Then I found out how important money can be!

I remember in High School, it was THE scandal.  Mr. Coghill was furious, and we had to do a report about it for our current events section of US History.

I was hard pressed to write “God Bless America” at the top of the page – the requirement for Mr. Coghill’s consideration of the paper – on that one!

But, alas, I did.

Jackie Kennedy was “The Widow”, the symbol of a fallen president, an era, and what some erroneously call Camelot.

Her marriage to Jack Kennedy was anything but Camelot.

Her marriage to Ari Onassis, was worse.

It was an arranged marriage.  She and Ari saw one another as prizes.  He saw her as a segue into the American Psyche and culture, a cleansing of a sort;  she saw him as a bottomless check book.

He was a billionaire back when it really meant something to be a billionaire.

Everything at his fingertips, his life would be complete with Jackie.

He’s already had an affair with her sister, “Princess” Lee Radziwill, and had had an affair with Jackie while Jack was still alive.

Jack was banging everyone he could, Jackie figured, “Don’t ask why, ask why not?” and several years after Jack’s death, she wed the tycoon on his private island of Scorpios.

The Kennedy Clan was LIVID.

Ari’s children, Alexander and Christina were beyond steamed.  They referred to her as “The Widow”, hated her, felt she was only in the marriage for the cash, which was true.

Onassis was never faithful to anyone he dated or married, and that included Jackie.  The marriage started to fall apart from day one.

Her financial demands were limitless, her spending relentless (he wondered why anyone who spent $25,000 a MONTH on clothes always wore wrinkled linen pants and polo shirts), and even with his billions, Ari, a poor boy who made it rich, understood the philosophy of thrift.

Jackie did not.

Fighting, fuming, cussing, cheating, spending, took their toll on the happy union, and prior to his death, Aristotle Onassis was working to divorce her and send her packing.

Greek laws being what they were, a foreign widow of a Greek man would only get a portion of the estate.  There were limits.  When Onassis breathed his last in March of 1975, after a mere seven years of marriage, Jackie’s demands on the estate were laughed at by Christina, the sole heir of the estate since Alexander had been killed in a plane crash.

After years of wrangling, Teddy Kennedy’s machinations, and Jackie’s publicity campaign for a settlement, Christina handed her a check for twenty-six MILLION dollars.

A paltry sum considering the estate, but in the late 70s, $26 million was really, $26 million.  Jackie would want for nothing.

Onassis, ever bitter about life in general, which is sad for a man who had every thing he wanted, said before he died, “Why should I give her anything?  All she ever gave me was the Kennedy Clap!”

True love?  Maybe not!

Oh, yes, before I forget! …Happy Birthday Chenequea…who’s NOT 60!

Ah, Georgia, where else could it happen.

My Waffle House friend, Robert, was telling me all about a recent wedding in which he gave the bride away.

The bride, a life-long friend of his, was marrying her true love.  This lucky couple grew UP together, parted ways after high school, married others, and reconnected years and years later.  You know, life goes on, things happen, spouses drift away, disappear and disappoint; but true love has a way of working out.  It was all against the wishes of the groom’s 96 year old Mother, who thought her son too young to marry,  but again, true love won in the end.

No, she didn’t die.  After a ballyhoo, she bought into the occasion:  ply anyone with enough Single Malt Scotch and she’ll two-step the night away!

The Bride wore a white top over her Lee boot cut jeans as the white wedding dress ship had sailed a long time ago.

When the Reverend asked who was giving the bride in marriage, every snapped to attention as Robert engaged the shot gun, and said, loudly and proudly, “I do, damn it!”

The Bride’s Maids, also old friends of the bride, wore non-matching separates from Wal-Mart, Target, and The NASCAR store.  Each of them did have on a pair of $1,200. boots however.

After all, it was a solemn occasion.

The groomsmen’s attire was from Bass Pro Shop.  No, they weren’t rentals, these dudes loved the couple so much they sprang for keepers…after all, huntin’ season is in session!

The bride was supposed to be delivered to the venue on a John Deere, but alas, the north forty had to be plowed, and an ATV had to suffice!

Each member was given a memento with which to remember the occasion, and from what I’m hearing, all were thrilled with their “redneck” wine glass!

Yes, for those of you who are redneck impaired, that’s a Mason jar atop a candlestick!  Again, special occasion, use the good stuff!

