of the times. Here in America, it is becoming more common-place to be shut up for your faith in the court of law. Although I am a believer that so-called "faith" speech can be taken too far (e.g. Westboro Baptist Church). But, there will be a day when what Christians around the world currently experience will happen here.

So, what does this all mean? It means that America, in general, doesn't have a clue to what true persecution really means. Me included. I am just like so many Christians in America who happily sing songs about/to Jesus. Do the church thing. Be involved in 'ministry'. And, of course, the ever-present try to do the right thing each and every day, including pray. Can't forget the ever-present, read my bible. That is really what it's all about right? (Yes, I am being very sarcastic here).

You see I am very down on the American church right now. It seems so often that the American church is about status, pride, money, position, braggadocio, etc. The American church, while it does do good, worries too much about themselves. Yes, we have outreach ministries, childrens' ministries, youth ministries', mens' and womens' ministries, oh, I could go on and on. Of course, these ministries do change lives, don't get me wrong on that. But after a life is changed, then what. Go about our business, every day of the week, without so much as thinking, just thinking, about those who are persecuted or falsely accused for their faith. I was reminded of this fact in my own life this week, albeit in a very POOR illustration.

When one is thirsty while running errands, one often stops at the store to grab something to drink. That's precisely what I did on Thursday, April 28, 2011. I stopped at a local grocery store to grab a quick drink. Walking to the back of the store to the cold drink section, I looked around for my drink of choice, Sugar-free AMP, but they didn't have any. Bummer. So I walked across the back of the store to the soda aisle to see if I could find a non-cold Sugar-free AMP. Still nothing. I stood there looking like a lost-dog, if you can picture it, all because they didn't have my favorite drink. My next brilliant idea was to look for something to eat (don't ask how my brain works,it just thought that). Walking up the chip aisle, I found nothing. Back of the store I go again to the cold-drink section and grabbed a drink, not my Sugar-free AMP. Seeing as how I also wanted something to eat, I walked around the deli, couldn't find anything that looked good, not even scones and decided I wanted Chinese food from the deli counter. Waited in line for at least 5 minutes (the horror I know), before my order was taken. Paid for my food and drink after what seemed like another eternal 5 minutes and headed out the door. Only to be stopped by an over-zealous young security guard who proceeded to tell me she saw me stick a Coke in my pocket so I couldn't go anywhere. I tried to argue with her that I didn't take anything and that I didn't know what she was talking about. She proceeded to frisk my jacket and in not so many words tell me I was lying. Another young man (both were plain-clothed security guards) comes behind me and tells me to come inside. I had to stand there for 10 minutes defending myself for something I didn't do. I allowed her to check my jacket again. I explained, in detail, exactly what I did. Only then did the guy say that he "had" to believe me if I said I didn't take anything; only that I needed to help him fill out a form on the incident since they had to talk to me. Overzealous girl security surely didn't believe me. She lied through her teeth by following his lead and saying "If you say you didn't then I believe you". I wasn't sure what to do. I thought the whole thing a joke. Surely I was getting Punk'd or something. It was an overwhelming feeling of bewilderment that I felt.

Even now, I'm not sure what to think about the whole thing. I was still very shaken by it yesterday. Never had that happened to me in my entire life. I didn't know what to do. The only thing I knew how to do was tell the truth; oh, and pray for it to end quickly. In reality, it seems like such a trivial thing compared to those persecuted or falsely-accused because of their faith. But, this episode made me realize what we in the American church, ME especially, don't fully grasp. In suburbia America, does the husband or wife with 2 kids, a dog and a cat, really understand what persecution is. Is it 'not being allowed' to put a "Jesus" saying on your desk? Is that persecution? What about not being allowed to wear a faith t-shirt to school? Is that persecution? Being stopped at the grocery store and accused of stealing a drink after you just paid for a drink and food at the deli? Is that falsely-accused?

Who am I to say. Are there different levels of it? Perhaps. Or maybe we ALL need to open our eyes to the 'world' not just right around us but to what's going on beyond our comfort zone. God told me something a long time ago that I have never forgotten:

It's time to get out of your comfort zone and into MINE.

