Redneck Jokes Humor

Donna The Deer Lady Elected to our Redneck Hall Of Fame For "Move the Deer Crossing Signs"

2013-02-26T14:54:00.001-05:00

Redneck Jokes That Are Funny and Hilarious

2013-02-20T20:11:00.001-05:00

Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms

2013-01-19T11:21:00.001-05:00

You might be a redneck ...

2012-12-30T17:41:00.001-05:00

You think TACO BELL is
the Mexican Phone Company

You Might Be A Nascar Redneck if . . .

2012-12-30T17:21:00.001-05:00

...You think the last words to
The Star Spangled Banner are
"Gentlemen, start your engines."

Redneck Drunk Driver

2012-12-03T21:35:00.002-05:00

Redneck Toilet, Target Practice ...sophisticated Corn Hole

2012-12-03T21:32:00.001-05:00

Redneck Headlight Repair

2012-12-03T21:24:00.000-05:00

Duck Tape WD40 Flow Chart

2011-11-06T22:41:00.000-05:00

Yep ..thats about right

Redneck Twas The Night Before Christmas

2011-11-06T22:08:00.000-05:00

Twas The Night Before Christmas
A Red Neck Christmas
One of the TEN Nights Before Christmas at YoooHaaa.com
Not Jeff Foxworthy

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the trailer
Not a creature was stirrin' 'cept a redneck named Taylor.
His first name was Bubba, Joe was his middle,
And a-runnin' down his chin was a trickle of spittle.
His socks, they were hung by the chimney with care,
And therefore there was a foul stench in the air.

That Bubba got scared and rousted the boys.
There was Rufus, 12 Jim Bob was 11
Dud goin' on 10 Otis was 7.
John, George and Chucky Were 5,4, and 3:
The twins were both girls so they let them be.

They jumped in their overalls, no need for a shirt,
Threw a hat on each head, then turned with a jerk.
They ran to the gun rack that hung on the wall.
There were 17 shotguns they grabbed them all.

Bubba said to the young'uns, "now hesh up ya'll!
The last thing we wanna do is wake up yer Maw."
Maw was expecting and needed her sleep,
So out they crept out the door without making a peep.

They all looked around, and then they all spit.
The young'uns asked Bubba, "Paw, what is it?"
Bubba just stared he could not say a word.
This was just like all of The stories he'd heard.

It was Santy Claus on the roof, darn tootin'
But the boys didn't know they was about to start shootin'!
They aimed their shotguns and nearly made a mistake
That would have resulted in venison steak.
Bubba hollered out, "don't shoot, boys!"
That's Santy Claus And he's brought us some toys.

The dogs were a-barkin' and a-raisin' cain,
And Bubba whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.
"Down, Spot! shut up Bullet! quiet, Roscoe and Enos!
Git, Turnip and Tater and Sam and Bosco!"

"Git down from that porch! git down off that wall!
Quit shakin the trailer, or you'll make Santy fall!"
The dogs kept a-barkin' and wouldn't shut up,
And they trampled poor Pete Who was only a pup.

Santy opened his bag, And threw out some toys.
Bubba got most, but left a few for the boys.
Since the guns had been dropped he just might not die.

He jumped in his sleigh, told his reindeer to hurry.
The trailer started to wobble santa started to worry.
Just as the reindeer got into the air,
The trailer collapsed, but Bubba didn't care.

He was busy lookin' at all his new toys.
Then a thought hit him, and he said to the boys:
"Go check on yer Maw, make sure she's all right.
That roof fallin' on her could-a hurt just a might."

But Maw was OK, and the girls were too.
They fixed up the trailer it looked good as new.
And as for Bubba, he liked Old St. Nick,
But Santa thought Bubba was a pure-in-tee hick!

Bubba had a nice Christmas, and the boys did, too.
And the Taylors wish a Yee Haw Merry Christmas to you!!!

20 Ways to See if a Redneck has been at your Job

2011-11-06T22:02:00.002-05:00

1. The mouse is referred to as a, "critter."
2. The keyboard is camouflaged.
3. There is a skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
4. There is a gunrack mounted on the case.
5. The password is, "bubba."
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
7. The ergonomic chair is replaced with the bucket seat from an old "muscle" car.
8. Windows 98 has a Dale Earnhardt sticker on it.
9. Outgoing faxes have beerstains on them.
10. The printer goes really slow since Bubba don't read too fast.
11. The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts installed in them.
12. The menus all have Budweiser, Black Label, and Old Milwaukee options.
13. Jeff Foxworthy wave files.
14. The monitor is up on blocks.
15. Seven blue tick hounds under the desk.
16. Deer jerky in the desk drawer.
17. The screen saver is pictures of Ned Beatty, "Dueling Banjos" playing in the background.
18. The six front keys have rotted out.
19. John Deer Pocket Protectors.

