“You miss one hundred percent of the shots you never take.” (Wayne Gretzky)

I’m not particularly gifted (sigh) but I am pretty driven. I choose to be proactive, focused and disciplined (mostly) because I’m fascinated by what we human beings can achieve when we commit to exploring our potential and when we don’t allow our thinking or emotions to get in the way of our possibilities. In some ways, I guess my drive and determination come (in part) from my lack of inherent ability.

Who knew that being not-very-talented would have an upside?

Growing up, I wasn’t a great athlete, student, musician or a great anything for that matter. I was good at a few things (okay, eating), average at a few more and pretty crap at a whole bunch of things. For all the money my parents spent on years of guitar lessons, I should be frickin’ Carlos Santana, Jimi Hendrix and Slash all rolled into one. If only there had been some musical ability in the mix, I could have been anything.

Based on what I still remember (and can still play), I think my parents invested somewhere in the vicinity of four thousand dollars per chord. Having said that, if you ever need somebody to belt out a horrible acoustic rendition of House of the Rising Sun at your next party, I’m your guy.

What do you mean – “no thanks”?

That hurts.

And if, per chance, something is in need of repair at your house, whatever you do, don’t ask me to fix it. Sure, I may look handy but don’t be fooled; as a repairman, I’m about as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike. Combine my total lack of technical and mechanical aptitude with my enormous-for-no-good-reason ego, my enthusiasm, my unwarranted optimism (about my potential to fix things) and my ineptitude with tools – and I’m sure to create more havoc than harmony at your place.  

The strange thing is, part of me always thinks I’m going to be able to fix whatever it is I’m taking apart – despite my abysmal track record. It’s the one area that I don’t seem to learn in. Maybe it’s my over-developed optimism-gene kicking in. Fortunately, I’ve always had girlfriends with great mechanical aptitude. And large forearms.

Stop it.

Enough about me.

Your Best Life

When it comes to the matter of creating and sustaining our best life (whatever that means to each of us personally), the question we should ask ourselves is not, “how much potential do I have?” but rather, “how much of that potential am I currently using?”

On Friday, I published a fantastic letter I received from Mel - one of our readers and part of our community. If you haven’t read it, I suggest you take a peek. Her achievement of creating and maintaining such a significant change in her world is inspirational. She lost 56 kgs (123 lbs) and has kept it off for a year and a half. But more important than the weight-loss (in my opinion), is the fact that she has also created and maintained amazing change on many levels beyond the physical.

Go Mel.

After years of stopping and starting. Of wasting time. Of not reaching her goal. Of living in a body which embarrassed her. Of feeling self-conscious. Of hiding in her house. Of crying. Of avoiding people. Of pretending to be happy. Of shortness of breath. Of poor health. Of chaffing. And of walking to the letterbox in the dark… Mel changed. Massively.  She transformed her body, her thinking, her habits, her behaviours and her life.

Her entire reality.

Now, we could spend hours debating and discussing why it took her so long (to change once and for all) but the pertinent question for this chat is:

Did she always have the potential to create amazing change?

Of course, the answer is yes. She didn’t wake up one day and miraculously possess more potential. No, she woke up one day and started using what had always been there. And to keep using it no matter what. What she didn’t always have was the mindset, the awareness, the discipline or the momentum – but she always had the potential for incredible transformation.

For a range of reasons, there was a time when she was not (genuinely) ready. Not prepared to pay the price. Not willing to get that uncomfortable. Not willing to face her fears. The potential was there but it wasn’t being exploited – kind of like the guy who buys the amazing car and then leaves it in the garage because he’s too scared somebody might scratch it. Or resent his success. Or steal it when he’s not looking.

And when Mel created the right internal environment - when she got to that point – she opened the door to something that was always there: her own personal world of amazing. Her potential.

You and Me?

The amount of inherent potential you and I have is finite but how much of that potential we use is completely optional. Isn’t that great news? Of course, there’s no way of knowing, measuring or quantifying exactly how much potential we each have – or how much of that potential we will typically use in a lifetime (various figures like three percent get thrown around)  - but it’s my belief, observation and experience that most of us don’t use most of what we have.

So the next obvious question is…

What Stops us from Exploring, Developing and Maximising our Potential?

A bunch of things but mostly, it’s a fear thing.

Fear of failure. Of embarrassment. Of being judged. Of the unknown. Of being ridiculed. Of the commitment required. Of the potential pain, discomfort and risk. The day we decide that we’re prepared to deal with those inevitable realities of the human experience, and the day we stop trying to keep everybody except ourselves happy, is the day the transformation begins.

Personally, I’ve spent years making mistakes. Taking risks. Being criticised. Embarrassed. Judged. Labelled. Liked. Disliked. I’m okay with all of it because where there’s discomfort, there’s growth. There’s learning. And in the middle of it all, I found me. Despite many protests, I went to university (for the first time) at thirty-six. After being told that I wouldn’t get a book published, I wrote my first book at thirty-seven. I did my first (regular) TV gig at forty-two. I didn’t know what a blog was at forty-one. I’ve had two failed businesses. In order to build my speaking skills, I did hundreds of presentations for little or no money. For years. Some of them were horrible. I was horrible. My ‘apprenticeship’ into the world of professional speaking was a ten-year journey. I could go on, but I don’t want to bore you. Needless to say, my failures lessons far outweigh my triumphs.

In some ways, the ‘safest’ thing for me to do would be to not share my thoughts, ideas, opinions and beliefs in such a public way. Some people don’t like it. Doing what I do – sharing my philosophies with a large audience – means that I will be criticised, disliked and uncomfortable on a regular basis. That’s okay, I’ll simply choose to live, laugh, love and learn. Because I can.

One of my favourite mentors at university (Dr. Paul Callery) once told me:

“If you don’t want to offend anyone, then say nothing, do nothing and be nothing.”

Smart man.

