Relationship coach - Rene Delain

Article #7 - Is Your Relationship His Relationship

2012-08-27T12:37:00.000-07:00

100 Ways To Make Sure Your Man Will Never Leave You

René Delain – Relationship Coach

# 7 – Is Your Relationship His Relationship?

Don’t get involved with someone who is not in the same relationship 'mode' as you.

It is no use getting involved with someone who has ‘commitment-phobia’ if you want to get married, settle down and have kids. He might change, but don’t depend on it girl. Start off with the right guy.

Men vs Love

Men fall in love just as much as women; problem is that they are influenced differently to women. You may have a romantic notion in your head about the happy future with your man but he may be focussed and have anxieties regarding his next career goal. Most men are encouraged to go out and ‘sow their oats’ whilst striving to become financially stable so that they can command respect from their social circle when they do settle. Has he achieved his goals and is he content. Know what point of his life he is at in order to decide whether to put the effort in.

Lust vs Love

Women’s hormones are different to men’s when it comes to sex. Just because you have just given him the best sex he has ever had doesn’t mean you have your man hooked. He may crave your body but you haven’t necessarily connected with his emotions. Detach yourself from the sexual antics and see if you can enjoy each others company without the sex

Present vs Future

Do not be exclusive with him if he isn’t willing to offer you the commitment. Make him work. Nowadays, people meet someone and then dismiss all other possible dates until they break-up. In the past women and men used to date, write letters, kept their options open until the right proposal came along. Go out and date many people and if your current beau questions why, tell him your mindset of wanting to settle down with someone who wants the same relationship as you. If he really wants to keep you, it will give him a reality check and he will make the effort to keep you.

Happy dating

Article #6 - Pamper Not Spoil

2012-06-05T09:54:00.001-07:00

100 Ways To Make Sure Your Man Will Never Leave You

René Delain – Relationship Coach

# 6 – Pamper Not Spoil

‘Don’t Tell Me You Love Me, Show Me’

The ‘rat race’ of today’s society can seem to take so much energy and there is the need for physical and mental healing. Recognising this need in your man and attending to this will help create that “Oh my gosh” feeling in him. Spas, facials, manicures and massages which traditionally are targeted at women may not be considered by men. They may also dismiss them due to the perceived feminine aspects, but as famous people like Beckham and other famous personalities in the media promote these treatments as a masculine norm, e.g. sports massages and male grooming it is becoming more accepted as an excellent boost to their wellbeing.

Say it with Flowers

Now there is no need to go a buy a big bouquet of flowers as a single stem will do. Having a stem presented in front of a rare cooked breakfast or tickets to a game attached to a bold coloured arrangement will feed that happiness gene, yes he will possibly look at you surprised, but if you tell him that its to show your appreciation of him then this token will set a positive precedence for the rest of the day. Though if you really feel your man is really not a flowers person consider an interesting plant of significance, e.g money tree or bonsai.

Mom’s The Word

A lot of aspects can influence the expectations a man has of his woman, e.g. culture, environment or status, and because of this a lot of women feel that to keep their man they must follow this expectation, e.g carrying on from where his mother left off by ironing all his clothes and cooking all his meals etc. This may be a fair exchange if you have both agreed in your relationship that he is the breadwinner and you stay home. But a better approach would be to start as you mean to go on and negotiate changes as your relationship develops so that you don’t find you are contributing more to the partnership and will want to pamper him willingly.

Pampered Pouch

Regular overindulgence of your partner can bring about a big set of problems. Though society accepts at times that a young child or a pet can sometimes be spoilt, your man is neither your pet nor child so should be treated as an appropriate adult. Some women overindulge their man believing they will always be positively rewarded by an item or an emotional feeling and don’t recognise that spoiling their man can lead to not achieving the desired outcome every time, thus disappointment. If this is the case with you, think about what else is missing in your life that can provide that feeling you crave and pursue it. Don’t give another person a chance to say “Well you made him that way”. By creating this balance your relationship will have a more satisfactory outcome in the long run.

