REBTOZ

Musturbation

2012-02-10T12:33:00.000+10:30

‘Musturbation’ is a term coined by Dr Albert Ellis to describe absolutist, black and white thinking/believing. Musturbatory thinking according to Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy theory is the kind of thinking that gives rise to extreme frustration anger and depression. This kind of thinking drives the unhealthy choices we are teaching our students about. The following habits of thinking are musturbatory:

• I absolutely must get what I want (or not get what I don’t want)

• Significant others must treat me well and do my bidding

• Life should be easy

If these absolutist demands are not being met then:

• Life is so awful and I can’t stand it! It sucks!

• People who behave shitily are shits!

• When I behave shitily I am a shit!

Musturbators will blame others and events for how they feel e.g. I only got an A- (perfectionistic leanings – I must be perfect), maths makes me angry (life must be easy), she didn’t let me join and she’s/life’s a shit (people/life must treat me fairly)

Karen Horney said:

‘Try to eliminate the word ‘should’ from your vocabulary …but try doing so without replacing ‘should’ with ‘ought’ or ‘you’d better’.

When people tell me I should, ought or must do something I am inclined not to want to do it. If an e mail uses language like should, ought or must I am inclined to ignore it or to bin it.

Our musturbating students don’t know they are doing this and Rational Emotive Behaviour Education is about teaching and modelling behaviour that reflects healthy habits of thinking (philosophies).

Self-Acceptance and the Resilient Child

2011-10-12T15:56:00.003+10:30

Unconditional Self Acceptance (USA) is a habit of thinking that the resilient person has constructed over a lifetime. It is deeply held and is reflected in the behaviour and demeanor of the individual. You will observe the self-accepting person try new things readily, not being overly concerned about the prospect of failure, as she knows failing doesn’t equate with ‘being’ a failure. You will notice a self accepting person experience rejection philosophically, again understanding rejection or disapproval of others doesn’t render her a ‘reject’. USA affords the individual a degree of ‘psychological immunity’ to adversity. We all experience rejection, failure and challenges and it is the resilient person who is better placed to deal with these in a healthy way. Dr. Albert Ellis, creator of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy, encourages us to help our younger people to develop the capacity to ride the hard knocks successfully, to work through problems, to hang tough and believe that things can work out. Jonas Salk (developer of the polio vaccine) is on record as having said that he would be interested in researching ways of psychologically immunising children and how this could enhance their physical well being. There is a large body of evidence that supports the link between mental well being and physical health, so USA is very important in promoting emotional and physical well being. Specifically individuals who unconditionally accept themselves experience sadness, disappointment, concern or annoyance rather than depression, anger or anxiety in the event of difficult circumstances. Conversely those whose self worth is tethered to how well they do at tasks or how much they are esteemed by significant others are prone to depression and other emotional and behavioural dysfunction. If you want more information on USA please refer to earlier posts. The remaining discussion will focus on some ideas we can use to help others who may have issues with self worth. Tell your students, yourself and anyone who’ll listen that:

· Thinking feeling and behaving are intertwined, interlinked. In other words when we experience emotions they are attached to our thinking (perception, interpretation of events) and our choices of action (behaviour).

· Helpful habits of thinking help us and unhelpful habits of thinking (believing) hinder us.

· USA is a helpful (true) habit of believing i.e. ‘I believe I am always worthwhile even if you don’t or if I do badly at a task.’

· Conditional Self Acceptance (CSA) is an unhelpful (untrue) habit of thinking i.e. ‘I’m only worthwhile if you think so and when I do well at important tasks.’

· Always give feedback that is behaviour and not person based, i.e. ‘you did that well’ rather than ‘good girl!’

· No one is good or bad but they are always worthwhile. They are human beings not human doings! I.e. 'doing' good is not 'being' good and 'doing' bad is not 'being' bad.

These ideas will help your children develop the belief that ‘my value is not diminished by rejection or failure. What I think about me is more important than how others may view me. I can fail at something but never am I a failure and I can be rejected but never am I a reject.’

Remind yourselves daily of this truism bequeathed us my the late Dr. Albert Ellis who said:

'Unconditional self-acceptance is the basic antidote to much of your depressed self-downing feelings.'

USA is a rational belief well worth cultivating.

The Universe Don't Give a Shit!

2011-09-16T09:45:00.004+09:30

The universe doesn’t care about you, it’s not for or against you, it just doesn’t give a shit. Albert Ellis

There are many quotes that Albert Ellis left us to ponder and this one’s a cracker! You can imagine him talking to the regular Friday night crowd at the (now fake) Albert Ellis Institute. He would demonstrate his ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance to help volunteer clients gain insight into what was causing their emotional and behavioural disturbances. He would listen carefully to his client protest about how unfair this or that was and that if only life wasn’t so hard he could be happy. He would ‘cherchez le should’ listening intently for the tell-tale signs suggesting that his client believed the world owed him easy passage through life. Dr Ellis would challenge the belief that this or that shouldn’t have happened and that life was so unfair! ‘It happened therefore it should have happened. Yes it was unfortunate but not so awful that you can’t stand it! You can’t change what happened but you can change how you think about what happened.’ Ellis would invite his client to examine the veracity of his errant beliefs and to reconsider them in the light of the evidence and to replace them with healthy preferences. As the workshop ended his client would have something to work with on his onward journey, the audience members would leave well informed and heartily entertained and Dr Ellis would retire to his room and no doubt continue to work on his writing assignments! In my role as school counsellor I work with students who believe that life should be easy and that it isn’t fair when they are required to do something they don’t like. How do I know this? Often they will articulate exactly how they feel. ‘That teacher pisses me off because she wants me to do a science experiment with some kids I don’t like.’ He would be according to Albert Ellis unhappily ‘musturbating’, demanding that he must get what he wants. But mostly their behaviour and accompanying anger tell me what they believe, what their philosophy of life is. According to Ellis’ ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance ‘he/she/it/they’ don’t make the student angry but their expectation that they shouldn’t have to do what they don’t want to do is! It is the false belief, constructed over time and practiced daily that ‘life should be easy and it is awful when it doesn’t give me what I must have!’ Try and tell a student that he or she is making his/her anger and aggression and not the teacher and she will look at you as if you are nuts. I talk often with colleagues about students who draw most on teacher time and school resources in terms of intervention and support. We agree that most of these students blame someone or something for how they feel and behave. We have found Ellis’ REBT to be a very useful tool to help them learn about the link between thinking feeling and behaving through Rational Emotive Behaviour Education. Students learn about the Catastrophe Scale and how often the belief that a problem is bigger than it is relative to others will cause emotional upset not the event or problem itself and that it is not so awful that it cannot be tolerated. They also learn how extreme negative and unhealthy emotions are driven by irrational musturbatory beliefs. At our school we are applying REBT principles in daily practice through Rational Emotive Behaviour Education. We are systematically challenging the errant view that strength of feelings and behaviours are made by other people and events and we teach that it is the individuals own personal irrational philosophical beliefs that determine largely how they feel and act! For those students who blame their teachers, the weather and others for how they feel and act we are using Ellis’ wise advice, that the world doesn’t give a shit about us and it doesn’t owe us anything so we’d better start taking responsibility for our own actions and emotions.

RESEARCH: Acceptance of Self and Others among Children: Implications for Bullying in Schools

2011-06-20T15:52:00.003+09:30

This soon to be published research paper by Dr. Ken Rigby and Giulio Bortolozzo explores the attitudes of 212 middle school students towards themselves and others. As hypothesised, acceptance of self was significantly correlated with low levels of victimization and acceptance of others with low levels of bullying.

The intention of this post is to explore the implications of these findings for schools and teaching practice and suggest strategies (Rational Emotive Behaviour Education) to address bullying in our schools. But before that, a cautionary note!

A study by Dr Ken Rigby (Uni SA) and Peter Smith (Goldsmith College, London) reveal that 75 per cent of reports obtained from 27 countries (between 1990 and 2009) indicate a significant drop in student reported bullying and only 11 per cent reported an increase in occasional bullying.

In a recent article (Bullying going down, not up, Adelaide Advertiser, June 10th) Rigby reminds us that whilst the public perception may be that bullying is on the rise, the evidence suggests otherwise. Rigby believes that this perception:

‘… is due to the considerable raising of alarm about bullying and its effects over the past 15 years or so, and the increase in the reporting of serious incidents."

He goes on to say that:

"Stressing the serious effects of bullying is one understandable way of getting attention to the problem. Unfortunately doing so distorts the picture and takes attention from the many positive things that can be done, and are being done around the world, to address the problem more effectively."

Habits of Thinking and Victim Behaviour

# Unconditional Self-acceptance (USA) is the belief that self worth is not given to or bestowed on us by someone or something. It is given that a person is worthwhile because she exists and not because someone deems her so! This healthy (self helpful, rational) belief enables us to deal effectively with difficult situations (emotionally and behaviourally).

Insight 1 for students: Self-acceptance is a (healthy) belief. It is deeply held and is expressed in the way we behave and feel in day-to-day life. It is not connected to how well we do at something or how others view us. The belief that when we do good/bad we are not good/bad is an important insight to have. Doing and being are different ideas! This healthy belief is a protective factor against bullying.

As Jonas Salk (creator of the polio vaccine) replied to Martin Seligman (psychologist/author) when asked what he would do if he were a young scientist today:

‘I'd do immunisation. But instead of doing it physically, I'd do it psychologically.'

Dr. Albert Ellis (creator of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy) would say that teaching unconditional self-acceptance, ‘psychologically immunises’ students against the scourge of undue anxiety, depression and other emotional disturbance.

# Conditional Self-Acceptance is the belief that self worth is given to or bestowed on us by someone. It is a belief that a person is worthwhile only when someone deems her so! This unhealthy (self defeating, irrational) belief stops us from dealing effectively with difficult situations (emotionally and behaviourally) and may put us at risk of being bullied.