Until next time,

RSPS Sunny

L.I.V.E. (part 4)

2011-04-21T21:02:00.000-07:00

*** Okay the last in my L.I.V.E. series. No editing done. This is how I originally posted it.***

When does 4 days = 3 weeks?

Before you think I don't know math or you try to figure out the "riddle", let me tell you how. 4 days = 3 weeks when procrastination and work take over. The key words are "take over". I knew this series was a good idea. Naturally, I figured I could type it out in no time. However, I did not take into account my MASTERS DEGREE in procrastination. I procrastinated just long enough to where work took over. I have been working 7 days a week, 50-65 hours per week recently. Blogging has been the last thing on my mind. Mix procrastination with my work schedule and you get "unfinished business".

HOWEVER..............big drum roll please........

ESTABLISH! EMBRACE! EMBARK!

Yes, ladies & gentleman, the E's have it! The "E" in L.I.V.E. is establish, embrace & embark. I couldn't just narrow it to one of those words. They kind of work together, so let's dive in.

Establish, in the context of my thinking and this series, is defined more by answering these questions:

--What are you?

--What defines you?

--What has your heart?

--What have you given your heart to?

--What do you believe?

These aren't the type of questions that you should answer right away. Why? Because these are influenced by your life right now. But life is more than that. For example: "What are you?" would be influenced currently by my job, so I'm an employee. But that does not discount the fact that I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, niece, friend, neighbor, etc. Make sense?

With that said, dwelling on the question of "What are you?", can lead to the other questions. The "what" part may be answered by answering "What defines you?". And that, in turn, leads to "What has your heart" or "What have you given your heart to?". Wrapping it all up, what you are & what's in your heart leads to "What do you believe?".

"What are you?": as I said earlier, I am a wife, mom, employee, etc. Some people may answer that by their race (I'm Hispanic, for the record), their job title (I'm a Claims Analyst), and still others by their country (yes, I'm an American). I would be remiss if I didn't add "religious" affiliation (not religious, just a Christian), but that's a post for another day. As a wife & mom (and so on), those "titles" if you will, define me, influence what has my heart & what I give my heart to. And ultimately, that will influence what I believe. What I believe dictates how I L.I.V.E. in my relationship with my husband, my kids, my employer, etc.

Not so easy to answer those questions now is it? Establish.

When you've ESTABLISHed, then you can move on to EMBRACE. Embrace what you've established . By answering the questions above, you establish your identity and then "embrace" it. How do you embrace it? By being okay with it. (still scratching your head??) Here goes.

I had been a Christian for a few years, when I started to believe that I had something to offer, in a public forum. I wouldn't necessarily say I wanted to preach but rather, when God called me to speak, I could speak. If He called me to sing, I could. But I never wanted to promote myself to do that. Some people get a "word" from God and they do whatever they can to make it happen......in their own strength and power. They try to be out in the forefront of things as much as they can, get favor with those in authority, and trample on those around & "under" them. I've seen that in the corporate world and yes, even churches. (Remember: churches are filled with sinners & hurting people...otherwise it's like a country club or PTA meeting).

I never tried to be a self promoter. If someone called me to be out front, I tried to resist it as much as I could. Every so often I would because when I'd pray or ask God about it, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, that He wanted me to. More often than not, people would come up to me afterward and thank or compliment me. I would try to defer the accolades to God because whatever I did, wasn't me because I didn't want to be in public view. The more it happened, the more I believed that God was preparing me for something "more". Long story short, change happens and the moment I believed God would say 'Your time in front is now', well, it never happened. And I was crushed.

It took me a few years to get over it. I constantly questioned: "What did I do wrong?, Did I miss God? Why did that happen? Where do I go from here?". All of those questions and more went through my head (think/dwell/ponder) and there was never a satisfactory answer. Nothing felt right. Nothing made me happy again. Very discouraged, depressed and unsatisfied was how I would describe myself. Nothing changed until I let go.

I let go of who "I" thought I was. I let go of what "I" thought "I" thought was supposed to be. I let go of the past ideas. It wasn't easy by any means. In fact, there are still times when I have to catch myself thinking like that again. But, I've learned. I had to learn the answers to the questions above. What am I? I'm a daughter of the most high king: Jesus. I'm a wife. I'm a mom (great "job" by the way). I'm defined by God and His Word, the bible. Jesus is in my heart. He has access to my heart and He's filled it with love, passion and caring for my family. It's also for missions around the world and kids around the world (currently those in Haiti but also Cambodia, Mexico and the entire African continent). These people and issues have my heart right now.

