REDUCER

The Martes Chronicles: In Queso You Were Wondering

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Tue, 30 Oct 2012 21:55:29 +0000

It’s a fact repeated so often that it’s become slightly cliche: that great cuisines are forged in poverty. It’s no secret that people who are forced to do more with less every day tend to get really good at that thing. … Continue reading →

A quick (slightly food-related) story.

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Wed, 24 Oct 2012 00:25:37 +0000

Hey gang. I know I’m not the best about posting regularly, but a funny thing happened to me today, and the story is too “top heavy” to be good for stand-up, so this seemed like the only place for it. … Continue reading →

The Martes Chronicles: Moves Like Nikujaga

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Wed, 10 Oct 2012 15:29:32 +0000

I'm busy and it's cold, cold, cold outside. Let's cook up some meat and potatoes, Japanese style. Continue reading →

The Martes Chronicles: Cholent Eruption

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Tue, 02 Oct 2012 19:55:17 +0000

Jewish law requires that I eat a hot meal for lunch on Shabbat, but also that I not do any cooking. This has been the case for my people for roughly 3,000 years and in that time there has been … Continue reading →

The Martes Chronicles: Challah! Challah!

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Tue, 02 Oct 2012 19:55:11 +0000

Challah is the cornerstone of almost every festive Jewish meal. Shabbat, the Jewish day of rest, in particular has a great deal of symbolism related to the forming, baking and serving of this bread. Outside of Jewish practice, challah is beginning to … Continue reading →

It’s Not A Cleanse; It’s A Fast

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Tue, 25 Sep 2012 15:25:02 +0000

To our Jewish reader, have an easy fast. To our Gentile readers, enjoy your bacon cheeseburger. Continue reading →

The Martes Chronicles: I’d Gladly Brisket All

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Tue, 18 Sep 2012 22:00:29 +0000

It’s the best time of the year. Football is on, the leaves are changing and hoodie-weather is in full swing. Work and the constant tumult of the High Holy Days make my off-time all the more special. This is one of the … Continue reading →

The Martes Chronicles: Sometimes Everyone Needs A Bimbo

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Tue, 04 Sep 2012 17:14:41 +0000

I don't eat a lot of white bread, but when I do, I eat Bimbo. Continue reading →

The Martes Chronicles: A Word From The Editor…

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Tue, 28 Aug 2012 20:47:22 +0000

This is easily the least favorite part of my job. Not the sitting down at my keyboard and typing. That’s the fun part. No, this is the part where I glumly apologize for the lack of content over the past … Continue reading →

Reducer Podcast Episode 205: ZARDOZ

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Sun, 26 Aug 2012 23:32:31 +0000

Welcome to the Reducer Lounge. Brian and Joe are back with a range of food topics and skits covering such diverse subjects as coconut water, food trucks, homeless sales pitches, California's Foie gras ban, why Joe hates Mizzourah, Saving Private Perez, Anthony Bourdain's new career, whiskey denominations, the real Rock N' Rye, Atmosbeer, Hebrew National kosher certification and the trill as shit greatness that is Y.N. Rich Kid's Hot Cheetos And Takis. Continue reading →

Reducer Podcast Episode 204: The 15 Month Anniversary Spectacular.

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Tue, 08 May 2012 07:39:06 +0000

The wait is over! Jawn Fulla returns to the Reducer Studios to join Brian and Joe in celebrating the 15 month anniversary of the Reducer Podcast. This extravaganza features all the standard Reducer favorites: food talk; restaurant gossip; news; frequent cursing; clever poop jokes; borderline racism towards the proud and hard-working people of Mexico PLUS: some of the funniest podcast skits you'll ever hear. Continue reading →

A most unholy alliance

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 23:28:16 +0000

Reducer Podcast 203: Chopped and Screwed

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 03:03:21 +0000

It's probably best if we say nothing at all. Continue reading →

Reducer Podcast Episode 202: Gummy Bear Parties

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 22:18:31 +0000

In this long awaited episode of the Reducer Podcast we discuss the Dipin dots machine war, sexual harassment, Ribwiches, hipsters eating Mcdonalds, meatball sandwich crimes, welfare pizza, tiresome menu options and a lengthy whopper-fueled discussion on candy. Continue reading →

THE PLANE HAS CRASHED INTO THE MOUNTAIN!

