The one constant you can count on in life is change. Change in your business and change in your marriage and interpersonal relationships. And because of this fact, every entrepreneur must ask themselves if their relationship can survive the changes of their business – and can their business survive the changes in their marriage? Are your financial, emotional and spiritual wants and needs similar enough to withstand the unpredictability entrepreneurship will bring into your lives?

Being an entrepreneur is not just about being your own boss – it represents who you are as an individual. Entrepreneurs are risk-takers who desire to create their own path in life rather than follow the path someone else has paved. Sure, entrepreneurship represents a business path; however your entrepreneurial success and/or struggles impact not only your business but your entire life – and your marriage. Unlike a traditional job where you work for someone else, an entrepreneur cannot always separate their business from their other relationships – especially their marriage. Why? Because entrepreneurs take their business “personally” because their work is something they have created and own.

This constant change will have a very strong impact on your financial, emotional and spiritual life – and that of your spouses’. Your financial situation might take a roller coaster ride – with a lot of money coming in at times and no money coming in at other times – and many times you will be unable to predict this financial feast and/or famine. You might need to take on some debt for awhile before your business ever turns a profit. Are you comfortable with this financial arrangement? And just as importantly, is your spouse comfortable with this arrangement? You need to look at and discuss the financial ramifications of entrepreneurship with your spouse to make sure you can endure potential financial uncertainty together. Do NOT assume your spouse knows about this financial roller coaster ride. The one thing most people do not like in life are financial surprises.

Speak to any successful entrepreneur and they will tell you entrepreneurship requires more sweat equity than they ever imagined. Many spouses of entrepreneurs will tell you they sometimes feel their spouses’ business is a mistress – because of all the long hours and emotional commitment the business requires – leaving little or no time and/or emotional energy left for their relationship. Are you prepared for the long hours and emotional commitment it takes to make your business successful? Have you communicated to your spouse the amount of time, emotional energy and commitment your business will require to be successful? Is your spouse on board with this? Can your marriage withstand the long work hours and emotional commitment many businesses require – especially in the start-up phase (and often beyond)?

Are you a spiritual person? Is your spouse a spiritual person? Will your spiritual practices be impacted by your entrepreneurial work? Are you willing to close up shop during religious holidays if that is important to you – knowing as an entrepreneur you do not get paid for personal days, vacation days, religious observances, etc. It is imperative you and your spouse understand your spiritual beliefs and needs and discuss how your entrepreneurial lifestyle will impact this aspect of your lives and relationship.

There are no correct answers to the questions posed above. The answer to these questions is different for each marriage but it is essential you ask these questions. Ignore them at the peril of your marriage, your business – or both. The answers will give you a pretty good indicator as to whether your marriage will be able to survive whatever challenges your entrepreneurial lifestyle will present to you in the future.

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

Just as a good marriage requires more than love to make it work, a successful business requires more than just a good product or service or even a good business plan. As a female entrepreneur or small business owner, your business, similar to all your relationships must have an abundance of Emotional Intelligence or EI to succeed.

Daniel Goleman coined the phrase “Emotional Intelligence” and defines it as “the capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves, and for managing emotions well in ourselves and our relationships.”

Although we now know that our Emotional Intelligence demonstrates how our relationships and our ability to relate to others in a healthy way impacts the bottom line of our business as well as influence the happiness in our marriage and other interpersonal relationships; this was a novel idea not that long ago. Current research shows the use of emotional intelligence in business radically influences return on sales, revenue growth and overall profitability, all in a drastically positive way.

3 Simple Ways to use Emotional Intelligence to Boost Your Business:

1. Be organized, focused and thoroughly prepared when interacting with clients on any level, i.e. at meetings, on the phone, during presentations, etc. This will make your client feel that you respect, value and appreciate their business.
2. Be emphatic. Listen to your clients needs and remember it is what they need that matters most to them, not what you think they need. If you take your clients needs and feelings into consideration when offering them solutions to their business problems, they will feel heard and understood, and are more likely to become a repeat client or customer.
3. Communicate and demonstrate warmth through your attitude, tone of voice, words and actions, showing your client you care about them as a human being, not just as a client. Show genuine interest in their life by sincerely asking them about the important people in their lives, i.e. their spouse, children, etc.

