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teenager. Turning 29 meant the clock was ticking on my twentysomething status. And celebrating my 39th started the countdown to my induction into middle age. Don’t even get me started on 49, which was accompanied by a more intense version of the same foreboding: “This is it! The final year before all hell breaks loose!”

So far, all hell has not broken loose.

Instead, my twenties ended up being an exhilarating marathon of love, career and travel. My thirties were a joyous blur of childrearing and community building. And my forties were a decade of personal and spiritual growth. I’m a relative newbie in the 50-plus camp, but every day I’m more curious about the challenges, evolutions and epiphanies that lie ahead.

Looking back, I think the reason for my uncertainty about aging is that midlife is often depicted as a big ol’ dead end. In corporate America’s quest to sell expensive face creams, prescription meds and self-help books, we are constantly being told what we’re getting less of as time goes by: Less career opportunity. Less time with our kids before they grow up and leave us. Less sex drive. Less memory retention. Less muscle mass and collagen. And let’s not forget less estrogen! We’re regularly reminded how that elusive little hormone is plummeting faster than we can say HRT.

It’s enough to make you lock yourself in your anti-aging-cream-stocked bathroom and cry. Until you realize that buried under all this negative midlife hype is a muffled little message trying to break through to the surface—the news that in our 40s and 50s we actually have so much more, not less, of some significant stuff. And that we have so much more to offer the world.

For one thing, we have more experience—which gives us more perspective, clarity and insight. Hopefully, we have more focus on what matters in life, as well as more compassion for ourselves and others. We have more humility—we definitely have a surplus of that. Midlife is also accompanied by more meaningful relationships. More self awareness and confidence. More peace of mind. I would argue that for some women, this life stage also comes with more sex appeal, stamina, career growth and glow—c’mon, have you seen J.Lo lately? I know in my heart that more adventures, connections and illuminations lie ahead. In fact, ladies, I would argue that life can be more interesting and fulfilling than it’s ever been.

It can be more beautiful.

That’s not to say we don’t feel our age sometimes. Reading glasses suck. Crow’s feet are no fun. I’m not in denial or suggesting the struggle isn’t real—just ask my soaked sheets after an occasional night sweat. Like you, I want to know why it’s suddenly so challenging to keep the weight off, or have a glass of wine without waking up at 3 a.m. My girlfriends and I discuss these topics all the time. Almost every conversation touches on something involving our age, and it’s not all superficial (like who’s going to be the first to try a cosmetic procedure). Heavy issues like career uncertainty, health scares, empty-nest syndrome, midlife dilemmas, and aging parents are also top of mind. But no matter how real and fraught our discussions are, they always end with us laughing about how we’d rather be this age than 25. Or even 35.

I’m a person who likes to dig for answers. However, during my quest for age-related enlightenment I found that most women’s health and lifestyle resources clump all females into one huge demographic. But do those workouts and beauty regimes fare as well for us as the thirtysomething set? Is that career and financial advice relevant to someone who’s been in the workforce for more than two decades? Are we facing the same relationship challenges that we did when we were younger? No, no, and absolutely not. I wanted information specifically tailored to our age group, that was relevant to us right now. But it just wasn’t out there.

That’s what I want More Beautiful to be for you: an age-appropriate resource, sounding board and community all in one. Together, we’ll come up with strategies and solutions for both our serious and not-so-serious midlife issues. We’ll put everything into perspective—did I mention we now have more perspective? I promise, we’ll tackle even the hardest topics with lively discussion and a good dose of humor.

It may not always be fun getting older, but supported by a community of likeminded women it feels totally doable, even exhilarating. So c’mon, grab your Peepers and all the self-compassion you can muster. Together, we’re gonna do this thing.

xo Maryann

This story first appeared in More Beautiful, a new website and podcast geared toward women in their 40s and 50s. Please visit More Beautiful for more stories, more conversations, and more inspiration for smart, savvy women navigating midlife.

The post Your Life, Only More Beautiful appeared first on Red Typewriter.

Growing up, this was not how most of us pictured a women over a certain age. When I was a kid, magazine covers rarely featured a model over 30 unless she was wearing a crown or standing next to her politician husband. My mother’s generation got even more screwed-up signals about their relevance and desirability. For instance, when Anne Bancroft played the middle-aged Mrs. Robinson in 1967’s The Graduate, the actress was only 35—because God forbid we saw the bare legs of a 45-year-old.

We didn’t know it back in 2008, but Aniston was just getting warmed up with her little aging-backward trick. These days, she continues to defy the laws of gravity, fitness and career trajectory. She showed us that, during this thing called midlife, you can wear anything you want (or nothing at all). That you don’t need kids or a life partner to be personally fulfilled. That you can be the leading lady in a rom-com, or the star of your self-produced TV series. And that you can grow your hair as long as you damn well please. I remain in awe.

But it’s not just Jen.

All you have to do is look at some of the celebrities who are now 40, 50 and older to see that aging isn’t what it used to be. Today’s midlife mamas are wearing bikinis at the beach (Salma Hayek), serving as global ambassadors for cosmetics companies (Cate Blanchette), reaching the pinnacle of physical fitness (Halle Berry), reaching new career heights (Viola Davis, Nicole Kidman and Sandra Oh), even running their own corporations which they eventually sell for $900 million(Reese Witherspoon). And then there’s Jennifer Lopez. In 2019, the year she reached her half-century birthday, we all watched in admiration as she produced, starred and pole-danced in Hustlers, embarked on a world tour, and secured a gig to perform at the Super Bowl the following year. Not bad for a 50-year-old. Still, many were delighted, prompting a popular meme comparing J.Lo to Rue McLanihan from Golden Girls.

At this point, we should probably stop being shocked at how energetic, driven—and, yes, smoking hot—women can be during midlife.

