Fearful. Betrayed. Abandoned. Unloved. Unworthy. Unwanted.

These are a few words that defined Donna and cast shadows over her. Here’s Donna’s story…

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Fearful. Betrayed. Abandoned. Unloved. Unworthy. Unwanted.

These were shadows from a past that would haunt me for years. A past that would hold me hostage and keep me from fully living in the light of God’s love. 

Fearful as I watched a hot plate of spaghetti thrown across the kitchen.  Fearful as I watched furniture crash against  walls. Fearful as my dad fell to the ground a few feet from my mom after he’d swung at her and lost his balance.

Betrayed after my intoxicated father sat me on the back of a horse without a saddle or reins to hold, and then swiped the horse’s rear end. Betrayed as he laughed with his friends while I went sailing through the air and landed on a barb wired fence.

Abandoned and unwanted when my dad filed divorce papers and when I discovered he failed to even get my name and birthday correct on them.  Abandoned each time my dad refused to pay child support. Unwanted as years went by without visits, phone calls, hugs, birthday gifts.

Unloved and unworthy when my dad broke promise after promise… to visit, to call, to show up for my high school graduation, to pay for college.

Fearful, betrayed, abandoned, unloved, unworthy, and unwanted. Words and emotions that I let define me and cast shadows over me … until July 2011.

Through several of my Pastor’s sermons and through a friend’s father passing away, I sensed God asking: “How would you feel and what would you do if your Dad were to die this very day?”

I had no answer.  I didn’t even know or really even think I liked my dad, much less loved him.  Fifteen years had gone by since I’d seen him.

Around that same time, God challenged me with two words: ACCEPT and CHOICE

I had a choice and I made it. Following God’s nudging, on July 1, 2011 I went to see my father and accepted him for who he is.

In doing so, for the first time ever, I was able to ACCEPT my past. God made it perfectly clear to me that I could not change my dad nor my past. My only job was to pray for my Dad. I cannot tell you the burden that lifted from my entire being on July 1st.

God took my acceptance one step further. He told me I had a CHOICE!

A choice to believe that He is who He says He is.  A choice to believe His promises; a choice to believe I was worth dying for; a choice to be filled with His joy; a choice to let Him be my Father, my Abba Daddy; a choice to live with a confident heart.

And it’s up to me to make those choices 24/7. Not just on Sunday. Not just at 9am when my day starts – but constantly make those choices.  So I get up every morning and choose to believe that God is a Promise Keeper. I make the choice – to believe He loves me like no other can nor will,  to pray for my Dad, to let go of the anger. I choose to live in the Light of Jesus so I can have a the freedom and security of a confident heart.

There are days, even minutes, that I don’t make the right choices. But the good thing is as I get better and better at making those choices my rebound time gets shorter and shorter. I get quicker at turning back to the Light.

I’m praying for you today – that together we can turn towards and live in the Light of God’s love. That He’ll give us courage to make the choices He’s asking us to make and accept what He’s calling us to accept so that we can keep turning and growing.

Lord, thank You for Your promises. I thank You that You have called me out of the darkness and into Your light. Thank You for transforming my heart into a heart like Yours. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Donna, sweet friend, thank you for boldly believing Jesus and walking in obedient trust of His calling on your life. Your story and  your faith challenge and encourage me to listen for His voice and do the hard thing of believing Him when my feelings are demanding their way. I”m so grateful for the Light and the way you walk in Him!

***
Connecting in Community & A Giveaway: What is God speaking to your heart as you read Donna’s story o? Or is there something in chapter 5 that resonated with a change, a choice or a place of acceptance God’s inviting you to? Let’s share here and/or some of the answers to our end of chapter questions this week. Whatever is on your heart. 

Donna has generously donated 4 copies of my book {for you or a friend?} Winners will be prayerfully and randomly drawn on Monday from comments left below today’s post. Just click “share your thoughts” and do just that. {If you’re reading this via email click here to share, enter and connect.}

PS. Here’s a music video that Donna shared with me – it reminds us of Chapter 5. After you leave a comment, be sure to watch/listen and let it speak to your heart today or when you have a chance later to come back and stay a little longer.