It’s Worth It

In a relationship there is the tendency to take each other for granted as we get used to each other. In relation to receiving pampering from a man, women usually see this as a normal part of the relationship and rarely feel the need to reciprocate. Turn the tables on him by occasionally indulging his physical and emotional senses and you should find you are increasing his connection to you.

Also next time you’re looking for deals on discount websites for yourself, think “would my man like this?” or if you want to score extra brownie points, why not whip out the massage oils and ice cream and work your magic. He will love it. Just don’t tell any mates about the session.

Happy pampering.

René Delain, Relationship Coach has created a series of articles titled ‘100 Ways To Make Sure Your Man Will Never Leave You’. For coaching details visit her page: www.renedelain.com

or email: renedelain@gmail.com

You can also find René on Facebook: Relationship Coach - Rene Delain https://www.facebook.com/datingandrelationshipminefieldand Twitter: @ReneDelain

Article #5 - Ignore Him or Stress

2012-05-21T14:54:00.000-07:00

100 Ways To Make Sure Your Man Will Never Leave You

René Delain – Relationship Coach

freedigitalphotos.net

#5 – Ignore Him or Stress

So what makes you think you can change a habit of a lifetime?

Annoying traits a partner has can contribute to major negative emotions and cause great stress to you. Though this is an unconscious action, it can, when pointed out cause great embarrassment and defensiveness. It can also lead your partner to discount all the positives about the relationship.

Ignore habits

Only you can assess what annoying or infuriating habit you can deal with. If it’s very extreme then maybe this relationship isn’t for you. Though something like leaving the toilet seat up or bad eating habits may be perceived as a simple matter, point out in a delicate way that its not nice to be on the receiving end, because if you nag and annoy him about it he may deliberately do it to infuriate you. Also, ignoring his irritating habits, except giving occasional praise about him refraining from the particular habit may eventually entice him to make the effort to stop. Don’t make it your mission to get him to conform as he has to want to change for his own reason.

Ignore him

Always being available will mean that you may be taken for granted and generally not fully appreciated by your man. Yes you want to spend time with him but always being available at the end of the phone or meeting him when he decides he wants you does not give him the chance to continue to desire you. I am not saying stop doing all the things you did whilst courting. But if you feel he isn’t paying you appropriate attention as he may be engrossed in his own interests or appear irritated by your presence then get out of his radar and focus on yourself. Also if you continue to pursue your own interests (even if you are in the same space) and not include him all the time he is likely to wonder why and also think of ways to grab your attention.

Ignore criticism

Though you may not experience adoration everyday being criticised by your partner can make you feel terrible. The first thing to remember is that you may not be the cause. As you are the closest person to him unfortunately you are the one receiving the backlash from other issues that may be troubling him. This may be his learned behaviour of dealing with i.e. stress about finances or work and any other insecurity about areas of his life. The problem is him and if you can highlight to him that he offended you and ask if he wishes to discuss what’s really troubling him, he may be more conscious of unintentionally criticising you in the future.

Ignore and progress

Focussing on the negatives of the relationship will breed resentment in you and you won’t be able to appreciate the positives that have developed your good relationship. Concentrate on being loving and supportive regardless of his manners but don’t be a doormat.

His habits have been with him for a long time and so can be hard to break. Remember they are not a reflection on you so don’t internalise them and make them an issue. Where possible. Ignore it.

Rene Delain, Relationship Coach has created a serious of articles titled ‘100 Ways To Make Sure Your Man Will Never Leave You’.

You can find Rene on Facebook: Relationship Coach - Rene Delain https://www.facebook.com/datingandrelationshipminefield Linkedin and Twitter: @ReneDelain

Or for coaching email renedelain@gmail.com.

