tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13970622861407064222024-03-04T23:09:20.118-05:00Redhead in RaleighElissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01044992871321732187noreply@blogger.comBlogger299125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1397062286140706422.post-45320420331438662092013-09-20T05:35:00.000-04:002013-09-20T05:35:00.214-04:00Weekly Workout: Week 1<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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In case you missed it, I started a new series called Weekly Workouts that is explained <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2013/09/new-series-weekly-workout.html">here</a>.</center>
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I have to say that this workout plan has worked out (no pun intended) so much better than I thought. I have really enjoyed working out, which isn't typically the case. And I have found working out at home so convenient. It is easier to squeeze in on the nights that Butter Bean goes to bed early or first thing in the morning when I know we'll have a busy day. Here's this week's recap!</center>
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<b>Sunday:</b> Death by Burpees score 7+7 I thought this was pretty good start. I wasn't expecting to make it through the seventh minute, so that was a nice surprise. I'm really hoping next week's score starts with an 8!</center>
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<b>Monday:</b> Fit in the workout in the evening after Butter Bean went to bed. I quickly realized that 10 rounds wasn't going to happen for me. So as the video indicated, I started at the fifth round and was struggling by the end.</center>
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<b>Tuesday:</b> I was so incredibly sore and we had a house guest arriving, so I decided to take the day off.</center>
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<b>Wednesday:</b> I knew this would be a busy day with a crazy day at work and then heading out to our favorite sushi place with our house guest. So I got up early and worked out first thing. Getting up was a little rough, but I felt so accomplished all day to know that my workout was out of the way. I decided to push myself and started at round 6. I'm happy with this decision. I struggled, but I made it!</center>
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<b>Thursday:</b> Another rest day because I needed it mentally and physically.</center>
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<b>Friday:</b> My plan is to workout on my lunch break since I'll be working from home and can get the workout in and then squeeze in a shower. I'm really hoping that I'll be able to make it through 8 rounds.</center>
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So what's the plan for next week? Death by Burpees on Sunday as usual. And then the following workout 3 times at some point next week. </center>
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How was your week? What fitness goals did you meet during this week? Was anyone able to make it through all 10 rounds of last week's <a href="http://blondeponytail.com/2012/11/crossfit-countdown-home-workout/">Countdown Workout</a>? What is your plan for next week?</center>
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Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1397062286140706422.post-6871766939522873552013-09-16T21:23:00.001-04:002013-09-16T21:32:41.698-04:00Let's Play a Game Called "Solve My Problems"<center style="text-align: left;">
<b>Problem #1:</b> Butter Bean is getting his walk on. Not yet unassisted, but he is definitely moving in that direction. I have heard that getting "walking shoes" will help give them the right foundation to get to walking sooner. Since he is such a bruiser (almost 28 pounds), our backs can't wait for him to be walking since that means we won't have to carry him around 24-7.</center>
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Do these "walking shoes" really help? If so, what shoe should I be buying?</center>
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<b>Problem #2: </b>Our living room is currently decorated in neutrals. See?</center>
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I want to add a pop of color to liven things up. My preferred color is green since I think it will really look nice with the Dunkin-Donuts-coffee-with-cream wall color. <i>Really it is SW Portabello if you want the real specifics.</i> Also, I'm giving our gallery wall an update with new pictures and a fun chevron background. I want to incorporate pops of the green into the wall as well. And I'll eventually add in a few throw pillows in green to tie everything together.</center>
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I have completely fallen in love with this fabric for the curtains. I love the design and the fact that there is lots of greens and blues to incorporate throughout the room. And it is awesome that the brown in the fabric perfectly matches the walls.</center>
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So what's the problem? Well, we have 3 sets of windows meaning that we need 6 curtain panels. And each of those need to be at least 100 inches due to our high ceilings. All of that means that we need lots of fabric (at least 18 yards) and below is the price. Ugh!</center>
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Do I use the fabric I absolutely love? Or is there a clever way to use this fabric and not need 3 yards of fabric per panel? Or do you have a more affordable green curtains options? I'd really like for the curtains to be patterned but if the curtain has a lot of cream/ivory in it, it looks bad against the white wainscoting. I feel like I've searched everywhere and still can't find something that I think will look as good.</center>
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Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1397062286140706422.post-79951554865528075262013-09-15T20:38:00.001-04:002013-09-19T21:36:56.670-04:00New Series: Weekly Workout<center style="text-align: left;">
If you have been around for a while you know I have tried various things to lose a few pounds and get into shape. The most regular plans have been Weight Watchers and Couch 2 5k. While I think both of these plans are awesome, they just aren't the right fit for me right now. Maybe later, but not right now.</center>
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After spending two weeks in the hospital with Butter Bean and eating too many chocolate croissants (they were SO good!), I have gained a few pounds on top of the few pounds that I really need to use. So I'm in need of a "get healthy" plan that will work. Like so many people, I feel like I have no time to make it to the gym/park/running path. And then if I convince myself I could make it work, the silly excuses like "I have no cute workout clothes to wear" come up. So I decided to try a different approach. Ready for this?</center>
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I'm going to work out at home! Such a novel idea! Ha! This way I can workout in the morning or night- whenever I have a few extra minutes. And no one (except nosey neighbors) will see me, so I can wear those horrible teal pants (yes, I'm ashamed to admit that they do exist) and the only clean shirt that has a hole in the arm pit. </center>
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In order to track my progress, I'm going to do the same workout every Sunday. But the exciting part is that I will pick one workout to do 4 times within the week when I have time. You know those simple workouts you see on <a href="http://www.pinterest.com/redheadraleigh/">Pinterest</a> all the time that you think you should try one day? Today is my one day. And to keep myself accountable, I will post a weekly check-in recapping how the week went and post the workout for the following week.</center>
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Anyone want to join me? It will be fun, I promise! And if you have any ideas for the weekly workouts, definitely let me know!</center>
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Sunday progress workout aka Death by Burpees: First minute you do 1 full burpee. Second minute = 2 full burpees. Third minute = 3 full burpees. And so on until you lose steam and can't finish the burpees for that minute. If you are new to the world of burpees, check out <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0_yyzbuNJg">this video</a>. </center>
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Here is this week's workout. It is called <a href="http://blondeponytail.com/2012/11/crossfit-countdown-home-workout/">The Body Weight Countdown Home Workout</a>. The first round you do 10 burpees, 10 squats, 10 push-ups, 10 sit-ups. The next round you do 9. Then 8. All the way until you are just doing 1. And then, you are done! Woohoo!</center>
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And just so you all know where I'm starting out, I completed Death by Burpees tonight. My score was 7+7, meaning I got through the 7th minute of 7 full burpees and was able to complete 7 burpees in the eighth minute.</center>
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So really, who's with me?</center>
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Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1397062286140706422.post-81389253730105948332013-09-13T09:04:00.003-04:002013-09-13T09:07:52.288-04:00Bad News Times Three<b>Bad News #1:</b> Only a few hours after we got back home from <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2013/09/butter-beans-first-flight-adventures-in.html">our trip to New Jersey</a>, a tree fell blocking our driveway.