I’ll finish today’s post with a message I often share with my charges:

I don’t care how young, old, fat, fit, tall, small, genetically gifted, intelligent, qualified, skilled, experienced or inherently talented you are (or aren’t), all I care about (in terms of you creating lasting change in your world), is what you do with what you’ve been given. You can’t change your genetics but you can change how you use them. You can’t change your chronological age but you can change what you do (choices, behaviours, habits) at your age. And in the process, you can lower your biological age. You can’t change other people but you can change how you behave and react around them. You can’t alter your level of natural ability (potential), but you can determine how much of that ability you tap into, exploit and develop. You can’t change your past but you can change the way you let it influence and impact on your present and your future. That is, you don’t need to be limited by, defined by or determined by your history (as many people are). Your history doesn’t necessarily tell you anything about your potential and is often a poor indicator of what’s possible for your future. If you’re like many, then your achievements – or perhaps lack of achievements – are more a reflection of your fear (to take a chance and get uncomfortable) than they are a reflection of your potential.

And finally, don’t allow your self-limiting, over-thinking, fear-influenced mind to stand between you and happiness. You are good enough, talented enough, courageous enough and definitely worth it.

Enjoy your journey.

And your potential.

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Hi Guys. I get emails from all over the world every day. Most of them are from people I’ve never met. That’s a cool part of my life. Thankfully, they (the emails) are mostly nice. Occasionally, I receive one that brings a tear to my eye and makes me realise why I love what I do here at me-dot-com. Today was such a day. Please take three minutes out of your life to read Mel’s letter. It’s worth it.

Hi Craig,

I once made a comment on one of your articles about how I was losing weight; it was quite a while ago. You responded to me that you would like to see my before and after pictures when I had finished losing my weight. You told me to send you the pictures and you would make me a star (lol), now I don’t know about the star thing (lol) but I did set myself a goal when you said that to me to complete my journey and send you my pictures. I have not sent them until now as I was thinking he probably only said it to be nice… blah, blah, blah (insert insecurity here lol), but I want to complete my goal regardless of the outcome – so here are my pictures.

In the ‘before’ pictures I am 121.8kg (268 lbs) and they were taken at my daughter’s 1st birthday party. I weighed myself the day after her party and cried and cried when I saw the number on the scales. My BMI was 40.7 and I could not walk for long as I would get exhausted, sweaty and chaffed. I hid inside my house and was so embarrassed that I could hardly look people in the eye. I would not even go to my letterbox until it was dark for fear of being seen. I remember a day when I was sitting in my own backyard and the neighbour’s kids yelled over the fence “why don’t you join Jenny Craig?” I was mortified to say the least.

I decided to do something about my weight, after many failed attempts I made a decision that, no matter how long it took or how hard it was, I was going to get this weight off me. I got out my old Weight Watchers books from a previous attempt and started planning out what I needed to do.

I won’t sugar coat it and say it was easy and the weight just fell off, it was bloody hard work, it was exhausting to just walk to the end of my street but I kept going, pushing myself a little bit extra each week, and as the weight came off, I started to believe in myself (even when those around me were going yep yep here she goes again, it won’t last long).

I kept going, I adopted the mantra of nothing and no one will keep me fat. We all use so many excuses why we can’t do it: fight with my husband and bam there goes a family sized pizza down the gob. Stress at work: yep really need that chocolate and so on and so forth. I refused to react to external stimuli, some days it was easy others it was a bloody nightmare but I did it. I was told by certain members of my family that I wasn’t fun anymore because I refused to get drunk and because I refused to ruin my resolve  – and also because I didn’t want to consume a whole heap of empty calories. I was told I was different and too serious now…. blah, blah, blah. I was laughed at and teased about what I chose to eat etc. I never gave up, I just quietly thought to myself nothing and no one will keep me fat.

I was not perfect. I had times when I put a kilo or more back on around Christmas time etc but I refused to give up. I just kept going and took that sucker that crept back on off again. I went through my mum being diagnosed with cancer, finding out that my husband had an affair, nursing my mum and dealing with her death via suicide  – all while I was on my weight loss journey. I did not use these things as an excuse, I kept going. I just kept repeating that nothing and no one will keep me fat.

Today, four years on from that horrible day that I weighed in at 121.8kg (268 lbs), I am now 65kgs (143 lbs) – having lost a total of 56kgs (123 lbs). I have a BMI of 21.7 and I am fit and healthy. I love the new me. Yes I love how I look now but more importantly, I love how I feel. I now have the energy to play with my kids. I can run, jump and skip with them. I can fit on the slippery dip at the local park. I can play and live my life again. I am confident and happy. Weight-loss is not the solution to life’s problems but it helps you to deal with them when you are at your healthiest. I did not magically change on the inside just because the outside changed but it gave me the courage and strength to change other areas in my life and to look at myself with honesty.

I want to thank you Craig. You were with me on my entire journey. I read your articles and you inspired me. I wasn’t looking for someone to give me excuses to give up I was looking for the tough love you dish out. You helped me more than you will ever realise and for that I say, thank you. You are a remarkable man and should be very proud of the difference you are making in people’s lives and the world.

It took me 1.5 years to lose the weight in a healthy sustainable manner and I have now been maintaining it for about 1.5 years.

Your post today inspired me to follow through on my goal of sending you my pictures, so here they are. Do with them what you will. If they can be used to help others go for your life. I am just glad I have finally completed that last goal.

Love Mel.

Congratulations Mel. I’m proud of you and you’re an inspiration to all of us.

Of course this letter was published with Mel’s permission (very brave and honest), so feel free to send a little cyber-love her way. She has told me (we just spoke on the phone for the first time) that she will answer questions - if anyone has one.

Enjoy your weekend all.

Group hug… (  )

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An Observation

An interesting observation of human behaviour is that, at a time in our history when we have never been more informed, educated or equipped (in terms of resources) to deal with obesity, to make informed decisions and to create optimal health, we (we the global collective) have never been fatter. Take a peek at the WHO (World Health Organisation) statistics and you’ll discover that, despite our ever-increasing knowledge, awareness and understanding of all things ‘health’, we’re still a bunch of fatties.