Article #4 - Be Generous With Your Trust

2012-05-01T02:04:00.000-07:00

100 Ways To Make Sure Your Man Will Never Leave You

René Delain – Relationship Coach

Published fortnightly

# 4 – Be Generous With Your Trust

‘Clinging to him and ringing him every half hour is likely to make him run away, rather than run to you’.

Initially when you and your partner meet there is a lot of desire, you both want to be with each other all the time, and you each know the whereabouts of the other person because you can’t wait to connect again. But as routines settle and the reality of everyday life becomes evident, being accountable for every move can become a bit suffocating and put a strain on the relationship.

Questions, questions

If you find yourself constantly questioning his whereabouts, then the question you really should be asking is about yourself and your own possible insecurities. Why do I need to know? What is it I am trying of finding out? What is it about me that is fuelling my behaviour?

Men and phone calls

Men don’t usually talk and gossip about trivialities on the phone like some women. They use the phone as a means of finding out, negotiating or delivering information. When you feel the need to contact him ask yourself, ‘how will he receive this call?’ ‘Is it the right time?’ Remember, if your man is more practically minded he will often expect a constructive reason for you calling him. I am not saying that it is not okay to connect but be considerate. He may be busy. If you really feel the need to pick up the phone for a chat, you may be better received if you ring a girlfriend.

Loving yourself

Being in love can be fabulous and if you are comfortable with yourself then your partner will feel settled. He chose you and wants to be with you, he won’t start to question his decision if he starts to feel stressed and made accountable for his moves. Do things that you enjoy and be responsible for your own fulfilment so that when you connect with your partner it will be a bonus.

René Delain, Relationship Coach has created a series of articles titled ‘100 Ways To Make Sure Your Man Will Never Leave You’. Published fortnightly. Past articles can be found on her blog at www.renedelain.blogspot.com.

You can also find René on Facebook: Relationship Coach - Rene Delain https://www.facebook.com/datingandrelationshipminefieldand Twitter: @ReneDelain

Article #3 - For Appearance Sake

2012-04-16T15:36:00.000-07:00

100 Ways To Make Sure Your Man Will Never Leave You

René Delain – Relationship Coach

Published fortnightly.

#3 – For Appearance Sake

Stock images

‘Be the Trophy Worth Having’ - "Why go out for a hamburger when you have steak at home?” Paul Newman.

Society, culture and environment influence greatly what is perceived as the ‘norm’ when it comes to appearances. This programs most men that they must have an attractive woman. It builds their ego looking good to their peers, giving them a sense of power. From a very early age they work hard to fit social stereotypes so that when they have succeeded in their ‘mission’ they feel worthy to claim that prized woman. Women have also, consciously or unconsciously, been in training all their lives to have the qualities worthy of the best suitor.

Comfort vs. Charisma

Think about how you looked when your man first met you. Has this changed? Do you make the effort to look like that again or can you surprise him by improving? As he gets to know you better will your everyday appearance matter less as he has got to know your ‘inner beauty’? Will your good qualities like personality, interests, security shine through? Or if you develop a continuous ‘comfortable’ look, are his eyes likely to start to wander, be distracted from the reason he is with you.

Whilst you are making the effort to strengthen your relationship you should not let your standards of appearance drop. If you feel your man needs to tidy himself up or exercise, let him know in a subtle way. Rather than telling him directly which he may take offence to, you can ‘catch him doing good’ and praise him for going for that run or even tell him how sexy he looks in that outfit. Men also have insecurities about their appearance and positive reinforcement like this will motivate him to continue to make the effort to look good.

Public Perception

Television and media have a great influence on what is considered to be a good look. When your man came looking for you he was seeking a certain criteria ‘his look’, so respect his desire to continue to have the picture that he envisaged as his woman, within reason.