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Bad News #2:</b> The next day we found out there was a death in the family. We began to scramble to make travel arrangements to get back up to New Jersey for the funeral. Thankfully, we were able to get permission to bring Butter Bean with us. For the long-time readers, you'll remember we <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2012/09/death-in-foster-family.html">weren't so lucky with Artichoke and Zucchini</a>. And yes, that means that Butter Bean logged his third and fourth flight within two weeks! Thank goodness he is a good traveler. This trip to New Jersey was not nearly as fun nor happy as our previous trip. And therefore, I have no cute pictures to share. </center>
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<b>Bad News #3:</b> And because things happen in 3's, we were due for some more bad news. So on the way home American Airlines made sure to handle our stroller with lots of special care. Anyone have any tips on how to get reimbursed for our Maclaren stroller and buggy bag? </center>
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I cannot tell you have much we are looking forward to an uneventful weekend at home. Boring would be best!</center>
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Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1397062286140706422.post-38116557478841450132013-09-12T21:50:00.001-04:002013-09-13T09:07:04.793-04:00Butter Bean's First Flight (& Adventures in New Jersey)<center style="text-align: left;">
I have been looking forward to Labor Day weekend for quite some time. A good friend of ours was getting married and I just couldn't wait to attend her wedding. She has exceptional style which I knew would mean the wedding would be beyond beautiful! Traveling up to New Jersey would also give us a chance to catch up with friends and family and introduce them to Butter Bean.</center>
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But we weren't sure if this much anticipated trip was actually going to happen. There are still some medical issues that are unresolved from <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2013/08/breaking-silence-part-3.html">the incident</a>, so the doctors and county were being cautious about him traveling, not to mention out of state and on an airplane. We were very fortunate to get medical clearance for him to travel just a few days before we were scheduled to leave! Woohoo!</center>
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We were lucky (or maybe smart enough) to get non-stop flights up and back to New Jersey since we had no clue if Butter Bean would enjoy travelling. Turns out Butter Bean was an awesome traveler. He was too excited on his first flight to sleep, but he was super happy so fortunately we weren't *those* people with the screaming kid. He loved looking out the window, "reading" the safety card and of course having an in flight beverage.</center>
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Butter Bean was completely tuckered out when we got off the flight. He almost instantly fell asleep as we waited for our luggage.</center>
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The next day Butter Bean was spoiled by his foster grandparents while we headed to the wedding. As I expected it was amazing! From the hand embroidered handkerchiefs that were given out for "Tears of Joy" to the exquisite floral arrangements (bride's mom is a florist and pulled out all the stops) to the incredible view of the NYC skyline to the amazing bridesmaids dresses and the most beautiful bride I have ever seen. Really. I don't know that I have ever heard an entire group of people audibly gasp when the bride walks in the room. We had an amazing night!</center>
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The next day my in-laws threw a "Meet the Munchkin" party for all of our extended family and friends in New Jersey. It was awesome to see everyone and catch up since we don't get to see them as often as we'd like. Butter Bean had a great time meeting everyone and it was so cute to see him playing along since our friends' kids. Another generation of trouble!</center>
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Our last day in New Jersey was spent in Princeton, a town with much history for us. It was in this town that the hubby and I met 15 years ago! And 8 years ago we returned to Princeton to get married. As we strolled on the college campus we actually ran into the professor whose choir we were both singing in. It was pretty cool to say hello, even though I'm sure he didn't really remember us. We then had dinner at the Chinese restaurant where we had our rehearsal dinner, which unfortunately is under new management and isn't as good as it used to be. We stocked up on Princeton gear for both us and Butter Bean and then headed to the infamous Princeton Tiger for a photo op for a special doctor.</center>
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<i>Here's the story: While we were in the hospital with Butter Bean, there was a lot of medical jargon that was being thrown around. We were trying to stay informed and understand everything that was happening. With the emotional roller coaster of the ups and downs and the ever changing theories and tests being run, it was a daunting task. There was one doctor in particular that we really clicked with. She <b>always</b> took the time to explain to us using everyday people terms what was going on and what the good, bad, and most likely scenarios looked like. One day I was wearing my Princeton sweatshirt because the hospital was always freezing and she complimented me on my shirt because that was her alma mater! I told her how I was excited to take Butter Bean up to Princeton one day and show him all of our favorite spots. At this point we started comparing our favorites and I knew then that I had to get a photo of Butter Bean with the Princeton Tiger for her. She is the person that allowed us to keep our sanity during the hospital stay and helped us feel totally comfortable that everything possible was being done for Butter Bean. And we did get a much cuter picture where you can see his face for her. </i></center>
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Then we were able to get into the chapel that we were married in and take some more pictures of Butter Bean. Here is one of my favorites of him "playing" the piano.</center>
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We had an uneventful flight home. Butter Bean decided to sleep the entire flight, which was so nice considering the turn of events that happened <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2013/09/bad-news-times-three.html">when we got home</a>.</center>
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Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1397062286140706422.post-53442528668025698662013-08-15T05:00:00.000-04:002013-08-15T07:36:54.383-04:00Breaking the Silence- Part 3<center>
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To get the full update, check out <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2013/08/breaking-silence-part-1.html">Part 1</a> and <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2013/08/breaking-silence-part-2.html">Part 2</a>. </center>
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That brings us to "the incident".<i> Honestly, I'm not sure that is the best term for it but since I can't explain it much we'll just go with that.</i> </center>
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Butter Bean got really sick really fast. Like from being fine to being admitted into PICU within 8 hours. </center>
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While I won't disclose any specifics of illness, I do want to say that there wasn't any trauma and there is no person at fault for this. It was something that just happened and thankfully all of the people he came into contact with that day provided him with AMAZING care. This started with his daycare teachers noticing something was "off" and quickly calling us then his pediatrician who I give credit for saving his life then all of the doctors/nurses/specialists at the hospital who worked quickly and thoroughly to determine the correct treatment. I can't even begin to describe how much I treasure these people because of what their care prevented.</center>
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We spent 14 days and 13 nights in the hospital on the most intense roller coaster ride of my life. </center>
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We have an incredible support system in place that <strike>jumped</strike> leaped into action to help us in any way possible. They sent us and Butter Bean so many prayers, blessings, good thoughts, positive vibes, fairy dust, etc. They delivered dinners to us in the hospital to save us from the cafeteria food. They visited our home to feed, walk and play with Rudy so that we could spend more time in the hospital with Butter Bean. They were on-call to help with anything we needed. <i>Like retracing my husband's route from the hospital home to try to find him after he called to tell me he was in a car accident but not to worry. Um, how are you supposed to not worry? So our friends immediately jumped into detective mode and set out to find him. Thankfully, only the cars were hurt. And on a further random sidenote (because this tangent has gone on longer than expected so why not), we ended up with a pretty awesome rental car which was a fun and unexpected treat!</i> They sent us care packages to our hospital room full of goodies. They colored pictures to decorate Butter Bean's room. The very few who were allowed to visit came and gave Butter Bean some amazing snuggles and us a chance to escape that room to regain some sanity. And so much more that I could go on and on. And on and on. And then some more.</center>
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We had hoped that when we returned home from the hospital that life could go back to normal. Unfortunately, we are not there yet. Please note the "yet" in that sentence. It will happen! It might be a new version of our normal, but I am SO committed to getting back to some semblance of normal. But complications and further testing are still in the way of that long awaited routine and structure. However, we (along with the team of doctors) are hopeful and fully anticipating it to come. For now, there is good news and we take full advantage of it when it comes around. </center>
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<li>We haven't returned to the hospital. </li>
<li>The team of doctors we are working with is incredible! </li>
<li>Since getting out of the hospital, Butter Bean is completely oblivious that he has any health issues! He has been so happy and giggly and smiling all the time!</li>
<li>Butter Bean will be staying in our care through January- woohoo!</li>
<li>We have a crawler!</li>
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Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1397062286140706422.post-16909284443705501392013-08-14T03:00:00.000-04:002013-08-14T07:46:57.867-04:00Follow Me on Bloglovin!<center style="text-align: left;">
While I was out dealing with life, Google Reader shut down. To quote Stephanie Tanner, "How rude!". But have no fear, you can <a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/3905768/?claim=br5yt593jtm">follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>! I actually have loved switching over to Bloglovin to keep track of all of the blogs that I can't live without. I hope I'll see you over there!</center>
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Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1397062286140706422.post-62382878922263317202013-08-13T05:00:00.000-04:002013-08-13T12:25:58.909-04:00Breaking the Silence- Part 2<center>