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 18:28:48 +0000

Apologies to our loyal fanbase; we never meant to take the whole month of December off. Just as soon as I can get my stupid phone to synch with the computer I’ll post The Martes Chronicle Holiday recap, catch up … Continue reading →

Thursday Morning Quarterback: Episodes Four & Five

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 22:31:03 +0000

Thursday Morning Quarterback is a weekly attempt to humorously recap each new episode of Top Chef Texas on the Bravo Network (as if you didn't know). Continue reading →

The Martes Chronicles: Talking Turkey Day Part Two: Postmortem

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 22:53:59 +0000

If you read last weeks installment of The Martes Chronicles; you were no doubt waiting with baited breath to find out how our M*A*S*HGiving Korean-American mash-up meal. went. In a word: Awesome. Continue reading →

The Martes Chronicles: Talking Turkey Day

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 21:27:30 +0000

In no particular order; my three favorite holidays are Passover, The Super Bowl and Thanksgiving. They all revolve around large meals in some way. Passover's complicated restrictions on ingredients and Super Bowl Sundays inherit trashiness require a somewhat stifling framework, but Thanksgiving is where I go completely balls-out with the menu. Continue reading →

Thursday Morning Quarterback: Episode Three

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 19:58:42 +0000

Thursday Morning Quarterback is a weekly attempt to humorously recap each new episode of Top Chef Texas on the Bravo Network (as if you didn't know). Beware; there are spoilers below! Continue reading →

The Martes Chronicles: Pilaf And Go

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 21:16:56 +0000

Few dishes span geography and history in as grand a manner as rice pilaf. Or pilau. or palov. Or palau. Or pulao. Or sopa seca, if you will. How the did rice cooked in broth become a common dish stretching from Asia to the Near East, North Africa, Europe and Central America? Continue reading →

Thursday Morning Quarterback: Episode Two

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 07:49:13 +0000

Thursday Morning Quarterback is a weekly attempt to humorously recap each new episode of Top Chef Texas on the Bravo Network (as if you didn't know). Beware; there are spoilers after the jump! Continue reading →

Thursday Morning Quarterback: Episode One

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 14:27:59 +0000

Thursday Morning Quarterback is a weekly attempt to humorously recap of each new episode of Top Chef Texas on the Bravo Network (as if you didn't know). Continue reading →

The Martes Chronicles: Chefs Don’t Eat

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 18:02:41 +0000

Cooks, whether in the finest restaurant or the greasiest spoon, are a little like diamond miners. We work hard in dangerous and stressful conditions to produce a product most of us will never have access to as consumers. That, and our bosses will cut off our hands if we try to skim anything off the top. This creates a number of problems when trying to catch a meal during an 8 hour restaurant shift. Continue reading →

Reducer Podcast 201: Bring Me The Head of Ava Marie Hamilton*

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 22:01:17 +0000

In this episode we bring you up to speed on our summer, talk up the Town Talk, dish on Guy Fieri (see what I did there?) and ramble about food and cooking while punctuating the show with a good dose of potty humor and tasteless hippie-bashing. All that and much, much more! Continue reading →

Rain Delay

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 21:14:17 +0000

The Martes Chronicles: What We Did Last Summer (Part Two)

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 07:48:39 +0000

From my brief time living in Florida to every other episode of COPS, I've come to learn that shirtless ferret ownership is not only a way of life there, but an institution on par with common-law marriage. That being said; I love me some Miami. Continue reading →

The Martes Chronicles: What We Did Last Summer (Part One)

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 17:48:01 +0000

I don't have a tremendous amount of love for the state commonwealth of Massachusetts. I have family there; I've lived there; I've even been thrown out of a couple schools there. Like Homer Simpson in New York, bad things always seem to happen to me in Massachusetts, and Boston in particular. Continue reading →