Being an ex-fatty, I’m fully qualified to use the word, so don’t get all precious on me.

Tip-Toe-ing Through the Obvious

Have you noticed how some people choose to be offended by the obvious truth? Reality doesn’t sit well with some folk. Saying that many Australians have parked themselves at Fat-Central is not an insult, hypothesis or an opinion; it’s a fact. Take a look around. We simply eat more than we need and we do it often. Sure we can rationalise it, explain it and justify it twenty different ways, but the outcome is the same: obesity.

Here’s a few interesting quotes from a recent(ish) Forbes Magazine article on the topic.

“In a list of the countries with the greatest percentage of overweight people, Nauru tops a list of countries with the greatest percentage of overweight people, with an alarming 94.5% of its adult population (ages 15+) classified as such, based on the most recent estimates by the World Health Organization (WHO). The Federated States of Micronesia, Cook Islands, Niue and Tonga round out the top five, all with a portly population of over 90%.”

 “Australia has tipped the scales at the 21st most weightiest country (out of a survey of 194 countries). 67.4% of Australian adults over the age of 15 are considered overweight – a disturbing statistic.”

 “The U.S. weighs in at No. 9, with 74.1% of those over 15 years old considered overweight. But given that its population is nearly 20,000 times that of Nauru, clearly the U.S.’s size belies its rank.”

The following list might interest you. It’s the twenty-five fattest countries in the world (194 countries were surveyed). The figure in the right column indicates what percentage of the total population of that country is over-weight.

I know!

Interestingly, Australians have a reputation for being a sun-soaked, sport-loving, easy-going people. Sadly, the days of us Aussies being perceived as a fit, healthy, active, outdoorsy group of people is fast becoming part of our history. The current truth is that, while we still produce some incredible athletes on the world stage, most Aussies play no sport, most don’t follow any kind of structured exercise program (consistently), the majority over-eat regularly, obesity-related conditions are on the rise, incidental and occupational activity is down and more than two-thirds of our population is over-weight. 

Apart from that, things are awesome.

The Obvious Question

So the obvious question is: with all of the resources we have at our fingertips (books, CD’s DVD’s, programs, websites, psychologists, trainers, health-clubs, weight-loss centres, pills, powders, gizmos, gadgets, dieticians, and even TV programs dedicated to losing weight) – why are we still so horribly out of shape?

The Feather-Ruffling Answer

I know the following answer will ruffle a few feathers but before anyone starts pouting, shouting or stamping their feet, I’d ask that you consider my thoughts on the matter objectively, logically and unemotionally. If, once you’ve done that, you still think I’m an idiot, then that’s okay. You won’t be the first.

Let me begin my answer with a question.

Have you ever accidentally eaten a hamburger? What about a tub of ice-cream? A block of chocolate? Piece of cake? “Oops, I thought that chocolate cake was actually…. er, an… apple… my bad.” What about alcohol? Put up your hand if you’ve ever accidentally drunk five beers. Three? And what about fast-food? Have you ever accidentally gone to a fast-food restaurant, accidentally ordered something (full of fat, salt and calories), accidentally eaten it and then realised you weren’t in the fruit shop after all!? “Damn, how did I get here?”

Me either.

Every time I have eaten too much food (and there have been many times), it was my choice. It may not have been my pre-meditated plan but it was my decision in that moment, in that situation, in that place. Yep, all me. I’ll take responsibility because nobody held a gun to my head and it was no accident. It was a conscious decision. Stupid, but conscious. Every time I’ve eaten the wrong types of food (again, many times), that was my choice also. Despite my knowledge, my understanding and my alleged intelligence, I still made stupid choices.

Tasty, but stupid.

Can I blame the government, the fast-food giants, my genetics, my ageing body, my slowing metabolism, the clever marketing, my sore knees and my lack of time for my current physical condition? Sure, if I want to.

Will it make me leaner? Nope. Healthier? Nope. Am I fooling anyone? Nope?

What We Choose

Of course, none of us make a conscious decision to be fat (as such) but we do consciously choose what goes into our mouth. We choose the fruit or the cake. The chicken salad or the greasy burger. We choose to sit on the couch or to go for a walk. We choose to stop the exercise program or to continue. We choose to stay in bed or go to the gym. We choose to complain about our genetics or to maximise them. We choose to get grumpy or to get busy. We choose to make excuses or to make changes.

For most of us (not all), our physiology (shape, size, weight, body-composition) is largely a reflection of the decisions we make with our food, exercise and lifestyle. Sure I could make this discussion longer, more complex and more sciencey but do I really need to?

Choose well Grasshoppers. Your body will thank you.

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A Question from Carly

Hi Craig. Firstly, thanks for your site. I love it. Sometimes it seems as though you’re writing just for me. In fact, sometimes you freak me out with how much you know about me. Everything you write makes sense and as I read, I often find myself nodding in agreement, laughing and occasionally, crying. Much to the amusement of my co-workers.

Here’s my problem/question: I read your words of wisdom, I get all excited and determined, I make some promises to myself, I start with a bang and then two days later I’m back in the same place – hating myself and beating myself up. No matter what, I can’t seem to keep my head where it needs to be for more than a week. Please, please, please tell me how to stay motivated and in the zone.

I know you’re busy but I would so appreciate some help. Thanks.

Carly (Colorado, US).

An Answer

Hi Carly.

Surely not everything I write makes sense? Sometimes I even confuse myself! And I’m so glad to hear that I make you cry at work. What! Don’t bawl on your keyboard will you? You might start an electronic meltdown to accompany the emotional one! Then I’d feel bad.

Once I stopped laughing.

The reason I’ve chosen to answer your letter in such a public forum (with your permission) is because I have received (a version of) this letter hundreds of times. Your feelings reflect the feelings of many, so I thought the following answer might be of interest to some (or perhaps many) of my readers.

