Red Eye Cafe

IT'S ALMOST FRIDAY!!

noreply@blogger.com (Mary) — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 16:13:00 +0000

Just a quick note today as I am excited for this week to finally be here!!
My kids are coming home Friday!! Yay! I can't wait! I'm not sure why but it seems that this year, their time away has dragged on. They have a yearly, month long visitation with their father (in the states)...so I'm used to that...but this year feels longer to me.
So, I am busy doing the usual preparations for their return...cleaning their rooms, washing their bedding (to make it fresh again), making sure their favorite foods are in the pantry and, of course, baking yummy things for them to munch.
When they do get back I will have loads of laundry to do (their father likes to send everything home dirty) and my son will want to be wherever I am for a few days...all the usual stuff. My daily life will be noisier and more hectic...and I love that!
Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy myself when they are gone...sometimes. But I have so much fun when they are home. I just love hanging out with my kids...whether we are at home watching a movie or out on a hike...they are great people to be around.

Well, I better get back to it...lots to do...yay again!

A POST?...REALLY?

noreply@blogger.com (Mary) — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 18:23:00 +0000

I feel I have been neglecting my duties here. Not really sure why...I've had PLENTY to say...I've had the time...perhaps the reason is motivation? Lots to say...don't feel like saying it? Who knows...but let's give it a shot, shall we?

My kids have been on their yearly summer visitation with SOS...gone since the end of June. They come home in a week...yay! Not sure I can get across to anyone how much I HATE them being gone. You would have to be in my head to understand and believe me, that's not where you want to be. From what they've told me (during our phone conversations) they have been having a pretty good time. They haven't had too much one-on-one time with their father...which might account for the good time. They've been spending time with their friends..favorite Aunt and Uncle (spoiled them rotten, of course) and cousins...they've gone camping, etc. This next week will be the "interesting" part of the trip...a whole week of "nothing planned", staying at the house their father shares with his still married girlfriend and her three kids. It would almost be like an episode of the "Brady Bunch" if it weren't for the fact that the GF's husband owns the house, there is no quirky maid and there isn't a shred of stability in that house or the relationship. Don't misunderstand me here...I am not the "Bitter Ex". Believe me, I could care less about the SOS (Spawn Of Satan). I just don't like my kids in that situation for any length of time...or really any time at all. Talking to my 9 yr. old son last night, I was so sad when I heard him come to the realization that he still had one more full week that he had to spend there. "You're not picking me up on Sunday...why?"...it nearly broke my heart to tell him that our pick-up day wasn't until Friday, the 24th. Then I heard that little tone in his voice that meant he had gone into his "survival mode" again. I have been told that kids are tough...and mine all are...but to know that he HAS to be tough...sucks! Anyway, I told him to not worry...the week would go quickly and he would be home soon. Asked him too, what he wanted to eat when he got home? "RIBS!", he said. The kid is deprived of the foods he likes...the GF is a vegetarian so therefore, EVERYONE has to be. Nothing wrong with being a vegetarian...I don't eat much meat myself...but to force your beliefs on someone else (no matter what they are ) is crap! My daughters are both older (mid and late teens) so they do as they please more...and have more control. Oh well, "kids are tough"...a mantra I just can't get used to...ever.

Some random thoughts....

"Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince" came out in theaters this week...yay! I know, I am an adult and it may seem strange for me to be excited about this....but I can't help it, I am! There is a history with my kids, especially my daughter Victoria. She and I have been in this together from them beginning...book 1. We read the books together...taking turns until Book 5 came out and we realized we couldn't share a book any longer...and each bought one...the same for books6 and 7. We've seen all the movies, over and over...buying them on DVD. We have had snow days of Harry Potter marathons...staying in our jammies and camping out, in the living room, in front of the TV...all day! As Harry has grown...my kids have grown. It's been a fun ride!!

Michael Jackson died. My first thought when I found out was..."No way...that can't be right." Well, yes, it was. I know that there was so much controversy in the last few years of his life...but I have memories of growing up and loving his music. I still have his "Off The Wall" album. I used to play it in my bedroom all the time! I'm not old enough to have experienced The Jackson 5 when they were first out there...but I enjoyed there music too. To me Michael was a musical genious...there can't be any denying that. What he did in his personal life...well, I wouldn't know. I wasn't there. There has been alot said about his personal life but to me it's all speculation and none of my business. I choose to remember him the way he was before his looks changed...when he was making music and making history. I will remember his music and how it affected my life. Rest in Peace MJ.

I am missing my family and friends in the states....
I am missing my home state (Maine)....
I am missing my Brother, Sister-in-law, neice and nephew (they live in South Korea)...

My immigration papers are finally in order (took the Canadian Gov long enough!) and I can start working soon!!! This is a good thing because I am slowly loosing my mind! ;)

There are a few other things in my tiny brain but I am done for now. I need to find food! Take care all...I hope you have peace and love in your life. :)

LATE NIGHT...WANDERING MIND...

noreply@blogger.com (Mary) — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 03:52:00 +0000

It's late but going to try to write something here...hopefully you can follow along...my mind is all over the place. (actually hoping I make sense).

Friends of mine are getting married in about a month. Both are great people...truly! They are hard working, kind...you know, nice! They also just bought their first house. They had their Stag & Doe last weekend...a Canadian tradition from what I can gather. It was a fun night other than a little drama from his side of the family (as always). Then this weekend was her Bridal shower...again a fun time but with no drama because his side didn't come (yay!). They are off to get married in the Dominican Republic (in about a month...like I said)...I wish I could go but being cash strapped, right now, puts a damper on that. Oh well, I will get to see the pics when they get back! As a gift to them, I am going to be taking some photos of them, in complete wedding attire when they get back. Kind of some informal...formals. Promises to be another fun time. So, why am I telling you this? Because...I am trying to talk about the positive stuff...first anyway.

While my friends are setting off on a beautiful journey into their new lives...I have also been thinking about the subject of "abandonment" (nice transition, huh?) and what it means in it's many forms (told you my mind is all over). So many ways to abandon and to be abandoned...physically, emotionally, mentally (different from emotional). What makes people abandon...other people...themselves...life? Personally I would say I have experienced all of theses forms of abandonment. I have never given up on life physically (obviously) but mentally I have "checked out" for a bit. There are still times I tend to go into an mental hibernation of sorts. I call it my "pod mode"...loud music and alone time. It's just a little way for me to look inward and find myself. It helps me during rough times.

Emotional abandonment is the form I seem to have the most experience with...not sure why. I am not usually the initiator of this form...I am usually the recipient. I have emotionally "bowed out" of a relationship or two...but I am more likely to be the one left behind. Of course, I have my theories on why that is (from my Dad wishing I were a boy when I was born, blah, blah, blah) but I think it is more likely the result of just choosing men (and friends) not fully equipped to deal with me. Now, I am not the super bitch that that sentence makes me sound...I am just very emotional and difficult to understand sometimes. I am the Aries, fire sign, ruled by Mars, painfully honest, in your face, etc...you get the picture. I am just the type of person that believes in working hard and giving everything I have to every aspect of my life. I do everything passionately...work, think, debate...and love. Frankly, I CANNOT understand anyone who doesn't feel or do things the same. Because of that I guess I hold on longer than I should sometimes, trying to figure out "why"...when what I should do is just let go. When I do let go, it's very hard, if not impossible, for someone to get "back in". I have had people, recently, that have come back into my life...results were mixed. Because of my involvement in social media sites (Facebook, Twitter, etc...) I have been contacted by former "friends" some that I'm not sure what to do about. That, right now, is my dilemma.

Wow, just realized that I am tired and this blog post is more like a journal entry. Ah well, sorry for that. Guess I will just end this as I try to end everyday I am on Twitter....Sleep Well and Dream Sweet! Gnight all! :)

MY POD....

noreply@blogger.com (Mary) — Mon, 11 May 2009 14:12:00 +0000

Life, in general, has taken twisted little turns lately....ups and downs...fun and not so fun.
So, now what does the future hold? It still seems uncertain...still in someone else's hands (at least in part). I have made my decisions...felt the consequences of those decisions...both good and bad...jumped through hoops and over hurdles. And here I am...waiting and wondering...and hoping.

Patience is not a virtue I possess. I am trying to learn...but that's a rocky road and a whole story in itself. So, I am "patiently" going through life and my days of self discovery...trying to find a place in the world that I fit in. You would think that by my age I would have kind of "been there, done that"...not so much. But maybe that's the secret...life is a journey of self discovery and the point of it is to always be learning, discovering...changing. Hmmm...that was a semi-deep thought. Weird.

I am in what I lovingly refer to as "pod mode" today...in my room, alone, with music playing as loud as my speakers can handle. It helps me...find me. To shut the rest of the world away for a little while is sometimes a good thing. Oh, did I mention the music is nothing short of window shaking? I never play sweet little thoughtful tunes on days like this. Music for these kinds of days is VERY intense. The dancer that still lives in me wants to be someplace...and dancing. Ah well, this will have to do for now.

I am missing people today...lots of different people. Family and friends are in my mind and I am wishing I could see them...some more than others...some so much that it hurts to think about it. I am trying to NOT think about it...unsuccessfully. Note to self...try playing music even LOUDER...to drown out the voices telling me how much I miss them.

So, if you are reading this, try not to be too judgmental. I am an expert in self-preservation (been doing it a long time) and do the things I do...because they see me through...and I survive (in one slightly cracked and dented piece).

