RELATE WELL

COURTSHIP IS NOT MARRIAGE:

2014-07-15T05:02:00.001-07:00

Am usually surprised when people in courtship in the event of breaking up says that " he told me to pack up my things and go or he withdrew all my money from the account". Interesting! What was your things doing in his house or your ATM card in his possession yet you not husband and wife?

Courtship is a time to build a foundation for a happy marriage but not a marriage in itself. Many young people today handle courtship as though they are already married i.e with unrestrained love and intimacy. The argument to encourage this has been the enjoyment, that if the relationship is restrained then it is considered boring. It is good to note that you cannot prepare for what already is. This explains one reason amongst many others as to why many marriages do not stand the test of time, because the foundation period was not given its rightful place. The most probable question that might arise is that how then can you enjoy your courtship without necessarily acting as though married? For you to enjoy your courtship consider the following:

Be dedicated to God

This helps you to keep God’s standards of morality, presenting yourselves as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God, thus avoid the temptation of conforming to the patterns of this world (Rom 12:1-2). You will also be able to reaffirm God’s will for you. This can be achieved by:

· Having time of devotion ie praying and study the word together

· Avoid areas/situations of temptation

Openly talk about personal weaknesses with your mate

Strengths are good; in fact they give confidence and hope for happiness. However it is important to note that happiness brought by strengths alone will never last because before you know it, weakness shall have snatched it from you. This is to say that a lasting happiness is not just as a result of one’s strengths but also by the ability to manage and accommodate various weaknesses of our partners. Have you ever wondered why other men and women leave comfortably with people that if you are asked to leave with it will be like a punishment? The secret is that they have mastered how to handle their weaknesses. This explains the necessity of talking about personal weakness.

There are people who will fear sharing their weakness because of the perceived repercussions, you rather share and be left than keeping it and face problems in future. You can only enjoy life with someone who can accept you as you are, so breaking up on the basis of who you are is simply creating space for the right person. Do not use your partners weakness as a weapon of attack but consider it as an opportunity to support, after all you are also not all round strong person. Cover each person’s weakness by your strength. However I encourage that positively work together to change weaknesses that can be changed especially those that are learned.

Be precise about what you want to achieve

You can never begin a journey not knowing where you are going and and if you do, then you will end nowhere. It is proper to have a work plan. Ask questions like where? When? Why? How? It is very sad that in some relationships the much they know and think about is them being in love nothing less or more. I describe this as a risky state because you will out rightly end nowhere. As you think of what you want to achieve, it is advisable to be realistic and fill it with activities that will bring growth and fun.

Minimize visits to your partner’s home.

As much as many would think that frequent visits brings closeness, which may be true to a certain percentage. It however has more negative impacts hence the need to moderate without which;

· You may begin to lose respect

· You will be infringing on a family’s privacy

It is therefore advisable to avoid being together with your partner all the time to allow space for other business. The same will apply also in the company of others, socialize with other friends too for they are equally important.

Jealousy is unnecessary

How do you feel when your partner mixes with friends of the opposite sex? Does it occur to you as though they more interested in others than to you? This is what I refer to as unnecessary jealousy which needs to be avoided at whatever cost. We need to be mature enough to know that associations with other people of the opposite gender do not mean an emotional attachment. You should appreciate that before you met, your partner had a life.

Keep off pre-marital sex

Once you are fully convinced about the person that you want to marry, you suddenly find yourself at the tug of war between the flesh and the spirit. The flesh spirit conflict is usually strong and in most cases the flesh seems to win. Many young people do not consider it realistic that you can successfully be in courtship without sex. This belief unfortunately is not factual but expressing more of lack of self control amongst youths.

Some of the reasons given to justify premarital sex include:

· The idea that sex with dating partner enhances intimacy/ brings the two more closer. As much as this seems to be making sense, the reality is that sex is an expression of intimacy but not a means to intimacy. True intimacy therefore has completely nothing to do with sex. Take an example of a prostitute who will expose her body to every available man, but you can never convince someone that out of the sexual act they become intimate. Intimacy can therefore be guaranteed in other ways such as commitment to honesty, love, verbal and emotional communion other than sex. It is therefore improper to limit intimacy to a sexual encounter.

