Is it a Choice?

Is it possible for you and I to choose our attitude? Is it something we have control over or is it just… there? Do we determine it or is it simply the overall result of our life experiences? Is it ’set’ like our genetic potential, or is it something that we can manipulate, manage and change? Can we train our mind the way we train our body? Does our attitude control us or do we control it? Perhaps we have the choice of being the controlled or the controller.

I’ll take Option B thanks.

Managing our Internal Environment

Is it possible for you and I to have a good day (whatever that means to us personally) simply because we are able to manage our internal environment better than the next person? Is a good or bad day dependant on our internal or external environment? Is it possible to have a great day despite what’s going on around us? Maybe it’s different for different people? Or maybe it’s different for the same people on different days – depending on where we are at (emotionally, mentally, physically) on that day? On some level we all understand that we have the ability to create chaos. And calm. Pain. And pleasure. Misery. And joy. Problems. And lessons. Despite what’s going on around us.

Swimming Against the Tide

Ever met a person with a terminal illness who has zero fear? Me too. Why is that? Why aren’t they appropriately scared? What about the person with no money who’s incredibly happy? How come? Don’t they know how miserable they should be? Or somebody in (what appears to be) a very stressful situation (a paramedic at a serious traffic accident perhaps) who is totally calm, relaxed and in control? What’s with that? Or what about the person who spends most of his time alone but never feels lonely? Weirdo. Then there’s the girl who is constantly surrounded by people yet is always lonely. For the most part, emotional and psychological states are not so much about the situation as they are about the person in the situation. That is, how we process, interpret and react to what’s going on around us.

That is, the internal reality we create.

Controlling What we Can

And that is the key Grasshoppers; getting to a place where the quality of our life experience is (mostly) determined by our internal – not our external – environment. That is, the stuff we can control. I don’t know about you but I have very little control over most of what takes place in the world around me. What happens internally however, is totally up to me because I am the manager of my internal state. The author of my own story. I made that decision long ago. I won’t invest my time or emotional energy into stuff I can’t change. It’s a waste. I’ll control what I can (me) and let go of what I can’t (most things).

The Reactive Life

Rather than choosing and creating their own reality, some people spend their lives reacting, coping and surviving. They survive life rather than live it. Somehow they have become reactors (to random stuff) rather than creators (of good stuff). Rather than choosing their internal environment, they have allowed themselves to be controlled by their external environment. Which means that their mental and emotional states are largely determined by the happenings (good and bad) of the physical world they inhabit.

A Place to Avoid

This is a very vulnerable place to exist because in this paradigm, happiness or sadness, success or failure, anxiety or calm is not determined by us. We are at the mercy of our surroundings. When the state of our internal reality (the place we do most of our living) is dependant on external things (other people, events, circumstances, situations) then we will always be insecure, fearful and anxious because in this place, our destiny is not in our own hands. We are out of control.

And that is mildly terrifying.

The Road Most Travelled

We’ve all been in that place though; the place where our attitude, state of mind, emotional state and level of optimism are all determined by what’s going on around us. That is, in that moment, the events and happenings of our physical, three-dimensional world determine us. Rather than having a good day by choice, we cross our fingers and hope that today will be a good one. That things will somehow work out.

Good News

Fortunately for you and I, it’s not a place we need to stay. Our reality will change as soon as we do because we have that power. The events of our three-dimensional world only have the influence and impact that we allow them to have and for some of us it’s time to take back the control that we handed over long ago.

Peace.

See you Queenslanders very soon…

xx

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The Following post is brought to you by the lovely CJ; our resident social commentator, thought provoker and poser of interesting questions…

She’s Out

Some of you may have heard about the recent self-imposed outing of the anonymous, fascinating blogger, ‘Belle de Jour’ whose online Diary of a London Call Girl captured the imaginations of millions of readers around the world. Given that my media blackout is still in place, I’ve been rather late in hearing about this and only became aware of it when an article was emailed to me by a friend. I’m not sure what my thoughts are about prostitution (is it ok when it’s funding a PhD in cancer research but not ok to fund a drug addiction?) but the most interesting aspect of the story to me is the concept of privacy.

Through my completely unqualified analysis of popular culture (if you’re an anthropologist, you may want to stop reading now), I’ve observed that our understanding and definition of privacy has altered over recent years. The boundaries have steadily shifted so that what we are prepared to reveal and, indeed, what we are expected to reveal, has expanded.

My Face?

One of the most obvious catalysts for this change has of course been, the internet. On Facebook, MySpace or Twitter (I still don’t understand Twitter and I think I can probably live a long and happy life without ever having to understand it) we can reveal details about ourselves ranging from the mundane ‘Charmaine is trying a new red curry recipe tonight’ to the sad: ‘Nicole just got back from the hospital. Dad had a stroke’, to the startling: ‘Amanda is now single’ (I hope Amanda emailed her husband about that news before he read it on Facebook). I completely understand the lure and benefits of Facebook, especially if one knows people in different parts of the country or the world. However, I wonder what need it meets from an emotional perspective and I also wonder what the long-term impact will be on the way we humans communicate, interact and build relationships into the future.