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<i>If you missed the beginning of this story, check out <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2013/08/breaking-silence-part-1.html">Part 1</a> first.</i></center>
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From the beginning, we knew Butter Bean's case would be incredibly complicated. This is very rare to know so much about a child's case before they enter your home. Normally, you are lucky if you know both their full name and DOB. How we knew so much about this case is part of that 95% of the story that won't be told here. But in the first 2 months of the case, we were in court 5 times for adjudication hearings. Most of you probably won't understand how ludicrous and unusual this is. When our foster parent/social worker friends hear this, their jaw normally falls to the floor. It was at one of those adjudication hearings that we were told Butter Bean could be "going home today" due to that fun technicality. After we advocated for Butter Bean to the dismay of some, certain unnamed parties got their act together and the technicality loophole was no longer available. </center>
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After we survived those court dates, we thought the case was like a "normal" foster child case: we take care of the child while the parent(s) work the plan to get them back until the next court date when the next steps are decided. That was a complete rookie mistake. Nothing ever follows the "normal" path. And this was no exception. Then until "the incident", we were told that Butter Bean could be leaving at any point. They would try their best to give us 1-2 notice, but that might not be possible. Because of details I can't share, this development actually made us very happy because it was great for many people including Butter Bean. However, we grew increasingly bitter over the short notice. Especially as we waited month after month wondering if/when he'd be leaving our home.</center>
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And if that wasn't enough, Rudy was diagnosed with cancer. He had surgery and they were able to remove all of the cancer. Now he is back to his normal life of constantly trying to convince you to go snuggle in the bed and believing every cardboard box that comes into our house is his new toy! </center>
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Thankfully, we made the conscious decision to just keep living life and planning as if he'll be with us. We took a trip to the beach for my first Mother's Day weekend. It was an incredible trip and so amazing to actually be celebrating that day! We also went to the mountains over Memorial Day, where Butter Bean went swimming for the first time. At first he wasn't so sure and then he LOVED it! We celebrated Father's Day with one of the hubby's favorite Southern dishes: chicken and waffles. And we had 4th of July gathering at our house complete with fireworks, which Butter Bean giggled at! But my favorite memory of all was Butter Bean's 1/2 Birthday party! Yes, we are *those* parents. It was a great day that was shared with so many people who have given us endless support and fully embraced Butter Bean.</center>
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Stay tuned for the Part 3 which explains "the incident".</center>
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Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1397062286140706422.post-5904445650818400602013-08-12T05:00:00.000-04:002013-08-12T05:41:42.600-04:00Breaking the Silence- Part 1<center style="text-align: left;">
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Are you there?</b> Yes, I am here and kicking despite the lack of posts. Things have been <strike>quiet around here</strike> totally silent. This is where I'd normally apologize for being a bad blogger. But to be honest, there won't be an apology this go round. </center>
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Do you wish you have been blogging?</b> Absolutely. I love sharing our foster parent experience so people can understand what it is really like. And I love using this space as both my outlet for everything that life throws at me and a virtual scrapbook of sorts. Not to mention that this blog has provided me with so much support in the past that I miss those virtual hugs. However, blogging becomes no fun when you can't/don't want to/don't know how to discuss what is going on in your life with the rest of the world. And this is the biggest reason why nothing has been said until now. </center>
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Do you regret that you haven't been blogging?</b> Not a bit. Life has taken us on a wild ride we NEVER expected. My first job is wife, then mom (you can insert foster or doggie before that if it makes you more comfortable), then accountant, and finally blogger. So when I'm up to my capacity in those first three jobs, the blog will slow down. And in some circumstances like this one, it will just go completely silent.</center>
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So what happened?</b> Since I have been gone a while, this is a loooong story. You may have guessed by the title of this post that there will be additional parts to come. This, in fact, is Part 1 of 3. So stick around this week to hear the whole story! If you've been here before you'll know that my updates are the uber vague in general and this will be no exception. Honestly, I really wish I could just tell the whole story but it's against the rules and not in everyone's best interest. So here's my attempt at explaining this crazy story while only giving you 5% or less of the details! This should be fun!</center>
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Let's start with explaining what was behind <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2013/03/sometimes-foster-parenting-sucks.html">this post</a>. Within a week, I found out that one of my favorite people had undiagnosed medical problems, my job could be eliminated, and that Butter Bean could be "going home today". Those last three words rocked my world. Not because I'm not in support of reunification- I totally am- but because it was happening on a technicality. The good news is that those first two things resolved themselves meaning my friend is okay and I'm still employed. Butter Bean's case was not easily resolved. </center>
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To be continued. duhn, duhn, DUHN!</center>
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Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1397062286140706422.post-49415522087608965942013-03-29T10:54:00.002-04:002013-03-29T10:54:41.740-04:00Sometimes Foster Parenting Sucks<div style="text-align: left;">
Yesterday was not the best day in our fostering journey. If you have any spare positive thoughts/ prayers/ good vibes/ magical fairy dust to send our way, we'd really appreciate it!<br /><br />I'm not ready to share this portion of our story yet, so please respect our privacy. But I'll definitely give you the vague, nondescript version of the story when I'm ready.</div>
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In the meantime if you want to make me happy, please ready <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2013/03/this-needs-to-be-made-into-wallpaper.html">this amazing article</a> if you haven't already.</div>
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Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1397062286140706422.post-68958733264152347922013-03-26T10:51:00.000-04:002013-03-26T10:51:47.541-04:00This Needs to be Made into Wallpaper<div class="tr_bq">
Life right now is SUPER crazy. Hence the lack of posts. But I came across <a href="http://scienceblogs.com/casaubonsbook/2013/03/12/what-foster-parents-wish-other-people-knew/">this article</a> and it is WAY too informative/appropriate/awesome not to repost. Please take this message to heart because it is so true. I especially love the list of things YOU can do at the end!</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: x-large;">What Foster Parents Wish Other People Knew</span></b><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
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1. <strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">We’re not Freakin’ Saints.</strong> We are doing this because it needs doing, we love kids, this is our thing. Some of us hope to expand our families this way, some of us do it for the pleasure of having laughing young voices around, some of us are pushed into it by the children of family or friends needing care, some of us grew up around formal or informal fostering – but all of us are doing it for our own reasons BECAUSE WE LOVE IT and/or LOVE THE KIDS and WE ARE THE LUCKY ONES – we get to have these great kids in our lives.<br />
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We hate being told we must be saints or angels, because we’re doing something really ordinary and normal – that is, taking care of kids in need. If some children showed up dirty and hungry and needing a safe place on your doorstep, you’d care for them too – we just signed up to be the doorstep they arrive at. The idea of sainthood makes it impossible for ordinary people to do this – and the truth is the world needs more ordinary, human foster parents. This also stinks because if we’re saints and angels, we can’t ever be jerks or human or need help, and that’s bad, because sometimes this is hard.<br />
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2. <strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">WATCH WHAT YOU SAY AROUND THE KIDS!!!!!!</strong> I can’t emphasize this enough, and everyone is continually stunned by the things people will ask in the hearing of children, from “Oh, is their Mom an addict?” or “Well, they aren’t your REAL kids are they” or “Are you going to adopt them?” or whatever. Not only is that stuff private, but it is HORRIBLE for the kids to hear people speculating about their families whom they love, or their future. Didn’t anyone ever explain to you that you never say anything bad about anyone’s mother (or father) EVER? Don’t assume you know what’s going on, and don’t ask personal questions – we can’t tell you anyway.<br />
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3. <strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Don’t act surprised that they are nice, smart, loving, well-behaved kids.</strong> One of the corollaries of #1 is that there tends to be an implied assumption that foster kids are flawed – we must be saints because NO ONE ELSE would take these damaged, horrible kids. Well, kids in foster care have endured a lot of trauma, and sometimes that does come with behavioral challenges, but many of the brightest, nicest, best behaved, kindest and most loving children I’ve ever met are foster kids. They aren’t second best kids, they aren’t homicidal maniacs, and because while they are here they are MINE, they are the BEST KIDS IN THE WORLD, and yes, it does tick me off when you act surprised they are smart, sweet and loving.<br />
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4. <strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Don’t hate on their parents.</strong> Especially don’t do it in front of the kids, but you aren’t on my side when you are talking trash either.<br />
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Nobody chooses to be born mentally ill. No one gets addicted to drugs on purpose. Nobody chooses to be born developmentally delayed, to never have lived in a stable family so you don’t know how to replicate it. Abusive and neglectful parents often love their kids and do the best they can, and a lot of them CAN do better if they get help and support, which is what part of this is about. Even if they can’t, it doesn’t make things better for you to rush to judgement.<br />