And speaking of the good stuff, a full bar and a DJ provided the entertainment for the reception…as if the wedding wasn’t entertaining enough!

After a bridal luncheon of fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, cole-slaw, and biscuits -who knew KFC catered!!, the bride and groom didn’t have to go too far, so there was no drunk driving…the honey moon suite was right on the property.

Sadly, I don’t know the bride nor the groom, and I wasn’t invited.  I was totally bummed, I love weddings!  And this one would have been one to remember…but then, I guess they all are.

And isn’t it grand that people who love one another can have a little fun, save a little money for the future, and make it a special occasion anyway!

But, then I wonder.  It was nothing back in the day for a man to marry a woman 20 years younger than he.  She’d pop out a kid a year, die way too young, he’d remarry, now to a woman 30 years  younger, and the cycle would go on.

Every time I see Hugh Hefner with a 23 year old blonde bimbo, I briefly wonder, “What’s the attraction?”  Then I realize it’s fame, cash, notoriety.

And oddly enough, it’s accepted, and has been for years.  Harrison Ford and Calista, Hugh and (insert trollop’s name here) ________________, That Corpse and Anna Nicole; really no one even blinked.

But you let Ashton Kutcher hook UP with Demi Moore, and every one yells “Cougar!”

OK, maybe that’s a bad example since they’re on the skids and Demi’s in re-hab, but you get my drift.

Trying to keep a post short on a topic like this might be tough.  It’s a slippery slope!  But let’s look at a few Cougars.

Shameless and Nameless:  Friends of mine.  She’s 50, he is 31.  All three of her kids are younger than he is.  But, it seems to work – well.  They look happy, he approached her, they seem to click.  And like she says, “…all the men my age who hit on me are lyin’, cheatin’, a$$holes.”

Well now!

Queen Elizabeth I and Francis Duke of Anjou (you know, like the pears).  She was 48, he was 26!

She was bald, old beyond her years, but, she was THE QUEEN!

Elizabeth Taylor was 59 when she married Larry Fortensky, 39.  Sure it didn’t last, but looking back on it, all her husbands were 40 when she married them except one; her’s was the only age that was changing.

Catherine the Great’s lovers got younger and younger as she got older.  The great love of her life, Potemkin, tiring of her sexually, hand picked young studs to keep her bed warm.  Catherine  was randy, but not the nympho some would have you believe, however, one young man complained that he was often exhausted after a night with the Empress of all the Russias.  But, they went away happy when SHE tired of them; UPon dumping them,  she created titles for them, gave them land, jewels, and cold hard cash.  Her greatest invention may have been palimony!

And, how about that Wife of Bath from Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales.  She was a randy little tramp.  Married five times, her last was a younger man.  They had a battle of the sexes, which she won.  Her money was returned to her control, he died early, she was happy, and remembered him as her favorite husband!

Eleanor of Aquitaine was 35 when she married the 19 year old Henry II of England.  It was a blood match!  After her first marriage to the King of France was annulled, and a failed kidnapping try, Eleanor demanded that Henry marry her.  His brother was the would be kidnapper.  They fought all the time, he was unfaithful, she accused him of sleeping with…”every man, woman, child, and sheep between here and France…”, and the marriage ended in separation.  There was no annulling it that time, they had eight kids.  Most notably, Richard the Lionhearted.

Hmm.. we should have called her Eleanor the Cougarhearted!

So, Cougaring isn’t new, and it isn’t going away.

Halle Berry’s boyfriend is 10 years younger, Barbara Hershey’s is 20 years younger, and Hugh Jackman’s Cougar is 13 years older than he.

Mira Sorvino, +14, Mariah Carey, +13, and of course, there’s Madonna who is 51, and her new Jesus is a mere 27.

She probably has pointy bras older than he is!

Frankly, who cares?  Love is deaf, dumb, blind, and stupid.  But if it makes you happy, knock your self out.

After all, Ben Franklin wrote a letter to a young man advising him to choose an older woman as a mistress.  You can read it by clicking HERE.

But, I think the best piece of advice comes from that sage of wisdom, Bette Midler…”…it’s simple math, after all, 20 goes into 80 a lot more than 80 goes into 20!”

And she should know, her hubby of over 25 years is four years younger…ok, she’s a cougarette!  And he makes her feel so young!

They gave us plenty.