Insight 2 for students: Conditional self-acceptance is an unhealthy belief. It is a deeply held belief that gives rise to depression and anxiety because of the individuals need for the approval of others. Because we believe we are only worthwhile when others ‘tell’ us so we are at great risk because there is the reality that others we may like, may not like us.

Conditional acceptance of self is the belief that that we are only worthwhile when significant others deem us so or when we do well at something. This, Ellis reminds us, is self-esteem the ‘worst sickness known to man or woman!’ (See previous posts)

Our research says that many students who have constructed the irrational belief that their worth depends on others (Serious Approval Dependence SAD) may be prone to bullying. Why? They may believe that they deserve it and signal that they are not confident through their behaviour: e.g. withdrawn, passive. These behaviours will be accompanied by e.g. fear, anxiety, and depression.

Habits of Thinking and Bully Behaviour

# Unconditional acceptance of others equates with respect and tolerance. This is a healthy habit of thinking/behaving, which accommodates a range of qualities and characteristics observed in other people. When we hold this belief we accept that others are worthwhile irrespective of how they behave. Whilst having such an attitude we retain the right to choose whom we would like to associate with. We can for instance decide not to associate with a particular other for a disagreeable quality she may have but we do not then decide she is totally bad and treat her disrespectfully!

Insight 3 for students: Unconditional acceptance of others is a healthy habit of thinking. It means we are made up of an infinite number of qualities and characteristics and we cannot be defined according to any particular one of them e.g. if we do a ‘bad’ thing (steal a pencil) we are not totally bad. Conversely if we do something ‘good’ (feed the cat) we are not totally good. We can dislike an aspect of another’s personality or behaviour and choose not to associate with them but we respect them as fellow human beings of intrinsic worth.

# Conditional other acceptance equates with disrespect for others. This is an unhealthy habit of thinking. It drives intolerance towards others behaviours and qualities which we may find different, disagreeable, quirky etc. It allows some people in some situations to hurt others because they are ‘different’ ‘not normal’ etc who ‘deserve to be punished.’

Insight 4 for students: Conditional acceptance of others is an unhealthy habit of thinking. When we think like this we act inappropriately towards others because we tend to judge someone’s total being according to a behaviour or characteristic we may not like or approve of. It is quite ok to judge the behaviour as ‘bad’ but not the person.

A whole school approach to teaching these concepts through Rational Emotive Behaviour Education will do the following:

• Reinforce healthy attitudes and beliefs already held by resilient students
• Begin to challenge the unhealthy attitudes and beliefs held by vulnerable students and to help them build new healthy habits of thinking
• Help students understand that what they believe is connected to how they feel and behave

If students accept themselves unconditionally, they will understand that what people think of them is not as important as what they think/believe about themselves. They will tend not to depend on the approval of others and will therefore be less affected by any unfair and hurtful attention. They will be more self assured and assertive.

The research (Bortolozzo, Rigby) strongly supports the teaching of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy/Education as an effective anti bullying strategy especially in regard to helping those students who may be at risk of being bullied.

There are many REBT based resources available to teachers. I have written two resources People and Emotions for primary and secondary students and Have a Go Spaghettio! for early childhood learners. Anyone who would wish to purchase a copy can contact me via this blog site. You can visit www.rebtnetwork.org for additional information and resources.

These are some of the latest publications by Dr. Ken Rigby, which can be sourced at http://www.kenrigby.net/

Ken Rigby (2010) Bullying Interventions: Six basic approaches. Camberwell: ACER Press
Ken Rigby (2009) Bullying in Schools: Six Methods of Intervention (the DVD): Loggerheads.
Ken Rigby (2010) Addressing School bullying: Education Queensland
Australian Government report on the Method of Shared Concern by Rigby and Griffiths
Responding to school bullying: a resource for teachers

Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy- a new book by Dr. Albert Ellis and Dr. Debbie Joffe Ellis

2011-06-09T12:36:00.004+09:30

Dr Ellis’ latest work is a book called Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy. Co authored by his wife Dr Debbie Joffe Ellis, it is part of the Theories of Psychotherapy Series, edited by Jon Carlson and Matt Englar-Carlson and published by the American Psychological Association.

This gem comes hot on the heels of Dr Ellis' autobiography All Out! which was published in 2010, with contributions by Dr. Debbie Joffe Ellis.

Ellis created REBT and developed it, promoted it and practiced it until his death in 2007. REBT is often said to be an offshoot or subsidiary of CBT but as this publication reminds us, REBT is the original cognitive therapy. Indeed Ellis is regarded as the father of REBT and the grandfather of CBT by those in the know.

Dr. Ellis’ motivation was to provide useful information to the general public on issues relating to mental health, offer a model (ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance) that could explain why people feel and behave as they do and suggest strategies that they could use and practice in their lives.

Of course the ABC model is used the world over by mental health practitioners to support people in their desire to address their behavioural and emotional disturbance and to attain positive mental health.

Ellis challenged the psychoanalytic establishment and weathered the criticism and ostracism of those who wanted to preserve the elite status of the role of therapist. Ellis in time understood that psychoanalysis was a long and drawn out process, much too focused on past events and though the client may have felt better it didn’t necessarily mean she got better in the longer term.

As Ellis said:

‘Many psychoanalysts refused to let me speak at their meetings. They were exceptionally vigorous because I had previously been an analyst and they were very angry at my flying the coop.’

Ellis met this petulance with his usual wit and intellect and forged ahead anyway! He practiced what he taught and as he unconditionally accepted himself he declared:

‘By not caring too much about what people think, I'm able to think for myself and propagate ideas, which are very often unpopular. And I succeed.’

Ellis surely put the ‘REBT cat’ amongst the ‘psychoanalytic pigeons’ and the field of psychotherapy was challenged and transformed for good and for the better!

The book contains much for the layperson and the practitioner alike and remains true to the Ellis’ philosophy of helping people to help themselves. A DVD accompanies the book, which illustrates the therapeutic application of REBT.

Drs. Albert Ellis and Debbie Joffe Ellis acknowledge early in the book those who give and have given due recognition to his influence on their work. For instance William Glasser has respectfully given Dr Ellis due regard. Unfortunately others who have benefitted greatly by his work have not been so considerate.

Drs Ellis and Debbie Joffe Ellis again reinforce the importance of teaching children in schools from a very early age the basic principles and practices of REBT. Students and teachers would benefit greatly by understanding the link between thinking, feeling and behaving. The ‘wisdom of the ages’ ring long and loud through Ellis’ work. Consider the words of Epictetus in around 100 AD:

‘Events don’t make us act and feel as we do but it is our interpretation (appraisal) of those events that cause us to do what we do and feel what we feel.’

Helping people explore and understand this philosophy and apply it in their lives through Ellis’ ABC Theory is achieved in seven clearly written and informative chapters, which cover the life and work of Dr Ellis. Dr Debbie Joffe Ellis as co author continues to help spread the 'gospel of St Albert' widely and most successfully! The book talks about:

REBT History
REBT Theory
The REBT process
Future Directions of REBT

This book is a great reference for teachers and mental health practitioners alike and will be enjoyed by anyone who is interested in their own personal development. Indeed, a book for everyone!

Well done Drs Albert Ellis and Debbie Joffe Ellis on this wonderful REBT resource!

The Quest for Power – manipulation in the workplace

2011-04-12T17:34:00.005+09:30

If it sounds too good to be true then it probably is! How many spam emails have you received that say you have won a lottery? Just send your account details and presto you are an instant millionaire!

A schoolteacher (Y) tells the story of a colleague who at first appeared to be just that, too good to be true. She was very helpful and polite; a member of several committees, which would make decisions about school matters. As time progressed the schoolteacher began to take note of her colleagues behaviour and in the end she concluded that indeed her helpful co-worker was ‘too good to be true.’

In time her co-worker (X) would reveal her true intentions, to seek at all costs to get what she wanted by fair means or foul. How did she do this? What manipulative skills did she bring to bear to get the approval and power she needed? Read on.

X would be very generous and overly helpful to those who were new to the school. She would be pleasant and kind, always making sure they were tended to. Was all this a means in itself or a means to an end? Was she kind for kindness sake or was the teacher (Y) a mere pawn in her game, a target to be groomed for her own deceitful ends?

X had established a strong working relationship with the boss and other staff members would comment on the lengths she would go to please him e.g. make him coffee, get him cake and biscuits and volunteer to do things for him. The more she ministered to his needs the higher she was held in his esteem. Her sense of worth would continue to be bolstered as the boss grew to rely more on her readiness to help at any time.

X would recount how on so many occasions over time she had been victimised by others. At the netball club she would volunteer for various committees until she had a say in almost every area of club management and organization. She would do things so perfectly that others would comment on her exceptional talents. She was indispensible in her mind and achieved her desire to be the centre of attention. Others would grow to resent her influence and people left the club. When the club president suggested that changes be made to accommodate others X cried foul. What had she done? She only wanted what was best for the club! It just wasn’t fair!

X had claimed in the past that someone had rearranged personal items on her desk. For instance she said that someone had rearranged photographs, relocated paperwork and other things on her desk. She didn’t name anyone in particular but she left an impression that someone was treating her badly and unfairly. Had this actually happened or was it a strategy to focus attention again on her needy self? Others were left to consider which cruel staff member was the culprit making X’s life so difficult.