And let’s not give all the credit to celebs—who, let’s face it, have access to an entourage of trainers, stylists and nutritionists. Real-life women are also setting a new standard for what middle age looks like. I don’t believe anyone in my friend set plans to grow old anytime soon. Sure, there are some who have fantasized about quitting their 9-to-5 gig and retiring on a beach in Hawaii. But I can’t count the number of 40-plus women all around me whose aspirations are on fire. They are launching companies, going back to school, switching careers, moving to new cities, getting in the best shape of their lives, even getting married for the first time. And let’s not forget that one just became the first female vice presidentof the United States.

I’ve been considering why this current crop of midlife ladies looks and acts younger than the same group a generation or two ago. Are we working harder to stay more relevant, or did we stumble upon the fountain of youth? It is true that over the past couple of decades there have been huge advances in the beauty and health industries that make it easier for us to retain our youthful glow. We have more reliable information about what to eat and how to work out than our moms and grandmas did. (Remember how they were told oils were bad and margarine was good, and went to a ladies-only gym to burn off fat (ha!) with these vibrating belts?)

However, I believe a big reason many of us feel so healthy and powerful going into middle age is that there is inspiration all around us. As more females take the helm of media and entertainment companies, as they become entrepreneurs and political figures, we are seeing more diverse examples of how our lives can be at this age. These ladies are sitting in boardrooms, standing at the podium, and raising hell on Capitol Hill. Just check out any streaming service these days and you’ll see that actresses over 40 are no longer relegated to playing the frumpy mom or the “older lady” sidekick to a younger protagonist. Middle-aged women are the leading ladies, starring in their own adventures and raising hell as the rogue detective, persistent businesswoman or fierce lead prosecutor—roles once delegated to men or younger women. At the very least, they’re still learning things about themselves and trying to make changes, like the characters in Julie Delpy’s new series On the Verge.

Also keeping us energized is the fact that we are not conforming to the path society traditionally laid out for women. We were the first group to design our own timelines for having (or not having) children, going to college, starting careers, and finding a life partner. If you look at the 40- to 60-year-old demographic, it includes the youngest of the Boomers and the oldest of the Millennials, who have just entered their 40s; most of us are Gen Xers who fall somewhere in the middle. But any of us on that spectrum can be in the same life phase at any given time. For example, a 45-year-old woman can be just starting her family or sending a child off to college. She may be launching a business, going back to school, or thinking about retiring. We are designing a life on our own terms, just as men have always done.

Finally, I do think we are young at heart because we’ve lived through a lot—multiple recessions, 9/11, the housing market collapse and now a global pandemic—so we have experience overcoming setbacks. We also have a little PTSD, feeling like we’ve had to spend time catching up. But now, we are ready to go. We are acutely aware that we can’t take anything for granted, so we work hard to stay healthy, stay on top of our finances, and stay relevant in the world.

Bottom line, ladies, is that one knows what to make of us—don’t you love it? And the best part is, we don’t need to pose naked on a magazine cover to keep them guessing. We just have to keep doing what we’re doing, enjoying our lives and making plans for the next big thing. And definitely ignoring anyone who tells us to pack it in.

This story first appeared in More Beautiful, a new website and podcast geared toward women in their 40s and 50s. Please visit More Beautiful for more stories, more conversations, and more inspiration for smart, savvy women navigating midlife. 

The post This is Not Your Mama’s Midlife appeared first on Red Typewriter.

Hippest Afternoon Tea: The Sanderson London. The Ritz may set the standard for this British tradition, but for a more unconventional—and arguably more amusing—experience, try the Mad Hatter’s Afternoon Tea at the Sanderson London in Fitzrovia. There in a pretty outdoor courtyard you’ll find menus hidden inside vintage books, teapots adorned with monarchs, pastries and savories decorated with birdcages and clocks, and teas named after characters in Lewis Carroll’s Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. There’s even a gluten-free menu for those shunning carbs. And if you prefer your caffeine with a little edge, wait until the sun sets for the Mad Hatter’s Tipsy Evening Tea, complete with alcohol-infused cakes and floral cocktails.

The takeaway: Leftovers (if there are any) packed in an adorable souvenir box or, if you’re feeling nostalgic after you’ve arrived home, an authentic Wonderland tea set you can order directly from Luna & Curious.

Chicest Hotel: Zetter Townhouse Marylebone. The sister hotel of the Zetter Townhouse Clerkenwell is quirky in the most stylish way. Designed to feel like the private residence of a notorious fictional ancestor—the gambling, jet-setting Wicked Uncle Seymour—the eco-friendly Georgian townhouse (which was once the home of poet Edward Lear) is strewn with antique furniture and artsy curiosities that supposedly came from Seymour’s Grand Tour of Europe. The 19 rooms and three suites feature equally eclectic decor and oversize beds, while the penthouse apartment boasts a rooftop bathtub. If you can tear yourself from your room, indulge in a bespoke cocktail in the clubby lounge, enjoy a boozy afternoon tea in the lounge, or chow down on organic, locally sourced fare in the breakfast room.

The takeaway: Luxurious REN toiletries swiped from your well-appointed room.

Best City Oasis: Holland Park. Here in this lush, 55-acre space you’ll find shady trails for strolling, a fenced-in play area with a zip line and giant see-saw, and a Japanese-style Kyoto Garden where several resident peacocks strut their stuff as if they own the joint. The park surrounds a Jacobean mansion, Holland House, named after its second owner, the Earl of Holland, whose wife was the first person in England to successfully grow dahlias. In the 19th century, Holland House became a hub of political and literary activity, visited by Disraeli and Lord Byron amongst others, but was largely destroyed by bombs during WWII. These days, dahlias are still grown within the park, which also contains an open-air theatre and opera for al fresco entertainment.

The takeaway: A video of yourself gleefully descending the zip line in the children’s playground. Go when school’s in session to avoid the kiddie crowds—not to mention the disapproving glances from those proper English nannies.

