Reflection & Rumination

Free fall

2011-04-13T20:35:00.004+08:00

It is easy to get discouraged.

It is easy to forget the origin.

It is easy to forget the force.

I wonder if anyone knows.

All I wish and want for now is a free fall...

Quote of the day

2010-09-17T16:49:00.001+08:00

A: They treat us worse than a dog. Work everyday, no need "cuti" wan.

B: What is worse than a dog?

A: Houseman lah!

2010-08-22T21:34:00.005+08:00

Dear "Ah Poh",

How are you doing up there? I have finally graduated, you know. "Ah Mah" came to my convocation. She looks happy. I couldn't be more happy to have her there with daddy and mommy to witness me receiving my MD in my "square-hat". I wished you were here too.

I have started my housemanship just recently in a place far away from home. It has been difficult, especially to be far from home. I felt alone. And I am scared.

Honestly, I don't see the glory of the title I am carrying. I am sure this come with a prize to pay but a lot of times I do wonder if I have enough to earn it through.

The ward can be frustrating or even depressing sometimes. I am sure you know it. I hated the beeping sounds of the monitors. But I hate it even more when the sound goes flat. It makes me think of you, "Ah Poh". I felt I could have done more. And it hurts whenever I think of that.

It doesn't take long to hate my job. "Ah Poh", I am sorry if I have let you down. I am not sure why I felt this way on "the passion" I am supposed to love. I do not know why and I am sorry, "Ah Poh".

You know, a colleague told me the other day that, we may not do what we like but we have to like what we are doing.

I am trying and I am learning to. Perhaps all I need is time?

I know no matter what, all you want is for me to be happy. Are you happy up there, "Ah Poh"?

I hope to be happy too. I promise you, I'll try.

"Ah Poh", I may not be as great as others, and I may not be as smart as others,... but please help me to know that if I am in this, let me at least be a good one too.

Miss you lots,...

To sing or to reason?

2010-05-05T13:46:00.000+08:00

Is it easier to sing your worries away then to reason them away?

2010-05-04T13:39:00.000+08:00

The forgotten

2010-04-27T22:49:00.000+08:00

2010-04-26T01:05:00.001+08:00

I want a rain shower.

Mati

2010-04-11T18:50:00.005+08:00

The word "die" or "death" or "mati" in Malay, has always been a well established taboo for the livings. We try to avoid using it. And we too, naturally avoid (facing) it.

I've always thought that patients have the greatest fear over this word. It is the-word-that-shall-not-be-said in front of patients or their family member unless it has became the adjective for the subject. So, we avoid using the word at all cost. When we really had to use it, we try to substitute the word with "past away", "expired", or "meninggal dunia" (in Malay).

But, I noticed patients do use it. Sometimes, more bluntly than I thought they would.

Scenario 1: @ the Nephrology clinic

Me: Hi, pakcik. I'm a medical student. If it is alright, I would like to ask you a few questions regarding your health before you go in to see the doctor. Is it ok?

Patient: Boleh. Tanyalah. Apa yang nak ditanya? Saya pun sudah nak mati.
(Can. Ask lah. What do you want to ask? I am going to die anyway.)

*froze*stun* ?!!!

Patient: Sudah mati dah.
(I've died)

Me: Pakcik, jangan cakap begitu. Kena bersabar dan berubat lah ya.
(No, uncle. Don't say so. You'll have to be patient and take treatments)

Patient: Memang pakcik sudah nak mati. Tak mati buat apa.
(I'm already dying. What else can I do if not dead?)

Me: Tak, pakcik... pakcik kena gagah.
(No, uncle. You have to be strong)

Patient sneered.

Me: Pakcik, kencing manis berapa lama dah ya?
(Uncle, how long have you been having diabetes?)

Patient: Lama dah.
(Long time already)

Me: Agak-agak berapa lama? Lebih 5 tahun, ke? 10 tahun ke? 20 tahun ke?
(About how long would that be? 5 years? or maybe 10 or 20 years maybe?)

Patient: Tak ingat dah. Dah nak mati ingat buat apa?
(I do not remember. I am already going to die. Why do I still need to remember all these?)