I’m gonna keep it short-ish and to the point. Here we go…

Carly, motivation is only one of the ingredients in the success recipe. And often, not a very important one. Keep in mind that going through periods of greater and lesser motivation is totally normal and not a sign of weakness or dysfunction. One of the keys to creating lasting change is being able to do what you need to (to achieve your goals) even when the feeling of motivation has left the building.

Sometimes, maintaining those life-changing behaviours has nothing to do with (the feeling of) motivation and everything to do with organisation, structure, self-control, commitment and accountability. Not very sexy things – but very effective things.

If you rely solely on motivation to get you there (wherever there is), you’ll spend your life getting on and off the Transformation Merry-go-Round. Your motivational peaks and troughs don’t need to determine your behaviour, so it’s crucial that you learn to maintain momentum, stay committed and be disciplined even when you’re not in the zone. Which, of course, will be often. Being human and all.

A Hypothetical

Let’s say that today you go to the doctor and you are diagnosed with Type-1 diabetes. You are told that if you don’t inject yourself four times each day with insulin, you could fall into a diabetic coma at any stage and die (okay, it’s a scary hypothetical).

Now, would you only inject yourself with insulin when you were in the zone? After all, needles certainly aren’t much fun. Would you rely on your level of motivation to determine whether or not you complied with the doctor’s instructions, or would you simply do what was required no matter what?

Has a light come on yet or should I continue?

I’ll assume total compliance would be your choice.

So, Carly, why wouldn’t you have any motivational problems with the daily administration of your insulin? Could it be that once the doctor explained the potential consequences of non-compliance, you realised that (your level of) motivation was irrelevant? It was simply a matter of doing what needed to be done. What you ‘felt’ like doing on a given day didn’t come into it.

Once we totally commit to change, then our thinking, decisions, behaviours, results and transformation will be a natural consequence of that commitment. Once we make something non-negotiable, motivation (or the lack thereof) becomes a non-issue.

Carly, your problem is not a motivation issue, it’s a commitment issue.

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts, ideas and even your advice for Carly. 

Do you have a question? Naturally I can’t answer all the email questions I receive but I’ve decided that, for the next few weeks, I’ll do my best to answer a few questions (weekly) here on the site. If you’d like to ask me something (sensible), just click here. I’ll do my best to help you. And yes, we can make it anonymous if you’d prefer.

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A Chaotic Existence

You may have noticed that our world is something of a chaotic place lately. Loud. Noisy. Frantic. Angry. Violent. Fearful. Just watch the news. Actually, don’t. And by ‘world’, I mean the physical world we inhabit, not the self-created one inside our head. Although that can be a pretty awful place too. When we let it be.

A Personal Search

For me, a large part of the last decade has been something of a personal expedition beyond the world of logic, academia, business, conventional thinking, religion and even (the traditional approach to) personal development. While all of those things serve a purpose and have value (of course), I wanted to see what lives beyond them. After all, sometimes terms like ‘logic’ and ‘common sense’ are just euphemisms for fear and not-knowing-any-different. And, to be completely honest, sometimes success doesn’t feel very, er, successful.

If you know what I mean.

A Realisation

I arrived at a point in my life where I had an overwhelming sense that, despite my reasonable education, mildly successful career and alleged knowledge and intelligence, I was missing out on something that could be fundamental to my existence, my future and to my potential growth. I wanted to see what existed beyond my programming. Beyond my (then) ‘current world view’. My social conditioning. My default setting. My comfort zone. My formal education. My self-limiting beliefs. My expectations. My fears. And my prejudices.

I considered the notion that maybe my concept of how the world and all its intricacies ‘worked’ (life, death, people, relationships, spirituality, wealth, happiness, misery, success, failure, fear, destiny, etc.) was the very thing which held me back. I also considered the notion that perhaps my over-thinking mind was, ironically, my barrier to learning, understanding and enjoying a new way of being. I wanted to learn more about my non-cerebral self.

Could it be that in some ways, with some issues, I was missing the point? Could my mind possibly be a handicap (with some things)? Could it be that I’ve been taught things – perhaps many things – which simply aren’t true? Or maybe, not true for me. But surely if enough people believe the same thing, it must be true?

Much of the information (teaching) you and I receive (from about kindergarten onwards) tells us that success, and therefore happiness, is largely about what we can accumulate, do, achieve, control, own and look like. I decided to explore what success might look like working from the inside-out and not the other way around (the conventional model).

A Glimpse of What Might Be

Have you ever had an experience, perhaps a brief moment in time, when a door to a different world was opened for you? Perhaps a moment when you got a glimpse of something more than your current perception of reality? A time when you secretly (or maybe openly) questioned everything you’ve ever thought, believed and known? A time when you realised that maybe there is a different way to ‘do’ life? A different way to experience, think (or not think), feel and be?

For me, there came a stage when I realised that the way I saw the world was just that: the way I saw it. My version of reality. And that in itself can be a limitation. Doesn’t have to be, but can be. This realisation, this awakening, was the beginning of my journey towards consciousness. Or, should I say, a more conscious version of me. I committed to becoming more aware, more open and less ‘right’. Damn that need to be right.

I determined to stop thinking that I knew so much, to stop assuming and to stop finding comfort and safety in the familiar and the cerebral. And no, I didn’t have any plans to become some kind of soft-speaking, all-knowing, sandal-wearing mystical, magical, enlightened guru living in a cave and writing sacred texts on parchment (although, I don’t mind a good sandal and I do like a nice piece of parchment) but rather, just a simple and hopeful desire to become a more conscious, aware and humble person.

A Parable

Imagine you’ve spent your entire life in a medium-sized town (probably not a stretch for some of you). And living in that medium-sized town, your parents have always warned you, no, they have ordered you, not to venture down certain streets or to go into certain areas. For your own good. You’re told not to go down those streets because it’s dangerous. Unsafe. You might get hurt. Bad things happen there. Since you were a kid, you were taught that all you ever needed for happiness and security existed in ‘your part’ of town.

Strangely, nobody in your part of town ever seemed to be particularly happy.

