Coddled, spoiled, pampered, and educated in things that would be useless as the Queen of France, Maria left her home, her loving family, and was met at the border of France by the ministers of King Louis XV.  He was already her grand-father-in-law, as she had married the Dauphin by proxy.  She was stripped of all things Austrian, stood naked in front of the women who would be her ladies-in-waiting, and was clothed in French fashions from head to toe.

Even  her pet dog was taken from her and sent back to Austria.

Marie Antoinette, as she was known to the French, remained a virgin for nearly seven years after her wedding vows.  Louis-Auguste, the Dauphin had a physical problem making sex painful, and nearly impossible.  Louis couldn’t rise to the occasion until surgery was performed, and he really wasn’t all that interested in going under the knife.

But, after much coaxing from his aging Grandfather and his Grandfather’s mistress, a former prostitute, Madame du Barry, he did the right thing, had the nip tuck, and promptly knocked UP the very frustrated Marie.

She gave him two children, a girl and a boy.

After doing his duty, Louis decided he’d rather spend his time riding horses, working on his collection of clocks, and running the country.  Louis, like his contemporary and arch enemy, King George III of Great Britain was THE only French monarch not to take a mistress.  He was faithful – to the bitter end.  But, he wasn’t all that torn UP about Marie Antoinette having a very close male friend;  he assumed it was platonic.  Anyway, the clocks and all, kept him busy.

The marriage was, like most royal unions, a parade of ceremony, duties, waves, and ennui.

Enter, Axel von Fersen, and handsome Swedish Count who was traipsing across Europe at the insistence of his father, so that he might better himself.  Apparently, though very educated and polished, he was a ner-do-well at home.

When Axel and Marie Antoinette met, sparks flew.  Handsome, refined, clean – as most every one else at Versailles was filthy and lice infested, I’m sure that was refreshing – Axel won the Queen’s heart quickly and completely.

And Axel fell hard for the Queen.

Already hated by the court and blamed for France’s every problem, Marie was lonely, unhappy, and ready to really fall in love.

Though it is impossible hundreds of years later to say just how far things went – and respected historians like Lady Antonia Fraser and Eleanor Herman, disagree on the topic – many believe that they were madly in love.

As France’s economy fell further into the abyss – are you listening Washington, DC? – revolution became a reality.

Fersen escaped France’s UPcoming revolution by being called home to accompany his King during the war with Russia.  But, the lovers stayed in touch.

As the revolution began, the mobs of Paris ‘captured’ the royal family and forced them to the Tuileries in the city.

Once in Paris, plots and plans were made for an escape for the Queen and the children.  Marie Antoinette would not leave Louis, and a grand plan was generated to get them all out of France.

Axel von Fersen was the mastermind behind it.

From afar, he planned, financed – to his financial ruin, and convinced the Royal Couple to try to escape, and try they did.  The plan hoped to get the family to Austria, where Marie’s brother, Leopold was emperor.  Leopold wasn’t much help, rather wishy-washy about the plan, he offered no troops because he was afraid of an another war with France – which, by the way, was already at war with itself!

Marie’s insistence on alterations to the plans already in motion caused the Bourbons to be captured at Varennes-en-Argonne.  The family was supposed to travel as servants according to von Fersen, riding in smaller black coaches.  Marie insisted on a huge green coach that would take the entire family.  It broke down, they spent the night in Varennes, and Louis decided to go shopping!!!!!  A merchant recognized his image on a coin, and the jig was UP.

They were captured, the end was determined, the guillotine fell.

Many believe that Louis VII, who never ruled, was the son of Axel von Fersen.  Lady Antonia Fraser, whom I respect greatly, says a big heck no to that.  Eleanor Herman, whom I also respect, says yes.

Regardless of the paternity of the child, Axel von Fersen, back in Sweden pined for Marie Antoinette for the rest of his life.

He died while leading the funeral cortage of Prince Carl August, the heir to the Swedish throne.  von Fersen was suspected in his death, but as the second highest ranking person in the land, felt he was honor bound to lead the procession of the funeral.

He was pulled from his horse and stomped to death by the mob.

Seems there was no happy ending for the lovers.

I’m a big royalty fan, but glad that we have a President and not a monarch.  However, I do get my kicks from the antics of the British Royal Family, past and present.

This Queen, has had no scandal in her own life…her kids, however, can’t say the same.

Since I’ve already planned a post about another Queen, which continues on my theme of “Love”  for Monday, I’ll say congratulations to Her Majesty today.

God Save The Queen!

She’s a sexologist!

This Dragon is Chinese and writes about S E X!!

Here are some of her works, in case you’d like to read them.