I believe, that one day, I will be able to go to those places and do the things that God wants me to do, in a public forum. One day. But not yet. For the main focus which I EMBRACE right now is my family. I am devoted to my family. I am passionate about my family. So that's what I embrace, although it took some time for me to realize that to the full extent I am now.

ESTABLISH. EMBRACE. EMBARK.

I have EMBRACEed what's been ESTABLISHed in my life. So I EMBARK. I have embarked on an adventure. This adventure right now is daughter of God, wife to my honey, mom (and Nana) to my wonderful children (and grandchildren). Marriage is an adventure in itself. And let me tell you, it's an adventure alright. Children ranging in age from 23 to 8 tends to be a wide-ranging adventure in itself. But, the greatest adventure is with God. I don't always know where God is going to lead me to. But as I go through life, reading my bible, spending time with God in prayer and song, I learn something new about Him. I learn more about loving people, forgiveness and even giving others grace who don't agree with me or who make me "mad". He could call me to be "out front" tomorrow and I would do it (with much resistance of course). And if He doesn't, that's okay too. It's all part of the adventure.

ESTABLISH. EMBRACE. EMBARK.

L.I.V.E.

Love with mercy

Invest yourself

Vision

Establish, Embrace, Embark

Are you ready to LIVE? Then go L.I.V.E.

Until next time,
RSPS Sunny

L.I.V.E. (part 3) revisited

2011-04-16T21:24:00.000-07:00

We are 'revisiting a series I did back in 2009-2010. Part 3 is below; unedited of course.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

L.I.V.E. (part 3)

The best laid plans.......

Yup. You can finish that sentence yourself. I had all the intention of completing this series just after the first of the year. Or I should have, while I was still on vacation. But for some reason, I have had a mental block on the letter "V". Sure there were lots of "V" words I could go with but nothing that just jumped out at me.

And then Wednesday, January 6th rolls around & still nothing. You hear that. NOTHING!! Oh nuts, how can I finish this series if I don't have the "V". I can't get to "E" (which I already have down, btw) if I don't have the "V" yet. <you really need to help me out here. What should it be? A little help here God????>>>

Okay. I admit it. I got into "PANIC PRAYER" mode. One of those "Help me now God please". No thankfulness beforehand. No gratefulness in my heart. Just plain old demand it now kind of prayer (aka-Drive thru prayer). Yes, that really moves God's heart now doesn't it? And yet, I still prayed. More ideas came into my head but none of them felt right. So, what to do? How do I come up with "V"? (sounds like an old tv show doesn't it). What do I post???? I need some help here. I need........THAT'S IT!!! I need..

VISION

How can you live life without vision? You can't. Oh you can 'live' your life but is it 'just getting through each day' kind of living? Or, is it purposeful, intentional and focused living? The latter is what I want my life to be like. Waking up each day with a purpose, focused on the day ahead; being intentional in the moment. And as I live each day intentionally, that unfolds the bigger VISION of the next day/week/month/year/years ahead. Sounds good doesn't it?

Exactly. It "sounds" exciting and fulfilling. And yet, I'm rather unsettled about it. Don't misunderstand me here. I do have 'vision' but not necessarily like many people do. Some people say their 'vision' is to "go to college, get rich, retire early". For others it's "get married, have 2 kids, house in the suburbs w/a white picket fence". And still others, "save the planet" OR "save the (insert animal name here)". Visions, with their own good qualities/intentions, but are those really" living life" kind of visions?

Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth and the life." So, if Jesus is the "life", the "living life" kind of visions I'm talking about can only come from the one who IS life. Jesus.

Jesus can give us the "vision" for what will bring our lives all of the fulfillment, satisfaction, or accomplishment that we may be looking for. As I said before, some people find it (or try to) in their careers, family or personal accomplishments. But how do those help you "live" life? Does your life revolve around your career, your family or your accomplishments? If so, what does it give you in return? Money, love, gifts, recognition, attention? Out of all of those, I can honestly say, only love can bring any kind of satisfaction. However, is it conditional love or unconditional love? Love based on how you feel toward the other person or is it love no matter what the feeling is? There is only one love that I know of that is unconditional--the love of God.

