For the last week or so I have been thinking periodically about the Michael Jackson story and the phenomenal (some might say, ridiculous) reaction to his death. Kind of hard not to think about it with the overwhelming amount of press it has received. I must say, I was a little surprised that it (the public reaction to his death) has evoked a wide range of emotions, feelings, thoughts and questions for me. Although this may not be a “typical”post today, I want to open the door on a group discussion and get your thoughts on a few issues which I believe are important, relevant and worthy of some exploration and consideration.

Some Thoughts

Without doubt, MJ was a creative genius; a unique talent that changed the face of music globally and along the way he created his own version of History; literally and metaphorically and yes, pun intended. He was truly gifted and unlike many others, he was able to harness his gift and bring something to the world that will be enjoyed for generations. I, like most people, own several MJ albums and have embarrassed myself far too many times trying to moonwalk my uncoordinated, sock-wearing self across the kitchen floor. Tragic I know. And just a little embarrassing. On hearing of his death, my immediate feelings were (1) disbelief and (2) sadness at the unnecessary loss of a life. My thoughts since have revolved largely around the way we (the collective we) seem to value and celebrate certain lives, while totally discounting or perhaps ignoring others. Consciously or not. While I feel for MJ, his family and his fans, to be completely honest I feel much more for the anonymous, faceless, nameless, poverty-stricken children who die every day and who wind up being meaningless, anonymous statistics to the majority of us. One Michael Jackson dies and we see mass hysteria, sadness and an outpouring of global sympathy, support and love. On the same day (June 25, 2009) 25,000 children died as a result of living in poverty (as they do every day of every year) and relatively speaking, very few people know, care or cry. That’s the way it seems to me anyway. Those gorgeous little kids never even got the opportunity to become successful, eccentric, famous and universally loved. Or to grow up and discover and explore their own amazing talents. Or simply… to grow up. To eat properly. To sleep in a bed. To have hope. Opportunity. If you were an alien researcher on a field trip here to observe human behaviour (of course that happens), it would be fair to conclude that some lives are more valuable than others down here on Planet Earth.

Some Things to Think About

1. Despite MJ’s wealth, immense popularity, extraordinary achievements, amazing talent, undeniable power, influence, fame and commercial success (what most performers seek), he appeared to be eternally lost, miserable, conflicted, dysfunctional and lonely… well, to me the distant observer living outside the MJ fishbowl anyway. 

2. The other day I was listening to the news on the radio in the car. It was a few days after his death and the five-minute news bulletin started out with the obligatory four minutes of MJ updates and then, almost as an after thought (seemed like at the time), the newsreader said something like… “in further news, it appears that 154 people have been killed in a plane crash off the east coast of Africa… and now let’s take a look at today’s weather”. I was stunned at how unimportant 154 lives could be. Clearly some lives are more valuable than others. Or so the news folk would have us believe. Or perhaps that’s what we believe?

Some Questions

I do not want today’s post to turn into an emotional, ugly, pointless debate among MJ fans/haters but I do welcome intelligent, meaningful, thoughtful and respectful opinons and thoughts. I’m happy to be taught. After all, the point of the article is not really about MJ but rather how we value life and lives. We don’t need to agree (thankfully), just listen, consider and hopefully learn. Keep in mind that there isn’t necessarily a “right or wrong” on this issue, perhaps just a differing of philosophies and beliefs. So…

1. What are your thoughts about the way we worship people and deify performers (as we do in our culture)?

2. Are some lives more valuable than others?

3. Was the response to MJ’s death appropriate? Excessive? Neither?

4. Your fave MJ song? (Mine? Smooth Criminal – awesome film clip).

Love your thoughts on this stuff; even you non-commenting types…  I will send a DVD (yep, anywhere) for the responses that rock my world.  

* Don’t forget our Melbourne Meet-up… Hey Melbournians! Don’t forget that we have a get-together this coming Saturday (July 4, 11.00 am) at Marlo’s Cafe, 268 Centre rd. Bentleigh. I’ll be the one in the corner immersed in cheesecake. Love to see you there. Even you long time lurking Scaredy-Cats…

In the big wide world of exercise science there’s a training principle called Progressive Overload (PO). PO is pretty much the cornerstone of any training program designed to produce performance improvements for the individual who is following the program. In layman’s terms, PO simply means consistently graduating the intensity of the workout by manipulating the training variables – sets, reps, weight, recovery time, range of movement, speed, time under load, distance travelled, gradient, revs… and so on.

In terms of producing results, the sad reality is that…  

1. The majority of current gym members don’t train at all (upwards of seventy percent) and once the initial emotion and motivation subsides, so too does the commitment, the sweat and the results (for many people).

2. The majority of people who do work out – and not just in gyms – are essentially “going through the motions”. That is, maintaining (at best) but not seeing significant improvement, adaptation or change.

Change… almost.

Naturally, most people who exercise are looking to create some kind of physical improvement via their training program; leaner, lighter, more strength, flexibility, speed, power, aerobic endurance, muscular endurance and of course, change in appearance. It’s also true that most people won’t achieve and maintain their exercise goals – and not because they don’t have the potential to achieve great results – but because they won’t get uncomfortable enough, often enough and keep doing it. And doing it.

Great at starting, crap at maintaining.

Working Against Resistance

If we want to see significant positive physical change with our exercise program then we need to be prepared to work against resistance consistently – because that’s where the improvement lives. No graduated resistance, equals no improvement. Maintenance perhaps, but no significant physical change. This resistance might come in the form of a heaver weight, an extra rep or five, a steeper gradient on the treadmill, a faster speed on the bike, a different activity, less recovery time between sets, a higher target heart rate… and so on. Our body won’t adapt / change unless we give it a reason to – and most people don’t.

