Dear Renee,

 I am going home for the Thanks Giving holidays and my parents and family really get on my case about still being alone & single. What can I do to take away some of the stress of it all and express my feelings without hurting theirs?

Home with no Mate

Dear Home with no Mate,
This is a very common challenge as a single soul.  Let’s discuss how you can handle this stressful situation that could surface this year over the upcoming holidays.

 Many singles get the third degree when coming home for the holidays empty handed…and I’m not talking about gifts… I mean no “Mr. Right” or a “New Girl in your Life”.  The stress isn’t about not having that person per say, but having to explain your current dating challenges to Aunt Lilly, Grandma, Uncle Sam, siblings and your parents.  That doesn’t leave out the nosey cousins who are married with 3 kids and wonder “What you’re waiting for?”  I discuss these family stresses in my seminars and many singles ward off holiday visits to avoid these obstacles and the pressure. Why not just handle it in a new way this year instead of avoiding a family visit?  Why let your family upset you with judgments when you set the boundaries for your own life.  Where your personal love life is concerned, you need to take control and get over the guilt trips family can attempt to impose on you about your single life. 

 Sooo….What can you say to your family when they ask personal questions and get them to leave you alone in the future and actually get support from them?  You can discuss this with each person individually or gather a group and ask for their attention. I actually did this with my family a few years back and they “got the message” loud and clear and I never got hassled again.  My family often mentions that I spoke from my heart that night and they never knew that their teasing hurt my feelings until I spoke up.

 Either before dinner or during a family gathering; get the attention of the group by proposing a toast or a family blessing.  Then tell them you have an announcement and wanted their undivided attention.  Say something like this (or modify depending on your family dynamic)  “Every one I have an announcement to make to all of you.  I wanted to wish you all the best over these holidays and let you all know I’d appreciate some support regarding my current relationship status.  I love you all very much and know you care about me. As you know, I don’t have a significant other in my life at this time and when I come to visit you all seem to keep bringing it up as if there is something wrong with me.  I am happy and fulfilled in my life and I’d appreciate you all holding the vision for me or praying for me (if the family is into prayer) to connect with someone that will be perfect for me instead of focusing on that person not being in my life.  I spend lots of money to travel to see you all and the last thing I need is to be hit with questions that are not supportive.  I have faith that when the time is right I will find the perfect partner for me and I’d appreciate you knowing that for me.  Believe me, when I find a partner you will all be the first to know and someday I will walk into this house with him (her) and you’ll say “Wow this person was worth the wait”.  Thanks for your love and support…Happy Holidays”.

If you are not looking for a partner you can state that intention also.  There was a time I was quite happy casually dating and did not want a long term partner and I told the family to back off asking.  When we clearly state our intentions and let people know it will assist us in manifesting our individual intentions faster.  Having negative “vibes” from family members often keeps us from wanting to spend time with them until they become aware of the effect it has on us.

Sometimes your family members don’t realize that their questions, off handed comments and jokes about you not having a mate just adds to the stress and often for singles a sense of loneliness over the holidays…and who’s to say that being in a relationship is the factor that is supposed to make us “happy”.  This scripted conversation has helped many singles decrease the stress, enjoy their holidays and get the family in total support about being “STILL SINGLE”!  We all need to speak our mind and yet understand that our family wants only the best for us…and may not know that the unending questions are just adding to the stress.  Speak up!! They will respect you for it.  Count your blessings and have a Happy Thanks Giving!

 Want help manifesting Real Love or getting over a broken relationship! Call me for a private coaching session or join me for my very personal Get Ready for LOVE Seminars
check out all the details here: http://www.reneepiane.com/coaching_makeovers/tele_seminars.html

I have been married for over 20 years to my high school sweetheart.  We have two kids and we have been like buddies for the past few years. There isn’t that romance and spark we used to have.  I lost my job and found a job here in Southern California and I am away for weeks at a time.  I met a girl at a work meeting and a few months ago who became a confidant about my situation.  Now we have gotten so close and I am torn about what to do since I have developed feelings for her. I feel like a bad boy!  My wife senses something and I have somewhat told her about my “new friend” (without some of the details).

 We are starting to have I guess what you would call “an affair” without having full blown sex.  Just affection and that passion that makes me feel a new again.  Now both women in my life want to know what I am up too and I am feeling torn.  Is there something you can suggest that will unwind the mess I am in?
Mess

 Dear Mess,

Yes… this is a messy situation.  Talking  to your wife and being honest is the best way to handle this mess.  Often these types of scenarios can make you “get real” and grow.  Your wife deserves the truth, since I am sure she did not think you would slip and go off and have an affair.  Many couples experience ebbs and flow in their relationships,and the every day stresses override those stirrings of romance and passion…especially after 20+ years.  Kids, work, money and stress dilutes the strong flushes of romance we all yearn for.  Marriage is not based on these romance and passion feelings alone.  Trust, values, family and good communication are they keys to long term lasting love.  When you pull away your mate feels the lack of energy and the special connection.  When your focus is on something or someone else believe me… they sense it.  Let’s also “Get real” about the “without the full blown sex ” comment. Face it a little sex is SEX (are you pulling a Bill Clinton?)

This friend is more than a friend or you would not be writing to me. Women know when there is something going on! If you want to save your marriage it’s time to do some talking and get some help before you get into a bigger mess. Just a few suggestions/options:

1. Go see your wife and tell her that you have been feeling disconnected and that you wanted to see if you could get help to save the marriage.
2. Let go of your “friend” until you are clear on what you want to do and free to be able to be honest with her and your wife and focus on your next step.
3. Ask yourself if this “friend” is a diversion from reality and if are you willing to throw away 20+ years of marriage for her?  Being away from home will make anyone seem interesting.
4. Get a job locally and move back
5. Separate legally so you are not living a double life and take time to figure this out.    

.    

Think deep and connect to your higher self before you take a leap that will affect not only your life but also your entire family.  Take a look at your values or lack of that created this situation.  It takes two people to keep this “magic” going and is this “friend” worth it?  Be honest with your friend, yourself and especially your wife. She deserves that!  Divorce, separating the kids and all the emotion is a lot to go through for a fling.
Neither your wife of your “friend will never trust you if you continue to deceive your wife. The lies eventually surface and come back to bite you. Get honest!  Do some inner reflection and call me for a coaching session to get in touch with your heart! Or contact a local marriage therapist to help you get clear before you make a move that could affect the rest of you life. No rushing…Then you’ll be writing to me about that Friend relationship in six months and wanting your wife back. Call me for a  heart opening session to get clear. 

Still Single? Suddenly Single? Please go to my site at: ReneePiane.com and see our listings for seminars and events. Call for info at 310 -827-1100. If you have a love or dating question or dilemma please email me at Renee@ReneePiane.com. I will do my best to answer but it is not guarenteed! Need a Image update or a Love Nest Makeover or personal dating consulting call NOW! I can help you win in the game of Love!

There is no limit on love and there is love around but often we need
to unlock your heart to discover why you cant leave in!
HOW?…get guidance  from someone who can help!

I host classes that can transform your love life!!  Take Control of your love Destiny
Let’s Create your Dream LOVE Story, not someday but…NOW!
Join  me Renee Piane  The “LOVE DESIGNER” to help create your powerful
plan of action to Attract Your DREAM Relationship!  
I have successfully matched Thousands of couples now it is your turn! 

Join my  NEW 6 Week “GET READY for LOVE” Class
begins Tuesdays, Nov 1rst- Dec 6th
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Dear Renee,
I look forward to your love advice every week and I need some advice now! I have been dating a man for over a year and a half and he moved in with me 7 months ago.  We are not engaged at this point, but he claims I am “the one for him.”  Do you think I should ask him when we will get hitched? I want to get married. Is it too soon to ask and how should I bring up the subject?

 Your thoughts?