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It is much easier to think of birth parents as monsters, because then YOU could never be like THEM, but truly, birth parents are just people with big problems. Birth and Foster parents often work really hard to have positive relationships with each other, so it doesn’t help me to have you speculating about them.<br />
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5. <strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The kids aren’t grateful to us, and it is nuts to expect them to be, or to feel lucky that they are with us.</strong> They were taken from everything they knew and had to give up parents, siblings, pets, extended family, neighborhood, toys, everything that was normal to them. No one asked them whether they wanted to come into care.<br />
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YOU have complex feelings and ambivalence about a lot of things, even if it seems like those things are good for you or for the best. Don’t assume our kids don’t have those feelings, or that moving into our home is happily-ever-after for them. Don’t tell them how lucky they are or how they should feel.<br />
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By the way, there is no point comparing my home to the one they grew up in. Both homes most likely have things the children like and dislike about them. The truth is if every kid only got the best home, Angelina and Brad would have all the children, and the rest of us would have none.<br />
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6. <strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">No, we’re not making any money on it.</strong> We don’t get paid – we get a portion of the child’s expenses reimbursed, and that money is only for the child and does NOT cover everything. I get about 56 cents an hour reimbursed, and I get annoyed when you imply I’m too stupid to realized I’d make tons more money flipping burgers.<br />
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Saying this in front of the kids also REALLY hurts them – all of a sudden, kids who are being loved and learning to trust worry that you are only doing this because of their pittance. So just shut up about the money already, and about the friend of a friend you know who kept the kids in cages and did it just for the money and made millions.<br />
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7. <strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">When you say “I could never do that” as if we’re heartless or insensitive, because we can/have to give the kids back to their parents or to extended family, it stings. </strong>Letting kids go IS really hard, but someone has to do it. Not all kids in care come from irredeemable families. Not everyone in a birth family is bad – in fact, many kin and parents are heroic, making unimaginable sacrifices to get their families back together through impossible odds. Yes, it is hard to let kids we love go, and yes, we love them, and yes, it hurts like hell, but the reality is that because something is hard doesn’t make it bad, and you aren’t heartless if you can endure pain for the greater good of your children. You are just a regular old parent when you put your children’s interests ahead of your own.<br />
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8. <strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">No, they aren’t ours yet.</strong> And they won’t be on Thursday either, or next Friday, or the week after. Foster care adoption TAKES A LONG TIME. For the first year MINIMUM the goal is always for kids to return to their parents. It can take even longer than that. Even if we hope to adopt, things could change, and it is just like any long journey – it isn’t helpful to ask “Are we there yet” every five minutes.<br />
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9. <strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Most kids will go home or to family, rather than being adopted.</strong> Most foster cases don’t go to adoption. Not every foster parent wants to adopt. And not every foster family that wants to adopt will be adopting/wants to adopt every kid.<br />
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It is NOT appropriate for you to raise the possibility of adoption just because you know they are a foster family. It is ESPECIALLY not appropriate for you to raise this issue in front of the kids. The kids may be going to home or to kin. It may not be an adoptive match. The family may not be able to adopt now. They may be foster-only. Not all older children want or choose to be adopted, and after a certain age, they are allowed to decide. Family building is private and none of everyone’s business. They’ll let you know when you need to know something.<br />
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10. <strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">If we’re struggling – and all of us struggle sometimes – it isn’t helpful to say we should just “give them back” or remind us we brought it on ourselves</strong>. ALL parents pretty much brought their situation on themselves whether they give birth or foster, but once you are a parent, you deal with what you’ve got no matter what. “I told you so” is never helpful. This is especially true when the kids have disabilities or when they go home. Yes, we knew that could happen. That doesn’t make it any easier.<br />
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11. <strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Foster kids are not “fake kids,” and we’re not babysitters – they are all my “REAL kids.</strong>” Some of them may stay forever. Some of them may go and come back. Some of them may leave and we’ll never see them again. But that’s life, isn’t it? Sometimes people in YOUR life go away, too, and they don’t stop being an important part of your life or being loved and missed. How they come into my family or for how long is not the point. While they are here they are my children’s REAL brothers and sisters, my REAL sons and daughters. We love them entirely, treat them the way we do all our kids, and never, ever forget them when they leave. Don’t pretend the kids were never here. Let foster parents talk about the kids they miss. Don’t assume that kids are interchangeable – one baby is not the same as the next, and just because there will be more kids later doesn’t make it any easier now.<br />
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12. <strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Fostering is HARD. </strong>Take how hard you think it will be and multiply it by 10, and you are beginning to get the idea. Exhausting, gutwrenching and stressful as heck. That said, it is also GREAT, and mostly utterly worth it. It is like Tom Hanks’ character in _League of Their Own_ says about baseball: “It is supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great.”<br />
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13.<strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> You don’t have to be a foster parent to HELP support kids and families in crisis</strong>. If you want to foster, GREAT – the world needs more foster families. But we also need OTHER kinds of help.<br />
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- . <strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Treat foster parents with a new placement the way you would a family that had a baby</strong>– it is JUST as exhausting and stressful. If you can offer to cook dinner, help out with the other kids, or lend a hand in some way, it would be most welcome.<br />
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- . <strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Offer up your children’s outgrown stuff to pass on</strong> – foster parents who do short-term fostering send a lot of stuff home with the kids, and often could use more. Alternatively, many communities have a foster care closet or donation center that would be grateful for your pass-downs in good condition.<br />
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- . <strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Be an honorary grandparent, aunt or uncle.</strong> Kids need as many people in their lives as possible, and relationships that say “you are special.”<br />
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- . <strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Become a respite provider</strong>, taking foster children for a week or a weekend so their parents can go away or take a break.<br />
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- . <strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Offer to babysit.</strong> Foster parents have lives, plus they have to go to meetings and trainings, and could definitely use the help.<br />
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- . <strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Be a big brother, sister or mentor to older foster kids. </strong>Preteens and Teens need help imagining a future for themselves – be that help.<br />
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- .<strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Be an extra pair of hands when foster families go somewhere challenging -</strong> offer to come along to the amusement park, to church, to the playground. A big family or one with special needs may really appreciate just an extra adult or a mother’s helper along.<br />
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- . <strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Support local anti-poverty programs with your time and money</strong>. These are the resources that will hopefully keep my kids fed and safe in their communities when they go home.<br />
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- . <strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">If you’ve got extra, someone else can probably use it. </strong> Lots of foster families don’t have a lot of spare money for activities – offering your old hockey equipment or the use of your swim membership is a wonderful gift.<br />
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- . <strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Make programs for kids friendly to kids with disabilities and challenges.</strong> You may not have thought about how hard it is to bring a disabled or behaviorally challenged kid to Sunday school, the pool, the local kids movie night – but think about it now, and encourage inclusion.<br />
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- . <strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Teach your children from the beginning to be welcoming, inclusive, kind and non-judgemental</strong>, Teach them the value of having friends from different neighborhoods, communities, cultures, races and levels of ability. Make it clear that bullying, unkindness and exclusion are NEVER EVER ok.<br />
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- . <strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Welcome foster parents and their family into your community warmly</strong>, and ASK them what they need, and what you can do.<br />
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- . <strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Reach out to families in your community that are struggling</strong>– maybe you can help so that the children don’t ever have to come into foster care, or to make it easier if they do. Some families really need a ride, a sitter, some emotional support, some connection to local resources. Lack of community ties is a HUGE risk factor for children coming into care, so make the attempt.
