Religious Freaks

Bart Simpson In Now Auditing On New Operating Thetan 7

gasmonso — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 02:10:14 +0000

Congratulations Bart on your accomplishment! And to think I’m only on Operating Thetan 6. Oh well :(

Fox is having a cow over an automated voicemail message left by Nancy Cartwright, the voice of Bart Simpson, recruiting attendees for a Church of Scientology event, reports USA TODAY’s Gary Levin. In the message, Cartwright, who introduces herself as Bart in the character’s voice, says she is “now auditing on new OT 7,” and invites recipients to Scientology’s “Flag World Tour” event in Los Angeles on Jan. 31, where she’s been asked to speak.

In a statement, executive producer Al Jean denies any connection between Scientology and the series: “The Simpsons does not, and never has, endorsed any religion, philosophy or system of beliefs any more profound than Butterfinger bars.” A spokesman at 20th Century Fox says the studio was told the calls have stopped and Fox has not taken any further action. It’s unclear how widely the voicemail was distributed.

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More Gay Skeletons Come Out Of Ted Haggard’s Closet

gasmonso — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 14:46:29 +0000

It seems like it was just yesterday when married evangelical pastor Ted Haggard, an anti-gay advocate, was caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Except that hand was actually his penis and the cookie jar was a gay prostitute’s ass. Hey don’t hate me, I’m just the messenger!

Haggard and his family responded much in the same manner that anyone in their shoes would… they got the hell out of town! And over the last few years it seemed that Haggard had actually managed to outrun his homosexual demons from the past :) He found himself a new career as an insurance salesman. He cured himself of “the gays” and he even starred in an upcoming HBO documentary called THE TRIALS OF TED HAGGARD.

But now it appears that the tired old pastor couldn’t run fast enough. Honestly I don’t think even Carl Lewis could outrun the gay skeletons in Ted Haggard’s closet.

Another man known as Grant has come forward claiming that he and Haggard had an “inappropriate” relationship a few years ago when Ted was pastor of the now infamous New Life Church in Colorado Springs. He also claims that the church new about the incident and paid him $179,000 in hush money!

Where’s the proof you ask? Just watch this KRDO investigation and see for yourself!

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I’m Not Out Of The Woods Yet…

gasmonso — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 23:37:31 +0000

I’m just two weeks in to my “comeback” and wouldn’t you know it… life has decided to dole out yet another blow. Last Thursday I was unfortunately laid off from work having fell victim to the sluggish economy :(

Seeing as how this was my first time losing a job, I must say it’s quite an interesting experience. Initially you go in to shock as all your bills spontaneously hold a parade in your head. Oh look, there’s the mortgage float! Once the parade passes, then the “what-if” monster stops by for a cup of coffee. What if I just worked harder? What if I kissed more ass? You get the idea.

As part of my severance package, which is quite fair I must admit, I have to come to work for the next 30 days to transition my responsibilities to a coworker. Talk about weird! There’s nothing more uncomfortable than walking around the office when everyone knows you’re getting canned. It feels like I have a “dead man walking” sign on me! What’s even worse is the funeral procession outside my cube as people come by to pay their respects! It’s a very sad affair apparently. People holding their heads down and making idle small talk. Yikes!

Honestly, I don’t know what the hell is going to happen in the upcoming months. But I am certain of one thing. I want to change my career. I want to find my life’s true vocation. I’ve done so much in the past few years to change my personal life, that to stop now would be unacceptable.

But in the meantime I’m heading out to go celebrate the Inauguration and unwind a bit :)

If anyone has some words of wisdom… please feel free to share!

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Mary: Holy Mother Of God!

gasmonso — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 23:42:15 +0000

The Roman Catholic Church is upset over fashion designer Ricardo Oyarzun’s latest fashion show featuring models dressed as the Virgin Mary. The church carried on about how presenting the Virgin Mary as an object of consumption or something to that affect is wrong… blah blah blah. Oyarzun objected by saying this was about artistic expression of something … blah blah blah.

Honestly, can’t we all just look at these beautiful women and enjoy God’s handiwork ;)

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ISLAM: The Way of Life of Abraham, Moses, Jesus and Muhammad

gasmonso — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 21:03:22 +0000

I gotta hand it to the Muslims of Broward County Florida for this little stunt. Not only did they surpass the Atheist Bus campaign in the UK, but they managed to do so in such a magnificent way.

Fifty buses in the county’s fleet are scooting around town letting all the Jews and Christians know that Abraham, Moses, Jesus, and of course Muhammad were Muslims. The ad, compliments of the Council on American-Islamic Relations, simply reads:

“ISLAM: The Way of Life of Abraham, Moses, Jesus and Muhammad.”

An alternate ad reads:

“ISLAM: The Message of Abraham, Moses, Jesus and Muhammad.”

Both ads also flash a phone number 1-888-ISLAM-55 for anyone that might have questions. Hahaha, priceless!

As would be expected, it took all of five seconds for Jews to fly off the handle and accuse CAIR of being a terrorist organization and all that crap. You can check out the rest of the soap opera here.

When I take a step back from this and view it from afar, I honestly can’t help but laugh my ass off! Think about what’s going on here. On one side we have the Christians, who in the past had a monopoly on public advertising, getting upset over Atheists who just want everyone to relax and enjoy life. But before the Christians can respond, the Muslims launch a bus-jihad and attack not only the Christians, but the Jews… leaving the Atheists unscathed.

One can only wait to see how the Christians respond. They better make it good because the bar has been raised :)

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Religion Expelled For Bullying Students

gasmonso — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 05:58:56 +0000

For years now there has been a bully roaming the public schools in America. It’s been harassing students at school sponsored events, graduations, and even in the classroom with impunity. The few who stood up to it were often chastised by fellow students and ignored by faculty.

There is hope though as two brave students took on this bully, known to many as Religion. With the help of the ACLU, a small victory was won in court when U.S. District Court Judge Casey Rodgers ruled that the entire Santa Rosa County School District stop promoting religion and prayer in the classroom and at school events.

Among the First Amendment violations listed in the ACLU suit:

Elementary graduations and middle school Christmas concerts held at churches.
Teachers and staff at Pace High School preaching about “Judgment Day with the Lord.”
Teachers and staff offering Bible readings and biblical interpretations during student meetings.

Rodgers’ order prohibits employees from:

Promoting prayer at school-sponsored events, including graduation.
Planning or financing religious baccalaureate services.
Promoting religious beliefs to students in class or during school-sponsored events and activities.
Holding school-sponsored events at churches.

Let’s hope this sets a precedent and gives other free-thinking students the courage to stand up and fight.

Religion is a personal choice and should remain as such. Why Christians, Jews, Muslims, and all the others feel the need to spread their “religious seed” is something I will never understand or tolerate. Keep religion in church where it belongs :) It’s just that simple!

Complete story here.

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Vatican Embarrassed By Virgin Mary?

gasmonso — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 04:34:35 +0000

Over the years there has been no shortage of religious people with overactive imaginations. They’ve seen Mary in the icebox, on grilled cheese sandwiches, in a bag of Funyuns, and even on a greasy pizza pan. The list unfortunately goes on.

What’s fascinating is the amount of press that these stories have received. For instance, that grilled cheese sandwich managed to fetch a staggering $28,000 and even toured the world! How many of you have toured the world? That’s what I thought :)

There’s an old saying that any press is good press. But does that hold true in this case? Take for instance the pizza pan image of the Virgin Mary. Followers actually marched down the street with the damn thing! Now when I see something like that on the news, I can’t help but laugh my ass off. To me it’s just embarrassing, pathetic, and of course entertaining :)

Now it looks like the Vatican might feel the same way. New Vatican guidelines require all Catholics who claim to see visions of Jesus or the Virgin Mary to remain silent until a team of “experts” can come to assess the situation. This A-Team would consist of psychologists, Theologians, priests, and exorcists. Wow, and I thought the Justice League was badass!

If the Vatican considers the visionary to be credible then they will face examination by one or more demonologists to exclude the possibility that Satan is hiding behind the apparitions. You can’t make this stuff up!

So why is the Vatican going through all this hullabaloo? Are they honestly trying to weed out the fakes and thus admitting this stuff really happens? Or do they know these people are crazy and just want to keep them quiet so the church doesn’t look even more ridiculous?

I honestly don’t know.

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Second Coming Gets Crucified In Divorce Court

gasmonso — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 15:57:27 +0000

It just goes to show what a messed up world do we live in when even Jesus Christ himself can’t get a fair shake in court!

Jose Luis De Jesus Miranda, aka the 2nd Coming, just got fleeced in Miami divorce court to tune of $2.2 million in cash and properties. Oddly enough the judge claimed that Jesus’ church, Growing in Grace, was not a religious non-profit, but a personal business. It’s hard to believe I know!

The persecution doesn’t end there though. If Jesus fails to pay this extortion then the court will seize some of the church’s various properties leaving his father and first wife homeless! You heard that right… The court would evict Jesus’ father. You may of heard of him before… he goes by the name of GOD. Ring a bell?

I’m by now that many of you are asking yourself… how can I help? What can I do? Right now Jesus needs your financial support. Please send your donations and together we can keep God off the streets and get Jesus through these trying times.

CRECIENDO EN GRACIA
c/o Jose Luis De Jesus Miranda
P.O. Box 27-8200
Miramar, FL 33027

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Magical Black Jesus Fools The Flock Yet Again

gasmonso — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 20:02:08 +0000

Tens of thousands of Filipino Catholics flooded the streets of Manila today in hopes of touching a 17th century dark-skinned statue of Jesus Christ… known by his fellow gang members simply as The Black Nazarene or Magical Black Jesus (MBJ for short). Complete story here.

Now to the untrained eye it would appear that these people are acting rather foolish… stepping on one another just to touch a statue. But a closer look will reveal that it is us who are the foolish ones. For you see, this statue is not merely a 402-year-old piece of wood that was burned at some point. Oh no, it is a Magical Jesus that possesses mystical powers… ones that can wash away sins and cure illnesses with merely a touch! Just look at these iron-clad testimonials:

Edna Gapo, a 40-year devotee, said the Black Nazarene has blessed her family with a good life. “All my children have good jobs abroad. And I was able to buy a car. “And when I was sick and struggling to stay alive, He made me well,” she added.

Fely Tan, a devotee, said: “The Black Nazarene is really miraculous. He blesses me even financially.”

I have but one simple question. If Magical Black Jesus is so powerful then why is poverty on the rise in the Philippines and why would they be still be so faithful?

Fr Jose Clemente Ignacio, Parish Priest, Quiapo Church, said: “The faith of the Filipinos has been growing. Poverty has also been increasing in our country and there are more people coming to ask help from our Lord.”

Personally I wouldn’t ask Magical Black Jesus for help… I’d demand answers :)

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Polygamist Leader Has More Charges Than Wives

tdomf_d27b3 — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 02:44:38 +0000

Winston Blackmore, one of two men charged yesterday with polygamy, says he is the victim of religious persecution by a government with an eye on the provincial election in May.

“This is not about polygamy,” he told reporters at the Mormon Hills elementary school outside Creston, B.C.

“Tens of thousands of polygamists, among many different cultures, are hiding in plain sight all across Canada. They are known by their neighbours, police, legislators and the media just as we are,” he said. However those polygamists are accepted as active, valued members of the communities in which they live, he said.

“But they are not fundamentalist Mormons,” Mr. Blackmore added. “To us, this is about religious persecution. And persecution has always been about politics. Whatever else is involved in this, it is still all about politics.”
Winston Blackmore during Thursday’s press conference in the community of Bountiful near Creston, B.C.

A former bishop of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, Mr. Blackmore said Canada’s Charter of Rights and Freedoms guarantees every person the right to their religion. “I guess now every person except those of us who are fundamentalists believing in practising Mormonism,” he also said.

Mr. Blackmore added that he was not surprised he was arrested in the months leading up to B.C. election. The government has been aware of the polygamous community for at least 19 years, he said. Three attorneys general, many special prosecutors and millions of dollars have been involved in a process that led to the conclusion that “fundamentalist Morons wants to practice the fundamentals of their faith,” he said.

“I am what I am and we are what we are. We are descended from a long line of Mormon believing people,” Mr. Blackmore said.

“My family did not make up our faith, nor we did we establish the fundamental teachings of Mormonism,” Mr. Blackmore also said.

Article: Here
Submitter: Korgan

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