Red Parsley

Computer Platform Games #10

2025-10-12T18:02:00.002+01:00

Gods (1991)
By: The Bitmap Brothers Genre: Platform/Shooting Players: 1 Difficulty: Medium-Hard
Featured Version: Amiga First Day Score: 99,884
Also Available For: Atari ST, PC, MegaDrive, SNES, Jaguar, PC-98, Archimedes

My determination in the 80s into the early 90s that consoles were superior to even the most powerful home computers meant that I got into the Amiga pretty late, and accordingly I missed out of a good number of its classics. One game that I didn't miss out on, however, was Gods by the revered Bitmap Brothers. It cast me, and indeed anyone else who played the game, as the mighty Hercules who seeks to attain immortality by reclaiming the Citadel of the Gods which has been taken over by four idiotic 'guardians'. Quite why Hercules has a greater chance of liberating the citadel than actual gods, I don't know. Can't they just zap the guardians with lightning or something? Hercules is a mighty man indeed, but still just a man at this point. Hmm, anyway, I'm sure his quest won't be an easy one. Let's find out.

Despite having played and indeed owned this game in its day, it was always one I never quite 'got' for some reason. I knew it was a top quality product, but it was one of those games where every now and then I'd load it up, have a quick go, not get very far, and then leave it for months again. Playing it for this review, then, is really my first proper playthrough - certainly my first time getting beyond the first level of which there are four in total, each split into three stages. I was going to say that makes it a pretty big game, but I guess it was about average for the time. It's definitely not one of those games where you'll get through all those stages on your first attempt, though. It's a game that was famed for its graphics at the time, but one drawback is that Hercules is a bit of a slow, lumbering oaf to control.

Fortunately, there is no time limit, so you can at least take as long as you like carefully exploring the stages which are generally of a platforms and ladders persuasion. Exploration is advised too, for they are not simple left-to-right affairs. Most are multi-tiered and some have branching paths, although there is still usually only one path to the end of the stage. There is plenty of stuff to collect and secrets to find as well, though, which is what most of the other paths are for. Collectibles are very much needed here too, for every stage is teeming with monsters. Helpfully, the first pickup is Herc's first weapon - knives - and is found right at the start of the game. These knives are in infinite supply and are thrown across the screen, but other weapons and lots of other helpful stuff can be found either lying around or at the in-game shop which turns up now and then, offering many fine wares - for a price.

Money to spend here is one of the many things you'll find laying around and is also often dropped by destroyed monsters and mostly comes in the form of various gems, but there is also an occasional money bag. Some of the stuff you can find/buy includes new weapons which include throwing stars, axes, maces, etc. If you collect the same one you already have, you can throw more of them at once (up to three). You can also find items that vary the arc of your shots, one that increases the height of your jump, a temporary shield, a smart bomb, and a few other bits and pieces. Hercules has an energy meter (represented by what looks like a jug of beer) and, thankfully, there are items that will partially or fully replenish this, too.

Even with all this, though, it's still a pretty tough game. Considering what a badass Hercules is meant to be historically, it's disappointing to find he loses energy from falling too far like a little bitch. There are also traps such as spiky things that move up and down, though these and other traps can be turned off by finding the relevant switch. The monsters are unsurprisingly the main reason for this high difficulty, though. The occasional flock of flying creatures swoops in now and then but most of the monsters are hideous abominations that stumble around on the platforms. This would be fine except some of them can spit bullets at you, and due to Herc's rather ponderous nature, they can be difficult to avoid on occasion. The monsters also have a tendency to flash into existence from out of thin air, which isn't always ideal. I don't mind it too much though, oddly, as it seems to suit the game's style.

And a very stylish game it is, too. As mentioned, it was famed at the time for its flashy audio/visuals, although the former isn't all that great. The spot effects such as grunts and groans from Herc and the enemies, and the creaks and clanks and everything else from doors, traps, etc, were and remain fantastic, but there is no in-game music and the loading/title tune is not one of my favourite Amiga compositions, if I'm honest. The graphics still look great though. There isn't a huge variety, admittedly - it's all stone castles and dungeons and what have you - but the choice of colours is excellent, and the hi-res detail on the sprites and foregrounds is superb, as is the animation. It's my favourite type of Amiga graphics, in fact, which not even the mighty Mega Drive can duplicate properly.

The flashy visuals are definitely one of the game's highlights but it's certainly not a glorified tech demo either. I guess I didn't really notice with my brief plays back in the day but the stage design is really good too. Some of the later examples can get quite large and intricate, and finding the right keys to access certain rooms or areas is the only way to progress. Luckily, Herc can carry up to three of these or other items at once (not counting power-ups). Some of them are out of reach so you have to rely on a certain type of enemy to pick them and then wander closer so you can kill him and grab the item! As mentioned, it is a pretty tough game but in about as nice a way as possible. Neither of my two pet hates are evident (time limits and respawning enemies), for one thing. There are only a couple of irritations, really.

The only annoying things I found are slightly sticky controls including having to use up for jump (only really a problem for those used to console controllers, I guess) and, partly because of that, unreliable grabbing of ladders which can sometimes result in long falls (and the loss of most of Herc's energy). There really isn't much to complain about here though. There are even passwords for each stage so if you have a run of bad luck, you can try again another time with a full stock of lives (but no power-ups), so it's a large but surprisingly fair game. I've really enjoyed my time with it in any case, and I'm really not sure why I didn't get into it in its day, despite having it for my A600. It's not even one of those Amiga games that gets constantly interrupted (something that always puts me off).

It only takes up two disks so if you had an extra FDD (as many Amiga owners did) you wouldn't need to swap disks at all, and the loading times are short too. Amazing really. It's not only one of the Amiga's best looking games, but I'd say it has to be among the system's best action games generally. Great graphics and sound effects which have both aged well, interesting and challenging stages, and a lot of them (nearly two hour's worth, and that's a speedrun by someone who knows the game well). There are a couple of points where it's not obvious how to proceed, but generally it's a superbly designed and highly enjoyable platform adventure. The Bitmap Brothers might be more revered for titles like Speedball or The Chaos Engine, or even Xenon II, but for my money, this is their best game. It's just a shame it took me so long to get around to giving it the time it did and still does deserve.

RKS Score: 9/10

Gameplay Video: here's a video of the whole game being played by one of the talented fellows at AL82 Retrogaming Longplays (check out their great channel here). Oh, and don't watch if you want to avoid spoilers!

My Favourite Films - Part 6

2025-09-20T20:58:00.000+01:00

It has been a long since I did one of these - some 12 years, no less - and that made me think recently... How many films released since I posted my favourites here would now make the list? I don't really watch many new films these days, so I struggled to think of five films released in the last 12 years that I would consider favourites. I did eventually think of more than five, actually, so I might make a follow-up post to this one, but for now, here are the five newest additions to my favourites list:

John Wick (2014)

I heard a lot of people raving about this one around the time it came out but I didn't really know a great deal about it. Based mainly on the Keanu rebirth it supposedly featured, however, I bought it on Blu Ray and hoped for the best. What followed was one of the most eye-opening first watches I'd ever seen! I'm sure I don't need to tell anyone reading this the story, not that there is much of one, I guess, but it was immediately obvious why Mr. Reeves was garnering such plaudits in the titular role of retired mob hitman. His efficient, no-nonsense approach is fantastically satisfying as well as entertaining and Reeves has clearly undergone even more training since showcasing his impressive fighting skills in The Matrix. There is some excellent work from the rest of the cast too, including Michael Nyqvist, Ian McShane, the late Lance Reddick, and it's great to see Daniel Bernhardt (Bloodsport 2) not only in a more high-profile role but also as the only goon to really pose a threat to Wick, whose first film definitely remains his best and most rewatchable for me. On top of the fantastic, enigmatic performance by Reeves, the world-building is interesting, the epic fight/action scenes are superbly choreographed, and it's about as stylish an action film as you'll find.

The Martian (2015)

Unlike the violent adventures of Mr. Wick, I did know all about this one; I had been eagerly awaiting it since before filming had finished, in fact, and when I finally got to see it, it was everything I'd hoped it would be. Matt Damon is perfectly cast as astronaut Mark Watney who is presumed dead and left behind on Mars when a major dust storm prompts an emergency evacuation. As is usually the case with Damon, he makes for a very likeable lead, and it really is fascinating seeing how he survives alone for over a year, particularly since everything he does to that end is scientifically plausible. In fact, pretty much everything in the film is aside from the initial storm that strands him there, and even then it's only exaggerated. Damon has some excellent support, too, in the form of Jeff Daniels, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Benedict Wong, and others, all working frantically back on earth to 'bring him home', as the tagline goes. The race to do just that is well-paced and thrilling from start to finish, and amidst all the technical talk, there is plenty of humour and a lot of heart. On top of all that, it's even a faithful adaptation of Andy Weir's excellent novel. Fantastic feel good stuff and a landmark sci-fi film.

Sully (2016)

This was one of those films that was obviously a quality production, but I had little interest in watching it. I think it was simply because I had seen the real 'Miracle on the Hudson' unfold on TV so I already knew the story. If I'm going to spend my time watching a film, it might as well be one whose story I don't already know, surely? It was years later when I finally did watch it for whatever reason and... it was immediately one of my favourites! I'm not even totally sure why. I mean, like I said, it's a top-quality production. Hanks is excellent as always as the heroic Captain Chesley 'Sully' Sullenberger, as is Aaron Eckhart as the co-pilot, and Mike O'Malley as the NTSB guy heading the investigation into the 'forced water landing' as Sully puts it. The events of the actual flight/landing are depicted several times from slightly differing perspectives and, thanks to fantastic work from director Clint Eastwood and the rest of his crew, it never fails to resonate for me, even after watching it around ten times now. But I think the reason I enjoy watching it so much is simply because it's such a heartwarming, inspiring story that can't help but restore one's faith in our often-awful species, and shines a light on the heroism of the confident-yet-humble man at the centre of it. As it turned out, knowing the facts via news reports was far from the whole story.

Wakefield (2016)

I can't remember how I found out about this one. I think someone was talking about it in a Facebook film group or something. It sure sounded intriguing in any case, so I soon gave it a go and found myself transfixed. Its premise is simple-yet-unusual - Howard Wakefield (Bryan Cranston) has a successful career as an attorney, a beautiful wife in Diana (Jennifer Garner) and two daughters, but is unfulfilled and unhappy in both. One night he is late home from work. Before entering the house, he heads to the attic of his detached garage and ends up falling asleep there. When Diana reports him missing in the morning, he decides to stays where he is, hidden, while watching his family deal with his 'disappearance', go about their routines, and eventually over the many months he is away from them, move on with their lives without him. At first he is overjoyed at abandoning all his responsibilities, but eventually comes to the realisation that his family are happier without him and starts to feel more like a prisoner than a man free of all constraints. Whatever you might think of Howard's actions and motivations, it's a fascinating character study, anchored by a powerful performance from Cranston who will make you feel for Howard, even if you're repulsed by him.

Ad Astra (2019)

As was the case with The Martian, and indeed most sci-fi films, I knew of this one long before its release and was eagerly anticipating it. I'd deliberately not found out what it was about and was quickly drawn into its moody, almost sombre atmosphere, and it quickly became apparent that, to the chagrin of many viewers, it's not some epic space adventure with laser battles and spooky aliens. It's mostly just about a father/son relationship; they just both happen to be astronauts. I doubt it's a film that will often get mentioned when talking about Pitt but it does feature one of his best performances, too. There is some cool space stuff as well, though, including some breathtaking views of our solar system as well as some stunning terrestrial set pieces, all of which are punctuated by a suitably haunting soundtrack. It's definitely not a film for everyone, but if the combination of stunning visuals and nuanced story strike a chord with you, as they did with me, this will prove to be a memorable film.

Splendid Arcade Music #4

2025-09-16T21:57:00.002+01:00

BlaZeon (1992)

As is likely evident from their prevalence on this blog, I'm rather fond of shoot 'em ups. Specifically, retro or modern-but-retro-flavoured 2D shoot 'em ups (as opposed to modern 3D games such as FPS's that fans insist on using the same term to describe). Despite this fondness, however, I certainly haven't played all of them.

Something else I'm fond of is retro game music. I have around 65,000 MP3s in my music folder and over half of these are from game soundtracks, with many coming from games I've merely heard of and not yet played. Accordingly, today, while I was working, a tune started playing that I didn't recognise. This happens often - who has that many songs memorised? - but it was one of those 'new to me' songs that I immediately liked. It was obviously a game tune, and I had a feeling it was from a shmup too, so I did a quick check of my archives and found that it's from BlaZeon, a game I'd heard of but never encountered in real life. Further investigation (via YouTube) revealed that the game had an R-Type-style 'giant battleship' stage, and it was to this stage the tune that had impressed me so was set.

I will now play the game in question at some point as it looks pretty decent, but until then, behold this stonking choon (composed by Tsukasa Masuko, apparently) and see if you find it as pleasing as I did!

Special Note: I didn't record this great tune myself, I'm just an admirer, so all credit goes to the original composer

First Look MSX #2

2025-09-13T11:57:00.000+01:00

Dragon Slayer by Nihon Falcom (1984) - MSX

The other day I was nosing through some stuff online and encountered a pretty cool looking game called Legacy of the Wizard which I then decided I wanted to play. Naturally, it turned out to be part of a long-running series and, being me, I had to play (and hopefully review) the first entry, and indeed all other previous games in the series before I could play the one that caught my eye to begin with. That first entry, as it turned out, was an important game that I didn't know too much about - Dragon Slayer - which was, according to many, the first ever action RPG, and that means it directly influenced The Legend of Zelda among many others! It was originally developed by Nihon Falcom and released in 1984 for NEC's PC-88 before being ported to several other Japanese home micros, but due to the difficulty in emulating those well (in my experience), I've been looking into the game via its MSX version, and like many firsts, it's fascinating.

It only saw release in Japan so I'm not certain of the backstory, but you play as some guy (who, for review purposes, we'll call Zach) in a typical fantasy setting who has to battle through a series of mazey dungeons, find the special Dragon Slayer sword, and use it to smack up some evil dragons. Presumably to bring peace to the land and earn the affections of a damsel or two in the process, no doubt. Zach has a health-meter as well as strength and experience points which can be increased during play. To this end, there are millions of collectibles - more so than in any other game I've ever played, I think. It takes a while to collect them all (if you so choose) as you have to actually press a button to pick them up, but there is tons of stuff. Collect swords/stones to increase your attack strength, potions for magic, and coins which are needed to boost Zach's defensive abilities, and there are special items to look out for too.

These include a cross to make you invulnerable to enemies, a ring that allows you to move blocks around, crowns which are needed to access the next 'phase' of the dungeon, and keys to unlock chests which might contain something good... or bad. Annoyingly, you can only carry one of these items at a time, but they can be dropped any time and picked up again later. Another thing you'll encounter a lot of are warps. These will transport you to another warp but I'm not sure if there's a way to determine which one you'll be sent to. They are helpful for emergency escapes in any case, for there are, you'll be startled to hear, many monsters around the maze. Once you've got a sword, you just walk into them to cause damage (as they can do to you), but it's easy to be surrounded, or even trapped down a narrow corridor with one monster either side (you can't walk through them). Even more helpful than the warps, therefore, are the little houses here and there which refill your health to maximum - sweet!

This might seem more like a full review than a 'First Look', I've now realised, and I did play it for quite a while, but I felt in the end that I hadn't gotten far enough into the game to really justify doing a full review. Part of the reason for that is the game's difficulty, which is high! Its real-time combat is what made it stand out at the time but it doesn't make it any easier than the turn-based examples of the time. That said, its sprawling, labyrinthy dungeon(s) (I think each 'phase' is a different floor of one massive multi-floored dungeon) challenges one's memory and spatial awareness as much as brute reflexes. Indeed, in its day, careful note-taking and map-making would have been essential to make any headway due to its rather unforgiving nature, which isn't helped by somewhat cryptic design and a lack of in-game guidance. To be honest, I had no idea what I was doing when I started playing it, and always died quickly.

Once you know where to get your first sword, and then where to go to boost its power, though, you will start to make a bit of progress. There are quite a few monsters pootling about but, thankfully, they don't seem to respawn (that really would have put me off it). It's a game that emphasises exploration and inventory management as well as fighting monsters, though, and requires players to experiment with items and backtrack through some previously conquered areas. Suffice to say, it was an innovative game for its day in more ways than one. It looks and sounds very basic, of course. I guess everything about it is understandably very basic now, but it was still fascinating to experience it, trying to imagine how I might've felt in the mid-80s playing it. Its fusion of action and RPG mechanics laid the groundwork not just for Falcom's future hits like Ys, as well as for the genre as a whole, but they must've made for an absorbing game in its own right too. I suppose not too many players would enjoy it now unless they grew up with it, but it's worth looking into for fans of the genre.

RKS Score: 3/5

Gameplay Video: I don't normally do these for 'First Look' posts, but here's a video of the whole game being played by one of the talented fellows at Stovepipe (check out their great channel here). Oh, and don't watch if you want to avoid spoilers!

Sega Super Scaler Games #7

2025-09-02T19:30:00.005+01:00

Super Hang-On (1987)
By: Sega AM2 Genre: Racing Players: 1 Difficulty: Medium-Hard
Featured Version: Arcade First Day Score: 9,950,140
Also Available For: Mega Drive, X68000, Nintendo 3DS, Game Boy Advance, Amiga, Atari ST, PC, Apple Mac, Commodore 64, Amstrad CPC, ZX Spectrum

Just thinking of the great names of the other 'Super Scaler' games automatically reminds me of giant hydraulic machines with excited crowds around them in bustling amusement arcades, but that's not the case with Super Hang-On. I had it on my Speccy and later I also had it on my mighty Mega Drive, but I was never fortunate enough to encounter the original in any arcades I visited, so I guess I've always associated it with those two systems. I suppose the Speccy more than the MD, though the version for Sega's own console was obviously far more accurate. The Speccy version was good too, though. As far as I recall, anyway, though I haven't played it for many moons. It may even be among the best racing games on the little home micro. Not that that's saying much, I know. But regardless of all this, I'm way overdue in checking out the super-scaling original, so let's go!

As an actual machine, Super Hang-On is similar to its predecessor in that players had a full-size (albeit wheelless, this time) bike to straddle, assuming they were lucky enough to encounter this 'ride on' version, as Sega called it. The game itself also looks very similar (even the bike and rider look the same), but it's soon clear there has been a step up in presentation. You get to choose a choon here, Out Run-style, for starters, and while the compositions don't match those found in Sega's earlier all-time great, they are still more than decent. Another choice prior to starting your race is offered by way of a world map. I actually thought this was an addition to the Mega Drive version when I played that, intended to increase longevity, but no, it was apparently part of the game from the start and offers players four different continent-based 'courses' around the world.

Each course is harder than the last and is made up of more and more stages. The easiest option is Africa which consists of 6 stages, while the next easiest is Asia featuring 10 stages. Then comes America (north and south) made up of 14 stages, and lastly comes Europe, the longest and most challenging course consisting of a mighty 18 stages. As before, there are many other riders on every stage (a seemingly infinite number, in fact) but there are no race positions, they are just there to get in the way. Reaching each checkpoint and ultimately the course goal is the only objective. So what's different? Well, aside from the different courses on offer, not a great deal. The bikes/riders look pretty much the same but there's a greater variety in the courses and more roadside objects. I was going to say that this is a bad thing as there are more things for you to hit, but it doesn't really make a great deal of difference. More on that later though.

One addition is the 'turbo' function which gives you an extra 44kph on top your normal maximum speed. You can only use it when you're at your top speed but use thereafter seems to be unlimited. Not that you're likely to use it for more than a few seconds at a time, of course, as you have to slow down a bit for most corners already, never mind if you're boosting. It works well on straights though, obviously, and you'll need to use it pretty often if you want to keep racing. The first game, as good as it was in its day, was very short (around six minutes); this game is hardly a multi-hour adventure which branching storylines, but it will last any gamer much longer - partly because there are way more stages but also because it's pretty damn tough, mainly with regards to the time limit. Indeed, for I quickly found that making even a single mistake will basically make the course unwinnable.

Obviously this happens if you keep crashing into the roadside scenery, but even just bumping another rider a couple of times can cost you too much time too. Still, at least playing the game via emulation, as most would have to nowadays, offered me the chance to see the whole game by using save states. Or so I thought. But no, even with me reloading my game after every mistake, I still really struggled to get through even the two easiest courses, never mind the later ones which give you even less time and even more bikers to deal with. Of course, it could just be that I'm crap, but I don't normally struggle that much in games of this type (I can even finish all courses in Out Run without cheating), so I'd say Sega have been particularly frugal with the time limits. Still, it is an arcade game, right? Many arcade games don't even have an ending just to keep you pumping in those coins.

And despite being, to me at least, a rather unforgiving game, I still really enjoyed my time with it. The courses are nice looking and good fun to race though. They aren't too difficult either. There are tight turns here and there but the most challenging parts are down to the game's fondness for multiple 'S' bends in succession which, even when you're used to them, will still catch you out now and then, even with the excellently responsive controls. The courses are no longer flat either, which means dips and bumps and hills and all that stuff. The differences between this and the original game, slight as most of them are, must do the trick though, for I prefer this game by some margin. It's tough but there is more game and a (slightly) greater variety while you're playing it, and it has some great choons to accompany you as you weave in and out of infinity other riders. It literally is a 'Super' version of Hang-On; I'm just glad I don't have to insert actual coins to play!

RKS Score: 8/10

Gameplay Video: here's a video of the whole game being played by one of the talented fellows at AL82 Retrogaming Longplays (check out their great channel here). Oh, and don't watch if you want to avoid spoilers!

Top Five Helicopters

2025-08-27T18:37:00.001+01:00

Helicopters are pretty cool, I don't think too many would dispute that. I doubt many people have actually been in one unless you're in the police or military, or perhaps if you're unlucky enough to have had an accident in a remote location or been attacked by a bear or escaped convict or something. Or maybe if you work for a tour company, or perhaps if you're a reporter in a big city. Or maybe if you're really rich and use one as your general runabout. But even if one of these scenarios is true, you've probably still only been in a boring chopper. Which examples are the least boring, I hear you ask? Well, here are five pretty stonking twirlers I thought of:

5. Sikorsky CH-53 Sea Stallion

This is the only entry on this list I hadn't heard of prior to looking into the subject, but I was immediately intrigued by its unusual appearance and large size. The latter is down to the fact that it was designed as a heavy lift helicopter, and in that capacity it is unmatched, at least in the US military. The most powerful version - the King Stallion - can lift over 16 tonnes! There are loads of versions of it but I think the mean-looking example pictured (which is actually a German one) is the best looking one. Not that that should really be a defining factor in this type of 'best' list but there you are. Unlike all the other helos on this list, the Sea Stallion hasn't been featured too heavily in movies - not surprising really since it's a cargo/troop carrier rather than an attack chopper - but it was featured in The Jackal and one of those crap Transformers movies. That's unlikely to change now, too, since it was retired just over a decade ago, but this workhouse certainly left its mark in the real world.

4. Bell UH-1 Iroquois

You might not know this one by its name, as I didn't, but I bet you've seen it on screen many times. For yes, that's right, it's the UH-1 Iroquois, perhaps more commonly known by its nickname of 'Huey', and it was the main chopper used by the US Army throughout the Vietnam War. This, appropriately enough, means it was also featured in most related movies and TV shows. I guess I must've seen it for the first time in Tour of Duty which I watched when I was young for some reason (not that it wasn't good), but wherever you saw it, the sight of one of more of these dark green machines flying over tropical jungles with big guns poking out of its side doors was a very familiar one. In real life, some 7,000 of these were sent over to the Far East with well over 3,000 of them never coming back. They are still going strong, though. I suppose there's nothing too remarkable about it for helicopter standards but it makes the list simply because of how iconic is has become over the years.

3. Boeing CH-47 Chinook

I don't know about you, but where (and when) I grew up, I used to see and hear these things passing overhead pretty often. In more recent years, sightings dwindled, as they did for all non-commercial aircraft (I used to see jet fighters zooming overhead quite often too, but haven't seen any of those for decades). That was, until I moved to the house I've lived in for four years now. It's very close to some river-like stretches of water and on the other side of this there is a place that must be a test/maintenance type place for Chinooks, for I see them every few days now, on average. I mean, seeing helicopters taking off or landing while you walk the wife's ridiculous dog is pretty cool anyway but I've always found these bulky contraptions intriguing. As a kid I always used to think it was only a matter of time until the two rotors collided, but more recently I think I just have a general appreciation for them, and I love the distinctive sound it makes thanks to its twin turboshaft engines and dual-rotor configuration. Some might find them mundane but I think they're cool.

2. Mil Mi-24 Hind

I think I can safely say that many people around my age or older know this sizeable chopper from Rambo III where several of them harass Rambo, Trautman and the brave villagers helping them. They are depicted as large, lumbering, not especially manoeuvrable, but intimidating and armed to the teeth with guns and rockets and stuff. Its various scenes were exciting and, even though they were all downed by the titular hero, our memories of them as badass bringers of fiery destruction has endured. It's ironic, then, that it later transpired that no Hinds were actually used in the production of the film! Indeed, due no doubt to the somewhat frosty relations between the US and USSR at the time, the producers opted to rig up some European SA 330 Pumas to look like Hinds. Well shiver me timbers, all this time thinking they were real Russian monsters! Having now spent some time looking into the real ones, however, I can confirm that these 'flying tanks', as they are informally known, are just as formidable in the real world. They're still in service, too.

1. Boeing AH-64 Apache

Sorry, a boring, predictable winner, I'm sure. I can't remember where I first saw this iconic helo. Maybe it was a film, or maybe it was news reports about the first Gulf War. It was certainly the latter that would inspire what the Apache became best known for to me and I'm sure many others, in any case - the mighty Desert Strike, surely one of the best games of its era! Thanks to that fantastic game from those glorious days when EA were still innovative, we all know exactly what armaments the Apache carries - 1178 rounds for its chain gun, 38 hydra rockets, and of course, those 8 Hellfire guided missiles. Desert Strike or not, though, the Apache has always been a seriously cool, not to mention effective attack chopper. It's just as powerful as the fearsome Hind but much more manoeuvrable than its Soviet/Russian rival, especially at low speeds or while hovering, facilitating its speciality - using terrain/structures as cover while it goes about its blowy-uppy business. I guess none of this really matters too much to most people though. What matters is that the Apache has a cool name, looks cool, and kicks ass, and it's hard to argue.

Special note: Yes, Airwolf and Blue Thunder are both super cool, but they're also not real, and were actually just normal, boring choppers with junk bolted to them to make them look special. Still, I'd happily watch a montage of the five entries on this list in action to the Airwolf theme!

Puzzle Games #24

2025-08-16T22:01:00.000+01:00

Skweek a.k.a. Slider (1988)
By: Loriceils Genre: Puzzle Players: 1 Difficulty: Medium-Hard
Featured Version: Atari ST First Day Score: 40,710
Also Available For: PC Engine, Game Gear, Amiga, Amstrad CPC

I'm not sure why but I've long been intrigued by gonks. I've had many fine examples adorn my shelves or desks over the years, but I think when I played this game at my good friend Luke's house so many years ago it was the first time I had actually controlled the actions of one of the fuzzballs. The gonk in question fittingly stars in a puzzle game. I'm not sure why it's fitting, it just seems right. This rightness also extends to his name. I'm not sure I could've come up with a better name for a yellow gonk who waddles around tiled stages in a puzzle game if I tried. He's actually an alien, you may not be surprised to hear, from a place called Skweezland which has apparently been overrun by the minions of some flange called Pitark who has, for some reason, turned the lush pink countryside of Skweezland blue.

It seems this countryside takes the form of a series of small tiled areas suspended high above the ground. What a strange place Skweezland must be! Regardless, it's Skweek's job to return it to its original state by... walking over it. So yes, it's essentially a top-down (and flat) version of Q*Bert, and that's no bad thing as far as I'm concerned. I can't remember now if I played this on Luke's treasured Atari ST before or after I first played the hoppy arcade game but I do remember we both had a lot of fun with it. There's a lot of fun to be had, too, as there are a remarkable 99 stages to get through before the weird place of Skweek's birth is returned to its original form. But of course, what at first seems like a quick and easy job soon turns out to be a bit more of a pain than one might've expected.

Fortunately, this isn't down to the amusing yellow gonk of the title, for the controls are simple and responsive, although Skweek walks with a slightly floaty momentum which can take some getting used to. The stages are of varying sizes but always more than one screen, though they are tall rather than wide. Skweek starts at the top, generally, and as mentioned, just needs to walk over the blue tiles to turn them pink. He can pass over them multiple times if he needs to backtrack too, they won't turn back to blue or anything. This is the easy part. What makes things harder are all the other types of blocks. There are impassable wall blocks, tiles that break, some that are slippery, even some that explode, and as you may have noticed, there are also arrow tiles that move you in the direction indicated.

As well as these pesky things, you may be startled to find that there are monsters wandering around the stages, too. Commonly found at first are terrifying Jawas of various colours but later on you'll face such horrors as clouds, flames, spikey things, and annoying blob-with-hat things. Many of them can spit ping pong balls or something at you too. Luckily, Skweek is also equipped with those so at least the odds are even. Well, discounting the fact that there are millions of them versus one Skweek (they regenerate when you kill them too). He does at least get a few lives, but they are lost quite easily in several ways. The enemies are the most obvious way but he can also fall off the edge or through a hole in the stage, he could fall foul of a trap, and then there's my mortal enemy in any kind of game - the time limit.

Happily, if you do lose a life, your progress in a stage is not reset like it is in numerous similar games, though Skweek's position is reset so you'll need to navigate the same hazards to get back to where you were. I guess that idiotic Pitark didn't want to make it too easy for you though. The further in you get, the more often the game tests your reflexes and your ability to plan several waddles ahead. Naturally, there are a number of pick-ups to ease the way. There are several upgrades to beef up Skweek's basic shot, for one thing, including the ability to fire more 'balls', four way shot, and laser shot. Other helpful items include ones to freeze and smash the enemies, temporary invincibility, extra time, extra lives, grippy shoes (for the slippery tiles), several items for bonus points, an exit door (instant stage finish), and a speed-up which isn't really needed as Skweek moves pretty damn quickly already!

Lastly (unless I forgot something), you may also find four different coloured teddy bears during play. If you manage to grab all four, you'll not only get an extra life but you'll also go straight to the next stage. This kind of stuff doesn't usually happen very often though, and there will be a lot of sections or even specific tiles that will cost you many lives - one on the edge of a stage with an arrow or slidey tile leading to it, for example. It can get really annoying at times, in fact. Luckily, it's also pretty addictive, and it doesn't hurt that it looks pretty nice too. Okay, aside from the colours, there's probably nothing here the humble Speccy couldn't do, but it does have those colours, and they are glorious. I remember being dazzled by them at the time on Luke's mighty ST, and they still look really nice today.

The palette is bright and cheerful in general, without being garish, and Skweek himself has a charming demeanour that makes it hard to stay mad when you bugger up a level for the umpteenth time. On the downside, there is no in-game music, but that doesn't really affect things too much. The only thing that does, for me at least, is that damn time limit, as is so often the case. I'm not even sure what score to give this game if I'm honest. It's cute and colourful, it holds fond memories for me, and it can be very enjoyable, but it can also often be bloody annoying - almost screen punchingly annoying, in fact - due to how easily and sometimes frequently lives can be lost. I like to take my time and approach tricky bits carefully, and the time limit here is strict enough that this isn't possible in most cases. If you're anything like me, though, you'll soon be back once you've cooled off, and that must surely be the mark of a good game. Frustrating but charming and fun as well.

RKS Score: 7/10

Gameplay Video: I can't really find a proper play-through video of Skweek (not this version, anyway) but here's a quick gameplay sample from Atari Greenlog (check out their great channel here).

Film Round-Up #41

2025-08-02T19:32:00.001+01:00

I don't think any regular readers here need reminding of my fondness for things of the 80s. Admittedly, my main focus in that area is normally games, but we must never forget the wonder that was 80s cinema. I saw many fine examples at the time, I've seen some others long after that glorious decade ended, and there are even some well known titles I've never seen. In the first of what will probably be several posts on the subject, here's a look at five (hopefully) great examples:

WarGames (1983)

I only seem to recall watching this one with my dad when I was pretty young but I thought I remembered it. It turns out that was only partly true but one thing's for sure - it must've been one of the first films based around computery stuff. Matthew Broderick stars as nerdy Seattle student David Lightman who hacks into what he believes is a videogame company only to set in motion a 'war game' simulation by accident. This wouldn't be so bad but the simulation is being run by WOPR, the NORAD computer which was actually the one David hacked into, and it makes the US military think the Soviets are really attacking! I thought I remembered there being more time spent in front of computer screens with David and the WOPR contraption trying to outwit each other but he spends most of his time sneaking around NORAD or running around with Jennifer (Ally Sheedy) trying to save the day. My poor memory doesn't make it a bad film though, and despite the obviously-outdated technology, perhaps even because of it, I really enjoyed seeing this one again... 8/10

The Goonies (1985)

I definitely watched this one when I was younger but it can't have been more than once or twice as I didn't remember any of it really (besides Sloth of course) prior to rewatching it for this post. I was really looking forward to it though. I'm sure most film fans, especially my age and up, know the story - bunch of kids find a treasure map and set off in pursuit with dastardly-yet-bumbling criminals hot on their tail. Simple enough. Unfortunately, for me at least, it seems to have lost a little of that magic that many 80's films still have today. I certainly didn't hate it but, contrary to reviewers of the day it seems, I enjoyed the beginning part more than the actual treasure hunting underground. Here, I was surprised by how much we saw of Andy's panties - not the sort of thing I was old enough to notice before, I guess - but also by how short and silly I found it. Most of the cast are pretty good and it is decent enough fun, I just didn't find the amazing, all-time great I was expecting to, and nor was I overcome with nostalgia. I can see why some still adore it though... 7/10

Weird Science (1985)

Yes that's right, it's that film that made everyone in the world fall in love with Kelly LeBrock! She is of course the 'dream woman' who is conjured up in a highly plausible experiment by social outcasts Gary and Wyatt (Anthony Michael Hall and Ilan Mitchell-Smith), with the objective being (I think) to make them more popular somehow. This is, unsurprisingly, something that comes fairly easily when you're parading a smart, super-hot older woman around town, especially one with magical powers like a Q from Star Trek, enabling her to give them snazzy clothes, cool cars, etc. Watching this when I was around the same age as the two nerdy protagonists, it was the greatest thing ever, real wish-fulfilment feel-good stuff. Watching it now, its silliness obviously shows much more, and Gary and Wyatt are a bit annoying too (particularly the former when he's drunk), but LeBrock is still lovely and there are some great scenes and funny moments. I was particularly amused to see a young Robert Downey Jr. as one of the jocks who torment the two guys. It's a film of its time I suppose, and has aged accordingly, but for old time's sake... 7/10

Pretty in Pink (1986)

The third and final film in the Molly Ringwald Holy Trinity that lit up the mid-80s for many, and it's one I never got around to watching at that time, or indeed any time until now for this post, perhaps because I was too tough and cool to watch a film with 'pretty' or 'pink' in its title, never mind both (chortle!). It turns out I was accidentally wise to never see it though, for I did not enjoy it. Perhaps not surprisingly, it's a high school rom-com starring Ringwald as 18-year old Andie who is nearing the end of her school time but has yet to be asked to the prom. Her childhood best friend Duckie (Jon Cryer) is in love with her but reluctant to tell her, while she has caught the eye of Blane (Andrew McCarthy), one of the rich kids. Despite taking her on the worst first date in the history of the universe, however, Blane merely has to utter the word 'prom' to get her tongue in his mouth, but he soon starts catching flak from the other 'richies' for associating with one of the working class girls. Will he favour friends or the girl? Will she care by that point? And what about poor old Duckie exhausting himself just trying to catch a smile or a kind word? Sadly, for me at least, aside from the fairly amusing Duckie, none of the characters are very likeable so I didn't really give a crap. Maybe it's a film of its time, maybe it just wasn't my cup of tea (more likely), but it's not one I'll be revisiting in any case... 4/10

Adventures in Babysitting (1987)

I don't quite know how I managed to miss this one growing up, what with it starring arguably the hottest girl of the 80's, Elisabeth Shue, but watching it for this feature was somehow my first time. And second since this post has taken me long enough that I've watched it again! I guess that's a good indication of my newfound appreciation of Chris Parker (Shue) and the adventure that accidentally befalls her and the kids she's babysitting as she undertakes what should be a routine drive into the city to pick up her idiotic friend who has run away from home. Naturally, various disasters instead come their way, mostly as a result of attracting the attention of some rather persistent crims. So, they have to shake these goons, get their car back, pick up the friend, and get back home before the kids parents get home that night. This means lots of panicking and running around while meeting various 'colourful' characters in the big city. Of course, it's not terribly realistic and there are some strange decisions made by some characters, but when even some of the bad guys are likeable, you know you're in for an easy-but-fun ride. Ignore the silliness and enjoy... 8/10

Better Late Than Never #1

2025-07-31T22:13:00.004+01:00

Shinobi by Sega (1987) - Master System

Oh hey, what's going down? Welcome to another new (kind of) feature here at Red Parsley! As I've no doubt mentioned before, despite my enthusiasm for and love of video games, especially ones of the 80s and 90s, I've never been particularly good at them. Some I could complete, but there were many I could not. There were some games that have stuck in mind all these years as being ones I played a lot and got quite a long way into a lot, but never managed to finish. This feature, whilst otherwise very similar to my existing Game Gallery posts, will showcase my (probably save state-assisted) journey to finally completing some of the offending games. First up is one of my very favourite games for one of my very favourite consoles:

Click here for the full review of this fine game.

Stage 1: Ken Oh

The legendary Joe Musashi's quest begins in the same sort of locale as many others of the day - a random city/town area. The first part is two-tiered and seems to just consist of a walk along a street. The only two types of enemy you'll encounter are gun-toting goons (who look like military grunts - has martial law been declared?) and boomerang-throwers who look a bit like the Iron Sheik. Piece of cake with no tough bits. The second part is not two-tiered and has pictures of Marilyn Monroe on the wall for some reason, but it still shouldn't pose too much of a problem, even with its introduction of a new Spider-Man-like enemy. Look up!

Make it through just two stages and you'll be confronted by an angry Ken Oh who doesn't want you to get any further! To that end, he will lob fireballs at you in twos. It's easy to get hit by these until you learn that you can throw them off course. Simply jump when he first shoots them and they'll move higher. Then crawl under them and give that fiery idiot a few smacks in the face. Job done.

The Bonus Rounds:

The object of the game is to find and rescue all the kidnapped children. Rescuing one will bestow upon you a special reward, one of which is the chance to earn special ninja magics in the bonus round! Shoot into the screen at the ninja running along the platforms as they jump closer to you. Fend them off for a set period of time and you'll win magic. Let one get too close and you'll get nothing, even if it was the last one.

Stage 2: Black Turtle

It looks like we've entered a docks area for the second stage and things are getting a bit trickier. The first part is an interestingly designed two-tiered affair. It has no new enemies but the gunmen and boomerang dudes it does feature are in some awkward positions. If you haven't lost any lives yet, this is also where you'll receive the little bombs power-up. The second part seems to be set inside a tall (and alarmingly red) building with strange gold boxes dotted around which you must ascend. This is where you'll first meet the green ninjas (not a very stealthy colour, is it?). The third part is a watery area and the only one to feature the stabby divers you can see in the shots. I'm not sure where they emerge from though, as when Joe falls into the watery bits from where they leap, it only seems to be knee deep. Oh well. As long as you don't rush through this area and get hit by the divers, it shouldn't pose a problem.

As you may have noticed, the Black Turtle is actually a big helicopter. The slow, lumbering contraption helpfully has a little yellow bit on the front which you just need to hit a few times to see it off. It would be a cinch except for the many strange leaping creatures with swords that drop out of it. Don't let them keep you so busy that you forget to shoot the pesky chopper though!

Stage 3: Mandara

Three parts to this stage, too. The first is similar to the first part of the opening stage due to its emphasis on its two-tiered nature, and it introduces another new enemy - an army bazooka guy! Don't worry, they're slow and can't shoot very far. The next two sections seem to be set in some sort of factory/warehouse-type area. The first features big pipe platforms gradually leading down to the ground, while the second has tons of crates or something. In addition to the usual gunmen and boomerang dudes, bazooka guys can be found on the pipes while the crates hide numerous ninjas and those leapy things from Black Turtle. Nothing too tough here though.

What is tough, however, is this idiotic boss. I don't recall having much trouble with it back in my MS days but I sure did this time around. A sign of my slow decay, I guess. The task that befalls Joe is to take out a bunch of Buddhist statues that are slowly moving across the floor towards him. There are sixteen of them in total - four high, four deep - and each takes several hits to destroy, with an electrified barrier to Joe's left preventing escape. If you manage to destroy this wall of annoyance you'll be faced with the Mandara Master, a robotic head that moves up and down the wall spitting fireballs at you. Hit the red spot on his head a few times and he's history, but those bloody statues, man.... Jeez, thank the lord for save states!

Stage 4: Lobster

Things are getting quite tough now. Two new enemies are introduced on this stage, the first being a weird voodoo guy who throws bones at you. These are first found on the first part of the stage which seems to be set in the courtyard leading up to a temple or something. The main issue here is the leaping sword guys who you don't always have time and/or space to avoid. The second and third parts are similar aside from the colour of the walls. There are lots of boomerang guys here but also the other new enemy - a jumping zombie monster thing. They are the least of your problems though - many deaths will be claimed by the pits between platforms. There are some big gaps to jump including one particularly large one near the end of the third part of the stage. Best to save a floaty ninja magic for this bit, just in case!

After those goddamn statues, this guy is a walk in the park. He's a big samurai or something and just walks towards you swishing his big sword. Fear not, however, for if you manage to shoot his hat, he'll be shunted backwards. Do the same thing a few times and he hops off to meet his maker. Since this is quite easy, it's unlikely his sizeable weapon will ever strike you! Easiest boss in the game.

Stage 5: Masked Ninja

Uh-oh, the final stage - this is likely to be a toughie! The first part is similar to that of the third stage, only there are big insta-death holes in the floor, not to mention tons of ninjas and voodoo oafs hoping to knock you in. Next it's on to a bamboo forest. There are several types of enemies here but the leapy blue sword creatures flying all over the place are easily the biggest threat. Lastly, you're in a two-tiered temple or something which houses the last new type of enemy - martial arts guys with bo staffs who can dodge your attacks! There are only a few of these, actually, with lots of other types of enemy around as well, but it's easier than the bamboo forest. Hope you saved some energy - next up is the final boss!

If you were expecting a fearsome brute half the size of the screen waiting to wreak havoc, you'd be in for a big disappointment - the Masked Ninja is only about Joe's size! I knew this already, of course. As mentioned, I managed to reach this cretin numerous times, I just never had enough energy left to defeat him. He's a pretty tough customer too - he has a big jump, he can run fast, he has a shield, and he can turn into a tornado which fires off little boomerang things. If you're lucky, though, you can trap him against either side of the screen and get loads of hits in. Tricky but I only needed a couple of tries, unlike that ridiculous pile of statues earlier. Grrr!

The Ending:

Hooray, I finally bested that idiotic Masked Ninja, and after so many years and so much effort, I was ready to bask in the well deserved glory of a dazzling ending sequence. Would I receive the highest honours my ninja dojo has to offer? Would I see my name and score sparkling in glorious colours? Would I at least get to see the game credits? To my not inconsiderable sorrow, no, none of that. Just a 'Game Over' screen as below. That's it. C'mon Sega, at least put a little effort in! Oh well, least I finally completed Shinobi, even if it wasn't in the most honourable way. It's still a wonderful game, even if the ending (or lack thereof) sucks donkey balls.

Indie Nuggets #8

2025-07-28T18:45:00.001+01:00

Sapphire Yours (2017)
By: Bence Sipka Genre: Puzzle / Action Players: 1 Difficulty: Medium
Featured Version: PC
Also Available For: Android, iOS

There were a number of classics I missed out on in my youth. Among them was Boulder Dash, the much-loved jewel-grabbing, debris-avoiding mazey action/puzzler. I'm still not quite sure how I managed to miss it since it was released on every format under the sun but I have of course now remedied my oversight. Just in case anyone else missed it, or perhaps wasn't even around in its heyday at all, it was brought back to grace our screens once again much more recently! Okay, it's not officially part of the series but it may as well be. The first version dates back to 2001 and was created by an Austrian (I think) developer called Reinhard Grafl while the version I've looked at here comes to us courtesy of Bence Sipka, a Hungarian (I think) indie developer who is presumably a fan of both First Star Software's iconic game as well as Mr. Grafl's unofficial follow-up, and whose own game is available to play for free. How generous of him!

I've actually had this review in the 'drafts' section of this very blog for years (not exaggerating!) without getting around to posting about it (nothing personal, it happens a lot with oafs like me), but for unknown reasons I've decided it's finally time to finish it. I have therefore been playing the game again lately, as I have several times on and off over the years since I first discovered it, and like the game on which it's based, it's simple and good fun. It's difficult to say how many stages there are to try here (though it's in the hundreds) as there have been several versions of the game, each with new examples on offer, and it comes with a level editor so you can make your own, or try some of the many, many examples that other players have made, but rest assured, there is plenty to keep you occupied here if it's the type of game you like the look/sound of.

Having said that, I think I've left it so long to play/post this that the community has gone tits-up, so I suppose many (or all) of those fan-made levels are history too. Oops! Never mind, I'm sure there are still more stages on offer than most people will ever get through. They can get pretty big too - several screens wide by several screens tall in many cases - and are filled with the kinds of hazards and obstacles you’d expect. Chief among them are, of course, the ever-present boulders which will gladly crush you into a pixelated paste if you dare stand beneath them, but there are millions of colourful jewels to grab too, as well as various other bits and pieces. There are also many terrifying creatures patrolling narrow corridors or open spaces alike, as well as collapsible terrain, and the usual switches, colour-coded keys, traps, and occasional devious surprises designed to keep you honest.