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Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1397062286140706422.post-67021965840260689532013-03-08T10:24:00.000-05:002013-03-08T10:24:01.982-05:00The Revolving Door of Never-Ending Foster Care VisitsOn this go-round of fostering, I am going to try to document more of the day-to-day life of foster parents. I get a lot of questions about the players in foster care, the visits, the court hearings, the plan for parents, etc. so I figured it would be helpful to post some information here! While I feel like these aren't going to be the most exciting posts, I remember before we were "in" the fostering world that I wondered what they were like and what was discussed. So I'll start today with the different types of visits and who is involved.<br />
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First of all let's discuss who is doing all of these visits.<br />
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<b><span style="background-color: white; color: purple;">Licensing Social Worker:</span></b> This is "our" worker. She represents the foster parents and helps us navigate the system. When we have concerns, she helps advocate for us to whoever may need to hear the concern. We are <i>very</i> fortunate to have an amazing licensing social worker. She is employed by the county.<br />
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<b><span style="color: purple;">Foster Care Social Worker:</span></b> This is the child's worker. She represents the foster child and the biological family. This person really helps to guide the parents to work their plan so that reunification can happen. They also are the ones who stay updated on the child, their needs, any concerns and general well-being. This social worker is the one that is fully involved in the case. She is employed by the county.<br />
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<b><span style="color: purple;">Guardian Ad Litem (GAL):</span> </b>This person's sole job is to represent the child. They are the voice for the child in court and advocate for the child's best interest. The GAL performs a separate investigation from the county so that they can make sure their opinions stated to the court are not biased. This means they visit with all parties involved in the case, similarly to the Foster Care Social Worker. In our county, the GAL's are volunteers that report to a GAL Supervisor, who is a county employee. Please note that not all children are assigned a GAL. It depends on the specific reasons that the children came into care as to whether a GAL is assigned. However in my experience, it seems that a GAL is assigned in more cases than not.<br />
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Okay, now we can move onto the actual visits.<br />
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<b><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #274e13;">Initial Social Worker Home Visit:</span></span> </b>Within the first 14 days of a placement, it is required (aka highly recommended) in our county for both the licensing social worker and the foster care social worker to visit our home. During this visit, they verify that our home is in safe and properly equipped to take care of the child. They specifically look at the sleeping arrangements since there are very specific rules regarding the bed and bedroom. The case is also discussed so that we understand the details that are pertinent for us to be able to take care of the child and begin shared parenting. However, some details of the case may (and usually are) not discussed with the foster parents. We do not have the right to know all of the details of the case- however you can usually hear 95% of it if you attend court hearings.<br />
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<b><span style="color: #274e13;">Foster Care Social Worker Home Visits:</span> </b>The Foster Care Social Worker must visit the child every month. And three out of four of those visits must be in the home. The visits that don't occur in the home could happen at the family visits, daycare, school, therapy, etc. These visits ensure that the child is being checked on to make sure we are doing our job of properly caring for the child. Also, our house is consistently checked to make sure we are following the regulations. During these visits we typically discuss any changes in our home (remodeling, visitors, job changes, etc.), any changes in the case, and how the child is doing. The Foster Care Social Worker also has the right to "drop in" for a visit at any time. This is pretty unusual, but we are always open to any visit since we have nothing to hide.<br />
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<b><span style="color: #274e13;">Licensing Social Worker Home Visits:</span> </b>These visits occur once a quarter and must be in our home 2 out of every 3 visits. The purpose of this visit is to ensure that we are staying current with our home and other requirements to keep our foster parent license. We discuss how much continuing education hours we have completed, review emergency readiness plans to make sure they are current, express concerns about the case and ask for help/clarification about anything needed in the system or process. We also discuss how the child is doing so that any available assistance (therapy, discipline tools, books, etc.) can be arranged to help us. The Licensing Social Worker also has to the right to "drop in" visits, which again we have no issue with.<br />
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<b><span style="color: #274e13;">GAL Visits:</span> </b>The GAL visits with the child once a month, but can be more frequent as needed. These visits can occur where ever the child is- foster home, daycare, school, family visits, etc. When the GAL visits our home, we primarily discuss the child. Many times the GAL will stay to play with the children to get to know them better and witness first hand how they are doing.<br />
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<b><span style="color: #274e13;">Family Visits:</span> </b>These visits don't include the foster parents, but typically are what many people are curious about so I figured they'd be worth discussing. These visits occur between the foster children and their biological parents. When possible, they try to coordinate for all siblings to see their parents at the same time so that they can also see their siblings if they are in different homes. The judge decides how often these visits occurs and how much supervision is required. They can be as frequently as three times a week or could not be granted at all. I would say it is typical to be once a week for one to two hours. But as the parents make progress in their case plan, their visits increase in time and decrease in supervision. Speaking of which, there are different kinds of supervision. Supervised visits means that someone is always present to see and hear the interactions between parent and child. Monitored visits means that someone checks in every 15 minutes to make sure things are going as expected. Unsupervised visits are just that- no supervision. The location of the visits are typically determined by the county. They usually start out at a county facility and then progress into the family's home and/or community (McDonald's, Chuck-E-Cheese, parks, etc.). Transportation to and from visits can vary as well. In all of our cases (and the majority in our county), a transportation social worker who works for the county picks up the child from daycare/ school/ foster home and drives them to the visit. They also provide return transportation. <br />
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<i>Does any of this surprise you? Concern you? What other questions do you have about visits in foster care? What other things in foster care would you like to know more about?</i></div>
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Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1397062286140706422.post-44937018211687560632013-03-05T15:17:00.001-05:002013-03-05T15:17:59.751-05:00Sickness, Sleep and SanityI'm going to be honest. The first week with Butter Bean was rough. Like <i>really</i> rough. Not only were we adjusting to life with an infant. We were also trying to figure out what he liked, didn't like, loved and hated. And with a cranky baby who is <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2013/02/we-have-name-and-update.html">not feeling his best</a> there were LOTS of things that he hated. Which meant lots of screaming to let us know!<br />
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Then I caught a nasty cold. Ugh! We should have expected it since we have yet to remain healthy after getting a new placement. At least this time it was only a trip to Urgent Care and a nasty cold instead of our last placement's <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2012/06/current-status.html">pneumonia and an upper respiratory infection</a> with a lovely <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2012/06/sick-really-sick.html">ER visit</a>. This sucks, but last time definitely sucked more!<br />
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Needless to say, sleep has been at the top of our priority list. This past weekend the hubby and I took shifts so that we could get some solid naps in. Butter Bean seemed to get the memo too because he basically slept all of Saturday afternoon and throughout the night (except for feedings, of course). And can I tell you how much my hubby rocks? He's been rocking both the 1-2am feeding and the 5-6am feeding so that I can get a full night of sleep and kick this cold! Sorry ladies- he's taken!<br />
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We have also decided to start transitioning Butter Bean out of the bassinet in our room and into his crib in the nursery. We just thought that all of us will sleep better. And I think we are on to something because last night he slept through the night! Woohoo! Hooray for sleep! I feel so much more sane today!<br />
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Butter Bean is definitely feel better on his meds, so we are seeing lots more smiles! And he was cleared to start daycare, which he is loving! He is the only tiny baby there, so it seems like all of the teachers are spending their breaks loving on him. It is a tough life being so cute! We are hoping his health continues to improve so we will have a happy, healthy, sleeping baby soon! <br />
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I also want to thank everyone who has checked in on us to make sure we were keeping some of our sanity! We have loved the phone calls, emails, texts, messages, comments and especially the dinners- so yummy and so helpful! It is nice to feel like we are starting to crawl out of survival mode and find our rhythm.<br />
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Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1397062286140706422.post-90804464972578466642013-02-26T23:35:00.000-05:002013-02-26T23:35:22.625-05:00We have a Name! (And an Update!)Thank you to everyone who answered the poll on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/RedheadInRaleigh">our Facebook page</a> to decide on a name for our new addition! The results are in. And *insert drum roll* his name is Butter Bean!<br />
<br />And while we're all here, I might as well give you a quick update. Things have been going pretty well. Friday and Saturday were a blur of figuring everything out. Thankfully Butter Bean was very patient with us! Sunday we felt like we were starting to have things under control until Butter Bean got upset- really upset! His diaper was clean. He was fed. He was burped. And still he screamed. A lot. So we chalked it up to him figuring out this is his new home and this was just part of his transition.<br />