Our word for the week: LIGHT (You can download it in a PDF or download in MSWord). Please print it and post it everywhere as you allow His word to light your path this week.

His WORD for us this week: “I am the light of the world. If you follow Me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life.” John 8:12, NLT

Today’s Assignment: Start or continue reading chapter 5. This is a shorter chapter but oh so important!! Be sure to highlight or underline anything that resonates in your heart and journal what you sense God is showing you.

Connecting: What are one or two things you’ve read so far in Chapter 5 that you sense God’s bringing to “light” for you? Are there verses or sentences you’ve underlined or highlighted? Click “share your thoughts” just below this post and do just that.

Giveaway Winners:

The winners of my May 9th giveaway are: Kristen B, Tara, Audrey, Mary M. and Carolyn K
You will each receive a copy of A Confident Heart and my testimony/teaching message Letting God Fill My Empty Places. 

The winners of last Wednesday’s May 16th giveaway are: Kristi Stirler, Amy Martin & Kim S.
You will each receive a copy of A Confident Heart, my “Rest Assured” message on CD and a Starbucks gift card.

The winners of Rachel’s Ebook, The Scent of Prayer are: Roberta D, Tatia, Laura Y, Belinda & Debbie.
You will receive a free Ebook download.

*We have all of your emails so we’ll be in touch with details about your gifts this week.

I grew up in a wonderful Christian home with fabulous Christian parents.  We were faithful to church and I graduated from Christian school.  I went on to Christian college and completed the circle by teaching in a Christian school.  My future husband was a “preacher boy” and when we married, the plan was that he would take a youth pastor position wherever God led.  Only after we married, he had serious doubts about his calling and stopped attending church all together.

After two years of marriage, a precious daughter was born to us via emergency c-section.  She experienced oxygen deprivation and required resuscitation, but she lived.   Three years after Taylor’s birth, I discovered that her father had been having an affair essentially four of the five years we were married. In spite of that great protective environment I’d always known, and being faithful to God’s house, sin had erupted my “perfect” life and my marriage to this man didn’t withstand.    Bad choices were made by both parties and we divorced.

In spite of all the pain and loss of the “perfect” life, God brought a solid Christian man into my life and He has given us a wonderful story of grace and redemption.  But in the midst of Matt and I falling in love, my dearest mom fell severely ill, diagnosed with a rare type of anemia.  Two months later the diagnosis was changed to leukemia and she lived just six short months after that.  Mom was the strongest, most faithful Christian I’ve ever personally known; she was my best friend.

During my divorce and my mom’s death, the discovery process for Taylor’s developmental delays became more intense.  Doctors often blamed the delays on her lack of oxygen at birth.  But in my heart, I knew there was more to her issues.  Nine months after my mom’s death, the diagnosis for Taylor came through: MPSIIIB, a rare, genetic metabolic disorder which causes gradual neurological degeneration.  The average life span is 10-15 years and there is no cure, or even a treatment.

Upon receiving Taylor’s diagnosis, my walk with the Lord became intense.  I did just what Renee talked about this week in chapter four.   I asked all the why’s and the how’s.   I wanted God to spill out His plan for my life in one day.

But through His Word, God has taught me that faith is not only a one-time decision; it’s an everyday decision.

Trusting His plan for your everyday life is equally as important as trusting Him for your eternal life.

While God has richly blessed Matt and me with a beautiful family and more blessings than we can count, Taylor’s disease has not changed.  Every day is by faith, that God would have His will for her life and ours.

Each day we claim His promises and make the choice to run towards His plan.

Rachel, your story has changed me. The first time you shared it in an email, I got Holy goosebumps up my spine, down my arms and into my toes!  Your journey of choosing hope through your past and into the present brought tears to my eyes. I’m inspired by your faith and your surrendered life.  To be broken daily, like bread, held up (like loaves and fishes) as an offering of God’s of love and mercy. You my friend are beautiful – inside and out.