The Suburban Dream

Perhaps it is the fact that we, as human beings, have a strong need to connect with others. We are pack animals, not solitary creatures and as such we have an inbuilt need to feel included, accepted and part of a group – we need human contact in the same way that a plant needs light (unless you’re some kind of obscure mould, which hopefully you’re not). One could argue that with the changes in technology in the post World War Two period, we lost our sense of the ‘village’. When refrigerators became more accessible to the average wage-earner in the 1950s, housewives no longer needed to shop for food everyday. The corner store became mostly redundant as huge, impersonal supermarkets were introduced with an unfortunate by-product being that women lost some of their daily social interactions. The proliferation of the family car saw the growth of suburbia and many people leaving crowded, dynamic inner cities to live out their dreams in sterile housing developments with behavioural demarcations as rigid and immovable as their picket fences. The resultant sense of alienation and desperation to re-establish connections has been the topic of much film and literature since.

Rebuilding the Village

Do you think it’s possible that as much as technology was the impetus for the loss of human connection, it could also be part of the solution for re-establishing it? Could it be that the internet, although not physically bringing people together (well, sometimes it does but that’s a story for another day), has become an electronic ‘corner store’; a meeting place where friendships are born and nurtured? Where one can find a forum, an audience, a sounding board, a cheer squad or even a cyber-hug?

You know, we could think of him-dot-com as our favourite corner store. It’s never closed so no matter what our time-zone we can just wander in and make ourselves comfortable – we can still be wearing our pyjamas if we like. Or less. I’ve tried it a few times and nobody seemed to notice. There’s always something interesting to read and once we’ve read the current instalment we can always flick through the back issues. If we have time on our hands or just need to look at some huge biceps, we can flick on the Craig-telly and knock ourselves out (or maybe it’s just me who does that. Am I weird? Oh, go on. Admit it. You do it too.) The best thing, though, (ok, second best thing. No, actually it would be the third if you’re counting each bicep separately) is the crowd that hangs out here. People from all over the world with different perspectives, opinions and experiences but all visiting the store because they like the atmosphere and want to learn how to improve their lives. And they’re always friendly and happy to have a chat. Yep, it’s a pretty cool place to hang out. But, be warned, the service is terrible. I’m still waiting for my caramel milkshake.

Shifting Boundaries

The internet may have helped fill part of a vacuum in our world – it fulfils some of our need to connect with others. It does, however, raise questions about our individual perceptions of privacy; how much of ourselves do we feel it is appropriate to reveal? We’ve probably all had experiences where the different interpretations of what is ‘private’ and what is ‘common knowledge’ have become problematic. Yes, I’m talking about that argument. The usual setting is the car driving home from a social event. You know the one?

Him: I can’t believe you told people that.
Her: What?
Him: You know, about the thing.
Her: What thing?
Him: You know, the …
Her: You can’t mean …?
Him: Yes, I do. I’m so embarrassed.
Her: You have got to be kidding. You’re upset that I told people about that?
Him: Of course I am!
Her: Oh, for goodness’ sake. I didn’t know it was a state secret.
Him: I thought it was obvious.

(Stony silence until someone apologises – not necessarily the person who believes they’re wrong, just the one most desperate for sex.)

Different interpretations of privacy are often affected by factors such as gender, family background, culture and, probably the most influential: age. The current ‘bright young things’ seem to have very little understanding of privacy and will give a 30 year old a blank, contemptuous stare if he or she suggests that perhaps some details are better left unFacebooked. If our appreciation of privacy keeps deteriorating at the current rate, the word itself will become a thing of the past within a couple of generations. Which could be a good thing or a bad thing depending upon our perspective.

The Need to be Known

Perhaps even more of a driving force than our need to connect is our need to be known. We all want to be known, don’t we? Not in a Paris Hilton, famous-for-no-apparent-reason sense, but in a true, authentic, personal sense. Maybe by one other person, maybe by many. And I don’t mean ‘known’ in the biblical sense either. Although I think I’m due for a good knowing myself. So to speak. To be known without artifice, concealment, pretence or pride. To be truly understood for the complex, imperfect, sometimes irrational people we all are.

And to be accepted anyway.

Maybe it is this need to be known which has driven Belle de Jour and countless other anonymous bloggers to reveal such intimate details to strangers. Which is a little ironic, really, that their need to be known and understood is met by establishing a nom de plume. Perhaps their cyber-self is their only true self?

No Such Thing as the Real World

Because it certainly is liberating. Even having a certain degree of anonymity at the him-dot-com corner store can give us the freedom to float ideas, recount experiences or express our feelings in a way that we might find difficult to do when meeting people face-to-face. In the past few weeks, I have been a little shocked by some of the things that my fingers have typed here. All on their own, of course. I’m not this rude in ‘real’ life. Truly. Craig laughs at me because he can make me blush so easily. It’s like a game. I’ll get him back one day.

Perhaps ‘privacy’ is just another word for suffocating, repressive social rules and restrictions. Maybe the ‘real’ world is where we pretend and the cyber world is where we can be ourselves. Could it be that the cyber corner store gives us a freedom and connection with others that the real, concrete one never could?

Let me know your thoughts.