Time....

noreply@blogger.com (Mary) — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 19:11:00 +0000

It's amazing to me how quickly time passes...

You hear that all the time...right? I don't usually think too much on the subject...don't dwell on it. Shit, I can't even remember how old I am without stopping to think about it. So...I don't think about it...until...one of my kids has a Birthday. Then...I think about it. I thought about it yesterday. My son tuned 9 years old yesterday...and I thought "How can that be?"...."Wasn't he a baby just a couple of weeks ago?"..."no", I answer..."he was not".

Nicholas is a very grown up little boy...getting taller by the minute and eating me out of house and home. He is smart, kind, adorable and very busy! He is my baby...my youngest...and it is hard to let myself realize how fast time is going by...and how few years I have left until he grows up and goes out into the world without his Mommy. Maybe I am in denial...maybe I just don't WANT to think about the time...passing. One day I will have to...let go...but for now I think I will just enjoy these years and my peaceful oblivion...forgetting time...passing. I can do that, right? I can...at least until next week...when my Oldest Daughter turns 17!...and in December...my Youngest Daughter turns Sweet 16! Guess you can't ignore time passing after all...just cherish and embrace it!!

It Is Done!!....

noreply@blogger.com (Mary) — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 15:11:00 +0000

My feelings are on a roller coaster today. To start, the closing on my house took place yesterday...my birthday. This was both a gift and a sadness for me. The gift was because it is now one step closer to closing a very emotional chapter of my life...and one less connection to the "Spawn of Satan" (a.k.a. my Ex). The weight lifted from my shoulders is one I am so happy to have gone. The sadness comes from having to leave the house where I lived when my son was born...where my daughters played and grew into beautiful young ladies (they're going to hate that I called them that...lol).

I have so many good memories that my children and I shared during OUR time together in that house (minus "S.O.S."). I am so very glad and sad to see it go...and I hope the new owners will love it and have fun inside and outside (almost three acres) and have lots of good memories too. Goodbye my house :) :(

Now, on to the next big hurdle! CHARGE!!!!

My House!!

noreply@blogger.com (Mary) — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 15:06:00 +0000

I sold my house!!
Okay, so not really an earth shattering announcement...but considering all I have been through and the ever crappy Real Estate economy, I feel fortunate to have it finally be done...almost done...closing in about 4 weeks.

With the severing of this final connection to my past and the Spawn of Satan (also known as my EX) I find myself sad too. I loved my house, loved its location (3 acres in the woods and 10 minutes to the ocean)...my son was born while I lived there...my children's growth measurements are recorded between the kitchen and living room...the wooden swing set I built out on the lawn (only one trip to the emergency room to fix my finger...4 stitches)...so many things. I will miss the spring "peepers" that hatched every year in the stream that ran through the woods...the hundreds of chickadees (my favorite bird) that flocked to my birdfeeders...the wild turkeys and deer that used to come up to my living room door...the little bat that lived just outside the window to my daughters' room. I won't miss the ground wasps that lived in the sandy soil or the wood spiders that would attack if you came too close...ewwwww! I will miss my huge kitchen...my not so huge but comfy living room...my childens' rooms that I lovingly painted and personalized to suit their attitudes, likes and dreams. I will miss the solitude of the house's location...I won't miss the lonliess I sometimes felt there. So many memories...good and bad. I wish I could afford to keep it...but I have to let go. No matter how much I want to let it go, it will be hard. It wasn't the biggest or the most beautiful or the most expensive sort of house...but it was mine. A piece of my heart will always be there.

So, I say to my children (and to myself)...hold on to the good memories of what was during our time in the woods...we will always have them. Mourn our loss but try not to dwell on it. We are making new memories...both good and bad...that we will also be able to hold in our hearts. I say to the new owners of my house...good luck and enjoy. Take care of my house...treat her well. Now if I could just figure out a way to take the wall with the kids growth chart without those folks noticing...hmmm. :)

My "SISTER" Sara!!

noreply@blogger.com (Mary) — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 23:50:00 +0000

Sara and I have known each other for nearly 25 years and have been best friends for about a week less than that. We have had our ups and downs through the years but I can't imagine a universe without her in it. Sara is witty, amusing, free spirited and generally wonderful. To know her is to love her...and I do.
The following is from an online conversation (used here with her permission) we had today about her adventures in the snow...yesterday...with her 17 year old son Josh. I didn't really speak much...I was laughing too much to type.

SARA:
Had to go on another rescue run yesterday to save Josh out on the trails...

ME:
stuck?

