Relationship tips and advices

Do You Know Your Constant Soul Mate?

2011-05-08T18:34:00.000-07:00

Do you know your constant soul mate? Have you ever wonder who might be your constant soul mate? Or can you tell if your partner or spouse right now is your soul mate?
These are people who believe that loyalty, being there for the other is a way of improving themselves. These people complement one another--though not in a romantic way such that neither of them have to lead the other. They are on equal footing in their relationship. It is as if they can completely empathize with one another such that they can almost blend into one being. Constantly demonstrate their love by such things as keeping the house clean, making dinner, running errands for their mates, or bringing home the paycheck. These are the soul mates who would never allow themselves to go outside of their relationship for sexual gratification.
They are faithful, loyal, and true to their loves.

He's a Paradox!

2011-05-08T18:31:00.001-07:00

Are you going nuts trying to figure out your guy? If he says he loves you but hardly goes out with you, should you believe him?
The answer is ... drum rolls please... he may be telling the truth. Normally, a guy who loves a girl will want to be with her as often as he can be. But according to psychologists, a guy may be in love with you, but he may be hesitant about going out with you for several reasons. Among these are: he is apprehensive to let you see him "up close and personal" because you might discover something about him that may turn you off. It could also be that he hasn't got much money and he is afraid that he might not please you. Another reason could be that although he loves you, he feels he's not yet ready for a hundred percent commitment.
If you're bothered by the unusual set-up, have a heart-to-heart talk with the guy. Assure him that he can be open with you. After he's opened up, you can decide if he's for real or if he's just playing with your feelings.

Confronting an Anorexic Friend

2011-05-08T18:28:00.000-07:00

You suspect that something's wrong about your friend's eating habits. Deep down inside you, you just know that she might be a borderline anorexic. You are in a quandary: should I confront her or not? The answer, dear lady is, yes. Confront her but do so in the proper way. Here's how...
• Confront her in private if you really feel that her eating habit has gone unhealthy. Don't be judgmental so that she can open up to you.
• Don't jump the gun by saying, "I think you are anorexic!" Instead, cushion the blow by saying something like, "This is just a concerned observation, because I really care for you..."
• Be specific so that she can't deny and so that she will realize just what you really mean. Cite the time she forced herself to vomit or the fact that she checks her measurements three times a day!
• Know where to stop. Even if you are sincerely concerned, you have no right to run your friend's life for her. It is enough that you call her attention a couple of times. Beyond that, she makes the decisions. Before giving us on her, you can suggest that she seek professional help.

Wedding Blues and Rants

2010-05-15T00:08:00.000-07:00

A horrible headache, an IOU waiting to be paid, a bubblegum stuck in your shoe, a bestfriend who doesn't text you, pimple on your chin, a TV that doesn't work, folds of fat on your tummy, a stain on your favorite blouse…
"...And I say to myself, yeah... what a wonderful world..."

By the time a person reaches his teens, or by the time he realizes other people's comments could hurt like a deep knife cut—whichever comes first--the romanticized life where pure good only exists becomes such a big joke. One should actually be so lucky to realize early on in life that, in the real world: the Coyote should long be dead, Bugs Bunny is really mean, and Olive Oyl is a disgrace to feminism!
Popeye is too short to be a sailor man, too.
Don't you sometimes wake up in the morning psyching yourself that the day ahead would be one big blast only to discover that your clothes are a little tighter than usual? Don't you wake up sometimes with the best of 'diet' intentions and you gobble down your breakfast anyway even if you didn't want to eat apple pie, (because you can't help yourself!) ? Don't you find yourself trapped in of-course-it's-heavy traffic every waking day and end up listening to a boy band who earns more than the entire working force of middle class????'?!!!!
And to cap all that is a picture headline of the president throwing a punch in the air, dancing a boxer's routine -- giving a picture of a man in the pink of his health. Yeah "I"m healthy," he mouths. As the country is healthy.
Yes.
Great world this is.
I always try to be at my positive best. It's the way to go, it's the way to be. It's the only way to go and be. I have only my biggest/eldest brother to emulate, he's a mecca of positivity--with a brother like him, I should actually be able to write an encyclopedia of Chicken Soups for the Soul I should even be able to add a pork stew for the soul with a brother like him.
But, let's face it, in front of the bleakest of situations and with the worst case scenario ever smacking
It's easier to bark a "Yeah, yeah, whatever!" to a "Good morning" greeting in a particularly cranky early day. It's easier to let droop the mouth to a frown than going the opposite 180 degrees--and cracking a smile.
Though you still smile, don't you?
People, generally, present themselves with a plastered, if not earnest, smile--a public smile.
But, the world is such a contrary one. Ranting is perhaps good to buffer the evils that spill forth in our systems. So let's, all together, rant!
If a regular being ranted this much, what more the people who are planning to dive into the marriage scene? Don't they just have chaos for a brain and rant-machines for mouths?
In the spirit of the wedding season, thus, let me do the ranting for my friends who are to trek that dainty isle to marriage. I see myself in them--maybe even the next few years I would be them. Creepy.
Heaven knows I don't want it to happen to me.