These are 3 simple, yet highly effective ways to use emotional intelligence to increase your profits and enhance your relationships. Stay tuned for more invaluable information on Emotional Intelligence (EI) in future newsletters!

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

Never before have we had so many ways to enhance this one critical relationship skill and yet never before have we been so lacking in this ability. Whether I am working with couples in a VIP Couples Day or conducting seminars for female entrepreneurs, this one critical relationship skill is usually where most of my work is focused. Marriages and relationships are torn apart, and businesses lose money at lightning speed when people fail to do this. I am talking about the ability to effectively communicate. Notice I did not just say communicate, I said “effectively” communicate. Most experts discuss communication skills – this is mis-information. The critical element for success in your business and your relationships is the ability to effectively communicate with your partner and your colleagues and clients – on both a large and small scale.

You want to stop fighting and increase romance and happiness in your marriage? Learn how to effectively communicate with your partner!

You want to increase sales? Increase your businesses ability to effectively communicate!

Below are the 3 key elements needed for effective communication in your marriage and your business. Your success in your business and happiness in your marriage is practically guaranteed when you successfully implement the following:

1. Verbal Communication – words have meanings. There are many different words we can choose to verbally communicate our feelings and messages. The more sensitive the subject and/or topic being discussed, the more important it is you choose your words carefully. Be sensitive when choosing your words.
2. Non-Verbal Communication – more than 50% of all communication takes place without saying one word. In other words, non-verbal communication which includes our body language, tone of voice and attitude speaks volumes when we are in a discussion. I believe the most important aspect of body language is what our eyes say – or don’t say! It has been said that the eyes are the windows to the soul. This is why, even in today’s modern world of ever increasing technology, business will always require traveling to client sites so we can actually meet business associates and clients fact-to-face. We want to see the people we are engaging ourselves with and for good reason. When we are discussing an important subject with our partner, it is strongly suggested you do so face-to-face.
3. Active Listening – No matter how eloquently we choose or words or how accurately we read somebody’s body language, effective communication cannot take place without the ability to actively listen. Active listening takes place when we listen with an open heart and open mind – without our own agenda. Most people, in business and in marriage, listen by trying to “catch” the other person in a factual error. Many people also listen without really hearing what is being said to them, they merely stand there waiting for the other person to finish speaking so they can say what they want to say – and they are not really listening to one word that is being spoken to them.

Your ability to effectively communicate, using these 3 key elements of effective communication: verbal, non-verbal and active listening, will provide you with the one critical relationship skill you must have for success in your marriage and your business in the new year – use them!

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

Merry Xmas, Happy Chanukah, Happy Winter Solstice – quite frankly, it doesn’t matter to me what you celebrate this time of year. December is a month where we can all come together and celebrate humanity – regardless of what you believe, or don’t believe. If you are a business woman or mom who doesn’t work outside the home, or live your life combining work and a marriage and family life, you have been reading these newsletters as a way to enrich your life.

Since we are in the midst of the holiday season, now is as good a time as any to thank you for allowing me to become a part of your life’s journey while sharing my relationship advice with you. Throughout the year I discuss many relationship tools needed for your success in business and your relationships, but there is without a doubt one essential tool – above all others – that you absolutely must have for this success – and that is the ability to relate. Do not be fooled by how simple this sounds. Many marriages and relationships crumble because couples, who once were emotionally connected, lose the ability to relate to each other somewhere along the way. Businesses that were the flagship in their industries lose the ability to relate to their customers, and no longer know what they need. As you can see, the ability to relate to the people in our lives is critical to our happiness in our marriage and success in our business. During the upcoming ye ar I will continue to provide you with my expert relationship advice that will show you how to best relate to the people in your business and personal life. But for now, I know you are busy in your continued preparations for the holidays, so I will keep this really short.

Many people confuse telling people and their customers what you think they should want as relating to them. Nothing could be further from the truth. Relating to the people in our world is based upon our ability to connect with them on a level which is meaningful to both them and us. As we race towards the end of 2011, it is my sincere wish and hope for you in the new year that you remember that people – and the ability to relate to them- in both our marriages and our businesses – is the most important tool we must have for success in our business and our relationships.