PO in our Head

This concept of Progressive Overload, adaptation and improvement is also true for life beyond the gym, beyond the running track and beyond the physical realm. Just like we subject our biceps, abs, thighs, heart and lungs to a certain level of stress in order to create particular desirable physical outcomes, so too do we need to subject our psychological and emotional muscles to a type of PO in order to become stronger and more effective at dealing with the realities, challenges and speed humps (all forms of resistance) that life presents us. Here are some of the muscles that can only be strengthened and developed by injecting some sensible and strategic PO into our world:

1. Decision making muscles
2. Dealing with feedback muscles
3. Standing up for yourself muscles
4. Self control muscles
5. Doing what scares the crap out of you muscles (too technical?)
6. Perseverance muscles
7. Attitude muscles
8. Problem solving muscles

How do we begin to address our fears? We do what scares us – that is, we work against emotional and psychological resistance; we lift that mental dumbbell. And then we lift a heavier one. Once we face our fears, we become stronger, we develop new skills, our mindset shifts, the “weight” seems lighter and we move to the next (heavier) dumbbell on the rack. This is PO of the psychological variety. And it works. Very effectively. How do we build our attitude muscles? We consciously and consistently choose to find the good, to ask better questions and to deal with “challenges” in a positive and pro-active manner. We choose to work against the resistance that people, circumstances and situations might provide and to do what most people won’t. Lift the heavier dumbbell.   

Decision Time

There comes a time when we all walk to the dumbbell rack (either literally or metaphorically) and we ask ourselves a question; do I keep lifting the same (comfortable) weight, repeating the same behaviours and producing the same less-than-desirable results in my world, or do I give my body / mind / potential the workout it actually needs?

Ciao x

P.S. Melbourne Meet-up… Hey Melbournians! Don’t forget that we have a get-together this coming Saturday (July 4, 11.00 am) at Marlo’s Cafe, 268 Centre rd. Bentleigh. I’ll be the one in the corner immersed in cheesecake. Love to see you there. Even you long time lurking Scaredy-Cats…

Great responses to Friday’s post. Clearly you all have way too much time on your hands. Made me laugh out loud though. Thanks for that. As usual, we poor dysfunctional males took something of a hammering but perhaps we deserve it. Or perhaps we can take it. Did I think that or say it out loud? Hmm. Anyway, after much deliberation by our extensive judging panel (Baldy and Moi), we have our two book winners…

“What do you mean today’s our anniversary?” (Sheila H, South Carolina)

“Wanna hear me burp the alphabet??” (Suza, Sydney)

If you two chicks (you can thank Christina for the use of that term) care to email the Bald Man (Johnnie) your postal address, we’ll see that the company carrier pigeon delivers you both a book. Yours might take a little longer Sheila and you may need to give Fergus (our pigeon) a drink and some seeds when he arrives. Thanks for your contributions.

On with today’s post…

Letting go of Beliefs

When was the last time you questioned your beliefs? Really questioned them? That is, took a practical, realistic, uncomfortable, honest and un-emotional look at some of the beliefs that “run” your life. You do know that some of your current beliefs suck right? That’s no major revelation is it? When we consider that most of our decisions and behaviours are a reflection of our beliefs, it’s never a bad idea to put those beliefs under the microscope and see if they hold up to a little scrutiny. To see if they serve us or sabotage us. Help us or hinder us. So what are your core beliefs and where did they come from? Did you choose them consciously? Did they choose you? Did you simply adopt them from someone else? What are they based on? Do they empower you or hold you back? Sometimes the only thing that stands between us and success (whatever that means for us personally) is (a) our inability to challenge (question, examine, discuss) our existing beliefs and (b) our inability to unlearn certain things. No, not learn… unlearn. Some of us have spent decades clinging desperately to beliefs that are either (1) destructive and dangerous (2) unconsciously and unintentionally adopted from someone else (3) under-pinned by fear and/or social programming and/or (4) simply not true.

Here are some examples of each..

1. Destructive and Dangerous. “I can’t have a good time socially unless I drink and/or do drugs.”

2. Adopted from someone else. “I would never buy a Holden; they’re rubbish” (spoken by the fifteen year old son of a life-long Ford driver).

3. Under-pinned by fear and social programming. “The only way to get to heaven is to (insert belief) and if I was ever to (insert second belief), I would go to hell.”

4. Simply not true. “Nobody could ever love me, I’m not worth it.”

The Terrifying Truth

Some of us have believed certain things for so long that even the thought of our “truth” being false is terrifying for us. When you’ve believed something for decades, you have a significant emotional investment in that belief. It’s all you “know” and on some level, you’re comfortable with it. The last thing you want to do is discover that some of your long-held beliefs are the very things that stop you from learning, growing and maybe even finding your way to happiness. For some people that prospect is simply too uncomfortable to consider, so their typical reaction is to become defensive, angry, irrational, accusational or evangelical about their own very familiar and comfortable beliefs. What they won’t be, is open-minded. Willing to learn something new. To unlearn something old. To consider another truth. Or to question their own self-limiting beliefs. And this very common reaction is a manifestation of fear. And no, I’m not suggesting a “daily changing of beliefs” (of course), but what I am suggesting is that when we are incapable of even “considering” another perspective, we have a problem. Most of us love certainty and predictability and when we suddenly discover what we “knew” to be true is in fact false – or at the very least flawed – we can feel incredibly vulnerable, lost and confused. Betrayed even. And for a person who gets their “sense of self” from their beliefs (most of us), this can be traumatic and unsettling. Welcome to life.