Surprisingly, men are generally more sensitive to what other people think of their partner than women are. This can come across to you as him having ‘double standards’ which unfortunately is a powerful element of the male competitive nature. You may have used that little sexy revealing dress to initially catch his eye, but now that you are together he wants you to be ‘admired’ but not ‘lusted’ after (keep that for the bedroom). Also how you conduct yourself, mannerisms and self-respect count. Keep him up to date with the latest fashion and be assertive but not aggressive in upholding your right to look good for him.

Men rarely share intimate details to the level that women do, they absolutely fear public exposure of perceived weakness. It would be a huge understatement to say he won’t appreciate it if you let slip personal details that only both of you share, e.g. discussing his embarrassing medical condition, or discussing his finances in public. Remember he probably hasn’t mastered the art, like most women have, of expressing personal feelings; and acting accordingly. By being aware, it will help you avoid the shock and upset you will both feel when he reacts badly to certain public displays.

Way Forward

Now there will always be a woman out there that will look good and attract your man’s eye, it’s only natural. What you have to nurture is the personal security you get from knowing how your ‘look’ arouses your man. And use your inside knowledge of him to make sure it doesn’t matter if he does look at her, as he will always prefer you.

In the end the main priority is you wanting to look after your appearance for yourself. No one has the ability to look fabulous all the time but you can find a happy medium and be appropriate most of the time and irresistible when the occasion requires it. Feel confident in your appearance, your man will sense this and in turn this confidence will project in to other areas of your relationship making your life together more secure and happy.

Your man has worked extremely hard to be worthy of you ‘his trophy’, but remember he is now also your prize so don’t let him get away.

Be Fabulous x

René Delain, Relationship Coach has created a series of articles titled ‘100 Ways To Make Sure Your Man Will Never Leave You’. Published fortnightly.

You can also find René on Facebook: Relationship Coach - Rene Delain https://www.facebook.com/datingandrelationshipminefield and Twitter: @ReneDelain

Article #2 - Play Together, Be Together

2012-04-03T12:51:00.002-07:00

100 Ways To Make Sure Your Man Will Never Leave You

René Delain – Relationship Coach

Series published fortnightly.

imagerymajestic

#2 – Play Together, Be Together

‘Quick! Implant yourself into the pleasure and gratifying section of your man’s brain, before technology grabs it.’

Life can be quite stressful for the average couple at times, with pressures of daily life such as work, finance, time, and establishing yourself in life at a point you want to be at. Having the ability to take time out and ease the pressure can be a great aid to enhancing wellbeing and building chemistry. Find something that both of you do at least once a fortnight, it may be a sport, join a club or even train- spotting. Be open to the idea of taking up a new hobby that you previously had no interest in.

Great Team Mates

When two or more people spend time together a natural bond or interpersonal relationship develops, e.g. people on a team, club and family. This is supported by a feeling of positive well-being and security when a certain person is present. Encourage him to teach you about his interest like how to play a sport. Alternately, you could ask if he’d suggest a new activity, it will enhance his masculinity if he is in charge of events. If it’s an activity that you will possibly feel bored about, become creative and make it into an occasion, bring a picnic or even a manual so that you can identify and research areas of interest. He will be grateful that you are engaged.

Give Him Space

Sometimes men and women need ‘nothingness’ in their lives, no deadlines, activities, work; it helps to recharge the body and mind. When you have learned to recognise that your man is in this mode ‘Leave him alone’. Also as your guy becomes more attached to you he may start to question his feelings and put up barriers, becoming ‘emotionally detached’. When this happens try not to push him to interact, give him space to sort out his thoughts, but occasionally just let him know you are there, without overcrowding him; this in turn will show him that you understand him, enable him to relax and he should in turn recognise how good you are for him.

Stability

Developing and nurturing that bond you have with your man will create a pleasure tag in your man’s mind that triggers a feeling of security. Men’s brains appeal to the ‘techno’ aspect of activities whereas women just like the togetherness. If you are able to create the right balance, you will make a ‘great team’ and life for the both of you should provide the fulfilment that you both desire.