The objective is almost always the same – collect the aforementioned shinies and then find the exit – but the variety in layout and design is what keeps things interesting. Our little mining chap (who, for review purposes, we'll call Derek), is a nimble sort who can dig through soft dirt, push certain blocks, and perform the odd nifty manoeuvre when needed. The controls are responsive and simple enough to master, which is handy since many of the levels require quick thinking and quicker reflexes. It’s not a particularly punishing game – you can restart stages instantly and play them in any order for the most part – but it certainly offers a good challenge, especially once you get deeper into the more elaborate stages, with many leaning much more on puzzleyness than the original game. I even got stuck for a while on one of the earlier examples which was a bit embarrassing!

Visually it’s pretty much what you’d expect from a modern tribute to an '80s classic, though I'm not super keen on the style if I'm honest. It's all crisp, clean, and colourful, but also very minimal - there's nothing flashy and nor is there much in the way of character. Derek is little more than a stick figure with a hat, for example. The enemies are the most interesting aspect of the game, visually. They include some creepy beetles and angry orange Pac-Men, as you can see in the shots here. The sound is similarly stripped back, though there are a few half decent chiptune tracks and the familiar clinks, thuds, and crumbles that give the game its tactile feel. It’s the sort of thing that won’t blow anyone’s socks off, but for fans of the genre, it hits all the right nostalgic notes.

If there’s a downside, it's that the game (like its inspiration) can get a tad repetitive after a while – this isn’t a title that reinvents itself every few levels. But then, it’s not really meant to. It’s a lovingly made homage to a very specific kind of game, and in that respect it succeeds admirably. The fact that it’s free, has a built-in level editor, and (in its heyday at least) had a whole community around it, just makes it all the more appealing. Its audio/visuals might put some off, and it might not be a household name, but Sapphire Yours is a solid, enjoyable, and generous spiritual successor to Boulder Dash. Whether you're a long-time fan of the genre or just fancy a brain-teasing bit of diggy-avoidy action, there's a lot to like here. It may have slipped under the radar, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth digging up (chortle!). Sorry this post is a bit (few years) too late, in any case!

RKS Score: 7/10

Special Note:I couldn't find a trailer or an acceptable gameplay video but you can easily play the game for yourself. It's available for download here, or it can be played through your favourite browser here. In addition, the same guy(s) responsible for Sapphire Yours have another game (sequel?) available on Steam called Ruby Hunter which you can buy here.

TV Shows #35

2025-07-25T11:24:00.001+01:00

Flipping Bangers (2017-22)
Developed By: Just Might TV
Starring: Gus Gregory, Will Trickett

Certificate: PG Running Time: 43-50 Minutes per Episode (approx)

I'm not sure why but sometimes when I'm not feeling great, I end up watching something totally different to the kind of thing I would normally watch. As you might have guessed, just such an occasion befell me recently. I hadn't been feeling too good all day but I went downstairs at my normal time to pour a nice drink (usually bourbon and cola) and continue whichever streaming show I was in the middle of at the time. When I got there, however, I just... didn't feel like it. I toyed with the idea of just going to bed when I noticed a show being spammed on my Firestick's menu, so... I just clicked it. As it happened, it turned out to be a reality show - a genre I typically avoid like the plague - but it was one featuring cars which are of interest to me, so I gave it a try. And wouldn't you know it, it turned out to be pretty corking! I even continued watching it after I felt better again, and there were three seasons of it for me to get through. Naturally, when I finished, I figured I might as well burble on about it here!

For this review, I've decided to just have a general look at the whole show rather than breaking it down season-by-season as I normally would, since the format is basically exactly the same every episode, regardless of season. That format is: two friends, Gus and Will, both car enthusiasts, decide to quit their day jobs and start a business buying knackered old cars that no one else wants, fixing them up, and selling them for enough of a profit to make a living. They give themselves one week per car, so as you might imagine, each episode covers one week and its chosen car.

Since watching this show, I have discovered that it's not the first to try this type of thing, but it seems to be among the more popular examples, and it's easy to see why. Gus and Will are both relaxed and engaging in front of the camera and both seem like genuinely nice guys. They don't have an unlimited budget - they generally spend between £500 and £1,500 on their car of the week - and their aim is to double their money. Slightly oddly, rather than just looking to see which cheap cars happen to be available at the time and picking one, they actually decide in advance which car they want, then look for the cheapest example around. Going by memory alone, chosen models range from a Morris Minor and Citroën 2CV at the oldest, up to an Audi TT and BMW Mini at the more recent, but most are from the 80s or 90s.

Being a British show, most of the cars featured here are European or British (from back when there actually were British car companies) and it's nice to find that some of the cars I grew up seeing regularly are still around, albeit in tiny numbers in some cases. Some of them are in a sorry state too. They have to be for Gus and Will to be able to afford them! It's always interesting when they get a new purchase back to their workshop too, where they get to give it a proper look over. Have they got a bargain that they can basically just service and then 'flip' for a profit, or do they have so much work to do that they have to pick and choose which jobs to do and which to leave in order to meet their five day deadline?

Obviously, if a car is just a tool to you and you don't have any actual interest in them or affection for certain older models, this is not a show you should spend any time on, but if you do, there's a lot to enjoy here. Besides the nostalgia of the (classic?) cars themselves, it's interesting to see how the guys tackle the various problems. Rust is a common issue, as you might imagine, as is wear and tear on the interior. Overheating engines also seem to crop up regularly, and that's not always an easy fault to locate, never mind fix, as I've discovered. As you can see in the pic to the right here, sometimes the whole engine needs to come out! Indeed, there's a lot for dum-dums like me to learn, and with many of the jobs, we're shown by the knowledgeable and resourceful Gus and Will how to fix them, usually as cheaply as possible, and often including some important do's and don't's.

Although on the odd occasion they have to call in or visit a specialist, for the first two seasons, a majority of this work is done by the guys themselves in a fairly modern-looking workshop they're renting which is filled with lots of specialised equipment including a full-on car lift. For some reason, the third season sees them relocated to a less well-equipped workshop which appears to be in a junkyard amidst some old shipping containers (and an old BT phone booth, oddly). The reason for the change isn't explained but it doesn't seem to hinder them too much.

I did find myself wondering how realistic their business model is though. Let's assume they spend £1,000 on a car (buying it and the cost of fixing it up) and sell it for £2,000, that means they each get £500 in their pockets. That's for their mortgage, bills, groceries, and all other expenses, not to mention workshop/equipment rental costs. Could they survive on £500 per week, with all that in mind? Yes, I know, they will also be getting TV money, but that's only for a few episodes per year (ten, thirteen and twelve respectively) - this is supposed to be an ongoing business, TV or otherwise. Hmm, anyway, who knows? Maybe they're doing a roaring trade, who am I to say? Sadly, we do only get these three seasons, with enough time having passed since the end of the third to suggest there won't be a fourth.

What we do get is still well worth watching, though, even if you only have a passing flicker of interest in the subject matter, generally. Most of the examples featured here are interesting in one way or another and it's great to see the clapped out wrecks getting new life breathed into them. Some petrolheads have criticised the guys for 'bodging' a lot of their fixes, but with the budget and time constraints, what else are they supposed to do? The new owners can always do proper restorations if they really want to, right? I'd have quite liked a few of their bangers myself!

I may have discovered this show by chance, and I probably won't watch anything else like it, but I thoroughly enjoyed every episode of it while it lasted (except, maybe the Alfa Romeo one - why, guys, why?!), and I'd love to see more of the adventures of Gus and Will. They do still have an podcast ongoing, as I understand it - an attempt to keep momentum going, I guess - but I want more proper episodes, please!

RKS Score: 8/10

Action RPG's #3

2025-07-21T19:56:00.001+01:00

StarTropics (1990)
By: Nintendo R&D3 Genre: Action RPG Players: 1 Difficulty: Medium
Featured Version: Nintendo NES
Also Available For: Nothing

This game is unusual in that it was an NES game made by Nintendo themselves but only released in the US and Europe, with poor Japanese players having to do without. This has probably happened with certain types of sports games or tie-ins to things only popular in the west but this was an action RPG - a genre more popular in Japan than maybe any other! It's also, oddly, a game I never heard about in its day from magazines or other gamers, only learning of it later from collectors. It has, however, intrigued me since then, mainly due to its name and the images it conjured in my head - something to do with spacey, sun-bathed alien worlds overflowing with lush vegetation and glowing sands, punctuated by curious creatures and hiding some sort of magical adventure. The other day I was oafing around in my garden and decided it was time to see what the actual game was like, and if it bore any relation to the version I have been having visions of for many moons. Join me as I venture forth, into the mysterious tropics...

Sadly, it was quickly apparent that the 'star' in the title was a little misleading - the game is set firmly on our own planet, though we do at least start in a suitably tropical (albeit fictional) part of it which is known, extremely creatively, as C-Island. Because it's shaped much like a C, you understand. This is where an archaeologist named Dr. Steven Jones works (and lives too, I guess, given the presumably remote location) but alas, he has gone missing! Leading the search is his nephew Mike who just arrived on C-Island to visit. This takes the form of a typical Zelda-style action RPG/adventure featuring overworld-type areas to explore, most of which contain the usual NPC's/locals to whom you can chat for clues or quests, and dungeons filled with enemies and puzzles to battle though. Both sections are viewed from overhead, though the dungeon sections are more zoomed in and permit Mike more abilities such as jumping and attacking, neither of which can be done in the overworld sections, although there's nothing in them to attack so I guess it doesn't matter.

As with many other games of this type, the 'dungeons' aren't actual dungeons. There are quite a few underground/cavern-type areas here, admittedly, but there are also some outdoor areas including a good few watery bits - only natural for a game set on and around lots of small islands, I guess! Prior to entering the first example, a village elder or something gives you your first weapon which is... a yo-yo of all things! You can't tell this game was designed for the American market, huh? Bizarrely, this plastic whirly thing on a string apparently has the power to kill the horrific creatures you're confronted by in the dungeons, though it's range is very limited and many enemies require more than one hit. Luckily, this pathetic weapon can at least be used without limit, and better examples can be found through the course of the game. There are three 'main' weapons (which the yo-yo is classed as, amusingly), and ten 'secondary' weapons which have a limit on how many times they can be used.

The dungeons are grid-based and mostly consist of a series of rooms and/or small areas connected by doorways. Some of these doorways are open and you just have to reach them; other times they are locked. In the case of the latter, there are generally two ways to unlock them - kill all the enemies in the room (which my OCD dictates should be done anyway) or find the switch. In many rooms, you'll find green blocks which you can jump on. Most do nothing but jumping on some might reveal a hidden switch which you can then jump on to open the door. This means you'll spend a lot of your dungeon time jumping on blocks, at least the first time you tackle a room or area, for you may well need to do some several times since you'll get shoved back to the last restart point if you lose a life. Mike starts the game with three hearts and more can be obtained through the game, but it's pretty easy to take damage. Luckily, the game saves at certain points too, usually after completing an area or quest, but if you're anything like me, you'll still lose lives quite often!

So far so Zelda-ish (except for the lives), but despite my including this game in the 'Action RPGs' feature, I'm not actually sure it is one if I'm honest. Progress through the game is linear, for one thing. There are eight chapters in all, each of which contains one or two dungeons except for the third which features five for some reason. Some of them have objectives unrelated to your main quest (rescuing a baby dolphin, for example) but finding and rescuing Mike's uncle is the main objective. Much of your time in the overworld areas (small towns and/or islands) will be spent finding clues but you can't pick and choose which quests you want to do or which areas to explore - it's all quite structured with one thing leading to the next. You may be wondering at this stage how Mike actually gets from one island to another, and the answer to that is pretty cool - his uncle apparently had a small water craft called Sub-C which you get to appropriate. It even has an AI thingy to help you.

Other help can be found here and there in the dungeons too. As well as opening the doors, some of the many green blocks, when jumped on, will present a special item you can grab. These won't include the two main weapon power-ups which will come to you at specific points in the story, and which thankfully have improved range and power, but will include the secondary weapons and other items which include things like slingshots, throwing bolas, mirrors (to deflect enemy shots), and various other weapony stuffs, as well as potions (refill health), snowmen (freeze enemies), magic rods, and lanterns. There are lots of other things to find too, some of which are for general use while others are purely for advancing the story. Luckily, many items turn up right before you need them too, such as the introduction of a new type of enemy or even right before a terrifying boss battle. Not every dungeon has one - not even every chapter has a boss - but there are still a good few of them through the game and some of the infernal creatures are pretty tough customers.

Indeed, despite the cartoony setup and oddball premise, the game does get quite tricky, especially in the later chapters. The enemies are mainly creatures of the usual type (snakes, bats, rats, etc) as well as a few spookier examples (skulls, mummies, sorcerers). There are over fifty types in all and while they aren’t exactly tactical geniuses, they often come in numbers and the tight quarters of many rooms can make movement awkward, especially when you’re trying to avoid projectiles and time your attacks with that stupid yo-yo. There's also a fair bit of trial and error — disappearing platforms, block-pushing puzzles, hidden doorways, and rooms that basically exist to mess with you, though there are secrets here and there which make up for it. Death can come swiftly and frequently nonetheless, and the limited continues make things feel a bit harsher than most modern players are probably used to. That said, despite the game's linear nature, there's a real sense of progression, both in terms of story and player skill, to keep you playing.

The only major problem I had with the game was the rather clunky, sticky controls in the dungeons, especially while jumping between green blocks (which aren't actually always green, as the screenshot below demonstrates). It's fine if you just need to make your way across them but if there are enemies around, you'll lose a lot of health and lives due to this issue. The second boss, a large octopus, is fought entirely on these green blocks which you have to jump back and forth between to avoid Octo's attacks, and I can't begin to explain how much rage built up inside me as, once again, a jump didn't register or was too slow and I took damage. If you get used to this and the fussy timing of Mike's attacks, though, you should start to enjoy the rhythm of the game. The dungeon designs, while repetitive at times, do get increasingly inventive as well as tougher, and the overworld segments, though simple, allow for some nice downtime between the more intense sections.

It's a pretty big game in any case. The fastest speedrun I can find is about an hour and a half but most walkthroughs are well over two hours, and that's players who know the game well. I suspect it would have lasted an oaf like me months, back in the day. It's quite a pleasant game to spend time with too. The graphics are nice enough, with some nice colours, varied sprites, and a reasonable range of location graphics, and the music is decent too, featuring lots of tunes ranging from relaxing, tropical-tinged themes to more foreboding numbers. The Japanese take on what might appeal to Western players results in some weird choices (I know I keep saying but... yo-yo... seriously?) but, aside from that and the issue with the controls (just me?), it's enjoyable to play through. It might not live up to the sun-drenched, space-adventure fantasy its name first suggests, but what it does offer is a weirdly engaging and occasionally tough island-hopping action-adventure full of heart, imagination, and a kind of quirky charm you don’t often see anymore.

RKS Score: 7/10

Gameplay Video: here's a video of the whole game being played by one of the talented fellows at Nintendo Complete (check out their great channel here). Oh, and don't watch if you want to avoid spoilers!

Cover Art: Mega Drive - Part 2

2025-05-16T18:48:00.002+01:00

For many of us oldies, the world of Japanese gaming first became apparent as a Mega Drive owner. Virtually all the games we had available were released there as well (usually first) and they generally had different (better?) cover artwork too. It might have taken me a good while (three years!) to get around to comparing some more fine examples accordingly, but feast your eyes on this selection!

