Whatever your circumstances at the beginning of the relationship sooner or later something will change; and this is particularly so in the case of employment and job security. Even the most stable relationship can start to struggle if one party becomes ill and unable to work, becomes pregnant, or is made redundant. By having contingency plans in place you will find it a lot easier to deal with these issues when they arise.

Problems can also occur when people have different levels of ambition. You may be striving to reach the top of the career ladder while your partner prefers familiarity and has no desire to progress. You may be working hard in order to get on while your partner seems to prefer spending everything they earn.

If these differences in attitude are causing you concern you need to think about what it is that is troubling you. Is it really vital that your partner shares the same level of ambition as you? Will the relationship suffer if you are not both striving towards the same goals? Has your partner’s attitude changed or was their relaxed attitude to work something you found attractive when you met?

There may be an imbalance in the hours you work. Maybe in your drive to succeed you have found yourself working up to 80 hours a week and your partner is content to do the normal 35 hours a week and take weekends off. Is your desire to succeed forcing you to work longer hours than you’d really like? Would you like to reduce your hours but you cannot see a way of doing it? When it comes to making these decisions you really need to discuss them with your partner.

It is possible that you admire your partner’s relaxed attitude to work and you would like to be able to emulate it. Maybe your partner secretly admires your strong minded ambition but finds it difficult to change their way of thinking. Your partner may even have held the same kinds of ambition as you in the past but a stressful working environment made it impossible to carry on. You might feel you cannot continue to drive yourself so hard. Your partner may be able to help you take a step back and look at what you really want out of life.

Being the main breadwinner in the household can also put you under a great deal of pressure. You may want your partner to share more of the responsibilities, in which case you really need to discuss the issue before taking drastic action.

If you feel your current role is not giving you the job satisfaction you desire you need to take action now; and one way of doing this is by drawing up an action plan.

1. Think carefully about the kind of work you would like to be doing. Make a list of all the possible roles or sectors you would like to move into, together with any advantages and benefits you can think of. Ask yourself why these jobs look attractive. Are they offering better salaries and chances of progression? Or are they better suited to your lifestyle and offer more job satisfaction?

2. Make a list of your personal strengths and weaknesses, and match them to a list of possible future roles. At this stage you can afford to be creative so try not to rule anything out.

3. Think about any skills and experience which you will be able to bring to a new role. Do your attributes match those which are needed in your future career? If you have a strong desire to move into a new area but do not have the relevant experience then you may want to consider training. By developing additional skills you will have the flexibility you need to move into new areas of work.

4. Once you are satisfied that you are ready to move on you can start sending out job applications. If you are trying to get into a sector which is particularly difficult for newcomers to join you may want to consider doing some voluntary work. Employers will be very impressed with your self-motivation and desire to learn. You will also benefit from increased confidence when you start going for job interv

An inability to discuss problems. If partners are unwilling or unable to discuss their money worries it can be very difficult to even think about a solution. Conflict can arise if you have not agreed on a mutually acceptable budget. Without a defined budget arguments can develop when it comes to spending and saving.

Money issues may be indicative of deeper problems within the relationship. One partner may have a controlling nature and a strong desire to keep a tight hold on the finances; while the other may be more relaxed or even irresponsible when it comes to money.

Discovering the Root Causes and Finding Solutions

In order to find a resolution you will first need to look at your money problems and their causes. You will see listed below some statements regarding money. When you have read the list and decided on which parts you agree or disagree with, then give it to your partner to do the same. If your partner is not willing to participate you will need to look at the statements from their point of view and decide which of the statements match closest with their attitudes.

• One person should save at least 10% of their income every month
• Life’s for living so you should be able to enjoy what you earn
• Each person should have their own bank account
• Couples should have an agreed monthly budget
• One person should pay off their entire credit card balance each month
• My partner and I should contribute 50:50 to the household expenses
• I earn more so I should be able to spend more than my partner
• The money should be divided equally, regardless of who earned it
• We should invest in property rather than holidays and having fun
• In the event of a break up the person who contributed more should be able to walk away with more of the possessions
• I am not always truthful about my spending
• I think my partner has a tendency to waste money
• My partner is overcautious when it comes to spending, and sometimes it can be embarrassing
• I hate discussing money issues with my partner because we usually end up arguing
• Finance is too complicated so I don’t worry about the details

Once you have read through all the statements you can start to see where the differences lie. You may find it helpful to discuss your differing attitudes to money with your partner.

These issues can be resolved if you and are your partner are willing to reach an agreement.

Pick out the statements which you and your partner both agree with. List the areas which are most important to both of you for the continuing success of your relationship.

Look at your areas of disagreement. Discuss them honestly and decide which one are causing the most conflict in the relationship, and which ones you can safely ignore.

If you cannot resolve important areas of disagreement you will need to reach a compromise until reading the list again in a month’s time.

It is very important to deal with problems as soon as they occur, leaving them to fester can make things a lot worse.

Couples can find it hard to take responsibility for problems, with each party blaming the other. External factors such as money, employment, and interference from other parties can start to have a negative impact on the relationship. Personal prejudices and deep rooted psychological issues can also be destructive influences.

An unhappy relationship can be brought down further still if one party is unfortunate enough to lose their job or become ill.

If one person becomes involved in substance abuse their change in behavior will create further stress in the relationship. When couples stop talking to each other underlying sexual issues can bring the relationship to breaking point. If neither party is willing to deal with the problems it can lead to infidelity, or even physical abuse towards the other person.

Having to cope with money issues and looking after children can mean there is little time left for a stressed couple to sit down and talk to each other. Sometimes difficult areas are avoided for fear of causing greater tensions. It may seem easier to just carry on with day to day living and ignore the underlying issues.

If you have your suspicions that your relationship is no longer working you are probably right. But if the relationship is still important to you, and especially if there are children involved, you may want to find ways of remedying the situation.

Once you have acknowledged you have a problem you can start to take some action to rectify it. Having acknowledged you have a problem you can seek help and start to move forward.

Whatever problems you are facing it can be a great help to know that someone else has already been through a similar situation. Talking to other people who have gone through their own relationship crises can give you the strength to carry on until you reach a solution.