John 3:16,
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

That's the only love that is unconditional. That is the only love that gives true, eternal satisfaction and fulfillment. Family love, while a blessing, cannot compare to the love that God has for us by giving us His Son, Jesus, so that we may have eternal "life".

The one who IS life and the giver of ETERNAL life is where we should turn to LIVE life. The vision for our life comes from Jesus. And the only way to find out that vision is to start a relationship with Jesus. Do you have a relationship with Him yet? If not, I encourage to pray this prayer with me now:

Dear Jesus, I need you. I want a relationship with you. I understand that I am a sinner. I need forgiveness. Please forgive me. Restore me to a relationship with God the Father. I ask you to forgive me, heal me and restore me now. I accept you as my Savior and my Lord. Make my heart and life your home. Thank you. Amen

Congratulations!! You are well on your way to "living" life. If you prayed that prayer for the first time, I encourage you to find a bible-believing, spirit-filled church. If you know a Christian, talk with them and find out where they go to church. But most of all, pray and ask God to show you where He wants you to go to church. He will show you. I know He will.

And for those who already know Him, step back and look at your life. Are you "living" life the way God intended you to live it? Each of us have a purpose and call on our lives that God had planned before we were born. Are you living that vision? If so, praise God. If you're not sure, it's time to pray. Ask God. Find wise counsel and ask them to pray with you. Vision. In the vision is living life.

Until next time,

RSPS Sunny

L.I.V.E. (part 2) revisited

2011-04-08T21:53:00.000-07:00

** Continuation of reposting of the L.I.V.E. series. Posted originally January 2010**

L.I.V.E. (part 2)

One down, three to go. = )

Okay, so we learned the "L" in L.I.V.E. is "Love with mercy". That's a good start. Living life with love in your heart is a great beginning for this new year. Hopefully, it's causing you (and me too, of course) to look at people a little differently. (And no I do not have this down yet....I'm a work in progress). On to the next one,

"I". What could "I" possibly be? I mulled this one over a few times as I wasn't quite sure. There were two options but the more I thought/pondered/dwelled on it, I realized the one falls under the other one. ((drum roll please....)) "Invest yourself". ((hold the applause please...thank you)).According to www.dictionary.com, "Invest" can be defined as:

--to use, give, or devote (time, talent, etc.), as for a purpose or to achieve something

--to endow with a quality or characteristic

How do you 'invest yourself' and live life? It might help to review the opposite of "invest" which is "divest". Divest, according to www.dictionary.com, means you strip or deprive someone or something (e.g. withhold), or to rid of or free from (divest yourself of responsibility or withdraw). Looking at those meanings packs a whallop doesn't it? If someone is divesting themselves, that means they are stripping or depriving themselves of life; they are rid of or free from the things in their life. Huh? (keep reading)

A person who divests life is someone who is isolated from the world in general. They tend to be people who don't associate with others very often. Few friends you will find with a "divestor", if any at all. They spend most of their time alone, keeping others at bay. They do not allow themselves to find joy in much of anything. Looking at their past, you will often find a great deal of hurt either from a series of incidents or one major incidents. So as to prevent further hurt, there is a barrier around them that keeps others at bay. Instead of trying new things or experiencing new opportunities, "divestors" tend to find a place that's comfortable (i.e. home, job) and rarely venture outside of that zone. It's the same ol', same ol' all of the time. They have chosen to cut off the world as much as possible, thereby cutting themselves off from life.

WOW! That doesn't sound like a very fun place to be. If you ask me, that's not living; that's just existing. I don't know about you but I don't want to just exist. I want to LIVE life. Knowing that I don't want to be a "divesoer", and that part of living is "investing", how do I do that? Pretty simple when you think about it. In a sense, just do the opposite of what I "divestor" does. Let's look back at the definitions of "invest".