Wanting Marriage

Dear Wanting Marriage,

This question is all depending on you and the goals you have in your life.  If you moved in with him with no discussion of the future, then there needs to be some communication.  I don’t recommend pressure, but to state the desires of your heart to be “hitched” or married in the future to him.  If he says you are the “one for him” do you know if he wanted marriage?  It amazes me how many people date or live together without ever asking what vision the other person has about long term relationships.  Often people say living together ruins the chance for someone to commit since they are “Getting the cow for free” and there are different opinions about living together. With the divorce rate sky rocketing, I think that people are not taking the vows of matrimony as seriously as in the past generations.  Living together is a personal choice!  There is no right or wrong.  Marriage has no guarantees just like living together does not offer the seeming “security” some people think marriage offers.  The commitment is between two consenting adults that choose their own path…there are no set rules or formulas…only what is best for you!

 To me…Marriage is a sacred commitment and if living together is not feeling like a commitment that is satisfying you, speak up with love… something like “I love you (his or her name) and now that we have been so happy for a year and a half I was wondering how you are feeling about our relationship?  I’d like to know where you see us in the future because I want to be with you and need to know what your feeling.”  There is this huge difference between that script and stating what you want from your heart rather than demanding an answer with pressure.

The wrong ways to make him (or her) run for the hills would sound like…. “Well it’s been a year and a half and if we don’t get married in the next 6 months… I’m done with this relationship.  I need to know now when we are closing the deal.”  Most people don’t like ultimatums, yet we all must learn to express your desires and be honest without fear of losing something or someone.  Love with pressure in my experience does not work.  You must stay calm and ask from your heart.  If you see signs of fear creep in, discuss these fears openly and give yourself a time frame for your goals.  If your mate isn’t on the same page then you have to make some new choices for yourself so you don’t waste time thinking you can convince someone to get married.  Speak the truth with love…then see where it leads you. Do what is best for you!  The truth is always the way to go but the delivery is very important in this process. Need some more assistance call me for a coaching session. I can do short or long phone sessions from Skype and I record the call so you can listen to the advice againand again!  call me at 310 827-1100 or email me to set up sessions! (there is a fee for sessions)

Have a burning love and dating question? Email Renee@ReneePiane.com  Come join us for Rapid Dating Events you can meet a whole new slew of people to date! Come join the fun! Check out all of our events  life changing seminars and pod casts on the site. http://www.Reneepiane.com

There is a woman I have known for about two weeks. When we first started
 talking, I felt like something really clicked.  I felt like we had a
 wonderful rapport together- we have talked a lot, and our conversations
 always make the time fly quickly.  I have grown to like her better and
 better the more I have gotten to know her.  I wanted to ask her out, but
 held back.  Not only was I afraid of rejection in itself, but the fact
 that I liked her so much definitely raised the stakes for me.  Finally, I
 decided to just ask her out.  Instead of saying yes or no, she blushed a
 little and said “I don’t know” and her face got all squished up.  This was the one response I was not
 prepared for.  I feel like I was blown off- like she didn’t really want
 to accept my invitation, but was too polite or afraid to tell me so.
 
Could you shed some light on what her behavior meant? Was I totally
 mistaken in thinking she might like me? And what should I do now?
have I been Blown Off?

Dear Have I been blown off,

In all the time I have written for various publications, this is one of the most frequently asked question!

What happened?  Why no date?  What did I do wrong?  Why didn’t He/She go out with me or call me back?  So for all of you who have written to me here is the answer!  If she/he wanted to go out with you she/he would say yes and would call you back within a few days!  She/he has other things going on!! Period! Her facial expression showed she did not know what to say!

If she has a boyfriend and keeps you as a friend…that’s what you are…a friend. Date other women and  move on!

 Often times a connecting conversation and wonderful rapport is a sign that someone may find you interesting, but doesn’t always result in a romantic interest.  Why?  Many women surveyed say they may enjoy meeting a man and be pleasant but it was only in that moment.  She had a nice time but didn’t get a good vibe!  Every week in my business Rapid Dating we hook up hundreds of people for 5 minute dates and get lots of feedback about initially meeting.  Some people don’t get matches one week then try again and get 3-5 the next time!  Why do you have success one time and get shot down the next event or bar?  The feedback we get from both sexes… “I wasn’t on top of  my game tonight”  “Nice person but no sexual chemistry.”  “Sometimes the magic happens, sometimes it doesn’t.” Every time you go out you have a chance to connect. Keep your spirits up!

 In your personal situation…She doesn’t want to be cruel but also doesn’t want a date with you.  She didn’t know how to say NO!  Get over it and enjoy just meeting people without worrying about closing a deal!

You could ask her one more time to relieve your anguish and then move on! But why waste time?

Take my classes to build your confidence and use this as a stepping stone to realize you have rapport skills and sooner or later there will be a woman interested in you!  Practice with people in all your conversations and bring out the best in people! Then let go of all expectations and enjoy just being you! The energy of a guy that is desperate for a date is a turn off.  Why do the stakes rise when a women is attractive to you?  Because inside you don’t feel you deserve her?  That is BS. When a man feels confident on the inside, he attracts women toward him. The work for you is to refine your attitude with yourself!

 Her behavior to me sounds like she enjoyed your company yet perhaps sensed your fear of rejection and it might have turned her off.   Your Vibes (as described in my seminars and my book Love Mechanics) sent out the wrong signal and you were not aware of the energy you sent or she just wasn’t sexually attracted to you. This is one of the topics we will be covering on the Dating/ Love Tune-Up series soon available on My ITUNES LOVE ADVICE SHOW
 Your mind and thoughts about your worth and value comes out unconsciously in conversations and women can sense the fear a mile away.

I can help you with this personally in a private coaching session so next time this happens you walk away thinking “She wasn’t the girl for me and not warp your mind with negativity! Keep on flirting and grow your internal confidence muscles to get different results in the future!
come check out my LIVE CLASSES monthly and GET READY for LOVE with me helping you on your path! Have a burning love or dating question? Need a Love Life Tune-Up or some dating coaching? I am here to help!? Email:Renee@LoveMechanics.com. Still Single? Suddenly Single? Want to liven up your love life? Join us at Rapid Dating parties, held in cities in Los Angeles.  Call 310-827-1100 to RSVP and check out our new ReneePiane.com site to get on our mailing list and see all of our seminars and products designed to help you WIN in the GAME of LOVE!

 Hope this help you get back in the game !Call me if you want more guidance ( there are fees for coaching but I offer 10 minutes FREE

I’ve enjoyed reading your direct love advice columns.  I wish I’d come across
them much sooner as I just ended a somewhat long-term friendship that I had hoped would blossom into a relationship.  I would’ve ended it sooner had I know of your work.

Do you have any suggestions for someone who missed a few warning
signs along the way, and fell in love with someone who had no idea I
cared for her that much to the point of her never even considering me in that way?
As far as the healing process is concerned, I’m not being
very patient. I thought I’d give this relationship businessone more try, and was burned worse than ever in the process due not so much to her, but rather my ability to read her signals or hints even if
seemingly encouraging words were spoken, or gestures given, from time totime.  I do not plan to return to the dating wars as I’m too old for this sort of thing, and have discovered in the hardest way that I’m
not cut out for relationships.  That’s a tough admission to make but some of us are indeed better off single, like me. 
No More dating for me!

 Dear No more Dating for Me!

I felt sad when I received your note! I know it hurts… but to give up on love is not option!

It’s time to take a stand for YOU.  The doom and gloom your feeling will filter into every part of your life if your give up since you will be giving up on  yourself. She is not your source for confidnece and you have just been focusing your love on the wrong woman! In many of my past articles I discuss this topic of chasing someone that is NOT showing interest and how this experience eats away at our self esteem, you heart and other possible relationships.

Have you read my Love Mechanics book and done any inner work to help you get in touch with yourself?

I know this important tuneup will help you to see how you can shift gears! Some women do enjoy your company but don’t want to be romantic because you are not showing that inner confidence woman want! Yes it sucks… but it’s just the truth. Learn the signs and read them sooner and take action to change your future NOW!!

Remember, this is only one woman out of many that would love to be in a relationship…yes even with you! You just need to learn more about  how to effectively communicate with women about who you are and what you want without dragging your emotions on and on for years with the wrong person! You become first what YOU want to attract…this will take you in a whole new direction

Often men don’t learn the tools to create relationships until they are in pain. These painful experiences make us all look at our self worth and normally we take it out on ourselves to the point of giving up.  And then the ripping away at yourself in the silent moments of your day…You’ll hear yourself saying… Why not me? What did I do wrong? I’m done with love! Sound familiar?? You aren’t the only person experiencing a banged up heart.  I hear this terminology a lot in my business!

 Take this as an opportunity to learn more about yourself and examine your target before you give yourself and your heart to a woman. Discover if she is going to reciprocate the effort before wasting so much time. This takes some practice. 

We all learn from our experiences and some can be rough on our hearts! I say give me a call for a personal and private session and let me assist you to kick start your love life with some tools to help you to:

1. Not take things so personally

2. Ask questions that will help you to see if there is a compatible match next time!

3. Build more confidence in yourself and what you have to offer

4. Create a support system (often men face these demons alone)

5. Get back into the game of life with tools and steps that will change your life.

 You might choose to stay single and do some healing but don’t ever give up on love.  
Create some support, learn new skills and if you don’t know how call me for a tune up, read my book Love Mechanics or join my live online seminars for men held monthly online   

You must get back the control of your life and shift your attitude and the book  or my persoanl coachingwill give you a step by step system to do just that!  Good luck and remember you are in the driver’s seat of your mind…not her! Life is so amazing live it to the fullest! 

Have a love or dating question or need some love advice?? Need a Private Consultation? Call 310-827-1100 or Email: Renee@Reneepiane.com to make an personal one on  one appointment and I can help you personally with all your dating and love challenges.  Still Single? Suddenly Single? Want to liven up your love life? Join us at a Rapid Dating cocktail mixers, held in cities all over the Southern California. Get on our info list and check out our events at http://www.Reneepiane.com and join in on all the fun. Check out my weekly PODCASTS on line giving FREE ADVICE Weekly!

Join us  for A FUN and FREE event for the whole family

MARINA/VENICE BE READY EXPO

Saturday, May 21, 11am – 3pm

Burton W. Chace Park, Marina del Rey
13650 Mindanao Way, 2 blocks west of Lincoln Blvd.

Renee Piane here to invite you to a FREE community event to help you be safe in case we experience a big earthquake or major disaster in our community?
http://www.reneepiane.com/newsletter/bereadyexpo.html 
Did you know only 10% of people in LA are ready if we do have a disater…Are YOU?
I am proud to say my husband Joe Campanella is the co chair along with numerous wonderful volunteers who spent weeks preparing this event to make you safe!
CHECK OUT THIS VIDEO INVITE
http://www.audioacrobat.com/playv/W4zwv1l7
•LEARN valuable emergency preparedness tips for yourself,
your family, and your pets!
•GET free stuff and giveaways!
•CONNECT with your local emergency responders, friends, neighbors, and members of your community!
•MEET Councilman Bill Rosendahl!
•LAUGH (and learn) with puppet shows for the kids, presented by American Red Cross!
•TOUR fire trucks and a Coast Guard cutter!
•SEE displays of emergency preparedness products and supplies!
•INTERACT with “How-To” demos for turning off utilities in an emergency!
•ENJOY a picnic in the park! Lots of open space for the kids to play!
•WIN raffle prizes! The grand prize is a family vacation in beautiful Cancun, Mexico! 

Schedule of Events
11:30 AM: Puppet Show, presented by
American Red Cross
12:00 PM: Councilman Bill Rosendahl
gives special remarks
12:30 PM: Disaster Readiness lecture,
presented by American Red Cross
1:00 PM: Dr. Aggeliki Barberopoulou,
Tsunami/Earthquake expert
1:30 PM: Puppet Show, presented by
the American Red Cross
2:00 PM: Disaster Readiness lecture,
presented by American Red Cross
2:30 PM: Grand Prize Raffle Drawing

Exhibitors include American Red Cross, LA Police and Sheriff’s Departments, LA Fire Departments, The Gas Company, U.S. Coast Guard, More Prepared, B&B Hardware, Marina del Rey Hospital, World Venture Travel, CERT, the Argonaut, state and local departments of Animal Services, Mental Health, and Insurance, and more!

Free snacks, water, and other goodies (while supplies last) provided by Chipotle, Pinkberry, and more!
* Printing services courtesy of Venice Printing

Parking is available at the
public lots on Mindanao.
Please consider carpooling,
walking, or biking

Presented by:
Villa Marina Council
Venice Neighborhood Council!

I will see you there! Renee Piane
www.Reneepiane.com

 Dear Renee (Love Mechanic)

            After attending one of your Rapid Dating Cocktail Parties, I ended up connecting with four women.  It was so easy to meet people there I could not believe it.  The challenge is I like them all and have had a few casual dates with each of them.  The trouble is I have fooled around with one of them and now she thinks our relationship is exclusive.  We never discussed any arrangement.  What can I do?  I am not ready to be dating only one woman. Help!

Dating 4 Women

Dear Dating 4 Women,
   Wow good for you for the abundance of success!  You are the man!  I’m sure you got an instant injection of confidence by having four women say “yes” to you….This must make you feel great!  Now to get down to the advice that will help all daters.  Whether you’re online dating, rapid dating, a matchmaker or meeting through friends… we all need to communicate with the people we meet.

 I have had many attendees experience this situation and my advice is…HONESTY is the best policy. When the chemistry is hot, many people who are casually dating make assumptions that a little booty and chemistry means exclusive dating.  It’s all about communicating openly to all the women (and for the ladies reading this to communicate with the men you date) and letting them know you had met some other people at the event and you are casually dating others at this time. 

As long as you are open and honest there is no harm done. You especially need to communicate with the girl you fooled around with to lower her expectations. If she likes you she may feel insulted since she felt a strong connection with you, yet I am sure she will respect your honesty. This exact situation happened to my own brother Bryan, who met his girlfriend at one of my events a few years ago. He was overwhelmed by all his dates after recently going through a divorce. He told 5 women the truth about being open to meeting all his newly found friends  and Robin (the women he is with now) called him and said “call me when you are done dating other women I want a boyfriend.” He went out on a few dates then called her to give it a try. They ended up together and will be married soon. 

 Eventually,  if you are being an honest and conscious person, the cream will rise to the top and you will find someone special or we might see you at another event in the future and you will get a few more great connections!
 

It’s all about being open and you’ll at least make some new friends if a romantic relationship doesn’t develop! The main message is for both sexes to be honest if there is no magic happening and then a person can move on. Don’t leave people hanging and make them wonder what happened after you had a spark! By treating people they way you want to be treated, you will get back the same experiences in your life.

Have a love or dating dilema? Call me for a Coaching session  Need a Make Over or some relationship coaching? Email:Renee@ReneePiane.com. Still Single? Suddenly Single? Want to liven up your love life? Join us at our  Rapid Dating Cocktail Dance Parties held every few months We also have fun seminars for  you and a FREE bimonthly podcast with hot topics online to download on your ipod from I Tunes under the name Love Mechanics.  Want more info…Call 310-827-1100 to RSVP and check out our new http://www.ReneePiane.comsite. Love to help you Connect!

© 2011 All contents of these articles are the sole property of Rapid Dating LLC and cannot be duplicated or copied without permission of the author. If you’d like to use this article on your website contact us at;Renee@ReneePiane.com