Happy Playing x

Next article arriving in a fortnight is ‘#3 – ‘For Appearance Sake’

Rene Delain, Relationship Coach has created a serious of articles titled ‘100 Ways To Make Sure Your Man Will Never Leave You’. Published fortnightly.

You can also find Rene on Facebook: Relationship Coach - Rene Delain https://www.facebook.com/datingandrelationshipminefield and Twitter: @ReneDelain https://twitter.com/#!/ReneDelain.

Article #1 – Communicate and Understand

2012-03-19T15:56:00.001-07:00

100 Ways To Make Sure Your Man Will Never Leave You

René Delain – Relationship Coach

Series published fortnightly at http://www.greenborders.co.uk/archive.html

# 1 – Communicate and Understand

‘When a partner doesn’t take responsibility for the outcome of their communication, it can lead to one of the main causes of break-up’.

nuttakit

One way to attract and be with a great man, in order to build a satisfying relationship is to learn the art of communication. Being able to relate to and talk with your man in a way that will enable him to feel fulfilled and understood, will create success in the long run for both of you. It will also allow you to express your desires and needs comfortably. This in turn, empowers both of you to tailor the way you wish the relationship to progress.

Listen to him

When he is talking to you, give him your full attention in order to make sure you understand what he is actually saying. If you are unable to give him your full attention at that time tell him so, but also offer a more convenient time to discuss the matter whether it is in 2 minutes or 2 days. When you do listen, but don’t understand his slang/language/code, speak up and request that he rephrase his statement. He will appreciate that you are informing him that you really are paying attention to him

Talk to him

Most women have a way of communicating in code language and often expect a man to understand what they are saying or even when they don’t speak, to ‘mindread’. Be as clear and brief in your statements as you can be and confidently specify your intention or ask for your needs to be met. Quite often men will see a woman’s communication as a request to solve a problem, as their mind style is very goal orientated. Check with him that he understood your meaning, i.e. what you were saying, as opposed to you repeating the same words over and over again which is likely to irritate him.

Body language

Without saying a word your expression and body language can say a thousands words, and this is an area where most men and women differ. Just because he didn’t acknowledge you with a nod or a smile or verbal cue doesn’t mean he didn’t hear you. Body language for men is very ‘black and white’ and can be interpreted as ‘emotionless’, however with a little effort you can soon learn to read whether he is happy, sad, angry, or just want to be left alone. Recognise the cues and don’t overanalyse meaning because it isn’t wise to try and compare him to how your female companions express themselves. He is a man.

Negotiate Being Understood

It can be so frustrating for couples who miscommunicate what the other one is verbalising or expressing. Generally to females a statement made may have many totally different meanings, whereas whatever your man says is more often than not, exactly what he means.

If it is an important matter that needs to be discussed, prepare yourself, relax and be calm without distractions around. When you are giving him your attention refrain from giving orders and telling him what to do as it is likely to have a negative effect, diminishing his masculinity. Encourage him to speak with no interruptions from yourself.

It can take a lot of practice to master good communication but the more you practice the better you get. Happy Talking.

Next article arriving in a fortnight is ‘#2 – Play Together, Be Together’

Rene Delain, Relationship Coach has created a serious of articles titled ‘100 Ways To Make Sure Your Man Will Never Leave You’. Published fortnightly. You can find her on Facebook: Relationship Coach - Rene Delain https://www.facebook.com/datingandrelationshipminefield and Twitter: @ReneDelain https://twitter.com/#!/ReneDelain.

100 Ways To Make Sure Your Man Will Never Leave You

2012-02-11T09:49:00.000-08:00

Wow I have started a blog!!!!

No seriously I am about 90% complete with the above project. Feeling quite excited. Wondering if I am expanding it too much as an article and whether this will jeopardise the feel I want for the e-book version. Off to get advice now.

Back soon. x