Taking a break before we start…

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 19:13:37 +0000

Frito Pie: Monday Night Football Edition

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 22:41:34 +0000

In just over an hour; the Dallas Cowboys (whooooo!) will host their most hated rival; the Washington RACIST TEAM NAME REDACTED in a classic Monday Night Matchup. Until I move to Texas; I have to be content with only watching … Continue reading →

The Martes Chronicles: Something To Tide You Over

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 20:57:45 +0000

Some photos to keep you hungry until we can deliver the main course. Continue reading →

A Bump in the Night

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Sat, 17 Sep 2011 04:14:34 +0000

The Martes Chronicles: Youth In Repast

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 20:29:18 +0000

An entry-level course on how to throw a dinner party if you're not old. Continue reading →

The Martes Chronicles: Tortilla Me Up, Tortilla Me Down

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 02:07:48 +0000

After my totally fair and in no way hyperbolic critique of the Walk-A-Taco last month, I expected more people to come to its defense. Apparently I made a pretty good case against the product, as most of the feedback I … Continue reading →

BREAKING NEWS: Emeril Lagasse to judge on Top Chef!

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 18:23:40 +0000

Emeril Lagasse is an American treasure who singlehandedly turned Food Network into a destination channel and introduced a whole segment of the American population to cooking food they never previously would have thought to try. Continue reading →

The Martes Chronicles: Farkakte and Farblondzhit

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 20:31:28 +0000

I'm fasting. Let's talk food! Continue reading →

Durian Fruit: Let it up in your guts.

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Mon, 08 Aug 2011 03:56:03 +0000

The Jueves Chronicles: A Word from the Ghost of Orson Welles

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Thu, 04 Aug 2011 19:46:55 +0000

Ladies and gentlemen, audience members, food bloggers and Polish spam hackers; I am the disembodied spirit of one George Orson Welles; better known to the public at large as actor, director, author, bon vivant, theatrical innovator, conspiracy theorist and planet … Continue reading →

The Martes Chronicles: What’s So Hard About Eating a Taco?

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 21:13:55 +0000

Minnesota's Walk-a-Taco is possibly the dumbest thing ever in the history of anything. Continue reading →

The Martes Chronicles: 110° is Soup Weather

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 15:53:51 +0000

Head to a place with 100°+ weather and oppressive humidity where AC is a rare exception rather than the rule; and you're pretty likely to find people eating hot soup in order to cool down. Pho, ramen, miso, matzoh ball, caldo- these are all perfect summer soups. Continue reading →

BREAKING NEWS: Minnesota Government Shutdown Causes Horse Piss to be Pulled from Shelves

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 23:40:31 +0000

EDITOR’S NOTE: Our long, dry off-season is almost over here at Reducer. Starting next week you can expect a regular column by Headchef every Tuesday, the second season of the Reducer Podcast, new recipes, news, travelogues, articles and a series … Continue reading →

Up from the sewers to discuss Baseball food

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 23:03:16 +0000

Follow us on Twitter or Facebook tonight starting at 7:00 pm (central). I'll be posting live from the Rangers game at Target Field in Minneapolis. Continue reading →

Reducer Podcast 108: Wanted; Breaded or Fried

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Sat, 14 May 2011 04:54:20 +0000

In this untimely episode of the Reducer podcast, which was posted a full week after it might have been relevant, Brian, a bag of potatoes and Joe interview their first guest; pastry chef Brian Titus. Continue reading →

Gone are the days of the old-fashioned anti-establishment food fight.

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Wed, 11 May 2011 10:55:29 +0000

And maybe it’s for the best. However, we can’t help but feel slightly resentful, as this is another thing on the pile of things Atlanta has ruined for the rest of us. http://www.ajc.com/news/clayton/10-students-arrested-after-941592.html

It’s hard out there for a desk chef.