Happy Holidays and may the New Year be one filled with many people with whom you can relate to!

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

Marriages and business have more in common than you would think at first blush. Perhaps the most common denominator between the two has to do with money. Couples fight over money just like businesses fight over money, that is, couples and departments fight about not having enough money in their budget, about spending over budget or about not having a budget at all. In my upcoming book I discuss how couples who ignore the business aspect of their relationship do so at their own peril.

With the holiday season in full gear, and businesses winding down their year, the issue of money comes to life in full force. After all, it costs money to purchase all these gifts, cards, food etc. Following are 3 simple ways to STOP FIGHTING about money so you can enjoy your holiday season, and not run for cover when the credit cards comes due.

1. Discuss and create a budget. Sometimes we think that what our partner doesn’t know about how much money we spend during the holiday season won’t hurt him – or us. Fatal mistake – sooner or later the credit card bill comes due – and if you spend cash, well, you are creating cracks in your relationship with untruths. Communicate with your partner about the financial aspect of the holiday season and find a way to come to terms on a realistic budget. The key word here is realistic. Then – coming from a place of sincerity, do your best to stay on budget and if you go over budget, share this information with your partner.

2. Just like Santa – make a list of everyone who you will purchase gifts for this holiday season – and I do mean everyone. Many couples will create a budget but then never discuss how many people they are shopping for that need to be included in their budget. You can see what an impossible task this may be for some. So create a budget and then create an all-inclusive list from the mailman to the kid’s teacher and everyone in between.

3. Avoid impulsive and last minute purchases. Just because something is on sale – that doesn’t mean you have to buy it. Marketers are very smart and very clever, they know exactly how to get you to buy something that you either do not need, or do not want and never planned on buying when you first stepped foot in the store. Tip: do not leave your home to go shopping without your list and budget in hand. And then stay disciplined and restrained by staying within the budget.

Rather than feeling like you are depriving yourself of a purchase that goes over your budget, shift your mindset and make it a game to stay within your budget. This mindset shift will help you tremendously – it will make you feel good about not buying an item that is over-budget rather than feeling badly about it.

What about those you forgot to put on your list when you created your budget and list? So you aren’t plagued by guilt because you didn’t include your hairdresser or favorite substitute teacher on your list – but you remembered them as you were shopping – be creative and make them something that requires little money. For example, buy ten pretty baskets from the dollar store and bake cookies for them. People love gifts that require time – because nobody has enough of it these days -especially during the holidays!

Enjoy the holidays and remember – it truly is the thought that counts during this gift giving time of year.

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

Thanksgiving Day – and with it begins the official commencement of the holiday season! Today Americans give thanks and celebrate the fact that we live in the greatest country in the world; a country that provides unprecedented freedoms, abundance and liberties to all! Thanksgiving Day allows us the opportunity to pause and express our gratitude and love for each other, and for all this great country has to offer. In addition, I believe there is absolutely no greater country in the world than the United States of America to live in as a woman, and for this too I am extremely thankful.

In keeping with the tradition of giving thanks on Thanksgiving Day, I would like to share with my readers some reflections on all I am thankful for on this very traditional American holiday.

I am thankful for all the wonderful people with whom I share my life – my family, my friends and the ever growing, inspiring followers of this relationship advice newsletter. I am thankful for the privilege of having all of you be a part of my life.

Be thankful for all the things you have in your life and consider everything and everyone around you to be a miracle – for life is truly a miracle!

Express gratitude and thanks for what we have in our lives instead of worrying about and being resentful for what we don’t have (or for what you think you should have more of). This includes focusing on all the wonderful qualities and positive aspects of our relationships and your business, while minimizing the negatives.

When we view our relationships and our life through the eyes of gratitude and thankfulness, our inner world becomes a place of peace, joy, happiness and tranquility that radiates out from our very core, and influences our external reality. Gratitude and thankfulness provides a mindset that allows us to see the good in the people who make up our lives, and this mindset extends to the world at large. Feeling thankful for all we have in our lives makes us feel good about ourselves and our relationships. Thankfulness increases the bond we have with each other on an individual level, and within our community at large.

Thankfulness puts us in a place where we truly want to give back to the world for all that we have. It injects positive feelings into our relationships and allows them to expand from a place of love and abundance.

The presence of thankfulness within our hearts allows us to look at conflict in our relationships from a healthy perspective. Therefore, when we are faced with these conflicts, we feel less inclined to escalate them because we are coming from a place of abundance. We do not have the energy, the desire, nor the will to view conflict from a “winner takes all” sum game.

The mindset and expression of thankfulness and gratitude in your day to day life helps solidify all your relationships and acts as the glue for maintaining love and intimacy in your romantic relationships. When we show thanks and gratitude to our partner, we let them know we appreciate the love and intimacy they bring into our lives, so be thankful for all the love you have in your life.

As the hustle and bustle of this holiday season begins today, remember to express your thanks and gratitude to the people who make up the relationships with whom you share your life!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

The holidays are just around the corner and for female entrepreneurs – who already feel like we don’t have enough hours in the day – the items on the “to-do” list can be overwhelming. Yes – we are all busy running around working on our business, taking care of the kids, doing chores, trying to create time to have some fun with our significant other or friends – and now we have all the holiday festivities to contend with.

This week I want to remind everyone about some forgotten, and yet very simple – and extremely important aspects of our relationships. We have forgotten civility in our actions and our discourse. It doesn’t matter if these are business relationships, romantic relationships or any other type of relationship. We have forgotten, as the best-selling book from a few years ago stated, that everything we need to know about life we learned in kindergarten.

As entrepreneurs, the ability to develop relationships with others is vital to our business success; and as women, the ability to develop relationships is vital to our happiness in our romantic and interpersonal relationship.

Below are 3 simple, yet highly effective ways to conduct your business and engage in your relationships. Follow these 3 simple suggestions – which everyone can do – and you will find success in your business and happiness in your intimate and interpersonal relationships.

1. Have a positive mindset and approach all situations with love. Run your business and engage your partner by coming from a place of love. This will promote positive energy that will impact the way you respond to others and the way they will, in turn, respond to you. People want to do business with people who give off this positive energy because these people energize their surroundings and everyone in it. In addition, all conflict is more readily addressed and resolved when it is approached from a place of love – which fosters one’s ability to understand the other’s position. Think positive and act positively – even in the face of adversity.
2. Be kind to everyone. It doesn’t matter how big your business is, how much money you have or how important you, or others, think you are. Besides the fact that this truly is the best way to live your life, it will also have an immeasurable impact on your business and your relationships. You never know who you may say a kind word to or lend a helping hand to that might end up being a great connector for you. I could tell you a million stories about this but suffice it to say doing the right thing by being kind to everyone – remembering the world is not always a kind place – will grow your business and bring happiness to your interpersonal relationships.
3. Respect everyone, especially those who are different from you. Diversity is the name of the game in our new world order. If you want to be in business, you will need to be respectful of people from other ethnic, religious, cultural and socio-economic backgrounds. It would be great if you learn about these other cultures to understand what is considered respectful – and just as importantly to learn what is considered disrespectful if you want to maximize your influence on your clients.

Having a positive mindset, being kind to everyone and being respectful to everyone does not take any great skill or talent. It is just the right way to live your life and conduct your business. It has the added bonus of increasing your profits and creating happiness in your marriage and inter-personal relationships.

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

Just about everyone I tell that I am about to have my book published says, “Oh, I want to write a book too”, or “I began writing a book awhile ago, but the manuscript is sitting somewhere in my desk” etc. Can you relate? This got me thinking.

If everyone, okay maybe not everyone, but a lot of people wanted to write a book, and most people enter into a marriage/relationship with the intention of going the distance, what is the difference between the person who gets the book finished and the relationship that endures from the ones that don’t? Yes, the information and exercises in this book will provide you with what you need to create a thriving, successful business without sacrificing happiness in your marriage and family life. But it dawned on me that there is one word I would use to describe what it takes to actually write a book to completion and it is the same word I would use to describe what it takes to make a marriage work long-term.

Often times it is not lack of desire or love of what you are doing, or even the person you are with that stops us from achieving our goals. It is not idealism. We all know the road ahead won’t always be smooth and easy to travel (although we certainly hope it will be). The difference between starting a project or a relationship that requires a tremendous amount of effort (because nothing in life comes easy) is summed up in one word, commitment. We must be committed to seeing our relationship and anything else we undertake in life to the finish line.