SARA:

no the track on his sled broke in half...

so I went out to rescue him with my sled...

made it to the power lines...

got stuck...

got off my sled and sunk in about 4 ft of snow...

stayed there for a little while as I am short and it was VERY hard to get out...

couldn't get the sled out by myself...

was not sure how far into the woods Josh was...

yelled but he couldn't hear me...

so I began to crawl on my hands and knees to the woods across the power lines...

arms sunk and did a few face plants in the snow...

decided to lay there for a little while and wonder why I didn't take a cell phone with me or a pair of snowshoes...

called myself a dumb ass and had a good laugh...

talked to God a bit...

decided to army crawl on my belly to distribute my weight evenly across the snow...

felt like a sea lion...

started to make some progress!

about 30 min later made it to the woods...

whole trip about 100 yards...

started to walk in the woods!

learned I could easily walk though 20 inches of snow compared to 4 feet!

Kept yelling "Josh, don't worry, Mommy is coming!" over and over...

went around a corner...

no Josh...

kept walking...

call Josh again...

went around another corner...

still no Josh...

stopped and thought...

boy, the woods are very pretty today :)

couldn't breathe...

caught my breath.

went around another corner...

saw Josh way way up ahead!

yeah!!!

walked to his sled...

we stood there for a moment...

I couldn't talk very well...

out of shape maybe?

naw!

decided to walk back to my sled to get it unstuck...

take all that I said before and reverse it!

all of it!!

yes I crawled again!

got back to my sled...

30 min later...

lifted

pulled

lifted

pulled

got it unstuck!

got it stuck :(

lifted

pulled

made a path though the snow...

both of us...

for the snowmobile to go though...

more crawling...

had a bit of trouble keeping my boots on...

they wanted to stay in the snow!

crawled back...

lifted

pulled

and got it unstuck! :)

made it to the woods...

Yeah!!

began calling around for people to help us...

called Jordan...

called my mommy...

they called people...

their people called people...

the guy at the snowmobile club...

at the end of the power lines was out with the groomer...

Love that guy!!!

while we waited for the people to do their thing we drove my snowmobile around so that I could get it back home...

Superhero Josh took the snowmobile and jumped a HUGE snow bank...

got some air!!

scared the shit out of him!! :)

I thought it was pretty cool until I had to climb up the damn bank!

the phone rang and the new love in my life, the groomer guy, said he was coming to save us!!!

waited 15 min...

he came and took Josh back to his sled and pulled his sled out and all the way back to Swain Hill...

We then left it by the side of the road and drove back to the house for hot cocoa!!

total time 3 hours!!!

very tired legs...

did not use my elliptical last night!!!

The End

After regaining my composure, I got Sara's permission to use her story...told her she was awesome..."Super Mommy!!". Then "Super Mommy" and I said goodbye so she could go make dinner for her husband and 3 equally beautiful and intelligent children (my Goddaughter being the youngest one).

Not everyone is going to understand why I found this story so amusing...and that's okay. You would have had to have been there...through the happiness...through the HELL...and you weren't! That privilege has been ours! I am thankful...very thankful for the time I've shared with my "sister".

AAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Mary) — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 00:46:00 +0000

Don't mind me...I'm in what I would call "a mood" tonight! As you can probably tell...its not a good mood! I just wonder sometimes, the purpose of some men?! Is it just to infuriate, annoy, generally piss off? What is the purpose? Okay, some men are not like that, I'll grant you. But...my ex IS like that (probably why he's my ex, right?)! Its been long enough now that he really should be moving on and finding something new to amuse himself with, right? He has a girlfriend...can't he be a jackass to her now? I mean, I put my time in...I've suffered with his BS long enough. Can't it be her turn now? Anyone's turn really...except for mine! I have children with him and love them more than life itself! They can't help who the sperm donor was...no, I don't talk to them like this...I am better than that. They love their father and should love him...but to me, personally, he is an a**hole and a waste of quality air space. :) Sorry for venting...its just been one of those days.

Anyway, I want to pose a question to anyone who feels they want to answer. When you are no longer married to someone...and they are the co parent to your children...and they are the one that your children live with 85% of the time (me...they live with me)....wouldn't you think that it would be a bad thing to make their (my) life a living hell just for the sake of their (his) own amusement?

Its time he moved on...I did...long ago. His energy would be better spent thinking of things he can do for his kids (our kids) instead of being happy when I am stupid enough to give him emotional control over my disposition! And I need to stop letting him get to me!!
Breathe, relax, and focus....then let it go.

Happy Valentine's Day!!

noreply@blogger.com (Mary) — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 18:15:00 +0000

Good day to everyone!!...Happy Valentine's Day! If you are coupled, enjoy each other...let your significant other know how much you care! If you are single...thats okay too! Do something nice for someone...give them a card or some candy. It doesn't have to be someone you know...just someone you thinkcould use that pick-me-up!

In any case...have a great day!

2009...OFF AND RUNNING!

noreply@blogger.com (Mary) — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 20:40:00 +0000

2009...and I can't believe its February already!!