Best Street for Hipster Gazing: Lamb’s Conduit Street. This drag’s got it all: Artsy boutiques. Artisan coffee shops. Cute resident dogs with designer collars. Shopping is as friendly as it gets on this partially pedestrianised street in Bloomsbury, as shop owners are often seen chatting up passersby and even dispensing free wine to customers. The brainchild of an architect and interior designer, Pentreath & Hall (17 Rugby Street) is a nostalgic interiors shop packed with ceramics, fabrics and knick-knacks made by local artistans. Women’s clothing shop Folk (53 Lamb’s Conduit) is the place to get luxurious jumpsuits and outerwear. Persephone Books (59 Lamb’s Conduit) is a unique publishing house that champions forgotten female authors. After shopping, refuel at Ciao Bella (86-90 Lamb’s Conduit), a favourite local Italian, then throw back a pint at the Lamb (94 Lamb’s Consuit) or Perseverance (63 Lamb’s Conduit), both classic local pubs.

The takeaway: An art print or a quirky alphabet brush pot (a.k.a., personalized crystal tumbler) from Pentreath & Hall.

Best Department Store: Liberty London. What exactly is a department store, you may ask, as many giant retailers have closed their doors in this age of online shopping. well, Liberty London on Regent Street has still got it going on, as locals and tourists alike flock to its thoughtfully curated, up-to-the-moment selection of fashion, housewares, fabrics and signature-print gift items. What makes this London retail landmark so dynamic is its ever-changing assortment of designer collaborations on everything from pottery to pocket scarves, proving that department stores can still be cool.

The takeaway: A breezy scarf in one of the store’s signature floral prints.

Best City Views: The Shard. While killer views aren’t hard to come by in this town (the London Eye observation wheel and the top of the Tate Modern are two of our favorite London lookout spots), the city’s highest viewing platform is technically the 95-story skyscraper The Shard. Designed by the Italian architect Renzo Piano and inaugurated in 2012, the building stands an impressive 1,016 feet high and is the fifth tallest structure in Europe. Twenty-five pounds buys you a ticket to The View from The Shard, which includes a ride up to a glass pyramid tower and access to an open-air observation deck on the 72nd floor. After taking in the panoramic views, satisfy your food and/or fashion fix among the many restaurants and shops strewn throughout the building.

The takeaway: A Shard snow globe pen for only 6 pounds.

Best Restaurant For Seeing and Being Seen: The Wolseley. A favorite hangout of the fashion and media crowd, The Wolseley (160 Piccadilly) offers modern European food and sexy-yet-subdued glamour from breakfast to late-night. Come in the morning for the double-chocolate brioche, in the afternoon for traditional tea, or at night for oysters and Coq au Vin. Got show tickets? After curtain closing, pop in for cocktails and finger food. The building, with its high ceilings and Art Deco decor, was built in the 1920s as a car showroom and was later a bank before turning into the foodie hotspot it is today. Even the souvenir shop, which stocks everything from tiny teapots to gift baskets and champagne, is a highly anticipated destination.

The takeaway: A sleek canister of the Wolseley’s signature English Breakfast Tea, or a copy of the mouth-watering cookbook Breakfast at the Wolseley.

Best Not-So-Touristy Tourist Attraction: The Victoria and Albert Museum. After you’ve done the traditional museum circuit (and who doesn’t adore the British Museum and the National Gallery?) and feel ready for something different, head to the Victoria and Albert Museum in Brompton, the world’s largest museum of decorative arts and design. V&A houses a permanent collection of more than 2 million objects spanning 5,000 years—ceramics, glass, textiles, costumes, metals, sculpture, prints, drawings and photos from across the globe. But it’s the museum’s eclectic exhibits that set it apart. With shows like, “You Say You Want a Revolution? Records and Rebels 1966-1970” and “Undressed: A Brief History of Underwear,” you are guaranteed to stay interested. Currently, an exhibit of Frida Kahlo’s personal artifacts and a show everyday objects we’ll be using in the future are on the menu.

The takeaway: A signed, unframed fashion print from the museum’s colorful shop makes the perfect lightweight but long-lasting souvenir.

Best Outdoor Market: Borough Market. If you happen to be south of the Thames, soaking up the sites at the Tate Modern, the Globe and the surrounding Southbank area, be sure to hit nearby Borough Market at the north end of the London Bridge. The city’s oldest outdoor market, this place is a kaleidoscope of smells, colors, tastes and textures. Here you’ll find everything from locally grown fruits and veggies to baked goods, spices, condiments, flowers and housewares. Many of the market’s stallholders are themselves producers: the farmer who reared the animal, the fisherman who caught the fish, the baker who baked the bread. Other traders have built their reputations on seeking out small-scale artisan producers and bringing their wares here. Grab a loaf of bread, olives and cheese for an impromptu picnic by the water, or grab a small souvenir from one of the charming home-goods suppliers before heading into one of the market’s cafes for a fish taco and pint of ale.

The takeaway: A packable memento from one of the market’s home-goods stallholders, such as British designer Richard Bramble‘s shellfish-themed kitchen towels or Borough Kitchen‘s stylish linen aprons.

Best Night Spot: Nightjar. Named after a nocturnal bird, this sexy speakeasy is renowned for its live music and meticulously prepared, vintage-inspired cocktails. Located on the edge of Shoreditch—London’s closest version of a Silicon Valley neighborhood—this prohibition-themed bar at 129 City Road offers a healthy dose of old-school glamour. Behind its doors lies an underground chamber where live blues, swing and boss nova take center stage, the Art Deco decor creates a sultry environment, and innovative drinks like the White Tiger’s Milk (a concoction of pisco, cashew tiger’s milk, Ancho Reyes, and sake dashi) help eradicate the day’s stresses. Because the bar has a no-standing policy, you’ll be forced to take a load off and finally relax after a day of heavy-duty sightseeing.

