Losing your job is so much more than losing an income. It’s even more than losing a daily routine, the buzz of dealing with work colleagues and the feeling of achievement from doing a good job. Managers and professionals often define themselves in terms of what they do for work, so when they lose their job, it can feel like losing their sense of self and their value in society. This may well be what’s happening to your partner.

The good news is that you’re the person best-placed to notice what is happening and to give or arrange help. Here are some hints:

Listen, support, but don’t fix

It is human nature to want to fix what’s wrong. Try to avoid this instinct unless your partner is actively asking for help, and trust that he is doing what needs to be done in terms of job hunting. Too readily dispensing advice can have the effect of belittling a person. Let the fact that you are not jumping in with suggestions prove that you have faith in his ability to get his next job.

Instead, become a sounding board for ideas, a sick bucket for hurt feelings and an interested ear to give updates to. The worst feeling for a job hunter is that they are working hard but nobody is really interested. You can head off a confidence slide simply by celebrating the good news and empathising with the bad. By becoming your partner’s trusted confidante, you will keep channels of communication open. Pushing too hard with unsolicited advice may cause him to shut down.

Keep positive

Try very hard not to criticise, even if the criticism is not related to job hunting. Being jobless increases a person’s sensitivity and it can magnify the impact of any criticism so even small points can get blown out of all proportion. You need your partner to know you respect him as much without a job as you did when he was working.

Use your own network of friends and family to discuss through your own minor issues and worries so you keep them out of the house, and keep the mood at home as positive as possible. Reassure your partner that you are coping, and you’ll square with him if there’s anything really bothering you. Then keep that promise, because keeping secrets kills trust.

Respect his job hunting efforts

Give your partner head-space for job hunting and thinking. It’s enormously difficult to write applications and make business calls when someone has the vacuum cleaner or the radio on. Agree on job hunting time (mornings are best) and non-job hunting time.

It is not possible to job hunt every hour of the day. Not only are there not enough jobs to apply for or relevant connections to make to fill the time, but working in this way very quickly leads to diminishing returns.

Instead, encourage your partner to turn off his inner judge. All too often I see clients who have been telling themselves for weeks that they have no ‘right’ to participate in fun activities and good times if they’re not bringing in a wage. They feel that they should be job hunting 24/7, and not doing so is somehow shirking their responsibility.

Tell your partner it’s OK to stop when he’s done a reasonable amount every day. If he’s job hunting for more than 6 hours a day, point out that he is almost certainly being tougher on himself than he would be on a friend or family member in the same situation.

Have some fun

Hand-in-hand with knowing when to stop goes knowing how to make the most of relaxation time. Perhaps the biggest benefit of having some time away from work is the opportunity to put time into personal and family relationships and friendships.

Become your partner’s partner in crime in having a good time despite your situation. Take each other on a date, rediscover a hobby or visit friends. It is especially important at this time for you to stay connected both to each other and your social circle, and to let your friends and family support you, just as you would (as you know) support them.

Don’t leave it too long to get help

If your partner is not eating regularly, sleeping well or looking after his physical appearance, he may be sliding into depression. Read more about this in our section on psychological effects (below) and don’t leave it too long before consulting your GP.

Many applicants worry that, if they chase up applications they will seem pushy or rude. But the truth is, anything can be happening behind the scenes, and your call could be the difference between being the chosen candidate and not.

So long as you are polite and enquiring and sound cheery and positive, you’ll simply seem keen. And keen is good.

Friendly persistence often pays off

Consider these examples:

One client chased up a teaching job back in February this year when the date for interview was fast approaching. Her spur was that the job was located 260 miles from her home, so she needed to know whether to make travel arrangements. She called, emphasised that she was very keen on the role, and asked if they could tell her whether she had been selected for interview, please?

The response from the other end was from a rather frazzled school office manager, who told her that Ofsted had arrived without notice that week to carry out a full school inspection. This opened the door for my client to empathise; to ask how it had gone and to create a rapport with the office manager. She went on to learn that she had, indeed, been selected for the rescheduled interviews. On arriving at the school, she was able to ask for the office manager by name and introduce herself, thus increasing the rapport on interview day. She got the job.

Another client called about a job he really wanted with a major electronics company he had interviewed with some weeks before. On calling, he discovered that the company had just discovered that their chosen candidate had lied on her CV. They had discontinued her application, and they were back to square one. He called just as they were deliberating what to do. He told them he was keen, emphasised that he understood the challenge and could meet it, and said if they offered him the job he could start the next Monday. They hired him.

Expect the unexpected

So, chasing up can work very well. Simply sound positive, bright and keen when you call. And expect anything.

One of the most inspirational sites I’ve come across recently is Cards of Change, where laid-off employees are encouraged to deface their old business cards with messages letting the recipients know what they’re doing now. Many of the messages are so inspirational you wonder what they were doing in those unsatisfying, energy-sapping, thankless jobs in the first place.

If you still have some cards left after defacing them try turning them over and writing on the backs. You can use the blank sides of business cards for a variety of career-planning activities. For instance, they can help you assess your life priorities.

Using a marker pen, write one life priority on the back of each card and lay them all out on a desk or table. If you’re like most of my clients, you’ll typically have about 40 – including cards for family, career, dreams, ambitions, qualifications, health, relationship, home, holidays, spirituality… I’ve even seen a designer wedding dress, a hotter sex life and a pink VW Beetle convertible among clients’ priorities.

Next, arrange your cards in ranking order. Be strict: don’t allow yourself any equals, don’t-knows or groupings. The strength of this exercise is in the fact you have to make difficult decisions. Reflecting on how you are reaching those decisions is a critical part of the process.

Think about what is important to you and why. What or who is influencing your ranking? Are you still holding on to priorities you formed a long time ago? Many people find they haven’t truly questioned their priorities since school, or since graduation, or since they married, or since they joined their employer. This exercise offers an opportunity to reassess.

Once you’ve got an initial prioritisation, leave it for a day or two and then revisit it. If you have the luxury of privacy, leave the cards out on the table and re-read them as you pass them during the day. Add to, or move the cards around as you think of different things. You’ll be surprised at how your priorities change over the course of a few days, simply because you’re giving yourself permission to question your existing patterns of thinking. You may also be amazed when you realise what you’ve duplicated or left out. The whole process can be a revelation.

You can use this same technique to identify where you’re spending your time, in order to help you sort out work-life balance. You can even use it to brainstorm and prioritise your experience, skills and abilities (extending the process to identify potential groupings and linkages) to help you work out new career options.

I see lots of CVs or resumes from people who are so terrified by this kind of advice that they tuck the chronological list of their employment right under their name and contact details, like a bib tucked under their chin! But this isn’t usually the best way to show off your talents to an employer.

Make it easy to choose you

If you’ve ever had the job of sifting CVs you’ll know that the CVs that get attention are the ones that convey their key facts quickly and easily.

Employers are only interested in gauging quickly what a candidate could bring to their company. Unless the candidate has really big names to drop, employers are less interested in where they used to work. (And if you do have big names to drop, there are ways of doing this to get more attention.)

Show off the real you

I advise candidates to think first and foremost about the reader when preparing their CV. The reader is looking for skills, and they are looking for team-fit. So, give them exactly that. Take time to say who you are and what role you are looking for in your personal or career goal. Let your key skills list sit comfortably spaced and well-signposted under that. These sections are the ‘real you’ – what you can bring to the table. They should be tailored to the job vacancy or employer challenge at hand by bringing out your most relevant skills and experience.

Your employment history then evidences and illustrates how you’ve gained and used your experience, skills and qualities.

Don’t make this mistake!

I did original research some years ago into how people read documentation, and we included CVs in that research. It showed that the skim reader flicks through only the top half of the first page before turning over the page. So, if you start your employment history half way down the first page, it’s likely the reader will miss your last job or two and start reading two or three jobs back.

For this reason, I always advise candidates to start their employment history on the top of the second page.

The primary purpose of the media is entertainment. It publishes what people want to read or watch because reader and viewer figures represent profit. Current affairs as we know them are heavily cherry-picked, so what we think of as ‘the news’ is only what’s considered dramatic, interesting, weird or having enough of a human interest to keep you reading. Things that are critically important rarely get exposure if they’re unsexy or difficult to explain.

It’s also an unfortunate human characteristic that we are fascinated by others’ misfortune, so (at least at first) we were happy to read our newspapers and tut at the news coverage as the terrible reality of the economic collapse sank in. Don’t we all compare notes and horror stories? Didn’t we do it about the Cumbrian floods? Aren’t we doing it now with Haiti or the latest rape or shooting in our town?

Backwards? Or forwards?

Here’s another truth. We lose interest quickly. Having absorbed the enormity of the crash, we now would like to move on, please, and get everything back to normal. A year and a bit after the collapse of the banks, we’re ready to get our next big mortgage and move house; return to a decent interest rate on our savings, and get that promotion or pay rise so we can go on holiday.

The problem is, the crash won’t stop. In fact, as you can read in Greg Pytel’s now-famous analysis, The Largest Heist in History, this economic crisis is only just beginning to unfold and has years to run yet.

So, we all need to get used to being a workforce in a very much changed market.

Is the media to blame?

Is the media responsible for this? Not really. Remember, they only tell us what we want to be told, and when we lose interest, they’ll move on. So, we must still be interested in all those stories about collapsing companies and how it’s affecting individual workers at Bosch and Borders.

If the media really printed how we got here, why the economic rescue is just a band-aid on a compound fracture and what’s really likely to happen in the next few years, we’d be even more depressed!

So what can ‘good men and true’ do? Well, I believe we make our own luck. Remember, the mass media only publish what they think a mass market want to read. Reading what the newspapers have to say is one choice. Finding and reading more inspirational and uplifting things is equally a choice. I’m not suggesting people should only read positive things, but it’s probably true that we could encourage a better balance. The mass media will change to accommodate any significant shift in reader habits, so, over time we can influence it just by doing this.

Leading social change

Something else that strikes me is the increasing shift in social attitudes. People are embracing ‘grow-your-own’. People are recycling more. They are beginning to rise up and say that it’s important for right and wrong to be properly recognised, and for people to be allowed to protect their families and homes from intruders. A chap called Gareth Malone has started a nationwide trend for community singing. People are beginning to set up knitting circles and sewing bees. Pubs may be closing as a result of unfair beer ties, but research suggests that a huge increase in the ‘off’ trade, especially at Christmas and New Year, is at least partly because people are having friends over and socialising at home.

A year ago, America elected a President less remarkable for his racial background than for his work record, which was dominated not by big business but by community organising. Under his influence, across America, people are following his example, voting out the old guard, protesting things that are important to them and joining town councils and school boards in order to make a difference.

I believe ‘good men and true’ are probably already making a difference. Increasingly I see unemployed clients who are refusing to sit on their bottoms and wait for the next job to come along. Once they’ve done all they can on their job search, they’re out there doing voluntary work, writing pantomimes for their local village, helping young people get through college or find a home, serving on parent-teacher associations, taking low-paid work so as not to be on benefits and generally putting more in.

I truly believe that this return to old fashioned – certainly pre-Thatcherite – values is how we will get through this time. I think we lost ourselves there for a while. And I think we are in the process of rediscovering what’s really important.

Have you read something inspiring and motivational that you’d like to share? Use the comment box to add your suggestion. Thank you.

Unfortunately, yes, they can. Contributions-based Job-Seekers Allowance (JSA) only lasts for 26 weeks. After this time, you will only receive benefits if you don’t have the means to support yourself. When you apply for means-tested benefits, the Department for Work and Pensions will take into account all income you receive from any source, including all savings and all assets (including rental property and shares).

They have the right to go through your bank accounts and to ask you for proof of things like household bills and expenses in calculating what benefit you are entitled to. It is a soul-destroying process and not one that I’d recommend anyone to go through unless there was absolutely no other option.

I have a suspicion that the Job Centre sometimes like to try and bring home the reality of your situation in less-than delicate ways, hence making a point in this case with the cleaner job, but the message they are trying to convey is a serious one. Unless you have private means, at some point you have to start working again, even if it’s not a job you want.

Beat the system – do something different

My strong advice is to create several new CV versions and approach interim and temp agencies for work while you continue your high-level job search. Temp work may not be very glorious and neither will it pay well, but it will pay a lot more, and be a lot less humiliating, than applying for means-tested benefits.

It will also get you out of the house, meeting new people and gaining valuable ground-level experience that could be very useful in your next major role. Who knows – you may meet a new spouse, new friends, a new mentee or even a new business partner.

Become an interim

For an interim position, most of your current CV can probably stay as-is, as interims are usually highly-qualified people who are simply brought in on a specific project or to cover between post-holders.

However, you may have to commit to a minimum contract period in order to secure the job. This is no different to giving notice from a high-level job, and should not put off any potential employers who might have to wait a few weeks for you.

Going contracting

When applying for temp or lower-level contract work, take time and care in preparing a suitable CV, tailoring it carefully to the content of the temp job. You are going to be a rare applicant for this kind of work, and you could easily scare off potential hirers who might be more comfortable with less experience and less potential threat. You have to prove that hiring you would be hiring someone who will really roll up their sleeves and get on with the job, and wouldn’t disrupt things by trying to pull rank.

Be honest about your situation in your profile section. Say that you are usually employed as a high-level professional in your field, and you are looking to use your experience and skills in contract work while you seek a new permanent post. Next, make yourself sound like an efficient joiner-in with no airs and graces. Make it clear you are not afraid to muck in, and say that, ideally, you’d like to work somewhere you could use your experience to make a real contribution.

When setting out your stall, put yourself into the shoes of the person you’d be being hired and managed by. You don’t want to steam-roller them with your experience and qualifications. Take out all the detail about the roles you’ve had, and consider reducing them down to a simple list of posts, employers and dates.

Instead, focus on creating a list of the skills you can bring, written in plain English rather than corporate-speak, and using the terminology from the temp job description wherever possible. Make sure you actually say you have the skills they are looking for (for instance, if they want someone who can do telephone interviews, say you can do telephone interviews, not just that you are skilled in recruitment).

Include something in your ‘about me’ section that makes you sound friendly and approachable. Be unthreatening. Focus on what could make you an asset to the hiring manager and a fit with their team, so that they feel attracted to you more than the other potential candidates.

Once you’ve secured some work, make a bee-line for the tax office for a more appropriate tax code that drops out expensive benefits-in-kind like a company car and health insurance.

Optimise the experience

On a personal level, try not to see this as a career low-point. You are still the same experienced professional with the same skills and capabilities as you were last week or six months ago. Sometimes life sends us unplanned experiences to test our mettle and add to our kit bag. This is one of those times – and it’s important to make the most of it, and be able to optimise it when you next go for interview.

Phil goes so far as to suggest that adding a cover letter can detract from your application, rather than enhancing it.

By contrast, I would no more suggest to a client that they send a bare CV with no cover letter than I would suggest they attend interview without wearing a tie (or equivalent for ladies). Why are our views so different?

A waste of effort?

Phil’s argument hinges on the fact that cover letters are simply not read. He’s right on that: up to 80% of them are immediately disregarded. Most cover letters aren’t even scanned into HR or recruitment databases, so they’re not even useful for key-word search.

But what if content is not the reason recruiters like to receive cover letters? As a long-time hirer-turned coach, I believe that a cover letter serves an entirely different purpose.

A cover letter is an indication of good manners – something sadly missing from many applicants’ kit-bags these days. I like to see that someone has bothered to find out who they are communicating with and send them a cover letter. It’s an indication of respect. It’s a politeness, not simply an adjunct to a CV (resume). It says: please let me introduce myself, and thank you for considering me.

I would actually think less of a candidate who did not extend this basic courtesy, even if I had no intention of reading the letter, scanning it into a system or otherwise passing it on. I think sending a CV on its own (unless this is what you’ve been directly asked to do) can seem presumptuous, if not rude. For this reason, especially in direct-application scenarios, I’d always advise a client to add a covering letter.

Focus your effort

However, Phil is right on one thing. A recruiter will spend about 15 seconds considering an application before deciding whether to shortlist for interview. If you put all your effort into crafting and tailoring a cover letter, it’s likely to be wasted effort.

Instead, put your energy and thought into tailoring the front page of your CV so that it has immediate and relevant impact.

Just for a moment imagine you’re the hiring director and not the candidate. Organisations are driven by cyclical events and day-to-day challenges, politics and budgets, any of which can impact on the process and the timescale for filling a vacancy.

The fact that the hiring process has become lumpy and extended could well be an indication that the post you’re interviewing for has become caught up in some internal wrangling such as a disagreement about funding or reporting lines.

Or, it may be simply that the hiring director is struggling to find diary time to complete the recruitment process. It could be year-end; they could have had a poor set of figures or results that need to be urgently attended to; there may have been some high-level changes of staff or strategy. In short, the delay in progressing the recruitment may be nothing to do with you.

Go with the process

Rather than halting the process, the hiring director may be trying to find ways of keeping things moving, one of which may be having others interview you first.

It may also be that, conscious of the delay and not wanting to lose you, they are creating extra steps in the process to keep you ‘occupied’. So, in this sense, it may be that you are being made to jump through hoops.

The good thing is that there is nothing here to suggest the process is not going well for you. It may just be a case of being patient. That said, I would advise anyone in this situation to carry on applying for other roles. If this vacancy is withdrawn, or if you are the unluckier of two candidates in the process, you will be glad you had other options.

Hold your nerve

However frustrating it is to be at the mercy of a slow process, there is nothing to be gained by trying to hurry it. If the hiring director feels you are putting him or her under pressure they may decide to put the whole process on hold and release you.

Try to keep your nerve and not get impatient. The best things you can do in this position are to participate in every task as enthusiastically as you can; make sure the recruitment consultant knows you are both keen and prepared to wait because you really want this job; and to get the recruiter to keep pushing for an intended timeframe so that the process keeps moving without you applying any undue pressure.

Your best hope is that positivity and patience will pay off.

A lot of people make New Year’s resolutions and then don’t keep them. In fact, psychologists at the University of Hertfordshire found that 78% of people fail to keep them.

Factors which helped the 22% who did keep their resolutions included breaking bigger goals into smaller steps, not being put off by temporary set-backs and lapses, and setting up rewards for each step achieved.

Leverage your life plan

Personally, I think it helps to set your goals in context of what you want to achieve for your life. New Year’s resolutions are easily swamped by daily events, but making them into logical building blocks or stepping stones toward a bigger aim can give you more motivation to stick to them.

Try working out why this resolution is important to you: what will it lead to? What will be different because you did this? What else will you be able to achieve as a result of keeping your resolution?

For instance, giving up smoking is laudable as an aim in its own right, but the pay-off is in your health, the health of those around you, how fast you can walk and what else you could buy with the money you save. It’s easier to value these pay-offs if your overall aim is a fitter, richer you.

A bigger step is to use the New Year as a time to reassess your life priorities; what you’ve achieved personally and professionally up to now, and where you would like to be, personally and professionally, a year or three from now. Then set your New Year’s resolutions as the first steps on that path.

As to your finding achieving for work easier than achieving your own resolutions, maybe there’s a New Year’s resolution in there, somewhere.