Okay, so I was writing away and realized that I was sounding preachy...hmmmm. So, not wanting to sound that way I hit the delete button and now I'm starting over. What I really want to say is I am hopeful for this new year...and for the future. Simple.

Its been a while since I've written anything. I went back to Maine for Christmas. My kids were with their Father ( in Massachusetts) for the first week of their holiday break...including Christmas day. I spent that time at my Mom's house. My Mother had gone into the woods (before I got there) in back of her house and cut down a tree. It was tall and a bit "Charlie Brownish" but after she put 800 (yes, 800) colorful lights on it, it glowed in the corner of the living room like a torch! She put on some very sparkly ornaments and a gilded twig star on the top, then left the rest of the decorating to me. I put on some silver stars and a collection of Hallmark ornaments that my children have been collecting all their lives. It truly was one of the most beautiful Christmas trees I have ever seen. See...

My 85 year old Grandmother joined us and, although I missed my kids, we had a great day. A few days after Christmas I picked up my kids and we went back to my Mother's house for the second week of holiday break. The kids had their tree with my Mother and I the first day there and the rest of the week was spent just visiting and relaxing and having a great time! We watched the "ball drop" with some good food and a little sparkling cider...yum!

So, I am back in Canada (the kids too) and things are moving along. Going back to Maine was good for me. I reconnected with a "sister" and gained a renewed perspective of what is good in my life...and what is not. I AM doing what is right for me and for my kids, regardless of what some think. My life, my choices, are up to me and me alone. I've listened to my critics and despite what some of them say, I will continue to do what I think is right for me, the kids and the life I have. I'm not exactly where I want to be...but isn't that the challenge?...isn't that the adventure of living? I think it is.

I'm sure my life will continue to be a roller coaster...with ups and downs but I'm also sure that will continue to not be boring. I am happy for what I have and hopeful for what is to come.

Happy Thanksgiving!....

noreply@blogger.com (Mary) — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 18:26:00 +0000

Happy Thanksgiving to all reading this! I know I am in Canada but being a crazy girl from the U.S. (and I am), it is still Thanksgiving in my heart. I am missing my home country very much and missing the people I love that live there...I am very thankful for you all.

As oblivious as most Canadians are about what day it is today (except for those watching football this afternoon or planning shopping trips tomorrow), I could not let the day go by without cooking. I'm not a big turkey fan (no offense to them...they're cute and all but they tend to make me kind of sick when I eat them)...so I am roasting a chicken for dinner tonight. I am also, of course making all the side dishes to go along with my chicken...mashed potatoes and gravy, stuffing, cranberry sauce, etc. I started out early (as is also tradition for Thanksgiving) by making three different pies...Pumpkin, Apple and Chocolate.

One thing I am getting out of today...an understanding of other people who have immigrated (to Canada and the U.S.) and the need to uphold family and cultural traditions. I don't want my children to forget who they are or where they came from. I know that some may feel the difference between Canada and the U.S. is no big deal...but it is...different. I feel it is my duty as the older (not that old) generation to make sure the traditions and customs of my family are passed down to my kids...so they can pass them down someday too.

The kids know what dinner is tonight (they hate that they have to go to school today) but they are excited that we are keeping the tradition still. Then again, the excitement might be more for the pies?...That is tradition too I think?

Have a great day! Enjoy the people you love that are near...love and miss the ones you can't be with! I am...and I do!

Hell...

noreply@blogger.com (Mary) — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 13:40:00 +0000

So, another day in my own personal Hell...who knew Hell was this cold!!?

I don't know what today (or even the next few minutes) will bring...but my instincts tell me it most likely WON'T be good! Not being pessimistic...just realistic.

Still lost...damn it!

Feeling Lost...

noreply@blogger.com (Mary) — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 15:43:00 +0000

I know I said I would try to be better the next time I was here...but things just aren't working out that way.

I'm so tired today. It feels as thought all my energy (you know, the kind found deep inside) has been drained. That "empty soul" kind of feeling. It's a very lonely feeling.

I am lost. I've worked so hard for the life I want...but I'm not the one who gets to decide if I have that life...so all the hard work in the world doesn't really make a difference. I make mistakes and am trying to learn from them...but don't get the chance. I keep trying and it doesn't matter.

So what do I do with all this?...I don't want to be whiny...or have a "pity party" for myself. What I want is for things to work out...and to be able to have a say in it. I don't want to be sad anymore! I WANT PEACE IN MY LIFE!!!