The takeaway: A newfound (or renewed) appreciation for 1920s jazz.

The post The Glam Girl’s Guide to London appeared first on Red Typewriter.

1. Tap Filter Bottle. Isn’t it a drag when your bottle of Evian is confiscated at the security checkpoint? Eliminate the problem by toting an airport-friendly, earth-conscious, refillable bottle, which purifies H2O from any tap—even the airport water fountain. We like the Aqua Gear Tritan, $35.

2. Noise-Canceling Headphones. Whether you’ve got an infant crying in the row behind you, or two old guys engaged in hot political debate across the aisle, it’s nice to be able to block out those annoying airplane distractions. And you have to admit, both your  iTunes playlist and that On-Demand action flick sound so much better through quality headphones such as the QuietComfort 25 from Bose.com, $300.

Stay hydrated with one of these facial mists. Photo by INGA LIM.

3. Moisturizer. Airplane air is notorious for drying out even the most supple complexion. Bring aboard some plumping moisturizer, like Neutrogena’s Hydro Boost Gel Cream, $20 at Ulta.com, or Origins Night-A-Mins face cream, $43 at Origins.com. An invigorating toning spray is also great for refreshing your face mid-flight; read all about them in our story, “Spray Your Way To Gorgeous Skin”.

4. Reading Tablet. While we Red Typewriter mavens consider ourselves literary ladies who love the feel of a good book in our hands, let’s face it: Schlepping a stack of novels onto an airplane just isn’t convenient. With a reading tablet like the iPad or Kindle, you can download dozens of new titles to get you through a trip to Timbuktu and back again.

5. Breath Fresheners. To avoid emerging from a long flight with nasty breath, carry mints, chewing gum (also great for easing that awful ear-popping) or a travel-size toothbrush. For super-portability, you can’t beat Colgate Wisp mini disposable brushes, $8 for 16 at Amazon.com. For those who prefer electric, the Violight Slim Sonic Travel Toothbrush weighs only 2 ounces and comes in an array of chic designs.

6. Wipes. Life can get messy, especially on a germ-ridden, filled-to-capacity flight. Combat the cross-country grime with a package of travel-size wipes, good for everything from pre-meal hand cleaning to TV monitor sanitizing. We like the eco-friendly, TSA-approved options from La Fresh, $2.50 and up at Lafreshgroup.com.

7. Compression Socks. No, we probably wouldn’t wear stilettos onto a plane—this isn’t 1965, after all. But even when they’re clad in comfy sneakers or flip-flops, our tootsies and legs can swell mid-flight. Changing into a pair of compression socks onboard (we like the stylish offerings from Vim & Vigor, $33 at Brightlifego.com) means we’ll disembark with some spring in our step.

8. Travel First-Aid Kit. This one’s a must-have if you’re flying with children. A tiny version like Johnson & Johnson’s at Amazon.com, $5, is just big enough to stash a few Band-Aids, some aspirin or ibuprofen for those mid-flight headaches (especially if you’ve forgotten our #2 suggestion), and some kids meds. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

9. Cozy Shawl. It can get chilly on most flights, and you never know what the weather will be like on the other side—airports in tropical cities can be air conditioned, remember? A soft, lightweight wrap (we like the CozyChic Travel Shawl, $105 at Nordstrom.com) will keep you toasty during your travels—and send signals to the flight attendant that you are sleeping and, no thank you, you do not need another bag of peanuts.

10. Pen and Notebook. Yeah, yeah, you’ve got your phone, reading tablet and maybe even your laptop onboard with you. But even in this high-tech age, basic writing utensils can still come in handy. You may need a pen for filling out customs forms, and you just never know when  a supreme idea will pop into your head and need to be recorded. Try the travel-size notebook available at Moleskine.com, $10.

Happy Travels!

The post Don’t Fly Without These 10 Travel Necessities appeared first on Red Typewriter.

Being a mother is a life-transforming event that can rock even the most even-keeled, self-assured female to the core. Suddenly you aren’t who you thought you were, and the rules that once governed your world are turned upside down by the demands of a tiny yet emotionally powerful little person. Right after my daughter was born, I found it hard not to lose myself in my new job as her caregiver. Transitioning from full-time career woman to stay-at-home mom working part-time was not easy for me. As my ego made room for the sacrifices I needed to make for my child, I struggled to redefine myself and my role in the world. And sometimes, I found it difficult to surrender to this little creature who needed me around the clock. Those challenges, along with the recognition that I was raised by loving yet anxious parents, motivated me to mother my own children with a more centered, relaxed approach.

Enter Buddhism.

It’s an enlightening religion on its own, but over the last few years I’ve sought comfort in many of its wise principles. Here are 8 valuable parenting lessons that Buddhism has taught me. If you’re like me and need a reminder, now and then, that everything’s going to be OK and that you’ll make it through to your kids’ high school graduation without cracking, read up. These philosophies will help you embrace the changes that motherhood brings and enjoy life as you now know it.

Being a mother is a life-transforming event that can rock even the most even-keeled, self-assured female to the core. Suddenly you aren’t who you thought you were, and the rules that once governed your world are turned upside down by the demands of a tiny yet emotionally powerful little person.

1. Slow down. As moms, we often view our day as one big to-do list. We’re rushing here and there, from the grocery store to school to ballet class, and back home to cook dinner. We might be eager to finish up some work we brought home from the office, so we sometimes find ourselves hurrying through bedtime stories and snuggles. But Buddhism reminds us to live more mindfully, to be completely in the present and alive in every moment, especially with the people we love.

Writes Sarah Napthali in her book Becoming a Mindful Parent: Buddhism for Mothers of Young Children, “If we practice Buddhist mindfulness—living with awareness of what we are doing as we are doing it—throughout our day, then no moment is too small for our attention.” As a high-energy person, this has been hard for me. But I find that when I put down the phone or the laundry, and get on the floor with my kids, look them in the eye and offer them my undivided attention, they’re deliriously happy for the rest of the day. And guess what? So am I.

If you’re having trouble remembering what it’s like to be in the moment, just turn to your kids for guidance. Ever notice how an inquisitive toddler often acts as if there’s nowhere in the world she’d rather be than right here, right now? How she stops to examine every sidewalk crack, every weed growing along the side of the road, every doggy passing by? Children reconnect us to simple wonders of everyday life and naturally have the “beginner’s mind” that Zen Buddhists strive to cultivate. Slowing down isn’t easy when you’re a mom, but it helps you savor the details that are more important than you think.

2. Surrender to life’s imperfections. The first of the four noble truths taught by the Buddha is that life is fraught with dukkha. Modern interpretations define that as the suffering, stress, anguish and other not-so-pleasant parts of life. But the true meaning of dukkha is the gap between what is happening and what we wish were happening, large or small. Wish your house were cleaner but don’t have time to clean it? Hoping your kid would sleep through the night? Agonizing over that baby weight that won’t come off? Children and motherhood make for lots of dukkha. For inner peace we must surrender to that dirty house, or that lack of sleep, or that cute little potbelly. We can try to fix it, but for now it is what it is and we must live with it. We mustn’t be so hard on ourselves because life isn’t perfect.

The true meaning of dukkha is the gap between what is happening and what we wish were happening.

3. Be patient. The cause of dukka is desire. Aspiring or wanting isn’t bad; in fact, it can lead to positive change. But desire translates to all that pesky clinging and demanding and attachment that, if unrequited or unfulfilled, leads to suffering. Buddhism cultivates the idea of patient acceptance. The idea is that you should challenge yourself to do your best, but accept the way life unfolds. Be grateful for what is going well and don’t let negative thoughts and attitudes shape your life.

Say your baby isn’t eating. That causes you pain. But the suffering doesn’t come from the fact that your child spits out his pureed peas. It’s stemming from your feelings of guilt, or your thinking that you’re an unfit mother because your child isn’t digging mealtime. Stop blaming yourself, do what you can do to help the situation, but as long as your child is healthy and thriving, patiently accept the fact that the process may take time.

4. Look at problems from a distance. When our problems feel out of control, argues the Dalai Lama in The Art of Happiness, we should step back and examine them from a distance. When my daughter was only 2 and we’d just moved to San Francisco, I got caught up in the whole preschool application process. Every park and playgroup I went to, all the moms talked about is which schools they had already applied to, how tough it was to get in, and how I had better get cracking because I hadn’t applied during my pregnancy. The voice in my head said, “I am the worst mom for not having thought about this before we moved. Now my child will be doomed to a bad preschool and end up not getting into a good college.”

Of course, sleep deprivation and the stress of our recent cross-country move probably contributed to these negative thoughts. But once I stepped back, took a deep breath and looked at the big picture, I was able to reassure myself that my daughter would turn out just fine, no matter what school she attended. Remember: Motherhood is a marathon, not a sprint.

5. Realize you’re not who you think you are. For a few years into this parenting thing, it really bothered me when people referred to me as “just a stay-at-home mom.” It didn’t seem to matter that aside from mothering, I was also freelancing, running a household, heading up the parent association at my kids’ school and chauffeuring little people around all day. The fact that I was no longer sitting in an office wearing a pencil skirt reduced my status in the world significantly, and that did not sit well with me. That was because prior to kids, my identity was wrapped up in my career and personal interests and, even though I wouldn’t have admitted it at the time, the value that society placed on me.

But Buddhism teaches that we do not exist in the way we think we do—as humans, we have a false sense of a separate and enduring self. Our true Buddha nature is quite different from what we thought “we” were: It’s not our egos, our titles and accomplishments, our possessions, or even our thoughts and feelings. Our true underlying nature exists in every moment, deep within our core. When it’s awakened, we become more compassionate, loving, spacious and at peace with ourselves. We can forgo our ego-driven actions and be the calm, centered and wise mothers our children need us to be.

When our Buddhist nature is awakened, we become more compassionate, loving and at peace with ourselves. We can forgo our ego-driven actions and be the calm, centered and wise mothers our children need us to be.

6. Let your children be who they’re meant to be. Parenting today is full of more anxiety than ever before. Kids are over-scheduled with lessons and classes designed to train them to be the next pop singer, soccer star and Harvard grad rolled into one. Without knowing it, we can project our own fantasies onto our children, like when we give them piano lessons because we always wanted to play (I admit, guilty as charged). But, writes Napthali, “for our children to grow into their true selves, we need to allow them the space to blossom into who they truly are.” This doesn’t mean we should let them run amok, without any boundaries, training or hard work. It just means, as Napthali so beautifully puts it, we should let them be “free to unfold in their own way.”

What does this mean? That, instead of getting attached to our own ideas of who our kids should be, we should let their interests and passions point them—and us—toward their true path. If we pay close attention to them when they’re little and exploring the world, we can help them discover themselves. For example, if your toddler loves to draw on everything, including the walls, give him a box of finger paints and some art lessons. It’s better than forcing him to play football because your husband was a quarterback wannabe.

A friend of mine recently gave up lamenting the fact that her son hates sports and just wants to stay in the house building towers with Legos. Instead of mourning the tennis star she dreamed he’d become, she bought him a T-shirt that says “Indoorsy,” signed him up for building lessons, and dreams of the day when he’ll design her retirement home. Did I mention that the Buddha also had a taste for wit and humor?