Arrow Flash (1990)

This is not one of the MD's more fondly-remembered shooters these days and it's not one of my favourites either, if I'm honest. But it does have some pretty interesting cover artwork. Both actually have similar designs depicting a brave female mecha pilot apparently floating, one in orbit, the other over a cityscape, but both in front of their big mecha ship thing, though the Japanese one seems to be partly faded out. Both use the same logo/font too, but the art styles are very different as you might imagine, with the European cover using a Western comicbook style while the Japanese example unsurprisingly uses an anime style. Which is best? I suppose that depends on which style you prefer. I think I like the European one more, mainly because it shows the mecha properly, and the planet with presumably-hostile aliens in the distance is cool/foreboding, but both are pretty good. There is actually a third cover for the US version which is decent too. (full review here)

Shining Force (1992)

To my shame, I've never actually played this much-revered RPG (although, in my defence, if you can call it a defence, I didn't play any RPGs on my MD), but that shouldn't prevent me from being able to appreciate its cover artwork (or not). As with Arrow Flash, and no doubt many other MD games, it involves a Western comicbook style for the European release and anime stuffs for the Japanese one. I assume the latter is original artwork since I don't believe the game is based on an anime or something, but in either case it's certainly more action-packed then the Euro one, featuring a multitude of characters, presumably ones from the game, in striking action poses while a couple of sinister-looking oafs lurk shrouded in the background. The cover that greeted our shelves here in the UK features only a solitary hero defending his position on what appears to be a rocky outcrop from a pair of pesky skellies. The background is much better on this cover with it's winding mountain road leading to what I assume is a mountaintop fortress of evil, but I don't think the stoic warrior can win against the party of anime heroes. Despite that, I think I prefer the Western cover by a small margin, but this one is close! What do you think?

Ecco the Dolphin (1992)

I guess this must be one of the MD's most well known games but it has always been a bit of a polarising one too. I thought it was wonderful until I discovered how teeth-knashingly frustrating it is, but there can be little argument that it looks exactly as nice as its cover artwork indicated. Both versions are similar in that regard, depicting a majestic dolphin leaping out of its watery home, perhaps in a desperate attempt to avoid being the dinner of the shark that lurks nearby, but for some reason Sega of Japan decided to minimise this delightful imagery with a large white border. That makes the winner here clear, but even if both (or neither) covers had borders, I think I prefer the artwork on the European release anyway. (full review here)

Bio Hazard Battle / Crying (1992)

What a peculiar one this is. The game is a horizontal-scroller which sees you cleansing some planet of filth after a bio-weapon was used there during a previous war. This makes the European name and cover artwork very appropriate. It also makes the Japanese name and cover artwork mystifying. I guess I should assume there's something in the instruction manual that makes it seem less weird but who knows? In the absence of any explanation, however, the winner is clear for this game.

Alisia Dragoon (1992)

Last but not least for this round, another one with art styles exclusive to the regions of release. Despite the appeal of anime artwork, I think I prefer the European cover for this underrated game though. The main reason for this is that the Japanese artwork just looks like a jumble of bright colours unless you actually spend time looking at it closely. This reveals, in accordance with the game itself, a young scantily-clad lady (Alisia, presumably) doing some sort of wibbly magic gesture, three writhing dragons, and an angry-looking chicken or something. There's also some evil-looking guy's face in a circle and various floopy magical things going on in the background. The quality of the artwork is excellent, of course, and in some regards more closely matches the game (not least Alisia herself); I just wish the colour choices were better, or at least more varied. The Western cover might be of lower artistic quality but it's much clearer and that kind of thing makes a difference when scanning game shelves in shops as many of us used to spend so much time doing. Yes, Alisia looks less like her game self, and there's only one dragon, but we get some landscape, some enemies, and even a lightning magic, albeit completely missing its target. Unless there's another unseen enemy approaching. Both covers are good in their own ways but I think the Western one works better as an actual game cover. If anyone still reads this page, however, I'm sure you'll tell me I'm wrong! (full review here)

Look out for some more fantastic/dull/scary/horrifying Mega Drive covers soon!

Wifey's Watches #2

2025-05-05T21:14:00.002+01:00

Gentleman Jack (2019 - 2022)

A while back, my wife had one of her old friends staying with us for a while. This friend is a lesbian, so naturally, everything we watched while she was with us had to be lesbian-themed or have a lesbian character too. Occupying much of this TV time was Gentleman Jack which is another 'dramatisation' of the life of Anne Lister, a landowner and industrialist in 19th century England who has since come to be known as the 'first modern lesbian' thanks largely to the extensive diaries she wrote which detail all aspects of her life, including her romances and love affairs, all with other women. While we see a couple of old flames here and there, the focus in that regard is on shy but wealthy heiress Ann Walker (the magic-boobed Sophie Rundle) who Lister (Suranne Jones) meets upon returning home to her Yorkshire estate brokenhearted after her lover leaves her for a pesky man.

Lister's courtship of Walker amidst the disapproval of her peers (which includes Walker's family, obviously) is a major plot-point but it's not all HLA here. There is also significant focus on her attempts to revitalise her Shibden Hall estate which has been neglected during her absence. This involves collecting rents and, more significantly, exploiting the considerable coal reserves on her land which brings her into conflict with neighbouring colliers. Amidst all her business dealings, however, never does she waver from her pursuit of Walker, and that is my only real issue with the show. I don't know how it went down in real life, and there obviously was real love there as they ended up getting married, but here Walker is portrayed as young, naive and impressionable as well as suffering from mental health issues, and Lister, at least to my eyes, ends up pressuring Walker into the romantic relationship she wants.

Maybe it's just my impression but it seemed to me like Lister was just pushing her into it before she was ready. Walker clearly liked Lister and looked up to her but there's a big difference between that and being lovers. Don't forget when this was taking place either. Upper-class English lords and ladies didn't look upon things like homosexuality with favourable eyes in the 19th century so Ms. Walker risked being ostracised. The same could be said of Lister, of course, but assuming Jones' portrayal is accurate, she could deal with any hostility that might come her way. These points aside, though, it's a decent enough show. It's a quality production with particularly excellent sets and costumes (though Lister's hair is a bit weird), there is great work from a well-chosen cast, and the various plot threads are reasonably engaging. Even the one about the guy who feeds people to his pet pigs!

Worth Watching Properly?

I've actually seen nearly all of it already. Wifey's friend left us shortly before season two ended and we never got around to finishing it, but other than that I saw it all. Admittedly, it did not always have my complete attention; not because it was bad, it just wasn't always my cup of tea, I guess. It's certainly well made in any case, and if you have anything but contempt for period dramas, I would say it is indeed worth watching. Even by people who aren't lesbians! EXCEPT!! I believe the show has now unofficially been cancelled, and it's likely the second season finale didn't conclude the story so if you're one of those people who need closure, I'd give it a miss.

Computer Platform Games #9

2025-04-21T18:54:00.001+01:00

Bomb Jack II (1987)
By: Elite Genre: Platform Players: 1 Difficulty: Medium
Featured Version: ZX Spectrum First Day Score: 10,400
Also Available For: Amstrad CPC, Commodore 64

I was a big fan of Tehkan's classic bomb-collecting platformer, Bomb Jack, and as detailed in a previous post, I spent a great many happy afternoons playing the excellent CPC version at a friend's house on the way home from school. As you might imagine, I was therefore keen to acquire the game for my Speccy too, but I never saw it in the shops for some reason. I did see Bomb Jack II though, and soon bought it hoping it would be more or less the same as the game I had been enjoying so much. Sadly, I quickly learned that aside from using the same name and main character, it bore little resemblance to the original. Okay, it was also a single-screen platformer and there were still small platforms dotted around the screen and you still had to collect stuffs and there were still enemies to avoid. But it still didn't play much like the mighty Bomb Jack (no, not Mighty Bomb Jack). But was it enjoyable in its own right?

Well, that depends, I guess. As the loading screen may indicate, Jack is again the star of the show, but there's nary a bomb in sight for him to collect. His adventure this time is apparently 'a comic caper of the tactical kind', according to the game's blurb, which tasks him with collecting treasure, not bombs. It should've been called Treasure Jack in that case, surely? That's not even the most un-Bomb Jack-like part either. No, that's to do with how Jack moves around. The first game was popular for his lightning-fast, super-responsive, pixel-perfect jumping ability (amongst other things) that saw skilled players zipping around the whole screen like a hyperactive gnat, and it's this mechanic that is missing in Bomb Jack II. I don't mean it hasn't been as well-implemented or that it has been changed in some way. It's gone altogether, to the extent that there isn't even a jump button anymore.

Yes, I was exactly as bewildered as you upon witnessing this affront to the Bomb Jack name. Jack's jumps are automatic this time, but only work if there is another platform exactly in line with the one he's on in whichever direction he's moving, and this can only be up, down, left or right, not diagonal. This is where the 'tactics' the game's inlay spoke of come into play. Except it's not a tactical game, just a bit puzzley. All you need to do is simply move Jack around the screen collecting all the little money bags on each of the 40 stages. It can sometimes take a bit of messing around and flitting back and forth to work out how to reach certain monies owing to this weird gameplay mechanic but it's unsurprisingly the enemies that cause most of the problems. They are usually restricted to the platforms they originally appear on except for the odd chaotic enemy/stage where they are leaping all around the place as Jack can.

But most of the time they just pace back and forth on their platform which means, unlike the original game, you can find a 'safe space' (as people like to say nowadays) somewhere and have a breather. This is still not a great idea though, as the pesky things apparently 'evolve' from slow, weak ogre/sloth things to stronger armour-plated rhinos over time, and they also get faster the longer you leave them alone. You might be wondering what that now-unused jump button does here and this is a timely point to reveal that it's now a 'stab' button of all things. Yes, that's right - Jack can now stab the enemy creatures, though he has to do so repeatedly while walking towards the edge of a platform. Only then will they explode, but they will usually respawn immediately; sometimes on a different platform, sometimes right where they were before they exploded which is really helpful as you might imagine. There's nothing out of the ordinary for the time though, difficulty-wise.

The collision-detection is actually quite generous when you're moving quickly, and overall it's not a bad little platformer if you forget that it's meant to be a Bomb Jack title. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that it wasn't even developed as one and just had the name slapped on it at the last minute. The player character doesn't look like him, it just looks like some (faceless) guy. If that doesn't bother you, it's a tricky-but-fun game with a pinch of puzzleyness to keep you on your toes. The level graphics are decent enough, with some famous landmarks among the backgrounds as in the first game (the game cycles through five in total), while the audio merely consists of a few reasonable effects, but it's fairly enjoyable to play in bursts and quite addictive, and quite good value on its budget re-release which is how I had it. Just make sure you tape some paper over the left part of the screen when playing!

RKS Score: 6/10

Gameplay Video: here's a video of the whole game being played by one of the talented fellows at Modern Retro Gaming News (check out their great channel here). Oh, and don't watch if you want to avoid spoilers!

PS4 Purchases #15

2025-04-17T18:08:00.001+01:00

Aggelos by Storybird Games / PQube / Look At My Game (2018)

Not only have I actually owned this game for several years now - that's normal for me with these posts as it takes me ages to get around to posting about them - but I've even played it quite extensively which is less normal for me! I can't really remember how I first discovered it now. I think I might've just been browsing Amazon one day and the pixelly graphics on its cover caught my eye, but however it happened, I'm sure glad it did as it turned out to be exactly the kind of game I hoped it would be. Namely, a Wonder Boy III clone. The story is the usual fare - you play as a brave warrior who must gather 'the elements' in order to defeat some flange called Valion who wants to destroy the kingdom. Or something. What matters is that it's a vast adventure set over many different areas filled with monsters and tons of stuff to collect including many different swords, armour, and magic rings and scrolls.

There are many other items to look out for too, including the precious 'elements', of course, and you gain new abilities as you progress. You can even learn new languages! The style really is very much like the legendary WBIII but with its own unique characters and story and locations and I loved every second of it... until I got stuck on a boss! And that's why I haven't reviewed the game yet, but I would still give it a very hearty recommendation. Those pixelly graphics that attracted me to begin with are indeed delightful throughout (or at least up until the boss I got stuck on), both in terms of the characters and the areas of the game world, and the soundtrack is fantastic as well. I was really enjoying exploring the vibrant world offered here so it's a shame I got stuck, but I will give it another go at some point. Either way, it's probably the best £10.95 I've spent in recent years in terms of gaming.

Film Reviews #126

2025-04-13T11:51:00.001+01:00

The Killer (2023)
Director: Ridley Scott Starring: Michael Fassbender, Arliss Howard, Charles Parnell, Kerry O'Malley, Sala Baker, Sophie Charlotte, Tilda Swinton

Certificate: 15 Running Time: 118 Minutes

Tagline: Excution is everything.

There are a number of film directors I would call myself a fan of but David Fincher has never really been a name I'd put on that list. Looking though his filmography, he probably should be - I love Seven and The Game, and I've seen six (I think) more of his films, most of which are excellent - but no, I didn't really follow his career and/or works in progress like I do with a few other directors. It was therefore a surprise when I saw someone on social media excitedly talking about The Killer's upcoming release, but I soon found myself sharing this person's excitement for some reason. "Oh yeah", I thought. "Fincher... He has a new film and it seems likely that it's about a killer - could be good. Maybe I'll even go to the cinema for this one!" Imagine my surprise, therefore, to find it staring at me on Netflix a couple of nights later. My viewing plans for the evening were swiftly cancelled and I pressed 'play'.

It was soon clear that The Killer is not one of those pesky films with a pretentious title that has nothing to do with the story at hand. It stars the much-lauded Fassbender as an unnamed contract killer hanging out in a dilapidated room across the road from a swanky Paris hotel. Here, he is patiently waiting for his target to turn up. During this wait and beyond, in addition to eating, exercising and listening to music, he gives us the low-down via voiceover on what it takes to be a hitman. As you might imagine, certain hand-to-hand combat and firearms skills come in handy, but what 'the killer' (who, for review purposes, we'll call Randy) emphasises is the more mental side - preparation, focus, patience, discipline, attention to detail, and of course the right (or wrong, as the case may be) moral and emotional mindset all play an equally important, perhaps more important role as well.

Over twenty minutes we spend in that threadbare room with Randy (five days for him) before his target finally shows up, all the while his lessons on being a hitman/assassin continue, including his subsequent getaway and return to his home in the Dominican Republic, only to find it has been broken into and his girlfriend attacked, leaving her in intensive care. Was it payback from a fellow professional or maybe just a hapless local hood looking for an easy score? In either case, it's probably not the best idea to hurt the only person a professional murderer cares about. Suffice to say, Randy immediately begins investigating with intentions no more noble than revenge. His efforts lead him to - and through - a number of dangerous people, each another rung up the ladder until he reaches the top and the person most accountable.

So yes, The Killer is basically little more than a revenge thriller. A very stylish one to be sure, but besides Randy's musings on people and life in general, there's no real depth here. Not that there's anything wrong with that - revenge thrilliers are among my favourite types of films. Willing a highly-skilled and motivated badass to exact bloody retribution on deserving scum who have wronged him or her is highly entertaining, not to mention therapautic. There's an element of wish fulfillment to some of them, I guess. But therein lies The Killer's problem for me: the people Randy is hunting down are no worse than he is. If that. They have only hurt someone as far as we've seen, after all. Randy kills people. Someone is his line of work has to expect some degree of blowback, no matter how thorough they might be, right?