Then one day you’re an adult and you make a bold decision to talk to your parents about life beyond the safe-zone. You’ve been curious for a long time but nobody ever discusses it. Ever. You wonder why. You feel you’re now old enough to know exactly what lies beyond those safe and familiar (and let’s be honest, boring) streets. You want to know more. To have some insight into a world beyond the only one you’ve ever experienced.

You muster up the courage to ask your father exactly what it’s like down those forbidden streets. You want details. You tell him it’s time. You ask the question and he stares at you blankly. He says nothing. He looks a little guilty and sheepish; two looks you’ve never seen before. You ask again. More silence. Your stomach sinks a little as you begin to realise something. Something big. You look to your mother. She shrugs her shoulders and looks to the ground. Your stomach churns. You realise they’ve never been there. They have no answers for you. Only fear. Fear of the unknown.

They’ve trained you to be terrified of something they know nothing about. Just as they themselves were trained.

In desperation, you run to the phone and dial your grandfather: the wise old family patriarch. He will know. He knows everything. Two minutes later you put down the phone. Shattered and disillusioned, you walk slowly to the window. You feel physically ill. You stare out and wonder what lies beyond your familiar surroundings. All of a sudden, those streets you know so well have come to represent something else. In a heartbeat you make a decision to take a trip. You tell your concerned parents you’re going on a journey. They panic. They protest. Scared of the unknown.

They have built their own prison. And you decide you’ve been an inmate for too long.

You fill a backpack with some supplies and prepare yourself mentally. You’re not really sure what to pack because you don’t know where you’re going, what you’ll find or when you’ll return. Or even, if you’ll return. You walk out of the house and, as you do, you close the door on a lifetime of fear, control, pointless repetition, repression and self-limiting beliefs. You love your parents and they love you but, despite your respect for them and appreciation of them, you don’t want to become them.

As you begin your walk, your heart is filled with hope and possibilities. In a moment of clarity and insight, a small voice tells you that an important part of the journey ahead is really about what you’re leaving behind: insecurity, fear, self-doubt, self-limiting thinking, crazy rules and destructive beliefs.  

As you reach the outer limits of the ‘safe-zone’ your irrational (but understandable) childhood fears have been replaced with curiosity and excitement. Before long, you have travelled further than ever before and to your surprise and delight, the new place is not terrifying at all. In fact, it’s beautiful. And magical. Even though you’ve never been there, you feel like you’ve come home. For the first time ever, you feel like you belong.

Knowledge Beyond Education

It’s my belief that in the process of life we often allow ourselves to become disconnected from our inner intelligence. From the ‘knowing’ we have beyond our experiences. Beyond our education. Beyond logic. Beyond what we’ve been told to believe and trained to do. I believe we’re all born with an intelligence and a consciousness that’s hard-wired into our DNA. There are things we ‘just know’ without ever having been taught them. In animals we call this instinct.

We humans have no problem believing in the ability of animals to just know certain things. However, when it comes to us very educated, intellectual and over-thinking humans, we often find ways to discount things such as inbuilt knowledge. Or human instinct. Some call it genetic intelligence. And sadly, for many of us, if we can’t see it, touch it, measure it, graph it or explain it, we won’t believe in it. Or even consider it.

Sometimes science is a limitation. As is knowledge.

Being a fundamentally flawed (but eternally curious) alpha-male, I’m still using my training wheels to explore the realms of consciousness and enlightenment. My ‘L’ plate is firmly fastened around my neck as I learn, grow and continue to ask questions. I know next-to-nothing but what I do know, excites me. The ideas of ‘tuning in to’ my genetic intelligence and becoming a more conscious being are things that simply feel right for me. Overdue even.

Choosing to live consciously in an unconscious world presents many challenges, opportunities and lessons. It also presents me with a chance to experience life beyond those old familiar streets of my own medium-sized town.

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I like the concept of letting go. It’s mostly where I find joy, calm, peace and purpose.

It’s so much easier than chasing. And so much more effective.

Rather than chasing happiness, the Buddhist philosophy suggests that we simply choose to let go of that which makes us unhappy. The very notion of chasing something has a sense of urgency about it, doesn’t it? And, of course, with urgency comes anxiety. And with anxiety comes illness. And with illness comes unhappiness.

Maybe our gentle robe-wearing friends are on to something.

Some people spend their lives chasing acceptance and approval. Perhaps it’s time for some of us to let go of the need to seek the acceptance, approval and even permission of others? Perhaps we’re good enough all by ourselves? Perhaps we should stop giving away our power? Perhaps in the letting go we’ll find the only acceptance we need: self-acceptance.

Some will spend their lives chasing physical perfection. I have some expertise in this area. While it’s great to be in shape, it’s not great when our confidence, self-esteem and sense of self are dependant on our physical appearance.

Considering that we spend most of our lives in a slowly deteriorating physical shell, this pursuit is an exercise in frustration. This desire for physical perfection arises out of fear. Fear of not being pretty enough. Good enough. Desirable enough. And, of course, fear is at the root of unhappiness.

Some will spend their lives chasing financial wealth, only to wake up one day and discover that all they’ve created is emotional and spiritual poverty. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with being wealthy, except when that wealth defines us. If only we taught our kids (and ourselves) that being rich has nothing to do with money or material possessions.

Some of us have spent years (and years) trying to ‘find’ ourselves. Maybe it’s time to stop looking and simply let go of everything that isn’t us? When I let go of everything I am trying to do, be, create and own, there I am. And while I might do, be, create and own much in my life, I am none of those things and they are not me.

I can’t be found in things. And neither can you.

What do you need to let go of?

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Hi Guys, CJ here. The Big Guy is enjoying a day off today so we have the cyber Harperhome all to ourselves. Today’s instalment is a little different so I will be especially interested to hear your responses. Enjoy the rest of your week.

What’s That Smell?