But I want Her to Be Bridesmaid!
When one of my bestfriends got married two years ago, her main problem was her entourage--her mom wanted a cousin to be the bridesmaid, she wanted a bestfriend to be the bridesmaid.. everybody wanted to be the bridesmaid.
It's a tricky situation.
There are actually books that list what-to-do's in such a crisis, and there are others' advice and others' advice, too. In the end then, what or who
should prevail?
What happened in the case of my friend was, my friend's preference won. (Though not without any hitch and a couple of hurt feelings). She walked, the aisle with her bestfriend as bridesmaid because she took pains on talking (sweetly and reasonably) to her mom. It was not an easy conversation.
Well, tact is always the key. If your mom wants to choose who your bridesmaid will be, maybe you could ask her in a very (very,very) subtle way if she would rather that she be the one to get married.
Maybe she just wants to wear the white.

What do you mean you can't come?
I don't know how it really feels, and I'm pretty positive that if it were me, I'd simply be happy and not question my fortune--but I can, in a way, understand how disappointing it could be for a soon-to-be married couple to hear a friend not being able to attend one's wedding.
What can one do in the face of such news though? Grin it off, I suppose, and then count your blessings and the savings you will generate from your friend's absence, too.

I will be thin on my wedding day. PROMISE!
A friend of mine was able to convert her waist to a 27-inch size in time for her wedding, did you know?
The problem with getting married is--you have to wear white!!! Why white when it adds pounds? And why the camera lights when it would only squeeze fat juice from one's pores? Heck, why marry when you have to be slimmer for the event? Now there's a question.
Even if a person is reasonable and steeped with feminist beliefs, human rights and all that jazz, one can't deny that, on a wedding day–the bride and groom virtually perform for the crowd As all eyes will be trained on them. Thus, groom and bride should be at their fighting best, at their most beautiful, at their slimmest, etc., etc..
Especially the bride. Oh the bride...
The bride temporarily should bid adieu to some people in her life: Mrs. Fields, Famous Amos, Auntie Anne and Ronald McDonald...
Dam weddings!
But at least the brides and grooms sleep their next sleep with a head beside their pillows.... while I, I could only dream of a grand world ... where mermaids exist and presidents have brains.

Wedding Cakes Around the Globe

2010-05-14T23:43:00.000-07:00

The wedding cake, aside from the bride, rightfully deserves its place on center stage for what it symbolizes for the bride and groom.
White stacked tiers, intricately decorated with flowers, fruits or fancy frosting, the cake symbolizes good fortune, purity, and also, the sweetness of the bride's and groom's union as husband and wife.

The tradition of the wedding cake varies for different people around the globe. How it evolved to be the wedding cake as we know it today, has different beginnings depending on what the people believed would ensure a lasting marriage, and also the availability and abundance of ingredients for this confection.

Here's a roundup of our favorite wedding cake traditions.

British Isles
Even though the Americanized version of the wedding cake originated in Europe, many different countries in the region practice their own traditions. In Britain, for example, a fanciful fruitcake takes center stage: cognac-soaked dates, prunes, raisins, currants, and orange peel are combined in a moist cake, which can be covered in marzipan, brandy butter, or fondant.
Fruitcakes are also popular in Ireland and Scotland, where the -heady, three-tiered concoction is laced with bourbon, brandy, or whiskey and each layer is spread with almond paste.

Northern Europe
Shying away from cake altogether, Norwegians serve brudlaupskling, a type of wedding bread first developed when white flour was a rarity on farms in Norway. Any food containing wheat was highly prized, so the wedding bread was considered a true treat. Topped with cheese, cream, and syrup, this unique bread is folded over and cut into small squares.
The Danish are known to feast upon cornucopia cake. Made of almond cake and marzipan, the ring-shaped confection is decorated with pastilage and filled in the center with candy, almond cakes, fresh fruit, or sorbet. Sometimes marzipan portraits of the bride and groom are attached to the outside of the cake.
Icelanders enjoy kransakaka. Made up of ring-shaped almond pastries piled on top of one another to form a pyramid, the hollow center of the tower is filled with fine chocolates or candies.