Me: Pakcik, tak boleh kata gitu ya. Sekarang ni kan duduk sini nak tunggu tengok doktor.
(Please do not say that, uncle. Now you are sitting here to wait to see doctor, aren't you?)

Patient: Kencing manis ada. Sakit semua ada belaka. Mata buta dah. Kena cuci pinggang. Isteri lari dah. Anak hisap dadah.... Tak mati buat apa
( I have diabetes. I'm blind. I have all sort of illness. I need dialysis. My wife ran away. My son do drugs...What is the purpose then if not to die?)

By that time, I really felt I want to "mati" already. Not only I am unable to proceed with my clerking and stuck to his deadly words. But also the way he is affecting the crowd. This uncle kept announcing to the whole nephro clinic whose patients are mostly diabetics, to die! And not to forget, shoving down these words to his son, who stood right beside him.

Hearing these words, "Pakcik, i think you can let me "mati" (die) first."
(Bang head).

Scenario 2: @ the GP clinic

Doctor: Hello, pakcik. (shake hand) How have you been lately?

Patient: Tak baik lah doktor.
(Not good, doctor)

Doctor: Apa masalahnya? (with the utmost gentleness and concerning stare)
(What is the problem, uncle?)

Patient: Saya rasa pening, doktor.
(I feel giddy, doctor)

Doktor: Memusing gitu?
(As if the room is turning round like that?)

Patient: Ya. Rasa macam nak rebah.
(Yes. I also feel like fainting)

Doctor: Iya?...Mata gelap gitu ke?
(Is that so? Does your vision turn black?)

Patient: Tak, tapi bila memusing gitu rasa tak boleh nak bangun langsung.
Doktor, rasanya saya dah nak mati lah ya? Inilah tanda-tandanya?
(No, but when I feel really giddy I can not even wake up. I have to just lie on the bed.
Doctor, I feel that I am going to die, am I? These are signs, right?)

......

-.-'''

Scenario 3: @ Medical ward

MO: Makcik, tekanan darah anak tadi turun rendah sangat. Jadi kami sudah cuba untuk menaikkan semula tekanan darah anak. Tapi nampaknya tekanan darah masih rendah dan tak molek lagi.
(Madam, your daughter's blood pressure has crashed just now and we are trying our best to increase the pressure again. But her blood pressure is still not picking up and it is not looking too good)

Patient's mother: Jadi sudah mati lah?
(That means she is dead right?)

MO did not admit or agree to her statement. Instead, he tried explaining to the patient's mother again that they are still trying to resuscitate her child.

Patient's mother: Nak mati dah lah? (with her voices trailing off...)
(She is going to die then, right?)

MO struggled hard to look into her eyes. He just returned the 'makcik' a plain stare and a gulp.

Soon after, the team stopped the chest compressions. The curtain was opened. Nobody said a word.

It was momentarily very silent with the exception of the noise of a paper tear to get the flat ECG reading off from the defrib machine.

The makcik walked away from the MO and went hugging her daughter in tears.

Her daughter was dead.

Sometimes, I wonder...who exactly are the ones who are more fearful of "mati"?

Patients? or us?

I wish to move forward already

2010-04-10T21:39:00.003+08:00

It has been nice

and

my love for it is still there

but

I wish to move forward already.

Scene of car accident

2010-04-05T22:43:00.002+08:00

My nephew seems to have inborn talent for film direction. Apparently he set up and staged every thing, from placing over-turned car to lying at the side.

Will someone call 911 please? haha...

Drawings make me happy!

2010-03-25T23:43:00.004+08:00

Manado - Day 3

2010-03-16T16:52:00.005+08:00

So, after dipping into the sea, we went all the way up hill. Most of our times were spent on travelling in Day 3 of our Manado trip actually because we went from Bunaken to Manado. From Manado to Tomohon. Then from Tomohon to Tondano. And finally from Tondano back to Tomohon again.

Rewind back again and let me explain...

We left Bunaken Island in the late morning after breakfast. Upon reaching Manado, we took a ' 'mickrolet' (the blue van) to "Karombasan" bus station. From there, we board on a public bus with a Rp 6,000 each to Tomohon. So, all in all it cost only about Rp 8,000 for about an hour of bus ride to the city of flower, Tomohon.