In fact premarital sex comes with negative impacts as guilt, it may lead to unplanned pregnancies, one may fill used culminating to low self esteem, once married there may be trust issues or sexual dissatisfaction leading to unhappy marriages. The claim that premarital sex brings you closer is a misconception that we should not condone. While premarital sex does produce a short-lived chemical cocktail in the brain, there is no guarantee that it will produce long-term emotional closeness or relational satisfaction, so do not consent instead wait until marriage and enjoy sex without fear of the consequences.

· Some argue that practice makes perfect and also for safety purposes just as you subject a car to a road test just to be sure that it is operational before purchase so must you have “ sex test” before making a lifelong commitment in marriage.

This is more of an excuse to justify a wrong than a reason. It is important to know that a good excuse for doing a wrong does not make the wrong right. The practicability of this idea is questionable in the sense that against what would the test be conducted, and on how many people will it conducted to finally get to the best. Sex is a matter of the mind not an art that you practice. God in his wisdom created human beings sexually enabled and complete such that any test becomes irrelevant.

Sexual temptation amongst young people is so prevalent to an extent that it is almost considered impossible to keep oneself pure until marriage. In my view this is a school of thought that can only be held by a defeated fellow. You simply need to guard your mind and stay away from areas of vulnerability.

What am saying is that lets preserve that which is left for marriage until the right time. So as to have something you are looking up to. The ideas given can make enjoy your courtship as you look forward for a happy marriage.

WORSHIP- A LIFE TRANSFORMING RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD

2014-07-15T04:40:00.001-07:00

When God created man His intention was to have a constant relationship with him. However when Adam and Eve sinned, this relationship was broken leading to a disconnect between God and man as indicated by prophet Isaiah.

“ …..But your iniquities have separated you from your God, your sins have hidden his face from you………” ISAIAH 59:2.

God however did not give up on His love for man. He doesn’t want to loose even a single person ( 2 Peter 3:9) Since then He has been constantly reaching out for the restoration of this relationship, which can only be attained through believing and receiving Jesus Christ.

The restoration places us in a better position to worship the Lord. The act of worship does not only please God but also brings a transformation in the life of the worshiper. The only way therefore to respond to the unconditional love of God and live a life that pleases God is through worship. This implies that you can never truly worship God and remain the same.

Worship is ascribing worth ship to God. Worth is about value, thus worship is about focusing on the worth of God, who he is. You can never know who God is not unless you spend time with Him. In my community there is a saying that, live with someone to know him. The implication therefore is that any worshiper must know God, if this is the case, then for a worshiper; to live with and for God is not an option but a necessity.

When we worship God we are giving him what he needs (Exo 4:22-23). “For the Father is seeking such to worship Him” (John 4:23 NKJV). Worship is an expressed way for us to minister to the Lord. We normally don’t think of God as having needs, but He needs our worship. The only way His need will ever be met is through you and me – our worship of Him. God will in turn be pleased when He gets what He needs. Remember He is a jealous God; He doesn’t share his glory with anyone. Worship places God where he belongs i.e. above all both on earth and in heaven. When we worship we are subscribing to his authority. Worship brings us in an encounter with God’s presence. When Joshua and his team attacked Jericho, they didn’t push or bombed the walls which were brought down. The question is what brought down the wall? It is the presence of the Lord which was due to the shouts of praise given to the Lord on the seventh lap around the wall. When praises go up God comes down. Have you ever desired the presence of God in your fellowship? Don’t ask Him to come, simply worship Him and His presence shall be as real as your presence in that fellowship. As Solomon worshiped the Lord, the cloud of the glory of God so filled the temple that the priest could no longer stand to minister (1 Kings 8:11; 2 Chronicles 5:6; 7:1-4). God can never ignore worship, you want to get him then worship Him. I fully agree with the idea that if God is to have a weakness then it is worship, He cannot avoid it.