Mysteriously files would go missing on Y’s computer only to be retrieved by guess who? No need for a second guess! When X wanted to ingratiate herself to someone what better way than to be the one that ‘saves the day.’ X was heard to say, ‘these aren’t my files but I feel as if they are my own. It’s just like I lost them.’ Was this yet another contrived situation to demonstrate how empathic she was, how concerned she was for others. It perhaps was also an opportunity to get a kick from having power and control over the situation. Consider the phenomenon of the ‘Fireﬁghter arsonist’

‘There are cases of ﬁre - ﬁghters who have started a ﬁre, reported it and attended the ﬁre with their unit in the hope of being seen as the hero who saves the community. In other cases the motive may be to gain self-esteem through a demonstration of power and control.
’BushFIRE Arson Bulletin No. 16 Australian Institute of Criminology

X would claim that issues at home constantly challenged her – relationships with siblings, relationship with spouse, and serious health problems of family members. People initially would show care and concern but again was this yet another way to get peoples attention? Wouldn’t people regard such stoicism and resilience admirable? Some began to question the veracity of such claims. ‘It doesn’t only rain but it pours!’ ‘Don’t I have enough to deal with? Now this!’ This was the mantra, often accompanied by tears and claims of how unfair people and situations were.

It wasn’t unusual to observe X ministering to the needs of children demonstrating her compassion and desire to ‘be there’ for them. This was done in full view of others, her soothing words just loud enough for her ‘admiring’ colleagues to see her. How wonderful it appeared that X could be so caring and compassionate. What was the intention behind this? Were the children being used so that X could showcase her skills and compassion? This was perhaps yet another opportunity to be noticed, to be the centre of attention.

People began to wise up to X’s emotional blackmail and victim behaviour and they began to question her true intentions. Attention seekers need attention and some decided that they would not continue to fuel her need to be needed. If someone questioned her or asked for more information about something she would protest how affronted she was and that she was being unfairly treated. If people weren’t convinced she would become tearful. How could anyone think ill of someone who was so caring, compassionate, competent and hard working? Why should she be held to account like everyone else?

The professional victim is adept at deflecting blame, using hard luck stories to win sympathy, making herself ‘indispensible’ to influential others. This all feeds her need to be needed. She has low self worth and has such a poor opinion of herself that she relies on the approval of others to feel good about herself, an approval addiction/dependence. In previous posts we have discussed Serious Approval Dependence (SAD) where the individual needs to be noticed and esteemed by others. When this is taken away, the individual can be left with feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt and self-loathing. She may also resent those who don’t acknowledge her talents and capabilities (as they absolutely should! – see Albert Ellis’ ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance). She is often left feeling angry, anxious and depressed.

X could do with some professional support to understand why she feels as she feels and behaves as she does. Albert Ellis’ REBT would help her tease out those irrational habits of thinking that she has constructed over the years. What self-sabotaging ‘musts, oughts and should’ type thinking underlie her unhelpful feelings and behaviours?

Person X above is worthy of understanding and respect but at the same time those around her would be wise to protect themselves from her manipulative behaviour.

1. Be aware of she who sits on every or most committees
2. Don’t feed her need to be needed – she needs your approval, don’t give it!
3. Be prepared to become a target of her anger/resentment if you are strong enough not to be drawn into her web of lies and deceit.
4. Tears and claims of victimhood will be the strategy of choice used when there is any sense that she has been caught out (‘My integrity is at stake here! This is so unfair.’)
5. She will put others down strategically when others who are ‘on side’ are around.
6. She will delegate difficult jobs to others (that she can’t do herself) and criticize them when they fail (as they will do).
7. She will withhold important information from colleagues.
8. She will deny professional learning opportunities to her 'underlings' and then criticize them when they don’t perform as well as they ‘should’.
9. She will tell her line manager that so and so is lazy, inefficient (who will believe her as she is his confidante at his disposal 24/7 and therefore must be right)
10. The above strategies will be used to her advantage e.g. engineer the employment of people she knows to positions on staff (to replace those inefficient others who ‘don’t do a good job’) who she can control.
11. She will tell lies to get what she wants.
12. She will be aided and abetted by line managers who wouldn’t want to get her offside as she is greatly needed (just as she likes to be).

The Obnoxious Child

2011-01-06T09:57:00.001+10:30

According to my lap top thesaurus obnoxious means loathsome, hateful, insufferable and abhorrent amongst many others. Students present with a range of developmental needs and it is teachers business to find out what those needs are and how best to address them. What do we do when we have concluded that a particular child is loathsome? What have we done when we have labelled a student so?

If you are an educator or someone who works with children you may have had moments of utter frustration where you have declared to yourself or to others that so and so is a total ‘shit’ and is ruining what is otherwise the ‘perfect’ class. What do you do when you think this way? What do you do when you feel this way? How do you act when you think and feel like this?

Your frustration may be fleeting as you talk to others and reflect on the situation and anger and frustration eventually gives way to concern as you again try to find another way to support this child.

On the other hand your anger may be sustained and your resentment towards this child may build to the point where you believe the only satisfactory outcome would be if this child could be removed from your class, the school, your life!

Interestingly the same obnoxious child we are talking about may not evoke the same sentiments in your colleague who works with this child. Why? We are talking about the same child are we not?

Let’s consider the above scenario from an REBT/REBE perspective in regard to the teacher and the student and perhaps suggest ways in which the teacher can manage a trying and challenging situation.

Ellis strongly recommends that we examine our core philosophical beliefs about others. He talks about unconditional acceptance of others, acknowledging that people will make mistakes and do inappropriate things, which don’t/can’t negate the positive aspects and qualities of the person. From this viewpoint we can say that the child may have done/does ‘obnoxious’ things but is herself not obnoxious. Having an attitude of acceptance of the person separates the person from the deed and whilst it may not be easy to do it is well worth cultivating such an attitude for the benefit of the child and the teacher.

If we believe that people can be totally bad or obnoxious we then may feel resentful and angry towards the ‘bad’ person. This feeling of anger and resentment will be sustained as we maintain the belief that this person is making us angry. Logically then it will follow that we can only be happy when the source of our unhappiness is removed (the obnoxious child is making us angry). REBT holds that this philosophical stance is self-defeating for the teacher (I only accept people who are ‘good’ and not ‘bad’) because it maintains the unhealthy feelings outlined above and leads to poor actions towards the child e.g. ignored, constantly criticised, put down. It is important to be clear about the source of our anger and resentment towards the obnoxious child (and any other person we decide is ‘bad’). Albert Ellis said, “We feel and act as we do because we believe as we do!” He calls this Conditional Acceptance of Others; we only accept others when they meet our demands to behave as we want them to behave when we want them to. When we don’t get what we must have we feel angry. WE MAKE OURSELVES ANGRY BECAUSE OF THE WAY WE THINK!

What are the consequences for the child? She is in a perilous position because a very significant person in her life (you) has decided that she is not worthy of your attention or respect. She is bad (not good) and bad people should be punished (ignored, put down). Not only does she do bad, she is bad! This will only reinforce her belief that she is bad (a shit, an arsehole, worthless) and this will manifest in longer-term behavioural and emotional problems. The Dalai Lama says:

“In our daily life a certain way of thinking makes us happy, and a certain way of thinking makes us unhappy.”

What can the teacher do to manage this situation effectively? How can she manage her feelings and behaviour? How can the child be supported in this challenging situation?

1. Understand that you determine how you feel and behave. Not others.
2. Examine your beliefs. Do you accept others only on certain conditions?
3. Cultivate an attitude of acceptance of others; understand the difference between behaviour and person.
4. Monitor your self-talk. Beware of shoulds, oughts and musts.
5. Accept yourself (look up Unconditional Self Acceptance).
6. Accept that things may not always work to plan.
7. Think in preferences not shoulds. ‘I would prefer she did as she was asked but I accept she doesn’t absolutely have to.’
8. ‘It takes a village to raise a child.’ Address the child’s needs from a whole school perspective. Enlist the help of others.
9. Believe that the child is not essentially bad. Damn the sin not the sinner!

Are you a bad person for believing that a student is bad? Absolutely not! You have many positive qualities and capabilities, which can never be taken away. You are always worthwhile no matter what. Is this not also true of the ‘obnoxious’ child?

“In the practice of tolerance, one's enemy is the best teacher." Dalai Lama

RAGE!

2010-12-17T13:39:00.001+10:30

Seamus is a competitive person who likes to win. He regards himself as an intelligent person who is ‘the best’ student in the class. He settles for nothing less than an ‘A’ in his work and has grand plans for his future education and career. He derides other student’s efforts and will declare to them that he is the ‘smartest in the class.’ He is known for the odd put down, telling others how ‘retarded’ they are.

His peers tolerate his conceit and suffer his company in playground activities. He doesn’t appear to be aware that others may not be comfortable around him at times as he continues to declare his superiority over all others.

The above is problematic for himself, his peers and the school community as Seamus has a severe anger management problem. He is moody at the best of times and becomes enraged too readily. Why?

According to REBT (Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy) he may have constructed a set of core beliefs (rules) that determine how he responds emotionally and behaviourally in certain situations. His rules are:

‘I must absolutely achieve my goals (or I am a failure).’
‘I must prove to everyone how competent I am.’
‘It is awful when others do better than me.’
‘I absolutely must have the approval of significant others.’

These rules are debilitating as Seamus strives for perfection and the approval of others. He is highly anxious about how he is perceived (‘the smartest’) by others and is badly aggrieved when he doesn’t get the attention he believes he must have.

How then can this student be supported in the school setting?

1. Introduce all students to Dr. Albert Ellis’ ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance – feelings, thinking and actions are all interconnected.
2. Teach that there are helpful rules and unhelpful rules that we have constructed over time, which determine the behavioural choices we make.
3. Teach words that represent the broad spectrum of emotions that we feel and explain that extreme unhealthy negative emotions are linked to irrational thinking (the unhelpful rules we construct) and that healthy negative emotions e.g. annoyed are linked to rational thinking (the helpful rules we construct). Use the Emotional Thermometer to illustrate this.
4. Teach students about the Catastrophe Scale to help them put into perspective the ‘badness’ of situations they encounter. Is losing a pencil as bad as breaking a leg for instance?
5. Invite children to discuss and suggest why a ‘must’ belief is self-defeating and a ‘preference’ rule is self-helpful.