And here are some behind-the-scenes “only Jesus knew” details: I didn’t know Rachel’s story. When God prompted me to ask her to be a guest I wasn’t sure what part of my book she’d write about.  But HE did! How precious is our Jesus? He knew we needed to hear her story and be strengthened by the way she has chosen courage and one-day-at-a-time steps of faith. The way she is choosing to walk out hope gives us all a picture of what it looks like to live the message of chapter 4 with Jesus. Thank you, Rachel!!

Connecting in Community & Today’s Giveaway: What is God speaking to your heart through Rachel’s story? Also, is there anything from the questions He’s given us for the end of Chapter 4 you’d want to share? I’d love for us to connect here and talk about it.

Rachel has just released a new Ebook,  The Scent of Prayer and she is giving away 5 copies to 5 of you randomly drawn on Monday from the comments left below today’s post. Just click “share your thoughts” and do just that.

About Rachel: Rachel is originally a small town country girl who converted to a suburban mother of seven by way of life happening. She and her husband, Matt, enjoy caring for their busy family, whose ages span 9 months to 21 years and includes a special needs daughter.  Rachel leads community ladies’ Bible studies in central Ohio and serves as an event planner and speaker for special needs parenting groups.  She is a member of the Ohio Writers’ Guild and the National MPS Society; and loves to inspire others through her blog by sharing faith, family, and fun.  Wife, mom, reader, writer, speaker and dreamer, you can find Rachel on Twitter and Facebook.

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Today is another day where I can’t just write what I want to say – I need to “show and tell” you. In today’s short video message below I share how God walked me through a process of looking back with courage – so I could move forward with hope. He helped me identify things I didn’t even know were affecting me and gently led my heart on a journey towards freedom – showing me how to of let go of the pain from my yesterdays so I could live with confident hope in my todays… and tomorrows.

{Are you a note-taker? If so, I created “Video Message Notes” in a PDF format here or in a MSWord doc here, just for you. Even included key verses and blanks to fill in.}

Today’s Giveaway:
I’m giving away 3 Confident Heart gift packs for 3 of you. Each one includes a copy of my book, A Confident Heart {for you or a friend?}, my “Rest Assured” message on CD and a Starbucks gift card!

Let’s Connect {and how to enter today’s drawing}:
I’d love to hear how God speaks to you through today’s video message… and this is an easy way to enter today’s giveaway too. Just click “share your thoughts” right below this post and do just that.  I’ll be here reading and praying over each of you and  your stories. {Also, I know the timelines I encourage you to create might sound overwhelming or scary,  so I recorded a little video message to talk/walk you through that process – If you’d like to hear more click here to watch it after you share your thoughts below.}

For More Daily Encouragement join my Confident Heart Facebook page.

Receive My Posts in Your Inbox
If you aren’t already a subscriber, sign up in my right sidebar where it says “Receive Email Updates” — and you won’t miss a thing! I’ve got more giveaways, short video messages and lots of encouraging posts I’m working on for the coming weeks.

Please share your thoughts about Chapter 4 here – under our Monday Morning blog post. I’ve closed comments on this one so they will all be together in one place.

Artwork Source

“In the security of our relationship with Christ, God wants us to ask questions and look for answers that usher us into the depths of His redeeming love. He wants to give us the courage to live in the promise that He offers hope for our future despite the pain of our past.”
from Chapter 4, A Confident Heart

___________________________

Our Word for the week: HOPE
(Download in a PDF or download in MSWord). Please print it and post it everywhere this week.

HIS Word for us this week:
“May the God of hope fill [me] with all joy and peace as [I] trust in him, so that [I] may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
Romans 15:13, NIV

Today’s Assignment:
Read the prayer at the end of Chapter 4 to begin your day. Then start or continue reading chapter 4. Remember to take your time and highlight or underline sentences that resonate in your heart.

Connecting in Community:
As we read chapter4 this week, let’s share here – answers to the questions, sentences we’re highlighting, thoughts we’re thinking, feelings and fears we’re experiencing. This can be a hard chapter for some because it addresses our past and our pain. Let’s pray for each other each day and commit to memorize this week’s verse together! If you are in, leave a comment by clicking on “share your thoughts” and tell us how you plan to memorize it. I’m writing it on a ceramic plate in my kitchen. I’ll be praying it for you every time I see it.