CJ xox

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Before we get under way with today’s instalment, just a reminder for you Queenslanders that we are having a meet-up (a casual get together) this Saturday night, meeting in the Rydges foyer (Southbank) at 9pm. This is an open invite for all readers of this site; not just those attending our RYB Program the following day. These informal gatherings are a great opportunity to connect with like-minded people, to make friends, to have a few laughs and possibly, to see me eat my own bodyweight in cheesecake. If you’re keen to come but a little nervous or shy, come along anyway. We’ll make you feel welcome. It’s what we do.

Also… this Sunday morning my boy Matt Collins and his team from Fatburners will be running a free one-hour training session for anyone who wants to come along. Matty is a gun so this is a great opportunity to get down and dirty with one of QLD’s best Trainers. If you’re interested, be in the foyer of Rydges at 6.30 am, for a 6.45 start (done by 7.45). And yes, he will cater for all fitness levels…   

On with the show…

It’s true; I do have a solution to the obesity epidemic but you best sit down before I share it with you, because it’s very complex and scientific. Ready? Okay here we go:

“Don’t eat what you don’t need.”

Sure I could stretch the message out to forty or fifty thousand unnecessary words, but for most of us, these six words are all we really need to know and apply.

The End.

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There’s Age and then There’s… Age

How old are you? Seems like a pretty straight forward question doesn’t it? And it is… if all I want to know is how long you’ve been on Planet Earth. But there’s age and then there’s age isn’t there? Not all ‘age’ is created equal. So to speak. A few centuries ago being forty-five was regarded as… well, old. These days (thankfully), it’s regarded as middle-aged.

A Thirty-Something Trapped in a Fifty Year-Old Body

We all know people who look, behave, move and function (physiologically) like a person who is much younger or older than their chronological age. We all know (or have known) the guy or girl who, in the twenty years since they left school has gained weight, stopped exercising totally (too time-poor apparently), punished themselves with alcohol (and other drugs), smoked a bazillion cigarettes, is medicated for various conditions such as hypertension, diabetes and anxiety and at thirty-eight looks more like a fifty year-old than someone in their thirties. They also move like a fifty year-old. They are essentially a young person who has built themselves an old body to live in. So unnecessary and such a waste.

Tom Hafey

A few years ago I interviewed a bloke named Tom Hafey on radio here in Melbourne. In Australia, Tom is something of a sporting legend; an ex footballer and coach at the highest level – the AFL. These days he inspires audiences with his philosophy on life which, not surprisingly, revolves around managing and maximising one’s mind, emotions and body. At seventy-eight Tom still gets up every morning at 5:20 and runs 8 km’s (5 miles) along the beach and completes 200 push-ups and 700 sit-ups. Yep, every day, not some days. While I haven’t had the opportunity to test Tom, I would guess that his physiology – in terms of functional strength, aerobic fitness, muscular endurance and power – would be similar to that of a healthy forty year-old.

Choose, Think, Behave Young

Why? Because he’s a freak? No. Genetically gifted? No. Because unlike many, he has chosen to respect his body, to intelligently manage what he’s been given, to create different standards for himself, to make informed and responsible decisions and of course, to maximise his potential. Do we all have the same option? Of course. Talking to Tom is like talking to a fit, vibrant fifty year-old bloke. He is robust, strong, passionate and freakin’ fit. The only place he is seventy-eight is on the calendar. On no level does he think, act, talk or behave like a ‘typical’ man of his chronological age. Like me, Tom understands that age is more about choices, behaviours and mindset than it is about accumulated time on the big blue ball. He also understands that it is his choices, behaviours and mindset that have (largely) determined the current state of his physiology. That is, his amazing level of fitness, function and health.

Fortunately for you and me, Tom doesn’t have a monopoly on these kinds of results or this kind of reality.

So, What is a Biological Age Test?

Put simply (and not very scientifically), a Biological Age Test (BAT) is a form of assessment which tells us how ‘old’ our body is. During a BAT the subject is required to complete a bunch of (relatively painless) tests. We then take those results and compare them with what we sciencey-types call, normative data. This type of testing tells us how our body compares to ‘typical’ bodies of particular ages. For example, I am forty-six but my biological age is twenty-six. Which means that in terms of aerobic (heart-lung) fitness, strength, power, speed, agility, flexibility, muscular endurance, resting heart rate, recovering heart rate, blood pressure, cholesterol, fasting blood glucose, hip to waist ratio, total muscle mass, body-fat percentage and girth measurements, my physiology is similar to that of a healthy twenty-six year-old male. Not a bad effort when you consider that I was once the fattest kid in my class. Pity about my forty-six year-old head. Sigh. In calculating the overall result, the assessment also factors in lifestyle variables and typical behaviours which means that somebody like me who has never smoked or drunk alcohol will score a little higher. Er, lower. The very lovely Rona (my business partner) who does most of the BA testing at my gym (Harper’s) is fifty four and her biological age is twenty eight. Annoying I know.

Some Good News

The good news is that while it often takes a while to get our head around a concept (life-long change, for example), our body is a much more adaptable and willing player in the game of physical transformation. If a ninety year-old can increase muscle mass and bone density while simultaneously improving strength, power, fitness, endurance and confidence (and she can), then you can start to turn back the clock – no matter where your starting point is.

Don’t waste your body my friend; it’s precious and irreplaceable.