Ain’t No Mountain High Enough, You’re All I Need To Get By, Clouds, Your Precious Love, and Ain’t Nothin’ Like The Real Thing.

They were the real thing.

Their solo careers weren’t all that great, but as a duo, they were dynamic, prolific, and made us sing along.  Their recording careers left something to be desired, but the songs they wrote were sung by everyone from Ronnie Milsap to Diana Ross to Ray Charles.

They met in 1963, when the 17 year old Valerie Simpson saw Nick Ashford, then 21, at the White Rock Baptist Church in the Bronx, NY.   They joined former Ikette, Joshie Jo Armstead at The Scepter/Wand Label, and even though her career never really took off, their songs did.

They performed together, recorded together, had a successful career on stage, but the songs they wrote are what we remember the most.

Ten years after they met, the tied the knot, jumped the broom, made it legal.  Nick Ashford told People Ragazine in 1978, “Being married is the best thing that ever happened to me. I don’t feel like I’m married, Valerie brought me around to the idea that every time you fight, it isn’t the end.  You can knock each other down, but you always have love, and you can make love.”

Their first hit was in 1966, with Ray Charles. It wasn’t a love song, it was “Let’s Go Get Stoned”.  But, nonetheless, it was a super hit, after Charles made it a #1 seller, Joe Cocker got on the bandwagon.  Once that hit took off, Barry Gordy hired them to write for the love of his life Diana Ross as well as Tammi Terrell.

Their relationship with Motown lasted seven years, Valerie recorded her two solo albums there.  In 1973, Ashford, always the leader, felt it was time to branch out.  He said, “We felt it was time for growth, to reach out as artists.”

So, they left.

Once at Warner Brothers, they started producing as well.  The money rolled in.

They married  after a long platonic relationship and a couple of years of living together. Simpson said she was reluctant.  Nick wanted children, she wasn’t sure.  She wanted him to think of her as “his woman” and not his wife, but realized that she felt secure enough in the relationship to make the plunge.

“A long time ago, I accepted that this would be an all-consuming relationship,” Simpson said in a 1981 interview with The Times.  ”To keep it going, we’ve worked out ways to get along so we don’t drive each other crazy…We don’t hold things in.  We can’t stay mad and get any work done.  Other couples can stay mad at each other for days because they don’t have to work together.  We don’t have that luxury, and it’s been good for us that we don’t.

They worked together for 38 years.

Nick Ashford died from cancer last August.  He left Valerie, two daughters, and millions of fans.

Really, There Ain’t Nothin’ Like The Real Thing.

Coddled, spoiled, pampered, and educated in things that would be useless as the Queen of France, Maria left her home, her loving family, and was met at the border of France by the ministers of King Louis XV.  He was already her grand-father-in-law, as she had married the Dauphin by proxy.  She was stripped of all things Austrian, stood naked in front of the women who would be her ladies-in-waiting, and was clothed in French fashions from head to toe.

Even  her pet dog was taken from her and sent back to Austria.

Marie Antoinette, as she was known to the French, remained a virgin for nearly seven years after her wedding vows.  Louis-Auguste, the Dauphin had a physical problem making sex painful, and nearly impossible.  Louis couldn’t rise to the occasion until surgery was performed, and he really wasn’t all that interested in going under the knife.

But, after much coaxing from his aging Grandfather and his Grandfather’s mistress, a former prostitute, Madame du Barry, he did the right thing, had the nip tuck, and promptly knocked UP the very frustrated Marie.

She gave him two children, a girl and a boy.

After doing his duty, Louis decided he’d rather spend his time riding horses, working on his collection of clocks, and running the country.  Louis, like his contemporary and arch enemy, King George III of Great Britain was THE only French monarch not to take a mistress.  He was faithful – to the bitter end.  But, he wasn’t all that torn UP about Marie Antoinette having a very close male friend;  he assumed it was platonic.  Anyway, the clocks and all, kept him busy.

The marriage was, like most royal unions, a parade of ceremony, duties, waves, and ennui.

Enter, Axel von Fersen, and handsome Swedish Count who was traipsing across Europe at the insistence of his father, so that he might better himself.  Apparently, though very educated and polished, he was a ner-do-well at home.

When Axel and Marie Antoinette met, sparks flew.  Handsome, refined, clean – as most every one else at Versailles was filthy and lice infested, I’m sure that was refreshing – Axel won the Queen’s heart quickly and completely.