As a class examine and deconstruct the validity or otherwise of ‘must’ statements and ‘preference’ statements. The following is an example of how this can be done.
- A year 6/7 class is introduced to the ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance and the emotional thermometer and catastrophe scale. Students talk about extreme unhealthy negative emotions like depressed, anxious, enraged and healthy negative emotions like disappointed, upset, and concerned. They talk about the kinds of thinking/beliefs that underpin such feelings and associated actions.
- Talk about feelings of rage and depression and their association with the core belief that ‘I must absolutely always achieve my goals and when I don’t it is a catastrophe and so awful I can’t stand it. I am a failure.’
- Students discuss why this ‘core rule’ is self -defeating (makes extreme negative feelings and poor behavioural choices).
- They then suggest reasons why this is so i.e. they challenge the veracity of this belief in the light of the evidence.
- They are invited to talk about helpful thinking e.g. ‘I would prefer to do well but it is hardly so awful that I can’t stand it and I am always worthwhile.’ They then explore why this is a rational belief and why the evidence supports this view.

Previous blogs have explored other important teaching items like Unconditional Self Acceptance, which helps the individual manage difficult situations like failure and rejection in a healthy way.

Seamus’ tendency to experience rage in situations where he does not achieve to his lofty standards and to harshly criticise those ‘lesser mortals’ who don’t measure up to his superior capabilities is cause for concern. This can be addressed as a whole school by introducing Rational Emotive Behaviour Education as follows:

1. All teachers and support staff are trained in Albert Ellis’ ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance (Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy).
2. All staff is trained in the application of REBE through Giulio’s tried and tested SIX ESSENTIAL STEPS TO EMOTIONAL and BEHAVIOURAL WELL BEING.

If you are interested to find out more about Rational Emotive Behaviour Education contact Giulio on 0412668815 or by email borto1@chariot.net.au.

‘As a highly skilled exponent of Rational Emotive Behaviour Education, Giulio has repeatedly demonstrated the value of his work in helping school children to cope more effectively with interpersonal conflicts, including bullying and harassment. His work is well supported by research that he and I have undertaken with Australian schoolchildren and presented together at national conferences.’
Dr. Ken Rigby, Adjunct Professor, University of South Australia

Albert and Edwin Deal with 'IT'

2010-11-12T07:28:00.000+10:30

Edwin had had an unsuccessful recess. He had been involved in an altercation with two others regarding a basketball game. The two other kids were playing one on one and had enough players. Edwin didn’t react too well when he was told he couldn’t join in.

Albert on the other hand had approached the two basketballers earlier and asked the same question as Edwin. When told he couldn’t join in he watched the game a while and then moved on.

When asked why he did what he did, Edwin protested that the two boys made him angry and it was their fault that he kicked the ball away because they didn’t let him join in.

According to Dr. Albert Ellis’ ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance Edwin believes that A, someone or something, makes him do and feel as he does. He is yet to understand the relationship B (what he believes) has with C (how he feels and behaves).

According to Edwin’s view of the world he is not responsible for his feelings and actions (they made me angry) and feels justified in what he did (kicked the ball away). He came to the attention of the supervising teacher and was reprimanded accordingly. What is his rule for living? What are his core beliefs about himself, others and the world in general?

Albert responded in a different way to the same scenario. Did he lose his temper and kick the ball away? No. He accepted that he couldn’t join in and moved on to other things. There were no reprimands as Albert’s actions were not hurtful to others as he dealt with the situation appropriately.

Edwin is known to react in challenging situations. He is quick to anger and blames others, things events for how he feels. The world and all its inhabitants are at fault - never he! Edwin would like all the hassles, people he doesn’t like, things he is responsible for to be removed from his life so he can be happy. Woe is he as the world conspires against him, rendering him a hapless victim of circumstance. How did this happen? (Refer to previous posts).

Edwin’s Lament

Anger holds sway
When I don’t get my way
And I despair
It’s just not fair!

Albert on the other hand rarely acts without forethought. He is generally calm and will healthily feel annoyed and disappointed when things don’t go his way. He doesn’t stew over things and tends to get on with others and seems to be happy in his own skin. He is doing well at school, meeting challenges with reasonable optimism and doesn’t take failure too much to heart. Others respect him and he has a circle of good friends.

Albert’s View

I may not always get my way
And that’s quite ok
No need to despair
Sometimes life’s not fair!

What are the rules that underpin the actions (behavioural choices) and emotions of these two young people? The situation is the same but the outcomes are different. How so?

Edwin and Albert have different views on life, different rules for living. Edwin finds himself battling to cope a lot of the time and Albert seems to navigate the tough times in a more reasonable manner.

Edwin’s rule:

‘I must get what I want. When I don’t, it’s so awful that I can’t stand it.’

His unrealistic expectations of himself, others and the world contrive against him. “IT”, (the world, things and others) are not driving his actions and emotions, he is! He thinks those kids should absolutely allow him to join in the game. They don’t and therefore it’s their fault he feels so bad and acts aggressively.

Albert’s rule:

‘I prefer to get my way but I don’t absolutely have to. I can handle difficult situations. I can stand it.’

Albert therefore is inclined to annoyance and disappointment (healthy negative emotions) rather than rage and extreme sadness (unhealthy negative emotions). He believes those kids don’t have to let him join in. He doesn’t turn a small problem into a catastrophe; it’s an inconvenience but not the end of the world.

Implications for teaching practice

• Teach students about the think feel do connection.
• Talk about ‘rules for living’ as discussed above – why is one helpful and the other not?
• Challenge the rationality of these rules – why is one rational and the other not?
• Remind students that when they act and feel in a way that causes self and/or other harm (e.g. petulant Edwin had to sit out because he disrupted the basketball game) an irrational rule is at work.
• Reinforce those behaviours in children that suggest preference thinking- the student who accepts that she can’t go on the computer as scheduled for instance.
• Talk about helpful and unhelpful personal rules in day-to-day interactions. Decide which rule is helpful e.g. ‘I must be chosen to be the library monitor.’ Or ‘I’d like to be library monitor, but there are others who would like to be also.’ What are the consequences for each (behaviorally and emotionally) if neither gets their wish?
• Remind students that their worth is not determined by how well or badly they do or how others view them (approval/disapproval).
• Pose questions for students to ponder such as: How does ‘it’ make you angry? What is ‘it’? Why does ‘it’ not make others angry?

Rational Emotive Behaviour Education will give schools the capacity to support students to manage their potentially destructive behaviours and emotions. It will reinforce those attitudes and beliefs that are self/other helpful (rational).

Strategies for Breaking Approval Dependence (BAD)

2010-10-24T14:53:00.000+10:30

You have Serious Approval Dependence (SAD) and you know how you got it! By dint of your biological inheritance and how you were socialised you have constructed the very debilitating core belief that your worth depends on how others view you or how well you perform in your work, study, sex etc. If you have concocted this warped and destructive belief then you can deconstruct it and replace it with USA, Unconditional Self Acceptance. How do you do this? By self-awareness, vigilance and hard work, that’s how!

1. Know how you are feeling.
2. Understand that your feelings and behaviour are connected to your thinking.
3. Identify your habits of believing.
4. Decide whether or not your thinking is helpful, rational.
5. Challenge your beliefs with vigour.
6. Be forever vigilant.

Activating event (A)

You are a member of a parent group at your child’s school and you are generally happy to sit and listen at meetings. There are times when you have been inclined to say something about an issue of interest to you but you always stop yourself from saying what you want to say. You notice how anxious you feel; your heart races and you begin to sweat a little. You stop yourself from commenting as the opportunity goes by, and you castigate yourself for wimping out. Typical you think.

Is this scenario a repeat of many over the years where opportunity has gone begging and been missed, when the nettle was there to be grasped and you chose to avoid it. Is this a case of Serious Approval Dependence (SAD)? You bet it is and it’s nigh time you had a one on one with your enemy YOU!

How do you feel and act (C)?

Strategy one: Identify how you were feeling around the time you wanted to say something and how strong? (8/10 anxious). Determine whether this is a healthy negative emotion or a helpful one – does it help or hinder you achieving what you want? Answer: Not healthy because you didn’t do what you wanted to do, share your ideas with the group.

What are you thinking (B)?

Strategy two: Identify your self-talk at the time, what were you saying to yourself? Answer: ‘if I make a mistake, what would they think of me? My views are not that important, they seem more knowledgeable than me. It would be awful if I sounded confused or hesitant. I couldn’t stand it if they thought badly of me.’ This is irrational as it is stopping you from doing what you want to do.

Challenge your thinking (D)

Strategy three: Identify a particular statement and challenge it’s veracity (start a diary and record how you thought, felt and acted in various situations). Lets consider the statement:

‘I couldn’t stand it if they thought badly of me.’

Q. If they disagreed with my views would that equate to them damning me as a person?

A. No. A particular viewpoint is not ‘me’. I am more than what I say.

Q. If they disagreed with me would it be ‘so awful that I couldn’t stand it!’

A. No. It would hardly be catastrophic that someone would disagree with me. Breaking my leg could possibly be worse but even that is not catastrophic or so awful that I couldn’t stand it.

Q. Must others always agree with me? Should they see things as I do for me to be worthwhile?

A. Of course not. My worth is not at question here; my ideas and views may be but they are not ‘me’.

Q. Do I need others to agree with me for me to be worthwhile?

A. No. My worth is not given to me and cannot be taken away. I can only be worth – less if I believe I absolutely must have the approval of others to be worthwhile. I am worthwhile because I exist not because someone else thinks I am!