Ciao xx

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Morning class. Some tough-love today. No retreat, no surrender. Put on your bullet-proof vest. Open your mind. Leave your issues at the door. Find your best attitude. Be courageous and completely honest (as you relate the information back to yourself) and then do what you need to do.

The Idea Ain’t the Reality

Last week I gave a corporate presentation and I asked two questions that I’ve asked many times to many audiences. They were:

1. Who would like to be fitter, leaner, lighter, stronger, healthier… and sexier? Of course, every hand in the room went up. Especially on ’sexier’. 

2. Who wants to live an incredible life; one that’s exciting, rewarding, fulfilling and fun? Again, the hand-raising was universal.

The next bit went something like this:

“Okay, by the raising of your hands you’ve given me a degree of clarity, insight and understanding about what you want in, and for, your life. Now, tell me what you’re committed to because clearly, wanting something and being committed to it… (do it, build it, create it, change it) are very different things.”

Group silence.

“So what are you personally committed to creating, doing, changing and being in your world over the next 1, 2, 5 years… and how that will happen?”

By now most of the smiles have gone and some people are starting to avoid eye contact with me.

More silence.

A little shifting in seats. And a change in the energy of the room. How dare I ask them such questions! Isn’t my job simply to entertain and amuse the masses? Perhaps I’ll do my moonwalk. Where’s my glove when I need it? Surely the audience shouldn’t be required to ‘do’ anything in such a situation? Shouldn’t I just walk in, wave my personal development wand and transform their lives?

A Big Fat Cop-Out

The way many people embrace ‘Personal Development’ and ‘Motivation’ as long as it feels good is an interesting phenomenon to observe. As long as it’s comfortable. And convenient. As long as they don’t need to do anything more than read, listen or sit. As long as I don’t confront or challenge them during my presentation. Until some people get their heads out of the warm, fuzzy, back-slapping, hand-holding idea of personal development (that is, the theory) and into the dirty, messy, uncomfortable practical reality of it (that is, the doing bit), they will never change their situation. The eternal quest that some people are on to find the quick, easy and painless path to transformation is a big fat cop-out because that attitude says they’re simply not prepared to do the work, to get uncomfortable, to make the sacrifices or to pay the price of change. Where there’s no effort, there’s no growth and where there’s no growth there’s no (lasting) change.

Same produces same. And that’s where the majority live.

Where do you want to live?

Paying the Price

Lasting change always comes at a cost and the excuse-makers, procrastinators, blamers, chronic victims and the easily-offended are simply not prepared to do what’s necessary to succeed. Yes, they want the results without the effort, energy or sacrifice. Will they admit this? Never. Will they get pissed at me when I call them on their crap? Of course. Will some people resent the ‘tone’ of this article? Yep. Because venting and getting angry at me is easier than acknowledging what and how they need to change. I get some pretty interesting emails. Criticising me takes the pressure off them (in their head anyway). It means I’m at fault, not them. Very convenient. And comfortable. They don’t want to acknowledge that what I’m saying might be right because then they would have to get off their arses and actually do something. And we wouldn’t want that would we? Besides, “now’s not a good time for me Craig”. And my back is sore. And I have three kids. And a mother who is nasty to me. And you don’t understand my situation. And I’m nearly fifty (sixty, seventy… thirty!). And I’m too busy with work. And anyway, I’ve tried it all… nothing works for me.

How many of those (type of) discussions do you think I’ve had in my time?

People will rationalise, explain and justify almost anything in order to make themselves look good, to avoid the truth, to stay comfortable and to feel better about what they’re doing and not doing. Just take a peek at some of the comments we get on this site. Sometimes I wonder why certain people (thankfully, the minority) continue to read my articles when they seem so determined not to change. And then I remember… oh yeah, the theory of change is much more comfortable than the practical reality of it.

What We Want and What We’re Committed to

It’s true that, all too often, what we want and what we’re committed to achieving are different things. What many of us have is a wish list for our life, not a practical plan. It’s also true that some of us are far more comfortable with the idea of success than we are with doing what’s required to get there. Last time I checked wanting, hoping and wishing doesn’t get results. But commitment does because commitment produces action and action produces change.

Sadly, many people are in love with the idea of personal development, the idea of change, the idea of a better life, the idea of a leaner body and the idea of inhabiting a different reality – while simultaneously being allergic to commitment. Pity. For them the change concept is way more attractive and comfortable than the change process. Why? Because one requires effort, discipline, sacrifice, self-control, perseverance and courage, while the other… doesn’t. Which is why we bump into so many people who are always about to start transforming their reality. Tomorrow.

A transformation that will never take place until they step out of the theory and begin to embrace the practical reality of what’s required to succeed. A transformation that will never happen until what they want is also what they’re committed to.

So, are you serious about creating lasting change or - like the majority – do you have commitment issues which need to be addressed? If you want to be like everyone else then do what they do. If you want to live in Groundhog Day, then don’t change a thing. However, if you have a genuine and passionate desire to be exceptional, to live an exceptional life and to produce exceptional results in your world, then be prepared to do exceptional things my friend. Life ain’t a theory, idea or abstract concept. Life is a lumpy, bumpy, messy, unpredictable, amazing, exciting, glorious opportunity to learn, experience, share and connect. It’s a journey and some of you reading this need to step out of the comfortable and safe ‘theory’ of life and into the messiness, excitement and wonder of the journey. Life is as hard as we make it.