Recently, a friend of mine found himself in a very awkward position. He had received complaints from quite a few members of his team (corporate team, not football team – supposedly the business world is a lot more fun when you use sporting terminology), that a certain new addition to his team was, well, smelly. Like really smelly. Yep, the new kid on the corporate block had a body odour that could fill a windowless meeting room within seconds and linger longer than a distant relative after Christmas lunch. He had wondered why teleconferencing had recently become so popular in the office.

The team was on the brink of mutiny so his only choice was to either issue all the victims with Hazmat suits or have a little chat with Stinky McStinker. Geez. I would rather tell an employee that he had been made redundant.

Apparently, Mr Stinky took the feedback quite well. Gotta admire him for that. If I had to receive such news, I’d be on the first flight to Norway. Evidently, the poor bloke had recently moved to Australia from a cooler climate and had failed to adjust his personal hygiene routine accordingly. He believed that a short burst of eau de toilette in the morning would suffice in a Sydney summer. Pfft.

Maybe odour-management should become part of the induction process at Sydney airport. Each newcomer could be greeted by a friendly volunteer who says:

“Here’s your poisonous snake and spider identification chart. Did you know that all ten of the planet’s deadliest snakes live in Australia? Yes, we are very proud.”

“And here’s your booklet of Australian slang. Be aware that the words ‘thong’, ‘fanny’, ‘date’ and ‘root’ have very different meanings here in the Land Down Under.”

“And, finally, here’s your complimentary can of anti-perspirant deodorant which will hopefully save you from smelling like a dead marsupial and wondering why you’re always lucky enough to have a seat all to yourself on Sydney’s overcrowded public transport system. And no, it’s not meant to last the entire year.

The Power of Smell

The incident reminded me that smell is something that we rarely pay much attention to unless it becomes annoying. It’s a little like Paris Hilton. However, unlike dear Paris, smell is actually somewhat under-rated. Once we begin to understand the potential impact that different smells can have on, not only our emotional and psychological states, but also our entire physiology (blood pressure, nervous system, hormone production, respiration), we realise that the strategic use of different smells (scents, fragrances – choose your word) can be a valuable part of our self-management, self-discovery and even, self-healing journey.

It’s known that certain scents have the ability to produce a calming effect on the nervous system. It’s also known that there’s an inverse correlation between emotional and psychological stress and physical health. So if we know that certain scents can help induce a state of relaxation and even happiness, why not use them therapeutically? Of course there is no universal response to particular scents so it’s up to us to (individually) discover what works for us. For someone we both know, the smell of cheesecake cake might increase heart rate, respiration and endorphin (happy hormones) production.

Most of us can distinguish up to 10,000 different smells. That’s a lot. Our ability to recall smells (olfactory memory) is also much stronger than our ability to recall visual or aural cues like photographs or songs. Evidently, smell is processed by the same part of the brain that handles memories and emotions. Which explains why smells can have such strong emotional associations for us. For example, I love the smell of aviation fuel because it reminds me of holidays and meeting loved ones. As soon as I arrive at the airport, I take a deep breath and immediately feel excited. Am not weird.

I am blessed, or perhaps cursed, with a very sensitive sense of smell. It probably doesn’t help that I have a nose that people take cover under when it rains. I can’t be positive, but I’m pretty sure that I went out with a guy in high school just because he wore the same fragrance as a guy I once liked.

Ok, a little weird.

Triggering Our Smell Memory-bank

So we now know that if we can identify our personal smell-associations and individual responses (and we can), then we can use that knowledge and awareness to manipulate our mood. In the same way that we might choose a particular piece of music (or food) to elicit an emotional response, we can intentionally expose ourselves to those smells that will evoke a certain memory and, therefore, a specific psychological, emotional and even, physiological response.

Of course, we all have individual memories and experiences so we will all have different smell-associations and responses. Maybe the smell of a certain brand of laundry powder reminds us of beach holidays at our cousins’ house. Or the smell of play-dough brings back lovely childhood memories. Perhaps a certain brand of fragrance makes us feel closer to someone we miss terribly.

One of my favourite smells is freight trains. The soothing, fragrant blend of diesel fuel, brake dust and coal evokes memories of lying in bed at my Dutch Nana’s house in the school holidays. All through the night, the trains laden with coal from the Lithgow mines would snake their way down the mountains to the Sydney ports with a comforting ca-chunka-chunk, ca-chunka-chunk, ca-chunka-chunk …  Even now the smell can make me feel safe, warm and loved – just like Nana always did. If they ever release a fragrance called ‘Eau de Freight-train’, I’ll buy a bucketful.

Apparently, the favourite smell of he at him-dot-com is Dencorub or anything Dencorubby (eucalyptus or menthol). For him, it probably triggers memories of his days of sporting greatness. Or, perhaps, perceived sporting greatness? It probably evokes the sights and sounds of gyms and locker-rooms. Of firm and glistening muscles sore from victories on the sporting field. Of biceps and pecs and … Sorry, got myself a little distracted. Told you associations were powerful.

We would probably all be able to list at least six distinct smells that can trigger memories and change our mood. And we don’t have to sit around hoping that these smells will just randomly cross our path; we can seek them out when we want to feel a certain way. It’s very cool.

Just don’t laugh if you catch me sniffing a leather motorcycle jacket and a bottle of vanilla extract, okay? It would take way too long to explain that one.

Things That Make You Go Mmmm

There are also those smells for which we don’t have an obvious associated memory but they affect our emotional state nonetheless. We love them. We don’t really know why but they just do it for us. And, again, it’s an individual thing. I love the smell of wood fires in winter, whiteboard markers, clean sheets, jasmine, rain, new shoes, licorice and pipe smoke. You probably love entirely different smells. Only you can know what you really like.

The good news is that we don’t all need to become smell-ologists to work out which smells have the desired effect on us. Our best resource is sitting right there in the middle of our face and we can quickly determine how our favourite smells make us feel – calm, refreshed, soothed, energised, comforted, or maybe even something else ‘Well, do you, Baby?’ (said in a very bad Austin Powers voice)

Food for Thought

My friend, Tania, bakes an incredible banana cake. Baking is her thing. I can smell it before I’ve even reached her front door and it always stimulates a ‘Pavlov’s Dog’ response in me – it’s such good manners to arrive at someone’s house salivating like a Saint Bernard, isn’t it? You knew I was a classy chick, didn’t you?

A little while ago, however, I didn’t actually eat the cake. Yes, I smelled it. Yes, I salivated. But I wasn’t hungry so I didn’t eat it. The freaky thing is that I felt like I had eaten it. The smell was enough to give me the same feeling of relaxation, companionship and comfort that I always gain from a visit to Tania’s house; I was emotionally satisfied just by being with my friends and smelling the cake. Could it possibly be that when we overeat, we are seeking the feelings we attach to the food rather than the food itself? Could we perhaps trigger those pleasant feelings through smell alone? It’s just a thought …

So …

What’s your favourite smell? Why is it your favourite smell? What effect does it have on you?

Given that we all have a potentially mood-changing tool at our disposal, how do we use it to our advantage? Is there a practical (and perhaps subtle) way to strategically expose ourselves to the smells we desire in order to influence our mood?

As always, looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

CJ xox

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Hi Gang. Monday’s post seemed to strike a chord with some of you so I thought I might leave my Exercise Bloke hat on for one more day and explore another important ingredient in the getting-in-shape process: Exercise Variety.

Exercise Variety

A few years ago (okay, nearly twenty) I trained a girl who was (at that time) a world champion distance swimmer. She came to see me because she was looking to add some variety to her sport-specific training and to build a different kind of fitness. It’s fair to say that before we started working together, there was very little variety and virtually zero cross-training in her program. As her sport was water-based and non-weight bearing (obviously), I thought we might do a little running (among other things) to stimulate her body in a different way and to add a new dimension to her fitness base.

She What?

We began our first ever training session with a one kilometre (0.6 mile) warm-up run (before a planned weight training session). Being as she was a highly-trained elite athlete, I set a reasonable pace. Not fast, but something above a jog. After all, she was a current world champion. She almost didn’t make it. That’s right, the world-class swimmer – who would regularly swim ten kilometres (6 miles) before most of us are out of bed - struggled to run around the block. Literally. I was shocked. How could such a fit girl be so, er, unfit? Well, it wasn’t that she was unfit, it was that she was unfit for running. Her body was conditioned for ocean swimming – not running around the block with me.

Had we been training in the ocean (and not running outdoors), it would have been a very different story.

Different Types of Fitness

Human bodies have an amazing ability to be “fit” for certain things, while simultaneously being “unfit” for others. That is to say, fitness is not universal. Someone who is fit for running marathons will – more than likely – not be fit for rock climbing. That person may not even be fit for sprinting 100 metres because, even though she runs a lot, she never trains at maximum (sprinting) velocity. So too, a sprinter, with his or her large muscular body (and abundance of fast-twitch muscle fibres), would never last a 42 kilometre (26 mile) marathon. Someone who can bench press a Hyundai (fit for lifting weights) might not be able to touch his toes (unfit in terms of flexibility). Someone who can run and kick all day (a soccer player) may not last three minutes on the wrestling mat or in the boxing ring.

A fit person ain’t always a fit person. It depends on the activity, the physical requirements and the environment.

Pseudo Fitness

Have you ever thought you were “pretty fit” and then for some reason, you did a different kind of workout or exercise session – only to discover that you weren’t nearly as fit as you thought you were? Me too. A few years ago I played a casual game of (Australian Rules) football. Two hours of full-contact sport with some buddies and a few strangers. At the time, I was running four days per week, lifting weights three times and doing some varied cardio (bike, boxing, stairs, grappling) once or twice a week as well. With all that regular training, I considered myself to be above average fitness and strength. I also considered a casual game of football to be a walk in the park for this fit, strong (and clearly deluded) alpha-male. The day of the game arrived and for two hours I was a superstar.

In my mind.

For a week after the game, I could hardly move. I’m pretty sure I ruptured my entire body. The only thing that didn’t hurt (post-game) was my hair. And two fingernails. I’m also pretty sure I was the first person in the world to have a full-body spasm. It lasted a day. Getting out of a chair took ten minutes. And two helpers. Pathetic.

What fitness?

Where Do You Want the Piano?

Another time when I was young, strong and even dumber, I was recruited to help a friend move house. I was targeted by my buddy because he (erroneously) assumed that my large biceps and daily visits to the gym (I was in a bodybuilding phase) would make me the perfect (free) removalist. I turned up at the designated address at the designated time to discover that the entire moving crew consisted of my buddy, his dad (a weedy old chain-smoking dude) and yours truly. I felt totally ripped off. What on earth had I signed up for?

The truck arrived and I started lifting, carrying, moving and packing like a world-class removalist. For twenty minutes.

All Show and No Go

At the twenty-one minute mark, I began to realise that overall power and strength (of which I had plenty) weren’t nearly as valuable (in the house-moving world) as muscular endurance, grip strength and aerobic fitness (of which I had almost none). I also realised that I had never had a real job. By the two-hour mark, the weedy old chain-smoker was kicking my arse all over the place. By lunch time my fingers were hurting, my back was aching like a f***er, I’d lost half my bodyweight in sweat, and the old dude was ploughing on like some kind of furniture-moving cyborg. I later discovered that the skinny old dude worked every day as a landscape gardener. As a removalist, he was much fitter than me.

Universal Fitness?

‘Fitness’ is all about our ability to complete a physical task and the effect that task has on our body. There is no universal fitness standard because whether or not somebody is ‘fit’ will be dependant upon what they are required to do physically. Somebody who scores very high on a ‘beep test’ (a common test used to gauge aerobic fitness) might score poorly on an agility test. They may do even worse with upper-body strength testing. Somebody who scores high on a sit-and-reach test (for flexibility) might score low on a vertical leap test (a test for explosive lower-body power). And what about the bloke who can do eighty push-ups in a row (muscular endurance) but can’t toes his toes because his hamstrings are like violin strings? Muscular endurance of a pro boxer, flexibility of a ceramic tile.

If it’s your goal to have a broad fitness base – that is, to improve your overall strength, power, speed, muscular endurance, agility, aerobic endurance, flexibility, balance and co-ordination – then it’s my suggestion that you vary your training activities often.

And now you know why.

As always, love to hear your thoughts.

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Hi Gang. Today, I’m wearing my Exercise Scientist hat. It’s beige.

Stop it.

I’ve covered some of this ground before here at me-dot-com but the emails I receive, the questions I’m asked (constantly) and the conversations I have, tell me that this topic is something we should re-visit on a semi-regular basis. It’s relevant for anyone who works out and anyone whose goal it is to transform their body in some way. I’ll do my best to keep the scientific jargon low and the understandability high.

Fact 1: A body will only change when we give it a reason to.

Fact 2: Most people don’t (give their body a reason to change).

Most people who exercise regularly are following a maintenance program. They don’t know it, but they are. That is, they regularly stress (stimulate) their body the same (or a very similar) way, day in, day out. Often, year in, year out. The same exercises. Same machines. Same program. Same sets, reps, resistance, intensity, time, speed, incline, recovery time. Same everything. And eventually they wind up with… the same body. That is: no change. And why doesn’t their body change? Because they haven’t given it a reason to change. Most people continue doing the same thing (stimulating their body the same way) while simultaneously hoping for a different (better) result.

Fact 3: Exercise is a form of stress (good stress) and done the right way, it will stimulate physiological adaptation. That is, a better body.

When we stress our body the right way (based on the outcomes we’re trying to produce), it has no choice but to adapt to that stress. Adaptation meaning physical change (leaner, lighter, stronger, bigger, smaller, etc.). It’s true that far too many of us invest a great deal of precious time and energy into exercise programs that, over the long tem, prove to be relatively unproductive. That is, ineffective. At worst, a waste of time and energy. Take a look at most people in most gyms: Samesville. Some people will exercise forever (seemingly) – with the goal of creating significant physical transformation – only to look (and function) pretty much the same, years down the track.

Bummer.

While there is a range of variables which will have a bearing on the type of results we produce with our training regime (program design, exercise intensity, diet, recovery time, program adherence, exercise technique, attitude), today I want to talk specifically about exercise intensity.

Fact 4: Exercise intensity is relative to the individual.

That is, my hard could be your easy. And someone else’s almost impossible. For example: for me, twenty push-ups might be my upper limit. For you, it could be an easy warm-up. And for someone else, it could be a long-term training goal.

It is my opinion that most people simply don’t train hard enough to create significant physical change. They’re more concerned with being comfortable than being productive. Some people have been going through the motions for years. They inhabit the exercise version of Groundhog Day.

Progressive Overload

Now before you start pigeon-holing me as the hard-core, beefcake – don’t. I am speaking from a scientific viewpoint, not an egotistical or alpha-male one. What I am teaching here is based on research and experience, not testosterone levels or mental toughness. In the world of exercise science, coaches, trainers and exercise physiologists are forever in pursuit of physical adaptation (that is better sporting performance, improved training results and physiological transformation) via a scientific principle called Progressive Overload.

Put simply, progressive overload is all about constantly finding new ways to keep a body adapting via the manipulation of things such as: weight (resistance) moved, running speed, workout duration, rpm’s, incline, running surface, range of movement, recovery time (between efforts), overall training volume, training frequency and lots more.

Mistakenly, many people consider progressive overload to be the exclusive domain of the elite and the highly conditioned. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, this is one of the most common barriers to success. My mum (mom) is seventy (she hates me telling people that – sorry Mary – but it is very cool) and she lifts weights four days per week. She always trains progressively. Why? Because her goal is to improve, not to maintain. Can a seventy year-old generate significant physiological adaptation? Yep. Can a seventy year-old woman train her body to have similar strength, aerobic fitness and flexibility to that of a much younger woman? Yep.

In terms of functional and measurable strength, my mother has similar muscular strength and power to that of the average forty-five year-old woman. Why? Because she’s a genetic freak? No, because she stimulates her body the right way, she’s consistent in the gym, she gets uncomfortable regularly and, unlike most people, she maximises her potential. She finds a way, not an excuse. 

We don’t stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing.

Thankfully, Mary is still playing.

So, are you giving your body a reason to change or are you simply going through the motions? Are you in the minority or the majority? Is it time for a change? To get a little uncomfortable? To do different? To dial up the intensity? To get out of first gear?

This week, why don’t you take your body for a spin. You’ll be surprised by what it can do.

Note: If you are new to the world of exercise or if you are yet to get under way, please see a doctor to get the all-clear before you start exploring your outer limits!

As always, love your thoughts, feedback and ideas on this topic.

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Every now and then, I hand over the teaching reins to you: my readers. We haven’t done it for a while but today is such a day.

A few years back, I heard Deepak Chopra speak and he informed me that I was a spiritual being having a temporary physical experience. “Cool”, I thought. If only I knew what that meant! A few years later I’m a little more enlightened (I think), a little less confused (most days) and a LOT more open-minded than I once was.

Here are some questions for your dissection, discussion and deliberation. Answer as many (or as few) as you like.

1. What does it mean to be spiritual?
2. Do we need to be spiritual?
3. Is it something we need to develop, or is it inbuilt?
4. Is being religious the same as being spiritual?
5. How do we sort the good stuff (is there good stuff?) from the mumbo-jumbo?
6. How does your spirituality improve your life?
7. In business, we talk about the features, advantages and benefits (F.A.B.) of certain products and services What are the features, advantages and benefits of exploring and developing our spirituality?
8. Have you had any freaky spiritual experiences?
9. How do we know what’s right (for us)?
10. If you could teach me only one thing about spirituality, what would it be?

Yes, I know these questions will open the floodgates and, yes, I know this topic will push buttons. That’s okay. Love to hear your thoughts, ideas and experiences but please refrain from bringing your soap box with you.

Group hug.

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