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But then things got bad again on Monday and my gut was just telling me something more was wrong. We called our amazing pediatrician, who worked us into the schedule so he could be seen that day. After our three hour appointment that ended an hour after they closed (did I say how awesome they are?), Butter Bean had 3 significant health issues diagnosed. (Sorry there won't be anymore details on the specifics of his health other than everything is expected to eventually clear up.) Then we hit up two pharmacies to collect all of his meds. We have seen improvement since he's started the meds, but we aren't quite out of the woods yet. Butter Bean still isn't medically cleared to start daycare, so we've been chilling at home trying to keep him as happy as possible.<br />
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The other news is that I'm no longer a twenty-something. Womp-womp. My birthday was definitely unlike any others. Butter Bean gave me an awesome present of sleeping 6 hours the night before my birthday! Woo-hoo! Then we spent the morning in court for Butter Bean since you know that's where all the cool kids hang out on their birthday. My only hopes for the rest of the day was a nap and a milkshake. And in all honesty, I was only expecting one of those things to happen. But I'm VERY happy to report that my awesome hubby made them both happen! Hooray! <br />
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Sorry there aren't any cute pictures! We've been focusing on surviving the past few days. But there will be some coming soon!<br />
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Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1397062286140706422.post-77348250904337390792013-02-22T19:21:00.001-05:002013-02-26T23:35:36.010-05:00He's Here!Just wanted to let you know that he made it! And everyone is doing well! Well, Rudy is a bit jealous. But then he figured out that his kisses were loved by all!<br />
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Make sure you head over to our <a href="https://www.facebook.com/RedheadInRaleigh">Facebook page</a> to vote on a name for our new addition! The poll will be open through Monday!<br />
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Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1397062286140706422.post-20588844730334547282013-02-22T14:55:00.000-05:002013-02-26T23:35:46.297-05:00Unnamed Baby on His Way!Well, we didn't have too wait long to get our next placement. Yes, it is true! A little 8 week old baby is on his way to our home. So excited! <br />
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But I need your help naming him! Since I received so many awesome naming suggestions via comments, text, messages and email, I decided that YOU get to pick his name! Hop over to our <a href="https://www.facebook.com/RedheadInRaleigh">Facebook page</a> and vote for your favorite or suggest a new one. Just remember the two rules.<br />
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1- All names must be vegetables. <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2012/03/foster-friday-names.html">It is just how we roll here.</a><br />
2- Can't use <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2009/04/rudy-thinks-hes-cat.html">Rutabaga (Rudy)</a>, <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2012/05/our-weekend-with-peas-and-carrots.html">Peas, Carrots</a>, <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2012/07/introducing.html">Artichoke or Zucchini</a>.<br />
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PS- The baby does have a real name. But really that isn't of any consequence here because it will never be mentioned.<br />
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PPS- Sweet Potato has been veto'ed by the hubby. I loved the nickname Tater, but apparently that is a redneck comedian that has a bad connotation for the hubs. Sorry!<br />
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Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1397062286140706422.post-74432879367712089502013-02-20T08:50:00.000-05:002013-02-20T08:51:32.226-05:00Drum Roll Please....Thing have been quiet around here, I know. And the truth is that I have been holding out on you. Not cool. But you know sometimes when you have news to share and you just want to hold on to it for yourself just for a bit before telling the world? That's why I've been quiet. But the good news for you is that I'm over that now so I hope you are ready for some exciting news! <br />
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We have actually made a decision on if/when/how to have children in our family. If you want a recap of all possibilities (because there are probably more than most people were expecting) and the pro's and con's of each, head <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2013/01/will-we-foster-again.html">here</a>.<br />
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Before I make our announcement, I do want to thank all of you who have commented/ messaged/ emailed/ chatted with me about your experiences/ opinions/ thoughts/ viewpoints. I have been amazed at the support we have felt while making this decision. And honestly, I was shocked at how respectful everyone has been when we were considering options that it was clear that not everyone supported. The insight shared really helped give us a new perspective on some things, which ultimately helped in giving us confidence that we made the right decision.<br />
<br />
And now onto that decision. We have decided that we want to foster again! Same as when we <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2011/12/foster-friday-sing-together.html">first decided</a> to become foster parents, it came down to what felt "right" for our family. We are passionate about foster care and didn't want to let all of the con's scare us out of doing something that we really wanted. And now we are super excited (and probably a little bit crazy) to take the wild ride that is only possible with foster care. This go round we are open to one child who is 2 years old or under. We are open to any race, any gender and mild medical issues. <br />
<br />
Since we are hoping that a little one shows up sooner rather than later, I need your help! If you have been around for a while you have noticed the <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2012/03/foster-friday-names.html">vegetable themed names</a>. We've had <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2009/04/rudy-thinks-hes-cat.html">Rutabaga (Rudy)</a>, <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2012/05/our-weekend-with-peas-and-carrots.html">Peas and Carrots</a>, <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2012/07/introducing.html">Artichoke and Zucchini</a>. Well, I need help coming up with the moniker for our next foster child! So, what vegetable should our next foster child be named?<br />
<br />
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Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1397062286140706422.post-18599251990552328782013-02-01T11:51:00.001-05:002013-02-03T19:43:08.727-05:00Unexpected CallSince we have yet to make a decision about <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2013/01/will-we-foster-again.html">if/when/how we are going to grow our family</a>, we are currently on "hold" with the county. This means we aren't on the "Available Beds List" that is used to call foster families when children come into care. You might already see where this is going.<br />
<br />
We just got a placement call.*insert shock* But wait- it gets better!<br />
<br />
It was for 3 kids! 5 year old. 3 year old. And 4 months old.<br />
<br />
Easy answer- No. <i>If</i> we go back on the list, it will be for 1 child under the age of 2.<br />
<br />
But then they say, "Well, you were the only family available that could have taken all three. So we will be splitting them up. Would you consider taking the 4 month old?"<br />
<br />
Oh gees! I knew that we'd have to talk this one over since it is in the realm of possibility if we decide to enter the crazy fostering world again. So I got some background of the case. And called the hubby.<br />
<br />
We just feel like we still aren't ready to decide if we want to foster again. And we think we should really make that decision before, you know, accepting any placements. So there won't be a cute cuddly addition to our family. At least not yet! <br />
<br />
If this tells you anything, it should show that 1) the need for foster parents is real, 2) we are still straddling the fence and 3) you should become a foster parent to take the pressure off of us! Just kidding about that last one. Well sort of.<br />
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Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1397062286140706422.post-80901081320362652232013-01-28T05:30:00.000-05:002013-01-28T05:30:04.454-05:00Capable of So Much More Than We BelieveI love when I find an article about foster parenting. It really is a subject that deserves much more attention. But I love it even more when it truly gives people a glimpse into the reality of this world- for better or worse. The following article does just that. But it also speaks to the truth that we <i>all</i> underestimate ourselves. Makes you wonder what you could achieve if you'd allow yourself.<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Foster Parenting Creates a Future, Without Erasing the Past </b></span><br />
by Brittney Dalton via <a href="http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/01/27/foster-parenting-creates-a-future-without-erasing-the-past/?smid=fb-share">The New York Times</a><b> </b><br />
<br />
My husband and I adopted our three children, now ages 11, 10 and 7, in October 2010 (we had to wait another
nine months for our oldest daughter, the eldest of three biological
siblings). We hadn’t intended to adopt this many, but we did not know
how to answer the questions of desired age, sex, race and quantity on
our paperwork so we left it blank, which the social workers took to
mean, “We have a blank, load them up!” During our last training, we got a
call that the current foster parents wanted to hand them over A.S.A.P.,
and we had to leave early to pick them up.<br />
<br />
“Wait!” the instructor
yelled as we ran out of the door, and handed us our Certified Foster
and Adoptive Parents paper, still warm from the printer.<br />
<br />
It wasn’t
until the second week with the kids that I called our social worker to
say that something was wrong. Our youngest had rages around bedtime
every night, in which he threatened to stab doors, his own head and us;
our 11-year-old was sick or sleeping all the time. Most disturbing,
though, was our younger daughter. Her avoidance of eye contact, her
superficial charm and eerie disposition were what prompted me to call.
Something in her demeanor made me want to lock my door at night.<br />
<br />
This
call ushered in our new life filled with therapy, neuropsychologists
and developmental pediatrician appointments. Our kids were poked and
prodded, asked a thousand questions and sat in front of countless
puzzles, and what we walked away with was a copious stream of initials:
PTSD, RAD, F.A.S.D., O.D.D., O.C.D. and more.<br />
<br />
After all the
diagnoses, I devoted nearly every minute of my life to heal my children.
Nothing mattered but these youngsters in front of us, still trapped by
their past, calling us Mom and Dad. I read everything, talked to
everyone and did every unconventional therapy known to man to meet their
needs. I home-schooled and bottle-fed. We even moved to 155 acres in
the country, away from judgmental know-it-alls and greedy pastors who
wanted our family exploited on a stage for the cause of orphan care. We
have worked and loved and struggled together.<br />
<br />
Two years later, what you don’t want to hear me say is that not a whole lot has changed.<br />
Granted,
two years isn’t a very long time, but what we are told is that if there
was going to be significant change in certain areas, it would have
happened by now. My girls are not only damaged by their past, but in
many ways are still caught there. Some part of them is still hiding
under the bed, maneuvering to miss the jabs of the broomstick.<br />
<br />
People
think the miracle of adoption is a rescue and a happy ending. My
children are safer and loved now, but that’s not what people want.
People want to know that it can be undone, that these children will be
given back the life that was initially theirs. It’s not what happens.<br />
<br />
For
my husband and me, accepting this included a terrible loss; it broke
our hearts and nearly sank us. But the space in letting it go made way
for a new miracle that supplied the buoyancy to hold our heads above
water.<br />
<br />
I thought love was a comforting emotion. Instead, I have
found it to be an unbridled force, stretching my heart to make room for
that which I once would have found unlovable. I will be the first to
admit that this sounds worthy of a cheer, but to be the person whose
life demands this love has been the most difficult experience of my
life.<br />
<br />
The miracle is that we are all capable of so much more than
we believe. The miracle is that love may not conquer history, but it can
conquer our conditions for love. The miracle is that all it takes is
for someone to keep showing up, to do the work, to allow their life to
change and for the pieces to fall where they may. It didn’t take
changing our children to make us love them. We will never erase their
past. We don’t have to. They are ours now, and we will love them through
whoever they become from here.<br />
<br />
The miracle is that we truly love
and adore our children. That we were given eyes to see the sacredness in
their design, and to not give up on drawing it out. Mary Oliver warns
us to leave room for the unimaginable. I cannot imagine what my children
will do with their one wild and precious life. </blockquote>
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Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1397062286140706422.post-11205670804433963582013-01-23T09:53:00.001-05:002013-01-23T09:54:30.963-05:00Running Again<div style="text-align: left;">
Those of you who have been around for a while know that I have tried a few times in the past to become healthier. <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2013/01/crazy-2013-plans-5k-tri-and-rodeo.html">This time</a> just seems different. I'm not quite sure why, but it does. And so I'm going with it! But I thought it would be helpful to document why I'm making these changes so that when things start to get really tough, I can find renewed motivation.<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
... because <a href="http://okayba.com/2012/11/02/seasons-change/">I totally feel it</a></div>
</div>
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... because I need a hobby</div>
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... because I want to be a runner</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
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... because Rudy loves to run with me<br />
... because I want to challenge myself</div>
</div>
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... because I want to show myself that I can</div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
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... because I want to enjoy shopping for clothes</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
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... because my butt is much bigger than it should be</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
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... because I want to get addicted to that runner's high<br />
... because I need a healthy way to deal with life's stress</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
... because I love to have some time to look at the clouds</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
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... because I want to be excited to go to the beach this summer<br />
... because I'm running my first 5k very soon with awesome friends</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
... because I want to take cute tummy pictures if I'm ever pregnant*<br />
... because the doctor cleared me after being sick for almost a month</div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
... because I'm participating in <a href="http://victoriaruns.com/1000-miles/">1000 miles for 100 smiles</a>- you should too!<br />
<br /></div>
</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
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</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<em>*First we need to decide that we want to get pregnant. And that definitely <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2013/01/will-we-foster-again.html">isn't an easy decision</a>. Then we need to actually try to get pregnant. And then we need it to actually happen! So don't get too excited about upcoming tummy pictures.</em></div>
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Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1397062286140706422.post-27439734383416509542013-01-21T07:00:00.000-05:002013-01-21T07:00:12.451-05:00Will We Foster Again?It has been 2 months since <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2012/11/saying-good-bye-with-colored-stairs.html">Artichoke and Zucchini left</a>. I think about them Every. Single. Day. Wondering how they are doing, how much they have grown and what funny things they are saying. But every day since they have left, I have asked myself the same question: will we foster again? And apparently I'm not the only one wondering this since so many people have asked us this since the boys left. The short answer: <b style="text-align: center;">I don't know. </b><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
The more accurate answer: <b>We have absolutely no clue. </b>We want to in the idealistic sense, but it doesn't seem "right" in the realistic sense. Which is clearly a problem. But even the bigger problem is that nothing feels "right" right now, even what we are currently doing. So there is a long list of pro/cons that don't ever seem to help me figure out what that answer should be. Ugh! </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I think our decision is definitely complicated by the fact that we got a trial run at parenting. Most other people just decide if they want a kid and if they do then they start getting busy. But now that we've had a glimpse into the world of having kids, being parents, dealing with the foster care system, and everything else we went through in those 6 months with Artichoke and Zucchini, we feel like we are back to square one and more clueless than ever. So here's a glimpse into my current pro/con list., but first some warnings.<br />
<br />
Warning #1- I change my gut feeling almost hourly. Unfortunately that's not an exaggeration. So if it looks like I'm leaning in one direction it probably isn't accurate anymore. <br />
<br />
Warning #2- This is not <i>our</i> pro/con list. The hubby looks at things completely different than me (not so shocking for those of you that know him). Once we each have some more clarity, we are going to try to make a plan for us. Thank God Rudy doesn't get a vote!</div>
</div>
<br />
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>Question #1: Do you want kids?</b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: purple;"><b>A: No</b></span>- Man, they are a lot of work. Like a whole bunch of work. And our simple life is pretty nice. Although, what would fill with my extra time? We aren't the globe-trotting type and I don't really have that many hobbies, so what would I <i>do</i>?<br />
<br />
<span style="color: purple;"><b>B: Yes</b></span>- They are cute. And I don't really feel like our family is "complete". <br />
<br />
So I think for today at this moment, my answer is: <b style="text-align: center;">I would like to have kids in my life.</b><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>Question #2: How would you like for kids to come into your life?</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: purple;"><b>A: Biological children, fondly referred to "vag kids" in our house! </b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: purple;"><b>B: Foster kids</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: purple;"><b>C: Adoption</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: purple;"><b>D: Fulfilling the role of "Aunt" and "Uncle" to friends' kids</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
This is where things get VERY complicated. So let's take each answer and review the pro/con list.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Pro's of Vag Kids</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<ul>
<li>Clean slate as in they weren't abused or neglected or drug exposed</li>
<li>We would be free to parent as we choose</li>
<li>There is the potential they would be mini-me's of my hubby- so cute!</li>
<li>Family, friends, and colleagues know how to support you since most of them have had kids</li>
</ul>
<div>
Con's of Vag Kids</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>I have a very unique medical background which leaves doctors completely unsure of how my body will react if I'm pregnant. Best case- my gall bladder would be removed, which is apparently a pretty common procedure done on pregnant ladies. Worst case- my life would be endangered, emergency surgery would be necessary and we would have to chose between me and the baby</li>
<li>We could have fertility problems- you never know!</li>
<li>You are stuck with them for 18 years, but really forever</li>
<li>They are expensive</li>
<li>They will have horrible vision since both me and hubby are blind as bats</li>
</ul>
<div>
Pro's of Foster Kids</div>
</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li><a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2011/12/foster-friday-sing-together.html">All of the reasons</a> that got us into this in the first place. Living our passion.</li>
<li>They are temporary. The average stay in our county is 2.5 years</li>
<li>They aren't as expensive since we receive monthly stipends and daycare is paid for</li>
<li>Instant baby- We could probably have a baby in our home within a month or two</li>
</ul>
<div>
Con's of Foster Kids</div>
</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>Constantly living under the rules of "the system", which can be annoying on a daily basis and get you in <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2012/09/death-in-foster-family.html">quite a pickle</a></li>
<li>Struggle with "the system" that <strike>never</strike> very rarely follows its own policies (or sometimes <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2012/09/my-heart-aches.html">even laws</a>) </li>
<li>Documenting your entire life: behaviors, stories told, injuries, every medication (prescription or over-the-counter) given to the child and the list goes on and on</li>
<li>Being pulled into the drama of the case and the uncertainty of the child's future to guarantee their best interest is at the forefront of every decision that is made</li>
<li>Support system is limited since not everyone is foster-friendly</li>
<li>Need a job with considerable flexibility in order to attend the plethora of meetings and court dates </li>
</ul>
<div>
Pro's of Adoption</div>
</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>I wouldn't die in the process of getting a baby</li>
<li>Cleaner slate- weren't abused or neglected or exposed to drugs on the outside of the womb</li>
</ul>
<div>
Con's of Adoption</div>
</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>Expensive</li>
<li>Did I mention how expensive it is?</li>
<li>The process takes a long time, sometimes years, and is its own roller coaster</li>
<li>There is a lot of competition for infants and I'm not sure we'd be comfortable adopting an older child unless they were our foster child</li>
</ul>
<div>
Pro's of Aunt/Uncle-ing</div>
</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>We could keep our freedom</li>
<li>Our friends would love us for babysitting and taking their kids on adventures</li>
</ul>
<div>
Con's of Aunt/Uncle-ing</div>
</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>We have been doing this to some extent with our friends' kids already and yet still were pulled to foster parenting because I don't think that was "enough" for us</li>
<li>You are always the weird creepy people without kids who show up to neighborhood events, kids' birthday parties, etc.</li>
</ul>
There you have it! Or we could always just get another puppy and move to Europe. Now there's an idea!<br />
<br />
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Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1397062286140706422.post-64606723584168768142013-01-17T13:55:00.001-05:002013-01-17T13:55:25.468-05:00Grammar Explained by Artichoke<i>***I thought I posted this a LONG time ago, but found it as a draft! Nice to come across such fun memories.**</i><br />
<br />
Artichoke pointing to a exclamation point: <strong><span style="color: #38761d;">This means you have to say this very happy!</span></strong> <br />
<br />
Redhead in Raleigh: <strong><span style="color: purple;">That's right! Didn't Mommy say it happily?</span></strong><br />
<br />
Artichoke: <strong><span style="color: #38761d;">No, not really.</span></strong><br />
<br />
RinR: <strong><span style="color: purple;">Well, I'll have to work on that.</span></strong><br />
<br />
Artichoke: <strong><span style="color: #38761d;">Yes you will.</span></strong><br />
<br />
RinR: <strong><span style="color: purple;">Do you know what that's called?</span></strong> <br />
<br />
Artichoke: <strong><span style="color: #38761d;">Yes! An... explan- expla- explamation mark!</span></strong><br />
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Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1397062286140706422.post-14758468275096989932013-01-07T20:55:00.000-05:002013-01-07T21:03:03.316-05:00Crazy 2013 Plans: 5k, Tri and RodeoI have always been hesitant to make New Year's Resolutions. I'm not really sure why exactly. Probably because it seems that they are always forgotten. And it just seems silly to dream about something to just forget it a month later. Although despite this hesitancy that is present every year, I end up caving and making them anyway. Funny, right? But I do have them to thank for giving me the reason to start this blog way back in 2009!<br />
<br />
Yep, <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2009/01/101-things-in-1001-days.html">in 2009</a> I created a 100 things in 1001 days list. Kinda funny to look back on the list now. I still kept plugging away on it <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2010/01/happy-new-year.html">in 2010</a>. Many things were accomplished. Many things were not. How priorities have changed. <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2011/01/and-it-begins.html">In 2011</a>, I changed my focus to the CPA exam (and then changed to <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2011/10/new-look-new-adventure.html">foster parenting</a>). And <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2012/01/happy-new-year.html">in 2012</a>, I set some awesome goals, that I'm quite proud to say I did pretty well at working towards all of them! Some were completely achieve (hello motherhood) and others could still use some work (getting heat<span style="font-size: small;">h</span>ly). But progress is progress and I'm glad to see that none of them fell into the dreaded forgotten category!<br />
<br />
With <a href="http://www.redheadinraleigh.com/2012/11/saying-good-bye-with-colored-stairs.html">Artichoke and Zucchini gone</a>, I'm left feeling more of an urge to set some goals for 2013. I mean I have all of this time on my hands now, I might as well do something. But what should that something be? I figured I'd throw all caution to the wind and go big. REALLY big! Which is probably why it has taken me a week to actually post my new year's resolutions. I keep thinking logic will save me from these crazy ideas, but so far I'm just getting more excited! Ready for this?<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
First, I'll <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: purple;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><span style="color: purple;">run my first 5k</span></b></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
to celebrate my big 3-0.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Then, I'll <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: purple;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: purple;">complete my first triathlon</span></span>.</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
No, I'm not completely nuts. It is a sprint triathlon (225 yd swim, 9 mile bike ride, 2 mile run).</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Finally as a reward for getting to my goal weight, I'll </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">go to my first professional rodeo*</span></span></span> </b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
specifically the 2013 Built Ford Tough Professional Bull Riding Finals in Las Vegas, NV. </div>
<br />
So who is with me? No really! Who else wants to join me in running your first 5k or triathlon (check out <a href="http://ramblinroseevents.com/">Ramblin Rose</a>)? If you are local and want to run a 5k or give a tri a try, let me know! I'd love some training partners (local or virtual). Or if you are a fellow rodeo connoisseur (or just want to tag along to Vegas), let me know! Travel companions are always welcome since I'm not so sure the hubby is excited for a cross-country trip primarily for rodeo. <br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">Am I the only one making some crazy goals for 2013? What are your resolut<span style="font-size: small;">ions?</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">* Yes, it is true. You now know my true love: rodeo. I love it. Can't get enough. <a href="http://www.pbr.com/en/riders/profiles/r/robson-palermo.aspx">Robson Palermo</a> is my guy!</span><br />
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Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1397062286140706422.post-1605518376246011222012-12-30T21:12:00.000-05:002012-12-30T21:30:51.130-05:002012 Year in Review: The Complete Foster Care Cycle<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PbgAjhPQKjQ/UOD4axHdq8I/AAAAAAAAAU0/-d6-Iut3WxE/s1600/xmas+2012safeRinR.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="800" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PbgAjhPQKjQ/UOD4axHdq8I/AAAAAAAAAU0/-d6-Iut3WxE/s640/xmas+2012safeRinR.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Last names and faces have been changed to protect the innocent.</td></tr>
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Can't even imagine what 2013 has in store for us!</div>
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Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1397062286140706422.post-88237607298850235092012-12-13T16:55:00.003-05:002012-12-13T16:58:34.199-05:00Hope for the best (and for some batteries)!As I've discussed before, we aren't expecting to have any contact with Artichoke and Zucchini now that they have been reunified with their family. While we hoped this would be different, we aren't surprised that this is how things turned out. First, the boys were only at our home for 5 months, leaving us very little time to form a meaningful relationship with their parents. Second, we had no meetings with the specific purpose of shared parenting, which is part of the county's plan for every case. Although, when is that plan actually followed? Please excuse my sarcasm. And finally, the social workers didn't do the best job at facilitating this relationship- at all.<br />
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Since the boys' case is still open, we were told before the boys left that we could send Christmas presents to them through the social work. And I had most of their Christmas presents already purchased before we knew they would be heading home so soon. I tried to keep the Christmas gifts simple, which meant spoiling them with some special treats aka already purchased Christmas gifts before they left. This left us giving each of them two toys we knew they'd enjoy- Cars Memory game and Angry Birds game for Artichoke and two trucks for Zucchini. And they each got a <a href="https://www.mythirtyone.com/shop/productdetail.aspx?prod=3039">Cinch Sac</a> (love me some Thirty One) with their name embroidered filled with Christmas and winter themed books.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.toysrus.com/graphics/product_images/pTRU1-9317126dt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.toysrus.com/graphics/product_images/pTRU1-9317126dt.jpg" height="330" width="330" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">via <a href="http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=11107426&searchURL=true">Toys R Us</a></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/81KMF3EhxGL._AA1500_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/81KMF3EhxGL._AA1500_.jpg" height="290" width="290" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">via <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Toystate-Caterpillar-Preschool-Lightning-Load/dp/B00974CFOO/ref=sr_1_2?s=toys-and-games&ie=UTF8&qid=1355431606&sr=1-2&keywords=lightning+load+truck">Amazon</a></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/81qdtU-LWgL._AA1500_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/81qdtU-LWgL._AA1500_.jpg" height="290" width="290" /></a></td>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">via <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Toystate-Caterpillar-Preschool-Lightning-Load/dp/B00974CFL2">Amazon</a></td></tr>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.toysrus.com/graphics/product_images/pTRU1-12488922dt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.toysrus.com/graphics/product_images/pTRU1-12488922dt.jpg" height="300" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">via <a href="http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=12737360&gcsct=0ChMI8Iy79aGYtAIVkJHmCh11TAAAEAA">Toys R Us</a></td></tr>
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While I'm happy we can give them a few presents, it also seems weird to participate in their Christmas after no contact in a month and no expected contact in the future. I worry that they are starting to settle into their new chapter and I don't want presents from us to give them false hope we will be in their future or create any sadness from missing us. But I also knew that if I didn't take advantage of this opportunity, I'd regret it.<br />
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I think these presents actually made Christmas harder for me this year because it is so partial. We aren't able to spoil them the way we had planned. Let me tell you it would have been an insane Christmas- complete with Santa visiting our house on Christmas Eve! And yet I have felt these presents hanging over me as the last thread that has been keeping us connected to them albeit in the vaguest way possible. <br />
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Today <strike>we</strike> the hubby delivered the presents to the social worker. To be honest, I'm glad I wasn't there. I probably would have turned into a crying mess. From this point forward, there is no plan of contact and we aren't expecting any updates. This is the end. This chapter is completely closed.<br />
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Now we can just hope for the best.<br />
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And hope they have some AA batteries for those trucks since I forgot to include them! <br />
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Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0