Most things in business and life do not go according to plan. It is impossible to predict the twists and turns our life will take. But the ability to move forward and to stick it out when life throws us a curveball often comes down to our sense of commitment; being able to hang in there when the going gets tough. And this sense of commitment begins with ourselves. It begins with the belief in our worthiness and ability to love and be loved, and to share our talents with the world. You must be your biggest advocate.

Being committed to our business and our marriage is easy when things are going along swimmingly. But when things aren’t feeling so great, and the seas get choppy many times we have a very clear and conscious choice to make. Stay committed to your relationship or task at hand, or not. Only when we make a very conscious decision to stay committed to our work and our marriage will we be able to survive the highs and lows we will inevitably face.

Ask any couple who have been happily married for years, and ask any business person who has been successful. They will all tell you the road to happiness and success did not come easy. Only with dogged determination based on a sense of commitment to both themselves and their relationship were they able to weather the stormy seas and eventually come out on top.

So the next time you think you want to throw in the towel on your marriage or your business, try to remember the commitment that brought you to the relationship or the task you began with and then think again! Treat the world to your gifts!

Running a business with our significant other brings unique joys and challenges to our marriage/relationship. When we work with our significant other, the joy of a successful business day can leave us feeling exhilarating – as if we are on top of the world. But when the business is not exactly hitting it out of the ballpark, the disappointment and sense of frustration of these moments can easily spill over into our romantic relationship. Following are 3 secrets that will help you avoid having your business get in the way of your romantic relationship – even when the business is having a bad day.

1. Time Boundaries - create some type of time boundary between your work life and your personal life. In other words, do not spend ALL – or even most – of your time together outside of work hours talking about work. Couples that work and play together often blend their two worlds where they forget to relate to each other as lovers – they only relate to each other as business partners. No pun intended, but this is the kiss of death for keeping a healthy emotional boundary between work and romance!

2. Communication – sometimes when we are in a business partnership with our significant other, we communicate with them in a way we would never even dream of speaking to someone else. We make these “assumptions” that we don’t have to be as careful with the words we choose when speaking to them, or that it is okay to interrupt them when they are speaking to us, or we implore a less than flattering tone and attitude when addressing our partner. Communicate with your partner during business discussions showing the same respect and consideration you would for a business partner who is not your romantic partner. Respect while communicating does not go out the window just because we work with our significant other.

3. Sense of Humor - We all know running a business together while sharing your life with your business partner can be hard work at times and it brings with it a unique set of challenges. This is why it is really important to keep your sense of humor and lighten up a bit when the going gets rough. An appropriately timed joke can really defuse a difficult situation, bringing levity and laughter to an otherwise not-so-funny situation. Make a joke, laugh with your partner when times get hard, the problem will still be there once the laughter subsides and you will be at a better place to find solutions to the problem – while keeping your relationship strong.

Use these 3 secrets I shared with my VIP Couple yesterday and your business and relationship will rock on…

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

Most businesses and all relationships experience conflict and fights. Whether these fights destroy your business or your relationship is found in one little secret. Differences of opinion in all areas of your business, from leadership style to business growth plans (meaning – how to achieve your company goal), lie at the heart of many fights. The secret to whether these differences destroy your company, or slow its growth, is found in how you handle differences when they arise. This is as true for your success in business as it is for success in relationships. In a healthy marriage, a couple views their relationship as a partnership – they are on the same team. In the pursuit of victory, what is good for one team member is good for the entire team. When conflict transforms your relationship from being on the same team and turns it into a competition, the relationship becomes adversarial and perhaps even toxic. You know you are in a toxic relationship if either partner has to win an argument at all cost, taking priority over the integrity and intimacy of the marriage. Conflict within a competitive relationship creates a winner and a loser. In business, if conflict turns the relationship among team members into a competition for members on the same team, the company loses.

Conflict is an opportunity to grow your business by formulating creative ideas in search of a resolution to a problem; and in your relationship, it is an opportunity to develop a deeper more meaningful relationship with your spouse based on the ability to understand and respect differences. Conflict handled in a productive, respectful, positive manner provides an opportunity for growth which eventually strengthens the bond in business and relationships.

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox