Ex Christadelphian

We rise

noreply@blogger.com (Phoenix heart) — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 05:04:35 PST

Society is not violently sick, or inherantly evil. This is my work. My conviction... it goes against dysfunctional religion; that serves no spiritual needs, that reveals abuse and does nothing good for humanity. They call themselves Christadelphian, mormon, JW... what ever else. They bring humanity down, or offer us the choice of rising above. So we rise.

A thing worth doing

noreply@blogger.com (Phoenix heart) — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 00:07:08 PDT

I have been quiet. I have been pouring myself into a book. It is a project not just mine, but of others as well. It is not bitter, but it most certainly is spiritual. Not in the religious way, but spiritual from creating something worth making, pushing boudaries, blowing away the cobwebs of fundamental religion that are scourge on humanity. Spiritual from using the gifts one is given.

Something worth doing, and I am a part of it.

What is more is that I am no longer angry, just sad at how screwed humanity is thanks to exclusive religion. Cant do much for the middle east, but I can change the streets I walk.

Cult letters

noreply@blogger.com (Phoenix heart) — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 01:07:40 PDT

'Im not going to tell you what to believe or do, but if you look inside your heart with all honesty...'

Ah, cult letters just crack me up in laughter.

Little lady, what about the part where you are not going to tell me what to do?!?!

Honestly I dont know why they bother, I am not nearly going to give up my power

A link that sums up fundamental churches gone rotten

noreply@blogger.com (Phoenix heart) — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 23:57:55 PDT

http:fortheleastofthese.wordpress.com/spiritual-abuse/

Hardcore jealousy and fear of death

noreply@blogger.com (Phoenix heart) — Sat, 03 Sep 2011 03:46:20 PDT

In the cult of Christadelphia I was taught and so belived a certain couple were evil and I was above them. These two Christadelphians were an areobic instructor and an ambulance officer.

Both JW & Christadelphians have issues with children learning about war and death. We have been sheltered from history about world war one and two as children. We were taken out of class when the topic of war came up. Why does this threaten cult? Why do careers such as ambulance, police & military threaten cult?

I was never given a reason why it was wrong in Gods favour to be an ambulance officer. I could never accept that it was simply wrong. These people were surely at the forefront of care!

In all hindsight now I think it threatens this mentality... When one dies young, old, for no apparant logic... It was simply our time... Cults have no comprehension of this... To them all is black and white.

I met a fireman who trained those in 9/11. He had come to peace with much death. A man who had seen death on terrible scale. He was at peace with death knowing it as inevitable and a part of life.

Cults cannot accept death as a part of life. They rage against death and in doing waste life.

It is not evil to be an ambulance officer. It is not evil to study world war. What is harmful to human existance is denial of conflict and failure to learn the lessons there in.

As for being an aerobic instructor... What the fuck? Is that not hardcore jealosy or what!

Hardcore jealousy and fear of death

noreply@blogger.com (Phoenix heart) — Sat, 03 Sep 2011 03:40:32 PDT

Primary, secondary grief, integration & a gnarly scar

noreply@blogger.com (Phoenix heart) — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 22:16:15 PDT

The cult upbringing and the abandonment of children who resist the cult...

To the cult parents there exists no abandonment. As long as the parents subscribe to the cult there exists inability to comprehend their actions as abandonment. It actually appears for them to be the opposite, and that is a common theme in cults, denial totally reverses perception. From a cultist viewpoint with drawing contact is an action of love to bring the child back to cult and away from the world that is evil. At worst they consider this tough love... if they care to ponder their actions at all.
There fore if a child does not respond to the needs of the parents, the parents become frustrated, they come to believe the child is selfish and ungrateful, they become angry, and that anger is dysfunctional because it is not allowed to be recognised. The cult family has to be perfect. It cannot tolerate dissent about cult involvement.

In the eyes of parents and siblings and other cult families the child resisting the cult is seen as sly, ungrateful, a loner who doesn’t want to know anyone or accept other peoples ‘help’. A child who wallows in misery and resistance to ‘love’, a selfish child, a problem child, a bad personality unable to socially operate with people who matter most, people in the cult. Friends out in the world are discouraged and the child has indoctrination to overcome that discourages social contact with the world. The child has no where to go, but inwards. No friends, no one to trust. Especially not ones own family. Trust, it becomes a massive issue that will block happiness and access to support.

And what of the child? Told that they are ungrateful, selfish, that something is wrong with them for being to sullen. Told through words, actions and implications they are evil. Told so fully in so many different ways by the massive spread of cult influence, unrelenting that they are evil.
The child comes to believe the accusations of guilt, slyness, ungrateful, loner, selfishness. Comes to believe these things and after self esteem is broken, comes to hate themselves. Comes into dysfunctional coping mechanisms to keep themselves alive as they feel so dead inside. Grief that a child is told not to feel. Grief that is rejected and denied, but real to the child.
As an adult there is a real need to feel and release that grief. Grief valid, about our lost childhood and the punishment and fostering of self-punishment and guilt accumulated until the time we realised the cult the Christadelphians are and what they did to our parents and family.
But there is a secondary grief after this. Grief over loss of ideal parents. Remembering of the times we fantasised that our parents watched our triumphs and applauded. Remembering times when someone helped in such a little way, just as part of their daily routine they took for granted, but was a unique un thought of help that made us wonder at the support that family was for other people.
We can rage and rage at the cult. Wage war against it, write books about it. Go on TV and testify. Choose our form of anger burn and pour our rage into that. Saturate the web with the image of the cult the Christadelphians or JWs deny and cannot comprehend in their addiction.

But there is really only one thing driving this. All of this anger and hate is merely a distraction. The war against the Christadelphians is a futile, energy consuming battle that cannot be won. You cannot fight denial. Your life you would fight the Christadelphians and lose.

This war is merely a distraction from acceptance of our loss and the grief that until now we were unwilling to feel. It is now our time to face denial, denial of the chasm of grief and loss so terrible to face we tried to move mountains to keep from.
The Christadelphians are a useless, toxic bunch of manipulative bastards. I want nothing to do with them. They are not even worth a war to me now. It is now time for me to focus on integrating the grief of my losses into my life and moving on to happy and better times with a gnarly scar, showing me what I had the power to recover from.

Disenfranchised Grief

noreply@blogger.com (Phoenix heart) — Sun, 14 Aug 2011 00:19:49 PDT

Ah ha! I have the name of the beast. Disenfranchised grief! Funny I should find it the day some JW leave a flyer for their 'bible seminar', aka bible bashing and propagander orgy, under my door.

Disenfranchised Grief: Grief that is not socially recognised, accepted nor supported. Grief to which resoloution can be blocked by lack of acknowlegement by self and others. Grief that is prone to turn to depression that seems to have no cause. Common in the disabled, who are callled maladjusted if they complain or are negative about their life. Common among ex-cult survivors. After all, where is one placed who expresses outrage and anger at family... that is of course after they overcome the twisted schooling in their family dynamics.

It is a bitter grief too often endured in silence as each Christmas or holiday others rave about their plans with family.

Where do you start with the issues... Well the reason I dont like Christmas is because one day my parents gave me a choice, come back to the Christadelphians or get the boot and live on the streets.

'Why go on the street unless you had issues, after all its just a religion!' is the response.

Sure I agree, I had issues, issues with a demanding cult that had designs on my life that were never going to be acceptable...

Anyway... Disenfranchised grief, causing depression, once recognised is recoverable from.

Invalidation

noreply@blogger.com (Phoenix heart) — Sat, 13 Aug 2011 01:49:25 PDT

Invalidation: The direct or subtle verbal and non verbal negation or ‘putting down’ of a persons thoughts, experiences, feelings or character by another person. I person says “I had a tough time” the other says “it wasn’t so bad”. An invalidating response sends a message that the person should not feel what he or she feels, aka guilt, is wrong to feel that way or even that someone else knows better than the person how she or he feels. Invalidation hurts. Invalaidation confuses. Invalidation lowers self esteem.

AA

noreply@blogger.com (Phoenix heart) — Thu, 11 Aug 2011 00:44:54 PDT

An alcoholic does not have a disease. AA claims they do. What an alcoholic does have is deep grief, roiling rage and terrible fear of facing something they try so hard not to. Some experiences can be too horible to relive. Sometimes other people about this person, to protect their denial betray, confuse, reject and dismiss events that have caused so much hurt to cause substance dependance.

As for AA, they promote the alcohol as a disease theory as to why some people drink so much so often. In promoting this a struggling AA member is not encouraged to address their grief cause. A member who cannot cling to the 12 step way then goes out into society alone beleving they have a disease that because they can not 12 step has no cure. That translates to no hope. AA undermines recovery from alcohol.

Just how many people loose hope coming out of AA? Just why is it so many AA meetings contain hallowed stories of the ones who went back to drinking and then killed themselves.

For how long will AA be embraced in community and professional rehab centres?

Sexual repression

noreply@blogger.com (Phoenix heart) — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 04:10:12 PDT

A basic essentail necessity of human beings, male & female is the need to have sex. Cults use this. Sex outside marriage is forbidden... Dirty... Unclean... Let alone sex with a 'worldly' sinner!

There is this whole indoctrination dedicated & schooled in sunday school and youth circle to inspire guilt at those who dare against sexual repression the christadelphians promote. Sex outside of marrige to a member of the opposite gender, let alone non christadelphian or same gender... that is horrific evil, guaranteed to exit one from the 'love & favour' of Christ, to eternal death.

Sex is not unclean. Sexual repression however is dysfunctional. Guilt... Depression and suicide... These three far too often a legacy of those who resist a family religion, which is actually a cult, due to the guilt they assosciate with sexual freedom.

Belief about sex, opposing natural desire... Do we deny what feels true, to what has been indoctrinated?

Do we stand true to our soul, or do we stand true to a sect, consistantly predicting the 2nd coming of christ and middle east politics, consistently proven wrong?

For me sexual repression has been strong, up until the decision I made that I would rehab. The two went hand in hand. I would demolish sexual repression & I would evaporate a driven process to drink to oblivion.

Time to face mine own denial

noreply@blogger.com (Phoenix heart) — Sat, 30 Jul 2011 04:44:12 PDT

And now to face some denial of mine own. I am sad, I try not to feel it, but I am. I've come so far, and alone, without recognition or much hope. Recently my gains have been incredible to me... but only I can celebrate... and this in itself is a new revoloution.

Sexual abuse symptoms are simply check the multiple boxes...

Depression, food addiction, alcohol addiction... a form of disassoiciation, sleep disturbance needing alcohol to cure, distrust of all interaction with people except on a superficial level. Lack of social support. Highly independant, reflecting an image of control. Expectation of an early death. Distrust. Dependance on a medical system with chronic lack of result.

Dont get me started on the Christadelphians. They have been the first wound. But as male, stoic, unable to cry or feel, the bias of society traps all male survivors of abuse. I have slowly learnt religous abuse and sexual abuse do go hand in hand, both are abuse, both are about power and denial of this fact. Guilt is key and binds to harm.

Yes I am sad... this is valid... this is a true emotion that I have tried long to avoid.

Deceptive brutal thieving of self belief so crucial to recovery

noreply@blogger.com (Phoenix heart) — Fri, 29 Jul 2011 00:59:23 PDT

Gladly it is no longer the confounder preventing recovery in such a frustrating manner. You call this mechanism out & if you cannot overcome the indoctrination of AA, or those who use the 12 step model... your ability to believe recovery is possible is thwarted as a bare acorn crushed, never to be strong oak.

Of what do I talk?

The day after... a thought born from self compassion:

"Oh well, I messed up again... However given the pain I carry someday soon I will string days together being out of the bottle."

To aa this is a cop out, simply an alcoholic lying to themselves to make another days drinking possible.

But what if it is not? What if the person recovering is in councelling and therapy, their tattered self esteem renewing, their all important self belief begining to rise. What if they did not need the AA step of making ammends!

It is brutal to a rape survivor who drinks out of guilt they wrongly carry and to escape pain the rapist should feel. It is brutal to suggest they need to make amends, aka feel guilt.

AA thwarts hope. Recovery is not just go cold turkey. It is a massive process of gradual gains against losses until the gains gain the higher ground. One day sobriety was not gainsaid by alcoholism. The one thing driving this, the source core... Self Belief!

AA steals it. No matter the quantity of alcohol drunk, any alcohol is a failure. It is either all or none for AA. That there is cult.

Any government rehab provider welcoming... and as experienced, pushing AA is harming a great many people with addiction, who want to fully recover... opposed to clinging to AA without overcoming the pain of the past.

I WILL RECOVER SOON IS NOT AN ADDICT EXCUSING THEIR BEHAVIOUR!

IT IS A SELF DETERMINING STEP... The first step of recovery.

In a personal note: The irony of overcoming Christadelphian deception to realise they have cult statis, which sent me to AA to once again discover cult mechanism is becoming less bitter and more a life lesson as I process my life with increasing distance from the whole cargo ship of bagage that is cult.

Feeling our feelings

noreply@blogger.com (Phoenix heart) — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 23:39:06 PDT

Its religion at its worst. Islamist extremist group al-Shabab deny access to international aid agencies to help feed Somalia. Some 800,000 children alone are threatened with starvation because of fears aid workers will promote an un Islamist lifestyle!

... WTF?

The logic appears to be better off a million dead than the remote possibility that the citizens change faith. Here the history of aid often comes in the form of Christain orientated missionaries and does have a second agenda of preaching to the saved, food wise anyway, in their religious stand point. But we are talking UN aid here. We are told by these extremists the famine is propagander and 100% lie.

It is a nasty thing religion and to the lengths of denial it takes one.

Religion is about power and the denial it is about power.

It is motivated by fear of the strange & unknown. Brutal are the lengths of attempted control over these factors one, or a nation can stoop to.

We are capable of doing good for the sake of good. We do not need religion for this.

Religion can do good things, but not nearly as much as people who do good because it feels good. People not driven by fear or guilt.

Niether jesus nor god are needed for this, but spirituality is. A sense of what is true to oneself and a healthy perception of what we can use our existence for.

We learn, but too much it is after great loss. We need to get better at feeling our feelings, even though they may terrify.

The danger of AA in detox programs. AA wolf in sheeps clothing

noreply@blogger.com (Phoenix heart) — Mon, 18 Jul 2011 01:36:10 PDT

It is good for me to find sites like the one I have linked in my links 'Alcoholics Anonymous'. Sadly the mainstream view is that AA works. This is what pulled me out of medical detox my second time. A nurse demanding I go to an AA meeting held at the detox centre, then I go when I should have held my ground and not gone. So I go and the two AA members ask me how I am. I reply with a standard 'good thanks', then the AA representatives tear into me in front of the group about how I am not good, how I am sick... after overhearing my hesitance at joining the group.

I mean WTF???

Now I am more a passive than aggressive person. But I should have launched back the volley with some savage questioning of how dare they tell us we are weak and diseased. I should have got my arse kicked out of the rehab centre for verbal abuse & made others begin to wonder if AA should be there undermining the ability of those in that rehab centre to rehab. Instead it festered inside me and two days later I walked. That day I decided I would never return to a rehab centre.