Central Europe
Though American-style wedding cakes are slowly infiltrating Europe, countries such as Germany are hanging on to their own traditions. A rich nut or genoise sponge cake is a popular choice, laced with liqueur or syrup and usually filled with jam, spread with marzipan or nougat, and covered in fondant or ganache. Using artificial coloring is a major faux pas.
And though the French have tried to stake their claim in inventing
the wedding cake as we know it today, their croquembouche is nothing to sneeze at--these delectable, cream-filled pastries are coated in caramel and formed into a tall pyramid.

Eastern Europe
Now here's an interesting twist on the wedding cake: a cookie-like pastry shaped into a Christmas tree.
It's the lucky Lithuanians who enjoy this delicacy. Baked to a sunny yellow hue, the pastry (called a sakotis) displays fresh flowers and herbs protruding from the top peak.
Ukrainian couples share a type of wedding bread known as Korovai. Decorated with designs representing eternity and the joining of the two families, the bread is considered a sacred part of the wedding feast.

The Mediterranean
No Italian wedding would be complete with out zuppa inglese. Scrumptiously filled with chocolate custard, vanilla custard, rum cream and fruit, tiers of pound cake are elaborately trimmed with flower blooms of royal icing.
The traditional rendition of a Greek wedding cake consists of honey, sesame seed, and quince, which is said to symbolize the couple's enduring commitment to each other. Sourdough wedding bread decorated with beads and blossoms is also a traditional treat. These days, most Greek couples prefer a flourless almond cake, which is filled with vanilla custard and fruit, and covered in sliced almonds.

Some Women Like Bad Men, Others Like Nice

2010-05-12T01:49:00.000-07:00

Dynasty star Linda Evans responds to a man who is "gentle and has compassion. And if he has a cleft in his chin, that's OK, too." Her Dynasty rival Joan Collins says: "I just base everything on the premise that all men are basically seven years old. That sounds cynical but it isn't really. I do think men are much more like little boys than women are like little girls."
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She adds, "A man who can make me laugh has a chance of winning my heart." Sophia Loren gave up debonair film star Cary Grant to marry Carlo Ponti, more than 20 years older and several inches shorter than herself. They have stayed married for more than 30 years. Says Sophia: "Ponti protects me. With hardly a word between us, he knows exactly how I feel and why I feel it. Cary was a different dream-- a fairy-tale. It was the difference between moonlight and sunshine. Carlo is sunshine." She finds Ponti's gentle wooing sexy. "I like things to happen with plenty of ceremony. There is nothing so romantic as a candlelit supper laid out on a small table covered in a mauve cloth-- and champagne, of course, chilling in a silver bucket. The music should be low." Strong men make Barbra Streisand go weak at the knees. The actress-singer says: "I like someone with gumption who will stand up to me and who will not take any of my nonsense. Someone who is strong-willed, who believes his ideas are right and who won't take no for an answer. I want a powerful man who won't be in awe of my status and won't be afraid to defy me."

Boost your sexual sensation

2010-05-05T01:40:00.000-07:00

Medical research shows that applying the drug Alprostadil on a woman's genitals heightens her sexual sensation. The drug is actually used for treating erectile dysfunction.

Alprostadil increases blood flow to the clitoris and labia, thus enhancing arousal. A female version of Alprostadil is still being developed.

Meeting the Man of Your Dreams

2010-05-05T01:29:00.001-07:00

You’ve always been the one with a perfect working logic. Among your friends, you're the one who's always ready with an objective view of something and sound advice. But what happens when you're the one facing the blank wall.

Here is a situation that you may find yourself in:
You're giving yourself a grand birthday bash. A close friend of yours has volunteered to introduce you to someone who could be the “man of your dreams." It's a great idea— except your boyfriend of four months will be there too. What do you do?
It's no dilemma actually, if you keep in mind that you are the birthday girl. If someone has the right to be happy on that day and on that night, that someone is you.
But how is that possible? You already have a perfect picture in your mind of what the night is going to be: your steady boyfriend will come early to help you jazz up the place and will be by your side the entire night; your close friend will walk in with a sensitive hunk (your type of guy!); you'll smile at each other, look each other in the eye; and then go, back to entertaining the visitors. There seems to be no place for some adventure.
You'll have an opportunity to strike a conversation, that's for sure. Should you and the new guy find each other interesting, you can give it a try by planning something. Remember though, that the thoughtfulness of Mr. Steady will most probably get the better of you. In any case, since it’s your birthday and you get to make a wish, be sure to know what you're wishing for.
P.S.: Be careful what you wish for, you might get it.