And boy, do some of us make it hard.

Love to hear your thoughts on this article and especially love to hear from any of you long-term Lurkers (non-commentors). Go on, come out of the cyber-darkness; we don’t bite. . Often. And to you Queenslanders… don’t forget that I’ll be in Brisbane next Sunday (the 22nd) with our RYB Program to teach you how to create (and keep) your best body. There are still a few seats available…

xx

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Hi Guys, CJ here. So you’ve all still come back after yesterday’s ‘Kissing’ post, have you? Couldn’t get enough? Only Mr Exercise Scientist could reduce such a gorgeous, romantic, sensuous act to a table of sterile percentages. Although the ‘slow and gentle’ advice was on the right track … sorry… momentarily distracted. You still there? Good thing you have me to raise the tone. Or perhaps not. We’ll see.

What Will They Think of Next?

A few weeks ago, I bought a new stereo.  My last one was purchased in 1996BC (Before Children) and it had finally decided to call it a day. This new one has a hard disc inside so I can save my CDs onto it and play them again without having to fiddle with CDs or an iPod.  I didn’t even know that hard disc stereos had been invented. Am I the only one who didn’t know about this? I feel so old when this kind of stuff impresses me. I still think my wireless doorbell is cutting-edge technology. Sad, I know.

The Sound of Music

I’ve been so excited about the new stereo that I’ve been playing music almost constantly ever since. When I would usually switch on the television at home, I’ve been listening to music instead. I’ve also been playing CDs in the car when I would normally just turn on the radio. The unintended result of this musical renaissance has been a total media-blackout.

Pensioner FM

Normally, I like to stay quite well-informed about what is happening in the world. I would listen to ‘The World Today’ on my favourite, non-commercial, radio station. I would listen to interviews with political analysts, social commentators, economists, authors and, really, anyone who has something to say about current events.  For someone like myself with self-esteem issues and an enormous fear of appearing ignorant (heaven forbid that I would have gaps in my knowledge about the impact of the Global Economic Crisis in Iceland – which, incidentally, was one of the hardest hit economies in the world) my daily dose of information from the media has become an essential part of my intellectual diet.

Until the new stereo.

No News is Good News

I’ve noticed that, almost imperceptively, I’ve become a little, well, calmer and happier. It’s been nice listening to music in the car rather than negotiating a constant barrage of news that my brain has to filter, process and react to.

Which made me think: do we really need to know all this stuff?

Before the development of the telegraph system in the 19^th century, many people would receive their ‘news’ months (or sometimes up to a year) after the event. The advantage of this was that by the time they heard about a problem, it was usually solved - one way or another. There was nothing left to do. When the messenger finally arrived, his ‘news’ might have sounded something like this:

 ‘By the way, we had a little war. Don’t worry. We won.’

 ‘The King died. The new king is a complete tosser. Don’t fret, though, because he was looking a tad poorly when I left. He’s probably dead by now too.’

 ‘We had a bit of a Bubonic Plague thing happening a while back. About a third of the people in Europe are, well, not quite alive anymore. The upside is that it’s definitely a buyers’ market if you’re looking for a holiday house on the continent.’

 Too Much Information?

Nowadays, of course, we often hear about events the very minute they happen. All the latest scientific discoveries, consumer warnings, criminal activities, economic predictions, war updates, terrorism alerts, natural disasters, ridiculous celebrity antics and environmental catastrophes are immediately transmitted into our homes or cars. If we absorb all this information, it can become a little overwhelming. Imagine if we were to believe everything that the sensationalist current affairs programs told us? What would your life look like?

Mine would probably look something like this:

• My house is about to fall down because while I have been sleeping (irresponsible and lazy, I know) it has been surreptitiously devoured by a mutant strain of ferocious termites.
• When she grows up, my daughter will become a beer-swilling pole dancer with huge breast implants because I let her play with Barbie dolls.
• In the near future my car will explode because the ‘tradesman’ who serviced it is actually a pastry chef with an unfulfilled mechanical dream.
• The guy who lives across the road (“He was a quiet man who kept mostly to himself …”) has been secretly filming my every move and diligently sifting through my rubbish – silly me for not taking it to a secure, hazardous waste facility like normal people. One day soon I’ll come home unexpectedly to find him sitting on my sofa wearing my favourite purple Calvin Klein knickers and watching a Pussycat Dolls DVD.
• Every time I buy groceries or petrol, I am being completely ripped off by an evil multi-national corporation. Evidently, I am the biggest sucker since Monica Lewinski.
• Unless I use the amazing new face cream which has just been discovered by, you guessed it, an evil multi-national corporation, my face will look like a dried apricot as soon as I turn forty. No-one will love me; I’ll be shunned by society and have to live in a cave in the Yenan province of China.

You can see how one could become a little insecure and paranoid given the ‘information’ provided by the media, can’t you?

Plastic Surgery on Their What?

It’s not only the volume and the immediacy of the information that I find overwhelming, it’s also the explicit nature of that information. A fair proportion of it could be placed in the ‘Do I Really Need to Know That?’ category. Call me a prude (actually someone did, the other day, I was offended until I realised it was partly true) but sometimes I long for the good old days when the public was shielded from the sordid, ugly reality of life – like when JFK’s treatment for an STD was explained as a ‘football injury’. Honestly, I didn’t even realise that The Village People were gay until I was in my early twenties. Yep, naivety and ignorance are definitely under-rated.

