*****

In June of 1984 I was just out of high school and working the graveyard shift in a toothpaste packaging plant in Harleysville, PA, a small farm town about thirty-five miles northwest of Philadelphia. All I'd ever wanted to do since I was ten-years-old was to play drums in a rock band and hopefully make records and tour the world. So, when my friends in The Dead Milkmen told me about a band they knew called Psychotic Norman that was in need of a drummer, I leapt at the chance.

I made contact with the band, learned the songs on their basement demo tape, auditioned, and by August I was officially a member of Psychotic Norman. My brothers in musical carnage were Tom Bates on bass, Tom Spitzwater on guitar, and singer Theodore Sgrosevelt. (I like to think they used fake names to spare their parents undue embarrassment.) I was very committed to the band, and every Tuesday and Sunday I'd make the hour-plus train/subway trip from Harleysville to Bates's duplex in Drexel Hill (where, coincidentally, my mother was raised), just southwest of the city. By November we were starting to play shows.

Though most of our gigs were with punk/hardcore bands (Suicidal Tendencies, Decry, Die Kruezen, etc.) in basements and all-ages halls, we were a bit of an oddity in that scene. Sure, we took inspiration from The Ramones, The Damned and Black Flag, but we also threw in what we could figure out from the Velvet Underground, The Who, The Fall, and James Brown. Add to that mix a singer who sounded and looked like Canned Heat's Bob "Bear" Hite and, well, I don't know what you'd call it.

What we have here are the three tracks comprising Psychotic Norman's debut seven-inch single. They were recorded in the summer of '85 at a sixteen-track studio located among a bunch of storage sheds just outside Drexel Hill. "Man Meets Fish" is a straight-up melodic punk number, while the other two songs, "Davy Jones Water Cooler" and "Cosmic Rap," show the band's more experimental side. I'd taken a month-long course at a recording school in Ohio that spring, which probably accounts for the semi-produced sound of the finished product.

The single took months to go into production due to a sleeve artist who was both unreliable and worked at the speed of geology. This snag was just one of a number of things that were starting to frustrate me about the band. Morale and enthusiasm were low, gigs were hard to come by, and our newly purchased van died on the way to what would be our final show (a party at a University of Pennsylvania frat house). The final straw for me came one Sunday in January of '86 when our gifted but temperamental bassist didn't show up for rehearsal...at his own house. When my brother, who was attending college at Wake Forest University, called that evening with news that a local up-and-coming roots rock band called The Right Profile was looking for a drummer I decided to give it a shot. I flew down to Winston-Salem, NC, a couple days later and tried out.

I ended up passing the audition and moving to North Carolina a week or two later. Amazingly, The Right Profile (which included future Freakonomics co-author Stephen J. Dubner on keyboards and guitar) ended up getting signed by Clive Davis to Arista Records a couple months later. My insane goal of "making it" by age twenty had actually been reached. The ensuing years provided nothing but heartbreak for The Right Profile (our debut LP was aborted halfway into its recording), and I eventually left the band in the fall of 1991 when I joined Superchunk.

Ted and the two Toms played with a couple other drummers after I left, but I don't think the band ever played another show. I'm not even sure the Psychotic Norman single technically "came out." I did buy a copy for seventy-five cents at a record store in Portland, OR, in 1992, so a few of them did make their way into the world. Tom S. says he still has about 500 copies in his basement.

Ted lived hard and it eventually caught up with him. The two Toms and I were lucky enough to reunite with him at his hospital bedside before he passed on three years ago. Ted was a very smart and eloquent guy who never really found the proper outlet for his talents. My favorite memory of Ted is of he and D. Boon engaged in a heated and hilarious belly-bucking contest the night we opened for the Minutemen in October of 1985 (two months to the day before Boon's tragic death in a van accident). It was a draw.

This is my favorite photo of Ted. It was taken the night we opened for Suicidal Tendencies at a rec hall in Catasauqua, PA. Ted was totally in his element, prowling the floor (there was no stage to speak of) and singing his heart out. I should also mention that he sang a large portion of our set while reclining in a plastic lawn chair.

Sgro ho!