Head-in-the-sand-itis

How many people ”pretend” that their partner is not having an affair (when they obviously are) because the consequences of that truth (psychological, emotional, practical, sociological, financial) are simply too much for them to deal with (or so they believe)? So they tell themselves a “more comfortable story”; one that becomes their truth. “Oh, yes he/she is has a big work project on, so the work hours are long at the moment…”

My Last Five Years

The last five years have seen me question almost everything I’ve ever believed. About everything. From effective weight-loss strategies, to the mind-body connection, to healing, to the meaning of life, the existence of God, relationships, consciousness and enlightenment, the role of money in my life, personal power, my potential, humility, love, gratitude and a whole lot more. And not for the sake of being some overly-deep, philosophical weirdo, but so that I might find my own truth and live a life of alignment (beliefs, values and behaviour). And so that I might step away from the influences, the programming, the self-created fear, the weight-of-expectation, the collective mindset and begin to think clearly for myself. For far too long I simply believed what I was told, rather than believe what I had learned to be true. And for far too long I respected other’s opinion and ideas more than my own. In some ways I allowed their reality and truth, to become mine. These days I will listen to, respect and consider almost anyone, but I will think, choose and believe for myself. Without regret or explanation. I can honestly say that I have learned and changed more in the last five years than I did in the first forty. Mainly because I began to ask the right questions, to listen to my inner intelligence (the one we all have) and to challenge my comfortable and familiar beliefs.

I hope you will do the same.

Melbourne Meet-up

Hey Melbournians! Don’t forget that we have a get-together this coming Saturday (July 4, 11.00 am) at Marlo’s Cafe, 268 Centre rd. Bentleigh. I’ll be the one in the corner immersed in cheesecake. Love to see you there. Even you long time lurking Scaredy-Cats…

Ciao x

1. Know what success is. If you don’t know what success is (for you), how can you possibly create it? Success is different things for different people and one person’s success (a pregnancy for example) might be another person’s catastrophe. That’s because success (or failure) is not so much about the situation, circumstance, event or outcome as it is about what that “thing” means to the person in the middle of it. In order to create success, you must first define it – and far too many people haven’t. Be very clear about what you want and don’t want for your life. Clarity produces excitement. Excitement produces momentum. Momentum produces behavioural change. Behavioural change produces different results and eventually, the internal vision becomes an external reality. Giddy-up.

2. Get comfortable being uncomfortable. Some people will live a life of second-best, of compromise and of under-achievement simply because they are (1) controlled by fear (2) always looking for the magic pill or shortcut and (3) not prepared to do the tough stuff. People who always take the easy option are destined for mediocrity. At best. Constantly avoiding the discomfort means constantly avoiding the lessons and the personal growth. Pain is a great teacher. Not always what we want, but sometimes what we need.

3. Seek to be righteous, not right. The need to be “right” speaks of arrogance, insecurity, ego and stupidity. It’s also synonymous with failure. The person who constantly needs to be right will miss out on much of what life has to teach him and alienate himself from others. Arrogance repels, humility attracts.   

4. Seek respect, not popularity. It’s been said that our nature is “who we are” and our reputation is who people think we are. When the two are synonymous, we’re usually on the right path.

5. Embrace mess. To embrace mess is to embrace life because life is messy, unpredictable, unfair, uncertain, lumpy and bumpy. So get used to a little chaos. Embrace it even. While others succumb to the messiness and unpredictability of the human experience, make a conscious choice to be the calm in the chaos.

6. Don’t become your parents. Or your boss. Or anyone but you. The enormity of conformity is a problem for the wanna-be success story. Sure, your parents are great and by all means respect them, love them and learn from them, but please don’t become them; that’s just plain ugly and a little bit tragic. Listen to, and learn from other people, but think, act and decide for yourself. And no, you don’t need anyone’s approval or permission; you’re big now. It’s okay.

7. Use more of what you already have. Imagine what you could achieve if you took all the knowledge, intelligence, opportunities, time, skill and talent that you currently have and absolutely milked it. What if you already have more than enough talent to become wildly successful? Well, you do. There go the excuses. And that voice that’s telling (some of) you right now that you don’t have what it takes to become successful, that’s called fear. Not logic, fear. Not reality, fear. Unless of course, you allow that to become your reality. Be mindful that the voice in your head (the very loud, annoying and persistent one) is rarely a reflection of your potential and mostly a manifestation of your insecurity.  And no, you’re not alone in your self-doubt; it’s a universal condition. Many people fail, not because they don’t have what it takes, but because they don’t use what they already have. Successful people typically don’t have more innate potential, luck, time or opportunity than the next person, but they consistently find a way to use much more of what they have at their disposal. While the majority are rationalising their lack of decision making and action taking, these guys are finding a way to get the job done. The question is not “how much ability do you have, but how much will you use?”.

8. Be an innovator, not an imitator. Not too many sheep succeed. Baaah. Sometimes it’s a good idea to build your own team rather than join someone else’s. Don’t let your fear stand in the way of your potential to create, innovate or lead. When I set up Australia’s first commercial personal training centre, most people told me it wouldn’t work. Glad I didn’t listen.

9. Do what most won’t. If you want to achieve what most people won’t (happiness, joy, calm, wealth, optimal health, balance) then don’t do what they do. If you want to be like the majority, then do what they do. Producing different results comes from doing different things. Simple really. And effective. Most people won’t persevere, won’t finish what they start, won’t find the good, won’t do what it takes, won’t question their long-held beliefs, won’t be solution-focused, won’t do what scares them and won’t “be the change” they want to see in their world. Choose to be different.