The air along the journey gets cooler and cooler as we go higher and higher. I don't see much flowers but air was definitely fresher and refreshing in Tomohon. The first thing we did when we arrive Tomohon was LUNCH!!! Lunch was at "Sineleyan", which is just a junction away from the turning into the bus stop. It is along the mainroad, on your left if you are travelling from Manado. This restaurant is surrounded by some sort of a pond or lake. And just adjacent to them is another pond for public fishing.

At that time, they only have Ikan Mas and we ordered few fishy in different types of cooking. Ikan Mas Goreng is definitely a must order! The rest are so so. The greens as usual they have kangkong only (as in the green leafy type of vege). Come to think of it, I think the whole Manado only serve kangkong, nothing but kangkong.

Anyway, lunch was a satisfaction. And yeah, something to beware of:

This dish may look timid and simple BUT it is very, VERY SPICY!!! All the small, little green chilli padi will guarantee you an emergency need for iced water.

Restaurant's environment and food was really not bad. The most uncomfortable thing is that, the water and waste goes directly back into the pond. All the hand wash detergent, the remains of food (including fish bones) + tissues were all thrown conveniently back into the pond. The moment those wastes were flung off from above, all the fishes below will swarm towards the shower.

And I do not even want to know where did our fishes in the lunch come from.

After lunch, we head towards Tondano by "mikrolet". Then from there we switched to another "mikro" to "Remboken" to see the lake. The route was bumpy but was breathtaking. The air was chilly and we have to go through padi fields surrounded by volcanic mountains.

And the lake was really BIG. So big that it looks like a sea!

We were also told that there is this tourist spot which has hot spring water for bathing. And that was how it looks from the outside.

This tourist spot was full of people of course since it is a long holiday for their country. We did not manage to get any hot bath or anything. The place appeared run down.

We just walked around, saw some boats.

Saw some trees.

And saw some other boat. Plus some really old, second-hand-looking-Winnie-the-Pooh-mascot and a pool filled with people and kids, rather than water.

Initially we thought of putting a night in Tondano or Remboken but at the end we decided that we should at least go back to Tomohon. Well, you know why.

This so called tourist area is located really deep inside. You can almost lie down on the road for half an hour, without cars passing. The main transportation deep in this place called Remboken is Ojek. They are motorcylists which will transport you around like a taxi. But of course, only one passenger per motorcycle.

After much waiting and travelling. We finally made it back to Tomohon. Yeay! We were saved! :)

We stayed in this place called, El Lokon Inn. It is new, comfy, clean and feels like home. But, it is not cheap, Rp 300, 000 per night. I mean relatively speaking since my trips to Indonesia had always been the low budget type.

It is a double storey inn, run by a couple but owned by some other people living in Jakarta. The couple was really nice and helpful. We were the only guests that night and it totally feels like home.

Watching television after dinner.

And the best thing about this place is, we had a magnificient view of Mount Lokon, the highest mountain there which is still an active volcano.

This is the quiet, early morning, street of Jl. Opo Worang, where the inn is located, overlooking the gigantic volcano.

Next stop: Tomohon-Bukit Kasih

All I want to do

2010-03-15T23:26:00.005+08:00

I have always loved seaside.

Life is oftenly overwhelming and can sometimes be mind crippling.

When I see places like these, I realized all I want to do is just to sit by the seaside everyday.

Doing nothing but staring at the big rocks,

facing the sea,

listening to the oceanic melody,

enjoying the gentle touch of every single breeze,

staring up the coconut tree,

or just looking at kids playing in their underpants.

And that is all I want to do.

Can I?

Pictures taken: Kuala Abang, Terengganu

Date: 15/03/2010

Crossing the line

2010-02-23T00:00:00.000+08:00

Crap!

Crossing the line is no fun, especially knowing that you can never return.

2010-02-22T01:30:00.000+08:00

Find me a square!

2010-01-20T01:28:00.003+08:00

I wonder...

...if there is really any 'fair and square' in the reality?

When 'it' turns into a burden...

2010-01-15T13:00:00.003+08:00

There was this 2 brothers who just got back from a far away land. They lived in an apartment, in the 80th floor.