--to use, give, or devote (time, talent, etc.), as for a purpose or to achieve something

--to endow with a quality or characteristic

In order to use/give/devote your time/talent (or even yourself) to someone or something it has to be outside of your comfort zone. Comfort zone is a big thing when it comes to being an "investor". I remember about 8 years ago, I had been praying and reading my bible. As clear as day, I heard God tell me "It's time to get out of your comfort zone and into Mine". Whoa!!! That was a huge word for me. I would say in the next six months after that, I heard someone say or preach a sermon on that very topic. Not exactly what my word was but still talking about "comfort zones".

I like being comfortable. Kind of like all snug under a blanket, sipping hot cider (or hot cocoa if you so choose), next to a fireplace....that kind of comfortable. Don't tell me to move, I like being by the warm fire. BUT...when God tells you to get up out of your comfortable spot in front of the fire....well, you MOVE! There have been times when I know God has told me to do something and I did not want to; NO WAY. It was way beyond my capacity of comfort. I would fight it every step of the way...and be miserable for it. I hate the idea of it but I wound up hating myself for not even trying. When I finally did what God told me to do (i.e. get out of my comfort zone and into His), the pure joy and freedom I had is beyond measure. I was happy and that, in turn, brought happiness to my family. I invested myself into something God wanted me to and I can honestly say, I was LIVING life.

The steps you take may call you to use/give/devote your time for a particular thing. It could be serving at your local mission once a week or month. It could be to help the local 'Meals On Wheels' group delivering meals to shutins. Maybe it might require you to help out on that project your boss has been pestering you about for the last month. How about that neighbor that wants to have a joint garage sale? Helping out at your child's school for the big fundraiser?

Or, it could be as simple as taking someone out to a meal. Time is a great investment. By spending time with someone, you find a capacity for something beyond yourself. You learn to listen and communicate with that person. As time passes, what they see in you (the good qualities hopefully), they will learn to emulate that. You are investing the characteristics and qualities into that other person, just by investing your time. Time is precious, that is true. But if we are so worried about time, then isn't that worry just robbing us of life? Are we really living?

Are you an "investor" or "divestor"? Are you staying in your comfort zone? Or are you willing to get into God's comfort zone and LIVE? Which path do you choose?

Until next time,

RSPS Sunny

L.I.V.E. Revisited

2011-04-02T07:39:00.000-07:00

Starting anew. Since I am going to try & keep this a non-sports blog (sure I am), I decided to go back to a series that meant quite a bit to me. Part 1 below was originally posted in December 2009. As is my norm, I have not done any editing, so here goes.

L.I.V.E.

Somehow I knew it would get to this. One of my hesitations in starting a blog is the accountability it brings. My last post said I'd 'ponder/think/dwell' more with the idea LIVE or live life and post more later. Ugh!! I could take the easy way out & just stop blogging altogether. Quitting and running is something I've gotten quite good at in my life. Not 'bragging' but just stating a fact. In the last 5-10 years however, I've also challenged myself to face an uncertain task or event I'm faced with. This blog is by no means "life" or death but it is turning out to be a challenge. Not sure where it will lead, but I started it so I will continue to blog another day......(cue hero music...NOT).

I digress, only a little. The night after my last post, I felt really good about it & the direction I thought it was supposed to go. A couple of days or so has passed since then & I have been pushing it to the back of my mind, preferably never to be heard from again. Why? I have this insane fear of sounding or looking stupid. I am by no means a bible scholar, nor evangelist, Christian author, pastor/preacher/teacher, or any other title/position involved in Christianity. People could argue with me or make one criticism of something I have said/done in a post or even a simple conversation, and it pierces my heart. I know I shouldn't let it but it does. I think it has to do with my identity.