Dazed and Confused!

noreply@blogger.com (Mary) — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 12:45:00 +0000

I just don't understand things sometimes. How can the day be going along, fairly well, and then be completely, utterly and totally blown to shit just because you say something?...oh, because I say something? When it comes to the "emotional" part of myself, I am least likely to get what I need or want just because I talk about it! No exageration, I assure you! And it really must be useless to try to figure out...I can't...and I've been trying for a very long time!! I know I sound whiny as crap...maybe I am...maybe that's the problem...I don't know. I just know that I am tired of my life being the way it is...tired of doing without things I need (you know, the things you can't buy?) and just wishing I could shut down and shut off and not feel it so damn much! I'm looking...I'm trying to find my way...but I am feeling so lost today.

So...thank you for joining me in another episode of "As the shit turns"...hope your day is bright and sunny...and that someone out there loves you...and shows you that every minute of the day! You deserve it...everybody deserves it! I promise I will be better the next time I am here.

Venting Time....

noreply@blogger.com (Mary) — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 15:34:00 +0000

Okay...I don't really want to air my dirty laundry...so without getting into specifics, I need to vent a little!!

I am ANNOYED! With people mostly, I think. I am speaking here from my own experiences but also from my observations of the way things work in the world. Everyone is in such a hurry to get what THEY want...with the attitude of "so what if I run over some folks or screw with them"...it makes me sick! I have experience with individuals, in my life, that will waste so much time just trying to screw things up for me that they can't be leaving any time to enjoy their own lives. Now, of course, I am assuming that these individuals actually ARE human and want to have happy lives of their own instead of the "MUTANT SPAWN OF SATAN" they seem to be! I could be wrong, however. I'm not so self-involved that I think I am the center of the universe or anything...but I know when someone is screwing with me. I am tough and I will keep fighting the "EVIL FORCES OF DOOM" (little dramatic...maybe?)...I won't let them get the better of me.

As far as the rest of the world is concerned...What is wrong with people these days? Always in such a hurry to get somewhere (and get there before everyone else) that they forget there is anyone else out there and around them! So involved in their phones and texting/talking on their phones (even while driving...yikes!) that they forget to actually interact with LIVE people. Have we forgotten how to communicate without a technical device stuck to the sides of our heads? Socialize people...be kind...remember manners (you know, please...thank you...etc)...help out your fellow human being (even small animals, if you have the opportunity). When you go to a store (giving an example here...k?) and you see someone in need of some help (an older person who can't reach an item on the top shelf) do something unexpected...HELP THEM! Don't say.."oh, I don't have time to waste like that...I don't work here...it's not MY problem"...blah, blah, blahty blah! I am 5 ft. 9 inches tall and when I am in a store and see someone in need of help like that (yes, this has happened a few times...really) I don't hesitate in asking them if they would like assistance. I have yet to have ANY one of those people curse, yell, or turn down the help. I am glad to help and quite honestly, think about my 85 year old Grandmother when I see someone like this. Of course, being kind goes way beyond helping out someone in a store...that was just a example. Attitudes need to change! The economy is going straight down the crapper...we are all going to need the kindness and understanding of fellow human beings to make it through these tough times. Oil prices are high...gas prices are high...food prices are high...unemployment rates are high...not such a good combination is it? I'm worried...worried that the human race is losing it's ability to feel compassion. I know I may sound like a "bleeding heart"...but this is just me on my soapbox for today...it's what's on my mind.

Okay, switching gears...I need (for my own sanity) to go do some cooking. I am out of butter (limits my baking) so I will go figure something to make. Maybe some corn muffins (no butter in the recipe)...hmmm? Thanks for reading. Take care.

Walking & Baking....

noreply@blogger.com (Mary) — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 02:10:00 +0000

Okay, so not at the same time. This is just what I did this week.

I started my walking/hiking again. I used to walk 6 miles a day. There was a great walking trail back in Maine that went along the river. It was paved and well kept...maintained by the two towns it was in. 3 miles one way, turn around and go 3 miles back...all at a fairly quick pace (almost a jog). I loved it! It always felt so good to go and do that for myself. You know, some "ME" time....music blasting in my ears, drowning out all the worries of my day for just a little while. Well, I haven't been doing that since I moved...and I've really missed it. Never mind the physical influence (not that I've gotten fat or anything)...the emotional effect was what made walking good for me. So, needing to relieve some emotional stress and gain some positive physical energy...I started walking again. Now, to all those who know me this next part will come as no surprise...I never do things in a small way...so, my first walk (you know, to just get back into it) was about 10 miles. It felt great but what didn't feel great was the blister on my poor little toe. I thought I was wearing the right shoes (a pair of my absolute favorite) and shoes that are made for this kind of thing. My KEEN (a brand name...not meaning "nifty") sandals. What I didn't factor into my little jaunt was the fact that I was having some BIG TIME emotional stress and walking at a pace that was almost running. Not what these shoes are made for. Oh well, the walk was still great. I went into the city and walked to the park, through the park, and then back again...with lots of up and down hills. Today, I went for another walk...this time through the bush (that's what Canadians call "the woods"). I'm not sure how many miles it was...but it was a good hike...and I wore the right shoes this time. The sad part about this walk was all the trees that have been cut down for the development of "cookie cutter" houses. (whip-lash moment again...sorry) It's so sad, really. Even sadder is how the developers dispose of their garbage...it's everywhere! Broken glass, bits and pieces of building material...junk! That is the one thing I don't understand about it here...the garbage on the streets. Why? Is it a city thing?...what? Seems so disrespectful to me. I come from a state that fines you $1000 for littering...and it's enforced! There are those that still litter there, but not very much. I don't know...guess I will get off my soapbox for now. Another time maybe.

So, the baking part of my week...it really happened all in one day. This activity boosts positive mental energy...because it makes people happy...and because I'm so damn good at it! I went a bit crazy yesterday. To start I made two kinds of cookies...Peanut Butter and Snickerdoodles. Now, I don't just make single batches of cookies...always double batches or bigger so that I can share with friends and neighbors. This, of course, made the kids happy when they came home from school. For dinner I made four different kinds of pizza (yes, the dough was made by me as well...earlier in the day). I made a plain cheese, one with just bacon and cheese (sauce too), a veggie (mostly for me) with onions, hot banana peppers (grown in the pot outside), fresh tomatoes (also grown outside) and fresh basil (you guessed it, grown by me too)...the final pizza had spaghetti, sauce and cheese. The kids looked at me funny with that one but ate it (couldn't have been THAT weird). To top the day, we had fresh cinnamon rolls at about 11pm...topped with gooey frosting...the perfect late night snack (for a Friday with no school the next day kind of night). Leftovers for breakfast this morning.

So, going to keep up the walking...for me. Going to keep up the baking...for my peace of mind..and to make people happy. Do what is good and right for you...for your peace of mind...and for your peace of body and soul. Good night...dream sweet.

Brrrr....

noreply@blogger.com (Mary) — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 14:02:00 +0000

OMG...it's cold this morning!! When I got up at 6am (yuck!) it was only 46 degrees!! Now I realize this is nothing compared to what the temperature will be in a few weeks...and in January I will think "wow, 46...thats warm!", but right now?...I just wasn't prepared for cold! My hands are cold...my toes are cold (and yes, I have socks on) and my nose is cold (woof!)...ok, my nose is always cold (it means I'm healthy, right?). Oh well, better stop complaining...I'm not sounding like a tough girl from Maine am I?

There is a bird outside my window that sounds like a dog's squeaky chew toy. I think it's a Goldfinch but I can't be sure...I can't see it. All the birds are busily stuffing themselves. The weird thing about the birds outside right now...they are all female. Where did the males go? Do they fly to their winter spot before the female? I wish I had my bird book (in storage, in Maine still). The one bird that I will gladly tolerate winter for is my favorite...the chickadee. There are always more of the little cuties around during the winter and I am more than happy to do what I can to feed them. They are the Official Maine State Bird (other than the mosquito...Ha) but that's not why I love them. I don't really know why they are my favorite...they just are. I used to have dozens of them at my house in Maine. I think they stayed there because they could sense how I felt (yeah...okay, now I'm communicating with birds?).

So, is it another solar system? (I told you my thoughts were random...got whiplash?) Space.com is talking about the first pics of a "star-like" planet being orbited by a planet. The orbiting planet is about eight times the mass of Jupiter and is much further away from it's sun (comparing to our earth/sun distance). It's amazing to think that this is the first "sun" planet of it's kind to ever be photographed! I'm not claiming to know anything about Astronomy...but I do love star-gazing and I am fascinated when I think about the possibilities in our universe and beyond.Cool...isn't it?

Well, I suppose I have rambled enough for now. I will go an be productive somehow...enjoying the sunshine for now...waiting for the stars to appear later...and maybe do some star-gazing. If you look in to the night sky...we will be looking at the same stars!!
Be good, be safe, be well...live, laugh and love today!

I Should Be Sleeping...

noreply@blogger.com (Mary) — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 04:41:00 +0000

It's late I know...

I was talking to my son earlier tonight...he's 8 but very wise for his age (let's face it, he's very wise for my age too!). Anyway, we were talking about photography...he has developed a new passion for it...and we were talking about a trip we took in August...to my Mother's house in Maine. Nicholas (that's my boy) had gone for a walk with my mother...a "nature walk" they called it. My mother brought along her digital camera and had let Nick use it. He has a very unique (yay!) way of looking at things. He was fascinated by everything he saw but had a special fascination for all the mushrooms growing along the way. I think he took a picture of every one of them! Well, I asked his permission to post a couple of his photos here and he agreed. Yes, I am proud of him (in case you couldn't tell).

Nicholas...Self-Portrait! Killer dimples!

Nicholas in shadow!

Yes, I know...it's slightly out of focus...but what a cool color!!

Okay, that's it for tonight. I will try and sleep now. I have bragged about my son...I am a very proud Mama! Goodnight...and dream sweet!!

Rain Again!

noreply@blogger.com (Mary) — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 19:02:00 +0000

"The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain"...blah, blah. Today is more like "the rain, the rain...it's a bit of a pain. It's flooding the streets and clogging the drains". Oh well, at least I am amusing myself.
It is raining again today. As I have said before, I like the rain. I don't like heavy downpours though...and that is what we have today. On the positive side...it is better than snow!

Watching the news today...Hurricane Ike in Texas...train wreck in California...the on-going and seemingly never-ending, ridiculous war. I am getting to the point (again) where it's hard for me to watch the news. I mean, let's face it, there is ALWAYS something sad and/or tragic going on in the world. That's life...but I am one of those people that wishes she could help save the world and I get to a point where I can't watch it or listen to it so much. I don't hide my head in the sand and ignore the goings on of the world...I just get to a point where it's too much. This is usually when I have my own mega-stress and drama to deal with...like now. I won't get into it and bore anyone but I am truly looking forward to the day when stress gets back down to a normal level. Life is too short.

On another subject...I am hoping to get some favorite pics posted soon. I am a photographer and I "film purist". I do take some digital photos but most of my things are on film. I have a scanner and could scan them into my computer...but that may not quite do them justice....and it's pricey to put them all on CD. I must admit, I am looking to get a new camera for my collection...and yes, it is a digital. It's the first digital that has really sparked my interest and made me say, "Ooooh"...the Nikon D80. Soon. I need it to take pics of my food creations. I am developing my cookbook and isn't it just handy that I can do the photos myself? It's nice to have two passions that work well together.

Well, until next time....be good, be safe, live life with love, passion and caring.

Today's ramblings

noreply@blogger.com (Mary) — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 13:13:00 +0000

I love the rain...it's so peaceful...usually. The rain last night should have been relaxing...I should have been able to sleep...but could not. Oh well. My brain did not want to mellow and allow for the sleep to come.
I am in my little "pod" today. My computer has many tabs open...one for here, of course...one for my favorite radio station (in Maine) they are playing their morning show (oh how I miss driving to work every morning listening to the craziest people in Maine!). I have also been hopping from site to site reading the latest "goings on" of my favorite Chefs.
Oh my God, I need a job! When the powers that be, in this country, finally see fit to give me my work permit...I will be so happy!! I am considered a "skilled worker" by the government here...which, I am told, is a good thing. It should get me working sooner rather than later...let's hope. Aside from the whole "lack of money" thing...not working is making me go crazy (crazier?).
So, that leaves the subject of food to talk about...hmmm...where to start? What's for dinner?...I have no idea. I feel like baking today...okay, I almost always feel like baking. What will it be?...cookies?...muffins?...bread? I guess I will have to go to the kitchen soon and see what inspires me.
I think I am a bit homesick today. I like it here but still...it's difficult in a new city. You don't know too many people. I am longing for the people who know me well and care for me (not all are in Maine but I miss them too). I am dying to go out for coffee and have a long talk with a friend. Soon.
Well, I'm off to see what the adventures of the day will be. Maybe there will be good sleep tonight...think positive.

First Glimpse

noreply@blogger.com (Mary) — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 14:10:00 +0000

New to Canada...yep, that's me! Born and raised in the U.S. (specifically Maine) I've traveled and lived in quite a few places, both in the U.S. and "other". Canada is the first place I've decided to make more permanent...you know, by going through all the paperwork and making it official? Loving my new country but not willing to give up my U.S. citizenship, I consider myself to be "AmeriCanadian".
I come from a long line of cooks...it's "in my blood" you could say. Art, in it's many forms, is woven through my life and my family...cooking, painting (my mother), photography (that's me), etc...everything is done with that little artistic flair! Don't mistake that for being like some Martha Stewart wanna-be...I'm not uptight like that. I just put a little more into the things I do....but it comes naturally to me.
Cooking in my newly adopted country has been so much fun! I am surrounded by every type of food you can imagine. I love all types of food, but have to say that Asian foods, of all kinds, are my favorite to cook and to eat. The options here are endless...now, if only my wallet was!
There are a few "comfort items" I have had to do without here...Lobster (I am a Maine girl after all), American cheese, Fluff (like marshmallow creme only...better) and my favorite organic yogurt are just a few. No worries though...I get my fill when I go back for visits. The trade offs make it more bearable...local Ontario produce, milk in a bag (still fascinated by that one), spicy Yugoslavian sausage, the BEST cream-horns ever and wonderful Portuguese neighbors that make (and like to share) the best red wine I have ever tasted!
So far, Canada has been an interesting chapter in my life...more chapters to come!!