7. Realize we’re all connected. I was recently discussing with one of my good friends (and one of the best moms I know) the fact that, to a parent, the most difficult Buddhist concept to embrace is that of detachment. But in reality, Buddhism doesn’t preach detachment from our children, but rather non-attachment. This, of course, means allowing our kids to be themselves and loving them as they are (see #6). But it also means accepting that our offspring do not “belong” to us exclusively. One of Buddhism’s most beautiful teachings is that we are all connected in some way to the infinite universe. If you take that view, you’ll understand that your children are not your possessions, but simply travel through you on the way toward their own path in life. Our job, while we are raising them, is to offer them unconditional love, teach them important life skills and help them realize their full potential.

An enlightened parent also strives to practice the Buddhist concept of Equanimity, which means looking at all things openly and equally, and engaging in the greater world around you. Show your kids you care about other children and other families by volunteering together at a local food bank. Say “yes” when a friend needs a couch to sleep on, or deliver a home-cooked meal to a family at school that’s experiencing tough times. These community-minded actions teach your children that although you love them unconditionally, they are not the center of the universe. Equanimity demonstrates the important concept of community and helps kids learn to trust people outside their own “clan,” so that one day they’ll have the courage to leave home, make new connections and forge their own way in the world.

8. Be kind to yourself. The love and compassion that Buddha preaches doesn’t apply only to how you treat other people, but also to how you care for yourself. On a daily basis, make sure you’re being good to the person in charge of raising your children. Exercise. Nourish your body with nutritious food. Meditate or practice yoga when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Staying healthy in body and mind enables you to be the best parent you can possibly be.

In Buddhism, being kind to yourself also means listening to your inner voice. When it comes to making decisions about your child, let your instincts guide you. If you’ve been paying close attention, staying in the moment whenever possible, and practicing the art of patient acceptance, you’ll know exactly what to do when your Buddha Baby needs you most. 

The post Are You a Mindful Mother? appeared first on Red Typewriter.

It is almost unspeakable.

I peeked into the bedroom where my 14-year-old daughter was still sleeping, and where she had retreated after a long, uneasy election night. What was supposed to have been a celebratory evening for our family had quickly turned into a nightmare. I decided to let her sleep a few minutes longer.

All day I’ve been playing out in my head the last few months’ political events, trying to figure out why Hillary Clinton, the Democratic party, the media and, for God’s sake, good reason itself had failed so miserably. How scared should we all be now that our nation had chosen a misogynistic, racist incendiary with no political experience over an intelligent, hard-working woman who’s dedicated her life to civil service? Right now, it feels like the whole country has gone mad, and perhaps it has. But amidst the heartbreak and the outrage, I am wondering what we can learn from this unexpected turn of events.

I started thinking about an essay my daughter recently wrote about failure, about how mistakes are crucial to personal growth and can sometimes teach you more than your successes can. Last night’s mistake was a doozy, America. But it doesn’t have to be fruitless.

If ever our country has been given a wake-up call, an opportunity for introspection, this is it. It’s a wake-up call for the Democrats, who failed to recognize the power of the movement Trump had conjured, a movement that has been brewing throughout this diverse yet increasingly divided country for years. It’s a wake-up call for the media, who during the campaign covered Trump more like the businessman and reality star he was than a contender for the world’s highest office, holding him to a much lower standard than they did Clinton. It’s a wake-up call for those of us who lounged in our bubble at the onset of this election, certain of our impending victory over the “bad guy.” And, most of all, it’s a wake-up call for those Americans who did not vote yesterday, who took for granted their most powerful civil right, either because they were too busy playing Pokémon Go or they felt “both candidates were horrible,” which is the worst excuse ever.

Dare I say it, the election results are also a wake-up call for women and minority groups who, when you get down to it, could have done more for what should have been their cause. I wonder what the suffragists—who survived police brutality and imprisonment in order to get the 19th amendment passed—would say if they were alive today and learned that only 54 percent of women in this country backed Clinton. I’m not certain she was the best candidate the party could have selected. But I believe she is a good person with over-the-top credentials, a sharp and just mind, and an unsurpassed work ethic. The fact that her shortcomings were even compared to Trump’s outrageous faults was ludicrous.

But the wake-up call comes a little late. Now, what we must do is try to understand why even one woman in this country would decide to wear a “Make America Great Again” cap rather than ensure Roe v. Wade doesn’t get overthrown. We need to deconstruct how this election was as much about class as it was about gender and race. We need to understand how many folks in this country have not recovered from the 2008 economic crisis and feel more marginalized and scared than ever, and how Trump ruthlessly exploited that fear. We need to understand that, like it or not, many Americans think free trade has gone too far, that immigration threatens their livelihood, and that their families are slipping one rung at a time down the socioeconomic ladder. We need to understand that many people who lack political and economic power see politicians, journalists and the corporate elite as “the man” who will never offer them a seat at the table. And they are probably right.

Clinton was aware of these mass frustrations, but she underestimated them. Although I believe that, had she been elected, she would have done a better job fixing America’s inequalities than Trump will, in her campaign she took the wrong approach by adopting a “good reason will prevail” faith. She believed, as many of us did, that the American people would ultimately make the right decision. But what she really needed to do was strengthen her own message. She needed to stand for something people could relate to and cling to. She needed to portray herself as someone more than just “the one better than the other guy.”

Sure, she was the one with experience. The one who was appalled at the idea of building a wall between us and Mexico. The one who never called a woman a pig or made an unwanted sexual advance. If this election revealed anything, it’s that many people in this country don’t have the luxury of taking the high road because they are preoccupied with making their mortgage payments. They want someone who seems to understand them and can assure them the American dream is, somehow, still attainable. While we Democrats clung to our belief that “we are the emotionally intelligent ones,” Trump was the one truly connecting with people.