10. Be like water. Powerful. Gentle. Adaptable. Ever-changing. Being static in a dynamic world – like the one you and I inhabit – is a recipe for disaster. If you can’t adapt, you can’t succeed. Our practical, three dimensional reality, and everything in it, is in a constant state of transition, while some of us are in a constant state of “same”. Statues don’t succeed, they just get crapped on.

Watch out for the pigeons.

Ciao x

If you came here today in search of some potentially life-defining philosophy, some mind-altering insight or perhaps some state-changing motivation, you’ll be disappointed. You may wanna come back tomorrow. No, today is for those of us who like to laugh at ourselves without finding reason to get all offended and precious – which seems to be very popular these days. Anyway… a few months back we explored a bit of fun and silly-ness, as we do on occasion here at me-dot-com, with an amusing little article article called “Twenty Three Things You Ladies (Probably) Won’t Hear From Your Bloke”. Well, it seems that I’m not the only one who likes to laugh at myself or take the piss out of my own gender. I have had numerous requests (mainly from women) to explore the female version of the concept. So I thought I’d open the door on the discussion and let you all finish it with your hilarious, clever and insightful (I hope) comments.

Okay, here we go blokes…… words you will never hear from your lady.

1. Hey Champ, pull my finger.

2. You’re right Sweetie; it is handy having your mother around to point out my faults and mistakes. Do you think if I ask nicely, she might move in with us?

3. Honey, I really think you should cut back on those vegies and eat a little more meat.

4. Of course I want you to go on a two-week hunting trip with the boys. Good for you, you really deserve a break. That’ll give me some quality time with our nine kids.

5. No Sweetie, I really do love your big fat, white, hairy stomach. Can I touch it again?

6. Sure I’ll clean your ears… let me just grab my wax tray and my hot water syringe.

7. No, I don’t find Brad Pitt attractive at all. He’s a little effeminate for my liking. I like the fuller-figured, alpha-male warrior type; like you.

8. I love your farts; they’re so funny. Do another one.

9. Of course size doesn’t matter Honey. Have we started yet?

10. You’re right; your shoulder hair is totally sexy. Can I comb it?

11. Honey, can we please get some twenty inch wheels on the Ford? And perhaps a turbo and some darker window tint?

12. I know you wanted to paint the spare room this weekend but can we pleeeease go to football instead?

13. Wow, our new neighbour really does have a great body doesn’t she? She seems so nice and I love that teeny weeny skirt she’s wearing. You should go over and introduce yourself.

14. You’re right; that TV simply isn’t big enough. More beer Honey?

15. I know you wanted to take me dress shopping to thank me for building the fifth bedroom, but honestly Sweetie, I already have too many dresses. And what’s a girl gonna do with more than four anyway?

16. I really think we need to eat more pizza.

17. Honey… I’m off to the gym to do some heavy squats; I really need some more size on my legs and butt.

18. Wow, you really are the strongest man in the world.

19. Honey, instead of watching that stupid “Grays Anatomy”, do you mind if we watch “Blood Sport” again?

20. Hey, your feet really are attractive.

21. (Walking out of the bathroom) Wow, that was some dump. I nearly dislocated my pelvis.

22. You are so much funnier that Adam Sandler.

23. Bathroom scales? What are they?

24. Have you seen Jim’s new leaf blower… I so want one of those.

25. I really like my body just the way it is.

Okay, for the two most amusing additions to our silly list I will send a copy of Fattitude (anywhere in the world). The philosopher and educator will be back on Monday. Probably. Enjoy your weekend Groovers.

Ciao x

Something different today….

On our recent RYL weekend, one of our program participants was the very lovely Loretta Watson (see pictures). Loretta is one of Australia’s elite “Figure” competitors and I thought it might be interesting for her and I (and you) to have a casual chat about her habit. You know – the one where she stands on a stage in front of a big crowd, under bright lights wearing a postage stamp. Yep, that one. She does look kinda amazing though doesn’t she? I’m guessing there’s not a lot of baked cheesecake on the pre-contest menu which could be something of a psychological barrier for a potential Body Shaper like me. Stop it. Not that I wouldn’t look awesome on stage in a bikini and heels (shut up), but for the time being, I think will leave the idea as just that; an idea. Not one you want to think about too much.

Here’s our chat. That’s me in orange (no shit Sherlock).

1. So Loretta, tell us a little about body-shaping the sport (is it a sport?)  Yes, I believe it to be a sport – although others may argue otherwise – in that there is no equipment, no skill or tactics involved and the judging criteria is not black and white.  Body shaping is actually called Ms Figure in the competition (oops, my bad), so it is more commonly known as “figure”.  There are two divisions in female competition – “physique” where the girls are the more muscular (bigger) and “figure” which is me – which means having muscle and being as lean as the physique girls, without compromising the female shape – aiming for a “V-taper” shape, being wide shoulders, narrow waist, and strong, shapely bum and legs. In other words, a strong athletic female body. We are judged on symmetry (top to bottom, left to right), muscularity, condition (how lean we are) and on-stage presentation. Our posing style as well as the fact that we wear stripper shoes(!) on stage (er… is it hot in here?) also distinguishes us from the physique division. We are generally judged in height classes (short, medium, tall), and girls from 18 right up into their 60’s compete.