Don't get me wrong, it's a decent enough film in most ways. Aside from Randy's extensive voiceovers, there's isn't a massive amount of dialogue, but what's here is fine, as is the excellent camerawork, sets, location work and all that stuff. The soundtrack is also great if you like Randy's favourite band which is apparently The Smiths. Fassbender is the only actor with significant screen time and he does a superb job of convincing you he's a cold, calculating killer. Out of all the others, standouts inclide Tilda Swinton as a similarly nameless assassin, Charles Parnell as Randy's handler, Kerry O'Malley as his unfortunate secretary, and Sala Baker as a monstrous assassin with whom Randy has a long, brutal fight.

However well made the film might be, though, it's missing one vital ingredient - a sympathetic central character. He's not a charismatic, charming antihero. He's not a man we can cheer on as he takes out the bad guys in comically creative ways. He is the bad guy. He's just a killer. A largely emotionless, utterly ruthless, multiple murderer. He would need to have at least some appealing qualities beyond soulless efficiency and dedication to his craft to make him and his 'plight' anywhere even approaching sympathetic. It's not Fassbender's fault, he's an excellent actor. I just wish the character was one worth rooting for. It's a slick film that's worth watching as it has some great scenes, but I didn't give a crap whether 'The Killer' was successful in gaining his vengeance or not, and that can't be what Fincher was going for?

RKS Score: 6/10

Arcade Shmups #29

2025-04-07T22:00:00.002+01:00

Ashura Blaster (1990)
By: Visco Corp / Taito Genre: Shooting Players: 1-2 Difficulty: Medium-Hard
Featured Version: Arcade First Day Score: 126,000 (one credit)
Also Available For: Nothing

There can't be a huge number of arcade shooters that never left Japan (they were one of the most popular genres in the West, after all), and even fewer that never received any home conversions, but I managed to find one in the fairly splendidly-named Ashura Blaster, developed by Visco Corp and released by the mighty Taito just as that most wonderful of decades had drawn to a close. Due to this somewhat restrictive release I can't tell you too much about its backstory, but I can tell you it's apparently set in the far-flung future of 2020 (chortle). As you may have noticed, it's a vertical scroller, and a very familiar type too. It doesn't take a genius to work out the probable vague outline though - some dictator or heinous regime has threatened national/global peace and only you (and a friend) can save the day for some reason. Better dig out that chopper license!

For yes, this is a helicopter-based shooter, and it's one that's very much in the same vein as Toaplan classic, Twin Cobra, as many other shmups were at the time. That means there are forested areas, desert areas, airstrips and military bases, usually towns or cities, and always watery areas. Flying over all of them are many groups/formations of enemy aircraft, less frequent medium-sized aircraft, and occasional large aircraft as well as millions of small tanks, usually trundling onto the screen, appearing from buildings, or appearing from underneath stuff like trees, and a few larger tanks or ground vehicles. Naturally, these tanks/vehicles are replaced by boats of various sizes on the watery areas. This format was used by so many games around this time that I genuinely once thought they were their own sub-genre at one point, but apparently not.

As you may have managed to work out, Ashura Blaster adheres to this format without deviation. It consists of six stages which are all nearly two screens wide and full of choppers and tanks, primarily. The aircraft you pilot through them are Apache-style gunships (red for player one or blue for player two, rather than the expected military green example shown on the title screen) which are armed with a basic twin cannon and three bombs, though you can choose between four different types of bomb attacks before you start. Power-ups are offered by certain enemies upon destruction (chinooks, most often) and include a 'P' for powering-up whichever weapon you have, extra bombs, occasionally an extra life, and of course the weapons. These come in the form of an icon which cycles through five colours - red, orange, yellow, green and blue.

The Vulcan Cannon (red) is your default weapon which is a decent medium-range option when powered-up; Twin Laser (orange) is ultra-powerful but has a very narrow range; Back Shot (yellow) has a twin forward but four-way rear shot; Wave Blaster (green) shoots pretty powerful green balls all over the place and is the weapon I use the most; Last is the Missile Spread (blue) which has the widest range but isn't especially powerful. Each of them has their uses and the weapon capsule appears quite often so if you make a bad choice, you probably won't have to survive with it for long. Although, if you're anything like me, you'll probably keep losing lives following the capsule as it drifts back and forth, waiting for it to change to your preferred colour, and of course, you won't be shocked to hear that you lose all power-ups when you lose a life.

I wouldn't go as far as calling it a 'one life game' since, as mentioned, the power-ups are frequent, but it's not far off. There are a lot of bullets whizzing around and many enemy helicopters that you miss will swing around for another pass, for example. The gun emplacements will sometimes fire when you're right on top of them too, which isn't ideal, and some guns later on are invisible until they pop out of the ground when you get close. As well as stuff like this, the enemies also get faster the further into the game you get so it can get a little tough going. The stage bosses are, predictably, just much larger versions of standard enemies (giant tanks, aircraft, etc) and most of them aren't too bad in terms of difficulty. The bombs are helpful but highscore-chasers might want to hold off as you get bonus points for any unused bombs at the end of a stage.

There are a few nice little details like that but are they enough to help Ashura Blaster stand out? I don't really think so, I'm afraid. The graphics aren't bad for their time, generally speaking, with the enemies and their bullets whizzing around without much in the way of slowdown, and the weapon effects are pretty nice (although the green weapon seems a bit out of place), but it's all very repetitive too. There is very little variety in the enemies or scenery between stages, with few new examples introduced later on, and the mostly dull colours mean not many enemies really stand out, especially the choppers which might sometimes be hard to spot if they weren't moving around. The audio is a little better, with some decent music (I particularly like the first stage's tune) and solid-sounding spot effects. Overall, though, there's just something missing for me. It's an enjoyable enough game to play, the weapons are pretty cool, it's challenging without being stupidly difficult, and it loops after the sixth stage so it's good for score-chasers too, but I had such a sense of 'seen it all before' while playing (seen earlier in the game itself, in some cases!). As mentioned earlier, the style is similar to many other vertical-scrollers of the era, and it's a style I like a lot, but there are some much better examples than this. If you've played most of them, however, and just want to test your skills on something new (assuming it is new to you), Ashura Blaster is a competent if repetitive effort.

RKS Score: 6/10

Gameplay Video: here's a video of the whole game being played by one of the talented fellows at World of Longplays (check out their great channel here). Oh, and don't watch if you want to avoid spoilers!

Intellivision A-Z

2025-03-26T12:28:00.002+00:00

I had never even heard of this console when I was growing up and didn't see one in real life until about 12 years ago - I guess it wasn't too popular here in the UK! It was pretty popular elsewhere though, and has remained a favourite for many to this day. Despite its moderate success, it didn't receive that many releases either, so I'll be featuring all of them here. Bear in mind, however, that all will have been played via an emulator and not therefore with the Intellivision's notorious controller. This is one of five posts to that end and features all games beginning with letters D through L:

Deep Pockets (1990)

No, this late release isn't about some really generous guy, it's actually a pool game. The table isn't green (probably due to the Intellivision's limited colour palette) and the balls flicker, and the controls aren't nearly as precise as many would want either, but there are tons of options and it's pretty good fun for two players.

Defender (1983)

Duplicating this Williams arcade classic was always going to be a tall order, and accordingly this version is slower and less precise, but that's actually a good thing if you struggled a bit with the lighting-fast chaos of the arcade game as I usually do. It's still tricky but addictive enough to keep you coming back.

Demon Attack (1982)

This one is a fixed-screen shooter like Galaxian which is set on the surface of a moon or something and features waves of winged creatures of various types to shoot down. This version even features a 'demon mothership' boss too. It's a common type of game but there are several game variations and all are enjoyable and addictive.

Dig Dug (1987)

Another early 80s system, another version of Dig Dug. A lot of people seem to hate this game for some reason but Intellivision owners got a good version, regardless. It doesn't do anything the other don't really, but it plays nicely and I really like the crisp and colourful graphics. One of my favourite versions of this classic.

Diner (1987)

I had never heard of this one before but apparently it's the sequel to Burger Time which isn't one of my favourites of the early classics. The action is now viewed from an angled overhead perspective and the idea is to kick balls of food all the way down the screen, but the controls aren't great and it's really frustrating to play.

Donkey Kong (1982)

I've played quite a few versions of this classic over the years and most are at least half decent, but this version is not one of the best, to put it mildly. It only has two stages which are repeated over and over for one thing. The graphics are also rather unpleasant and the controls aren't great. Give another version your time.

Donkey Kong Jr (1982)

Unlike original DK, I hadn't played this one before, but it's clearly more enjoyable than the first game, on the Intellivision at least. It only loses one of the arcade version's four stages this time, and while it's still not much of a looker and the controls are a bit iffy, the rope-swinging action is pretty good fun.

Dracula (1982)

Crikey, this is a real rarity - an Intellivision exclusive! It's an unusual one too. You play as Dracula and must run along the street biting (killing?) as many innocent bystanders as you can find before the sun comes up! A bit controversial in its day and a little repetitive, but pretty original too, with a clever day/night cycle.

Dragonfire (1982)

This one appeared on many systems of the day but this is one of the better versions. There are only two stages/screens, one side-viewed, one overhead (kind of), and you have to dodge a dragon's fireballs on both. It's tricky, and due its short length it gets trickier quickly, but it's not bad for a quick score blast now and then.

Dreadnaught Factor, The (1983)

I've played this one before but this is the original version which sees you as a lone starpilot taking on a huge battleship (or indeed, a dreadnaught) which is advancing on earth! You can gradually take out its many guns or go for the engines to slow it down. A tricky but excellent, immersive shooter. Superb cover artwork too.

Fathom (1983)

This one is a bit strange and I had no idea what I was doing at first. It's a scrolling adventure where it seems you can switch between controlling a seagull and a dolphin and must use them to explore the skies and seas to find items to free an imprisoned mermaid. It's certainly original and proves intriguing enough to keep you going.

Frog Bog (1982)

Another strange one. It's quite literally set in a bog which features two frogs. You and a friend take control of them and leap back and forth between lily pads trying to catch bugs with your frog's sticky tongue. It gets boring quickly in single player but not bad for a laugh when you have a friend to compete against.

Frogger (1983)

This is the frog title most gamers wanted to play, though, and it arrived a year later. Happily it's a decent version of the Konami classic, too, featuring decent enough graphics (though not quite as good as the VCS, for some reason) and sound effects along with a few jingles here and there. Good fun and as addictive as always.

Grid Shock (1982)

I didn't realise at first but this actually went unreleased which is a shame as it looks pretty interesting. It's an into-the-screen puzzle game which has you shooting at squares on a grid to fill them in while a wall sweeps back and forth. It seems to be finished and is certainly playable but who knows if anything is missing?

Happy Trails (1983)

I thought this was some sort of basic RPG for some reason but no, it's actually a tile-sliding puzzle game where you must help a walking man continue to walk by sliding tiles around to keep his pathway open as he recovers stolen money bags and stuff over 16 stages. Pretty good fun and addictive once you work things out.

Hard Hat (1979)

This is another unreleased title, apparently, and it's a two-player-only game. Each player is on the framework of a tower block and must complete it by pushing glass panels from the central crane. Whoever does it first is the winner! According to the blurb it's unfinished, but it seems playable enough to me.

Horse Racing (1980)

Another Intellivision exclusive, though it's not one I would've been shouting about at the time. As the name may suggest, this one is a horse racing game but also a gambling sim, for yes, you can bet on the races as well as play them. I'm not sure how much fun it would be for racing fans or indeed non-fans though.

Hover Force (1986)

This is an ambitious one. It sees you play as a helicopter pilot flying over a pretty big overhead-viewed game map featuring several cities with the aim of shooting down bad guys and putting out fires. The momentum of the chopper(s) makes it more realistic but also makes aiming tricky. Excellent presentation, regardless.

Ice Trek (1983)

This exclusive has my favourite title screen on the system so far, but it's a bit of a weird one otherwise. There are three stages - a side scrolling skiing thing, then you have to build an ice bridge up the screen, then shoot up an ice castle before starting over - but none are especially enjoyable. Original and creative, though.

King of the Mountain (1982)

Another interesting unreleased title. This one has you heading up several mountains along forking paths, but there are bears, rockfalls and bad weather to hinder your progress. You also need to stock up on supplies before leaving, but taking too much will slow you down. Supposedly it's unfinished but it seems to play well enough.

Kool-Aid Man (1983)

Apparently, this VCS conversion was only available through a Kool-Aid promotion which doesn't bode well, and indeed, it's not a corker. You have to guide two children around a house collecting stuff while avoiding Kool-Aid creatures or something, but it's not much fun. I can't even say "stick to the drink!" as I've never had it.

Lady Bug (1983)

It probably doesn't look it from the rather ugly screenshot but this is actually a pretty decent version of the Pac-Man-inspired mazey arcade game. Just pootle around as the titular creature collecting the x's and avoiding the enemies with the help of twirly gates. Not as good as the Coleco version but still an addictive and fun game.

Land Battle (1982)

Yet another unreleased game. This one is some sort of strategy game for two players and features an overhead view of... some land. Which you... do battle on? Since it was unreleased and therefore doesn't have any instructions, I don't really have any idea what I'm meant to do if I'm honest. Might've been a good one though.

Las Vegas Blackjack and Poker (1979)

I guess it's pretty obvious what this one offers. I suppose it was aimed at the parents who has laid out all that cash for their kids to have an Intellivision. Why not have a spot of fun yourself too? I don't have any interest in blackjack or poker but this seems to play a reasonable enough version of them if you're into it.

Las Vegas Roulette (1979)

Crikey, an even more gambley title. You may be surprised to hear that I don't have much interest in roulette either, but if you do it gives you comparable thrills at no risk of lost money! Well, besides what you paid for it, I guess. The table looks quite nice and it seems to play well enough though, so again, if it's your thing...

League of Light (1983)

What's this? Another unreleased game? I had no clue what I was doing, to be honest, and didn't last long. I think you have to manoeuvre between an into-the-screen succession of coloured lights without crashing but, unless I'm missing something, it isn't enjoyable enough to spend too much time practising. It's original though!

Lock 'N' Chase (1982)

Ah, another Pac-Man-style maze game - I was surprised to only see one so far! This one is an arcade and VCS conversion which has you as a bank robber trying to evade coppers while picking up all the coins in each maze, and helpfully you can open and close doors as you go. Prettier than Lady Bug but less responsive controls.

Loco-Motion (1982)

And now another sliding-tile puzzle game! This one is quite nice actually - you have to keep a train running on the tracks and also guide it around collecting passengers by using the different tile pieces to change its route. Keep them happy or they'll make life difficult for you! A very decent conversion of the Konami arcade game.

Left out on purpose: Deadly Dogs (just TRON but with hot dogs), Game Factory (unreleased eductional game), Go For the Gold (compilation of games already released), Jetsons' Ways With Words, The (education), Learning Fun 1 & 2 (educational)

TV Shows #34 - Part 1

2025-03-20T21:14:00.002+00:00

The Night Agent Season One (2023)
Developed By: Shawn Ryan
Starring: Gabriel Basso, Luciane Buchanan, Hong Chau, Fola Evans-Akingbola, D. B. Woodside, Sarah Desjardins, Eve Harlow, Phoenix Raei, Robert Patrick, Enrique Murciano, Kari Matchett

Certificate: 15 Running Time: 45-56 Minutes per Episode (approx), 10 Episodes

Tagline: "Heroes aren't born. They answer the call."

I've watched a lot of films and shows like this over the years. I would call them spy dramas but they don't always involve actual spies. They do always involve government agencies though - the 'three letter' agencies, as some like to say - and usually some conspiracy or other, mostly the work of some terrorists and often also a 'inside man' or corrupt member of one of these agencies. Most examples feature real agencies like the FBI, CIA, MI5/6, etc, but there are a few that make up their own, and this new 'Netflix Original' show features the latest - Night Action. Seems a bit of a weird name, don't you think? It sounds like the name of a swingers club or something. Hmm, anyway... I think it's meant to be a super secret branch of the FBI but it seems to operate much more like the CIA. Either way, it's so secret that other agencies don't even know it exists. That must make things tricky.

Their field agents (i.e. the heroes who save the world from evildoers) are known as Night Agents, but oddly, they barely feature in this show. The focus is instead on Peter Sutherland Jr (Basso) who is about as low as it's possible to be in Night Action rankings. He just sits in a basement room in the White House manning a Night Action phone that 'never rings', apparently. If it were to ring, it would be one of the Night Agents for whom it's like an emergency help number if they're in trouble.

Peter and Rose investigate stuff...

Sounds like quite a responsibility, so I guess it's lucky for Peter that it never rings. !!BUT THEN!! Wouldn't you know it? It only rings, doesn't it! Calling it is a panicking woman called Rose (Buchanan) who says her aunt and uncle have just been killed and that the killers are now looking for her too, just to 'tie up loose ends' and all that, I guess. With Peter's help she's able to get away and is then placed under his protection when it seems as though there may be a mole in the government and they don't know who they can trust. Peter has two bosses - Hawkins (Patrick), his FBI boss, and Diane Farr (Chau), the current White House chief of staff - so the traitor could be in either camp. Hawkins doesn't like Peter much, but that would be a bit too obvious, right? Farr seems to like him more, or she at least recognised his potential when he thwarted a terrorist bombing the previous year, which is how he wound up working for Night Action (snigger) to start with.

The fact that those persistent hitmen never seem to be far behind Peter and Rose would seem to indicate that someone is feeding them information, though. We actually spend more time with them than you might think, too, as we see the chase from both perspectives to some extent. They are a couple called (or at least using the names) Dale (Raei) and Ellen (Harlow) and both are pros so I guess neither of them is quite all there but Ellen is the more psychopathic of the two, but she also apparently wants to settle down with Dale and start a family and all that.

Dale and Ellen hunting down their prey...

There are discussions like this and we even see the two of them playing house for a while. I'm not sure why so much time is spent with them. Is it an attempt to humanise them? I guess that type of thing is trendy these days but they are still killers, or 'murdering bastards' to quote Bill from out of Kill Bill. Meanwhile, the whole time Peter and Rose are trying to stay one step ahead of the two lunatics while investigating the apparent conspiracy that put them in harms way to begin with, there's another plot afoot involving the vice president's ridiculous daughter, Maddie (Desjardins), and Chelsea (Evans-Akingbola), the Secret Service agent in charge of her protection detail. Chelsea is ambitious and takes her job very seriously so she doesn't take too kindly to suddenly being saddled with a new member for her team.

This turns out to be Erik (Woodside - Wayne Palmer from 24), a veteran agent only just returning to duty after taking a bullet for the last president, but Chelsea is soon glad to have him around as the idiotic Maddie goes and gets herself kidnapped, and it isn't too much longer before it starts looking like this might have some connection to Rose's auntie and uncle getting whacked, and Peter and Rose's resultant adventures.

Chelsea and Erik investigate stuff...

Like many similar shows and films of recent years The Night Agent is based on a novel, so you can count on these plot threads being tied together in a reasonably satisfying way, and thankfully the stakes prove to be much higher than just Rose and Maddie's lives. Not that they aren't important, of course. Buchanan as Rose, a cybersecurity entrepreneur, is particularly appealing, and the scenes featuring her and Peter as they do running and investigating are the most enjoyable for me. Though well played by Desjardins, Maddie is more of a pain in the arse, even if her father, Vice President Redfield (Christopher Shyer), gives her good reason to be, but I still didn't want to see her riddled with bullet holes or worse.

Basso probably impresses the most though. I haven't seen him since he was one of the kids in Super 8 but he's pretty believable as a makeshift spy/field agent, and his Peter doesn't have an easy go of it since being burdened by the legacy of an infamous traitor for a father. He's determined to make the Sutherland name respectable again though, and Basso's performance makes you hope he does. Despite a few bumps in the road, he and his busty new friend make a good team too. I also rather enjoyed Hong Chau as the White House chief of staff, even if her hair freaks me out a bit.

It's a likeable, top quality cast generally, and a surprisingly engaging story they lead us through. Terrorist plots and government conspiracies aren't anything we haven't seen a million times before on our screens, especially in recent years, but the details are nicely drip-fed to the characters here as well as to us viewers, and it all comes together in a satisfying manner. Maybe some aspects are a little far-fetched - aren't they always with stuff like this? - but everyone likes to see an underdog exceed expectations. It would be easy to dismiss The Night Agent as just another FBI/CIA-type show, and I would understand that, but I thoroughly enjoyed it to the extent that I found myself periodically checking Netflix for season two (which finally aired this past January). It might not be that original but it's slick and definitely enjoyable and addictive enough to be well worth your time.

RKS Score: 8/10

Non-Speccy Homebrew Games #2

2025-03-08T13:00:00.003+00:00

Electrobots (2021)
By: OxCode Genre: Platform Players: 1 Difficulty: Medium
Featured Version: BBC Micro First Day Score: 1,800
Also Available For: Nothing

There are quite a few retro formats that receive deserved attention from the homebrew community but for what I'm disappointed to say is only my second review in this series of posts here, I've gone for another BBC example. I've had it for at least three years ago now (if you watch the video below on YT you can see a comment of mine from that long ago!) and played it quite extensively at the time, but didn't get around to reviewing it then for some reason. The title screen to the right here saves me the trouble of relaying the game's brief backstory but what I probably should mention is that it takes the form of a flickscreen platform adventure which is set over three zones - Land Zone, Water Zone and Space Zone. The ancient objects mentioned in the story are dotted around all three zones. As are various enemies too, naturally, which appear to be robots as well, or security droids or something.

It's not just a simple left-to-right (or indeed right-to-left) platformer, though. The zones are pretty big and pretty open and you can go in any direction, assuming passage is not blocked or restricted in some way. This most often happens in the first since it is bound by gravity and Electro can only manage a modest jump (in fairness, I'm not sure how he manages to jump at all when he looks the shape of a dustbin). This zone necessitates accurate jumps over anything else; even more so since Electro loses energy from medium-to-large falls. This is actually what caused me the biggest problem rather than enemy clankers which aren't that common or dangerous. In the first zone, at least. Happily, the second and third zones do not suffer from this 'falling' issue thanks to gloopy wateryness and spacial vacuum respectively, but they unsurprisingly come with their own difficulties including many spiky things, as the screenshots here show, and an increased number of enemies.

At first I thought you could switch between the zones at will but then I realised you're switching between three separate 'bots who are each already in a zone. It's actually a nice approach, and each zone is unique enough to present its own challenge, and challenges they are, too. Each is quite mazey and it takes a lot of exploring to find your way through them. I've been stuck on all three at some point! It's enjoyable enough pottering around them, though, and thankfully there is no time limit so if you do get stuck - just keep exploring! It can on occasion seem like there is no way to progress, admittedly, and the solution isn't always obvious, but it was mostly fun working it out. The graphics are really nice, featuring pleasing colours schemes, and the 'bots are appealing little clankers and, while the audio just consists of a few bleepy spot effects, this is an enjoyable little platform adventure that's well suited to the BBC Micro. Considering it's free, the least you can do it give it a try.

RKS Score: 7/10

Gameplay Video: If you want to learn more about this splendid game or download it (available as a rom file for emulator use or an .EXE to play directly on PC), click here. If you're still unsure, here's a trailer for the game:

Gaming Memories - Part 18

2025-03-03T22:10:00.002+00:00

The mid-to-late 90s were a painful time for me as a gamer. While I wasn't giving the scene my full attention during the year that saw the wonderful 16-bit systems replaced by the dazzling new 32-bit examples with all their polygons, I was still a Sega fan and I knew of the difficulties they had faced while faffing around with the 32X, Nomad, CDX, TeraDrive, and lord knows what else, and I also knew of their troubles concerning the development and release of the Saturn itself.

These collective woes ultimately led to the premature downfall of the Saturn. I still remember one day when I had just bought the latest Official Saturn Magazine on the way home from work and was sat on a bench flicking though it. Times were grim and the magazine staff did their best to give us hope, but there were only a handful of new reviews at best. The news pages brought faint glimmers of hope that some of the PS1's popular games might see release on Sega's ailing system, but I knew they wouldn't (which proved correct) and I think that was the moment when I finally accepted that the Saturn was on its way down. Did I put aside my sadness and frustration and step foot into the enemy's camp? If you can't beat 'em, join 'em - right? I'm ashamed to admit my desire to play new games eventually outweighed my loyalty to Sega and I went in search of a second-hand PlayStation console.

I still remember where I got it too. It was a section of shops in the city centre where half the units are usually vacant, and when someone does open a shop there it rarely stays open for long (not counting an Indian Restaurant which has been there since I was a kid). It was the first and last time I ever visited that shop and I can't remember its name, but I did leave it with a used PS1 along with a single game. I remember the game well - it was Porsche Challenge, a game I enjoyed more than any of the racing games I had for my Saturn (yes, yes, I know), and one that I have enjoyed again when playing it for this post. Oddly, however, I've never been able to remember what my next few games were. Well, not in recent years at least. So here is a look at what was definitely my first game as well as a few others I had pretty early on.

Porsche Challenge (1997)

Racing games benefitted massively from the wonders of the 32-bit era, and since they were one of my favourite genres, it's no surprise my first PS1 game was one. Unlike with my Saturn, there was a wide choice on Sony's console too, and this is the one I went for. I mean, Porsches are pretty cool, right? There are four courses in total here which can each be raced in various ways, and there are six characters to choose from to race over them, although they all drive Boxsters so the differences between them are minimal. There are three play modes though (Championship, Time Trial, or Practice), and you can choose between 'simulation' and 'arcade' driving styles. The handling takes some getting used to in either case as the cars oversteer somewhat, and the brakes are a bit too effective (merely releasing the accelerator is enough for most corners), but when you get good at it, it's an enjoyable and satisfying game to play. It certainly kept me interested for a good while and I was pleased with it at the time as a first PS1 game. I even preferred it to (dare I say it) Sega Rally on my Saturn.

Croc: Legend of the Gobbos (1997)

I actually first learned of this game thanks to a playable demo on a magazine cover disc for my Saturn but didn't buy it for some reason. I did buy it for my PS1 though, and rather enjoyed it. Playing it again now, it seems like a game aimed at children, what with its cast of cute characters, notably its waddling crocodilian star, all of whom make cute noises, but it's actually quite tough. This is partly down to the camera - often an issue with early 3D platformers - and its unreliable controls which have led to many difficulties while playing (although it was among the first games to support the 'Dual Shock' analogue controller which helped), but it's still an appealing adventure. The aim is basically just to rescue a bunch of 'Gobbos' (little gonk things) which are spread over the game's four themed worlds (Mountain, Arctic, Desert, Castle) but there are tons of secrets and things to collect including billions of gems which work like Sonic's rings. A big, colourful, enjoyable, sometimes frustrating and surprisingly challenging game that kept me busy for ages. Until I got stuck! Great music too.

Felony 11-79 (1997)

Like many of my early PS1 games, or at least 'gameplay experiences', I first played this now-forgotten game thanks to a magazine demo disc, and I recall playing it over and over before buying the full game. It's a bit of a weird one in terms of backstory. You play the role of a master thief who has to track down and steal various items in order to unlock an ancient Egyptian tomb or some nonsense. What this involves is driving around three big 'game environments' known as Down Town, Sea Side and Metro City. Each is 'open world' in style to a limited extent but there is a specific start and finish point and you have a strict time limit, so fannying around is not advisable. Along the way there are items you need to grab (helpfully shown on a map, and with a big arrow when they're within sight). You get a choice of several vehicles for this, with many more that can be unlocked, and it's basically just a hectic race/smash-a-thon type game. It was and remains good fun, though, and the semi-open nature of the stages gives you decent replay value. Far from an all time great but entertaining enough.

Everybody's Golf (1997)

I'm assuming this was a 'hope for the best' kind of purchase made on the strength of how much I liked Neo Turf Masters on my NGPC but I really don't remember now. I do remember that it was among my first PS1 games and I guess I liked it right away as I recall spending a lot of time with it. There's nothing too fancy about it but there are lots of options and play modes and a good few characters to play as, most of whom need to be unlocked as you progress through the game. There are six courses in total and they can only be accessed once you reach them in the tournament mode. The first is easy but the second is already pretty tough, so lord only knows how hard the last one must be. I never got that far but I did keep trying, and replaying the earlier courses remains good fun as you try to get new personal bests and all that. This probably ended up being one of my most played PS1 games, and the same could be said for most of the later games in the series and the systems they appeared on. Cheap to buy at the time, simple, addictive, and great fun for one or multiple players.

Grand Theft Auto (1997)

Yes, that's right, the now legendary game and progenitor of the ultra-popular series of which I've played none. Except for this original, on my PS1. Again, I didn't own it at first either - it was another one I could play thanks to a magazine cover disc which, I believe, gave you the entire game to do anything you wanted with, but it had a time limit which reset after a few short minutes. I nonetheless spent a lot of time messing around, trying to get various tomfooleries done before that happened until I finally realised that maybe I should just buy the full game! This really saw my career as a criminal take off, performing hits and all sorts of other shady jobs for my boss, but of course, as with many others who played this game, I probably spent just as much time pissing about. Doing enough illegal things to get the rozzers on my back and then seeing how long I could evade arrest/death was always a favourite! This first GTA was never the flashiest game to look at but it brought plenty of innovations to gaming generally, and there was so much to keep you occupied that paying any price for it would be a bargain. Endless fun and there was nothing like it for my Saturn.

Final Thoughts:

I suspect some of you may be thinking what I'm thinking after actually looking at the names in this feature, and indeed, they are hardly games that are synonymous with the glory and success of Sony's all-conquering debut console. GTA, maybe? Even that, probably not. That series had to make the jump to 3D to become really popular. I did have and play such games as Gran Turismo, Final Fantasy VII, Metal Gear Solid, Colin McRae, Tekken etc, but not for a while after I got my PlayStation. The lesser-known and/or appreciated titles here are among the first I had and I enjoyed them.

Indeed, it was obvious pretty quickly that the PS1 was an excellent console, as much as it might've pained me to admit it. I knew this already, of course, as a friend had one and I had played a couple of games briefly on that, but it's different when you actually own the system in question. Supposedly it was much easier to develop for than the complicated Saturn so it was always going to have a much broader range of games, though this has its drawbacks too. I believe the term 'shovelware' was first used to describe the deluge of crap that ended up on PlayStation clearance shelves soon after being released, for example.

As annoying as that might've been now and then, though, it also meant that you were pretty much always guaranteed to find another game of a similar type you liked when you had finished with your last one. This is something my poor old Saturn could rarely offer. My love for Sega continued through to the Dreamcast which I felt sure would put Sega back on top, but alas. More on that in the relevant future post, I guess. As for Sony, I never really had a love for them or their consoles as I did for Sega or a few other companies, but I suppose that didn't matter. They went on to become an industry behemoth to the extent that, supposedly, the PlayStation brand saved the company from going under, and I've owned all but their latest console. This original example is still probably the one I've spent the most time with. Games were plentiful and fairly cheap. I even worked with a guy who sold pirated copies of games, though I had little need to make use of his services when I could buy second-hand originals for only a few pounds more than his rip-offs.

Accordingly, I ended up with quite a few games for my PS1 and have very fond memories of some, including some wonderful platformers and many of the racing games of which I was and remain so fond. My good friend Luke and I spent much time with Gran Turismo (his yellow Impreza versus my modified Honda Prelude was a contest for the ages!). Anyway, I could probably burble on all day about this stuff, but suffice to say - I felt dirty for betraying Sega, but it was worth it!

TV Shows #33

2025-02-13T21:39:00.000+00:00

A Teacher (2020)
Developed By: Hannah Fidell
Starring: Kate Mara, Nick Robinson, Ashley Zukerman, Shane Harper, Marielle Scott, Dylan Schmid, Adam David Thompson, Jana Peck, Rya Ingrid Kihlstedt

Certificate: 18 Running Time: 21-30 Minutes per Episode (approx), 10 Episodes

I guess it's a dangerous subject to even talk about these days but I'm sure most of us had the hots for a teacher or two back in our school days. I know I did! For the overwhelming majority of us, that's as far as it ever goes, of course, which is as it should be. Startlingly, however, that is not as far as it goes in this FX miniseries which stars Nick Robinson as Eric, a 17 year old student who becomes infatuated with Claire, his 32 year old English teacher. Claire is played by Kate Mara who is, dare I say it, rather attractive. I know it automatically makes me a misogynistic pig for acknowledging that, but she is, so it's not hard to see why Eric finds her appealing. Apparently unaware of this, after a chance encounter outside of school, she offers to tutor him for his SATs. After a couple of study sessions and a probably-unwise guided tour of her old university where Eric is hoping to study, he tries to kiss her.

Despite rejecting Eric's advances, Claire seemingly finds the attention flattering, and I don't think it's too much of a spoiler to say they are soon doing some sexual activities together. In the back of her car, outside the high school dance he took a date to, no less! I think she is meant to be a chaperone or something, so she has been entrusted with taking care of the students, or at least making sure they don't get up to no good, but here she is riding one of them, just outside! It's shocking behaviour, quite frankly.

She is married too, though things are a bit strained with her husband, notably their sex life due to their thus-far-unsuccessful attempts to have a child which has made sex perfunctory, so it's understandable to some degree that a guy lusting after her is exciting, but someone as hot as her could have her pick of men, so why a student? I guess one might just get caught up in the moment but (minor spoiler alert again!) their 'interactions' soon turn into a fully-fledged affair that goes far beyond the scope of any 'moment', complete with a romantic weekend getaway. Claire even sends him a photo of her tits while on a girls night out! To say her judgement is clouded is putting it mildly and it isn't long before her dear husband Matt (Zukerman) notices changes in her behaviour. Inevitably (it's pretty obvious it will happen but spoiler alert anyway!), they eventually get busted thanks to Claire's stupidity.

I don't think there's any doubt that she is the guilty party in all this either. Indeed, I suspect most guys would find it awesome to hook up with a hot teacher, especially at the time, but these things can and usually do have repercussions far beyond that of simply breaking the rules, and possibly the law, depending on where it takes place (the show is set in Texas so Eric is at least not below the age of consent), and the fallout can have lifelong implications for both parties.

It's this that the second half of the show attempts to explore. Whether it does a good job or not is open to debate but it's certainly not one of those shows that glamourises its controversial subject matter for shock/ratings purposes. Both the leads do very good work here and, inappropriate or not, they do have some chemistry which shows in their numerous sex scenes (and no, there's no nudity from Mara, in case you were wondering!). Everyone else in the show is perfectly fine as well, but if you're anything like me, you'll struggle to remember them afterwards, simply because their characters are of limited importance. Eric and Claire are obviously the focus and, while their cautionary tale could probably have been trimmed by an episode or two, it's generally well paced and mostly well written.

That said, the aftermath of their affair seemed a bit over the top to me (considering Eric was of legal age and all that), but I suppose it's probably also exactly how it would happen for real so it's hard to criticise it too much. I wasn't entirely satisfied by the ending either, and it's not a very rewatchable show, but it's a reasonably compelling watch while it lasts. I suspect most viewings will be because it features Kate Mara as a hottie Teacher, but give it a go if the premise interests you.

RKS Score: 6/10

Licensed Games #5

2025-02-11T21:46:00.001+00:00

Robocop (1988)
By: Data East Genre: Platform/Fighting/Shooting Players: 1 Difficulty: Medium-Hard
Featured Version: Arcade First Day Score: 56,800 (one credit)
Also Available For: NES, Game Boy, PC, Amiga, Atari ST, MSX, Commodore 64, Amstrad CPC, ZX Spectrum, Apple II, TRS-80

In my younger years when much of my gaming was done on my trusty Speccy, many of the biggest and most successful games, or at least most hyped games, were adapted from major movies of the time. A lot of these sucked donkey balls, naturally, and were rightly derided, but I always remember one of them being a monster smash hit that topped the Speccy sales charts for many, many months. It was a game based on one of the best movies of its time which starred Peter Weller as a slain cop who was given a new lease of life after being repaired/augmented by electronic devices and assorted mechanical doodads. This would, I believe, make him a cyborg rather than a robot, so technically the film should've been called Cybercop, but name inaccuracies aside, it was a bit of a stonker. The tie-in game was originally found in arcades which was a little unusual, and as good as the Speccy version was, it can't have been as good as the arcade version, surely? Sadly, I didn't find out as I never encountered it.

It's a pretty short game, even by arcade standards. Okay, we're not talking Marble Madness short, but most of the stages are only a few screens long and it would only take a learned player a mere couple of minutes to get through most of them. There are seven of them in total which, unlike the home micro versions of the game, are all in the side-scrolling platform shooter style. For the first few seconds of the first stage, Robo only has his fists available for offing the many punks and soldiers who rush his way, but once they start appearing in high-rise windows taking pot shots at him, he doesn't hesitate to whip out his impressive leg gun, and from that point on its use is unlimited, including its ammo. His bionic fists are still available for dispatching enemies who are close enough but his gun (the 'Auto 9', I believe it's called) is far more satisfying to use, especially with its authentic movie shooting sound! Aside from this, there are also three other guns that can be picked up from crates or just lying around.

These include a three-way shot, a more powerful double-barrelled shotgun of some sort (except it still looks like a pistol), and that mental Cobra Assault Cannon thing that the bad guys use near the end of the movie, and all of these do have limited ammo. There aren't many other pick-ups - just an energy refill, I think, and that is very rare. For yes, Robo has an energy meter here and once it's gone, it's game over. Luckily, being an arcade game, you can just keep continuing for as long as you have credits (i.e. press the '5' key), and that's the only way I was able to see all the way through the game because it is quite difficult. This is mainly down to the number of enemies, which can get rather high at times, and also because they appear from all sides. Well, okay, they don't come from beneath the ground, but they run onto the screen from the left and right and also appear in windows or on platforms above you, and their line of fire is the same as yours, so you'll quite often get shot while shooting them!

There are many different types too. The first two stages take place on the mean streets of Detroit, and by far the most common enemies here and through the whole game are identical shooty soldiers who, for some reason, remind me of Gul Dukat in Total Recall, but others include leapy blue soldiers, grenade throwers, chainsaw maniacs, and skinhead punks who usually have hostages (who you can accidentally kill). The third stage is a either a construction site (for Delta City?) or a scrapyard (see right) and here you'll encounter jetpack buffoons, while the fourth stage, which is meant to be that drug factory from the film, introduces trenchcoat-wearing guys who carry the Cobra Assault Cannon. Kill them and you can use their giant gun for a few shots - sweet! From the fifth stage onwards you're on OCP turf where you'll have to contend with security laser cannons, robot spider things that fire mortars at you (and which take a good few shots to destroy), and various other security measures.

Suffice to say, there are quite a few of what I assume are Clarence Boddicker's henchmen, and that's not even counting the bosses which unsurprisingly grace each stage. The first pits Robo against ED-209 (I had expected this to be the final stage boss but I guess they wanted players to actually see it!). We see this ghastly contraption at the end of other stages too, sometimes in modified form, but other 'bosses' are merely lots of soldiers (second stage) or henchmen using heavy machinery (third & fourth stages). Their difficulty varies but with most of the them the only real problem is the same as during the stages themselves - avoiding enemy bullets. Sounds obvious, I know, but if Murphy/Robo wasn't such a lumbering clanker and was instead a more sprightly, agile rozzer, it would make the going much easier. That would probably also make this game a run 'n' gunner, but Robo's purposeful, measured stomping make the game too slow for that in my book. It plays a bit more like Shinobi or Rolling Thunder, minus the ability to jump and down between tiers, and it's this that makes Robocop a harder game.

If you ask me, anyway. In the two other games, you could usually just jump up or down to the next tier to avoid enemy shots, but you've no such luxury here. That said, how many players at the time would've sacrificed a bit of agility to able to play through a game as effing Robocop? That is unsurprisingly the main draw of this game and it works well. The graphics are good for their time and still look decent enough now. Robo and ED-209 look excellent, as you would expect, as do most of the other sprites, and the stages look great too. Only a couple are reminiscent of scenes from the film but the rest work well here anyway, with the last three featuring multiple tiers accessed by stairs or lifts, and there's a 'target practice' bonus round too, which, aside from the rare energy pick-up, is the only way to replenish energy that I found. Tough or not though, it's a game with a great atmosphere, and the audio is a big part of the reason for that.

Well, I think it's the presentation in general. The attract mode sees Robo running through his directives and there are several quotes from the film as you play, even if they aren't always used at the right times ("You are under arrest" or "Thank you for your co-operation" right after shooting the crap out of someone, for example). The music isn't the best with the exception of the splendid movie theme which plays during some stages, and it's the same with the sound effects. Some, such as Robo's default gun, sound very cool and much like the movie, while others, such as the three-way shot, definitely do not have a movie shooting sound! Overall, though, it's a tough-but-fun, not to mention satisfying walk 'n' gun platformer which, unusually for a licensed game, never mind a movie adaptation, it bears at least a passing resemblance to the movie but is also a decent game in its own right. The conversions might've gotten more of the glory, but this arcade original is a better game if you ask me.

RKS Score: 8/10

Gameplay Video: here's a video of the whole game being played by one of the talented fellows at World of Longplays (check out their great channel here). Oh, and don't watch if you want to avoid spoilers!

Spectrum Round-Up #2

2025-02-05T18:03:00.001+00:00

Budget games were great, a real lifeline for kids my age back in the mid-to-late-80s. I fondly recall my good friend Luke and I frequently visiting our local Blockbuster video store and browsing the rack of budget games they had for sale, but both there and featured heavily in the magazines that covered the 8-bit micros at the time were games bearing the name of Joe Blade, but for some reason I never played them. They are a trilogy of flick-screen arcade adventures - a type of game that appeals to me, and they were always near the top of the budget charts and were well received by most of the magazines too, so I really don't know why I never gave them a try. Time, then, for this pitiful blog to do its job once again. Behold:

Joe Blade (1987)

This first instalment sees Joe as a lone commando sent into an enemy fortress to rescue six hostages, then set a few bombs, and escape before they blow. Sounds like a cinch! There are guards patrolling most rooms though, and you have limited ammo for your machine gun. Luckily you can pick up more as well as keys, guards uniforms (temporary invincibility), and food to replenish Joe's health metre which depletes rapidly from contact with guards or other enemies. You will also find the aforementioned bombs here and there (there are six in total). Touching one brings up a mini-game where you have to put letters in the right order. If you do, you'll have 20 minutes to find the other bombs and arm them in a similar way before escaping. If you don't, the bomb will blow, killing you. It's a good idea to find the hostages before messing about with these! It's simple like most budget games, but the monochrome graphics are really nice (colours change now and then), there are tons of screens, it's good fun to play, and would be addictive enough anyway, but the placement of all the items (hostages, bombs, pick-ups) is randomised every time you play which makes it even more addictive, not to mention great value for money... 8/10

Joe Blade 2 (1988)

The warm reception the first game received meant a sequel was soon on budget shelves too, and while it keeps the same sort of level/screen structure as the first game (left/right flickscreen, up/down through doorways), the gameplay itself is a bit different. Joe has apparently been discharged from the services and now operates as a vigilante. The streets he patrols are filled with many running, jumping thugs and hoodlums - an infinite number, in fact - which, oddly, don't seem to cause Joe any harm. He can take them out nonetheless by jumping on/at them, and must take out quite a few before the job is done. Whilst doing this you must also rescue 16 'citizens' who can be found wandering around in fewer numbers. This is done by 'touching' them and then completing one of four mini-games (putting symbols/numbers in the right order, etc). These are by far the trickiest part of what is otherwise a pretty easy game, with only a ticking clock against you. The graphics are very similar to the first game and again excellent, and they are displayed in the biggest game window of any JB game, but I didn't enjoy playing it quite as much. Even though there is an aim, I think it just feels a bit more aimless and unfocused to play. That said, it's still a pleasant enough diversion, and for the price, how could you complain? ...6/10

Joe Blade 3 (1989)

Happily (for me), this third game in the series returns to the style of the first game, just bigger. Indeed, it is set inside a tower block this time, consisting of eight stories (six above ground and two basement levels) and you can travel between all but the top two floors as you please. The story/objective is more or less the same too - find and rescue hostages, set bombs and blow up the building. It's done slightly differently to before but you still have to find the hostages and bombs lying around and there are still other items to pick up such as food (health refill), gun ammo, grenades, disguises (temporary invincibility), floppy discs (item map), and lift passes (to access the upper levels). It's described in the instructions as "Joe's toughest mission yet" and it very much is. As well as being a larger game overall, with object placement randomised again, the enemies are still infinite and your ability to deal with them (bullets) is still limited, and I found that additional ammo was rather hard to come by. Most of my game overs were for this reason, in fact. There are still some tricky mini-games of the same type as previous games but they are encountered less often here. It's an enjoyable game to play in any case, and would undoubtedly have kept me going for a good while back in the day... 8/10

Joe Blade 4 (Unreleased)

And lo, completely unknown by me until I was most of the way through this round-up was this, a finished but apparently unreleased fourth game! Except, subsequent research has revealed it's not actually a Joe Blade game at all, but a hacked version of another budget game by the same company called Prison Riot. Even the unhacked version looks and plays exactly like a JB game though, from the graphics and game style right down to the main character's attacks. Although interestingly, it seems to use Joe's attacks from both the first/third game and the second - i.e. he can shoot as well as jump on/near the enemies. This time, however, the enemies do cause you to lose health, so you can't jump at them too much, but bullets are far fewer in number too, making it a pretty tough game. The object appears to be to find seven ring leaders of the riot that is apparently in progress as you play, and there are lots of rooms to explore and pick-ups to find while you do it. JB aficionados should enjoy it as much as the previous games though, even if it's not a real entry in the series. There was actually a real fourth game in development until the publisher went bust, taking Joe Blade 4 with it, but in its absence, this is a perfectly enjoyable alternative...7/10

Final Thoughts:

It's odd that I have such strong memories of games I never played, especially budget games which are, generally, less well known than big-name, full-price titles, and it's even odder that I never bought them when, unlike many games of the time, they were well within my budget. I don't have any explanations but I'm glad I finally have played them now. In case you were wondering (*coughLukecough*), I think the first game would've been my favourite as I just found it a bit more atmospheric, but all the games would've proved great value for money and would've been in my tape deck often if I had owned any of them. Even Prison Riot!