• 《中国人的性爱与婚姻
• 《他们的世界——中国男同性恋群落透视
• 《生育与中国村落文化》
• 《性社会学
• 《中国婚姻家庭及其变迁
• 《中国女性的性与爱
• 《女性权力的崛
• 《中国女性的感情
• 《同性恋亚文
• 《虐恋亚文

Look them UP, I’m always glad to help out!

We remember him most of all for his conquest of Europe, his disastrous fall, and his exiles on Elba and St. Helena.

He was a crazy little dude, pissed off about his size, angry at the world, power mad, vindictive, egoistic, egotistic, and a great warrior.

He was also madly in love – several times.

Most notably with Josephine.

She was really the great love of his life, though she broke his heart and he divorced her.

He went back.

Josephine de Beauharnais was born on the island of Martinique to a White Creole family.  She was called Rose most of her life, at least until she met the funny looking little Frenchman who would be Emperor of France.

She became, later in life, a patron of roses, raised them, cultured them, and one is named for her.

Josephine was a widow when Napoleon met her, she was also the mistress of a wealthy Frenchman,Paul Francois Jean Nicholas Barras.  He had tired of her, thought her spending habits too much, and pawned her off on Bonaparte.

Napoleon fell madly in love with her, rotten teeth, bad breath and all.

She did not love him…at first…but married him anyway, and she broke his heart by having an affair while he was away. She took a Hussar, or army officer, named Hyppolyte Charles as her lover.  Napoleon was heartbroken, furious, took a lover of his own, but later reconciled with Josephine, and eventually made her Empress of the French.

It was a huge scandal, and Napoleon was a laughing stock.

Prior to the mess that was the scandal of the day, while Bonaparte was laying waste to Europe, he was the ultimate writer of love letters.  And he was very, very naughty.

Oh, yes, some were loving, saying things like:  ”…You to whom nature has given spirit, sweetness, and beauty, you who alone can move and rule my heart, you who know all too well the absolute empire you exercise over it.”

Pretty passionate stuff!

But, he also wrote this:  ”I am going to bed with my heart full of your adorable image…I cannot wait to give you proofs of my ardent love…How happy I would be if I could assist you at your undressing, the little firm white breast, the adorable face, the hair tied UP in a scarf a la creole.  You know that I will never forget the little visits, you know, the little black forest…I kiss it a thousand times and wait impatiently for the moment I will be in it.  To live within Josephine is to live within the Elysian fields.  Kisses on your mouth, your eyes, your breasts, everywhere, everywhere.

Earlier that same year, he had written:  ”…you must come back with him, you understand?…hopeless sorrow, inconsolable misery, sadness without end, if I am so unhappy as to see him return alone…Adorable friend, he will see you, he will breathe in your temple; perhaps you will even grant him the unique and perfect favor of kissing your cheek. A kiss on your heart, and one much lower down, much lower.

Can you imagine what it would have been like if he’d had Twitter?

But, alas, as have most of the love affairs I’ve read about lately, it ended badly.

She was the Empress, she could not produce the much desired heir, and he divorced her to marry an Austrian Archduchess.  Whom, BTW, he referred to as “the womb.”

Though they were apart, he paid Josephine’s bills, and loved her the rest of his life.

His last words:   “…France, The Army, The Head of the Army, Josephine.”

I guess he missed the little black forest!

He said, “Well, I’m about to be $30,000 lighter here in a few minutes.”

We kinda like it when that happens.

I replied, “Oh, you getting something new?”

He quickly said, “No, my wife is.  She’s in the restroom.”  (TMI)

“Great”, I said, “how long have you two been married?”

His reply was, “Married? or Together?”

I shrugged.

He told me they had been married for 43 years, but had been an item for 51.

They met in the 10th grade.

He said, that he was in home room in Wilmington, Deleware, where his father and her father worked for DuPont.

She was new to the school,  had just transferred in from the Catholic Girls School, and came into home room with two other girls, whom he knew.

He went on to say, “I asked a buddy, who she was, and he told me not to bother, she was dating someone else.”

Then he added, “I knew new I could f’n nail that!”

Apparently, he did!

When she came out of the restroom, she said, “What are you talking about?”

“I’m just telling him how we met.”, he replied with a huge grin.

I’ve never seen a woman slug a man so hard in the shoulder!

Ah, romance! Chivalry!  True Love Ways!

Leave it to a bunch of asswipe researchers and lawmakers to screw that UP.

This is my evening rant for February 1, 2012…and boy am I pissed!

Sugar should be considered a toxin and regulated like tobacco and alcohol…AND TAXED!  This according to researchers in California.

One key word:  TAXED.

This is just another way to steal from the people who keep this country going.

Moderation is the key to just about every thing, (strychnine being one thing that is not included) but using the reckless behavior of over eaters and over sugarers to garner more cash for 536 people in Washington to waste is not the answer.