My identity for most of my life has been in what others have said to me or about me. Not going to get into it here but growing up, I craved the acceptance and words of praise from those around me. I didn't get it very much. As I grew, I looked for it in other ways but the underlying feeling was still there. Still is to some extent. However, I have grown to be more selective in who I look for words from. My husband, certain family members, very few friends, my children and probably my pastors. There is one exception to that list.

~~~~If I know/believe I have heard from God about something and someone who is respected says something that almost contradicts what I believe, I am completely thrown for a loop. I don't handle it very well. I tend to get hurt, angry, and the like toward that person. They may not have meant it in a derogatory way but that's how "I took it". It's almost as if it's a slam against me as a person. It causes me to question whether or not I actually heard God or no; whether I know God at all. I don't even necessarily have to know the person--if they just say something contrary to what I heard....look out. It's not a pretty sight.~~~~

Nevertheless, I am posting this blog for all to see. I will attempt to continue this no matter how critical people get; even those closest to me. I will LIVE life unashamedly, unabashedly as God's blogging mama. How do I do that? Hmm.....let's see:

L=Love with mercy

As I said before, sometimes I don't take criticism very well. The criticism I take quite personally. Does it affect my life? Sure does. I'm a dweller/thinker/ponderer so those words have a long shelf life in my brain. That's not to say I don't forgive them. Forgiveness is not the same as forgetting. Forgiveness is a heart choice; forgetting is a 'brain' choice. They're both choices that we make and have to walk out; not easy to do regardless. So even if someone hurts me with their words, to LIVE life, I must choose to "Love with mercy".

In searching for a definition of mercy I found this: "A disposition to be kind and forgiving" http://www.thefreedictionary.com/mercy. Whew, does that hit the nail on the head. In Matthew, chapter 18, Jesus tells Peter a parable (story) about a king who wanted to settle the debts his servants had with him. In the parable, one of his servants begged the king for more time to settle his debt (asked for mercy). The king had mercy by cancelling the debt (showed kindness and forgiveness). That same servant went out and found a man who owed him a debt (much less than what the servant had owed the king). The man begged for more time (mercy) but the servant refused (unkind and unforgiving). The servant then had the man thrown in prison for failure to pay his debt. Other servants heard of this action and went to tell the king. Upon hearing the news, the king brought the servant in and said: "Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?" (verse 33). I'll let you read what happens to him yourself in Matthew 18, verse 34.

God has given me mercy. He is kind and forgiving of me when I say or do something wrong or stupid; even when something I say hurts someone else. So, I need to apply that same principle here. "Love with mercy", even if it hurts.

Do you "Love with mercy"? Loving with mercy means everyone; not just those you choose to have in your sphere of influence. I could go on and on but I'll leave it at that for YOU to dwell/ponder/think about.

Until next time,

RSPS Sunny

How Much Is Too Much to Bite?

2011-03-27T20:07:00.000-07:00

What do you do when you have too much to blog about? You start another blog of course!

Yes, that's right. I'm starting another blog.

See, I thought I could combine my love of sports but within the context of being a Christian. You hear sports figures all the time "thanking God" during an interview. I follow several sports figures on Twitter and many of them are Christians. So, why not do a blog that combines them both? Or so I thought.

When I first started out, blogging about the Christian life took precedence. But, as it went on, I wanted to combine it but eventually the sports portion took over. Somehow a blog titled Rebellious Saint/Perfect Sinner didn't really translate with my sports posts. So, I decided to change.

I will contine to blog about My So-Called "Christian" Life here on RSPS. But, to satisfy my love of sports (and all things Twitter), my new blog is called CadChica Sports. Hopefully, this will allow people to choose what they'd rather hear from me about. And my double-mindedness, will cease & desist.

Until next time,
RSPS Sunny

(On Twitter @RSPSSunny)

Loser or Winner?

2011-03-24T20:31:00.000-07:00

What do you do when you know you are going to lose? That’s not to say that I have a pessimistic view on things. Far from it. I am here in Colville, WA today for my oldest son’s track meet. It’s about an hour 20 minute drive north of Spokane where we live. It’s a cold, windy day and I’m watching some kids running in not much more than a tank top & shorts. I am struck that despite the wind & cold, they are giving it their all. And that includes kids who some would say are not very athletic.