So yeah... This link sums up my experience and is further evidence about the uselessness and worse, harm AA causes. It is simply another cult system.

The stigma makes weak what is strength. Its killing people as it does!

noreply@blogger.com (Phoenix heart) — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 01:20:50 PDT

Last nite I awoke to a neighbours drunken ranting. They had reached the state beyond memory retention. They were role playing in a drunken drall. They were actually two people in the one body. One personality asking how such wrongs could be perpetrated, the other answering in malice and anger. This person so calm by daylight in so much pain, trying to reason out a wrong so painful their concious mind couldnt face. One that their subconcious mind could only voice through a drugged haze beyond concious control.

This is the alcoholic true. Devestated by pain and destruction to painful to face.

Do not make the dismissal AA does. That most society does & stigmatises alcoholics as weak, with a disease inherited, a flaw of personality. Morbid in self pity!

In rehab are tales told that make stoic men weep in sobbing agony. So common this. Alcoholics I have known, drug users, they are by far, above & beyond the limits of strength others who deride them can comprehend. Once they stand to face their pain, grief & agony, and in the places they stand before they can do this.

We survived, we live with loss that killed others.

A control tower tech on duty when lives were lost. Turned alcoholic. Living life under another identity, by day, calm cool professional. Expedite, but not by nite.

A nurse under a doctor who killed.

Others abused & raped. Carrying guilt that perpetrators will not.

Wallowing in self pity?

AA preaches this! Then extends the 12 step program as treatment.

This is bullshit, self pity. They feel nothing!!!

Most alcoholics drink so they wont feel this!

Driven to drink & think nothing of how they are wronged or have failed others, through fault of person or not. Not a peep... Until drugs remove the concious mind.

Until this stigma built on misunderstanding is overcome, rehab is done in silent strength of heart. Lest the stigma steal the strength.

AA has the term 'dry drunk' a term feared for being a step away from drunk. To AA a dry drunk is an AA member for whom the need to cling to the 12 step life is becoming outweighed by the weakness of adiction.

That is bullshit. The need is becoming out weighed by the need for the soul to be made whole. Hence the relapse rate of AA. AA hasnt promoted the path for the soul to be made whole. It has simply transferred addiction.

A Trip into a Trap, followed by a Trip out of a Trap

noreply@blogger.com (Phoenix heart) — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 00:09:14 PDT

A trip beyond the trap

In chisen pit, riven
Roiling, boiling, soiling, toiling
Many a ranting fit
Searching... A firm fit
But riven bit cannot be fit

State riven, but driven
Deep within chism chasm
So hard driven

Hard task living. But driven,
rasping and gasping.
Then finds him grasping
Within ...all shards riven
Yet living
Gasp!

Now ask, accept this task?
Grasp the task?

A soul in a bowel
Deep in a hole
Not whole

Gain say not,
For he no longer
Niether be confused
Nor abused, nor used

In darks dark hold
Once not bold
Now hold by hold
Sold on bold

Once they told
And as a boy was sold
A prison, they told
Would hold till old

Hold by hold
In chisen pit
Bit by bit
Things now fit

In chisen pit
He will no longer sit
Now rasping, gasping
Climbing grip by grip

A trip beyond the trap

Season of the witch

noreply@blogger.com (Phoenix heart) — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 01:58:37 PDT

This from the movie Season of the witch, in which several men are tasked with transporting a 'witch' to a trial in the back drop of the bubonic plague killing 3 in 4 people.

"Tell me father, u say the cardinal has given his word that she will have a fair trial. But has he not also given his word to end this plague?"

Priest: "what do you mean?"

"Can u imagine the reaction of the people if she were not to be convicted of witchcraft? No father. You know the church cannot aford that, not now".

Straight from the Dark Ages. So why is it still happening today?

