Sober But Stuck – A Recovery Book

People in recovery soon find out that maintaining abstinence from alcohol and other drugs is only half the battle.

Sober But Stuck addresses the issues that can act as barriers to serenity and ultimately threaten sobriety.

Topics include;

• fear of failure,
• unhealthy or dependent relationships,
• resentments, and
• more.

Provides needed encouragement for maintaining recovery from alcohol and other drugs.

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    Order today >> Sober But Stuck 

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Hello my name is Nicotine

You might know me well, I’m more than

I seem. I’ll be your best friend through

stresses and doubts, then I’ll never

leave your side, even when I’m put out.

I’ll make you cough and smelly too, I’m

good at that, it’s what I do.

And once we’ve met, in my smoke you’ll

delight. But try to give me up and you

may get a fright.

For I am much stronger than heroin

or pills. Because many more people, I

manage to kill.

Not only that, the earth I destroy, this is

my destiny, it’s what I enjoy.

I need lots of your cash if you want

me around, but you won’t care, your

addiction is sound.

So come and join me in my campaign to

destroy your wellbeing through illness

and pain

So your health and your money, I

can slowly drain.

And if you give me up, I hope we meet

again.

By Fiona

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How to Quit Smoking Without Gaining Weight by The American Lung Association

Let your conscience be your guide. – Jiminy Cricket

Crickets sing on summer nights because it’s their nature to do so. They don’t think about whistling or trumpeting or sleeping or changing the world. They’ve figured out their role on earth, and they do it.

We are a bit more complex than crickets, and most of the time that’s lucky. In most of our affairs it’s our conscience more than sheer instinct that helps us choose those thoughts and acts and feelings that are right for us.

Each of us has that little voice inside, relentless as a chirping cricket, telling us what to do.

Even in the middle of our toughest decisions, we always have within us the solution that is right for us. All we have to do is listen-and trust.

What does my inner voice say about today’s decisions?

From;  Today’s Gift: Daily Meditations for Families (Hazelden Meditation Series)

“… deep down in every man, woman, and child, is the fundamental idea of God. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there. For faith in a Power greater than ourselves, and miraculous demonstrations of that power in human lives, are facts as old as man himself.

We finally saw that faith in some kind of God was a part of our make-up, just as much as the feeling we have for a friend. Sometimes we had to search fearlessly, but He was there. He was as much a fact as we were. We found the Great Reality deep down within us. In the last analysis it is only there that He may be found. It was so with us”.

(page 55 Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book)

Partner’s Criticism Linked to Alcoholic Relapse

A new study published in Behavior Therapy apparently confirms that Al-Anon’s purpose of offering “understanding and encouragement” to those with drinking problems is best approach family members can take in dealing with the situation.

The study, conducted by William Fals-Stewart of the State University of New York at Buffalo, found that men recovering from substance abuse are less successful if they believe their spouse or partner is critical of them, rather than supportive.

The study found that of 106 married men studied, those who reported greater criticism from their partners were more likely to have relapsed, regardless of the severity of their drug problem, age or race.

Al-Anon is a support groups for those who are affected by someone else’s drinking. In the “preamble” which is read at most Al-Anon meetings, it says:

• Al-Anon has but one purpose to help families of alcoholics. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps, by welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics, and by giving understanding and encouragement to the alcoholic.

“Compared to treatments for substance abuse that do not involve spouses, individuals who get couples treatment have much better outcomes — less drug use, fewer arrests, greater likelihood to remain abstinent from drugs,” Fals-Stewart told Reuters.

Other findings of the study include:

• Of the 106 men in the study, half had relapsed after a year of treatment.
• Most of the men perceived their partner to be moderately critical of them, with only 2 percent saying they were not critical at all, and 29 percent saying they were “very critical.”
• Older men were more likely to perceive criticism, as were those involved in more distressed relationships.
• The study noted the men’s perceived criticism, rather than how much and how often their partners actually criticized them.

Fals-Stewart said relapses themselves may increase criticism from a spouse, who may be especially disappointed by the failure of treatment.

• See also;
• Adult Children of Alcoholic (ACOA)
• Choc Chip Cookies
• Functional & Dysfunctional Families
• One Day at a Time Slogan
• HBO Award Winning Addiction DVD

Detach from emotional traps

Detachment means freedom from emotion.

Many people in recovery from addiction, co-dependency, alcoholism and gambling have problems adjusting to life free of emotional entanglements. This article may help.

Letting someone else’s behavior determine how we feel at every turn is irresponsible. Our emotions should be determined by us, not by someone else. But no doubt we have spent years confusing the boundaries that separate us from other people. Whether at work or at home, we have too often let someone else’s “insanity” affect how we behave and how we feel.