I just finished watching the hurdle races. And to say that there were girls who weren’t very coordinated is a true understatement. And yet, they ran. They jumped. They banged into the hurdles. And they finished. Oh sure there were a few athletes who ran well. The same amount of steps between each hurdles is the exact way to do it and some girls did it efficiently and ran good times. And then there were some who did baby steps in between each hurdle. Of course, they took a long time to finish.

But isn’t that the beauty of it all. They finished. They gave it their best even though they knew they wouldn’t win and they finished. They knew they would lose before the race even started. Maybe they even ran a personal record (p.r.). Good for them. I admire that kind of determination.

Looking at my life, I wonder how many times I figured I was going to lose at something and so I just gave up without even trying. That wouldn’t surprise me. I have always been competitive and wanted to win. Often times a p.r. isn’t good enough for me. I need to win. What a crazy thought process that is!!!

Ah yes. Nothing like sitting outside on a cold, now blustery, day to do a little self-evaluation, huh? Enough for now. My hands, which are beginning to freeze, have no gloves to warm them. My little digits are struggling to move. And we are only on the 3rd event. Oy vey, I’m going to be here a while. Nevertheless, I will continue my self-evaluation while I wait for my son’s first race; one in the beginning or the meet and of course, one at the end. I’ll watch, evaluate, go warm up in the van & then brave this cold weather again.

Until next time,

RSPS Sunny

Step Back Before You React

2011-03-23T19:26:00.000-07:00

Shoot from the hip.

Ever heard that phrase before? Sometimes, or should I say quite often, when I encounter a situation, I immediately have an initial reaction. It's not always correct but I do form an opinion right away. Take for instance a sports-related issue here in Washington.

Yesterday, Washington State junior center DeAngelo Casto was suspended from the team for a violation of team rules. Word is that he was found in possession of marijuana in his apartment. Spokesman Review reporter Vince Grippi has all the details, as of this posting here: http://www.spokesman.com/staff/vince-grippi/.

When I first got wind of this yesterday, I was dumbfounded. Absolutely dumbfounded. Part of the reason is because two of his teammates were suspended for the same thing, separately, within the last couple of months. The part that I just couldn't grasp is why couldn't he have learned about the consequences when he saw this happen to his two teammates. I just don't get it. Time and time again, I've seen people make choices that those closest to them have already made, and paid the price for it. It boggles my mind that people don't learn from others. Common sense would dictate, err on the side of caution. So, I ranted on Twitter (@CadChica -- my sports Twitter account not to be confused with this blog's Twitter account @RSPSSunny) =).

As more details came out today, while I still am somewhat dumbfounded, I have taken a step back from my irritation. Now mind you, I am not necessarily a Washington State fan. I live in Washington State Cougar country but I'm not a "fan". I'll cheer for them and I do want them to do well in anything they do, unless they're playing one of the Arizona teams.

What I mean is I've actually stepped back before I reacted anymore. I have this saying that I TRY to remember: Step Back Before You React. I believe God gave me that saying a few years ago but, living up to my blog name, I tend to rebel against that statement & just shoot from the hip. Anyway, I stepped back a little bit today after reading more about this. I'm left to wonder something. Why do people do the things they do sometimes? When I really think about situations such as these, especially involving young people, I often wonder why they do the things they do. Is it because of their upbringing? Hanging with the wrong crowd? Or is it just a one-time thing?

In the case of DeAngelo Casto, as of this typing, I'm not sure. I know that his past hasn't been the easiest but is that an excuse for behavior as an adult, which he is? Hard to say. On one hand, I truly believe that certain behaviors and attitudes in all of us are a direct result of our upbrining. The flip side though, is that at a certain point, we are ALL accountable for our own actions, good or bad, regardless of how hard our life was growing up. I don't know that it's a cut & dry answer, no matter how much I'd like it to be.

And so, after a day, I'm stepping back and saying I reserve the right to not decide. And that's okay. In the grand scheme of things, I'm quite glad that God doesn't "shoot from the hip" like me. If He did, none of us would be here. Thank you Jesus!!

Until next time,
RSPS Sunny
(On Twitter @RSPSSunny or @CadChica for sports topics)

The Future of the Blog

2011-03-22T19:44:00.000-07:00

Why can't I keep my blog straight? =0

The initial idea of the blog was a place for me to blog about thoughts that have crossed my mind in this thing called the Christian life. Several years ago, ideas or thoughts would constantly cross my mind and I never had a place to put them down. I finally created a blog with that premise in mind.

But then I realized that I have too many ideas going through my head and they're not just Christian thoughts. I absolutely love sports. And I found myself blogging more about sports than I did about the Christian life. Now there's nothing wrong with this mind you. But, I don't know that "Christians" want to read about my sports life. Yes, Christians are fans of sports too. But, nobody wants to read sports on a blog titled "Rebellious Saint/Perfect Sinner". Do they?

So, I'm going to try & keep this blog just about things having to do with the Christian life. If sports can somehow relate to it then I'll blog about it. But I will remain true to the title. My posts will be straight from the hip. Not a lot of editing. That is just how I am. You can disagree with me if you want. You can tell me how un_Christian like that is. You can tell me that I'm not representing God. Or you can even say "typical, hypocritical Christian". It won't bother me at all. Because if I can make you react like that (Christian or non-Christian), then that means I'm making you think.

Until next time,
RSPS Sunny

@RSPSSunny (twitter)

p.s. I will still do 'live blogging' about sports on Twitter under the name @CadChica

What A Day

2011-03-17T23:03:00.000-07:00

My favorite time of year.

Yes I've said it before. March Madness is by far my favorite time of year. Wall to wall to wall to wall basketball on the first 2 days of the NCAA men's basketball tournament. And no I didn't stutter while I typed. I spent the whole day at a local tavern (yes, a tavern) watching basketball on multiple walls. And it was wonderful!

Bracket busters? There were at least 2.

Buzzer beaters? I think 4.

Boring blowouts? Yup, 2 or 3.

Today had it all except for an overtime game. But those buzzer beaters definitely made up for it.

As stated, I spend the day at a local tavern. A Christian in a tavern? Yea so what. My friend & I did this very same thing last year and enjoyed ourselves immensely. It was fun just being able to watch basketball without any deadlines or production requirements or family's needing you to do this or that. It's the two days of the year that I truly, truly, truly get to myself. I don't drink. I just have some good, clean fun watching sports. That's me.

And yes, my bracket is busted to say the least. I think on ESPN's rankings I'm somewhere in the millions on 3 of my brackets. I forgot about the others places I signed up on so who knows how well I'm actually doing.

No matter. It's my favorite time of year. Unless of course, my Arizona Wildcats lose tomorrow & then I may not post anything for a while.

Until next time (let's hope),
RSPS Sunny

March Is Here - Both Good & Bad

2011-03-13T20:09:00.000-07:00

That's it. The field of 68 (ooh that sound weird) is set. And my Arizona Wildcats are in as a #5 seed.

They lost to the Washington Huskies in the championship game of the Pac-10 tournament but their season as a whole was tremendous considering they missed the tournament last year. Their first round matchup is against Memphis, #12 seed. I look for Arizona to spread the ball around, have balanced scoring with Derrick William (Pac-10 player of the year), leading the way. I'm predicting they make the Sweet 16 at least. Anything less, to me, would be a disappointment. Outside shot at the Elite Eight but Sweet 16 definitely.

And yet, even as I'm typing this I'm watching an English feed of the NHK network in Japan. There was just a hydrogen explosion at another plant, post-earthquake & post-tsunami. The images that continue to come in each day are beyond heartbreaking. There are no words to describe them. Towns completely wiped out. Nuclear plants in danger mode. Cars upon cars upon cars piled on top of each other. Buildings flowing in the rush of water through towns. And more aftershocks and potential tsunamis either coming or predicted.

For me, elation with basketball as this is my favorite sports time of year. Mixed with utter sadness/helplessness watching what's transpiring in Japan. One only needs look at before & after pictures to understand the magnitude of the 9.0 earthquake followed by some reports of 14 foot waves from the tsunami.

Excitement & amazement. Fill out those brackets. Pray for Japan. May not make sense to some but it's all part of life.

Until next time,
RSPS Sunny

Rebellious Saint/Perfect Sinner

Control

The Hardest Question To Answer

Remembering 9/11

Do Not Write

Grace Finally Opened A Door

Excited About Correction

In The Daily

Harder On Myself Than Need Be

Father's Day

Quick Update

Samuel Gives Me A Lightbulb

Ever Been Humbled?

"Thank You God It's Mama's Planting Season"

Internet Gossip

Wrongly Accused? No, I Don't Know the Meaning

L.I.V.E. (part 4)

L.I.V.E. (part 3) revisited

Thursday, January 7, 2010

L.I.V.E. (part 3)

L.I.V.E. (part 2) *revisited*

L.I.V.E. Revisited

How Much Is Too Much to Bite?

Loser or Winner?

Step Back Before You React

The Future of the Blog

What A Day

March Is Here - Both Good & Bad

L.I.V.E. (part 2) revisited