Tell of any place where God’s presence is encountered, and I will tell you where a great revolution occurred. If worship pulls God’s presence down then those who worship can never be the same. The presence of God is strong enough to cause a revolution and transformation i.e. worship has to affect your lifestyle.

The more you draw closer to God who is holy the more your sinfulness is exposed, the more you move nearer to God who is the light the more the dark areas in your life will be scattered. This is evident in the life of Isaiah the prophet who realized his uncleanliness after his eyes saw the Lord Almighty.

“…..Woe to me!” I cried. “ I am ruined! For am a man of unclean lips, and I live amongst a people of unclean lips and my eyes have seen the Lord Almighty……. “See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sins atoned for.” ISAIH 6:5-7.

It is quite clear that the prophet was sorrowful for having seen the Lord in his (Isaiah’s) sinful state. He thought it was improper. This was so because God’s presence provokes complete response- captivating the whole mind. Being sorrowful is a major component of repentance. So when the sinful Isaiah got into the presence of a holy God, he realized his sinfulness, he repented, was forgiven and latter called into the prophetic ministry. He got into God’s presence a sinner and came out a prophet of God, totally different lifestyles (Isa 6:8-9).

This is what happens when we are in God’s presence during worship. Any time we go to worship in one state we always live in a more glorified state that will wholesomely affect our general lifestyle.

As I said before, worship demands that we Know God. Everything about God is revealed through Scriptures. This implies that we have to study the Scripture and depend on the Holy Spirit for understanding in order to know God. There is no other basis for knowing God apart from His word, which also forms a strong basis for worship i.e. all who worship Him, must worship Him in truth and Spirit. According to nutritionists, you become a fruit of what you feed. The same principle applies in spiritual matters. If you feed yourself with the word of God, then your life shall be the fruit of the same. Therefore if as a worshiper, reading the word is not a subject of debate, your lifestyle has to change because of the influence of the word which is living.

From the above it is clear that worship is never passive but active. It is a moment by moment walking in love with Jesus.” Worship is a lifestyle of being totally committed to Christ, every day of the week and every moment of the day

Consider Israel’s worship and Culture e.g. Lev 11ff, Exo, Deut. (holydays, what to eat, how to build, what to do and what not to do etc). Everything that the Jews deed as part of their culture was an act of worship to God. Therefore you cannot distinguish between their culture and worship. This is because what they lived was determined by who they worship.

INTRODUCTION

2014-07-11T02:39:00.001-07:00

In most cases if not all, life is so much dependent on relationships, either with fellow human being or with God. I have come to realize then that for one to have a healthy living, healthy relationship both with God and human is inevitably a requirement. Any time you stop relating well, life can be miserable hence suicidal thoughts or a life of total desperation i.e living just because you are not dead.

Would this probably explaine why the world experiences great problems? In my view yes to agreater percentage. Can you imagine how the world would be if all husbands and wives, parents and children, different tribes and religions, goverments, leaders and subjects, etc were relating well not only with each other but also with God. It could be the best place to be in. A place that when you are out, you long to be in and once you are in you never even think of coming out. It's as if out is not there.

The purpose of this blog therefore is to create a platform where we can be able to learn and share various ideas and principles that can help us relate well so us to enjoy our life on earth. The only opportunity we have to enjoy earthly things is now that we are on earth, once we get to heaven, approach to life will be completly different. My focus will be on human relationships( between spouses, parenting, courtship, and general human relationships) and God human relationship ( walking with God, handling areas of our calling and generally how to make God find pleasure in all we do so that we accomplish our God given purpose)

It shall be a long journey but by the grace of God we shall make it. My goal is that at the end of every topic we shall know areas in our relationships that we need to improve, stop, and continue in. It is therefore a page of rebuke in love, encouragement/ motivating without compromise, and challenge fearlessly for improvement and progress. The benefits will in turn be, together enjoying every bit of our lives, appreciating each other regardless of our weaknesses or strengths(differences) and more importantly recognizing the place and the role of God in our lives individually and corporately as a foundation of joy and success in every aspect of life.

NOTE: HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP A RECIPE FOR HEALTHY LIVING