2. What do you enjoy about being a “Figure” competitor? Firstly, that I control the whole process. My results depend on what I put in my mouth, whether I decide to do cardio at midnight if necessary, how hard I train whether I’m hungry, injured, grumpy, tired, happy… or it’s rainy and cold. It’s easy to make excuses not to do it, but at the end of the day, I am on stage by myself and my results are purely from my efforts, good or bad (plus the photos stay on record forever… so there’s an incentive!).  Good point. When they are good, it is an amazing feeling. I also love the athletes I meet, train with and learn from. Their champion attitudes are positive and catching, and make me mentally stronger and more focused every day – which I can then apply to all areas of my life. I love challenging myself to always improve and the discipline involved. I love competition day and being on stage in the heat of the competition – it’s a very exciting feeling. But the best part is getting my hair, nails and make-up done, putting on a sparkly bikini, and being a princess for a day! A princess with a six-pack and some freaky legs.

3. What’s the (potential) down side to your sport?  Depending on your personality type and emotional state, I could see (and have seen) how it could become an obsession and be quite unhealthy in terms of seeing yourself as only your body. Another consideration is that it is possible to disrupt normal bodily functions with severe dieting and dehydration, if it is not monitored carefully.

4. How long have you been training (seriously) with weights?  6 years, since 2003.

5. How often do you lift weights and for how long each session? 6 days per week, 45mins – 1 hour.  The type of training I do demands efficiency because the intensity is high.  If I did any longer, I would be over-training, and not maximising my gains.  I always train with a purpose and know exactly what I will be doing that day, so that I don’t waste time or energy.  A training diary is a must!

6. What kind of cardio stuff do you do and how often?  Off season (that is, anything outside roughly 20 weeks from competition) I rely on the intensity of my weight training to boost my metabolism as well as my eating (lots of green veggies) to keep me lean, and I do not structure any cardio into my training (but I sneak in 1-2 boxing sessions a week). This is because cardio utilises the calories and recovery time that I need to grow (more muscle). Depending on how far over my contest weight I am, I will generally start cardio (20 minute treadmill walk 3-4 times per week) about 16 weeks from competition and gradually increase this over the next 16 weeks to roughly 30 mins twice per day. 

7. How long until your next comp? 13 weeks.

8. Can you tell us exactly what you will eat today (Wednesday, June 24, 2009)? Yes, but it will take a while… 5:00am Protein shake + supplements; 5:30am ½ cup rolled oats in water + ½ banana; 6:00am Pre workout protein shake + supplements; 7:15am Post workout protein shake + supplements; 7:45am 100gms chicken, 100gms brown rice; 8:15am Meal replacement shake + 50gm sweet potato; 9:45am 100gms chicken, 100gms brown rice; 12:15pm 150gms chicken, 50gms brown rice, 200gms green beans + supplements; 2:45pm same as 12:15pm; 5:15pm same as 12:15pm;  8:00pm 150gms steak, 200gms green beans or broccoli; 9:30pm Weight gainer protein + supplements… Bed. Okay it official; I don’t wanna be a Figure girl. Er, boy.

9. How do you keep sane, balanced and emotionally healthy being in a sport where you’re judged on your physical appearance? How do you know I am all of that???! Good point. Weirdo.  I was worried about that at the beginning when I was deciding whether or not to compete.  I didn’t know if I could deal with people criticising me and my body. It can be seen as a very personal attack if you’re not emotionally strong enough.  I was very lucky to have a great team of people helping me at first, who really knew what they were doing and kept me grounded.  From there I developed a healthy attitude toward the whole process and now I just concentrate on getting the job done. If I’ve made the improvements I want to, then win or lose, I know I’ve done what I set out to do.  I also stay away from people who may have a more obsessive outlook.  I try to maintain a variety of interests.  And I apply the lessons learned from my training to other areas of my life so it balances out – to grow both physically and mentally requires pain, but if you are consistent, focused and positive, it will happen.

10. Do some people lose the plot and step from healthy to unhealthy (physically and emotionally)?  I’ve seen people faint on stage, lose normal bodily functions (especially females), destroy their metabolisms so that even looking at a carbohydrate puts on 5kg, dehydration, emotional ups and downs, relationship break ups, self-obsession and a whole bunch more, but I guess that anything in the extreme can be unhealthy. That’s why I approach the whole process as intelligently and methodically as possible; it keeps me grounded. I think many athletes are predisposed to be a little obsessive as times but my sport is not my life; it’s a one part. A fun part, but a part nonetheless. Wise words Grasshopper.

11. You’ve seen my arse and legs (at RYL), would I make a good body-shaper?  Haven’t seen you in a bikini and stilettos yet, so am going to reserve judgment – great guns though. I bet you say that to all the middle-aged meatheads you know.

12. Okay, give your sponsors a plug. My wonderful sponsor is Johnny (you have a Johnny too?) at AST Sports Science.  He provides me with all my supplements including protein, creatine, glutamine, thermogenics, fats, weight gainer (weight gainer?) and lots of competition support.  It’s a superior product, I used it long before I was sponsored, and has got me my results to date. Well, it must do something ’cause you look awesome.

Thanks for taking the time Loretta and enjoy your up-coming comp. Thankyou, I will. Want some cheesecake? Idiot. That hurts.

If you have a comment…. or perhaps a question for Loretta, you know what to do. Enjoy your Thursday. 

x

So it seems that Monday’s post pushed a few buttons and resonated with many of you. I received several “did you write that article just for me?” (type) emails and the answer to all those people is yes; just for you . Apparently the “I’m-not-good-enough” syndrome is alive and well and still robbing people of their potential triumphs, their amazing life-lessons and a whole new world of fulfillment, happiness, personal growth and self-improvement. In short, their best life.