Q. What benefits could I gain by risking the disapproval of others?

A. I will see that the sun will rise again and the birds will continue to twitter in the treetops. Those who care for me and approve of me unconditionally will continue to do so. Even if I stumble and stutter I will not drop dead. I can practice my public speaking skills if I choose to do so. I will accept that sometimes I will stuff up because I am human and that’s what humans do.

Q. What will happen if I continue not to risk the disapproval of others?

A. I will perpetuate the mythological belief that somehow others views of me determine my worth. I will continue to practice Serious Approval Dependence and remain a ‘wall flower’ at the ball, waiting for someone to pick me!

Eleanor Roosevelt said

No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.

Don’t give anyone or anything permission to determine whether you are worthwhile or not. You don’t need it, you exist and that’s that!

Breaking Approval Dependence (BAD)

2010-10-08T16:40:00.003+10:30

Approval addict, empath, love slob, approvalist, co dependent, need junkie are terms that come to mind to describe those who suffer from conditional self-acceptance (CSA). Dr. Albert Ellis’ REBT explains that when an individual has a compulsive need to secure another’s approval it is self defeating. The antidote is unconditional self-acceptance (USA).

USA - the belief that self worth is not diminished by failure or rejection i.e. I have failed= I am not a failure. I have been rejected = I am not a reject (I am always worthwhile).

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I’d like you to like me
But I don’t need you to!

CSA- the belief that self worth is diminished by failure and rejection i.e. I have failed = I am a failure. I have been rejected = I am a reject (I’m worthwhile if you think I am).

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Please like me
As I need you to!

Where do we start to help the person who needs to be needed, who absolutely must have the approval of significant others? If she seeks help this would be a useful place to start. She may be aware that she has a help compulsion that is both self defeating and also not helpful to others (deny them opportunities to do for themselves for instance). She may say that she feels anxious a lot of the time and is obsessive about doing excellent work and helping others too readily, even when there doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day to fit everything in. You may ask what is wrong with wanting to do excellent work? Nothing at all if you don’t damn yourself when things don’t turn out as you believe they must! The perfectionist believes failing to do things perfectly equates to being a failure, being imperfect and that’s terrible! She may say she feels angry when others don’t acknowledge her appropriately as she believes they should. She may also comment on others who may not do things properly or who aren’t capable enough and who therefore need to be rescued. Who else can do things better and is more capable of doing the job? She is of course.

She may relate that in childhood she never seemed to do the right thing and was never good enough. Her dad would say that she was hopeless and her siblings were favoured over her (her sister was better, prettier). She tried so hard to get the approval of her dad but she never seemed to measure up. (I must try harder! I’m such a failure!) She learned that she was not worth much if her dad didn’t think she was. She believed if her dad didn’t approve of her then she was unworthy and worthless. She had developed Sustained Habits of Inflexible Thinking Syndrome and one such habit was to believe that her worth absolutely depended on the approval of significant others. More flexible and realistic thinking can accommodate her very human tendency to make mistakes and to deal with rejection in a healthy way such as believing that her worth is not given to her or taken away by others. She can work on Flexible and Realistic Thinking Skills.

Counselling scenario excerpt.

Cl = client Cr=counsellor

Cl: My colleague makes me so angry. He doesn’t show me any gratitude for what I do.

Cr: You say your colleague makes you angry and that he doesn’t appreciate your work.

Cl: Exactly. I only want to make things easier. I am just helping. He should be more gracious.

Cr: So your colleague is making you angry because he doesn’t show you his appreciation as you think he should?

Cl: He is so unprofessional and disrespectful.

Cr: Can you give me an example of something you have done for him?

Cl: I organised a meeting for clients and made sure that refreshments were available. I prepared a program and everything!

Cr: Was he not happy with what he asked you to do?

Cl: He didn’t ask me. That’s the point. I did it so that he wouldn’t have to do it. He’s so ungrateful.

Cr: So what would make things better for you? What would help you feel better?

Cl: He should acknowledge my efforts and appreciate the things I do. I am so unappreciated and it’s not fair!

Albert Ellis’ ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance explains that behavioural and emotional disturbance (C) is generated by the bullshit we tell ourselves (B) not because of the activating event i.e. what happens (A). The client above is clearly blaming her feelings and actions on A, the unfair colleague who doesn’t appreciate her. You can hear the blame in statements like: ‘He makes me so angry.’ How does he make her angry? Is she not in some way responsible? It would be very unfortunate if others always determined how she felt and behaved. Do others control her? Clearly she is not taking responsibility for her actions and emotions. So what is making these feelings of anger and depression? Is her colleague the culprit? Is he to blame?

Ellis’ ABC model incorporated B, the beliefs we hold to be true. Our client above has constructed a set of rules for life (B) and the question is what are they? Are they helpful?

The excerpt above contains key words that tell us what our clients’ rules are. You may have noticed some ‘shoulds’ dispersed throughout the dialogue.

‘He should be more gracious.’

‘He should acknowledge my efforts and appreciate the things I do.’

This kind of thinking is irrational in the sense that no matter how much you demand something the reality is you may never get what you want. What’s the use of demanding what you can’t have? Now you can healthily prefer that your colleague gives you his approval but that is different to demanding it. Her rule is:

‘People I respect absolutely should treat me well.’

You may also have noticed that our client is damning her colleague in absolute global rating terms like:

‘He is so unprofessional and disrespectful.’

His actions may be deemed unprofessional and disrespectful but is he unprofessional and disrespectful? He is and he does are different terms with different meanings. Our client is making a judgement that her colleague is bad for doing bad. Her rule is:

‘He should acknowledge me and because he doesn’t he is unprofessional and disrespectful.’

Our client also shows signs of low frustration tolerance because she is not getting what she must have. Consider:

‘I am so unappreciated and it’s not fair!’

It would appear that when she doesn’t get what she needs and must have she can’t stand it and it is awful. Her rule is:

‘When I don’t get what I must have (his approval) I can’t stand it and it it’s awful.’

An REBC (Rational Emotive Behaviour Counsellor) would help the client understand the B-C link, B meaning the thinking that drives the behaviour and emotions (anger/hostility) at C. Whilst there are a few irrational core beliefs that can be challenged as outlined above the one to focus on as a priority is the clients belief that:
‘I need the approval of others to be worthwhile.’

To be continued ….

APPROVALISM – the philosophy of the ‘love slob’

2010-10-04T19:20:00.000+10:30

An approvalist is one who practices the philosophy of Approvalism. An approvalist lives life for the service of others seemingly without thought for self, ministering to the needs of others, making life ‘better’ for them. A good approvalist needs to do for others and her worth is measured according to how others view her and how helpful she can be to others. Approvalists say ‘yes’ to others demands and requests and are ultra sensitive to the needs of others (they must be rescued and saved). If they don’t perform to their own lofty expectations or (quelle catastrophe!) others don’t seem to value them (as they should) then they tend to harshly judge themselves as being ‘bad’ and may down themselves harshly! They will think, ‘I should have known that he needed support. I should have been there. I should have done better. I am a loser. It’s my fault he is in such a mess.’ They may also experience deep anger and direct it towards those ‘who do not appreciate me, after all shouldn’t they be grateful for what I am doing for them?’ (‘They are not good like me they are bad!’).

The approvalist has a ‘help’ compulsion, seeking out others to help even when not invited to. They tend to over empathise with the other, feeling what they feel, experiencing ‘their pain’. Such ‘empaths’ seek to be continuously approved of. They will forever revisit the bottomless ‘well of approval’ as each fix of affirmation is never enough. They don’t believe that they are that worthy of others appreciation and will find it difficult to accept their thanks and praise.

Why would this be so? How could it be that a person would become so dependent on others for their quick and fleeting ‘feel good’ fix? How does one become an approval junkie?

Dr Albert Ellis, the creator of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy refers to ‘love slobbism’ to describe a person’s self-defeating tendency to think they need the approval of others to be worthwhile. This behaviour is driven by a ‘must’ or a ‘should’ belief based philosophy internalised over years of socialisation amid role models who may have themselves suffered the debilitating effects of ‘musturbation’ i.e. ‘My son/daughter should always ‘make’ me proud and they should always be highly regarded by others. They must not let me down as that would shame me.’ If any of these irrational demands are not met it’s considered to be catastrophic and awful, so awful ‘it cannot be tolerated.’

The approvalist has been taught as a young person that she is 'good' when she does good. When she does as she is told, follows instructions and conforms to rules and expectations she is rewarded and she feels good. She works hard at school and gets good grades but when they are sometimes not good enough, she feels she has let others down and she must try harder next time so they will be pleased. She believes doing bad is being bad!

'The codependent-in-training is taught to walk on eggshells. To ensure survival, the child learns to be extraordinarily sensitive in reading the moods and thoughts of others. The child learns very early to pay attention to and tiptoe around the dysfunctional family members - at the child's expense. These interactions take place silently, implicitly. The child learns to ignore the self's inner needs, instead pretending that all is OK.' Why Be Codependent? by Dr. Irene Matiatos

Her mentors comment on the behaviour of others, expressing approval when they behave correctly, as they should do. They will scoff at those who don’t behave accordingly and may judge them unfairly. They may even feel angry and aggressive when someone happens to be driving in ‘their’ lane on the highway or feel unfairly treated if the person they open the door for does not acknowledge them as they should!

She will notice how her mentors will feel aggrieved when things don’t go their way. The weather, the government, their in-laws etc appear the ‘make’ them so unhappy. She will be harshly criticised when she doesn’t live up to the expectations of her role models and may be compared to other siblings who ‘always do the right thing.’ She will try harder to be the person others want her to be because she believes her value is dependent on the views of others.

In time our subject will have constructed a set of philosophical beliefs that will undermine her efforts to be happy and successful. She believes she must achieve the lofty goals she sets herself, she must meet others approval (or she is hopeless/worthless/a dud). She will often feel overly anxious as she tries to solve the problems of others who must be saved (as she is the only one who can save them!)