How Do You Relate to Men?

2010-05-05T01:27:00.000-07:00

How do you handle yourself in the relationship when you're involved with a man? All right, take this quiz and answer each question with the choice closest to how you'd behave to get some insight into whether or not your twosome is usually in the best of health or is an emergency waiting to happen.

1. My boyfriend or husband is always so forgetful. The way I handle it is:
a) I almost make sure I remind him of things so he won't forget.
b) Occasionally remind him of the most important. things so he won't forget.
c) I almost never remind him of things. He's a big boy, and big boys need to know how to remind themselves of things so they don't forget.
2. When I'm really attracted to a man, I find myself trying to win his approval.
a) Almost always. A man will like you more if he approves of you in every way.
b) Occasionally. I often try to find out more about what the man likes and then study up on it so I can be more informed in certain areas and can relate better to him.
c) Almost never. Either he likes me as I am or forget about it.
3. When I'm in a relationship with a man I like a lot, I find myself giving him huge leeway in the kind of behavior I will tolerate from him in order to keep the relationship going.
a) Almost always. I hate confrontations and unpleasantness in a relationship. Besides, if we fight too much, he may go elsewhere.
b) Occasionally. I don't believe in constant arguments so unless his behavior is totally ridiculous, I tend to overlook the small, insignificant things that could start a pointless argument.
c), Almost never. I do not allow a man to get away with behavior I feel is disrespectful of me. He should treat me as well as he wants to be treated.
4. When I want a man to notice me or want something from him, I use my femininity and sexuality to help convince him.
a) Almost always. Feminine wiles were meant to be used to a woman's advantage.
b) Occasionally. If he's the type of man who responds to these kinds of tricks, then I use them. If he isn't, I try another approach.
c) Almost never. If a man can be taken in by these idiotic tactics, then I usually won't have any respect for him.
5. My man's approval of me is very important, and if I think he'll disapprove of something I want to do or say, I'll refrain from doing it or saying it around him.
a) Almost always. Why start problems?
b) Occasionally, if it's something that will cause major problems.
c) Almost never. I'm an adult with a mind of my own. If I feel he'll disapprove, I may or may not warn him first; it depends on my mood or how strongly he'll disapprove.
6. When I want or need something from a man, I ask him for it in a roundabout way.
a) Almost always. I don't think men like straightforward women. It intimidates them.
b) Occasionally. It depends on what it is I want. If it's something I think he'll fight me on, I usually lead him into it in a roundabout way.
c) Almost never. If he won't do it, it can always be discussed.
7. If I think I'm being disrespected by the man I'm with, I quickly end the relationship.
a) Almost never. Maybe I'm just oversensitive.
b) Occasionally. But it has to be truly obvious.
c) Almost always. I see how it goes for a minute, before I call it quits.
8. I carry plenty of excess baggage into new relationship from past hurtful relationships with men.
a) Almost always. I can't seem to rid myself of it.
b) Occasionally. When I can, I try to see each person as an individual but it's very difficult.
c) Almost never. I'm usually able to deal with each man as an individual in a new situation.
9. If my man criticizes me, and I feel the criticism is unjustified, I usually challenge his reason.
a) Almost never. I hate confrontations of any kind.
b) Occasionally. If it's something small, I just let it go. Why possibly start an argument.
c) Almost always. If I think he's wrong. I tell him so-tactfully, of course.
10. If my man compliments me, I usually accept it as my due.
a) Almost never. I don't want to appear conceited, do I?
b) Occasionally. But I try to gloss over it if the praise is too effusive. It makes me uncomfortable.
c) Almost always. I thank him and appreciate the compliment.

SCORING
Give yourself 2 points for each ' "a" answer, 4 points for each "b" answer, and 6 points for each "c" answer.
20-39 Points: AILING BADLY. Unfortunately, you don’t have a very healthy track record when it comes to your relationships with men. Perhaps, you suffer from low self- esteem or have had painful experiences with men which have colored how you now interact with them. Reach-out for support to help yourself. Enlist the aid of a women's group, or find a good therapist to discuss your feedings. Whatever you do, lavish some love on yourself before you attempt to go one on one with a man. You have to leans to love yourself before you can engage ma healthy relationship with anyone else.
40-49 Points: SCHEDULE AN APPOINTMENT. You have 'some' bad emotional habits that need to be addressed before your relationships with men reach a healthy give and take of love and appreciation. You tend to give up your power around men, and allow others to walk all over you. Stop pretending everything is OK. Admit you have a problem and reclaim your power by asserting yourself positively.