Italicized sentences are from Chapter 3 of A Confident Heart

Until our hearts find complete security and significance in God’s unconditional love, we will constantly turn to other lovers and never be satisfied.

Although I stood before family and friends professing my love and faithfulness to my husband, three years later I found myself trying to fill my emptiness in the arms of another man.

When the closed door of a previous relationship opened I ran through it. On Wednesday I was serving on our church’s youth team and by Saturday I was in between the sheets of a bed in a cheap hotel. The result of my affair led to a pregnancy I knew was from the other man since my husband had undergone a vasectomy.

Driving out of an abortion clinic and heading home to my unsuspecting husband, I wondered how I’d gotten to this place. Here I was a Christian wife and mom who had compromised my beliefs in more ways than one. Looking to fill my void with anything but Jesus, I walked further and further away from the One I needed most.

By being honest about her life and the lies she believed, she could start turning toward the Truth. She could bring the thirst of her heart to Him. Only then would she find confidence in the power of His love and start living in the security of His promises.

I ended my affair soon after the reality of my abortion set in. It shook my Jesus-loving heart to the core. One morning, after everyone was out of the house, I turned on some worship music, got down on my knees and began to sob.  Raising my hands toward heaven, I told God, “If I lose everything – my marriage, my kids, my friends, my reputation, but I still have YOU, I’ll be okay.”

Admitting all the lies I had told and believed, I got gut-honest with God that day. And in that place of truth, I was set free and could then turn toward Jesus and away from my life of sin. Like Renee wrote, I could bring the thirst of my heart to Him. That’s what I did — I brought my parched soul to the only One capable of filling me and changing my mess of a life.

Three years later, I felt God leading me to tell my husband about my affair and abortion. We’d attended two marriage conferences during the in-between years and  I couldn’t keep my secret any longer. Deep pain was evident on his face and in his tears. My heart broke once again over my affair as I listened to my husband process my choices.

Still in shock, he told me that while I was having my affair he too had been involved in one.  I sat there stunned, silent and ticked off at God. How had He not prepared me for this moment of my husband’s truth? I felt instant emptiness, but this time I made the choice to bow my heart before Jesus and ask Him to help me.

Jesus came to give us more than salvation. He wants us to experience complete satisfaction in Him.

These words from chapter 3 resonate deeply with my soul. Although, I had attended Christian school from kindergarten though graduation in 1988; went to church on Sundays and returned on Wednesdays and knew countless Bible stories by heart, what I lacked was a relationship with my King.

Sitting there with my husband trying to process his unfaithfulness, God let me know He is the only One that could take my empty, broken heart and fill it with His unconditional love and confidence that I had sought in all the wrong places.

I love what Renee asked us this week, and how she encouraged us to write our own “when-then” statements:

So what do we do when our hearts start tossing and turning with emptiness and uncertainty? We need to stop and ask Jesus to help us see the worth we are placing in other things and the worth we are seeking in other people and shift our reliance to Him instead.

{Here are mine}

When I start to feel like my marriage is not giving me what I deserve then I will turn to God and ask Him to be my portion.

When I feel tempted to return to a life of emptiness and rely on my old patterns of comfort and fulfillment then I will praise God for what He has brought me from and remind myself that I am worthy of the sacrifice of the cross.

Lasting security comes when we bring the empty well of our hearts to Jesus and ask Him to fill and fulfill us with the security of His unfailing love.

It’s been nine years since the day of my and my husband’s confessions. Our marriage is far from perfect, but with God’s help we have walked through the process of forgiveness and restoration. My husband and I serve at a marriage conference every spring and God has used our mistakes to help other couples realize He is much bigger than any circumstance we face. He has also taken the shame and regret of my abortion and used it for His glory by calling me to be part of an abortion ministry, “Surrendering the Secret,” where I now serve as a leader.