The problem is, we couldn’t imagine so many people would connect with hatred, violence, bigotry and misogyny. And the irony is that the very people Trump promised to help may never benefit from his presidency. The fact is, the richest people in this country are going to pay fewer taxes in a couple of months, and the gap between the haves and have-nots is going to widen. That’s why I wish Clinton had, during her campaign, stopped being a lady for five minutes and turned into a tigress. A tigress who could fiercely point out how Trump was duping everyone. Duping them by selling them a nostalgic America that cannot possibly be resurrected. Duping them by lacking any concrete plans to create jobs, fix healthcare or mend foreign policy. Duping them by pitting them against “insider” types that, really, are no different than him—except they live in Washington. One middle-class Trump supporter I know said she wasn’t voting for Hillary because she was a “snobby elitist.” As if this acquaintance expected Trump to invite her to dinner at Mar-A-Lago sometime soon.

At the Javits Center in Manhattan, Hillary’s campaign team had installed a figurative glass ceiling that Clinton was supposed to break after her victory Tuesday night. She never got a chance to shatter it, and I could only imagine the sadness and disappointment she felt as the last numbers rolled in. But this morning she was back, the lines on her face and the bags under her eyes perhaps a bit more pronounced, to concede the presidency. Although this speech came after Clinton’s worst failure, it was a highlight in her career. She was gracious, strong, composed. At once, lady and tigress. This morning, she was more passionate and authentic than she had ever been, expressing how painful the loss felt and admitting she had miscalculated how “deeply divided” the nation was. But her best moment was when she told young women that they should expect successes and setbacks in life, but should “never stop believing that fighting for what is right is worth it.”

As my daughter wrote in her essay, if you don’t ever fail, you aren’t trying hard enough. And if you don’t examine your mistakes and learn from them you are doomed. We are not doomed yet, America. But we must stop taking things for granted, and we must learn from this fiasco while we’ve still got Democracy on our side.

The post How Was Hillary Clinton Defeated? appeared first on Red Typewriter.

For those of you born around 1970, OT wasn’t really a thing when we were growing up. It addresses a wide range of concerns, including: sensory integration, fine and gross motor skills, and self-regulation. It’s a recommendation I made several times when I taught second and third grade. For Eva, who’s just started kindergarten, it could offer the help she needs to make the transition to elementary school.

But in spite of the perspective my work in education gives me, when I call to schedule my daughter’s evaluation, and the woman uses the phrase ‘developmental delays,’ I experience a brief, volcanic rage. I want to smack her face through the phone. I want to say something devastating and make her take it back. “Maybe,” I answer, my voice shaking so little that I think only I can tell.

Eva and I have to drive an hour to get to Oakland, the closest place on our insurance plan that has a pediatric OT center. The therapist is warm, pleasant. However, she keeps talking about Eva like she isn’t there as she tries to excavate the details of her limitations. I include Eva in the conversation. “Eva, do you find forks or spoons more difficult?” “Forks.” She answers. She watches me watch her over the course of the evaluation. It’s hard to look at her using scissors. Her fingers seem at risk. But I smile at her every time she catches my eye. She smiles back. Her smiles illuminate her face. They would possibly illuminate black holes.

After the evaluation, Eva and I have burgers and milkshakes at Fenton’s, an old-fashioned style ice cream parlor. “Do you have any questions?” I ask her. Hoping to crack through, find out what she’s thinking about all of this. “Can I have a cherry on my milkshake?” She asks.

I need coffee before we do the drive back to our small town. We walk hand in hand into a black and chrome hipster coffee shop a little ways up the street. The place is filled with vintage denim and piercings. People act like they’ve never seen a kid. They move away from us with sidelong glances as we make our way to the back of the line. While we’re waiting, I see Eva watching the two guys in front of us. They’re in their twenties, wearing leather jackets, boots, complicated hairstyles. She catches the eye of the guy closest to her.

“I like the pictures on your arms,” Eva says, then she laughs at herself a little. “I don’t mean pictures, I mean tattoos. I know tattoos for a long time. My daddy has one.”

Tattoo guy looks at his friend then back at Eva. “Cool,” he finally offers.

“Oh!” says Eva undeterred, “I have tattoos.” The guy’s eyes widen a little. She pulls up both sleeves of her sweater dress. “See!”

On her right arm is a washable tattoo of Anna and Elsa embracing. On her other arm is a glitter tattoo of a heart.

“Nice,” the guy says warming, “why’d you choose that?” He asks, pointing to the heart.

“Because it’s love!” She answers with the little jump she does when she’s happy. She’s getting to him, I can see it.

As tattoo guy is walking out the door, he looks back and says, “Bye,”

“Eva!” She offers, thinking he’s waiting for her name. “What’s yours?”

“Max,” He says, “Bye, Eva.” He gives a small wave, and then, he actually smiles.

I experience a moment of raw pride in my daughter who has been driven across two counties to spend an hour doing things that are a struggle for her, and she has come through it all with her native sweetness and social ease in tact.

I realize what I’m really afraid of is that school won’t appreciate all of the things that make my child so unique. I’ve watched her sit in the backyard for an age listening to the songs of different birds. Sometimes she sings back. I’ve watched her study a ladybug as she gently encouraged it to crawl down one arm and then up the other. She does a dead-on impression of a minion from Despicable Me. Her belly laughs make everyone in earshot laugh, even if they don’t know what’s so funny. When she heard a baby crying at swim class the other day, she stopped in her tracks, saying, “Oh, poor little thing, I wish I could give her a cuddle.” That kind of sympathy pours out of her daily. There aren’t boxes to check for any of this stuff.

Back at the car I put Eva in her carseat. I tell her, “I’m so proud of you.”

“Why?” She asks.

“Because today was rough and you’re being such a good sport. You’re so fun and lovely even when things are hard.”

“Oh. OK. Thanks, mama, but you should know your coffee is on the car.”

I look out and see my cup of coffee on the hood of the car. I would’ve driven away with it if she hadn’t pointed it out.

Looking at her in the review mirror as we drive I study her face, noting the constellation of copper freckles across her nose and cheeks the same color as her hair. She’s looking out into the distance, sleepy-eyed and still. For the first time it occurs to me that maybe she isn’t hiding anything. Maybe none of this worries her all that much. I think how hard it is to really know anyone, even the people we love the most.