50 or more points: YOU'RE DOING OK. You are, for the most part, possessed of a healthy self—esteem and don't allow yourself to be abused by anyone. You should, however, be careful not to swing from one extreme to the other, staying silent when you're upset and then exploding in anger at an unsuspecting partner. Practice speaking up all the time, and express your needs. Remember, you deserve happiness and a supportive, positive relationship.

12 Effective Rules of Flirting

2010-01-25T22:47:00.000-08:00

Boy enters bar and sees girl. Boy likes girl. Boy wants to flirt, but his heart is in his throat.
Boy buys beverage, avoids girl and makes a beeline for his chums at the pool table faster than you can say "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"

The No.1 mistake men and women make in the flirting game, says dating and relationship author and expert, is to not approach a love match when your heart and hormones are prompting.
That said, here are 12 effective rules of flirting for the flirtatiously challenged.

• Make an eye contact.
• Repeat the contact. Flirter should make three contacts with a flirtee in 45 minutes or less. Environment does not matter — restaurant, bookstore, nightclub—but tactic does.
The point of initial contact is to get noticed for the right reasons. A smile. Eye contact. A walk-by with a meaningful glance. The second contact involves an actual exchange of words, usually a brief comment or, if you are bold, a compliment. The third contact is a conversation and the "defining moment" in a flirting scenario. (Hint: If you do not start a conversation, how can you ask them out?)
The best way to start gabbing is by sliding into an already existing discussion. Eavesdrop. Do not be afraid to chime in on Oprah, Enron or origami. When in doubt, ask what they do for a living and appear to be interested.
And if sparks do not instantaneously ignite, never fear. "People meet someone and they expect instant chemistry.
Those feelings are chemical; it is nature's way of getting couples together. Do not write someone off if you are not immediately attracted to them. You could be passing up your soul mate," says an expert.
• Smile.
• Have fun. It is normal to be nervous.
• Compliment from the neck and up (Hint: "Nice buns" remarks do not make friends.)
• Compose "zingers," or nonsexual lines that induce blushing. For example, "What a fabulous tie. Can I wear it?", or "Would you mind if I flirted with you?"
• Do not force conversation too soon.
• Do not get "too deep" in subject matter.
• Do not use four letter words. Adjectives like nice, good and fine are not fine, good or nice. Try to use descriptive expressions, especially when complimenting ("That color makes your eyes sparkle" vs. "Great sweater.").
• Do not use negative humor or sexual comments.
• Do not offer to buy a drink.
• Do not practice "drive-by flirting." One contact is not enough. Follow through and make a date.

Remember, flirting is supposed to be fun and good love is a good thing. "It's not love that makes people unhappy; it's people that make themselves unhappy," says a therapist. "It's the expectation that someone should love you exactly the way you want to be loved that makes people unhappy. Ask for 100 percent of what you want 100 percent of the time, but do not always expect to get it. Be prepared to negotiate.

10 Facts about Relationships

2010-01-18T23:05:00.000-08:00

Every woman longs for a lasting, satisfying love relationship. But is it enough to long for it and lie in wait for that perfect love relationship .to come along? Of course not, you definitely have to do your move--go out and meet interesting people.