It is good that this is a mainstream movie. We are now able see lessons from the past. To learn from them today, rather than blindly trust what those with religious power say or claim or wheedle

Strength of Character

noreply@blogger.com (Phoenix heart) — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 01:44:52 PDT

One important lesson I have been so slow to learn by those in the abuse, drug & sexual fields, is that I am strong. The first time I heard that said about me it felt ridiculous. It has taken many and a long time of saying for me to believe it is true.

I survived. I am recovering each day. There is much anger still and little trust yet, but compassion is ultimate.

I have also learnt to be okay with me coming first. There is no guilt in this. No one should ever be indoctrined to feel guilt for following what is true to themself.

I can say today that I am strong.

wikipedia take down!

noreply@blogger.com (Phoenix heart) — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 21:03:04 PDT

The Christadelphian propagander machine at work:

Food for thought & do feel free to try this at home boys & girls. Wikipedia, the Christadelphians. Therein lies!.. a marvelously benign in depth history of the cristo's. There is bit there on gender equality, how males only can lead talks, but sisters can do this this and that. I tried an experiment since anyone can edit wikipedia. I just repeated the original statement after gender roles were explained... "christadelphians belive this is equal to gender equality" A minor edit, & just repeating after all!

In 15 minutes the edit was tracked and deleted. That is spooky. I tried an edit under cristo family, merely mention the plight of those who leave & provide some mention us. 5 minutes.

So who then monitors this site 24/7 & edits changes???

To me this is paranoia, fear & manipulation of fact to the detriment of humanity. A religion allowing no free discussion that it could be wrong. I wish that was a rare bird!

Fruit of the tree of good & evil: A sour grapefruit

noreply@blogger.com (Phoenix heart) — Wed, 06 Jul 2011 22:38:33 PDT

One thing common with the mormons, JWs & cristo's is the much watered down spiel they give about themselves and the multiple varieties of 'the one & only truth' they claim to have. It is something the Scientologists could be even better at telling open minds.

We freed just roll our eyes & groan. We have the taste of both grapefruit & sunday. If someone tells us a grapefruit is a chocolate split sunday, we trust our call. However if a person who has tasted neither is bailed up in a room full of cultists telling them so kindly & lovingly a grapefruit is the most delicious sweetest taste in the flavour kingdom... they are likely to believe.

Religion

noreply@blogger.com (Phoenix heart) — Sat, 02 Jul 2011 20:04:01 PDT

With or without religion, good people can behave well and bad people can do evil, but for good people to do evil; that takes religion

Stephen Weinberg

I Dream

noreply@blogger.com (Phoenix heart) — Fri, 10 Jun 2011 03:31:16 PDT

Huge dream last night. The ecclesia (church) members surround me and my sibling. They demand that we return to the 'truth', denounce freedom and self imposed excommunication from the Christadelphians. They are a mob. There is no help in sight. They drive us in a minibus round suburban streets at 100km/h. Anxiety is high for all but the driver of the bus... who is driven with an iron will to make us pay for deserting the family faith. Even the christos in the bus begin to fear for the reckless speed at which they are driven into corners meant to be taken at half the speed.

The bus stops. There is a forrest. Like criminals for execution in Serbia or Austwitch we are lead into the freezing forest. However I fight back... as expected. I escape only to realise I am coralled into a funnel. A picnic bench sits at the epicentre of the funnel. My sibling is sitting on the picnic bench... I am to fight her for my freedom. We each have tonnes of stone over the picnic bench. The winner shall pick up the most stones, expose the picnic bench and rest on it and be free from hounding of the christadelphians... only to be accepted as a Christadelphian.

I am strong. The stones feel light... but I do not lift. Niether does my sibling.

I wake up instead and wonder at the insight my subconcious mind just provided. So far and distant and last known... my sibling does not lift. I hope it is still true. However games of manipulation run throught cult family. The cost is high to remove oneself from the board on which the games are played.