The ”Something” We Should Be Doing

The truth is that on some level, in some situations, at some stage of our journey, we all feel (or have felt) unworthy, inept, unqualified, not smart enough, talented enough, good enough… and so on.  Some people more so and some less, but the experience is universal and without exception. And another example of our mind and emotions getting in the way of our potential. The experience of feeling that way doesn’t speak of our ineptitude, our lack of ability or our potential value to the world, but rather of our humanity, our self-esteem, our self-talk, our overall mindset, our self-created reality and our self-imposed limitations. It also speaks of the ability we have to self-sabotage, to be controlled by fear, to rationalize mediocrity, to waste our incredible and largely unexplored potential and to talk ourselves into… doing nothing. Or more accurately, avoiding the “something” we should be doing. If we want to find a way (reason, excuse, explanation) to keep doing nothing, we’ll find it. Easily and quickly. And we’ll make it sound very legitimate. It’s what we do. We can make any self-preserving, fear-based crap sound logical and rational when we really want to. I should know, I’ve done it. So have you. But the good news is that we all (yep, you too) have the potential to do incredible, beautiful and life-changing things when we find a reason and way – rather than an excuse.

Exploring the Percentages

I have never met one person who doesn’t have the ability - in some way, shape or form - to do good for, or to impact positively on, the lives of others. That is, to selflessly invest (time, energy, love, care, money, attention, education) in some way, into helping other people create better results in their world. As I said on Monday, for the most part, helping people in a meaningful way is five percent about ability and ninety five percent about availability.

The Simple Questions

The notions of not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, lovable enough – and so on – are essentially destructive, self-pitying and pointless. And wrong. The only place that those ideas (of inadequacy) have any power is in our head. And sadly, too many of us have handed over that power long ago (time to change that). While many people are obsessing about what they are not, what they don’t have and what they can’t do, their more enlightened (not to be confused with more capable) counterparts are simply asking better questions, embracing better behaviours, doing what they need to do (not necessarily want to do) and “being the change”. Having a positive impact in the lives of others doesn’t need to be complex, difficult or dramatic and sometimes the simplest questions like “what can I do” or “how can I help” will open a door to the most incredible and fulfilling chapter of our lives. When we invest our energy into “finding a way” rather than “finding an excuse” things start to happen. Or more accurately, we make them happen.

 So how do we do it?

So how do we move from self-ish to self-less and from power-less to power-ful? Easy; lose the ego. Stop getting in your own way. Be prepared to fail sometimes (although there are no failures, only experiences). Don’t seek perfection, seek improvement. Be prepared to look silly and deal with embarrassment (welcome to my world!). Be prepared for rejection (stop being a big baby, it’s part of the human experience) and be prepared to get uncomfortable often (it’s where the real growth and the important lessons live). Stop driving down the easy route and stop looking for “safe”. Stop hoping for universal approval and acceptance (it ain’t coming). Stop waiting for some cosmic sign and stop absorbing information that you don’t act on. Like this article for example.

Er, hello?

Making a difference in the lives of others and creating genuine shift in your own life has almost nothing to do with how much potential you have been born with and everything to do with how much of that gift you will use. Give me the person who has less talent, less education, and less skill – but more courage, more commitment, more discipline and a better attitude than the majority and THAT is the person I want on my team.

Wanna be on my team?

P.S. Don’t forget our Melbourne Meet-Up is only two Saturdays away… Marlo’s Cafe, 268 Centre rd. Bentleigh @ 11.00am. See you there for a coffee and a chat.

Following the success of our recent two-day Renovate Your Life program, we are pleased to announce that our second instalment of RYL will run from October 9 – 11 at Anglesea in Victoria. While this is another component of the overall RYL program, anybody is welcome to attend as eighty percent of the material in this program is new (that is, different from RYL1), while twenty percent(ish) will be some much-needed revision of the original. For those who attended our recent weekend, this new program will consolidate and re-enforce what you have already learned while introducing you to a wide range of new subject matter. For prospective RYL debutantes, RYL2 is a stand alone program and as such, completing RYL1 as a pre-requisite is unnecessary. Programs 1 and 2 can be completed in any order.

A Snapshot of the RYL Program

The program is built on the premise that we all have the potential to create incredible results in our world, if only we can:

* Recognise that we are both the problem and the solution.
* Learn to maximise what we’ve got. 
* Learn new things – and unlearn a few others.
* Question and challenge pre-existing beliefs.
* Stop with the self-sabotage, the self-loathing and the over-thinking.
* Face our fears and be prepared to get uncomfortable.
* Be solution-focused rather than problem-obsessed.
* Understand that our past only becomes our future when we allow that to happen.

The over-riding aim of the RYL process is to help people create life-long positive change, to maximise their potential and to take back their personal power. While the program is reasonably intense and well-structured with quality content, the information is presented in an informal, fun and relaxed manner (just ask previous participants).

DETAILS

Program: RYL2
Where: Anglesea Sport and Recreation Camp, Victoria
When: October 9 - 11 (Friday evening to Sunday afternoon)
Cost: $595.00 - for Newbies, $495.00 - for Oldies (RYL1 Participants)

But wait, there’s more…

Until Tuesday June 30 (midnight Melbourne time) we will be offering the following deals for people who pay in full at the time of booking…

$495.00 – Newbies
$445.00 - Oldies

Questions / Booking / Places

If you would like to ask a question or six, you can email Johnny here or call him during business hours on (03) 9553 8857. We have exactly 64 places booked at the venue (all that was available) of which 9 will be for my team – which leaves exactly 55 places available for participants. Obviously once those places are gone, they’re gone. To Book your place, click HERE.