The approvalist has learned to be co-dependent, needing, not preferring the approval of significant others. She needs someone to need her, someone to rescue and to depend on her, someone who needs to be needed. If someone needs her then she can indulge her own need to needed. Co-dependency …

'… is a dysfunctional relationship with the self characterized by living through or for another, attempts to control others, blaming others, a sense of victimization, attempts to "fix" others, and intense anxiety around intimacy.' http://www.veteransoftruth.com

REBT deems this irrational to the extreme, as the person who has this affliction will feel and act in ways that are self-defeating. She will continue to be at risk as long as she believes that her worth is inextricably linked to the approval of others. What are the options for the approvalist to rehabilitate herself? How can she be delivered from self-sabotaging Conditional Self Acceptance to the light of self helpful Unconditional Self Acceptance?

The approvalist may question how she feels when she doesn’t get the recognition she ‘must’ have. Or maybe not as she may already ‘know’ that she feels angry because a significant other has made her angry. Maybe she doesn’t know at all why she feels as she feels as her only focus has been on others feelings and never her own. She perhaps will direct anger at them either overtly and/or passively. After all someone else has made her angry and therefore he/she deserves to be treated accordingly. What makes her anxious or angry? It is those who don’t agree with her, who don’t acknowledge her, as she believes they should! They are not feeding her addiction to be needed or approved and are therefore a threat to her well being. If they are making her feel this way then it would be logical to remove them from her environment (if they are not there they can’t hurt her however this is not a practical option). Just like a splinter makes inflammation and infection, just remove the splinter and all is well!

Alas physical hurt and emotional hurt are different. In a physical sense if I pinch you, you feel hurt and this would be true of the majority of people. If I don’t acknowledge you, you may feel some degree of emotional hurt. An approvalist will experience more extreme emotional discomfort than a person who is not when they don’t win the approval of significant others. Why? Because the approvalist needs approval and the self-accepting person does not! If the belief that ‘I need the approval of others to be worthwhile’ can be constructed over time then it can be deconstructed and replaced with Unconditional Self Acceptance and as Dr Albert Ellis would say this will deliver the sufferer from the despair of ‘shithood’ to the hope of ‘self worthyness.’

Whilst the co dependent has learned over time to control others and her environment and minister to the needs of others she could now turn her attention to something that has been hitherto ignored: her needs.

This is a major undertaking and the beginning of a journey that will require a lot of hard work and support to get well. The process will be enlightening and challenging and will be explored in a blog to be posted soon.

Adelaide REBT Theory and Practice Workshop

2010-09-27T10:03:00.000+09:30

Dr. Debbie Joffe Ellis and I again had the opportunity to spread the ‘Gospel of St Albert ‘ to a group of enthusiastic folk. They hailed from as far afield as Karcultaby on the Eyre Peninsula and Canberra, the nations capital. It was a fine and sunny September day at the Education Development Centre in Hindmarsh and the day turned out to be a great success.

The group comprised people from many walks of life - educators, counsellors, psychologists and other individuals interested in their own development and the well being of others.

Dr. Debbie Joffe Ellis told us about the life and times of her husband Dr. Albert Ellis. She brought along some DVD footage of Dr. Ellis doing his ‘stuff’ at various stages of his life. One particular scene of Dr Ellis hosting a group of enthusiastic students in the ER of a major New York hospital was testament to the REBT principle that ‘nothing is so awful that you can’t stand it!’ One appreciative and somewhat surprised student asks Dr. Ellis why did he not cancel the appointment. His reply was that he wanted to help as many people as he could to be happy and successful by using REBT. Dr. Ellis was at the time suffering from a multitude of serious health conditions and had survived a major mishap that morning! He was not just talking the talk he was walking it and he invited interested others to walk along side him.

A highlight of the day was Dr. Debbie’s demonstration to the group of the therapeutic application of REBT. A group member volunteered to be her client. It was a valuable learning experience to see REBT in action and to see how in a relatively short time, the client had largely resolved her problems. Our volunteer related how the session had been of great benefit to her and that she had successfully dealt with a personal issue of many months standing.

In the last session group members practiced their Rational Emotive Behaviour Counselling skills. They cherchez’d les shoulds, les oughts and les musts that lurk somewhere in our sub conscious and are expressed in behaviours and emotions that are not very helpful to ourselves or others. In a role-play we considered the plight of ‘Sharon’ who would often feel angry when other people weren’t as courteous as she would like them to be. Did this lack of due respect ‘make’ her angry? Or was there something else at work here? Did Sharon have a ‘should’ rule that wasn’t being adhered to and was it so awful that she couldn’t stand it? Was the perpetrator of this bad deed a bad person who deserved the ire of a self-righteous Sharon?

Group members successfully helped Sharon understand that it was her rigid belief that others should always treat her as she would like to be treated that drove her anger and aggression. When this rule was broken (as inevitably it will be) Sharon would deem this totally unacceptable and unfair and she would act (and feel) accordingly. Group members commented that it was quite a knack to help someone first identify a should/ought/must belief and then to successfully challenge (dispute) the veracity of such beliefs. It will take practice to improve of course but I think participants had a lot to go on and will bring their new learning and skills to their respective work places (Dr. Ellis would be pleased about this!)

We also looked at ways in which REBT principles and practices can be incorporated into the everyday learning of students in our schools through Rational Emotive Behaviour Education. Dr Ellis noted very early in the piece that all children would benefit greatly from understanding the relationship between their thinking, feeling and behaving so that they could learn to manage their self defeating behaviours and emotions successfully. We all agreed that it would be a useful endeavour to train our teachers to be Rational Emotive Behaviour Educators.

All Out! An autobiography by Dr. Ellis is an interesting read about the life and work of a very significant innovator and thinker. It provides great detail about the early influences of other people and events in his life that he reflected on and used to formulate his own philosophies about himself, others and the world. He acknowledges the legacy of the great philosophers of the past (Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius) whose ideas stimulated his own thinking and also the influence of other more contemporary thinkers like Alfred Korzybski and Karen Horney. Ellis was respected by many and though his ideas and methods were criticised and vehemently denied by the psychoanalytic establishment, he held firm and vigorously maintained his position even in the harshest of times. Today he is considered to be a ‘giant’ of psychotherapy. It’s published by Prometheus Books and is well worth a read.

Sofia's Progress

2010-08-07T16:37:00.000+09:30

Thanks to Dr. Albert Ellis’ ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance we have helped Sofia understand the relationship between thinking, feeling and behaving. She understands that beliefs like, ‘someone I like should like me,’ ‘I need her approval to be worthwhile,’ ‘I am worthless,’ are self defeating because they cause undue sadness, anger and depression, which get in the way of her achieving her goals. These beliefs can be challenged and disproved with evidence.

Dr. Ellis invites us to ‘cherchez le should, cherchez le must’ as we did with Sofia. We determined that Sofia’s sadness and anxiety was caused by her ‘shoulding’ i.e. ‘she should like me. I should get what I want.’ We challenged these self-defeating shoulds and replaced them with self – helpful ‘preferences’ i.e. ‘I would prefer to get what I want but I accept this will not always be so.’

Let’s look at the components of Sofia’s journey so far according to Ellis’ ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance.

A= Activating event (the issue, what happened). In Sofia’s case the issue is ‘She ignores me.’

B= Beliefs. Sofia believed that she could only be happy if she won her classmates approval. Irrationally she believed that she needed her classmates’ approval to be worthwhile and she should like her. She believed she was worthless because she could not win her approval and this was so awful that she couldn’t stand it.

C= Emotional and behavioural Consequences of A. Sofia felt depressed and anxious (She needed someone’s approval which she believed she must get to feel worthwhile). These feelings were strong (7 – 9 on the Emotional Thermometer)

In Sofia’s story she believed that someone else (her classmate) caused her sadness. She was preoccupied with thoughts like, ‘she should like me, I need her to like me’ etc. According to Ellis’ model Sofia was apportioning blame to someone or something i.e. C is made by A and I can only feel better if A is changed. According to this logic Sofia would like the world to be modified or changed according to her wishes. Can we make Sofia’s classmate like her? Of course we can’t! So it then becomes a matter for Sofia to consider the situation realistically i.e. ‘my classmate ignores me. I am disappointed she doesn’t seem to want my friendship and I accept that. It is not a catastrophe. My worth does not depend on her approval of me. I accept myself.’ In so doing Sofia begins to understand that A does not make C but rather A+B makes C (my beliefs/thinking play a key role in how I feel and behave).

In ‘The Practice of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy’ by Dr Albert Ellis and Windy Dryden intellectual insight in REBT is defined as:

‘an acknowledgement that an irrational belief frequently leads to emotional disturbance and dysfunctional behaviour and that a rational belief always abets emotional health.’

It can be said that Sofia has attained Intellectual Insight, that is she understands and accepts the premise that A + B makes C and not solely A, the activating event. For Sofia her journey towards sustained emotional and behavioural well-being has just begun and will be work in progress for the rest of her life. Dr. Ellis says that Sofia will continue to develop herself to the point of achieving Emotional Insight, which in REBT is defined as:

‘a strong and frequently held belief that a rational idea is helpful (Ellis, 1963). When a person has achieved Emotional Insight he or she will tend to THINK, FEEL and BEHAVE according to the rational belief.’

We have looked at A, B and C of Dr Ellis’ Theory of Emotional Disturbance but now it is timely to consider D and E in relation to Sofia’s personal development.