Jon Wurster
October 2011

*****

Psychotic Norman - Man Meets Fish

Psychotic Norman - Davey Jones / Water Cooler

Psychotic Norman - Cosmic Rap

Special thanks to Brian Varney for technical assistance with the vinyl-to-digital conversion.

I think I spotted someone dressed as my dear stepuncle: Bang Tango frontman Joe LeSte!

Go to the Merge Recording Company's website to pre-order Wild Flag, the self-titled, debut long-playing record by the greatest rock music supergroup since Contraband.

UPDATE: The diametric parallel.

UPDATE 2: TMS.

"I am going to call shenanigans on that." -- Tom, disputing the claim that attractive girls were present at the Amadeus Nerd Party

"Party for one. Right here. Happenin' ... now. And it's pretty good." -- Coco Hames, flying solo in her London flat

"I think he's a savant. Gifted in ways that no one can explain." -- Dave from Knoxville, describing the mysterious mind thing of Fredericks

"... or enjoy." -- Tom, putting a different spin on the peculiar New Port Richey brainspace

"First of all, it's science-fiction. A deer sees white pants coming at him, he's gonna run away. He's gonna see that from 200 yards away. Some dude with white pants and the light reflecting off his goofball sunglasses. Big Buck Hunter. Shameful." -- Tom, pointing out the shortcomings of this hipster shoot-em-up

"In this part of Jersey it would have had Zubaz on instead of a pink diaper, though." -- Ted Leo, explaining the regional attire worn by the dangling van monkeys of Bloomfield

"Wow. Heather Graham, the guys from Jawbreaker, and Spike. It's like a red carpet!" -- Tom, marveling at the NYC celebrity parade

"I'm taking creative writing and English literature with a minor in food services." -- Emma, detailing her path to becoming Canada's finest chalkboard prose stylist

"Welcome back. We knew you'd be back." -- Flight Attendant, welcoming Ted Leo back to the slums of coach

"Laughinstock. Food. Laughingstock. Food." -- Mr. T (via Tom), considering a Brisk Super Bowl commercial offer

"He's like an out-of-shape person that they hooked up to an air hose who just kept inflating. Like, 'I'm gettin' bigger! I'm gettin' bigger!'" -- Tom, revealing Hulk Hogan's workout regimen

"Whaddya think? It's a gold disc, isn't it?" -- Herb Wilkinson, predicting Billboard certification for his "Living Hardcore" single

"It was, and I'll tell you, the soda turned bad, and it really sent those elk sausages barking at the door. They were barkin' loud!" -- Herb Wilkinson, describing the severity of his digestive distress

"Like those Harry Turtledove books where the Nazis win World War II and basically Wall Street is now called Adolf Hitler Avenue." -- Herb Wilkinson, placing American Hardcore: A Tribal History in the historical fiction genre

"They also brought along a lot of these lesser gangs with them who were awful fighters. Gangs like The Painted Willies and Tom Troccoli and his Dogs. Terrible gangs. Real bad. Bad fighters." -- Herb Wilkinson, lamenting The Black Flags' association with subpar forces

"I thought those were guns and spears and canons. Those are drums?!" -- Herb Wilkinson, discovering that American Hardcore does not contain photos of weaponry

"I picked it up, and I flew it over to Leftbridge. And then I hovered above Leftbridge, and I dropped Rightbridge onto Leftbridge. Smashed it. And that's why there's no Rightbridge or Leftbridge now. It's called Middlebridge. Yup." -- Herb Wilkinson, detailing the logistics of the Lady Foot Locker blimp bombing that killed 712 citizens

"Are you bleeping everything I'm saying?! Okay. Well then he shoved me, and then I shoved him into this wall full of                          . And they all turned on and then we both got stung." -- Herb Wilkinson, attempting to provide the obscene particulars of the Del Sparrow's Erogenous Zone device zapping

"Well, it's a satanic march if you ask me." -- Herb Wilkinson, denouncing scum-rockers The Buckingham's hit single, "Kind of a Drag"