At first, it may seem insensitive not to react to others’ problems or negative behavior. We may fear they’ll think we simply don’t care about them. Learning that it is far more caring to let other people handle their own lives takes time and patience. But with practice, it will begin to feel comfortable. In fact, in time it will feel freeing and wonderful.

I will work on detachment today, knowing that in time the rewards will come.

• See also;

• ACOA’s have Strengths as well
• What does Letting Go Mean?
• Detachment From the Alcoholic, Addict
• Codependent No More: How to Start Caring for Yourself – an Audible MP3 book
• Al-anon / Alateen

Oh, what a tangled web we weave
When first we practice to deceive.
–Sir Walter Scott

To deceive means to fool people into believing things that are not true. As addicts or alcoholics, we did this in many ways. We lied. We hid facts. We were sneaky. While we were trying to fool other people, we also fooled ourselves. Every lie was like a knot. Pretty soon we were a tangled mess. Our lives became unmanageable, tangled webs of life.

Our recovery program – an honesty program – tells us how we can untangle our lives. In the First Step, we admit we are all tangled up in our life of addiction. Second, we realize we can fix it. Third, we decide to take on the job of fixing it, no matter how much work it takes. In Steps Four and Five, we find the knots with the help of another person. In Steps Six to Ten, we untangle these knots.

Without the tangles, our life is free and ready to be used for whatever we decide. Steps Eleven and Twelve help us find good ways to use the gift of life.

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, thanks for giving me my life, strong as a good rope. Please help me keep it straight by being honest today with myself and others in everything I do.

Today’s Action

Today I will work on straightening out one knot – just one.

Mania is a state of extreme physical and emotional elation. Many alcoholics and addicts suffer mania episodes, especially while under the influence.

Symptoms and types of mania

A person experiencing mania or a manic episode may present with the following symptoms:

• Elevated mood. The person feels extremely ‘high’, happy and full of energy; he or she may describe the experience as feeling on top of the world and invincible. The person may shift rapidly from an elevated, happy mood to being angry and irritable if thwarted.
• Increased energy and overactivity. The person may have great difficulty remaining still.
• Reduced need for sleep or food. The person may be too active to eat or sleep.
• Irritability. A person in a hypomanic or manic state may become angry and irritated with those who disagree with or dismiss his or her sometimes unrealistic plans or ideas.
• Rapid thinking and speech. The person’s thoughts and speech are more rapid than usual.
• Grandiose plans and beliefs. It is quite common for a person in a hypomanic or manic state to believe that he or she is unusually talented or gifted or has special friendships with people in power. For example, the person may believe that he or she is on a special mission from God.
• Lack of insight. A person in a hypomanic or manic state may understand that other people see his or her ideas and actions as inappropriate, reckless or irrational. However, he or she is unlikely to personally accept that the behaviour is inappropriate, due to a lack of insight.
• Distractibility. The person has difficulty maintaining attention and may not be able to filter out external stimuli.

Episodes that are characterised by the above, but are not associated with marked social or occupational disturbance, a need for hospitalisation or psychotic features are called hypomanic episodes.

Helping the person experiencing mania

Appropriate goals for caring for a person with mania include:

• Develop a relationship with the person based on empathy and trust.
• Ensure that the person remains free from injury.
• Assist the person to decrease their agitation and hyperactivity.
• Promote an understanding of the features and appropriate management of mania, such as mood regulation strategies or behaviours.
• Promote positive health behaviours, including medication compliance and healthy lifestyle choices (e.g. diet, exercise, not smoking).
• Promote the person’s engagement with their social and support network.
• Ensure effective collaboration with other relevant support providers, through development of effective working relationships and communication.
• Support and promote self care activities for families and carers of the person with mania.
• Seek medical advice.

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How an informal society has altered a recovery process in accordance with the special needs of problem gamblers

This paper discusses how Gamblers Anonymous (GA) members approach the 12 Steps of recovery, originally advanced by Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) as a spiritual solution to alcoholism.

GA’s approach finds unique expression in its fourth step, which in AA involves a written "moral inventory."

• In GA, members are expected to make a financial inventory alongside the moral one. Pecuniary matters are important to gamblers given the debt loads many of them carry.

Debt, which is technically a Step 4 and Step 9 (making amends) issue, in practice is typically addressed early in the program, with preceding steps addressed later.

The spiritual process central to 12 Step programs will normally not proceed in the expected manner when gamblers are substituted for substance abusers.

For one, the process is not as linear for gamblers. GA members often work on the ninth step well before addressing those coming before it. The process assumes a pragmatic, and even haphazard, flavor.

GA has altered a time-honored process of recovery — by means of grassroots wisdom and practice — to apply to the realities of problem gambling.

While the paper’s primary focus is GA’s unique approach to the 12 Steps, this is addressed in the context of the changing nature of GA as a whole.

Shifting spousal and gender roles along with a greater appreciation of the 12 Steps themselves are all endemic to a GA fellowship that seems to be in transition.

While these changes have had some effect, many aspects of GA’s approach to the 12 Steps remain intact: the focus on debt entails solutions seemingly unique to the special needs of problem gamblers.

Peter Ferentzy, Wayne Skinner, & Paul Antze. Journal of Gambling Issues: Issue 23, June 2009.

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Some of the critics claim that modern A.A. has a dismally low success rate, only 5% or less.

The statistics cannot be supported either from U.S. government research or from A.A.’s own careful records.

THE CORRECT FIGURE IS A CLOSE TO 36% SUCCESS RATE, when measured in the same way that the government would evaluate success in treating diabetes, heart disease, or cancer.

The 95% dropout rate [claimed by some of A.A.'s modern critics] is inaccurate and based on flawed statistics.

Rather than 5% of A.A. members remaining at the end of one year a more accurate estimate is that 36% remain attending A.A. at the end of one year and 32% are still attending at the end of 20 years.

The 1989 AA General Service Office internal memo “Comments on A.A.’s Triennial Surveys,” Appendix C: “The First Year” has been widely misquoted as a measure of retention or dropouts. It is not a measure of retention or dropout, it is a simple frequency distribution of individuals by months since first came to AA and is limited to individuals with 12 or fewer months.

The limitations of the A.A. membership surveys are well described in the GSO internal memo on page 4. A major limitation is the significant under counting of the A.A. membership resulting from the many groups that were not surveyed.

The “A.A. Fact File” that I received from GSO shows the estimated A. A. membership in the U.S. as 1,168,990 members. This is a significant undercount of members.

Using a national representative survey of the U.S., in the NIAAA 1991-1992 National Longitudinal Alcohol Epidemiologic Survey (NLAES), I found that in 1991-1992, 2.4 million individuals reported attending an A.A. meeting during the last year.

I have posted a brief summary of my findings on A.A. membership on my website Alcohol Reports as a Data Brief, dated July 29, 2007.
by Loran Archer

An update;

National Longitudinal Alcohol Epidemiologic Survey (NLAES) Findings on Alcoholics Anonymous Membership

Estimated Alcoholics Anonymous Membership 1991-1992

• New members during past year – 0.9 million
• On-going members – 1.5 million
• Total membership – 2.4 million

Continuation Rate in Alcoholics Anonymous

In 1991-1992 4.8 million respondents reported ever attending an Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meeting, for reasons related to their drinking, prior to the last 12 months.

• 31% reported continued AA attendance during the last 12 months

Rate of continued AA attendance was associated with years since first AA meeting

• 1-4 years since first AA meeting – 36% remained
• 5-9 years since first AA meeting – 30% remained
• 10-19 years since first AA meeting – 29% remained
• 20 years or more since first AA meeting – 32% remained

Comparison of Past Year Drinking Status –

Dropouts and Continuing AA Members

DROPOUTS:

• Abstinent 33%
• Low risk drinking 14%
• High risk drinking 53%

CONTINUED AA ATTENDANCE:

• Abstinent 62%
• Low risk drinking 9%
• High risk drinking 29%

Note the advantage of continuing AA attendance.

low risk drinking = never exceed 4 drinks per day (male) or 3 drinks per day (female)

high risk drinking = exceeds 4 drinks per day (male) or 3 drinks per day (female)

Data Source:
NIAAA 1991-1992 National Longitudinal Alcohol Epidemiologic Survey (NLAES).

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Recovery from alcoholism, codependency and addiction encompasses getting rid of the guilt and shame of past actions.

This is done in Step 4 of the 12 Step program of Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-anon, Adult Children of Alcoholic (ACOA) and Narcotics Anonymous.

The list below is taken from the Step 4 section of the book ‘The 12 Steps for Adult Children’.

The different areas to be examined in Step 4 work suggested in the book above are:

• Repressed Anger
• Approval Seeking
• Caretaking
• Control
• Fear of Abandonment
• Fear of Authority Figures
• Frozen Feelings
• Isolation
• Low Self-Esteem
• Overdeveloped Sense of Responsibility
• Repressed Sexuality

And from Clarence S. of Alcoholics Anonymous

The inventory is of our defects, not our incidents.

Here are the defects:

• Resentment, Anger
• Fear, Cowardice
• Self pity
• Self justification
• Self importance, Egotism
• Self condemnation, Guilt
• Lying, Evasiveness, Dishonesty
• Impatience
• Hate
• False pride, Phoniness, Denial
• Jealousy
• Envy
• Laziness
• Procrastination
• Insincerity
• Negative Thinking
• Immoral thinking
• Perfectionism, Intolerance
• Criticizing, Loose Talk, Gossip
• Greed

Not bad lists to examine if one wants to be rid of the guilt of past wrongs.