D = Disputation of irrational beliefs, the rigorous challenging of ingrained and well practiced unhelpful habits of thinking that undermine our confidence and ability to function in a healthy way. Dr. Ellis would encourage his students to, ‘work, work, work’ at challenging and changing those beliefs that were harmful and self-defeating. So how is D used to help Sofia on her onward journey to Emotional Insight? Sofia believed she needed the approval of her classmate to feel worthwhile. Thinking she must have the approval of someone she liked, was causing her anxiety and deep sadness because her sense of wellbeing depended so much on how a significant other viewed her. What others thought about Sofia mattered more than what Sofia thought about herself and this placed her in a very vulnerable position. She would continue to be at the mercy of significant others for her sense of well-being and happiness unless she learned how to unconditionally accept herself. Dr. Ellis’ Unconditional Self Acceptance (USA) would rid Sofia of the need to be approved of by others and hence become more confident and self reliant.

I spoke to Sofia about the damage that can be caused by believing that it is ‘absolutely necessary to have the approval of people we like and if not we cannot be happy and that we must be liked by them or it is awful and we cannot stand it!’ Sofia could relate to this unrealistic demand she made of herself and she asked where it came from, ‘why do I think like this?’ REBT theory says that we are born with the tendency to think rationally and irrationally. The environment in which we are raised is a strong determinant of our patterns of thinking and behaving. I explained to Sofia that she had learned some unhelpful rules from the environment in which she was/is raised. I explained that the idea that we can ‘be’ good or ‘be’ bad is a faulty way of thinking (Dr Ellis cautioned us about retaining the self defeating belief in ‘being’ good and bad). I had talked to Sofia before about USA (Unconditional Self Acceptance), the belief that we are made up of many different traits and capabilities and this being the case it is impossible to ‘be’ good or bad. In other words being good would mean a person has no bad traits or negative characteristics at all, a proposition that can be challenged. Conversely being bad would mean a person could have no positive traits or positive characteristics, which again can be challenged. I suggested that she would possibly have been told what a good girl she was whenever she did something ‘good’ like completing a task or using her manners etc. Logically Sofia may have determined that if she ‘is good’ when she ‘does good’ then it follows that she must ‘be bad’ when she ‘does bad!’ So Dr Ellis invites us to view ourselves as being neither good nor bad but worthwhile (I accept myself warts and all).

Sofia and I talked about how it would be to believe that our worth did not depend on how others viewed us. How more confident would we be knowing that another’s rejection of us could never take away our worth? I asked Sofia how much a $50 note was worth. She said it could buy certain things and this was proof of its $50 value. I agreed and then asked Sofia to scrunch the note as tightly as she could. She thought this was an odd request but she humored me and proceeded anyway. I then asked her to stand on the note and she did. I asked her to unfurl the note as it was very wrinkled and twisted. It was intact but was not as smooth as it had been and I asked Sofia what it was worth. She said it retained its worth of $50 and that it had not changed. I suggested that our worth could be viewed similarly in that even when we are ‘wrinkled and twisted and battered and bruised’ our worth is never diminished i.e. we can be criticized, rejected and even fail at some things but we retain the worth we already had, we are worthwhile no matter what. Sofia understood this and found it a useful illustration of what we had been talking about. She said she would remind herself often and with conviction that she was always worthwhile no matter what and she would unconditionally accept herself. Dr. Ellis would have been most pleased to know that Sofia had made so much progress in her journey towards Unconditional Self Acceptance which would allow her to achieve her goals to live with less (unhealthy) anxiety and extreme sadness and with more healthy concern and regret. Dr Ellis says:

"To help people gain unconditional self-acceptance and to believe that they are okay or are good just because they exist had better be taught to all children in the course of their schooling, from early childhood onward."

For Sofia to achieve Emotional Insight it is essential that her school has the capacity to further Sofia’s development throughout her education. How can this be done? What can schools do?

Sofia's Story

2010-07-24T15:43:00.000+09:30

Sofia was new to the country and was vivacious and good humoured. She was an enthusiastic student, who worked hard at her studies and had a wide circle of friends. She had a ready smile and a caring nature, sensitive to the needs of others, a delight to teach.

On many occasions she would accompany me on yard duty and we would talk about things and inevitably the topic of discussion would turn to friendships and her concern about a particular student who did not seem to like her. This student would generally ignore her and chose not to associate with her in the classroom or in the yard. Sofia would become tearful and I would ask why she felt so sad. She said that she didn’t understand why this student didn’t seem to want to be her friend as ‘everyone else liked me, why doesn’t she?’ On another occasion Sofia said she wasn’t happy because this student wasn’t her friend and she would say ‘she makes me sad.’ As an REBTer (Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy counsellor) I used some of the strategies I learned from Dr. Albert Ellis (creator of REBT). According to Ellis Sofia was ‘musturbating,’ that is believing that her fellow student ‘must’ like her and that it was so awful (awfulising) that she couldn’t stand it. To add to her sadness Sofia believed that there must be something wrong with her! There must be something about her that the other student didn’t like and that this was all Sofia’s fault!

And so our discussions began to take on a philosophical note. I asked Sofia how this other person ‘made’ her sad. Sofia said that she ‘should’ be my friend and if she was then she could be happy. So I said, ‘you feel sad because she won’t be your friend and that you can only be happy if she becomes your friend.’ Sofia agreed that this was so and this became the basis of our further talks. We talked about a ‘perfect world’ and what that meant. We agreed that it would be nice if everyone we liked liked us in return and that everything we wanted to achieve we achieved. We talked about perfectionism and how it was unrealistic to expect that everything should go our way all the time. We can work hard to get an A+ and fall short, we can try to make friends with others we like but we may not always meet their approval. This is the way the world works. Sofia agreed and could see the wisdom of what we were talking about. So we returned to what Sofia believed, what her philosophy about herself, others and the world was. Sofia understood that her unrealistic oughting, shoulding and musting were making her sadness (‘she should like me’, ‘I must get her approval’, ‘she is bad because she won’t be my friend’, ‘I am unlikeable, I can’t stand this and it’s awful’). This insight was the turning point for Sofia, as she understood that her desire for a perfect world was an unrealistic expectation. I asked her, ‘must other people you like always like you in return?’ ‘Is it awful when you don’t get an A+ for your assignments even when you tried your best?’ ‘Are others bad if they don’t approve of you or like you?’ ‘Are you an unlikeable no good person because she doesn’t approve of you?’ Sofia answered with a resounding ‘NO!’

So we talked about helpful, rational thinking that would be healthier. I asked Sofia to challenge and change some of the errant beliefs she held to be true.

I said, ‘must you always do well and achieve your goals.’ Sofia said, ‘No. It is better to believe that, ‘I will work hard to achieve my goals. I would like to achieve my goals but I don’t always have to.’ Why is this better?’ I asked. ‘It is not realistic to always get what you want. That is not how the world works!’ she said. She added that she would keep trying anyway.

What about the belief that, ‘people you like must like you in return and always approve of you?’ Sofia said, ‘this is not realistic either. People don’t have to like me. They can make their own choices.’

What about the belief, ‘you are unlikeable; you have nothing to like. You are a nerd.’ Sofia said, ‘this is not true. I have other friends. I have many positive qualities so I can’t be worthless or unlikeable!’

So it transpired that Sofia became more comfortable with herself and the world and she could now accommodate and accept that her fellow student did not want to be her friend, that it was OK, that it was disappointing but not awful and she was still OK. She didn’t need her approval at all!

Dr Ellis would say that Sofia’s errant, irrational ‘musturbatory’ philosophical beliefs have been challenged and modified to become more rational (self and other helpful). Thus Sofia is not unhealthily anxious, angry or depressed (unhealthy negative emotions) because she hasn’t got what she wants (to have her fellow class member as a friend). She now tends to be healthily concerned and disappointed (healthy negative emotions) as she would have preferred (and not demanded) to have the friendship and approval of her classmate.

Sofia continued to make progress but she would need the support of her teachers and mentors to reinforce the insights she has made so that she would move beyond intellectual insight onto emotional insight. We will discuss these ideas and more in my next blog entry about Sofia’s progress.

useful links: www.haveagospaghettio.com.au www.debbiejoffeellis.com http://www.rebtresources.info/

REBT and Constructivism

2010-07-15T10:22:00.000+09:30

Constructivist theory says we learn to behave according to what we observe going on around us. Our models of behaviour show us how to get what we want, how to respond to situations and how we can interact with others. If these models are helpful they will teach us that we can wait for things if we have to, that we can respect others (even when we don’t wish to associate with them) and we can remain confident even when we fail at something or suffer the rejection of others. If we live amongst such role models we will internalize (construct) some very useful ‘rules for living.’

Conversely if those around us show low frustration tolerance, who may get what they want through aggression and who take failure and rejection to heart then we are likely to internalise a different set of ‘rules for living.’

Such habits of thinking and behaving (helpful or unhelpful) will determine how successful or not we may be in achieving our goals in life. According to Dr Albert Ellis we can deconstruct those unhelpful ‘habits of thinking’ with a lot of hard work.

For example a person who has learned (believes) that his or her worth is measured according to how well he/she does or how others regard him/her will often experience unhelpful, self destructive feelings such as anger and depression or feel highly anxious a lot of the time. What philosophical ideas lay behind these feelings? What would motivate a person to harm self or others in a pique of anger? Why would a person tend to defer to others in the hope of obtaining, sustaining a ‘must have’ relationship (I need to be liked)?

At my school I observe those who go along with others, who don’t seem to offer any opinion or ideas. Some will give things away to ‘buy’ friendship and others are easily ‘bought’ under the threat of exclusion or dismissal. Others would handle things differently, they don’t seem to be easily intimidated by others and accept that it’s OK when others may not regard them as friends. For these people rejection can be hurtful and disappointing but rarely is it a catastrophe or so awful that it will ‘ruin their lives!’

