I was thrilled when Justine accepted my request for a blog interview.

Harriet:  Your father is the source of your story. So why don’t we start with him. Tell us about your dad and his influence and subsequent legacy that you are living into.

Justine:   My dad was an incredible man. He had started running a few years before I was born and when he knew he was going to be a father again-he decided he ought to get in shape! He gave up smoking and ran his first marathon- NYC marathon in 1980, the year I was born. He would continue to run and as he trained for his marathons, he would include me in his cool down. I was maybe 4… He started putting me in fun runs at a young age and I absolutely fell in love with the sport and sharing it with my dad. He was my best friend!

When I was 6/7, he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s-he was just 47. He would run his last marathon-Marine Corp Marathon, with Parkinson’s, in 1990 and he ended up in the hospital. He continued to progress with Parkinson’s Disease but never gave up on trying to find a cure. When I was 21/22-he went to Columbia Presbyterian in NYC to get DBS (deep brain stimulation)-that was after trying different clinical studies all over the country. He would go from a cane, to a walker, to a wheelchair. It became difficult to walk or get from the bed to the bathroom-or even get out of bed. In 2010, as his disease continued to progress, he still wanted to hear all about my running from HS, to college, to Boston Marathon- He was my biggest fan (and I was his).

He would end up in the hospital and later a nursing care at 69. The day he was supposed to be released, I got a call from my mom that he had passed. I was devastated and we all (my sister, brother and me) ran to his side to be by him and my mom.  My dad’s one wish to have his brain donated to Columbia Presbyterian. We didn’t fully understand why he had passed, but in order to honor his wishes we had to sign off on the death certificate within 24 hours and were unable to do an autopsy. His brain showed Lewy Body- a disease associated with Parkinson’s. I was devastated-I had wanted him to stay around for my 30s. There was so much more to do. I remember after he died, just running and getting lost in my run. He truly was amazing!

Harriet:  You certainly exemplify the old saying, “when there’s a will, there’s a way”. Tell us about ‘your way’ in light of your own medical condition.

Justine:  It took about 2 years to get diagnosed-all I knew is that I couldn’t run forward and at one point even walking became difficult. Having seen my dad live with Parkinson’s, I decided I needed to continue to move. I swam and biked- eventually I moved to California so I could move all year long. Prior to moving to CA, my PT had me run forward, sideways and backwards on the treadmill. I could run sideways and backwards but not forward. When I moved to San Diego. I was able to swim and bike but I felt like I was still missing something. I started running backwards on the sand, then on the sidewalks and streets. I started running for longer and longer. I joined a running group called WCRR. I eventually would run over 6 half marathons backwards- 2 of which were GWR (Guinness World Record) times. I would also run the NYC Marathon 2017 backwards for the Michael J. Fox Foundation. My way was backwards running- forward or backwards it was still running!!!

Harriet:  When I first heard about you (and your story), the words and ideas that came to mind were:  resourcefulness, creative, stick-to-itiveness, out-of-the-box problem-solver, not caring what others think, transcendence par excellence. Tell us about some of these qualities you clearly have, and other qualities that have gotten you to where you are in your running, and life in general.

Justine:  I appreciate those descriptions! The backwards running just seemed to be a way to still run which was my ultimate goal. I could have just given up-and said I had runner’s dystonia and maybe stop trying… But that isn’t a trait of any runner I know. So I decided to find another way to run. I used to care what others think and have been called a showoff and have gotten dirty looks on my run, but most people are beyond nice!!!! I have gotten to the point-where if others don’t understand why I run backwards-they should ask. And if it allows me to run- I will keep doing it for as long as I can.

Harriet:  Limitless is clearly how you live your life.  What do you say to people to encourage them to stretch and look beyond their circumstances?  

Justine:  Two things: One is, you never know what tomorrow will bring so live in the moment and say yes when you can! I never thought when I stepped to the line of the Boston Marathon, that would be my last race forward. If I could go back in time, I would have never stopped at mile 18. I would have walked to the finish line.  And mainly Live For Today and never take it for granted (which I too sometimes forget to do).

Two is, you are so much stronger than you think you are or than others say you are!!! Rather than listen to people who say you can’t, know you can! If not today, someday and in the meantime live today to the fullest!!!

Harriet:  Transcendence means being able to go beyond normal limits. It’s rising above one’s situation and living on well. Do you see yourself as a role model and inspiration for others to carry on beyond their adverse circumstances, and make something of their new normal? 