The Rick Perry Fact File

2011-11-06T21:54:00.000-05:00

There is no such thing as a lesbian, just women who have not met Rick Perry.

Fact: Rick Perry's tears cure cancer. Unfortunately, he's never cried.

Rick Perry's cereal never gets soggy. It sits there, staying crispy, just for him.

Rick Perry's organ donation card, also lists his hair.

4 out of 5 doctors recommend Rick Perry. Also, in totally unrelated news, 20% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.

Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Rick Perry heads outside and brands his cattle.

Rick Perry has never lost a sock. Ever.

There is no "Control" button on Rick Perry's computer. Rick Perry is always in control.

When somebody yells "Last one in is a rotten egg," Rick Perry is never, ever the rotten egg.

Rick Perry came and he gave without taking. But you pushed him away. Oh, Mandy.

When Rick Perry was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Lesson learned. Never slap Rick Perry.

Aliens DO exist. It's just that they know better than to visit a planet Rick Perry inhabits.

Rick Perry lives vicariously through himself.

Rick Perry once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now referred to simply as "the islands"

When Rick Perry opens a pack of Twix, there are three.

As a boy, Rick Perry interrogated his parents on Easter until they revealed the precise location and contents of each hidden egg.

Rick Perry has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.

Rick Perry really likes the movie 101 Dalmatians. No one knows why.

Some kids urinate their names in the snow. Rick Perry can urinate his name into concrete. He just chooses not to.

Rick Perry does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.

Rick Perry did all the make-up on the Planet of the Apes movies.

Rick Perry understands the ending of 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Rick Perry ghostwrites all the articles for Garden & Gun magazine

Rick Perry was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us who have to fight for it

Rick Perry impaled over 40 horses to make what he calls "an authentic" Merry-Go-Round.

Rick Perry's blood type is WD-40

Rick Perry can peel potatoes with his eyelids.

Rick Perry shoots dangerous wild animals on his jogs.

On his birthday, Rick Perry randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Rick Perry just saved a kitten from a tree while Jon Huntsman was talking

Time slows down whenever Rick Perry speaks

AT&T does not drop Rick Perry's Cell Calls

Perry's car once ran out of gas. After pistol whipping it for 10 min it started back up. He's never had to fill it up since

Rick Perry gargles with a mixture of turpentine, coffee, and crude oil.

Redneck Definition In A Funny Picture

2011-10-10T22:41:00.000-04:00

Redneck Defined

2011-10-10T22:38:00.000-04:00

Jeff Foxworthy once defined “Redneck” as “the glorious absence of sophistication."

southchild.com

Ma and Pa Redneck Joke

2010-01-11T21:19:00.000-05:00

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out- "Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse!"

Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse."

Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and fix it.

So Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse! "

Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!"

Pa yells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that hole!"

Ma says,"Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix."

So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!"

Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole!"

Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling, "Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!"

To which Ma replies, "Hurt's, don't it ?!"

How A Redneck Saves someone from Choking

2009-07-29T22:41:00.000-04:00

If Ever You're Choking...

A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town in the South. She orders some chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast, she starts to choke on a chicken bone. Buford and Buck, two country boys in the next booth, notice she is choking. So they get up and go over to help her. Buford drops his coveralls and bends over and then Buck starts licking his butt. The choking woman watches these two go at it and is so grossed out that she launches foward and throws up all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat. Buford pulls his overalls back up and says to Buck, "You're right,that 'hind-lick' maneuver works like a charm."

The Redneck and the Lawyer Joke

2009-04-19T21:42:00.002-04:00

This one combines TWO favorites

A New York lawyer went duck hunting in eastern North Carolina. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an older man asked him what he was doing. The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything!
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things here in North Carolina. We settle small disagreements like this with the NC Three-Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the NC three-Kick Rule?"
The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
The New York attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old southerner. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His next too kicks caused the lawyer so much pain that he just about gave up. However, the New York lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old redneck southerner, now it's my turn."
The old North Carolina farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."