Some Nice words about RYL

If there was ever an environment to feel safe in the knowledge that people were genuine, compassionate and prepared to speak from their hearts, it’s RYL. I have never been around so many lovely people; nor have I been so inspired by those who were charged to help us all see different ways to act and think. The exercise component was exceptional and imposed no expectations on anyone and certainly made a point that whatever you can do is OK. Hayley. What an inspiration you are on the “stonking big hill”!! Coughing lungs up, but still made it. Craig, you and your marvellous team provide information, support and a genuine care for others that I believe is not offered anywhere else. It was greatly appreciated. Those 2 days were amazing; I wish it had been a week. No matter where the next one is, I’ll get there if I can. My very best to all (especially Kylie!…thank you) Alan

Thank you Craig and your wonderful team for your motivation and inspiration and the truly amazing people you brought us together with this weekend. To everybody, enjoy your journey and know you are all truly amazing in your own way, if in doubt pick up those notes and re-read, they are life notes. Keep in touch and hope to see you at RYL 2. Much love, Mariane Ford

A big thank you to everyone for a fantastic weekend.  Not only did I get so much out of it from Craig and the amazing Harperdome team, but the openness, honesty, care and encouraging vibe from everyone that was there is something that I can’t put into words, but am so thankful for – you are all such amazing people. I arrived home to a balmy 5 degrees this morning, unpacked and am now ready for the implementation stage of our RYL weekend – take care all, I look forward to keeping in touch and seeing you all at RYL 2! Hugs Nell (Tas) xxxx

Yep Craig, That last session blew me away too. What a powerful experience and one I will never forget. Chris just spoke so well, from the heart and I had tears too! Thanks for a fab weekend – I met some awesome, truly inspiring people, I have a whole new energy. But more importantly, I have a plan for my future, I have direction and goals and I know how to reach them. Now the changes can begin. Thankyou so much for telling me what I needed to hear – not what I wanted to hear! Em (Tas)  ( ) x

RYL was sen-bloody-sational! The structure & content of the programme, the humour & style of the teacher, the assistance & support of Team Harper (and kylie.com) and by no means least, the friendliness, openness, support, warmth & genuineness of the participants was truly amazing. I’m so grateful that I could be a part of it .. and to anyone who missed out, make sure you DON’T next time. (And Craig, stand-up comedy seems like such a small step from your natural teaching style that I reckon you’d be ACE!) At no point did I switch off or my mind wander from the discussion .. and the days were long and quite intense. I loved the exercise component and realise that all I need in a home-gym is Loretta and a couple of beach towels!  My roomies were totally awesome, as were our neighbours. Everyone was wonderful, but time was too short to get to know everyone, unfortunately. The Saturday night group was hilarious – blowing the theory that women don’t talk shit totally out of the water. And the Sunday sharing session was raw, open, honest, heart-wrenching and beautiful. All in all an amazing experience and I, for one, DID NOT want it end. Thanks to Craig, Johnny and the rest of the Harper’s guys that made it happen, and to all you beautiful people who attended. Look forward to catching up at the next one! Many hugs, Suz (Sydney)

Hey Craig… In SO many ways it was a great weekend… thanks … HUGS to you and your AWESOME team!!! Jane

I have a RYL hangover too….sending my love to all my fellow RYLers!! Thanks again Craig for the wonderful RYL weekend. It was awesome. You are awesome! Cant wait for RYL part 2 now. In your last post did you mean  to say “I’ll find you and hug you”?  I am missing those hugs already!! Sarah S (Brisbane)

Like all hangovers the best cure for a RYL hangover is to have another one! Hope all the other ‘old people’ got home safely. Loved spending the weekend with you Craig – and your awesome staff. Maggie ( )

RYL weekend was not just a “check up from the neck up” it gave me a great start to a new exercise program to renovate my body. The Harper team is the most professional, helpful and honest group of people that I have been inspired by. The weekend will not only help with how I will live my life today and tomorrow, but also help in the way I run my business. Craig Harper has inspired me as an employer to lead by example. This is an opportunity too great not to miss! Kathryn Downie 38yrs, Musikids, Albury/Wodonga

I had a great weekend meeting you all, even got to know my lovely friends from Croydon a bit better – “bunking” in together you get to know people!! I learnt heaps and put a lot into perspective. I’ve come back enthused and determined to be the change and I truly believe I will finish what I start. Thanks Craig, Johnny, Mikey, Dee and the gang and for everyone for sharing. Bronnie x

 Hi Craig, what a fabulous RYL weekend. I am stil l buzzing with positive energy. Sunday’s session was probably the best group session I have ever participated in. I think of what transpired and what the weekend meant to so many people. I am a weight watchers leader and I couldn’t wait to tell thembout my weekend (they think I am crazy, who loves exercise!) I think they are a little more motivated now. Thanks to to Mandy Kylie Mikey Annie Johnny Dee and Rona and Dr Steve.What a team! Everyone made the weekend so memorable. Cheers, Robyn

To book your place, click HERE.

Yesterday I spent some time with a bloke who wants to shift his life focus, change his career and begin doing some work with people who are struggling with certain challenges in their world. Over the last year he has had a few significant experiences which have given him a different perspective on life, a better understanding of certain things and a much greater level of awareness, consciousness and empathy for other people; all good things.