Dr. Albert Ellis created the ABC Theory of Emotional (and behavioural) Disturbance used by counsellors and therapists the world over. This therapy embraces the ‘wisdom of the ages’ like that of Epictetus in 100AD who observed that ‘events and people don’t make us feel and act as we do but it is the view we take of them.’ Or Buddha who said, ‘what we think we become.’ Many other learned people have made similar assertions over the millennia.

Ellis’ ABC Theory allows us to work with people who have constructed unhealthy and destructive philosophies that cause anger, anxiety and depression in their lives. In doing so he has helped millions of people learn how to better manage themselves behaviourally and emotionally, people who may believe that feelings and behaviour are ‘made’ by other people and other things. Take the case of Sofia, a 12-year-old primary school student from Africa (see the next blog).

For more information about Dr Albert Ellis and REBT visit http://www.rebtresources.info/index.php www.debbiejoffeellis.com www.rebtnetwork.org

NEWSFLASH! Workshop titled REBT Theory and Practice to be held in Adelaide, September 24th. Dr. Debbie Joffe Ellis will be co presenting. Don't miss this PD opportunity. Please visit: http://www.psychology.org.au/Events/EventView.aspx?ID=6548 for more details.

Adelaide REBT Workshop Success

2010-05-19T06:49:00.000+09:30

Another workshop is scheduled for September due to the very positive response of participants to the April workshop held at the Education Development Centre in Hindmarsh. People from various organisations attended and reported a strong satisfaction in the balance of theory and practical application of REBT. The group responded very positively to Dr. Debbie Joffe Ellis' demonstration of REBT using volunteers from the audience. People witnessed the very skillful way that Dr. Debbie listened reflectfully to her client, identified the core issues of concern and quickly honed in on the self defeating philosophical beliefs that were causing her clients emotional and behavioural problems. Her demonstration clearly illustrated the efficiency of Dr Albert Ellis' ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance when applied skillfully and firmly. Participants witnessed how the client volunteer was encouraged to identify and confront the underlying irrational beliefs that caused and maintained their emotional ill health. Dr. Albert Ellis wanted to help people help themselves to get better sooner rather than later, 'parsing out' their irrational thinking and challenging their errant philsophical beliefs about themselves, other people and the world. Dr. Albert Ellis' reknowned Friday night workshops held at his beloved Albert Elllis Institute were very popular, where people could drop by for a coffee, a biscuit and a dose of 'the gospel according to St. Albert.' Dr. Debbie continues his legacy of sound teaching and therapy practice.

The September workshop will again offer mental health practitioners, educators and other interested people the opportunity to learn more about the life and times of Dr. Albert Ellis and his revolutionary and spectacularly successfull REBT - the first of all cognitive therapies. Dr. Debbie will be able to update us on the latest news and REBT developments and will again demonstrate the application of REBT in practice. If you want more information visit http://www.psychology.org.au/Events/EventView.aspx?ID=6548 on the Australian Psychological Society website.

Look out for ALL OUT! Dr. Albert Ellis' autobiography due for release very soon. It promises to be a very interesting and controversial read. Publisher: Prometheus Books.

REBT and Bullying

2010-03-08T09:33:00.000+10:30

Recent research by Giulio Bortolozzo and Dr. Ken Rigby has shown that low self worth is associated with a tendency to be victimised. Dr. Ellis' Unconditional Self Acceptance (USA) helps individuals understand that others’ views of them don't define who they are. These individuals understand that rejection and failure cannot diminish their worth - they can be rejected but can never be a reject, they can fail but are never a failure. The research also shows that bullies tend not to accept others. They may view others who are different as being losers or nerds and decide it's ok to bully them because they are not 'normal'. Ellis calls this Conditional Other Acceptance (COA). The research establishes that there is a relationship between how people view themselves and others and bully and victim behaviour.

Ellis invites educators to teach the self-helpful rational beliefs of Unconditional Self/Other Acceptance. If children develop (construct) the belief that they are only worthwhile when they are approved by significant others then they will be vulnerable to the negative opinions of others. If children construct a belief that others are OK only when they satisfy certain conditions e.g. look a certain way, behave a certain way they may tend to bully others.

These irrational beliefs can be challenged and children can 'unlearn' the harmful ideas that underpin how they behave (victim or bully). This can be done by applying REBT principles via all school processes and practices, through BEHAVIOUR EDUCATION.

Harmful, irrational ideas undermine our capacity to make healthy decisions and to manage unhealthy negative emotions like anger and anxiety. Dr. Rigby recently made the point that whilst bullying remains a major concern in schools and beyond we would be wise not to believe that it's out of control and to think that a punitive approach would solve the problem. In fact, there is now reliable evidence that (i) the prevalence of bullying in schools is becoming less frequent and (ii) well-evaluated interventions have demonstrated that some programs have led to significant reductions in peer victimisation. Irrational and unsubstantiated claims to the contrary can prevent the adoption of such programs. These are examined in detail in Ken Rigby's new book: 'Bullying Interventions: Six Basic Approaches'. Melbourne, ACER, 2010.

The poem below by Giulio Bortolozzo was inspired by Ellis' ideas of Unconditional Acceptance of Self and Others.

Bully for You

Do you think you have nothing to offer?
Use self-talk which is negative and untrue
And you don’t think you amount to much?
Then I have just the thing for you!

Bully for you, bully for you
I have a bully for you!

I look for people to victimise
My admiring buddies think I’m great
I like to see fear in your eyes
You deserve to suffer mate!

Bully for you, bully for you
I’m the bully for you.

I will persist, never let up
I don’t consider how you feel
My life’s work is to see you suffer
You don’t matter; you’re no big deal

Bully for you, bully for you
I’m the bully for you!

We control our thoughts
We are what we perceive
We can choose to be powerless victims
Until we change what we believe

Victim for you, victim for you
Will I be the victim for you?

I’m a worthwhile person
I have qualities unique to me
We are all different from each other
That makes us the same you see?

No, I will not allow you to bully
You don’t have my permission you see
I will not be your sporting obsession
You are not the bully for me!

Bully for me, bully for me.
You are not the bully for me.

The cloak of silence
Is the bully’s best friend
So speak out, everybody!
It’s the cloak that’s specially tailored
For you and for me!

Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy Workshop Adelaide April 16th

2010-03-05T18:40:00.000+10:30

An REBT workshop is scheduled for Adelaide which will be of interest to anyone working in the mental health/education fields. Guest speaker Dr. Debbie Joffe Ellis will be coming from New York to share her expertise and experience as an REBT therapist and to talk to us about the pioneering work of her late husband Dr. Albert Ellis who created Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy. We will look at practical ways of applying Dr. Ellis' ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance in addressing issues such as anger, anxiety and depression. We will also look at ways in which REBT can be applied in the school setting as an educative, restorative practice through BEHAVIOUR EDUCATION. This workshop will explore the theory and principles of REBT in an interactive and practical way . Learn about MUSTURBATORY thinking/behaviour, awfulising and the greatest sickness known to humankind 'self esteem!' Learn how to help ourselves and others to be better managers of our feelings and behaviour so that we can pursue and achieve our goals in life.

We will also consider the findings of the latest research of Dr. Ken Rigby (Uni SA) and Giulio Bortolozzo on bullying in schools that demonstrate how REBT can be a powerful anti bullying, resilience building tool in the school setting.

The workshop is at the Education Development Centre in Hindmarsh South Australia on April 16th. Lunch and refreshments are included in the cost. Please e mail lozzog@gmail.com if you are interested.

This workshop is dedicated to the creator of REBT, Dr. Albert Ellis Ph.D. who said ...

‘Life has inevitable suffering as well as pleasure. By realistically thinking, feeling and acting to enjoy what you can, and unangrily and unwhiningly accepting painful aspects that cannot be changed - you open yourself to much joy".

Behaviour Education in Schools

2010-02-28T17:20:00.000+10:30

We don't get upset but rather we make ourselves upset because of the way we think about (our philosophical views) ourselves, others and the world. Epictetus said in 100 AD that events don't make us feel and act as we do but it is the way we think of them that drives how strong we feel and the actions we take.' Did he 'make me mad' beacuse he wouldn't let me join in the game or did I make myself mad beacuse I believe 'he should have' let me join in and he didn't? Dr. Albert Ellis' Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy embraces Epictetus' wisdom and through his ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance Ellis has provided us with the tools to help us understand how we can make ourselves upset and how we can better manage our self inflicted disturbances.

Dr. Albert Ellis strongly encourages us to apply the theory and practice of REBT in the school setting so that students can learn to manage themselves emotionally and behaviourally more successfully. Dr. Ellis encourages the layperson (parents, teachers, counsellors) to learn howto help themselves achieve social/emotional and behavioural well being by understanding his ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance and applying it to themselves and using it to help others. His ABC theory was created to help people who were struggling with issues of mental health in a curative setting (counselling, psychotherapy) but he also understood from the outset its potential in terms of preventative, educative applications.

Dr. Ellis would be happy to know that since his death in July 2007 a lot of work has been done to continue his legacy. His wife, Dr. Debbie Joffe Ellis is busy proofreading Ellis' autobiography to be published in July this year. She is the guest presenter at a workshop in Adelaide on April 16th this year at the Education Development Centre in Hindmarsh.

Dr. William Knaus is organising a number of books to be published in the Legacy Book Series dedicated the life and work of the late Dr. Ellis (www.rebtnetwork.org). Since the 1970's he has written REE (Rational Emotive Education) materials for schools and you can download a free teaching REE resource from the above website.

The author of this post is busy helping schools apply the principles and practices of REBT in schools across all curriculum areas, so that preventative mental health is embedded in policy and daily school practices. Dr Ellis was an enthusiastic supporter of my work up until his passing in 2007. There will be more about this in future posts.

REBT offers teachers and counsellors the means with which to help students learn how to less seriously disturb themselves so that they will be less likely to suffer the bebilitating effects of anxiety, anger and depression.