Upon entering the building, they saw a big sign hung outside the lift saying it is under repair.

And, they decided to go up by stairs.

They started climbing up one flight of stairs after another.

At the 20th floor, they felt the bag weighed them down too much. This elder brother came out with an idea, "These bags are really too heavy. Why don't we leave our bags here first? When the lift is functioning again, we will come and take our bags".

The idea sounded good. Hence, they left their bags there and continued climbing.

After walking up 40 storeys, this younger brother stopped. He sat there, soaked in sweat, panting in hunger for air, refusing to move.

Not wanting to give up, the elder brother encouraged him. "We are almost there. Only 20 floors more. C'mon! We are reaching already. Just a bit more."

The younger brother gave in.

And they continued their journey.

Finally, they reached their unit.

But,...

...when they wanted to open their apartment's door, they were shocked!

To their horror, they realized that the house key was not with them!!!

The house key was in their bag, all the way down in the 20th floor.

- The End -

Move! Move! Move!

2010-01-14T22:42:00.002+08:00

With the new year spirit still fresh in all, it is a good time to change into a new skin like how all those shell-creatures or snake do. Shed off the old and stale. Leave it behind and move! Move into a brand new year.

Every new year, most of us will do the same ritual. Good ones, we prayed for it to stay. And we worked for the better. Bad ones, we swore to strip it off. Whatever it is, we all hope we are moving into a better year.

New year or not, many things have taken place all these years. There may be changes in some things but the rest remains the same. Some changed too fast. So fast that we could not even catch up. While others seem frozenly dormant, remaining the same or similar every year.

New year. Changed or same. For the better or worse. We move.

But, are we moving forward? Or are we just moving in circles?

1 Malaysia?

2010-01-08T18:22:00.004+08:00

With so much going about, trying to promote "1 Malaysia", I still could not appreciate the core of this campaign.

What is "1 Malaysia", if we cannot even agree on "1 perkataan" (1 word)?

Will someone enlighten me, please...

2009-11-25T22:18:00.003+08:00

I am glad that it has come to an end.

*taking a breath of relief* :)

I am a snail

2009-11-07T23:15:00.000+08:00

Ortho & me

2009-10-20T18:38:00.000+08:00

Manado - Day 2

2009-10-19T19:01:00.006+08:00

The streets in Manado are exceptionally quiet on Sunday morning as most of the people there would have gone to church service or mass. Perhaps in addition to that, it is also the long weekend Hari Raya Aidilfitri (or Idulfitri) holidays. So, it was a quiet morning.

After having our complimentary breakfast buffet in the hotel, we walked down the Sudirman Road (Jl. Sudirman) to Plaza Marina to ask for boat transfer service to Bunaken island. There are 2 ports where boats leave to Bunaken island from Manado which is at Plaza Marina and Pasar Bersahati. Plaza Marina was just about 15 minutes walk from Travello Hotel. After attempting to negotiate a reasonable price, we decided that we should head to the other port instead. Public boats usually leave from Pasar Bersahati.

We took a mikrolet (the blue minivan bus) written "Wonasa" near the roundabout to Pasar Bersahati, which I believe is the main port. A ride in the mikrolet cost only Rp 2,000 (around RM0.70) per person.

You will know you are there when you see...

... a lot of boats and ships.

On normal days, there will be public boats available, which is way cheaper, but it was the first day of the Raya holidays and we have no option but to charter a boat to Bunaken. One can get to Bunaken with only Rp 7,500 to Rp 10,000 if those ferry like public boats are operating. Anyway, we chartered a boat for Rp 400, 000 for a return ride.

Our boat, the smaller one with one engine.

The ride was smooth but slow. It took us about half and hour or more to reach.

Bunaken! :)

The water was clear but the beach was not clean. As we enter the island, we have to pay 'entrance fee' of Rp 50, 000 per day or Rp 150, 000 for a whole year calendar pass. The payment can be made through your resort. If you are an Indonesian, you pay very much less (but I could not recall how much was it already).

Since this is the National Park of Bunaken, the fees are for the purpose of conserving/ preserving the sea, corals, reefs, etc.