"Oh my ... what is this?! OH MY GOD! Noooooo! Nooooooooooo! WHAT IS THIS?! AHHHHHHH, I'm gonna, AHHHHHH! No! No! Nooooooooooo! No! No! Noooo! Noooo! Oh my God. Oh my God (whimpering). It's so much worse than I could have ever imagined." -- Herb Wilkinson, reacting to his first exposure to MDC's "Business on Parade"

"Oh, why don't you shut up. Piece of filth!" -- Herb Wilkinson, refusing Tom's recommendation to visit a licensed medical doctor

"Goodnight, Dumm Oaf." -- Tom, bidding farewell to his new meal ticket

"Who was behind the counter? Andrew Dice Clay's girlfriend?" -- Tom, inquiring about the identity of the circa-1988 Hat Check Girl at the Museum of Natural History

[TBSOWFMU - 4/26/11 / Full Podmirth / Best Show Gems / Myspace / Fotpedia [RIP?] / Newbridgctionary / Headquarters / S&W / Twitter-S / Twitter-W]

STP - "25 Miles/Safer"

( Click here to acquire the other side of the "Smoke 'Em" 7")

The Vivians - "Midnight"

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Sloan - "The Answer Was You"

( Click here to buy The Double Cross)

Quintron - "Ring The Alarm"

( Click here to buy Sucre Du Sauvage)

Tyler Jon Tyler - "Faster Than Light"

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White Mystery - "Pumpkin Crème"

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Milk Music - "Fertile Ground"

( Click here to read the Still Single review of Beyond Living; the slab's already OOP!)

Prisonshake - "I Hear Your Name"

( Click here to acquire more of the Singles '87-'89 box set)

Now is the time for us to gather together and celebrate those things that we like and think are fun:

"What's gonna trend tonight? What's really gonna trend tonight? Uh, Gaddafi. Gaddafi. Enough with that. We get it. He's like a bad guy or something, right? Look, I don't follow the news that much. Is he one of the good guys or the bad guys? I can't remember anymore. Bad guy?" -- Tom, trying to make sense of the longtime Libyan leader

"Gingrich/Hodgman 2012!" -- Omar the Scrivener, beating the drum for the ticket that will hopefully bump that current cat out of his litter box

"I know I can always hide out in Toronto when they're comin' after me. If I'm on the run, if I'm accused of a crime I did not commit, I can always run to Toronto and hide. It's lawless up there, though. It's vaguely lawless." -- Tom, going off the grid in the f'd up Canadian capital

"I'm more of a John from Cincinnati guy. When's the next season start on that?" -- Tom, looking to catch another wave of the embattled Home Box Office surf-noir

"You like Showtime better? Yeah. If The Sopranos was on Showtime it would've been a half hour long, and it would have been like ... Jeff Goldblum would've been playing Tony Soprano." -- Tom, responding to Hatch touting the premium cable pleasures of Nurse Jackie

"I just wanna say, IT'S ON LIKE DONKEY KON!" -- AP Mike, lighting asses up to get some fast bucks

"You smell like nachos, Mike." -- Hatch, catching the olfactory aftermath of a 'shroom/salsa/cheese binge

"Look, I've said this before, and I'll say it again. I am not a fan of the Zodiac Killer in any way, shape, or form. BUT. Butbutbut. If you are out there, Zodiac Killer, 800-989-9368. WFMU.org. I can only picture what the Zodiac Killer would look like walking around. This is my plan. This whole thing's set up just to catch the Zodiac Killer. I'm gonna see him in the [marathon premium] t-shirt walkin' down the street with his Zodiac watch on. If I see that shirt plus a Zodiac watch plus he's 100 years old at this point equals you're the Zodiac Killer, and I'm bringing you down. And again, it might happen tonight, there's a lot of people in the building. I've issued this challenge months ago. If the Zodiac Killer is out there, you come up here, I will fight you. And if you win the fight, I will cop to being the Zodiac Killer. I will cop to it. They will haul me off in handcuffs that night. I will be in jail for the rest of my life as the Zodiac Killer, but I'm tellin' you, if I win the fight, you're going down. You're going down, ZK." -- Tom, offering a plea deal to the elusive serial murderer

"ZK! I like that. Maybe I will pledge." -- The Zodiac Killer, digging the whole brevity thing (this is a reference to the feature film The Big Lebowski!)

"Now Brandon from Fargo, that was not a pledge from ... nevermind, let's just keep going. I can't make a Fargo joke now. My deal, Wade! My deal!" -- Tom, Lundegaardening at night anyway

"I could picture Mike at 4 in the morning talking to the horn. 'What's that, Horny? What's that? No, Horny, I can't! No. No, Horny! No, Horny, don't! No. She's a nice lady, Horny! She's a nice lady, Horny! Don't ... yes, Horny. Okay, Horny. You're in charge!" -- Tom, delivering some disturbing dialogue

"What about retro-grunge? You like do a jaunty, ironic version of grunge." -- Tom, suggesting Ted Leo's next musical phase

"I hate how talented you are! WHY AM I SO TALENTLESS? WHY?! WHY DO I HAVE NO TALENT?! Except for just a whine. That's like my only talent. Just like whining What's that?" -- Tom, lamenting his limited skill set after Ted Leo's performance

"These guys, you know what these guys do? They keep goin', and they keep goin' and goin'. They don't quit! They're not like that Jeff Magnum guy, does two albums. Ehhhhhhew, it's hard making music!" -- Tom, giving props to his prolific musical guests

"It's beautiful here, isn't it? You look out the windows here, and you're like ... the natural beauty is astounding." -- Carl Newman, reveling in his Garden State of Mind

"I have Get Shorty-style powers! I can learn Ted Leo songs in a matter of minutes." -- Carl Newman, channeling John Travolta for his "Bottled in Cork" cover

"He kinda sounds a little bit like John McCain. A drunk Mike sounds like John McCain." -- Tom, hearing some Senator Pizza in his Associate Producer's tipsy tones

"You know what the Rollaboard® is full of? Passports, and, weirdly, jars of marmalade in black socks." -- John Hodgman, revealing the contents of AP Mike's mobile luggage

"Good movie, good pledger." -- Tom, thanking "Ghost Dad" from Montreal

"How come #TomThon is not trending, but #lube is trending in New York. Lube! I don't even know what anybody's writing about lube." -- Tom, pondering the peculiar online zeitgeist

"Could John Hodgman read a segment of his book, I Know Everything?" -- Philly Boy Roy, requesting his Last Roights while trapped in the trunk

"Still many tulips there. Many tulips there." -- Ted Leo, reporting on the flower scene in Holland, Michigan, not Holland the country

"Remember that time I was on your show?" -- Kurt Vile, pulling a Christopher Farley

"I am going to throw you off the roof. You have 10 seconds to get out of the building because I'm going to throw you off the roof." -- Tom, threatening AP Mike for getting a bit too "Horny" and "Squeaky" during The Final Push

"I just wanna say, Tom, to paraphrase Arthur Bremer, I'm so excited I can hardly walk!" -- AP Mike, exuding erect excitement 16 ounces at a time

"I would do it if I never had to see him or be on stage with him." -- John Hodgman, accepting a co-starring role with AP Mike in a new production of The Sunshine Boys

"Did he say if he was really high?" -- Carl Newman, wondering if the White Whale winner's $4,500 pledge was crippler-aided

[TBSOWFMU - 3/8/11 / Full Podmirth / Best Show Gems / Myspace / Fotpedia [RIP?] / Newbridgctionary / Headquarters / S&W / Twitter-S / Twitter-W]

Janitor Joe - "What's Going On?" (Hüsker Düde cover)

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Cheveu - "Charlie Sheen"

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Eleventh Dream Day - "Divining For Water"

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Smoosh - "Promises"

( Click here to buy Withershins)

Rival Schools - "Eyes Wide Open"

( Click here to buy Pedals)

Enuff Z'Nuff - "These Daze"

( Click here to buy Animals With Human Intelligence)

Mars Classroom - "Wish You Were Young"

( Click here to buy The New Theory of Everything)

The D.O.C. - "The Grand Finale"

( Click here to buy No One Can Do It Better)

Now is the time for us to gather together and celebrate those things that we like and think are fun and pledge: