Desktop wallpaper http://www.GilmoreMemories.com

I was reading “Watching Your Teens Favorite TV Shows Is Important“  and it brought back a flood of great memories.

I remembered when Kay and I used to watch The Gilmore Girls (2000-2007) together every tuesday night for almost six years.

The Series

This series was not so far off of where we were at that time as a family.

Loreli is a single mother raising her 13 year old daughter Rory in a small town.  Loreli was fairly young when she had Rory so they some what ‘grow up together’ but when push comes to shove in their relationship, and parenting was needed, the series presented life lessons in a humorous but intelligent way.

The Casual Conversation

What was so great about this time together, was we could goof off, have fun, and have a casual conversation.   We talked about everything from college, to fashion, to money, to dating and beyond.  I learned so much about her from 6 years of this casual talk and I’m sure she learned a lot about me.

But the most important thing was we grew closer, we developed a closer relationship, we learned to share with each other, to agree as well as disagree (and if there is one thing you want to be able to do with your pre-teen, it’s learn how to thoughtfully disagree).

Proposing A Solution Before The Problem

The other pre-problem solution I found that worked well was the sharing of a proposed solution for the proposed problem before it became a problem.  For instance, back in the day (about 5 or 6 years ago) before cell phones and texting became so popular, there was IM (instant messaging).  Which is pretty much sending instant short messages on the computer to an individual or group of friends real-time (when they were online at the same time you were and received the message instantly).

I noticed she started acting a little peculiar when I walked past the computer, as if she had something to hide.  After thinking about this for a little while, I decided she needed a personal IM monitor, someone caring, compassionate… her little brother.  After two days of brother IM monitoring Kay came inquiring.  I explained that she seemed to be misusing the computer, her brother loved spending time with her, knew how to read and that I thought they needed to spend more ‘time’ together.  Then I dropped bomb number two, saying “You know, if I can’t trust you on the computer, I can buy key tracking software that will track every letter you type on that keyboard.  Of course, I don’t want to invade your privacy, but I want you to know what is acceptable and what is not acceptable.  I hope you don’t make me do that because I would feel terrible having to spy on you like that”.

Being a pretty bright girl, it only took her seconds to realize that she didn’t want this outcome.  We sat down and talked and came to an agreement.

I never purchased that tracking software and I’m glad I never had to.  Sometimes you can proactively avoid a problem if you communicate a strong, direct message before there really becomes a problem.

Let’s Talk

Have you ever had something that you’ve done with your kids that has opened up your relationship, trust, and brought you so much closer that you would like to share? I think we’d all like to get pointers on what works for staying close to our kids!

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Related Posts:

• Who Taught My Kid That Four Letter Word
  
• How Technology Helps Me Be A Better Dad
• If 40 Is the New 30, Is 18 the New 8?
• How to Prevent Your Child From Being A TV or Video Game Addict

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My gift to Renee was my time.

Her gift to me was being successful in her life and still calling me when she needs something.

No Bad Time To Change A Life

Mentoring doesn’t only take place when you’re young, making a difference in some one’s life can happen at anytime.

Couples
The Big Brothers & Big Sisters organization has a couples program.  Couples of any age, such as young couples before you have kids, couples trying to conceive, couples that currently have kids, and couples in their golden years, are all welcome

Just think a child would get double the love and attention from a couple, and possibly be bless with an example of a loving set of parents.

Pre-Retirement
A close friend of mine’s parents was interested in mentoring a child as a couple when they got to the empty nest stage.  Not only are they still be very active in their daughters lives, they continue to be a positive influence to another child even in their golden years.

Just because you’re done raising kids doesn’t mean you have to wait around for grand kids to be involved in a child’s life!  Opportunities are also available that are not related to children, for example SCORE – Service Corps Of Retired Executives or MentorNet which is an e-mentoring network for Engineering and Science.

Currently my retired Dad is volunteering his time to tutor kids that need help in Math.  So it goes to show you, you don’t have to be a full time mentor to help a child.

No Amount of Time Is Too Small

Your time is valuable no matter what age you are, or no matter what situation your in, in your life.   You’re life experiences, your talents, strengths, as well as weaknesses are all valuable.  The best gift you can give anyone is the gift of your time whether it be an hour of tutoring a week, or 4 or more hours a week.  Share what you’ve been given and you’ll be amazed at how much of an impact it has!

Renee will be 20 years old this year and currently in the Air Force working hard at what she does. I’m so touched to the heart to see her working so hard towards her dreams, knowing I had a small hand in getting her there.

Just a little bit of your time goes a long way. That’s what mentoring is all about!

Little Things Matter

Now as a parent I’ve noticed some of my son’s kids aren’t getting the full attention of their parents and therefore end up at our farm a lot.  In my opinion, these parents are missing out on time with their kids, but I can partly understand because society and the economy make it hard for a parent(s) to make ends meet.

I’ve turned it into something positive by becoming close to them and making them feel at home whenever they visit.   This gives a child another person to trust.  They feel comfortable to come visit us whenever the need arises.

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Related Posts:

• Gaining new insights into mentoring programs for adolescent girls
• How to Enroll a Child In the Big Brothers, Big Sisters Program
• VolunteerMatch Search for volunteer opportunities by location (zip code or city) and keyword (like tutor, construction, etc.) or sign up to receive updates in your email inbox.
• HandsOn Network Volunteer centers by state.
• Oprah’s Angel Network

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Remarkable Parents Team Bio:

Sherry Martz is a 36 year old wife and mother of three sons who lives on a black angus cattle farm in Indiana.  Since 1997 she’s been a mentor to an inner city young lady who is now in the Air Force.   Sherry is an active volunteer at her sons’ school on a weekly basis and helps kids who are struggling and need extra 1 on 1 attention.  She and her husband own two successful businesses for which she does the administrative end.

If you would like to contact Sherry you can find her on Twitter at @citychiconafarm or visit  her website City Chick on a Farm.

This poem is a continuation from the first poem, My Child.

The page that contains the initial poem,  explains my thoughts and why I felt inspired to write these two poems, which is a little odd, because I don’t write poems.

My Child… Your Gift

My Child…

Again I will show you, just how remarkable are thee

how much I love you and that I created you,  especially for me

All the gifts I have bestowed upon, each one of you

is completely individual you see

No two of you the same, an exquisite artwork made personally by me

my great  masterpiece, my best work, so beautifully perfect are thee

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And now for your gift, further proof  how valuable My Child must be

exists in your soul, the divine spark, to be a creator like me

If blessed with a soul mate who is  so devoted to thee

executing the plan to perfection, who loves you and who also loves me

Who will treat you like My Princess Child, but on earth can it be?

of course –  all is possible, My Children listen carefully to me

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And through your love, your bond, your joining, you’ll see

my most exquisite gift, my special signature, half your DNA it will be

A child created by the two of you, created in love

as I always meant it to be

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My beloved, newest angel I trust safely to thee

to love as I love you, until you all return to me

My plan is so brilliant, so perfect, nothing else could it be

live happily My Children, love each other,  how I meant it to be

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But because you are not perfect, not yet anyway, there will be

some of My Children, whose struggle is hard, before returning to me

And by helping them, you will reflect My Perfect Son through thee

reminding all of my love, sent to them, through you, but from me

*

Thank you all for allowing me to share these poems with you.

The poem below was inspired by The Shadow Effect movie in combination with my own spiritual growth and self reflection.

One of my main takeaways from the movie was how important it is that for each of us to truly forgive ourselves in a very deep personal way.

Most of us do not ‘really‘ acknowledge our perceived negative parts of our personality, The Shadow Effect brings to our attention that this part of us, when discovered, acknowledged, and reflected upon can become some what of a positive piece of our personality.  It can and will add facets to our self understanding that we never considered.  And changing this negative to a partial positive, will help us find more happiness in our own lives.

When I thought deeply about my own self forgiveness, I was inspired to write the poem below.

My Child

My Child…

You’d never have allowed yourself, never forgiven yourself,

never have set yourself free.

Never have deemed yourself worthy, had I not prepared a path for you

to follow and held the light for you to see.

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Only within the light of my reflection, within the safety of my never ending,

never changing — love could you see.

Could you open your eyes wide enough, to contemplate your brightness/

ponder yourself being what I’ve always known you to be.

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You See My Children…

You are on a journey…. to eventually becoming…

eventually becoming just like me

An angel of Light in the Darkness…  that shines brightly…

so bright all will one day see

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This is my gift to you… You had been designed from the beginning

to be just like me.

Created in my image, crafted from my hands, my master work

my reflection  –  the way I created you to be.

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But our common attributes you could not see through the cloudy, dull

reflection you saw yourself to be…

Through me…  Only then… Would you gaze upon your own reflection, and

see the beauty that I see…

For I am perfection! — The highest reflection of God!

What you COULD and WILL ALWAYS be

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Were You Not Listening My Child…

When I told you… when I told you — follow me

follow me into the light of abundance — and be ALL that you can be

For I Know You Well My Child…

I know the forgiveness you’d blind yourself from giving,

forgiveness that would set you free

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I know all about you. You are more important, more loved

than you’d ever believe yourself to be!

You see My Child…

You Are Mine…  You Live Deep in my Heart

where you will ALWAYS and FOREVER be!

*

What I Discovered

We know as human beings that we are exceedingly complex and that these complexities include are conscious and subconscious minds.

The part of our subconscious mind that we rarely think about, our perceived negative traits and characteristics.  Since these traits live in our subconscious, if they are never discovered, we rarely realize that they are there until something happens.

The Shadow Effect shows you how to look deeper into your shadow (your perceived negative subconscious mind).   Looking deeper, you discover that these parts of yourself although initially painful, into these traits, leads to a greater understanding of who we are in the totality of our personality.

Only when we fully understand the entirety of ourselves, can we begin the healing process by accepting and reigning in our full personality, we experience it’s benefits, which leads to increased happiness in our lives.

The movie has two versions, the full movie version and the 2 disk interactive version.  I loved the interactive version and found it incredibly helpful and is the version that I recommend.

The idea is to watch the full movie to get the uninterrupted experience of the movie.   Then whenever it’s convenient and you feel ready, to go through the interactive disk, which guides you through a process of personal self discovery. In this interactive piece, you are fully customizing the experience to your life, your personality, and your specific situation. I feel that this piece is very valuable and it is definitely worth the few extra bucks to buy the interactive version.

The Shadow Effect movie trailer

How To Get Your Copy of The Movie

I personally own two of Debbie Ford’s books; The Best Year of Your Life and The Right Questions.   Because Debbie Ford has been working on this process for nearly fifteen years, most of her books are correlated overall in the same direction. I found the books to add to my experience, although I read both books before I saw the movie.

Since I own the products below, I feel comfortable recommending them to you because I truly believe this is a process of self discovery that will enhance and improve your life.

The Shadow Effect movie dvd - $15.96

The Best Year of Your Life softcover book $12.00

The Shadow Effect movie dvd - Interactive Edition $23.96

The Right Questions softcover book - $12.00

I hope this post has touched your heart in some way. It has touched my heart deeply just putting these thoughts into words.  Vicky

Update: I wrote a continuation of this poem called, My Child… Your Gift if your interested in reading it.

*

You’ve shopped for new clothes, bought their school supplies, enrolled them in after-school activities and arranged the carpool.

Congratulations, you’re well on your way to starting the new school year on the right track!

But what about next year and the years following?

If your back-to-school checklist doesn’t include a plan for future education needs, you might need to make some additional preparations.

It may seem like college is years away, but waiting to save for those expenses — even for one year — can make a great difference.

Photo by Whimsy Studios

Planning For Their Future

Children grow quickly, and the cost of a college education is growing at an even faster rate.  Today, many of the elite institutions cost upward of $30,000 annually to attend—and those costs are projected to double in 18 years.

The sooner you start thinking about future college costs, the more time you’ll have to develop and implement a solid education plan.

• 5.9 % Average increase in public university tuition from 2006–2007 school year to the 2007–2008 school year

• $ 148,004 Estimated cost of four-year public university in 2026

• 5.9 % Average increase in private university tuition from2006–2007 school year to the 2007–2008 school year

• $ 300,000 Estimated cost of four-year public university in 2026 (Statistics from CollegeBoard.com)
  

An Education Plan

Creating an education plan will help you determine how much you’ll need to save for your family’s future education needs.  When it’s time to implement your plan, there are several options available, including 529 College Savings Plans.  The plans are one of the best ways to save for higher education, since they provide tax-deferred asset accumulation, professional management, flexibility, as well as several other benefits not available in other education saving options.  Most 529 plans also offer systematic investment options, allowing you to make regular, automatic contributions and take advantage of compounding and tax-deferred growth.

As you prepare for a new school year, make an appointment to speak to your Financial Advisor about developing a customized education plan that may help you meet your college-funding goals.  Even if you already have a plan, it is still a good time to meet with your Advisor for an annual education review to make sure you are still on the right track.

When Should You Start?

Whether your child is preparing for kindergarten or studying for the SATs, an education plan should always be a part of your back-to-school checklist.

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Related Posts:

• Personal Finance 101:  What is a 529? -   The Simple Dollar
• A Good Problem To Have (How He Saves) -  Dumb Little Man
• What Is the Value of a College Education? -  Financial Aid Podcast
• 529 College Savings Plan -   Wikipedia

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Guest Author Bio:
Todd Herrenbruck is a Financial Advisor with Morgan Stanley Smith Barney in Milwaukee, WI.

You can reach Todd via email, phone 414-226-3106 or by visiting his website.

Let’s Talk

• Do you have an educational plan?

• Is it an important part of your family’s future?

• How important is it for your kids to go to college?

• Is it expected or do you believe that it’s an individual choice that each child needs to make?

• Is your child planning on attend a private or public university or.. maybe a technical college?

Since my daughter is 19 years old, this is a subject that has been on my mind quite a bit over the last two years.  It’ll be interesting to hear some other opinions.  — VickyH

by Sara Puls

“The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.” —  Mahatma Gandhi

In June of this year, a teenage girl in New York City was charged with arson, burglary, criminal trespass and felony aggravated animal cruelty after she broke into her ex-roommate’s apartment seeking revenge. Among other destructive actions, she confessed that she put her alleged ex-girlfriend’s kitten in the oven to die and afterward told investigators “I hate cats.”

Animal Abuse Statistics

According to a 1997 study by the Massachusetts Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (SPCA) and Northeastern University, animal abusers are:

• 5x’s more likely to commit violent crimes against people
• 5x’s more likely to commit property crimes

Does this mean that if a child abuses an animal that they are guaranteed to grow up and become a criminal?

Not necessarily, but animal abuse can be an indicator of a deeper problem and it does mean that animal abuse needs to be taken seriously.

How Children May View Animals

Children need to be taught appropriate ways to interact with pets and to be respectful of pets and wildlife roaming in your neighborhood.

Set A Great Example

1. Never hit, shake, jerk or yell at your family pet – your child learns most of their behaviors by observing you.
2. If you overreact in anger toward your pet, show your child that it’s all right to apologize to the pet just as you would apologize to a person.
3. Do not ignore or dismiss pet-unfriendly actions. When dealt with as though they’ve committed a serious offense, most children will not repeat the behavior.
4. If you notice a child harassing or abusing an animal, it’s important to put a stop to it right away!   Treat it seriously even if it doesn’t seem that the animal was really harmed. Depending on the age and intent of the child, some of these could be innocent behaviors, but the opportunity should be used as a teachable moment to ensure the child understands that harassing animals is unacceptable.

Discuss Inappropriate Behavior

Some inappropriate behaviors that you should discuss with your child include:

1. Chasing a fleeing animal
2. Locking a pet in a closet
3. Leaving a pet outdoors for an extended period of time
4. Painting a pet’s body

Beyond Inappropriate Behavior

Some behaviors can indicate a more serious problem, especially if performed habitually or out of anger.

These behaviors may indicate a need for professional help:

1. Giving a pet medications or harmful foods to see what effect it will have
2. Placing a tight rubber band around a paw or tail
3. Putting a small animal in a washing machine, microwave or other appliance
4. Staging fights between dogs or letting one animal chase another
5. Taking pleasure in seeing a frightened or suffering pet
6. Responding to adult reprimands by engaging in hostile acts toward the pet
7. Burning an animal
8. Teasing an animal with firecrackers
9. Repeatedly showing off the inhumane handling of a pet to others
10. Putting an animal in dangerous situations, such as dangling her outside a window or bringing her into the road

What To Do

If you are aware that a child has engaged in the harassment or abuse of an animal:

1.   A simple, clear statement such as, “We don’t hurt animals” is far more effective than lecturing.

2.  Use the same serious tone of voice that you would use if you saw your child running across the street without stopping to look for oncoming traffic.

3.  If your teenager involves the family dog in high-risk activities such as dog fighting, not only should you intervene, but check in to see if your child is being influenced by alcohol, drugs, gambling or other unhealthy behaviors that involve peer pressure.

Remember that for most children, learning empathy and respect toward animals is part of the normal socialization process; they learn these behaviors the same way as learning how to treat other children.

However, if your child persists in harassing or harming your pet in spite of your repeated corrections, consult with your pediatrician, psychiatrist or psychologist.

If your child is an animal lover, the ASPCA has a fun and informational site, called Animaland for kids who want to learn more about how they can help animals and prevent and report animal abuse.

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Related Posts:

• ABC’s Of Empathy:  Teaching Kids To Care -   American Humane
• Animal Cruelty and Family Violence: Making the Connection -  The Humane Society of the United States
• What Pets Can Teach -  Parents Canada
• Understanding the Link Between Animal Abuse and Family Violence -   American Humane

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Guest Author Bio:

Sara Puls is the creator and community manager of BrewCityTails.com, an online community for pet lovers in Southeastern Wisconsin.

She has a B.A. in Psychology & Sociology, a Master’s Degree in Urban Planning, nine years of experience as a parent and over 15 years experience as a pet parent.   She is an expert in bird care and small animal behavior and care, and has provided foster care for dogs and cats.

You can find Sara and @brewcitytails on Twitter and Facebook.

Let’s Talk

What lessons have you learned from pets?

I’m sure love and companionship, but we all know our pets give us much more. We hope you will share your stories with us and our readers in the comments.

My 5-year old son loves his leapfrog.

He loves playing Batman and Diego and entering his name as the “highest scorer” at the end of each game (well, most games).  He also enjoys playing PBS Kids games and the games at KidsAreHeroes.com.

Playing Video Games

And while I’m not a child psychologist, I believe that too much time in front of a video game, is not good for his development. I also believe that the most important thing I can give my son, and what he really wants the most, is my attention.

So we’ve developed the habit of frequently playing these games together.

This allows us to connect with each other on his terms. Plus it allows me to be the game’s “teaching assistant”.

Playing Together Developing our own Games

As we played together, these games would start to “play out” in the other activities we did:

Drawing pictures
Very naturally, my son started drawing pictures of the characters in the video games. He outlined the bowling lanes, the race car tracks, the mazes. This allowed him another way to understand what he was learning. Drawing also allowed me to extend my role of “assistant teacher” into these drawing activities.

Playing games outside
Instead of teaching my son the rules of a game he wasn’t interested in (i.e. Baseball or Soccer), I allowed him to make up the rules. The soccer ball because a cannon ball. Wiffle ball bats became robot arms. He decided how points were won (which was always in his favor…).

Grocery shopping
We developed a habit of counting apples by twos and threes just like he was learning in his games.  We started sounding out the words on cereal boxes. We turned the shopping isles into a giant maze.

Is There a Solution?

I guess my point with all this is that, as parents, often hear  how bad TV and video games are for our kids, but we too quickly conclude that the “solution” to this problem is to “just watch less”.

As a culture, we don’t want to admit that neglecting our kids could be the real problem (ouch!).  We rarely consider other ways to approach the “Too much TV; too many video games” problem. What I learned through my own experience (and again, I’m no Einstein), is that there are ways to naturally bring the attention away from the screen.

Instead of trying to pull them away from the video game, why not join them?  See to understand your child – and the games they play – on their terms.

The validation alone is worth the time spent.

My son’s Karate teacher, Sensei Craig, said something to me one night that always sticks in my mind:

“What kids want more than anything in the world is your time. They want this more than any toy or video game.”

By making my son’s agenda our number one focus, I’ve learned how to better connect with him, and have a great time learning from each other!

Remarkable Parents Team Bio:

John Haydon is a single father of a 6 year old boy and runs his own business advising non-profits, small business and social entrepreneurs on how to implement inbound marketing strategies with the social web. If you would like to contact John you can find him on Twitter at @johnhaydon or visit  his web site.

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Related Posts:

• Video Games: Preschoolers, Gradeschoolers, Pre-teens, and teens (PBS.org)
• What Are You Putting At Stake as a Parent? (RemarkableParents.com)
• Parents’ Involvement Key To Motivating Students
• Connecting Parents, Kids & Books

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First Meeting and First Outing (Sherry & Renee)

“Mentoring is not just your relationship between you and the child, but their relationship with their environment (parents, siblings, friends. and authority).”

This post is another building block after Mentoring Comes From the Heart, so if you would like to know who Renee is please read that post first.  Furthermore, I’ve written two more posts on my website about A Mentoring Heart, which is about the day we met; and Responsible for Someone Child, which is about our first outing. 

Lessons Learned

During the 11 years that I mentored I learned a lot about parenting and I’m also doing some of the same things with my boys that I did with Renee.  Some of the lessons my mentoring experience taught me were:

1.  Kids are more respectful to those who respect them.
2.  Kids learn more by mirroring what they see not what you say.
3.  Kids truly want to please adults.
4.  Kids need positive feedback more than negative.
5.  Kids want and need quality time with you.
6.  Kids need to feel special.

Most Valuable Lesson

The most valuable thing I did was getting to know Renee’s family.  By doing that I got a glimpse of her family life and I was able to help her when she struggled with family relationships with her sisters and parents..

Every time I would pick Renee up and spend some quality time with her I would take the extra time and go inside and spend time with the family too.  Usually one of her three older sisters would have something to show me, or something they needed to tell me.  I would also chat with her Mom and see how she was feeling or she would specifically ask me help her with a behavior issue or schoolwork with Renee. 

Then there was the step Father, who was in jail for the first year I knew Renee.  When he was released I made it a point to get to know him and show interest in things he was interested in.  He loved fresh water aquariums and I had one too!  There was my opportunity!

Parallel’s With Parenting

Here is one example of many parallels . . .

Now that almost all of my sons are in school I’m staying plugged into their lives not only here at home but at school too.  Here is the parallel.  Since I’m already the parent and know their home life I need to be plugged into the times where there away from me, which in this occasion is school.  During the school year I stay in contact with the teacher and volunteer once a week. 

By creating a relationship with the teacher I learn her style of teaching and how she runs her classroom.  By knowing this I can better help my sons if they are struggling or have a concern. 

Secondly by volunteering I’m blessed with the opportunity to get to know the other kids that he spends his day with.  That way if he’s struggling with a particular child I have some insight on their personality, and how to better help the situation.  Furthermore, I hole heartedly believe if the other kids know me they are more likely to be nice to my son and not bully him.  

So as you can see this parallel in this example is to be “plugged in“, in all aspects of their lives, which not only makes for a good mentor, but also a Remarkable Parent.  Wow look at how I fit that right in there!  j/k

What I Got

So for me being a mentor was nothing less than a gift for my family and our future in many ways.  Such as:

*  I learned just as much or more from Renee as she learned from me.

*  I began to think about the type of parent I waned to be prior to having kids.

*  I had an insight on how much children mirror and pay attention to your actions more than your words, because it was cute when I would see myself in Renee.

And there’s soooooo much more!

If you’ve ever thought of being a mentor you will be amazed with how much you learn and can incorporate into your life, how much the child learns, and the biggest gift of all is seeing the child succeed in their hopes and dreams. 

Renee was 7 years old when I met her, she was held back in 3rd grade but still graduated in her original graduation year, and is how a Military Police officer in the Air Force.  What a gift both her and I received by being a part of each others lives (as I smile with a tear in my eye).

There are a variety of different organizations that can assist you in becoming a mentor if you‘re interested in creating a mentoring story of your own.

Mentor.org: Life Coaches For Kids:
Mentor Net: Boys & Girls Clubs of America:

 Let’s Talk

What have you learned from a child?   There are many ways to be a mentor, mentors are coaches, boy scout leaders,  sunday school teachers and many others that I’m forgetting.

Help us list examples of giving back to a child in your life, what you have done and how you feel it has enriched both of your lives.

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Related Posts:

• Being a Role Model is More Important Than Being a Celebrity (Dadomatic.com)
• What Are You Putting At Stake as a Parent?  (RemarkableParents.com)
• Are You a Good Role Model? (parenting.com)
• A Parents Job as a Role Model (healthyplace.com)

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 Remarkable Parents Team Bio:

Sherry Martz is a 36 year old wife and mother of three sons who lives on a black angus cattle farm in Indiana.  Since 1997 she’s been a mentor to an inner city young lady who is now in the Air Force.   Sherry is an active volunteer at her sons’ school on a weekly basis and helps kids who are struggling and need extra 1 on 1 attention.  She and her husband own two successful businesses for which she does the administrative end.

If you would like to contact Sherry you can find her on Twitter at @citychiconafarm or visit  her website City Chick on a Farm.

Featured Guest Series

by Todd Jordan

In the previous articles we’ve talked about a variety of tools you could use to keep your kids safe online. There are browsers, suites, and toolbars, but each requires something not included in the package.  

That something is parental involvement.

Increase Your Knowledge

Internet safety is more about knowledge of the pitfalls and coming along side children instead of waging a war of prevention.  Each of the tools already mentioned require downloading, installing, setup, and monitoring.

That said, they lull parents into a false sense of security.  They make us tend to set and forget, and hope for the best.  What can we do to step out off attrition mode?

Get safety smart and get involved.

Get Safety Smart … Get Involved

So what’s a parent to do to get educated and take part?

I recommend play!   You can have a good time and learn a bit at the same time, so dig in!

Get an account on your kid’s favorite network  – (let’s take Faceboook for example, very popular these days)

 Step 1:  Set up your profile

1. Don’t share your birthdate – real friends will know, for the rest it doesn’t matter

2. Don’t share your phone number – again, your real life friends should already have this

3. Leave the address information blank – it adds no value, and those that need to know do

4. Leave the Political views blank – not only do your friends know, this is a magnet for trouble

5. Religious views – this is a safe one to fill in – but realize this won’t ward off folks of opposite beliefs

6. Instant message – leave it blank to start with

7. Work and college info – leave it blank – this is not picked up on by Facebook except for ads – there is no automatic connection with others involved

       
      A little more common sense about our profile

• What is in your profile is visible and searchable by others, at least in part?

• When you make someone a contact, they have much higher access to your profile information.

• Leaving fields blank isn’t dishonest. (Don’t be trapped into the myth that only predators keep information private)

• Anything shared with your profile that’s public is not only searchable, but likely to be permanently available in Internet archives.

Step 2:  Find your child’s profile and add them as a contact
Don’t give them a choice on this one. ( It’s not cool for most children, but don’t let that deter you)

Have them make you a friend.  – This will give you greater access to what they’ve posted in their profile and what they share on that service.

Step 3:  Invite them to a game – this the fun part

1.  Find something age appropriate

2.  Find something they like to play

3.  Don’t badger them about it.

Step 4: Leave them alone - Note: This is the hardest step

That’s right – don’t pester them, constantly write on their wall, or send them messages.  They live with you!

1.  Don’t ignore them.  Leaving them alone does not mean not checking in on them. This is where having them as friends on Facebook comes in handy.

2.  Read their wall posts. 

3.  Check their status updates.  This will allow you to see what they write about.

4.  Breathe.  Yes, once you start reading what your children have to say, breathe.  Your kids are going to talk about things that might make you uneasy or wonder if they are your child.  Step back and compare what you’re reading online to what you see in person.  Apply common sense.

5.  Don’t confront them online.  Trust me, this crosses so many boundaries it isn’t worth the trouble. Key is that it calls them out in front of their peers.  That will be an immediate trust destroyer.   Do your talking offline and away from the computer.

So you’ve signed onto your first social network and you and your child aren’t total enemies yet.  That’s really good, but now what? 

It’s a patience game, the next step to online safety is patient observation.

Getting Involved…  Patient Observation

Before we go on, here’s a tip, ‘poking’ is not usually a stand in word for Sex.  Poking is a social tool on Facebook, and other networks to essentially be a virtual poke just like you’d poke someone in real life with your finger, akin to a nudge. That is all on that.

* Watch the groups they join - Facebook, and other social networks online provide chat rooms and groups to join. Pay close attention to which ones she joins. Facebook doesn’t police these groups, nor are they locked by age or other criteria. If you can’t tell by the description if it’s safe, only then join it yourself.

* Watch what applications they add - 99% of Facebook applications are harmless fun and timewasters – few should cause concern. Here the worry is more about age appropriate. There are adult games out there. Oh, you won’t find nudity, but lots of sexual innuendo and sex related topics show their face. Many applications involve a blase attitude towards violence. Use your best judgement.

Note: these applications can be addictive. Beware adding too many to your own profile.

* Check out what they post – All social networks allow posting text, but Facebook allows posting of video, recordings, and pictures as well. It also encourages link sharing. The thing you’re watching for here more than them talking about sex, or other things test the waters with, but is your child being safe in what they share

1.  Are they sharing their address, even remotely close?

2.  Are they telling their age?

3.  Are they giving out their full name and ways to reach them?

4.  Are they arranging to meet people you don’t know or know aren’t safe?

5.  What are other people sharing with your child

Article Wrapup…  Main Takeaways

Joining your son or daughter on social networks is just one way to get closer to them and minimize the risks of their online life.  That won’t always be possible, nor is every community going to be one you’ll feel comfortable joining. 

The tips and tricks above though can be applied in general towards your shared experience with them.

* Be careful what you share – Name, age, address and phone number are the most important ones to be careful with.  Predators of all types will latch onto this information.

* Be careful where you go – Not all groups and communities are problems, but some are more trouble than others. Set the same standards for yourself that you set for your child here.  Avoid obvious pitfalls such as ‘adult’ rooms, and rooms you’d wouldn’t want your teen to visit.

* Be careful who you friend – Just as you will keep back some of your information for safety, others will keep it back for more devious reasons. Watch who you daughter talks to online by observing the conversations you can.  Likewise, don’t trust someone you talk to with too much personal information.  If you aren’t in person friends already, no reason to give out too much.  Kids make this mistake a lot.

* Looks for early signs of trouble – This goes along with some of the above as well. Be wary of folks asking constantly for full name, address, age, or phone number. Keep on the lookout for those sharing photos of themselves that are provocative or increasingly so. Also, if they’ve got something that they need money for, that’s another sign of potential trouble. Kids are easily taken in by their desire to help.

All in all, being online isn’t the riskiest place in the world, but the ease of access makes it easily accessible for trouble makers.  Think about it as a huge social mixer with folks you don’t know. If you wouldn’t share it or take it on board from those folks, then don’t do it online.

This series has been fun to write and made me really set down and think.  Thank you Vicky for inviting me to tackle such an important subject, and thank you readers for coming on board.  I’ve appreciated the feedback and suggestions and can’t wait to visit here again.

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Related Posts:

• Facebook Tutorial – The Basics  (ParentPowerIndex.com)
• Bridging The Communication Divide With Blogging (ParentPowerIndex.com)
• How Using Social Media Has Helped Me Be A Better Dad (RemarkableParents.com)
• How Social Media Has Taught Me To Be A Better Dad (RemarkableParents.com)
• If 40 Is The New 30, Is 18 The New 8 (RemarkableParents.com)

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Featured Guest Writer BIO:

Todd’s blog is The Broad Brush and his interests include activities with his church, online safety and awareness, social media, and multimedia. 

He is  an avid social media user and  a member of the Christian Men of Twitter.

by Chris Garrett

One of the reasons I love the work that I do is that it helps me be closer to my family.

As with most people who run their own business, there are pressures and challenges involved that can work against family life, especially if you are not careful, but over all when talking to other parents I feel blessed that I can now work in a way that allows me all the family benefits that we enjoy.

I have gone from a job that I found frustrating, working for a marketing agency, a traditional commuting and office job, to having my own consulting business, running online courses, writing, running sites for income such as http://creditcardmatcher.com and blogging with friends on sites like http://promotions.co.uk/blog or for companies like http://cogniview.com – the transition was not easy but well worth the effort and I now love my work.

The best part is as well as being happier in myself, which is always a key ingredient in the recipe for better family life, I now get to see my family more often, in more quality ways.

Some of the ways technology helps me …

1) Time – my time is more productively spent.

The biggest example is sales, or rather the removal of a need to do any sales. Where before I would have to write proposals, travel down to London to pitch, present my pitch, then travel back, now I do not need to do any of that. Customers come to me via the internet, and 99% of them I have never met in person. This is a massive time saving. Just the train journey to London is over two hours one way, when it is on time. By car it is nearly four.

Of course I still travel, but I choose when and how, and it is never to pitch or sell.

2) Quality time – by taking control of my time it means I am always available when my family most needs me.

From the seemingly little things (though very important all the same) like never missing any school shows and sports days, through to traumatic events like when my daughter needed to be in hospital I could drop everything.

When I travel for business now I can take my family with me, which is a real thrill for my daughter, and means we do not need to be apart half as much as we would otherwise.

3) Systems – after leaving my job and starting my own business I realized I had gone from one bad employer (job) to another (me).

Freedom is not something you get given but something you need to take. It is only in the last year or so that I really worked that out, but it is through systemizing and technology that supports that where my freedom came from. Everything from using online tools like Skype, through to infrastructure like 3g telephone internet connections. I can outsource entirely online, and can provide my services in the same way. Digital delivery means in some cases my customers do not even need to interact with me at all if they do not want to. The best part is the whole idea of making your own schedule.

Time shifting has impacted many things, most notably television where you watch what you want to and when, but now you can time shift your work which opens up a whole new world.

4) Multi tasking – while queuing, on a train or flight, I can read ebooks, listen to audio books on my iPod, and check email.

In the car I can listen to audio books too, and of course all those other things if I am not driving! In fact on long journeys I have written book chapters, blog posts, answered client emails, updated the online courses I run. Using internet messaging and remote desktop tools I have fixed failing web servers and diagnosed technical problems all over mobile internet connections.

While my daughter watches Disney channel I can have my laptop, well, on my lap and while out and about my iPod touch serves as a terminal to access email and the web.

5) Location independence – not being tethered to a desk is only the start of it.

It gets even better than not being forced to go to an office every day and work to someone else’s schedule. Once your work is online that means you can work from anywhere there is an internet connection. I have logged in from a beach in the south of france, and from a frozen lake in the rocky mountains.

Every school holiday for my daughter means we can go away and do something fun, and my work does not need to suffer to make that happen.

Sound good? It is good, but now there are challenges and potential risks with all this that I ought to share:

Challenges and Potential Risks

1) Being distracted – It is not quality time if you are checking your email, IM and tweets all the time. We need to be present when we need to be present. It is not enough to be physically there and mentally some other place! These tools make it too easy to focus on the wrong things, and our moments with family are too precious to waste.

2) Learn to say ‘no’ – One of my biggest lessons is that we do not have to say yes to everything. My clients are spread all over the world from New Zealand to Hawaii. If I let it then my work would stop me getting any sleep, as every time a new time zone wakes up I get a new set of demands on my time. You need to find a time to be at work and a time to switch off, and when you switch off do it properly. We are now so connected that you can be followed wherever you go and there is no safe haven. Even flights now have wifi occasionally. Some people think if you CAN be online you SHOULD.

3) Workaholism – At some point we need to make the decision to end the work day. If I let myself I work 12 hours or more each day, and I work seven days a week.

Not healthy!

So I have started implementing a strict policy of work hours and building in family and health time. It is not easy but I am getting there. This is related to the previous point but it is an important one.

When you can work from anywhere and any time, how do you choose to stop? I often say that while I have not experienced burnout yet I have circled that drain a few times. You have to be disciplined and put your family first.

While we think we are doing all this hard work for our family, you are doing them no good if you become a worn out ask of yourself at the end of each day.

I would like to hear how you work and balance your family and professional life. Please share your thoughts in the comments?

Chris Garrett lives in the UK with the two most important ladies in his life; his wife and their 9 year old daughter.

Chris is a professional blogger, Internet Marketing consultant, writer, coach, speaker, and web geek. He is a founding member of Performancing and recently has co-written the book Problogger: Secrets For Blogging Your Way To A Six Figure Income

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Related Posts:

• Connecting With Your Child When Twitter Is Banging On The Door (RemarkableParents.com)
• How Social Media Has Taught Me To Be A Better Dad (RemarkableParents.com)
• Flipping Work Life Balance (BiggSuccess..com)
• Sandbagging Your Efforts (CarpeFactum.typepad.com)

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I’m a single dad.

I see my son Thursday through Saturday night and sometimes Sundays. Because of my limited time with him, it’s important that I focus my time with him in the best possible way. But this is not as easy as it sounds.

Managing My Time

In addition to being a Dad, I also run my own business.  I  consult with  non-profits and businesses on how to use social media to get more customers.  There are times when my customer workload keeps me up until 1:00AM.  There are also times when business is slow, but I’m still up late using the inbound marketing strategies that I teach. In either case, I’ve learned some valuable lessons about making my time with my son 100% about him – not Twitter, my Blog or LinkedIn.   I’ve learned these things the hard way, which is how I learn most effectively. These are five lessons that I’ve learned that help me make 100% of the time with my son about him.

Five Time Management Tips That Work

1.  Create High Barriers To Distraction

Sounds simple enough, right?

Not so easy though, as I’m sure you’ve found.

For me, closing the laptop is not enough.  I need to take the darn thing on tuck it way up high above the kitchen cabinet – where it’s really hard for me to get it back down.

This essentially creates a higher barrier for me to even begin to entertain checking email or Twitter.

2.  Work in Short Spurts

On the weekends, if I have to do work, I’ve learned to keep it within short bursts.  This way, the majority of time is spent together – enjoying each other.

Two or three (max) mini work sessions  is what works for me.  My son is almost six – he needs my attention – a lot!

3.  Focus On One Task

If I need to get a project done, I’ll focus my time on that one task – to the exclusion of everything else – in a couple of 30-minute blocks of time throughout the day

It seems that 30 minutes is also the limit for my son.

To help me, I use a kitchen timer, which I like because the ticking noise ads that extra sense of urgency.

4.  Set Clear Expectations

When I set clear expectations, my son feels safe and loved.

If I say to my son, "I need to do some work for a while", he’s more likely to ask for my attention every five minutes.

But, If I say that I’m going to work for 30 minutes, then close my laptop, and then take him to the park, he’s much more likely to keep himself busy until I’m done.

5.  Show Your Appreciation

When I do have to work, even for a 30-minute burst, I always say express appreciation to my son.

"Thank you so much for letting me get some work done."

"You’re becoming such a big boy!"

"I’m so proud of you."

Obviously this makes him feel great – and goes way beyond mere positive reinforcement.   Praise builds happy confident children, which is way more important than any job or client project.

Creating His Childhood And Our Lives

Finally, I remind myself that the days I spend with my son are his childhood. How much love, connection, praise and support, can I give him during these crucial years. This is his childhood!  What kind of memories am I creating with him?

Remarkable Parents Team Bio:

John Haydon is a single father of a 6 year old boy and runs his own business advising non-profits, small business and social entrepreneurs on how to implement inbound marketing strategies with the social web. If you would like to contact John you can find him on Twitter at @johnhaydon or visit  his web site.

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Related Posts:

• Who Taught My Kid That Four Letter Word (RemarkableParents.com)
• How Social Media Has Taught Me To Be A Better Dad (RemarkableParents.com)
• Fostering Appreciation in Children (kidsgrowth.com)
• Day 15 of 15 Days of Work/Life Balance: Lessons Learned (jessicaknows.com)

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Quality time is so important.  Do you have any tips that you use to stay focused- at work?  with family?  during your alone time?

by Anita Bruzzese

Christmas Card vs

Family Newsletter

Several years ago a bit of a tiff started in newspaper advice columns regarding family newsletters.

On one side were the people who said something like:  “I’m sick of getting these ‘updates’ that are nothing more than a chance for people to brag about how wonderful their perfect children are and what awards they’ve won.”

Who cares?!

On the other side were the folks who said they looked forward to the missives, and they didn’t even care if a little bragging was involved.  “It’s a chance to stay connected,” these people argued. “It’s nothing to be mad about.”

“In every conceivable manner, the family is link to our past, bridge to our future. ”   — Alex Haley

The Doubt

As someone who faithfully sends a family newsletter every year, I worried.

What were my family and friends saying about me?

Was my newsletter something to be reviled and chucked in the recycling bin after they blew their nose on it?

The Test

So, one year I decided to test the waters and didn’t send a newsletter. I got an earful. “Where is your letter, you slacker?” a friend griped. “I read that thing to everyone at work. They look forward to it!”

An elderly aunt was more delicate: “Dear, is there something wrong? We’re worried since we didn’t get your letter this year, which is a highlight for us.”

Well, with those kinds of comments I  took it as a positive sign and ignored that niggling doubt my newsletters were a source of derision and disdain and decided to continue writing my messages.

Personally, I love getting newsletters from family and friends. To be honest, I don’t love them all equally. Some, I will admit, read like resumes. Some are just long-winded and boring. But in our fast-paced, hectic lives, I think it’s more important than ever that we stay truly connected.

The Writing Tips

So, here are some tips to help you write family messages that are treasured, not trashed.

• Avoid listing specific awards.

This is a real pet peeve of many people. If you say, “Amber received first place in the regional soccer competition hosted by….”  Blah, blah, blah.

Everyone skipped ahead as soon as they saw “first place” and “Amber.”

Instead, talk about why Amber loves soccer: “She says she pretends the ball is the boy in math class who bugs her.  She loves kicking the stuffing out of it.”

You can say you’re doing well at work, and love certain aspects of your job.  But to talk about how you were one of only five people recognized in your region for selling the most widgets?  Seriously?  Only your mom cares about that, and you probably already called and told her.

Spare the rest of the people in your life the litany of family awards.

• Tell a story.

Don’t list every town you stopped in on your summer vacation, where you ate and how much gas cost.

Pick an event – like when you went horse-back riding and found out your guide used to work for Brad Pitt – and highlight it.   People appreciate a good, short story.

It makes them feel much more a part of your life and helps them enjoy the experience as if they were there with you.

• Make it personal.

Don’t talk about yourself in the third person.   It sounds weird, like you’re a Hollywood diva with serious emotional issues. “Anita had a great year. Anita tripped and fell in front of the entire high school track team.”

Instead, “I had a great year, except for the day I tripped in front of the high school track team and one of them said, ‘When my Grandma fell like that, she broke a hip. Maybe we should call an ambulance.’”

• Keep it concise.

Really, all anyone wants to hear is some brief news about your family; what they’re doing; what interests them; any cool tidbits to pass along (“we found a great cabin at the lake for a really reasonable price and here’s the phone number…”); and that you’re hoping they’re doing well.

Kids change so much from year to year that it might seem tough to whittle down your newsletter to one page, but try.

As they say, always leave your audience wanting more.

Anita Bruzzese writes on her site 45 Things and  is the author of two books “45 Things You Do That Drive Your Boss Crazy — And How To Avoid Them” and “Take This Job And Thrive“.  You can download a sample chapter of each of her book’s on her site for a preview.

Anita has written about workplace issues for more than a decade and is an award-winning journalist, as well as being the founding managing editor of the national magazine Employee Benefit News.

A study of 1,000 young people for Big Brothers Big Sisters showed that, compared to other groups, children with mentors were

• 46% less likely to begin using illegal drugs
• 27% less likely to begin using alcohol
• 53% less likely to skip school
• 33% less likely to engage in school violence

In addition to the above statistics, mentored children also showed improved relationships with both their peers and their family’s.

A Mentor’s Story

Disheartening statistics isn’t what lured me into becoming a mentor, but my personality traits of  being helpful, having a giving heart, and believing in volunteer work that I believe sparked my interest in becoming a mentor.

A friend had mentioned that she had been a ‘Big Sister’ in her early 20s.   At that time I was 24 and had been on my own and supporting myself for 5 years.  I realized that I had extra time to take on a commitment like mentoring a child and after all the paperwork and background checks had been done, I spoke with a BBBS counselor named Neal with the Big Brothers & Big Sisters organization, .

Since it was Neal’s job was to match me with a Little Sister, I made sure he knew that I wanted the youngest girl available.  I had decided this wasn’t going to be ‘just a mentoring‘ relationship but instead a ‘lifelong friend‘.

Renee

On August 16, 1997 I met Renee.  She was 7 years old, which is younger than BBBS’s 8 year old requirement, but because of extending circumstances she was allowed to enter the program early.

The girls’ mother, in my opinion, gave her girls the best gift she could ever give them, especially since she was terminally ill, Renee and her three older sisters all had Big Sisters.

In the years to come not only did I help her with homework, take her places, make special projects, but I also made sure I got to know her family to help her understand and manage the relationships she had with her sisters, mother, and step-father.

Other than always touching base and becoming a part of her family I made her a part of mine and took her to all my family functions over the years.

Part Of Our Family

Renee was there when I got married, had my first two sons, and she was close enough to experience the pregnancy with my third son on a daily basis.  Due to her Mother’s illness, she became a permanent part of our family prior to having our third son.  That’s right — we filed for custody of her when her mother was no longer able to care for her.

As you can see this relationship has gone above and beyond any mentoring relationship that I know of, and for that we are so proud.

I can honestly say though that I’ve learned just as much or more from her as she has learned from me.  Now that I look back on the experience, while she was young , it seems to me that I was a “parent-in-training”  because a lot of the things I did with her I’m also doing with my own kids.  Wow!

Mentoring Resources

There are a variety of different organizations that can assist you in becoming a mentor if you‘re interested in creating a mentoring story of your own.

Mentor.org:
Life Coaches For Kids:
Mentor Net:
Boys & Girls Clubs of America:

Remarkable Parents Team Bio:

Sherry Martz is a 36 year old wife and mother of three sons who lives on a black angus cattle farm in Indiana.  Since 1997 she’s been a mentor to an inner city young lady who is now in the Air Force.   Sherry is an active volunteer at her sons’ school on a weekly basis and helps kids who are struggling and need extra 1 on 1 attention.  She and her husband own two successful businesses for which she does the administrative end.

If you would like to contact Sherry you can find her on Twitter at @citychiconafarm or visit  her website City Chick on a Farm.

Let’s Talk

We can all use a mentor at some point in our life.

Who has been a big influence for you and how did he/she change your life?

by Robert Hruzek

Photo by M. Ryan

Hey, do your digital photos tend to come out looking pale and washed-out?

Mine sure do!

Are the colors not quite as vivid as you remembered?

Yep;  that’s me, all right!

The Free, Fast, & Easy Software

When it comes to capturing those great moments with today’s cameras, well, I must admit to being something of a dweeb.  I’ll tell ya; I can never figure out how to get the best out of ‘em.

The good news is, help is available! For instance, there’s a great photo-editing tool available that’s easy, fast and – best of all – free! (Don’cha just love that word?)

Trust me; it’s easier than you think.

Edit It & Store It

With just a couple of clicks I will show you how to use a free web-based photo-editing tool called Picnik to make even ordinary-seeming photos come alive. But here’s the best news: Picnik has partnered with Flickr in such a way that they’re practically joined at the hip!

(NOTE: the following steps assume you already have a Flickr account. The basic membership for Flickr is free, but there’s also a Pro membership available for $24.95 for a year. Although you can use Picnik without a Flickr membership, the ability to edit from within Flickr is, in my opinion, a big plus.)

Editing Your Photo

Here’s how to quickly edit a photo using Picnik (from within Flickr):

1. Pick any photo from your photostream. This will take you to that photo’s page.
2. OK, see all those little icons just above the photo? Click on that second one from the right: “Edit Photo”.
   
3. Now, the first time only, you’ll be asked if you want to open Picnik within your Flickr account. Click on “OK”. (Only happens your first time.) This step is necessary because the application has the ability to manipulate (even delete!) photos in your Flickr account, so they just want you to be sure. It’s OK; that’s what you want.
4. Once Picnik opens (it’ll take a few seconds), you’ll find yourself on the main edit page, which should look something like this:

Now, if you’re anything like me (and sincere condolences if you are!), then you’re probably thinking to yourself, “Ooh, lookit all the pretty buttons!” For the purposes of this demonstration, though, let’s just keep it simple for now, shall we?

Trust me, this one thing may be all you’ll ever need.

OK; only a couple more steps and we’re done!

1. Now click on the “Exposure” button there in the middle. This takes you to a different page, where you’ll see, among other things, two buttons: “Auto-Fix” on the left and “Advanced” over on the right.
2. Click on the “Advanced” button. Another menu appears just below it.
3. Now – and here’s where the instant magic happens – click on the box at the bottom, next to the words “Local Contrast”. Keep your eye on the photo so you can watch what happens.

Voila! You’ll see the photo pop to life like you won’t believe! With a little practice, it’ll take less time to edit a photo than it took to read through these instructions.

Plus, you don’t have to stop there; with a free Picnik account you’ll find a huge number of editing tools available that provide an amazing amount of creative freedom. (Remember, for the more advanced features a Premium membership is required – also $24.95 a year; this is a different animal than a Pro Flickr account.)

Before & After Photo

Here’s a before-and-after split of the photo I used, with before on the right half and after on the left half. Isn’t it amazing, the difference just a few clicks can make?

In no time, you’ll be turning your pale, washed out photos into something you can be truly proud of. And as we say down here in Texas, that’s just finer than a frog’s hair!

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Image: Say Hello to Me Mum! by Robert Hruzek

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Robert Hruzek currently lives in Houston, Texas, and is usually employed as an engineering project manager. He has travelled, lived and worked in many locations within the United States and around the world.

Robert writes on the Web at Middle Zone Musings (http://middlezonemusings.com/). It’s a comfortable place to have a cup of coffee, swap a few stories and share practical ideas for the real world. He doesn’t ask for much, just a bit of your brain every now and then. Why not drop by, take a load off, and relax for a spell…

You may contact Robert by email at: rhruzek [at] sbcglobal [dot] net

Mom’s, kid’s and dad’s enjoy, this look yummmy!

Cool Cake for Mom (No Baking Required)

Dad and company can make this creamy, foolproof confection on their own — no oven (and no Mom) required!

That’s because this cake “cooks” in the refrigerator.   All you do is prepare a few ingredients.

RECIPE INGREDIENTS:

	1 (10 3/4-ounce) pound cake
	1 (3 1/8-ounce) box of instant pudding
	1 cup whipped topping
	Fruit (we used 2 bananas and 4 large strawberries)
	Mint sprigs (optional)
	Chilled chocolate syrup

RECIPE STEPS:

1. Slice the pound cake into several horizontal slices about an inch thick.

2. Prepare the pudding according to package directions.  Mix the pudding with the whipped topping.

3. Chop up the fresh fruit you’ve chosen.

4. Layer the cake, fruit, and a little less than half of the pudding mixture in a loaf pan.  Then top the cake with the remaining pudding.

5. Put the cake in the fridge for a couple of hours. When it’s chilled, decorate it; we topped ours with trimmed strawberries and mint sprigs.

6. Squeeze on a greeting with chilled chocolate syrup.  Then serve Mom a sweet treat on her special day.

What other plans do you have for your mom? Did you make her a card or buy her a gift?

Please share your plans with all the kids and mom’s and tell us what makes your mom special!

Oh how I love my iPhone…  Let me count the ways….

My iPhone is honestly the next best resource when I don’t have my computer with an internet connection and this interview pretty much lays out my thoughts as to why.

Of course, this is my personal opinion, but there seem to be other iPhoneSpaz’s out there…  and I have found them!

I’m Not The Only iPhoneSpaz!

I also got some input from fellow geeks on twitter so let’s get this started.

“I love my iPhone because it’s unrequited love from afar. No one loves me enough to buy me one. It’s imaginary, fantasy, and folly.”  — Scott Merrick

“Loves her iPhone because it’s so empowering! I can get information about anything and everything and respond in realtime!“  — Gail Mari

“Easy to learn, slick, easy-to-use interface, nice comfortable size, killer potential with addition of multitude of apps.”   — Robert Hruzek

“I can personalize it to exactly what I need and want. As simple or complex as I choose”  — Scott Nelson

“My iphone can do just as much as my computer:  find places to eat, gives pollen count, play games, give directions & it loves me back.”  — Christine K

iPhoneSpaz Interview

Recently, I had a conversation and then an interview with Jamie Grove Mr. iPhoneSpaz himself about my beloved iPhone.

Jamie: First thing’s first… How many apps do you have and what got you hooked?

Vicky: 38 added (non standard icons/applications).

The main thing that got me hooked was flexibility and convenience.

I want to have both the flexibility and convenience of doing many of the same things on my phone that I can do on my computer. When I’m away from my computer, it is very important that I can do some of the same basic tasks that I’m able to complete on my computer. Many times it’s not that I actually ‘want’ to accomplish something, but it is also the piece of mind knowing that there is not something important that I should be attending to that I am missing, which is many times as simple as being able to see my email account.

The other thing that is really convenient is to be able to use time that is many times unuseful (ie.. waiting in the waiting room for a dr.’s appt) to either complete or start small tasks.

This time is no longer unuseful, I can make use of this time to get something done.

Jamie: How has the iPhone changed your life?

Vicky: Owning an iPhone has given me both basic functionality and many additional application options.

Basic functionality like contacts, calendar, Google maps, notes, camera, iPod (music), email, text messaging, web browser combined with add-on’s like Wordpress, Facebook, Jott, Linked-In, Twitterfon, Skype, and Evernote.

With the additional applications that are so available on the iPhone, I could offset the additional price of purchasing an iPhone because of the additional functionality. I didn’t by an iPod or a Blackberry, instead I used the funds for these purchases to be able to purchase the iPhone. I also felt confident with the popularity of this particular phone and the number of applications being created that this technology and the appliations would continue to be a platform that developers would continue to both develop new applications and support/update existing applications.

More…

What do you think?

Do you love your iPhone or another phone?  What’s your favorite application or time saving tip?

Would you like to create a video, would you like to write an article or would create a slideshow highlighting your Remarkable Kid?

We think you do!

Why Would I Participate?

Sometimes you just need an idea… a little encouragement to acknowledge someone special in your life.

You  now you can submit content to be highlighted in the special section of our website — called Remarkable Kids! 

How Do I Participate?

If your child has a blog or website, please submit the url (do not include child’s name) in the comments.  Note: All content must be submitted by an adult 18 years or older.

Link It Up

So link it up and let’s get this great new project started.   We are excited and can’t wait to begin receiving your content!

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I think we all struggle with how can give something back?

Some of us struggle with the inability to donate financially, some of us cannot find the time, while others don’t because they lack  information that clearly outlines what they can do and where help is needed. Well, if you fall into the last category, this is your lucky day!

Helping People Find Jobs

“Job Angels mission is to help bring people together in a community setting where each person commits to a single goal: to help just one person find gainful employment.” --  Job Angels mission statement

We will be discussing a new non-profit, called Job Angels, who are not only helping those out of work find jobs, but has also devised a way for people to help each other, one person at a time. I love the way Job Angels covers both sides of the spectrum with a strategy that allows anyone to help. Job Angels is a using social media in a new way, to help people find jobs!

In The Press

Fortunately, Job Angels has been able to get some great press lately which has drawn even more job seekers and angels to the cause.

CNN video – Unemployed ‘tweet’ for work

Wall Street Journal – For the Jobless Web Sites Offer More Options
Wall Street Journal – Strangers Lend a Hand to Job Seekers
New York Times -  Putting Yourself on a Shelf Out There to Buy

In this article, we want to familiarize you with how people seeking jobs can use this service effectively and how people who are employed can become an Angel for someone else (usually someone they don’t know).

How Can You Connect With Job Angels?

There are many ways you can help with the cause;  list your mini-resume for help finding a job, post an available job, become an angel for someone out of work, become a volunteer w/ job angels, or help us spread the word.

Steps for each of these subcategories has been listed below.

Get Help Finding a Job

Twitter
1.  Create a Twitter id    (Takes less than 2 minutes)
2.  Follow @JobAngels on Twitter    (type:  follow jobangels)
3.  Send @JobAngels a mini-resume tweet    (ie.  @JobAngels Boston MA 15 years exper. in pr and marketing seeks management pos. @JohnDoe #jobangels) include the hashtag #jobangels
4.  Use twitter search to search through jobs already posted (ie. criteria:   boston pr jobangels)
5.  Connect on twitter with others in the same city, twitter local application
6.  Connect on twitter with others in your same area of expertise using twitter search (ie. criteria:  pr)
7.  Put your mini-resume in your twitter bio

Linked-In
1.  Join Linked-In
2.  Join the group JobAngels
3.  Find local groups, many times jobs are posted

Facebook

1.  Join Facebook
2.  Join the group JobAngels
3.  Find local groups, many times jobs are posted

Email
1.  Send Job Angels an email

Web
1.  Visit the Job Angels website

I would recommend joining all three social media areas, but the two must have’s would be Linked-In and Twitter.  They don’t have as large of an overlap of the same people as Facebook and Twitter has.

Post A Job

Twitter
1.  Create a Twitter id    (Takes less than 2 minutes)
2.  Follow @JobAngels on Twitter    (type:  follow jobangels)
3.  Send @JobAngels a mini-job posting tweet    (ie.  @JobAngels Milwaukee WI  Retail sales person needed for southeastern wi location , contact @JohnDoe #jobangels) include the hashtag #jobangels or email Job Angels

Linked-In
1.  Join the group JobAngels
2.  Start a new discussion, add job posting to the “Discussions” or the “Jobs” board

Facebook
1.  Join the group JobAngels
2.  Start a new discussion, add job posting to the “Discussion Board”

Become An Angel

Each job seeker will have different needs from their Angel.

The following areas are a few where you may be asked for help; preparing their resume, job relocation, interview skills, possible contacts you may have in the area of expertise, or just someone helpful to listen to them.

Twitter
1.  Create a Twitter id    (Takes less than 2 minutes)
2.  Follow @JobAngels on Twitter    (type:  follow jobangels)
3.  Use twitter search to search through the job seekers in your area of expertise, possibly your own city or state. (ie. criteria:   ny marketing jobangels)

Linked-In
1.  Join the group JobAngels
2.  Look for a job seeker to help in your area of expertise

Facebook
1.  Join the group JobAngels
2.  Look for a job seeker to help in your area of expertise

Become A Volunteer

Job Angels is currently looking for volunteers.  Help is needed on twitter/social media, the web site, answering email, and other areas.  Contact Job Angels via email.

Get The Word Out

Another way you can help with Job Angels is to write a blog post, an article, tweet, or otherwise tell others about Job Angels.

The more people that get involved, the more people that can be helped.

What are you willing to do?

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Microsoft® Word 2007: introduction

Word 2007 enables users to create professional-quality documents, such as letters, brochures, newsletters and web pages. In this class, you’ll learn the basics of using Word 2007, and then move on to customizing the Word environment.

You’ll also learn how to create and edit documents, work with graphics, use editing and proofing functions and more.

• Learn the Word 2007 environment and become comfortable manipulating that environment to make workflow more efficient for individual style
• Create documents and edit documents
• Use formatting and page-layout functions
• Use editing and proofing functions
• Create graphics using SmartArt
• Create basic tables and use Quick Tables

Microsoft® PowerPoint 2007: introduction

Microsoft PowerPoint® 2007 is a full-featured program for creating professional-quality presentations. In this free Microsoft PowerPoint tutorial, you’ll learn how to customize the PowerPoint 2007 environment, use presentation views to maximize efficiency, apply color schemes and document themes and create a basic presentation with text and simple graphics.

• Explore the PowerPoint 2007 environment
• Understand the most important tools and features of PowerPoint 2007
• Create documents and edit documents
• Use different views to improve efficiency
• Apply color schemes and document themes
• Create a basic presentation using text and simple graphics

Microsoft® Excel 2007: introduction

In this free online class, you’ll explore the Excel® interface and learn to enter, edit and format data and use Microsoft Excel formulas and functions to calculate and analyze numeric data. You’ll also get tips on using Microsoft Excel for simplifying many tasks.

• Learn how Excel can help you organize, analyze and present data
• Create simple, effective spreadsheets that include text and numeric data
• Use formulas and functions to perform automatically updating mathematical calculations
• Apply attractive formatting to worksheet rows, columns and cells to make data more readable and interesting

Writing a high-impact business plan

If you’re starting or expanding a small business, this course gets you started on the process of writing a business plan that will impress potential investors and help you get the funding you need. The course is based on The McGraw-Hill Guide to Writing a High-Impact Business Plan: A Proven Blueprint for Entrepreneurs by James B. Arkebauer.

• Understand the importance of creating a good business plan, and the level of effort required
• Learn the components of a comprehensive business plan
• Get background for writing the most important part of your plan: the business description
• Find out how to describe your market and develop a definitive operation plan

Build your business identity with a new logo

This class will help you build a true business identity. To brainstorm business logo ideas, you’ll take a close look at your business and identify what makes it unique. Next, you’ll learn to translate those distinct qualities into a relevant business logo design that sets you apart from the competition. Finally, you’ll explore the different ways you can use your new company logo design to create high-quality color business documents in-house.

• Brainstorm business logo ideas by clearly articulating what makes your business unique
• Have a logo that truly personifies your business
• Be familiar with the ways you can use a business logo in marketing materials
• Use your business logo design to create in-house the marketing materials you need to succeed

How to build your first website

Websites aren’t magic.

Planning, designing and implementing a site for yourself, your small business, your family or your model car club is well within the capabilities of any person with a reasonable amount of computer know-how.

A broad range of free and low-cost tools are available to assist the novice web publisher. This class shows you how you can let these tools do the technical work while you focus on your vision. Podcast version of this class available.

• Design an effective website from scratch
• Discover tips and tools to help you build a site you can be proud of
• Build a website
• Get your site published on the World Wide Web
• Add audio, video or slide shows to your website
• Promote the site and keep visitors coming back again and again

WARNING: This post is rated PG-13

I’ll admit it, I’m a huge 37signals blog fan and checkout their blog almost daily, right after I look at the Lolcats blog.

I’m looking at the picture above and reading the entry, then start reading the comments. I am not a web interface designer, so many times I see the articles in a different light than many of the other people who comment on the site. When I saw this today I was shocked! Had Amazon made a huge PR blunder? and then have it reposted on Signal vs. Noise….

Truthfully the reason I read the article was not related to design, I thought “I wanna go read all the flack those guys are going to get from their readers for posting about Bezos, since he’s an investor”. So imagine my surprise finding out all the comments were about the design.

So I thought, think like a designer Vicky, you can look at the packaging from a “frustration free packaging” point of view. So I’m looking at it and I’m going to myself who cares how easy it is to open or close, you can’t see the toy! Why would I buy a toy with that ugly brown wrap that you can’t even see that it’s a toy?

I bet someone at Amazon is having a WTF moment. Jeff, don’t fire the PR people, unless your going to hire me, I *heart* Amazon!

Did you know that Blog Action Day will be having a 12 hour Blog Talk Radio Talk-a-thon?

It’s happening on October 15th, 2008 (Blog Action Day) from 12:00pm (EST) to 12:00am (EST).

“Using Social Media For Nonprofits” Roundtable

One session that will be on the Blog Talk Radio Talkathon will be a “Using Social Media For Nonprofits” roundtable discussion.

The session will be live beginning at 5:00pm (EST) to 5:45pm (EST). We have some of the best bloggers, social media experts, and nonprofit experts included so it should be very interesting.

Who’s on the roundtable panel?

Host: Easton Ellsworth, U.S. Coordinator Blog Action Day,
Cohost: Vicky Hennegan
Panelists: Paul Chaney, Liz Strauss, Mark J. Carter, Beth Kanter.

Beth Kanter

Nonprofit Technology Trainer, Consultant, and Evaluator

Beth Kanter is a trainer, blogger, and consultant to nonprofits and individuals in effective use of social media. Her expertise is how to use new web tools (blogging, tagging, wikis, photo sharing, video blogging, screencasting, social networking sites, and virtual worlds, etc) to support nonprofit. She has worked on projects that include: training, curriculum development, research, and evaluation.She is an experienced coach to “digital immigrants” in the personal mastery of these tools.

She is a professional blogger and writes about the use of social media tools in the nonprofit sector for social change.

Liz Strauss

The founder of SOB (Successful and Outstanding Bloggers) list and the founder of SOBCon Conference, which is a biz school for bloggers.

Anyone who knows Liz personally knows what a giving person she is. Liz is constantly giving to others and views her friends and clients success as part of her success. Liz has two main mottos that envelop exactly who she is as a person and business woman, they are “be irresistable” and “you’re only a stranger once“.

Mark J. Carter

Over the last 7 years Carter has interviewed, worked with and/or been mentored by the best professional relationship builders.

Then Carter put everything into a duplicable, step by step system by taking the best of their strategies (and these people ranged from what you would call business “movers and shakers” to the “nice guys/girls”…the common thread: they all got (and get) results from their relationships).

In addition to networking Carter builds social media campaigns that not only create word of mouth marketing but also build relationships online and offline.

One of his current projects is serving as Director of Social Media for www.SavingTheWorld.net; an online community created by NY Times Bestselling Author Tim Sanders (just released his latest book, “Saving The World At Work“). The focus is creating change in your workplace and your community.

ONE80 Consulting :: Training

“Building Pivotal & Profitable Business Relationships”

Paul Chaney

Paul is the Internet Marketing Director for Bizzuka, a Web design and development company based in Lafayette, Louisiana. When he’s not serving Bizzuka, he also serves as President of the International Blogging and New Media Association (IBNMA), a non-profit trade association dedicated to advancing blogging, podcasting and social media as an industry.

Paul has been involved in online marketing for nearly a decade. As one of the first business blogging consultants he understands at a granular level how conversational media tools such as blogs can be used for marketing purposes and has worked with a number of clients assisting them in deploying such strategies.

Paul was co-founder of Blogging Systems, a blog software company that significantly impacted the real estate industry in terms of encouraging Realtors to adopt blogging as a marketing strategy. Along with Blogging Systems CEO Richard Nacht, he co-authored Realty Blogging: Build your Brand and Outsmart Your Competition, which similarly impacted the industry and which was the first blogging book to target a specific industry vertical.

He is a feature writer for Practical Ecommerce magazine on the use of blogs and social media for marketing purposes. He has led numerous workshops and seminars on the topic, including the first ever such seminar in Asia in 2005. He also blogged professionally with Weblogs, Inc, as well as with Allbusiness.com.

Paul has served as Technical Editor on a number of the “For Dummies” series books related to blogs and Internet marketing, and was contributing writer on Buzz Marketing with Blogs For Dummies, published by Wiley..

Realty Blogging (Paperback)

by Richard Nacht (Author), Paul Chaney (Author)

Junta 42 #14 of Top 42 Conversational Media Marketing

Social Media Resources:

Web 2.0 Social Tools Starter List

Beth’s Wiki
Lots of links and resources about nonprofits and social media -
explore and enjoy

Eight Secrets of Social Networking for Nonprofits

Social Networking Options for Nonprofits

How To Find Your Blog Community: Managing Information Overload

Netsquared

Social Actions

NTEN

Blog Action Day Posts

Can You Live A Life In Poverty?

Excerpt Imagine if:

• Your life purpose was getting clean water for your children to drink that day.
• Living with abundance meant having a plate of food and not just scraps.
• Manifesting your dreams included having a roof over your head.

What if you had nothing, and had to scrape by every day, worried about necessities like food and water and housing? Most people in extreme poverty do not have the luxury to think about a life purpose – other than how to stay alive. That is their purpose. Food, Water, Shelter.

For every Life Purpose Course you purchase from us today we’ll donate $25.00 to Heifer.org and buy some goats, chicken and water systems to support others.

My Poverty Callout

Excerpt
So you want to help? Then tighten your belt
You’re going to do things that’s going to be heartfelt
Look inside yourself, ask what you will do
If you struggling and your country won’t help you
What do you do? How about where you’ll go?
How’s a stranger going to help? Just let him know
that “I don’t want to hand out, just a hand up
So I can contribute to life’s everloving cup”
I have desire and I want to leave my mark
In this world before my lights goes dark
What can I be? What can I contribute?
I could be a doctor, who can distribute
the cure for many diseases, for every season

The Vicious Cycle Of Poverty (Or Why Jessie Won’t Go to College)

Excerpt After all, as Winston Churchill eloquently put it, “We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.”

What will you give today?

Tell you what… I’ll donate $25 to Save the Children for every pledge of $10 or more from each of you out there. Just drop me a note in the comments with your pledge, and go here to make your donation.

If there are companies out there that would like to make a more substantial donation, I’ll be more than happy to recognize you for it in a follow-up post. Send me email with the details. Thanks for your time and attention.

In closing, thank you to everyone who participated in Blog Action Day! Bloggers Rock!

Blog Action Day is an annual nonprofit event that aims to unite the world’s bloggers, podcasters and videocasters, to post about the same issue on the same day.

One Issue, Thousands of Voices

Video: Blog Action Day 2008 …the blogging community effectively changes the conversation on the web and focuses audiences around the globe on that issue. By doing so on the same day, the blogging community effectively changes the conversation on the web and focuses audiences around the globe on that issue. Out of this discussion will naturally flow actions, advice, ideas, plans, and empowerment.

Mass Participation

From the smallest online journals, to huge online magazines, to EU ministers, to professionals and amateurs, Blog Action Day is about mass participation! Who’s participating?

Elena Valenciano, TechCrunch, ReadWriteWeb, LifeHacker, Mashable, SmashingMagazine, VentureBeat, ProBlogger, Inhabitat, ZenHabits, StepcaseLifeHack, MentalFloss, DailyBlogTips, TorrentFreak, SEOMoz, GetRichSlowly, WiseBread, LifeDev.net, GigaOm, DumbLittleMan, RemarkableParents, SuccessfulBlog, DiscoveringDad, ChrisBrogan, Shift+OneMedia, DivinePurposeUnleashed, LifeInPerpetualBetaMovie, DeafMom, IBNMA, ChrisG, and more…

How You Can Participate

1. Register your blog. 2. Get Blog Action Day banner. 3. Respond to email confirmation. 4. Save email with html script code. 5. Insert script code into October 15th Blog Action Day post.

Blog Action Day 2008

In 2008, the Blog Action Day theme is Poverty. Bloggers are free to interpret this as they see fit. We invite bloggers to examine poverty from their own blog topics and perspectives, to look at it from the macro and micro, as a global condition and a local issue, and to bring their own ideas, views and opinions on the subject.

Other Resources:

Blog Action Day web site Live Stream of @BlogActionDay Tweets (Right Now!)

Live updates on October 15th from 12pm (EST) to 12am (EST):

Twitter: @BlogActionDay

Web: http://www.blogactionday.org Blog Talk Radio: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/blogactionday

Social Media for Non-profits Roundtable (moderated by Vicky Hennegan) live on Blog Talk Radio 5pm (EST) October 15th

Guest Panel: Paul Chaney, Liz Strauss, Mark J. Carter, and Beth Kanter

Flickr photos for your post:

Ideas – posting on topic? Need post ideas? Need Technical help with your post?

Vote for a story about us on Yahoo! Buzz: http://tinyurl.com/bad08yahoobuzz

You may have noticed that there are some banner ads lately on Remarkable Parents.

The banners here are hand chosen by us and are friends whose web sites and mission we fully believe in. These resources are real and not a get rich quick scheme. Introducing Michelle Vandepas of “Divine Purpose Unleashed”!

Divine Purpose Unleashed

by Michelle Vandepas

Do You Have a Divine Life Purpose?

Or maybe you’ve considered that your purpose is raising your children? You love your family but wonder, is there more to life than diapers, meal planning and dirty bathtubs? We all know that having a family is part of your Divine experience here on earth, but is there more…….?

Do Others Think Your Life Is Perfect?

Most of my friends always thought my life was perfect. I have a wonderful family, nice home and great job, but before I was tapped into my purpose I always felt something was missing. Late at night I’d ask myself the big questions. What was I really here to do? Was this all there was to life?

Shouldn’t I Be Happy?

Why wasn’t I happy? I had everything except the most important thing. I didn’t feel fulfilled. My job was fantastic. Nevertheless, it wasn’t enough. I couldn’t reconcile the present reality, with where I wanted to be. Inside myself was always a yearning, a longing to be ‘doing’ something else.

Forget Trying to Figure it Out!

For years I tried to analyze my purpose. I knew what I didn’t want to do, and I knew a few things I loved, but I couldn’t quite get a handle on what it all meant in the bigger picture. I had some leadership skills, but did that mean I was supposed to be a manager? I’m creative, was I supposed to be an artist? And that’s the trouble. We try to figure it out in our minds. And in the process we confuse our ‘roles’ like, ‘employee’, or’ mother,’ or ‘artist,’ with our purpose. Our purpose may be to be creative, or to lead, and once we tap into those energies that give our lives meaning and purpose, then we can bring them onto all areas of our life, including into our ‘roles’.

Our Hearts will follow up with a possible step:

• Where can I enroll in art class?
• I could write in the bathroom for 5 minutes.
• Maybe I could walk at lunch tomorrow.

Our Minds Don’t Lead Us

Our Hearts do. Our Intuition does. Yet our minds are important. Our minds help us discern if the timing is right and what steps we can take to move toward our purpose. These are some questions that may come from your mind:

• How can I follow my heart when I’m not happy in my job but I’ve got a family to feed?
• How can I pay my bills and live with Spirit?
• Must give up my profession and live in poverty in order to discover meaning and purpose?

When We Listen, Our Intuition Will Give Us Guidance:

Our Intuition won’t fail us, but we need to strengthen the skill of listening to it. We hear our nudges:

• An art class sounds rejuvenating
• used to write poetry in school.
• My mind needs a long walk.

We get scared. Instead of just following, gently with a small step, we go into panic. These nudges must mean I have to become a full time artist, or we think, I’ll never write a book of poetry; I can’t walk across the USA. We take the nudge all the way into how our life will change over the next ten years. That is our mind in overdrive. Hyper imaginative. Our heart is mearly giving us instruction for our next step.

Our Hearts will follow up with a possible step:

• Where can I enroll in art class?
• I could write in the bathroom for 5 minutes.
• Maybe I could walk at lunch tomorrow.

Are You Stuck?

One way to wake up your heart is to try new and different things. Maybe you don’t even know what your heart-bursting activities are. We bury them deep inside. Try this. Make a long list of things you loved to do as a child, things you would like to try and things you love to do now. Take pen and paper and quickly, don’t think about it. No censoring. Yes, 100 things. Quick! When you run out of ideas keep writing the list of things you might have liked to do as a child, then add to it things your friends liked to do. Activities, even creative ones, are the road to your purpose, they are not your purpose. Painting may be something you love to do, and perhaps you are gifted, but if you make the mistake of believing that painting is your purpose, and then when you might lack inspiration for the day, you’ll feel without purpose, maybe even depressed. Better to find a new outlook on purpose and consider that creativity, or designing beauty, or visioning are more closely related to your purpose.

Now Start!

What did you write down? Reading? Dancing, Running? Building rocket ships? Playing with dolls, studying the stars? These may be activities that will help get you closer to your dreams, and in turn, to your Divine Life Purpose. Take one of the items on the list and try it. Want to dance? Your dreams don’t need dance lessons, try dancing around the living room, once a day for a week. Maybe your heart just wants to go outside and stare at the dark night for ten minutes. Great! Don’t wait for a thousand dollars and the new telescope to manifest. If you’ve got a dream, or a wish, this could be a window into your Divine Purpose. What if all we needed to live our purpose was a gentle nudge to have more fun, open our heart, and be more connected to our own Spirit? Perhaps we each have the power to turn on the switch inside ourselves to ‘enlighten’ our heart’s desire? And that will lead us to Divine Purpose.

How Do I Find Purpose In My Work?

Eventually, you may turn your passion into a business or a job, however it isn’t a necessity. There are plenty of bus drivers who have a purpose to serve, and many a nurse whose purpose is nuturing. There are also nurses who don’t work with patients, but have found purpose by switching to a scientific side of nursing. When you are aware that your purpose isn’t your job, then you can bring purpose into your job!

Enjoy the Process

Today, bask in your spiritual gift of stargazing, painting, or sitting in the stillness. Your gift to the world doesn’t have to involve money or product. Your gift to the world is being you, fully Human, living in the joy with an expanded heart. Reconnecting with your Spirit. Rediscovering what makes your heart sing, here in the moment. Following your bliss.

And that is your Divine Purpose.

Bio: Michelle Vandepas is living her Divine Purpose by sharing tools to inspire others to live with passion and purpose. Michelle is a Doctor of Divinity and a Reiki Master. She is also an Entrepreneur and co-founder of Divine Purpose Unleashed, LLC and founder of ‘Conscious Destiny‘, LLC, companies that enhance Creativity, Consciousness, Integrity, Purpose, Passion and Intuition.

I will be introducing you to many other “Friends that Rock!”, yes unbelievably I have quite a few and I want to share them with all of you!

Another great resource about finding your divine purpose is the book “Achievement IQ Moments” by Stanley F. Bronstein which I briefly reviewed (yes, you’ll meet him later in a “Friends that Rock” post). Do you feel that you’ve found your divine purpose? Are you in the process of living your purpose? What do you feel your divine purpose is? Is it obtainable?

This week has been a roller coaster.

The high moments have been like mountains and the low moments have been… well at the other end.

As I’m reviewing this week, I am reminded of all the things and events I am thankful for. Those special, sparkly individuals in my life who encourage me daily, whose support gives me strength, and who when I see the glass is half empty, they remind me of the glass half full-isms.

So here we go, my week and only the good stuff!

Meeting Jason Fried Of 37signals

I have always been intrigued by entrepreneurs who have started their own successful companies, when I attended the Wisconsin Entrepreneurs Conference 2007 and heard Jason Fried of 37signals speak, I knew at that moment, that exact moment, that he had to come to MATC and speak to our students.

A little over one year later, I’m sitting in an outdoor cafe with Jason Fried and Melissa Pierce who is the producer of the “Life In Perpetual Beta” movie. We’re having a drink, talking casually, and watching Jason eat a turkey sandwich before speaking.

Mike Rohde of Rohdesign’s sketch notes were created from the event, which I think are closer to informal art. There are many more in his flickr album, but this one is my favorite. Note: Full presentation is in these archives, choose the September 24th event.

Filming Life In Perpetual Beta

Melissa had already taped the first part of their interview and she had driven up from Chicago to Milwaukee with Jason to tape the second part.

This is how Melissa describes her film “Life In Perpetual Beta“:

“I’m making this documentary about listening to your authentic self, unleashing your creativity, and living in the moment, every moment. A film about the same kinds of things my clients struggle with. A documentary told by everyday people.”

I Think I Had An Achievement IQ Moment?

I’m reading this wonderful book “Achievement IQ Moments” by Stanely F. Bronstein. The book is being officially released sometime this month in October 2008, but I was lucky enough to get one of the prerelease copies.

I was reading again and thinking about what I had read, noted, and typed not more than 5 hours ago. This is word for word; copy & paste from my electronic notes.

“The new book Achievement IQ Moments is an uplifting collection of 50 extraordinary true stories. Amazing people who have overcome the life shattering personal obstacles in their lives, turning them into their own moments of personal triumph!

Each individual abstract is between 3 to 6 pages long and begins with a quote. The title for chapter one is “Time to Think” and is preceded by the following quote.

“Now is no time to think of what you do not have. Think of what you can do with what there is” – Author Unknown

As I have been reading through each chapter, I have found it beneficial to take an extra minute to repeat both the chapter title and quote in my mind. By doing this, I have been reprocessing the title and quote (before reading the chapter), adding my initial thoughts and perception as I try to relate it to my own life before I read the chapter.

What Is Achievement IQ?

a.chieve.ment iq n – A measure of a person’s or organization’s ability to (i) recognize details of opportunities most others do not see, thus pulling themselves IN A POSITION of readiness (ii) put themselves IN A POSITION to attract opportunities (iii) POSITION THEMSELVES to be ready to take advantage of these opportunities once they do come their way; and (iv) then take action upon these opportunities in a manner that most others would not, thus putting themselves IN A POSITION to be more successful than most.

The Laws Of Positioning

After completing the first leg of my tour in Hawaii, I returned to Arizona and interviewed a few people locally. One of them and I started discussing the “Laws of Attraction,” which are a major part of the popular movement known as “The Secret.”

During our discussion, we agreed that, while we thought the laws of attraction are very important, there was something missing. I wasn’t totally sure what it was, but it started the wheels turning in my mind.

Returning to my office, I started thinking some more. I went through notes from my previous books, and then it struck me what was missing – Positioning! The most successful people not only recognize opportunities and act upon them, but they actually put themselves in a position to have opportunities come their way, and to be ready to act upon them swiftly once they do.

Epiphany

How could I feel pessimistic when I am surrounded by such creative, intelligent, optimistic people? And then I realized what I’ve been slowly realizing for the last 6 months… I can’t.

It feels great to be driving the car not being a passenger.

As I head towards the next road, sharp curve, slight bend or one way street, I am confident that I am headed in the right direction.

I have a map, I have a purpose, I don’t know exactly where I’m going but I am the one choosing the direction for me.

by Ann Handley

Greetings all staff and stakeholders of Coddled Teenage Boy Enterprises:

It has come to my attention that there has been some confusion about your roles and responsibilities within the organization, which has led to infighting, yelling, and name-calling—this happened just yesterday, prior to 7 AM.

Such behavior is both unprofessional and unwarranted, and it is my job as the CEO and central “brand” of this enterprise to address this situation before it begins to negatively affect morale as well as my performance in the marketplace, also known as “school and social life.”

The Memo

First, a word about the incident that prompted this memo and took place at headquarters yesterday. Many of you, I know, heard it—or heard of it—and I need to clarify actual events to dispel any notion that the CEO of Coddled Teenage Boy Enterprises was at fault.
Because, as you know, it’s never my fault.

The Incident

The incident took place in the early morning. It concerned the crazy idea that two individuals traveling to the same school campus should to be liveried in the same vehicle, and therefore ought to be ready to depart at approximately the same time, even if one of us requires more careful and meticulous currying of my excellent hair and a careful consideration of which band T-shirt looks most awesome with my jeans.

There was yelling about did I know the price of a gallon of gas, and the driver’s own needs (not sure what that means), and something was said in a rather overwrought tone about how It’s all about you, isn’t it? 

All of this made the second and final shuttling to school tense and unpleasant, and left me grounded this weekend, which is a wholly unacceptable result of what I see as a giant misunderstanding.

Sister Subsidiary. The Easy Child Enterprise

The bottom line is that the sister involved in this situation is… well, clearly a Sister Subsidiary. Known officially as The Easy Child Enterprise, the Sister Subsidiary should be staffed and run as a separate operation, independent of the needs of Coddled Teenage Boy LLC. Especially since a tenet of that aforementioned subsidiary enterprise is Hates to Be Late, whereas at Coddled we take a much more interpretive view of the clock. 

Roles

Now that we have that out of the way, I’d like to get back to the business of this memo, which is to redefine and, in some cases, reassign the various roles each of you play in keeping this enterprise running.

As you know, we have grown in leaps and bounds over the past decade, growing literally from a Mom-and-Pop entity to a conglomerate with endless, gaping needs and demands. While it once took only one or two people to feed, diaper and bathe me, it now requires an entire staff to manage the complex operation that is my life. 

Complexity of Operation

You might think that my ability to actually use my limbs purposefully and my mastery of other basic life-skills (like the ability to read signs, or jot down a note, or climb bus stairs, or use the toilet) might allow me to exploit my own abilities and increase self-reliance. But, sadly, the answer is no. In ways that even I don’t really understand, it seems that the operation is more complicated than ever, and it requires additional resources and more staff than ever to maintain.

Last year in Math, we studied Inverse Functions, in which the sign f “acts on” a number and transforms it. Essentially, you can define the inverse of f as the function that “undoes” what f did.

New Growth

My understanding is some enterprises grow precisely like that: As new products are brought to market, or new services introduced, others are mysteriously negated. In other words, it’s not my fault that company operations have gotten multifarious and increasingly unwieldy. You can argue the application of this point, but not with me. Take it up with a mathematician.

Reorganization Plan

So without further ado, herewith the new Job Titles as reflected in this most current Reorg of Coddled Teenage Boy Enterprises: 

Manager of Livery Services—Dad (AM Manager), Mom (PM Manager) 

Director of English Essays, Proofing and Editing Division—Mom 

Laundry Services—Mom, Dad, Sister-When-I-Have-Something-to-Bribe-Her-With 

Homework Helpers—Mom, Dad, the Friends-Who-Actually-Take-Notes-in-Class Squad 

Personal Belonging Tracker—Mom, Dad, various friends (Gordon, Zach, Janey, Chris, etc.) in various classes who run after me when I leave my various crap behind

Shower Timer—Mom, Dad, Sister-When-She-Needs-to-Use-the-Bathroom

Forms and Paperwork, Small Details Division—Mom 

Dispenser of Petty Cash—Whichever parent drives us to the movies 

Emotional Support Team—Pretty much everyone, all the time (note on-call hours) 

The two remaining jobs still available at this time are:

Minister of Wiping My Own Butt  

Director of I’d-Forget-My-Head-If-It-Wasn’t-Attached 

Referrals welcome.

It is my dearest hope that this will help you accept and relish the critical job you have as part of Coddled Teenage Boy Enterprises, and see yourself for what you are: Part of my team, because we are all in this together.

As they say, there’s no “I” in “team.” And there’s no “Boy” in there, either. God knows I can’t do this on my own.

Regards, 

Coddled Teenage Boy 

p.s. Have you seen my soccer shorts? 
 

Ann Handley is Chief Content Officer of MarketingProfs as well as a writer and editor. Read more by Ann Handley at A n n a r c h y, her blog on parenting, technology, personal history, pop culture, and an occasional shot of humor:

In Case of Emergency

I Suspect Everyone Else Is Smarter, Better-Looking, Taller, Cooler, Cuter, Has Newer and Shinier Objects than I Do (and Is More Modest)

Looking for Eddie Field

Do you ever feel the way this author felt?  Did you feel taken for granted and unappreciated?  Did you try to change things in your home?   If yes, what did you do?

Featured Guest Series

by Todd Jordan

In part one of this series, Keeping Kids Safe – Parental Control Software, I talked about software suites like NetNanny. These aren’t the only tools available to parents. For those of you who are less technically inclined who may find a package of programs complicated, browser replacements are much easier to manage.

Internet Browsers

The majority, over 80%, of internet users are using Microsoft’s Internet Explorer to access and visit web sites, with a handful more using other browsers. In most cases, concerned parents are not given the expertise nor are the parental control settings adequate in these browsers. To make life a little easier for parents, especially those with younger children, easy to use browser replacements are available.

Locating And Evaluating Browser Replacements

It’s easy to locate these browser replacements by doing a good search engine search. Here is the search criteria that I used. I would like to point you to a couple of promising choices:

• KidRocket
• KidZui

I’ve only mentioned two, but there are several choices available. The key point to understand is that each bowser offers a different experience at a different price. It is worth your time to spend a little time evaluating the differences and finding the right choice for your family.

Internet Browser Replacement Features

A large part of the browser replacement experience that your family or child has is related to how the software is programed to control your Windows desktop. If we use KidRocket as an example, not only does this software replace the internet browser, it becomes your child’s entire computer experience. This type of total control software, which essentially means that when the computer is turned on, the user either is automatically routed to the appropriate software or it can be setup that this is the only software that the child can run.

KidRocket

The largest benefit of this type of software is that it totally locks down the child’s options. KidRocket comes setup with a set of allowed sites*. This is common among browser replacements. KidRocket has a demo of their browser on their site. Since this browser replacement is meant for smaller children, when the software is loaded, the child is presented with buttons that lead to the content areas. Content that is specifically controlled is one of their strongest features, but can also be a limiting one. With this software, children are only able to access pre-setup programs and are unable to explore other programs.

KidZui

An alternative approach to the locked down Windows desktop is a browser replacement such as KidZui. Their approach gives you a desktop icon only, and does not take over the entire computer. KidZui effects only the internet access portion of the computer. One of the features that is shared between both KidRocket and KidZui is that they both have a pre-setup list of approved sites. A subscription service is available which gives parents access to additional updating and reporting features. Another difference is that instead of just focusing on the browser, they make an effort to make your child’s internet experience more game-like. Like some other online games, kids can progress up to new levels, earn rewards, and participate in the community. This novel approach seeks to draw kids into the experience through positive reinforcement.

Keep Browser Replacements Age Appropriate

Both of the above browser options have committee’s of parents, teachers, and education experts that decide what is safe and appropriate. The choices include fun games, learning, and education related sites. That is a huge plus for these sites, but keep in mind the appropriate age range for each product. As kids get older their needs will change, it is important to meet those needs with a new age range appropriate solution that will keep them excited and not frustrated.

Other Considerations

If you’ve made the choice to go with a browser replacement, here are some of the factors you can use to base your family’s choice on.

• Cost – Both immediate and/or a subscription. This will vary and many choices are free.

• Control – All have pre-setup list of approved sites, but different products have the ability for you to add sites or block additional sites.

• Browser only – Is the software protection browser only or does it provide protection for the entire computer experience?

• Age appropriate – Choose a product that is tailored for your child’s age group or interest level.

Final Thoughts

What really helps many parents decide on the best solution is when the software has a free trial period. This allows you to try multiple products before making a final decision. Note: Only evaluate one product at a time. The last part in this series will be Part 3: Keeping Kids Safe – Increased Knowledge of Internet Safety. Please share any experience you have had with browser replacements. Also if you could let us know in comments if you have chosen to implement one of these products or if you already have one, how it has worked for your child. In Keeping Kids Safe -Part 1, one of our readers shared her experience with a product called iBoss which was very interesting.

“You are Democrats and Republicans and Independents.

But you all served together, and fought together, and bled together under the same proud flag.

You did not serve a Red America or a Blue America – you served the United States of America.”

— Barack Obama VFW National Convention August 19, 2008

Quick Question

Are you a Republican? A Democrat? An Independent?

Quick Answer

I don’t care about your political preference, this is a rhetorical question.

With the upcoming presidential election, many American’s have drawn their lines in the sand. We hear ‘military’, ‘troops’, or ’soldier’ and man y people relate it back to the war, the current president, or a political party.

The effect is that many people are confused about their support for such organizations as eMail our Military. I think Barak Obama making this and other statements will help bring healing and a realization that these soldiers are American’s, just as each of us is. Any line drawn in sand can be easily erased and is not permanant.

“eMail Our Military is composed of volunteers from all walks of life who understand that regardless of our political views, our military service members deserve our respect, support & encouragement.”

— Trish Forant, founder eMail Our Military

What Is eMail Our Military?

Due to the anthrax scare, two major letter writing campaign’s to our troops were canceled. These programs were the Department of Defense’s “Any Service Member” and Dear Abby’s “Operation Dear Abby“. When Trish Forant heard about these campaigns ending, eMail Our Miliatary was founded in 2001 as direct response to the cancellation of these two programs.

Reaching out on Twitter through social media

eMail Our Military Partnerships

Babble Soft
Babble Soft and eMail our Military are partnering to offer free subscriptions to Baby Insights and Baby Say Cheese for active duty service members with newborns.

“We are very excited about the opportunity to partner with Babble Soft.” said Trish Forant, Founder and President of eMail our Military. “My husband was called into service only one week after our first child was born. I had very few friends and family to turn to for support where we were stationed and it was difficult for me to convey to him what I was going through with our new baby.

“Our goal at Babble Soft is to help strengthen and enhance connections between family members during that wonderful, yet chaotic time after a baby is born.” said Aruni Gunasegaram, founder and president of Babble Soft. “We support our troops and know how important it is for new parents who have to be away from their newborns to feel connected to what is going on at home. Partners can share experiences and photos with each other through Babble Soft’s unique web and mobile applications.

As an added bonus, members of eMail our Military will have access to a discount code to purchase gift subscriptions for their other family members who may or may not have military ties.”

Qipit

Qipit has partnered with eMail our Military to provide for even more personalized communications. By creating better quality copies of documents to be included as a part of their email communications, we hope to make it possible for military families to literally share everything from legal documents to Little Johnny’s artwork.

While being home with their families is undoubtedly what every member of the military would most want, we are proud to be a part of helping them stay in close touch, in a very personal way, while they are separated from their loved ones in service to their country and in pursuit of world peace.

Qipit turns camera phones and digital cameras into mobile copy centers so people can turn photographs or written and printed materials into scan-quality digital documents they can share and store on the go.

There is so much more to say with this story that we are going to be doing a Part 3. The next post will include an interview with Trish and more about their supporters, and partners

Please contact Trish at the eMail Our Military web site if you or a loved one would like to be signed up to use these programs they offer, volunteer, or support their wonderful program.

by MacKenzie Lovings

This tutorial is part of an interview that Remarkable Parents did with Parent Power Index. Some of the responses our only on their web site and you will need to follow the links to their site.

Overview of Facebook Tutorial

In our first interview, Vicky Hennegan definitely provided food for thought as to why “blogging” and other new Web technologies are helping to form new bonds between parents and their children. That interview also included the “5 Steps Toward Technology and Social Media Use” which Vicky feels are an essential base for us to have as we build our technical knowledge and technology skills.

Vicky is back to discuss Facebook, one of the most popular social media services on the internet. It has recently been gaining exposure as a social tool useful to a wide audience.

________________________________________________________

Facebook Interview Questions

MacKenzie Can you give us a brief history describing the background of Facebook? How it got started, how people use it, and who the original creator was?

Vicky Below I have answered 5 Basic Facebook Questions. This will give readers an idea of the original intention of the application as well as it’s evolution over the last few years.

5 Basic Facebook Questions

1. How did Facebook start?
Facebook was begun by Mark Zuckerberg a student. Initially Facebook was available to only students. In a fairly short period of time, Facebook would go through four additional iterations, each time giving new audiences access to this web-based application.

The second expansion made Facebook available to other Ivy League University students, while it’s third iteration allowed it to add further to this base age group by including all university students.The fourth iteration expanded the age group to include high school students and the final iteration made it available to anyone over the age of 13 years old.

The final iteration was when Facebook began to really become a main stream social tool with the diversity to appeal to a wide audience.

2. Why was it named Facebook?
It’s name refers to the printed, paper face books that are made available in some American colleges and prep schools. Leave it to some young whipper-snapper to go ‘old school’ on all of us parents and use a name that not only makes sense, but that has to do with such classic elements as print and paper.

The original printed face book purpose was to provide incoming students, faculty, and staff with a way to get to know the other people.

3.What is Facebook?

See original interview

4. How many people are on Facebook?

See original interview

5. What are the basic features that come standard with Facebook?

See original interview

Facebook Tutorial Section

MacKenzie What is your favorite Facebook application and why?

Vicky One of my favorite applications on Facebook are the Status Updates. A Status Update is a short update of about 30 words.

The Status Updates box (see Figure 2 – Step 2) will show me the Status Update information for two or three of my Friends, depending on the length of each update, which can include a url (example www.facebook.com).

You also have the ability to see All Friends –> Status Updates (see Figure 2 – Step 2, Step 3) which will show you how to access this screen.

The screen is what the All Friends –> Status Updates screen (see Figure 3) looks like.

MacKenzie What are a few more of your favorite Facebook applications and why?

Vicky: I would have to say the News Feed and Facebook Chat are two features I find very useful.

See original interview

MacKenzie: Is Remarkable Parents available on Facebook and can web sites be setup on Facebook?

Vicky: I have My Blog Remarkable Parents Blog as a Facebook Blog and then I have a Group Remarkable Parents Group. The Group will be for our readers to socialize with each other, while the Blog will have articles available from the web site.

See original interview

Facebook Tips & Tricks

Finding Friends/Contacts on Facebook

Facebook will try to help you look for your friends and loved ones. It will offer to import your contacts from your email application and use that information to find people that you know. When it has finished, it will tell you who it was able to find and not able to find.

You may not want to add all your email contacts to Facebook, you will have the ability to choose the people that you want to import and to have access to your Facebook information. I believe that they give you a list of your email contacts and you put a check in the check box to indicate the people that you want to import.

Remember however, that they have access to a lot of information about what you do, where you comment, and what Groups you join. Give yourself some time and start off slowly.

Add-On Applications for Facebook

See original interview

Accepting or Denying a Friend Request

See original interview

HAVE LOTS OF FUN!

Thank you MacKenzie and Parent Power Index!

Have you decided to try Facebook after this tutorial? Did you create a new account? What’s your favorite Facebook application and why?

Featured Guest Series

by Todd Jordan

In those days, things were much simpler.

When we were growing up, what our parents worried about, when trying to keep us safe, is much different than what parents need to know today!

What Has Changed?

Parents once focused on keeping kids safe in their neighborhoods and warning them of the dangers of talking to strangers. Today’s parents still must warn and educate their children about strangers, with the difference being, that strangers now have global access. Threats can come from around the corner, a neighboring state, or across the country. Our access to the online world predominantly comes through the use of our web browsers. Popular web browsers include: Internet Explorer, Safari, and Firefox.

Through these browsers, our children don’t just have access to read content, but to view photos, download music, and to privately chat. The ability to be watchful is quickly exceeded and becomes out of our immediate reach! So what are we to do? It’s no longer as simple as keeping questionable things physically out of their reach.

Your Online Safety Arsenal

Their are numerous tools and ways for parents today to keep their children safe online. A child’s safety can be increased considerably by implementing some or all of the suggestions in our new series "Keeping Kids Safe" online. The series will consist of three main articles which are outlined below.

Keeping Kids Safe Series

Part 1: Keeping Kids Safe – Parental Control Software
Part 2: Keeping Kids Safe – Internet Browser Replacements
Part 3: Keeping Kids Safe – Increased Knowledge of Internet Safety In this first article, "Part 1: Keeping Kids Safe – Parental Control Software" we will use NetNanny software for our case study. Parental control software is designed to control and filter access to the internet. Let’s examine what it is and how it is used.

Keeping Kids Safe – Parental Control Software

NetNanny is one of the top names in parental control software and won PC Magazines Editor’s Choice award. Some common features of parental control software can be seen if we review NetNanny’s features:

• Internet Access Time Controls
• Web Access Filtering
• Chat Blocking
• Easy Configuration
• Logging
• Updated Filtering Lists
• Individual User Profiles/Roles

Internet Access Time Controls Time controls are perhaps the easiest parental control tool to understand. This feature enables the parent to set time limits or ‘windows of time’ (example 4:00 pm – 8:00 pm) that their child can be on the internet. The software translates your settings and sets up the time periods when the internet is accessible and when it is not. This is ideal for parents that are unable to monitor closely all of their child’s computer use. Perhaps you would like to block the internet from 3 pm – 5 pm when your child should be doing homework. You could also set it up to only allow internet access between 7 pm and 9 pm each evening. This effectively marks out a clear time period of usage and avoids daily haggling (which we all know they will) for internet access.

Web Access Filtering Web access filtering is a little more complex. Filtering effectively means blocking access to certain web sites on the internet. The nice thing is that you, the parent don’t have to make up a list ahead of time. Each software package comes with a prebuilt list of web sites to block. The blocking lists that come with the software can have entries added to them by parents. What you’ll often find is that site blocking won’t exactly meet your needs or computing habits. A gleaming example of this is a search on ‘breast cancer.’ Likely results will contain both sites you’d like your child to be able to access and those even you would want to avoid. NetNanny and other packages often block web sites that contain key words in the site name, such as ‘breast.’ That would include most sites for breast cancer research and support. For this every reason, the software will allow parents to ‘white-list’ a certain site and let them include the site in the allow list.

Chat Blocking 

Chat blocking is a third prong of parental control software. Chat blocking controls have their own built in filtering. Each software package handles it a bit different, but generally this tool allows blocking chat completely as their maximum and then minimally it can block a specific buddy or a list of buddies. Many of the packages allow control at the buddy level. This permits parents to lock down who their child can chat with. You could arrange ahead of time with the other parents to allow your children to chat, and exchange their IDs. This method is probably the next safest besides completely blocking chat. Chat rooms can be blocked as well as certain chat networks. Parents can research ahead of time which chat areas they feel are safe, and just allow those. Many chat rooms are not monitored or don’t screen the participants.

Easy Configuration Easy configuration is a hallmark of these types of packages. NetNanny and the others come with default settings, filtered web sites, and chat. These can be put in place with just one-click. These settings are password protected and in some software, is hidden from regular computer users.

Logging Logging is one of the most important features in any parental control software. Logging is the recording of sites visited and blocked, as well as a log of the chat that records what was written. Checking the logs on a routine basis will alert you to the sites your child is visiting and the ones they are attempting to visit. Children love to explore their boundaries, and the Internet is no exception. By reviewing the logs, patterns will become obvious and you can nip-that-in the-bud quickly. Chat room logging is very helpful. Remember, it isn’t about prying into your child’s private life, but protecting them from predators. Skimming through chat logs regularly is a quick way to discover who is talking with your child online and what they’re discussing. Key words can also alert you to problems. Several software packages in this category allow for key word alerts over the logs, reducing the need to review every line within the chat.

Updated Filtering Lists Blocking lists aren’t static and don’t stay the same. With new slang and abbreviations that are so popular, you will need to update your list. NetNanny for example provides a subscription for periodic and annual updates to their filter lists.

Individual User Profiles/Roles Configuration really boils down to establishing profiles or roles, such as parent/administrator, and child/user. Each profile or role will have settings for filtering. Thus all children in a household could share one role or each be given their own.

Getting Started

Features aside, parental control software is a great first step to protecting your family in their online adventures. It is recommend that parents find a package they like after reviewing several detailed product reviews that contain in-depth tool descriptions. Another option is to use a search engine and search for the terms ‘parental control software’. Getting started today is made even easier by the fact that each of these packages encourages try before you buy options. These options range from a few days to a couple of weeks. Be sure you only try one parental control software program at a time. In the second part of this series, I’ll be discussing another type of software tool, alternate web browsers. So come back after you’ve given those other tools a spin.

Todd’s BIO: Todd’s blog is The Broad Brush and his interests include activities with his church, online safety and awareness, social media, and multimedia.

Do you have parental control software on your computer? If yes, what ages are your children and why did you feel it was necessary? Which software did you buy? Are you satisfied with the software or thinking of looking again?

For those of you who do not have the software, is there an age of your children that you would buy it? Do you have other ways of monitoring their use? Please share with the group in comments, this is a very important topic.

We hope to get a great conversation started!

by Jeremy Biser

Photo by Jeremy Biser

A few years ago, I didn’t even know what “social media” was.

I read the newspaper, a few magazines and when I went online it was for work or to manage my fantasy sports teams. I thought a blog was something that people used to share pictures with their family members, and My Space was the place where pervs and wannabe musicians hung out to seduce young girls.

Looking Back

The “social” online environments did not have a positive connotation for me, and so I was blinded to the potential benefits.

Looking back, I’m disappointed at my own ignorance. I wish I would have started a blog 4 or 5 years ago. I wish I would have discovered Digg or StumbleUpon or Technorati when they first launched. I wish I wouldn’t have grounded my teenage daughter for 2 weeks when I found out she created a My Space page and lied about her age on it.

Well… I still would have grounded her, but only for lying and not because she went into the predators’ lair, as I thought it was at the time.

Looking Forward

Fast forward to today, and I’m proud to be known as a “tech savvy parent.” I’m the guy that my neighbors, friends and family members come to for advice about the Internet, blogs, using social networks and kids’ use of all of these types of technology. I often share new sites and tools, like MyBabyOurBaby or KidZui, with my personal network, and I’ve helped dozens of fellow parents set-up new blog sites.

How have I gone from clueless to clued-in? I publish multiple blogs, including Discovering Dad and Husbands & Dads, and I utilize various social media sites and applications as part of my daily routine. I also have a Facebook page, and ironically enough, my teenage daughter designed and helps update my My Space page.

The Social Media That I Use

In addition, each morning, I run through a series of online communication updates, including checking e-mail, my RSS reader, Lifestyle and Technology categories, Popular and Interests categories, Alerts and Technorati blog reactions to my sites. Throughout the day, I also use Twitter and StumbleUpon when I have a minute or two free in between other tasks and responsibilities. All of this while working from home and taking care of the kids – I juggle a lot of balls throughout the day.I have never felt more productive yet simultaneously balanced in my life, and I owe a big part of it to the effective use of these many technologies.

Basically, in a little more than two years, I went from social media idiot to social media expert (I use that term lightly and comparatively – I’m no Chris Brogan).

So, how does all of this “social media” stuff help me be a better dad?

1. Flexibility - many of these technologies have helped me to create a career that is extremely flexible. The Internet never sleeps, so I don’t have to try and cram my work into “normal business hours.” Instead, if I need to spend three hours exclusively taking care of the kids, then that’s what I do. If I want to take my kids to the park in the middle of the afternoon and then walk over to the ice cream shop, I do it. The majority of work I do is done after the kids go to bed, and that’s fine with me.

2. Connectivity - my oldest daughter lives a few thousand miles away from us with her mother, so when she’s not here during breaks and the summer we complement our phone conversations and texting messages and photos through My Space. She has also written a few posts for my Discovering Dad site, and I write about her often. I also communicate with friends and family members through various social networks and Twitter. When I relied exclusively on cell phones and e-mail, I might talk to people once every two weeks. Now, I talk to many family members and friends every day.

3. Purpose – I publish two sites, in particular, with a specific focus on being a better husband and father. Discovering Dad is about “learning what it means to be a good dad.” Husbands & Dads is a site “where it’s cool to be a family man.” I have met some incredible people through these sites, and I feel a sense of purpose in creating interesting content for them. I have done more research on fatherhood and parenting in the last year than I ever could have imagined, and I’ve learned a ton of great tips and insights to being a good dad from my fellow dad bloggers. I’ve also learned much about myself along the way. I have a mission to make a positive difference in world by encouraging men to live well and become better husbands and dads.

4. Resources – I find tons of relevant resources about being a better husband and dad throughout the various social media sites and applications that I use. And, the things I like best about this information is that it always comes with a recommendation of a friend. Think about it – how much more likely are you to try something new if a trusted friend recommends it? The same theory applies to information gathered in the social media world. I find new and interesting information about fatherhood on a daily basis that I would never have found in the past, prior to using social media sites and tools.

5. Feedback – my kids tell me when I mess up all of the time, so it’s nice to bounce ideas off of others or share things that have worked really well for me with people through my blogs or Twitter or one of the social network sites. I love the interactive nature of it all. Most of my off-line dad friends are very reserved, and not many of them like to talk about fatherhood or family in any sort of detail. I think they believe it will make them seem weak or vulnerable, or that I’ll ask them to turn in their man cards for showing emotions. Dads are different online – emboldened by their pseudonyms or anonymity. They are more willing to talk about issue of importance to them honestly and openly, and they let me know what they think of my thoughts or writing. It is an incredible learning environment in which dialogue happens instantaneously, even if it is only in 140 characters or less (Twitter).

6. Understanding – my kids are going to grow up using all of these tools and more. I don’t want to be the parent who doesn’t understand both the positive and negative aspects of these sites and tools. It’s easier for me to help my kids, if I know how to guide them in anything in life. Also, it’s better for both me and them if I know how to monitor their use of various technologies.

My Virtual Power Shake

Put all of these things together, and it makes a virtual power shake that energizes and inspires me to be a better dad (husband, worker, man and citizen too). The benefits of social media extend far beyond the business world, even into the realm of good parenting. Tech savvy parents are able to not only improve the productivity and efficiency of their own lives, but also find new and exciting ways to stay connected with their kids.

If you’re not using these tools, I encourage you to set aside a few hours one rainy Saturday and test out some of these tools. Ask your kids what social sites and applications that they are using. Sign-up for accounts with the same sites. Ask your kids to give you a tutorial – they’ll think it’s cool (and scary that mom or dad is interested in the same things they are).

Learning to use a variety of social media technologies has definitely helped me feel like a better dad and a remarkable parent.

Jeremy’s BIO: I’m also on the Buzzboard (Advisory Board) for a social networking community called cre8Buzz, and I manage content for another social network for artists called Artistic Pursuit.

What are your thoughts? Would you allow your children to use social media? Would you put any rules on it’s useage? Would you want to see the page and profile they create on My Space or Facebook?

Share your comments with us …. We’re interested in how other parents feel. Please share your child’s age if that bears on the situation.

Photo by Joyseph

This is every parents worst nightmare!

You would never trade places with these parents! Not in a million years, not for a million dollars!

Eyes Of An Angel

We’ve all seen those beautiful little faces with the eyes of an angel. We’ve seen them on the back of milk cartons, we’ve seen them on posters at the post office.

Every time I find myself saying “Thank God that’s not my child”. I’m sure most people do this too, but is it enough?

Isn’t there something more we can do? Isn’t there some way we can help? Help get the word out, make others aware of these missing children, contribute to the cause?

Making A Difference

One person that’s making a difference is Nate Ritter. Nate is a small business startup strategy consultant and a talented web designer, here is a link to his portfolio.

How did I meet @NateRitter? Well actually I didn’t.

I found his fabulous Twitter account @MissingChildren and began following this account on Twitter.

Below is an example of the types of messages that are added to my Twitter timeline when I began following @MissingChildren.

Endangered Missing Alerts:

Endangered Runaway Alerts:

Family Abduction Alerts:

Recovery Alerts: (Yeah!)

I love this idea! I love using a social media tool like Twitter to make our world a better place! I found out who the creator of the account was and knew I must request an interview.

I want to help!

I want to spread the word!

I want to make a difference!

This post is my small way of contributing to the cause.

The Interview

This is a transcript of my interview with Nate. I hope you enjoy it and consider following @MissingChildren on Twitter and encourage your friends to do the same!

Vicky H: What was your motivation for starting this project?

Nate Ritter: Living in California my wife and I are used to seeing traffic warnings and alerts about missing or endangered children displayed above the highways.

After the California wildfires in October 2007 and seeing how Twitter could easily get information to people’s cell phones, I thought it would be great to have these kind of messages sent to the public. It would help notify those people who aren’t on the highways, and could probably be faster too.

I was also motivated because my mom’s sister went missing quite a few years ago and hasn’t been seen since. The technology at that time wasn’t anything like it is now, but there’s still some missing pieces even today. I just wanted to connect those pieces because I saw the opportunity to help people.

Vicky H: Where and how do you get the data?

Nate Ritter: The data is retrieved from http://missingkids.com. I haven’t actually told them that I’m using their data, but I figured they wouldn’t complain.

Vicky H: What feedback have you gotten?

Nate Ritter: I’ve had the pleasure of doing a few interviews and the response has been positive.

I would love to get the word out even more. I think it’s useful. There’s a few things people have asked for that I haven’t had the time to accomplish yet, like separating them out into different geographies.

Vicky H: Approx. how many hours did the project take?

Nate Ritter: It took about a day’s worth of programming, but most of that time was trial and error with which format to get the data in. The main problems I ran into have to do with getting good information consistently from MissingKids.com.

Vicky H: How is the information updated?

Nate Ritter: The information is updated based on the emails sent out by MissingKids.com. Each email they send out is gathered into an account which my program checks. It checks and gathers the information, follows a few web addresses given in the email, puts together a short message with a url, and then pushes that to Twitter.

It’s quite a few steps, but the end result is pretty obviously worth it.

.

Keeping Our Children Safe – Resources for Parents & Guardians

1. Get important resources on the issue of Child Identification.
2. Know what to do if your child is missing.
3. Understand the importance of having a good quality photo of your child.
4. Know if your child is at risk for International Abduction.
5. Report Child Sexual Exploitation.
6. Familiarize yourself with your state’s Child-Sexual-Exploitation Resources.
7. Help kids learn to stay safer online with the NetSmartz Workshop.
8. Get answers to your questions about Internet Safety, computers, and the Web with NetSmartz411.
9. Use NCMEC’s Corporate Partner Safety Programs and Materials to assist you with keeping your kids safer.

Please share any wonderful resources that you have found in the comments.

Since it is summer and the kids are home and have time on their hands, of particular interests are those resources that can help parents keep their children safe, contests for family’s to complete together, or other hands-on activities that contribute to the cause.

MacKenzie Loving’s writes “Vicky definitely provides some food for thought as to why “blogging” and other new Web technologies are helping to form new bonds between parents and their children in a manner that touches people today and in the future. Even if you know a lot about technology, take a moment to read Vicky’s comments because there will be a parent out there you’ll want to share this with.”

Question 1:
You say on your site that the internet is the great equalizer between generations. Can you expand on this and give an example where you’ve personally experienced this happening?

My 18 year old daughter Kay will be heading off to college in the fall. Like every parent my feelings are somewhat conflicted. I want her to discover who she is as a young adult and to experience life on her own, yet I am worried that now that she’s 18, she may feel that it’s a failure of her new found adulthood to come to me with her problems. I just want to be in the loop, have an idea of what and how she is doing, and know that she’s safe.

A few friends who’ve children have gone off to college have prepared me that that college students don’t devote a lot of time to keeping in touch. I know she has good intentions to keep in touch, but realistically I should be prepared to feel left out. To bridge this communication divide we have been talking about ways we can keep in touch. We don’t plan on using only the telephone, we also plan on using IM (instant messaging), Email, Twitter, Facebook, and Skype. Kay already uses these technologies and so do I. More >>

Question 2:
What is the most incredible or satisfying aspect of writing or managing your own blog?

The most satisfying aspect of the web site is having planned the overall vision of the site for so long and seeing that vision implemented. When the first article Who Taught My Kid That Four Letter Word? was published, along with the web design which I really love, I felt amazing, absolutely amazing and I really haven’t come down yet.

Question 3:
For any mom who is new to the blogosphere and social networking, can you offer a quick how to get started list to help ladies get engaged?

I purposely put some links, print screens, and definitions in the first question, so the ladies can go to those sites to get more information on those technologies.

Steps towards technology and social media use

1. Email Sign up for an email account. Most email accounts are free. I suggest using Gmail. Google’s Gmail has has one of the best spam blocking engines that will block most spam and make your experience much nicer (a second choice would be Yahoo).
2. Search Engines Google is by far the most popular search engine and is also free. When you are searching you can use individual words for your search criteria or you can use phrases enclosed by quotes (a second choice would be DogPile). This phrase will search for pages that Google has indexed that have these three words many times anywhere on the page.



This phrase will search for pages that Google has indexed that have the phrase ’small breed’ (must be the entire phrase) and the other word anywhere on the page.

This phrase will search for pages that Google has indexed that have the words ’small’, ‘breed’, and ‘dog’ anywhere on the page. More >>

Question 4:
If moms could learn one technology this year, what would you say it should be?

I would have to say that it would depend on the individual mom and their family’s needs.

If you need to communicate with your kids while your at work and they’re at home, I would say get two webcams, headphones w/ mics and use Skype or you could use IM.

If you are lonely, want to crowd source advice, or make new friends I would say Twitter.

If you will be soon changing jobs, finishing school and want to either get a job or network with others in your same profession, I would say Linked-In.More >>

Question 5:
Your site is asthetically pleasing want to offer kudos into anyone in particular?

The web designer for Remarkable Parents is Randa Clay. We worked remotely as I am in Wisconsin and she is in Texas. The relationship did work well for us and it wasn’t a problem that she didn’t live in the same state. I am amazed at how well she got the concepts and my vision for the site. Randa has done a case study on many of the steps we took and tips that clients can use to translate their vision to the designer.

Someone who also helped me considerably was Chris Garrett who was handled some of the more technical issues and helped me develop and organize my vision for the site. Chris lives in the United Kingdom, so we used Skype for many of our sessions.

I would like to thank MacKenzie Lovings and Parent Power Index for giving me this opportunity to share what Remarkable Parents is about with their readers.

Please let us know if we are headed in the right direction for our readers in the comments. What would you like to see more of? What would you like to see less of? Let us know, we’re writing for you!

Earlier today, I added my 25 words at a friends website Productivity in Context. Here is my poetic contribution of what was on my mind today.

Random 25 Words

by Liz Strauss

A Random Twenty-Five Words

Might Not Convey Meaning Or Power.

Yet Translating A Thought

Into Precisely Twenty-Five Words

Can Transform A Thinker Into A Writer.

Changing The World

by Vicky H

Change The World You Say?

Not On My Agenda Today!

It’s All Work, No Play.

Change The World Another Day.

Life Needs Reevaluation Right Away!

The Science – The Art

by Stephen Smith

Work When You Work

Live When You Live

Balance Them Carefully

The Science: Knowing The Difference Between The Two

The Art: Knowing When To Stop

| View | Upload your own

Note: Added the above slide on July 21st.

So express yourself, tell me how you feel today in twenty-five words or less!

]]> http://remarkableparents.com/your-life-today-in-25-words/feed/ 13 Recently, I found out about a writing challenge from some friends to effectively capture feelings at a moment in time in 25 words. In essence, I could go back 3 months from now and read the 25 word post below… Recently, I found out about a writing challenge from some friends to effectively capture feelings at a moment in time in 25 words. In essence, I could go back 3 months from now and read the 25 word post below…Communication, Fun Stuff, Organization, 25 words, writing http://remarkableparents.com/novelty-vegetables-for-the-kids-or-for-your-next-party/ http://remarkableparents.com/novelty-vegetables-for-the-kids-or-for-your-next-party/#comments Sat, 05 Jul 2008 19:20:37 +0000 Vicky H http://remarkableparents.com/?p=23

Mickey Mouse is an american icon!

No matter what generation you are from, Mickey Mouse is part of our culture.

In Disney World’s EPCOT ( “Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow”) Center an area is devoted to agricultural technology, where several large greenhouses…

Mickey Mouse is an american icon!

No matter what generation you are from, Mickey Mouse is part of our culture.

In Disney World’s EPCOT ( “Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow”) Center an area is devoted to agricultural technology, where several large greenhouses encompass about 2.5 million square feet of area!

EPCOT Is Growing Mickey Mouse Ear Pumpkins!

One of the things that EPCOT has been experimenting with in Eco Friendly gardening is growing vegetables within their own self sestaining ecosystems.

In the picture to the right, pumpkins are being grown inside forms shaped to look like Mickey Mouse’s ears. The pumpkins will grow within the form and eventually will take on its full shape characteristics.

Can Vegetables Be Fun!

Every parent has been there. We all have tried to get our children to eat their vegetables. We have either succeeded, failed, or reached a of compromise somewhere in between.

What if vegetables were fun, different and interesting?

Vegiforms are 1/8″ thick, clear plastic forms that you securely fix over the growing vegetable, as the vegetable grows it conforms to the shape of the mold.

One of the forms available is of an elf head. This form is used for shaping eggplant, melon, pumpkin, gords, and squash.

The “pickled pair” can be used with cucumber, zucchini and summer squash.

Even though my kids are older, I think I’m going to pick these up as gifts for a few friends.
They might even encourage children to eat their vegetables.

If you are interested in purchasing Vegiforms or seeing their products in more detail go to their web site.

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by Ann Handley

In her new book released last fall, “Deceptively Delicious,” Jessica Seinfeld slips chick peas into her chocolate chip cookies and purees butternut squash into her mac and cheese. The general premise is tat kid food is fried and white. But if you slip in something on the sly — say cauliflower into mashed potatoes, or sweet potato into pancakes — then you can trick your kids into eating the stuff you want them to, minus the tantrums and tears.

Jessica, who is married to the comic Jerry Seinfeld, was in the news a few months ago because Missy Chase Lapine, who authored a similar book called “The Sneaky Chef,” insists that “Deceptively Delicious” is nothing but a riff on her ideas. The Seinfeld’s contest as much.

But whatever. The problem isn’t whether Jessica was the first mother to hide flaxseed in chicken nuggets and then write about it. The problem is that, as Wall Street Journal’s Raymond Sokolov wrote, “These women treat vegetables the way Victorian mothers treated sex, with silence.”

Or, as Stefania Pomponi Butler wrote, “The bottom line is this: I don’t want my food to be deceptively delicious. I want it to be delicious. Full stop.”

In other words, instead of encouraging kids to try new foods, or simply setting them on the table, the cookbooks infantilize kids’ taste by both removing choices and pandering to the lowest common denominator in their developing palates. Instead of simply setting vegetables on the dinner table, gloriously naked and recognizable, the authors suggest that you pull one over on your kids and veil the veggies as something else entirely: mac and cheese, nuggets, pancakes. You know the stuff.

Food is only part of it. A year or so ago, Verizon launched a new cell-phone service that will alert you if your kids wander beyond a perimeter that you set for them. Around that time, the Boston Globe wrote about how state and national ruling bodies for youth soccer leagues have recommended that scores and standings not be kept in under-10 leagues, saying it’s best not to track “winners” and “losers.” My 11-year-old daughter’s town soccer team doesn’t keep score, either.

All of these seemingly unrelated things are, in my view, linked. They seem to speak to good intentions gone slightly awry: as if our need to protect our kids has morphed into a tendency to infantilize them. I wonder – about my own two kids and their friends and the generation at large – are we doing them any favors? Is all of this supervision and control and hiding vegetables helping them grow up? Or is it really keeping them young?

My own two kids, at 11 and 16, have little of the freedom I did at their age. It’s not that their afternoons are packed with lessons and tutoring and practices. Because they aren’t… although we have our share of all three. It’s just that their lives are more choreographed and coordinated than mine ever was. The older one has a cell phone, and the younger one covets it. She doesn’t yet have a sense of how much a cell phone can cramp a kid’s style or, at the very least, limit the ability to run amuck.

Occasionally I compare this to my own 16-year-old self: when I was my son’s age, I had a lot more freedom (and flat-out free time). I’d already made some teenage mistakes and learned from them; I’d already experienced a few things in life that I’m certain – more or less — my son hasn’t. Nothing anything truly serious, but enough to raise the hairs on the back of my neck.

With access to the Internet and technology, my son may be more sophisticated than I was at his age. But frankly, I was wiser.

Which is frustrating for a parent to realize, and it makes me wonder about the ripple effects of our supervised playtimes, hidden vegetables, and cell-phone leashes. It also makes me wonder what the downside is to a culture increasingly skewed toward staying younger longer.

Sure, 40 is the new 30. But is 18 the new 8?

As Sokolov writes, “Very few childhood bedwetters go off to college with rubber sheets. Picky eaters also mature….”

That is, if we let them.

Ann Handley is Chief Content Officer of MarketingProfs as well as a writer and editor.

Read more by Ann Handley at A n n a r c h y, her blog on parenting, technology, personal history, pop culture, and an occasional shot of humor:

Beta Before Alpha

“Hey Pretty Lady!”

A Virgin in Hollister

The Shadow Knows: Watching Superbad with my Son

American Idolatry

**

Click the comments link below to read other comments or make a comment

As role models, we need to consider the way we live our everyday lives and how this is perceived by children; both those we have chosen and those we haven’t chosen to be the role models of.

The phrase role model is all about doing and the children of the millenium are watching!

“Parents, get out your paper and pencils.

I am going to tell you the most important thing you will ever need to know about raising children!”
[Parents wait breathlessly for answers and words of wisdom]

“Example. Example. Example” — Fritz Redl, Child Psychologist

The evidence is in, various researchers, psychologists, educators, and other professionals have spoken and it is what it is.

Good or bad it’s you!

It’s not only you as a parent, but you in your other roles; as an aunt, a coach, a mentor, as your child’s friends parent, girl scout leader, or bible study school volunteer.

Reevaluating Our Decision Making

There are great advantages for us when we choose to re-evaluate our own decision making patterns and ask ourselves hard questions about our personality and behavior.

The most important advantage is that we will make better decisions! Those decisions that we make more than once and ask ourselves ‘why did I do that again?’. Feeling that way is one of the first indicators that I used to re-evaluate my own life.

The way I have personally accomplished this, was to question and challenge everything that I have accepted on blind faith or that I have adopted out of tradition or history.

I think you will be as surprised as I was at the number of choices that involve patterns of doing things a certain way simply because someone else, who didn’t know anymore about the topic than you do, did it that way.

You will find things that withstand the challenge of your questioning and reevaluating. These patterns that have withstood the challenge, should be embraced and continued.

Really Living vs. Existing

The second question I have asked myself while reading the book “Life Strategies: Doing What Works, Doing What Matters” by Phillip C. McGraw, Ph.D. , which was pretty ugly was am I really living life or does my life resemble someone who is merely existing?

Below are some of the characteristics and a brief sentence describing the difference between really living and existing.

Existing: Instinctual, reactive, involuntary, repetitive, and routine.
A life of merely existing is “living life with the main goal of getting from one day to the next”.

Living: Using knowledge, sharpened skills, conscious decision-making that is part of a larger goal.
When you are really living you exercise challenged skills, attitudes, and abilities that you have built to a level of being sharp and focused.

To truly understand if we are really living, merely existing, or are somewhere in between, we need to know or learn why we make the decisions we make.

* Do we make our decisions with or without the necessary information and skills to create the results we desire?

* Do you know or can you learn why you do what you do, and don’t do what you don’t do?

Solid Framework

I think we all realize how important role models have been in our own lives and how important it is for us to make the best decisions that we can, example the behavior we want our children to emulate, and live our lives fully everyday.

“When parents talk about discipline, they mean a rigid set of rules to prevent their children from misbehaving.

But the only discipline worthy of the name lies in providing a solid framework of ideals—not for the child to live up to, but for the parents to live within.

You can beat children until they are black and you are blue, but it cannot make them any better than the examples they see around them every day.” — Sydney J. Harris, Chicago News columnist

The framework should reflect our own values and be a transparent view of who we really are. Although many times it seems like we must be perfect, we all know that is not possible and I’ve found people are usually understanding when you just come clean. They can’t understand what they don’t know.

Moving Forward

Moving forward, we can only do our best. The past is the past and the future is full of possibilities, growth, and opportunity.

That’s what remarkable parents is all about. It’s not about whether you are a ‘remarkable parent’ right now, we were never trained to be parents. There is no guide.

What’s important is that you are trying, growing, and place great importance on your family. That’s the foundation of being a remarkable parent.

They are growing as you are growing.

It all happens so fast and at the same time, but don’t be discouraged, they are so worth it!

What do you think?

Getting to a good level of communication with my kids took some self reflection and has had it’s growing pains. As with anything worthwhile, we get to the next level in our own thinking by re-examining our existing thought patterns, gathering new knowledge, and some basic hard work.

Whack A Mole

In my own personal growth, many times I feel like an unwilling participant in a flurried session of Whack-A-Mole! The arcade game.

This player is an expert and whacking moles is what he does! Getting whacked over and over does three things well; it makes your head hurt, gives you a renewed sense of urgency, and instills a strong conviction not to do this again!

Properly motivated now, the story moves on…

I did what I always do when life gets rough and I feel a little whacked.

I went to the local Barnes and Noble bookstore – with the connected Starbucks cafe. A girls gotta get a good cup of coffee and unwind sometimes!

Books

I walk in, find the section that has the kind of book I want, and I start scanning. I look at the books, pulling a couple out so I can read the inner sleeve and back cover.

Interesting?

Goes in the pile to the right.

Boring?

Goes back on the shelf.

This goes on until I have a pile of books — the maximum I can carry across
the bookstore to the Barnes & Noble cafe.

In the cafe, I get a large cup of coffee as I prepare to read the first three pages of each of the fifteen books I just carted across the bookstore like a true geek.

The total time spent on this expedition? Usually about three hours.

Information

Yes, I could talk to a friend or family, but many times it’s just easier to go find your own answers!

I like books when I want to get another person’s perspective, preferably someone who a) is not a crazy and b) someone who knows the subject matter. It’s not easy to find a good author with something meaningful to say when you need it!

I was searching for a book that would help motivate me and not a bull-sh*t filled book that would make me feel warm and fuzzy. I need someone to tell me like it is, not someone telling me what I want to hear in five easy steps.

Life Strategies

A book that really helped me change my thinking was “Life Strategies: Doing What Works, Doing What Matters” by Phillip C. McGraw, Ph.D. If you’re thinking, “Is that Dr. Phil”? You are right, it is Dr. Phil. I’ve heard several people say they don’t like him and his tv show, I don’t get a chance to watch it, so I don’t know. I will say however that I found a ton of value in this particular book!

Phillip M: “Most people cheat themselves by not asking themselves the hard questions, not facing their true personality and behavior, and therefore not addressing the nitty-gritty issues undermining their efforts to succeed.”

Vicky H: Ouch! Hate it when people do that.

Phillip M: “You are accountable for your life. Good or bad, successful or unsuccessful, happy or sad, fair of unfair, you own your life! If you are not happy, you are accountable. Acknowledge and accept accountability for your life. Understand your role in creating the results that are your life. Lean how to choose better so you have better.”

Vicky H: Ouch! This was almost worse then participating in a whack-a-mole game.

Phillip M: “Whatever your life circumstances, accept that you can no longer dodge the responsibility for how and why your life is the way it is.

Taking responsibility doesn’t just mean giving “lip service” to being accountable by saying “Okay, I’m accountable”. If you don’t accept accountability, you will misdiagnose every problem you have. If you misdiagnose, you will mistreat. If you mistreat, you won’t get better, plain and simple.”

Vicky H: [ I keep reading...]

Phillip M: “Adopt an attitude of questioning and challenging everything in your life that you can identify as being accepted on blind faith or as having been adopted out of tradition or history. Consider patterns in your personal, professional, family, and social areas.

You will be surprised at how much of your life involves patterns where you do things in a certain way simply because someone else who didn’t know any more than you, did them that way. You will, of course, find certain things that withstand the challenge and therefore should be embraced. You will also identity things that do not withstand the challenge and therefore should be modified or abandoned.”

Our brains love micro-processing. Our brain wants to be efficient. It wants to find the answer, file the thought away and move on to the next thought.

Reusing our previous decisions over and over is quick, but does it serve us well? In my personal case, no. After spending the better part of a year giving my thoughts and their patterns a makeover, I think I made a huge leap forward — and from that point I’ve never looked back.

Ways I Have Changed

After learning this, I don’t take as many things for granted and I try to put myself in the other persons shoes more. Thinking differently is now getting me different results. I can now see many of these patterns in advance and I consciously re-evaluate their need to exist.

In the pre-teen and teen years children start the transformation towards defining their individuality. Reevaluating my own values and choices makes me realize how much I have changed over the years.

This has helped me to understand my kids changing and to appreciate, love, and embrace their uniqueness for both their god given gifts, as well as their shortcomings.

Sensible pondering is much more zen than being whacked like a mole.

**

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Not because I taught her that four-letter word.   I spell out all my bad words. She didn’t hear this one from me.

Nothing Means What To A 16 year old?

When my daughter Kay was 16 years old, we were talking about college applications. The problem was that she only wanted to apply to colleges she was sure she would get in to. I’m like, “What?” The plan had always been University of Wisconsin, Madison. That had always been her first choice!

Really, I don’t mind her changing the plan. The issue is why she’s changing the plan.

After I told her that Madison accepts only 20% of its applicants, Kay reduced her dreams to other schools because she was afraid to fail. Bad mom! I never realized my little trivia lesson was going to be negative.

Fail – that’s a word I don’t want in my daughter’s vocabulary!

She doesn’t want to fail? Again, I’m like what?

You want to change your plan because you’re afraid to fail? You don’t even want to submit an application? You couldn’t take a UW-Madison rejection letter? It would make you feel like your whole life up to this point is a failure? If you weren’t accepted, all these years of school, the great grades, and the honor role would all be for nothing?

Nothing means ? (what) to a sixteen year old?

I snapped into ‘mommy-mode’! I put my brain on listen while I strive to be calm. I attempt to see things from her point of view.

But by this time she was in tears. She started explaining how she would feel, getting that particular rejection letter. It would make her feel like a complete failure. She would have no future. She would be working behind the counter at Pizza Hut for the rest of her life.

What I Learned that Made Me a Better Parent

This lesson really made me think about how serious and important it is that our kids can share their feelings with us!

What if she felt she couldn’t have shared her real feelings with me? This would have been smoldering inside her. I would never have known. I would never would have been able to help. I would have never been able to comfort her. She would never have applied to the school she wanted!

Just as in any relationship, trust and being non-judgmental or objective until you have a full understanding of the situation is a basic; but one that is easily forgotten. For me this is especially important in my relationship with my kids. They’re not adults. They’re not my friends or peers. Sometimes I forget to give them that same basic courtesy that I would give someone else.

It really is so basic. It really is so easily forgotten.

Let’s Get Real with Our Kids

Are you ready to hear the truth? Does your teen feel comfortable enough to share their real life with you?

Are you ready to hear what you never wanted to know?

Raising my teenagers sometimes reminds me of this exchange from the movie A Few Good Men:

_______________________________________________
Kaffee: I Want The Truth!
Col. Jessup: [Shouting] You Can’t Handle The Truth!
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Us, “getting real” with our kids means being open to them being real with us.

Real is the four-letter word we want in our relationships with our kids.

Fast forward to April 2008 … Kay did apply and was accepted into UW-Madison and actually several other colleges too. She is going to UW-Madison!

Now I have a whole new set of worries and concerns, but we can talk about that another time.