And Axel fell hard for the Queen.

Already hated by the court and blamed for France’s every problem, Marie was lonely, unhappy, and ready to really fall in love.

Though it is impossible hundreds of years later to say just how far things went – and respected historians like Lady Antonia Fraser and Eleanor Herman, disagree on the topic – many believe that they were madly in love.

As France’s economy fell further into the abyss – are you listening Washington, DC? – revolution became a reality.

Fersen escaped France’s UPcoming revolution by being called home to accompany his King during the war with Russia.  But, the lovers stayed in touch.

As the revolution began, the mobs of Paris ‘captured’ the royal family and forced them to the Tuileries in the city.

Once in Paris, plots and plans were made for an escape for the Queen and the children.  Marie Antoinette would not leave Louis, and a grand plan was generated to get them all out of France.

Axel von Fersen was the mastermind behind it.

From afar, he planned, financed – to his financial ruin, and convinced the Royal Couple to try to escape, and try they did.  The plan hoped to get the family to Austria, where Marie’s brother, Leopold was emperor.  Leopold wasn’t much help, rather wishy-washy about the plan, he offered no troops because he was afraid of an another war with France – which, by the way, was already at war with itself!

Marie’s insistence on alterations to the plans already in motion caused the Bourbons to be captured at Varennes-en-Argonne.  The family was supposed to travel as servants according to von Fersen, riding in smaller black coaches.  Marie insisted on a huge green coach that would take the entire family.  It broke down, they spent the night in Varennes, and Louis decided to go shopping!!!!!  A merchant recognized his image on a coin, and the jig was UP.

They were captured, the end was determined, the guillotine fell.

Many believe that Louis VII, who never ruled, was the son of Axel von Fersen.  Lady Antonia Fraser, whom I respect greatly, says a big heck no to that.  Eleanor Herman, whom I also respect, says yes.

Regardless of the paternity of the child, Axel von Fersen, back in Sweden pined for Marie Antoinette for the rest of his life.

He died while leading the funeral cortage of Prince Carl August, the heir to the Swedish throne.  von Fersen was suspected in his death, but as the second highest ranking person in the land, felt he was honor bound to lead the procession of the funeral.

He was pulled from his horse and stomped to death by the mob.

Seems there was no happy ending for the lovers.

I’m a big royalty fan, but glad that we have a President and not a monarch.  However, I do get my kicks from the antics of the British Royal Family, past and present.

This Queen, has had no scandal in her own life…her kids, however, can’t say the same.

Since I’ve already planned a post about another Queen, which continues on my theme of “Love”  for Monday, I’ll say congratulations to Her Majesty today.

God Save The Queen!

She’s a sexologist!

This Dragon is Chinese and writes about S E X!!

Here are some of her works, in case you’d like to read them.

• 《中国人的性爱与婚姻
• 《他们的世界——中国男同性恋群落透视
• 《生育与中国村落文化》
• 《性社会学
• 《中国婚姻家庭及其变迁
• 《中国女性的性与爱
• 《女性权力的崛
• 《中国女性的感情
• 《同性恋亚文
• 《虐恋亚文

Look them UP, I’m always glad to help out!

We remember him most of all for his conquest of Europe, his disastrous fall, and his exiles on Elba and St. Helena.

He was a crazy little dude, pissed off about his size, angry at the world, power mad, vindictive, egoistic, egotistic, and a great warrior.

He was also madly in love – several times.

Most notably with Josephine.

She was really the great love of his life, though she broke his heart and he divorced her.

He went back.

Josephine de Beauharnais was born on the island of Martinique to a White Creole family.  She was called Rose most of her life, at least until she met the funny looking little Frenchman who would be Emperor of France.

She became, later in life, a patron of roses, raised them, cultured them, and one is named for her.

Josephine was a widow when Napoleon met her, she was also the mistress of a wealthy Frenchman,Paul Francois Jean Nicholas Barras.  He had tired of her, thought her spending habits too much, and pawned her off on Bonaparte.

Napoleon fell madly in love with her, rotten teeth, bad breath and all.

She did not love him…at first…but married him anyway, and she broke his heart by having an affair while he was away. She took a Hussar, or army officer, named Hyppolyte Charles as her lover.  Napoleon was heartbroken, furious, took a lover of his own, but later reconciled with Josephine, and eventually made her Empress of the French.

It was a huge scandal, and Napoleon was a laughing stock.

Prior to the mess that was the scandal of the day, while Bonaparte was laying waste to Europe, he was the ultimate writer of love letters.  And he was very, very naughty.

Oh, yes, some were loving, saying things like:  ”…You to whom nature has given spirit, sweetness, and beauty, you who alone can move and rule my heart, you who know all too well the absolute empire you exercise over it.”

Pretty passionate stuff!

But, he also wrote this:  ”I am going to bed with my heart full of your adorable image…I cannot wait to give you proofs of my ardent love…How happy I would be if I could assist you at your undressing, the little firm white breast, the adorable face, the hair tied UP in a scarf a la creole.  You know that I will never forget the little visits, you know, the little black forest…I kiss it a thousand times and wait impatiently for the moment I will be in it.  To live within Josephine is to live within the Elysian fields.  Kisses on your mouth, your eyes, your breasts, everywhere, everywhere.

Earlier that same year, he had written:  ”…you must come back with him, you understand?…hopeless sorrow, inconsolable misery, sadness without end, if I am so unhappy as to see him return alone…Adorable friend, he will see you, he will breathe in your temple; perhaps you will even grant him the unique and perfect favor of kissing your cheek. A kiss on your heart, and one much lower down, much lower.

Can you imagine what it would have been like if he’d had Twitter?

But, alas, as have most of the love affairs I’ve read about lately, it ended badly.

She was the Empress, she could not produce the much desired heir, and he divorced her to marry an Austrian Archduchess.  Whom, BTW, he referred to as “the womb.”

Though they were apart, he paid Josephine’s bills, and loved her the rest of his life.

His last words:   “…France, The Army, The Head of the Army, Josephine.”

I guess he missed the little black forest!

He said, “Well, I’m about to be $30,000 lighter here in a few minutes.”

We kinda like it when that happens.

I replied, “Oh, you getting something new?”

He quickly said, “No, my wife is.  She’s in the restroom.”  (TMI)

“Great”, I said, “how long have you two been married?”

His reply was, “Married? or Together?”

I shrugged.

He told me they had been married for 43 years, but had been an item for 51.

They met in the 10th grade.

He said, that he was in home room in Wilmington, Deleware, where his father and her father worked for DuPont.

She was new to the school,  had just transferred in from the Catholic Girls School, and came into home room with two other girls, whom he knew.

He went on to say, “I asked a buddy, who she was, and he told me not to bother, she was dating someone else.”

Then he added, “I knew new I could f’n nail that!”

Apparently, he did!

When she came out of the restroom, she said, “What are you talking about?”

“I’m just telling him how we met.”, he replied with a huge grin.

I’ve never seen a woman slug a man so hard in the shoulder!

Ah, romance! Chivalry!  True Love Ways!

Leave it to a bunch of asswipe researchers and lawmakers to screw that UP.

This is my evening rant for February 1, 2012…and boy am I pissed!

Sugar should be considered a toxin and regulated like tobacco and alcohol…AND TAXED!  This according to researchers in California.

One key word:  TAXED.

This is just another way to steal from the people who keep this country going.

Moderation is the key to just about every thing, (strychnine being one thing that is not included) but using the reckless behavior of over eaters and over sugarers to garner more cash for 536 people in Washington to waste is not the answer.

If sugar is a toxin, you just might have to buy your Coca Colas at the liquor store, and they will cost more.

You can’t bake correctly without sugar…oh, yes, I know there are sugar free diets and cook books for cakes, candies, and such…but they all taste like crap.

Wake UP people.  This is not about health.  This is about stealing more of your money for worthless, egotistical, holier than thou politicians to spend on programs that will continue to get them elected.

The second key word:  TOTALITARIANISM.

These are people who think they know what’s better for YOUR life than you do, and want to control YOUR behavior by pricing things THEY don’t like off the market.

Well, they can all kiss my sweet ass!

Here is one article:    http://news.yahoo.com/sugar-regulated-toxin-researchers-180605186.html

Here is another one:  http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-16822533

The second article compares sugar banning and taxing to condoms, smoke free restaurants, and designated drivers.

Frankly, I think they are all suffering from low blood-sugar, and need a freakin’ mint!