Look At Me NOW!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Testimonies of Storm2Victory.org) — Thu, 15 May 2008 19:36:00 +0000

Relationships? WOW I have had them all from Drug Dealer boyfriends, Stalking boy friends and I even had the CHEATING ones too.

I hope you will read my story WORD to WORD not skipping or skimming threw ANY words.

Let's began......

Love.... ummm....

WHAT IS LOVE?

As for me I thought it was a guy buying me all the expensive gifts, heck me accepting him being with someone else as long as he made me #1!!!!!!
~WRONG

A few years back I meet a guy who I thought that I would spend the rest of my life with.
~WRONG AGAIN

It started off all so, so, so, soooo GOOD. We would have late night conversation to me waking up all excited saying I can't wait until I hear from MR. today ( Cause nothing else matter cause when he called I was going to drop EVERYTHING)!
So as time went by we began to grow much closer we started going to dinner, relaxing with each other and just chillin. Um... I thought it was ALL GOOD. So soon we become attached to each other our TRUST began so he told me that he had another women but he really didn't want to be there with her! So I thought in my mind what could I do to make him want ME more and to forget about HER. So I said hey since we are getting so close why don't we really make this happened and let's get our own place! He said cool so we did (by this time he had told the woman that it was over).

So we had our own place and boy I must say for the first few weeks it was real nice. After that it went DOWNHILL. So MR. started coming in late I would say "hey where you been" he would say "Oh I was just out with my friends or I was chilling at my mom's house" So then I sat him down and told him that I wasn't having that. So he straighten up for about a few weeks or so. Um... After the weeks went by he had new tricks, not only was he staying out late he had the nerve to start staying out " ALL NIGHT " and he wouldn't even have enough RESPECT to call me!!

I asked myself why did I stay and put up with all of that mess... Was it the fact that I thought the sex was good? (Cause at that time I did not even really know much about the lord) Was it the fact that I thought he was SO FINE? or Maybe I that thought that I was too old and couldn't do any better? Or was it the fact that I enjoyed him holding me at night on the nights he was there? Or was it all the FAKE DREAMS he sold too me? Heck it wasn't like he was doing anything to help around the house... Oh did I mention that he had NO JOB? I was the one stuck paying ALL THE BILLS. I began to develop rage and hatred towards him for all the hurt he was causes me. I felt like I didn't deserve this. Shortly after his disappearing "ALL DAY" I found out that his late nights wasn't at his mom's house or with his friends but yet it was in the arms of another women he wasn't there protecting me or keeping me warm but yet he was keeping her warm at night. I will be the first to say that if you have not given GOD your life TOTAL..... YOU REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MIGHT DO WHEN YOU ARE SO FED UP!!!!!! When I actually saw him with the other women... WOW that COULD have left a permanent scar on me. I'm the one who choose to go home and cry all night. Especially after the things that he said to me in front of her.......

He said to me B.... I don't know you!
- Please I never dated you
- I never saw you before
- Get away from me
So you would have thought that would have been it!
~WRONG AGAIN

Weeks passed he would call and say " I am soooo Sorry", "I didn't mean it"! "I don't want her"! "I want you"! So one day he called and he said to me can I just come by and cook you dinner and just talk to you? I said yes but to only talk! Before I knew it I was taking him to get his clothes so he could move back...... as nothing even happened! WOW!!!!! Months had went by and he did so good it was as though he really forgot about the other women.. so I thought. That is when the ultimate blow and the biggest hurt came "I" found out that she was expecting his baby which meant he was messing around with her way longer than I had thought. That was it he had to GO......

And that is when my trials really began.
Here I was lost my job and was facing eviction and just to think heck I only moved for him cause I thought that it would make him want me more. I'll say it again that it is when my trails began. I meet a nice older woman weeks prior to me finding out about MR and the fact that he was having a baby on the way ....she invited me to her church so I put her number in a safe place. So I finally decided to call her and I guess she could hear the hurt in my voice so she invited me to church! So I said why not I went on my way. I really liked her church. I went back more and more cause the messages were GREAT! Man here I was sitting there hurting on the inside but yet still smiling on the outside. Heck I had no one, I couldn't run home to mom or dad and I diffidently didn't know the church people enough to tell them all of my issues that I was dealing with and plus all the were saying to others is honey just pray about it. Yes that's GREAT. But what about reality? Heck no was telling me what to do when I was staying up ALL night CRYING, and ROCKING back and forth cause the pain was soooo DEEP, Heck what about when I was feeling lonely? No one told me how to handle my thoughts cause all I could think about was killing him, or what about the fact that I was struggling with sexual thought? Or what about the times I felt like I just wanted to pick up the phone and called MR and ask him WHY did he do this to me? What did I do to deserve ALL this HURT?

Weeks went by I mean a lot of them .... I hurt everyday for a long while...... I tried hard to remember some of the messages that the preacher had said and I could remember him saying PRAYER CHANGES every thing! So I tried it..... and ONE day I woke up and I mean my eyes wasn't all red from crying from the night before, I then realized I didn't cry my self to sleep the night before in fact I actually had a sweet sleep. I looked in the mirror and GOD SPOKE to me and told me that I am somebody and I don't have to HURT or cry anymore! I realized that it was my PRAYERS working for me which also helped me to get up that morning and run around my house saying "THANK YOU JESUS"!!!!!! That made me want to grow closer to GOD, I began to read my bible more, I then learned that I HAD to forgive him for ALL the hurt that he caused me, I learned that I had to pray for him and once I finally did forgive him that is when my TRUE peace came to me! Before I realized it a whole year had passed, No more staying up ALL night crying, No more why questions, No more thoughts about I wasn't good enough, No more FAKE smiling when I was around other people trying to cover up the pain and hurt! Hallelujah! Here he comes a year later talking about some baby I miss you, I love you, I want you back! Hahah! I laughed! I said to him I will pray for you and I wish you the best! Hallelujah!! I walked away and I didn't feel like I was loosing out on something actually GOD showed me that he wasn't all that...... cause I thought to myself heck you ain't no where near FINE! ha ha ha ha

My sisters look at me NOW!!!!!
God has BLESSED me with a AWESOME new FRIEND! He is very PATIENT with me, He ENCOURAGES me, He BUILDS me up, He talks to me with ALL RESPECT, He LISTENS to me, He is COURTEOUS to me at ALL times, He gives me his FULL attention when I am talking to him, We LAUGH together, He is isn't afraid to be seen with me, He doesn't compare me to ANY of his X girlfriends, He gives me COMPLIMENTS, He reminds me that I am BEAUTIFUL!!! His name is MR. WONDERFUL!!!!! Oh didn't I mention that he is FINE? FRIENDLY,INTIMATE, NICE, ENCOURAGER? F.I.N.E

I will be honest if you are in a situation like minds with someone who lies to you, doesn't call you until he feels like it, doesn't take you any where, doesn't give you compliments, doesn't build you up to help encourage you or doesn't try to accomplish your goals in life with you.... ummmm?

Then he doesn't love you.....matter of fact , he doesn't even have any RESPECT for you!!!! GET OUT!!!!
It might be a struggle at first but still get out you can and will succeed. Really what are you loosing? *** NOTHING****

HOWEVER you will be gaining life's most important gift! Which is PEACE!!!!!!!!!!
Pray, TRUST GOD and you will NOT FALL!!!!

Psalms 29:11 "The LORD will give strength unto his people; the LORD will bless his people with peace."

NJ,

Grand Rapids, MI

Relationships Testimony

Look At Me NOW!!!