But if getting frustrated and confused after every date are what disappoint you, take heart, there still is a remedy to that. Apply the following relationship truths in your search for that to-die for lovelife:
1 Resolve past relationships. Until you do, you are not free to have future relationships, because those will continue to haunt you. Can't seem to meet the right person? More likely, you have an unresolved past relationships that are holding you back from attracting other people.
2 Do not be a desperate dater. With no one special in your heart at the moment, you feel empty. But trying desperately to find a mate by dating left and right will not make you feel any better. This will only make you even emptier. If you're desperately looking for a relationship with some part of your life on hold, forget it. People sense neediness and will tend to get away.
3 Be confident of who you are. You don't feel attractive enough because you think you're fat. Don't feel this way. True sexual intimacy has very little to do with how your body looks. It has everything to do with emotional intimacy and trust. No matter what your body shape and size, you can still be loved. People feel attracted to a wide range of body shapes and sizes.
4 Be yourself. Do not pretend to be what you are not. This will only complicate matters for you.
Pretending to be what you think others want you to be is a great disservice to yourself. You can not stay pretending all the time. Somehow, other people will see right through you.
5 Lay your cards on the table. Be honest to your prospective partner. Remember, a relationship with a foundation of dishonesty,
6 Don't be a people-pleaser. Being such is not an effective way to create good relationships. Worse, acting like you're always ready to do as they please, will only make other people think that it's okay to take advantage. Many women give too much to their prospective partners to entice them into a relationship. Know that people rarely stay in relationships because of what they can get from you.
7 Be who you are. Until you realize that a great relationship is created by who you are, you won't be successful in finding one. It is your most natural authentic self that will attract the relationship you want. And again, it is who you really are that will give you the power to shape a relationship to be infinitely fulfilling.
8 Love yourself. If you don't, no one else will. Nobody else but you can take care of your needs. People who look for P. relationship to fulfill needs and hopes are looking for heartache. Dating and relationships are not about fulfilling needs--that is what friends, family and you are for.
9 Think wisely. What people do to you is rarely about you and is almost always about them. So, don't take other people's actions personally. This is a profound truth because once you grasp it, your relationship will be transformed.
10 Do it the way you want it to be. This is your life and your relationship in progress. Resolve to start today to create your life the way you want it to be.

How to Overcome Excessive Jealousy

2010-01-18T22:59:00.002-08:00

Everyone becomes jealous of others many times during their lives. It is only when jealousy becomes extreme that it is considered a problem.
No one who has experienced extreme jealousy needs to be told what it can do to a relationship. Whether you are the jealous partner, or are on the receiving end, jealousy can devastate a relationship.

The Power of Your Imagination
All jealousy is caused by an over-active and misused imagination. Creating scenarios in your mind of what your partner is thinking or doing is the perfect way to keep the jealous thoughts from your mind.
If you are the irrationally jealous type, you must gain control over the workings of your imagination so that it stops feeding you images that fuel your suspicions. Your partner will be astounded (and probably overjoyed!) at the new relaxed, realistic you.

Don't let it Ruin Your Life
Jealousy has many possible causes and being jealous does not make you less of a person. Everyone becomes jealous of others many times during their
The most common type of this problem is when one partner in a relationshyp beaomes insanely jealous of the other, often leading to abuse.
Tips for dealing with jealousy can include some of the following:
• Discuss the problem thoroughly with your partner.
• Reassure him or her that there is nothing to worry about.
• Be assertive, but not aggressive
• Do not panic.
• Watch what you say so as to avoid unnecessary conflict.
• Be fair.
• Be flexible and learn to compromise.
Understanding is a main part of dealing with a jealous partner. Try to understand his/ her feelings and do not try to make the partner feel guilty. Try to support your partner as best you can. Making temporary accommodations can often solve the problem completely and eradicate the jealousy.
However, if following these tips does not resolve the problem and the situation turns volatile, professional help may be needed.
Hypnotherapy is really effective in resolving issues of jealousy. Through relaxation and teaching techniques, a jealous rage that is about to come on may be quelled. Understanding that being jealous, all the time, is not normal is an integral part of the healing process. This understanding goes a long way to resolving relationship problems that are caused by irrational jealousy.

What Can You Do to Help Jealousy?
If you've ever suffered from an attack of the green- eyed monster, you've probably wished for some way to help jealousy. The best way to prevent jealousy is by cultivating a good relationship with your partner. But if it's too late for that and some damage has already been done, there are some things you can do to help ease your jealous pangs.
Many people find that when you feel jealous and your partner isn't doing anything obvious to cause it, you just have to tough it out. You have
to control your emotions, which can sometimes be very hard. Tell yourself you have no reason to be jealous and just let it go.
Most experts suggest that being open about your feelings is the best way to help jealousy. Use “I” words when talking to your partner. Say, “I feel” instead of “you make me feel”. This helps your partner to not feel threatened and attacked, and help make him or her more likely to be understanding of your feelings.
Working on your self-esteem is another way to help eliminate the tendency to be jealousy. Spend time doing things that make you feel good, such as bonding with friends, working on hobbies, and volunteer work. Focusing on things outside of yourself will give you less time to worry about other things.
Don't spend time torturing yourself with jealous fantasies. It serves no good purpose for you to spend time daydreaming about your partner with someone else. You might also consider talking to sympathetic friends or a therapist about your feelings.

How to Spot Mr. or Ms. Wrong

2010-01-18T22:59:00.000-08:00

It's not just a bad date. It's so bad, it's a toxic date.

Don't worry, honey. You're not alone. Ina new online survey on "toxic dating," fully 35 percent of adult respondents say they have dated a "jerk," 33 percent have dated a "creep," and 18 percent have even dated a "witch." Overall, 21 percent of those surveyed have had dating experiences they describe as "toxic."

Getting involved with Mr. or Ms. Wrong is just too easy. According to a counselor, "There's this whole New Age thing going on that no one is to blame for anything. But the truth is that there are people out there in the dating pool who are toxic and who just should be yanked out of the dating game. It's best to just identify them and move on."

A substantial percentage of these undate-ables fall into the category of "toxic narcissists," says one therapist. These are people who are so self-focused and so self-absorbed, that they are essentially unable to relate to the needs of others in a dating situation, or even realize that those needs exist.

"These are people who feel the normal rules just don't apply to them," says one expert. Fully 35 percent of the surveyed said they had dated someone just like this.

Other Notables
• 55 percent have dated someone who lied to them.
• 49 percent have had their heart broken in a dating situation.
• 36 percent have been harmed emotionally by someone they dated.
• 25 percent have been harmed financially by someone they dated.
• 10 percent have been physically harmed by someone they dated.

"There's a world of hurt out there in the dating world for the unwary," says one adviser. "It's tempting to think that you can fix the bad personality traits of someone you are dating, but in certain extreme cases, the person is actually unfixable. In those situations, you are better off just learning how to identify these people, categorize what their problem is, and avoid them—focusing instead on the people you meet who offer meaningful relationship potential."

Here are 10 ways to help you identify Mr. or Ms. Wrong—that un-special someone who may be toxic to you. Ask yourself these questions:
1. Do you often feel as though you are doing most of the work to keep the relationship going and your partner happy?
2. Do you feel that nobody is thinking about you and what makes you happy?
3. Is your relationship completely organized around your partner's interests, schedules, and activities (or lack thereof)?
4. Do you feel controlled by your partner's up and down moods?
5. Do other people tell you that your partner is "difficult," "selfish," and "self-absorbed?"
6. Do you find yourself covering up for your partner's inappropriate behavior?
7. Is your partner making unilateral decisions that affect your life and well being?
8. Is your sense of safety and security regularly threatened by your partner's impulsive, selfish behavior?
9. Do you feel like a slave to your partner's ego?
10. Is everything always about your partner (with your needs and priorities obliterated)?

Holiday Survival Guide for Singletons

2010-01-17T18:04:00.001-08:00

“I don't have a boyfriend ... yet." You reply to your monster Aunt Matilda's query during the annual family massacre, err, Christmas gathering.
"But why?" she sputters, her Tammy Faye Baker-eyelashes fluttering incredulously.
"I guess it’s not yet meant to be." you say, smiling sweetly though you have this image of yourself showing dynamite up her rectum. Then you turn away with as much grace as you can muster and head to the cocktail bar where you drown your sorrows in margaritas.

So here is another holiday season, and you are probably thinking about:
• how lonely you feel.
• who among your friends can accommodate you.
• how unfair it is that everyone else seems so happy and connected.
• how you will handle the office holiday party — single, take a friend, not attend, kill yourself.
• hiding out, alone, in your own home.

Cheer up, singleton. You've done it before; you can do it again — survive the holiday that is. Here is a holiday survival guide for singletons out there:
• Remember, your senses are bombarded from October to December with music, images and Hallmark verses depicting the "right" experiences and expressions for the season. Remind yourself, every day if necessary, that there's nothing wrong with being single. You have the same need and right to enjoy this season as any couple or family does. How you choose to do this is up to you.
• Don't make plans out of a sense of obligation. This is also your holiday season. Set limits, make good choices and enjoy. You may ask yourself: "Do I really want to go out?" If so, make your next question something like: "Does it sound like something I would enjoy or be interested in?" Or, "Will I have the opportunity to meet and mix with other singles?"
• Avoid unrealistic expectations from others, from yourself and from the holidays themselves. Relax, enjoy and do not expect so much that you will feel hurt or disappointed when things don't turn out just as you had imagined. This will defeat all the positive feelings and experiences gained.
• Make sure you give thanks for all the blessings you do have in your life. Focusing on what you do not have only encourages negative thoughts. Add a prayer of hope for the things you would like to work for in the coming year.

7 Tips for Singles on Celebrating Holiday Season

2010-01-17T18:03:00.000-08:00

This holiday season, you don't have to be blue even if you don't have a special someone to share with the celebration. Here are 7 tips for singles on celebrating holiday season.

• Don't overlook or overstay a good amount of time with relatives/friends. Sometimes a shorter stay works best and leaves you energy and space to get back to your own home and decompress.
• Look for ways to give to or do for others. Feeling useful and appreciated will provide a great boost to your holiday spirits. Check into volunteer opportunities at orphanages and homes for the elderly or through any local church or non-profit group.
• Don't plan to spend the entire holiday season with married/coupled family and friends. Seek out other singles and singles groups/activities where you can feel relaxed and able to share with folks you have more in common with at this time. Better yet, plan a get-together with other singles for one of the holidays. A festive potluck meal, tree-trimming party or other holiday event would probably be much appreciated.
• Do avoid using food, alcohol or drugs to cope with holiday stress. Nothing is worse than the feelings that follow the use (or wrong use) of these things. This way of coping leads to depression, low self-esteem and a greater sense of isolation and despair.
• Do decorate your home with any and all things that make it feel more festive and fun for YOU. Tune into all those wonderful traditions you grew up with. It does not have to be very costly or time consuming to begin your own traditions in your own place. Don't put off or deny yourself those happy holiday expressions, as you wait for your significant other. Make your life all it can be right now.
• Consider emphasizing the more spiritual aspects of the holiday. Go to a concert featuring religious holiday music or attend a church (or other) service (even better with a friend).
• Finally, going away to an exotic place may be just what you do need. Look into tour or vacation packages for singles. This may provide plenty of rest and relaxation and help you meet new friends and develop new interests.

Whatever you decide to do for your holidays, have fun and enjoy them. Focus on taking care of yourself and doing what is right for you. This way you will also be giving your best to those around you. Happy Holidays!

5 Tips on Preventing Holiday Break-ups

2010-01-17T18:02:00.000-08:00

I don't know which is worse: spending the holidays as a single, lonely Bridget Jones-type gal or breaking up with a significant other and greeting the New Year as a single, lonely Bridget Jones-type gal. Same difference, eh?

Whatever. But it is a fact that while December is one of the man-vest times in a year. it is also a period when many relationships disintegrate.

Why? You ask. Here is an analysis as to why and how one can avoid running into disaster in the relationship department this holiday season.

1. Communication breakdowns - Unfulfilled expectations and poor communication account for much of the seasonal increase in relationships problems. Throughout the year, people are busy pursuing their daily activities. But because they lack effective communication skills, they end up living past one another — each in their own world, building differing expectations of their life and relationships.

2. Why do so many problems arise over the holiday season? - There are two main reasons for this occurring. First, each person's expectations have been building throughout the year. Secondly, because the end of the year is such a significant event, each will also have their own expectations of what the holidays will mean for them. Then, when couples or families start spending more time with each other, the pressure of all the undelivered communication builds up and expectations are suddenly not met. Since the necessary skills to communicate properly are missing, the frequent results are arguments and break-ups. Without these skills, it is also so much more difficult to build bridges again, and so the break-up are more likely to remain permanent.

3. How can we learn to avoid this pattern? - Most people have only a vague idea of what they really want, so we first of all need to be honest with ourselves and decide what we really want. What are our hopes and dreams? Are they realistically achievable, or are they pie in the sky? Once we are clear on these, have we communicated them?

Here are five steps for helping improve communication and learning to build bridges:
1. Always be honest. Speak the truth — even if it is not what others may wish to hear.
2. Avoid blame. Just state the facts as you perceive them to be, while avoiding using language or tone of voice to blame or to score points.
3. Take responsibility for your part in what is happening. What is your role in creating the current situation — both past and present? We all have a part to play in whatever is happening in our lives.
4. Do not assume that you will be understood. We tend to think that whatever we say is always clear and obvious, but other people don't see things the same way as we do. So make allowances for everybody's limitations — both our limitations of statement, as well as their limitations in hearing.
5. Learn how to listen. Since true communication is always plagued by difficulties in the way we express ourselves, as well as how we perceive, it is easy to see how important it is for us to learn how to listen properly. Total listening means paying full and complete attention to everything the other is saying, their choice of words, body language, being aware of their emotional state, where they are coming from and why.

Only by listening in this way can we start to make true communication a reality and build happier and more fulfilling relationships.