If sugar is a toxin, you just might have to buy your Coca Colas at the liquor store, and they will cost more.

You can’t bake correctly without sugar…oh, yes, I know there are sugar free diets and cook books for cakes, candies, and such…but they all taste like crap.

Wake UP people.  This is not about health.  This is about stealing more of your money for worthless, egotistical, holier than thou politicians to spend on programs that will continue to get them elected.

The second key word:  TOTALITARIANISM.

These are people who think they know what’s better for YOUR life than you do, and want to control YOUR behavior by pricing things THEY don’t like off the market.

Well, they can all kiss my sweet ass!

Here is one article:    http://news.yahoo.com/sugar-regulated-toxin-researchers-180605186.html

Here is another one:  http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-16822533

The second article compares sugar banning and taxing to condoms, smoke free restaurants, and designated drivers.

Frankly, I think they are all suffering from low blood-sugar, and need a freakin’ mint!

For the two of you out there who’ve never heard of Gone With The Wind, it’s one of my top 10 favorite books.  I read it every December, and have done so for nearly 30 years.  I have parts of it memorized.

I know, it’s part of my crazy.  Leave it alone.

Scarlett O’Hara, a 16 year old Southern Belle at the start of the War Between The States, is crazy for a neighbor boy – who looks at least 20 years older than she does in the movie – and thinks her world will end if she doesn’t marry him.  So, on the day of the big assed barbeque at his Daddy’s place, she decides to declare her love for him.

She finds out the night before that his engagement to his cousin, Melanie Hamilton, is to be announced that same day. With time a’wastin’, Scarlett skips the ladies’ nap and sneaks into the library to tell Ashley she loves him, and that Melly is a bitch and ah hate hur a mealy mouthed little nothin’, and Scarlett could rock his world.

Well, the nasty Rhett Butler hears this conversation and Scarlett is compromised and humiliated.  Rhett falls for the snippy Scarlett on the spot.  Scarlett vows to hate both Ashley and Rhett for ‘evah‘, and, oh, yeah, the ‘Wawh‘ starts.

Ashley marries Melly, and in spite, Scarlett marries Melly’s panty-waisted brother, Charles, who promptly knocks her UP and dies of the measles in the ‘wawh’.

Scarlett, “16 and Pregnant”, is pissed beyond belief.  Not only does she not have Ashley,but her arch rival, that cheap tramp Melly, has her man.

So, she does what any Southern Belle would do, she takes the baby, packs UP her clothes, drags her slave along – there are black people in this film, BTW – goes to Atlanta, and moves in with Melly, and pretends to be her BFF.

To make a 700 page novel and four hour long movie ‘long story short’:  wawh, death, Rhett Butler coming to Atlanta making passes at Scarlett, dancing with her at the bazaar, Sherman, fire, explosions, refugee to Tara, privation, hardship,  sneakiness, back stabbing, and Scarlett shoots a Yankee soldier in the face.  We all cheered!

Oh, yes, there’s a whore too.  She’s really cool, and her name is Belle.  Rhett loves her as well, he’s a ‘playah’ after all.

The ‘wawh‘ ends, Scarlett steals her sister’s boyfriend, whom she refers to as an “old maid in britches’, because she needs $300 to pay the taxes on her Daddy’s plantation, Tara, down the Decatur Road in Clayton County, Jawja.

Hubs # 2 gets killed at a KKK rally.  Rhett has enough, tells Scarlett he loves her and insists that she marry him.  She, a little tipsy from the funeral, says yes.  He leaves town, comes back with monster bling from Europe, a complete wardrobe for Scarlett, and presents for her family.

Atlanta, once again, and not for the last time, I might add, is scandalized!

Meanwhile, back at the tacky, ornate, over decorated house Rhett builds for Scarlett, she pines for Ashley, still pretends to be Melly’s best friend, makes waves, causes trouble, breaks tradition, smashes rules, pisses off the old bats who run Atlanta – yet another reason why she’s my hero, since Atlanta still has some serious assed old bats – , and in general ‘effs’ UP.

Rhett and Scarlett’s child dies, which is really sad, their marriage is destroyed, Melly dies, sad again, Scarlett realizes at last that Melly really was her BFF, that Ashley is a total spineless wuss, and that Rhett really did love her and she’s thrown it all away.

Rhett leaves Melly and Ashely’s house, goes home packs a bag, and when Scarlett declares her love for him, he tells her it’s too late and that he doesn’t ‘give a damn’, and walks out into the fog.

Oh my, I need to go apologize to Margaret Mitchell! But probably not anymore than Alexandra Ripley should!

Valentine’s Day is a mere two weeks away, and I’ve been typing my fingers to the bone looking for love in all the wrong places.  There are plenty of ‘famous love affairs’ coming UP.   I hope you enjoy them.

But, to start off the month, let’s look at some towns that center around love.

Alabama, Arkansas, Indiana, Minnesota, Montana, Louisiana, New York, New Jersey, Maryland, Texas, S. Carolina, and Virginia all have a town named Valentine!

There are five Cities and Towns named Romance.  There are Cupids, Romeos, Loves, Arrows, Love Lakes, Lovelands, Diamonds, Roses and Hearts all over the country.

Romance, Arkansas is a tiny unincorporated area with a famous post office…the town’s most visible business.  The tiny branch post office is one of several in the country that get special attention because of the ‘love themed’ name.  You can send your love letters, wedding invitations, and Valentine’s Day cards there to be postmarked with their postmark saying “Romance”.

So, if you’ve been looking for love in all the wrong places, check out Romance, Arkansas, you can even get hitched at the post off ice if you want to.

And be sure to check out Redneck Latte Ravings’ Famous Love Affairs all February long.  Some may make you happy, some may make you cry, hopefully you’ll let me know.

As far as this month goes, Redneck Latte Ravings is THE place to look for love.

I don’t stay UP to watch the ball drop any more, and watching Dick Clark breaks my heart.

Plus, the music sucks, and the ubiquitous Ryan Seacrest is wearing a tad thin on me.

But, the other day, a friend of mine said, “Happy Tet!” on the way out the door.

Really, Happy Tet.

I’ll pass.

When I hear Tet, which is the Vietnamese celebration of the new year, I think of one thing:

The Tet Offensive.

The US was caught with their pants down on this one.

Tet Nguyen Dan is the celebration of the Vietnamese Lunar New Year, and usually coincides with the Chinese New Year.

On January 30, 1968, after a mutually agreed cease-fire, the forces of the People’s Army of Viet Nam launched a surprise attack against the Republic of Vietnam (South Vietnam) and the United States.

Its purpose was to use the element of surprise to attack civilian and military commands in South Viet Nam.

We, the allied forces of the United States of America and South Viet Nam, were not ready.  The National Liberation Front, aka Viet Cong, launched an attack of 80,000 communist soldiers, striking more than 100 towns and cities.  It was well planned, well thought out, and well executed.

In the city of Hue alone, more than 2,000 civilians are still listed as missing.  Thousands – THOUSANDS – were killed there by the Viet Cong and the National Liberation Front.

The initial attacks stunned the Allied forces of the South and did major damage to command, life, and the South’s cause. The world and most importantly, America realized that North Viet Nam could launch a devastating attack, and could possibly…and eventually…win the war.

Technically, it ended in a defeat for the Viet Cong, but it changed the American Psyche, turned the tide of public opinion of the war in the United States.

In the offensive, there were 45,850 casualties:  9,078 killed, 35,212 wounded, and 1,530 missing.

Some of those are still missing.

Today, the Tet Offensive is barely mentioned in the US.  Oh, they study it in school, there’s a paragraph or two about it in the US History books, and it’s mentioned in passing.

Frankly, we should remember it more often.

So, forgive me if I pass on the Happy Tet thing.  I don’t remember it as happy at all.

Yeah, I’ll pass.

I have tons of friends on Facebook, nearly 500 followers on Bloggers.com, and have heard from people I’ve never met in lands on six continents.

Recently, Kajal, a blogger from Dubai in the United Arab Emirates nominated me for a Versatile Blogger Award.

I don’t really know what that is, am assuming there is no money, nor a plaque, nor a certificate.

But, it’s nice to be recognized for my versatility.

Kajal has asked that I share the love with other bloggers, and so, I will.

I am to post a picture of the award on my blog.

See below.

Thank the award giver:  Thanks!!

Share seven random facts about myself:

1. I eat the same lunch ever day – well, not the SAME lunch, but I have a salad with Vermont White Cheddar Cheese and Blackened Turkey each day at lunch.
2. I eat the same breakfast every day – again, not the SAME – one egg, scrambled with cheese, one piece of wheat toast, grape jelly and about a gallon of coffee Redneck Latte.
3. I am totally addicted to Downton Abbey.
4. I do not have a nook, kindle, nor ipad.
5. My cell phone is still a flip phone…it works, don’t judge me.
6. I was bald by the time I was 20.
7. I often ruin friendships by working too hard to maintain them.

Now, as to nominating others for this award, that’s a little difficult.  I don’t want anyone to think this chain letter award must go on, but I read other bloggers each day/week/month, and there are many, many that I really like.

So, here goes:

Check out my blog roll on Redneck Latte Ravings.

I”m a no pressure guy, and don’t want anyone to think they HAVE to pass this on.  I mean, it’s not like the world’s gonna end if you don’t.  Well, not counting for the Mayans and all.

…and check out Rajal’s posts at The Purple Chronicles.