There were a lot of tourists around and many of the accomodations were full. We managed to get a place called Froggies, which I have made a reservation earlier online.

There were a lot of frogs in Froggies.

It was a small resort. Initially we thought of staying in Bastianos, Froggie's neighbour, which is bigger and looks nicer (from the outside) but they were already full house. Nevertheless, Froggies was a decent, cosy, little resort.

Their rooms are in atap-house-'bungallows' like this:

which sits on the hill of forest. You'll need to do some climbing too, but it is a cooling place to stay especially at night. Plus, there is free natural fauna orchestra playing in the background.

We stayed in the biggest bungalow on the top which has 2 rooms and a living room (which was not really essential for us). This cost us 30 EURO per person per night, inclusive of breakfast, dinner and drinks, which means as a whole, we paid a total of 120 EURO (RM 600)! A 2 person bungalow without sitting room is 5 EUR cheaper per person per night, which could save us a big chunk of RM 100. But it was all occupied :(

Our bungalow, the Clown Fish.

Honestly speaking, I have no complaints on the resort. Place was okay, people were nice, food were nice but the price is just unbelievably, chockingly, slaughteringly expensive!

Not only this particular resort but the island. We were in Indonesia using Rupiahs, and suddenly in Bunaken, everything was in Euro. No doubt you can pay in Rp but all the charges were too crazily expensive. For 'angmohs' maybe okay but I'm just an Asian student. This was the most expensive island I have been to. If I were to go back to Manado again, I will not stay in Bunaken. I would rather make a trip, do the snorkelling or diving and head back to stay in Manado instead. That one night stay really burnt a humongous hole in my pocket.

Putting that issue aside,... the bungalow we stayed was alright. The view was good as it is a seaview.

They also have a variety of books for you to read. I wanted to read Tony Parson's Starting Over but did not really have the time to do so as it was a short one night stay.

Food were really good. It was nice and tasty. During lunch, we had this corn fritters called "perkedel milu" which is one of the must try if you go to Mandano. Lunch is inclusive if you are doing snorkelling or diving with the resort. Oh! They serve desserts during dinner too. We had chocolate brownies. Yum! :)

Meals are served in that long table.

There were also local live band playing while we were having our dinner. They were all workers of the resort.

What did we do over there? Basically, we arrived in the afternoon, had lunch, went to snorkelling/ diving, came back, bathed and rested, had dinner, met and chatted with a French couple who sat beside us, went back to bungalow, chatted a while, went to bed and sleep. We left Bunaken the next day, after having breakfast.

At first we wanted to do the Discover Scuba Diving course (half day course) but the resorts that offer this course were pack and full. So, we did snorkelling instead except the one who had the license to dive. We went to this diving spot called Fukui, which apparently has giant clams sitting 20 metres underneath. Snorkelling was nevertheless great. I saw a lot of fishes and corals. Sometimes those corals are so freaking near and that makes me swim panickly over to a deeper area. It is always amazing to look under the sea. Looking under the sea is like looking into a totally different world. I should have gotten a underwater camera! sigh.

I would love to float there and snorkel all day long and enjoy the wonders of this underwater world but there were too many 'things' biting me. I have no idea what on earth was it. We were all bitten but I am the most severely bitten, maybe because the other 2 snorkellers went up first and I don't have a wet suit. :S

The locals said it was the little jellyfish but my friend said it was the sea 'bacteria'. I don't know. I just know it was painful and itchy. :( But it was just for a short while. I was fine after napping and have forgotten all about it.haha

Next stop: Tomohon-Tondano

I have flat bottom?!

2009-10-06T00:09:00.003+08:00

If I have had a nice bodyline, I would be doing some modelling already. I wished.

I know I have no perfect figure. But what exactly is my figure type? Knowing your body better helps you to dress better if not less wrong, right? Perhaps some more proffesional assessment is better than relying just on people's comment. Don't you think so?

Yeah. People talk. People teased. Put in another way, people comment. You know those different type of pelvis we learn in O & G (Obstetrics & Gynaecology). Apparently, from their observation I am labelled as the platypelloid pelvis. Mean, right?!