Isolation... although hard is also easy. I would not want contact from cult family out of a sense of duty, which can only be cult duty number one, but I crave contact with family out of genuine loyalty to support who I am. Not duty, but unconditional love. Sadly cults confuse the two to the point of absolute denial of each other.

I complain of such things... mean while dictators oppose the Arab spring and Syria and Libya suffer in a relgious and the caste calderon of the have's killing the have nots. Just how can a country expell media then make grandiose claims about the worth of their soldiers killing armed bandits and Al queda units???

Meanwhile refugees tell another story.

Somebody... high up, is once again lying!

In many forms, dictorship and religion... we are the only species on the planet that tries to domesticate itself.

It changed everything.

noreply@blogger.com (Phoenix heart) — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 02:28:38 PDT

It was a point that had been reached. Our son is not going to come back to the meeting. We can have this many bible classes at home and have X,Y and Z talk to him to invite him out on trips while sucking up to him to reach a point where it is possible to say, “why not come to youth group tonight?”, while it is plausible he may say yes. But ultimately our son is a worldy sinner who must be saved.

No our son is serious. He will not come back to Christadelphia on his own accord!

Me- There is no way all this sucking up and pretending to be my friend does anything but confirm my beliefs that Christadelphia is a cult, that wants nothing other than to perpetuate itself by claiming my free will, my bliss to do as I chose based on what feels right to me. What even is spiritual for me. False friends and manipulation further remove me a from deceitful and manipulative cult.

Our son must face a choice. Live here, under our roof as a Christadelphian or live on the streets. The choice will force him back to God...

That night I caught a train to the city and then a bus to a border far away.

No plan,

...

And freedom in that.

I saw mountains in the distance on a straight road I hitch hiked for two days before I caught a ride. Slept by a river, over shadowed by gum trees rather than the roof of a house that was not a home, this would become common for months. I looked at those mountains and they were not mine. Mine were higher mountains in a place far from there... I made it to them and climb them to this day.

Much happened. I returned and things had changed. I had remarkably changed, the family less so. Family would would soon collapse. A sibling unaware of all that had occurred... given the low down on how I had deserted and run away. Another guilt trip for me to take on board until I wizened up.

Things from then on became duty... for all of us. It was like 'this is how family are supposed to act'!, all of us dragging a ball and chain by 'supposed to'. Subscribing to a lie. I took on much guilt for running away that wasn't mine to carry. Guilt... anger... betrayal... grief... all of it eating away underneath the shell of a 'nice guy'... A zombie dead in pain that is not pain. Whatever... I was in pain and rightful of feeling pain.

This choice... stay under our house and attend the meeting on Sundays, or live on the streets with no family...

I now realise it is up to me to find a new family. I have been so alone for such a long time. Since before this key event described.

Where is my family? I have been looking... and not in vain. It is out there, in the world I was schooled to fear. I find people and places that are worth the fight. It is beginning.

Sound familiar???

noreply@blogger.com (Phoenix heart) — Mon, 23 May 2011 05:51:33 PDT

Global doomsday?!... Volcanoes erupting and earth quakes shattering. Just whatever... get a grip

http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2011/05/21/the-apocalypse-its-nothing-new/

Eyes roll and a groan can be heard...

So it is a powertrip ultimately... "I have inside knowledge that this will happen... listen to me or die in a most horrible painful way."

It is nothing new. It comes straight from the dark ages when the church burned witches who dared to gainsay the church. Meanwhile priest's sexually abused the young and trusting. It is time to move on. It is with much hope that I see this occuring and those with unchallenged authority and expertise being questioned. It happens here in my country, in churches up for sale, derelict hulls, it happens there in Arab countries, where single dictators think they can surpress the millions. It is about time!!!

Humanity moves alongs and advances. Those who prevent this will fall beneath the power of the human spirit seeking for advancement of things that are true to the soul. It is not that they are enemies... it is just that they are so old school and we have so much more to be and so much more to do.