But almost impossible to maintain nowadays.

Before my media blackout, I was innocently channel surfing when I saw a snippet of a program which explained that some women are having plastic surgery to improve the appearance of their, well, I have to say it don’t I? Do you think I’m allowed to say it?  I wonder if you-know-who has ever said it on him-dot-com. Hold on, I’ll have a look … Nup. I just completed a keyword search on the site (a first for that particular word?) and it said ‘Sorry, but no results were found’. Hmmm. No precedent. Oh well, I’ll close my eyes while I type the word: baginas. Oops. Sorry. Those keys are just so damn close to each other.

Yep. They’re having surgery to improve the look of their vaginas. What the hell? As if we don’t have enough to be paranoid about in terms of our appearance, now we have to worry about that? You have got to be kidding!

Honey, We Have to Talk

I wonder what originally alerted these women to the fact that the appearance of their nether regions was slightly below the national average in terms of aesthetics. Have they had complaints? From whom? I would guess that most guys would be so thrilled to find themselves within glancing distance of a vagina that providing feedback on its relative beauty would be fairly low on the list of ‘things to do’. Can you imagine? ‘Whoa!  Hold on a moment Scarlett Johansson. I know you’re gorgeous, famous, rich and talented but you know what? Down there, you’re slightly asymmetrical. For me, that’s a deal-breaker.  Sorry.’

Yeah, right.

Curtain Call

Ok, I’ll admit that I’ve considered having surgery to pin back my ears (they stick out like the doors on a Volkswagen) but I really think this is going too far. Can you picture it if they featured this type of surgery on one of those Extreme Makeover programs? That would be one ‘big reveal’ that the contestant’s family and friends wouldn’t be looking forward to. It could just be a little bit too much of a surprise for Great Aunt Prudence.

And me.

I really don’t need to know about this stuff. Actually, I’m starting to suspect that there might be a lot of stuff that I simply don’t need to know.

Anyway, I do still feel a little guilty about it (the media blackout, not saying ‘no’ to the undercarriage renovation). Do you think we have a responsibility to keep ourselves informed about important world events? Is it acceptable to ‘opt out’ for a little while? To have a little ‘ignorance is bliss’ holiday from all the banality and cruelty of the world.

Did You Miss Anything?

Have you ever missed out on hearing about a significant event until much later? Did it matter? What impact do you think receiving constant news updates has on your happiness? Will you let me know if either Prince William or his half-brother Harry becomes engaged? Thanks.

CJ xox

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I’m not sure what the opposite of personal development is but the following post might be close. Today my goal is not to educate, motivate or inspire you but rather, to make you smile. Possibly even giggle. Sometimes even I need a rest from the very “serious” business of personal development and that time is now. If you’re easily offended or perhaps a little presh, you might want to give today’s instalment a miss. Then again, it might be exactly what you need.

You May Want to Sit Down…

I know this is going to come as something of a shock to many of you but over the course of my boring and predictable wild and crazy life there have been certain situations, circumstances and occasions where I have been required to… hmm, maybe required is not the word… let’s try expected… where I have been expected to… no, not working either… okay, how about compelled?… yep, much better… where I have been compelled to.. well, kiss people. Certain people. Not all people of course. There; I said it. It’s out. I feel so dirty. Yet strangely liberated. Weird I know. But panic not because I’m still a virgin.

Pretty much.

The Tongue Tango

Now, when I say “kiss” I’m not talking about your Aunty Betty-type glancing cheek peck or your very popular, contemporary and stylish Hollywood air-kiss here, no, the exchange of which I speak (oh yes, there is much exchanging) is more like your full contact I-hope-I-don’t-dislocate-my-jaw-or-inhale-her-upper-intestine… type of action. You know; tonsil hockey. Swapping spit. Sucking face. Smooching. The tongue tango. Pashing (Australian term). I’m sure, like most people, your lips have been around the block a few times. I said around… the block.

Stop it.

Poo Breath

Anyhoozle… the other day I was chatting with a (female) friend of mine who has a (very) new bloke in her life. The relationship is eight minutes old. Give or take. Being thirty percent female, I decided to ask all the relevant questions about her new squeeze. You know, all the standard stuff… Career? How and where did you meet? Nature? Personality? Looks? Height? Age? Family? Sense of humour? Kissed yet? The dude was sounding like some kind of super-hero until we got to the kissing question. She stopped speaking, looked at the ground and made a weird shape with her mouth. In fact, with her whole face. It was as though she was re-living a kiss. A bad kiss. I looked at her. Waiting for a reply. I had to stoop to see her face. She didn’t want to say it. It took a little coercing (a gift of mine) but she reluctantly (and confidentially) told me that his kissing technique was… er… ahem… well, horrible. Did I say confidentially? Oops. Apparently he kisses like an awkward and very uncoordinated fifteen year-old boy. Who has a tongue action like a lizard catching bugs.

“Oh well, at least you can develop his skills” I offered.
“Yeh… but…”
“There’s more?”
“Well, he… er… ”

With some strategic and clever questioning (if I do say so) I was able to ascertain that the new kid on the block had… er, that is… has…. breath like a camel. A camel with poor oral hygiene.

Apparently.

“Hmm, that’s a f**ker.”
“Tell me about it!”
“When is his birthday?
“Why?”
“Perhaps you could buy him a lifetime supply of mints and a gallon of mouth wash?”
“Idiot.”
“Glad I could help.”

I sympathise with my friend because she has something of a (minor) dilemma on her hands… and now she’s a little stressed. 

So…

• Does she  ignore the awful kissing skills, the reptilian tongue action, the poo breath and soldier on?
• Does she risk damaging the relationship (and his self-esteem) by pointing out his… stinky-ness?
• Does she risk telling Craig who will probably laugh his arse off and then write a post about her misfortune?

What? I would never.

I’m hurt.

But Enough About Her…

Never having been married, I’ve had the opportunity to experience quite the cross-section of lips and kissing techniques over the last decade. Or three. It’s fair to say that there are certain variables and factors which can make the kiss, a vastly more (or less) enjoyable physical experience. Being the (pseudo) scientist that I am, I’ve decided that – for the benefit of generations of kissers to come – I would do my best to quantify, qualify and demystify the science of kissing. Because clearly if anyone should, it’s me.

Or not.

Okay, I have ranked the three key kissing variables in order of importance. If you’re a remedial kisser, pay close attention. If you know someone who needs help, pass it on.

1. Breath  - Without doubt, nothing can ruin a romantic moment faster than locking lips with someone who tastes like something died in their mouth. A month ago.

2. Technique - Kissing is not a race, competition or power struggle. While there are far too many good (and bad) kissing techniques to explore in this brief discussion, if all else fails, start with slow and gentle and work from there.

3. Salivary control - Having someone drool in your mouth like a Golden Retriever at meal time never makes for the optimal kissing experience. I should know; I’ve almost drowned three times.

My extensive research reveals that the quality of the overall kissing experience can typically be broken down as follows:

• Breath 50%
• Technique 40%
• Salivary Control 10%

Your Turn…

So, tell us about your kissing philosophy, rules and experiences. Would you tell Stinky Boy about his breath? Has the same thing happened to you? I look forward to your input… xx

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A Waste of Time

Trying to change another person; what an exercise in futility, frustration and time-wasting that is. Have you ever tried? Kinda pointless and painful isn’t it? It amazes me how many people seem to believe that badgering, annoying, criticizing and providing unwanted advice will somehow (1) be well received or (2) help transform someone into a better person. On what evidence could anyone possibly draw that conclusion? Rest my case. Nonetheless, it happens constantly. For the most part, this type of input is more likely to result in resentment, anger and disconnection than it is in any kind of lasting positive transformation or feel-good experience.

Tip 1. Don’t offer advice unless it’s asked for or you’re certain it will be well-received. Often our ‘helping’ is their annoying.

Annoying Craig

As much as it pains me to admit, I’ve done it myself. When I was younger and dumber I spent years trying to ‘help’ my darling mother quit smoking (which she later did with zero assistance from me). The fact that she didn’t want to give up (at that time) was totally irrelevant and unimportant to me. My motives were good so that’s all that mattered… right? Wrong. The only ‘result’ I created was a short, angry, chain-smoking woman who didn’t want to talk to me. And I can’t be certain… but I think she spat in my dinner sometimes.

Great work Captain Transformation.

But it’s For Your Own Good!

Famous last words aren’t they? ”It’s only because I want what’s best for you.” The inference being that I know more about your needs than you do – how lucky are you to have me in your world? How noble, generous and/or selfless our intentions are is irrelevant when our words are directed at someone who hasn’t sought our counsel and clearly doesn’t want our help. The I know better than you school of thought doesn’t produce too many winners.

Tip 2. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. The lesson is there for the person who is ready to open their eyes (prying them open with a crowbar ain’t the plan).

The Fixer

It’s true that many of us invest too much time and energy, where it’s not wanted, valued or appreciated. Or productive. Putting it simply, some of us should let go of the need we have to fix other people’s lives, situations and relationships. Some people call this interference . It’s important that we have an ability (that is, a level of awareness and consciousness) to open our eyes and see what’s really going on beyond our point of view and beyond our version of reality. Seeing a situation (issue, challenge, problem) from our perspective only, is a recipe for disaster because we’ll never create connection. The irony is that many ’Fixers’ are so busy telling others what to do and how to be that they don’t see the toxic weeds growing in their own garden.

Tip 3. You can encourage, support, advise and mentor as many people as you like but the only person you’ll ever change is you.

Be the change you want to see in your world Grasshoppers and choose to teach and inspire others through what you do, not what you say.

Some Chat Points:

1. Have you ever been on the receiving end of any unwanted coaching?
2. Have you wasted time and energy trying to change people?
3. How do you deal with unwanted advice and feedback?
4. Have any of your relationships been damaged (or maybe destroyed) because of this phenomenon?

Love to hear your thoughts… xx

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I apologise in advance for the somewhat commercial nature of today’s instalment. Feel free to ignore it. A man’s gotta make a living though .
You, Only Better!