I have no idea what your story it, but please believe this woman who almost lost everything for nothing. Jesus is worth seeking and giving Him a chance to fill up all the empty places of your life. If He can look at an unfaithful wife and compromising mom in Nebraska and see beauty instead of ugly then anyone is within reach of being embraced by His amazing grace.

You need to know that God wants you. There is no sin too heavy to stay nailed to the beams of the cross. You are the reason He trekked His way to Calvary and you are worth every step He took!

***
Thank you Lelia, for the courage and risk it takes tell your story – so raw, so real yet so full of His redemption. I see and love Jesus in you!

Your Turn: Will you take a minute to thank Lelia, and let us both know what has risen to the surface of your heart as you read her story or  Chapter 3 this week?  Just click  “share your thoughts”  below this post and do just that. Even sharing some of the answers to our end of chapter questions is great too. This is the place that truly connects us and makes our Confident Heart “community” so special. {Love you guys so much!} And if you are reading this via email, click here to visit my website and connect in community.

Please {like pretty please even if you don’t normally watch video posts} click the arrow below to “hear” today’s message from my heart to yours. I don’t want another day to go by without you knowing this…

{Are you a note-taker? If so, I created “Video Message Notes” in a PDF and in MSWord just for you. Even included blanks to fill in.

Today’s Giveaway:
Two friends of mine who serve behind the scenes and are part of our online study, [thank you Donna & Veronica] have donated copies of my book to giveaway today.  Together we created 5 gift packs for 5 of you. Each one includes a copy of my book, A Confident Heart {for you or a friend?} and my testimony/teaching message on CD, Letting God Fill My Empty Places. 

Let’s Connect {and how to enter today’s drawing}:
I’d love to hear your thoughts about today’s message… and this is an easy way to enter today’s giveaway too. Just click “share your thoughts” right below this post and do just that – share your thoughts. {I love to read them! And pray over you when I do.} I’ll be there reading and sharing my heart with you too.

For More Daily Encouragement join my Confident Heart Facebook page.

Receive My Posts in Your Inbox
If you aren’t already a subscriber, sign up in my right sidebar where it says “Receive Email Updates” — and you won’t miss a thing! I’ve got more giveaways, short video messages and lots of encouraging posts I’m working on for the coming weeks.

This graphic is part of our verse for the week.
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Our Verse for the Week: “Satisfy [me] in the morning with your unfailing love, that [I] may sing for joy and be glad all [my] days…for I have put my trust in you.” Psalm 90:14, 143:8b, NIV

Our Word for the Week: SATISFIED (Download in a PDF or download in MSWord). Please print it and post it everywhere so you can remember that God’s love can satisfy the thirst of your soul!

Our Assignment for Today:

• Start or continue reading chapter 3. Remember, take your time and highlight or underline sentences that resonate in your heart. 
• Let’s commit to memorize this week’s verse together!

***

My friend Heather is a Word girl!! When she was in college she performed in over 14 plays and memorized hundreds of lines, so I’ve asked her to share some tips to help us hide God’s Word in our hearts this week. Here are a few she shared. I’ll post more each week.

Ideas for Memorizing Scripture

• Write the scripture on several index cards or post-it notes and place them in areas where you will see them frequently throughout the day. Examples: on the bathroom mirror, refrigerator door, in the car, at work, etc…
• Get a stack of index cards and on each one write one or two words from the verse, including the reference. Shuffle them up and see if you can put them in the correct order again. Save the cards and reuse common words found in other verses.
• Send the verse to friends and family by typing, texting, or writing it out by hand. You can look at the verse, but do not copy and paste! Try writing it at least once a day.
• Study with a friend, your spouse, or teach it to your kids! Quiz each other and keep each other on track. What a great way for families to spend time in the Word together!
• Change the wall paper on your computer to an image that has your Bible verse.

Connecting in Community: Wanna commit to memorize this week’s verse together?! If you are in, leave a comment by clicking on “share your thoughts” and tell us how you plan to memorize it. Also, if you have any other creative ways to memorize scripture please share that, too. I’ll be back Weds with  a video message that I’m so excited to share with you!! {If you’re reading this via email, click here to return to my website to commit and connect.}