Recliner QB

Trapped In the RedZone - Week 6: Excelsior!

noreply@blogger.com (AmazingMattyP) — Sun, 14 Oct 2012 16:23:00 +0000

by Matt Prendergast

'Hey kids, now go into your mother's purse and get out a 20...'

After a week wandering in the desolate wasteland, we've returned. And by 'we', I mean 'I'. And by 'desolate wasteland', I mean 'Walmart'.

You know the drill - Scott Hanson hosts the NFL Network's RedZone channel, and it's football sugar overload. I come here and pull out some observations that might just slip by, but mostly take any opportunity to critique announcing teams' hair choices.

It kicks off at noon....enjoy the ride.

11:35 - Pregame. Two observations - 1) Now confident that Warren Sapp maintains his employment at NFLNetwork solely because he makes Michael Irvin look like Football Einstein by comparison. 2) Nobody delivers nachos, or even tacos in this area. What the hell?

11:42 - Warren just called Andy Dalton 'The Red Rifle'. I like that. Point: Sapp.....however, he's done this whilst wearing an Irvin-cut sport coat. You're not fooling me.

11:59 - And this is another good argument for having older step-children. Taco/Nacho situation is being handled, crisis averted.

12:00 - While the RedZone intro video is certainly stolen from 'Tron 2.0', I should be thankful it doesn't feature Cee Lo, or Faith Hill, or Green Day, or the ghost of what was once Paul McCartney.

12:02 - BATTLE OF OHIO! Game of the year. Love this one....oh, and Andrew Luck is preparing to show Mark Sanchez what a first-round quarterback plays like.

12:05 - Falcons start off with the ball to begin the first of what is sure to be a dozen scoring drives. RAIDERS!

12:06 - Interception, Oakland Raiders. And this is where it starts falling apart, Matty Cripes.

12:07 - Daryl Richardson broke out a 44 yard run against the Dolphins. Thanks for the effort all those years we sucked, SJax!

12:08 - The LEG! Rams up by three. Also, just to compare, Andrew Luck is working with Donnie Avery and having success. How does that feel Sancho? McFadden fumbled the ball back to the ATL. D-Mac knows how to maintain parity.

12:10 - Future convicted felon Cliff Avril just brought down DeSean Jackson for a huge loss on an Eagles trick play. Good call, Reid, but I'd start with just 'completing passes'....Matt Bryant misses a field goal, the Raiders are still in this.

Wheeden chose a new agent during contract negotiations.

12:12 - Wheeden picked on his birthday basically at the line of scrimmage. That's not how you treat a senior citizen, Cincy....deplorable.

12:16 - Jermaine Gresham with a 55 yard catch and score! Gresham has all the potential to be Jermichael Finley, if Jermichael Finley had been born with arms.

12:17 - DOUBLE BOX! - Oak/Atl and Ind/NYJ. Yeesh.

12:20 - Vick Ballard looks like he has the eye for the outside lane and shifty feet of a young Mike Alstott.

12:22 - Luck just totally Sanchezed that end-zone throw to Fleener. KC just turned the ball over back to Tampa. Game may end with a negative score.

12:23 - Legomatic! They better start watching Greg Zuelein's reps, gotta make it to the end of the season.

12:24 - HOLY CRAP! A DEZ BRYANT CATCH!

12:25 - Matt Ryan with his second pick. Raider Nation wins another battle.

12:26 - I told you DeMarco Murray would be able to run on the Ravens (and he had a 30 yard scamper earlier). What I neglected to mention was that Felix Jones would be unleashed as well.

12:27 - Nachos are here. I'm gonna need a minute.

12:29 - Darius Heyward-Bey is ridiculously tough....great end-around reverse.....you know how good Calvin Johnson is? The Lions have absolutely nothing else going on, and they still can't stop him. TEBOW IN THE JETS GAME! For a three yard gain. Stupid.

12:30 - Felix Jones TD on the review.

12:34 - Antonio Cromartie in on the Jets' offense. They'll try anything to fail spectacularly.

12:39 - Whilst I was getting tacos, Mark Sanchez threw a touchdown, and LeDarius Webb had his knee blow-out on him....and the Ravens' D continues it's downward fortunes.

12:40 - Brandon Wheeden just dropped a 60 plus yard TD on the Bengals via Josh Gordon. Mohammed Massaquoi might as well not even rehab.

12:43 - Mike Vick fumble. Recovers. But I'm gonna say now that it'll be weird seeing somebody other than Andy Reid on the sidelines next year.

12:45 - Roddy White for 6....that hope you had sure was intoxicating for a minute, wasn't it Oak....Eagles' center now fumbles, and he makes sure the Lions get it, Follow-through, Mike, follow-through.

12:48 - Shonn Greene actually looks like a running back today....Jets up 14 to 3 after a Luck pick off Wayne's hand to Cromartie.

12:49 - Beautiful bomb over-the-shoulder-where-nobody-else-could-get-it strike from Matt Stafford to the Eagles Nnamdi Asomugha.

12:55 - The Leg is mortal - shanks one, finally.

1:01 - Two interception returns for scores for Antonio Cromartie. Both denied for penalties. In the Ravens/Boys game, Haloti Ngata went to the locker room, RAY RICE TOUCHDOWN!

1:03 - 'Marlon Moore' just caught an endzone strike from Ryan Tannehill. Maybe they said 'Marvin'. I don't know, probably not gonna hear that name again.

1:04 - Maybe they said 'Mormon'? No, that doesn't sound right.

1:06 - Third Raider pick of Matt Ryan. THE WHEELS ARE COMING OFF, SMITH.

1:08 - I don't know there's a worse-looking team with a winning record than the Eagles....Vick Pick to Louis Delmas.

The Original Red Rifle. Wait, is Carson Palmer
related to Adam Corolla? How did I miss that?

1:09 - Denarius Moore with a terrific run after the catch for 6, Raiders are beating the Falcons soundly. Carson Palmer is as good as his receivers decide he's going to be.

1:11 - Touchdown AJ Green, the Battle for Ohio is catching fire like the Cuyahoga River.

1:13 - Tony Romo pick! Took until the second quarter, but finally Tony comes through! I think it might have been trapped, but I'm not looking that closely.

1:16 - The amount of success the Chiefs have had this year in winning games seems to be directly related to how many times a game I hear Dexter McCluster is targeted. A lot today, bodes poorly.

1:16 - A Jets linebacker just caught a fake punt or something from Tebow for a first down, hard to tell what exactly was going on there. Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow. Tebow.

1:18 - Where were these Colts last week against Green Bay?

1:22 - Jason Hill with another Jets touchdown - isn't that the guy they signed last week? AND THE COLTS SHUT DOWN JORDY NELSON?!?!?

1:23 - And there's your Torrey Smith touchdown of the week, combined with a Morris Claiborne injury...Smith pushed off on Claiborne, and Claiborne got called for it. REAL REFS!

1:25 - 'They need LeSean McCoy to take this ball into the endzone and get that ball out of Michael Vick's hands'. Wow. Also, LeSean did just that.

1:37 - Not much going on, it's hovering around the halftime mark for most of these games....

This is the second image that comes
up when you image search 'Weeden'

1:38 - Turns out I've been spelling 'Weeden' wrong for six weeks. But nobody noticed. Go Browns.

1:42 - Whatever the opposite of the word 'lithe' is, it's got to have a picture of Andy Dalton next to it. Runs like Tom Brady.

1:45 - Vincent Jackson score on the throw from 'Meh'. Buccaneers pulling away. Nobody cares.

1:46 - I've now seen Dez Bryant catch four balls today. I think Irvin suited up today.....Jason Hanson just said 'Jason Witten beating Ed Reed on that' as if it were surprising.

1:52 - Jacoby Jones sighting - 108 yard return for a touchdown. Cowboys are in trouble this year.

1:58 - CARSON PALMER! Keeping the Falcons in the game with the clutch fumble.

1:59 - I see. Dez Bryant plays well on the weeks I bench him. Very good then.

2:08 - Dez Bryant touchdown. Dink.

2:12 - 2 touchdown day for Shonn Greene. SELL HIGH.

2:18 - LeSean McCoy is hurt....Montario Hardesty is stopped at the one.....Running Back Mayhem.

2:21 - Hardesty finally hammers in - WHY ISN'T THAT RICHARDSON?

2:25 - The most clusterf***ed play you're going to see this year just happened on a punt attempt by the Buccaneers....I don't even know what to say other than, 'congrats Chiefs, that was your Super Bowl!'

2:27 - Pass Interference on Brent Celek negating his own touchdown....more impressive as he didn't commit pass interference.

2:28 - The negative: Vick got sacked on 3 and goal. The positive: somehow he did not fumble.

2:29 - Philip Tanner running for the Cowboys. DeMarco out with a sad foot or something.

2:29 - And now some guy named 'Dunbar'. Waiver wire is heating up out there...

2:31 - Wrapping up early this week....low numbers, but more importantly, I've got to iron a shirt, and that's going to take some time. Thanks for joining, we'll see about next week.....

NFL Week 6: Start'Em/Screw'Em Games Bonanza!

noreply@blogger.com (AmazingMattyP) — Sat, 13 Oct 2012 18:25:00 +0000

The 'I've Got An Hour To Crank This Out Edition'

by Matt Prendergast

Howdy do! Welcome back to this cavalcade of questionable recommendations, we're glad you're here! As we've now got a firm five weeks under our belts, two things are clear: a) The Green Bay Packers aren't very good anymore, and b) God hates my fantasy football teams.

Got it? Good! Let's pull it out of the oven and eat it before it cools!

That Happened On Thursday: You wanna know how I know the Steelers aren't as good as we are always assuming? They lost to the Titans. And from this, I now know that I am not to trust these clowns. Except Mike Wallace, him I still run without questioning the decision, but the rest of these dudes are a wavery stomach for the forseeable future. And that said, I still don't like ANY of the Titans going forward....but we'll cover that next week.

This Week In Footballs:

Raiders @ Falcons - You're kidding me, right?

Raiders Starts: You're playing McFadden if you got him, unless you're in some ridiculous 6 or 8 team league, which means you probably shouldn't even participate in this hobby, and instead dedicate your time to writing NFL Fan Fiction, where your awesomest-ever Tampa Bay Buccaneers team just won their ninth Super Bowl, beating the New England Patriots 114 to 11 after Aaron Rodgers threw a screen pass to 1996 Brett Favre who threw the ball 110 yards to Derrick Brooks who's now an awesome receiver. Raider Screws: Wouldn't touch another Raider. Except Seabass, but you know how I feel about Seabass.

Falcon Starts: Yes. Falcon Screw: No. Unless you really think Jacquizz Rodgers is a good idea, because he isn't.

YAY! FALCONS GO 6-0! Which will make going one-and-out in the playoffs so much better.

Cowboys @ Baltimore - The common sense choice leans towards putting too much emphasis on 'Cowboy Implosion 2012!', and not enough on the fact that for half of their games so far, they're totally great. Also, I love the Ravens, a lot, but their defense kinda looks like Ray Lewis retired last year, and has given Terrell Suggs a terrific renegotiation tool.

I found this, it's somebody else's. Go watch the YouTube vid.

'Boys Starts: I'm all in on Tony this week, and Miles, and DeMarco for that matter. Still don't have a lot of trust in Dez Bryant's ability to recognize basic hand functions, but he can't have a terminal case of the Finleys, can he? Also, I start their D. Boys Screw: Yeah, thinking about it, I'm probably skipping on Dez this week.....unless he's a flex.

Ravens Start: Ray Rice and Torrey Smith. Ravens Screw: Joe Flacco, Dennis Pitta and the Defense - Did you realize that Dallas has the top passing defense in the league this year? BECAUSE WE'RE LIVING IN THE MATRIX. You aren't running Anquan out there anymore, so it barely needs a mention, but I don't like any of these dudes this week.

ROMOCOASTER IS BACK ON THE UP! Cowboys win, and somehow do it by finishing a game.

Bengals @ Browns - This is going to sound like I'm lying to you, but I'm not, I swear...this matchup is one of my favorite games every year, because it's always 'don't look around that guy's basement' insane, no matter what....like a Bears/Packers game, all bets are off. It doesn't matter if the Bengals are fighting for third place in the division, or the Browns are fighting for fourth; this is guaranteed tremendous football.

Bengal Starts: Red Rider, Legal Advisors and Insecticon. Bengal Screw: I know the Browns still have a horrible defense, but after two weeks of excitement, Andrew Hawkins has blended back into the scenery, so 'no thanks' to you, tiny little scrapper.

Brown Starts: Trent is a gimme. Now, here's where it's going to become clear I've taken the wrong prescription: If your regular guy is on the bye, I'm all behind a one-week run of Brandon Wheeden. I know what I just typed, shut your hole. And for that matter, I'm big on riding the lighting and taking a chance on Josh Gordon in a WR3 or Flex position. Browns Screw: Can't trust Greg Little, and I repeat, that Wheeden call is for extreme circumstances only.

Haden's Return Disrupts AJ Enough To Give CLE The Win, and Majority Vote in the House.

This One's For You, Dwain Weddall!

Rams @ Dolphins - Wait, Rams versus Fins is one of the best match-ups of the week? GIVE ME BACK MY MIND!

Rams Starts: This is gonna sound odd, considering what I'm gonna say four or five sentences from now, but 'nobody'. Not a one Ram shalt I start upon my fantasy roster. Ram Screws: Common logic takes the previous sentence and answers this for you.

Dolphin Starts: Reggie Bush, Hartline in a flex situation. Dolphin Screws: Don't like the defense this week, don't know any of the other receivers....is Davone Bess still there?

The Sum-Of-Their Parts St. Louis Rams Fall Short and Lose On the Road.

Colts @ Jets - Wow, five weeks ago I couldn't have conceived of the following words in the order which I am presenting them: The Jets are coming into this game completely outmatched against the surging Indianapolis Colts.

Colt Starts: Andrew Luck has terrific stats, and you should now start thinking about playing him.....Reggie Wayne is a war machine. Colt Sits: As crap as the Jets really are, I still wouldn't put Vick Ballard in there unless your other RB options are 'a dead guy' and 'cargo pants'.

Jets Starts: Nope.

The Colts will MANHANDLE the Jets, Yet Somehow, Someway, Sanchez Will Still Start Next Week

Lions @ Eagles - Two squads which came into the season with high expectations, and yet are both somehow winning games, sorta. This could lead to something super-exciting to watch, or a seven fumble, nine interception affront to the soul of the game itself.

Lion Starts: Staffy, Meggie....and that's where that sentence ends, again. Lion Screws: Not touching that running game, nor that D, nor any of the extra receivers. Same old Lions.

Eagle Starts: Shady's the only lock, but chances are strong with bye weeks that if you've got DeSean or Vick, you're rolling them....however, if you've got anything close, I'd sit Vick until he stops looking like 'Old Mike Vick from Atlanta who can't pass none'. I know Maclin's been under-performing and crutched-up, but I still like him against the Detroit Secondary. Quiz: NAME A MEMBER OF THE DETROIT SECONDARY. There you go.... Eagle Screw: Again, I really don't like Mike Vick if you're not trapped in his web.

'Hey Coach? Um, nobody gave me a helmet yet....'

Chiefs @ Bucs - This shouldn't be televised under human rights laws. One team is totally underperforming, and the other one is the Chiefs.

Game Starts: Jamaal Charles, Dwayne Bowe, Vincent Jackson. Game Screws: Other participants, fans of professional football, Matt Cassell's career.

Um....The Chiefs Win, Cool? I mean, they've got to at some point, why not with Brady Quinn?

Bills @ Cardinals - SuperCardinals D is Average. Bills D is horrifying. Kevin Kolb v. Ryan Fitzpatrick; there was a day not too long ago when I imagined I would only see this showdown in a season preview for the UFL, how fortunate that fate has brought us this magical blessing two years early.

Bill Starts: Uh...you got other guys, right? I guess Steve Johnson. Coin-flip on Spiller and Jackson which has quickly devolved into one of the worst time shares for fantasy since Carolina started paying millions of dollars for guys to distract in the flat to open up lanes for Cam. Bills Screw: I'd prefer you play none of them, if I'm being a caring nurturer, but it's your life.

Card Starts: Fitz, Roberts and Kolb - should be a banner goddamned week for the Cards passing game. Cards Screw: That Will Powell guy, or LaRod, or Alphonso, or whoever isn't running the ball this week for AZ.

Cardinals Radio Landslide Victory!

Patriots @ Seabirds - Here's the thing: I hate both of these teams, deeply. On the Patriots side, that's a long-lasting thing; for Seattle, well, you know why. So if it's possible for both teams to lose, then I'm all for it.

Pats Starts: I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO TELL YOU THIS. Pats Screws: Six weeks in; six weeks of 'don't play Brandon Lloyd'. I haven't failed you with this yet.....also, don't really like Ridley or Bolden or Vereen or any of their RBs.

Seahawk Start: Marshawn Lynch, duh. Hawk Screw: All the rest....I feel bad for Sidney Rice, he really looked like he was gonna be something before he signed a contract with the Black Hole of Receivers.

Pats Remind Pete Carroll of His Place Via A Sound Beating, Followed By Double B Giving Him An Onfield Noogie.

Giants @ Niners - Flip a coin! This is a big game on both sides, and both squads are gearing up....

Game Starts: Anybody important. Game Screw: Ahmad Bradshaw, who will follow up last week's crazy stats with under forty yards.

Niners Win Because Angry Defense is Angry.

Vikes @ 'Skins - Game of the week? MAYBE. My belief is it's certainly going to be the most entertaining.

Vikes Starts: All the starters - and that includes Jerome Simpson as a WR2. The Redskins are only worse at the pass than the Buccaneers (holy crap, maybe that Brady Quinn thing isn't a bad idea...)

Skin Starts: RG3, Alfred Morris....and for one final week, Pierre Garcon (don't fail me again, Pierre). Skin Sits: Hate Fred Davis in this, not sure why....the whole receiving corps is getting dangerously close to 'Saints-level', with nobody standing out consistently....yet not as soul-damning as the Seattle corps.

Redskins Win a Close One At Home - On the Final Series.

Packers @ Texans - Game of the week? Doubt it.

Suck it up, it's not 2009 anymore, Number 12.

Packer Starts: You're playing Rodgers if you have him. James Jones is turning out pretty good for a waiver pickup, huh? Packers Screw: Jordy, Finley, Three-Headed, Two-Yard Running Committee, The Defense, if they field one this week.

Texan Starts: One of two things is going to happen: The Packers' run D shows up, leaving Andre Johnson, Owen Daniels and Matt Schaub open for three scores - or their secondary shows up instead, allowing Arian to rumble for 115 and two sixers. I'd bet on both. Also, their D should be good for 7 sacks. Texan Screw: Don't play Tate. Just don't.

The Homer in Me Wants To Call The Upset; The Realist Wins, and The Packers' Season Is Over. BUT WHAT IF IT ISN'T? WHAT IF IT ISN'T?!?

Broncos @ Chargers - LOVE THIS MONDAY NIGHT GAME!

Game Starts: EVERYONE INVOLVED IN THE PASSING GAME ON BOTH SIDES. Game Screws: Except Jacob Tamme....and Antonio Gates. Also, eff the running backs. Eff 'em all.

Broncos Win A Big One In a Shootout That MNF Hasn't Seen Since Lynn Dickey.

Buttonhook on three! Now go follow @AmazingMattyP on the Twitter. He's nice person.

In fact, follow all the ReclinerQB crew - they know things, things you can't imagine -

ReclinerQB, Sonny Prier, JR Sheppard, Corey Doiron, Christie Mac, Marcus Wyche, and Josh.

AFC West Status Report: Week 6

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 08 Oct 2012 21:15:00 +0000

By Sonny Prier

Frump. Three losses and a "does not apply" for The West last week. Only the Chargers put up a struggle Sunday, unless you count Carson Palmer trying to open his pizza rolls.

He went 17/40 with 3 fumbles that rolled under the couch

We've got our first divisional power-showdown this week... Broncos at Chargers on Monday night! Five weeks in and these teams are still hard to peg. At last we'll get to see which side of mediocrity they fall on.

Denver's defense is indefensible

Woe unto this defense. The game was advertised as "Brady vs Manning" but played out as "Brady vs Shit, Who Was Supposed To Cover Welker?"...

...again

New England put up four drives of at least 12 plays. The middle third of this game was a continuous Patriots highlight reel, my favorite being Woodhead's 20 yard run on 3rd and 17.

Denver has 2 INTs and 2 fumble recoveries on the season, 25th and 21st in the league. A defense that can't force turnovers puts lots of pressure on the offense to keep pace, and they sure didn't against NE with those 3 lost fumbles. If the defense can't be productive, and the offense can't be perfect, then all the 300 yard days in the world won't get the Denver Mannings to a better record than the Denver Tebows.

San Diego is officially respectable

The Saints game was not the catastrophe my cold, black heart was longing for. The Chargers were one untimely roughing the passer call (and another iffy pass interference call) away from burying New Orleans. They played above average football against an opponent that was doing the same. As a reward they get a loss, but also a week of my reluctant, fickle respect.

You did... OK. I guess.

On the unsarcastic upside... Ryan Matthews! He looked great, with all his hands and feet and whatnot moving in the proper directions! He led the team in carries and receptions! Unless Norv Turner, Jackie Battle should no longer be a threat to Ryan's production. This is great for Charger fan(s) and fantasy owners alike! Finally... some common ground for you animals.

Oakland has found inner peace and the true meaning of life

After last Sunday's embarrassing loss to Denver, Oakland head coach Dennis Allen reminded his players that football was just a game, and true winners and losers cannot be determined by some scoreboard. He instructed everyone to take the bye week off and reflect on what's truly important.

And so they departed...

Michael Huff taught himself sign language so he could describe the beauty of music to students at the California School for the Deaf.

Carson Palmer single-handedly designed and constructed a new wing onto an Oakland area women's homeless shelter.

Shane Lechler donated six units of mostly his own blood to victims of the 2010 Haiti earthquake.

Darrius Heyward-Bey started eating solid foods again.

Based on the resounding success of his team's bye week projects, Dennis Allen is expected to submit forfeits for the remainder of Oakland's 2012 schedule. "We can do so much to make so many people happy... except for on the football field".

As for Allen himself, "Awareness is fine and all, but it's meaningless if you don't take action. The rest of the league can wear their token October Pink, but I'll be performing a triple mastectomy on that alien hooker from Total Recall."

Mars: plenty of breathable air... no ozone layer

Kansas City has enthusiastically charged through the bottom of the barrel

The Chiefs' shittiness at football is surpassed only by their fans' shittiness at humanity. Even the historically savage Philly crowd only cheers when opposing players get hurt. In case you missed it, yes, the home crowd cheered when Matt Cassel got knocked out in the 4th quarter on Sunday. Yes, the same home crowd that purchased a private plane to fly an anti-Cassel/Pioli banner over the stadium. Yes, the same home crowd that is apparently not familiar with Brady Quinn's body of work.

Dear Kansas City Chiefs fans... when you've got the Sarah Palin of backup quarterbacks, you don't cheer when the president is shot.

I can see my career 67.3 quarterback rating from my house!

For the love of Pete! You're BEGGING to see a man that wasn't good enough for the Browns! Here's the list of Cleveland's starters since they got rid of Quinn for being below their standards: Colt McCoy, Jake Delhomme, Seneca Wallace, Brandon Weeden. If Matt Cassel is out next week, you turds will get what you deserve.

On a related note... Matt Cassel interception watch 2012: He threw 2 before getting knocked out. One was behind Bowe, who tipped it up for an easy pick. The second one was right in Bowe's hands, who tipped it up for an easy pick. If KC would sign more WRs and less volleyball players, Cassel's QB Rating would be thirty points higher.

The Chiefs are visiting Tampa Bay this week, so look forward to getting slaughtered by another sub-par team. I'll be sure to cheer when you go down.

Also: Larry Johnson was arrested for choking somebody. You're all terrible people.

Trapped In The RedZone: Bye Week

noreply@blogger.com (AmazingMattyP) — Sun, 07 Oct 2012 17:05:00 +0000

<p>Hey kids,  we're taking a needed week off from the chaos that is Trapped In The RedZone.... Sorta necessary once a month... I'll be back next week,  enjoy your NFL Sunday

However, I will be firing off the occasionally bon mot via Twitter, so join me there @AmazingMattyP.

-Matt

WEEK 5! NFL Start/Screw 'Em Game Previews

noreply@blogger.com (AmazingMattyP) — Sat, 06 Oct 2012 16:53:00 +0000

IT'S A TRAP! Edition

by Matt Prendergast

One week back with the normal officiating crews and already we have world peace and an end to pestilence! No? Well at least we eliminated the questionable calls, like didn't happen in the Saints-Packers game. Hey Triplette, thanks for showing why they're pushing for a practice squad for the refs. Dink.

Looking ahead to this week, looks like a lot of mismatches, which I love for the fact that half of these games aren't going to follow the rules of physics, social order, or even the Brown-Little Handbook. Look at the lineup - including the Thursday game, even! Outside of Eagles/Steelers, every one of these seems like a terrific option for your Elimination Pool that guy in Shipping runs. I say to thee: proceed with much foreboding in your heart, young wagerer.

It's way too early for me to be upsies, and thank Gansesha for bye weeks to maintain my sanity - let's get to it!

Thursday Recap: Rams beat Cards - Let it be said: the Rams are going to cause problems for a lot of teams this years, it was just a matter of when they put it together, which was apparently 'this week'. Let it also be said that: Arizona really needs a 'running game', or more precisely a 'running back' with Brokie Wells, Larod Stephens-Figurine AND Ryan 'Ouchies' Williams all in various states of disrepair. That's what's gonna keep you guys out of contention kids....and with Ryan Grant finally off the market and everything! Paging Steve Slaton....you're not dead yet.

Dolphins @ Bengals - Bengals are 3 and 1, 'Fins are rolling in with an inverse equation....but the Dophins have moxy, kid! And also, a pretty decent running game, which the Bengals are not of the 'real good' against. Conversely, The Miami Oceanapes are goddang devastating against the run - perhaps because, based solely on the stats I'm looking at, they are playing with an eight-man defensive line and no secondary - 1st against the run and 30th against the pass?

Fins' Start: Reggie Bush, obviously...Daniel Thomas maybe, if you're in bye-week sitch, and maybe, just maybe, if you're in like, a 14 team Dynasty league and effing James Starks laid an egg for two years and Jahvid Best's head is stupid-fragile, and Ryan Williams sucks and you picked up goddamned Ryan Grant just to have a freaking warm body up there, I might use Javorskie Lane in a flex. No yards, but has two weeks of goal-line rumbles. Not that I know anybody in the aforementioned situation. Fins' Screw: Brian Hartline. I know, you used your top waiver position to get your shiny toy; now people know. More importantly, in a game where they can run, Miami needs to throw at him roughly 63 less times a game. Expect a let-down for this week...flex at best.

Bengals Start: You know the obvious one, now here's this: Andy Dalton is a must-start this week above a whole lot of guys - except for Rodge, Tom-Tom, Mattefffing Ryan and oddly enough 'Joe Flacco', he's the guy that should be in your captain's chait - and so is Andrew Hawkins at WR3 - hell, WR2 if you need him. And if you're in a bye-week for your TE, Gresham's a good fill-in. Bengal Screw: Benjarvus. He's not 'I'm gonna beat the best running defense' caliber. Sorry.

That 30th-ranked pass D is going to sink lower - Bengals Take It

A brief Google Image Search for 'Butt Nug' teaches us that Bruce Arians is
apparently a dirty hippie. Knowledge is Power!

Packers @ Colts - Was a little nervous here about the Packers looking past this to the Texans, especially after the bizarro last two weeks, but then interim Colts Chief-of-Staff Bruce Arians couldn't shut the f**k up. Did you realize you were talking out loud when you deemed Clay Matthews wasn't even worth whatever the hell a 'butt nug' is?

Packer Starts: I can't justifiably sit any of the key guys on this team - and that's probably the homer in me. Fantasy-wise, Jordy Nelson has been a bust, but it's only a matter of time - and James Jones, now thrust in a starting role, has responded, I like him in a WR2 role...Ced's a push, still, but I've been putting him in the RB2 slot the last couple weeks and the results are decent. Decent. .Packers Screw: I just don't trust Jermichael, and probably never will again - he's a risk/reward player in a position that should be stable on your team.

Colts Starts: It's still Reggie Wayne in a WR2 or 3 slot, and that's it. Colts Screw: There isn't anybody else consistently involved enough to be thinking about - Fleener, Avery, Hilton - average guys (right now) on a very average team.

Packers Trounce the Colts; Andrew Luck May Develop A Nervous Tick

Ravens @ Chiefs - Romeo Crennell makes Todd Haley look like an NFL head coach. Your head just exploded.

Ravens Start:All in. I SAID 'ALL IN'. Ravens Screw: Except for Boldin, who's mostly become very 'eh' since coming to Baltimore, despite their haplessness, the Chiefs D isn't the problem. And the D is in trouble....

Chief Start: Jamaal Charles, Bowe. Simple. Chief Screw:Though the Ravens blow against the pass like they're trying to earn money for nursing school without asking their a-hole parents, there's no reason to consider Jon Baldwin, or any of those other Chief 'aerial threats'.

Ravens Put Romeo on the Top of the 'Hot Seat' Rankings

Eagles @ Steelers - So you're telling me that the Eagles are 3-1, while the Steelers are 1-2? That doesn't sound right, not at all. Why must you build a castle of lies? Two equally above-par defenses sqauring off in a game that could conceivably end with a total score under two digits. But it won't.

With skins that are real!

Eagle Starts: Is Maclin playing again? Yes? No? Honestly, I don't like any of the Eagles (save for LeSean) this week. Definite Eagle Screw: Vick. One more horrifying performance, and maybe it is time to give Foles a shot.

Steeler Starts: I know what I said up there about a defensive battle, but don't listen to that guy, he's all loaded up on Tato Skins. I'm in on Wallace, Brown and Benny-bobo this week....they've got that 'fresh off the bye and ready to take this crazy world by storm' feel about them, that would have made a terrific situational comedy premise in 1977. Steeler Screw: This really isn't the optimal cooking temperature for Mendy to get himself back out on that field....

The Pittsburgh Steelers Are Going to Make the Eagles Look Like the Pittsburgh Pirates (They're still bad, right? I haven't watched baseball in twenty years, is Willie Stargell still there?)

Browns @ Giants - Hey, you know who else is sporting a 'reputation only' defense this year? The Giants. Oh, and their whole receiving crew is receiving worker's comp. Yeah, I know, 'it's the Browns' - but this year Cleveland's Egg-and-Four is different, they're figuring things out and scrapping.

Giant Starts: Eli Manning, who gets his regardless of his options, and Cruz, but nobody surprising. Giant Screw: Andre Brown is a better fit on this team, and more productive, but still sits behind perennial fantasy disappointment Ahmad Bradshaw....avoid these RBs at all costs if you can, until Coughlin changes his mind and will, which happens with about the same regularity as the appearnace of a Great Comet.

Browns Starts: Trent Richardson is absolutely a lock going forward. The yards will come, in the meantime he's their points and should be their focus. And I'm going with Greg Little in a WR3 or Flex this week. Browns Screw: I don't know any other Browns. I mean, besides the 57 year old quarterback.

REGARDLESS! Trap Week Victim Number One: The Giants, Who Won't Understand How The Browns Did It. Nor Will Any of the Rest of Us.

'Could I interest you in a term-life pol---oh, I'm sorry for
calling you during din---sir, you don't even know my
moth---I've got a---hello? Hello?'

Falcons @ Redskins - I hate the Falcons and I'm not exactly sure why....I mean, Julio and Roddy seem nice enough, and Turner gives it his all, but it's just, I don't know, they're so Mike Smithish, you know what I mean? That fella always reminds me of an insurance salesman who can't close the deal, and spends a lot of time thinking about his three ex-wives, and how his kids hate him, and about how there's just not enough rye whisky in the world tonight. Flip the page, and I LOVE ME SOME SKINS! This year's team has even made me forget Dan Snyder owns them, and that's worth nine Super Bowls!

Falcon Starts: Regrettably, I have to recommend Matt Ryan again this week, and now my fingers feel unclean. Receivers are locked-in, the Redskins are somehow worse than only one other team at stopping the pass game, which will probably factor in to this particular match-up. Oh, and that means Gonzo, too. Falcon Screw: Mike Turner - hey, thanks for the effort last week, but these guys are pretty good against you ground guys, plus we aren't going to call any runs anyway.

Skins Start: RG3 is a weekly go, I shouldn't need to mention that anymore, same for Al Morris who's in the Top Five. Didn't realize that, did you? And I play Garcon if he's in the game no matter what, but he's 'my guy'. Skins Sit: Fred Davis. Hate that match-up.

Nonetheless, Falcons Overlook This One Until Too Late, The Skins Sneak Out With a Unconventional Win, Whilst Atlanta Gets a Reminder of What Vick Was Supposed to Be. TRAP!

Seahawks @ Panthers - Here's another thing I didn't realize, but I guess it makes sense: Marshawn Lynch is the leading rusher in the NFL. Thank god for Roger Goodell's lenient stance towards OWIs, right, kids? Meanwhile, Carolina's combined $77.5 million dollars in extensions for DeAngelo and Stewart have rewarded their faithful with the 22nd most lethal attack in the league, and that's with Cam, since DeAng and Stew are 28th and 48th respectively. Better illustrated: DW is one spot above Ryan Williams and one BELOW Cam. J-Stew has locked in one slot ahead of Mark Ingram, and one below PEYTON FREAKING HILLIS. It's break-out-the-moonshine time, Carolina!

Seahawks Starts: All that said, Lynch is the only Seahawk I'd consider, the rest of that team has the shakiness of a meth addict on day 3 of rehab. Seahawks Screw: Now that we're playing actual games that count and whatnot, Russell Wilson doesn't look all that 'good', for lack of a better term. Matt Flynn will eventually start here, and the sooner the better to establish some pecking order in the current soup-kitchen-spicy receiving pile. And that's the right term, 'pile', because it's not a 'corps'. Somebody give Sidney Rice some help out there, for the love of Pete.

Panther Starts: It's hard to sit Steve Smith - SO DON'T. Panthers aren't all that slick against the pass, it's a great week for Double S....and Brandon LaFell in a WR3/Flex spot ain't the worst call. Panther Screw: Greg Olsen, because Greg Olsen. And those RBs....yuck.

TRAP THREE! Panthers Stick One To the Seahawks, and Cam Newton Jersey Sales Spike In WI.

Bears @ Jags - Sorry this year again, J-ville, but your unbeloved Jaguars are bad again. 'Bad' bad. This is not a trap game, this is a mercy kill. Move that franchise to Los Angeles already, Kahn. The Bears don't win this as much as they accept the terms of the surrender.

Bears Starts: Cutty! And Marshall! And Forte! And The D! And That's It! Bear Screws: Outside of Michael Bush, you can't possibly have another Bear on your roster, can you? I'd sit Bush, as this is the one week this year Cutler will get to put on an air show like a big kid quarterback!

Jag Starts: MJD Jag Offs: The rest.

Bears By 20, Easy. We May Even Get a Jason Campbell Appearance.

Titans @ Vikings - Chris Johnson IS BACK! All the way up to 25th in yards behind Shonn Greene! YAY! You're almost up to 'below-average'! Titans have a better shot at this game with the cagey Hasselbeck at the helm this week, but let's be honest, the Titans' season is already over...the Vikings are legitimately making it hard to catch in the NFC North.

Titans Starts: Pass. No, wait! Jared Cook. I like Jared Cook a LOT this week. Titan Sits: Use your mind, leave CJ1WK there on the bench where you put him, next to Britt and Washington.

Vike Starts: If it's you're bye week, Ponder's your dude, and then the other two usual suspects. Vike Sits: I know I'm all hyped up on Jerome Simpson, but I suppose it's best to wait until he works into things....so please sit him, so he can blow up in the three leagues I'm playing him in a flex because Kenny Britt is 'of the awfulness'.

Vikings Roll To 4-1 and Remain Tied for the Division Lead With Chicago.

Broncos @ Patriots - THE RIVALRY IS RENEWED! Or maybe 'not so much'. Remember a couple of weeks ago how mesmerizing it was that the Pats and Packers defenses turned things around so much? That didn't really last so long up near Boston.

Bronco Starts: Great week for Peyton, as unpredictable as he has been...and that bodes well for Demaryius and Decker in starting slots. In a pinch, I'd use Dreesen as a TE, but temper those expectations. Broncos Screw: Gonna be a bad week for Willis McGahee, which has been surprisingly rare thus far in the season.

Pat Starts: There's only two, can you guess which ones? Three if Hernandez suits up, but that's not happening. Pat Downs: Also a crudlicious week to count on Stevan Ridley to carry your fantasy team. And again, AVOID THE LLOYD.

TRAP 4 - Peyton Triumphant as He Rolls The Pats Like A Hobo Looking For Night Train Nickels.

Bills @ 49ers - Remember how the Vikings just walked all over the Mighty 49ers last week? That's why it's a horrifying week to be a Buffalo Bill. This is going to be 'sneak out of the room without waking anybody - LEAVE YOUR SHOES IF YOU HAVE TO' ugly.

Bills Starts: I would avoid any and all Bills this week, unless you're stuck and have to put Jackson or Spiller in, in which case, we wish you all the best. Bill Screws: The whole team. It's not their fault, they just pulled the 'Ripsaw' card out of the deck, luck of the draw. Especially not Fitz, who reacts to high-pressure games by going color blind.

Niner Starts: Vernon, Frank....Crabtree in a flex, maybe? THE DEFENSE Niner Screws: None of the other receivers really are sticking out....even the Crabtree pick is sort of a goodwill gesture.

49ers by Two Defensive Touchdowns and Then Some

Sonny made this, and it's so terrific, it deserves
to be the first pic to appear in back-to-back posts

Chargers @ Saints - SHOOTOUT! And in the Dome, even....I like the stats potential in this showdown. Feels like it's just about time for that Chargers' meltdown we've been waiting for....

Charger Starts: Eff it, Jackie Battle. He's better than Mathews, even if he doesn't start. Phil, Malcolm and Gates. Charger Screws: Can Vincent Brown hurry up and get back already?

Saints Starts: All the people involved in the passing offense, should be a fantastic fantasy week for the the NO hands guys, and the arm as well. Saint Screw: Mark Ingram, who's blah.

TRAP 5! Saints Begin the Turnaround, and So Too Do the San Diego Chargers.

Texans @ Jets - Please.

Texans Start: Smoke'em if you got 'em! Jets Screwed.

And We Now Return To Your Normally Scheduled ESPN 'Crapball' Night In America Broadcast. The Houston Texans Will Reward Your Years of Patience By Letting You Get A Full Night's Rest.

Buttonhook on three! Now go follow @AmazingMattyP on the Twitter. He's nice person.

In fact, follow all the ReclinerQB crew - they know things, things you can't imagine -

ReclinerQB, Sonny Prier, JR Sheppard, Corey Doiron, Christie Mac, Marcus Wyche, and Josh.

AFC West Status Report: Week 5

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 04 Oct 2012 02:21:00 +0000

By Sonny Prier

Every division in the AFC has a total of 7 wins. Maybe The West isn't such a boredom encrusted turd-can after all. They're just as good as everyone else, see? Equality! Parity! Conformity! You hear that, Chiefs? You're beautiful just the way you are!

... if you're a blind chick.

Denver is consistently inconsistent

No one crushes inferior opponents like the Broncos. No one withers in the face of superiority like the Broncos. The wins over Pittsburgh and Oakland are about as surprising as their losses to Atlanta and Houston. Here's a team that's performing right on par with their collective abilities on a week to week basis. Yet mysteriously, amid this stability, Peyton Manning's arm strength seems to be fluctuating wildly between noodly and cyborg. Look for Manning's muscular tissue to deteriorate into strands of beef jerky after losing to New England this weekend.

Draws 23.5 "blow to the helmet" calls per game. FACT.

Speaking of crushing inferior opponents...

San Diego is feasting on the dead

The three teams the Chargers have beaten average #27 on ESPN's power rankings. I don't mean to imply that they're bad, and I certainly don't mean to imply that they don't deserve to be leading the division.... but New Orleans is hosting them this weekend... and the 0-4 Saints are favored by 3 points over the 3-1 Chargers. Las Vegas does not screw around, and Las Vegas says that the San Diego Chargers are no better than the coachless, defenseless, winless New Orleans Saints. Good luck, guys.

TIMELY UPDATE! That line has just moved from 3 points to 4. Take a picture of this .750 winning percentage and lock it in a time capsule, Chargers. In 50 years you can crack it open and remember what hope was like.

Rivers Face 2062!

Oakland is... honestly I haven't been paying attention

Can you blame me? They've won between four and eight games for eight of the last nine seasons, and they're on that road again now. The Raiders are doing what the Raiders do. Ho hum. This is the boring kind of bad. I had high (low) expectations for Palmer, but he's merely awful, not comically atrocious. I guess Heyward-Bey getting his brain scrambled is something... but you can't laugh at that now like you could in the past.

"Scamp" doing his Darrius Heyward-Bey impersonation.

I'm bored.

Kansas City is contributing to this nation's high unemployment numbers

Sure, they're cashing checks, but that doesn't mean they're working! OH SNAP!

Matt Cassel threw three interceptions against San Diego last Sunday, but two of them hit KC receivers right in the hands. The failures of the team as a whole are unjustly piling up on poor Matt. All this does is trick casual observers into believing Cassel is the only problem on this all around horrendous team... but not Sam Mellinger of the Kansas City Star. He's finished with Cassel and everyone who supports him.

"Because this is beyond hope, beyond excuses, beyond any explanation that isn’t a fireable offense for everyone who can be fired. This is gross, and imagining it improving requires a stiff imagination or a stiffer drink."

Oh hells yeah! I love this guy. That is exactly the kind of hysteria I want surrounding my 1-3 teams! Are you taking notes, Oakland? And lest ye think Mr. Mellinger is a one hit wonder, check this bit stating that Romeo Crennell is a danger to Jamaal Charles' long-term health. (Great news for fantasy owners!)

He's right, of course. It's early, but if the next 12 games play out like the first 4 this team will need to be scattered to the corners of the earth so that it can never be assembled again. Like the Dream Team, only the EXACT OPPOSITE.

Happier times

As for Crennel himself, there's a reason he's frequently on point for this kind of critique. Here he is throwing his own team under the bus:

Asked what he could do to help fix the problems, Crennel said, “Just keep harping on them and repeating to them their responsibilities, put them in positions in practice where they’re forced to do what they’re supposed to do and then in a game, hopefully they’ll be able to get it done.”

Don't look at me! I just coach here!

Trapped In The RedZone© Week 4: Apocalypse

noreply@blogger.com (AmazingMattyP) — Sun, 30 Sep 2012 14:56:00 +0000

by Matt Prendergast

'I clearly said 'single-malt', Betty. Clean out your desk.'

I believe Former President Gerald Ford said it best: 'Hey Homer, do you like football? Do you like nachos? Would you like to come to my house and watch football and eat nachos?' Welcome to Week 4 of this tremendous experiment in rapid-fire media interpolation and smart-assery!

A lot of developments this week: Mike Carey and and the other officials are back running the show, Kenny Britt has now gone from 'potential sleeper' to 'space occupier on your bench', and my family has informed me, specifically, that it's 'kind of nice on Sundays' when I squirrel away for five hours to do this, and only emerge 'once in a while'. Love.

For quick review: you know what NFL RedZone© is: the greatest development in man's history, save for perhaps the Zippo lighter and hot cheese, all hosted by the fantastic Scott Hanson. I will be here giving you immediate feedback, in addition to helpful insight on delicious sandwiches and possible health issues I'm experiencing AS THEY HAPPEN LIVE!

Join me starting at noon and refresh your browser often....I appreciate you coming for the ride.

Important Note: I would expect this to get pretty Saints/Packers heavy about 3:45, but we'll do our best to keep the lesser games in the mix.....

Early Notes: Watching some pre game nonsense all over the place, here's a couple things: Kenny Britt is sitting out today, because, let's face it, it's not gonna make a difference.

John Elway's commercial for Dove Skin Care above is subtly the most disturbing thing I've seen in many a moon. I may need to consult Revelations, as I'm pretty confident that at least one of the images featured represents the breaking of the third seal.

Nobody bothered to tell Michael Irvin before he conducted a whole interview that 'Roddy' is not, in fact' pronounced 'Rowdy'. On the other hand, look at that suit.

Effing Warren Sapp still thinks he's the best guy to ever touch the game. That's good self-esteem, tween girls, as he maintains that opinion while simultaneously sitting next to three guys that were tremendously better then, as well as now.

Why is Bleacher Report sending me an update the Mikel LeShoure will be playing today? Is this already a concern? HE PLAYED ONE WEEK. Do not trust the Lions for your fantasy running needs.

Play Jerome Simpson today. Time to roll the dice....

Alright, need to shower and heat some meat, back with more pre-game observations in a few....

Wait! Spiller's in, and so's Fred Jackson. Now I hate the Bills RBs this week. Somebody trade Fred Jackson to the Lions already, cool?

5 Pounds. Bam.

Today's blog of mayhem football will be fueled today by Papa Charlie's Italian Beef. Papa Charlie's! Put It In A Blender And Have A Beef Shake! (I'm not positive that's their slogan, I'm just guessing). Gonna make a run at two and a half pounds, give or take, today.

These fellas on the NFL Network pre-game really do a nice job of pretending they are convinced that the Jets are a competitive - nigh, lethal - football club. They must all be competing for a part in Expendables 3.

I love Rich Eisen, but sometimes it seems like he gets lost in his sentences so he just keeps on going until it sounds like it's ended.

Internet Pro-Tip - Oddly enough, Googling 'Beef Shake' in the image search is not even close to 'unbelievable vile' as you'd think. In fact, not at all....pretty tame, YOU MISSED SOMETHING, INTERNET!

I'm 95% sure that Kurt Warner is wearing mascara. WTF, Kurt? Your eyebrows look like your old lady's did a decade ago.

I know it's a 'limited snaps' return, but I'm still playing Pierre Garcon in all my lineups today - and I'm huge on getting Cedric Benson in your flex or RB2 spot.

Whoops! Almost forgot to flip over to RedZone for my weekly Rank/Fabiano and....uh, Fabs is telling us to sit Chris Johnson, Mark Ingram, Andre Brown and DeAngelo Williams. Thanks, Mike. Is Roy Helu also a bad play?

I'm going to keep repeating this: DO NOT PLAY BRANDON LLOYD.

Wow - great prediction from Elliot Harrison who called that the Texans D will score double the fantasy points of Chris Johnson this week. That's tremendous. That's how you get me on board, E.

12:00 - I wonder if the Tron people are gonna sue the RedZone© people for intellectual property infringement because of that opening. Also, I'm already tired of hearing about how the Jets are going to cope without Darrelle Revis. They're going to stack a couple of Cromartie's kids on top of each other and throw a trenchcoat and a helmet on them, obviously. No problem.

First Place. NFC North. Choke on that, Childress.

12:02 - The Pats have deferred the kickoff to the Bills. THE PATS SEASON IS OVER!

12:04 - Percy Harvin, runback for a TD from the endzone - 105 yards. Good luck, Detroit.

12:07 - Andre Johnson against the Titans secondary is the equivalent of 'Me' versus 'A Pile Of Ants'

12:08 - Uh oh....Atlanta 3 and out. Here comes the Cam Newton Experience! Know why? Because I benched Steve Smith everywhere....Texans touchdown to the TE Casey? Kasey? Eh, you don't have him.

12:10 - The early highlights here are always a little stunted. A fifteen yard pass to Sidney Rice doth not 'The BIG PLAY in this drive, make'. MARSHAWN LYNCH touchdown. Also, early Double-Box - Matt Ryan getting his hand looked at.

12:11 - Greg Olsen, Touchdown Panthers! Olsen showing that tenacity and heart that the Bears drafted him for. In 2007.

12:13 - Jason Hanson for 3....it's a barnburner. Sanchez to Chaz Schilens for...I don't know, twelve yards? Why is that a highlight?

12:14 - Jackie Battle is the best running back on the Chargers. Also, Aldon Smith just planted Sancho like a sapling.

12:14 - Part Deux. Stevan Ridley, touchdown....the mighty Patriots running game is mighty!

12:15 - EDDIE ROYAL ENDZONE RESURGENCE! 6 for Chargers, scan your waiver wires!

12:17 - Jerome Simpson. First catch. Here we go......

12:18 - Colin Kaepernick just Tim Tebowed the Jets. And I probably spelled his name super-wrong. And also I totally don't care.

12: 20 - Kapernock in again, huge bomb attempt to Randy Moss. Incomplete, but I like that the Niners are Jetting the Jets.

12:21 - Ugh....Matt Cassell is Tom Petty to the Chiefs' Heartbreakers. INT. Same old Chiefs.....

12:23 - Don't know why I never noticed it before, but Michael Turner in full-stride looks a lot like what I've always imagined a side of beef would look like if it could enter the Olympic hurdles.

'The Leg'. In shorts!

12:25 - 'They call him 'Greg The Leg' in St. Louis' - S. Hanson '...probably because they're drunk and good nicknames are challenging.' - Me. Looks like Jake Locker is leaving the Titans game...HERE COMES MATT HASSELBECK, YOU DINKS!

12:27 - I swear the Falcons have been in the red zone for 13 plays now. The unyielding power of Panther Defense.

12:29 - Oh I see, they were waiting for Matty Ice to go Matty INT.

12:30 - Brutal fumble from Jamaal Charles, like at their own ten yard line. Norv the Waffle is gonna put some syrup on this....

12:32 - Jackie Battle, touchdown. The Bolts should just sell Mathews for parts.

12:34 - Seriously, who's James Casey? Did Owen Daniels get hurt again? Casey is in on every play. Also, I've seen two Mario Manningham highlights in the Niners game....MANNINGHAM!

12:36 - I've seen nothing but good from the Niners and ugly from the Jets thus far, yet the score is tied at nil-nil.....hang on, wait for it. Nope, still zip.

12:38 - Hey RedZone, I don't pay five bucks a month to watch chain measurements. Get somebody in the camera bay, stat.

12:39 - Colin Capeknocks with the QB sneak for Niners' TD. You had him in your flex, right? Right?

12:40 - Somebody named Givens just made a huge catch for the Rams....RODDY WHITE TOUCHDOWN!......anyway, I don't know who 'Givens' is, but he's faster than hell.

12:41 - Who puts a linebacker on Roddy White? This is why you're losing games, Carolina.

12:43 - Arian Foster, touchdown Texans. That dude really did deserve to be the #1 overall.

12:43 - Sam Bradford throws a pick. It's only a matter of time before Fisher punches him out on the sidelines, for the good of the game. MIKE CAREY SIGHTING!

12:45 - Never mind about my depression on Steve Smith....fumbles her away on an end-around reverse. You don't single-hand that ball around Dunta Robinson, son!

12:46 - Ronnie Brown sighting in the Bolts game!

12:47 - Intentional Grounding on Phil Rivers. A small tear sneaks out of the corner of his eye.

Still a classic.

12:48 - TIM TEBOW COMPLETION! And gets the third-string TE's knee completely shredded in the process. HAVE JESUS HEAL HIM, TIM!

12:49 - Steve Gostowski with another shank! That's how Vinatieri lost that gig, Steve, and then he went drunk-noodling in the canals of Indianapolis....so look forward to your future.

12:51 - Percy Harvin is a stat machine. Best 'Percy' ever in the NFL, I will hear no argument.

12:52 - Wow. Scott Hanson just dropped a 'for a guy who once looked like a superstar' on Chris Johnson. You're so bad, they're retroactively downgrading those three good years. That's suck.

12:56 - Dave Akers hooks it! But it's from 55 yards, so you get a mulligan, you old so-and-so. HUGE Dwayne Bowe catch negated by illegal formation....and the Rams pick off Russell Wilson, by stripping the ball mid-catch. Will probably be re-classified as a catch for Doug Baldwin, as he was near the play.

12:59 - GRONK FUMBLE! To touchdown Bills to Scott Chandler. Suck it, Gronk.

1:00 - DeAngelo Williams touchdown! So again, if you're listening to Mike Fabiano, you just got six points on your bench. POINTS!

1:02 - Steven Jackson is the Original Recipe Marshawn Lynch.

1:03 - How many effing receivers so the Rams have? Austin Pettis? Who? That's like seven I've counted so far....is Isaac Bruce still there? ANTONIO GATES MIDRANGE GAIN!

1:04 - GREATEST SHOW ON TURF MONTAGE!

1:05 - Titans on the board - Hasselbeck to Stevens! Useless to Fantasy!

1:06 - Another one....Brian Quick for the Rams! I've heard of him. Nick Novak in the ChargerAssaultAttack!

1:07 - Taking five, need to resupply.....but first, second Jamaal Charles fumble of the day! The Chiefs this year are as hapless as the Chiefs last year. GOSTOWSKI SHANKS ANOTHER ONE! Gonna be a new kicker in New England by Tuesday.

1:11 - Phil Rivers gives a pick back to the Chiefs. It's nice he's trying to keep things fair! Friendship.

1:13 - Lions had three shots in the red zone, settling for field goal. Brandon Pettigrew drops more crucial balls than Jermichael Finley.

1:16 - Rams call a fake field goal - Touchdown for Amendola! BUT THERE'S A FLAG.

1:16 - TOUCHDOWN STANDS. That's what you get when Mike Carey runs the show.

1:17 - Holy crap. Jamaal Charles just hauled off a run that I can imagine only Barry Sanders could have pulled off. That's how you make up for two fumbles....Chiefs finally on the board.

1:17 - Part Two - SANCHO FUMBLEZ! Niners' ball.

1:18 - Bills up 14 to 7, second Chandler score, set up by a Fred Jackson sideline grab. The Bills shall not be denied.

1:20 - Another Roddy White 6! Bad day to have Julio in there...well, so far. There's a lot of scoring left to be registered in this game.

1:21 - WELKA FUMBA! Bills with a chance to go up by two scores.....

1:24 - Close enough to halftime - actually taking that break I was talking about before - but not before the Bills fumble on the goal line! Pats ball, Spiller fumbling.

'Unneccesary Adorable, Fifteen yards. First Down!'

1:36 - Slight delay-of-game....need to give a bath to one of the children. THIS DOESN'T HAPPEN TO BILL SIMMONS! Does it?

1:41 - Huge scoring punt return for the Vikes! Some dude I don't know! Also, Matt Cassell with another pick...that's the fifth turnover for the Chiefs. Argh.

1:42 - Pete Carroll starts the half with an onside kick...recovered by the Rams. Know why, Pete? BECAUSE GOD HATES CHEATERS.

1:42 Pt. Dos - Patrick Willis, INT on Sanchez. JETS FOOTBALL!

1:44 - The Leg just cranked in a 60 yard FG. Between Walsh and him, the kicking game has changed forever. Forever, you hear? Because they're all going Seabass style.
http://www.thefantasyfootballguys.com/forum/index.php
1:45 - On the other side of the age spectrum, Dave Akers just shanked a 40 yarder. Youth in revolt.

1:49 - Fred Jackson looks plenty healthy - nice solid run there. HUGE CATCH AND RUN FOR DONALD JONES! Touchdown Bills....up by two snee-snees. (© Lyle Konkiel, The Fantasy Football Guys, 2009)

1:53 - Michael Turner ain't dead yet - 60 yard truck to the end zone. Panthers' year is over already.

Musburger: The Early Years

1:54 - I miss Brent Musburger.

1:55 - Daniel Manning just picked off Hasselbeck and went somewhere between 50 and 700 yards for a Texans touchdown. Matt In The Saddle Again.

2:02 - Danny Woodhead. Still Alive. Six for the Patriots. Woodhead to promptly return to the mist where he's been residing for two seasons.

2:04 - Of course Ryan Grant is inactive for the Redskins. Because my dynasty team, which has the worst RBs in the history of fantasy, actually needed him. Thanks again Jahvid Best and James Starks!

2:05 - Cam Newton taking the game into his own hands again! This time, luckily avoiding a knee injury.....followed by a Newton touchdown. That guy is starting to look like a total a-hole. Nice TD dance. Also nice that you blow off your teammates in favor of the dance. FRANK GORE! Remember when all those guys at your draft said he was done?

2:07 - At least these Chiefs don't give up...Cassell to Charles to Endzone. Why did I draft Dwayne Bowe? He's still there, right?

2:08 - Mikel LeShoure; big run for a fumble! Didn't take long for him to fit in o the Detroit scheme.

2:09 - It's Welker time. Always going to Wes when the chips are down....Packers now using Driver like that, but not as often. Ignore them until you actually need to succeed.

2:12 - Owen Daniels is apparently playing. Just steamrolled his way for another Texans....HOLY SH*T, TOM BRADY JUST QB KEEPERED THAT THING FOR SIX. Or close enough. I haven't looked outside, is the sun still there?

2:14 - Looking at them next to each other on the bench, I think Brady wishes Gronk were dead.

The Gentler Side of Chad Greenway

2:22 - Positives: my legs have not fallen asleep thus far, and I have not spilled Broccoli-Cheese soup on the bed yet. Negatives: Calvin Johnson just got knocked-out head-to-head by Chad Greenway.

2:25 - Stevan Ridley is finally fulfilling all the promise and potential the Patriots saw when they drafted Laurence Maroney.

2:26 - BREAKING: I make terrific soup.

2:28 - GRONKDOWN! If he ever stops doing that, Brady is going to have him disappeared.

2:29 - Mike Turner just threw a roundhouse at the end of a long run. I like that.

2:33 - Rams need to finish stronger....with only a six point lead, and six minutes left, there's plenty of ways for the Seahawks to win. Not as many as last week, granted, but still plenty.

2:34 - Spiller might have gotten hurt again, then Fred Jackson fumbled. You made a good try at this Buffalo, you made a good try.

2:35 - Hasselbeck. Fumble. Texans Ball. Please end this. Hasselbeck's a good guy.

2:37 - Who's Brandon Bolden? (sp?) Seems like he's taken Shane Vereen's proposed carries.

2:38 - Jets are gonna get shut-out. Better get a third quarterback - Vince Young seems like he'd fit into that calliope of messy pretty nice.

2:39 - Bills went from up by 14 to down by 14 in a relatively short amount of time. WHY DIDN'T I INVEST IN THAT BUFFALO LIQUOR STORE WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE?

2:41 - The Detroit Lions score on a QB sneak. Great for them, but when planning long-term, how about never having Stafford voluntarily contact the defense, ever. For review, he breaks easy.

2:43 - Can we agree that Bianca Wilfork never needs to be on television again?

2:44 - The Panthers are beating the Flacons. And Ryan Fitzpatrick just threw his second pick to Devin McCourty, whom I was misinformed was a country singer. Jesus H....Hasselbeck just threw another interception for a 63 yard return. Call it.

2:46 - The Bills defense is broken. I thought Mario Williams was supposed to fix all that. That Bolden guy just barrel-rolled into the endzone, and he looks like he weighs a buck-ten. Jackie Battle with another touchdown. Eff Ryan Mathews. Kendall Hunter score for the Niners. WHY IS THIS ALL HAPPENING AT ONCE?!?!?

2:48 - RARE TRI-SCREEN!

2:52 - One point game in Atlanta, like we all expected.

2:55 - I'm confused, Jerome Simpson just caught a ball and did not hurdle or flip over any defenders. What did you do to my Jerome Simpson, NFL?

Bassist. Gamer. Civil Rights Activist. Punter. Badass.

2:56 - KLUWE! Beautiful punt, about the one yard line, and Scott Hanson refs World of Warcraft: Mists of Pandaria. I don't think that should happen. Also, Rams pick-off = Rams win. Too bad Seattle, couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of guys.

2:58 - Stafford just fumbled away the Lions' chances...probably. Reviewing, but I have faith in our regular crew here.

3:00 - Charles Johnson just pasted Matt Ryan. If they don't eff this up, the Panthers are going to win this one.

3:02 - Mists of Pandaria? Really? How is Dreamworks not suing Blizzard's collective ass? Sorry, it's been on my chest.

3:03 - Fumbled reversed - the Lions aren't dead yet.

3:03 Pt. 2 - Never mind, Stafford sacked, Vikings win....the juggernaut will not be denied.

3:07 - QUAD BOX! Second set of games a-startin!

3:08 - I'm a Packer fan, we know that...wait, Brandon Lloyd with a garbage TD.....anyway, that said, ONLY Packer fans would shell out money for a Worst Call Ever shirt with the date on it. Let it go.

3:10 - Uh oh...Arthur Blank is now coming down to the field at the end of games? But that's Jerry Jones' territory.....wait, if Blank is now Jones, then Jones is....JONES IS THE NEW AL DAVIS!

3:11 - Peyton Manning to Brandon Stokely. Seems Like Old Times.

3:12 - Every single replacement referee sitting at home right now is happy as hell they aren't working the Atlanta/Carolina game.

3:13 - Tamme gets a first down, and another 'Tamme and Manning did that a lot in Indianapolis' - NO THEY DIDN'T. ONE PARTIAL SEASON. THAT'S IT. Also, 'touchdown Broncos', to Joel Dreesen.

3:15 - Andy Dalton getting right to it, throwing a pick...but Jags football demands parity! Fumbled right back to Cincy on the return.

3:16 - Terrific special teams play by Carolina - punt downed at Atlanta's one.....

3:17 - Roddy White just grabbed a 60 plus harder. Falcons still in this.....

3:19 - Mike Smith looks like a guy who would like me to sell insurance for him. Also, Falcons in FG range....this is insane.

3:20 - The Panthers have taken the interesting choice of 'not playing defense' on this series. Going to cost them the game.....and we're icing the kicker, because that works.

3:23 - AND, the Panthers lose. Don't challenge Matt Bryant when death is on the line.

3:24 - Sebastian Janikowski with a 38 yard FG. Didn't even have to put out his smoke.

3:28 - Packers go three and out. They've got the Saints right where they want them. This one's in the bag.

3:30 - So Aldrick Robinson and Brandon Meriweather from the Redskins collided with each other two hours before game time and knocked each other out of the game. Not a good start to the day, Skins' faithful.

3:35 - Rodgers is growing a beard. And that's when the wins start to come. Jordy Nelson looks like he's remembering how to run after the catch.

'HANDS'

3:36 - Finley. End zone. Drop.

3:37 - James Jones. End zone. Touchdown.

3:39 - Marcedes Lewis - Jags touchdown, and one hell of a catch. If that guy was on an NFL team, he'd really be something special.

3:42 - Miami tearing up the Arizona defense, as per expected. HUH?

3:44 - Alas, all for but three points.

3:48 - Pack defense has gone back to '11 Style. COVER THE TIGHT END. ESPECIALLY THIS ONE.

3:50 - Brees to Colston for six.....GB might want to get away from the zone. Also, Colston pushed off, and since that wasn't called, it didn't take long for the regular refs to become the old a-holes they used to be. Hope you enjoyed that four days of appreciation, guys!

3:56 - Demaryius Thomas just almost had a terrific run-and-catch for a score, which he opted to switch up by dropping and kicking the ball to Oakland. Also, fake punt for Bengals, which worked great on account of Jags.

3:59 - Credit where due: Finley just had a great catch and run. AND PIERRE GARCON FOR A TOUCHDOWN! Welcome back Pierre! More of that, 'Skins...my fantasy teams need you.

4:03 - So I never noticed before that the Tampa Stadium is built to look like a wharf, then? The hot dog guys should be dressed as longshoremen then.

4:06 - Rodgers to Jennings.....this game may eclipse the 200 mark for combined points. The fierce Miami defense is destroying Arizona, like we said they wo----what?

4:13 - Brian Hartline is on your waiver wire. You should pick him up. Tanne likes him a lot.

4:16 - Whatever that 'put a pin on that guy' graphic thing is that Fox is doing this year needs to not happen anymore.

JORVORSKI!

4:17 - Two weeks of Javorski Lane scoring touchdowns. The Javorski Express is non-stop.

4:18 - JORVORSKI. Good god, I've been spelling that wrong for a week.

4:19 - Andy Dalton, QB sneakdown.....The Red Rocket is on fire! (Obligatory Pun Insertion Complete)

4:24 - Tyler Perry is in an action movie? You know what? Awesome.

4:25 - Miami goes to half with the shutout on the Cards. Yes, I understand what I just wrote...RG3 RUNS ONE IN!

4:27 - Trick play John Kuhn! Green Bay is all full of the trickeroos this year.....followed by Holding on the Saints. If logic follows, the next play should be Roman Harper with a late hit to Rodgers' head.

4:30 - Cedric Benson is a bull. Malcolm Jenkins with the face mask...I must be early on the Harper play, but it's coming.

4:34 - James Jones with a second touchdown. Yeah, they should have dealt him in the offseason.....

4:37 - Good god Alfred Morris doesn't want to lose that gig. About 45 yards for 6.....Roy Helu will be available in the offseason, kids.

4:38 - Wait, I was wrong about Garcon, apparently he recovered a fumble in the end zone, so for fantasy purposes, I have no idea what that means....because in three different leagues, I've got three different answers.

4:45 - Brian Hartline is on pace for 290 receiving yards on your waiver wire.

4:47 - After a terrific Bengals drive that was all AJ Green being awesome, Benjarvus just fumbled it on the one and now the Jags have it....TOUCHDOWN SAINTS! Sproles.....this game is going to be awesome until the end.

4:48 - Peyton Manning. Eric Decker. Denver Peyton's are pulling away....

4:55 - Larry Fitz gets his, no matter who the quarterback is. Now more than ever.

4:58 - If Oakland and Kansas City had a 'who's more half-assed' contest, I'd bet it'd be a tie. TOUCHDOWN MCGAHEE!

5:00 - If it's 5pm somewhere, it's Sav Rocca time! Holding for Cundiff....who just doesn't have enough leg strength......oh Billy, there's still more stops to make on your NFL voyage, son!

5:03 - WHY IS MARV ALBERT ON THE BENGALS/JAGS GAME?

5:08 - Every Ryan Fitzpatrick stat line looks like they combined two quarterbacks' stats inadvertently.

5:11 - Lance Ball, touchdown Broncos...game over. Darren McFadden deserves to be on an NFL team.

5:13 - WOW. Packers just got effed on another challenge call. Jeff Triplette better have brought a bodyguard, he's not getting to his hotel any other way.

5:17 - AJ Green, touchdown, and the Bengals aren't losing this week....

5:20 - It's that time, kids....I gotta put my energies into this Packers game, since we're now lining up 13 guys on kick blocks. Thanks for joining me, and we'll see you next week!

-----------------------------------------

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ReclinerQB, Sonny Prier, JR Sheppard, Corey Doiron, Christie Mac, Marcus Wyche, and Josh.

The Flock: Week 4 Estimates

noreply@blogger.com (TCM Revolver) — Fri, 28 Sep 2012 02:08:00 +0000

The Flock: Written by J.R. Shepperd

With open arms we welcome the "real" refs back to the NFL fold. I know that Packer fans were on the verge of suicide if they had to suffer the indignity of one more replacement week. Now that we have moved on from "inter-touchdown-ception" gate. Lets dive into some real football. Kick off week four in The Flock:

Game 1: San Francisco at New York Jets -

Let the defensive battle begin!!!! Wait... no Revis?!?! Damnit.... Alright, so what do we get to look forward to?? The Niners D is still a beast. Adrian "all day" Peterson to 86 yards on 25 carries. Not to shabby. The Jets don't have a runner anywhere near AD's talent. So again don't expect to see NY run the ball much. However, Christian Ponder seemed to find that the 49ers couldn't stop any passes in the middle. Knowing Jim Harbaugh as well as I do (I was in the same town as him once) that weakness will be closed. The Jets do have alot of talent on their defense other than Revis. Bart Scott and Calvin Pace will make it very hard for San Francisco to establish the run, which seems to be paramount to getting their offense off the ground. Both teams in a nut shell. San Francisco will be more focused and driven after an embarasing loss to Minnesota. New York is tough to say.... is Sanchez going to show up or do his Houdini impersonation. With the Jets inconsistent offense and losing their biggest defensive weapon, I give the W to San Francisco.

Tebow (there I didn't talk about the Jets without mentioning Tebow)

Wrong again dude!!!

Game 2: Seattle at St. Louis -
Easy Packer fans... don't throw eggs at your computer because I mentioned those Seahawks. I don't blame you for being angry... but seriously Matty P, move on. :) Seattle has, (what I proclaimed at the begining of the year) a sneaky defense. The offense still doesn't do it for me. I like what Lynch is able to do when he gets going. Russell Wilson is no Trent Dilfer. And Golden Tate is a butt-pipe. St. Louis has ALOT of problems against anything that resembles a defense. Against Chicago last week, their top reciever (Amendola) had 5 receptions for 66 yards and no End Zone action. The running game is very hit and miss. Jackson is a beast, but the Rams get behind early and have to abandon the run. If St. Louis wins this game, I will tongue kiss a polar bear. (purely consensual of course) The Seahawks are going to steam roll the meager Rams.

Yes... Yes you do.

Game 3: Miami at Arizona -
WTF is going on in Arizona? Kevin "corn on the" Kolb has changed Arizona from a desolate desert into a oasis with dancing Larry Fitzgerald monsters! Ken Whisenhunt has done alot with that defense. Now for the big surprise, Beanie Wells is injured and placed on IR until at least November 25th. So that leaves Ryan Williams.... yea, I said "Who?" also. He's a bit of a dark horse, but has alot of potential. If Arizona can establish the run early, I see him breaking off some big plays. Just don't get cocky! Arizona came off a big win against a sickly Eagles team. Miami on the other hand... The thing that got Miami moving was Bush (much like most men) . Now we are unsure Bush will be able to split wide. ; ) Queue Daniel Thomas. He only had 69 yards on 19 carries against the Jets last week. But he was able to reach the promised land. But like the Rams, the Dolphins are going to fall behind early and have to abandon the run. Miami stood toe-to-toe with the Jets last week, but not going to happen here. Arizona is going to run Williams right down Miami's throat and then let Patrick Peterson do a riverdance in honor of Ryan Tannehill. The Cardinals will send Miami back to South Beach body bags.

To recap, the NFC "Worst" has changed it's stripes. You have some of the most impressive defenses in the NFC, the ability to run the ball, and just some crazy luck.
Arizona will move to 4-0
Seattle will move to 3-1
St. Louis will fall to 1-3
and San Francisco will move to 3-1

Until next week haters!

These aren't the droids your looking for... But this is the fantasy football advice you need!

Find out who REALLY shot J.R.! Follow J.R. Shepperd on Twitter: @TCM_Revolver

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Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this blog are that of J.R.Shepperd and do not necessarily reflect Blogger.com, ReclinerQB, any parent or subsidiary cooperation's, or any other contributor to ReclinerQB. Failure to recognize this disclaimer will release a horde of Al Davis zombies!

NFL Week 4 Fantasy Start Em/Screw Em Game Previews

noreply@blogger.com (AmazingMattyP) — Wed, 26 Sep 2012 23:16:00 +0000

Replacement Refs Still Win Edition!

by Matt Prendergast

Based on the first three weeks of both fantasy and real NFL footballs, one thing has become abundantly clear: God and/or the NFL hates me. I'm betting on the latter, but based on my picks from last week, I'm probably way off on that.

So this week, using a little of that fancy 'ESPN SportsScience' they showed on Monday that proved that the optimum quarterback height is 3'7", along with a lot of my own 'ReclinerQB Replacement Officials Factor' (it kinda like sabermetrics, except not boring and for nerds), we're gonna do things a little different.....last week, some guy named 'Javorski' scored a touchdown, so it's clearly time to take this off-road. Enjoy the ride!

And despite Twitter getting all suckered in today, it's Wednesday, and a deal isn't close, so strap your harnesses tight, because this jackalopes are running Week Four, come hell or high-water.

A RARE THURSDAY NIGHT WHO CARES GAME PREVIEW!

Browns@Ravens - In a normal world, I'd say 'start all your Ravens, except screw their defense, and pretty much only start Richardson from the Browns, unless you're stuck in a 'bye week, then maybe Greg Little?' But this weekend changed the entire football stratosphere, forever, so instead....

Look at that gorgeous hair!

Browns Start: Bernie Kosar. There's no #19 currently on the Browns' roster, so there's a terrific chance that Kosar will receive statistical credit for 280 yards passing and 3 touchdowns - ignore the fact that one of those will be a field goal, one will be a runback by #16 Josh Cribbs, and one will be scored by the Ravens - you're trying to win in your fantasy league, jerk, you've got to go where the credit will be given. Browns Screw (gross): Trent Richardson, who is guaranteed to finish the day with 23 rushes for -52 yards of defensive pass interference.

Ravens Start: Dennis Pitta wears #88, so by all means, you need to roll rookie WR Deonte Thompson, who may possibly be inactive, but wears number 83, and 3's look like 8's, right? He will get you about 78 yards and a score in the TE spot (and in a PPR, his 14 targets will be unconquerable). Ravens Screw: Ray Rice - as he is both a rushing and receiving threat, this kills his value, as current NFL officiating policy dictates that positive rushing yards cancel out positive receiving yards at a one-to-one ratio, so Rayplug is gonna end up with about 6 and a Quarter total yards from scrimmage.

The Cleveland Browns Take It With a Third Quarter Touchback For the Winning 9 Points

We Move to the Regular Games.....

Chargers @ Chiefs - A Barnburner!

Charger Start: Vincent Brown on the IR will really take KC by surprise with his four touchdowns on fair catches. Charger Screw: Malcom Floyd, who is certain to be hampered all day long by multiple seven-yard penalties for 'Spelling Malcolm Wrong'.

Chief Start: Peyton Hillis, because the back judge totally needs 31 out of him in the flex. Chief Screw (That's a terrific mascot name, btw): Jamaal Charles, who, as alluded to earlier, will be unwantonly contributing all his Sunday stats to the Peyton Hillis Flex Experience.

Chiefs Win: 31 to 4

Cheathawks @ Rams - We're gonna go 'very special episode' here for just a minute, so bear with me; Eff Pete Carroll, Eff Russell Wilson, and then use both of them to violently Eff Golden Taint. You will never be forgiven, you three lying crapsacks. They should have hobbled you on your way out of USC, Pete, and hobbled you good.

Deacon's own jersey was so frightened of him that
it urinated on itself before he put it on. Fact.

Cheathawks Start: All of them - Wilson, Taint, Edwards, Lynch, Obamanu, Largent, T.O., Shaun Alexander - ALL of them, ever. Because all they need to do is cry a little longer, and use those puppy eyes and and all the rules change. Every Seahawk that ever lived will get you 112 yards rushing, 105 receiving, 2 touchdowns in fantasy this week, plus 3 picks for IDP leagues. Cheathawk Screw: All of them, again. But this time with a pneumatic hammer.

Rams Start: Deacon Jones and the Rams D. Don't matter if Deacon ain't playing anymore, he's sure enough gonna make sure these chump refs finally give him credit for 347 sacks, and do you think any of those puds are gonna argue with Deacon? Rams Screw (painful): Steven Jackson, who's bound to have his knee destroyed when four of the 'Hawks Malachi Crunch his right knee helmet-first.

Cheathawks Win By -12 points!

49ers @ Jets - This game will be history-making, as it will be the first time John Harbaugh and Rob Ryan square off against each other according to the officiating cheat sheets.

Niner Start: Jim Harbaugh - chances are terrific that the one replacement ref who helped built the railroad across this great land is going to remember Captain Comeback is a QB, and that'll be good enough for 223 and three and a half touchdowns. Niner Screw: Randy Moss. That one's serious. Don't play Randy anymore. Ever.

Jets Start: Jim Harbaugh, because the other ref that needed a ride to the stadium on account of the shakes and the 'not legal to drive' condition will also remember JH is a quarterback, but he's sure not listening to that old fart back judge about which team, he smells like buttfoot. Also good here for 223 and three and a half touchdowns. Jets Screw: Plaxico Burress, who is going to kill the Jets momentum with his patented fourth quarter 'unopen in the end zone on account of not having a job'. This will result in four minutes in the penalty box for Dustin Keller.

Niners Win On a Third Period Drop Goal!

Panthers @ Falcons - Yeesh. Even without the crud reffing, this is going to be ugly.

'You got Cam too? AWESOME, DUDE!'

Panthers Start: Cam. You know damn well at least three of every one of these Fan Crews drafted him early in the first round, probably with a top 3 pick. Panthers Screw: Well, the rest of them certainly aren't getting any breaks. Expect a lot of called-back runs and receptions under Replacement Rule Book #34: 'No Forward Progress Unless You're Cam Newton'.

Falcons Start: Billy Joe Tolliver as your WR1, has to be, because he wore #11, and Latinos don't play football, right, white hat judge? 'Julio', that's funny! Falcons Screw: Tony Gonzalez, because man oh man, white hat judge, now you're trying to trick me again! If'n there ain't a first one, there sure ain't another one! You're sh-thouse crazy, funny! Sure I'll buy an old Saturn from you after the game!

Final Score: Cam Newton 52 Panthers 0 Falcons 7

Vikings @ Lions - Certainly didn't expect the Vikes to be leading their division, didja? But I did expect the Lions to sorta suck it, so I was kinda right.

Vikings Start: Chris Kluwe, who should lead the Vikes offensively with 25 points based on the traditional NFL '5 points per punt' rule, instated way back at the kick-off of this game. Viking Screw: Jerome Simpson, because that sideline judge is also his parole officer, and he's gonna set him up for 'holding' with a drop bag on his first game back.

Lions Start: Barry Sanders, who will finally get that NFL rushing record he hasn't been chasing for 14 years. Lions Screw: Kevin Smith. Like usual.

Vikings Win, 7-6, 3-6, 7-4 and Advance to the Quarterfinals

Patriots @ Bills - One things for certain in this week's re-staging of this immortal blood feud: One of these teams is leaving with a retroactively cleansed undefeated record, and the other will be exiled to Bolivia to begin their new lives as a sugar cartel. (Replacement Rule Book #123)

Pats Start: Steve Grogan, the greatest quarterback in Patriots' history See below for all the proof you need. Pats Screw: Lou Diamond Phillips in La Bamba.

Bills Start: OJ Simpson. Bills Screw: OJ Simpson.

Nicole Brown Simpson Is The Loser In This Matchup.....OLD SCHOOL OJ HUMOR FTW!

Bengals @ Jaguars - This game will be cancelled due to Head Referee Jim Core's incurable lifelong fear of big cats.

Double Forfeit, Which Means Free Crunch Dip at Dairy Queen!

Dolphins @ Cardinals - It's gonna be a tough ride to the desert for the Sunshine Saviors - particularly since the Ruby Tuesday's next to the Red Roof where the refs are staying is running a 3-for-1 on Jagerbombs on the Saturday night before.

'That's a 5 yard penalty for...uh..krunking?'

Dolphin Start: Karlos Dansby. Playing against his old squad, Karlos should easily be able to intimidate the officiating crew into crediting him with 4 sacks, 2 picks and 11 Two Point Conversions. Dolphin Screw: I'd feel safe playing any of their receivers, as all the OPI calls will be going against Chad Johnson, that guy the officials saw on Hard Knocks, because he's their receiver, right guys?

Cardinals Start: Beanie Wells, though temper your expectations, as his status on the IR will likely result in being credited with under 8 three-pointers. Cardinals Screw: Larry Fitzgerald, as his propensity for roughing the passer, icing the puck, and filibustering the House of Representatives is going to cost his fantasy owners more than a few Pac-Mans.

Raiders @ Broncos - Finally, a game this week that may indeed elicit a stadium fire with one bad call! While the 'inciting' part of that riot might be easier were this in Oakland, that fresh mountain air sure can carry an ember!

Raider Start: Seabass. This one's for real. Seabass is not only the greatest kicker to ever play, not only the greatest Raider to ever play, but might one day be regarded as the greatest person ever. Raider Screw: Darren McFadden, who will be forcibly ejected from the game early in the first quarter for 'Eyeballing the Back Judge' (Replacement Rule Book #3)

Broncos Start: Eh, whoever, pick one! Broncos sit: Gary Hogeboom.

Final Score: Denver: Eleventy, Raiders: π

~~Titans~~ Oilers @ 1984 Texas Rangers - What better way to celebrate our rich American history in sports than by really going throwback! Anybody can wear a jersey, but not just anybody can use their oil money to tear a rip in the time-space continuum....HOORAY FOR TEXAS!

Oiler Start: The Tyler Rose, Earl Mothereffing Campbell. Below is the greatest run in the history of the sport, and some thirty years later, will garner you 15 and 2/3rds points in regular fantasy scoring Oiler Screw: Chris Johnson. Seriously: Eff that guy already. Useless. He'll be good for 18 carries for 3 yards. FOR REALS.

Rangers Start: Buddy Bell...should go 3 for 5 with a double and a knock. A ringer against lefties, and a solid glove. Rangers Screw: Odell Jones. Classic gas can. Oilers should light him up early.

WINNER: THE HOUSTON COLT '45s

Redskins @ Buccaneers - Considerado un clásico de rivalidad absolutlely nadie, aquí está uno de esos 'sólo' para los fans de emparejamientos en la cuarta semana.

Redskins Beginn: Ryan Grant - Sie wollten nicht unterschreiben ihn seinen Arsch auf der Bank sitzen! 152 Meter und eine halbe Touchdown! Redskins Schäube: Robert Griffin III, da diese refs haben genug von seinem "Talent" Unsinn hatte.

Buccaneers Početak: Stvarno, Doug Martin je samo redovito 'ići' na ovoj momčadi tjedna u tjedan dana i van, ali Redskins nisu najtvrđeg protiv pass, pa ako bi moglo biti dobar tjedan za Vincent Jackson ili Mike Williams - osobito u savijati. Buccaneers Vijak: Josh Freeman je najviše nezanimljiv bek početkom u NFL danas.

Fitorja Për Redskins, që të fillojnë të kërkojnë Moxie e tyre!

Saints @ Packers - I'm too close to this one, so instead I'm turning over this game preview to fellow ReclinerQB contributor Sonny Prier:

New Orleans Saints = Napping guy
Green Bay Packers = Pit bull
NFL Referees = Renton

*Originally published on The Fantasy Football Guys forums

Start ALL your Packers, and screw ALL your Saints.

Winner by a score of Green Bay 48 to New Orleans 14....THE SAINTS!

Giants @ Eagles - Once a must-see, I'm afraid this year's showdown might get pretty unwatchable fast.

Giant Start: Eli Manning, as Umpire Oscar Shorten's kid has had that Manning Fathead up on the wall for ten years now, only he's wearing mostly white and a little blue, but that's the same guy, right? Give him six downs! Giant Screw (that's funny, kids!): All the NFL fans. Again this week.

Eagles Start: LeSean Tomlinson Eagles Screw: Goddamned Vick. That's a real one. Not touching that guy again this year.

Bears @ Cowboys - This is the Monday Night Game, right? Probably going to miss most of it, because there's no way it's gonna be as terrific as last week.

Bear Start: Cutty! If you're in a '10 points per interception or sack taken' league! Bear Screw: Cutty! If you're not.

Cowboys Start: Romo! If you're in a '10 points per interception or sack taken' league! Cowboy Screw: Romo! If you're not.

Winner: The NFLRA

Please join me Sunday for my 'Trapped in the RedZone' live blog of all the day's happenings, and join me again next week here, when hopefully sanity has been restored and Mike Carey returns to claim the throne that is his.

Wasn't that something? Now go follow @AmazingMattyP on the Twitter. He's lonely.

In fact, follow all the ReclinerQB crew - they deserve love too!

ReclinerQB, Sonny Prier, JR Sheppard, Corey Doiron, Christie Mac, Marcus Wyche, and Josh.

Trapped in the RedZone, Week 3: The Reckoning

noreply@blogger.com (AmazingMattyP) — Sun, 23 Sep 2012 15:43:00 +0000

by Matt Prendergast

I still haven't figured out how to get this job.

Welcome to week three of 'Matt frantically typing for three or five hours and more often when Blaine Gabbert shows up on the screen.' - For review:

NFL RedZone (not affliliated with ReclinerQB.com) is simply: Every Sunday NFL game, no commercials, hosted by the affable Scott Hanson and all wrapped up near the five o'clock hour with a montage that is only aptly described as 'Touchdown Climax Happy Explosion'. If this is your first time watching RedZone (WELCOME TO THE CLUB TIME-WARNER!), make sure you have plenty of sandwiches within arms reach, and plenty of fluids. Make your own, if neccessary, because you're not getting up again for some time.

It's Big Batch Of The Beloved's Chili today, which is going to add a sweet variant to the festivities....I'll be here all day - refresh early and often, and enjoy this ride on Football Mountain! Thanks for playing...

11:55 - I watched almost all of the RedZone Fantasy pregame show....questions: How did Akbar Gbaja Biamila get an NFL gig before Kabeer? And also, why hasn't he already eaten all the tiny people surrounding him on the set?

11:58 - Also, I never noticed before that Michael Fabiano's head looks to be half the size of a regulation football. And you're taking advice from that head. You've been warned.

12:01 - Scott Hanson has warmly greeted the new Time Warner/Brighthouse viewers in the appropriate fashion: by getting an Arnold Schwarzeneggar-circa-1986 haircut. BOLD!

12:04 - Four Kickoffs so far. No scores, no picks. This is bunk.

12:05 - Jets starting off with Sanchez and Tebow in on the opening play.....and it's incomplete.

12:06 - Mohammed Sanu just dropped a bomb to AJ Green out of the Wildcat. Bengals up by seven. WILDCAT RULES!

12:07 - Early Double-Box - Lance Moore score for the Saints! Chiefs-Saints already well on the way to a two hundred point game.

12:09 - I don't know who's doing the call on the Lions/Titans; I do know that one of them is drunk. MARK SANCHEZ PICK!

12:10 - Tony Romo pick! We're all evened up at 2 TDs, 2 picks. Parity.

12:11 - I think I just saw Michael Bivens from Bell Biv Devoe on the Tampa bench. That girl is poison.

12:12 - When did Reggie Bush get great? There should have been a memorandum. Whoops, just cut to Vikes/49ers, for no lie, for 6 seconds, then out.

12:13 - And as we expected, the Niners have no answer for the Vikings offensive assault. Huh? - Also, Daniel Thomas TD for the Fins - back to Vikes, AD to the 2. NOW A BILLS TOUCHDOWN! Some guy I don't know, TJ Graham or something. Start your studs.

12:14 - In general, defensive linemen need to stop celebrating when they do their job. TOUCHDOWN VIKES! Kyle Rudolph. It's anarchy there.

12:17 - Game Line announcement: Cowboys already have three penalties and a pick. How bout 'dem Boys? Glory Hole!

12:18 - Doug Martin is a good running back. First and three inches for Tampa. Chiefs are threatening, but seem halted at the 10. LUKE STOCKER TOUCHDOWN! Yeah, I don't know who he is either.

12:19 - Eh, Chiefs settle for a kick. 7-3. You're falling off the pace....also, Jags FG as well. Things already looking up.

12:20 - Bengals throwing out of the end zone - pick and score for the Redskins. Mayhem.

You can probably take off the pads, Fred.

12:21 - Back in five - child needs food. Also, Matt needs food.

12:22 - Wait up....Ron Pitts and Mike Martz are doing the Lions/Titans game. So Martz was the one that sounded head-deep in a rye barrel. Might not be drunk after all, I think that's just Martz. Jason Hanson FG. Also Robbie Gould FG for the Bears. DULL.

12:25 - CJ Spiller for a 32 yard score. Fred Jackson owners: time to let it go. He's not coming back.

12:26 - As expected: Vikes stifling the anemic Niners offense. WHAT IS HAPPENING?

12:27 - Yearly Devery Henderson sighting in New Orleans. Scour your waiver wires!

12:29 - Jimmy Graham is hard as steel - gets a terrific first down for the Saints. Also, just like clockwork, the Vikes with a huge pass to Harvin making them threaten again. It's just not fair, San Fran.

12:31 - They just showed a highlight of Chris Johnson. Running for ten yards. Let. It. Go.

12:31 - Still need chili. Mean it this time....Andrew Luck to T.Y. Hilton. Touchdown.....okay, now going for chili.

12:40 - Okay, I know I had Fritos, but they've vanished. And these brand new crackers are stale. God damn it.

12:41 - Bengals scored another six....right to Cutty throwing a pick to Cortland Finnegan, who then fumbled - but it looks like down-by-contact. Gonna challenge.

12:43 - Cowboys scored somewhere in there....I can't keep up with all of this, Cap'n, I'M JUST A MAN.

12:44 - Titans just pulled some crazy trick play on a punt return for a TD. The Lions might actually be the worst team in the NFC North, but Cutler's got a lot of time left in his game.

12:45 - 'I gotta show you what just happened to Mark Sanchez'....always a good lead-in. A DOLPHIN SACKED HIM AND THEN DID PEE-WEE HERMAN'S 'TEQUILA' DANCE OVER HIM. That's the best thing I'm going to see this week.

12:46 - And apparently CJ Spiller has been injured. This chili is powerful. Fred Jackson back in play for next week! Currently, the Bills are running Tashard Choice, whom I thought was retired.

12:48 - Aha, it was DeMarco Murray for the Boys' score. Good news! Oh, look, another CJ2K highlight! For a seven-yard loss. Parity.

12:51 - This note on the Bengals: AJ Green is unbelievably talented. And if he gets hurt, ever, their entire season is over.

12:52 - Jake Locker to Jared Cook for a 61 yard score. Because this is the week I gave up on Cook.

12:54 - Christian Ponder just tripped Adrian Peterson. Excellent analogy for when the Vikes eventually lose this game.

12:56 - Bengals fake FG. Which failed. Not a good sign for the second half....Christian Ponder just took a keeper a LONG way to increase the Vikings lead. So who's the best team in the NFL next week, then?

12:59 - LeRon Landry, the one Jet I like, is hurt. And maybe so is Devin Hester. The humanity.

1:00 - It doesn't seem like the Lions are even playing Kevin Smith at all. And I don't trust that at all, either.

1:01 - My whole left leg fell asleep - trying to walk it off, but we've got some troubles. This must be what it feels like for Ben Rothlisberger when he gets flushed out of the pocket.

This guy. Give. Him. Ball.

1:03 - Steven Jackson is out of the game again for the Rams after a three yard outing or something. Should have run with Richardson. As for the Chiefs, I've now seen Matt Cassell miss throws on two or three certain scores.

1:05 - You can shut down the Lions, but you can't shut down Jason Hanson.

1:06 - I don't think there's a less exciting QB playing in this league than Josh Freeman. They should just have 'Meh' written on the back of his jersey.

1:07 - Tebow on a fake punt. God I can't wait for his nonsense to be out of the league.

1:09 - Is Trent Richardson playing today? What the hell, Browns. He's your guy.

1:10 - Unrelated, but I gotta get this off my chest: Who the eff gives a rat's ass what Jim Brown thinks about ANYBODY on the Browns? Great running back in the early 70s; now bitter old man. I've never seen any old bitterman get more press off what he thinks about guys on his old team. Of course, Brett hasn't been retired that long yet....

1:16 - RG3 having a rookie game so far. That could change.....also TOUCHDOWN TRENT RICHARDSON! Thanks for listening, fellas!

1:16 pt. 2 - David Akers just had an FG attempt blocked. The wheels are spinning off the bus, Captain Comeback. Better get your extra-motivation cap on for half-time......also, TOUCHDOWN MICHAEL BUSH in the Bears/Rams scrum.

1:17 - Pierre Thomas with a terrific catch, which he then got off the ground with and ran into the end zone untouched. Which brings up a related point, being that the Chiefs suck.

1:18 - More Cincinnati Wildcat! Touchdown Benjarvus. Get it together Skins, this is getting fugly.

1:20 - If Alfred Morris doesn't put Washington on his back, and soon, doesn't he realize he's going to vanish from the face of the Earth?

1:20 - Never mind on Pierre Thomas, sounds like he didn't catch it or something.

1:22 - As expected, Jake Locker is having his way with the Lions. WHO SWITCHED MY PILLS?

1:23 - You know how devastating Donald Brown is on the Colts? Mewelde Moore just appeared from 2006 and scored for the Colts.

1:24 - I knew I should have sat Griffin when Mikey Fabiano noted specifically that there was nobody outside of Drew Brees he would start over Griffin this week. Stupid buttbag.

1:25 - And here comes Evan Royster! That didn't take long.

Worth every penny. The teeth are, at least.

1:26 - CJ2K update! Dropped pass in the flat! Also, CJ Spiller has a shoulder problem, not coming back today.

1:28 - There's a lot a really good rookie kickers this year - Greg Zuerlein just put 3 on the board for the Rams from 56 yards. OOPS! Reggie Bush has also sustained a leg injury. Not a good day to be a league leader.

1:29 - Whenever we get near the half on most of these games, they make Hanson get into game breakdown/analysis. Which shows that we need to push for staggered halftimes.....Second Best Highlight of the Day! A ref threw his hat on the field in the Dallas game and tripped Ogletree with it in the endzone. I'm now on board with the replacement refs.

1:34 - I just noticed that when it's inside a helmet, Tony Romo's face looks like it's been drawn in an animation studio. Or possibly applied to his head via Silly Putty transfer.

1:36 - LeShoure seems to have had a decent debut thus far - 61 yards at the half. This will make it more crushing when he suffers a knee injury in the third quarter.

1:38 - Romo going for it all with 2 seconds left....AND....nothing.

1:39 - Niners/Vikes starting the second half....Niners already in scoring position thanks to 94 yard kick return from Kyle 'Death Threats' Williams. Yeah, remember that San Fran, when you were threatening to KILL a punt returner last year? Because I had almost forgotten that. Now I hope you lose. (No offense, Josh)

1:40 - And that all turned into a field goal. Pshaw.

1:42 - Hanson is pimping 'Touchdown Climax' again for the new viewers....and rolled that into the Quadbox Twitter challenge. And both are devastatingly scary with his new True Lies haircut.

1:44 - Somehow Dexter McCluster just caught a ball, which injured him, and then he dropped the ball without being touched, and then the Saints picked it up and ran it in for a score, but the whistle had blown the play dead. THIS ISN'T AFFECTING THE GAME AT ALL, ROG.

1:45 - LaRon Landry apparently wasn't hurt seriously, as he just picked off Ryan Tannehill and ran into the endzone. Don't throw on LaRon, Ry.

1:51 - MJD over a hundy and a long long trot for a score....meanwhile, the replacement refs are going to have to make a decision in the Saints/Chiefs game that they have no way of not looking like a-holes afterwards. Fantastic.

1:54 - And somehow, the final call was still wrong. ALFRED MORRIS WILL NOT BE SAT! Touchdown, your Washington Redskins.

1:55 - Brees - Graham- six. Also, Pierre Thomas would be a terrific running back on a team where he wasn't splitting carries with three other guys. San Fran charging back on the Vikes, Vernon Davis for six. Now taking a five minute break, I'm getting dizzy.

1:58 - Wait! Jets within the ten, Tebow at QB. Fake option or something, losing yards. Good. Tired of that guy. Sanchez back in....AND THROWS A PICK! No, Rex, this isn't a circus at all.

2:00 - Lions going to all 'all Calvin Johnson' scheme. That only took almost three weeks...but the touchdown is for the unstoppable Mikel LeShoure.

2:11 - Another FG in the Titans/Lions game. Who wants to start an all-kicker league? Bironas shanks it!

You are still not forgiven.

2:12 - RG3 doesn't give up. On the three, and the Skins could tie this up....Also, I'm glad I'm not watching the Colts/Jags game, because it might make me try heroin.

2:13 - Touchdown Santana Moss! Then, up north, Touchdown Kyle Rudolph! (That's two for Kyle, and the only one Santana will have for the next month.

2:17 - Another Saints score, Brees to some guy I never heard of and you don't have on your roster.

2:18 - Darrelle Revis is injured. Flights to the Island have now been booked solid.

2:19 - Jets just wrapped a nice personal foul around a Dolphins' first down play....shot to the head after the receiver was down. Classy and controlled.

2:20 - Benjarvus - FUMBLE? The dream is dead. The dream is dead. Move your family to the fallout shelter.

2:21 - Niners' fumble, Minnesota recovery. Minnesota remains the juggernaut we've all feared these many years.....HOLY HELL. All of you questioning Jamaal Charles can suck one, 89 yards and 6 for JC. You benched him, didn't you. You are heathen.

2:23 - Wheedan to...um...Travis Benjamin? I think that's what they said....Browns will not lie down, better get your beard on, Fitz!

2:24 - 'Illegal Touching' in the Lions game, which, if I'm staying current with the law of the land, should get Titus Young 15 years with a chance of parole at 7.

2:25 - Rex Ryan could lose all his weight and his head would still look fat.

2:26 - Some Miami RB just scored six....and as I'm not up on the Fins' third string, I'm pretty sure they said his name is 'JAVORSKY' Lane. What the eff is that? That sounds like a place I'm trying to move away from.

2:28 - I apologize for that last one. That was weak. I can do better.

2:29 - I would go so far as to say, that Javorsky line was my Josh Freeman of One-Liners. Oh my, I forgot the Bears/Rams were still playing....

2:32 - CUTLER! HESTER! THROWN FIVE FEET TOO HIGH! I love you, Jay.

2:33 - The Bears are within the five, and they keep passing. Note: This is why you hired Michael Bush, Lovie. Stupid.

2:35 - Miles Austin is WAY better than Dez Bryant. Still. Why don't I learn? Bears took a 3 spot, because why not?

I Googled 'COPS Florida Methhead', and got this. Sunshine State!

2:36 - Shonn Greene just got stuffed on the one-inch line. Shonn Greene is not an NFL running back. Followed by a Sancho Overthrow. The Jets are not a good team. Related - some Miami meth addict just got two seconds of national TV time....hold onto that moment, son, it won't come again until they bring COPS back onto the air.

2:39 - Apparently Jocque Bell has maintained his backup role on the Lions - what does Kevin Smith keep effing up? Touchdown for the ageless Nate Burleson.

2:41 - And Burleson gets the two point conversion. This is why you used a first rounder on C.J. and your flyer on Titus Young. Oh, and why you took Brandon Pettigrew anywhere.

2:43 - If the Buccaneers were really any good, or half the other teams in this league, Dallas would be out of this game. As it is, they're still going to win. Bears take a bigger leader thanks to a Major Wright pick for six (that's the closest I'll come to saying it, and it's way too close).

2:45 - Stevie Johnson for six. Bills up by ten. That should be enough, wouldn't you think?

2:46 - Darius Reynaud just ran the length of the field on a kickoff return for the Titans. He also set up that other special teams touchdown earlier. And also has been the only RB I've seen move forward for the Titans. DYNASTY LEAGUE!

2:50 - Donald Brown is the Josh Freeman of starting Running Backs.

2:51 - If you're in a league where you're penalized for scoring touchdowns, by all means load your roster with Colts and Jags. And Adam Vinatieri just shanked a lead-taker. Or did he hook it? I get confused. AND TWO WEEKS IN A ROW: Andrew Hawkins breaks a mid-range play into a HUGE touchdown for the Bengals.

2:53 - The Vikings are still handily beating the 49ers. As per the master plan.

2:55 - Nate Washington just made the best catch-and-run there's going to be this week. Tennessee is no longer the worst team in football, but they still have the worst running back.

2:56 - This KC/New Orleans game is gonna end up going to the team that doesn't want it less.

2:59 - This week's Hot Waiver Wire Pickup You're Going To Regret? Nate Burleson, for the eight consecutive year.

3:01 - Dynasty Pickup of the Week You Won't Regret? T.Y. Hilton of the Colts....oh god, Tebow's in again for a play.

3:02 - The New York Jets have no business running a five-receiver set. And it's even more insulting to the sport when it includes Tebow in the slot.

'That'll do, Schwartz, that'll do.'

3:03 - Brandon Pettigrew stripped of ball, Titans touchdown. If it stands, Detroit returns to the ass end of the NFC North. Parity.

3:08 - No effing idea what's going on in the KC/NO game - apparently Brees got hit in the end zone and dropped it, or something, so the Chiefs got a safety, and the ball, and free tickets to Jersey Boys and a Blu-Ray copy of Carlito's Way, and a membership at Anytime Fitness. These new rules are fuzzy.

3:11 - They keep going back to the Jets/Dolphins every minute, and I swear a different team has the ball every thirty seconds - are they on some Super-Overtime One Down And You're Done deal? Because that sounds terrific.

3:12 - Alex Smith pick leads to Vikes win. It's all starting to even out.....

3:14 - Chaz Schilens is still in the league? And did I spell that right?

3:15 - I swear to god, if the Jets win this game on the back of Shonn Greene, I'm writing a terse letter.

3:16 - The Chiefs can still win this game. Glad the Saints spent all that offseason time distracted by the suspensions of four of their defenders, one of whom is a Brown, one of whom is unemployed, and one of whom immediately went on the PUP list.

3:18 - Shaun Hill to CJ to put Lions back in game - immediately followed by a successful onside kick recovery. They will not lie down.

3:19 - Shaun Hill still in game. You'd think Stafford would be more durable with all that extra face padding.

3:20 - HOLY HELL. Hail Mary bomb with no time left on the clock, and Titus Young catches it in the end zone. And in the Redskins/Bengals game, RG3 is attempting to do the same....AND IN THE JAGS/COLTS, CECIL SHORTS JUST PROBABLY WON THE GAME WITH LIKE NO SECONDS LEFT ON THE CLOCK OR SOMETHING. Oh, who cares? Jags/Colts. Call it a tie.

3:22 - 45 seconds left. So the Never Say Die Colts are still in this. 7 seconds left for the Skins, with some double penalty nonsense. These replacement refs wouldn't have any issues if all these games could just be blowouts.

3:25 - Bengals win, Cowboys gonna win, Chiefs taking the Saints to overtime. Grim.

3:26 - So it looks like Lions/Titans and Saints/Chiefs both going into OT. And Greg Schiano had the line rush the Cowboys on the kneeldown. Mark my words, this bullish*t from Schiano is going to cost the Buccaneers a lot of calls, and games, going forward.

3:27 - T.Y. Hilton with a huge catch - so much for Donnie Avery.

3:29 - Colossal PI call against the Jets as Miami was charging.....also, Jags beat Colts. Yay.

3:30 - AND....Miami/Jets also going to OT.

3:31 - Huge Titans catch, plus a Lions helmet-to-helmet penalty on top of the football sundae! Because your team doesn't have a control problem, Schwartz.

3:34 - Why do the Cardinals have blue jerseys on? And how did they already score a touchdown?

3:36 - HORRIBLE Call in the Titans game. Still got the PI, but somehow disallowed a catch that never hit the ground.

3:39 - Jacquizz Rodgers with the Falcons score.

3:40 - Cards are up by ten. WHAT IS HAPPENING?

3:41 - Heath Miller with another touchdown for the Steelers, continuing his yearly dominance of the TE position. Is this milk expired?

3:42 - These OT games need to end, I need a ten minute break....TEN goes up by three.

3:44 - Shawn Draughn may just fumbled the Saints to victory. Welcome back to the 2 hole, Peyton.

3:45 - Eff it. Back in fifteen, maybe. ...wait, McFadden with 64 yards for a score. Thank god.

3:46 - Oh, and Andre Johnson just scored on a three-mile long pass play.

3:52 - Tennesse won when Shaun Hill fumbled on fourth down.....as long as it's over. Back after the break....

3:56 - THE CHIEFS DIDN'T WANT IT LESS!

'Starring: Dan Carpenter'

3:58 - Here come the Dolphins......NO GOOD! Look for Dan Carpenter on the actual waiver wire some point on Monday.

3:59 - Remember when I told you to sit Heath Miller? I was very very wrong. 2nd TD. Glad I just dropped him in a league.

4:00 - Vick. Sucks. Bring in that kid. It can't hurt.....

4:02 - Nick Folk finally ends that effing....NO HE DIDN'T! BLOCKED! Except there was a time-out from the Dolphins that prevented that from being an actual play. Good job with the icing, Philbin.

4:04 - Nick Folk finally ends that effing game.

4:05 - Texans/Broncos - 7 to 5. Five?!?

4:06 - Arian Foster, making it 13 to 5. Hope they go for two, because 15 to 5 would be the best score that never happened.

4:08 - Scott Hanson should get a pair of those kick-ass red shades that Cyclops wore in X-Men.

4:10 - I can't wait for Tony Gonzalez to retire so that I can stop not drafting him because he's done and then he beats me during the year.

4:11 - Steelers get a great run back from Antonio Brown negated because of, I think, 'Name Calling', and 'Ill-Fitting Pants' against the return team.

4:13 - Kevin Kolb to Larry Fitzgerald. The Eagles look ridiculously outmatched so far.

4:17 - Pat Lee is a starting CB for Oakland. Pat Lee never went higher than the 5th QB his entire career with the Packers. Now I understand why Oakland is having trouble.

4:18 - Is Will Ferrell playing the part of Ben Rothlisberger again?

4:20 - And a 52 yard striked to Kevin Walter - because of course the Texans are airing it out today, on account of Matt Schaub hates me.

4:33 - And thus the first 'Nick Foles' mention I've heard of the day....I expect more.

4:36: - The Eagles are in an unbelievable amount of trouble. That sack/fumble better take Vick out of the game so this week isn't a complete embarrasment.

4:39 - And Jonathan Dwyer just cleared the path for Rashard to step right back into the starting lineup. Hurry on back now, Mendy!

4:40 - Nate Irving of the Broncos just may have concussed himself or worse tackling the Texans returner - and that just about sums up the Denver outing today. Hope the dude is alright, the fall to the ground did not look promising.

4:44 - CARSON PALMER BOOTLEG. He's deadly, like snake. Or snake-based boots.

4:45 - Irving is up for Denver - that's about the only good thing that's happened for them in the last two hours. And you're telling me Tebow was winning with this squad?

4:46 - Jamaal Charles ran for 233 today? Considering he's losing all those carries to Hillis, that means Peyton got like 180, right?

And by 'your mother' we mean Hines Ward, obviously.

4:49 - GREAT CATCH by Darius Heyward-Bey. Raiders tie the game. Shame on you, Pittsburgh, you hurt your mother and make her cry when you don't play hard.

4:52 - Terrific interception by the Broncos. Now Schaub is finally settling in to play some Schaubball.

4:56 - When Ben-Ben waves his hands all around to hurry the team to the line, he looks a lot like Big Bird sometimes.

4:57 - Broncos bring themselves up to 11. Because that's a normal score.

5:00 - That Steve Sabol piece is the best football we're going to see this year. That guy was amazing, period.

5:08 - Outside of the Steelers/Raiders, this whole afternoon is blowouts....and that means it's time for me to sign off for the day. The family needs me, or something....thanks for joining me again, and please join us again next week for more RedZone fun!

NFL Week 3: Start 'Em/Screw 'Em Preview Bonanza

noreply@blogger.com (AmazingMattyP) — Sat, 22 Sep 2012 21:29:00 +0000

by Matt Prendergast

ALRIGHT! Three weeks in, and I haven't given up this weekly evidentiary procedure proving I have both questionable prognostication skills and an undying need for attention. Hit me with your loving hammer NFL Week 3!

Since it's clear that Roger Goodell is opting to forgo 'getting qualified professionals on the field to maintain order' in lieu of 'fining every effing player the following week because that certainly makes a difference', let's assume that we're going to continue to watch XFL 2012 full-contact footballs. Which you would think would be advantageous for the Raiders, but it looks like they forgot they're the Raiders. Sad, really, it's like time forgot them.

Seriously, Rog. How about cutting off a slice of that sweet Time-Warner Cable money and getting Mike Carey back in charge, you dink? Enough politics, GO!

Thursday Review: The Giants aren't dead, and apparently aren't even broken; The Cam Nortons are. Not sure why everybody else seemed to think that Camshaft wasn't going to get figured out, but it's pretty clear now that he has been. Great sign for the franchise when once again Steve Smith has to be the goddamn voice of common sense. In the interim, the Giants discovered their back-up RB is probably better than Ahmad Bradshaw, and they can plug whoever in at the slots and go. Glad I invested in Hakeem Nicks. Martellus Bennett is pretty alright. Fantasy warning: I would steer clear of all Panthers for the next couple of weeks, period. Running game is horrible, and Cam has now shown his first signs of Vince Youngedness in his sideline sulk, sucks for Smith - maybe Cam responds, but how do you console Superman when it turns out he was just some dude with a blanket around his neck? Also, Greg Olsen was not a sleeper; he was Greg Olsen.

Rams @ Bears - Am highly looking forward to this - on the one hand, the Rams are a couple of plays away from being 2-0. And on the other hand, the Rams are a couple plays away from being 0-2. One thing is definite: The Bears are definitely, soundly, 1 and 1. You know I'm all about the Stache here, right?

Rams Starts: Might want to start rolling Bradford out there, because, you know, he's in the Top 3 performance guys right now. Right after Alex Smith. Absorb that. Also, look at that list - have I been overestimating passer rating this whole time? The top ten has seven guys that were on my 'Do Not Draft' list. Run Amendola in a WR2, especially in a PPR, and I'm good with Gibson in the WR2 slot as well. Screw 'Em: Since Steven Jackson got a groin injury from being abruptly yanked off the field, and Richardson showed up strong, I'm wary of either guy since nothing has been determined, and the Bears can still hamper the run.

I didn't make this. Don't know who did. Is great.

Bears Starts: Michael Bush. We're done here. Screw 'Em: Cutler looked beyond 'bad outing', he looked incapable and Ryan Leaflike. And I'm no longer positive the Bears are doing their fanbase justice by continuing to run with an emotionally stunted and immature clown as their offensive leader - honestly, one more ass week, and they should give Jason Campbell a run out there. Yes, I mean that. He's used to passing under constant pressure.

Sleepy-Sleeper: If for some reason Jackson is totally out of this game, I would put Richardson in the RB2 or flex spot without a flinch. Or even a worry.

Jeff Fischer's Playoff-Bound Rams Win by Seven; Chicago Sports Radio Explodes

Bills @ Browns - This is going to feel weird to type, but the Browns are playing more fundamentally sound team football this year. Are my pinkies supposed to have this burning feeling?

Bills Starts: Spiller. And Scott Chandler, while the iron is hot. If you've got Stevie, it's a good week for him with Haden on the suspension list....Screw 'Em: Fitzgerald and all the rest of them.

Browns Starts: Richardson looks like he was a good pick after all - run him like you drafted him high (because I did), and I'd include Greg Little in your WR3/Flex considerations. Screw 'Em: There are no other Browns I would imagine are on any fantasy rosters anywhere. Maybe Old Man Brandon, but you aren't playing him unless you're in a 37 team fantasy league.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Meh. Don't have one. This game has the potential to get unwatchable fast.

I 'Member When I Thunk the Bills Were Good; I Was Young and Dumb. BROWNS WIN BY 3!

Buccaneers @ Dem Cowboys - It only took two weeks for Dallas faithful to start melting down - right on schedule! The Boys looked inefficient against a really good defense, and a pretty good team in Seattle. Settle the eff down, hoss. Buccaneers seem scrappy, but I have a lot of trouble believing they're really more than a .500 team this year.

Buc Starts: Vince J and Doug Martin Screw 'Em: Freeman and Dallas Clark - one's unmistakably average, the other played in the 70s, what a wacky pair!

Roll Them Boys: All name brands are safe to stock on your shelf this week. Screw 'Em: Again this week, accept you wasted your waiver spot on Ogletree. He's only a factor when one of those two top-shelfers go out-of-stock for a couple of weeks.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Tampa Mike has scored in consecutive weeks, not the worst WR3 or flex guy to get out there, since VJ will continue to get the priority coverage. That said, I like the Dallas secondary, and expect low passing stats for the Tamps this week regardless.

You might want to re-list this on Ebay as soon as you order it.

Jaguars @ Colts - Jesus H. This is why there's blackout rules. This game used to be good.

Whole Game Starts: MJD. Reggie Wayne. Screw ALL The Rest of 'Em.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Donnie Avery in a flex or WR3 - we aren't at Bye weeks yet, and two week does not 'reliable' make, but....maybe in a pinch. Note: lots of sleeper notes about how Donald Brown is a great play against the Jags' worst run D in the land. Know what changes that 'Worst Run D' rep? Donald Brown.

Colts Win! Colts Win! THIS IS YOUR SUPER BOWL, INDY!

Jarts @ Dolphins - A battle for a share of first place in the AFC East! How did that division become so bottle-of-pills sad so quickly?

Jets Starts: I still don't like any of these guys, really, but do you really think the Dolphins are going to hold them down and make them eat dirt? Run Santonio, for certain, the Fins are next-to-last against the pass. EVEN IF MARK SANCHEZ IS THE PASSER. Screw 'Em: They are, however, 4th against the run, which makes Shonn Greene even a worse play than normal.

Fin Starts: The Jets, however, are not in even the top half against the rushing attacks of the league, and Reggie Bush might just put together two back-to-back career games. Believe in Reggie. He needs the love. Screw 'Em: The New York Football Jets aren't particularly great against the air game either, but that's where Tannehill comes into play. Aside from Fasano in some bizarre two TE league, I wouldn't touch any of the Dolphins receivers this week in fantasy play.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Jeremy Kurley - If Santonio gets jammed up, he looks like the guy Sancho looks for more often than not, and should be good for 60 and a score.

That Said, And This Is Going to Sound Ridiculous, The Dolphins Win This Game on The Ground and Rex Ryan Nearly Has A Stroke In Beautful Florida

49ers @ Vikings - Sometimes, the gods above hand out a 'gimme'.

Niner Starts: Vernon, Frank and ALEX EFFING SMITH. Screw 'Em: All those receivers, since none of them seem to stand out whatsoever - any and all are a dice-roll at best, and you don't need to risk that this early.

Viking Starts: AD, Harvin.....maybe Kyle Rudolph in a squeeze. Screw 'Em: That defense is going to take a brutal pounding, and then still be asked to play three additional quarters.

Sleepy-Sleeper: I know what I said about the San Fran Receiving Corps, but if I've got a flex, I'm running Randy Moss out there this week - and that may be the last time I say that. Knows the team, lots of emotion, and the Niners will look to do the same thing with him against the Vikes they did against the Packers - score with him just to say they did. Bonus points if he removes his pants after the score.

San Francisco by Double-Digits. Probably In the First Half. Catch Up on Some Reading.

Chiefs @ Saints - Wow. This might be the sh*ttiest game of the week. I can't believe I'm saying that about the Chiefs/Saints in week 3. Two colossal disappointments floundering desperately to not have their season end before October. Guh.

Much less depressing. And cuter, unless Pierre wears a beret.

Chief Starts: Matt Cassell. The Saints cannot play defense, great week for your Chiefs. Screw 'Em: Your aren't still considering Hillis are you? Because some guy named Shawn Drawn or some such nonsense has edged him out of the back-up spot.

Saints Starts: Drew Brees, Pierre Thomas, Graham, Colston (if he ain't hurt), Lance Moore in a WR2. Because the Chiefs also cannot play defense either. Screw 'Em: Sproles ain't been much this year, and I think this is going to be a run-for-six, bomb, repeat kind of day....would rather have Ingram or Thomas this week.

Sleepy-Sleeper: I already put Lance Moore up there....let's include Jon Baldwin for fun! WR3/Flex only. Saints D is awful, why not?

Awful Saints are Still Way Better Than Awful Chiefs. By Like 17 Points. Book it!

Bengals at Redskins - Hey, can somebody tell me how in the hell Pierre Garcon got hurt again? Because I still haven't figured that out, and you're KILLING ME, PIERRE.

Bengal Starts: While I still love Benjarvus, and you have to play him, don't look for more than RB2 #s at best. Start playing Andew Hawkins in your WR2 spot for the bye weeks, dude is a firecracker jammed in a cat's behind; you're never gonna be sure what's gonna happen, but it's bound to be exciting. (Note: We at ReclinerQB neither suggest nor endorse the insertion of Class C Fireworks into any living creature, in any orifice, so don't do that, stupid). Screw 'Em: Jermaine Gresham is kinda feeling like a washout, isn't he?

Redskins Starts: Until he blows out magnificently, RG3 is a starting fantasy QB, period. And Alfred Morris is the same in the RB category. Screw 'Em: However, until Pierre tapes up his ankle or whatever, it's anyone's guess who's gonna get the looks (outside of Fred Davis), so I can't recommend playing any of the receivers....but I can DEFINITELY say 'it's not gonna be Santana Moss ever again'.

Sleepy-Sleeper: To hell with it, put in Hankerson in your Flex. See what happens.

Locked-in: 132 on the ground and 2 scores. A PPR must-start

Lions @ Titans - Let's just say this, so the healing process can begin: The Tennessee Titans are the worst team in professional football. Accept it.

Lions Starts: The usual suspects, plus Kevin Smith since Tenn couldn't stop 'Kevin Smith, director of Clerks and Mallrats' from going a hundy, let alone a trained NFL running back. Screw 'Em: Don't have any, really.

Titans Starts: None of them. Not even Britt, even though I have to start him in three leagues. Screw 'Em: The Tennessee Titans.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Did Javon Ringer rehab his arm back to functioning yet? Because when he does, he should start being their running back. Hell, they should make a run at Steve Slaton. Sorry about your damn Johnson.

Lions By Nine Million Points

Eagles @ Cardinals - Just like expected, a showdown of undefeated powerhouses! Here's the thing (copyright 2008, Kevin Moore), the Arizona Cardinals have been more convincing in their victories the past two weeks. This fact is made even more bizarre by the continued seemingly total absence of a viable offense. Should be a real barn-burner in the desert sun.

Green Bird Starts: Cards have a tougher D than anticipated, so I'd only go ahead and start only the Eagles offensive players that you have on your fantasy roster. Screw Em: Except Maclin, on account of he's not playing this week, making it three of my four drafted WRs in my money league that haven't been certain to play since week one (See: Smith, Steve and Fancy Pierre).

Red Bird Starts: I repeat, I'm not sure how the Cards have won two straight - their running game doesn't exist, and there's still nobody outside of Fitz worth starting. Screw 'Em: Ryan 'Second Coming' Williams, Beanie, Skeletor and Kolb. And anybody else there.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Not so much a sleeper, but I have that gut feeling that Vick is due a big, 'no eff-ups' game, and a convincing victory here would do a lot to solidify what's been a sketchy undefeated start to the year. If you've got Mike, run him this week without a doubt.

The Eagles By Ten Celeks!

Falcons @ Chargers - Another match-up of undefeated behemoths! And this one is my coin-flip of the week, so buyer beware!

Falcon Starts: Receivers, and the QB, but temper your expectations - Chargers have a tight Defense on both sides of the game - less so on the pass, however. Screw 'Em: Mike 'Hard Lemonade' Turner....horrible match-up at the tail-end of a bad week.

Charger Starts: Falcons are about on par with the Bolts in terms of passing defense, but blow against the run. Thankfully, the Chargers still don't have a running back, necessarily. That said, I'd still run Mathews out there, even in limited duty - Rivers, Gates and Floyd are your other winners. Screw 'Em: Eddie Royal (who you don't have) and Robert Meachem (who you might) have only proven that stashing Vincent Brown on your bench for the second half of the season might be a terrific idea.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Even with Gates back, purportedly, I like the Chargers continuing to use Dante Rosario in the clutch going forward. He will never - repeat, NEVER - have another game like last week. But he certainly can have a few 45 and a scores over the year, especially with Phil needing reliable guys for a few weeks.

The Chargers Continue Their Remarkable First Month Charge To Second-Half Letdown!

Texans @ Broncos - Let it be said that Peyton Manning has never had as bad of a half as he did last week. And the Broncos were still in the game. However, the Texans are purt near better than the Falcons.

Texan Starts: Foster and Andre. Maybe Owen Daniels in a tight race. Screw 'Em: Matt Schaub has been less than spectacular this year, see no reason for that to change this week - and I don't think Ben Tate repeatedly puts up RB1 numbers from the back-up slot - not against a decent defense like the Broncos.

Bronco Starts: Manning, Demaryius and....Willis McGahee. Texans are certainly tough against runners, but McGahee just seems to keep getting his week in and out - the Bronco offense keeps a balance, and that helps. Screw 'Em: Eric Decker has been of the disappoint to date. May change as the season develops. Won't change against the Texans.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Joel Dreesen. Against the team that chose to let him walk away, and arguably the more effective TE anyway, I'd run him out there this week above many of the name-brand guys - don't get stupid, there's a line of demarcation there, but you should be smart enough to know where that is.

Manning Don't Go Out Like That Two Weeks In A Row: Broncos Kick Houston In Their Holsters

Steelers @ Raiders - The Raiders should send the Titans money for keeping them out of the very bottom of the Sh*tcan. You dudes just got your ass mailed home by the Miami Dolphins. How's that Palmer trade looking?

'May or may not increase in value.'

Steeler Starts: If you got Dwyer, here's your last chance to use him, and you should. Both the receivers and Shreklisberger are safe and recommended fantasy starts. Screw 'Em: Heath Miller can't keep being a productive fantasy Tight End. It defies the will of God.

Raider Starts: I guess you can't sit McFadden if you've got him, but good god. Screw 'Em: Note this was said here first; the Terrelle Pryor Era is nigh. Sit all those Raiders until further notice.

Steelers By A Ton, And Don't Be Surprised If Ben-ben is Out Clubbing/Running From The Law With Seabass by Quarter 3

Patriots @ Ravens - Now this! This is a Sunday Night Game! The 'Back-To-Terra-Firma' Flacco versus the 'Human-After-All' Brady duel; Rice v. Ridley (eh, sorta); GRONK V. PITTA!!!

Patriot Starts: Against the Ravens D? Well, run them all out there. It's not that good so far. You were playing Tom-tom and Gronk and Welker anyway - but you play your Ridley, the Ravens haven't been real sharp against the run. Screw 'Em: I'll keep saying it: Brandon Lloyd was a wasted draft pick for you. And don't be insane and run Kellen Winslow out there - he'd have been on the team before if they had a real plan for him.

Ravens Starts: Did you realize that both the Pats and the Packers - last year's worst-evar defenses are both Top 5 this year? And then did you remember that it's week 3? Good. You have basic logic skills. You don't sit Ray, I don't think you sit Flacco outside of a clear better option, and Boldin, Pitta and even Torrey Smith are all starts this week, as it's going to be high points to win this gunfight. Screw 'Em: But I'd sit the Defense. Wow. Never thought I'd type that.

Sleepy-Sleeper: There aren't any here - if I've got guys from either squad on my roster, I'm playing them. Even if it somehow ends up a defensive battle, it's well worth the risk.

Ravens Eek It Out; Pats Begin Search For Answers, Probably Involves Cutting Winslow Again

Packers @ Seahawks - And, a terrific Monday night game as well - how did ESPN land that? Somebody at the schedulemaker's office must have assumed Tavaris Jackson would still be starting for Seattle at this point, and that Marshawn would be imprisoned by his own demons. As luck would have it, no such thing!

Marshawn ought to wear a big fur stole,
because that looks fantastic.

Packer Starts: Rodge, Jordy and Jennings (assuming he plays). And the Defense. Screw 'Em: Cedric - it's just a horrifying match-up - even in a flex I don't like his chances for not making you cry-sad.

Seahawk Starts: Beast-Man, the Defense, I suppose. Sidney Rice. That's probably it - you've got better options everywhere else. Screw 'Em: All those other receivers that can't separate from each other. Do they still use a Tight End?

Sleepy-Sleeper: I know you've given up on him; that's why it's the perfect time for Jermichael Finley to strike with two scores - he's at his best when you've finally benched him. So trick-er-oo him back into your line-up for one week only (for now).

The Packers Continue To Erase The Memory of That Abysmal Week One, Whilst Russell Wilson Continues To Try To Keep His Head Connected To His Shoulders As He First Meets Hunter Clay Matthews. Packers By 14.

That's it for this week - good luck and god speed. LET'S MAKE SOME CHILI DOGS!

JOIN ME TOMORROW ON THE RECLINER QB MAIN PAGE FOR WEEK THREE REDZONE LIVE-BLOGGING! It's fun and delicious!

Did you learn real good? Great! Now go follow @AmazingMattyP on the Twitter. NOW.

In fact, follow all the ReclinerQB crew - it's takes like, a second...Make the time for those that care about you, you selfish pud.

ReclinerQB, Sonny Prier, JR Sheppard, Corey Doiron, Christie Mac, Marcus Wyche, and Josh.

AFC West Status Report: Week 3

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 19 Sep 2012 02:11:00 +0000

By Sonny Prier

Intrigue! Drama! Failure! Triumph! We've got it all... most.

Denver is schizophrenic.
Manning put the black hat on Monday night in Atlanta to balance out week one's all too perfect debut. We Broncos fans needed our soaring expectations tempered a bit after that thrashing of Pittsburgh, but mother of God, P-Dawg... that was an emotional double tap. His first quarter 3 INT disintegration is the kind of thing only Browns fans should have to endure.

Nothing like tapenade... and career low performances... together.

Is it over? Hells to the no. Prognosis is still promising. That they made the Falcons sweat in the end despite being -4 on turnovers is a sad kind of impressive, BUT I'LL TAKE IT! The defense looks competent, and Peyton still seems able to carry an entire offense.

San Diego is mysteriously overrated.
Some individuals are being awfully generous to the Chargers considering the horrid teams they've beaten. Tennessee and Oakland are primed to finish with a combined 0-32 record, yet mainstream sports media often overlook this while marveling over Norv Turner's incredible and nearly unprecedented 2-0 start. 25 other teams in the NFL could have just as easily rolled to 2-0 against the combo of OAK/TEN. There's a decent chance that Atlanta will bring a hard dose of reality to San Diego this week.

Oakland is ADORABLE!
When I come home after a long, crushing day of being out in The World, my loyal dog is always there at the door. No matter what horrible surprises each unforgiving day brings, dog will be there, a comforting beacon of stability. That's how I feel about the Raiders. They're like a puppy! Good old reliable shitty Oakland. Thank you for always being there for me. Getting crushed by Miami, the consensus worst team in football? Classic Oakland! Lost to SD due to not bothering to train the backup long snapper? Classic Oakland! (By the way... did anyone see him doing any warmup long snaps on the sidelines between those failed punt attempts? Because I sure didn't! CLASSIC!) I love you guys.

"Scamp" doing his Carson Palmer impersonation.

Kansas City is mathematically eliminated from the playoffs.
My 10-6 division winners are a catastrophe. On the bright side, they've been so unfathomably bad that it'll be impossible for them to not improve. Would even go so far to say that they will beat NO this weekend on the road. But that's the hypothetical 1-2 Chiefs. These 0-2 Chiefs lead the NFL in laughability, a stat I just made up that scores a combination of crushed expectations and getting blown out by freaking Buffalo on a scale of 0 to Matt Leinart. Bonus points for local beat writers freaking the hell out.

LIVE from the RedZone Zone - WEEK 2

noreply@blogger.com (AmazingMattyP) — Sun, 16 Sep 2012 16:36:00 +0000

by Matt Prendergast

Scott Hanson is getting a Christmas card this year.

Alright..That worked out pretty good last week, let's go round 2 - For review:

Every game, no commercials, hosted by the affable Scott Hanson and all wrapped up near the five o'clock hour with a montage that is only aptly described as 'The Orgasm of Touchdowns'. Chances are great that you'll forget how to eat.

Once again today, I'm gonna dive in and throw up the thoughts and smartassery as it hits me...feel free to refresh early and often......today I remembered a giant cauldron of taco dip, so it's a fine thing it's laundry day....

And we launch in t-minus 27 minutes....tune in, early and often.

12:08 - Was putting away laundry. In that time, Hakeem Nicks has fifty yards receiving, and Mike Vick hasn't thrown a pick. Parity returns.

12:09 - PAC MAN JONES! 81 yard punt return. Bengals win.

12:10 - DOUBLEBOX! Saints and Eagles. Mark Ingram cannot score. Repeat. Eagles threatening Vikes.

12:11 - Surprising. The Saints go to the underrated Jim Graham in the end zone....and VICK PICK in the end zone.

12:13 - The elusive Ryan Tannehill on the bootleg for the score. BRING BACK THE WILDCAT!

12:13 part 2 - THe Arizona Cardinals are currently leading the New England Patriots. I expect to never say that again.

12:14 - Blair Walsh - Ice cold. The Vikes have the best kicking squad in the league. I'm looking at you @ChrisWarcraft.

12:15 - Flacco fumble. Back to reality, oops there goes gravity.

12:16 - Vick to Celek on 3rd and 20! Short. Reid is going for it. Reid don't give a sh*t.

12:18 - Brady with a pick! Don't try that junk on the Cards, bro, this ain't JV ball.

I'm okay, I got another spleen, right?

12:20 - LeSean gets the first, Vick's still holding his ribs. Classic Week Two Eagles football.

12:23 - LeSean touchdown. Vick rocked again. Note this: he won't finish the game today.

12:23 - Kevin Kolb - missing Todd Heap by about fifteen yards. CARDINAL FOOTBALL!

12:24 - Drew Brees with a horrible throw returned by - did he say Gilbert Gottfried? Anyway, tied up Saints/Cats.

12:28 - Two weeks in a row, a Donnie Avery sighting. Put him on your watch list and just wait it out until the invariable injury.

12:29 First look at Bills/Chiefs...sounds like if you're a fan of either squad who likes offense, you may be investing in paint thinner mixers for a----CJ SPILLER TOUCHDOWN!

12:30 - Colts touchdown - the other rookie TE! I'd learn his name, but that seems like a waste of energy.

12:31 - Giants just pooched out three useless plays within the ten. They need some hands.

12:31 - Just saw two consecutive drops in Saints game from Moore and Graham. Do they do hands drills anymore, or was that jammed out in the CBA?

12:34 - VONTA LEACH TOUCHDOWN! You play your studs. Plus a penalty on the Eagles for...um 'being a dick', I think was the call, in the end zone.

12:35 - Mike Goodson - 65 yard catch and run for TD for the Raiders. Play your studs.

12:35 - Apparently Aaron Hernandez is hurt and off the field. BRING IN THE FOOTLONG!

12:38 - CAM SHAFT! Huge run not for a score, but huge. Ben Tate! 26 yards for the score. Always play your studs.

12:40 - Pretty sure I just saw WWE's The Edge on the sidelines of the Texans game. Hope he gives Gabbert a Conchairto..

12:41 - Cam looks like he's entering the DaunteZone. Works great for three years, enjoy 'em!

12:42 - RedZone keeps cutting out. God Damn You ATT.

12:44 - Awesome. System is resetting. Should be a good afternoon.

12:45 - Back in! Spiller with TD number 2. Cam Newton just fumbled on the one yard line on fourth down. Terrific.

12:46 - Vincent Jackson, touchdown Buccaneers. Still hate him.

AJ Green running a buttonhook

12:50 - Based on a week and a quarter of Benjarvus Green-Ellis, it's now very clear that Bill Hoodiechek has no effing idea about running backs. AJ Green, touchdown.

12:55 - I'm done reporting on field goals. Unless they're clutch. Just not much to say, it's one of the sadder scoring plays.

12:56 - Someone needs to tell Andy Luck, and fast, that if he can't grow the mustache, the neck beard is a HORRIBLE plan B.

12:58 - Patriots still havin trouble against the behemoth that is Cardinal Defense.

12:59 - Vikes threatening, Colts rush, fumble and turnover. It's like watching puppies fight.

1:00 THE TRENT RICHARDSON ERA HAS BEGUN!

1:01 - Jacoby Jones. Touchdown Ravens. Much like we all expected.

1:02 - Buffalo forces a Chiefs fumble and recovers. The Bills are really making the Chiefs look like the Bills today.

1:03 - CJ Spiller is never letting Fred Jackson back on the field.

1:04 - Pretty sure Jacoby Jones' TD dance was called 'Making Cobb Salad with a Slap Chop'.

1:04 - Jonathan Stewart Touchdown.

1:05 - Spiller is about twelve seconds away from a third touchdown.

1:06 - Doug Martin endaround to the end zone. Bucs manhandling the Giants. SPILLER DENIED.
TD to Scott Chandler instead.

1:08 - Second touchdown for Ben Tate. That's why you took him in the 12th round.

1:15 - Apparently Ahmad Bradshaw left the Giants game some time ago. Joining the rest of their offense.

1:16 - Shady McCoy, fumble on the Ravens five. Ray Lewis recovers. Vick tackles him. Gonna be a rough year for the Eagles.

1:19 - Hakeem Nicks, wide open, score. Giants getting in rhythm.

1:21 - Mike Tolbert - bullrush TD for the Panthers. And that's why you still keep looking at him on your waiver wire.

1:25 - Carson Palmer will win this week's Most Inept Player, based on the squandered three downs he could have just used for a Raiders' touchdown.

1:26 - Okay, so Matt Cassell runs like mad, something like 30 yards to get the ball to the one. They give it to Payton Hillis, and he promptly either a) gets stopped short, or b) makes an extra lunge and fumbles the ball into Buffalo's hands in the end zone. This brings up this point: DROP PEYTON HILLIS.

1:31 - Holy crap. Eli Manning's 3 pick half just ended with giving up six on the third one. This is why people will never think you're as good as Peyton, bud.

1:36 - Basically halftime.....Hanson's just filling time, thinking about nachos.

1:50 - Brandon Tate! Bengals! THAT'S WHY YOU DRAFTED HI- oh wait.

1:51 - Vikes are getting screw calls.

1:52 - Joe Flacco: Keeping the Eagles In the Game.

'And here we put a happy little BLITZ!!!'

1:53 - Not positive, but almost positive that the Ghost of Painter Bob Ross is calling the Colts/Vikings game.

1:56 - The Saints D is really bad. And because they just apparently hurt Steve Smith, I hope that screws their whole year.

1:58 - Mike Vick is the only veteran QB I hear that weekly gets commended for using 'high percentage passes'.

2:00 - CARDS PUNT BLOCK ON ZOLTAN MESKO! MESKO!...DeAngelo Williams touchdown in Carolina. Would have been terrific last week, Deeanj.

2:01 - Just like we talked about all week, the Cards came to Foxboro to manhandle the hapless Patriots.

2:02 - God Damn. Why did I sit Jeremy Maclin this week? Great end zone grab....Eagles back in the scrum. Fists will fly in the fourth.

2:02 - Also, in 'things that were obvious', Reggie Bush with a spectacular run to move the Dolphins even more above the Raiders. - Breaking: MJD with the catch for six!

2:04 - Steve Smith leaving the field, and Antonio Gates inactive tonight in week two. Tremendous drafting, Matty.

2:12 Just in: The Chiefs are horrible. Stevie Johnson with a TD catch and run of about three miles. In related news: Saints and Pats have troubles.

2:13 And per schedule, Reggie Bush with his second long run for a touchdown. Looked like about 70 yards. Al Davis' skeleton has risen from the crypt and is on it's way to wrap it's bony fingers around the lifeless husk of Reggie McKenzie.

2:17 - Ben Tate, second score of the day. That's why you used the overall #1 on him.

2:24 - Saints double up with the Ingram/Thomas combo for 6 - just like we figured, right?

2:25 - The nice thing about all these back-up and third stringers blowing up this week is that it's going to put a lot of quality out on the waiver wires come Tuesday.

2:38 - Andrew Hawkins of the Bengals just made a space for himself on your fantasy team.

2:39 - Vick bomb to Jackson results in a) terrific catch and b) second starting WR for the Eagles going to the locker room for the afternoon.

2:40 - Vickoff Pickoff! Ed Reed making DeSean Jackson's injury even more fruitless.

I can't win from over here....

2:41 - Anthony Fasano with the Miami touchdown. He might be a good TE to pick up. Also, Cards are continuing to own the Patriots. And Percy Harvin is hurt.

2:47 - OH NOOOOOO! Blaine Gabbert is out of the Jacksonville game. Sell all your possessions, the end is nigh.

2:54 - Victor Cruz just provided a killshot. That was a nice effort Tampa Bay, but the Giants are coming for you, and they've got time.

3:05 - The last five minutes have just been going back and forth between the Pats and the Vikes trying to ties up their games. Vikes did. Pats couldn't get the 2 pt conversion. This is all according to plan.

3:07 - Oh, and the Giants just scored again. Martellus Bennett looks like yet another TE you might want to be starting.

3:09 - HOLY HELL. The Bucs just won't lay down. Tampa Mike with the bomb grab to tie the game again.

3:11 - Vikes D needs to hold Colts O. Can Wet Paper hold a Thrown Feather?

3:13 - Vinatieri closes down the Vikes. We're all 1-1 after the 9ers crush the Lions.

3:14 - The Pats are going to lose to the Cardinals. The 5th seal has been broken.

3:15 - AND....The Saints lose.What the eff.

3:16 - REDSKINS ON THE BOARD! Six points after Danny Amendola fumbleola. That won't sit well with Mustache.

3:16 - 3rd and 11 on the Cards side, and Ryan Williams fumbles the ball to the Pats. They owe Satan big.

3:17 - Colts win. Frazier sad.

3:18 - Hakeem Nicks just caught another bomb....and the Pats just scored a touchdown with Woodhead....but it got called back. Sad Woodhead.

3:18 - Giants score, Pats still grinding.

3:20 - Steve Gostoskoskwowski just hooked that effing game winner. A second left on the clock. Pats lose to the Cards. Time to break it apart.

3:23 - It's starting to look like you should have drafted Tampa Mike.

3:24 - Seattle just blocked the opening drive punt from the Cowboys and scored 6. WHAT IS GOING ON TODAY?!?!?

3:35 - Giants pick ends that game....nice run, Bucs. No dice.

3:38 - Vick within the five to win the game - fumble/pass/something. Going to be an ugly call. Should have never let go of the ball in the first place.

3:32 - (I don't know what's up with my time up there)....Dallas is down by 10 and Romo just heaved another pick. Wish I had commission on the whiskey sales in ReclinerQB's neighborhood today.

3:39 - And that's why I don't trust Flacco - pressure situation, can't be nails.

3:45 - Alfred Morris understands the importance of not losing his job. Huge run.

5:04 - Turns out I fell asleep. Ah well, worth it. Seahawks beating Cowboys as I awake. Just like expected.

5:20 - Alfred Morris looks like I'm going to wish I drafted him for the next couple of years. Also, Rams/Skins is best uniform game today.

5:21 - Except - are the Skins unis supposed to look like they're wearing collared shirts? How about a dickie, too?

5:47 - It took Sanchez and Ryan and the Jets to come to town to finally make me root for Ben Rothlisberger. I feel unclean.

5:48 - I kinda wish Bane would go ahead and cave in that stadium today.

5:52 - HORRIBLE CALL against the Steelers.

5:55 - The more football I watch this year, the more unbelievable it is that Plaxico Burress can't get a job anywhere.

6:15 - Alright, that's it for me....there's spaghetti on the line...thanks for tuning in, we should be back next week.

-MP

NFL Week 2 Fantasy/Reality - Start 'Em/Screw 'Em Previews

noreply@blogger.com (AmazingMattyP) — Sat, 15 Sep 2012 21:33:00 +0000

by Matt Prendergast

Welcome back, wasn't last week fun! YAY! FOOTBALL IS GREAT SUPER HAPPY NICE SHOW!

Alright, no time for horseplay, let's get right into the stew:

AIR CUTLER GAVE IT UP TO GREEN BAY. Again.

Hope you started...um, actually, Mason Crosby. And Michael Bush. You didn't have Driver or Tom Crabtree or Kellen Davis. And you still shouldn't. So that's about it....keep a good eye on Cedric going forward, he looked comfy and may very well be a solid RB2 as the season developed. Screw 'Em Cause They Screwed You: If you had Cutty or Marshall or Forte starting, good luck with the rest of your week. And the same goes for Jordy 'STOP REVERSING FIELD WHEN YOU CATCH THE BALL EVERY GODDAMN TIME' Nelson and 'DROPPO' Finley. And effing James Jones....you are a frustrating man, JJ, but I still believe.

TO THE GAMES YET TO BE PLAYED!

Chiefs @ Bills - Hmm. Already a stumper. In deducing the correct solution, we first must analyze the evidence collected a half-fortnight past, so let's proceed, Watson! First we know that: The Bills were horrifying. And sustained injuries to a) the starting RB, and b) the other starting WR (I think, I'm not sure who that is out there), and c) Stevie Johnson is still nursing a sore groin (gross). We also learnt the Chieftains of the City of Kansas a) Can't stop the pass (when it's effective), b) Can't really stop the run, probably?, and c) Can't stop the music. OTHER EMBARASSING CHIEF TO THE RIGHT- JENNER, -GUTTENBERG - HUT HUT HIKE!

Chiefs Starts: Jamaal Charles looked pretty recovered, and while Dwayne Bowe didn't seem to be on the field last week, he's still worth the run in a WR2 against a defense that let Jeremy Kurley become a commodity last week. Screw Em': Peyton Hillis looked average to worse, and don't expect that to change. And all the other Chiefs for the time being...

Bills Starts: Last week I told you Spiller was a terrific flex play...this week, he's a terrific starting RB. If you've got Stevie in there, you play him as well, and Scott Chandler is a pretty tight play at TE. Screw 'Em: The Bearded Bomb Launcher. Somebody check his locker collection of Phish bootlegs and find the hidden stash.....will not respond well to combo of 'less starting receivers' with the Chiefs 'returning starters in secondary'.

Sleepy-Sleeper: I don't think there's anybody in this game not listed above that I'd slip into a flex for surprise points - maybe Donald Jones? Jon Baldwin? Eh, you've got better options.

Chiefs Win, Will Trigger First 'Coach On The Hot Seat' Report of the Regular Season

New Orleans @ Carolina - Two games so far, and four 'must wins' on both sides? Good year so far....We already know the Saints have some issues stopping the pass, and the run, from a juggernaut offense like the - Redskins? - huh. On the flip side, the Panthers got solidly beat down by the Buccaneers, who didn't even particularly play that good of a game. Worries, Carolina, worries.

New Orleans Starts: If you got the big names, you play 'em, dummy. Screw 'Em: Mark Ingram, and, god forbid you drafted him with intentions of playing him, Pierre Thomas. Yuck.

Carolina Starts: Well, the panic switch ain't been thrown on Cam yet, so he's your go...and I love Steve Smith AND Brandon LaFell this week. LOVE. Like Valentine's Day! Screw 'Em: Last week's leading Carolina rusher was somebody named 'Pilates' or something, who got 5 yards on 1 rush. Cam took 2nd with 4 yards. Eff. You. DeAngelo. And I no trust the Stewart just as much. Never has so much money been been so freely burned on nothing outside of acTennessee Titans negotiation. Is it the Tobacco Lobby or the Moonshiners Conglomerate? WHO HAS ALL THIS FREE MONEY?!?

Sleepy-Sleeper: Lance Moore in a flex, just in case he actually establishes himself as the #2 (finally).

New Orleans Will Not Drop Two In a Row To Start The Season. It Won't Happen. Sorry, Cam.

Cleveland @ Cincinnati - Well, if there's one thing we can count on, it's that this will be ugly. Always is, one way or another - and this one's special, it's the first time the two flame-heads get to duke it out for state supremacy. Only one may be declared King of Ohio.

Cleveland Starts: Try Richardson again. He's gotta start working sometime, right? Did somebody check his batteries? Plug him in overnight? Do we have the right USB cable? Screw 'Em: All the other Browns. In the words of MAD Magazine: Blecch.

Cincinnati Starts: ALL IN! On Benjarvis Green-Ellis, that is! Great week one again the Ravens, just think of the possibilities for this week, when he's not facing a defense! Also, AJ Green and let's give a tip of the hat to Andrew Hawkins, who slipped under the radar last week to be the Bengals leading receiver. And this week, he's against the Browns, so roll that dude in a flex....Screw 'Em: Dalton, still. You just have a better guy that you drafted ahead of him, you know?

Sleepy-Sleeper: Love Jermaine Gresham - last week he was barely a blip, but he has good outings against the Browns in recent history.

Might Not Be a Complete Drubbing, But The Bengals Will Win This With Ten Points of Authority.

Minnesota @ Indianapolis - I like what the schedule makers laid out this year so far. It's gonna give a lot of iffy teams a lot of hope running into the second month before their hopes are crushed beneath the grinding Doc Martin heel of 'good' professional footballs. Except Indy's already gonna probably be done by then anyway.

Vikings Starts: I told you to start AD. I was right. Run him, run Harvin....but that's it for now. That's all they need for now. OH, except that kicker - Blair Walsh (wasn't she on The Facts of Life? Or is that the missing kid from America's Most Wanted: Season One?). That dude is stone-cold. Screw 'Em: One week doth not a decent player make of Aromashoe, so don't even think it. That defense ain't very good either.

Colts Starts: This is pretty much gonna just say 'Reggie Wayne in the WR2 or 3' for the foreseeable future, okay? Screw 'Em: Everybody else....except!

Sleepy-Sleeper: Donald Brown didn't start out real hot against the Bears, but as the game wore on, his efficiency increased - and he looks to be the primary back. MJD had some success against the Vikes, and the Colts will need a run game established for air success of any kind....if you lost Fred Jackson or Forte, I'd feel terrific slotting D. Brown in that spot this week, or a flex if you got it.

Minnesota Will Continue to 2-0 and Lead the NFC North

Houston @ Jacksonville - Jax hung in there last week, looking better than imagined. Against the Vikes. These. Not. Vikes.

Houston Starts: Schaub, AJ, Arian and...Owen Daniels returns to import! Screw 'Em: Tate looks like an old deflated ball last week, so I wouldn't trust him for much yet, maybe at all this year unless Arian really gets banged up. And Walters is out of your lineup until Andre is out of Houston's.

JAX Starts: MJD, and I don't dislike Marcedes Lewis. Screw 'Em: Gabbert may win me over in the long run, but not this week, not yet. Same for Justin Blackmon....he's still way too early in the cooking process.

Sleepy-Sleeper: But as Gabbert maintains composure, his receivers will benefit - slow first week for Laurent Robinson, but I like him a lot in a WR3 - maybe even a 2 if you've got a couple banged up guys out there. Don't expect world-beater, but 74 and a score ain't out of the question.

Houston is Nonetheless Going To Win By No Less Than Fourteen. But Less Than A Hundred.

Oakland @ Sad Miami - Miami fans, I'd like to give you something positive to look forward to, but Jeff Ireland hasn't allowed for that, and I'll never lie to you. Here's the deal: Oakland has two of their three best receivers banged up, and still have the better passing game. Tough love. This won't be easy, but we'll get through it.

This came up when I searched for 'McFadden'. He should ride this into

the stadium during pre-game. And also on third down. TACO BELL FTW!

Raiders Starts: McFadden. Janikowski. And that's it. Screw 'Em: If it weren't for McFadden, we'd all be speaking of how Palmer is pretty done ever being more than average. Yes, doesn't help that Ford and Moore didn't make it in last week, but I wouldn't trust Carson (or the remaining receivers) for my fantasy team ever again.

Miami Starts: Reggie Bush. That's it. Screw 'Em: Tannenbaum looked AWFUL last week. Yes, week one rookie. But now it's only week two rookie, and his misery affects everybody else on this team for the immediate future.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Rod Streater - in a desperation flex, or maybe a WR3 - tons of talent, but a young'un. Did score the only receiving TD for the Raiders last week, and with Moore still likely out - at best being used only as distraction, I'm actually running Streater out there in one of my leagues in the 3 hole.

I Was Very Close to Picking Miami In the Upset, But Then I Read the Warnings About Side Effects When Mixing Day-Quil and Mucinex. So Raider Nation Goes To 1 and 1.

Arizona @ New England - Good god.

Cardinal Starts: No. Okay, 'Fitz', then 'no'. Screw 'Em: I hope the Arizona faithful can hold onto last week's victory feeling as they cry themselves to sleep.

Patriot Starts: Yes. All of them. Screw 'Em: Except Brandon Lloyd. And I'm not backing down on this.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Ryan Williams, but this is literally only because I have to start him in my Dynasty League as my long term options James Starks and Javid Best haven't worked out on account of awful. Note: You should not play Ryan Williams this week under any circumstances.

Tampa Bay @ New York Gents - One team came out tough and determined and surprisingly composed; the other came out flat and unorganized and got punked by a guy named 'Ogletree', which I had previous thought was a female hygiene product manufacturer, or possibly the fat kid from The Bad News Bears. Doesn't matter.

Buccaneer Starts: Doug Martin. Screw 'Em: Outside of Doug E. Fresh, the Buccaneers didn't win last week so much as the Panthers lost - tough D, give them that, but I trust nobody else on the offense in fantasy play.

Giants Starts: The assumed: Eli, Hakeem, Victor. That was one week, they won't repeat that piss-poor play again this outing. While the Bucs D looked terrific last week, the Giants are a more experienced team, and should be able to adjust. Screw 'Em: But I don't like Ahmad Bradshaw normally, let alone against a squad that left Carolina with negative yards for their primary back.

Sleepy-Sleeper: There ain't one here. Maybe Hixon, but I wouldn't likely play him if I had him, so there's that.

Giants Win By a Couple O' Scores

Baltimore @ Philadelphia - Aha! Finally a game where I can make some brazen calls that prove I am either genius or a-hole! Probably both! Or at least the second one! This whole game is gonna be shook up real good inside the ugly bag and spilled out all over our living rooms. Ravens convincingly beat Cincinnati in a game that Cincy didn't lay down in, whilst the Eagles stole a game they should have lost to the Browns. I mean, they shouldn't have, in any conceivable plane of reality but this one. But in this one, yeah, the Browns should have that win.

Ravens Starts: Rice (no kidding?), Boldin, The Defense, and Flacco - but temper your expectations, he's not 'All World, Every Week' quite yet. Screw 'Em: Torrey Smith, until he does something two weeks in a row. Don't trust him.

Eagles Starts: McCoy. Because you have to, and he's that good. Screw 'Em: (Here we go!) All the rest of them. Celek is Celek, Maclin and DeSean are already all banged up, and Mike Vick, in fantasy play, just cannot be trusted. One good drive against the Browns - does that mean he's doomed against Baltimore? Nope. He may be lights-out. Or he may suck. He's a Human Dice Roll, and I'm done believing that's ever going to change.

Sleepy-Sleeper: I'd play Dennis Pitta over every other TE in the league save for Graham and the New England Duo.

Baltimore Wins In a Backstreet Brawl

Dallas @ Seattle - A week ago, I'd have called this in favor of the Seahawks with much aplomb. There's the magic of a real week of football - no way, no how.

Dallas Starts: DeMarco, Dez, Miles and Tony Screw 'Em: Witten and Ogletree (I need more than one week, kids, but bully for you for winning your waiver wire). Witten looked like he didn't really need to rush back so quickly.

Burger King first shed light on 'Braylon Edwards Syndrome''

Seattle Starts: I guess Lynch is a go whenever he's a go - Russell Wilson wasn't your first QB pick, so don't play him, unless he was for some reason, then, well, one week is one week. I like Sidney Rice. Screw 'Em: That glorified defense didn't look quite as world-beating as expected, and Dallas is a considerable piece more lethal than the Cards. I'd look for a better option.

Sleepy-Sleeper: I know he dropped a game winner - but he's got tiny hands! I like Braylon Edwards in a flex or WR3 for the next few weeks....he's working his ass off, and that's going to benefit his owners (few, I know) and Wilson.

Raising ReclinerQB's Super Bowl Dreams To A Height From Which Their Eventual Shattering Will Be Quite Majestic To Witness: The Dallas Football Cowboys.

Washington @ St. Louis - Practically lost in the chaos that ensued after the lowly Redskins handed the Saints their ass on a titanium platter was this: The Rams could (and should) have beaten the Lions just as well. Hear me out: The Lions are not as talented as the Saints, but the Rams are not nearly as bad as everyone assumes they are. Keep in mind, they were very much on the rise until last year was stunted by injuries galore....and Jeff Fisher is a hell of a motivator. Good matchup offensively for both squads.

Washington Starts: Ride 'em while they're hot! RG3, Pierre (if he plays), Fred Davis and Alfred Morris should all be condition 'approved' for a start this week. Screw 'Em: I still hear a lot of 'don't underestimate Santana Moss'. I still ignore these voices.

St. Louis Starts: While I definitely think the Rams are going to hang out in this one, outside of Steven Jackson, there aren't any name-brand fantasy starts here quite yet....wait and see. Screw 'Em: While there aren't a lot of lock-and-load Rams quite yet, at the same time you also don't have them on your roster anyway. Unless you've been drinking paint - have you been drinking paint?

Sleepy-Sleeper: Just for the hell of it, if you've got Brandon Gibson sitting around, why not throw him into your WR3 or flex? Come on....DO IT!

As Much As I Like St. Louis, Washington Will Continue A Fun Run For Another Week

New York Jets @ Pittsburgh - I'll admit that the Jets surprised the hell out of me. And then I'll say this: That's not going to happen again. The Bills were horribly prepared for that game. The Steelers won't have that same challenge.

Attn NY:I will start rooting for you if you change your name

to something cool like Jarts. And also get these legalized again.

New York Starts: I'll begrudgingly say 'Shonn Greene if he's your drafted #2, and Santonio if a couple of your starting WRs are hurt or dead or something'. But I hate both those guys. Hate. Screw 'Em: Mark my words: That's the best game Sanchez has all season. It's still a circus.

Pittsburgh Starts: Eff it, if Mendy's in, then Mendy's in - bad match-up, maybe, but Rashard is coming back to fight for his job from Dwyer, and I love that motivation. He is doubtful, however, so if he is sitting, run with Dwyer and don't worry it none. LOVE Ben, Wallace and Brown in a game against what is assuredly a cocksure Jets team coming to town. Those guys are tremendous thunderclouds in situations as such. The D. Play that D. Screw 'Em: I like most of the obvious Steeler plays this week - with Revis out, Cromartie is gonna have more trouble covering those guys than he does his support payments.

Sleepy-Sleeper: I kinda went all-in on the Steelers there, but you aren't going to listen to me about Mendenhall, so I repeat: play Mendenhall if you've got him and he somehow ends up playing.

Pittsburgh Puts a Whipping on the Jarts

Tennessee @ San Diego - Chargers looked real good last Monday, and that's without a real running game - which, unfortunately, they still won't have available this week. Probably. Meanwhile in Titan Towers, they nearly lost their Qb and WR1 on the same play, gonna be a healthy year!

Titan Starts: Tennessee is going to have to throw to be in this game (for several reasons), so while I don't like Locker, because he's going to make his mistakes for awhile, I'm all in for the return of Kenny Britt. Since Nate Washington is going to be playing, also don't mind him as a WR2 or 3....the Titans will be throwing a lot. If you've got Jared Cook, I'd play him too. Screw 'Em: Did you draft Chris Johnson? Congrats! You got the biggest screwjob of the year. That guy looks wrong - just as wrong as he did all of last year. Will he figure things out? Maybe for four games a year, but if you can sucker somebody into giving you anything of value for this load, do it now and do it fast. Fantasy owners worldwide should be allowed to sue him for monies in a giant class action suit.

Chargers Starts: Last week they spread it out a lot - which devalues almost all the receivers to #2 or flex options at best - that said, I wouldn't hate Meachem or Floyd in that slot, and Rivers is back to #1 QB status just on confidence alone. Screw 'Em: If you need 'Running Back Stats' from a 'Running Back Here', move along. Oh, and Antonio Gates popping up as 'questionable' in week 2 already is a great precursor to him finishing his career on the Browns. GET HEALTHY, G.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Ronnie Brown in a flex - he's not getting you running numbers, but he is going to get you some decent receiving yards, and I'd add in a touchdown, this week. Then drop his can.

Chargers Will Definitively Build More Early Season Confidence That This Is 'Their Year'.

Detroit @ San Francisco - San Fran looked really good giving the shiv to the Packers. The Lions looked really adequate sneaking past the Rams. Expect the 'Fire Schwartz' rumblings to begin Week Five.

Detroit Starts: Stafford, CJ, and that's a wrap! Screw 'Em: This week should go a long way into preparing Lions' fans for Kevin Smith's fade into the either when either LeShoure or Best or Williams or Whoever come in and start carrying. Poor guy, he works hard.

49ers Gold: Davis, Gore, Crabtree, the Defense and...Alex Smith. Can't argue against a guy who works within his system efficiently. I wouldn't start him over any of the big names...but over Freeman, Vick, hell, Cutler (but it's too late for that), I'd start giving him a nod. Screw 'Em: I feel like that stunt play was just for the Packers and Randy Moss is going to fade away into a situational guy at best. Would not play. Manningham still looks lost, so I'd hold back on him for a little as well.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Kendall Hunter got a lot of looks last week - no reason that shouldn't continue, as it looks like they're trying to create a smooth transition away from Gore over the year. Not the worst flex, as SF should have run success against Detroit.

San Fran Coasts to an Early 'NFC Favorites' Article on ESPN

Denver @ Atlanta - Don't know which surprised me more: Atlanta looked really capable of finishing, or Peyton Manning looked really capable of OHMYGODHE'SSTILLPEYTONMANNINGCRAP!

Now I want waffles.

Denver Starts: Manning. Thomas. Decker. Manning. Thomas. Decker. - the loss of Brent Grimes is going to kill Atlanta this week. Also, The Defense. Screw 'Em - Tamme had a good first week, but I suspect it's going to be 'hot hand roller coaster' with the TEs all year long in Denver, so I don't want either of them.

Atlanta Starts: You don't need me to point this out to you. You know that. Screw 'Em: The Atlanta D. Also, I'd stick Gonzo on the bench - I don't like his chances for scoring two weeks in a row anymore.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Willis McGahee - I don't know a lot of leagues I'm in where Willis isn't regarded as a #3 RB - maybe #2 - this year. In case he's a waffle for you, let's state this: This week, he's going to put up #1 numbers, and that will be the difference in this game.

Denver Beats Atlanta By Fourteen In a High Scoring Affair.

Now get out there and win some fantasy games! (And join me here live tomorrow for 'RedZone Live - Week 2', for as long as I can keep churning out platinum non-sequiters....please?)

Wasn't that the living end? Now go follow @AmazingMattyP on the Twitter. NOW.

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ReclinerQB, Sonny Prier, JR Sheppard, Corey Doiron, Christie Mac, Marcus Wyche, and Josh.

And for an extra sports sugary treat, today why dontcha follow Sportsmasher and The Fantasy Football Guys too? They've got several thinking caps, and occasionally employ them for good!

Week 1 Reactions

noreply@blogger.com (Recliner QB) — Tue, 11 Sep 2012 15:06:00 +0000

By: Bobby Shores

The majority of the first week of the NFL season has been completed and I decided that I would do a little reaction article to some of the major storylines out there. I am going to highlight some of the key developments of the day and decide if it’s a “week 1 anomaly” or the beginning of an era in the NFL. Because we all know that after week 1 there are 16 teams fans making preparations for a Super Bowl party while the other 16 teams fans are preparing for the #1 overall pick in the 2013 NFL draft.

Rookie Quarterbacks Will Be The Story Of The Week

RG3 First NFL Toudchdown

Yes, RG3 had a great debut and the Redskins were able to hold on for an impressive win against the Saints, but let's not forget that his impressive debut was again against the Saints, whose defense hasn't ever been known for greatness. But I do believe he will be a very good NFL quarterback as I have been saying since September of 2011 and prior to the draft here and here. Unfortunately the other rookie quarterbacks didn't fair so well....

Andrew Luck and Russell Wilson each showed flashes of what made them high draft picks (in the case of Luck) and why they were preseason superstars, but it again shows us that you cannot put too much stock in preseason "fake" football. Luck threw for 300 yards and his dismal 6.9 yard average per attempt was scarier, but the team around him is bad and that's why they won (or lost) the right to draft him. Russell Wilson on the other hand struggled with the rush that regularly got through the Seahawks offensive line, but showed the required skill to "forget the previous play" when he nearly led the team back for a win. Wilson will get better, trust me!

That leaves us with Ryan Tannehill....Tannehill didn't look good, but its hard to properly evaluate him when the Dolphins supporting cast is THAT bad. I am not sure if we will see a whole lot of improvement from him this year as it's hard to get better when it's hard to tell if his wide receivers even belong in the NFL. To make things worse I'm not sure if the Dolphins are truly committed to him long-term, as "word on the street" has been that owner Stephen Ross was the driving force behind drafting him, and not head coach Joe Philbin or offensive coordinator Mike Sherman (who was Tannehill's college coach). [See Below for Brandon Weeden]

Aaron Rodgers & Mark Sanchez Body Swap

Who expected the New York Jets, the same Sanchez led Jets who didn’t score a single touchdown in the preseason to rip off 48 points while posting an “A-Rod” like 123.4 QB rating. While on the opposite coast the “A-Rod” led Packers, he still had a very respectable 93.3 QB rating but led a very uninspired team to failed game winning/tying drives. It was very surreal as Sanchez seemed to be the inspired leader, the general on the field that everyone wanted to follow into battle, while Rodgers was struggling to rally his team like the current NFL MVP should. Honestly it reminded me of the movie that has been remade at least 15 times, Freaky Friday.

Panthers Have the Best Backfield in the NFL, But Failed To Use It

Carolina Panthers Unused Backfield

I didn't get to see this game, but the stat line tells you all that you need to know, 13 rushes for 10 yards, that's a 0.8 yards per carry. On a team that was built to run the ball with the two highly paid running backs in Jonathan Stewart and DeAngelo Williams, the leagues most dangerous rushing quarterback in Cam Newton, and the highest paid THIRD STRING running back Mike Tolbert; and yet they only attempted 13 runs in what was a fairly close game? Even with their most dangerous running back, Stewart, out with an ankle injury, they still have a potent backfield. The Panthers need to remember their strengths and identity before they fall back into pre-Cam obscurity.

Kevin Kolb Will Save The Cardinals Season

When John Skelton went down with an injury every Cardinals fan on the planet was scared to death. Then Kolb leads his team to victory with an efficient scoring drive on his first opportunity. With Skelton's ineffectiveness the first 3 quarters coupled with the fact that the show he put on by writhing on the ground in pain and requiring an air cast and a cart all for an ankle sprain, and not even a "high" ankle sprain, I mean I honestly thought they were going to have to amputate his leg...

Anyways, now the Cardinals get to see if they can finally get a return on their $60 million+ investment and the 2nd round pick and starting cornerback that they gave up for him. I think he will finally play well because he has nothing to lose, it can't get any worse for him, and much like Derek Anderson in Cleveland a few years ago, people tend to play loose and carefree when they have nothing to lose.

Countdown on When The Nick Foles Era Begins In Philly

Well I know its against the Browns, and the Browns are....well the Browns....and they do have a fairly solid defense, but regardless Michael Vick picked up right where he left off last year, throwing interceptions. Vick has had one solid period of play and that was in 2010, since then he has steadily regressed, which I believe is largely due to having more of the playbook thrown at him. Vick is still good for some great moments and some great games, which will be blown out of proportion by the folks at ESPN to say "he's back" as they have to back up the near consensus opinion that Vick would regain his 2010 form this year.

With head coach Andy Reid knowing that he has to have a good year to keep his job, I don't think he continues to put his fate into Vick's hands (looked what happened when the Falcons did it). Unfortunately Reid can be loyal to a fault, so I think that when (not IF, but WHEN) Vick gets injured and Foles is forced into duty that he will pick up where he left off in the preseason which will force Reid to stick with him. And with a decision having to be made on Vick due to his contract before the 2013 season, Reid needs to find out what he has with Foles, and just like Vick took the job from Kolb, Foles will take the job from Vick; sooner rather than later.....

More Heartbreak for Browns Fans

Dawg Pound ALMOST got Revenge

Between the NFL Draft and supplemental draft this year, Browns fans felt that they had their version of "The Triplets" when they grabbed RB Trent Richardson, QB Brandon Weeden and WR Josh Gordon all in the first and second round. Unfortunately spending a Top 5 pick on a RB and a Top 20 pick on a QB is not the best formula to win in today's NFL (you should probably flip that in my opinion). Now the balky knee that Richardson had surgery on prior to the draft has acted up again causing him to miss the preseason recovering from a second knee surgery (Not good for a rookie RB to have 2 knee surgeries before his first NFL carry), and Weeden's 5.1 quarterback rating is close to his 5.2 ERA that helped run him out of professional baseball. It's not all Weeden's fault, he had no running game to take the pressure off of the passing game, his offensive line was well offensive, and they were unable to get anything going.

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Live From the Zone...The RedZone Week One

noreply@blogger.com (AmazingMattyP) — Sun, 09 Sep 2012 16:55:00 +0000

by Matt Prendergast

Scott Hanson is broadcasting straight from Heaven.

Alright...trying something new this year. Here's the deal, and if you have NFL RedZone, you can skip ahead, but as a diehard football aficionado, it's simply the only thing that'll replicate that feeling that meth addicts must have when they don't mind that seventh tooth falling out.

Every game, no commercials, hosted by the affable Scott Hanson and all wrapped up near the five o'clock hour with a montage that is only aptly described as 'The Orgasm of Touchdowns'. In short, it'll make you forget to go to the bathroom for 6 hours.

So today, I'm gonna dive in and throw up the thoughts and smartassery as it hits me...feel free to refresh early and often......this might suck, or it may be brilliant. Probably the suck. Here we go...

12:03 - Important fantasy note: 'Stevie Johnson is active with a sore groin'. That's the regular season kids....Stevie's a gamer, on and off the field.

12:04 - One minute in, three games already. I may pass out.

12:05 - TEBOW IN THE SLOT? Is that what I saw? Right to the Bears game.....One play, one sack on Cutty. Good improvements on the line Chicago.

12:07 - I've seen two plays in the Jets game, and already this Tebow/Sanchez offensive plan looks like it's going to quickly devolve into a circus of nothing but monkeys on blow.

12:10 - 'Griffin to Garcon'. Get used to that.

12:11 - And our first interception of Mark Sanchez's young season. Vintage Favresque.

12:12 - My first glimpse of Falcons and Chiefs indicates I might have been wrong picking the Chiefs. Touchdown Julio.

12:13 - Maybe the Saints D isn't very good or something, but they've been showing a lot of this game, and the Skins look polished and great.

12:14 - Janoris Jenkins picks off Stafford in the end zone. That's two picks and one TD across the board, if I'm following, though the Cepacol might be making me dizzy.

It's lonely for you, ain't it Jay?

12:15 - 3 PICKS! This one for 6! You guessed it: CUTTY! Good luck this year Chicago.

12:18 - There's another pick - Crazy Fitz to Revis. This is going to be a great year.

12:20 - So far, one Touchdown. Maybe two if the Texans get a good review on a LeStar Jean catch.....But BLAINE GABBERT IS THREATENING!

12:21 - No-go for LeStar. Doesn't get the call, and also Scott Hanson just pronounced his name 'Lester'.

12:23 And....Jags fall short. FG....hang on, think Jets are TOUCHDOWN! Sanchez to some guy I never heard of. You've already turned it around, Jets. I apologize.

12:25 Brees to Graham for TD. Barring an injury, Graham is dang near indefensible. In other Graham news at Houston/Miami - Shayne Graham misses a boot. Same old Shayne Graham. Very defensible.

12:27 - Quick RedZone 'in studio' update....they're doing new Double Boxes this year...also the ticker now has fantasy stats. Who cares? MICHAEL BUSH TOUCHDOWN IN CHICAGO! REGGIE BUSH FUMBLE IN MIAMI! Things are starting to stabilize.

12:29 - Taking a break. Need sammich.

12:32 - Griffin to Garcon - 88 yard touchdown. You all should have listened to me.

12:32 - Brady to Hernando....And some things are the same. Gronk set that up. I'm gonna copy and paste this one a bunch.

12:33 - Still need sammich.

12:34 - 2 PICKS FOR RYAN FITZ! Gonna be a long year already....

12:42 - Mark Sanchez is the greatest quarterback who ever lived. Another long one for 6. Buffalo has a coverage issue.

12:43 - I might not make it through this.....the Browns are still beating the Eagles. Vick has not looked particularly adequate at all so far.

12:45 - Props to Kevin Moore of The Fantasy Football Guys - Matt Cassell looks good, touchdown to Kevin Boss. In Indy/Chi news, Donald Brown looks like he sucks.

'Hey Matt, I told you you were a douche!'

12:49 - Alfred Morris is still the RB getting the most carries in Washington, and also is wearing a license plate on the back of his uni.

12:51 - Jets are pasting the Bills. Special Teams TD. Holy crap, were we all wrong?

12:57 - Julio Jones and Brandon Marshall both with TD receptions. Your draft picks were well spent. Julio is awesome. Also, The Pats D doesn't seem to suck like usual....

1:01 - The family has elected to go to Jimmy John's - finally a sammich resolution we can all believe in.

1:02 - With Fred Jackson hurt, CJ Spiller just laid claim to his job - huge run for the score, the Bills needed something like that to happened.....Also Jamaal Charles just broke off a 46er - he's fine.

1:03 - Andrew Luck with the bomb pick. I'm going to enjoy seeing today's picks v. TDs stats.

1:06 - Matt Cassell on the keeper for the score. He's known for his elusiveness and the quick feet. What?

1:08 - 'Billy Cundiff, the former Saint..' How about 'the former kicker for everybody'?

1:09 - Cortland Finnegan - pick to the house....wait, flag.....Nope, against the Lions. BELIEVE IN THE RAMS!

1:13 - Of all the rookie QBs starting today, Ryan Tannehill is the one bringing down the curve. You realize that Wheedon't is playing too, right? But you're the one bringing the curve down.

1:15 - And there's your first Gronkdown of the season. Probably. Gonna review....but if they overturn it, Gronk's gonna eat one of the scab refs.

1:16 - New York Jets' Jeremy Curley is your hot waiver wire pickup for the upcoming week.

1:19 - Stafford almost threw pick #3 a minute ago....FEAR THE MUSTACHE.

1:20 - And there's your first Arian Foster score of the year......

1:21 - Followed by AD's first - I told you Bobby!

1:22 - Followed by DONALD BROWN? I'm sorry Don!

1:25 - There's your second Arian Foster TD of the year. Wow.

1:26 - WHEEDENBOMB COMPLETE! To Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie. Good try, though!

1:28 - We've hit the halfway mark...need a ten minute break. Family is questioning my loyalties, apparently they never read the contract.