Justine:  My intention was never to be a role model but just to RUN!!! But being a role model and motivating others has been an amazing part of this journey! We are all going through something and if I can motivate someone to rise above their situation and live on well, then I truly am the luckiest person! And maybe there is a reason I got Runner’s Dystonia and started running backwards.

The post A Story of Transcendence, In A Backwards Sort-of Way appeared first on Rebuild Life Now.

How do we move through the pain of grief so we can regain ourselves in some recognizable form? What does this look like and how does it feel?

Here are 5 ways to ease the process:

1. Permission to feel: We allow ourselves to feel all of our emotions. Yes, those nasty uncomfortable ones that choke us, make us shiver with cold, darken our sight of the world around us, make us want to spit out anything that touches our taste buds, allow us to only hear our inner screams and ruminations of all the what if’s. We notice them, sit with them, give expression to them. We let them bubble up and rise to the surface, which gives them air time and relief. They are no longer in that pressure cooker waiting to explode. As it’s been said, you can’t heal what you don’t feel. What we push down, numb out, distract away, will eventually rear its head where and when we least expect it. Picture that tube of toothpaste – if the paste doesn’t come out from the top, it starts to ooze out from the tiny holes that have occurred with use and make a mess all over.

2. Individual with no calendar: There’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to grief. And there’s no timetable. We honor our own experience and our own feelings without comparing to someone else who may seemingly have it all together sooner or better. The last thing we need is pressure to keep up with someone else’s time frame for when we ‘should’ be over it, which will then add another layer of upset upon us. We go through it at our own pace in our own way. We can each experience in our own way the crashing of waves that knock us to the ground, the roller coaster of taking our breath away as we hit those deep low plunges, the closed-off solitude of cocoon-like existing.

3. A functioning mask: How we present to the outside may not be a reflection of what’s truly going on inside. At some point we do have to resume certain life activities like work and homecare responsibilities. Putting on that mask of functioning does not at all take away from our grieving hearts and souls. It means we’re taking a step into the outside, oftentimes robot-like, to do what we need to do. And then we come home, pull off that mask and collapse into a pool of tears or get under the covers for that cozy embrace of comfort and solitude.

4. Legacy of love: We feel that hole, that emptiness, that pit in the gut, the missing, longing, pining, for our loved one; and at some point we begin to realize all the love we feel is there too. That hole does not get filled in; there’s no new puzzle piece that can fit in that exact spot. It remains as is. But we, the survivors of the loss, begin to connect more with the love and start to grow and expand around the hole. We integrate their life, love and legacy into our own and slowly inch our way forward, re-engaging more fully with life. Our loved one remains right there, guiding us as we hear their voices, feel their embracing support and continue to offer their wisdom. We forever learn from our loved ones. We carry them forth within ourselves each and every day.

5. Rebuild: As we adjust to our new reality, our new norm, of living with that missing piece, we see and feel the rays of sunlight warming and embracing us once again. We look out and can take in the beauty around us, knowing our loved ones would want us to live on well. We are able to feel joy again, and look to find new meaning in our lives, even as a result of the loss.

We move from the icy grips of grief to the warm embrace of the awe of life. We carry and fill ourselves with our loved ones forever as we continue on living our lives to the fullest and in their memory.

First appeared as a guest post on the Thrive Global website.

The post The Five Stages of Moving Through Grief appeared first on Rebuild Life Now.

We’re all creatures of habit and we like the known and predictable. Just as children do better with structure, routine, and stability, so do we.

But what happens when all that comes crashing down and we’re left having to fumble through this dark cave where a very scary monster lives? We have no clue how to navigate life while in a perpetual state of high alert.

The good news is, there are some basic ABC’s of coping that can help us manage our steps through this time of uncertainty. There will be a light at the end of the cave; we just don’t yet know when it will happen or how it will look.

A – Affect Is Our Emotions

We must give ourselves permission to feel all of our feelings, especially those uncomfortable ones of fear, anxiety, agitation, and all the others that make us want to numb ourselves out and hide. The key, however, is to let them flow through us.

Like clouds, our feelings are in constant movement. Think of the two words: emotion and motion. They have identical roots. Movere in Latin means to move; emovere means to move out. Suppressing our emotions makes them build up like air in a pressure cooker, and we feel overwhelmed.

We need to express, not suppress!

Our feelings go through one pipeline: if we shut down our uncomfortable, negative feelings, we’re also shutting down our positive ones.

Golda Meir, Prime Minister of Israel in the early 1970s, said:

“Those who don’t know how to weep with their whole heart, don’t know how to laugh either.”

As part of the human condition, we have a full palette of emotions. We must give ourselves permission to be human and feel them all. And now, certainly, feeling all of our negative emotions is all normal and natural. As we say, it’s a normal reaction to an abnormal circumstance.

Once we identify our feelings, we can work on managing them better.

B – Behavior

What are we doing? What are we inputting into our days? Maintaining or creating a new a routine is vital. It keeps us psychologically anchored and gives us a sense of control in our daily lives.

Sometimes it’s great to have a ‘day off’ with no routine or structure, but over a longer period of time, it’s our routines that help ground us and provide a sense of security.

Exercise – always, but especially now – is a necessity, to the point that not exercising is a depressant. Moving gets those good-feeling endorphins flowing, which is a big mood booster.

Walking, dancing, jumping, anything that gets our heart rate pumping for a period of time is a great enhancer and immune builder.

Engaging in healthy distractions replenishes us. Getting absorbed in something we love is wonderful and gives us the necessary break we need in order to handle things better.

Let’s not forget about the power of humor and the good deep belly laugh-till-it-hurts. Jerry Seinfeld now has an hour-long comedy show on Netflix. You can find some great laughs there!

C – Cognition

When it comes to our thoughts, I’d like to focus on choice.

Viktor Frankl, the Austrian psychiatrist who survived numerous concentration camps, created logotherapy (the therapy of meaning and purpose), and wrote the life-changing book Man’s Search for Meaning, said:

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.”

So, no matter what is going on in our external world, no matter what our circumstances, we can choose how to respond. That is in our control and purview which means we are not victims, we are creators. What and how are we creating in our days during this time?

Choice gives us a sense of control. We can choose how much news we watch, when to respond to our emails and texts, and overall, what we do with what’s been ‘given’ to us.

Questions to Ask Ourselves

Here are some great questions you can ask yourself to inform you about your days:

• How am I using these days at home? Am I using them well?
• What am I learning about myself and my loved ones?
• Am I connecting more?
• What am I doing differently?
• Am I taking better care of myself?
• Am I looking outside myself to be of support and help to others?
• And, if it’s all way too overwhelming, am I giving myself permission to be gentle with myself and look to just take some baby steps forward? Self-compassion is so important and a needed skill for us all to learn.

Let’s be cognizant of these ABC’s and look to be intentional with our responses. This will help us create our days to be as good and strengthening as possible.

What do you do now that you didn’t do before the pandemic? What have you learned about yourself and the people you live with? Are you taking better care of yourself? What are some reflections you can share with our community? Please use the comment box below and let’s have a conversation.

First appeared as a guest post on the Sixty+Me website.

The post The ABC’s of Coping During the Unprecedented Time of Global Pandemic appeared first on Rebuild Life Now.

We can kick-start ourselves into having a bit more umph and pizzazz. Just try these four ways to hit that refresh button and renew your life:

1. Find What Truly Matters to You

Connecting to what’s important, what we care about, what is meaningful, is key to rejuvenating our life. Aligning with our values helps us create a meaningful existence.

If friendships are important, then prioritizing time for connection is wonderful. We will get off that zoom or phone call feeling replenished. If journaling your life through photographs is important to you, as it is to me, then making photo albums/books/scrapbooks takes on meaning and becomes a very worthwhile activity.

When we infuse our life with meaningful activities, we feel fuller and richer, an antidote to running on empty and burned out.

2. Try Something New

Changing things around a bit can make a big difference and give us a sense of freshness.

When I see clients in my office, I often suggest they sit in a different spot than usual. The reaction is usually, ‘Wow, I never noticed that painting,’ or “I never saw all those books before.’  A new vantage point gives us a new perspective.

Driving home a different route shows us we can break out of our routinized ways and try various other avenues. Eventually, we might attempt something totally new and different. And there’s nothing like getting out of one’s comfort zone to renew your life and see there’s a whole world out there waiting to be seen.

Adventure doesn’t need to be sky-diving — it can be doing a hoola hoop instead of the regular stomach crunches. Small doses of newness bring us large spoonfuls of revitalization.

3. Practice Mindfulness

When we are aware and conscious of ourselves and our surroundings, we begin to savor the everyday things. Paying attention takes on a new meaning and feeling.

Reveling in that hot shower pouring down on us adds pleasure (and appreciation) to our shower time. The idea of being awake to our present is the antithesis of being on auto-pilot. We become intentional about our activity. Being mindful while brushing our teeth and gums makes brushing a more meaningful activity as opposed to a chore. Noticing the colors while cutting fruits and vegetables creates a greater appreciation for the healthy food we’re putting into ourselves.

There’s a freshness and renewal to otherwise run-of-the mill doings.

4. Follow Curiosity

Our world opens up when we are curious.  You can’t be curious and bored at the same time. There’s always something to learn, explore, see, be interested in.  Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it keeps us alive and fresh to possibility.

If you aren’t by nature a curious person, it can be developed. Be open to learning about things that may interest you but that you don’t know much about. Have you read a good book that took place in a time period you knew little about? Go further and research that historical period. Become interested and you will become interesting. There is a real excitement that comes from being curious about learning and trying out new ideas and things.

Kids by nature are curious souls. They play, explore, discover and are drawn in by a vibrant sense of curiosity. They are inherent masters at wonderment and awe. We too, as adults, can have that. It behooves us to develop this trait that will bring back our enthusiasm, zest, and joie de vivre.

Incorporating these concepts into our daily life will contribute greatly to extricating ourselves from the routinized doldrums. We will regain a sense of excitement and appreciation for having the gift of life.

First appeared as a guest post on the How Life Works website.

The post 4 Easy Ways to Renew Your Life appeared first on Rebuild Life Now.

We are broken, cracked open to the core. And we remain cocooned within covered in a blanket of pain.

At some point, having journeyed deep into the pain of grief, and with the love, support and encouragement of others, we begin to look up and realize there can still be some living to do, albeit in a different form.

And so we pull back those drapes that have done their good job of closing us off from the outside world that continues on, and we begin to peek out towards the light.

We are called upon to reconfigure our life, to adjust and transition into a new life, a new normal.

Here are 4 important things to know about grief and a new normal:

1. Grief is here to stay, to some degree. It is a sign of love and significance we hold to the person, thing or situation we lost.  We move through grief. The intensity won’t be the same as with the initial impact; but just as we will always feel the love, we will naturally feel the sadness and longing of the loss that can never be reclaimed.  The stronger the connection to that which was lost, the more intense the grief. The good news is we can still go on and grow on.  We can hold pain and joy together.
2. We begin to let go of our expectations and dreams of what could’ve been, of the future we will no longer have, of all that we had hoped for. And we begin to attach to new possibilities and new dreams.  We start to accept and open up to our new reality.  Our sights are now set on the different, on the change, on the fact that ‘this certainly isn’t what I expected but it’s what is now’.  The ‘what is’ becomes the work and new life to rebuild. We integrate the loss as it becomes a part of our life tapestry and seek to pave the way for a new path.
3. Making mean from loss helps in creating a new normal. As grief expert David Kessler states, “Loss is what happens to you in life. Meaning is what you make happen.”   It doesn’t take away grief but it helps  us to move forward.  We look outside ourselves towards a broader perspective.  “What can I do with what’s happened to me?”  Some will look to help others going through similar painful circumstances.  Some of the greatest organizations have been started out of loss and sorrow.  We look to fill that gaping hole with something of significance, some good, something meaningful.
4. We come to realize it’s not what happens to us but how we respond. That is our choice. As we heal emotionally, we begin to evolve and grow. We take our pain and loss and use it as a springboard for growth and enhancement. A sense of renewal lights our way forward.

We obviously don’t ask for the pain and suffering, but once it’s here, it is up to us what we do with it, how we live on with it. It’s in allowing ourselves to go through the pain and grief that we come through it and can look to rebuild our life into a new normal. As we can hold pain and joy together, we hold broken and whole together.  We are richer for it and have that much more to give out to the world.  As Leonard Cohen so beautifully wrote in his song, Anthem, “There is a crack, a crack in everything; that’s how the light gets in.”

First appeared as a guest post on the Professor’s House website.

The post How to Adjust to a New Normal appeared first on Rebuild Life Now.

There are things, however, we can do to delineate a new time period. Here are 4 ways to move into the new year with encouragement.

1. Hope: We can carry the torch of hope into the field of life. Hope helps us see the potential and possibility for better days and times ahead. We know the one constant aspect in life is change; and so not even the bad stays the same. Our pain, grief and struggles shift and eventually ease. Maintaining a sense of hope helps get us through our challenges. It is a coping too that keeps us afloat while we wait and work on getting those clouds to part. Without hope, we succumb. With hope we survive and eventually grow beyond our difficulties. Hope is built into resilience which pushes us on forward with renewal. Specifically now, with the vaccine here, the light at the end of the tunnel is beginning to appear. We will slowly come out of the darkness into the beginnings of {new} normalcy again.

2. Silver linings, not resolutions: We can hold onto some of the positives we’ve discovered from a most difficult year and bring them into the new year. More family time, meals with one another, down-time, healthy food preparation are just some good things that have come out of the bad. We’ve had almost a year of doing things differently so we might say they’ve become part of our {new} lifestyle. Taking my laptop up the stairs to ‘meet’ my clients and groups online for sessions throughout the day has been wonderfully convenient, and as I’ve been saying throughout, “I can get used to this.” No travel time, no hecticness, simply easy peasy. In all honesty, I do believe it’s better to see clients in-person for such intimate work, but this definitely exceeded my expectations for successful counseling sessions.

3. Immune boosters: As we’ve seen and learned, a strong immune system is vital in armoring ourselves against the invasion of dangerous foreign agents that feast on running amuck in our system. We optimize our chances of being healthy by investing in building up our system. Otherwise we’re like sitting ducks waiting for the vultures to prey upon us. We’ve also learned this year that we don’t have the control we like to think we have. But to build ourselves up can only be an added protector and benefit. So let’s reframe our ad nauseam resolutions such as weight loss and exercise to inputting healthy habits that will boost our immune system, giving us the best chance at staying strong and healthy. We are endowed with the gift of life, let’s prioritize and maximize our health.

4. Ourselves: We carry ourselves into the new year. We all deserve a big pat on the back. We did what we needed to do, what we were called upon to do. Many of us have experienced tremendous loss of all kinds and although we are still hurting greatly, we move forward, one small step at a time. We take ourselves into a new day, a new chance for betterment and healing. We are a gift and we all have light within us to shine forth.

Let’s take this opportunity for renewal and growth, taking our place on earth with gratitude and fortitude and awaken ourselves to a new cycle of life.

The post 4 Gifts To Carry Into the New Year appeared first on Rebuild Life Now.

“The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places.” ~Hemingway

We all know of post-traumatic stress (PTS) but how many of us know of post-traumatic growth (PTG), a very hopeful and attainable way of life beyond the loss, adversity, and trauma we’ve experienced? It’s a term that was coined in the 1990s and is becoming more popular now as positive psychology and the specific area of resiliency-building have gained momentum in our society.

What is post-traumatic growth? It’s positive change and growth that comes about as a result of an adversity or loss. It is channeling our pain into something positive.

Click here to continue reading this post over at Tiny Buddha.

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Hi, I’m Harriet, and welcome to the Happy Minute. Today’s the first day of autumn. And what does that symbolize, besides coming into the cold weather in a few months? How about looking at it as a time to reboot, refresh, decide how this year is going to look when we go to school. When kids go to school, they get new boxes of crayons and notebooks and they start fresh, new knapsacks, lunchboxes, some new clothes. How are we going to start fresh? Just because we’re not in school doesn’t mean this can’t be a time to rejuvenate ourselves. What picture are we going to paint or draw with our new box of crayons or paints? We could outline it and then slowly during the year, fill it in with colors as they come about. So think about that. Rebooting, refreshing for this new year.

Please subscribe to my email list where you’ll receive my new Happy Minute each week. Upon subscribing now, you’ll immediately receive a download of a couple of free chapters from my book, Living Well Despite Adversity.

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Hi, I’m Harriet, and welcome to the Happy Minute. We’ve all looked up at that dark sky at night when all the stars are out and thought it was just so beautiful and so calming. We’ve sat by the ocean and looked far out as if it was the end of the horizon. We’ve all stood next to mountains and seen and appreciated their hugeness. When we are near these places or in the midst of them, there’s a feeling that arises and that’s called awe, and research is showing that when we are in a state of awe, it increases our wellbeing. It gets those good, good stuff going inside. So when we’re around things that are vast and expansive, we feel small but small in a good way, humble, and connected to something larger than ourselves.

Please subscribe to my email list where you’ll receive my new Happy Minute each week. Upon subscribing now, you’ll immediately receive a download of a couple of free chapters from my book, Living Well Despite Adversity.

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Hi, this is Harriet, and welcome to the Happy Minute. I have this real neat box of tissues that has these great words on it. I’ll show you if you can see – Imagine, Smile, Create, Amaze – and it got me thinking, are we really engaging in life in the real way? More often than not, we’re sitting in front of a screen, our laptop, our phone, and we may see beautiful sunsets and be inspired by stories through words and movies, which is great, but how much better is it to get out there and engage and interact with life, connect with people one on one, look into their eyes, have these conversations. Those are the real connections. Those are the real deals. Experiencing the beauty, experiencing the amazement of what life has to offer. Let’s get out there more.

Please subscribe to my email list where you’ll receive my new Happy Minute each week. Upon subscribing now, you’ll immediately receive a download of a couple of free chapters from my book, Living Well Despite Adversity.

The post The Real Deal appeared first on Rebuild Life Now.