“I’d be lost without you,” I tell her in the review mirror, watching thoughts cross her unguarded face like weather.

One of those killer smiles lights her face and, for a passing moment, she looks much older than her 4-year-old self. For a second I see her face as it will be when she’s 13 or even 20. “I know,” she answers, “you would be.”

The post How Your Child’s Struggles Shed Light On Her Strengths appeared first on Red Typewriter.

“Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall.” —F. Scott Fitzgerald

“And all at once, summer collapsed into fall…” —Elizabeth Lawrence

“Everyone must take time to sit and watch the leaves turn.” —William Cullen Bryant

“How beautifully leaves grow old! How full of light and color are their last days!” —John Burroughs

“Winter is an etching, spring a watercolor, summer an oil painting and autumn a mosaic of them all.” —Stanley Horowitz

“Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns.” —George Eliot

“Every leaf speaks bliss to me, fluttering from the autumn tree.” —Emily Bronte

“Fall has always been my favorite season, the time when everything bursts with its last beauty, as if nature had been saving up all year for the grand finale.” —Lauren Destefano

The post It’s Autumn! appeared first on Red Typewriter.

The good news is children don’t care if an activity costs a lot of money or if it’s free, because all they really want is your undivided attention. So, here are 10 cheap ways to keep them busy—and you all bonding—during the next few weeks.

1. Hit the beach. Of course, this one is a no-brainer unless you live in the Antarctic. Grab your towels, pails and shovels and head for the white sands nearest you. Sure, you may have to pay for parking, but the rest is free: Build a sandcastle and knock it down. Toss a frisbee. Collect shells of all shapes and sizes. And don’t forget to splash around in the water with the kids—it’s much more fun for them if you get wet too.

2. Get crafty. Those pretty shells you find on the beach can be turned into works of art with a little paint, glitter and a glue gun. Have the kids go nuts decorating them and turning them into jewelry, catch-alls for art supplies, or collages. Alternatively, hunt for rocks in your neighborhood and turn those into paper weights, make leis out of flowers from your yard, or create colorful sand art inside recycled jars.

3. Food for thought. The kids will adore making homemade popsicles. Just create your favorite smoothie in a blender, pour into popsicle molds and freeze for several hours. You can also whip up your own slushies with this colorful and reusable slushy and shake maker from Zoku. If you’re itching to get out of the house, head to the park or playground for a mommy-and-me picnic, or to your local farmer’s market, where the kids can help you choose some produce for dinner. If you’ve got a pick-your-own farm nearby, you can grab those berries directly off the trees. The best part? Going home and cooking together.

4. Get wet. Remember running through the sprinkler when you were kid? Relive those memories with your children by taking them to one of your local park’s sprinklers, or setting up one in your own backyard. If you’ve got a lot of outdoor space, set up a kiddie pool or a Slip N Slide. Wanna be the coolest mom in the neighborhood? Assist the kids in making water balloons (watch that younger children don’t put un-inflated balloons in their mouths) and engage in a full-on water balloon fight. And if you’re OK with toy guns, give the kids some colorful ones and watch them soak each other while laughing like crazy.

5. Explore your backyard. Play lawn games like bocci ball, ring toss or bowling. Assemble a badminton or volleyball net. Create a hopscotch board or a twister game on the sidewalk with chalk. Set up a lemonade stand in front of the house. Head to the backyard with some binoculars and do a little birdwatching, or use a magnifying glass to do a little insect watching. Take a stroll around the hood and try to identify the names of as many plants and flowers as you can. If you want to venture further, hop on your bikes, take a hike, or hit a nearby lake where you can take a paddleboat out for a spin for only a few bucks.

6. Listen to a little night music. During the summer, many cities offer free concerts in the parks. Check your local papers for listings. Grab a blanket and a picnic basket and head out to the grass to listen to your favorite band or orchestra while the kids get up and dance. Bring a few glow sticks with you if the event is at night. And don’t forget the snacks.

7. Take a rain check. If the weather isn’t cooperating with you and your plans, have no fear because there are plenty of ways to entertain the kids at home. Sit and listen to the pitter-patter at your window while you play a board game or together assemble that long-forgotten puzzle. Build a fort in your living room, or make one of the aforementioned tasty treats or crafts. Hide some household objects around the house and send the kids on an indoor scavenger hunt; the one who finds everything on the list first gets to choose what you cook up for dinner.

8. Get groovy with a movie. If family movie night seems too “been there, done that,” put a summery spin on the event. Take the film out to the backyard for a cinema-under-the-stars evening. Spread a few blankets, set up a projector (if you don’t have one, borrow one from a friend) and invite some pals over for some drive-in-style fun. Serve popcorn and theater-style candy to complete the ambiance. While you’re out there, look up to the sky and search for constellations and shooting stars.

9. Get stoked for September. Keep their little minds sharp during the school hiatus by joining your local library’s summer reading club. And then, as school approaches, hit the stores for some back-to school shopping. Just about now, the stores are putting all that reading-writing-and-arithmetic stuff on steep discount, and it’s fun to stock up. Let the kids not only pick out what they want to bring to school in the fall, but also some cool art supplies they can use all year. How can you beat 20 pens for $1, or a dozen markers for $2?

10. Make a summer journal. After all you’ve done and seen this summer, why not commemorate these past fun-filled months? Compile all your digital photos into an iBook album, or buy an old-fashioned scrapbook and together fill it up with photos, captions, and cool memorabilia like ticket stubs, maps and brochures. By the time your little ones are putting on their backpacks and heading back to school, you’ll have a beautiful collection of memories to look back on.

What are you and your kids doing this summer? Do you have cheap ideas for making the most of this precious time? Please share them with us!

The post 10 Dirt-Cheap Ways to Celebrate Summer appeared first on Red Typewriter.