Here’s part of our conversation:

BLOKE: “When I’m a little more organised and I’ve got all my shit together, I want to be able to help people turn their lives around and make a difference in a real and practical way – kind of like you do.”
CH: “In that case, you’ll never help anyone.”
B: “What?”
CH: “You heard.”
B: “Why do you say that?”
CH: “Because you’ll never have all your shit together.”
B: “What do you mean?”
CH: “I mean everybody has issues and if you wait for personal perfection before you start to help others, you’ll never help one person. It’s simple.”
B: “Hmm…” (thinks deeply)
CH: “Nobody has all their shit together, everybody has issues on some level and we’re all works in progress. It’s called being human. In fact, the person who tells you that they have no issues is usually the one with the most!”
B: “I guess so.”
CH: “What many people don’t understand is that it’s in our efforts to help others – despite our own issues – that we begin to help ourselves also. By investing into something bigger than us, we stop being so self-focused, paranoid and egotistical and we begin to see the world – and us in it – from a healthier and more balanced perspective.”
B: “But I would feel like a fraud helping people while I still have my own issues to deal with.”
CH: “Welcome to the I-feel-like-a-fraud club; it’s a whopper.”
B: “Are you a member?”
CH: “A foundation member.”
B: “You?”
CH: “Yep, I have felt like a fraud many times over my journey but I arrived at the point where I realised that being human and being perfect are incompatible. Doesn’t happen. I have issues and I always will. Sometimes helping others is less about ability and more about availability. I have simply made myself available. Despite my flaws. Far too many people inhabit the I’m-not-good-enough paradigm and that – not their ability- stands between them and their potential to impact the lives of others in a meaningful and positive way.”
B: “But what about the things I’m dealing with right now?”
CH: “Keep dealing with them but don’t be obsessed with them. Do you think that someone like Oprah might have a few issues of her own? Imagine if Miss O waited for perfection before she decided to impact the lives of others or seek to do good in a tangible and practical way. Just because she has some personal challenges doesn’t mean she can’t help other people – clearly. She’s been a very public work in progress for decades and along the way she’s managed to help a lot of people – despite her imperfections.”
B:  ”Yeah, that makes sense.”
CH: “A few years back I mentored a dietician for about six months, helping her work through some issues. She is a very successful and competent health professional, she consistently produces great results, she’s in high demand and at that time… she had a major eating disorder. Specifically, she was bulimic.”
B:  ”Really?”
CH: “Yep and despite her own challenges, she consistently produced great results with other people. She’s better now, but that challenge in her life has made her an even better dietician and teacher.”
B: “Hmm..”
CH: “Every mentor, teacher, coach and personal development guru (whatever that means) has secrets, insecurities, doubts, fears and destructive habits. Every one. Every outwardly-strong person has fears and internal struggles. Don’t necessarily assume that the shiny cover of the book is a reflection of the pages that lie within. In order to know the book, you need to read the pages…. all of them. And most people will never allow that.”
B: “You have those same fears?”
CH: “Of course.”
B: “When?”
CH: “Every once in a while when I’m about to do my regular television segment, the insecure, fourteen year-old fat kid drops by before I go on air just to remind me that I really shouldn’t be handing out advice on national television; being a stupid fat kid and all. I thank him for dropping by and do my segment anyway.”
B: “Okay, I’m in.”
CH: “Good for you.”

There’s a big difference between self-improvement and self-obsession and sometimes in our quest for “better” we actually create worse. I’m not suggesting that we shouldn’t consciously and consistently work on “us” (natch), but I am suggesting that sometimes the best way to help ourselves, is to help others. A little holiday from your issues might be just what you need. Works for me. Give it a bash.  

Ciao x

Functionally Dysfunctional Part 2

RYL… the Next Bit

Yep, it seems that Renovate Your Life – Part two is set to become a reality in the not-too-distant future. Such was the success of – and positive response to – our recent two-day program that we have been inundated with requests to run a follow-up program. This program was always going to happen but with such interest we have decided to bring the date forward a little. While we are set to announce all of the details (cost, booking info, available places, program content, etc. ) next Tuesday, I can give you the scoop that the program is to take place October 9 – 11, 2009 at Anglesea here in Victoria. Not far away at all! Stay tuned or email Johnny if you simply can’t wait. And yes there will be a special deal for previous RYL participants.

CH-dot-com Meet-ups

For those of you who don’t know what a meet-up is (in blogging terminology), it’s simply a face-to-face get together for people who frequent a particular blog - such as this one. An informal gathering and a chance for us all to step out of the blogosphere and to spend a little time together in the realm of the three-dimensional – talking, hanging out, sharing, buying me cheesecake, encouraging people, making friends, drinking coffee and having fun. With real people and everything. Crazy I know. Our next meet-up will be in Melbourne on Saturday, July 4 (very soon) at Marlo’s – a cool cafe near the Harperdome – @ 11am sharp. Johnny and I will be there along with a few of our RYL team. It will go for as long as we want it to and there is no charge (just your coffee, etc.). I will be announcing a Sydney meet-up in the next week or so and if there’s enough interest, we’ll do most Australian capitals before the end of the year. The address for the Melbourne meet-up is: Marlo’s – 268 Centre Rd. Bentleigh. Love to see you there if you can make it along.

New Book

The very lovely Em from Jem Publishing (in Tassie) and Yours Truly are putting together a new book which will be a compilation of brief Life Lessons – mostly coming from the popular posts on this site. Being a book that doesn’t need to be read from front to back (that is, in order of pages), it should be the ideal book for the person who needs a periodic injection of motivation, perspective, insight, humour, direction and reality but isn’t necessarily an avid reader. Now you don’t need to push anyone to read my articles on line, you can just put a book in their hand. It should be out by December. Ho, ho, ho.

Enjoy your weekend Boys and Girls and I’ll leave you with one of my fave quotes from Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.”

Ciao x