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Tue, 10 May 2011 16:54:47 +0000

Reducer Podcast 107: Sometimes Never is Better Than Late

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 01:54:11 +0000

The ghost of Julia Child starts things off right, before the episode quickly devolves into a verbal free-for-all that fails to live up to the promise of its lengthy production time. Continue reading →

I know, I know. We suck.

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Sun, 24 Apr 2011 22:03:27 +0000

It’s been a busy couple of weeks on the Reducer campus, but not a lot of that is showing up on the site. From the many emails and carrier pigeons we’ve received from you, we’ve been able to glean that … Continue reading →

The Bacon Burger Dog Challenge

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 21:03:35 +0000

If you haven’t already listened to sixth Reducer Podcast, do yourself a favor and give it a listen. In it we describe an informal challenge to create a Bacon Burger Dog for the 21st Century; and here’s where we officially … Continue reading →

Please Pardon Our Mess: UPDATED!

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Sun, 10 Apr 2011 01:48:24 +0000

Update: Looks like it didn’t take nearly as much work and and butchering of the site to get everything working as we thought it would. The good news is podcasts are all downloadable again and RSS has been enabled for … Continue reading →

Reducer Podcast 106: Bacon Burger Dog Bracketology

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 01:01:55 +0000

On the sixth and foodiest episode of the Reducer Podcast; the guys make themselves and everyone within earshot painfully hungry when they break down the best bar foods of the 68 schools in the NCAA basketball tournament. Continue reading →

Field Trip: W Hotel Minneapolis Sip ‘N Sample

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 02:31:05 +0000

As mentioned in episode five of the Reducer Podcast; Mrs. Headchef and I recently attended the Sip & Savor tasting event at the W Hotel in downtown Minneapolis. The Twin Cities iteration of the W opened up the three bar/restaurants … Continue reading →

Reducer Podcast 105: Ayo for Faygo

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 10:38:15 +0000

On the latest and largely food-related episode of the Reducer Podcast; the guys sample three kinds of sugar water imported from the exotic foreign land of Detroit, and take a journey through the liquid rock candy mountain. Continue reading →

At the Pollo… Pollocabana.

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 08:30:07 +0000

Just because you never worked at an overrated Cuban restaurant for a couple of years doesn’t mean you can’t be taught how to make Cuban food yourself. The fact that you don’t have to unlearn many of the dirty shortcuts … Continue reading →

Reducer Podcast 104: Woktoast Intolerance

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Tue, 15 Mar 2011 17:36:37 +0000

In Episode 4 of the new & improved Reducer Podcast; the guys hit their sophomore slump at full speed with a load of new segments, news, cooking stories and dry, painful-sounding coughs. Continue reading →

Honeycomb Tripe… Yeah Yeah Yeah!

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 00:48:24 +0000

If when you hear the word "Menudo", all you can think of is the Puerto Rican boyband where Ricky Martin got his start, I feel deeply sorry for you. In reality; Menudo is a rich Mexican soup of beef tripe and hominy that doubles as both a common wedding recipe and hangover cure (typically for the morning after the wedding party). Continue reading →

BBBQ (The extra “B” is for BYOBB)

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 23:15:11 +0000

A Pita Even PETA Would Protest

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 05:50:17 +0000

As mentioned in the most recent Reducer Podcast: a recipe for the ubiquitous Jerusalem Mixed Grill- which isn't grilled and hardly seems unique to Israeli cuisine. Continue reading →

Reducer Podcast 103: The Assasination of Episode 3 by the Coward Paul Masson

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 01:32:13 +0000

In the 3rd episode of the gradually improving Reducer Podcast; Brian, Jawn and Joe share a pack of Tourney Menthol 120 Slims and manage to talk about food and cooking for almost two thirds of the episode. Topics include Rum; liquor infusions; Domino's Pizza and Subway being terrible; the beauty of Niki Minaj's amazing backside; breast milk ice cream; hushpuppies; Lady Gaga; the Obama girls eating cheese fries and Andrew Zimmern's homeless past. Joe and Brian attempt to talk about their Hack of the Week; until Brian channels Orson Welles and finds himself stammering drunk off Paul Masson Brandy. Continue reading →

The Law Firm of Chicken & Dumplings

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Fri, 25 Feb 2011 13:56:10 +0000

In my experience; Northerners have a tendency to screw up chicken and dumplings.That’s not to say I haven’t had decent versions of the dish north of the IHOP/Waffle House line, but they’re few and far between. Southern chicken & dumplings, … Continue reading →

REMIX! East meets west: curried potstickers and dirty rice.

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Wed, 23 Feb 2011 02:46:23 +0000

The Mystery of “Creole” Stew

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 19:02:33 +0000

When I was 17, I had a very good stew made by my Senegalese roommate. Although I've never found the original recipe; more than a decade later I've discovered how to reverse-engineer it, and in doing so have found a recipe with roots on three continents. Continue reading →

What, Me Curry?

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 00:36:02 +0000

A word from the General before we start: Curry from scratch is by no means a task that requires much skill in the kitchen, it does, however, need lots of ingredients (all fairly cheap), lots of time, and lots of … Continue reading →

Local Ramen Makes Good

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Sun, 20 Feb 2011 22:09:28 +0000

How to transform instant ramen into a tasty stir-fry worthy of your favorite take-out place. Continue reading →

Reducer Podcast 102: Fun’s Fun, But Seriously We Love Mexicans

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 12:01:16 +0000

In the second episode of the ever-regressing Reducer Podcast; Brian, Jawn and Joe discuss the food they cooked for the Super Bowl, argue over ethnic salts, weigh the cultural importance of TV’s Jenna Von Oy, introduce our “Hack of the … Continue reading →

Gonzo cooking pt. 2

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Sat, 12 Feb 2011 13:16:56 +0000

all work and no sleep makes jack a hallucinating monkey. Gonzo cooking pt.1

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 23:09:46 +0000

REEEEEEEEMIIIIIIIIIIX!: Tacos de lengua

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 00:38:21 +0000

You know we had to do a remix, right? Last night's tacos de lengua converted to huevos rancheros simply by frying leftover corn tortillas, putting some refried beans on them and going to town with a couple fried eggs. You're welcome. Continue reading →

Tacos That Kiss You Back

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 07:03:50 +0000

This is how I made delicious beef tongue tacos for the Super Bowl; complete with the recipe and photos explaining each step. Not to be missed for taco lovers. Continue reading →

I always get excited to see a hacksaw on a cutting board.

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 22:14:48 +0000

Reducer Podcast 101: Band Practice

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 08:41:47 +0000

The cooks at Reducer manage not to completely mess up their first podcast, despite Joe saying "uh" about 75 times. Brian, Joe and Jawn discuss legalized absinthe, fast food breakfast, the demise of the Town Talk, chicken shortages, the Country Bar's new windows and whole mess about what listeners can expect from future episodes. Continue reading →

Breakfast Links: This was supposed to be a podcast…

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 15:43:05 +0000

Our podcast engineer Brian seems to be lost in the… Call of Duty, so the only content I have for you so far this morning are some links and this picture of a breakfast I made in Hawaii a couple … Continue reading →

Good,bad, a little ugly.

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 12:58:32 +0000

In Memoriam: Town Talk Diner 2006-2011

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 23:19:59 +0000

A few words about the late, great Town Talk Diner. Continue reading →

Officer on deck.

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 21:44:45 +0000

Well after much trial and error, I’ve figured out the android app for running this thing. You can look forward to plenty of random pictures from the kitchen I work in, as well as misc food around town. (with a … Continue reading →

1, 2, 1, 2. This is just a test.

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 01:43:12 +0000

A handful of random pictures to help me test out the multimedia plugin I'm using. Check out some of the Asian-type food I've made in the last year. Continue reading →

Deep Prep

headchef@reducernet.com (The Reducer Network) — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 08:08:05 +0000

We’ve finally got the lights turned on and the stoves humming here at Reducer Laboratories. Right now there’s not a whole lot to look at on the main blog, but in the coming weeks we plan on slapping you in … Continue reading →