To be honest, they weren't the first 'commentors'. Mom used to tell me that when she was buying clothes for me during my teens. Something more insulting was this incidence which happened like about 2 years ago. I was lying prone on the bed. My grandmother slapped (the old people kind of 'sayang' slap la) my buttocks and commented on my body part as she walked pass me. There was this infant in my family which my grandmother used to compare my butts with. Her exact words were, "Even the baby's butt is bigger than yours", and she giggled away. -.-"'

Anyway, back to the figure type assessment thingy. I was reading this 'online women magazine' and I came across this article on "Are You Dressing Right for Your Figure Type?". So, I took the quiz and this was the result:

Broad Top & Narrow Bottom

Characteristics of Your Body Type:
You have a small to medium build, with shoulders that are broader than your hips. Your bustline is average to full and your waist is short and straight. You have hips that are narrow and boyish, a flat bottom and very slender legs.

Well, this is not to prove others right about my bottom but to say that I have so many inputs sewn on me regarding my hip/ pelvis/ buttocks that I spontaneously clicked on that I have a flat buttocks! -.-"'

Manado - 1st night

2009-09-30T21:38:00.005+08:00

I am quite sure not many among your social circle that you personally knows has been to the Sulawesi. I know because I have friends who have been to places like Singapore, Thailand, Cambodia, Australia, US, UK and Taiwan but none of those I knew been to the Sulawesi island of Indonesia. If it was not because of AirAsia, I would not have imagined being in the North Sulawesi.

So, I've been travelling to Indonesia for my 3rd time now. My destination this time: Manado. Honestly, before booking the "0 fare" flights during AirAsia's free seats promo, I never even knew there is a place called 'Manado'. We managed to get the free seats return ticket to Manado during Raya season. Back at my mind, I was thinking "of course can get free seats during the peak Raya season la, dunno what place is it also". And obviously, it wasn't even on my travel list at the moment. But, the RM70 (all in) for a return ticket worth of almost 4 hours flight was the biggest consolation. Even if I can get that price for my 50 mins flight from KL-KT it will be a good deal already. Now that I've got the flight tickets, I need to know where exactly am I heading to. I did days of research and travel tips on this place and...

...I landed safely in Sam Ratulangi International Airport, Manado about 8pm (Manado time/Malaysia time, which is same!). As it was dark and we were all tired and hungry, we took a taxi to the town with the offer of 70 000 Rp. The taxi fare from the airport to the town is almost that price but one good thing is that they run on meters actually. As it was the holiday (Raya) eve, the roads were packed and the traffic was bad. We stopped by a few hotels and finally decided in this Travello Hotel in Jl. Sudirman.

It was the the most luxurious looking hotel I've ever stayed in Indonesia. My trips have been more like a backpacker's kind of travelling but this time there were more people travelling so, yeay! I totally love staying here. It was really nice and comfy.

They even have this white towel made into a flower placed on your bed, which I just wish to keep it there untouch, as it is. (It makes you see many "stars" in this hotel, if you get what I mean, hehe...)

And there is even a LCD screen TV attached to the wall. It looks so perfect that it makes you just want to lie down on your comfy bed, snuggled under the blanket, with the remote control by your side and just watch TV for the whole Manado trip.

After placing our bags/ luggages, we went to this row of 'warung' behind the Mega Mall for food. There are quite a number of stalls along the street.

Being in Manado, we have to eat fish, especially ikan bakar. And we took 6 fishes for our dinner. I don't know much about fishes but I knew we had a rabbit fish, one "7-star pan" (literally translated from cantonese), and 4 kampung fish. All 'bakar' (ikan bakar). That is because they only know how to 'bakar'. Ikan bakar is one of their famous local food and it was good. They have this chilli called dabu-dabu which is really spicy for me but my friends just love it. But, it was nice! No doubt about it. Nice meal and all for about 190 000 Rp (about RM70). If you were in Manado, should really come and try one of the 'warung' behind Mega Mall.

Our dinner.

'Cone shaped rice'

Alpokat (or Alfokat?) juice.

This is one of their nice local fruit drinks. A must try if you love milk and chocolate!

Thats all for my first night in Manado :)

Next stop: Bunaken island