7 Best Redneck Jokes --wll today anyway+

2009-02-08T11:05:00.004-05:00

7 best redneck jokes today
Jeff Foxworthy would be proud

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum
drinking age for Rednecks to 32 ?
It seems they want to keep alcohol
out of the high schools.

A State Trooper pulls over a pickup on Highway 16
and says to the driver, "Got any I.D. ?" . .
and the driver replies "Bout wut ?"

Did you hear about the $3 million Redneck Lottery ? . .
The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years.

A new Redneck law was just recently passed in West Virginia
When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.

Did you hear that the Redneck
governor's mansion burned down?
"Yep. Prit'near took out the whole trailer park.
The library was a total loss too.
Both books went poof . . . up in flames and the governor
hadn't even finished coloring one of them."

A Redneck passed away and left his entire estate
to his beloved widow
but she can't touch it 'til she's 14.

The "Redneck word of the Day" is TEXAS
"I hate it when my girlfriend Texas me when I am in bed with my wife"

Redneck Hotel

2009-02-08T10:39:00.001-05:00

How do you know when you're staying
in a Redneck hotel ?
When you call the front desk and say,
I gotta leak in my sink, and the
clerk replies, Go ahead.

Redneck Beer Cooler

2009-02-08T10:31:00.002-05:00

Washing Machine as Redneck Beer Cooler Picture
Rednecks are not always the most creative unless it comes to the realllly IMPORTANT things in life ...like finding a way to keep Budweiser, Blue Ribbon, or Miller High Life COLD. Yes, a redneck can find more than one way to cool a beer

Redneck Dress Code

2009-01-24T19:31:00.002-05:00

The illustrated New Redneck Dress Code sign for bars ...Print Free Of Charge

The Wisdom Of Larry The Cable Guy

2008-12-21T22:47:00.001-05:00

I give you for Christmas the wisdom of Larry the Cable Guy. The girl from the wet Tshirt contest that got first and third place cause one boob was bigger than the other ... it was his sister.

Cindy Crawfords beauty mark is revealed to be a tick.

Petsmarts dog water purifying machine .. cmon ..they eat turds ...like wiping before you poop it don't make sense for petes sake.

Victorias secret ..a grown fellers chucky cheese. Got underbritches with holes in their crotch ...got a whole drawer of them in my house.

The story of the Midget Stripper and edible panties (strawberry).

The remote control is in an anal area.

He can tell how old you are by playing with your big ol boobies .

Larry is suing Hustler Magazine for giving him carpal tunnel.

Nascar new driver in the Kotex Car.

Git 'r Done

Twas The Redneck Night Before Christmas

2008-12-07T20:44:00.002-05:00

Twas The Night Before Christmas
A Red Neck Christmas
One of the TEN Nights Before Christmas at YoooHaaa.com

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the trailer
Not a creature was stirrin' 'cept a redneck named Taylor.
His first name was Bubba, Joe was his middle,
And a-runnin' down his chin was a trickle of spittle.
His socks, they were hung by the chimney with care,
And therefore there was a foul stench in the air.

That Bubba got scared and rousted the boys.
There was Rufus, 12 Jim Bob was 11
Dud goin' on 10 Otis was 7.
John, George and Chucky Were 5,4, and 3:
The twins were both girls so they let them be.

They jumped in their overalls, no need for a shirt,
Threw a hat on each head, then turned with a jerk.
They ran to the gun rack that hung on the wall.
There were 17 shotguns they grabbed them all.

Bubba said to the young'uns, "now hesh up ya'll!
The last thing we wanna do is wake up yer Maw."
Maw was expecting and needed her sleep,
So out they crept out the door without making a peep.

They all looked around, and then they all spit.
The young'uns asked Bubba, "Paw, what is it?"
Bubba just stared he could not say a word.
This was just like all of The stories he'd heard.

It was Santy Claus on the roof, darn tootin'
But the boys didn't know they was about to start shootin'!
They aimed their shotguns and nearly made a mistake
That would have resulted in venison steak.
Bubba hollered out, "don't shoot, boys!"
That's Santy Claus And he's brought us some toys.

The dogs were a-barkin' and a-raisin' cain,
And Bubba whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.
"Down, Spot! shut up Bullet! quiet, Roscoe and Enos!
Git, Turnip and Tater and Sam and Bosco!"

"Git down from that porch! git down off that wall!
Quit shakin the trailer, or you'll make Santy fall!"
The dogs kept a-barkin' and wouldn't shut up,
And they trampled poor Pete Who was only a pup.