How would you like a new body for the New Year? Well, perhaps not a new body but maybe an improved version of the model you’re currently driving.

As you may or may not know, one of the services we offer via this site is On-Line Personal Training and Fitness Coaching. Our On-Line Training Director (the lovely Dee) has decided that, in the spirit of helping (some of) you get in shape for the New Year (and the rest of your life, of course) it’s time for her to dangle a carrot to get you started. Or perhaps chocolate cake would work better? Hmm.

Anyway, Dee has decided that until the end of this month anyone who enlists the services of one of our On-Line Trainers for our seven week Training and Mentoring Program will receive a one hundred dollar discount. That is, our $497.00 program for $397.00. Here’s a snapshot of what that involves:

Seven Week Online Training Mentoring Program:

This is a seven week program designed for people looking for on-going accountability, direction, feedback and support from their Coach as they move towards creating forever change. The program consists of:

• A 30 minute initial consultation via telephone, email, SKYPE or face to face to explore and evaluate your current lifestyle habits, your exercise goals and ideas to get you organized to achieve the best possible results.
• A second 30 minute consultation to discuss program, detailed goals and an achievable action plan.
• A comprehensive personalised 6 week cardio and resistance training program.
• Nutritional guidelines and shopping tips.
• Weekly 15 minute telephone (or skype) consultations to discuss your progress, answer questions, provide feedback and support to assist you in achieving your goals.
• Unlimited email support.
• A 15 minute post-program follow-up consultation to discuss results, answer questions and explore further actions.

Many people have found this program to be a very effective starting point to their health/fitness/weight-loss journey. It can also make a great present for someone who’s spinning their wheels and needs a little help. If you’re interested to learn more or make a booking click here.

Queensland Renovate Your Body Program

Don’t forget that Johnny and I will be in Brisbane on Sunday week to conduct a one-day version of our RYB Program. If you’re tired of almost getting in shape, this program is for you. If you feel like you’ve already wasted too much time, potential and energy trying to transform your body, this experience will be an eye-opener. If you’re looking for a magic pill, stay at home but if you’re serious about changing your internal and external reality forever, come along. For more info or to book, click here.

Ciao

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When Success Equals Failure

It’s a given that we all want to be successful. If only we knew what that meant for us personally. Of course my success won’t necessarily be yours or vice versa. In fact, my triumph could be your disaster. My exam success (a C+ for example) could be your failure. My best ten kilometre run time could be a terrible result for you. My new dream job could be your worst nightmare. And my ‘amazing’ new salary could be your spare change.

See: different things for different people. Which is why we need to define success for our own life. Our own purpose. Our own future. What does success look, feel, sound and smell like for you?

In a Hurry to Nowhere

The number of busy people who are perpetually rushing towards nowhere in particular is quite astounding. You know some of them. You might even be them? The very busy going around in circles brigade, I call them. A lot of time, energy and effort for very little in return. Other than frustration, that is. Some people work very hard to stay in the same place. Even though they desperately want to be somewhere else. Time for a new plan perhaps.

Or any plan?

The Frustrated Fraternity consists of three sub-groups:

• Those who lack clarity and certainty about what success looks like for them.  
• Those who do know what they want but aren’t really sure how to acquire it.
• Those who know what they want and know how to get it but aren’t prepared to do the work, pay the price or endure the discomfort.

Are you in one of these groups?

The Plan?

Stand back and take an objective, unemotional look at how we humans operate and it will become apparent that on some level, many of us hope that success will somehow ‘find’ us. That it will miraculously fall on our heads from a great height, perhaps. Or that things will somehow work themselves out. That’s not a plan; it’s a delusion. Success doesn’t happen to us; we create it.  

Or we don’t.

While some things will always be beyond our control, for the most part, success or failure (in our world) will invariably come back to the decisions we make and the things we do. Or in the case of many; the decisions we don’t make and the things we don’t do. Too many of us are masters of avoidance and procrastination. We know what to do but we don’t do what we know. For a range of reasons.

In Pursuit of Better Results

While we clearly have an ever-expanding range of success tools (books, CDs, DVDs, blogs, workshops, coaches) at our finger tips, the reality is that we (the collective we) don’t seem to be producing better results than we did pre the self-help revolution (take a look around). Today I’ve decided that, rather than presenting an unnecessarily lengthy dissertation that few people will remember or act on, I will break the success journey down into four fundamental steps. Feel free to put them on your fridge. Or maybe tattoo them on your bicep. Or forehead. This is a formula that I use with many of the people I coach.

These steps work if you do.

1. Define it. Get clear, certain and specific about what you want (and don’t want) for your life. Understand not only what you want but why you want it. When it comes to your long-term happiness (the universal goal), the ‘why’ will always be more important than the ‘what’ because the what is about your head, whereas the why is about your heart.

2. Prepare for it.  Make (courageous) decisions, adjust your attitude, ask the right questions, set goals, plan strategically, research, organise, commit.

3. Build it. Take action, keep taking action, explore your potential, adapt, persevere, deal with the discomfort, do what most won’t, take more action.

4. Enjoy it. Allow yourself to enjoy what you’ve achieved. Stop finding your way back to misery. Learn to be in the moment. Love and appreciate the now; it’s all you’ll ever have.

Get Busy. Stop over-thinking.

xx

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