1:29 - But first, Brandon Marshall is who we thought he was. This is going to be dangerous in the NFC North. Set up the touchdown for Earl Bennett.

1:38 - Eagles look to have regained footing. Great hurl to Maclin. Second half should get ugly for Cleveland.

1:40 - And Maclin with 6. Thanks for hanging in there, Browns.

1:41 - When did I miss the Andre Johnson touchdown? So far, all the brand name guys are showing up strong....except for Calvin, but he's got a whole half to work.

1:44 - The Colts are hanging in this game....whoops, Vinatieri just shanked a gimme. Never mind.

Plus, look at that hat!

1:45 - AD. 2nd touchdown. They're gonna work him in slowly.

1:48 - Scott Hanson is now talking about the QuadBox. And wrapping it into using Instagram and Tweeting a picture of the Quadbox to win something. DON'T EFFING RUIN THIS NFL MARKETING.

1:49 - Mike Turner, 18 yards for the day. Yeesh.

1:50 - Great catch by the Titans Jared Cook. Glad I drafted him in every league.

1:52 - Both of my legs are asleep. This is going to break bad. Maybe the girls can bring in CJ Spiller to help with the laundry. Also, Nate Washington for a Titans score.

1:52 - Matt Ryan scores on the sneak. Still don't care for him.

1:53 - Shanny has no fear. This is terrific...second time going for it on 4th and 1...two flags, whatever the outcome, worth the effort.

1:55 - PI in the end zone on the Saints. Crushing.

1:56 - Probably wasn't PI. Whatever.....Alfred Morris for 6.....now let's see what RyFitz can do...3RD PICK! And that's for six. BRING IN TAVARIS.

1:59 - Blaine Gabbert running full-out looks like an instant replay.

2:00 - Gonzo TD after Chiefs turnover. This one's out of hand, and where's Dwayne Bowe? That's why you didn't get your monies, son.

2:03 - We've hit a lull, but I'm hitting this sammich, so it's all good.

2:06 - And there's our first 'Replacement Refs' horrifying call in the Titans/Pats game. This is why replay review is a great thing. Also, the Jets have just passed the 40 point mark.

2:08 - Forte for 6, Bears look to be for real.....against the Colts.

2:09 - Cassell pick, the Falcons/Chiefs game is over - reviewed Titans/Pats call fixed a horrid call. The Redskins are in position to score again, much like we assumed they would be all day. Huh?

2:11 - Third Tannehill pick today. Wonder if Garrard is still in the Rolodex?

Damn. It.

2:12 - Per Bleacher Report, Fred Jackson has a sprained LCL. Note to self: stop drafting RBs named 'Fred'. They're all doomed.

2:15 - Stevan Ridley - 100 yards and a score. Typical Pats RB behavior.

2:17 - Wheeden to Rodgers-Cromartie again! This hook-up is unstoppable! (Note to Browns - might check into Brandon's color-recognition skill set)

2:18 CJ Spiller is not intending to give Fred his job back, apparently.

2:20 - Fitz - Chandler - Score. The Bills are back in this, only 28 points to go. Unrelated - did the Eagles practice any offense in the preseason, or did they just figure it was all good-to-go?

2:22 - Nate Washington injured. Kenny Britt just and Kendall Wright just became equally important going forward. WAIT, Locker's down too. Things just got grim in Tennessee. Hasselbeck's coming back.

2:29 - Luck picked off in the end zone. Another day, son, another day.

2:30 - Here. Come. The Saints.

2:33 - Maybe not. London Fletcher is still tremendously underrated.

2:34 - RAMS JUST TOOK THE LEAD AGAIN! Brandon Gibson, great hands there. I told you so.

2:37 - Has Rob Bironas always been so teeny?

2:41 - Taking a break. Need a shower. Back soon. Also, RG3 needs to find Garcon again.

2:45 - WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THE EAGLES? Again.

2:55 - Cecil Shorts! Jags take the lead! Cecil Shorts! You can't stop the BlaineTrain.

2:56 - The Mustache has got the crank face on. Let's do this St. Louis.

2:57 - Mike Vick Tanks. Bring the hook.

2:58 - Donnie Avery sighting!

2:59 - Holy crap. That rookie kicker for the Vikes just erased Ryan Longwell from the minds of everybody in Minnesota. That was ice-cold.

3:00 - Now I see the problem with Buffalo; Ryan's clean-shaven. Get that ferret back on your chin, Fitz! I thought you were a team player.

3:01 - Chad Greenway definitively isn't somebody I'd want to eff with. Pretty sure he just scared that coin into flipping itself to the Vikes favor.

Mustache.

3:02 - Another rookie kicker - this time with the Rams - shows ice-cold nerves. But I think the Mustache was holding the ball.

3:05 - TRISCREEN! If I take a pic of this and Twitter it to you, do I travel through time Scott Hanson?

3:08 - Nailbiter in Detroit. This is gonna be tight.

3:09 - Effing Kevin Smith. Touchdown. No Mustache for you.

3:10 - Blair Walsh. Iceman. The Vikes just put the game in Blaine's hands. A think that's a decent call.

3:11 - Not today for the Rams. Next time through, they win this game. Different team and attitude under Fisher.

3:13 - FYI, this gets spotty in twenty minutes. Pack is on. I have priorities.

3:15 - Vikes win. So if the Pack loses, they're in last place in the North. So that ain't gonna happen.

3:19 - So the Jets obliterated the Bills. And yet, I still don't want any of them on my fantasy squad. Can't truss it.

3:22 - As expected, the Redskins will beat the Saints time and again.

3:23 - Alfred Morris with his second score, which guarantees he remains the Redskins' primary back at least through tomorrow.

3:25 - Clay Matthews starts off with a sack on the third play. Promising.

3:32 - The Eagles are stealing a game they shouldn't even have had starters in by this point.

3:34 - Aldon Smith sacks Rodgers then negates it immediately. Smart football.

3:36 - Here's the deal: Aldon Smith doesn't get that called if he doesn't toss the helmet. He does, so that's on him.

3:38 - Harbaugh is gonna have a coronary by the end of the first quarter.

3:39 - Based on his six touches thus far in the first series, Tampa Bay has adopted an 'All Doug Martin' offensive scheme. Which is probably a good call.

3:41 - Mike Williams, Tampa Touchdown. Vincent Jackson will be good for MW.

3:46 - Did I miss something? Is Gore hurt? Why is Kendall Hunter the only guy I'm seeing run for the Niners?

3:53 - That's it for me this week....need to focus on the Packer game....we'll be back next week with more fun, thanks for joining me!

-MP

Wk1 Fantasy/Reality: Start 'Em or Screw 'Em Game Previews!

noreply@blogger.com (AmazingMattyP) — Sun, 09 Sep 2012 01:06:00 +0000

by Matt Prendergast, filled with awesome.

Holy hell, between seven fantasy drafts and, well, life, I almost forgot about the actual NFL starting....but never fear, here's your tried and true lineup recommends for this, the inaugural week of the greatest time of the year.....with a few risk picks sprinkled in as well

Indy @ Chicago - Well, let's start off with the juggernaut that is the Colts - you already know this, you roll with your studs, so Peyton, Reggie Wayne, Marvin Harrison and Dallas Clark are all lock-soli---oh wait, I'm looking at my data from '06, hang on.

Indy Starts: Reggie Wayne at the WR2 spot - He's solid and the best thing going in Indy. Screw 'Em: Everybody else - Andy Luck shouldn't be in your consideration yet at all, a couple surprising weeks can change that, but not yet. Same for Fleener, and whoever ends up running there - either Donnie Brown or Vick Ballard or Delone 'rapidly dropping off the face of the planet' Carter. Avoids.

Chicago Starts: Forte's a lock, and so's Brandon Marshall until further notice. Bears' D ought to have a decent day...Screw 'Em: If Cutty's your #1, then you're probably going to have a weekly debate on your hands, but I've noted on numerous occasions that while the Bears made all sorts of heralded moves to improve things around Soldier Field, they didn't do jack to address the piss-poor protection that gets JC in the interception groove...Dwight Freeney is pretty good at exploiting that sort of oversight.

Sleepy-Sleeper: In a flex, I don't hate the idea of Michael Bush. I suspect he's going to do a lot of late-game mop-up work, and here's the ideal game to start installing that.

Chicago Wins by 10, possibly 30

Philly @ Cleveland - So Cleveland is no longer having a moment of silence to honor Art Mod ell before the game (good call - love you Cleveland, but you know that was going to break the wrong way) - besides, they'll still have one at the end of the game after all the murdering on the field.

Philly Starts: GO ALL IN! - Vick, Maclin, Shady, DeSean, Celek - eff it, Riley Cooper if you've got some weird 36 person roster. This should be a tremendous opening for the birds. And don't forget the Defense! Screw 'Em: I said 'ALL IN'.

Wait, did The Browns draft Archie Manning? I'm confused.

Cleveland Starts: You drafted Trent Richardson high for a reason - you play him until he breaks. Screw 'Em: Weedon't, and Greg Little - I think Little might develop into something down the line, but not this week, against this team, with The Brandon Effect still in Version 1.0 mode.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Josh Gordon - the Browns are going to muster some offense, and I think it comes not from Little or Massaquoi (he's still a starter?), but in the 'wild card' of Gordon, who should be a locked-in starter by mid-season. I wouldn't go any higher than a WR3, but if you've got, say Kenny Britt sitting on your bench this week, roll the dice.

Philly Wins By 3rd Round Knockout

Rams @ Detroit - It's still fashionable to consider the Rams 'anemic', or 'hapless', or 'heart-crushing', and by all means, why not? I'll tell you why not: The Mustache Has Returned to The Stadium. Do not underestimate that dude, ever.

Rams Starts: Steven Jackson - week one, and he's still healthy, which is tremendous. Until his hammy melts down or whatever, he's an every-weeker. Screw Em: Bradford. You have to have a better option at this point. Don't lie to me. Pretty much all the receivers can sit for now also - things really haven't shaken out there enough yet to see who's going to take the other starting job for keeps - thus avoiding Gibson and Other Steve Smith (and Brian Quick - but don't you drop him yet) is better for your health.

Detroit Starts: Stafford, Ceej - you know that. But temper expectations a bit - the Janoris Jenkins/Cortland Finnegan secondary isn't too shabby. Screw Em: Kevin Smith - assuming he's still not on IR by gametime. Brandon Pettigrew - I still don't understand the fascination with Pettigrew yearly in Fantasy - he's not Stafford's go-to, ever. Why would that change?

Sleepy-sleeper: I said 'pretty much'; but maybe Amendola in a WR3 brings you a nice surprise...that's a lukewarm 'maybe', caveat emptor. If your league let's you start Jeff Fischer's mustache, then go with that.

Upset Pick of the Week: Rams Win By A Skinch - I think the St. Louis DBs are going to do a much better job at constraining Calvin than anticipated (note: they will not shut him down completely), leaving Nate 'He Still Plays?' Burleson, Titus 'Trendy' Young and the aforementioned Unimpressivegrew to do a lot of the dirty work. Everyone is overlooking the Rams and expecting a blowout - and those are the situations that I love Jeff Fischer teams in.

Miami @ Houston

See what you did, Jeff Ireland?

Miami Starts: Um....maybe...uh, no, um...Screw 'Em.

Houston Starts: This is almost another 'ALL IN'. Foster, Schaub, Tate, and Andre should all post solid fantasy contributions. Screw 'Em: Owen Daniels doesn't look like he's ever going to be 'Owen Daniels' again, really.

Sleepy-sleeper: Kevin Walter - always the forgotten one, this week I like his chances of getting 80 yards and a score on the 'Fins.

Texans Win Via A Good-Old-Fashioned Beatdown

Falcons @ Chiefs - The Falcons have all kinds of better weapons on paper. I don't think that's going to mean anything in the end though.

Falcons starts: If you've got The Big Five - Ryan, Julio, Roddy, Gonzo and Turner, you're playing them week one, don't be stupid, except....Screw 'Em I really don't have a great feeling about Michael Turner - but again, it's week one, you have to play him.

Chiefs Starts: Charles and Bowe are locks, you're never sitting them. Screw 'Em: Peyton Hillis. He has one good year in his whole career, and last year came off like a giant d-bag. I just don't see him shaking that, especially not with a healthy Charles being the real running weapon.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Wanted to go with Jon Baldwin here, but I don't think this is his week to break out - Atlanta's secondary isn't one of the shabby ones....no, instead I say: Tony Moeaki. Showed tons of promise last year before the injury, and is off the radar - do you start him over the Pats' TEs, Gates or Graham? Are you drinking racing fuel? But ahead of guys like Jared Cook, Brandow Pettigrew, or Dustin Keller, I'd absolutely risk it.

Chiefs Win By A Score Somewhere Between 2 and 8

Jacksonville @ Minnesota - The great news for fans of these franchises is that somebody's starting off the season 1-0.

You were way better on One Tree Hill, Blaine.

Jag Starts: Go ahead and put MJD in there- but I'd temper expectations, he's not putting up RB1 numbers this outing - and I'd leave Rashard in there too, at least this week. Screw 'Em: Probably not touching any of those receivers until I see Blaine Gabbert not appear mentally incapacitated during a regular season game. Against the Vikes secondary, we're gonna get as good a chance as any to see if that's possible.

Vikings Starts: Adrian Peterson. Dude's playing. Dude's playing hard. And a lot. And Harvin, he's a weekly shoe-in at this point. Screw 'Em: Toby Gerhart - see above.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Laurent Robinson - in a WR3 position or desperation flex only - he's had a ho-hum preseason, but as much hell as I give Blaine, guy's getting better and Laurent is the best veteran set of hands available downfield.

Vikings Still Win By 10

Redskins @ Saints - This may be indicative that my medications need adjusting, but I think this is going to be a close game for at least three and a half quarters....no, I mean that. I even re-read it after I typed it.

'Skins Starts: I LOVE Pierre Garcon as a WR2 this year - preseason has shown they're looking for him long and often. Fred Davis, about as solid of a crazy-person-as-Tight-End as you'll find in this league. Screw 'Em: The Seventy-Headed Rushing Attack, and also probably the Defense

Saints Starts: Brees and Graham are the gimmies....and it should be a good week for Darren Sproles to Swiss-Army Knife himself some decent fantasy stats. Screw 'Em: Mark Ingram - I need to see something consistent first - and Marques Colston, assuming DeAngelo Hall gets that duty. I know he's their #1 WR, but he feels more like 'Option 3' after Sproles and Graham....he'll get mid-field yards, but will disappoint fellas looking for touchdowns and lots of yardage.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Robert Griffin III - while it's generally assumed that starting most rookie QBs in week one for any reason is asylum-level bananas, I disagree in this case. The Saints have a shabby defensive output thus far, and RG3's explosivene and orignal style of play is going to get his owners a lot of points this week. A LOT OF THEM.

That Said, Saints By Ten, and RG3 Gets His First Dose of NFL Finishing Moves

Bills @ JETS! - God, I forgot how long these previews take to write - and now I'm doing fantasy crud in here too? Lord. Well, here's my first 'I don't really care' game of the season, because I just don't....except for fantasy reasons, where I care bunches!

This was literally the highlight
of the Jets preseason. Seriously.
Hey Tim, Jesus wore a shirt.

Bills Starts: Fred Jackson - yes, please! Stevie Johnson - you know it! Screw 'Em: Fitz. Not yet, too soon this year. Will still have a problem with the Jets Secondary, and outside of Stevie, there's nobody semi-reliable, yet. Gonna be a lot more running in this game...

Jets Starts: I'm being honest. From a fantasy perspective, I don't want none. Screw 'Em: Shonn Greene has been a letdown, Sanchez/Tebow is ruining them both more than seemed possible in both cases, and Santonio Holmes might be the front runner for this year's 'Meh, No Thanks' former all-pro turned uninteresting option of the year.

Sleepy Sleeper: CJ Spiller is a terrific fit for your Flex spot this week. Ter. Rif. Ic.

Bills Win By Double-Digits and Buffalo Dreams Again!

Patriots @ Titans - Hmm...I don't even know what to think about this one.

Pats Starts: Tommy, The Two TEs, Welker, Stevan Ridley (points leagues only) - won't be many yards, probably will be a TD or two. Screw 'Em: Brandon Lloyd - with the exception of Randy Moss for a little bit there, name-brand receivers have a habit of disappearing in Belichek's offense - and Brandon Lloyd doesn't even have that terrific of a resume, if you really look at it. Ten Seasons: One of them is great. Most of the rest are barely worth a bench spot.

Titans Starts: Moneybags Johnson and Jared Cook. Screw 'Em: Nate Washington - I just don't see it. I see his stats from last year, but just don't see the 'how'.

Sleepy-Sleeper - Kendall Wright, as basically an unknown commodity thrust into a starting spot for a week, wouldn't be the worst WR3 option on the board. May get you nothing, may pay off in chestfuls of doubloons.

Pats By A Minimum of 17

Seahawks @ Cardinals - This next sentence is especially for my loyal reader and friend, Sara R: THIS IS GOING TO BE A BLOODBATH. And by that, I wouldn't be surprised to see 'Fire Ken Whisenhunt' websites cropping up as soon as the end of the first quarter.

Seahawks Starts: Lynch, if he plays, Turbin if Skittlebeast sits. Russell Freaking Wilson, who earned it. Sidney Rice, and welcome back. That Defense. Screw 'Em: Zach Miller - once 'the next great Tight End', for like 8 straight years. Only here because Kellen Winslow fell apart or whatever.

Cardinals Starts: Fitz. That's about it. Screw 'Em: It wouldn't be a week in the NFL if Beanie Wells wasn't possibly injured! And while you shouldn't have Jon Skelton on your roster in the first place, if you somehow do, don't be an idiot.

Sleepy-Sleeper: With Wells showing up as maybe hurt, let's begin the Ryan Williams era already. Would I start him? Probably not, it's a crap match-up....but if somebody on the Cards can do something surprising in this game, here's the guy.

Seattle Wins By A Billion

Most dudes couldn't pull this off, right?

49ers @ My Beloved Packers - Yeah, this is probably the game of the week, because neither of these teams wants to start off with a loss to chime-in their championship year.

Niners Starts: Vernon, Manningham, Gore....Crabtree. Screw 'Em: Randy Moss (Does anybody really think he's on the top of the depth chart? Really?) and Alex Smith (in perpetuity)

Packers Starts: Their Starting Offense Screw'Em: Except Cedric Benson - whom I love for the season here, but debuting against the Niners is gonna be rough-going for my new favorite Cedric. Probably don't quite trust the Pack D in fantasy quite yet either.

Sleepy-Sleeper: James Jones - erratically used, up-and-down with the catches, but GB has held onto him for their reasons - and while there will be plans to cull Jennings, Jordy and Jermichael, that usually leaves a little space for Double J to get 60 and a score. WR3 only.

The Packers Win By Just A Smooch Like Last Year Against The Saints

Panthers @ Buccaneers - Again, I really don't care much about this game....but the fantasy players in it? Hellz yes!

Panthers Starts: Cam, DeAngelo (EMPHATICALLY, with Stewart banged up again), Steve Smith...and in a 3WR league, Brandon LaFell Screw 'Em: Stewart.

Bucs Starts: Doug Martin, Dallas Clark...Josh Freeman in a push. No, I take that back. Forget I said that. Screw 'Em: Vincent Jackson - until proven otherwise, I'm of the firm belief that VJ needed Phil Rivers way more than Rivers needs VJ....I'm picking Vincent Jackson as this year's winner of The Santonio Holmes Award For Cash-Grabbing Your Way To Mediocrity.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Greg Olsen. Might end up with Top Ten numbers by year's end. I'd play him over Owen Daniels, Marcedes Lewis....pretty much any of the guys that aren't in the top 6.

Panthers Win By a Half-Dozen or So

Steelers @ Broncos - This is also in the Game-of-the-Week running.....

Steeler Starts: Antonio Brown and Mike Wallace. And Ben, if he's your #1 option - there's going to be an air show in Denver this week. Screw 'Em: The RB mess out there all of a sudden....and I might sit the D this week, I just might.

This is the most forehead ever photographed in one sitting.

Bronco Starts: Peyton on national TV with something to prove? You betcha. Decker and Thomas all day...Screw 'Em: Willis McGahee and all those other running backs there, Jacob Tamme until he shows something.

Sleepy-Sleeper : Brandon Motherf***ing Stokely. You heard it here first. Put that dude in your flex and enjoy 57 yards and a score.

The Broncos Are Taking This Win For Elway, Brother!

Bengals @ Ravens - a good old interdivisional scrum between the young upstarts of Cincinnati and the bad-ass mofos of Baltimore

Bengal Starts: AJ Green and.....AJ Green. Screw 'Em: Welcome to reality Andy Dalton, this year won't be quite as charming...and I wouldn't start Law Firm in this match-up unless I was picking your roster.

Ravens Starts: Rice, Boldin and Flacco. And the Defense, but you were doing that anyway. Screw 'Em: Torrey Smith - tons of talent, still doesn't feel polished or consistent, and the Bengals D can work with that...thus the advantage goes to the cagey vet Boldin, if I'm choosing a starter there.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Jermaine Gresham - still underutilized and a little banged up, but if Cincinnati wants to hang in this one, Jermaine's going to have to use that athletic prowess and be a difference maker. I'd love him this week in a flex over most WR options, and quite a few RBs (see: Benjarvus Green-Ellis).

That Said, The Ravens Are Going To Pound The Bengals By a Baker's Dozen

Chargers @ Raiders - Who ya got? This one's gonna be ugly and terrific.

When I hear 'Raiders Football', I think 'Family'

San Diego Starts: Phil Rivers, Gates and....man, that's it? No wait! Malcom Floyd at WR2 Screw 'Em - Probably that running game, and I wouldn't spin the dial on the other receivers until somebody emerges

Raider Starts: DMac, Heyward-Bey, Denarius....and I doubt I'll say this again this season, but, Carson Palmer. Screw 'Em: I don't recognize the name of any of the Raider TEs. So I'm guessing those are extra blockers.

Sleepy-Sleeper: Rod Streater - Jacoby Ford is out, Streater has been a marvel in the preseason, and is going to be the difference maker for Carson Palmer in week one....I'd take a pitch at WR3 on him and hope it lands.

That's all for now, kids, thanks for the fish! GO FOOTBALL!

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Three Sleeper Fantasy Wide Receivers

noreply@blogger.com (Recliner QB) — Sat, 08 Sep 2012 23:34:00 +0000

Three Underrated Wide Receivers To Consider On The Waiver Wire

[Editor's Note: Yes, the format is screwy and I am trying to fix it, it was the format it was given to me in. This is a guest article from fanduel.com, please welcome them with open arms like you have all the contributors.]

Everyone already knows about the top players at every position in fantasy football. The Calvin Johnsons and Larry Fitzgeralds of the world will be gone pretty early. However, there are a lot of value picks to consider later on in the draft. All three of these players are low risk, high reward types that can be picked up to check out the first few weeks of the season. On paper, all are poised to provide a lot more value than their current fantasy football draft slog suggests.

Brian Quick. Any wide receiver with the hands, speed and size (6’5”) of Brian Quick is worth a solid look. After staring at Appalachian State, he has yet to really find his groove in the NFL. He showed some signs in 2011, but 2012 looks to be that true make or break season. With the St. Louis Rams in need of offense, and their young quarterback Sam Bradford completely healthy, all signs point to Quick getting that shot to impress.

Santana Moss. Remember him? It’s easy to write off Moss as a wide receiver who is a step slow now that he is 33 years of age. The best way to add a little pep to the step of a wide receiver though is to pair him with a guy like Robert Griffin III. This type of rookie-veteran combo could very well be a great option for the Washington Redskins. Pierre Garcon and Fred Davis look to be the top two receiving options for the Redskins currently, but it’s easy to see Moss slip in there and get plenty of opportunities to succeed as well.

Titus Young. As mentioned above, everyone knows all about the ability of Calvin Johnson. Teams will be focuses on doing whatever necessary to shut him down during games. Naturally, that means other weapons will get open looks throughout the game. Enter Titus Young. The second year wide receiver should become a much more reliable option for Matthew Stafford as he has now had an entire season to get used to the NFL schedule. After a slow start, Young was still able to get 647 yards receiving and six touchdowns. Expect those numbers to go up more as long as both him and Megatron stay healthy. He is a great option to take and he should be available in the middle rounds of drafts.

This guest article was written by the football people at Fanduel.com, the place to go to play free daily fantasy football games or Fantasy Football For Cash

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Use the money you win using our fantasy football advice and buy SleeperTees!

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Cowboys Knee Jerk Reactions VS Giants

noreply@blogger.com (Recliner QB) — Thu, 06 Sep 2012 23:37:00 +0000

By: Bobby Shores

This here is my "knee jerk" reactions/observations on the Cowboys game against the Giants, I am doing this after ONLY watching the game one time & live. I have not reviewed the film, read any other opinions on it, or listened to any podcasts; I did listen to the radio that talked about it briefly on my way to work, but literally got nothing out of it for this article.

"More Ogletree Please" Kevin Ogletree – [Editor's Note: I started the "More Ogletree Please" three years ago when Kevin Ogletree was the darling of Cowboys training camp and made an impact early in the season catching wide receiver screens and 5-8 yard outs.]

Kevin Ogletree

This will be the story of the week, undrafted free agent out of Virginia who looked like a promising talent the first year of his career before laziness and rumors "entitlement" dogged him the last two years. Nearly everybody (myself included) had written him off, it seemed like even the Cowboys had as they didn't find him worth retaining at the end of last year with a $1.26 million restricted free agent tender, opting instead to let him test the market before bringing him back for the minimum of $460,000.

After a strong showing in the preseason and training camp Ogletree answered the call last night to the tune of 8 catches for 116 yards and 2 touchdowns. The most impressive part of Ogletree’s night was not the touchdowns, it was the clutch catches, being where Tony Romo expected him to be. You could tell that Ogletree will be one of Romo’s favorite targets this year by the way Romo continually looked his way in clutch situations. Ogletree, rather than Romo safety valves Jason Witten and Miles Austin and emerging star Dez Bryant, was the primary target on 3rd and shorts; running hard slants to get the first downs over and over again. He ran crisp and precise routes punctuated by near perfect throws from his quarterback.

Now I may be going out on a limb here, but the third wide receiver position has been in flux for a number of years, and we thought we had it answered until the Jaguars blew away Laurent Robinson with a 5-year $32 million contract in free agency, so I am suggesting that we go ahead and lock-up Kevin Ogletree for a few years. I am not calling for some huge contract, just enough to make him happy while keeping the Cowboys cap flexible for years to come. I am thinking something along the lines of 4-years and $12-14 million (that's $3-3.5 million annual average). While many will say that the "sense of entitlement" will come back once he has some money in his pocket, well I think otherwise, I honestly believe that after trying summer he had that he has matured and this is a whole new Kevin Ogletree.

Running Game – While it started off very slow, mostly due to the ineffectiveness of the offensive line (more on that later), DeMarco Murray and Lawrence Vickers got in their groove and started getting big chunks of yards. Murray’s 20 carries for 129 yards provided a solid balance to the Cowboys offense, making life on the Giants defense very difficult. Look for the running game to get going earlier in the game as the season progresses, particularly if the offensive line can come together.

While Murray did average a solid 7+ yards per carry, to me, he seemed to not have the burst that I saw last year which worries me a little. Also, on the long 48 (I think) yard run he wore out too quick, that should have been a touchdown and leads me to believe that he may not be in the shape he should, or maybe he is nursing some minor injury. Regardless something does not seem right and his 20 yards rushing in the first half is not going to cut it all year, but he obviously finished strong and was more than effective enough.

Play Calling – This was one of my favorite parts of this game, particularly Jason Garrett's offensive play calling. You can argue with the early 4th & 1 fullback dive with Vickers, but I wanted to see that play, unfortunately Jeremy Parnell (playing Tight End basically on that play) missed his block while the rest of the left side of the line did not get lower than the Giants defenders.

Besides that one questionable call (again that I agreed with) the rest of the game was called great. Unlike years past, Garrett didn't get the lead and go super conservative by calling run, run, run, punt. He kept his foot on the accelerator with a solid mix of run/pass and even gave Romo the options of going deep (like that long pass play to Dez). This tells me that Garrett finally realized that he doesn't need to dramatically alter his play calling style just because he has the lead, continue to use what got you the lead in the first place!

Felix Jones – I don't know where to start here, as an Arkansas Razorback alum, two kids attending there right now, and every member of my family owning a Felix Jones jersey.....It pains me to even bring this up....I think it may be time to cut Felix loose, he has looked overweight and generally uninterested, hopefully he is still just trying to get back in shape after his shoulder surgery this offseason.