Santy opened his bag, And threw out some toys.
Bubba got most, but left a few for the boys.
Since the guns had been dropped he just might not die.

He jumped in his sleigh, told his reindeer to hurry.
The trailer started to wobble santa started to worry.
Just as the reindeer got into the air,
The trailer collapsed, but Bubba didn't care.

He was busy lookin' at all his new toys.
Then a thought hit him, and he said to the boys:
"Go check on yer Maw, make sure she's all right.
That roof fallin' on her could-a hurt just a might."

But Maw was OK, and the girls were too.
They fixed up the trailer it looked good as new.
And as for Bubba, he liked Old St. Nick,
But Santa thought Bubba was a pure-in-tee hick!

Bubba had a nice Christmas, and the boys did, too.
And the Taylors wish a Yee Haw Merry Christmas to you!!!

Designated Redneck Driver

2008-11-18T10:02:00.001-05:00

Designated drunkard

Rednecks don't let friends drive home drunk, they get drunk and ride with them.

You Might Be A Redneck ...LONG list

2008-11-02T10:12:00.002-05:00

latest best long list of you might be a redneck jokes ..with thanks to Jeff Foxworthy and many others, and my friend who emailed this list and asked me to post.
You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.
There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.
You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
Fewer than half of your cars run.
Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.
The primary color of your car is "bondo".
You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.
You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
Your family tree doesn't fork.
Your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.
You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
More than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general.
Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.
You've ever used lard in bed.
Your home has more miles on it than your car.
The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.
You prominently display a gifts bought at Graceland.
You use the term `over yonder' more than once a month.
The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".
Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
Your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.
You think that Don Perignon is a Mafia leader.
The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is "What the hell are you looking at, Shithead?"
You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
You think that Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
You've ever used a weed eater indoors.
You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right'.
You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
Your richest relative invites you over to his new home to help him remove the wheels.
You've ever financed a tattoo.
You go to your family reunion to meet women.
Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a six-pack.
You go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.
You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
You think that the Styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
You've been too drunk to fish.
You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".
Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people".
Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
You have started a petition to change the National Anthem to "Georgia on My Mind".
You call your boss "Buddy", on a regular basis.
You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
After making love you ask your date to roll down the window.
The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.
You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
Someone in your family says "Cum'n here an' lookit this afore I flush it."
Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.
You mow your lawn and find a car.
If going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.
Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.
You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.
You bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.
Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.
You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".
You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
You think the Mountain Men in deliverance were just "Misunderstood".
You've ever made change in the offering plate.
If the fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year".
You consider a good tan to be the back of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve...
You own at least 20 baseball hats.
You know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball hat.
You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank!
Three quarters of the clothes you own have LOGOS on them.
You have 5 cars that are immobile and a house that isn't!
Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end".
Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
You'd rather catch bass than get some (if you can't guess...)
You have a Hefty bag for a Car/Truck convertible top.
You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed.
You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.
You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.
There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.
The theme song at your high school prom was `Friends in Low Places'.
It's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.
Your idea of talking during sex is "Ain't no cars coming, baby!"
Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job, primer red and primer gray.
The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.
Ya have to check in the bottom yer shoe for change so you can get grandma a new plug of tobacco.
Foreplay consists of slipping off her saddle.
Ya can't get married to your sweetheart cause there is a law against it.
You celebrate groundhog day (cause ya believe in it!!)
You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.
You fish in your above-ground pool, especially if you catch something!
When a sign that says "Say No To Crack!" reminds you to pull up your jeans.
Helping your cousin, Billy-Bob, move into his new place consists of taking the wheels off his doublewide.
Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.
You wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.
Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.
"Buck Naked Line Dancing" isn't a videotape, it's "Ladies Night" at the local bar.
Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.
You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
You're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing "I Will Always Love You".
Dolly Parton reminds you of the `Grand Tetons'.
Your Momma would rather go to the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.
The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.
You actually made a pyramid of cans in the pale moonlight with Alan Jackson.
You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
You've ever hit a deer with your car... on purpose!
You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
Your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.
You've ever parked a Camero in a tree.
Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.
Your dad is also your favorite uncle.
You own more than three shirts with the sleeves cut off.
You've ever yelled "Rock the house Bubba!" during a piano recital.
You were taught to put your underwear on yellow in front, brown behind.
You buy two CB radios so you can talk to yourself.