On kickoff returns he seemed to run (not sprint) in a straight line with no shakes or wiggles and still struggled to get back to the 20. He didn't even get a chance in the game as he had 0 carries, but he did get 2 passes thrown his way but both of them were uncatchable. It may be time to promote Lance Dunbar to the active roster as he will provide that "spark" in the backfield with Darren Sproles like skills, plus he would be a contributor on all special teams and run kickoffs back harder. I am not ready to make these moves yet, but Felix doesn't have much time, even in my book.....Maybe he just needs a change of scenery to revive a once promising career.....

Jason Garrett & Rob Ryan

Defense, Defense, Defense – WOW! WOW! WOW! This topic deserves an entire article, so I will keep this short. All 4 linebackers were the star of this unit, they set the tone with both DeMarcus Ware and Anthony Spencer providing plenty of pressure on Eli Manning with Spencer looking good dropping back in coverage. Sean Lee and Bruce Carter were unbelievable in the middle, we already know that Lee is one of the most instictive middle 'backers in the NFL and he continued that last night racking up tackles and impact plays. Carter is the biggest surprise here, while he is not as instinctive as Lee, he was always right there with him a half-step behind cleaning up the tackles. Hist athleticism sets him apart, he looks like he can make a wrong read or take a misstep and still go sideline-to-sideline. I can't wait to see him continue to develop!

The defensive line and secondary were also impressive. The D-Line had great hustle and were flying to the ball and Jason Hatcher looks like he is answering the calls of all the people saying this was his "breakout year", and don't forget that Jay Ratliff wasn't even suited up for this game! The secondary was helped out by Victor Cruz's myriad drops and Morris Claiborne showed some promise but you can tell he is raw (particularly in his backpedal and turns, but he will learn that). The Cowboys big free agent CB Brandon Carr made some plays, but it looked like he may have tried to jump some routes or something because guys got behind/around him some and I need to go watch that on film some more...

Rob Ryan - This is the defensive I have been dreaming of for years! Ask my wife, I was wanting Rob Ryan as the Cowboys defensive coordinator when he was still coaching in Cleveland!! The play calling was excellent, he had guys coming from all over the field, and the fact that they stopped the Giants on the 1-yard line 3 times in a row!!! WOW WOW WOW!!!!

Offensive Line – Not much to say here, the play speaks for itself....I think I counted about 8-10 penalties on the offensive line as they were being pushed backwards most of the time. Nobody on the line played very well in any aspect of the game. But let's be honest, these guys have not played or practiced very much together during camp or the preseason, and center Ryan Cook played all but 3 offensive snaps after starting center Phil Costa went out with a back problems.

On the good side, Romo only got sacked twice, and they didn't come from the most dangerous Giants pass rushers, they came from up the middle, Romo had more to do with the only being sacked twice than the offensive line. This offensive line can only get better from here, and I think it will, it's time to see what offensive line coach Bill Callahan can do from here on out, this falls squarely on his shoulders.

One last thing, Tyron Smith struggled mightily playing on the left side of the line for the first time in his college or NFL career, but give him some time and he will get it. Those of you that thought that he was already a "Top 10" tackle in this league and would play on the left side like he did the right (Casey Ryan Mallow, maybe next time you will listen to me), I told you so! If you listened to me then you knew there would be some growing pains here, and without his insane athletic ability and reach, he would've gotten Romo hurt.

Obviously I could and should go on about the amazing game that Romo had, the breakout game for Dez Braynt, the second half for Miles Austin, the safety's, etc. But these are what stood out to me most, I have and will touch on the rest here and on Twitter.

Well there you have it, my week 1 knee jerk reactions, stay tuned as I give you more information as I break down the film. You can get all my immediate thoughts by following me on Twitter.

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The Flock: Gateway to the West...

noreply@blogger.com (TCM Revolver) — Tue, 04 Sep 2012 15:06:00 +0000

I'm from the west side of Chicago.... here on vacation.

Written by J.R. Shepperd

After what seemed like the longest off season ever, we are ready to shift the NFL season into high gear! I say it's time we break the bottle of champagne against this ship known as "The Flock". Allow me to act as your weekly guide through the rough and tumble world of the NFC Worst. (Freudian slip) And what better city to start with than the home of Nelly, bar-b-que, and the phrase "Honky Lips" Good old St. Louis.

Lets take a look at the up side of your 2012 Rams..... Well that didn't take long. Seriously, there isn't much to like here. The addition of Jeff Fischer as head coach was a step in the right direction. Fischer, being a "run first" coach is exactly what Steven Jackson needed, 6 years ago. But there is something about Fischer that I just dig. Perhaps his swagger, or his knack for finding diamonds in the rough... or just that mustache.
Moving into the running backs. Steven Jackson was one of the "elite" backs in the league, the unfortunate thing is that at the age of 29 and 12,096 all purpose yards can take it's toll on a back. (pun intended) But this year they have Isaiah Pead to help lighten Jackson's load. Pead isn't the power back that Jackson is, and reports show he is struggling with this whole "blocking" concept. So expect Jackson to remain the third down back.
Wide receivers are a dime a dozen in this league, turns out that the Rams' Costco membership has been allowed to lapse. Going into a season with Danny Amendola as your premier wide out does not instill a lot of confidence. Amendola could be a productive receiver, but the fact remains in his fourth year in the league, he has only had one full season. Brian Quick, now there is a dude I am keeping my eye one. At 6'3" 220 lbs and 4.45 40 time, he has the potential to be a big threat in the deep game.
Defense... more like picket fence (see what I did there?) Having a preseason rank of 30. They tried to beef up their secondary with the additions of Janoris Jenkins and Trumaine Johnson. Cortland Finnegan is being reunited with Coach Fischer. Finnegan, being known more for his mouth than his shutdown ability. Using their first round pick on DT Michael Brockers could turn out to be a smart move. With Long at the end and Brockers in the middle, I could see a strong presence up front. In a few years that is...

He's no Jim Everett

Having saved the best for last, Wham bam thank you SAM! I can't really put my finger on this kid. He's got guts, great hair, but no speed and a line in front of him that couldn't stop a 4 man rush if they were paid...millions and millions. I don't trust him to play 16 games in 2012 with that porous offensive line. Having given up 55 sacks last year... Bradford will spend more time on his back than David Hasseloff... isn't that how that joke goes??
I don't see big things for these Rams this year. They aren't in such a weak division any more, with Seattle and San Francisco making big strides forward. They could do better than Arizona, but that's like saying your child won the ugliest baby contest.
I see the Rams finishing the season at a 6-10. Much better than last year, but still 100 miles away from anything resembeling a football team.

update: Michael Brockers has injured his ankle in the Rams' preseason finale. Fischer is quoted as saying "Not too serious" when asked.

These aren't the droids your looking for... But this is the fantasy football advice you need!

Find out who REALLY shot J.R.! Follow J.R. Shepperd on Twitter: @TCM_Revolver

AFC West: Underachievers Unite!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 31 Aug 2012 02:38:00 +0000

By Sonny Prier

Gross. No wonder there's an east coast bias.

These teams aren't so much "under the radar" as they are "asleep on the couch." If Peyton Manning weren't here to trick us all into thinking Denver is better than 8-8, the NFL might have forgotten to schedule their games.

On December 30th 2012, when the tree falls in these empty woods, here's how it'll land.

The Kansas City Chiefs (10-6)

I can't help it... I kind of like these guys. San Diego has been The Team in this division for every season in recent memory. But this is the year that KC takes the title of "Biggest Post Season Disappointment" from the Chargers. They are primed for a strong regular season run followed by an embarrassing playoff loss... and overdue. Not since 2006, when the Chiefs went almost three full quarters without gaining a single first down against the Indianapolis Colts and their 21st ranked defense, has KC been the AFC West's playoff sacrifice. Crennel, a real coach who his players respect, is in. Todd Haley, a man who was probably burned in effigy after every practice, is out. The team has bought in, and I'm one of those tools who thinks that means something. So is Kendrick Lewis: "Everything changed with that Green Bay win. This season kind of started then. It's been great since that day. Coach Crennel has us all believing."

Read more here: http://www.kansascity.com/2012/08/27/3781043/kansas-city-chiefs-2012-season.html#storylink=cpy"

The defense is solid. Bowe stayed in shape during his holdout. Jamaal Charles is running like he did in 2010. Matt Cassel is a quarterback. They just look good.

Jamaal Charles: 6.2 yards per carry and inches of forehead.

The Denver Broncos (8-8)

Question: What did the 2011 Denver Broncos have that distinguished it from the rest of the division winners?
Answer: A point differential of -81! (25th in the NFL!)

Ahhhh, Denver. The Little Six Win Team That Could. Last year was just adorable, wan't it? Plucky underdog defies all odds, achieves mediocrity, and backs into the playoffs. It's the kind of feel good story that makes you want to go out and hug a retarded kid. It took (multiple) acts of God for the 2011 Denver Broncos to claw its way to 8-8. This year it will take only Peyton Manning... proving at long last that sending your prayers to him is at least as effective as going to church.

Aside from that (and a shiny new 2nd round Defensive Tackle), this is pretty much the same team it was last year.
Peyton Manning is swell and all, but one player isn't the difference between 6-10 and 12-4...

...amirite, Colts fans?

The San Diego Chargers (7-9)

The introduction on Norv Turner's Wikipedia page includes the line "Turner has coached the most games in NFL history among head coaches with an overall losing record." Awesome.

The Chargers have lived each of the past ten seasons like my Uncle Charlie lived his entire life.

August (Age 6): An astronaut? Of course, Charlie! You can be anything you want!

October (Age 12): Straight A's again, Charlie? You always were our favorite. Have a Werther's!

December (Age 18): Oh... well sure, I guess you can take a year off to tour Europe before going to University. You deserve a vacation after all that hard work!

January (Age 36): What do you mean "dropping out of community college?" You were taking one art history class. No, you can't borrow the car.

I think we're done here... just like their fair weather fans!

If only they could get this kind of attendance at Qualcomm

The Oakland Raiders (3-13)

Carson Palmer hasn't been a top 10 quarterback since Katrina was just another stripper name. How can a player ride this high solely on something that happened so long ago? Here are Palmer's QB ratings for the last five seasons:

86.7
69.0
83.6
82.4
80.5

And he's already laying the groundwork to throw his receivers under the bus after Oakland's imminent 0-4 start this year. Abandon ship!

But Palmer's old news. There's real fresh meat in town... ex-Broncos defensive coordinator Dennis Allen! If you were wondering what the qualification is for being head coach of the Oakland Raiders, it appears to be "sit on your thumbs while John Fox fields a 20th ranked defense".

Dennis Allen (left)

JUST WIN, MAYBE!

It's Draft Week and a Half!

noreply@blogger.com (AmazingMattyP) — Wed, 29 Aug 2012 01:05:00 +0000

by Matt Prendergast

Alright kids, this is where you finally show all those people that told you 'You're not very smart', 'Most don't repeat the fifth grade - and certainly not four times', and 'Have you ever made a sandwich before? Because normally the bread parts are on the outside'. This, finally, is your time to shine.

Now we've already broken down the rankings for you here - but for your convenience, we'll aggregate those in the next day or so into one nice list. Because god forbid you put any effort in. We've given you the links to the best advice crew you can find in your ears with The Fantasy Football Guys. We've even called your boss and explained you can't possibly be put in charge of pepperoni inventory this week....it's because we care.

Never worry about the guy in the Bengals jersey. Trust me.

Now, it's pretty much up to you - we can't be there at the draft for you, the cost of a flight alone would be ridiculous at your wage! THINK MAN! But for review, here's a couple additional pointers for consideration as you head out into this scary and frigid endeavor all on your own....

Reminders!

1) Make (and bring) your ranking lists. I can't stress this enough - you bought magazines, sure. And you know those were only for early meandering - that said, still DO NOT BRING THEM WITH YOU. Because you will invariably get concerned about the sixth round and crack it open 'just in case' and for-god's-sake-did-you-really-just-take-James-Jones-you-don't-even-have-an-RB2-yet'. The mags should have been burned a month ago. Even if you don't want to go to all the bother of making your own lists, at least go steal somebody elses. THERE'S NINE BILLION OF THEM OUT THERE. And that's the only thing you should be using....

2) Don't get there early. Also, don't get there late. If you get to your draft early, you're exposing yourself to an extra beer, or scotch-and-soda, or gasoline swig - I don't know what you're polluting yourself with, degenerate - and that will invariably kill you somewhere in the fourth round.

3) By similar logic, don't be late, on account of then you're a dick and you deserve Neil Rackers in the first round.

4) By all means, be supportive of your co-managers - especially when one asks you if it's crazy to take a Tight End in the first round. OF COURSE IT ISN'T JUB!

5) Get the ribs. Always get the ribs.

That's all we've got for now, kids, good luck and happy drafting!

NFL Needs A Minor League

noreply@blogger.com (Recliner QB) — Thu, 23 Aug 2012 13:40:00 +0000

By: Bobby Shores

I originally wrote this article way back around March of 2011 and it was about ways the NFL could improve the product, specifically how they needed a true minor league/farm system (not just the NCAA). After reading a piece last night by Mike Florio on ProFootballTalk.com I realized that I had already written something on this. And like Florio said, with the rosters being expanded to 90 players meaning that in the next two weeks we will have 1,184 newly unemployed men with the potential to play NFL football. Because of this I decided to re-post part of that article and work on a new one expanding on my original idea. Please bear with me on this as this was one of my original articles and I wasn't good at paragraphs, and grammar, and flow....and well I'm still not very good but I think I am at least better....

They purchase the UFL, the struggling football league that for the past couple of years has been trying to be a haven for guys who are either a few years removed from contributing to an NFL team, guys that are not even good enough to make the practice squad, or guys that may have been overlooked. This would essentially be the NFL's version of minor league (I know they have their own free farm system called the NCAA but you cannot "call" players up from college on a need basis). By purchasing this league the NFL could relegate their practice squad or scout team players to the UFL where they would be on 1 of 5 UFL teams (and they can add or subtract as they see fit) and teams can call up the players they sent down there whenever they want to, and put them back down there whenever they want. And if the Dolphins wanted to pull a player that the Cardinals sent down to the minor league than the Dolphins would have to keep them on their active roster the rest of the season, and if the Dolphins place a "tender" on the player than the Dolphins have to give up certain draft picks, cash, etc. The main benefit of this "minor league" to the players would be: speed up the development of players by getting them live reps at full speed, create more jobs for players, and it would keep players in game shape by getting them live action.

The league would broadcast the UFL games on NFL Network so fans like myself could scout players that potentially could help out a team, and coaches would be able to see how the players react in game type situations at full speed. These games would be played during the regular NFL season, and while details still need to be worked out, I imagine a system where a player spends half their time with their respective team and the other half with the minor league team. The minor league teams would basically run simple vanilla offenses and defenses so that we are not giving the minor leaguers to much conflicting information, but the systems would allow them to call audibles and adjust coverages. The ad revenue and stadium revenue would be split equally among the NFL teams, and this would create more jobs for NFL players, referees (almost like training), coaches, stadium personnel, network jobs (NFL Network broadcasting them and ESPN and other sports entities that would report and evaluate it), etc. I do not see a downside to this, and I believe it would be very profitable.

Now I know what you are thinking, "the NFL already tried this with NFL Europe and it failed". This would be nothing like that, this would be American football, in American cities, where we know football is popular. Fans would watch these games, maybe not on as regular a basis as the games that count, but they would always be looking for the next Tony Romo playing on the Florida Tuskers. It would be a fan and family friendly venue that would be much more affordable then NFL games currently are. I mean we already know that the most popular player in an NFL town is the backup QB. Now think of the debate this would cause if a team like the Seahawks are struggling with either Matt Hasselbeck or Charlie Whitehurst at QB, but their 2nd round draft pick Jake Locker is setting the minor league football world on fire! All of a sudden you would have every fan of every team with a poorly performing QB watching the minor league games that Locker is playing in, and writing their teams website and local newspaper, calling into talk radio, shouting at the top of their lungs that "X" team needs to steal Jake Locker right now and replace their current QB. And hypothetically Jake Locker would be exclusive property of the Seahawks for 1-2 years possibly, or even 1/2 of the season, and if another team wanted to pick him up then they would have to give up two 1st round picks as compensation (or something of value to an NFL team). Man the possibilities of this are endless!!

I am going to cut this off right here, I think I will follow up on this at a later date with a more detailed plan of how this could and should work. To be honest the more I think about this, the better I feel that this idea really is. The development of players would be increased 10X, the amount of jobs that would be created at all levels are enormous, the interest and debate this would cause amongst football fans, talk show hosts, newspaper writers, bloggers, tweeters, etc is ENDLESS!! And the reason why the NFL should consider it, is because the additional revenue this would create for all sides is limited only by their creativity. The downside to this? I just thought of it, and now they would have to give me a cut of it.....

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Myth of the Cowboys 3rd Wide Receiver

noreply@blogger.com (Recliner QB) — Mon, 20 Aug 2012 13:26:00 +0000

By: Bobby Shores
[Editor's Notes: Not a well put together piece, information is good, but this article jumps around and has about as much continuity as the Cowboys offensive line, but that's what I get when doing this while watching film and being in a time crunch]

I am so tired of hearing about who is going to be the Dallas Cowboys 3rd wide receiver(WR) this year. All I hear when listening to the Talkin' Cowboys Podcast and The Lunch Break Podcasts are:
"How is "x" player looking for the 3rd receiver spot?"
"Who is the 3rd receiver going to be?"
"Who is going to step-up and replace Laurent Robinson as our 3rd receiver?", etc.

There are a hundred variations of these questions and they dominant the airwaves. In fact, if someone knew nothing about football or the Dallas Cowboys and started learning about them by listening to the current coverage, they would most likely come to the conclusion that the 3rd WR is the most important position on a football team, and definitely the most important player on the Cowboys (if they accidentally turned on ESPN they would think Tim Tebow is the greatest player to ever live as a "news" network gave him an impromptu birthday party). Right now it seems that the Cowboys entire season hinges on who fills the 3rd WR role....

So how did this infatuation with the 3rd WR begin? Well, it began way back in 2011 when the Cowboys picked up Laurent Robinson to provide a veteran presence as the young receivers weren't ready for significant snaps and as insurance for the unproven and oft-injured starting receivers of Dez Bryant and Miles Austin. From the "3rd receiver" spot Robinson went on to have a career year with 54 catches for 858 yards and most importantly 11 touchdowns. Not only did he become a major part of the offense but he was the most consistent threat and Tony Romo's favorite red zone target.

For obvious reasons the Cowboys wanted (and tried) to resign Robinson during free agency, but when the Jacksonville Jaguars inexplicably paid him like a #1 wideout there was no way Dallas would be able to commit that much money to the position, and thus the noise started for the Cowboys to replace the 3rd wide receiver.

Debunking the Myth

Next I would like to say that while Robinson was originally the 3rd WR on the depth chart, he was basically the 1st WR in reality. Yes, Dez Bryant and Miles Austin are technically the starters, but since Austin missed most of the season with another hamstring injury and Bryant was banged up every game and basically didn't show up after halftime, Robinson became the default #1 receiver. Really you could say that him and Bryant were 1a and 1b, with the stats bearing that out as his and Bryant's stats (63-928-9) were nearly identical [Editor's Note: Miles Austin came in at 43-579-7 for the season technically making him the 3rd WR by stats.].

Since we now know that in reality Robinson was not the 3rd WR last year, lets look at the total output of all the Cowboys weapons to see where everybody ranks. Tight End Jason Witten led the team in receptions and yards (79-942) and added 5 touchdowns himself. When taken as a whole it now looks like Robinson, Bryant and Witten were essentially 1a, 1b, and 1c when it comes to aerial targets. Then if you add in DeMarco Murray's 897 rushing yards, it now looks like he was 1d.

So yes Laurent Robinson was "technically" the 3rd WR last year and due to injuries, ineffectiveness (Bryant 2nd half disappearing acts), and the rapport that he and Romo developed he became a bigger part of the offense then most 3rd WR's do, or do they? Let's go back a few years and see what the "3rd WR" typically does in this offense....

In 2010 the 3rd WR had 530 yards, 2009 he had 596 yards, 2008 he only had 278 yards, 2007 314 yards, 2006 516 yards. Basically the 3rd WR has 400-500 yards receiving and a few touchdowns, really not much production.

Another reason why the 3rd WR is less important this year is that I believe the Cowboys have a very potent backfield if Murray and Jones can remain healthy and the offensive line can play well.

In the Cowboys offense, this year, years past, and for the foreseeable future the 3rd WR is usually going to be the 5th option AT BEST and realistically the 6th or 7th. In the passing game, Romo (or whoever plays QB) is going to typically look for Bryant, Austin, Witten, Murray, and Tight End #2 before going to the 3rd WR; and in a lot of cases they will look for the other back (Felix Jones) before the 3rd WR. Yes, I know that this is all dependent on personnel, formation, defensive looks, progressions, etc. but regardless the 3rd WR is going to be one of the last looks.

With all this said, I have an article coming out soon about the state of the Cowboys wide receivers, so stay tuned!

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Fantasy Corner: The 10 and the 2 and the 1: Tight Ends, Kickers and Defense

noreply@blogger.com (AmazingMattyP) — Fri, 17 Aug 2012 01:10:00 +0000

by Matt Prendergast

Look, I was all excited to make all these lists about the 25 best fantasy options per position, but to be honest, after the big three positions, the idea loses a lot of luster....plus, I'm not sure I could seriously list 25 valid Tight End options without blatantly lying, or at very least including Shannon Sharpe in the booth, so we adapt. Here's your ten best bets at TE for 2012, in my opinion - and as an added bonus, all the full rankings you're gonna need for kickers and defenses to boot!

#9 in the Google Image Search for 'Tight End' Stay Classy, Internet
(and trust me, you don't want to see the #7 Chris Cooley entry)

1) Jimmy Graham - I prefer Graham over both the Pats' guys for simple reasons: there's only one of him, and the Saints NEED his production as Marques Colston continues to slowly erode, and Meachem blew town. But. he's gonna go off your board way too early for a TE, so don't even consider it.

2) Aaron Hernandez - Dude was the third best TE in the league last year, and nobody talks about him because, well, see below. From a drafting perspective, you'll have a more-than-decent shot at getting similar weekly production while drafting him two rounds later. That's better value.

3) Gronk - Yeah, I know, he's the greatest Tight End in the History of Man. That said, Bill Belichek is prone to never doing the same thing twice. If I'm in Hoodie's shoes, I know people are planning for Gronk, and I'm already shifting the offense to favor Hernandez, or any of seven other options. Gronk still gets his opportunities to be beastly, but there's gonna be a few less of those. Besides, somebody in your draft room is going to take him in the first two rounds (and there is NEVER a reason to take a TE that high), so this is a moot point anyway.

4) Vernon Davis - There's a lot more players in town for SF fighting for looks - but in the end, I think the addition of Randy and Mario benefits Vernon much more than it hurts him. The 9ers have gotten real good, real fast thanks to his generally-improved maturity and athleticism. They'll continue on that track by increasing his production through the new added distraction on the outside.

5) Antonio Gates - He's older, he's been banged up....who cares. Gates changed this position permanently, and he's not done yet. With camp news that he's healthier than he's been in years (grain of salt), but more importantly, with the replacement of Vincent Jackson with new speed options on the flanks, I firmly believe Antonio regains his form from 2009 at a much cheaper price than back in the day. More mid-field opportunities, plus Rivers' comfort level all contribute to the cause.

6) Jermaine Gresham - Again, I see you questioning my sanity, but hear me out: Jermaine Gresham has the elite-level talent of all the guys on this list. However, playing in Cincinnati, he's developed gradually, maintained a low profile thanks to AJ and Dalton's spectacular rookie outings, and somehow stayed out of the police beat the entire time there. With AJ Green pulling extra coverage, Jermaine becomes the best available option for a second-year QB and I see his stats exploding this year....and you can get him easily past the 8th round. If I'm looking for value at TE without selling out another position to get it, Gresham is my lock.

7) Jason 'The Spleen' Witten - Solid, steady and one of Romo's only weekly consistent options, there's nothing pointing to a reduction of efficiency from JW in 2012. You can't really get a more consistent TE. EDIT: I was going to move him on the list on account of the spleen injury, but then I realized he's still pretty much at number seven even if he somehow loses a foot in this process of healing.

How about this year, instead of 'YOTTO', you spell 'CATCHO'?

8) Jermichael Finley - All world talent, just ask him. I like Jermichael, he's an earnest guy and you can tell he works his ass off - it's just that, well, he kinda always feels like he's distracted, like a kid dropped in a Toys R Us alone and told 'do whatever you want'. So you get dances, and tweets and catchphrases...none of those things equate to production. That feeling is what's prevented J-Fin from really becoming the destructive force that he's been heralded to be with any sort of consistency. That said, he's still real young, and I take his personal season-shutdown of his Twitter account as a great step in the right direction, however I have to see it on the field....and that's a field with legitimately five other options on every play, so if he doesn't show up quickly, he's going to get worked out of the rotation.

8) Tony Gonzalez - Immortal. Still solid. Last year: 875 yards and 7 scores, and for the price you'll get him at, that's about as much as you can ask for.

9) Fred Davis - Pretty much here because of his talent and potential, but doesn't he seem a little squirrely? If things click early for Fred and RG3, he could have a tremendous stat year and be a mid-round steal, but I'd keep an eye on how the Skins look in preseason - honest to god, I have no idea what to expect out of that team as a whole, and I'm not sure Shanny has any better idea than I do.

10) Flip A Coin - Marcedes Lewis has a Gabbert problem. Brent Celek has a disappearing problem. Coby Fleener hasn't played a down on a team that is a long ways away from being average. Kyle Rudolph is all potential. Owen Daniels is never gonna be the old Owen Daniels again, or maybe he is? Pettigrew is supposed to be awesome, but.... Point is, TE is a position that yearly has a couple guys show up out of nowhere and put together decent numbers, and if you're working your waiver wire, you'll be able to snap that guy up early...so pay attention.

A Note On Jacob Tamme - A real hot commodity this year (going as the 8th TE overall currently on fantasyfootballcalculator.com) based on....an okay 2010 season filling in for Dallas Clark? Take a look at the facts: Last year, Tamme played in every game (though only started five), granted for possibly the worst team to ever take the field, and had 19 receptions. THE WHOLE YEAR. Isn't the TE the go-to guy on bad teams generally? So folks are drafting Tamme based on Peyton Manning's history with Clark and that's about it. Tamme's shown talent, but elite talent? Not yet, not by a long shot, and maybe not ever....so let somebody else reach on that one....

Now.... to the final lists - the much maligned but gloriously necessary butt-end of your fantasy squads: the kickers and defenses. A lot of thought has gone into the careful construction of these rankings, so please read with care and take time to absorb the intricate design of these recommendations for winning.

KICKERS!

He's thinking about a cop's head right here.

1: Sebastian Janikowski - Let me set this record spinning: Sebastian Janikowski is the greatest kicker of all time. Not due to stats, or consistency, but because he's a portly, half-crazy, lawbreaker who is one of the greatest Raider draft picks of all time. The dude can crush it from 60 yards on a pretty consistent basis, and I'm willing to bet on most of those he can't even focus on the field for one reason or another. In short, Seabass is the only active kicker I wouldn't even consider fighting for a second, and if he wanted to team up with Todd Sauerbrun, I'm pretty sure they could overthrow the government of Pakistan over a weekend. Sebastian Janikowski is the only fantasy kicker that intimidates your opponents, so make it happen.

2 to Infinity: Any other kicker. They'll all do just fine, and if the kicker is the lynch-pin to your championship season plans, you have already drafted poorly. I do put preference on teams that are sorta-good, as those squads often use the kicker as a critical part of their point-scoring scheme, though kickers on great teams often make up for it by scoring an assload of extra points. If you choose to go with a kicker playing on a team with a poor offense, please note that it's generally preferred to go with one on a team that semi-regularly gets past the fifty yard line. This year, that means you should avoid Phil Dawson.

DEFENSE!

1 to 25: Pick one, except for probably the Browns, Vikes, and Jags. And maybe not the Cardinals. If the one you chose turns out to suck, go get a different one. Do not take the Ravens or Bears in the fourth round, ever.

Point is: If you're counting on your defense to make the difference, you've already lost.

NOW LET'S GET OUT THERE AND WIN, FELLAS!

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ReclinerQB, Sonny Prier, JR Sheppard, Corey Doiron, Christie Mac, Marcus Wyche, and Josh.